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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 232 Comments · by

Coffee Break – Zadig & Voltaire ‘Stellato’ Pump

Coffee Break

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Zadig & Voltaire 'Stellato' PumpOMG – I did not know that Zadig & Voltaire is now being sold at Nordstrom! I can't speak to the comfort of these shoes at all, but I know the brand as a cool place to visit when I'm in Paris, and these shoes are definitely cool. Available in red or black, these heels have almond toes, snake-stamped leather, and — wait for it — a jewel-adorned skull decorating the back of the shoe. (Look, another use for brooches!) These shoes were $275, but are now $164.98 at Nordstrom. Zadig & Voltaire ‘Stellato' Pump (L-2)

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Cholesterol

    Does anyone here have experience lowering their cholesterol without the use of drugs? I know that general weight loss and exercise are good, but are there specific foods to eat or not eat, or supplements I should take, or anything to that effect? My doctor just gave me fairly generalized advice to diet and exercise (in retrospect I should have asked more questions), so I’d love to hear suggestions.

      • momentsofabsurdity

        Mine went up hugely (like 100+) when I went on the pill, and went right back down to high-but-normal-range when I went off.

    • DC Jenny

      Red rice yeast is very effective, but actually more expensive than a generic statin prescription for most people. Is there a particular reason you want to avoid prescription meds? If you have high trigycerides in addition to high cholesterol, a fish oil supplement* will help. Trader Joe’s has a cheap one I like. Of course you should probably run this by your doctor before you start taking anything.

      *Fish oil can make your blood too thin and cause problems. My Mom was on a pretty high dose to treat dry eyes and was bruising all over the place and kept having burst blood vessals in her eyes. Something to watch out for.

      • Anon for this

        DC Jenny, you ask why OP Cholesterol might want to avoid prescription meds – there are several reasons. One of which is that statins can cause some people to become diabetic who otherwise might not be. Statins (like many Rx meds) often have undesirable side effects, so IMO it’s always best to try other methods first. Meds as a last resort.

    • Jen

      I am vegetarian (and eat very little dairy and eggs, and am quite a health eater except for candy, which is bad for you but not high in cholesterol) but was diagnosed with high cholesterol at the ripe old age of 31. For me, there isn’t much to be done except take cholesterol-lowering drugs; about 80% of your cholesterol level is based on genetics (although for some people, their genetics dictate that if they change their diet, this will impact more than 20% of cholesterol levels).

      That being said, some foods are better than others for maintaining health cholesterol levels.

      BAD: Trans fats (margarine); saturated fats (butter, cheese, red meat)

      GOOD: Unsaturated fats, whether mono or poly (nuts, seeds, healthy oils, avocado, fish, omega-3 foods)

      If your cholesterol isn’t dangerously high, see to what extent you can adjust your diet. Then have your cholesterol tested the next time you see your doctor. If it’s still high, you probably need meds (if it is high enough for that given your general health and age).

      Also, check that your LDL (bad cholesterol) is actually high. Often, doctors will just look at your total levels (LDL + HDL), and so if your LDL is normal but HDL is way high, you will be told that you have high cholesterol, but in fact it is high in a healthy way. Kind of like if you are told that you weigh too much for your height, but it’s because you have a ton of muscle and not too much fat.

      • Jen

        Also, my aunt mentioned that hers dropped like 20 points when she stopped drinking coffee. (Can’t corroborate since not a coffee drinker.)

      • ML

        So, I know several people who have improved their cholesterol hugely by going low-carb or Paleo. There is a lot of conflicting advice out there re cholesterol. There is a school of thought that mainstream ways of measuring cholesterol are not effective because they fail to look at the ratio of ldl to hdl- they only look at the total number, when the ratio is really what is relevant. I’m not a doctor so I’m not going to tell you what you should do except that I think it’s probably a really good idea to educate yourself (from many sources) about the true causes of heart disease, the relationship to “cholesterol” (ratio? total number?) the correlation with certain foods- unsaturated fats, saturated, polyunsaturated, etc. There are also people who think that statins are very bad, have negative effects and– maybe most importantly, are a life choice- you can’t go off them. please no one jump all over me- i mean to offer this in a non judgmental way- again, i’m not a doctor. I just want to say that there are different perspectives on heart health (essentially that it’s not about low-fat, high fiber-contrary to many mainstream medicine sources). so before jumping on a statin (which it sounds like you are reluctant to do anyway), it might be worthwhile to look into this issue a bit more.

        I hope that doesn’t come off as crazy nut job who doesn’t trust doctors- I do, but I’ve read somet of conflicting studies in the past few years that have made me question this particular issue. Good luck!

        • Mpls

          I think it’s a developing area of understanding (as evidenced by conflicting studies), so the advice is going to be in a state of flux (Science at work, people). I think it’s worthwhile to talk to your doctor (or a couple doctors) about what some non-medication alternatives might help.

        • Sunny

          My husband has hereditary high cholesterol and he lowered it dramatically with a very strict low carb diet and attention to eating the right fats (e.g., grass fed beef instead of corn fed, wild salmon instead of farmed). He also lost about 50 lbs. I don’t know if it would work for everyone, but it has worked amazingly well for him, without ever taking statins.

      • pinky

        Personal anecdote – I always had great cholesterol numbers until i went strict paleo. Then my bad cholesterol shot WAY up. Got a massive lecture from my dr that day.

        • SF Bay Associate

          Mine too. High fiber diet, including Fiber One cluster cereal at breakfast.

        • PollyD

          My mother lowered hers a bit (not really enough to avoid drugs) by going on an oatmeal cookie (homemade) binge. Probably not what most doctors have in mind.

          Just as a PSA for those of us as of a certain age, apparently women’s cholesterol levels and blood sugar (aka diabetes) can suddenly become problematic when menopause starts. My mother was a fairly healthy eater and not overweight, but her cholesterol totally shot up when she went through menopause. And my diabetes researcher friend says the same thing about diabetes risk.

        • Anna

          I eat oatmeal every day and my cholesterol is very low. Not sure if it’s what I eat (mostly whole grains, legumes, and vegetables) or genetics.

    • Jordan

      My mother, who doesn’t drink or take medication, had severe liver problems when she went on lipitor. So she lowered it by diet change alone (she regularly exercised before). She swears by Joel Fuhrman’s teachings/methods/diets and the China diet. Don’t tell her I love bacon. It was extreme at first – she cooked with only water and not oil. Now she has found what works for her. She is also obsessed with taking her pulse. Not really sure if that is part of it.

  2. Anon

    Oh hive, I did something stupid at work today and I am beating myself up over it. No harm done, just feeling like I lost a lot of credibility with people for a really obvious silly lapse in judgment. Feeling like I don’t belong in my “important” job today. Want to escape from city and become a farmer (or any job where chances of public humiliation are minimal) on days like this.

    • Monday

      There was a great post on this site about recovering from this feeling. Search in titles for “mistake,” as that is the only word I remember from how it was phrased. I’m sure you’re fine, but we all freak out like this and Kat wrote a post responding to someone in a similar position.

    • DC Jenny

      That sucks, but there really nothing to be done except let the rest of your work speak for itself and show that this was an abberation. Making one silly lapse doesn’t erase all your other work and all the other reasons you are qualified for your job. Give yourself some time to feel stupid and then on to the next thing!

      And remember, a bad day as a farmer is watching a hail storm destroy your whole crop so that you have nothing to show for the last 6 months of your work and how are you going to pay the loan on that new equipment? Anything worth doing involves some risk of failure/eff ups.

    • JJ

      I’m sorry you’re going through this. I guarantee every person working more than 6 months has made a similar-level mistake at least once in his/her career. Hopefully, you work for reasonable people. I’ve found that if you apologize for the mistake, own up to it, and then present options for how it won’t happen again, that goes a long way towards rebuilding credibility.

      -Been there, done that (a few times)

    • Ellen

      Dont worry. This hapens to me to, but the manageing partner alway’s tells me that no one is perfect. He learned the same thing when he was a young asociate and his manageing partner said the same thing!

      This soup kitchen stuff is fun, but I am on my feet all day! I did not know that the first day and wore pump’s, but today I am wearing my New Balance running shoes that Myrna gave me for my b-day! Yay! Myrna is a runner so she know’s the best shoes and thing’s. I love that they are made in the USA, which the manageing partner said is important for the balence of trade.

      The peeople are very nice here. All I have to do is hand out sanwiche’s and Dasani water. So far I have probabeley handed out 150 sanwiche’s (tuna salad, chicken salad, cheeze, and turkey roll). I tried the turkey roll, but it was slipery and fell out of the bun. FOOEY!

      We are going to walk over to some museum soon b/c they close at 5 so I will NOT be abel to post again today. Then we eat ethenic food and drink beer with Roberta. Roberta is goieing to come with me to court next week b/c I asked her to try and settel with Brian. Brian told me that he would NOT settel, but ROBERTA will get him to settle I hope! Yay!

    • PollyD

      You know what else? “Stupid mistake” may mean you took a chance. The only way to avoid mistakes is not to push yourself, which is not good, either. So you took a chance, it didn’t work, but you probably learned something, the most important thing being it’s possible to try and fail not have your world necessarily collapse.

      I really should listen to myself more often.

    • Herbie

      Even if you were a farmer, you’d still occasionally step in ish.

      Everybody makes mistakes; try not to beat yourself up too much.

  3. Anon for this one

    These shoes are very cool, but I am interested in the comfort level..

    Ok.. Friend/Life/Roomate TJ-

    I had a flexible living location when starting a recent job, and decided to move across the country to a major city to join my Best Friend (of some 15 years) and some other more casual friends. My BFF and I got an apartment together, and I am beginning to realize it may have been a big mistake. Without outing myself or her, lets just say my BFF had a trialing upbringing and has always struggled with depression and emotional stability. I never really thought of her as moody, but I think it is because she was able to hide her moods more when we did not live together. Now her ups and downs, and short bouts of depression seem to infiltrate the whole apartment and I find it very draining to never know what/who I am going to be coming home to. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells the majority of the time, and it gives me a lot of anxiety. It’s not an environment I’m used to, and I don’t really know how to act. There has been a lot of talk of how to cope with loved ones with various levels of mental illness on here and I am wondering if you all have any advice. Thank you.

    • Anon

      No particular advice but I can sympathize because I had a past roommate exactly like this. In my case, my own mental health was way better once I moved out… but until that time, I just tried to remain positive and upbeat (but not annoyingly so) while at home, and if it was a real doom and gloom atmosphere in the apartment, I’d try to get out.

    • Sydney Bristow

      Are there particular things that she is doing that make you feel like you need to walk on eggshells or more just the general mood/feel of the apartment?

      I’ve likely been your roommate in this situation for some friends that I lived with in the past, but when my depression got really bad, I tended to hibernate in my bedroom and not interact much. I certainly didn’t want or expect people to try and treat me with kid gloves. Have you tried talking with her about it and how you are feeling?

      • Praxidike

        Agree with Sidney here. This was me with my spouse (who is a roommate of sorts) and he said that he was tired of walking on eggshells when he got home because he never knew what mood I’d be in. Now – I did go to therapy to address that issue, but I basically told him that there was no need for him to walk on eggshells and that I am a big girl and can handle myself. I don’t know your roommate, but I am willing to bet she will appreciate some forthright honesty from you about the situation.

    • Bette

      I’d say talk to her about it. If she came from a less-than-ideal childhood, she may not realize what “normal” looks like in terms of living with someone.

      She may appreciate the conversation and realize that this is a behavior that she needs to get some help with.

      When I was going through a rough patch, a friend pointed out my behavior to me and i really appreciated it. I had been feeling so bad about things for so long that I had really lost sight of who I was.

      Also, don’t be shy about treating yourself well too. It’s hard for everyone in these situations.

      Take care.

    • OP

      We have been best friends for many years and I have always been who she turned to when things really got bad. This usually ends in a few days of her crying, staying with me, and watching a lot of movies. These major breakdowns have been and are few and far between.

      Why it is so hard now is that so often her mood is really bad about small/strange things (I’m not comfortable giving examples but think a store being closed, things centered around clothing/furniture or disruption of plans) and I feel like she is mad at me for them. We had a hash out of me feeling targeted a few months ago and things briefly improved but has come full circle. I feel like me moving in with her had made her less happy, though she always says the opposite.

    • Job Huntress

      I would also reccomend trying to talk to her about it. It is unclear from your post whether she is already dealing with her depression issues, and if not, an honest conversation from a loved one may be just what she needs to move in that direction. It is not exactly a roomate situation, but I have been erratically moody/down for the past several months and I know it is hard on my husband- will I be “me” on a given night, or a sad sack too tired to do anything other than watch bad tv and sulk/cry on the couch?

      It sounds like you are in a better situation to see what is going on with your roomate that her other friends/family, in my situation I don’t think anyone else is aware of how I have been feeling because I only behave this way at home–I think that comes from being someone who has always needed down time to recharge and be more “on” or social or “together” when i am out in the world. In any case, knowing that my behaviour has an effect on my husband/roomate does make me more conscious of how I am affecting him. I do suspect roomates I had in the past also picked up on my (then less severe) moodiness, and I would have been receptive to a conversation.

      (fwiw, I am considering strategies for handling what I think is situational depression, which I know is the only way to really be less moody/subject to my current mood swings)

  4. JD/MBA

    Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who provided input/perspective on the JD/MBA dual degree. I obviously have lots of research left to do, but I very much appreciate the incredible helpfulness of the Hive!

  5. Almost There

    What is the right way to pronounce Longchamp (like the handbag)? I hear people say it differently all the time, and now I never want to say it in case I’m “wrong”! Long-champ, as in champ-ion, or more like Longshaump (obviously I am feebly trying to spell a phoenetic soft c).

    • momentsofabsurdity

      I have always said “long-shomp” but I’d be interested to know if that’s wrong!

      • momentsofabsurdity

        Actually, that’s not really perfect. I say long-shawm (with no p).

      • Jen

        I saw it. I thought it wasn’t the best departure email — her daily schedule is TMI, and this is somewhat her creation, or at least it doesn’t sound like she took any steps to make life easier for herself. Assorted thoughts: it sounds like she is on the junior side…why doesn’t husband help with kids more?…might she look for a less-time or flex-time job instead of just going SAHM route?…doesn’t seem like this is the firm’s fault…Elie Mystal’s commentary is really annoying….

        • TBK

          Agree. The commentary actually had lots of “where’s the husband?!” comments, which is unusual since ATL commentors are typically pretty fratty.

        • laura holt

          She didn’t say she was going the SAHM mom route. She said she was quitting her job and the practice of law. That’s not the same thing as becoming a SAHM mom.

      • a-nun

        I am not trying to be incredibly rude, and maybe this is slightly naive as a 25 year old who does not have kids (and doesn’t want them for a few years at least), but I mean, don’t you expect this to happen when you have kids? Don’t you ‘pre-negotiate’ or just figure out with your spouse how your schedule will work? Can you hire help for at least one thing (like picking up kids and delivering to home) beforehand? I feel bad that she sounds so overwhelmed and that she is currently doing something to fix that (quitting) but I can’t help but think that they could have planned for this. Isn’t it expected that with a new baby and kid that you will be really slammed and the two of you need to work together to handle it…?

        • TBK

          I also wondered why she didn’t have a nanny, especially since my understanding is that a nanny can be cheaper for two kids than daycare. She wouldn’t have even had to dress the kids in the morning, and the nanny could make sure they had sufficient snacks to not be ravenous beasties before the parents got home.

          • karenpadi

            Second this. She is in BigLaw–she can afford a nanny. It takes money to earn money.

            I think this goes back to those of use who grew up in families that were solidly lower or middle class and now make more than most of our families combined. There is some culture-shock when you move from a median household income to a top 10% or top 5% income (about $120k last time I checked–easily BigLaw). Part of being a high earner is that it makes sense to hire people to do things for you that you have always expected to do yourself–cleaning house, doing laundry, servicing a car, doing yardwork, getting a nanny instead of using day care, etc. It sounds like this associate was “born poor” and never adjusted her lifestyle.

          • not trying to start a fight

            but sometimes the numbers don’t work out to hire people to do everything. I am in Biglaw, have paid off my student loans, have a working spouse and cannot afford a nanny. Paying rent and hiring a nanny for 50 hours a week would consume 75% of our combined take home salaries. If someone also had standard law school student loan payments of $2k per month, they would lose money every month. I know some women on this board have nannies, and I’m glad it works out for them, but I have spent tons of time searching for nannies and have never been able to find one for under $1k per week for 50 hours (i.e., $20 per hour). And even nannies who are not particularly well-qualified (have no early childhood education training, not certified in CPR/first aid, don’t drive, don’t speak much English) charge this much.

          • anon

            Also not trying to start a fight, but BigLaw does not mean that I can afford a nanny right now. Rent and student loans eats up half of my after-tax income. And to pay a full-time nanny the way I would want to pay her (i.e., on the books at $15/hour for 40 hours (because when you go over 40, you have to pay overtime)) would cost an additional $2400/month plus taxes. That honestly just doesn’t leave me with anything at the end of the day. I know that there are plenty of people who have managed to get rich off of BigLaw, but it doesn’t work out for everyone — even when we are trying really, really hard.

        • Sydney Bristow

          I’ve definitely had similar thoughts before, but there have been a few commenters here who are in similar situations, I think one of them even had a pretty involved husband. It seems like nannies can be crazy expensive, to the point of making the biglaw salary not much more than you’d make from a job with less hours and daycare expenses. Another big problem seems to be the inflexibility of daycare providers, which results in trying to commute during high traffic times or a really long distance because all of the facilities nearby are full. It seems like there really just are logistical difficulties that conflict with careers and bosses that have what some would consider to be unreasonable expectations.

          I do agree that it seems like she was doing all of the work and I wondered what her husband was doing.

        • anon for this

          +1 to what Sydney Bristow said.

          I agree that her spouse seemed uninvolved, but we know nothing about his career (maybe he also had a demanding job; maybe he commutes a long distance to work and so the mom had to handle daycare because he has to leave for work before daycare opens, etc.). It does seems like he should have stepped up more in the evenings.

          Also, regardless of how well parents think they have figured things out before the kids are born, reality can differ. Babies and kids don’t always do what you want them to do when you want them to do it, and do inconvenient things like get sick at daycare on a day when you are crazy busy at work and your spouse is on a business trip and can’t step in and your backup childcare from your firm can’t find someone to pick the kid up right.that.second which is what daycare requires. As a personal example of how reality differed from what we had planned, I thought my kid would sleep a lot as a young baby (not through the night, but throughout a 24-hour cycle), which is what all the books and parenting classes say, and that I could use that time to get caught up on work or chores on the weekends. Turns out he never slept more than 9 hours per day, even as a newborn. So much for that plan.

          As someone who very nearly had a total breakdown when I went back to work after my baby was born (even with an involved, supportive spouse), I empathize with this woman. I found that when you are in an exhausting cycle of demanding job and family obligations, it’s hard to find the time or energy to outsource even though it will improve things in the long term.

          • Midwest

            Second this, completely. DH and I planned as well as we could’ve and he’s an amazing and involved dad. The reality of going back to work was about 1000 times harder than I expected (emotionally and logistically) and it took a long time to reach a point where it felt doable for everyone. Until my son was about 15 months old or so, it took everything in me NOT to quit working.

        • MacKaylaLane

          I thought I was the only one with that problem.

          And agree about the complete lack of involvement from her husband;

          Also, mad props to anybody who raises children and work. I have enough trouble juggling a non-demanding bf, friends in the city and relatives in NJ.

    • Native French speaker

      Lohng-shawm (long o in the Long, as in oh or go) is the closest I can spell it in phonetic English. But honestly I wouldn’t worry about it. Everyone knows what you mean.

  6. Brant

    Sorry if this is already old news, but, uh, AMAZON SELLS WINE?! link to follow.

    • Bunkster

      My immediate thought… is it prime eligible? Then I go see for myself and realize MA is not an accepted ship to state.

      • NOLA

        Yeah, probably the states that have the most restrictive laws (like PA) won’t be eligible). OTOH, you can buy liquor almost anywhere in Louisiana. No need for Amazon!

      • Brant

        I KNOW. I live in Boston and was furious. I belong to a wine-of-the month club that has no problem mailing me wine. Let’s campaign.

        Almost There: DH grew up in the south. I decided to marry the man when he showed me a place that sold margaritas in the drive-thru.

    • Bunkster

      Since you’ve posted in this thread, I’ll post some book recommendations here…

      Here are some books I’ve read and liked recently:
      Mysteries by Zoe Ferraris. They’re set in Saudi Arabia so the culture is fascinating, too.
      Tigers in Red Weather by Liza Klaussmann
      The Secret Keeper by Kate Morton
      Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

      And here’s a link to the spreadsheet I keep listing books I’ve read, the genre, and a rating:
      http://tinyurl.com/3qnnhyz

      • Brant

        Awesome. But, SO MANY OPTIONS! I’ll just see what I can grab from the library and that might help me prune the list.

    • Young Consultant

      I think these are SUPER cool. The color scheme doesn’t really fit into my blue-turquoise-purple-grey wardrobe, but I think these are awesome.

    • TO Lawyer

      So pretty! I love and am currently trying to justify the purchase, even though I don’t need them and they wouldn’t go with 95% of my wardrobe…

  8. nippy

    Wise readers, a question. I just got some bras from an online order. I thought they were lightly padded, but they are not. They just have one or two layers of fabric in the cups. My experience is that this means I’m showing through my shirt if there’s ever a sudden draft. But bras like this sell to somebody, right? is these some kind of fix or solution that I don’t know about? I’d rather not return these bras, but I don’t want to take any risks either. Thanks…

    • target promo code

      One more useful store is Target.com and you can find the best shoes and apparel at this store. Now the Christmas is coming so I am off to go for shopping…….

        • Maggie

          No clue, but I’m excited that this is apparently going be THE Christmas rather than the run of the mill, once annual Christmas.

    • anon

      I don’t know of any tricks…but I do know that some women just never show. They buy those bras.

      • Jordan

        This reminds me of that Sex and the City where Samantha has fake nipples she puts in her shirt. So I will say “Nipples are in!”

    • Research, Not Law

      I suspect some people are more prone than others. I often wear them without an issue. Or maybe I just don’t notice and don’t care. I usually have a cami under my top, which probably covers for me.

      • Jen

        I show even if I wear the padded bras (am 34G-ish), and non-padded bras give me a lot more support. I wear padded bras to hide the shading of my nips, but I usually just wear non-padded bras, which I find to be better fitting, more comfortable, more supportive, and then if I am looking really pointy, I wear a scarf to hide the headlights. If this bothers people, so be it; you can see me through sweaters, multiple layers, padding, and other covers, and I am sick of worrying about it.

    • Mpls

      I think some people don’t like/need the extra padding, so there is definitely a market for the non-padded. I’m wondering if you could add your own padding with an insert. If you are crafty, I’d check out JoAnn’s (or some other fabric store) and look in their notions section for some preformed cups. They sell them for inserting into dresses and the like (I think), so that might be a fix if you like them otherwise. I’d stitch them in, so they don’t fall out at an inopportune time.

    • Bluejay

      I’ll be totally honest. I hate padded or lined bras, and I don’t give an eff if my nipples occasionally show. Judging from what I have noticed around the various offices I’ve worked in, I’m not the only one.

      • Anonymous

        I’ve never worn a bra in my entire life. So, I guess if they show I don’t know or care.

      • BB

        I am pretty liberal and also really comfortable with my body generally, but I do think that showing nipples is kind of unprofessional. I’d equate it to showing too much cleavage in an office and I would say the same thing if a guy came into work with his top 4 shirt buttons undone. It’s kind of like, yes, I know he has a bare chest under his clothes, and I know that we all have nipples, but I work with you and I don’t need to be reminded of your secondary sexual characteristics!

    • Maine Associate

      Go to the T a r g e t website and do a search for gel petals. I purchased mine at my local store. Those have worked wonders for me. Just remember to take them off before going to your annual physical-I am sure you can fill in the rest of the story….

    • AIMS

      They have “petals” for this sort of thing, if you’re really worried.

      I think this is also more of a problem for some than others, as we are all unique little snowflakes. Personally, I think I am probably somewhere in the low to moderate show range (as in sometimes, but not that frequently, and never too significantly) and I just make it a point not to wear this kinds of bra to work or to the in-laws. Otherwise, I figure we’re all human, it’s not that big a deal.

    • Anonymous

      I totally wear these bras. I tend to wear blousier shirts and nothing tight fitting. So much more comfortable than regular ones!

  9. Lalo

    Is there a place to get custom made boots online, like Milk & Honey? Or does anyone have recommendations for a place to get boots made in Southern California? (Or maaaaaybe SF/East Bay.)

  10. Anonymous

    Looking for some google-fu! I found a lovely dress at my local discount retailer and they don’t have it in my size. Even with the name and brand, I haven’t been able to find this dress anywhere online. It doesn’t seem to exist. I’m not wedded to it so open to other options. The tag said it’s a Tahari dress, “Gem” should be the style, and “Polaris” should be the color. I’ve been looking for size 16. It’s a navy/dark blue sheath with a modern take on a v-neck neckline. Anyone able to find it? The v-neck is key because I want to wear a couple blue pendants I have with a navy dress.

    Price is up to $250. I don’t mind paying more for quality fabrics, but I don’t mind paying less either!

  12. Christmas Cookies! (too soon?)

    My family does a Christmas cookie/bite-sized-dessert exchange after Thanksgiving every year. The bar for creativity and deliciousness is pretty high, so I need to start experimenting soon to find my best contribution. Does anyone have any favorite recipes? They don’t need to be festive as long as they’re tasty, but extra points for a holiday theme. :)

    I’m especially looking for a great pfeffernusse recipe– I tried a couple last year, but wasn’t entirely happy with the results.

    • good question

      I’m a provisional in Junior League, which is doing a “holiday” i.e. Christmas cookie exchange. I’ve never celebrated Christmas or done a cookie exchange, so I don’t know what to expect or what to make. I’m a good cook but I’ve never made cookies/desserts before. I don’t own a Kitchen Aid or a blender. I do have a food processor and a small oven. And I’m lactose intolerant. Does anyone have any recipe suggestions? I want to do a good job!

      As an aside, why do people try to label something as merely “holiday” when the decorations are red and green and Santa and candy canes and reindeer and stockings Christmas trees and wreaths. Everyone knows those things mean Christmas. Euphemistically calling it “holiday” does not make it more inclusive.

      • Lalo

        You just hit on a major pet peeve of mine. I was one of the people who said that they hated Christmas in the secrets thread a few weeks ago. I have never celebrated Christmas personally and never will. I probably feel more strongly about this than I should, but you’re definitely not alone.

      • Another provisional

        On the Junior League front: find yourself an old Junior League cookbook and pull a recipe from that. Shows that you have Junior League spirit, and gives you an excuse if it doesn’t turn out well (new recipe to you) because the clearly the festive intention was there.

        I have a recipe that’s painless with the equipment you have on hand (I make it by hand, and it’ll be a snap with a food processor). It’s at home and I’ll see if I can remember to post it when I get home (coincidentally, I have Junior League meeting, where they’ll probably be telling us about our “holiday party”.). I’ll warn that it might be too much lactose for you, but it’s really painless to make and foolproof. Also, if you happen to be in my league provisional class and we show up with the same thing, we’ll have to make the (thissite) bat signal/secret handshake.

          • Another provisional

            Nope. We’re safe! Pacific time, so check back tomorrow morning for said recipe if you’re not going to be up late.

          • Another provisional

            Here goes my fail-proof baked good: Almond Bars (the citation on my recipe card says these are originally from Wychmere Harbor.)
            Step 0. Splurge on good almond extract. Like the stuff they sell at Williams-Sonoma.
            Step 0A. If you don’t have one already (and especially if you’re new to baking), buy an oven thermometer.
            Step 1. Preheat oven to 350.
            2. Blend 4 eggs, 2 cups sugar. Then stir in 2 cups flour
            3. melt 2 sticks butter. I do this in the microwave by nuking for 5-10 seconds at a time and stirring.
            4. Add butter to the rest along with a generous 2 tsp of almond extract. Stir until combined.
            5. pour into ungreased 9 x 13 pan & bake 25-30 min at 350. It’s done when you put a toothpick in it and it comes out clean (no gooey batter – grease and crumbs ok).
            5a. If you don’t plan to make frosting, sprinkle granulated sugar on top before baking.

            Frosting – after the bars come out of the oven and while they cool
            1. Break up 1 lb semisweet chocolate in food processor
            2. heat 1 cup whipping cream or heavy cream to a boil. I do this in microwave, using a 4 cup pyrex measuring cup and put a utensil in it when it’s done to allow it to bubble up.
            3. pour hot whipping cream in a steady stream thru hole in food processor lid while running processor to combine with chocolate.
            4.make a day in advance to be sure the frosting sets. Also, you might end up with extra frosting. I throw it in the fridge and shamelessly eat with a spoon.

            If you have questions, direct a comment my way and I’ll dig out an anon email address so you can pick my brain.

      • Seventh Sister

        For my college club, I’ve actually bought the higher-end cookie dough at the supermarket and made cookies out of that. I told everyone, but they were pretty darn good and I bet I could have passed them off as real homemade cookies.

        As for the holiday v. Christmas stuff, I’m an Episcopalian and frankly, Christmas is my least favorite religious holiday by a mile. I dislike all of the forced social stuff that goes along with Christmas. I don’t want to go to extra family parties or extra work parties or extra church services or buy extra stuff. I’d be happy with the kids’ service on Christmas Eve and an Amazon gift card.

        Honest question: do you think there is a way to make this kind of thing more inclusive (or at least less offensive)? Winter themes? Dropping the pretense and calling it a Christmas cookie exchange? My husband and I send Christmas cards and call our (own personal) Christmas party a Christmas party, and I don’t know whether it makes it more weird or less weird for our Jewish/Hindu/Sikh/atheist/agnostic friends. (They all come to the Christmas party, FWIW.)

        • ABr

          Have you considered doing UNICEF cards for the holidays? The message is normally some variation on “peace and good will” so I find them more appropriate. Plus, the money you spend on them goes to charity.

        • good question

          I think that either the party should be winter themed or the purportedly inclusive organization should just own the fact that it’s throwing a Christmas party. If I ruled the world, a “holiday” party would mean snowflakes and snowmen and icicles and maybe reindeer, but not Santa, not Christmas trees, not Stockings, not Rudolph, and not candy canes.

          I think you should send a Christmas card because you celebrate Christmas. I’d appreciate it if it didn’t include a Bible verse or how you’re praying for me, but I have no problem at all with Santa or an angel or even the creche scene on your card. It’s your thing. I’ll send you a holiday card reflecting my interests and we can all learn something and appreciate our differences.

          I’m used to being a minority in this country. It feels all the more acute at Christmas – I feel more like the Other, irrelevant and ignored, at this time of year than any other time of year. The mall, the radio, the office, the supermarket, the bank, many restaurants – all Christmas, all a clear message of identity and exclusivity that only the Christmas-celebrators are part of. Each says to me “You don’t belong here.” But those are all public spaces. Public spaces should be neutral and inclusive. I think the Junior League should also be inclusive, or own the fact that it’s a Christian organization, in which case, I should not join.

          You celebrate Christmas. I expect a Christmas tree in your private house. Your party is a Christmas party. I’m sure your tree smells wonderful and looks beautiful. You may have a beautiful expensive nativity scene or an adorable one your kid made in kindergarten. I’m delighted to be invited and look forward to candy canes and nutcrackers and a buche de noel and a beautiful tree and holiday decor. I’ll have a great time as long as you don’t proselytize, which you wouldn’t do because I wouldn’t be friends with you if you did. It’s fun to be experience new cultures when it’s voluntary, as opposed to the mall this time of year. By the same token, I would invite you to my home for holiday events and culturally appropriate foods for holidays you don’t celebrate. I want to share my culture with you, too – we’re friends :).

          • Seventh Sister

            good question, THANK YOU. That was a lovely response.

            FWIW, our Christmas cards at this point are obnoxious pictures of the kids + the words “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from the ___s.” No braggy letter, either.

          • Lalo

            This is a great answer and mirrors a lot of my feelings. I don’t look like The Other and when I mention something people either fall over themselves apologizing or think they are apologizing and then say something ignorant. I respect your traditions and beliefs, I appreciate it when people respect mine too. I grew up in an area with more people like me than where I live now and it is a little shocking to hear someone respond to my “Happy Holidays” with “Don’t you mean Merry Christmas?” Um, no, I don’t.

        • Hel-lo

          Some of the businesses I patronize skirt the whole issue and send Thanksgiving or Happy New Year cards to all their clients/patients/customers. I think that’s one way around it.

      • LR

        My favorite cookies: Chocolate Velvet Butter Balls. You don’t need a mixer. If you have a pastry blender (one of those metal handheld thingies) that makes creaming the butter and sugar easier but you could do that with a fork.

        Ingredients:

        2 1/2 cups flour
        6 tablespoons cocoa powder (Ghirardelli works well)
        1 cup butter
        3/4 cup granulated sugar
        2 teaspoons vanilla extract
        Dash of salt
        1 egg
        Confectioners sugar for garnish

        Directions:

        Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
        Sift together flour and cocoa powder; set aside.
        In a large bowl, cream together butter and granulated sugar. Add vanilla, salt, and egg; beat until blended.
        Pour the flour/cocoa mixture directly into the bowl with the butter/sugar mixture. Mix with your hands until the consistency is velvety and trufflelike.
        In the palm of your hand, roll into balls 1 inch in diameter. Arrange on parchment paper-lined cookie sheets and bake for 10 minutes.
        Cool on racks and sift confectioners sugar on top of the cookies. Makes about 3 dozen cookies.

        • PollyD

          I must be stupid because I totally failed at these. Twice even!

          Said in jest. I’m actually a pretty decent baker, but for some reason could not get these to work. I posted about it a while ago and someone recommended a site for learning how to properly make caramel. Which I need to find, because I’d like to try it again. I’ve successfully made pralines, so I’ve worked with cooked sugar, don’t know why I could not get this recipe to work.

          It’s a bit retro, but I stumbled upon the Better Homes and Gardens Christmas cookie magazine (like a magazine-sized, softcover cookbook) the other day, and it had some amazing-sounding recipes. And the added advantage of a relatively small number of easy to find ingredients for each recipe.

          • Sydney Bristow

            Don’t forget to take into account humidity levels when making candies, like caramel or fudge (if you do the non-marshmallow fluff kind). It can really change the outcome.

    • Merabella

      I’m planning on making chocolate bourbon pecan pie for thanksgiving, no recipe as of yet, but you could make them bite sized by putting them in muffin tins.

    • NOLA

      This might sound weird but my family always made molasses cookies with crushed candy canes in them with peppermint icing an d crushed candy canes. Easy to make but you have to bake them on parchment or a Silpat. We thought we lost the recipe when my mom died but I found it a couple years ago: http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/peppermint-molasses-cookies-10000000682739/
      The only difference is that we make peppermint buttercream icing and sprinkle them with more crushed peppermints.

    • Bunkster

      This peppermint bark is also really easy…

      12 oz semi-sweet chips (prob does not occur with choc chips)
      12 oz white chocolate (I used 3 Ghirardelli bars)
      peppermint extract
      crushed peppermint candy (I used canes)

      Melt the chips with a splash of extract in the microwave. Pour into an aluminum foil covered cookie sheet and spread out. You don’t have to cover the whole pan, but you want to make it a thin cover. Freeze. You only need to freeze for about 1/2 hour.

      Melt the white chocolate with a splash of extract in the microwave. Stir in 3/4 of the crushed candy. Spread over the chocolate on the sheet. Press remaining crushed candy on top and return to freezer. It should be ready in about 3 hours.

      Please note that the original recipe I consulted suggested tempering the chocolate, but that seemed more complex and time-consuming so I skipped it. Also, you can’t temper choc chips.

    • Sasha

      The best pfefferneusse I’ve ever made was with a recipe from Southern Living, you can find it in the first result if you google “southern living pfeffernusse.” I usually double the spices and use blackstrap molasses instead of corn syrup.

      If you like pfefferneusse, you might have fun making your own springerle. They’re kind of tricky and require a special mold, though.

  13. aimless

    I find myself wanting to put (electronic) post-its on emails, like “Sent to Jack” or “waiting for input from Jill”. Any ideas? This are mostly emails that I need to get back to, but someone else has an intermediate action. For now they are just color-coded, and I try to periodically go through and see if I need to nudge anyone along…FWIW, I use Microsoft Exchange.

    • De

      I tend to put reminders with deadlines on my emails in Outlook, not sure if Exchange does the same thing. You know how you can flag them? Then I put a follow up note, with a date and time, that way it pops up as a remidner when that happens!

    • Tuesday

      Would a “waiting for” folder work for you? (You could even do subfolders for Jack and Jill.) Or, in Outlook, you can drag an email onto the tasks bar, and create a task that has the email in the body (for reference), and then attach a follow-up due date and/or reminder.

      • karenpadi

        I use the “category” feature in outlook. E.g., “waiting on firm”, “waiting in client”, “allocated”, “to be allocated”, and, my favorite– “after vacation”. Like Tuesday, I turn emails into “Tasks” in outlook.

        For emails that have to be responded to but I don’t have time right then to do so, I open them and keep them on my desktop. My task bar becomes pretty unreadable with so many open windows but it works for me.

    • e_pontellier

      I start replies to each of these emails and save them in drafts. I also cut all to’s and cc’s, so the email looks like this:

      To: a, b, c
      CC: x, y, z
      Waiting on response from Jill.

      Then I can just check my drafts folder.

  14. Lalo

    All over shoes today. I’m looking for some sort of grey flat, so long as it isn’t sparkly. I’m not looking for a loafer type, just a ballet flat, hopefully with a 1/2-1 inch heel. I don’t want really light ones or charcoal ones, but other than that, I’m pretty flexible. Shopstyle is failing me and I keep getting distracted.

    But if anyone wants red ombre shoes I love these! http://couture.zappos.com/kors-michael-kors-odell-bordeaux. The grey ones are ok, but am not sure I want suede.

  15. Anonforthis

    Anyone else out there in the Hive who is on BC and in a stable, long term relationship (married or not) and yet still feels a twinge of disappointment every time they get their period? We aren’t trying to conceive (see: reliable BC) but there is a part of me that is so disappointed every month that I didn’t end up in the tiny percentage of failure-despite-perfect-use camp.

    Just trying to reassure myself that I’m not crazy.

    • kiley

      I don’t think that’s crazy. It means you want a baby. And you are participating in an activity that could theoretically, give you a baby.

      People who play the lotto have that twinge, even the odds are stacked against them and they know its that .00whatever chance.

      I’m dissapointed everyday that I come home and there is not an abandoned puppy that needs to be rescued and cuddled sitting on my front steps.

      • also anon for this

        It seems like you’re dismissing or belitting the OP’s thoughts here by comparing the baby thing to a puppy. Plus the analogy doesn’t add up – you didn’t make that puppy, don’t leave food out to attract one, and you don’t take measures to prevent it coming.

        • Anonforthis

          OP here and I didn’t feel dismissed or belittled at all. I appreciated kiley’s comments. I also appreciate you looking out for me, but it’s all good here :)

          • also anon for this

            Welp, I feel the same about the baby thing as you do, and *I* felt belittled, so. Maybe more for me than you.

        • TBK

          It did, however, make me feel like I want another puppy. (I really don’t though. My one big and crazy dog is enough for me. But, oh!, puppies!)

        • kiley

          I was just trying to make the point that its ok to be dissapointed over something you know has so little chance of happening it just means you’d like it to. I am glad the OP did not find it dissmissive because it was not meant that way. Its something your not trying for, but you know it would be awesome if it happened. later when/if your ready, you can take steps to make it happen. (like leave out dog treats:)

      • Anonforthis

        “I’m dissapointed everyday that I come home and there is not an abandoned puppy that needs to be rescued and cuddled sitting on my front steps.”

        Okay this made me laugh out loud. And, also, picture Dug in the closing scenes of “Up” (“I was hiding under your porch because I love you…”)

        • Anastasia

          I loved the puppy comment (I hope there is a puppy when I get home. That idea made me so happy!), and I love Dug even more. I’m also currently surprising myself that I’ve managed to think about Up! for a full 2 minutes without crying. That may be a first.

          And to the OP, yes, I felt like this! And for the 7 months of we’re-not-trying-but-I’m-not-taking-BC-either, too.

        • Research, Not Law

          Love the puppy comment. I, too, will be disappointed if there is not a puppy on my porch when I get home. I really do *not* want a puppy, but the idea of not having a cute, lil’ puppy curled up waiting for me is so sad!

          I have kids and feel the same small twinge at every period, too. We knew we were ready to have another when both of us were getting genuinely depressed every month.

    • Anon

      This happens to me! I’m not even in the “thinking about a baby soon-ish” camp yet…probably not for a few years… but somehow I get the littlest twinge of disappointment. It’s weird!

    • AIMS

      I don’t think you’re crazy. I’ve had a similar twinge the last few months – mainly because I think that I am in that in-between stage where I kind of want a baby and know I should have one before it’s too late but am also not quire ready for all the sacrifices, etc., so I haven’t actually stopped the BC. Essentially, it’s a wish for fate to make a decision for me. I would ask yourself what is preventing you from making the decision to get off the BC and try for a baby.

    • Wannabe Runner

      Me too. My “reminder pills” are kind of my “disappointment pills.”

    • LeChouette

      I am likely going to be ttc in about 2 years and yet I still breathe an enormous sigh of relief when I get my period. I would probably feel less crazy if I had some tinge of disappointment!

    • Lyssa

      I started to feel like that for a while around age 27-28 – I was still in law school, so I know that babies were way out of the question, but I sort of felt like if it did happen, then we’d *have* to deal with it somehow. I think it was simply my bio clock starting to kick in hard, like it does for some people. It was funny because it was a complete 180 from the earlier years of my marriage, when the thought of a failure was literally panic inducing. (Although I was married, of stable income, insured, housed, etc., I still used to think that I would want to put the baby up for adoption if I did have an oops.)

      I’m 32 and pregnant now (intentionally, not BC failure-related), now that it’s somewhat more practical, if that helps.

    • Turtle Wexler

      Yep, except that I went off hormonal BC a couple years ago and we use other methods that are supposedly less reliable…but apparently we use them well enough. I’m sort of terrified at the thought of affirmatively “going for it” so I’d not-so-secretly welcome an oopsie.

  16. K...in transition

    It’s feeling like a fill in the blank kinda day…

    The greatest thing that ever happened to me was ______________.

    Let’s add some positivity to the mix and bring up some of your happiest memories!

    • DC Jenny

      therapy.

      Every other good thing I have in my life (friends, fiance, law degree, job) would not have been possible without me getting my head straight first.

    • TBK

      My first boyfriend. He made me feel like I was beautiful and like all my faults were actually adorable quirks. The relationship didn’t work out because we wanted different things in life, but it changed my entire view of myself.

    • AK

      Not being able to afford the tiny, expensive, private college that I had my heart set on, and going to University of Michigan instead. I got my degree in engineering and met my husband and a lot of great friends there.

    • SunnyD

      Having a sibling. I didn’t like my brother at all when we were kids (the feeling was mutual), but during that time I was learning a lot about how to deal with people whose personalities are very different from mine. Now I can get along with anyone—including him (we’ve been good friends since the day he left for college).

    • Research, Not Law

      Meeting my husband.

      I know that sounds so incredibly antiquated, but he is an amazing partner in life and has brought me much happiness. We also had a really amazing first date.

      • laura holt

        +1. Although we had a horrific first date but an incredible second (and third and fourth, etc) date.

    • Susan (edna_mode_nyc)

      Meeting my husband. Something about being in love makes me resolve even harder to be a better person.

      There’s still a lot of work to do on this front, and I doubt it’ll ever end, but I remember thinking that even if no relationship ever came out of my knowing him, I’d just be so happy that someone as good as him walked the earth that I’d resolve every day to be a little bit better myself.

    • Sydney Bristow

      I’ve got 2. The first is my dad and stepmom getting together. It was a crazy rough few years learning to get along with everyone when the size of my immediate family doubled overnight, but we are so incredibly close now and they are all a wonderful rock for me.

      The second is moving to NYC. So many wonderful tags have happened to me here and I learned how to truly rely on myself, listen to my guy, and take a risk.

    • elz

      Meeting and marrying my husband. Creating our family and growing with this man are my dreams come true.

    • TO Lawyer

      Meeting my current SO. I was happy before I met him, but our first date was incredible. And I feel so incredibly lucky to be with him. Everything with us has just fallen into place since we met (despite the long distance). I can see a real future for us together, where we truly complement each other and work as a real team to achieve our goals.

    • NOLA

      Moving here. Changed my life.

      Meeting my SO when I was crushed after my divorce was a close second.

    • Lady Harriet

      Getting a full ride scholarship to college. Because of that, I became Catholic and fell in love, which are the two most important parts of my life. Because of the school I went to, I have a job (I’m working as a research assistant for one of my old professors). I majored in something way more practical and interesting in the long term (I wanted to major in French, but my tiny school didn’t have it, so I did Econ with a minor in Math and now I’m hoping to be a statistician.) I have friends that I’m closer to than any I’d had before. I graduated completely debt-free.

      I’m (finally!) dealing with my depression by seeing a counselor on campus while I’m working at my alma mater. The falling in love part doesn’t seem successful to outside observers, but it turned my life around and I have faith that it will work out in the end. If it weren’t for that and being Catholic, I don’t know that I’d have made it through my depression. If I hadn’t gotten that scholarship, I wouldn’t have many of the good things in my life today.

      • wayward

        Wooo Catholic corpor e t t e s!

        I converted in college too, and it was similarly lifechanging.

  17. anonforthis

    This may be an exceedingly stupid question but I’m hoping this community of wise and lovely ladies can help: how do you know if your hormonal birth control has failed? i.e. if you’re on the pill and it fails, will you still get the withdrawal bleed when you’re off the active pills?

    • momentsofabsurdity

      My (limited) scientific understanding is that it’s unlikely you’ll get withdrawal bleeding, since the pill works by tricking your body into thinking it’s pregnant (by releasing hormones). When you bleed every month, it’s because your body is no longer getting those hormones that simulate pregnancy. If you are actually pregnant, your body should presumably release those hormones on its own.

      I’m sure some scientist will prove me wrong. But that seems most logical to me.

      That said, I have seen enough episodes of I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant to know that you can get your period regularly through all nine months, gain no weight, and then all of a sudden have your baby over a toilet. So you know, that’s possible too.

      • JessC

        What she said. If you get your “period” (it’s not a true period, just your body’s reaction to the lack of horomones), you’re not pregnant. If you don’t bleed, you could be pregnant. If you’re new on BC or have recently changed, not bleeding may be the result of the changes.

    • AIMS

      You should not get the bleeding. You can take a test as soon as you’ve missed your prd., and it should come up positive if you are (toilet babies notwithstanding).

    • DC Association

      When I went off the pill, I got pregnant immediately. But I didn’t know it, because I got my “period” the month after I went off. It was the right timing and everything. A month later when I was strangely tired all the time and didn’t get my period is when I thought I was pg. when I finally went to the doctor, she said, ‘ummm you’re like 2.5 months along!”. WOW.

      Anyway, she said that many times when the embryo plants itself into the uter*ne wall, bleeding occurs and that is likely what happened to me. It is very common.

      sorry if this is scary. Or maybe just what you’re looking to hear.

    • anonforthis

      thank you ladies! I’m slightly terrified of the idea of my birth control failing (we perhaps stupidly only use one method) so I’m always extra vigilant.

      Now as long as I don’t have a toilet baby, I should be good.

      • AIMS

        I have been on the pill since I was 18 and used a back up method until I was about 26. Mainly because I didn’t trust the pill alone (though also because my early 20s were, shall we say, more turbulent). But I have been on the pill only for some 5 years now and it’s been 100% reliable (and I am not even the most accurate pill taker – I just try to take it in sometime in the evening). Anyway, obviously some people get pg. even on it and even when they use it perfectly but it’s pretty darned reliable when used relatively as intended.
        And I am sure no one who reads this site would ever have a toilet baby – I am sure somewhere along month 6 and a half, we would all totally have an “a-ha” moment ;)

  18. JK

    1) Moving in with my now-husband. Being a “roomate” and partner to him has made me a better person, I think. There’s also just so much more joy in my life with him around. We laugh and joke and kiss and smile and cuddle every single day in our house, and that makes life pretty damn great.

    2) Starting to take medication for anxiety/depression in 2009. Before I just thought that being stressed and wound-tight all the time “was my personality.” It was like, oh my god! I don’t have to be miserable!

  19. purplepear

    Can we touch on if it is/is not appropriate to harp on your dietary restrictions in the office?

    Today my boss spontaneously decided to get trays of pasta for the office.

    The woman with the dairy and beef allergy always makes a big stink on what she can’t eat. So we ordered a pizza with no cheese for her. Which she claimed as hers and only hers. The whole pizza.

    The woman on a diet in the office then announces she can’t eat pasta as everyone is digging in. Not only does she not eat her lunch she bought, she asks for the company card and goes to buy herself a special meal to suit her needs.

    Of course we want to accommodate them when we can but the constant demand to accommodate them really rubs me the wrong way.

    Am I wrong on this one?

    • K...in transition

      I think that, if there’s an allergy like peanuts or something where being in the room can cause a reaction, that should be well known because it’s a health hazard.

      If it’s a food related event that’s planned, like a pizza party, the person should either volunteer to bring something so that it guarantees something s/he can eat or, if there are a number of vegetarians or something, such an option should be provided.

      Otherwise, as someone with a food allergy (I can’t have soy… the estrogen in soy is super bad for me), it sucks to not get to eat the same thing as the group, but running out to the local grocery in the time it takes between pizza ordering and arrival or something is an option, as is joining the gang and just having a soda or something to participate and eating later.

      Group food isn’t intended to be super personalized, it’s why food is chosen that the majority often like rather than for each person to get a personalized order form!

    • SunnyD

      You’re not wrong. I find these people annoying. And I say that as a life-long vegetarian and recent gluten-free eater. When I was a child, none of my friends or their parents were vegetarian and most of them didn’t know what it was. My folks told me to always eat what I could and be polite when eating with meat eaters; being vegetarian was a choice I made and I should not be vocal about it. I’ve always taken this approach and it’s served me well.

      Clearly, when asked if I’d like to go to a barbeque restaurant, I suggest something else and hope others agree. But when my firm used to order barbeque lunches for meetings, I attended the meetings and then returned to my desk to eat the lunch I brought with me.

      Please, people, don’t inflict your choices on others.

    • Kanye East

      I have serious medical issues that radically restrict my diet. I’m also surrounded by coworkers who have no hesitation to ask about all the gory (personal) details of my medical symptoms when the topic comes up in polite company, but who never seem to remember my restrictions when food-ordering time rolls around. Let me say:

      I’m sorry you perceive your coworkers as making ‘constant demands to accommodate them.’

      I’m sorry if they’re actually using less tact and good manners than they ought to.

      But I also wish I was more outspoken and demanding. (Yeah, that’s my issue, not yours.)

      It really sucks to attend lunchtime meeting after lunchtime meeting where everybody but you is eating, as you sit there twiddling your thumbs and staring at your bottled water because you were too polite/felt like a nag/didn’t want to bother people with your issues and nobody was considerate enough to ask you about the menu in advance.

      Thank you for asking and trying to accommodate. Sorry it annoys you.

    • karenpadi

      Allergies/vegetarian/religious restrictions/etc in an organization with a person who orders food as part of her job: totally legit to speak up about dietary restrictions and expect that they are followed. Also legit to do things like claiming the whole pizza (as long as portions weren’t calculated based on 4 people sharing the pizza). People with dietary restrictions need food but are extremely limited. Instead of obsessing over the pizza, enjoy the pasta and be thankful you aren’t allergic to beef and dairy.

      Allergies/vegetarian/religious restrictions/etc in an organization without a person who orders food as part of her job: brown-bag it.

      Dieters/picky eaters/other vague and ill-defined restrictions: bring (and pay for) your own food. Your employer was very generous to pay for her special meal. Other note about picky eaters: if someone in charge of catering tries to accommodate you, keep your order simple. E.g., if ordering sandwiches: ham and white bread, nothing else. Not: smoked ham (not the other ham they have) on wheat with mustard on only one side, a slice of swiss cheese, tomato with the seeds removed, and the cheese can’t be on the side with the mustard, and can you add some pineapple?

      • Em

        This seems like an excellent and sensible set of guidelines!

        I also think it’s good to have a “mention once” rule when it comes to diet stuff in general conversation (as opposed to specifying what food you’d like at restaurants or when ordering food). Tell your co-workers about your nifty new diet plan or juice fast once. Do not bring it up every time you see them eating something you can’t eat.

        • Kanye East

          And if you work among the food-challenged, please don’t say things like, “If I couldn’t eat bread, I’d kill myself!”

          • Em

            Indeed. Commentary on other people’s dietary preferences or restrictions should really be off-limits across the board. (In fact, I think that’s where talking about your own diet crosses a line generally. Saying “Oh, I’m on a diet where X,” is fine. Saying “I can’t believe you’re eating/not eating that; my diet is Y” is not, regardless of whether it’s you or the co-worker on the restricted diet.)

    • Research, Not Law

      There was a time when I couldn’t eat dairy, nuts, wheat, or eggs. I ate what I could eat (if anything) and ate my own lunch after. I can understand the mentality of claiming the whole pizza, but she should have taken all that she wanted and left the rest for others, which is what I have done in the same situation.

      Obviously accommodations should be made (in advance, preferably) for day-long meetings, but spontaneous gifts of food should simply be appreciated for what they are: a gift.

      On a similar note, our company recently paid to have an espresso cart camp out in our lobby to provide unlimited free drinks. There were espresso drink (with all the dairy and sugar alternatives), steamers, hot cocoa, cider, Italian sodas, and fruit juice. Made to order. Free. Unlimited. And yet many of my coworkers pouted and complained that they couldn’t get X, Y, or Z.

      • purplepear

        This. It’s not really a problem accommodating for pre planned events. It’s the spontaneous gifts of food that they takeover. This wasn’t planned until 11 am today. You already had a lunch or your money to buy your lunch. If you don’t like what’s on the menu continue your day as planned.

    • JessC

      I think a food allergy is one thing. If it’s a planned food event and you have an allergy, you should make a point of letting the person organizing the event know about your allergy. But demanding a whole pizza to yourself? That’s just tacky (and weird).
      Being “on a diet” is a different thing. I say this as someone who’s been on WW for the last year and working to lose weight. Just deal with it. Being on a diet doesn’t mean you get to live in a little bubble where all the food around you is within your acceptable perameters. So either don’t have any or just have a little. One of the keys IMO to being a healthy eater isn’t removing entire food groups from your diet, but learning to have them in moderation.
      Sounds like your co-workers just lack any amount of tact.

      • karenpadi

        I have to disagree that it’s tacky to demand the whole pizza for yourself. It’s about other people not respecting the dietary restrictions of the restricted person and forcing the restricted person to go on the defensive. The co-workers who are trying to eat pizza instead of the pasta are also being rude to the host.

        Here’s the thing, if the meeting goes long or people are hungrier than they initially thought, the other people can go back for seconds and eat pasta or pizza. The person with the restriction can’t eat pasta, she’s stuck with pizza. If all the non-restricted people gobble up the pizza as part of their first course, the restricted person has to go hungry and/or the situation unnecessarily repeats itself–while the pasta gets cold and is wasted.

        The pizza is only up for grabs after people start leaving work for the day. But, if the restricted person has to work late, it’s be extremely inconsiderate to take the pizza on your way out the door.

        • Alana

          Exactly. As a person with extensive allergies, I tend to ask or self-serve extras of the food I can eat to make up for the food I cannot eat.

    • mamabear

      I had a bunch of coworkers in this week. I was trying to think of a place for a group dinner. I asked one guy, “Are any of you vegetarians? Vegans? Do you eat meat or just fish? What about wheat, can you eat wheat? Lactose intolerant?”

      He just stared at me for a minute and then said, “We’re from Texas.”

    • AN

      I have a dietary restriction (vegetarian) and would have shared the pizza (had I been allergic to cheese). But I wouldn’t have hogged the entire pizza.

      Diet – now in my book, that doesn’t merit special treatment. If you are on a diet, just walk away from the food. Don’t expect the company to fund your diet, or even be aware of it.

  20. Wardrobe Revamp

    Has anyone ever used one of those websites where you upload pictures and people put together outfits based on your wardrobe? I really need a revamp of mine, but am having trouble seeing things I should keep, what I should get rid of, and what I should purchase to pull pieces together.

  21. In the Pink

    Just got this rosy (?) more like skin tone for some and black lace print Halogen skirt at Nordies sale. What colors could I put with it, given a black jacket at the office?

    I do not wear pastels, being of olive/Med. skin tone.

    Link to follow.

  23. Bunkster

    So I came home today to find a note from the management of my apartment building stating that it was the 3rd notice and if I didn’t reply by Monday they would be charging me an additional $600 more in rent per month.

    Please note that my lease is not up until the end of the month. Also, Monday is a holiday (first time I’ve ever gotten it off) so I’m going out of town tomorrow right after work. In addition, I never received a second notice and I’ve told them repeatedly that I misplaced the first notice and could they please print it out again.

    Fortunately, management was still in the building for a community dinner (which I always skip) so I was able to speak with them and sign the document, but the assistant manager told me that she’d never EVER seen the document the manager sent, either to me or to any other resident.

    Please tell me, though, is this legal? I have half a mind to report the building manager to the company that owns the property.

    • Bunkster

      Also, what’s insane is that I’m a longtime resident (over 6 years) and I know that the occupancy rate has been decreasing rapidly…

      • Sydney Bristow

        I may have missed it, but what was the notice for? As for declining occupancy, is it possible that the owners are getting ready to switch the property into condos or something? That happened to me once and before they announced their plans, they were trying to force everyone to move out by subjecting everyone to completely unreasonable rent increases.

    • karenpadi

      Legal? Eh, who knows. But think about burden of proof: you have to prove a negative (that the notice was never sent). The manager just has to show the notice was sent (easy to fake).

      If the building manager can make your life miserable (and he probably can), I wouldn’t report it. This is ultimately a case of “no harm, no foul.”

      • Bunkster

        Actually, I wasn’t talking about the notice. I was talking about the $600 rent increase without my consent.

        • e_pontellier

          Bunkster, I think this depends on where you are. For example, NYC has tenants rights published online that you can look up — so maybe try google? Usually they can raise your rent a limited percentage without your consent. Sorry you’re dealing with this!!

        • kiley

          In every place I have lived thats been legal. I mean, who would want to consent to a rent increase? they just cant do it mid lease.

  24. BB

    Does anyone know how comfortable this brand’s shoes are? They are also selling these awesome sparkly silver flats on the site!

  25. anon in-house

    Aside from the shoe buckle in the back, these look like the Tory Burch Marianne pumps on my wish list…

  26. BPM

    I wouldn’t buy Zadig and Voltaire shoes. This brand is known for being cool, and also insanely overpriced considering their crappy quality standard.

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