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Readers who have stopped doing things you thought you “should”: What advice would you give on how to give less f*cks? A reader started an interesting thread a few months ago by saying she was “Looking for ‘f it' attitude things,” and there were some really great answers, so let's talk about it today!
Editor's Note: I think it would physically pain me not to point out that we're aware “how to give fewer f*cks” would be the grammatically correct phrase — but that would sound silly. /nitpicking
Lots of women say that reaching their 40s (or thereabouts) helped them developed a general “f*ck it” attitude. (See the poem “Warning” by Jenny Joseph — you know, the classic purple + red hats one.) Becoming a parent can also help — and it starts during labor and childbirth, when your inhibitions quickly go out the window.
One light and silly example: As a 40-something, I really do not care if random people think it's odd that I'm middle-aged and sometimes wear Hello Kitty shirts or earrings. (Come on, she's just so cute!) That isn't to say that I entirely left behind any self-consciousness when I bid farewell to my 30s, because, no — but I care less about a lot of things.
{related: do you have a new “beauty minimum”? [CorporetteMoms]}
The pandemic and resulting pivot to remote work also made a big impact on many women's ideas of how they “should” look and dress. Remember all those articles declaring “Women have stopped wearing bras!” and “Women have stopped wearing high heels!”? We did a post on this in mid-2020, in fact — and readers also shared their thoughts on it in this comment thread from 2021.
Along those lines, here's a sampling of things readers mentioned in the more recent thread that they no longer do — or have never done:
- Social stuff: Finding the “perfect” gift, saying yes to social events you don't want to attend, holding on to unwanted gifts rather than regifting/donating
- Appearance stuff: Caring about your weight, covering grays, removing body hair, wearing expensive clothes/makeup, wearing a coverup at the beach
- Work stuff: Baking/cooking for office potlucks, working late or on weekends if not necessary
- Home stuff: Going all-out for holidays, making your home pristine before hosting
Of course, some people love to do many of these things (I really enjoy finding the perfect gift and decorating a lot for holidays, for example), while others prefer to kick 'em to the curb.
{related: do, delegate, NOPE: holiday edition [CorporetteMoms]}
So, readers, do tell: What do you say “f*ck it!” to? What things did you used to find important (or think you should find important) but now couldn't care less about? Which of the habits in the bulleted list have you ditched — or love to do?
SSJD
Anyone familiar with coats by a brand called C.RO of Denmark? I found one in a local store and wonder where to learn more. Can’t find much else on1ine.
anon
I now view a lot of beauty stuff, like leg shaving and wearing makeup, as optional. If I want to do it for me, I will. If I don’t want to do it for me, I won’t.
Not so much as not caring, but I try to be conscious of my role and whether it’s really my place to do something. For most school-related things like spirit weeks and projects, my role is to oder the materials if kids request them in time and provide some tech support. They learn by handling the rest themselves.
Anon
How to give fewer f*cks. I once made fun of a commercial on a FB group dedicated to making fun of bad grammar, and the next I saw that commercial on TV they had dubbed it to say “fewer calories” instead of “less calories.” Yeah, I have too much time on my hands.
Josie P
FEWER 100%
Although it doesn’t get my goat as much as the improper “it’s”!
Anon
Ha yeah this is one of my pet peeves. Clearly I give lots of f*cks about grammar.
Anon
The biggest piece of advice I have in the fcks to give arena: figure out whose opinion matters (and on what). You aren’t wrong or bad for jettisoning people from your own lane who shouldn’t be swimming there, nor in asking that your friends actually be friends. (Friends shouldn’t judge your baseboard cleaning regimen, ya know?)
The thing I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older is how many of the gossips, looky-loos, people with a mouth full of nasty, etc., are just BAD at running their own lives. I always kind of knew this, but after age 40, I started putting fairly basic requirements on people who get up in my business. It’s almost comical how many people with a bachelor’s will try to tell me that my MDs are wrong, people with divorces will tell me I’m doing marriage wrong, people who waited like ten years to have kids tried to force me to have a honeymoon baby, ad nauseum.
I’ll start off and be kind about telling you that I’ve got it covered thanks, but you push the issue, don’t be surprised when you wipe out hard.
Anonymous
I have a relative whose longest relationship in a long sting of relationships was a few months shy of four years. She *loves* to try and tell those of us in 20+ year relationships how to do things the “right way”.
It’s genuinely hilarious.
Anonymous
Fewer f*cks.
Learn the why behind caring about the thing or doing the thing. Decide what it is you actually want to do and care about and start saying no to the rest.