Coffee Break: Wick’em

Reader L passed this interesting little tip along: “As part of my New Year resolutions I’m trying to walk more during my lunch hour, but I noticed my bras started to get a bit smelly, I guess from the bit of sweat (ewww). I didn’t want to change into a sports bra just for a lunchtime walk, so I did some research and found this moisture-wicking bra liner. It’s easy (and fast) to put on (except with a dress), it’s comfortable, and my bras are in much better shape now from my lunchtime walks.” I think this is a great idea, and an easy fix for people who are trying to fit a bit more movement into an already-packed day. The liners are $20 at Bare Necessities. Wick’em: Bra Liner (picture after the jump!)

(L-2)

Wick’em: Bra Liner

Comments

  1. This certainly fits in with our recent Macgyvering discussion!

  2. Mr. TBK sent this to me today. Beware – NSFW because if you’re like me, you’ll likely tear up. (Makes me want to run home to be with Mr. TBK right now.) http://mobile.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/slates_10th_anniversary/2006/06/watching_the_couples_go_by.single.html?original_referrer=http%3A%2F%2Fpjmedia.com%2Finstapundit%2F

    • tear up how? I thought that was awful and demeaning and not written well.

      • Really? I thought it was incredibly sweet. Demeaning to women? I feel honored that my husband thinks I’m “the whole world to him” and that the fact that he is irreplaceable to me gives him “the self-esteem to go out and meet the world everyday.” Also, the author acknowledges that he’s only seeing it from the men’s perpsective because he’s a man. But isn’t this the whole point of marriage — that no one person can be perfect but that that person might be perfect for you? And that the time and effort you put into the relationship helps to make that other person more and more valuable to you and more and more perfect for you as time passes?

        • Research, Not Law :

          Left me rather cold as well. There were some nice and sweet morsels in there, but the writing was not well developed.

          The way he stripped women down to the ‘basic’ and ‘average’ woman made it seem like we’re all interchangeable. Describing the woman’s worth coming from cuddling, listening, and finding their partner irreplaceable is void of any attention to the woman’s individual characteristics.

          I think everyone would describe their partner’s adjectives before their verbs, but the writer proposes the opposite.

          I’m glad you found it sweet. Mr TBK really knows you :)

          • Research, Not Law :

            I wasn’t offended; it just didn’t pull the right heart strings for me as written.

          • Wow. It’s really surprising how different people can see such different things in the same words. I saw it as meaning that you don’t have to be special or glamorous or look like a movie star to still be completely amazing and essential to one person. Also, I guess I have a view of marriage that it’s not necessarily the individual people that make a marriage valuable but all that you put into it over the years. I could have married dozens of different men and wound up perfectly happy with any one of them. So in that way, yeah, I see spouses as sort of interchangeable before any relationship develops. But after you spend all that time together, you couldn’t imagine being married to anyone else. The other person is completely ordinary but by being married for all those years, that person becomes extraordinary to you.

          • Yep, agreed. Except for the second point about conversations and the trust and familiarity built up over the years, it made it more about being a warm body and “making your man feel needed” than about the individual special things that make up a relationship. It’s not being a supermodel or a Nobel prize winner that make your partner special and individual to you, or vice versa, and yes, we’re pretty much all (from an outside perspective) ordinary average ladies with ordinary average partners… but you can’t just stick any two people together and expect that relationship to work, no matter how much effort and time you might put in. Even communities with an emphasis on arranged marriages/matchmaking understand that.

          • Agree, I mean I hope my husband loves me for more reasons than 1) I’m a warm body 2) I listen to him, and 3) I need him.

          • Agree- felt it was the opposite of sweet. Didn’t like the implication that my husband likes me because I am a warm body that puts up with his sh*t. Made “plain” women very interchangeable.

        • lawsuited :

          I liked it, TBK. The writing is clunky, but the sentiment resonates with me. My experience of marriage is that it makes the ordinary very special. And although I won’t admit to being “plain” or “average”, DH definitely thinks I’m a lot more awesome than I actually am!

      • I agree that the writing was somewhat clunky. I wasn’t offended, you could have interchanged the man and woman roles for effectively the same thing. TBK, I get where this tugs at your heartstrings. It very much goes to the premise that spouses are each other’s safe harbor. The magic is pretty simple, really.

    • MaggieLizer :

      I enjoyed the article. I like to be reminded that, “This is what a relationship should be like; you’re not crazy and your expectations aren’t unreasonably high for wanting this.”

    • I stopped reading at “First, she is a warm body in a bed.”

  3. Alice Snuffleupagus :

    I would love some advice from bay area readers. I am moving to San Fran this summer, but I have to live near CalTrain for DH’s commute. We are looking at Potrero Hill, Dogpatch, and Mission Bay. Any thoughts on those areas? Of other compatible neighborhoods? And price range? If we could get a 1 bedroom or studio under $2,500 that would work for our budget, but I do think that’s expensive would expect some amenities at that price. I’ve seen the huge complexes (Avalon, Edgewater) but would love any other leads or experiences. Also–what utilities do you typically pay for? I read some reviews online saying renters had to pay for water and trash. Is that true?

    Thanks in advance, and hopefully I can meet some of you after the move.

    • Welcome! I have friends living in Potrero Hill and Dogpatch. They are gentrifying areas–pretty safe at night with at least one other person. The 22nd st Caltrain station is protected from the rain so it’s very popular with commuters. I don’t know about prices though.

      Yes, Bay Area renters commonly pay for all utilities including water and garbage. There is a service that the landlords use (but the renters are charged a “service fee”). In one complex, I was paying $100/month in water/trash and in another I was paying $35/month. I would recommend asking to see the actual amounts tenants pay because landlords do lie about this.

    • Since you’re moving here, it’s San Francisco, the City, SF – never “San Fran”. That out of the way, $2500 might get you a studio/1bdrm in those areas, but that might be a little low. You could also look at neighborhoods/spots on the N-Judah or the T muni lines as they both end at Cal Train. You might be able to get a little more flexibility in terms of neighborhoods that way, but keep in mind that time on these trains would be in addition to time on CalTrain. You might also want to check out this article about moving to SF — lots of good points in here: http://jasonevanish.com/2013/01/17/25-things-i-wish-i-knew-before-moving-to-san-francisco/

      • One of my colleagues asks me about ‘San Fran’ and it takes all my effort not to say, ‘SF, the City, San Francisco!’ A friend from London thinks it is hilarious that I refer to my hometown as ‘the City’, as if that explains it all.

        • I have a really good friend who’s never lived here who does the same thing. I rarely correct people, but thought OP should know since she’s moving here :-) I’m glad I’m not the only one w/ the impulse!

          • Alice Snuffleupagus :

            yes thank you! And thanks for the article. I am definitely in the “managing expectations” phase of moving…it’s just so hard to move from NYC/DC and pay even more for an apartment than I already do. But, I can’t wait to get to The City (wink)!

          • Good luck, Alice! SF (aka “The City” :)) is a wonderful place to live & happy to answer any other questions as you gear up to come here.

        • Imagine my confusion when moving from northern CA to SoCal and everyone kept referring to “the Bay.” I kept thinking “Bay area” / SF adjacent and they really meant the beach cities near Marina del Rey / Manhattan Beach.

          • Yes, this! I am from the South Bay (in LA) and whenever I hear that term here, I cringe!

      • I had someone recently ask me where i lived “in Cali” … this person is also pretty obnoxious the rest of the time, so i had to try REALLY hard to resist going off with “First of all, I don’t live in Cali, there is no such place as Cali. Only stupid people say Cali. I live in Oakland, CALIFORNIA, doosh.”

    • Mary Ann Singleton :

      Potrero Hill is best situated for CalTrain, but is also very popular and places can be hard to find. The area has a nice neighborhood feel, with lots of young couples and families, as well as cafes, bars and restaurants, and the weather is better than most other areas of SF (more sun, less fog). The commute to downtown isn’t great as you’re not very close to BART or a Muni Train, but there is a pretty good bus line. Sorry I can’t weigh in on the other areas.

      It’ll be hard but not impossible to find a 1 bedroom under $2,500, but don’t expect too much in terms of amenities. I pay around this amount and I don’t have a washer/dryer, but I do have a dishwasher. Only trash is included in my rent – I have to pay for water, gas and electric. My utility bills are low though – you will not need A/C in SF, and I rarely have to run my heater (I actually run it more in June than in January!)

      Good luck!

    • I love Potrero Hill! No longer in the area but enjoy! Check out the Bold Italic for witty (if sometimes overly hipster) guides to city life.

  4. Young Consultant :

    Do any of you have experience with ordering cases of wine online? I wanted to order some for my mother for her birthday, any website suggestions?

    Thanks!

    • I recently ordered from Wine Insiders. I was disappointed, and have heard that from others.

      • Ditto. I found the Wine Insiders wines to be pretty terrible. I wound up using them for cooking because they weren’t any good for drinking.

    • I purchased 2 LivingSocial deals for winetasting.com a couple of years ago and was very pleased. I ordered a number of chardonnays for myself and gave the other coupon to my parents, who got a mix of varietals:
      http://www.winetasting.com/

    • Alice Snuffleupagus :

      I order a lot from Lot 18. They have a range of prices from mid to expensive, and I’ve never had bad wine.

    • WSJ wine club. If you have any friends that subscribe, there is usually an offer for $79 for 12-15 bottles, depending on the month/offer. They’ve all been pretty great and I drink a lot of wine.

      • I ordered from WSJ once. The wines were OK, but delivery was a PITA – an adult needs to be at home to sign for the package. We ended up having to go to FedEX to pick up our (heavy and bulky) package, and never reordered.

    • I’ve ordered wine online before. Beware that you have to have someone over 21 sign for the delivery.

      • Anonymous :

        Yes–Definitely have it shipped to a place of business if possible, unless you know that someone is going to be at home to sign for the delivery.

        And I second the suggestion to order directly from a winery if you know of one that you or your mother likes. If not, I’ve ordered from K&L and had a good experience (I was ordering something specific though, so I can’t really speak to their wine clubs).

    • If you’re thinking domestic, you can order directly from the winery. They have it down to a science. Or you can order from an importer/distributor like Kermit Lynch (such well-curated French and Italian wines!). I prefer both of these options to ordering from winedotcom or the like, but I’ve also never had trouble with winedotcom.

    • DH orders from Lot 18 all the time — we’ve never had a bad experience with them.

    • MaggieLizer :

      I’ve ordered from Barclay’s a few times. They have groupons every once in a while that have always seemed like a good deal to me. I know pretty much nothing about wine but I’ve enjoyed everything I’ve gotten. I also like that you can get less than a case; I think my friends would wonder about me if I told them I’d ordered a case just for myself!

    • I LOVE (Ellen caps!) Navarro Vineyards in the Anderson Valley. They offer 1 cent shipping, their wine is relish (they offer many award winning white varietals and reds too) and their price point is much more wallet friendly than Napa. Highly recommend. Also, they offer some very unique varietals…Edelzwicker being one. Try them! You will not be disappointed!!!

      Love, MJ (a very happy member of their wine club)

  5. Major Major :

    Shopping TJ: I’m going on a tropical vacation and need a great cover up (I like the short caftan look). Under $100 because I live in the northeast and rarely see the sun anymore, so it won’t get a lot of wears. Thanks!

  6. I have an interview tomorrow late afternoon for a job that I’m really excited about. (1) How on earth do I keep my mind focused on my current work today and tomorrow? (2) How do I keep from getting too excited about this potential job, so I won’t be too disappointed if I don’t get it? (3) I’ve told my current job that I need to leave a bit early tomorrow for a personal matter. (I don’t have the kind of job I can just slip away from for an hour or two.) Where do I go to freshen up my make-up/hair before the interview? I can’t go to the bathroom at my current work because they’ll wonder where I’m going that I need to put on lipstick and brush my hair. Do it in the cab on the way over? (Good part is my current job is a place where people wear suits all the time so at least I don’t have to worry about someone asking why I’m all dressed up.)

    • Research, Not Law :

      (3) I actually think no one would notice if you brushed your hair and reapplied lipstick in the bathroom or think anything of it if they did, but you know your officemates best. Is there a lobby bathroom (in your building or nearby) that you could use?

    • Houston Attny :

      Congrats! My guess is that you probably don’t stay too focused on work today and tomorrow up until your interview. I know I’d be super thrilled, and it would be hard. So maybe you do little steps, “OK, Anon, finish this small task and then close the door and freak out. OK. Now do this thing and then close the door and squeal/pray/freak out again.” Are you able to brush your teeth after lunch, comb your hair (even in a stall) and perhaps freshen up maybe even an hour or so before you go, not right before you walk out the door? Then, you just have to put on some lipstick right before you leave or in the bathroom on the way out.

      Good luck!

  7. Research, Not Law :

    Love this – thanks, L!

  8. Kat, you are SOOOO right! I have been running through alot of washe’s since I started walking with my FITBIT. But it is paying off with a smaller tuchus!

    I have a change of clotheing here at work (but since I do NOT have a decent office, I must change in the firm’s bathroom, which Frank likes to use alot and which smells very bad after he eat’s spicey food’s. I have brought my own can of LYSOL and have left it in the toilet so that Frank and the others can FRESHEN up the room b/f they leave. Otherwize it is HORRIBLE smelling b/c there is no window in there.

    So I have a stock of stuff I keep here, including stocking’s and panties and bra’s which I bring home every day in a bag and I get them washed for me EVERY week. Otherwise it’s FOOEY time and I can NOT afford to smell FOOEY!

    Frank and the manageing partner likes to knock on the door when I am changeing, but they are onley kidding when they say to hurry up b/c the manageing partner has to go. I know he has a key to the mens’ room in the hallway, and I know he has gone there when Frank is in the toilet. I told Frank NOT to take his AM NY paper into the toilet b/c there is a line, and he does not do that any more. He said I should be gratful that he does NOT read the Wall Street Journal in there. FOOEY on him. I do not want to go into the ladie’s room in the hall to change every day b/c I also have to change in the afternoon b/f I walk home. Yay!!!!!!

  9. I have shoulder-length, thick curly hair and while I love wearing it shorter than shoulder length, I can’t figure out how to put it up when I exercise. My hair needs layers to encourage the curl to do what I want so I just feel messy when I try to put my hair up and I don’t like having to use a ton of bobby pins. Does anyone have any suggestions?

    • Have you tried those stretchy/cloth headbands? I have long bangs/fringe and I use the headbands to keep the face-framing pieces out of my face when I workout.

    • AnonInfinity :

      I have chin-length hair, and I do what I can to pull it back (lately that has been little pigtails). The rest I catch with a headband. The headband keeps any loose hair off my face and the pigtails keep it off my neck. Though I will admit it’s not very cute.

    • I use a plastic tortoiseshell headband to pull the front of my hair back.

    • Research, Not Law :

      Pigtails and bandana. Neither may be appealing, but I have similar hair and found those to work best for me. It’s a definite disadvantage to that style. I feel like my life revolves around babysitting my hair when it’s that length!

    • AnotherLadyLawyer :

      I have the same hair, plus pesky bangs, and second the recommendation for pigtails or a ponytail and a headband. But I can’t stand the stretchy/fabric headbands that go all the way around my head — they make my head feel like it is being squished. If you try the headband route, I love the scunci no-slip headbands that Duane Reade carries in 3 packs — the teeth are soft silicone or something like it instead of hard plastic that digs into your head.

    • I have the same hair, and when I wore it short I would flip my hair upside down, tie a bandanna around the whole thing that tied above my forehead rockabilly-style (very wide fold at the back, going most of the way up the back of my head), and tuck in any stray curls. no hair band marks, and it kept things out of the way.

  10. A few weeks ago people were mentioning food prep companies in the Bay Area… what were they???? I’m thinking of signing up!

    • I’ve been using diet-to-go since Christmas. http://diettogo.com/ The food is quite tasty and I’m losing weight quickly. I chose this service because it has a “local pick-up” option where the food is delivered fresh, not frozen, twice per week. It’s a little more expensive than I was spending on food but it’s so worth it!

    • Need to Improve :

      Franny’s Kitchen delivers freshly c00ked meals to us 2-3 times a week, sometimes 4. If you are comfortable with it, you can give them the keys to your house and the food is there waiting for you when you get home. It’s always very fresh, generally organic, and the portions are enormous so we often have extra. It’s also very reasonably priced.

      I also like Jessie et Laurent, though they are much higher-end (more expensive, also more like restaurant food) and their portions are smaller.

    • Thanks guys!

  11. Super Bowl :

    For football folks – how important is a Super Bowl party when your team isn’t playing? BF invited me to a party his friends are throwing; BF and friends live over an hour away from me. I couldn’t care less about football but I’ll go and hang out sometimes because it makes BF happy. I never hang out with them on Sunday, though, because that’s my chore day; chores take about 8 hours if I do everything I want/need to do. I could do chores Saturday, but that would take up my down time and quality time with BF. Weekdays are not an option for chores (biglaw). And because the party is so far away and so late, I’d have to either 1) be sober for a football game so I can drive home (= torture), or 2) spend the night at BF’s place, which means I can’t work out Monday morning.

    I told BF that I couldn’t go to the party because it would interfere with my schedule too much and he understood but seemed really disappointed. I feel guilty and crotchety for not going, but I’m really not a fan of rearranging my whole weekend and Monday morning to accommodate something I really don’t care about and that doesn’t seem like it should be that important to BF (because his teams aren’t playing). If it’s important then I would go, but idk how to guage that. Should I suck it up and go to the party or can I stop feeling guilty and go about being old? Thanks!

    • kerrycontrary :

      I would just suck it up and go. Don’t think about it as going to watch the game, think about it as hanging out with your boyfriend and his friends. It’s just ONE weekend, it’s not like your BF is asking you to rearrange every weekend for this sort of event. And so you can’t work out one Monday, big deal? It’s one workout, not a whole week/month of them. Sometimes you are going to have to rearrange your life for another person’s plans, that’s just the way things are. At least you have fair notice. If you ever have children your schedule will be rearrange constantly with little to no notice.

      • I guess part of my hesitation is there always seem to be things like this that are “just this once” or “once a year” types of events – BF’s team is playing a big rival! But it only happens once or twice a year! For each of his 5 teams! In ALL THE SPORTS! Not to mention his huge group of friends are always having birthdays, anniversaries, engagement parties, etc. All of these “once a year” events end up being almost every weekend, so it’s tough to figure out which ones are important to go to and which I can skip.

        • I suggest gently saying something like the above to him–he probably doesn’t realize that he expects you to attend “once a year” events almost every weekend. The way you put it above is perfectly reasonable: “it’s tough to figure out which ones are important to go to.” Obviously he’d just prefer you go to all of them, but that isn’t working, so you’re asking for clarification.

        • Saacnmama :

          So that’s what it’s about–priorities, how you spend “couple” time and how to meld your lives together, your health and taking care of yourself. That’s big stuff. If you put all that pressure into a conversation about one weekend, will it turn into a fight? Maybe go to the SB but start a conversation about how you’re going to handle these kinds of things. Perhaps he can chop veggies with you &/or you can talk to your family during your drive.

        • Thanks to you both. I’ve tried to have this conversation a few times and I always get, “Well if you can’t make it I understand, but I would like you to come to as much as you can.” Which isn’t really that helpful. His friends hang out basically from Friday afternoon to late Sunday night every weekend. I really tried to keep up for a while and I was just miserable. I never had down time, BF and I never had one-on-one time, and my place was a wreck. I think it’s swung a bit too far in the other direction for him now – he has time with his friends (Sunday afternoons/evenings) but he wants me to be around too. It’s just so hard to know where to set the boundaries so that I’m not overwhelmed but he’s also happy with the amount of time he gets.

          • LadyEnginerd :

            So… how often does he skip these kinds of things for “must do” things on your end? Personally, I’d feel a heck of a lot more generous about his “must do” events if couple time more evenly balanced my friends and my interests. If your time together devolves to “his friends,” “his hobbies,”and “one on one couple time,” please be careful and do whatever you can to swing that pendulum back. He should be willing to skip some rivalry games, birthday parties, etc for whatever it is that fulfills you, whether it’s a recreational sports league, tickets to a show, or even helping you chop veggies once in a while. Otherwise, especially with your demanding job, he’s asking you to only have one hobby: him.

            Sorry if I’m projecting. I just ended up in that situation and it was brutal. And to reward me for all my compromise, I got dumped in part because I wasn’t the interesting person with her own vibrant hobbies who he fell in love with (hah!).

          • Saacnmama :

            Does it work to talk about it in the abstract, not tied to a specific weekend? It’s hard to weigh an event against hanging out/1:1 time, because the latter are “doing nothing”, even though that’s something valuable to you. What do you get out of this relationship? It doesn’t sound like you see him during the week.

    • “doesn’t seem like it should be that important to BF” seems pretty key here. If you’re not sure why it is, perhaps consider asking him? My best guess is that this is not about the football, it’s about the social factor – his friends are having a party, everyone is hanging out, and he wants his gorgeous girlfriend there. Superbowl parties are rarely actually about the game. If you think that might be the case here, can you work out extra long and do chores on Saturday, then go over to his place early for a little quality time on Sunday before the party?

    • I don’t think you should be asking other people how important it is to watch the Superbowl when your teams aren’t even playing. I think you should ask yourself if you will truly be happier getting all your chores done on Sunday and not missing your Monday morning workout than you will be saying “f-it” for a day and going and spending some time with your BF (whom you presumably enjoy spending time with) doing something that he clearly enjoys, and wants to have your company for.

      TL;DR – The Superbowl is only one Sunday a year. Your schedule can permit it :)

      • I have to say, I agree with the OP. I hate football, hate loud drinking crowds, and would love to spend superbowl Sunday checking things off my to-do list. Unfortunately, my SO insists on hosting the superbowl party every year, so I can’t get out of it. Or I could, but SO would be annoyed that I wasn’t there, and I would be annoyed that I came home to a mess (whereas if I am there for the whole party, I can kind of clean up as the game progresses).

    • You sound so much like me. I have my weekend routines and I hate to break them because I have so little time during the week to do those things and I hate to miss workouts. That said, sometimes you have to give yourself permission to change things up to do something fun or even that your BF thinks is fun.

      Go have fun! Just this once.

    • I recommend sucking it up and going. Really, you can get 4 hours of your 8 hours of chores done and be ok for the week. It is a once a year thing. It is going to be a party where a lot of couples will be there, and I’m sure he just wants you there. If I asked my bf to come to my best friends birthday party, and he said he couldn’t because of chores, I’d be dissapointed.

      • I say do what YOU want to do. This guy is going to be trouble if u let HIM RUN YOUR life by making you show up at sports parties with his drunken freinds. Does he EVER do what you want to do? You want to be sure you are NOT just the DECORATION he shows off to the guys. Alan tried this by telling all the Sheketovitses that he and I were sleeping together and all the older ladies SNEERED at me as if I were taking THEIR Alan, and all the older men gave me an up and down like THEY should be the next in line for getting the same sexual favors that ALAN got. FOOEY! BTW, at that time I had NOT DONE everything that Alan wanted. But that didNOT stop him from hinteing that he got everything from me. DOUBEL FOOEY!

        Be your own person b/c men will take and not give. Alan burped and walked away when it came to my needs. You do not want to be in MY SHOE’s! But I am now SHEKETOVITSES FREE!!!! Yay!!!!!!

    • Anne Shirley :

      8 hours of chores every weekend?!? I’ll admit I could do more around the apt, but I routinely spend 3, including grocery shopping, cooking a meal, and a load of laundry. Unless you have special chore needs, I’d skip them and go hang out. It’s less about the game than it is having you with him I think.

      • Anonymous :

        Seriously. OP, if you don’t have one already, hire a cleaning service! If you are in biglaw, you can likely afford to have someone come at least once every other week, and it will free up a ton of time on your weekends. I don’t know how I could do everything without my cleaning lady.

      • yeah, my reaction too was, BigLaw, unable to spend weeknight time on chores, spending *all day Sunday* doing chores? Throw some $$ at those chores and buy yourself some free time!!

        • Senior Attorney :

          +1,000,000

          • +1,000,000 again. Throw money at the problem. I cannot fathom spending 8 precious hours of free time on chores. That’s insane. Use the ridiculous amounts of money we get paid to have someone else clean your house and yard work and whatever else. Besides therapy, it’s the best money I spend.

      • MaggieLizer :

        I’m actually surprised by the reaction to the amount of time it takes OP to do her weekly chores, I kind of want to see another thread on just this! 8 hours sounds like a lot, but once I started to think about what I actually do on the weekend it sounds about right.

        I go to at least 2 stores – TJ’s or farmer’s market and regular grocery/pet store/pharmacy as needed – every weekend, and you have to count driving time in there too. With weekend crowds, that’s easily 2 hours before you unload your car and put stuff away. Laundry is about 30 mins per wash, 1 -1.5 hours per dry cycle, and I do at least 2 loads (clothes, towels, sheets) = 3-4 hours of laundry, so we’re up to 5-6 hours. Sure, I’m not constantly doing stuff for that 4 hours of laundry time, but I have to be home for it. It can be tough to cook while you’re doing laundry, too, because you have to fold and iron and such. Plus there’s a DVR that needs to be cleaned out….

    • Saacnmama :

      How bout chores on Sat, quality time with BF Sat eve and spend the night @ his house, work out in his neck of the woods Sun morning, brunch, downtime, get ready for party together, drink a couple beets at the party, spend the night again, and go to work? I think that hits all your bases, if this were about scheduling, but I don’t think it is.

    • Suck it up. If your team’s not playing, it’s not about the game but about the party. How would you feel if you were throwing a big party and your BF didn’t want to go because it interfered with “chore time”?

      One question, why are you spending 8 hours on chores each week if you are in BigLaw? That’s too much! Consider outsourcing your “chores”–housekeeper, gardener, meal service/grocery delivery service, personal shopper, and handyman.

      • Yes, the more important question is clearly “What in the heck takes 8 hours?”

        I have a house, husband, and a kid and I can’t imagine my chores taking 8 hours on a Sunday…and I’m in BigLaw, too. Always taking 8 hours to do chores on Sunday seems so limiting.

      • Not sure if this matters but I wanted to clarify – BF isn’t hosting the party, his friend is; if BF were hosting I would definitely not miss it. Mostly because I would be doing the cooking!

        The time is basically so I don’t have to do much/anything during the week. I make all my meals, prep anything that can’t be combined (e.g. chopping veggies and browning meat), and measure out my portions for the week so I just grab and go. It’s really freeing to not have to worry about meals, and it’s a lot more time efficient to do all my prep at once rather than fool with it every night. My dinners are always ready in under 10 mins, and they’re fresh and healthful. Oh and I have a housekeeper, couldn’t live without her!

        • Oh and the 8 hours includes talking to family, which in my family is definitely a “chore,” so that’s about 2+ hours of it.

          • Tell your family you have plans and will talk to them next week? Between that and maybe showing up a bit late to the party, you’d be able to do your stuff and go.

            Plus, seriously 2 hours to talk to family that isn’t pleasant (maybe misreading bc of the ‘chore’). Cut it back !

        • hellskitchen :

          Perhaps just go to the second half? I like football but can’t spend time watching my SO’s team play every Sunday. My compromise is that I join him at whatever sports bar he’s at, at halftime. Of course for Superbowl, I’d go for the entire game but I do like football.

        • Anne Shirley :

          Is it really freeing if you’re spending a whole weekend day on it? It sounds like it works for you, which is great, but it may be worth questioning whether flexibility to enjoy bf’s company also gets space in the priorities list. Not quite equivalent, but if he skipped your Friend’s birthday because he had a run scheduled, would that be okay?

        • OP, I am so glad you have a housekeeper!

          Honestly, the lack of time during the week and the 50+ pounds I gained on take-out is the reason I signed up for a meal service (see post just before yours). I tried doing what you are doing and and I went mad! Can you re-use a previous menu or leave some prep undone? Do you have a food processor (really helps with chopping) or can you buy pre-chopped produce?

    • The SuperBowl is about more than the teams playing. It’s a national event with people discussing the ads, the commentators, the half time show, etc.

      It’s a convenient excuse for people to get together and eat yummy snack foods (sweet and savory) while ignoring their diet.

      • I totally agree. I am a huge sports fan, but I would watch the Super Bowl even if I wasn’t a sports fan because I like to be conversant about what is going on in the news. And for better or for worse, the Super Bowl (which includes commercials, half-time show, etc) is news in the US.

        I say you go to the party!

        • This is reminding me of Gretchen Rubin’s principle of fun, that “what’s fun for you may not be fun for someone else, and vice versa.” I love Super Bowl parties, but for the OP this one is stressful and not relaxing, 2+ hours of travel included. I don’t have a definitive opinion about going or not going, but I have to keep in mind that “but it’s FUN!” is almost never an actual argument.

    • It sounds like a lot of time for chores to me as well, but I remember when I first started working and dating it was a very similar routine for me. Eventually I did what everone else here recommended: threw money at the problem and bought myself some free time. That means: eating out more, generally simplifying my meal procedures, hiring cleaners/gardeners, not doing my own mending but taking it to the tailor. Try to find a cleaning lady who you can pay by the hour but who is willing to do more than clean (drop off stuff at the post office, take stuff to the dry cleaner for you, iron your laundry). Eventually I recognized that I was beginning to immitate the “grown up” life I had observed at home when I was a kid but that it just didn’t work for my situation, so I changed it.

      In addition, I’d recommend trying to squeeze at least one or two of these chores into the week (midnight self-administered manicure — pop in a movie and buy yourself an extra shot espresso the next day and its bearable). Squeezing them out of the weekend and making your week even more stressful is annoying when you still spend most of Saturdays on chores – but when you combine it with outsourcing other stuff and it means having your weekend day chore free, it can be amazing.

      And finally, you could start to outsource some of your stuff to your boyfriend. You’ve been dating for a while and maybe it is an opportunity for both of you to push more for the “partnership” direction. Maybe he can come by Saturdays and go grocery shopping with you or you can fold the laundry while on movie night….

      Best of luck!

  12. Obvious anon :

    I think the lack of comments on the OP is funny. Anyone who does comment will probably do it anonomously.

    I don’t usually wear a bra (I’m a/b), wonder if these would stick to a shirt somehow.

    • Please wear a bra! We had a summer who was very small (less than an A) who thought she didn’t need a bra (or at least not a supportive/padded bra). Trust me, she needed a bra with sufficient padding–we knew when she was cold!

      • kerrycontrary :

        um yes, most people over the age of 12 should wear a bra. At least wear a cami if you find bra’s uncomfortable, but most likely you should wear a bra.

      • Agree. I don’t understand how women can get away with no padding at all because…cold! An intern I worked with over the summer had C/Ds and wore an unpadded bra to a presentation in what I guess was an overly AC-ed room. She was up there the whole time with full headlights!

    • Anne Shirley :

      I think these sound great! Esp for commuting in summer. Don’t see any need for supplemental anonymity.

    • TO Lawyer :

      umm I’m an A cup and I still need a bra. Maybe because I’m naturally cold all the time…

    • I think it’s funny that there aren’t any comments on the OP too. But I don’t feel the need to be anonymous! I just think these would be really uncomfortable. I guess I would (a) replace my bras more often – because I think these body smells build up over time and then come back more quickly each time you wear the bra (b) change into a sports bra for my walk so I don’t have to replace my expensive lingerie ones (assuming that’s an issue) (c) try to find a sports bra made with silver incorporated in the yarn or merino because those naturally kill off odors. These days I run in a Smartwool t-shirt and it’s much better than a cotton or synthetic one for avoiding bad smells.

      • Can I also suggest SportSuds, WIN, or Sport Wash? I use it for all my clothes that get really smelly, but it was developed specifically to clean the synthetic fibers in workout gear. It’s great stuff.

        • Yes! These types of detergents are awesome. Dh gets really, really sweaty when he works out & it was hard to get the smell out until we switched to this type of detergent.

  13. South Bay tailors? :

    Can anyone recommend a good tailor near Mountain View or Sunnyvale, CA? I need to get some skirts taken in at the waist, and possibly hemmed. Also, what’s the price range in this area for those services? Sigh, re-building my services network in a new city is a bit scary!

    • anonypotamus :

      I don’t know any that far north but if you don’t mind coming to San Jose, I love my tailor here – Forest Tailoring, right across the street from Valley Fair. Ask for Ivan – I trust him with all my suits/work clothes/everything. He will make sure everything is to your liking and if you try the finished product and don’t like it, he’ll tweak it until it’s perfect.

  14. LA_Attorney :

    Hello ladies–need some advice. I’m a fourth year seeking to lateral to another biglaw shop, and I just got an offer from a place I like. How long is appropriate to take to respond to their offer? (In my offer letter, I have until X date, but I want to know that I’m not committing a faux pas by not responding sooner).

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      Not in law, but I think it would be good to confirm receipt of the offer (ie, “Thank you so much for extending the offer, Bob! I will consider it and have a decision back to you by the 8th” or whatever) and then I don’t see why you can’t take until as long as they gave you.

    • Meg Murry :

      Are you planning to negotiate (not a lawyer, is that even allowed in biglaw)? I think it would be kind of tacky to wait until the day of or the day before the deadline and then start to negotiate salary/vacation/start date, but if you just need a few days to think the offer over and do the math on accepting vs declining thats reasonable, especially if it requires something big like a move. I agree with MoA that you should confirm that you received the offer, and if there is something that is holding you back from committing, ask about it – for instance, when I got an offer to my current job, one of the things I asked for was the prices & deductibles for health insurance to make sure the increase in salary between NewJob and OldJob wasn’t going to be eaten up by differences in benefits costs (been there, learned that lesson the hard way!)

    • Congrats!

      What is holding you up? Other offers? Processing? Def agree that you should take the time you have/need but I wouldn’t wait til the last minute just because you can.

    • Need to Improve :

      If not in the offer letter, make sure you ask them when you will be up for partner/if you will be docked for being a lateral.

      I think it’s fine to take the whole time but I certainly would respond, thank them, say you are thinking about it, and see if there is anything you want to negotiate (partnership track, signing bonus, salary, perqs like being sent to the DA’s office, etc.) You can try to negotiate all of those things in BigLaw, with salary being the least likely to succeed.

  15. Fundraiser, Maybe :

    Taking the plunge, friends: does anyone here have any experience working in development or fundraising? I’ve been doing a lot of volunteer fundraising lately for some organizations I’m part of (mostly arts and community stuff), but it’s gotten to the point where I’m running and branding whole campaigns, and I find that I really like what I’m doing. I’d be interested in learning more about what it’s like to do this professionally.

    If you do this–or if you know someone who does this–for what kind of organization do you work? How did you get into it? Do you have to work your way up to get a lot of responsibility or is it the kind of thing that someone can come into with skills (writing, branding, leadership) as opposed to professional experience? Do you ever feel burnt out? I work for a university now and really like being on campus, so if anyone has experience working for a college or university development office, I’d be especially keen on hearing your story.

    I may re-post over the next few days to get more responses, so apologies in advance if you see this multiple times. And thanks, too, for taking the time to help out.

    • hellskitchen :

      Keep in mind that doing it as a volunteer and doing it as a job may be very different. For the latter, your job is on the line if you are not able to bring in money. Fundraising also differs from organization to organization. Some things to keep in mind 1) your specific role: in some orgs, the head of development does the actual fundraising, relationship building, asks etc. In others, their role is to set up the CEO or President to make the ask because that role is considered the “face of the organization.” Think about what you’d like 2) The reputation of your org: the nonprofit I work for is very well-known so actually raising money is not that hard because we have a long list of long-time donors to go to – the challenge is continually matching their interests to our needs. If you are working for an org that doesn’t have an established fundraising strategy, you may have to do a lot of research on prospects, networking, cold-calling etc. That can get a bit frustrating esp if you don’t get positive responses quickly. 3) Skills: IMHO the ideal fundraising role is one where you are doing all the relationship building, verbal asks and you have a team that handles the actual grantwriting, reporting etc. Fundraising is way more about relationship building than writing a grant. In fact, most of the actual grant writing I have done is usually a formality, with the general terms verbally already agreed upon. So if I were hiring I’d look for someone with the leadership, branding, relationship skills over hard skills like grant writing. If the candidate didn’t have fundraising experience, I’d look at their track record of building partnerships. Fundraising is always an in-demand skill in the public sector so if you are good at your job, there’s lots of opportunities for you. But it is diff raising money as a board member or volunteer (I am giving my money/time to this org, you should too) versus as a professional fundraiser or staff member (I am being paid to ask you to give money) so think carefully about what aspects of fundraising appeal to you most.

    • Hey there – I’m late to seeing this but if you post an email address in a thread on Tues /Wed I can send you some thoughts. I’ve worked in this field for 7 years and am always happy to help others make the jump!

  16. Jessica Glitter :

    So I am wanting to get on the Downtown Abby bandwagon, but when I went to order the DVDs on amazon I got confused…some versions have negative reviews. Then some say “UK version” but the reviews say they really aren’t the UK version. Any advice on which ones to order?

    • You need to make sure that they’ll work in your computer/DVD player – Europe is on a different standard than the US. I’m sure Google can tell you which is which.

    • Mountain Girl :

      Do you netflix or Hulu Plus? Netflix has season one available as instant streaming. Hulu Plus has both season 1 and 2. PBS has season 3 episodes. I found the offerings on Amazon to be confusing as well so I watched season 1 on Netflix, season 2 on Hulu, and found a link to the BBC and watched all of season 3 already.

      And, yes, the UK version of the show is longer than the American version. I don’t know that the UK reference refers to the compatibility of the DVD or the content of the shows.

    • If you have Amazon Prime, Seasons 1 and 2 are available (or at least were the weekend before Season 3 started) to stream as part of your Amazon Prime membership.

  17. chocochat :

    TJ: I am in love with this outfit. Is it possible to replicate it for (muuuuuuuch) less than what it originally costs?
    http://nyti.ms/T1FJsB
    {also in love with Marion Cotillard)

  18. chubby hubby :

    Any suggestions on how to motivate a spouse to lose weight? We already plan and cook healthy meals, don’t buy junk food and run together on weekends, but DH has gained 40 pounds in the past 3 years and I’m unhappy about it. Our schedules aren’t compatible for working out together during the week. There’s no medical cause for the weight gain, and his doctor agrees that he needs to lose at least 30 pounds but doesn’t seem to be providing any direction other than “by the next time I see you, I want you to have lost 5 pounds.”

    • You can’t motivate him to lose weight. He has to be motivated himself. You can express support and willingness to help if he wants to do it, but you can’t motivate him.

    • Does DH acknowledge that it’s an issue, and is he motivated to lose the weight? You can’t force him to lose it unless he’s ready to take control of it, unfortunately. But some ideas: It could be that you’re eating more healthfully but his portion sizes are out of whack, or there is always the possibility that he’s eating unhealthy food on the side. Alcohol is also a huge calorie minefield. If those things are an issue, I’d start there first.

    • Research, Not Law :

      If he’s eating healthy foods and running at least once a week, how has he gained 40 lbs? Or are these recent lifestyle changes? I’m asking to better address the issue. Is it portion control? If so, serve dinner plated, etc. Is it alcohol or soda consumption? Have alternatives, encourage water, etc.

      Also, is he completely on board with the weight loss? Are you looking to support him while he does it or to motivate him to do it?

      • chubby hubby :

        These are not recent changes; we’ve always eaten a fruit/veggie/lean protein/whole grain heavy diet. I’m really not sure why he’s gained the weight. We did both have long commutes for two years, and he stopped exercising during the week during that time, but claims he has been working out at least a couple of times during the week (plus our weekend workouts) since we moved and our commutes improved. Yet he keeps getting larger. I can only assume that he’s continuing to gain because he is eating a bunch of cr*p at work, but I’m not really sure how to ask the question without sounding accusatory. (I tend to have a hard time not being direct.)

        Dinner is plated, and we eat the same portions. I have a higher metabolism, but he is now twice my size, so I think that should balance out the metabolic differences. I have not gained weight, and have in fact lost weight eating this food since having a baby. The only thing he drinks with calories is alcohol– maybe 3 beers a week to my knowledge.

        He agrees he needs to lose weight, but doesn’t motivate. E.g., he slept until 8 this morning instead of getting up to work out.

        In part I want to motivate him, but I also want to get him on board to motivate himself. I’ve tried casually discussing things that I did to lose baby weight (e.g., keeping a log of what I ate), but it doesn’t seem to have any traction with him.

        Please, suggest away!

        • Is he depressed?

          • chubby hubby :

            Good thought, but I have a history of depression and so I think I would notice symptoms if he was, and I don’t see any indication of depression. (He was lounging in bed this morning because he’s not a morning person and our kid was kind enough to sleep later than 7 this morning for about the third time ever.)

        • If he agrees he needs to lose weight but doesn’t do anything about it, then he doesn’t REALLY agree that he needs to lose weight. You cannot force someone to want to lose weight, even if intellectually they agree that they should do it. I speak from years and years of experience. My whole life my mom tried to motivate my dad to lose weight, and it never really worked because it was really what she wanted, and not what he wanted. When your hubby really wants to lose weight, he will do it. You can be supportive in saying “if you decide you’d like to lose weight, like the doctor suggested, I’d be happy to help you figure out what’s been causing you to gain, workout with you, etc.” But he has to want it himself. Really want it, not just be saying it because he knows that’s the right answer.

          • Senior Attorney :

            Amen to this. I say this as the one who was the “fat spouse.” Your choices are “continue to set a good example, keep your mouth shut about his weight, and make the best of it,” or “tell him its a deal breaker and leave him.” Everything else, including nagging and shaming, are a waste of time and will just hurt your relationship.

          • Gus and Senior Attorney are very wise.

          • chubby hubby :

            I get that nagging him is bad for the relationship, and I dont think thr I have nagged him, but it’s also bad for me to not want to have LGPs with my husband because I am not attracted to him. I have not said this to him, but I guess I don’t know what to do if I can’t just suck it up and can’t motivate him. Is it wrong for me to diplomatically convey my feelings (once I figure out how to do so)? I don’t want to be hurtful but if the situation was reversed, I would want to know.

          • Senior Attorney :

            It is very tough. And honestly, you have a tough decision to make. If it’s a deal breaker for you, at some point you are going to have to leave if he doesn’t get with the program.

            Of course, you want to give him fair warning. You may certainly tell him ONCE that it is a deal breaker for you and/or that you are no longer attracted to him. Sit him down and just tell him. Honestly, I wouldn’t worry overmuch about diplomacy. Just tell him, “Dear, this weight you’ve gained is making me not want to have sex with you, and that is a gigantic problem for me for all kinds of reasons, especially because I love you and I want to feel attracted to you. I don’t want to be hurtful but if the situation were reversed and you had such strong feelings about something similar, I would want to know.”

            And then, the hard part. You have to sit back and let him do what he does. And then you have to decide what, if anything, to do about it.

        • Anonymous :

          I see that he slept until 8 this morning, but is he regularly getting sufficient sleep? There is good evidence that sleep cycles can play a big role in weight gain/loss, and I can vouch for this myself. I lose more weight sleeping and eating right than I do working out and eating right, though the working out tends to improve both the sleep and the diet, so I try to combine them all.

          • chubby hubby :

            He usually gets 9 hours of sleep, so I think so.

          • even if he is in bed for 9 hours, is he able to sleep that whole time? Is he a light sleeper & does the toddler wake him in the night? Does he snore – any chance of sleep apnea or other disordered sleep?

          • chubby hubby :

            He is a snorer, but he seems to be asleep when I elbow him to make his stop. But I will suggest he raise sleep apnea at his next doctor’s appointment. Toddler is a good sleeper, thank goodness. I do not miss sleepless nights with a baby.

        • Saacnmama :

          I can commiserate with both of you. Having a kid (assuming this is his first) *does* things to you, emotionally and physically. Even just the stress of knowing you’ve got to provide for the little one can raise cortisol levels. But being expected to be with someone you’re not attracted to sure sounds hard too. Good luck to you both!

    • Meg Murry :

      -Join Weight Watchers with him and make it a competition (by % of weight loss, not pounds, or change in BMI?)
      -Get a second opinion from a doctor to make sure there really isn’t a medical reason (did they run any thyroid etc tests – men can be hypothyroid too)
      -Work out together in the morning?
      -Don’t buy beer, wine, soda or juice – save beverages with calories for a single serving at a restaurant x times a week or less ?
      -Get a food scale and measuring cups and watch portion control ?
      -Cook less food for meals, or more veggies, less meat/carbs ?

    • Joan Holloway :
    • We started using smaller plates and bowls because the dish size influences portion size.

      Have some snacks around in portioned sizes — 100 calorie packs of cocoa almonds are my dh’s choice.

      Also, a low carb diet really helped us drop the weight. I know you said whole grains, but maybe even those are too much.

      • chubby hubby :

        Portioned snacks are a great idea. I think that he may be grazing on large quantities of healthy snacks. A dozen almonds is a healthy snack; a bowl of almonds is not. Hopefully the act of opening up bag after bag of a snack would cause him to stop and think about whether he is still hungry.

        We are vegetarians, so low carb is hard to do, and we also have a toddler who will only eat if we serve him the same food that we are having (thank goodness he is not a picky eater so far — last night he ate kale salad!) so I would be concerned about limiting carbs because it’s probably not good for a child’s diet. Oh, but I could try to have our lunches be low carb.

        • Merabella :

          You may also try a low glycemic diet and adding more protein to your diet – obviously not animal protein. He may be hungry because he isn’t getting enough calories and that is why he is snacking.

  19. Just wanted to share my sense of relief that I am DONE DONE DONE apartment hunting in Boston. A bit sad to be actually moving to Cambridge, but definitely looking to buy in 1-2 years back on the Boston side. Finally caved and went with a nondescript, no-fee big apartment building.

    And now to settle in and get back to what’s important…RAVENS WINNING THE SUPERBOWL ON SUNDAY!!! :) (also helps that my “second” team is the Niners, so I won’t be too sad either way)

    • Apartment hunting off season is rough. Glad you found something. Good luck with the moving portion!

    • hellskitchen :

      Go Ravens! I don’t have any beef with the niners so if they win, it won’t feel so bad.

    • Uh. I hope you haven’t been gloating too much about the Ravens. I say this as a diehard Patriots fan. But, congrats on finding a place. Mine is kind of nondescript, too, but moving sucks.

      • Ha! I’m married to a die hard, born and bred Pats fan, so I know my public limits in Boston. Privately, in our home on the other hand…it’s gloat-city. :)

  20. SF ladies – any recommendations for a good spa to get a facial? It’s been ages since I’ve had one & my old go-to’s were LaBelle & Nob Hill spa. Not adverse to going back, just thought I’d see if there’s a new game in town.

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