Tuesday’s TPS Report: Yadva Print Ombré Jersey Dress

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Trina Turk 'Yadva' Print Ombré Jersey DressLove this ombré dress, even though it could be very top-heavy on the wrong person (e.g., me). Still, I love it: the wide boatneck, those delicate leaves, the fabric belt, the sharp change from turquoise to purple . . . love it. It’s $228 at Nordstrom. Trina Turk ‘Yadva’ Print Ombré Jersey Dress

Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected]
(L-3)

Comments

  1. Ladies, what is the best brand of grocery-store hairspray? I don’t want to pay a lot but want something that holds my hair well and doesn’t look like plaster. Thanks in advance!

    • I like John Frieda’s FrizzEase hairspray.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      I really like Loreal’s (at least I think it is Loreal’s) hairspray. It’s in a gold can.

    • TreSemme Tres Two.
      Two bucks for a huge canister, and works great.

      • I second that! I used to love Finesse, but they stopped producing that, I think. This version of Tresemme is a pretty good replacement, though.

    • Garnier Fructis full control ultra strong. I find it works better than what my hairstylist uses and doesn’t make my hair “crunchy.”

    • L’oreal elnett….itdoesnt make hair stiff and crunchy and when you brush it out, hair becomes super silky.

      • Just to be the voice of what is probably considered by most on this blog the crunchy granola person… please consider paying more for the toxic-free brands… conventional hair spray is full of stuff not good for your absorption/health, or polluted runoff into our waterways and supplies. Were it up to me I’d outlaw all of those brands. I have a few from Whole Foods and Aveda that work fine and they do cost more but they last a long time. I hate, hate, hate when people at work leave their conventional sprays in the bathroom spraying that poison for the rest of us to breathe- always tempted to throw it away. My thing is health and toxicity and pollution- for others it is allergic reactions.

        • Anon: which brands from Whole Foods do you use? I’m looking for a less toxic version as well. I’m trying to switch my personal care products to less toxic options and find it exhausting and so time-consuming to try to research all of them!

          • I’m not sure which brands from Whole Foods is referring to above, but I’d suggest checking out the website: nomoredirtylooks.com. They do a lot of reviews and it’s a great resource if you’re trying to go clean.

          • Andalou right now- I will admit these kind can be a tad stickier etc than traditional- but the bottle has lasted a long time. Can’t remember which others, grab whatever’s on sale.

        • Another (and Grateful) Granola :

          Second. Thanks for mentioning this! Not trying to be the Personal Product Police, just standing up for people who react immediately (allergies) or longterm (when a lifetime’s exposure to various toxic substances finally reaches the stage of “too much”).

          I know it’s a delicate balance of knowing when to speak up and when to be quiet about the use of personal care products by other people. (My own rule: speak up if you are central or closely connected to the place or the event, e.g. parent of the baby being christened, member of the wedding party, member of close family of the deceased, or it’s your home or your office. If you’re a more peripheral participant, learn to decline invitations and/or how to gracefully leave an event at the first warning sign of allergic triggers or allergic reactions.)

  2. Love this dress.

  3. Too short for me but beautiful!

  4. In-House Europe..wears a dress :

    Thanks everyone for your suggestions re dresses last week! I got this one:

    http://www.soliver.de/Etuikleid/01.899.82.0833,default,pd.html?cgid=wo_se_kleider&ref=lp

    And wore it with a black cardigan and black flats. A little lacking in color…but I have ordered some red kitten heels to wear with it next time…

    http://www.zalando.de/pura-lopez-pumps-patent-rio-red-pu211a00s-302.html?gclid=CO_W2pSGlLACFUZd3wodsnGPqQ&wmc=SEM49_1879005

    :)

    Does the hive approve?

  5. Love this dress too.

  6. Ladies with thin/fine hair — how do you wear your hair up? I tend to wear it in a low ponytail at the nape of my neck, but it always looks kind of flat and plastered to my head. I bought some Goody spin pins recently and they work well for locking my hair into a bun, but the bun itself looks kind of small and austere because my hair is so fine. Any suggestions on how not to look like Lilith Sternin Crane?

    • My hair is too short to have actually tried this, but I hear the answer is a sock bun. There are some good youtube tutorials if you search for them.

    • I don’t typically do a plain ponytail, because it looks kind of flat on me. For a slightly softer look, I typically do a loose-ish half ponytail with the tail pulled through (think of using the old-school Topsy Tail). Then I pull out my fringe around my face.

    • My sister uses one of those fake hair wrap things to go around the pony tail – kind of dresses it up. She found one at the drug store that is an exact match. To make your hair not look so flat, you could flip your head and spray with hairspray or dry shampoo. Then pull it back loosely.

    • Goosebumpy :

      I hear you. I’ve got the very same problem. I want my bun to look like Sarah Jessica Parker’s in the S*x and the City episode where Charlotte gets married for the first time and Carrie’s one of her bridesmaids…but alas, that kind of volume eludes me. I usually end up making a high ponytail and loosely looping it through a hairtie a few times–like you’re making a regular ponytail but just not pulling the hair all the way through each time, if that makes sense. It doesn’t look nearly as polished as a bun, though.

    • Sock bun!! Super easy and it makes my long but super fine hair look great in a bun.

    • a passion for fashion :

      My hair is thin/fine and comes to the tops of my shoulders. i usually wear my hair pulled back on the second day. after using some dry shampoo then brushing it out with my head flipped over, i spray it with a light dusting of hairspray and let dry while i do my makeup. then i ratt it (yes, like old skool, but with a regular old brush so its not too severe) and spray again. then gently brush it out over the top and pull back as normal. it makes your hair look much, much fuller.

      and this sounds like a lot of work, but its really not. just takes a few minutes.

    • Bump It!

      Not really, but I think this is the problem bump-its were invented to solve. They were my group’s number one birthday gag gift for a couple of years, and one of my friends actually ended up using the small one from time to time.

      Aside from advice from Snooki, I think second-day hair is usually the answer for updos. A dry shampoo can give you a little more volume and grit.

    • I used to do what Goosebumpy did, and then I surrendered and got a digital perm which gave me loose waves and volume.

      Not to say that styling is not an option, but I appreciate not having to worry about it, apart from scrunching the ends with a dab of product in the morning, and maybe a bit of water at the end of the day to “refresh” the curls.

  7. Hello dear corporettes,

    I don’t often comment, but I read and soak up your wisdom on a regular basis, and I wanted to seek advice regarding buying a car. Several of you have commented that one of the best ways to do that is to buy a car that has been leased for three years from the dealership, so you can avoid incurring all the depreciation costs and also get a good warranty, etc. How would I go about doing that? Call dealerships of cars I might want and see if they have any available? I’ve never bought a car using that approach, but it sounds like a good idea, so I wanted to ask how to go about it.

    Many thanks!

    • I don’t know how all dealerships do it, but one Subaru dealership I was looking at got cars like this from a general Subaru dealers listserve/auction-type thing, and then they sold them with a dealer warranty. If you look at dealer websites, you can generally see what their used and certified preowned inventory is. I am not sure if there is a meaningful difference between buying a 3-year-old car that was leased and a 3-year-old car that was purchased and then traded in.

      • Anonymous NYer :

        Leases generally have a cap on miles – eg: 12k/year or something. So you will possibly find a car with fewer miles on it by going the 3 yr lease route vs the 3 year buy/trade-in route.

    • I’d call the dealership and make an appointment. Tell them what you want, what are nice to haves and that you want a manufacturer’s warranty to still be in effect. That should give them time to go through their inventory and figure out what they are going to show you.

    • Also, some companies have a similar “certified preowned” program that comes with an extended warranty. It’s more than buying a typical used car, but much less than buying a brand new car.

      I bought a 1 year old certified preowned BMW from our dealership about 4 years ago, and I have been thrilled. All of my regular maintenance is covered by the warranty. The only non covered expense in 4 years has been new tires. It is a great car, it was in pristine condition, and I got a good price on it. You have less ability to choose things like seat color, specific stereo options, etc., but if you want a common color, there is usually reasonable selection.

  8. Equity's Darling :

    Can we play what’s everyone wearing? I’m looking for some inspiration! Or to feel better about my not so exciting outfit…

    I’m wearing black pants, and a caramel blouse, both from BR, and a pink cardigan from Jacob, my flats are also caramel/pink (which could be a little matchy matchy….but meh). The cardigan will be replaced by the blazer for these pants when I go to court today, and some chocolate pumps (and then changed back into cardigan/flats when I return to the office). And accessories wise, I have on pearls and my watch (also not very exciting).

    • Hmm, mine’s not very exciting, either (nothing going on today). But it’s very cheap! (I just realized this now that I’ve thought about it.)

      Dark gray slacks with a very fine gray pinstripe from NY & Co, a dark blue silky short sleeved button down that I got forever ago from Express (seriously, like, 2006 – it’s held up remarkably well), a teal cardigan which I only put on if the air kicks up, also from NY & Co ($11 at an after-Christmas sale), and a pair of probably-too-high leopard-print heels from Forever 21 (the pants are a little too long, so the heels work well). I do have my favorite earrings, a very fine silver dangle with a dark red stone at the end, which were a gift that I’m sure was expensive, and my nice watch (also a gift) on, so there’s that.

      • phillygirlruns :

        i actually like the express button-downs from that timeframe (2005ish) – they are cut well (for me, at least) and hold up well over time. around 2007 or so they started putting the top button WAY down, which drove me crazy.

    • I’ll play!

      Gray sheath dress with mustard yellow cardigan, open. Belted over the cardigan with a black skinny belt. Mustard yellow owl earrings from Etsy, and red bead necklace. Black pointed toe pumps. Coral-y red leather handbag (I’m super excited about this – I got it on super sale at Kate Spade about a month ago).

    • White 3/4 sleeve button-front shirt with a white vertical stripes. Red pencil skirt (shirt tucked in). Black snake-skin peep-toe heels. Long gold vintage cameo necklace. Two gold bangles (one plain and one with small crystals) and pearl and crystal studs.

      • Sounds gorgeous!

      • :( Lame, ugly maternity robe I’m ultra sick of.. working from home, due any day. No can do pants at this point. The robe is pink with red flowers, soooo not my style. And has no pockets. And has stains from all the times I’ve spilled food on myself from the inability to lean forward over the belly to eat. Good times! Oh for fitted pants and an attractive top…

    • MaggieLizer :

      Cream blazer, nude for me peep toes, cameo bracelet, garnet ring, and strand of pearls with this dress: http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/laundry-by-shelli-segal-cap-sleeve-print-matte-jersey-dress/3292974?origin=category&fashionColor=&resultback=921

      • phillygirlruns :

        GREAT dress!

      • Gooseberry :

        Wow – I love that dress A LOT. I’m 5’7″ and was thinking of getting the 2 or 4 (typically a 2 or 4 in banana, jcrew, etc). How does it run? What about the length? I’m sure you look totally smashing today!

        • MaggieLizer :

          I’m 5’2″ and it hits right at my knee. It runs a little big, so you’d probably be better off with the 2. I’m broad shouldered and busty and I have a little bit of extra room in the top, but not so much that it needs alterations. The sleeves hit a bit lower on me than the model.

        • MaggieLizer :

          And thanks for the compliments ladies! I just got the dress last week when it went on sale and today is the first time I’ve worn it.

    • J McLaughlin 3/4 shirt dress in lavender, grey and white stripes. See here: http://www.jmclaughlin.com/products2.cfm?ID=23694&name=WOMENS-DRESSES (it’s not short on my though as I’m a proud 5’2″)

      Turquoise necklace, watch, and ring. Yellow cap toe shoes from ON.

    • This rainy humid weather has sapped my will to dress well. Thus: black ponte pencil skirt from target; black, white, and camel crosshatch print shell from talbots; long camel cardigan (not slouchy bf, but slender) with dull rhinestoneish buttons from the dreaded Express; cream colored snakeskin skinny belt from old navy; black and camel cap toe patent ballet flats from gap. I work in gov’t if it matters–not even close to biz formal.

      • And my rosanna rosanna danna hair is clipped back in the hottest of coiffure messes. I look gooooood ::not::

        • I completely agree about the dampness and humidity–I could not motivate myself to get into a cute outfit today knowing my hair would be a frizz-ball. Plus it’s cold in the office on wet days. So… slim black ponte pants, a maroon cashmere v-neck sweater (both from j.crew) and black/silver cap toe flats. Blah, but fine, and comfortable.

      • your not dressing well sounds rather put-together. :)

        • Haha thanks! I basically feel like I’m in work appropriate pj’s, complete with slippers. I’m very “I give up” today.

          I have to say, this Target (Mossimo I think) ponte pencil skirt is my best buy so far this year. Got it in jungle teal too, desperately wanted the royal purple but missed it.

      • Anastasia :

        I’m also demotivated by the weather. At least you managed layering and accessories! I’m lucky I even made it out of bed with the weather this morning.

        Grey, kinda textured pencil skirt that I think I got from The Limited in my first wave of “work” shopping in 2007, white-with-maroon-pinstripes button down from BR. Turquoise necklace, watch, boring CZ stud earrings, navy flats. Hair is tamed against humidity in a bun. now that I’m a little more awake, I wish I had a cardigan and belt. (Also government. I’m still in the top 20 percent of best dressed in the office today!)

        • Haha same here on the best dressed! What is that?! I feel guilty when I feel schlumpy looking, yet I’m still miles ahead of many of the people in my building. I can’t wrap my head around it.

          • lucy stone :

            The guilt of the Corporette-reading govt attorney. Two of my coworkers were wearing gauchos today.

          • Another "Best Dressed" :

            This. At least mine is only in my office, not the very large building as a whole.

    • soulfusion :

      I’ll play although I just read through yesterday’s hated trends and I think I hit several . . . . my favorite black sheath dress with nude-for-me, open-toed wedges (no pedicure :::gasp:::) and a long, light blue and cream ombre open front cardigan. I struggled with accessories this morning and ended up with a long gold chain necklace and gold and orange drop earrings.

    • Pale tan pants from the Limited. Patterned silky top – it’s an intricate, small flower/paisley print combining navy, dark orange, gold, olive (and it’s the Outback Red label from Limited, which just brings back all sorts of Out-of-Africa memories!). Dark orange sweater from Old Navy that was wrap style but wouldn’t wrap properly, so I cut off the ties and now it is one of those drapey open cardigans that some people apparently despise. Small fake pearl earrings set in sort of a “gold” crown-like setting. Medium brown pumps, rounded toe, wooden heel, and off-white topstitching around the opening of the shoe.

    • The Skirt in red, gray tights, white ruffle tank and gray cardigan. Pearl necklace, earrings. Marc by Marc Jacobs watch with a huge face and a white leather strap.

    • Mountain Girl :

      I’m wearing this skirt from JCPenney with a white tee and a short v-neck cardigan. The skirt looks a little frumpy on the model but for taller gals the length is great.

      http://tinyurl.com/bvtgo9u

    • phillygirlruns :

      oh this is timely. because, due to a miscommunication, i had to handle a closing this morning in pretty much the exact opposite of a suit: khaki-colored thick cotton bootcut trousers, cuff at the bottom (the “martin” cut from BR), coral cotton blend tank with silk ruffles at the chest, navy j.crew jackie cardigan, rose gold sperry “angelfish” topsiders. rose gold MK watch, yurman petite albion ring in blue topaz, wedding set, large pearl studs, long rose gold station necklace with clusters of baroque pearls and tonal glass beads/crystals.

      when i found out that the client was here and i had to cover, i had a fleeting thought of changing into my medium-gray “emergency” suit, but i don’t have an “emergency” shirt to go with it and i figured the tank would look really, really off. oy. client was understanding, but i felt VERY underdressed.

      • I’m having trouble picturing a coral silk tank that wouldn’t go with a grey suit, even if it wouldn’t be strictly as professional as a button down, but I HATE feeling underdressed, and I’m glad your client was ok with it!

        • phillygirlruns :

          coral COTTON tank – the ruffle detail is silk. colorwise it would have been beautiful, but the tank is just wrong for a suit.

    • I’m casual today and somewhat monochromatic. A knee-length knit skirt in light gray, long tank in darker flagstone gray, light gray linen open cardigan, black wedge sandals. But, we went to the bead store the other day on a “get away from work” outing so I’m wearing silver hoops with a pewter pearl ball hanging from them and a periwinkle and pewter bead bracelet with a silver leaf dangle that my friend/colleague made for me.

    • I’m a little hesitant to play because not only am I wearing a couple trends everyone hates from yesterday, but I also woke up late, threw on the dress I borrowed from a friend, and noticed via my reflection in the store windows I passed that the dress was maybe a little shorter than I’m comfortable wearing to work, but it’s cute at least (yay friends who wear the same size!):

      Colorblock grey, teal, and black heavy jersey dress (H&M -that explains the shortness), longish black blazer (Calvin Klein from TJMaxx -love the sales), black peeptoe mini-platform heels (but they’re so comfy! and I’m pedicured in red), gold and silver watch, simple gold hoops, gold locket on a delicate chain, polished but unpainted nails, sunny yellow satchel purse (also H&M -I’m not going to spend >$40 on a purse I’ll get sick of by next year).

      And a black umbrella, of course. It’s a gross, wet, rainy day in DC. How is it this humid in May?

      • a passion for fashion :

        im totally ok with wearing trends folks on here dont like, and in fact, i dont even think some of them are “trends” but rather just clothes/shoes. Ive dressed this way for years — well before law school and now into my almost 10th year at my big law firm. i love high heels (4 inches are my regular height); I’m rocking nude for me today. I also like a modest platform and i consider peep toes just like any other shoe.

    • Ugh, this game is so depressing now that I’m pregnant.

      Black maternity pants from the Gap (on which I managed to smear powdered sugar from my donut at bfast this morning) with a blousy red-and-white patterned smock-style top. This is my least favorite maternity top because, although I like the print, the fit is so … uninspiring. Never again, smock cut, never again. But I am determined not to buy any more maternity clothes, so I continue wearing it almost weekly. I try to keep my spirits up by continuing to wear awesome shoes — today, Corso Como Delicious pumps in a caramel patent. Soon I think I will start buying jewelry to reinvigorate myself.

      • Margaret, feel good that you have me beat! (see my earlier comment- stuck at home in hideous, stained maternity robe- the pants no longer fit!)

        • Oh, yes, your comment is quite depressing. Aw. But sounds like you’re almost there! I’m so excited for you! (I have two months left.)

          At least you found a maternity robe. I couldn’t seem to find any (or wasn’t willing to spend money on anything pink with red flowers :), so I lounge around home in plus-size gaucho pants that I treat as maternity sweats and a bra.

          • He, got it second hand early third trimester thinking “well it’s $8 I’ll never wear it but just in case”… then few weeks later my regular robes were, well, laughable with the bulge and wouldn’t close, and pants, even my beloved puce-colored maternity yoga pants, all began to not work proportionally, so been living in either work dresses or this blasted robe. Fully agree on not spending cash on it. Consignment thank heavens. Plan to take it to hospital, wear it through the mess as needed, then burn it soon as the opportunity arises:) It has flowy-cut arms ,meaning the sleeves get into everything- food etc.
            Thanks and good luck with the rest of your p.!

    • Not very exciting. Gray dress w/ matching jacket that I bought from Overstock a couple of years ago. Nude for me pumps. Pearl necklace, gold studs, and a kind of funky pink rooch on the jacket.

    • I declare myself the loser of this thread! I was eating breakfast this morning and my husband came into the kitchen, and we were wearing essentially the same outfit… light blue button-front shirt and charcoal pants. Like we had a family uniform. I accessorized with some jewelry, but still— I am dressed like a dude today.

    • My office is business casual.

      Wearing, khaki faux wrap/double breasted pencil skirt with brown buttons, light green woven shell with a ruffle at the neck, dark brown cardi, short gold chain, and leopard flats. I was going to wear my brown pumps, but my cat attacked my foot on the weekend & the pumps rubbed the scratches. Ouch!

    • Oh, good. I actually have a good outfit on today!

      Patent leather ballet flats with a big silver buckle, dark blue jeans, a green-ish stripped shell with a cowl neck, and a cropped navy blazer with 3/4 sleeves. Oh, and my newly blonde hair!

    • Gap light khaki/taupe modern bootcut pants, orange/blue leifsdorter shirt that was featured here a few years ago:

      http://corporette.com/2011/03/24/thursdays-tps-report-miro-blouse/

      With long soft cardigan featured here a few Fridays ago in orange (From Nordies)

      Black snakeskin patent sanita clogs (I know, I know, total doctor cop out on the shoes)

      Wedding rings.

    • rainy day outfit…. black pants, 3/4 sleeve black shirt, blue tie-dyeish scarf, black patent cole haan flats, blue head band

    • Charcoal gray pinstripe skirt suit, Theory magenta silk deep cowlneck top with a white cami, simple gold necklace and gray suede heels.

    • Ooh, all new clothes today, so I’ll play:
      – Deep purply-blue pencil skirt (J Crew superfine cotton pencil skirt in “byzantine blue”)
      – Fuchsia shell with pleats at neckline
      – Black cotton cardigan (J Crew Jackie, I’m addicted to these)
      – Silver earrings (dangly, but small)
      And ugly shoes b/c I have to stand all day giving training classes today.

    • Colorblocked pencil skirt with exposed zipper.
      Open-toe shoeties.
      Waterfall cardigan over a cropped tee.
      Cheap delicate jewelry.
      Topknot.

      Whoops. Wrong thread.

    • Yoga pants and a running top! I <3 telework day.

      • Gray/black micro-striped pencil skirt
        dark red/gray voluminous satin shell, tucked in
        Gray drapey cardigan (A #1 Hated Trend!)
        Grey cole haan air wedges (Another Hated Trend!)
        Pearls with pearl pendant
        two funky pearl bracelets, one made by me
        orangey red Dooney handbag

    • DVF wrap dress in the vintage green twigs print, white camisole underneath, small diamond studs, “nude for me” heels.

      http://www.myfashionlife.com/archives/2011/03/23/mothers-day-gift-guide-diane-von-furstenberg-julian-dress/

    • Navy See by Chloe pencil skirt (recommended by someone on here last year; one of my favorites), J. Crew long sleeve cashmere tee in a bright blue/purpley color, white button up with ruffled color. Nude patent flats (pointy-ish toe rather than rounded). Mint green nail polish (I did it for the weekend and couldn’t bear to take it off since I’ve had no clients or court these past two days).

    • Black maxi skirt from Nordstrom, black cowl neck tank from Gap, black and white cotton cardi from Lane Bryant, skinny belted, yellow beads, my go to CZ studs from Kenneth Jay Lane, and non descript black flats, closed toe.

      I like this game! Maybe this can be a daily post;Sometimes I just stare at my closet – full of clothes – and lament that I have nothing to wear…
      Will read everyone’s posts for inspiration.

    • lucy stone :

      Dove grey Talbots suit (pencil skirt and 3/4 sleeve jacket)
      Talbots light turquoise silk tee with ruffled v-neck (I LOVE RUFFLES!)
      Adrienne Vittadini cream snakeskin wedges
      silver watch, Cape Cod bracelet, dangly Talbots earrings with aqua and lavender stones, e-ring

      I wasn’t feeling it this morning and had court all day. Meh.

      • BR straight black ankle pants. Old (4 years? ) Ann Taylor shell, sort of an abstract circle-y rose print in shades of black, tan, and cream. Cheap Loft blazer, tan. Nude for me flat patent sling backs. Slver and gold hoops, topaz ring, nude Swatch watch. Burgundy tote bag.

  9. Diana Barry :

    I think this dress would work best on ladies with small b**bs – not me right now!!!

    Threadjack – has anyone been watching Sherlock? Benedict Cumberbatch, yes PLEASE.

  10. job seeker :

    Cover letter t/j: How do you address random relocations on your resume when you were moving for your spouse’s job? Do you just say something like, “After law school, I pursued xyz opportunities in Small Town while my spouse completed a clerkship, and I am excited to now be moving to Big City to do abc?” Or do you not mention the reason you did a short stint in an unlikely area?

    • Former MidLevel :

      I wouldn’t address it in the cover letter; I’d save the explanation for when/if you get asked about it.

      • Former MidLevel :

        P.S. I think the more important thing to explain in your cover letter is why you are going to/interested in Big City, including any family or other geographic ties.

    • I think you should put it in there, and I would say just what you said. If they have a big stack of resumes, you don’t want to give them any reason to throw yours out (that they think you may move again soon). Maybe say something about moving to big city as your long term/permanent residence.

      • job seeker :

        Yeah, that’s my concern. I don’t want to seem like I would pick up and move after a year or that I went to Small Town and failed.

        • Just hired... :

          For whatever it’s worth, my husband was in a similar position during his most recent job search. He moved to a small city for my clerkship and will be moving again this summer for my new teaching job. In his cover letters, he didn’t mention why he (apparently randomly) moved to Small City for two years; instead, he just explained why he’ll be in New City–i.e., my job. He is convinced that this is what got him interviews–people knew he was moving for a reason (my job) and that we’d be in New City for the foreseeable future.

      • I think this makes sense, but be careful; some employers will see “moved for my spouse” and wonder how long it will be until the spouse needs/wants to move you again. I absolutely agree with Former MidLevel, though, that the most important thing in the cover letter is to provide as much tangible information as you can to convince Employer that you are moving to Big City forever and ever.

  11. I’m wearing ivory sleevless top, pastel pink pencil skirt (I added a same hued skinny belt over it) and my nude pumps. I was totally feeling a little jackie-o so I threw in my pearl earrings.

  12. SF Bay Associate :

    Despite the fact that the Nordie’s Half Yearly Sale doesn’t officially start until tomorrow, there are a ton of markdowns up already. And EBates is doing 5% cash back for Nordie’s. However, double points doesn’t start until tomorrow.

    One of the things I picked up is a Boss Black Diotta dress, item 3278043. Link to follow.

    • SF Bay Associate :
      • SF Bay Associate :

        LOL, my link goes up but not the point. Nordie’s did a ton of markdowns in anticipation of the sale that officially starts at midnight. Go see!

        • SoCal Gator :

          Double points start tomorrow. I have some things on hold which I will purchase tomorrow to get the double points.

          • SF Bay Associate :

            I would normally wait, but several things already disappeared out of my cart, so I had to pull the trigger to grab what’s in my cart while it’s still there. I’ll do a re-buy of anything expensive as needed to get the double points.

          • SoCal Gator :

            If you have time to go into the store (I went last Saturday), you can pick stuff out and they will hold it in the back and then ring them up Wednesday. My friendly sales associate called me, showed me what was going on sale and then is holding items. Win win.

        • MissJackson :

          They started putting crap on sale yesterday, and I’ve placed 4 orders since then. This is going to be a bad week for my bank account!

          Too many great shoe deals!!

          • MaggieLizer :

            Me too! Shoppingnotes was going crazy yesterday morning when I woke up so I put stuff in my cart. All of the sizes were still available so I figred I was OK to wait til the sale. By the time I got to work, half of the sizes were gone! I snatched up what I could and in my panic forgot to go through ebates. Sigh.

          • MissJackson :

            MaggieLinzer, I did pretty much the exact same thing. When things started disappearing in my sizes I panicked and started placing orders. I know that double points start at midnight, but I want some of this stuff more than I want the double points, so I just pulled the trigger. And I forgot to go through upromise, too. Oh well.

    • That dress is lovely.

      Related Nordstrom threadjack – I adore the Tracy Reese cosmetics bags that are part of the Clinique gift-with-purchase. I give the makeup to my nieces because I don’t need more makeup and use the cosmetics bags for traveling, storing electronics cables, etc. etc.

    • Which high-end items are usually included in the sale?

  13. Ok. Y’all have been so a-mah-zing with the finding random articles of clothing for each other that I’ll throw mine out. Saw a fabulous pair of thong flats on the T – they were blue leather, with this large silver triangle piece that sat on top of the foot (which the leather straps were attached to). Not flip-flop style, but had a leather strap that ran around the back of the foot. Any thoughts?

  14. Please tell me I’m not the only one who’s somewhat jealous of diablo 3…. if there was diagram of my SO’s time the last week it would be 85% Diablo, 15% Other.

    (And I had capslocks stuck on my driod this morning, which lead to some very amusing emails… pro tip: turning a phone off and on again solves all problems)

    • Sigh. Yes. My husband is normally pretty good about not buying games the day they come out, but he made an exception for Diablo III. But, he works about 80-90 hours a week on average and this is how he chooses to relax, so I can’t really be mad at him for it.

      I can, however, be annoyed at how the sounds from the game reverberate throughout the entire house.

      • Headphones! Get him a pair of high quality gaming headphones. He will love them, and so will you.

        • Yes, get the ones that have a built in mic. And cordless/bluetooth — they should come with their own charging stand. That way your SO can get up to refill his drink and still chat with his gamer buddies. He will say something like “WATCH OUT FOR THAT GUY COMING AROUND ON YOUR LEFT!” and you will freak out a bit before realizing he’s referring to virtual reality, not a home intruder. *sigh*

        • Do you have any recommendations? This might be the solution to all my problems!

      • Oh god yes (to the sounds issue). I had a Very Serious Week last week and came home Friday evening and went to sleep at 8:30 after a glass of wine. Which was blissful, but I absolutely had hell-beast dreams as my significant other played for hours out in the living room.

      • I like diablo sounds way better than Bioshock sounds.

    • MissJackson :

      I think I can even one-up this. My husband was so dismayed to find that his current graphics card does not support Diablo (something he did not realize until after he downloaded), that he immediately ordered a new computer to be delivered sometime this week. I imagine that I will not see him for several days when the new computer arrives.

      Silver lining: I’m hoping that he’s so distracted that he won’t notice the (literally) 8 pairs of shoes I’ve ordered from Nordstrom in the last two days.

    • I’m on the other side. I think my DH is jealous of Diablo 3. I finally started playing over the weekend to avoid the first week crashes. I think I slept 3 hours the whole weekend.

    • Mr. Monday is suddenly back in touch with a bunch of old, far-flung friends in order to play Diablo 3. They’ve all been talking about it and waiting for years. I find it kind of cute, but I’m sure I wouldn’t if I felt ignored as a result.

    • for reasons I won’t specify, all this Diablo 3 talk makes me a happy camper. Carry on, ladies.

    • One potential cure for D3 jealousy– join in the fun! DH and I spent most of our free time this weekend kicking demon butt. :)

    • MaggieLizer :

      I haven’t had time lately, but I cleared my holiday weekend to play. They had some server problems the first day or two too, so I’m kind of glad I didn’t try to get on the first day.

    • You ladies talking about your gamer DHs and SOs gives me hope that my now 9 year old son may someday actually have a girlfriend.

      Until now, the possibility has seemed quite remote.

    • English Rose :

      I’m just hoping it doesn’t turn into Warcraft all over again!

      • In-House Europe :

        Hahaha! DH is Sitting next to me laughing at all These very true comments!!

      • Gail the Goldfish :

        Confession: my guild members from World of Warcraft are gathering for a visit this summer.

        We haven’t played World of Warcraft in years. See, videogames lead to real life friendships!

        • English Rose :

          In fairness, I’m now friends with two members of my husband’s guild from back in the day. But that doesn’t mean he’s ever allowed to do a raid on a Sunday afternoon again!

        • I flew across the country for a couple of my guildies getting married to each other earlier this year. It happens!

  15. Always a NYer :

    Thoughts? I’m torn between the black, pink, and red. These would be for casual summer wear, not to the office. Thanks!

    http://www.zappos.com/product/8036644/color/3?zfcTest=fw:0

  16. So what do we think about being asked to sign a condolence card for the death of a colleague’s pet? I’m not a pet person, so I was rather… bemused, maybe, by this. I also got some potentially bad news, healthwise, about a good friend this weekend, so I’m kind of thinking, “Priorities, people.”

    To be fair, I haven’t really told anybody about my friend, just one person who is not a gossipy type. Also, the owner of the dead cat is one of the boss’s favorites, so I’m kind of going down the path of thinking that favorites get a card for a dead pet but non-favorites probably would not get one for a dead friend. Not that I’m sure I want workplace recognition of something like this, I do tend to like to keep my work and private lives as separate as possible.

    I realize this post is a bundle of contradictions and makes little sense. Guess I just felt like venting. I think I’ll go read other people’s outfits and describe my own, that often cheers me up.

    • Sorry about your friend.

      Last week’s NYT Social Qs column had a question from someone who was invited to a funeral for their neighbor’s dog. It might amuse you.

    • I truly don’t see the harm in signing a card. I’m sure it would make the pet owner feel better. I don’t understand the question. Or how its related to your friend. Seems like you can make the pet owner feel better without making your friend somehow feel worse. You are upset because nobody got you a card for your bad news?

    • Its a card. You’re not being asked to donate to a gift or do anything or say anything. You’re being asked to write a note for god’s sake to someone who is probably, quite frankly, going through a really hard time right now.

      How is this even something you really need to vent about? If you don’t want to sign the card, don’t sign it…but seriously, signing a card? Really??? And…if you haven’t told anyone at your work about things outside of work, then you can’t expect them to telepathically figure out that something is wrong. If you want attention and sympathy, seek it out, don’t expect it to magically appear.

      • woah.

      • Anony, I agree with you and you expressed it better than I could.

        The pet owner is going through a tough time and people in the office are being really sweet. It’s not a matter of playing favorites when people don’t know about your personal issues because you haven’t bothered to tell them about it.

        The people in the office are being really sweet. It’s tough to lose a pet–especially if you’ve made the decision to put the pet down (the guilt! the guilt!). Don’t turn it into a dramatic situation where you are psyching yourself out with crazy thoughts about “playing favorites” and “pets being people but some people not being people”.

        • I am for it. I have lots dearly beloved pets of 15+ years and guess what? Humans go through the 5 stages of grief that we do for humans, too, but it can actually be harder, because society doesn’t recognize the loss as signficant. I researched this at the time I lost a dear pet a few years ago and it totally resonated. And then a friend was going through it, and I sent her a card, and some info about how hard it is to go through it in isolation and having others be ‘amused’. It meant the world to her at the time. How about you sign the card, and offer some kind words?

          • For the pet lover C*rp*rettes, www(dot)letterstopushkin(dot)com is a great website where owners can write letters to their pets who have passed on. Prob not safe for work though, I cry every time! I lost one of my cats in October and still have a hard time with it (and lets not even mention the horse I had to put down ten years ago. So hard!). My coworkers gave me a card when I put my horse down and I still look at it every now and then and remember their kindness. Such a simple gesture really can mean a lot.

    • It’s more an issue of blatant favoritism that goes on in my group – I realize this is a petty manifestation of it, but it also has serious career-development repercussions. I’m not really in the mood to go into details. I guess this just was the petty, tiny straw that broke the camel’s back.

      I guess another thing is I’m tired of being thought of as the bitter pet-hater, just because I don’t get the idea of treating a pet like a child. I know people do it and I don’t say anything in real life to those who do, but I’m tired of being expected to fawn over people’s pets and not mind when people want to bring their pets into restaurants (although I’m okay with outdoor eating areas) and retail stores. If I were to buy a condo, I’d probably look for one that does not allow dogs, because I know if I complained about the noise someone’s dog made, I’d be the despised animal hater in the building.

      • Wow, you sound like a super fun person.

        I’m sure it affects you in great ways that people get pleasure and joy from their pets. I mean, they may even be people who can’t have their own children, and yet, are caring giving people who want to give their love, attention and affection to a living creature that loves them back. GAWD, SO ANNOYING.

      • I would sign the card. Sympathy is not a zero-sum game. As for the favoritism issue, is this really a manifestation of it? My current office and my former office had group cards for everyone person when they had a death in the family and for people who were themselves facing serious illness. I don’t doubt your allegation that there is favoritism in your office, but I don’t think this card for a dead pet is that.

        And your attitude about pets makes me hope that you read the Social Qs article I recommended in my prior post. Lots of people don’t like it when they are expected to fawn over a pet/child/whatever is important to the fawn-ee, but there’s a polite way to say something nice and move on. If the owner of the dead cat is in fact a favorite of the boss, you’re not doing yourself any favors by refusing to write a one-sentence note in a communal card.

      • I’ll jump in here and say you are not alone on wishing for a dog-free condo building. I’m not a pet person, and the last condo we were in neighbors let their dog sniff or jump on me in the elevator. I found it difficult to politely say, I don’t want the germs, hair, or smell from your animal. I also don’t like that they allowed the dogs to run the halls without a leash. I don’t mind if you have a dog, just please keep your dog out of my personal space.

        We’ve since moved and have a shared washer and dryer for the 4 unit apartment building. The washer and dryer are constantly covered in pet hair from the one family who has a dog and doesn’t clean them out after washing their clothes. It’s really gross, so much so that last night we resolved that we will have to start dropping off our laundry again to avoid the unwanted pet hair.

      • I totally get what you are saying. Signing a card is not a big deal, but the whole idea of bereavement card for an animal….. such first world problems! It would get a total eyeroll from me too — and I have and have had pets.

        BTW I’ve also received Christmas cards with photos of people’s dogs on them… I think I had to pick my eyeballs off the floor when I opened them.

        • MissJackson :

          Ha. I hope you’re not one of my friends IRL. If so, please just tell me to remove you from the Christmas card list, because I’m totally going to keep putting my dog on the cards for the forseeable future. Many of my 30-something friends do the same.

          • If I wasn’t way too lazy to do Christmas cards, I would totally do this. My dog is way cuter than me anyway. :-)

        • Haters gonna hate! Will leave you off the list when I start doing holiday cards featuring my two Christmas sweater-vested cats.

        • I must agree that
          (a) I’m not a pet person, and I don’t get why that is so hard for others to understand. It seems perfectly fine to admit to being not a baby-person. But pets? Everybody gotta love em?
          (b) I think there is a huge double standard about pets among meat-eaters. Why do you love (and grieve for, and pay huge sums of money to treat) dogs, cats, or hamsters, but be perfectly fine with having a cow or a pig or a baby deer killed so you can consume it?
          Is it because the former are “cute” and the latter set of animals are not? I don’t get it. I’m pretty neutral towards animals – I don’t love them like children, and I don’t eat them.

          • I dunno, fresh kitten meat is pretty delicious if properly marinated.

          • A big eye roll to the double standard. I would not eat baby deer if I had a pet baby deer. I would not eat cow if I had a pet cow. Just like I don’t bawl if I read an obituary of someone I don’t know, but would cry if it is someone I do know.

          • Tired Squared :

            What cfm said.

          • Herbie – lol. I’m cool with that – no double standard there.

            cfm, I’m not sure that is the right analogy.
            You may not bawl to read an obituary you don’t know, but you probably would be moved or appalled at the thought of mass murder of humans, for consumption.
            Now I don’t at all intend to make a parallel between humans and animals, or to make light of murder, -but I am using this as an example of the flaw in your reasoning. Not crying is one thing, relishing/participating is another.

            I similarly think that a true animal lover/pet lover should be a vegetarian. It seems difficult to make a distinction between your pet and other, very similar animals with potentially equally valid claims to your affection and regard. Pigs, for example – vastly more intelligent than hamsters, but don’t deserve your love because they are not a “pet” (or tastier?).

        • Ha, yes, have totally put picture of my dog on the card. She is adorable. If you don’t like it, that’s fine, but I can’t see how it hurts you, nor, frankly, can I comprehend it being shocking.

        • Eh, worrying about your career path is a first world problem, too. As is worrying about your wardrobe is, for that matter. If I had to do a completely unnecessary and unscientific comparison, I’d wager that losing an animal who has provided you with comfort and companionship is more universal than debating whether peep toe pumps are work appropriate.

      • I don’t treat my pets like children, I treat them like the highly valued pets they are, who are wonderful beings and have brought me countless moments of joy and comfort throughout my life. It’s okay if you don’t like them, but yikes, your attitude sounds like you aren’t someone many of us could be friends with. I don’t like being expected to fawn over people’s kid pictures, but I smile politely and move on.. I understand that’s important to them and part of life, so what. We each have things that mean a lot to us. Do you?

        My dog has been the utmost comfort recently at the end of pregnancy where I can’t walk or go anywhere and am having serious marriage problems and am all around distraught- she one of the few things that makes me smile or feel calm. I lost a bird 2 years ago who I’d had for 14 years- he’d moved to 4 states with me, places I didn’t know a soul, my only continuity throughout those transitions. I knew him way longer than my husband. Sometimes if I was sick I’d wake up and he’d be sleeping on my shoulder right there. When he died I held him in my hand for 3 days straight when he coudn’t move as he looked in my eyes with his pain and fear and clearly wanted to be held close and warm. Until I finally went to work to take care of a 2-hour meeting- during which he died alone- which I learned a big lesson from. I understand these are animals and not humans. But many of us have experienced deep and meaningful relationships with pets and love them dearly. It isn’t for you to judge that or resent it. We have cared for these animals as their guardians, and they have been sources of loving companionship. Please try to hide your resentment and by all means, live in pet free buildings.

        • Left coaster :

          Could not have said it better myself.

        • soulfusion :

          I’ll chime in here as well. I grew up with dogs and my last dog was taken over by my parents until he was put to sleep three years ago. When my mom called to tell me I was in my office working on a Saturday and I remember crying out from the shock and grief even though he was 13 and I knew it was time. A few months ago when I found myself drowning in serious depression and working with a psychiatrist, therapist and various medications I made the decision to get a dog. The day I called to tell my mom my decision – before I even picked out a puppy – she could tell by the change in my voice that I was recovering. I’ve had my puppy for 5 weeks and he is a joy and comfort and the absolute best thing I have done for my recovery (and believe me I tried a bit of everything). And while I felt very silly asking for it, I did get a letter from my doctor indicating my pup is my emotional support dog to make it easier for me to travel with him.
          All of that being said, I do not believe my dog should bark at you, jump on you or interfere with your life at all. Even as a 3-month old puppy I make great efforts to train him to be a well behaved member of society. The dogs on my floor who bark every night at 1145 pm on their way to the elevator make me crazy too. And so does the guy who likes to play with his cat in the hall. But I see those as people issues, not pet issues. Everyone I encounter will not love my dog. I get that (although my puppy will be baffled as he is a shameless flirt). I don’t love every person, pet or child I encounter either. And I am absolutely up front with friends and family about what a ridiculous dog-mom I am. But it helps me and doesn’t hurt anyone else so I don’t get the hate. Signing a condoloence card is about the person, not the pet. And as someone who had to share serious health news with all of my friends and family a year ago, don’t grieve for the loss of your friend yet. Support and love and be there for your friend and don’t expect others to read your mind over your struggles. And your friend would probably love a card.

      • I can understand your desire to live pet-free. Likewise, I have been really fretting over the downturn in my neighborhood lately. I moved into a neighborhood full of small homes occupied by young, single or coupled people and, often, their pets. Suddenly, these people are having children and STAYING in the neighborhood, which was never before the case. On some weekend days now, I walk outside my door to take my dogs to the park or to go for a jog and have to navigate narrow sidewalks cluttered with strollers filled with infants and toddlers meandering about with sticky fingers, shrill voices and very little training. These people walk side-by-side, never give way, and then seem annoyed when my dogs and I acknowledge them. I’m considering finding a new home in a place where I don’t have to put up with these annoyances so often, or joining the neighborhood board so I can implement some rules to regulate these children and their inconsiderate parents. To each her own.

      • Anonymous :

        Sorry you are having a rough day. However, your attitude sounds less like “bitter pet-hater” and more like “lack of empathy for co-worker.” You don’t have to share a person’s POV on any particular issue (kids, pets, etc.) to acknowledge and respect the impact that POV has on *them.* Empathy isn’t about taking the issues a person is facing in their life and measuring them against the weight of the world or your own personal views, but recognizing that, on the path that individual is traveling, this is a big deal to them.

        As for holiday cards — geesh. I love to see pictures of what makes my friends and family happy. I love that they want to share that sort of thing with me!

    • just sign the card. Also, you don’t have a dead friend. You got “potentially bad news” which is terrible, but you think that the person shouldn’t get a card because you don’t feel that you’ll get a card if your friend dies? That’s like, super morbid thinking. I’m sorry your friends sick, but I do find it odd that your feeling upset that you probably won’t get a card for her if she dies.

      There’s always someone whos worse off. You could say “priorities, people” to legit anything. Your dad died? I know someone who lost both children. Youve been fired? People are dying and going hungry. I don’t have a pet but I know how much people love their animals. I’m sure my friends would be really upset by the loss of their pet. As sad as losing a person they are close to? Of course not. But its sad, theyve shared that they are sad and have had a loss, and its nice your work is doing a (very small) gesture. They aren’t sending fruit baskets and flowers. A thoughtful workplace, I’m sure, would recognize your loss if you have one and tell them about it.

    • I think I get what you are saying. I am a card-carrying crazy cat lady who actually had to take a day off work when my 21-year-old cat died. (I was a mess.) But I recognize that she was a pet, not a person. I agree that it costs nothing to sign a card, but I also think that a pet bereavement card is something that should come only from good friends. It’s not like when a colleague’s parent dies.

      Related: Are any other childless women out there getting weirded out about colleagues asking after her cats as if they are children? I love ‘em, but they are not my kids. I try not to talk about them at work (see above re: crazy cat lady).

    • Another Zumba Fan :

      If you don’t want to sign the card, don’t sign it.

    • I think you need to separate out your issues here — which you seem to be confusing:

      (1) You’re upset about favoritism in your office. Well, this isn’t really the *favorites* fault. And it certainly won’t be helped by taking a stand about signing a sympathy card for a dead pet. There have actually been lots of good, substantive conversations on here about how to combat favoritism in the office, but this isn’t really a constructive way to start it.

      (2) You sound like you’re starting to let your anger with your boss effect your feelings about your co-workers. Which, by the way, is a powerful tool of the favoritist boss. So try not to let those feelings bleed over. If you allow your boss to alienate you from the whole office, your boss is really the only one who wins. So try to reach out a bit (doesn’t have to be about pets). And also, if/when you are going through personal tragedy in your life, even if you are a private person, may I humbly suggest that sharing it in the office is a good idea (whether you get a card or not) just so people understand why you might be a little off that week.

      (3) Pets…well, not everyone is a pet person (that’s okay…more for the rest of us). But some things are less about pets and more about empathy. You don’t have to have felt something or ever expect to feel something to understand that someone else will be feeling something, just like I will don’t understand why a dog might bother someone, and yet I work very hard to keep my dog from being a nuisance to others. Its the break-down of empathy in society that has driven some of societies least palatable trends in recent years (like small children in fancy restaurants…just kidding…sort of. I love kids, but seriously.)

      Anyway, those are my thoughts. Love em or ignore em. :-P

    • Sign the card. If you don’t feel sympathy, it won’t hurt to feign it. Sounds like you’re having a bad day because both your posts sound very bitter. Here’s hoping your day (week?) improves.

      • Yes. Sign the card and be done with it.

        And do something nice for your friend, whose situation affects you more anyway. Pick up the phone or bring her food or whatever. Focus on that, because it means more to you.

        Both of these situations are sad. Hang in there.

  17. I am new to posting but have been reading here for a while- so informative and fun! I hope it is ok to be new and threadjack for some advice.. I became friendly with a just-graduated college senior through a volunteer organization. I have known her for several years. Over the last year, she expressed her interest in going to law school and we spoke/emailed about it several times. I am a happily non-practicing attorney with a job in the financial services that requires a legal background. I gave her lots of advice- the good, the bad, all the stuff that’s been rehashed on here a million times. I did not dissuade her, but did give advice on realistic planning- i.e. NOT “well, of course, I’ll make law review, get a job in BigLaw and pay that six figure debt right off,” which is exactly what I very wrongly thought going in. She got into a decent regional school and I put her in contact with friends of a friend who went there for additional information. She got wait-listed at my alma mater (a solid T2 school IMO), which was her #1 choice. I offered to write her a letter of recommendation. I’m not the most important alumni by any stretch and I don’t really donate to my school (sorry, still paying off that six figure debt) but I thought maybe it could help her. I wrote a glowing letter because she’s a great kid- very charity-minded, hardworking, etc. She thanked me when I offered. I sent her a copy of the letter after I had sent it in. She never sent me so much as a thank you email. I am appalled. In addition, she has now graduated and I presume, made her choice. I can’t help it but I’m bothered by her lack of follow up. I am guessing she hasn’t heard from my school or didn’t get in, but I still think she should have sent me a note thanking me and letting me know where she was in the process or what she had decided. My husband thinks I’m being ridiculous but this bothers me. At the very least, I think she could use a lesson in proper networking etiquette. I took time out of my schedule to help her- the least she could do is send a note telling me how it all worked out. Am I being ridiculous or is this a lesson she should learn for the future? Is it my place to tell her? I will be seeing her at a volunteer event in 2 weeks. Can I say something?

    • I would say something. This kind of behavior bugs me too. It’s a huge pet peeve. I wrote a lengthy (2page) letter for my good friend’s SIL, when her daughter committed to University housing and then wanted to back out. The SIL kept bugging me when she didn’t hear back from the landlord even though it was the kind of situation that no news is good news (if you get a summons and complaint, you are in trouble). Now it’s almost 9 months later, the kids has graduated, and I’ve heard nothing by way of thanks from the SIL or her ungrateful daughter. Some people have no manners. Endrant!

    • Youre letter was a little to long for me, but I still STUCK with it, b/c it sounded like some thing I went thru. I think you are OVER reacteing. She is ONLY a college kid and does NOT have all the etequite that we all DO b/c she is NOT in the workeing world yet.

      Also she probabeley did NOT get in, so she moved onto other thing’s. If she want’s to transfer to youre school or even gradueates, she may be back, and you can THEN decide what to do. For now, just say FOOEY and move on.

    • If you’re going to see her anyway, I would say something about how you were surprised not to hear from her about your letter or the final outcome, and that she’ll be asking for references and letters a lot in the future, so she needs to make sure she has the etiquette down.

      I have been frustrated by people that seem ungrateful about the advice I have I have given them, and I can imagine the fact that you actually wrote this letter makes it even more aggravating for you, but it sounds like you invested a bit in mentoring this woman and thought pretty highly of her, so I would be inclined to treat it as a teachable moment and see if you can get past it.

      • I agree with this approach. Even if she is ashamed of not getting in, it is rude of her to not take the time to thank you since you took the time to write the letter. I recently applied to grad schools and made sure to thank every person who wrote me rec letters as well as inform them of my decision with regard to school, even if it was just an email.

    • I would just ask her about it when you see her – “So what ever happended with your law school applications? Where did you ever hear anything from Alma Mater?”
      As for the thank you – maybe she thought the thank you she gave when you offered was sufficient? I personally wouldn’t be horribly offended by it, but I understand how it could upset some people. While I do agree that this is the kind of lesson that some people need to be sat down and taught, I would look at her interactions with you overall and ask yourself if she’s generally been polite and courteous before sitting her down to have this kind of discussion. This may be a one-off kind of situation where she forgot.

      • Former MidLevel :

        This. Exactly.

      • Maybe she still didn’t get into your alma mater even after your recommendation and is feeling ashamed/embarrassed to talk to you.

        • River Song :

          This recently happened to me with a former student for whom I had written a letter. I agree it’s bad manners, but out of the dozens of students I’ve recommended over the years, only a handful sent me actual thank-you letters. Most of them do check in, however.

    • I have to make a confession. When I was applying to law schools, my mom reached out to a family acquaintance who was a professor at one of my “reach” law schools. We hadn’t seen him in about 12 years but he had graciously offered to meet with me to discuss my applications. I went to his office, we talked, and he wrote me a truly lovely letter of recommendation.

      At the time, I was too stupid to know about thank you notes on nice stationary. I thanked him when we met, but even though I was totally moved by his rec letter, it simply didn’t occur to me to thank him for it in writing or by phone. At that time, I figured I’d get into my dream school and thank him then. When that didn’t happen, I was honestly too embarrassed to follow up. In retrsospect, I should have called him anyway and maybe cultivated a relationship. Frankly, I am sorry I didn’t.

      My point is only that you should not take it personally. Not everyone grows up with a copy of Miss Manners’ Etiquette Advantage on their bedside table. Things that seem obvious or a given are sometimes neither. If you like this girl, reach out to her. Maybe even politely explain to her how she should have acted in this situation so she does not repeat her mistakes in the future. If she doesn’t get it or appreciate it, then write her off.

      • Agree that shame and youth probably are factors here, but I am with OP: this drives me crazy. I have spent similar time trying to help others and the millenials often do not update you or thank you. What I do: screw them! I focus on mentoring young people who have a sense of gratitude and professionaliam, and cut the others off. Not worth my time. Go ahead and have the awkward conversation if you want- for me they can learn their lessons elsewhere. And won’t be getting hired by me anytime soon.

      • AIMS is right. Sometimes people just don’t know to check in with their mentors. I’d follow up with her if you’re curious.

        I have a mentee who I know didn’t get a job I recommended him for. It was a competitive job. I’m not sure where our relationship can go from here. Oh well. There will be other young lawyers looking for my advice.

    • I need some related advice regarding a belated thank-you (I do not want to be the subject of one of these posts!). In the winter, I applied for a job on a very rushed time frame (a networking connection told me the employer was interviewing that week and offered to send along my materials, if I could get them together quickly). One of my mentors was kind enough to have a long conversation with me about whether I should apply, and then wrote me a glowing recommendation letter once I decided to do it. He has an extremely busy schedule and yet was willing to take time to talk to me on really short notice and wrote me a letter within a week. I of course said thank you many times over the phone, and emailed a thank you after he sent the letter. I told him I would let him know how it went. I meant to send a handwritten thank you note as soon as I found out whether or not I got the job (thinking I would get word within a week or so). Instead, I found out about a month later that I did not get it. It was a crazy time at work, and I was a bit bummed, so I put off sending out a handwritten note. Of course this is no excuse. Now the thank you is several months overdue, and more importantly, I never let him know I did not get the position! I am so embarrassed about how rude this was. What’s the best way to word the thank you? I’m assuming it’s not silly to send it at this point — better late than never, right? (Even six months late? Sigh).

    • Sweet as Soda Pop :

      PET. PEEVE.

      A bit different, but I’ve thrown 2 baby showers, and sent gifts to at least 3 showers, since I moved away from my hometown. I have not gotten a SINGLE thank you note. Where are manners???

      So, I’d be upset too, but I don’t know that I’d say anything to her.

      • Thanks! Sorry for the late thank you (IRONIC!) but I definitely appreciate this advice. Yes, I have a feeling she didn’t get in. Truthfully, I probably wouldn’t get in to my school now! I hadn’t considered that she might be embarrassed about that. I guess I am just very self-deprecating by nature and don’t feel like I have this big bad amazing law career- just a good career in a boring but stable industry- so I am not intimidating enough to be someone she should be embarrassed in front of. But I forget that she’s 21 and I was 21 once too. In fact, at her age, I wouldn’t have had the nerve to reach out to ANYONE. I didn’t. I guess I was just kind of disappointed to feel like my opinion mattered and then it didn’t. And I felt a little used even though I KNOW she didn’t intend that. I will just bring it up to her when I see her in a friendly way- so, what’s going on with law school? Maybe I will say that I have really been curious to know but didn’t want to bug her. I really do want to “teach” her the networking etiquette because, truthfully, it will help her, but I need to think of how to say it nicely. She is a sweet girl at heart though i do get a sense that she feels somewhat entitled sometimes. She’ll grow out of it.

        Thanks again everyone!

  18. T/J – need hive help!
    Am in new mid-sr corporate position. Taking first company trip w 2 SVPs to Germany in a couple of weeks. 2 days, client meetings, unclear dress code but prob not full black suit-formal. Also need to bring laptop, currently have company issue ugly black nylon travel case for it. 2 qs – how do I put together outfits, and what bags do I bring? I don’t want to chk bags; do I pack a pocketbook in carryon? Usually carry large Kors Hamilton that I can jam things in but not sure I want to squish it in.
    It’s not that I haven’t traveled for work before but I have ‘new job want to make good impression’ stress!
    TIA…

  19. K in... Transition :

    lovelovelove this dress… though I admit that I typically love most anything that is tie-dye or ombre in appearance but isn’t pink :)

  20. I’m currently a member of the IL bar with active status. I’m taking a non-law job where I hope to stay indefinitely and considering going inactive in my bar membership. Has anyone done this? Any thoughts? Is it as easy as it seems if I were to ever need/want to go active again?

    • I just went inactive in IL myself, since I moved to another state and can’t think of a scenario in which I would need to practice IL law. I haven’t researched it enough yet–I think if you got active again you have to catch up on all the retroactive CLEs, but someone correct me if I’m wrong.

      • This is correct – if you want to resume active status in IL (currently), you have to make up the missed CLEs, up to twice the amount of the current two-year requirement.

        I’m non-practicing, and intend to remain that way for quite some time, but I’m staying active for now. It may be a waste of registration fees, but there’s something I just like about knowing I’m fully licensed.

    • I briefly looked into it in one of my states (not IL), and I was told by a potentially reliable source that the bar has a lot of discretion in what you may need to do to become active again, including basically making you sit for the exam again. I have not done further research to determine if that is true or not, but something to make sure couldn’t happen to you.

    • SpaceMountain :

      I’ve been inactive in Illinois for years, as I’m active in another state, and in the meantime, Illinois has started CLE requirements whereas my other state does not have them. To be active in Illinois again, I’d have to make up years of CLE at my own expense — hope I never have to do it, but I’m sure it would beat taking the bar exam again.

    • Thanks!

    • I’m an active IL lawyer and inactive in VA. To re-activate in Virginia would mean paying a fee and proving up my mandatory CLE hours. I believe Illinois has the same rule. So the takeway is that since IL is a mandatory CLE state, if you are ever considering becoming active again, it’s in your interest to keep up with CLE so you don’t have to cram in years’ worth when you reactivate.

    • I just went inactive in IL. I you ever want to go active again, you’ll have to make up the CLE and also pay the active fee difference for all the years you were inactive. I’m a member of another bar and don’t foresee every practicing in IL again so it made sense for me. Keep in mind that if IL is your only bar membership, and you went inactive in IL then you would not be able to call yourself an attorney anymore.

  21. Mountain Girl :

    My Fair Ladies…and by that I mean those of you with super pale skin like mine…do you ever feel self-conscious when you wear a skirt without hose?

    I am in a business casual office but I do wear a skirt nearly every day. We are in a very casual city and I haven’t seen anybody under 70 wear hose (except tights in the winter for years). I’m loving the Duchess because she might bring hose back into style! Do you ever feel self-conscious with a skirt?

    • I’m a certified hose-hater, so I’m probably not someone you should listen to, but if you’re in a casual office, I certainly wouldn’t worry over much. I’ll wear hose in the winter when it’s not quite cold enough for tights, and to non-summer formal events, but I am terrible with it, and seem to always get a run within half an hour of putting it on. I think runs look worse than no hose, but maybe that’s just me?

    • I’m super pale if left to my own devices and feel self-conscious in skirts. So I either spray tan if I really have my act together or use self-tanner. I’m not sure I even own a pair of hose anymore, though.

      • That Jergens lotion with built in tanner is awesome.

        • Mountain Girl :

          I had heard good things about the Jergens Natural Glow lotion but found that it left me with that odd-orange tint like other self tanners. Maybe my pinkish/ivory skin tone isn’t meant for self tanners. I would love to get a spray tan for my vacation this summer but don’t want to be orange for 10 days. Maybe a trial run?

          • Mountain Girl, the trick for us naturally pale ladies wrt spray tanning is to ask the tech to make you look “sun kissed,” not like you’ve been withering away on the beach all summer. It will make you look glowy, give you some color, but won’t make you look orange or like you are on a particular MTV reality show.

            As for streaking, that happens to me, too, unless I mix tanning lotion with my regular lotion. Takes longer to build up color but diminishes streaking / strange patterns that only appear in natural light after I’ve left the house thinking I look fabulous.

          • I’m a pink/ivory girl myself, and I can only use the gradual lotion tanners, and only the ones that come in a fair/light shade. AND I don’t apply them every day for a week or whatever they recommend on the label. I apply once or twice a week all bare-leg season. I don’t have a sunkissed look at all, but it takes the glowing whiteness down a notch.

          • I am very pale and use Jergens natural glow in the fair/ medium version. Love love love it! I do about four days in a row in the beginning of spring, and then every third day or so after that. My legs never get to an actual “tanned” color, but they are no longer white and blotches, nicks, etc. don ‘t stand out any more. I used to worry that the bare legged look wasn’t very professional, but decided that supposedly nude hose, or tan hose, look so stupid on me that that is even worse!

    • Accountress :

      I’m super-pale, too- with lovely hints of pink- and I never wear hose with skirts or dresses, aside from thick black tights those few days in January that it’s too cold to wear a skirt without something else. I’m in Florida, so hose or what-have-you is never really required, comfort-wise.

      It’s pretty impossible to find hose that matches my skin color- and if I did, what would be the point if it would just look like I wasn’t wearing hose? Getting something that’s now my skin color seems ridic, because unless I’m in a longsleeved turtleneck (also ridic), my differently-colored legs would look weird next to my pale-and-pink arms.

    • A little bit, but you know what? My skin color is my skin color, and I don’t have to change it for anybody.

      • Mountain Girl :

        Good for you! Thanks for the vote of confidence. I’m going to strut my skirt today. I guess if somebody judges me by the color of my skin than I’ll just classify them as bigots and go on with my day. :)

      • totally agree. i’m super pale, the world can get over it.

      • Agreed. When I go on vacation to beachy areas, I’m the palest person there.

        Damn right. And mostly I stay out of the sun. I’m protecting myself from cancer!

    • DC Kolchitongi :

      I wear hose with skirts every single day. My legs are white as a sheet and every last vein, razor burn, ingrown hair, and birthmark shows up in painfully clear detail. And in humid DC summers, my shoes get sticky and stinky if I wear them with bare feet. So I rock the hose. Haters gonna hate.

      Of course, I live in DC where everyone’s main goal when getting dressed for the morning is to telegraph that they are SRS BIZNS. So it’s much easier to get away with not being the height of trendy. If I lived on the West Coast I’d probably suck it up and apply the self-tanner.

    • Yes, but I do tend to wear hose. Casually and not wearing hose, I do feel like my legs are reflecting at people/really obvious. I just finally decided that it’s tough and I like my skin generally, so if people have an issue with it, that’s just it – it is THEIR issue. (Honestly, most of them probably never notice!)

    • Puppy Love :

      Super pale, here. Nude hose makes me think of old ladies. I wear opaque black tights from mid-September through April, and then go stocking-less after that. I tend to wear slightly longer skirts in the summer – try to find skirts that cover my knees or go right to the tops of them. I feel like that helps reduce the white leg factor.

  22. Can we talk mattifying products? I have oily but sensitive skin. I alternate between a glycolic face wash and a gel wash for oily skin, use a lightweight oil-free moisturizer, and have to use those oil blotting papers twice a day. Murad oil-control mattifier does pretty much nothing for me (but makes my face breakout). I’d love to hear about your favorite products to control shine!

    • There’s something from DDF that I tried and liked. Ask for a sample at sephora. I also like clay/mud masks once a week to keep the balance healthy.

      Also, maybe lay off the oily skin products. My personal theory is they just make your skin compensate for the drying effects by producing more oil. My experience has been that if you just go for something really gentle, you’ll have better results. I like Aveeno gentle foaming face wash for sensitive skin. Origins’ Checks and Balances is also good.

    • I know the conventional wisdom is that even oily skin needs moisturizer, but I find that I don’t need it on my whole face. I use a little bit of lightweight moisturizer only in dry places (around my eyes and nose), and my foundation is formulated for oily skin and has a sunscreen in it. I need to blot much less often than when I was moisturizing my whole face. Paula Begoun of the Cosmetics Cop website has some great advice about this.

      I’ve tried every mattifying product out there and find that they are all ineffective and make me break out. Frequently they contain harsh ingredients like alcohol that can make you even oilier. I also don’t think that barrier products that just trap the oil in your pores are a great idea, especially if your skin is sensitive or acne-prone.

      • Hmm, thanks. Now that I think of it, I wonder the glycolic face wash has made me oilier? I will stop using it for a while, and cut back on moistuirizer to see if that helps. And will check out the DDF product too. Thanks!

  23. Kate Spade Shelly :

    Link in reply… I really want these in blue and wide shoes are so hard to find, but I’m worried that the chunky heels won’t be flattering to the leg. Can anyone comment?

  24. Kate Spade bags, shoes, apparel, and bedding on Gilt today. Must resist. Must resist. Especially after last week’s sale (hello new ring I’m wearing today!). Must. Resist.

    • sigh. I am waiting for the clock to hit 12. It’s going to be a real problem.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Dang it. After already hitting Nordie’s, I had to snap up the Louella skirt I’ve been stalking for months across the interwebs. $200 was my threshold, and with tax and shipping, it was just over $200. For a cotton skirt. It was half off, but STILL. I feel guilty already. $200 for a cotton skirt?? Must figure out what I need to return from recent purchases to balance it out.

  25. Late threadjack - serious question :

    I usually only respond to the posts of others, but I’ve brought up before in a response, and won’t go into a lot of background here, that I have a SIL with mental health issues that go untreated because her husband, frankly, prefers her that way. He’s a jerk and is not on speaking terms with his family, including my husband.

    The gist of it here is – she sometimes has paranoia and delusions that someone is out to get her, and sometimes – most often – that someone is me. Because she’s “family”, we’ve let her get by with a lot of threatening/wrong behavior that I absolutely would have brought a protection order against had it been a stranger. We have rules – her numbers are blocked, if she were to ever come to the house we call 911, etc…
    Well, things have been very, very quiet for about 11 months. Until this morning when I get a call from a cousin of my husband’s family who keeps in touch with her. The cousin, aware of what has happened and concerned for me, confirms that I work at ‘x’ firm on ‘y’ street in the historic district in our city. Evidently SIL has applied, and been interviewed, to be the front desk receptionist at the office directly across the street from my office. Which shares a parking lot on the corner of our block. And there is no way to enter or leave our office without being in view of the front desk of that office. I’ve scoped every entrance/exit out this morning.

    Now I really, really wish I had gotten that protective order. But what do I do? As far as I know, she has no major criminal record. My husband and I have a folder of threatening notes, pictures of things that have occurred, etc, as we’ve promised ourselves that if anything ever happened again we’d go to the police. But I don’t think I can just walk across the street and ask them to please not hire the woman who is crazy. Even if she once threatened to burn down my house and then left a jar of gasoline on my front step when I wasn’t home. And I’ve gone out of my way to not ever actually do anything that could possibly be construed as “getting her”. But I’m genuinely scared, possibly for the first time in my adult life.

    • another anon :

      Given your last paragraph (threatened to burn down your house and left a jar of gasoline on your front step???!), please, please, please call the police, make a report, and ask them about getting a protective order. Given the history here, I would suspect that her applying for a job across the street from your office is not a random coincidence, and hopefully a judge would see it that way too. And hopefully they will run a background check on her, and something will come up that will tip them off that she’s not the best candidate.

      • Please call the police and pursue a protective order. I would also take CA lawyer’s advice and talk to you firm about security.

    • It’s possible that the company will not hire her. However, it’s time (today) to get advice from people with security expertise. Does your firm have a head of security? What about your office building? The company that owns the parking lot? Can you get help from the police or engage a private security consultant or lawyer specializing in protecting folks with security concerns?

    • Is there a way to get more information from the cousin or use them as an intermediary with your brother in law? Suggest that you would be uncomfortable with her working so close?
      I would actually say go over there and tell them your story but you would indeed be fulfilling her accusation.

    • I would talk to the police and start going down the path of the protection order.

      I wouldn’t bother to talk to the BIL/SIL since you already know that’s not going to go anywhere and anything you say can be construed to confirm her delusions.

    • Anon on this :

      Go to the police and bring your pictures, etc. You want them to have all of this on record, even if it happened awhile ago. Also know that the barometer for having someone committed to a psych unit (usually 72 hour hold but I think it varies by state) is the person constitutes a threat to theselves or to others. Your SIL is definitely comittable, at least in the short term, by that definition.

      An order of protection may actually be a way for you to help her get treatment – her violating the order (which, especially if she is in a delusional state, is likely) could get police, etc. involved and lead to an involuntary commitment. That’s obviously an extreme end result, but it sounds like that may be the only way she can get help given her husband’s attitude. Bottom line, you want the police to know your story ASAP so they are better equipped to respond the next time something happens (and hopefully avoid getting to that point).

    • For the love of God, have your firm’s security people call the place that is interviewing her to notify them that there is a long history, with lots of documents to prove it, of her threatening violence. Ask them to be as specific as possible, and include the information that a concerned family member tipped you off.

      They don’t have to do anything but listen, but it seems less likely that they would hire her given that information.

    • So what if you’re fulfilling her prophesy? You need to protect yourself first.

      Get a protective order. Call the police. Talk to your firm’s security. And march over to the other building and ask to speak to head of security there, too.

    • OP here - :

      Thanks for everyone’s advice. We talked about it last night, and I am meeting with security for my firm this morning, who will speak with the office across the street later today with copies of what I have.

      • How sure are you that she is applying?

        Ideally the first out is she isn’t hired because there are many, many more qualified and better suited candidates. You would not be involved, and would not trigger her.

        From a hiring perspective, I’m not sure they can legitimately give you any information. Following up through your cousin is better, as well as getting that protective order close to when she is engaging in threatening behavior.

        Update us on how this goes.

Add a comment.

Questions? Check out our commenting policy. Tech problems? Please report it to the tech team.