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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. The Narciso Rodriguez for DesigNation collaboration has finally hit Kohl's, and I like the look of a lot of it. Take this mulberry ponte sheath dress — I think the colors are interesting, the design is flattering, and I like that the cap sleeves would work well under a blazer. I particularly like the high neckline for the office. The dress was $60, but is marked to $42 — and if you have a Kohl's charge you can take up to 30% off that price. Narciso Rodriguez for DesigNation Colorblock Ponte Sheath Dress Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2) Psst: Check out more great deals at the Corporette Bargains page!Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Cb
I love these colors but the old lady* in me wants to pull her shoulders back. Stand up straight, smile, put some lipstick on.
*Oh god, I’m turning into my Nana. I’m giving the noisy people in the library side eye and resisting the urge to shush them.
Bonnie
I’m not sure if it’s the dress or the model, but something is off. I think the high curved band makes her hips look wide and disproportionate to her upper body. I do like this jacket from the collection though: http://www.kohls.com/product/prd-1201179/narciso-rodriguez-for-designation-lurex-tweed-jacket.jsp
Totally unrelated, I received these running tights yesterday and they’re amazing. http://www.afterschool.com/p/cwxwomens-full-length-insulator-performx-tights-383008
With the 30w5 off promotion, they’re marked down to about $35. Definitely size up though.
eastbaybanker
Agreed. I’m guessing she’s 5′ 10″ and it’s cut for someone shorter. That band would be flattering at the waist.
ADL
I think it’s the model. When I look at stores who have “moving” models (meaning arms/hands/head is doing something other than stick straight), it makes those clothes seem better.
momentsofabsurdity
I hear my mother in my head — “Why won’t you smile with teeth, you’d look so much prettier if you just smiled with teeth!!!”
Niktaw
I seriously work on restraining myself so as not to comment on the “smile with teeth” that my teen daughter makes for photos.
Seriously, it’s scary, especially in the group photos – a bunch of Wednesday Addamses.
a lawyer
Agreed. Something about everyone in the world with a camera phone and kids these days thinking that nothing could be cuter than they are, while “smiling with teeth”! I may be getting grumpy in my old age, too, but, seriously, don’t you think the narcissistic level of our society has hit a new high with camera phones?
JadeMoon
Yes.
+100
e_pontellier
She’s standing up far straighter in the other color on the Kohls website…. and looks a bit happier there too. I think she just doesn’t like the color. (haha)
Sydney Bristow
Side eye and shushing people in the library doesn’t make you an old lady! Think of it as an Amtrak quiet car that just happens to be stationary.
Cb
I love my PhD program but I would pay cash money for a permanent spot to work. I’m currently hanging out with the undergrads in the library labs.
TBK
Oh that’s the worst. They used to crowd into the reading room in my law school and they were so chatty and noisy.
KC
Agreed. And you’d be surprised how many of your fellow library patrons will be silently praising you in their head. Someone has to be the quiet enforcer :)
Sydney Bristow
Definitely! I was at a Broadway show a couple of years ago and the people next to me were having a full on conversation. I kept shushing them and they’d be quiet for a minute and then start up again. I finally leaned forward in my seat, told them to shut up and they finally did. After the show, I had a few people from nearby seats thank me for doing it. All I could think though was why none of them backed me up in the moment or tried shushing them as well.
AIMS
I so used to shush people in the library in law school. In retrospect maybe I should have been embarassed but at the time I had such a miserable time concentrating, I just did not care.
AFT
When people would fall asleep and snore next to me in my law school library, I would throw things at them (like a wad of tissues) or drop books loudly on the table. He!!s no to snoring in the library.
Cb
I’m just mystified they are here at all. It’s Friday afternoon, shouldn’t they be playing beer pong and sexting? (I realize that the generational divide is huge, despite only being a few years …or 7… older than my students, I have no idea what they do. They’re confused by real newspapers, I don’t understand why they can’t write a bibliography)
Kanye East
Fetch me my reading glasses and my walker. It’s the one with the slashed tennis balls on the ends.
Then we’ll be ready to talk about who’s an old lady.
AIMS
I saw an old lady with a walker who had put a bicylce bell on it. A super cute colorful one with rainbow polka dots. I am only 31 but I totally thought, “stealing that! Must remember to do that with my walker later!”
Tennis balls are, obviously, a no brainer.
anon
“Put some lipstick on” is my mom’s constant refrain. I love lipstick, it just doesn’t stay on my lips Mom!
PharmaGirl
This line looks nice but the TV ads make me crazy. The make up is terrible and the clothing is poorly fit and falling off the models. So bizarre.
SF Bay Associate
I think because the line is cut for “regular” people, i.e. people who shop at Kohl’s, not the unusually tall, unusually slim models. The clothes would look a lot better if they used “regular” people in the ads, like Dove’s ad campaign.
KC
Also, I posted this on Wednesday in the comments, but if you don’t have a Kohl’s card, you can still get a 15% discount (and free shipping on $50+) with the code GRATITUDE.
Diana Barry
Nothing unusual from the stress test. Just waiting for the dr to call back to confirm. Phew!
Question: I just bought these booties.
http://www.shoebuy.com/clarks-leyden-bell/478525/1012563?cm_mmc=googleproductads_pla-_-none-_-none-_-{keyword}
Are they ugly or not? (I would wear them with pants) They actually FIT (wide width), which is so hard to find!
Kerry @ Frugal City Girl
I’m glad to hear the test went well! I hope you’re doing OK too, and looking after yourself.
Those boots are adorable – I’d pair them with a knee skirt and tights myself but I really like the front-laced boot style. And I also love the heel – most ankle boots I’ve seen these days have little spindly heels that look like they’d snap off in three days.
KC
Glad the results so far are good!
I think the booties are cute. I would be more inclined to wear them with tights and a skirt, but that could also be because most of my work wardrobe is skirts and dresses. They’d be great for the winter!
Michelle
I have a very similar pair, which I think were posted on here and someone referred to them as their “sexy librarian” shoes… let’s go with that. I have worn mine with pants and dresses and people say they’re cute.
Winnie
I have a similar pair that I wear with a skirt and tights. My coworkers called them “Mary Poppins shoes.”
De
Glad to hear that it seems to have gone well! When I was in college and had to go for stress tests/halter tests, etc., they kept having me come in but then never gave me the tests. I would always come in wearing gym shorts and sneakers, ready for the treadmill…but then they’d be like “yeah, not today.” Of course the ONE day I wore gaucho pants (don’t judge, it was 2007) and flip flops (and I was in Florida) they had me hop on the treadmill.
CKB
Glad to hear there was nothing unusual with the test!
I like the boots. I’d wear them with pants or with black tights and a dress/skirt.
kim
The first thing to pop into my head was Mary Poppins. But they’re definitely not ugly. They should be fine with pants.
TBK
yay! Glad things went well!
Amber
I’m in the minority here (not unusual) but I think they’re fine for pants only. They’re not ugly, but if I saw them with skirts I’d involuntarily make a face. I’m pretty particular about booties with skirts though – I think they need to dip down in front so they don’t cut you off and make you look stumpy.
PollyD
Hmm, you may have just helped me figure out why I do not like short boots with skirts. My legs right above where a short boot would end are rather narrow, so the boots always gape. Between that and the straight line – stumpy city. Now I know to try the boots that dip down (I know what you are talking about, just never put the two together).
AnonDC
I agree. I think they’d look a bit off with skirts, but would be fine w/pants.
Ella
I like the boots, but I think they’d be better with different laces, which is an easy change.
Bluejay
Swooooooon re: the booties.
And yay re: your DH’s stress test. :)
Monday
I missed the earlier thread about this, but sending my best to you Diana
Susan (edna_mode_nyc)
I’m happy and relieved that the tests showed nothing unusual.
The booties look fine; I can see the Victorian influence, but it’s just a hint and they don’t look costumey. I think they can look just as good with pants as with a skirt/dress that ends at the knees or above.
I would avoid them if you’re wearing a long skirt. That would be too Mary Poppins.
AIMS
Can anyone recommend a good humidifier? It’s for my apartment – this season’s chills plus the insane heat in my building has really left me dry skinned, puffy eyed and congested every morning. My lips have never felt so dry! I’d like something small and unobtrusive that won’t make all my wood floors wet (my last humidifier, which was admittedly ancient, used to do that). Thanks in advance for any recs!
Sydney Bristow
You could come stay at my place. We actually have been using a dehumidifier all week because our apartment has had a humidity level of 80% when we have the heat on.
kc esq
In college, I used to put a bowl of water out near the radiator to get some moisture in the air. I’m sure a humidifier can be more efficient, but it’s a cheap, easy start.
K...
I second the low-tech option. Whenever my house gets dry, I put a giant pot of water on the stove when I got home, and let it simmer away until bedtime. If you have a pilot light, it works even without turning the stove on.
Almost There
I vote for this and throw a sliced orange, a cinnamon stick, and a drop of vanilla in there… humidity and fall scent, yum!
AIMS
I don’t have the kind radiators that I could do this with. I would try the stove idea but 1) I’d be afraid I’d forget it and 2) the real problem is when I sleep in my bedroom, which is not really kitchen adjacent. But maybe I can do this in my office with the bowl of water – it’s not exactly a tropical paradise in winter (though thank the gods, we finally got heat!!)
AIMS
Actually, maybe I will try to do the orange slice + water stove top idea anyway, since it’s doubtful that if I put a humidifier in my bedroom it will make it better in the living room/kitchen area…. Thanks, ladies!
Bonnie
Having a humidifier in the bedroom has made a huge difference for me. You probably spend more time there than in the living room/kitchen.
AIMS
@Bonnie, I think you’re right – the fact that you’re sleeping probably matters, too. I have been waking up looking like a disaster every morning since the heat’s been turned on & then feel instantly better after a long shower – it’s like a plastic surgery before and after.
Anon for this
Costco had a good humidifier yesterday. YMMV – Costco’s selection varies by store.
zora
There’s another way to do the low tech option in your bedroom if you are worried about your wood floors. Boil a kettle of water and pour it into a shallow/large metal bowl or pan, and put that somewhere safe in your room with a towel under it. It will still steam and evaporate even while not actually on the heat. ;o)
But when I lived on the east coast i was a HUGE fan of humidifiers.
Altho, Humidifying PSA: in my parents house a few years ago they realized that mold was growing behind one entire wall of their house because they had a humidifier installed directly onto their HVAC system AND we used to use humidifiers in the bedrooms almost all winter long. It ended up costing thousands of dollars to remediate and re-drywall the entire back wall of the house. So, if the walls start to look damp or hold condensation often, you might be humidifying too much ;o\
Bunkster
Honestly, every year I just get a new cheap vicks humidifier:
http://www.amazon.com/Vicks-1-5-Gallon-Vaporizer-Night-Light/dp/B0000TN7ME/ref=sr_1_5?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1352473390&sr=1-5&keywords=vicks+humidifier
They get so moldy.
Then I either add the menthol vapor steam or CVS makes a lavender vapor steam, that’s awesome
applesandcheddar
This is what I use too. It’s cheap and does the trick.
Amber
I’m on Team Annual Replacement. I’m always too lazy to comply with the daily cleaning requirements that I’d rather just buy a new one every year. I think I’ve used Holmes.
zora
I did a bunch of research for my mom to replace their ancient humidifier, and ordered the “Holmes HM5250UC Warm Mist Humidifier for Small Rooms” (Holmes and Honeywell are the top brands, don’t buy anything else ;o))
They really liked it last winter, said it was easier to use and clean than their old one and nice and small and compact. I don’t know about the floor issue, bc they have carpet.
LR
I have this one: http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/product.asp?SKU=11433472
I like that the mist is warm but not hot and I’ve never had a problem with condensation, though I do pull it about 6 inches out from the wall. It has Microban in the plastic and it’s never gotten moldy over at least three winters.
If you have a FSA or HSA, I believe humdifiers are still covered.
PharmaGirl
I would recommend a cool mist humidifier. They get less moldy but you do still need to bleach it every few days if it runs regularly. We also change the filter twice per winter. We use the humidifier in a child’s room so are particularly careful about cleaning it.
AIMS
Thanks you, guys! I think I am going to order a Honeywell Coolmist Filter Free one on Overstock dot com right now. Now, here’s hoping I can sleep with the weird humming.
MJ
They are pricy, but I like Slant/Fin humidifiers. They are warm heat (with UV) to kill germs. Otherwise a lot of humidifiers, particularly the cold type, are just a way to spread mold spores around your house (oh joy!). My allergist recommended Slant/Fin and I have been using them for years. They have these little mineral pad things that soak up the minerals from my hard water in CA. If you have soft water, the mineral pads will last longer. I like to get a humidfier with a big tank so I don’t have to fill it as often too. Hope that helps!
Kerry @ Frugal City Girl
Does anyone have idea on how to keep a dress from ‘pulling’? I have a pattern woven silk-wool dress, and a few threads have started to pull out already – I’ve only worn it four times! Is there anything I can do to the fabric to stop it?
Men's Shower Razor
Any recommendations for one of those waterproof razors men can use in the shower? I want to get one for my hubby for xmas (long story), but the online reviews are all over the place.
Bonnie
I just bought this one for my DH for Christmas: http://www.walmart.com/ip/Braun-Series-3-350CC-Shaver-System-Special-Offer-limited-qty-available.-50-Saving/15105095
His last Braun razor lasted 8 years.
rosie
My husband has (and likes) a Panasonic wet/dry one. It was rated “best value” in last year’s Consumer Reports.
zora
Dood, this line has LONG SLEEVED dresses?!?!? Swwwoooonnnnnn
http://www.kohls.com/upgrade/webstore/product_page.jsp?PRODUCT%3C%3Eprd_id=845524893026630&crosssell=true
KC
This is the one I ordered! I got the shipping notification last night and will post an update when it arrives.
Marilla
Oooh. Pretty. But actually, this model is making me depressed every time I look at these dresses.
MaggieLizer
Love that dress in the black and charcoal. And the price makes it worth getting the sleeves taken up for the short among us.
Question: why is it that elbow length sleeves hit me exactly where they should, but long sleeves look like I’m playing dress up in my dad’s shirt? Do I have unnaturally short forearms? I’m all about erring on the side of making sleeves and pants longer so tall ladies can find clothes that fit properly, but the difference between elbow length and full length sleeves – even in the same line – has always seemed odd.
Bunkster
I kind of like the way the colored versions of that dress look like you’re wearing a black cardigan…
zora
Totally! I’ve never been a huge fan of colorblocking, but these ones look so cute, and would probably be so comfy! I am just sad i can’t buy them right now. But at least ‘window shopping’ online is helping distract me from the rage I am having at the people on this conference call right now. RAWR!
roses
FYI – no back view on the dress, but it does say that it has the “exposed zipper” that so many ‘rettes seem to dread!
Anon for this
Yes, both seem to have the zipper, so a black or grey jacket on top might be needed.
Ellen
Yay! Fruegal Friday’s! I love this dress, but am NOT abel to buy anything until AFTER the peeople get the power back, my dad says and I AGREE with him. With all the peeople needing clotheing and food and shelter, I can NOT think of clotheing until after they get warm and new thing’s.
I carried up 2 bag’s of clotheing to the soup kitechen, and if they do NOT need it in the Bronx, they will send to the Red Cross that need’s it. Yay!
Roberta is here now helpeing me and she is a REAL trooper! You would think that she would relax, but she is bossing all of the worker’s around to work smart! I want to be just like her in 10 year’s. Yay!
The guy here in charge says I have managment potential and that mabye I should get an MBA degree. Does anyone in the HIVE know of an MBA program that I should go to in NYC? He sugested CUNY, but I have only heard of SUNY.
I think I will discuss this with the manageing partner, b/c he probabley will be RETIREING within 10 year’s or so, so I should be abel to become the manageing partner after him. When I get back next week, I will ask about Mr. Andrew’s old office.
CKB
Styling advice please!
My company’s holiday party this year is a ‘vintage carnival’ theme, and we are encouraged to dress with the theme in mind. So, I’m going to make myself this dress http://www.simplicity.com/p-8072-misses-dress.aspx out of a dark plum lightweight poly blend fabric that has tiny polkadots in the same color but shiny. Hopefully I’ll wear the dress again, but if not, that’s ok. I’m making the view with short sleeves.
Anyway, my clutch for fancy parties is cream satin and I have some large faux pearls that are also cream that I was planning on wearing. But I’m not sure about the shoes. Would black pumps or booties work? I was also considering trying to find something not too expensive in a light gold metallic. I also saw some nude & black mary janes at Naturalizer that I’m considering, but I don’t want to be too costumey, and I was worried the MJs would veer in that directions.
For reference the last 2 holiday parties were formal, but not black tie. Dh said he’d wear suspenders & a bow tie to the party if I wanted him to.
Thanks!
just Karen
I love your dress plan! I think that black booties would be cute, but the light gold metallic (if found) would be fantastic. If you like the nude and black maryjanes, and would wear them again, go for that – I think it’s sticking with the theme and won’t be too costumey (just tone down your hair and makeup and you’ll be fine). Sounds like fun!
Anne Shirley
Impressed with your sewing skills! I think black pumps would be fine, and I’d probably wear sheer black hose with a hint of shimmer.
Bewitched
If you wear the black booties, I would not go with the cream accessories. I think the plum and black would be too much of a contrast with the cream. On the other hand, I think those accessories would be fine with the gold metallic.
Ellen
Oooh! This sound’s like fun.
I am goieng to sugest this to Margie, b/c the Pilgrim Party I came up with is also now on hold b/c of the huricane Sandy (FOOEY) and the NOREASTER snow storm.
Mabye we can have a real holiday party in DECEMBER celabrateing alot of different peeople’s heritage’s! SUPER YAY!
I think I ate something ethenic yesterday that is causeing me and other’s here to be reminded of it. FOOEY! I have a sensitive stomach I think, and the spice’s mabye to much for it. DOUBEL FOOEY!
Anonymous
Thanks everyone – Bewitched, my concern was the black with the cream, too. I think I’ll hunt for a pair of light gold shoes.
And my first reply from Ellen! I feel a real part of the site now! ;) lol
CKB
Oops, this was me :)
Godzilla
Ellen, I’m SORRRRY you’re not feeleing well. I hope you get better soon.
On a side note, what does “ethnic” food even mean? Is that non-American food? Or non-European-origin food? WHAT DOES THIS PHRASE MEAN?
Molly Porter
Wow, I love the whole line! Thanks for linking it.
applesandcheddar
I ordered something from the Nordie’s sale on the 2nd and it still says “In process” with no shipping tracking number. One of the other items I ordered says it will be delivered today. How long do I wait before I inquire? I’m a little on edge about these things because during a recent Gap sale my clothes went missing in the mail and never arrived after three weeks… then were out of stock.
Anne Shirley
That often means an item is being shipped directly from a store. I wouldn’t be surprised if Sandy had slowed things down a bit, but a call to nordstrom’s customer service always brightens my day- they’re just so nice!
SF Bay Associate
Do not worry. My DH thinks I get at least one box from Nordstrom a week and he may not be wrong, though I return probably 80%+ of it. Point being, I have a LOT of experience with Nordstrom shipping, all of which are sale items that could potentially run out of inventory. Not once has an item not come. Anne is right that the item is coming from a store. Things are definitely coming more slowly because of Sandy. That said, Nordstrom would be delighted to hear from you and will quickly address any concerns you may have. Ease your mind by giving them a LiveChat or a call.
AnonX
Hi- I’m looking for advice on how to get past regrets that have had big consequences in my life and to move on and start building again.
1. Bad financial management has led to very small retirement and savings,
2. Bad career decision has led to me being stuck in a role and industry,
I have tried therapy with 3 therapists and none seemed to be able to calm me for more than a couple of days. I am single, in my late 30s, feel very removed from family and most of my friends have moved and have their own lives. I see nothing in my life that will make me happy, and even taking little steps is hard.
SF Bay Associate
Speaking as someone on medication, have you considered medication? I am not a doctor and I don’t know you, but you sound clinically depressed – fixated on mistakes, nothing in life making you happy, isolated, huge effort to take even a small step. I’ve been there and absolutely needed meds.
JessC
*I say this as someone who hasn’t been in your shoes/felt the way you have and has never been in therapy.
The statement “I see nothing in my life that will make me happy, and even taking little steps is hard” has me rather concerned. Frankly, this sounds like more than just having some regrets, but rather sounds like depression. What was it about those therapists that you didn’t like? Have you considered medication? I’ve never been on anti-depressants but I do know people who have and it can help.
AnonX
Op- i am definitely depressed, and it’s fueled even more by feeling my life is a disaster. One therapist always wanted to talk about my current day or week and I could not keep the direction or conversation on underlying issues. I think it’s partially my fault as well, I expect solutions to financial issues which are beyond their area of expertise.
I’ve been on medication a couple of years ago. It wasn’t life-changing but did stabilize my moods a little though the side effects were tough. Good point, will look to restart it.
SunnyD
I second what SF Bay Assoc. said. Please please please go see a psychiatrist. I also was on meds for awhile. While I agree they were not life-changing, they certainly helped lift the dark, heavy curtain surrounding everything in life, which then enabled me to get my life out of neutral and into drive. It wasn’t a high speed chase all of a sudden, but I finally moved forward. You can too. And then your concerns will look less overwhelming and you’ll be able to address them (I also agree with capnkate—you’re only in your 30s; your life is still young with lots of time to get your savings back on track and your career (and life) where you want them to be).
Don’t give up. You’re worth the investment.
eastbaybanker
A good psychiatrist will work with you to find a combination of meds that works. Try going to someone new. And don’t give up on therapy. You are young and have so much ahead of you. You just need to get back to the place where you can see that.
n.
Third (or fourth?) considering meds, especially if you’ve had some benefit from them before. My experience was that the meds really helped me to get to a place where I could actually benefit from therapy because I was able to listen and act on the advice given. Also, finding an effective med/dose for me took a bit, but at least I felt like I was “doing something” during that time, and the feeling of making progress towards better mental health was helpful.
capnkate
My initial reaction was, you’re in your 30s, you’ve still got time to make changes to both #1 and #2. Maybe a “life coach” would be a good option for you, someone to help you get headed on the right path for you and start making some positive changes that will get you feeling good about yourself.
In this economy, a lot of people are feeling down on themselves based on the amount of money in their savings accounts and their job status. You’re not alone! And, you are not your bank acct. You’re YOU, with all your strengths and vulnerabilities that make you special and worthy of love and compassion.
CKB
This! You are also not your job! My dh is in his late 30s and facing a career change. It’s tough. I always remind him that his worth is not determined by his job, his paycheque, the size of his bank account, etc.
You are a valuable person because you are you. You don’t need any other reasons.
Susan (edna_mode_nyc)
This x 100.
I have a friend who’s about 15 yrs older than you, and he was where you’re currently at. A better therapist (than his prior one) has helped him tremendously. It’s never too late to make the most of your life.
Anonymous
Remember “Opposite Day” episode of Seinfeld?
Anon
You sound like my husband before he got on Wellbutrin. (Have you heard the Middle Class Rut sond “New Low”? My husband said it defined his feelings perfectly, and that those feelings are classic symptoms of depression.) I’d talk to a psychiatrist, not just a therapist. Therapy can work in conjunction with meds, but it does sound like meds could help lift the cloud enough to get your thoughts straight.
emcsquared
Little victory to share; I just cleaned my desk. It’s such a relief to see neat stacks and open spaces again! Item 1 on my to-do list, accomplished. Let’s see if I can finish items 2 through 2 million so I don’t have to work all weekend…
Also, I’ve come up with a plan for reorganizing my office. Every Friday morning, I complete one “temporary” organizational problem (for instance, a big pile that needs to be sorted and filed away) and work on a “permanent” problem (for instance, rearranging how I use my drawers, or emptying my bookshelf of tomes I don’t use, or programming phone numbers into my speed dial). For the last month, I have come in to a neat desk every Monday and my office has slowly gotten more usable.
TO Lawyer
Organizing my desk is so key to making me not feel like an utter failure. I find if I try to put the things I’m working on away once I’m done (nothing extreme – just in the trays I have on my desk), I feel like I can actually accomplish things at work.
phillygirlruns
that is a HUGE victory. i unf&@%ed my desk a couple weeks ago…massive sense of satisfaction.
Sydney Bristow
Love it! My desk is usually pretty tidy, but I always like to do a complete tidy up and Clorox wipes session whenever I finish a big project that I’ve been immersed in. It gives me the fresh start feeling to start a new project.
manomanon
I did this last Friday night along with attempting to organize my digital files and decided it was a new monthly activity. It took 2.5 hours which probably means I should do it more often but once a month is about right for me at the moment (at least for a committed cleaning/organizing)… of course the Sephora box of recycling under my desk would disagree.
But coming in on Monday to super organized was really nice
NOLA
Oh, I so need to do this. The piles of paper on my desk are making me crazy.
Shopping for your (Big & Tall) Man?
Any ladies have any rec’s on shopping for a tall guy? My husband is long in the torso, so only “tall” shirts fit him. Seems like the best sizes for him are XLT shirts. He never buys clothes, but he needs to because he’s extremely hard on his clothes and everything has stains and holes. I noticed Kohls has a pretty good selection, but a lot of their clothes are… how to say this delicately… dooshy? (E.g., I was looking for a suiting vest for him, which seems on trend right now for men, and all they carried in his size was black leather moto-vests. Like, what??? Do they also sell big and tall @ss-less chaps???)
Anyway, suggestions on good stores with on-trend styles for men that carry tall sizes would be appreciated!
Suzer
Dillards used to have a lot of big & tall. They are somewhat conservative but more upscale than Kohls.
KSW
Dillards does carry big and tall sizes, and their selection is usually decent. I recently ordered my DH a suit from Kohls and was surprised at how nice some of their stuff was. JC Penneys has a nice sized collection, and Nordstrom, J Crew, Banana Republic, and Gap all carry some men’s big and tall sizes online as well.
Divaliscious11
What is your budget? One if the issues with B&T is that sometimes you B but not T, and sometimes you are T, but not B! My husband is a 3XLT, but he is tall (6’7″), not wide.
If price is no issue – Rochester’s Big and Tall has beautiful clothes and great cashmere
Joseph Banks & Co, and Eddie Bauer do B&T online
Destination XL was better before Casual Male bought them, but they still have a decent selection.
Casual Male B&T is okay for very casual clothes, like sweat suits. If your husband in thin – then you can get jeans there, but if he is athletic (ie muscular thighs, not runner’s thighs) they may not fit, unless you like the skinny look
For jeans – Lucky Jeans has some long length jeans that work
Also, Marshall’s/Burlington Coat Factory often has large sizes, but you may have to fight short guys who are super-wide for them….
C
Eddie Bauer has a great selection for tall XL casual clothing and button down shirts. Old Navy also has a tall line available on-line only that has everything from t-shirts to button downs. Nordstrom’s own brands also have tall sizes (these vary from casual to dress shirts). Second Rochester’s B & T. My husband is 6’4″ and seems to be all torso (32″ inseam!). I shop at all of the above places for him. Rochester’s will have these really great sales a couple of times a year and I will get him special pieces (like cashmere sweaters). My husband is very hard on his clothes too, so we stock up at Old Navy and Eddie Bauer for basics and then look for nicer pieces on sale at Nordstrom and Rochester’s to fill in the gaps. Good luck.
Legal Marketer
Lands’ End, Orvis, L.L. Bean, Nordstrom.
All have a nice selection of quality basics in XLT.
Second the recommendation for Lucky Jeans.
Say nothing?
I’d love some advice on whether I should mind my own business or intervene in this situation. My sister in law is a member of a very orthodox religious sect that is considered controversial in some circles because of the views that they hold. Being a member of this group is core to my SIL’s identity – she is actively involved in her local group, all of her friends are from this group, etc. I genuinely believe that being active in this group has given her a lot of solace and spiritual comfort, which has been a good thing for her.
She recently quit her job and spends a lot of time on Facebook. In the last few weeks, every single status update from her has been about how great this group is, what the group’s teachings are, etc. She also announced on FB that she is starting a personal blog to discuss the miraculous things that she has been experienced as a result of being a member of this group.
Here’s my concern – I suspect that she has some professional colleagues who are her FB friends, and who are going to look at these posts and think she is cray-cray. It seems like she is out of the work force for at least the next few years raising her kids, so maybe it’s not a big deal, but I do worry that she could be hurting her career and her professional relationships by what she is posting.
DH thinks I should butt out of this and that it is none of my business. Neither of us are close to SIL, and in fact SIL thinks DH is very judgy of her (and this would only confirm that, I guess).
Thoughts?
$.02
Seems like say nothing is the way to go. Certainly she has considered this herself and has decided it won’t matter or she doesn’t care if it does.
momentsofabsurdity
I would stay out of it. If she hurts her professional career, that’s her business. Especially if you’re not close with her. If you wanted, you could drop some hints (“Oh gosh, my coworker posted the most irritating thing about the election on Facebook. I really think people can only hurt themselves by putting these controversial opinions online where their coworkers can see them!”) but I certainly wouldn’t ever bring it up in a formal way with her.
SpaceMountain
Stay out of it.
kiley
I think say nothing. She is a grown woman, and I think she would feel that losing them as references or whatever, would be a small price to pay for sharing her faith. I am assuming that people who work with her end up knowing her religion right? She is not an 18 year old that might not know to not put drinking pictures on facebook, so I think you should not say anything, especially since you are not that close. And maybe hide her updates so your not thinking about it. (I usually end up hiding anyone that posts about any subject often!)
SF Bay Associate
Say nothing.
Say nothing?
Thanks ladies. I was leaning toward saying nothing and now you have all confirmed it. I actually don’t think people at work know about her religious affiliation but as some of you point out, she just may not care what they think. And she is smart enough to know that whatever you post on FB can be seen by a slew of people, including potential employers.
hellskitchen
is she is smart enough to know that, she may have also adjusted her privacy settings so people at work don’t see all her posts on this topic. Hope for the best
hellskitchen
*If* she is smart enough…
TBK
Stay away.
Almost There
Happy Friday all! Anyone have fun plans for the long weekend?
I am making the trek to Alexandria this weekend and have never visited. I am just making a day trip of it. Any suggestions on great little shops, place to have lunch, the best historical sights? TYIA!
DC Association
Are you talking about Alexandria, Virginia? If yes, I will post recs.
Almost There
Sorry, yes, Alexandria VA!
Bluejay
Highly recommend lunch at the Fish Market, 105 King Street just a couple blocks from the water. And of course, don’t miss the art galleries at the Torpedo Factory.
Niktaw
I love the Fish Market. So much fried food, mmmm
Pest
As someone who lives in DC and is house-hunting in Alexandria, your post made me chuckle a little bit. I hope when I move out it does not feel like a trek to get into DC. I will keep an eye on these recommendations for where to go in Alexandria.
Almost There
I just called it a trek because it will take me an hour on the metro to get there from my house in the SE. Hopefully not the case for you!
Praxidike
It’s a long weekend?
Anon
Veteran’s Day is on Monday.
Anon
It’s observed on Monday I should say.
PollyD
If you like beer and meat, Virtue Feed & Grain is very good. It’s run by the guy who runs Restaurant Eve. Also, I’ve only had drinks there, but have always wanted to eat at Vermillion, it’s supposed to be quite good. VF&G is just off King Street, near the river, and Vermillion is also on King Street, but across Washington Street.
When my parents were here we road the trolley thing from one end of King Street to the other, and I seem to recall some intriguing-looking stores along King Street west of Washington Street. In particular, there was one that looked like it sold all sorts of “drinks” accessories, I’ve been dying to go there!
DC Association
I second Virtue, it is great. The Majestic is another restaurant from the Restaurant Eve people and is delish; they also have a fish & chips place called Eamon’s which is supposed to be VERY authentic (I’ve not been). Vermillion is also fabulous. So is Brabo Tasting Room. Nando’s peri-peri just opened and I love it! nando’s is a portugese chicken place. so good. There is a Pizza Paradiso on King street and if you like wood-fired pizza it is outstanding. There’s a cute place called Grape & Bean on Royal street (side street off King) that has wine and coffee…great place to stop in and grab a drink.
As far as stores:
-Anthropologie opened a few months ago, which is always a fun place
-The Hive is a higher end shoe store on Fairfax St I believe…side street of King street. They have great stuff and there is a store next to it which is also really cool (cannot remember name).
-Three Sisters has fun stuff, and they have another store down the street as well (can’t remember name, it’s next to The Fish Market).
Honestly, if you just walk down King Street you’ll find plenty of places to stop in!
Keratin
Has anyone with really curly hair ever done a professional Keratin straightening (or any of the other similar methods)? My hair is suuuuper curly (most stylists tell me it’s the curliest hair they’ve ever worked with). I’m curious to try it, but I’m worried that it would permanently alter my hair.
momentsofabsurdity
I did a keratin straightening treatment. It didn’t really straighten my hair but it did cut about 40% of the frizz. For me that wasn’t worth it, but for you it might be. It definitely didn’t permanently alter my hair, it was back to normal within 2 months (though I think it’s supposed to take 3-4).
Anon
I have done it. It won’t permanently alter your hair. Once your hair starts growing and the treatment wears off, your hair will return 100% to normal.
Monday
I did it years ago. It wasn’t worth it, between the pain of having it done and the fact that it didn’t even really work. My hair isn’t extremely curly, so for yours I’d be even more concerned that it wouldn’t work and especially wouldn’t last. I ultimately decided to work with my hair texture rather than against it. It’s been a long and frustrating transition, but I’m happier with it now and wish I hadn’t spent so much time and money fighting for straightness that just wasn’t feasible for me.
Divaliscious11
Line is pretty but everything is so SHORT!
Bunkster
Not to mention all the exposed zippers, which they don’t show in any of the pictures…
Research, Not Law
Bah, exposed zippers! I can’t wait for those to disappear.
hellskitchen
What is the deal with exposed zippers? Are they supposed to be a fashion thing or simply a cost-saving thing for manufacturers (like sleeveless dresses)? I hope they go away soon
Bluejay
Does anyone else subscribe to the New Yorker, and notice that their November 12 issue is missing pages, repeats some pages, and has some pages in completely the wrong order? I tried to log onto subscriber services to report a damaged issue, but it won’t let me report for November 12 because it isn’t November 12 yet (no matter that they send out the issue a week in advance). Just wondered if I’m the only one?
Fran
I get the New Yorker, and my 11/12 issue looks normal so far (am at p.54, the Questlove article, and I skimmed the rest to see whether later pages seemed out of order).
Bluejay
Thanks. I have pages 17-24 twice and then no pages 24-32, and the same thing with pages 64-27 or so, so maybe it’s just mine. Grr.
Lavender
Yes! I am also missing a bunch of pages. I chalked it up to Sandy…
Bluejay
I sent them an email to complain using the contact form on the website. I know I can look at the whole issue in the online archive, but I can’t access that on Metro. :)
AIMS
Do you by any chance have an iPad or iPhone? They have the best app – it has revolutionized my whole reading experience.
Bluejay
Nope. I wish! I’ve seen the app and it looks good. Anyway, they answered my email and said they’ll resend the issue.
Paula's Choice question
Question for the ladies who use the Skin Balancing line: I started using it about a month ago based on the numerous recs from the hive. At first it was great and my skin wasn’t oily by the end of the day, which was miraculous for me. After about two weeks, my skin was back to its standard oil levels. Now I am broken out with tons of tiny whiteheads. I haven’t had pimples in close to 10 years. Is this a normal part of the process of adjusting to the products or is it just not working for me? If it’s part of the adjustment process, how long should I expect it to last? I wanted to find out if this reaction is anomalous before contacting PC’s customer service because I know they will offer me a refund but I don’t feel right having them do that if this is just a short term issue. Thanks.
Bluejay
Are you using the whole line? I found that I can’t use the antioxidant serum all over my face because it contains oil and clogs my pores. I just use it around my eyes and near my lips where I’m concerned about breakouts. I also think that some breakouts are normal as a result of using the exfoliating gel, and that they’ll clear up once your skin gets used to it.
Paula's Choice question
Yes, I’m using the whole line. I’ll try to restrict my use of the antioxidant serum and see if that helps.
mamabear
Broken out with tons of whiteheads (if you mean little pus-filled pimples rather than milia) is definitely cosmetic acne, which means you’re reacting to something you’re putting on your face.
I think the oil is a good suspect, but I’d also suspect silicones, which Paula loves but can be problematic for many of us.
I would stop using the entire line, go back to washing your face with something gentle like Eucerin or other gentle drugstore cleanser, then go back to the regimen one ingredient at a time. That way you can isolate what is bothering you.
Cat
No time to scroll through to see if anyone has alerted this PSA – Jcrew is doing additional 25% off – NOT final sale – w/ free shipping. Lots of sweaters, wool skirts, etc. to try.
Niktaw
Only for orders $150 and up.
Cat
ah, good clarification. it MAY be a sign of my jcrew problem that I did not even think to mention the minimum… some of it will get returned, I swear…
SF Bay Associate
I blame you for the grey pinstripe jacket, skirt, and dress now on their way to me. (Thanks :) ).
Praxidike
Okay ladies, I work in-house and we’re moving from one floor to another. In the transition, they’re going to build new offices for me and another attorney, whom I supervise. Sadly, these offices will not have windows, which I think will make them seem smaller than their actual size (which is also, sadly, small-ish).
They want me to pick the furniture that will reside in these offices. Anyone with experience over whether modular furniture is preferable to “real” furniture in such a situation? I generally prefer a U-shaped setup with the computer at the bottom of the U, which means there is space on both sides.
Any suggestions? Thoughts?
hellskitchen
One thing to consider – if you need to have a conversation with someone, would they sit across from you at the bottom end of the U, in which case you’d need to move your computer aside to see them OR would you turn around or to one of the sides, in which case they might be able to see your computer screen during the conversation. Which option would be less hassle for you?
Praxidike
Good point. Usually, one side of the U is along a wall, the bottom of the U is along the perpendicular wall, and the other side of the U is in the middle of the room. So generally I’ve had people sit across from that side of the U, which allows me to have desk space and also to speak to office visitors.
Bluejay
I like modular furniture in small spaces. It is usually less bulky and therefore seems to take up less space, even if it doesn’t actually take up less space. I’d also go for a lighter wood to make up for the dark office. Also, see if they’ll buy you a sunbox lamp or at least some non-florescent lights.
TBK
Doing about 5 hrs of solo driving this weekend. Please send podcast recommendations!
Jules
Radiolab
Judge John Hodgeman
Sydney Bristow
Nerdist is wonderful.
AEK
Judge John Hodgman and WTF with Marc Maron. Also old Car Talks. And Washington Week, especially this week!
Terry
In Our Times (BBC4)
n.
If medicine interests you — White Coat, Black Art
Bluejay
Savage Love Podcast
This American Life
Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me
Car Talk
(Jesus, I’m a yuppie.)
Homestar
This American Life
Sasha
Stuff You Missed in History Class
Lyssa
The Sporkful
Slate’s Lexcon Valley (discussions of language usages – far more interesting than it sounds)
Slate’s The Afterword (the fabulous June Thomas interviews authors of new non-fiction books)
Backstory with the American History Guys
The Memory Palace
Young Consultant
Dan Carlin – Hardcore History, I personally love the Rome ones, but they are all great.
I also love his Common Sense podcast but it is focused on how the two party system and corruption is ruining America, so I won’t recommend that unless you are into that sort of thing..
Joanie
TJ for Holiday Gift Question:
I would like to get my family members a gift that also donates to a good cause. For example, the FEED Project bags. Does anyone know of any legit sites that are similar? Googling Fair Trade Gifts brings up lots of returns, but I am hesitant to just order off any site, you know?
Thanks in advance!
hellskitchen
I recommend http://www.yumbutter.com/ – they have a buy one, gift one model (like TOMS shoes) so your recipients can enjoy the nut butter and have the satisfaction that someone else in need got one too.
Bluejay
If you don’t need to give your family a physical gift, I really like Heifer International.
Bluejay
Oh, and if you do need to give a physical gift, I love Ten Thousand Villages.
ADL
Maybe not necessarily what you’re looking for but Heifer International comes to mind. You can give money to donate livestock (not just cows, but chickens, goats, etc) to someone in need.
MJ
I really like universalgiving. They don’t send a physical gift, but you can put your money directly toward projects in so many places–buy books for schools in a village in Nepal, help women learn women’s health in Burma or whatever. It’s a great way to pick charity gifts that actually are close to the recipient’s heart.
MJ
http://www.universalgiving.org/
Bunkster
Overstock actually has a number of fair trade products. I’ve given these packages as gifts:
http://www.overstock.com/Worldstock-Fair-Trade/Womens-Bean-Project-Chili-and-Cornbread-Bundle-USA/2167986/product.html
Bunkster
Actually, I might have to send this one this year:
http://www.overstock.com/Worldstock-Fair-Trade/Womens-Bean-Project-Medium-Gourmet-Basket-USA/1708182/product.html
Bunkster
Just browsed all of Overstock’s Fair Trade items and bought this for my uncle for Christmas:
http://www.overstock.com/Worldstock-Fair-Trade/Large-Gourd-and-Wood-9-key-Kalimba-Indonesia/5548628/product.html?CID=208011
Research, Not Law
UNICEF has an online store and some other brands are invoved with particular products (H&M, Ikea, probably others).
violet
A. Barclay scarves are so pretty (and are pretty pricey).
“For every scarf that is purchased, A.BARCLAY buys an item of need from a Tanzanian for a Tanzanian, supplying multiple orphanages in the country with day to day necessities and stimulating local markets. ”
http://www.abarclaydesigns.com/
KinCA
There are also websites where you can purchase charity “gift cards” for people to put towards the cause of their choice.
Kiva.org is a microlending site, where people can choose an entrepreneur in a developing country to suppot and allows for the purchase of gift cards. I’ve also used Charitygiftcertificates.org before and had a good experience with them.
Heifer International is another great organization too!
Bewitched
+1 for Kiva.org. And, it’s the gift that keeps giving! Your recipient selects recipients and “loans” them money-as they repay the loan, your recipient’s account replenishes and they can make another loan. And so on.. I’m on my 9th loan from my first donation-I’ve also given quite a few gift cards.
TBK
What if, instead, you got people a gift plus a donation to a charity they care about, that are related. For example, for your uncle who loves dogs, you buy him a few goodies for his dog then make a donation in his name to the APSCA. For your sister who loves swimming, you get her new goggles plus a donation to an organization that protects ocean environments. That way you don’t have to be tied to particular items as the physical gifts.
LadyEnginerd
I like this idea. I get a random card from the Heifer project every year from a particular relative (along with every single other member of my family). To be honest, I feel a little hurt that they didn’t put any thought into what I would want. Yes, charity is good, but with every gift it’s the thought that counts. I like it when someone actually thinks about what would actually be meaningful for me instead of donating in my name (and the name of every other member of our family) to their favorite charity. I’d be totally thrilled if the relative in question donated to engineers without borders or girls inc in my name and wrote a nice note instead of the annual one size fits all donation.
In that light, Kiva might be a good option. Painless, but lets your giftees choose something that hits home for them.
Jo March
CARE is fantastic, and they aim a lot of their work at improving the lives of girls and women (because apparently that money goes “further” – i.e. when women are better off, their whole family is better off).
AEK
First day with space heater in my office… what was I waiting for? Now that I’m thawed out, I hope to actually get some work done!!
ADL
I’ll also suggest a heating pad that you can sit on. Does wonders for the bum.
TBK
Wah! I have to do my self-eval at work today for my upcoming review. I hate writing these. I will self-medicate with chocolate.
AnonPara
Same here. Oh how I hate those self-evals. Waste of time all the way around. This is my first eval since I came to the firm, so I have no idea what they want. Yucky.
S
Curious what folks thought of that Above the Law article Kat posted on facebook yesterday about the BigLaw mother. I don’t have any kids, and I’m not BigLaw, which makes me think that maybe I just don’t get it, but reading her complaints about her day didn’t draw up the sympathy that I expected they would.
Having kids is more than a fulltime job, and so, arguably, is BigLaw. It just seems obvious to me that you can’t have two more-than-fulltime jobs…there aren’t enough hours in the day. Surely there were other ways to ease her load that she could have tried (a nanny to watch the kids at home instead of daycare, trying to ease her commute somhow) before she felt that she needed to straight up quit her job.
Am I way off base here? Obviously not saying that you can’t be a working mother, just that it’s a little ridiculous to expect to be superwoman and do it all without some help.
Research, Not Law
No one can “have it all,” men included.
Now that that’s clearn, everyone can just go live their lives already.
anon
There was a discussion about this on yesterday’s Coffee Break thread. It was in a reply (I think to a question about the pronunciation of Longchamp), but TBK posted the article if you want to search.
S
Thanks!..found it! And, as I suspected – not way off base, but also haven’t been there yet, so who am I to judge..
kiley
Yeah people talked about this yesterday. I think its being framed as “a mom who quit” memo, but really its just an “unprofessional depature memo” Research not law has it right, no one can do it all, man or woman. a man cant be a full time be there for everything father and be a big law associate too. I admire people who do so much with their days but everyone has choices. She made the choice to have a biglaw job and have children. It wasn’t right for her, so she decided to make the choice to give up biglaw job. i don’t think it was a sympathetic email at all, but i dont really need to know the intimate level of detail when ever anyone quits for whatever reason it would be.
Anon
This.
I sympathize with her for feeling overwhelmed, but it was just too much information for the majority of recipients. Kind of like how 95% of your social circle gets the “it just wasn’t working out, we want different things in life” breakup story and only 5% get the nitty gritty detail.
LadyEnginerd
… and if you tell 100% of your social circle gets the nitty gritty detail, it only makes you look bad (and not your ex even if he was a total monster). I totally agree!
I totally sympathize with the memo-writer, but I can’t help but think that she could have made some different choices – ideally rearranging things such that she didn’t feel the need to write that memo, but most importantly… not sending that memo (I fully support writing it and ritualistically burning it, high school breakup style). By not choosing the vanilla option, she’s given herself a reputation as the “mommy who couldn’t hack it” as well as “employee with no filter” and I fear both of these will hurt her if she wants to ramp her career back up when her kids are older.
I truly feel for her. But seriously, this is what margaritas with girlfriends is for, not office-wide memo.
Seventh Sister
I don’t want to directly criticize the woman who wrote that email, since I’m not in Biglaw and I have only the barest idea of the time pressures people there face (I do know some amazing moms and involved dads who work in Biglaw and have great kids). I do think there are scenarios where your job(s) are just not compatible with your family, and it sounds like she was in that scenario. It happens.
What I will say about being a working mom is this:
You need to have some organizational, and some time management skills. You also need to realize that you can’t do absolutely everything, and have it be perfect, 100% of the time. I need to get to work, dressed appropriately, and get my kids to school, dressed appropriately and with a lunch. Everybody needs to be fed and watered beforehand. Repeat cycle in the evening. Stuff at work needs to get done. Maybe not the way Tracy Flick would do the work, but the work needs to get done.
When I started back to work after maternity leave, my mom (who was a working mom, and is the best) said to me, “Look, you just *won’t* be able to do everything the moms without office jobs do. You just can’t. Your kids will be fine.” It was so hard to hear that, since I want the kids to have pretty lunches and matching socks and non-crazy hair. But in reality, I’ve worn two different earrings to work, the kids sometimes have milk mustaches when they arrive at school, and I have not completed either kids’ baby book.
At the risk of outing myself, a popular grade at my alma mater was an B+/A-. The tone of B+/A- was that you had worked your fanny off, you had gained a more than average facility with the subject, but you just hadn’t hit it out of the park into A country. I try to work at getting a B+/A- at stuff, at least at this time in my life. And if I don’t HAVE to do something, or really WANT to do something, I don’t do that thing if I can absolutely avoid it.
Wordy
I think this is so true.
TBK
The mothers of small children I knew in BigLaw had SAHHs, nannies (sometimes two — one 8:00-4:30, the other 4:30-9:00), retired mothers or MILs who lived with them, or were part time, or some combination of all four. NONE billed 2000+ hours, had more than one kid, and just did daycare. None. I would even say that, among the women whose children were still small (i.e., under the age of 7), and who were on the 2000 hour track, all had husbands with secondary careers (i.e., the wife’s career was the family’s primary career and the husband did what work fit in with his childcare/housekeeping responsibilities).
O.
You don’t know me IRL, but I am in big law, only use daycare, have only one kid (for now, but he just turned one so it’s a little soon for us to think about #2) and am on track to bill about 500 hours more than the average associate at my firm. I handled daycare for the first 9 months I was back at work and we recently switched daycares so now my husband handles it. We will soon be switching again so that we split drop-off and pick-up. My husband also has a demanding career. I am very efficient during the 10 hours I am at work (today excepted, but we’re in a lull), and when I work late, my husband watches the baby; when he has to work at night, I do. Sometimes I don’t sleep as much as I would like, and sometimes I spend my whole weekend working and doing chores. Yes, my life sucks a lot of the time (besides my daily workout I have no other “me” time and we have very little couple time), but it can be done. I’m fortunate that the partner I do most of my work for also has a working spouse, so he has been understanding of the demands on me.
Silvercurls
The woman who sent that email was almost certainly too physically, emotionally, and cognitively depleted to make a more diplomatic or strategic decision. I hope that after spending some time under less stressful circumstances she recovers her perspective and sense of self-worth. She is still an educated, accomplished woman and thus she has something to offer the world, even if it takes her some time to figure out exactly what that something is and how she can find time and energy to pursue it. I’m also glad that she has the option to step out of employment. Not every parent of young children has the same good fortune.
Staying home with young children does NOT guarantee total freedom from stress. Babies teethe, children whine and fuss and have tantrums, and other stay-at-home parents may intrude with their own particularly discordant attitudes or compensatory behaviors about self-worth and/or insecurity. (“Why aren’t you breastfeeding? Why aren’t you using formula? Why aren’t you dressing your child in organic, fair-trade garments, or shopping at thrift stores, or Walmart…?” From co-sleeping to toilet training, there’s no shortage of people convinced that Their Way is The Right Way for everyone else.) That said, this mom sounds ready to negotiate domestic matters without feeling trapped by inflexible workplace demands.
IMHO, choosing to pursue a demanding career and to be a parent during one’s non-working hours almost always necessitates rejecting all other possible activities–at least until the children are past the very early childhood years. Thus parents who work long, hard hours to earn high salaries should feel entitled to hire high-quality, reliable child care (in-home or outside, one nanny or two, with or without helpers to drive children between home and daycare or other activities) and household assistance (housekeepers, precooked meals, personal chefs, whatever). There’s no shame in taking good care of oneself and one’s family to the fullest extent of one’s resources! One can also financially and politically support organizations and elected officials that help working parents without the same abundance.
In the end we all have to find the meaning and the dignity in our own lives, even if onlookers don’t agree with our conclusions. We are fortunate if we have the logistical or financial room to maneuver along the way.
S
http://abovethelaw.com/2012/11/departure-memo-of-the-day-parenting-gets-the-best-of-one-biglaw-associate/
May
Trying to locate a kindle edition of NGDGTCO based on recommendations here.
What am I missing?