ByElizabeth Hours Updated
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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Smocked-Neck Top

A woman wearing a blue and white stripe blouse and navy blue trouser

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

For most of winter, you’re going to find me in shades of black and gray (or, as I like to call it, “black pastels”), but the minute the thermometer starts creeping up above freezing, I’m looking for the brightest, preppiest tops I can find.

This striped, smocked-neck blouse from J.Crew Factory is scratching that preppy itch in a big way. I would wear this with some wide-leg navy trousers and loafers for an easy business casual look.

The top is $29.50 and comes in sizes XXS-3X. It also comes in three other colorways, priced from $29.50-$47.50.

Sales of note for 1/1/25 (HAPPY NEW YEAR!):

254 Comments

  1. I’m looking for a knee-length a-line full wrap skirt. Ideally, no flounces or ruffles. I can find some skirts that look like wrap skirts but really just have a tie belt. I’m looking for something that will easily size up or down a bit like my mom’s true wrap skirts from the 1970s. She has a pattern but I’m not going to do real sewing just for this (I will when I’m older and can have a sewing room in my retirement villa).

    1. One option might be taking the pattern to a dressmaker and having one made for you.

      1. +1 for sure. You can even ask to make a mock up in inexpensive fabric to confirm it is what you want before going for a higher cost per yard fabric..

        1. An a-line knee length wrap skirt was my first ever sewing project! Definitely find someone to sew one for you. It’s fun to go to a fabric store and choose your own pattern and fabric.

    2. Not sure what fabric you want, but JCrew had a full wrap sweater skirt last year or the year before. Maybe look on Posh.

      1. I heard eShakti was having trouble filling orders. I’d poke around online a bit before ordering from them.

    5. everlane – https://www.everlane.com/products/womens-linen-wrap-skirt-new-black

      dvf has some – https://www.dvf.com/products/rebekah-skirt-in-reeds-pink?variant=44364722602138&flow_country=USA&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiAi6uvBhADEiwAWiyRdoysK7H00oHFK3GNCEEkC44ZCs2paUBVKgd3jqq04biyMDhzoKyECxoCCC8QAvD_BwE

      maybe this one? https://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=882805002&vid=1&tid=brpl005698&kwid=1&ap=7&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiAi6uvBhADEiwAWiyRdopjAStp7ciHbZi4IuCKPAIsOxb1YaPK8dXIxnXxE5V96l1yM833bBoCHGIQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds#pdp-page-content

      this oen is getting good reviews – https://www.amazon.com/Beach-Skirts-Women-Cover-Purple/dp/B0C366D1BB/ref=sr_1_1?crid=77FZXLLNP2DL&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.UbqkrVR-7vTVQo5xXt2fkUE7uhukN1GcMj8eRv8bGAnjniAdVUYZaHHVO_tSWkb90MfnRgursv5KU7fcXRu5JdeHFo4jYNnE_d3tweUC3Ps51ExcGGoS9mUkBXqyWLAXVNsiLhz7kwEAVh1718TWiTjhPRV8IBNwhWEOs9In5IgNOPXEwpPaVul4Bnn7EQnxmAm8snk17RPCXerF5E8i3RvaqT1IkjOC75qUQCLb3vsVu6_u9WsmJez1dAXUx4-kV3Xu0MDlaPWwP7zPqi7m85ZTSh2L5W3jrfQiKAWnr4A.OvlAY7UljD455TRDlbQMXMgeCQqz3hCTd1sLWAR2yJs&dib_tag=se&keywords=naggoo+wrap+skirt&qid=1709923044&sprefix=naggoo+wrap+skirt%2Caps%2C90&sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1

  2. My 41 and my sleep is just terrible. My GP says we just need to cycle through sleeping pills to see what works. I’ve gotten to wear Ambien doesn’t even work. Should I be pushing to see if there is something underlying this, or is this just being 41/perimenopause?

    2. I’m 46. I’ve found that CBD gummies help me sleep. If I want something stronger, I take one with some THC.

      Have you done a sleep study for check for things like sleep apnea? I would also suggest making sure you have good sleep hygiene.

      1. CBDs w melatonin used to help but not anymore. I’ve never tried with THC.

        I try not to look at my phone, I do my night routine, etc. I actually fall asleep okay but then wake up and can’t go back to sleep. Could that be an issue of sleep hygiene?

        1. I’d do the sleep study. For my friends with apnea, they didn’t know they had it and addressing this they uniformly say is life-changing.

          1. Yes but also when your body wakes you up because you can’t breathe, your brain tells you you have anxiety about whatever you were thinking about. They can actually be related.
            Source: my, my lexapro and my CPAP machine

          2. Yeah I have a lot of trouble sleeping (seems genetic, my dad and his sister have similar issues). MG hasn’t cured things but it definitely helps!

    3. Ask your GP for a referral to a sleep specialist

      You may need sleep pills

      You may need a CPAP machine

      There are many options

      Source: I’ve tried it all and a sleep doctor is in my social circle.

      1. +1 to a sleep specialist/sleep study. You shouldn’t get jumping through sleeping pills until you’ve been checked for sleep apnea.

      1. Who has a provider that “checks for hormones” — my PCP and obgyn will not do this. None of my friends or family have been successful with this either. Which hormones are you referring to?

        1. I don’t think it’s standard practice to test hormone levels because they fluctuate, so the results at one point in time aren’t very meaningful for diagnosis. Providers can still treat peri without that, though. If sleeping pills or magnesium doesn’t help, low dose birth control is often prescribed as a precursor to hrt.

          1. Yeah, that’s what I was told, too – no sense in checking for hormones bc of how they fluctuate.

          2. +1. Definitely consider this might be hormonal. I’m older than the OP and struggled with sleep for the first time ever right around menopause. HRT has been life-changing.

    5. If you’ve tried sleep pills and they aren’t working, I would push for a sleep study.

    6. Do you drink? At a certain point, even a single glass of wine destroyed my ability to stay asleep through the night. It might be worth experimenting with cutting out alcohol if that’s a possibility.

      1. Yep. The white wine wide-awakes. Any alcohol will have me awake at 3AM an unable to go back to sleep. I barely drink anymore.

    7. i’d push to see if something is underlying it – apnea, blood sugar, etc – and i’d do my best to back away from the sleeping pills because i thought they always f’ed with your REM sleep. do you find it’s hard to fall asleep, hard to stay asleep, or hard to get back to sleep?
      if hard to fall asleep look at your sleep diet and double down. no screens, no white overhead lights. yellow lamplight. consider a weighted blanket. i like to get an audiobook of a comfort read I’ve read a bunch before so i don’t have to pay attention.
      if it’s hard to get back to sleep it might be anxiety – i’d look into a weighted blanket (and possibly xanax depending on whether you have enough time before dawn to sleep it off)
      if you find yourself waking frequently try a spoonful of peanut butter before bed (or other healthy fat/protein – your blood sugar may be crashing over night).
      try to take more naps when you can on the weekend — sleep begets sleep.

      If temperature is your issue look into something like the chilipad ($$$).

    9. In addition to the other tactics mentioned, getting 5-10 minutes of outdoor daylight (facing east with no sunglasses) in the morning has made a massive improvement in my sleep quality. It affects the hormones that drive your sleep cycle.
      I just stand on my balcony while I drink my tea.

      Even if you have other deeper issues going on, its an easy/straightforward intervention that probably won’t hurt.

    10. I think it’s just life. I haven’t slept between 2am and 4 am for 10 years, since I was 49.

      1. Look up biphasic sleep. It’s a thing, in fact probably the most natural thing. The idea of 8 solid hours of sleep is a byproduct of the industrial revolution.

    11. Okay this sounds very tin foil hat, but mouth taping. For real. I had no idea the toll that open-mouth breathing sleep was taking on me. I use the blue bandage tape from the drugstore and tape North-South (not “hostage style”). I am waking up without the raging sinus headache and groggy, disoriented “did I even sleep?” feeling.
      I will add I’m also on some HRT and that helped a TON with night sweats, so I’d look into that too. I waited too long, honestly, because I didn’t really believe that someone my age (early 40s) could be in peri or that it was peri. I believed it was “lifestyle” like too much sugar/carbs or stress–sure, that could have been part of it but after I admitted the reality and got help from my doc, things got so much better.

  3. Was anyone else completely baffled that Katie Britt was in her kitchen for the Republican response last night? Just when I think Republicans can’t make me speechless anymore, they, somehow, manage to find a way.

    1. Nope. It’s peak TradWife content. It says “you don’t need to like Trump to vote for us! You just need to like good Christian women in the kitchen”

    2. No, it looked like a calculated move to implicitly frame her as consistent with conservative gender roles.

      1. This. When she introduced herself she pointed out that her roles as a wife and a mother were more important to her than being a senator. And she had an extended metaphor in there about kitchen table conversations.

        I really wanted to hear Sarah Mclachlan sing over the whole thing. What a bizarre speech!

    3. I don’t even care she was in her kitchen. Her tone and demeanor was so off-putting I couldn’t even get through more than 10 minutes of it. It was so incredibly faux-distressed and melodramatic. Is there anyone in that entire party who has a positive vision for our country?

    4. It’s a framing that works well for her constituents but is weird for the rest of the country. In very red states, women run for office on the Mommy platform, not on a “I’m a smart person who is capable of doing great things in office” platform. It’s appalling and I wish that women candidates would reject it, run a normal campaign, and help their constituents get used to women talking about economics and trade policy the way men do.

    6. I was more confused at the voice she was using. It made her sound absolutely unhinged.

    7. Saturday Night Live has so much matrial to work with. It was like a parody of a parody.

    8. It was very unprofessional and turned her into a joke. I’m looking forward to seeing if Saturday Night Live does a skit on this!

      1. And people who are convinced that the traditional family is under attack and that Democrats hate women who take their roles as wives and mothers seriously will be confirmed in their opinions.

        I know that a lot of people think that is ridiculous but she is deliberately appealing to a specific demographic that is larger than a lot of people here apparently believe. This is not accidental. The Right has successfully convinced a large number of people that liberals despise them and their lifestyles and ethics.

        1. despise is too strong a word, but yeah there is a fundamental conflict of worldviews here. You can either say women are capable of the same leadership, hard work and deserve equal power and influence in public life, but that means you expect the same dedication and engagement from a woman in professional and public roles. Or you can get on board the ‘marriage and motherhood are the most important parts of a woman’s life’ train.

          1. I fundamentally disagree that these views are in conflict. You can simultaneously believe that your family is more important than your career (and many people, both men and women, do) and also believe that women are as capable of being professional, diligent, competent leaders as men are. I see absolutely no tension whatsoever between those views, and it’s odd to me that you are suggesting there is one.

          2. The difference is the generalization. You can decide for yourself that family is your main priority. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
            But if you declare that there is nothing more important for women (plural) than being a wife and mother, that’s where you are pushing your beliefs on others. Those kinds of statement tend to be the excuse where women get sidelined in the public and professional sphere, whether they are not heterosexual, or not married, or don’t have children, or children without a partner, or children with a partner, or some other bs why they don’t fit the mold, but at the end of the day, there is no way for them to break those glass ceilings because they shouldn’t even want that, because being a wife and mother is what they should strive for most of all.

          3. Clay Christensen would disagree with you, and he’s someone Trumpies would look up to.

          1. right, yes, mean liberal harpies despise peaceful GOP lambs who are just minding their own business, not judging anyone.

          1. In which case you cannot be surprised when they vote for someone who does not, or at least does not say the quiet part out loud.

            I often get the feeling that people here live in a bubble and they think the people who value the “traditional” family or think that a woman’s most important role is as a wife and mother are this tiny minority who can be written off and made fun of. Particularly when you take Electoral College math into account, they are not a small or insignificant group of people. And needlessly antagonizing them (particularly since many of them do have actual concerns about Trump, particularly the women) is how elections are lost.

          2. what came first, the chicken or the egg? When people attack my autonomy and choice at every turn, all in the name of their values and their religion (which is not my religion), then obviously that group will not earn my affection.

        4. Meh. I find I’m better at this traditional family stuff than a lot of these republican jerks. On husband two kids I waited until marriage to have. I’m at least three times better than trump at not straying from my marriage. That’s true for the hypocrite republicans I know in real life too. I’ve seen plenty of divorces and out of wedlock kids from the Republicans I know. The difference is they somehow still think they can boss everyone else around. No one is attacking their way of life.

    9. The response is often given from a casual setting – I can remember living rooms before. (There might have been a kitchen before, idk.) But I think they were going for the literal setting of the “kitchen table issues” that politicians talk about.

    11. OMG. I hadn’t watched it, but the comments here made check it out. This feels surreal…. Seconding “high scholl production of Handmaid’s Tale”…

  4. I have a bedroom where the only wall I can put a bed headboard against has a window that is behind 1/3 of the headboard. Visually, it’s not great. Other walls have a door that breaks up the wall to where a bed won’t fit. Any design tricks to try or just learn to ignore?

    1. Balance the window with artwork on either side, to fill out the space.
      Or hang curtains on either side that extend far wider than the actual window.
      Or place the bed off center with the window and use a large piece of artwork or a hanging light fixture to balance out the window on one side.
      Screens on either side of the window, behind the bed, to create a focal wall.

    2. Does the headboard cover the bottom part of the window (headboard is taller than the window), or is it covering a side (the window is not placed symmetrically)?

      1. Suggestions for Option 1: Use a four poster bed, center the window in the headboard and make it purposeful taking up all the space from the floor the the ceiling. Suggestion for Option 2: Depending on the asymmetry you could do curtains over part of the wall to create more balance. Or, instead, use art next to the window to visually fill up the space. I’d have the art wide enough to extend past the head board about the same as the window extends on the other side.

    3. I got a lower headboard at an estate sale that didn’t cover the window. It was a bit of a project to strip and restore, but worth it for a small room.

      1. OP here — this is super-helpful! It may not solve our problem but itbhelps to have ideas and visuals. 4-poster bed so headboard is high and make it weird to add art. Got something to do for a rained out weekend coming up.

    5. Can you hang curtains wider than the window to make the window look bigger, and just leave (at least) half the curtains closed at all times?

    6. Use tall floor items (lamp or plant) or artwork on the other side to balance out the asymmetry.

    7. I just did a search on pinterest for headboard windows and see different options for styling, depending on if you are centering the bed on the window, or if it’s off center. Seems like the general theme is to add curtains, use a headboard that is more open, and hang art, mirrors, or the curtains to balance anything off center.

    8. Sometimes it helps to get a semicircle headboard to block less of the window. Curtains can help make the window visible where you want it to be visible.

    10. We covered our window wall where we wanted the bed with shiplap even though we do not have a farmhouse aesthetic. We have another window on the side of the room so plenty of light. I love those houses with the higher regtangle windows in the bedrooms.

        1. Yes, but the view was really bad from that window to begin with. We still have plenty of light.

  5. I’m getting stalked by Abeo footwear. It looks promising for my problem duck feet. Has anyone tried it IRL?

    Also, if you have feet of different widths (one foot is B, was A as a child, other foot measures a C width at the ball of foot due to broken toes healing scattered, heel is still narrow), send me brands or tricks that work for you. Right now, I’m rocking the Crocs.

        1. They do – you just have to pay (a lot) more and settle for boring colors. Sam Edelman and Cole Haan make up my shoe wardrobe. When I really want to spend money (read: never) many more expensive brands run narrow and carry wide sizes.

    2. I think you have to buy a pair that fits your wider foot and add a cushion to the shoe for the narrower foot to take up a little space. Shoe departments should have a pad that goes under the insole for you.

    3. I adore ABEO, but I didn’t know they were still around! Before the pandemic, they had storefronts where you could get tested for exactly which orthotics would work best.

  6. I love this top! I have a short-sleeved version from last year that I wore a ton last summer. It’s one of those tops that can truly be dressed up or down.

      1. Depends on how comfortable you are with slight creasing. When I have my ish together, I will quickly steam it.

    2. how do you accessorize with tops like this? big earrings? i’m guessing necklaces wouldn’t work

  7. Any runners able to recommend a good fanny pack? Over the winter I started trail running (well… jogging? Not winning any speed records but having fun) with my dog. Keeping keys, phone, dog bags, etc in my jacket pocket worked well over the winter but I think I’ll need another way to carry things as the weather heats up. So appreciate any recommendations!

      1. I’m a trail runner and this is the one I use too (unless I’m using my hydration vest, in which case I keep phone, keys, snacks in there)

    2. I’m a fan of the Spibelt, always and forever. It’s very stretchy and you don’t even notice it.

      1. I have one as well and love it. The trick if getting it positioned on your body correctly so your phones not flopping around with every step. I find turning it to my back the least floppy spot.

      2. Another vote for SPIbelt. If I was dealing with dog bags, I would go for the two-pocket version.

      3. I am a fan since inception, they can accommodate even the largest phones without bounce.

    4. Is there a reason why a hydration pack wouldn’t work? Many of them have endless storage options and carrying water will be helpful during the summer.

      2. Agreed- love my hydration vest for trail running (and long road running) with my dog! Especially because I use a waist leash to be hands-free; a fanny pack would be annoying to add on.
        I have an Ultimate Direction version. It has lots of pockets and room for a bladder. Super light by itself.

    5. When I used to jog with my dog, I’d make him carry his own stuff. His collar had a pocket for poop bags and they make little backpack things for dogs- his held a collapsible water dish and a couple dog treats. That dog was a beast and could run me ragged!

    6. Flip belt! Can fit so much and adjust so it doesn’t bounce by twisting it more. If it’s just your phone I recommend a koala clip! It goes on your bra in between your shoulder blades.

  8. Ugh, I need a new job. We are going through a massive re-org, and I am being protected, but will be left with less than half the resources needed to do the work. I nearly quit on a call about it a few minutes ago, but I am trying to stay long enough to protect my people. I hate this.

    1. Sending commiseration. My company is doing the same and we’ve lost half our team in the last month and have no support in picking up the slack. I’m also looking to leave, but feel guilty and leaving my remaining teammates with all the work (but I suspect they’re looking as well).

    2. That happened at my last job. My manager left and within 6 months I was also gone. I’d spend the weekend working on your resume and job searching. Better to start now than when you are desperate and miserable in a few months.

  9. So I know there are lots of factors like luck and genetics beyond anyone’s control but for those who have spent time with elders – what would you say is one factor that separates those who are relatively fine in their later 70s and 80s meaning still able to do most of what they want, travel, walking a lot, eating the same as always – from those who aren’t and have the traditional elder retiree years? Thinking about this a lot lately in my mid 40s, as I see some late 70s folks still working long hours and hiking on weekends and I see others in their very early 80s not able to do anything like that at all.

      2. This, their local community
        Not just a good relationship with far off kids but who do they see every day or week
        What gets them out of beds in the morning

        Also — that 1 medical issue or procedure is not a problem. But that 1 that precipitates a loss of energy, medication that affects speaking and cognition and self-awareness, physical function – that could be luck, or not. But having someone to support you through that and friends who want to see you when you’re not 100% but are only 80%, that makes a difference

      3. I would broaden it to regular social interaction. My mom does not have close friends but retired very late and has been very involved with my family, so she has constant conversations with people who aren’t my dad. I think that’s really the key, more than the deep emotional connection of friendship.

      4. My parents don’t have friends.

        That said, they are very active: travel, season tickets to several professional sports teams in our area, theater, gardening (literally – although probably the other, too, LOL). They aren’t planted in recliners watching Fox News all day.

      5. Sadly, this. My dad has never been a friend guy, and is noticeably “older” than my mother and in laws, although they are all about 80 at this point.

    5. I’d say lifelong fitness. My family tends to either die in their 60s (“healthy” ones who suddenly got cancer or people who were unhealthy and succumbed to that) or their 90s (usually still cancer but at least they got another 30 years).

      My parents are only in their early 60s but are very healthy but looking at my aunts and uncles in their 70s and thinking to my grandparents and great aunts / uncles who were very healthy in their 80s the answer seems to be activity and mobility.

      Per my 68 year old uncle who still surfs, plays pickup basketball and works out (3-4 mile runs and lifting) its use it or lose it. He’s afraid if he stops one of these activities the house of cards will come tumbling down (his words).

      My other uncle is 72 and has been through the wringer health wise (cancer with both chemo and surgery, heart problems (triple bypass), a transplant (he had one lung transplanted 2 years ago and the other one removed, without a replacement, thus year). He’s working on getting his fitness back after his last round of chemo but 6 months post lung transplant he was biking 10-20 miles a few days a week and lifting again. He was bummed that he couldn’t do some exercises (push-ups and pull-ups) for a year because his sternum couldn’t take the stress after it was cut open for his surgery… his wife is also 72 and is at the gym ~ 10 hours a week for yoga and “old lady lifting” (her words), plus she walks or bikes daily.

      My grandfather (died at 92) played tennis weekly into his mid 80s, then replaced it with other activity until he literally couldn’t walk anymore and the other grandfather (died at 94) was still doing his own yard work and flipping houses until his late 80s.

      Even my relatives who weren’t athletes or “gym people” stayed active: walking / biking places, doing yard work or house work, playing in the yard with grandkids.

      I’d say we’re a family that tends to eat decently well but isn’t obsessed: we eat plenty of fruits and vegetables but also probably all drink too much and eat too much dessert or other junk too.

      On the other hand, I have an aunt in her mid 60 who was never active nor ate well and it’s sad to watch her be unable to do much more than sit on the couch. She just developed diabetes (which high glucose seems to be genetic – many of the above relatives are pre diabetic, but they’re working hard to avoid diabetes) and it’s worrying. Her sister is the same way.

      Obviously anyone can get struck with bad luck: cancer, car accident, addiction, what have you. You see I didn’t mention my grandmothers above, they both died in their 60s/70s from cancer, so making good choices doesn’t make you immune from that. But I’ve gotten a pretty good “playbook” from my family. I’d say we all prioritize quality of life over quantity of years (obviously it’d be great to live a great life into my 90s but I’d rather die at 70 enjoying my life than at 90 with 20 years of immobility).

    6. In my large family, the divide I see is between people who really took lifestyle and preventive care recommendations seriously vs. just not complying and relying heavily on polypharmacy. Almost to the point where better finances and healthcare access looks like a risk factor (vs. handling the same medical conditions with limited healthcare coverage).

      I’m personally on the “good healthcare access, lots of meds” trajectory so I’ve been thinking about how to hit the right balance and not end up on meds to treat the side effects of meds to treat the side effects of meds. I think medicine is also getting better about this than it used to be.

      1. So my dad and his siblings are all pre diabetic (seems genetic, I’m a 28 year old triathlete and am a few points away from pre diabetes).

        My dad and his one sister are very, very conscious. They are fit (my aunt goes to the gym, my dad just lives an active lifestyle) and eat well probably 80% of the time. Their other sister was just diagnosed diabetic, is on ozempic, and basically has the approach of why do I need to change my lifestyle if I can take drugs? Ironically, her husband is very health focused (an hour at the gym every day, doesn’t eat dessert, chooses fish over meat every option) so she has plenty of access to healthy choices but actively doesn’t make them. My dad is beside himself watching her take this path. He tries to get her to join him for a walk or pickleball or something mild and she won’t do it.

        All 3 siblings are middle class with excellent health insurance (my dad and his sister have the same health insurance!), gym memberships (or married to someone with a gym membership – so it’s clearly in the budget), ability to buy healthy foods like produce easily and affordable, and live in a temperate climate (Maryland) in walkable suburbs that also have plenty of parks, tennis courts, and walking trails.

        It’s actually almost a cool case study. All 3 grew up in the same home / same parents, live in the same area now (the two aunts live in the same neighborhood, my dad lives 15 minutes away), and have similar if not identical access to many markers of health. My aunt and dad even have the same PCP. My parents go to the same gym as this aunt’s husband. Literally the only difference between the three is that two took their health into their own hands and one is content to not.

        Their parents and two of their grandparents lived healthy lives into their 90s by staying active and making healthy food choices. Their grandfather died at 62 and only drank soda.

      3. Hard disagree. We have a high deductable and I’ve been paying around $900 a week for physical therapy after being lucky enough to get MRIs for a frozen shoulder on my right and a pinched nerve that resulted in terrible pain on my left. Once the deductable is paid, I still have access to plenty of PT visits. I am amazed at how quickly the therapists relieved my pain and got my other shoulder moving.

        1. Good PT is awesome, but I’m not sure where we disagree. In my family the difference would be between the person who goes to PT and keeps up with recommended exercises at home (maybe using YouTube to keep up with it) vs. the person who gives up quickly and won’t do any of the recommended exercises at home but would rather take a pill (my tendency if I’m honest but I’m trying to get better at this after seeing the disparate outcomes).

          1. I don’t agree that good health insurance and money are risk factors. If I didn’t have the privilege of time, money, and access, I would just want drugs to cure the pain.

    7. Say yes to things and stay active, especially in your 40s and beyond. Don’t say “no, I’ll hurt myself” when presented with an opportunity to do something cool with family or friends. Do as much as you can as long as you can.

      1. I see part of your point, but I know that some of the people who said “yes” did get injured and had to replace doing something cool with slow progress in PT. I guess I’d prioritize avoiding the kinds of injuries that limit mobility since that can be really rough (but “avoid injuries” can mean things like having the right shoes or orthotic supports, not avoiding cool things).

    8. Eating vegetables and exercise. The difference between my mom who walks 2 miles a day and eats all veggies and my aunt’s/uncles who are sedentary and only eat processed food is staggering. They have the same genes but they’re in entirely different health.

    9. I have a front row seat to this exact dynamic. My father and step-father are basically the same age (late 70s). One hikes regularly, walks daily and travels internationally. The other can hardly walk, tires easily, and is basically housebound unless someone goes with him.

      Without discounting personal relationships (because the active one has family and very few friends and the other is very, very social even now) the difference is that one was active, ate healthy food, and kept his weight under control and the other never exercised and was obese from his early 30s (and to be clear, he has/had an eating disorder that was not treated; I am not making a moral judgment). The problem is that fatty liver disease and non-alcoholic cirrhosis, not to mention massive back issues, among other issues, struck in his late 60s and early 70s and have massively impacted his quality of life. It has been really, really hard to watch and has been the impetus for my efforts over the past year to take better care of myself.

    10. With the usual caveats, I’ve seen people who took their health seriously in their 30s and 40s sail into their 70s and 80s pretty strong. Even people who had pretty great genetics (think, parents and grandparents born in the 19th century and lived into their 80s) suffered a lot right around 70 if they hadn’t taken care of themselves.

      Anecdotally, most people don’t feel the effects of their bad decisions in their 20s and 30s. Maybe women do when they are pregnant, because pregnancy does a number on you. Otherwise, the effects seem to hit around middle age: joint issues, weight doesn’t come off, getting in shape is a nightmare if you aren’t already in shape. It’s almost like a buildup of inertia.

      Mentally: use it or lose it! The people who did things to engage their minds – crossword puzzles, social interaction, jobs, sitting on nonprofit boards, church finance council, museums, whatever – do a LOT better. Flip side, the people who were already a bit batty (and thought it was cute or harmless) go completely off the deep end starting around 65. The worst of it is, you can’t tell if they have early dementia or if their personality issues are in overdrive. (Yes I’m talking about two specific people, why do you ask?)

      1. I’m afraid of the latter happening to my mom. She’s always been “quirky” and doesn’t have friends or a lot of social interaction or hobbies. She’s getting stranger as she gets older.

        1. I think some of this is also hearing and being willing to get hearing aids. My MIL cannot hear ANYTHING and it means you can’t have a conversation with her. She can’t hear so she can’t understand and so the only time she speaks coherently is when she’s telling a story and therefore doesn’t have to interact “live” to someone else.

          1. Example – we’re staying with them and I say “I’m about to start the dishwasher, anyone have plates” and she says “oh, no thanks, my clothes are all folded” because she only heard the word “wash.”

          2. I have to say, my dad finally got better hearing aids AND kept up with going in for adjustments and he’s like a different person. He wasn’t doing that badly regarding social interactions, but he seems a lot more on top of things now.

        2. I posted above, but my mom is very quirky and doesn’t have friends. I personally think she’s on the spectrum, but that’s just an armchair diagnosis.
          She is 76 and has shown absolutely no signs of mental or physical decline. She actually has more energy than me. IMO, while close friendships are nice to have, what really keeps you young is having lots of regular interaction with people, and you can get that through work, volunteer work, regularly taking care of grandchildren, spending lots of time with family, etc. It doesn’t have to come from a tight circle of friends. I think what’s bad for your mind is if you’re alone in your house and not talking to anyone most of the day.

          1. You are missing the issue. It isn’t about being “on the spectrum.” It’s about people who spent their entire lives telling tall tales, being the smartest person in the room (in a bad way), being unable to listen when someone with more knowledge tells them that their facts aren’t in order, thinking it’s cute to be a ditz, and overall being unable to ground their minds in reality.

            I genuinely cannot tell if my late-60s mother is experiencing early onset Alzheimer’s or is just battier than normal. Tall tales? Claims to have psychic mommy dreams? Madly defensive when wrong? Inability to track a logical argument? Can’t navigate out of a paper bag, thinks it’s cute to screw up a recipe, total inability to recall things with accuracy and gets utterly furious and rude when gently told that something happened in the 1990s and not 1982? I genuinely don’t know if it’s her usual b.s. or if I should take her in for a checkup.

    12. Anecdotal here, but from what I’ve seen with many close family friends in their 70s and 80s: it’s all about social ties (like, actually meeting up with friends, volunteering, being actively engaged in the world). Physical activity is an important second.

      We are social animals. People calcify and and let their worlds get so small when they dont hear new stories, think about other people’s lives, and interact with other breathing humans. I’ve read the NYT article reporting on the long study of longevity and social ties, and my personal observations are consistent with that story absolutely.

    13. The people I know who are in great shape in their 80s all continued work until late 70s or into their 80s, are physically active and socially engaged. They also all happen to have resources to devote to things like personal trainers, travel and concierge doctors who connect them to the right specialists when health issues arise. TLDR: genes, engagement and money.

    14. Balance. Which probably is part of physical fitness. And keeping your bones strong (so, weight lifting, HRT and vitamin D?) It seems like old people can be doing just fine until they fall, and break a hip. Then it is often quickly downhill from there.

      1. Not sure if this is true, but I’ve heard that as a general rule of thumb, for the geriatric population, 1/3 will return to prior quality of life, 1/3 will have a decline in quality of life, and 1/3 will die within a year of a hip fracture.

    15. In addition to what everyone is saying, regarding physical activity, saying on top of your health, eating well, staying, socially, active and mentally active, I think attitude is a huge part of this. I have a close relative, who unfortunately has been sidelined by cancer and cannot work out like he normally does. He got into birdwatching because he realized something he really liked about hiking was seeing the wildlife but since he can’t hike right now, he goes to parks, sits on a bench and enjoys nature and bird watches. I think it’s great that he’s picking up a new hobby at his age. He’s learning a lot about birds and I think it’s great that he’s adopted the attitude of obviously things are not great for him right now, but rather than lie down and take it, he’s trying to make the best of a crap situation. He’s also very dedicated to getting back to being physically active as soon as he is able.

      I also want to put in a plug for retirement communities, my grandfather lived in one for almost a decade (he moved in after my grandmother died because he hated being in the house without her). For about nine of those years, he lived in an independent apartment, but when he needed more intense care after surgery, and then later on needed hospice, he was able to do it in the community surrounded by the friends he had made. He also got involved in so many different activities some things he had always enjoyed and then other things that were new to him that he picked up in his 80s, he maintained his independence for a long time there (own apartment, cooked breakfast and lunch but did dinner in the dining hall), and since he was near family, we still handled all of the transporting to medical appointments and what not, but he made new friends (most of his other friends had passed), learned new skills, had new hobbies and had access to care. He was also able to stay physically active there. In his mentally 80s he had you give up some of his previous active hobbies (tennis and walking the golf course) but they had an occupational therapist there, who was able to provide age-appropriate activity (putting green, walking trail with plenty of benches, fitness center, classes to help with balance). I was in college while he lived there, and I always said he had a better social life than I did (and I had a great one). I’m thankful my parents saw my grandfather have such an excellent experience in his community because that really changed their mindset on these and now they are looking forward to moving into one eventually. That brings me a lot of peace of mind! Even though I only live 10 minutes from them it’s just nice knowing that they’ll have plenty of interaction and opportunities and the ability for in-place healthcare when it’s needed.

      On the other hand, my other grandfather lived at home until he passed away in his 90s. He remarried after my grandmother died, and his second wife was a good bit younger and able to help out with him quite a bit, but it wasn’t enough. He didn’t have many physical limitations until his very late 80s or early 90s but his friends had all passed, his wife was still working part time so she was gone for a chunk of the day and he was just sitting in his house alone with not much to do. He lived about five minutes from two of his children so they were able to do a lot but obviously they were busy raising families and working full-time and it wasn’t enough interaction for him and you could really tell the mental decline started after his best friend passed away and his only interaction was with family. Once he could no longer partake in his original hobbies, he didn’t find any new ones, and so literally spent most of the day every day sitting on his couch with nothing to do.

      1. I’ve copied and pasted your excellent comment and tucked it away for the time (in the near future) when I hope to persuade my mom to move o a retirement community. She is very resistant, but has poor hearing and few friends any more (as they have been dying off or becoming more feeble). I don’t know how retirement communities handle co-habiting seniors who are not going to ever become married spouses, however, a bit of a concern for me.

    17. Money, friends, relationship with kids/family/some kind of social life. You don’t really have to have all 3, but it helps.

  10. Advice for finding jeans for very narrow hips? Curvy cuts are aimed towards women with hips wider than average. What about where your hips are narrower than average? Also, I’ve got short legs. Any recommendations?

      2. This is OP. I’m 47. I do have one pair of Abercrombie that fit well, but they seem to sell out of my size quickly.

        1. Age isn’t really relevant here? Shop wherever you find cuts that fit you best. Just look for a wash and leg style that you like and that suit you.

        2. If you know your size and the brand/cut you like, I would stalk Poshmark. Some Sezane pants I’ve also found run narrower in the waist.

        3. If you’re 47, I’m surprised you haven’t embraced the jeans of our youth: men’s Levi’s. Bonus is they sell by inseam length.

          My teenage daughter has luck at American Eagle and Zara. I’m straight up and down (bigger waist proportionately – not slim hips) and find Madewell and Banana Republic fit very well.

        4. That makes you old enough to remember when we decided not to be contrained by our parents ideas of what women should wear, and we started shopping the entire store, not just the women’s department.
          Buy the jeans that fit your body, no matter what department they are in.

    3. I have a straight figure and find that mid-rise jeans work better than high-rise. For mid-rise + short inseam, try the Mother Insider.

  11. Has anyone decided to reduce drinking, or stop drinking altogether, due to research linking alcohol consumption to certain cancers? I never considered it before, but now that I’m in my 40s, I know several people with cancer and it’s scaring me.

    1. It was one of several factors in deciding to cut back. I’m not sober, but I drink very rarely, maybe a glass or two of wine on vacation a few times a year.

    2. Yeah, it’s a factor in my decision to not drink. I was only an infrequent drinker anyway (although I did drink pretty frequently in college and my 20s) and it was easy to just stop, especially since we were about to start TTC anyway. I have a high risk of breast cancer due to family history and breast density and many other relatives have had other types of cancer. Drinking isn’t worth it to me and it’s not something that comes with risk but that I HAVE to do to survive.

      1. I don’t feel any fear at the thought of giving up drinking. That sounds hard for you!

        1. I think you have it backwards. Pretty sure this poster is saying they don’t live in fear at the thought of getting cancer from drinking.

          2. It was snark. Implying that people are anxious ninnies living in fear because they’ve made a reasonable, evidence-based health decision is usually a reflection of one’s own insecurity.

      3. I had a serious drinking problem and not once did I think of cancer risk as a reason I should quit. I have been sober for three years now and I still don’t think about an increased cancer risk bc of my drinking. Shrug.

    4. I’m averaging 2-3 drinks a month now. I was never a big drinker, but after watching my (now ex) husband struggle with alcoholism, I realized how destructive it can be. We have 2 kids. In order for them to have a fighting chance, they need at least 1 sober parent, and that’s me.

    5. So I have cut way back as someone in their 40s, just because I don’t enjoy it as much and I don’t need the calories, but the research linking it is not completely definitive (there is a lot of correlation, rather than causation in the linkage and it’s a smaller link than what the articles make it sound) and not drinking is not a guarantee.

    6. I’ve cut way back (but still drink fairly often – probably more than many) for general health reasons and because I just don’t like it / crave it the way I used to.

    7. Honestly now that I’m in my 40’s I just can’t handle more than 2 drinks max without a nasty hangover, night sweats, or crazy bad sleep. Almost everyone I know either drinks very sparingly (1 glass of wine at dinner on the weekends) or has cut back almost entirely. The health benefits are a nice bonus but really the hangovers were the driving force.

      1. +1. I’m turning 40 in a month, and in the past 6 months, I have noticed that drinking even moderate amounts of alcohol brings terrible sleep, night sweats, and inflammation. I’m also struggling with anxiety in general right now, and drinking was making that much worse (combination of coming down off the buzz plus waking up in the middle of the night was making me crazy anxious at night). We celebrated something last night. I drank for the first time in a few weeks and had 2.5 glasses of wine. I woke up in the middle of the night, though I was able to get back to sleep. Today I feel so tired, and every muscle in my back is messed up.

      2. As I get older, my body doesn’t seem to be able to handle alcohol like it used to. A glass of champagne on occasion, maybe a glass of wine with dinner, but no regular imbibing. I rarely keep beer around the house, as I’ve never liked the taste, so I tell family to bring their own if they would like a beer before or with supper.

    8. I would never tell anyone NOT to reduce their drinking, but it seems like increased risk is seen more with binge drinking or multiple drinks per day vs. the occasional glass of wine.

      No level of drinking is “safe” but as someone who works in cancer epidemiology, I’m personally not concerned about my few drinks per week (sometimes less, sometimes more). I don’t find it difficult to moderate my drinking but I understand that for some people it’s easier to quit completely than drink less.

      Cancer can happen to anyone, even someone who does everything “ right.” I would say smoking or exposure to smoke is a much bigger risk factor to avoid (and I’m including marijuana smoke, because even though there’s not a ton of data, I can’t imagine that inhaling any kind of smoldering plant matter into your lungs is good).

      Obesity is also associated with increased risk for some cancers, so if you can maintain a healthy weight without being miserable in your life, that’s probably helpful, too.

      1. Thank you for this (and for your work in cancer epidemiology!). As a cancer survivor, I just want to scream that “cancer can happen to anyone.” Especially when people look at me like “what the F did you do wrong?”

        1. That doesn’t mean you don’t take easy, common-sense risk reduction steps when you can. It would be silly to take up smoking and say “cancer can happen to anyone!”

          1. My response cut off early but I was going to add that that said, absolutely no one should be blaming you for cancer or asking about it. We can take steps to reduce risk but there are no guarantees.

          2. I’m at the point where if people are pointing fingers at individuals, I almost expect to find that there’s some corporate interest in distracting the conversation from some pollutant or product or waste product or ingredient we’re going to find out later was increasing cancer rates.

          3. Anon at 12:30 pm, right there with you. Freaking out about a glass of wine a week is always a distraction from something else, like the massive decline in life expectancy our country is experiencing. Increase in drug use, suicide rates, maternal mortality, traffic fatalities, but let’s freak out about someone’s Friday evening Manhattan.

        2. No one is implying cancer survivors are at fault for what happened. Of course cancer can happen to anyone, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t smart to reduce your risk.

          1. You might not be in this comment, but you’d be surprised. That’s one of the hardest parts of being a survivor.

          2. @11:10 and subsequent. I lost a child to cancer and you would not believe how many people want to play armchair cancer epidemiologist to figure out what I did wrong to give her cancer.

            I think it’s a means of self-soothing for them – certainly if I am a perfect parent, my child won’t get cancer. But that’s a lot to hang on a grieving mother, regardless of intent.

            People really need to learn how to STFU.

          3. Anon @ 1:14, I think your analysis is entirely spot on, and I’m sorry that people are so utterly terrible. I wholeheartedly agree that people need to learn to STFU.

        3. I know, I hate this attitude of blame. I think people do it because they are trying to reassure themselves, well, You did X and I don’t do X, therefore I won’t get cancer. But that’s not how it works.

          There are lots of things one can do to reduce risk, but it’s no guarantee you’ll never get cancer. Another thing to keep in mind is that we might be seeing more cancer (excluding the early onset increases, that’s a whole different thing) because more people are living long enough to get cancer, which, contrary to what it seems like in the news, really is a disease of the elderly (a category I myself will enter soonish).

          1. It’s magical thinking. All about convincing yourself that you can control randomness. I have been through the randomness and the magical thinning. That way lies madness.

      2. The problem with obesity (which can be a cancer risk for sure) is that it’s very hard to treat. You can’t just quit eating – you need to eat to survive and you can still be obese even if you eat “right” and exercise “right” every single day. With drinking (barring full-blown alcoholism, which is obviously a very serious condition), you can just quit. Your ongoing cancer risk from drinking immediately stops. It’s one of the easiest ways to make a difference and it has other benefits too – less costly, you’ll sleep better, probably lose a few lbs, etc. It can be a real win-win for people who are looking to reduce their cancer risk.

        1. This. In my opinion, not smoking, not drinking and getting the HPV vaccine are the easiest ways to significantly lower your cancer risk. Yes there are lots of other things that are important, like eating well, being a healthy way, and getting exercise but those things are harder for people to accomplish.

          1. Totally – those easy steps (plus keeping up with effective screenings and managing any known risk factors, like polyps) are accomplishable.

    9. Not for that reason, but I’m in my early 40s and basically don’t drink at all anymore because it amps up my anxiety so much and screws up my sleep. And trust me, I don’t need ANY help in that department! To me, it’s no longer worth it, and I never drank that much to begin with. The health impacts of alcohol are real, and yet there are so many people who are totally unwilling to acknowledge it.

    10. I know it was a bit of a joke in SATC recently, but the book “Quit Like a Woman” hit me like a ton of bricks. Even if you are not currently questioning your relationship with alcohol, it’s a really thought-provoking read.

    11. Having spent time in pediatric oncology, as well as knowing people who died of cancer in their 20s and 30s, this is something I have just accepted as one of those things. I’ve never been much of a drinker, but not because alcohol might increase cancer risk…

    12. as a heavy drinker i’ve definitely gotten more alarmed with all the research, and i’ve signed up for a bunch of apps to cut back — Sunnyside and Reframe are the two big ones I like, and both put emphasis on having 100% dry days every week. sometimes i’m successful, sometimes i’m not — it doesn’t help that my family (parents and elderly aunt) treat me like a weirdo if i’m drinking N/A wine or something while they all drink their single solitary beer of the evening.

      1. What other resources have you found helpful? My profile is similar to yours. I’d love some kind of support site or subr*ddit but the ones I’ve found are not my jam.

        Recently, I’ve forced myself to get back into reading, and I’ve found that is a one-or-the-other type hobby. I can’t have three glasses of wine while reading!

        1. not 11:27 but another similar profile – I’ve been switching to THC gummies on dry nights and love the way there’s no hangover and if I time them right they wear off in time for me to still get an hour or so of reading in.

        2. r/stopdrinking was a great resource when I first hopped on the wagon. I didn’t think quitting for a length of time was going to be hard at all and then I did it and whoa… I was way more entwined with my beer than I thought. The sub came in clutch. Given how surprisingly hard the initial quitting was, I decided to make what was going to be a temporary thing permanent. Im glad I did, because it wasn’t long before COVID came around and if I’d still been drinking at that point, it probably would have become a big, real, lasting-consequences type problem.

    13. My mom was an alcoholic. She didn’t die of drinking exactly, but of the cigarettes that went along with the drinks (COPD, not cancer.)

      I used to drink a glass of wine after work, while I was making dinner for the family, maybe 4-5 nights a week. Then I just stopped. I don’t really know why. If I really want to try a certain wine now, I will, but I just don’t have the habit anymore. I didn’t go on a big quitting drinking program. I just didn’t feel like it anymore. My sleep is better, my skin is better, and it has been easier to lose some weight (far from easy, but easier.) I don’t really miss it.

    14. To preface, I’m Canadian. I’m a weed consumer, stopped drinking entirely last year. I felt so much social pressure to drink and it made me really resentful that the social expectation was that I poison myself. Luckily my whole family has pretty much come around now and we just pass around a joint at holidays. In work situations I order a mocktail and I don’t think any of my colleagues have caught on.

      1. It’s been wild to see my parents come around to weed. If you’d told me in high school that one day my siblings and in-laws would be vaping at my parents house (outside) I would have thought you’d lost your mind. They don’t partake (me neither – it just makes me worse), but they’re fine with it. My dad wants to start growing now that it’s legal in their state.

    15. I think it’s wild how society is channeling all their health fears and anxieties about aging into being anti-alcohol, as a cultural moment right now!
      Note: obviously alcohol is not especially good for you, but the unhinged fears I see about how even one drink is killing women really makes me thing this is just the latest obsessive health trend.
      Everything in moderation!

      1. That’s really interesting, the idea of anti-alcohol being related to anti-aging.

        I wonder if there’s an also a lot of prominent people who had issues with alcohol, so quit completely, and are kind of loud about it. While us moderators sit quietly in a corner having the odd cocktail.

      2. I haven’t seen anything “unhinged” at all in my circles – no one who drinks one drink now and then seems stressed at all. The whole thing strikes me as a period of very reasonable pushback against some of the excesses of the 2000s – mommy wine culture being just one of them. The fact is, many women do admit to heavy drinking in national surveys (and social desirability bias leads to underreporting their true consumption) and there is a real problem when it comes to cancer risk.

    16. Yes, I’ve essentially stopped drinking years ago. Still the rare class of wine for a very special occasion, but essentially none.

      We have higher interest in cancer in one side of my family – colon, breast and pancreatic and alcohol use is a risk factor for all. There’s not a lot to do when you have a higher genetic risk but screening at the appropriate intervals, so the few things I can control I try to. When you are “young”, you tend to ignore these things…. but once you meet middle aged and your friends in their 40’s (and now in their 30’s…. all that breast/colon cancer) start getting cancer, you pay attention more.

      When drinking bourbon became a particularly trendy nighttime thing in my sibling’s Brooklyn friend group, I remember he didn’t like bourbon really, so was actively drinking it every night (lives alone…) on purpose to try to acquire the taste for “social reasons”. I tried to hint to him that of all “hobbies” to have, purposefully increasing your alcohol use by drinking alone every night was probably just not the wisest idea…. especially in our family that has a history of cancer. Mental illness and alcohol abuse is also not uncommon in our family, and also puts us more at risk when using alcohol. Interestingly, that didn’t have any effect on his use. It wasn’t until he became even more fitness focused and he decided to follow the current trend of trying to stop drinking for the calorie savings and sleep benefits. It’s so funny what “health benefits” seem to be more effective or persuasive than others for different folks.

    17. I’m not a heavy drinker, but love having a cocktail or two on weekends with my husband. I’m pregnant now with my fourth (so, I’ve had a lot of cumulative time not drinking) and I MISS IT so much. I’m looking forward to that first margarita almost as much as the baby (kidding…ish). I don’t drink during the week and obviously can give it up cold turkey when I need to, but the experience of drinking with my husband on a Saturday evening, talking and connecting, is a rich part of my life and I don’t plan to give it up anytime soon. Strong relationships/less marriage stress are probably just as important in reducing risk

      1. I remember how I couldn’t wait for that first glass of wine after giving birth! I was even willing to pump and dump once my milk came in, just so I could have that lovely glass of red burgundy.

        I hardly drink anymore, but I do remember how nice that felt after 9 months of my last (3rd full term) pregnancy when my body just felt like it could not take one more second of being pregnant.

  12. Anybody have immigration attorney recommendations in the Chicago area? I’m in Lake County.

  13. I want a pair of fashion sneakers.
    I tried these Rothy’s https://rothys.com/ products/ the-lace-up-sneaker-lighthouse
    (the Lace Up in Lighthouse) and I thought they were cute but the back was so short, it felt like my foot was going to walk out of the shoe every time I took a step.
    I like the white with black accents – any thoughts?

  14. I’m looking to get a road bike as a treat to myself (I just got a small bonus!). My budget is roughly $1,000 (I know this is low for bikes, but this is my budget).

    Mainly I’d want it for weekend rides (20-50 miles) on paved bike paths, but I’m also a very, very amateur triathlete and would use it in races.

    I don’t know a ton about bikes (and a lot of the info out there is overwhelming for a newbie). I currently use a hand me down bike, so I’ve never bought one before. What should I be considering? What should I be asking at the bike shop?

    From the little research I’ve done, the Trek Domane looks like a good option?

    1. I ordered a road bike from Bikes Direct during the pandemic. I’m very happy with it. I think it cost $850. You will need to measure yourself to see what frame size you need: a local bike shop can do this for you. The biggest downside for me was you have to assemble the entire bike yourself. If you don’t want to do that, I’d check fb marketplace.

    2. Check out the store n+1 bikes in Kentucky. I got my mountain bike there for a steep discount, free shipping, and no tax. They often have sales and will ship anywhere, plus you’ll still get the benefit of supporting a small business.

    3. Try it out and go to a couple of different bike shops. The people who work there will like talking.

      I bought a trek fitness hybrid last year. But my rides are more like 5 miles.

    4. Get the word out in your friend group that you’re looking. You can get a lot of bike used (especially within your friends) for the amount you’re willing to spend, as long as you’re willing to wait for the right bike that fits well to become available.
      The Trek will be fine – it’ll be reliable and you know what you’re getting – if you want new. Really, any bike from a reputable brand (Giant, Trek, Spesh, etc) is.
      Bikesdirect can be good, but you’ll still need to take it to a shop to have it looked over/assembled unless you’re reasonably knowledgeable. I see them more as a good resource/bargain for people who know well what they want and have the ability to DIY. If that’s not you, stick with your local shops for your first bike.

      1. I don’t really have friends who are into biking, which is why I’m asking here.

        Can you elaborate on the Trek will be “fine”?

        Half of what I read says you need to buy used with a “low budget” because even $1,000 bikes new aren’t “good” and the other half of what I read says don’t buy used unless you have a way to know if the bike is still in “good condition”.

        I literally bought my car used (2019 so before prices got crazy) for $3,500 so hearing I can’t get a decent bike for $1,000 seems crazy!

        1. It’s fine in that you know what you’re getting, their quality control is good, they’re well supported all over the country and use name brand parts with similar decent qc. It is maintainable and will last as long as you take basic care of it.
          If you end up getting really into cycling, you will probably want to get something fancier eventually, but it’s a perfectly fine bike for starting out.

        2. I just replied but wanted to add a little more. I can happily talk gear ratios and bike geekery until your eyes roll to the back of your head. The beauty of bikes is that a bike from a reputable maker can be maintained nearly forever (barring a wreck or fatigue that compromises the frame). Even then, you can swap everything else out onto a new frame. SO… the “you don’t know if a used bike is in good condition” is only really valid so much as it might cost a couple hundred more to replace a few things. Some people, I’m one of them, find this sort of mechanical nerding out fun. Others would rather buy something brand spanking new and only deal with routine cleaning and replacement of wear parts. Those folks keep me in fun projects :-)
          One thing I really like about the Domane is that it has rear rack mounts. This means you can use it for commuting, errands, etc – it is capable of being an all-around daily driver. Eventually, if the cycling bug bites hard and you want a fancy pavement princess road bike, this one can still hold its own for getting around town.
          Lots of folks poo-poo rim brakes, but they are fine. You’re probably not going to be taking this bike through mud and foul weather. If you are, maybe consider one with disc brakes, but it’s not the must-have some make it out to be, especially if you’re a fair-weather only cyclist.
          The 8-speed drivetrain is fine for a beginner, but that cassette is really wide – take some time to learn to shift effectively. It takes a bit of practice. It’ll be durable and reliable, but not as smooth. I ride older tech, and am used to an 11-23 10 speed. 11-34 over 8 speeds means some wide jumps when you shift. This will probably only really be relevant if you do a lot of group riding, and will just be a little more work to ride smoothly. The wheels can most likely accommodate up to a 10 speed cassette, so upgrades are easy if you like.
          The max crank size is most likely fine, but again, if the cycling bug bites hard, you will be limited by the max size. Again, that’s probably not an issue – compact cranks are commonplace and I doubt it’ll be an issue. The bike, as it comes spec’d out will get you over pretty big hills in relative comfort.

    5. I definitely recommend going to a local bike shop, explaining your budget and goals and they should be able to show you some options. I’ve found that the folks at bike shops are usually super friendly and willing to help. They also may have a prior year’s model for cheaper. Bike fit is also really important and test riding a few brands will help you determine which feels best for you. After you identify a bike you like, you could always try to find it used. A bike tune up (which you would probably want to do with a used bike) is probably going to cost you $100-150 so keep that in mind.

      Trek Domane is a good option, or the comparable bike at the other big bike companies.
      Honestly if you’re just starting out I wouldn’t stress too much. If you’re used to riding a regular bike, you’ll find even an entry level road bike much faster and fun to ride. And remember, a big part of being a good cyclist is your fitness level!

    6. Where are you and how tall are you? I have a 51cm Specialized Amira that I used to use for tris but don’t ride anymore. It’d need a full tune-up and new tires and brake pads, but I’d be willing to sell if it would fit you. Happy to provide more details if you like.

      1. Based off of your name, I’m on the other side of the country. But, thank you for the offer!

  15. Favorite thick layering t shirts? Short and long ideally? I don’t want skin tight, but maybe that’s solved by the size I order. I used to buy from Target but they just look awful after a few washes. Same with a handful of my Madewell ones. BR Factory used to be great, maybe they still are, but harder for me to get to. I need not see through, crew neck and v-neck. I don’t need fancy colors tbh – black, white, grey would be a solid start.

    I’ve been gravitating toward my lululemon short sleeve shirts more and more but they’re more wicking/stretchy athletic material and v-neck mostly and want to get something that’s cotton and more simple (and cheaper).

    1. I’m happy with the Gap Modern T. It is a substantial rib knit and wears well. It is a cotton/modal blend so does stretch a bit, but that should not be a problem if you don’t want skin tight.

      1. +1 to the Gap modern tee. Long and short sleeve, v and crew neck, the white isn’t see-through, and they come in basic colours with a few fun colours occasionally.

      2. +1 I’m wearing a Gap shirt like that right now. They have a bunch of sightly different styles/cuts so I’m sure one will work

      1. i have the short-sleeved versions, they’re much thicker than my Madewell or Caslon tees.

    5. J Crew Factory has some tees that have a sort of lower crewneck. Enough so my busty self doesn’t look like BOOBS, but not so low that I feel uncomfortable. I think they are 100% cotton, too.

  16. Chapter 13 here. I asked on here before about owing for taxes because I emptied several (small) 401k accounts last year in order to move back home. I just heard from my accountant and I don’t owe! I’m so grateful! They must have taken out the taxes when I withdrew. Some happy Friday news for me!

    Thank you for your well wishes the last few days re: my Public Trust interview. It has really meant a lot. It got moved to next week, so stay tuned.

    2. I didn’t reply to you earlier in the week because I didn’t have any answers. However, I’m always happy to see your posts. Thank you for keeping us updated. Happy Friday for you!

  17. this may be a better Q for the weekend thread, but – if you associate certain brands with certain personalities, what are they? like farm rio — is it like lily pulitzer and belongs to the rich-white-lady-golfing crowd or is it a different younger/hipper person? what about sue sartor and hill house? faherty? madewell? sezanne? kate spade, tory burch?

    2. I group Farm Rio with Anthropologie and Free People, a bit more boho than the Lilly Pulitzer group. I would put Tory Burch, Kate Spade and Hill House with Lilly Pulitzer. Faherty, Madewell and Sezanne I would group similar to Anthropologie, maybe a bit younger and more trendy than boho, but more similar to the Anthro group than the Lilly Pulitzer group.

    3. I would’t be caught dead wearing Lily but I wear a lot of Farm Rio. Friends also would never wear Lily but admire or wear Farm Rio.
      I associate Kate Spade and Tory Burch with basic millennials. I associate Sue Sartor and Hill House with wealthy suburban women but I don’t have any friends in that category so never see that in the wild. Same for Lily, actually. It’s presumably worn by a demographic I don’t interact with outside of a workwear setting.

    4. Farm Rio is the Lily Pulitzer woman who thinks she’s a lil’ funky. But she’s not.

    5. This is like a McSweeney’s feature.
      Hill House–30-something new moms who brunch.
      Farm Rio–fashion bloggers.
      Lilly Pulitzer–white schoolteachers and SAHMs who wish they were rich and sat at the country club pool all day.
      Kate Spade and Tory Burch–shops exclusively at the outlet mall.
      Sezane and Sue Sartor–do people actually wear these IRL?
      Faherty–40-something moms who watch Shrinking and wear very expensive sneakers.
      Madewell–20-somethings who wear dumpy styles ironically or as a form of protest against the male gaze, and downmarket fashion influencers.
      Reformation–young women who go to a lot of weddings and have been tricked into believing that wearing b00b tape instead of a br@ is a form of feminine empowerment.
      Mother jeans–actual mothers.
      On Cloud sneakers–people at Starbucks who want you to think they came from the rock climbing gym or a boutique fitness studio.
      Aviator Nation–25-year-old who gets regular Botox injections.
      Evereve–mom of high school student facing midlife crisis (this is me).
      Kohls–elementary school front office staff.
      Ann Taylor–political staffer in DC.
      The Fold, Boss–the boss.

      2. Spot on! Also, I wear SS and Sezane and am also solidly your Faherty demographic, which is the remainder of my closet.

  18. I need a c-tail dress for a work function next month. I’ve looked at Nordstrom, Lulu’s, Macy’s and Abercrombie and everything seems so revealing or matronly. I’m 35, a busty apple, and a size 10/12.

    Help me shop? Budget is $150 or less, I want to keep it classy and not clubby, would prefer to not highlight my tummy. Thanks!

    1. I just got a great dress from Club L London. They are British so no vanity sizing e.g. I am US 4, 10 UK and US 6 at Club L.

    2. Rent the Runway?

      My current role involves more black tie events than I’d like (every 6-8 weeks). RTR all the way.

    3. Have you checked Banana Republic? There might a few things that catch your eye, I am looking now. Depends on how dressy you want to go.

      1. Oh that’s pretty. It’d be pretty versatile, too – the pink or yellow would be great for a wedding.

    7. This link goes to a lovely dress that is $9 above your budget. You might need to hem it if the maxi length is too long: https://www.chicos.com/store/product/pink+floral+maxi+shirt+dress/570370492?color=959&catId=cat40004

      This is a black and gray tiered dress that is within budet, again might need to hem it if the length is too long: https://www.chicos.com/store/product/floral+tiered+midi+dress/570362338?color=001&catId=cat40004

      This one looks fun, although it might be too casual for your purposes: https://www.chicos.com/store/product/jacquard+tiered+dress/570365000?color=5062&catId=cat40004

      Here’s a fun dress with sequins, if that is the tone of your event (and it’s on sale!): https://www.chicos.com/store/product/sleeveless+sequin+dress/570355467?color=001&catId=cat40004

      If you have a Chicos store near you, you might be able to try these on for size, or similar dresses. It’s oten a hunt at Chicos, having to pass over many unsuitable clothes, but you can find gems there on a regular basis. (I am not employed by Chicos; I’ve just found it has a wide (WIDE) variety of clothing, so it’s often worth a look!)

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