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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
How is it possible that I’ve gone this long without mentioning these pants? They’re fitted, but not too fitted, and they don’t get weirdly baggy or stretched out over the course of the day. They have a side zip and button, so they lay flat and don’t create any weird pooches at your mid-section. They’re machine washable (and when I’m feeling lazy, I throw them in the dryer and haven’t had any problems yet). They’re the M.M.LaFleur Fosters, and at $195, they’re not cheap, but in terms of cost per wear, they’re one of the best buys in my closet.
In addition to this grayish-blue “monsoon” color, these pants also come in black, navy, dark olive, dark spruce, russet, and saddle. They’re available in sizes 00–3X. The Foster Pant
2020 Update: We're adding these pants to our Workwear Hall of Fame because after they're still around, coming out in new colors, and getting rave reviews from readers.
Hunting for some other great pants for work?
These are our favorite pants for work in general:
As of 2024, we think the best work pants for women include longtime favorites such as Nic & Zoe, Theory, NYDJ, J.Crew, and M.M.LaFleur — as well as trendy brands like Spanx, Favorite Daughter, and Everlane. For budget-friendly styles, check Quince, Old Navy, and Amazon seller Tapata.
![the best work pant for women, overall: nic & zoe](https://corporette.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/Wonderstretch-Straight-Leg-Pants.jpg)
![one of the best affordable women's work pants: quince](https://corporette.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/best-womens-work-pant-quince.png)
![some of the best black work pants with a flare](https://corporette.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/best-flared-work-pants-for-women-spanx.png)
![cigarette-style pants worn with a teal top and sandals](https://corporette.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/best-work-pants-for-women-mmlf-foster.png)
![A woman wearing navy pants, sneakers, and a gray sweatshirt](https://corporette.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/The-Naomi-Wide-Leg-Flare-Pants-by-Maeve.jpg)
These are our favorite pants for work in plus sizes:
Hunting for the best plus-size pants for work? As of 2024, favorites include Eloquii, Nic & Zoe, NYDJ, Universal Standard, Eileen Fisher, Maree Pour Toi, Liverpool, J.Crew, and Lafayette 148 New York.
![plus-size work pant; woman wears navy pants with red heels and reddish shirt](https://corporette.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/Regular-Fit-Kady-Pant.jpg)
![Black plus-size model wears stylish plus-size work pants, a teal sweater, and a blazer with nude-for-her heels](https://corporette.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/08/plus-size-designer-clothing-workwear-2023-universal-standard-ponte.png)
![gray plus-size work pants](https://corporette.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/plus-NYDJ.jpg)
![comfortable plus-size work pants](https://corporette.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/plus-eileen-fisher.jpg)
These are our favorite lightweight work pants for summer:
Some of our favorite summer work pants for women as of 2024 include options from Nic + Zoe, M.M.LaFleur, Ministry of Supply, Uniqlo — and Banana Republic Factory sometimes has pants in their AirStretch line, also!
![lightweight summer work pants women's from M.M.LaFleur](https://corporette.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/best-summer-work-pants-mmlafleur-origamitech.png)
![summer dress pants for women from Nic & Zoe](https://corporette.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/best-summer-work-pants-women-nic-zoe.png)
![lightweight summer work pants for women from Uniqlo](https://corporette.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/best-summer-work-pants-women-uniqlo-smart.png)
![lightweight summer work pants for women from Banana Republic Factory](https://corporette.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/best-summer-work-pants-women-banana-republic-factory-airstretch.png)
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Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected].
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
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Elizabeth
These are my favorite and basically the only work pants I wear anymore.
busybee
I bought them and wanted to love them but they were basically leggings on me. Sizing up just made them look like baggy leggings- I think it’s because of the stretch material? Even on the model photos, the pants are really tight. I just can’t wrap my head around such tight pants being work-appropriate. I did appreciate the side-closure and the little button at the hem though.
Anonymous
Agree. I would wear a pant like this with one of my more tunic length sweaters (or blouse in summer) and booties but I have a business casual office. I don’t see how these work as pictured. Office leggings should not be a thing.
Anonymous
Yeah, these pants would feel noticeably off in my smart-casual workplace. Way too tight to wear as pants, as shown.
Anon
I agree, these look…very tight.
Can we get some recs for ladies with large thighs and junk in the trunk (which doesn’t mean plus size, just proportioned differently). IME if the pants are that fitted on the model, they’ll look like tights on me, even if I’m wearing the right style. And I acknowledge, it sucks, we shouldn’t have to wear different things due to body shape or be sexualized for having X features, etc., but it’s the world we live in so I wish designers would design more pants that weren’t proportioned so narrowly or rely exclusively on stretch instead of good design to fit us.
Monday
This is me. I have a muscular lower half and all pants look like leggings on me. I have not been able to find any non-hideous pants that don’t–I guess I might do the wide leg thing if I was tall, but I’m 5’2″.
I have decided to just work with it. There’s no hiding my build. If I’m ever needing to be very modest I wear a dress/skirt instead to avoid any leggings perception.
TheElms
I’m very curvy with muscular thighs and a big backside and have had good luck with the Macy’s INC Curvy pull on pants. They have a straight and a skinny version. They are a thick ponte type fabric. And on me in my usual size are not too tight for more casual days in by business casual East Coast BigLaw firm.
https://www.macys.com/shop/product/inc-curvy-pull-on-straight-leg-pants-created-for-macys?ID=2236949&pla_country=US&CAGPSPN=pla&cm_mmc=Google_Womens_PLA-_-RTW_Womens_INC_International_Concepts_-_GS_Pants-_-222684689010-_-pg1051709536_c_kclickid_46e7024a-d05a-4916-8b97-213874c8e956_KID_EMPTY_933437689_47734472158_222684689010_aud-323276880194:pla-679028454216_636206925979USA__c_KID_&trackingid=424×1051709536&m_sc=sem&m_sb=Google&m_tp=PLA&m_ac=Google_Womens_PLA&m_ag=Pants&m_cn=RTW_Womens_INC_International_Concepts_-_GS&m_pi=go_cmp-933437689_adg-47734472158_ad-222684689010_aud-323276880194:pla-679028454216_dev-c_ext-_prd-636206925979USA&gclid=Cj0KCQiAt_PuBRDcARIsAMNlBdoCG0zpiv76TxfAyI6GUgF0LnMJB4EmeKvvrLTBJC2NSbk5T_vIg4gaAtWsEALw_wcB
HW
I exclusively wear the LOFT Julie pants. You have to size down but they fit my super pear shape.
Anonymous
This.
I’m a BigLaw equity partner and I’ve never found anything better than that or Banana Logan pants at any price without intense amounts of altering. The rise and dimensions of the Julie and the Logan are perfect for me.
TheElms
I like LOFT Julie as well. The Ann Taylor curvy fit is also pretty similar, so that might be worth a try as well.
anne-on
Yup – those fit my thick thighs like nothing else. I also almost exclusively wear dresses these days. Thick thighs but relatively small bottom and small waist is almost an impossible issue for pants to solve….
Anon
Same on Julie and Logan, in petite. By any chance have you found any more high end brands that fit the same?
Anonymous
Decades after high school, I still have a sprinter’s upper legs and butt. Which is hard to work into pants, much less very tight pants.
Literally, the only pants that work are ones that have “curvy” in the name: Loft, AT, Banana, Gap, older Levis. Nothing else is even worth trying on.
Mom jeans are the devil.
Mallory
I recently found the Old Navy Mid-Rid Straight Pull-On pant and they tackle ALL of these problems. Granted, the quality isn’t gonna be fantastic, but for the price, especially on sale, they’re a godsend. And they come in prints and solids.
anon
Yep, same. I have muscular thighs and German childbearing hips from my grandma. And I’m proud that I’ve developed a runner’s butt over the past few years. It doesn’t take much for pants to look like leggings on me.
Anonymous
The only pants that fit me are Talbots curvy. Luckily they make dress pants, casual and jeans in that cut. I know Talbots has some garish colours and styles, but if you haven’t tried this cut and need it, look past those items and try the pants. They come in a variety of styles and from size tiny (4?) to 24, petite, ankle, regular and some tall. I don’t work for Talbots, just a fan of their pants and trying to make sure they stay in business so I have pants to wear!!
Anonome
I’m very pear-shaped and the Express Columnist Barely Boot fit me well. However, the Columnist Midrise Ankle do not fit at all, and it’s a hip/rise problem, which makes no sense.
Anon
Same! I’m a size 0 and comfortable wearing tight-ish pants to work (wear the BR sloan pants regularly) but these were too much on me, sadly.
pugsnbourbon
Yeah, it’s the combination of stretchy material and no fly/belt loops that really drive home the “these are leggings” message. The T Tahari pants listed look better to my eye, but still might be too snug for some workplaces.
Anonymous
They remind me of Star Trek The Next Generation costumes
Thirdjen
Lol that’s a plus for me rather than a minus, as “business casual star trek” is my preferred work aesthetic
Ellen
I agree also. We only look good in these if we are svelte. Being young helps, as in my case, I could wear such when I was Elizabeth’s age, but over the course of the last 5 years, being a partner has caused me to put on weight below my belt, and in particular,my tuchus and all of this tends to make skinny jeans and jeggings particularly difficult to wear and look presentable. To be young and cute again, and it is Thanksgiving, so I fully expect to put on a few holiday pounds this weekend when I go home. Myrna is joining me so maybe she will be a good influence, as all of her daily exercising has kept her body in check. If ONLY I wasn’t so lazy! FOOEY!
Anonymous
I actually love these pants but the quality is terrible for the price. I own two pairs – or rather, I did own two pairs until one of them split down the back in the middle of the work day.
Anon
Yeah, in my experience the quality of MMLF is really lacking, especially for the price. Even on sale it’s not worth it.
Anon
I’ve had the same experience. I wanted to love it, but it is just so overpriced for the quality.
Anon
Yikes. To me that indicates they’re cut very slim through the hips, which only works on certain bodies. My first thought when I saw the picture was – those are way too tight for my workplace, which is fairly casual but not to the extent that wearing these would be acceptable.
Anon
Yikes. To me that indicates they’re cut very slim through the hips, which only works on certain bodies. My first thought when I saw the picture was – those are way too tight for my workplace, which is fairly casual but not to the extent that wearing these would be acceptable.
Anon
I’m looking for tunic(ish) length white button down shirts. The few I own now are now too boxy for me as a size M but a S in the same brand may cause some issues over my bust. I have a small frame but re: am on the bustier side and carry weight/muscle in my arms. They can lean more on the casual end, my workplace is business casual, so a more casual leaning shirt can be “dressed up” for my personal needs. I’d love something that I could wear loose over some ponte pants/tucked into a skirt for work but then feel comfy and put together in with leggings on the weekend.
Lilac
Why not get the ones you already have tailored in at the waist?
Anonymous
Maybe worth getting your current shirts tailored if you’re happy with the fit at your largest point (bust)?
Anonymous
If your existing shirts fit well in the chest and arms but are too boxy below the bust, have a tailor take in the side seams.
Anon
If they otherwise fit, take them to a tailor!
Anon
Op here, they also just overall look a little dingy. I suppose I could try whitening them, but crips new ones sound so appealing. Unless someone has a really great trick for the embarrassing under-the-arm discoloration that happens with whites…
Senior Attorney
The same idea would be to get new ones in the size you’re currently wearing and have them tailored. I’m bigger on top too and I feel your pain!
Anon
+1 This sounds easier IMO than finding what you’re looking for right off the rack.
Anon
https://www.jjill.com/product/cs-high-vent-tunic-177881s-1?color=801
I really like this one!
NOLA
Oooooh that’s so pretty! I bought the black and white Christian Siriano for J. Jill dress and it’s beautiful.
Juliska
Am I the only one who looked at that Jjill top and thought it just needs a stethoscope?
SF Attorney
Totally agree. I imagined her asking “Are you ready for your procedure?”
NOLA
I don’t wear button down shirts (too busty) but when one of my friends was in a more formal workplace, she swore by the Chico’s no-iron shirts. The Coolmax All Seasons classic shirts has darts so it would be a bit more fitted through the middle, but it’s a little longer.
potato
I tried these, and found them boxier than I like. I have a pretty narrow waist relative to the rest of me (constantly have trouble with waist gap in trousers) so if you’re more evenly distributed they may be a good fit.
Digby
Talbots usually has a white “popover” shirt – so, not button-down, but with a partial button placket, if you can live with that. Or their white “perfect” shirt, which has darts/princess seams to make it a bit more fitted.
Joan Holloway
Have a Campbell & Kate shirt in your size customized to a tunic length, with whatever other changes need to be made to get the proportions you’re looking for.
MagicUnicorn
Is there an ideal time of year for furniture sales? We are finally ready to upgrade our ancient hand-me-down sofa to something nicer. Brand recommendations would be lovely, too. Ideally it would be smaller scale, roughly 6 feet long, modern/mid-century style, well built and comfortable.
Amon
Room and Board. Never goes on sale, but the quality is fantastic. You also know, because it never goes on sale, that you are not buying at the wrong time.
Anon
+1
Mpls
They have one outlet locations (in the Twin Cities, MN) with discounted items. It’s a true outlet (returns, etc) with no set inventory, its final sale, they’re only open on the weekends, you have to go in person and if you snooze, you lose.
So, won’t do you much good unless you’re in the area :)
Lily
We’ve been happy with our West Elm mid-century furniture, including sofas (though their delivery estimates are not usually accurate; be prepared to wait longer than advertised). Right now they have 20% off purchases of $1000+, and 30% off purchases of $3,000+. They occasionally have better deals than that, but not by a lot.
Anon
Same. My whole house is West Elm and I’m in love.
NY CPA
As a counter point to this: we were very unhappy with our West Elm furniture. It all fell apart, particularly the bedroom furniture (things with drawers/doors).
nutella
Same. We went through three nightstands because each one arrived with the paint cracked. There is seemingly no quality control. The only thing I buy from them now is accessories.
Anon
I love the way West Elm looks, but the construction of their sofas is not good quality.
Anonymous
i have heard so many complaints about west elm that i would never consider buying furniture there.
Anon
Usually the big clearance events are in July/August and I think February, when stores tend to swap their floor models, but you’ll probably want to order a sofa. Room and Board doesn’t really do sales, but their sofas are well built. Crate and Barrel has a sale event right now, which may be worth checking out.
Anon09
Re-iterating the Room and Board recommendation. But another recommendation if you are thinking about a sofa bed is American Leather. It’s a manufacturer that sells wholesale to Room and Board, but may be available at other retailers. I think American Leather may also make non-sofa beds. I’ve got one of their sofa beds and it’s great quality. And despite the name, not leather.
CHL
Depending where you are, Room and Board has a great floor sale right after Christmas. We’ve gotten great pieces there.
Casper
I have an Interior Define sofa and I love it. I’ve only had it a few months so I don’t know how it will wear, but it’s really comfortable and the fabric seems durable. They’re doing 15% off now, which they do a couple times a year
CHS
I have a piece from there and it’s sooo comfortable and sturdy. They did a warehouse sale in Chicago during the summer and the deals were amazing – if you can get to one of those definitely give it a shot.
The original Scarlett
I swear I don’t work for them, but the Sven sofa from Article is the best – comfy, mid century, it makes my husband who cares only about comfort happy and me who cares only about design equally happy.
anon
There’s a super long running complaint thread about Article on houzz. I would read that before jumping in!
The original Scarlett
Huh, haven’t read that but love ours and many of my friends have the same couch too and similarly recommend them ??
TheElms
Do they ever do different fabric options on the Sven? I like the look of it and the price, but we need something microfiber or microfiber like because we have pets and its just not worth the effort required (to me) to get dog and cat hair off material other than microfiber.
The original Scarlett
Pretty sure it comes in leather, velvet and fabric – haven’t seen microfiber
Anon
If you want a good balance of quality, price, and service, Costco furniture goes on sale Dec. 15 for holidays and July 4.
anon a mouse
Where are you located? My recommendation would be to find a higher-end local furniture store that carries American Leather and Gat Creek, they should have lots of options. In DC area that’s Creative Classics.
A.
Crate and Barrel! They have “apartment size” sofas if you’re looking for something smaller, and all of our C&B stuff has held up incredibly well (three kids, lots of hosting at our house, and a dog) for many, many years.
NYC Girl
+1 very happy with our C&B soft and found it’s held up better than soft/chairs we have from R&B
Anonymous
i have had a C&B sofa in the past, and i agree that it was probably better than my current R&B. Everyone here seems to be a fan of R&B–my couch is ok, but not great. The delivery process was fantastic though–probably the best furniture delivery experience i have ever had.
Senior Attorney
I was really happy with the sofa I got from Apt2b dot com. They are great to work with and will send you swatches of the upholstery material. And they’re having a sale right now.
Senior Attorney
Oh, and they tick all your boxes: midcentury-ish, small scale, well built and comfortable.
GCG
Our West Elm sofa did not hold up well – cushions started looking sad almost immediately. We hung onto it for about 6 years but recently bought a new sofa from Crate & Barrel and love it. Crate & Barrel has an upholstered furniture sale once or twice a year and that is a great time to buy. All the sofas and chairs are discounted. We bought during the sale in August. Not sure when the next sale will be.
LB
I really like my Macy’s Jollene sofa (sectional, actually, but they have different sized pieces), which I have in the dark blue. The whole collection is on sale now.
MagicUnicorn
Thanks for all the suggestions! This gives me options to browse over the holiday weekend.
What are you going be happiest to bake or cook?
What are you most looking forward to baking or cooking?
NOLA
At this time of year, I’m baking like crazy for finals. I put out giant trays of cookies for our extremely stressed students. I have baked M&M cookies, red velvet cookies with white chocolate chips, and oatmeal scotchies so far. One of my friends doesn’t like pumpkin pie, and I usually make an apple crisp for him for Thanksgiving, but I’m thinking about making an apple pie with a crumb topping instead of a top crust. I have to figure this out!
Irish Midori
You are so thoughtful!
NOLA
Awwww, you have no idea how much our students appreciate it. When you walk up with a tray of homebaked cookies, they almost cry!
Anon
So sweet!
anne-on
If you have an America’s test kitchen cookbook/website login they have a GREAT crumb topping recipe that uses almonds to give crunch without getting soggy. This one looks like a similar idea but I feel like almonds are a better pairing with apples:
https://smittenkitchen.com/2014/11/cranberry-pie-with-thick-pecan-crumble/
NOLA
I don’t.I’m also really trying to just use ingredients that I already have!
Cb
I’ve been making sourdough bread 1-2x a week and there is something so satisfying about working with the dough and the smell of bread rising in the oven.
Cookies!
Iced sugar cookies in the shape of Christmas tree, jam thumbprint cookies, chocolate sandwich cookies, and peanut butter blossoms!
NOLA
I really need to make some cutout cookies!
Anon
The loaf of white bread I will bake this Friday morning, so that I can have The Best Turkey Sandwich of the Year for lunch, in my pajamas.
Anonymous
Absolutely nothing, while I relax for the rest of the week in Bermuda ;)
A.
Pumpkin anything, my friend’s dad’s famous cranberries, and green bean casserole without the canned soup.
Anonymous
Biscochitos (a traditional New Mexican sugar cookie made with anise seed and tossed in cinnamon and sugar) and what we call moon cookies (I have seen them called Mexican wedding cookies or Russian tea cakes). Also excited to make and eat pumpkin pie!
Anon
My great-grandmother’s cookies <3 I'm the only one in my generation who knows how to make them. If my family is very lucky, if I have time, I'll make and mail them to them all around the country.
(I posted the other week asking for cookie cutter storage solutions – ended up finding the perfect (but annoyingly expensive) storage boxes at JoAnn's.)
gouda
FYI, JoAnn’s invariably has coupons on their website that you can pull up on your phone. Typical is 40% off one item.
Senior Attorney
I’m looking forward to the homemade dinner rolls my hubby is baking for Thanksgiving.
Me personally, I love making a big pan of Martha Stewart’s mac and cheese. Also this year I am honoring my recently-passed mother by making her cranberry/apple/walnut Jello salad.
And Cookie Day is in December and I always look forward to that!
Anon
Recently diagnosed with some food allergies so I’m embarking on a journey this year to make allergy friendly versions of some of the goodies we enjoy at the holidays. Starting with Swedish cardamom buns for Thanksgiving breakfast.
Cb
I love cardomom buns! The vegan ones from minimalist baker are good if it’s an egg or dairy issue.
Anonymous
Gluten free by any chance? I’d LOVE the recipe if so. This time of year is so hard.
busybee
Chiming in to say good luck and be patient with modified baking. After I was diagnosed with celiac disease, my mom and I tried to recreate our Christmas cookies gluten free. It was a complete fail the first year and I was really upset that our favorite tradition would not survive. More than ten years later, we have developed new favorites and the tradition is still going strong! It just takes a lot of tweaking, so don’t give up.
Anon
I would love you gluten free sugar cookie recipe if you can share it! I have not been impressed with simply substituting cup for cup in place of wheat flour.
busybee
Sure! I don’t have the recipe on hand here at work but I’ll get it tonight at home and post it tomorrow.
Telco Lady JD
+1 Another celiac here! It takes a while to figure out what works, but it’s worth the time/effort.
Coach Laura
We made family recipe cinnamon rolls for 30+ years pre-celiac diagnosis. I now make the same recipe as before, just using Bob’s Red Mill 1-to-1 flour with no other changes.
So if you haven’t tried Bob’s, do that with your normal cookies etc. Not sure about pie crust but everything else – cakes, pumpkin bread, cookies, popovers, Dutch Baby pancake, regular pancakes, Yorkshire Pudding – has turned out fabulous.
I usually buy premade GF pie crust and white GF bread for stuffing.
For help, Iowa Girl Eats has a cinnamon roll and other gluten free dups for holiday/Christmas cookies.
anne-on
I am REALLY excited about adding in baked mac and cheese to our Thanksgiving table. Also looking forward to eating pumpkin pie and my weight in Italian ribbon cookies which my SIL brings up for the “kids” (me) every year.
Ribena
I’ve been making sugar cookies (cut out ones) with a hefty amount of mixed spice. I go mad for Christmas spice in the way some people do for pumpkin spice, love love love it.
Anon
Smitten Kitchen’s spicy gingerbread cookies! They are delicious; they really are quite spicy! Perfect with tea/coffee in the morning.
Anonymous
Thoughts on office holiday potlucks? I have pretty negative feelings about them. Few attorneys bring anything, and basically no men contribute. So it turns into – the women and staff feed the office. I’m also uncomfortable with pressuring staff to use their own time and money to make food for something work related. But people seem to like the tradition so I always go and bring something (store bought) and compliment everyone on their cooking. Maybe I should be less grumpy about it?
Anon
Yes, you should be less grumpy. Focus your grumpiness on something that’s actually bad instead of nonsense like this. We have an office Grinch who grumbles about our potluck every year, and it makes her look petty and small.
People like participating, so there’s no pressure. These traditions are meaningful to people, and they enjoy them. In our potluck, men participate either by cooking a dish (there’s a guy who brings in Italian sausages in a crockpot and I’m already looking forward to it) or by donating drinks or paperware or money towards a ham.
Anon
No I’m with the OP here. Unless everyone contributes it really is just the women feeding the men. ALSO, it’s inevitably the women cleaning up. Get out of here with that nonsense and take everyone to lunch at a mid priced restaurant instead, where everyone gets to enjoy it. (Even if a woman will inevitably have to organize the entire thing.)
Anon
A potluck where everyone participates is different than a potluck where the work and cost fall along gender and income lines. Your potluck sounds like a nice tradition; OP’s sounds messed up.
Anon
This.
Anon
Exactly. The OP is describing something that is essentially “gifting up,” and that shouldn’t happen.
Anonymous
+1 I would not be happy with OP potluck
anon
I’m over them for all of the reasons you said. It ends up being the women who bring everything. Yuck.
NOLA
I hate them. My boss’s assistant gets waaaaaaay into it and organizes everything. At that time of year, I’m usually stressed about getting everything finished and out of here and have no time for her nonsense. I don’t even think I went to the last one.
Anon
And yet you’re baking “giant trays of cookies for our extremely stressed students”. Why not just contribute a cookie tray to the potluck and call it a day?
Maybe the assistant has to put effort into organizing the thing because your boss thinks its important, not because she particularly enjoys doing so. Signed, assistant whose boss has odd priorities.
NOLA
I can bake cookies in November and freeze them in the office freezer (which is what I’ve done). I have no time for it once finals hit. The assistant likes to think up things that we should all do. Trust me, it’s not the boss.
anon
I hate them, honestly, but it’s a well-worn tradition in my office. I suck it up once a year and put in as little effort as possible. Because during the holidays, I do not need yet another thing to do on a weeknight; it’s hard enough to get a decent meal on the table for my own family. I will give the dudes in my office credit, though, because they do contribute. That is rarely the case for potlucks of any kind, so I’ll take it.
Anon
There should be an office sign up – with specific dish options/categories volunteered, and if not volunteered assigned. There is nothing stopping the attorneys and men from ordering a dish from a restaurant or grocery store and picking it up on the way to work. And this ensures fairness – and shame for the “people who have to be assigned a category” listed in the email.
It’s a process issue, potluck itself is fine – although I personally don’t eat food from other people’s kitchens if I haven’t seen how they keep their house. After a cat hair incident I don’t trust my coworkers cleanliness.
Jeffiner
My office (STEM, and over 90% male) has a very successful potluck every year that everyone enjoys, and the process is the key. We have sign up sheets for categories, and a short category for people to donate cash for plasticware rather than bring food. In the past when we’ve tried to skip the sign up sheets, things have not gone as smoothly. It is asked that only those who bring food participate, but its not policed. The conversations of “what did you bring” tend to naturally do the policing, and the encouragement to participate. The food ranges from a bag of chips to a store-bought salad or dessert to homemade sides to the smoked pork that one guy got up at 2 am to make. The pork was delicious, but I was just as excited to have a little bowl of chips for an afternoon snack.
Anon
My husband and I are both engineer in big tech companies. Last week was his holiday potluck. He likes it so much and always takes two dishes and he cooks himself. I, on the other hand don’t have much interest in holiday potluck, but wanted to attend to know people in an informal setting. So, I am volunteering this time to take a dish.
Anon
No, you can’t assign people to bring certain dishes to a potluck. this is not a work assignment
PolyD
She said sign-up sheet. So presumably people can sign up for what they want to bring.
We do that in my office, too. The potlucks are pretty good, and men and women contribute equally – one guy is known for his brandy chocolate cake. We also have a group that does nutrition research, and they are known for bringing healthy, but seriously tasty salads. One time they brought a whole smoked salmon.
I’m a little tired of office socializing and have bowed out of most wedding/baby showers, but we have a retirement coming up that we’ll merge with the holiday party and I’ll go to that. Will probably bring Smitten Kitchen’s Winter Fruit Salad – hardest part of that is slicing the pears.
Anon
She specifically said that people would be “volunteered assigned” if they don’t sign up. If you want to exclude people who didn’t contribute to the potluck, I’m fine with that. But you can’t tell adults that they have to bring food to work to share with others.
rosie
I agree you cannot assign people things. I do think it’s reasonable to say if you want to participate, you need to contribute something — either sign up or contribute $$ for buying the larger items, paper goods, etc. (although of course it falls on someone, usually women in the office, to take the collection and buy the items).
Of Counsel
Sorry but please do not require employees to contribute cash (or anything else). Among other things, it is a huge Labor Code violation.
In my office we got rid of the potluck one year and guess who complained (a lot): our mostly female staff. It is entirely voluntary; the attorneys can and often do plead “too much work” and skip it, but the staff enjoys it. If the OP does not like it, I would encourage her to schedule something out of the office that day.
rosie
How could you hold this event without requiring contributions (if you work somewhere like a gov’t office that has a budget of zero for this kind of thing)? When a gov’t office goes out for a celebratory lunch, who do you think pays? I think it’s fine not to have these events at all and it’s fine not to attend, I just don’t think it’s ok to go and not contribute in some way.
Anonymous
Did anybody else read Ask A Manager the other day where somebody was incensed they had signed up to bring rolls to a potluck and somebody else also brought rolls. That was … something.
Anon
I was sure that the LW was a troll. That was too hilarious. But some colleagues are really crazy, so it could be a true thing…
Anon
I’ve told the story on here before… at my last job I was the only female manager, and I was senior to most of the male managers.
The assistants (all women) were organizing the potluck and came to my office to tell me that they’d assigned me to roast and bring in a turkey. After a quick moment of trying to imagine bringing a fully cooked 16 lb turkey to work on BART, I asked what my fellow managers were bringing. They said, oh, the men are just giving us money for pizza. So I said, then I will give money for pizza.
They were pissed at me for about a year.
Anon
The male managers were pissed or the assistants? That’s horrible.
Anon
The assistants. I think the male managers were blissfully unaware of all of this organizing and I wished to be one of them.
Anon
Good for you. I would have done the same thing. I’m sure they eventually got over it (although if they didn’t – who cares?)
Feel free to flame me for this, but in every office I’ve ever been in, it’s the people who seem to have the least to do (both at work and at home) who get the most excited about potlucks and start vastly overcomplicating the preparations and “assigning” people dishes to bring without asking them first. In a general sense, I don’t mind participating in office potlucks in some way (I’m always down to bring something I can buy at the store), but I get really resentful when people assume I have all the time in the world to make a casserole or bake a cake and tell me that’s what I should bring. The last time I got “assigned” a dish to cook without being asked first I showed up with a bucket of fried chicken and a box of biscuits from KFC. Which was a huge hit, by the way.
The other thing that drives me crazy are the people who decide the party needs to be decorated like an 80s high school prom – for an event that lasts an hour and a half at most. One year our admins spent two days decorating for the Christmas party and then were put out that most people in the office came, ate food, and left and didn’t spend two hours ooohing and aaahing over the decor.
Anon
“Feel free to flame me for this, but in every office I’ve ever been in, it’s the people who seem to have the least to do (both at work and at home) who get the most excited about potlucks and start vastly overcomplicating the preparations and “assigning” people dishes to bring without asking them first.”
This happens in so many other situations. The people with less to do in their lives often vastly overcomplicate everything, and the people who actually have a lot to do get much less emotionally involved and figure out the most efficient way to get the job done.
Anon
It was a women’s church group for me. The retired crowd ran it, because they were the ones who attended regularly. On Tuesday morning at 10:00, which is when they decided the meetings should be. They resisted all efforts to schedule after work or weekends and then bitched about the working women “not doing their part.” I had court every single Tuesday, said there was no way I could participate as I handled all the cases on Tuesday, and was told “I’m sure the judge won’t mind”. Retired old ladies bossing other people around turned into one of my triggers.
Anonymous
I feel you. I was pretty up front with one org that I wouldn’t be able to make it to many 6 pm weeknight meetings. One retired lady smugly said, “just tell them it’s for a women’s charity! Let them say no to THAT!” Uh yes they absolutely will say no, and also they won’t have to because I know better than to ask.
Anon
I shouldn’t laugh at these two, but WOW.
Irish Midori
That’s horrific. At least at my office, the office ponies up for an ordered turkey and ham so no one gets stuck with that chore. I think the staff enjoys it, and there’s no shame here in picking up something from the store on the way in if that’s more your speed.
Anon
Good for you.
I worked in a law firm where the assistants (exclusively female, many POC) put on lunches for the (mostly male, exclusively white) attorneys. They actually “served” us, scooping food into our plates. It was so gross and weird and definitely indicative of other issues. I didn’t even last a year at that firm.
Never too many shoes...
I love this story!
Senior Attorney
I love this story (even though it makes me kind of ragey)!
Nope
Not a fan either. We have the option of either bringing a dish or making a donation ($25) to go towards drinks, desserts, etc. I always donate.
People in my office talk sh t about those who “never cook and bring anything” (i.e., me). They also talk sh t about other people’s cooking and get into petty arguments about who makes better mac ‘n cheese, so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
anon
My office (mid-size law firm) has a Thanksgiving potluck that has gone well every year I’ve been here. The equity partners order turkey and ham from a restaurant and provide wine and paper plates and plastic cutlery (not environmentally friendly, but reduces cleanup). People sign up to bring appetizers, sides, and desserts. Some people go all out, and some people pick up store-bought rolls or cookies on the way into work that day. I’ve varied my enthusiasm and participation significantly over the years.
It’s true that more women than men bring home-made dishes, but the men do contribute (and some bring home-made). There’s always more than enough food, and I doubt anyone would notice if someone or a few people couldn’t contribute one year. It’s also held the week before Thanksgiving, so it’s not in the thick of holiday craziness.
The assistants, who are all women, handle clean-up, but it is pretty minimal–maybe 10 minutes tops. Women who are not assistants (paralegals, attorneys, finance dept) are not expected to clean up. We should probably hire some male assistants, but that’s a bigger issue.
The firm also does a large, expensive holiday party in early December at a restaurant, so I don’t feel like they’re being cheap.
Anon
Yeah, at my company we do something similar. It’s usually fun and everyone enjoys it. Store bought is totally okay, and I’m always pleasantly surprised at the number of men who make homemade dishes (I thinks it’s reverse peer pressure – they want to show that they TOO can cook).
Anonymous
I HATE them with a passion. I have yet to work somewhere where the organizer isn’t a woman and the people bringing in dishes aren’t all female (men bring in things like napkins). And I don’t want to eat food from sources I don’t know. I went out to lunch with a coworker this year specifically to avoid the potluck–and got shamed by someone afterward for not being there. Like it’s not bad enough I didn’t want to cook on a weeknight and when my friend from out of state was in town, but now I can’t even get out of attending? It’s like a cult. I don’t understand why people who want to do something like this don’t just do it with friends–why force it in the workplace?
The original Scarlett
I hate them too for the same reasons. I’m fine w office socializing but I’d much rather go out for HH
Anonymous
I attend about every third potluck. My ‘college/law school friend(s)’ visit in other years and ‘it’s the only day that works’ and I ‘hate to miss the potluck! SO disappointed’ but I haven’t seen xyuz friend ‘in years’.
Anonymous
I LOVE our office holiday potluck. We have very skilled cooks in our office and everything is really delicious. The men in our office contribute just as much or more than the woman. Honestly, our most senior attorney is a man who is an excellent baker. He makes amazing pies. We are serious about our potluck. The attorneys (about 16) put it on for the staff and also give them a card with cash at the potluck.
JHC
This is lovely.
Anon
Old firm– We did quarterly potlucks. Partners (all men) would pay for the main. Staff and associates would provide the other food. All the male associates would bring drinks. Female associates would bring food. It was really weird and uncomfortable.
Current firm– We just do this at Thanksgiving. Everyone has a “thing.” Firm buys the turkey/ham, but even the partners bring food for the most part. One of the male partners is famous for what he brings. Much healthier atmosphere.
Anon
Here are my suggestions if you really, really can’t buy your way out of a potluck –
Two bags of chopped romaine, a tub of grated Parmesan, a bag of croutons, and a bottle of Caesar dressing. If you toss it yourself, everyone will think you “made” it.
A ring of frozen shrimp with the cocktail sauce in the middle. Again, if you need to fake it, put it on your own plate. Either way, just make sure the shrimp are thawed.
Another commenter suggested a bucket of KFC. I have also done that and people will absolutely forgive you for not cooking. This is also a good thing to bring to a picnic.
Seventh Sister
I routinely buy grocery store fried chicken, and it is always, always gone mid-way through any potluck.
anon
In case this helps anyone, last week I figured out at 3 p.m. Wednesday that I needed to provide something for my kid’s 5 p.m. Christmas program potluck. Oops. I rolled by the grocery store, picked up a pizza, and called it a day. It was wiped out in three minutes. WHY HAVEN’T I BEEN DOING THIS ALL ALONG?
Anonome
I know this crowd skews mostly urban and high-income, but at someone in a more rural area, I prefer to avoid most potluck dishes around here. You never know who’s throwing mystery meat from hunting season into their casserole/lasagna/chili.
Anonymous
Does MMLF have a blazer or jardigan that matches those pants? I was actually just looking at these yesterday and wondering if I could make a suit-ish outfit.
Anonymous
I can’t put my finger on why, but if you’re wearing ponte, I think obvious separates look more polished than ponte-trying-to-be-a-suit. I’d go with the jardigan or whatever blazer fits you best in a different color than the pant. I wear the gray jardigan (they call it something other than “gray” but I don’t remember what) with black pants all the time.
Elizabeth
I wear them with jardigans when I’m trying to pretend they are a suit. The blacks work together and I wear a grey jardigan with the navy ones I have. Otherwise I wear them with slightly longer tops.
Anonymous
I wear with a belted jardigan. agree with posters above that the fosters are a little tight for the shirt in the photo. I like these pants with a looser shirt and a blazer or the long belted jardigan, and feel very polished.
Anonymous
This is the only pair of work pants I own. I have the worst time finding pants. I’m 5’2″, hourglass figure, high waist, with thin calves and ankles. Skinny pants and ankle pants are super hard for me; if it’s large enough to fit my hips then it’s huge around my ankles. These pants work for me (in a size up from my normal size), but they’re a little more straight/almost boot cut than pictured.
The pants are good for travel because they don’t wrinkle much, but note that they attract lint like crazy. I might have to pick up the gray color because the lint is noticeable on my black pants.
Tailoring experiences
Has anyone had tailoring on a dress to take in the waist? I’m a 30DDD, so if I find a dress to fit my bust, the waist is often loose and the hips too wide. When I’ve asked my tailor to take in the waist, he says he can’t because he’s got to start under the arms and there isn’t enough room (because the dress actually fits there). I guess my body type is inverted triangle? My bust measurement is 1 inch larger than my hip measurement.
Anon
32DD, about a 26 or 27 inch waist, and hips are about an inch wider than my bust.
The only thing that worked for me was finding specific styles and brands that come in a lot at the waist. Some styles are much more rectangular, and some are more tapered at the waist.
PolyD
I think you should consider finding another tailor. Not saying your tailor is wrong, but I would think they could add darts or something in/near the waist. It might be worth getting a second opinion.
Fringe
This. I’ve done sewing/alterations. As long as the fabric can take it and the added stress/tension won’t rip it, you can through a dart in anywhere. The tricky part is blending it but it’s totally possible, it just takes some detail work (you slowly shift the seam closer and closer to the garment’s original edge, if it’s gradual enough you won’t get weird lumps, but it can take a few tries and lots of pins to get it right). Sounds like your tailor is set in their ways.
anon a mouse
How easy that alteration is depends 100% on how the dress is constructed. Talk to your tailor about what styles will be easier to take in — something with a waistband and side seaming but not princess seams should be easy enough, or a sheath with long vertical seams would be relatively straightforward.
Anon
I’m an hourglass and in my skinnier days (RIP) I had to have every.single.dress taken in at the waist. Many dresses fit me at the bust, so the tailor just started taking in around the rib cage. So ditto the advice to find another tailor.
Anon
Can’t he adjust the darts, or add darts? I don’t know, you can also ask a second opinion from another tailor. I have the opposite problem, in that I’m small chested and my alteration lady has had no issues with taking the chest in while leaving waist and hips where they are.
anon
OK, runners, I need your help. I am having a hard time dressing for the colder weather. Either I overdress and feel miserable during the run, or I’m too cold. Most days, I’m running anywhere from 30-45 minutes.
This morning, for example: temp was 30 degrees, with a north wind around 15 MPH. I wore fleece-lined tights, a fleece-lined running top, gloves, warm headband, regular socks. I felt OK during the run, although a bit on the cool side. But once I stopped, it took me over an hour to warm up, even after taking a shower as soon as I got inside. So I’m thinking I should’ve dressed warmer. Maybe a vest over the fleece-lined top?
I have a turkey trot on Thursday morning. I’m thinking I should dress warmer for that since I’ll probably end up outdoors longer.
Anon
I would have been too warm in the outfit you describe, but I burn up when I run. (It’s downright uncomfortable for me to run in 70 degree weather, and my half marathon PR was in 35 degree weather at the start line. I started that race off in shorts, a t-shirt, and a lightweight running jacket.)
My only suggestion is to wear layers instead of one heavy layer. Try a long-sleeved t-shirt, a thick running top, and pants (not tights), with the ear warmers and gloves. Shed layers as necessary.
anon
I must be on the cool side because I stop wearing shorts when the temps dip below 50!
Anon
No, you’re normal. :) It’s just that hard exercise makes me very, very warm, very quickly.
Anonymous
I’m so glad you asked this question – I had the same problem this morning! My lungs still burn from the cold air. Also I don’t have fleece lined anything or gloves or a headband (whoops); which ones do you use? I’m planning to check out the Athleta sale this week – I know they have cozy vests meant for running. I’m new to this whole “trying to be less of an indoor cat” thing. Help me exist in the outside?
Anonymous
Get a gaiter for your lungs — good to breathe into occasionally… https://www.landsend.com/search/S-xea?initialSearch=true&q=gaiter
CountC
I strongly suggest mittens over gloves!! I forget which brand I have, but mittens keep my hands much warmer than gloves do. Also, as someone else mentioned, thin but warm sweat-wicking multiple layers are your friend.
I am not helpful on headbands/hats because I usually run in a winter hat I got as race swag once – it’s not fleece or fancy.
anon
I bought a couple of pairs of fleece-lined tights at D!ck’s — the store-brand version. They seem to be decent quality for the money and were very comfortable.
Anon
I don’t think there’s much of a way around the “warming back up” you describe. Hot coffee or tea helps a little. For me, it’s as much a function of my body waking up and getting adjusted as it is the physical exercise in the cold. Your clothes sound adequate for the weather, particularly since you weren’t out that long.
I wear wool socks as soon as the temp thinks about dipping.
For the turkey trot, I’d wear something similar, but have an additional layer to throw on afterward. I have a pair of big sweats for this very purpose. They’re so comfy. Many other friends have a swim parka for the same purpose. Also, a thermos of coffee/tea/hot chocolate/chicken broth for afterwards.
Anon
Yeah, being cold after is just part of being outside in the cold. If you don’t like that, run on a treadmill?
CountC
IME, it’s really trial and error. I would have been a furnace in the outfit you described running for 30 – 45 minutes in that weather (I have run in the snow in shorts – I run hot). The general advice is to dress for 20 degrees warmer, but it seems like that won’t work for you as the outfit you described would be more than sufficient for 50 degree weather for me. Have you tried mittens? If I can keep my hands, head, and feet warm, the rest of me is fine. I find that mittens are much better at keeping my hands warm and I often throw a hand warmer in them as well. I’d also suggest subbing a full hat for the headband. That will keep more heat in your head.
I would caution you though that if you are warm enough to be sweaty on a run in cold weather, it’s going to be even worse because the sweat is going to chill you even further. This is why I tend to underdress a bit in the cold as I know I can warm up quickly. I do not want to be sweaty as it causes me to be even colder.
Hope this helps a little bit!
anon
My hands were actually really warm! And I was pretty comfortable during the run; the chill really set in post-run. My biggest issue is not the cold — it’s the wind. Midwesterner, here, and it can be brutal.
I am not a delicate flower and sweat no matter what the temperature. :)
CountC
Ha! If you find something that truly helps with the wind, let me know, because I haven’t yet!! :)
Anon
My Paradox coat is great with the wind.
givemyregards
The big thing that makes a difference for me is keeping my neck warm – i like to run with my buff or with a top that has a turtleneck (or quarter zip that zips up to a turtleneck). Without it, my lungs/chest get really cold and achy. A lot of people also like to run with a vest – maybe something windproof that would just keep your core warm would help?
anon
I have a thin North Face vest that might work for this purpose. And yes, I do love a good quarter zip!
Anonymous
If you were okay during the run, I would get a thin down hooded jacket to put on when you first warm up/start out and tie around your waist, then put back on when you start your cool down. Hot shower and hot tea immediately thereafter.
Anonymous
I read somewhere to dress as if it’s 10 degrees warmer, to hit the right balance
Anon
I agree with other commenters -I would have been boiling in anything fleece lined!
Some people run in fleece hats- maybe that’d help you? Or wool mid calf socks?
Anonymous
+1 to everyone saying layers. Things I’ve run in:
– fleece leggings, t-shirt, “active hoodie,” big fleece zip-up (Kohls had a nice one from Fila I just got; link below), baseball hat (for sun) + dorky fleece hat, gloves, gaiter/muff. I get bad hangnails if my hands are exposed so I wear gloves at warm temperatures, like 55 degrees. Sometimes I wear two pairs of gloves. In warmer temperatures (55-75) I often wear a windjacket; it may get wrapped around my waist halfway through. Probably good sales on those now.
– you may also want to try layering bike shorts/tight summer shorts that cover your thighs beneath other workout pants if you’re running into the wind a lot.
https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-3873139/womens-fila-sport-mixed-media-jacket.jsp?color=Black&prdPV=1
anon
Good idea on the bike shorts under another pair of pants. My exposed buns might be happier with that setup. :)
Anon
Louis Garneau makes these both with and without a chamois. The ones without a chamois make great wind-break tights for crap-weather running https://garneau.com/us_en/women-s-solano-2-tights-1060218
Mary
I think you are on the right track, the only thing I would add is a light windbreaker jacket to keep the wind off. Wind is my biggest nemesis. Maybe try a stocking cap instead of headband and keep it on inside while you have a well deserved cup of coffee.
anon
Yeah, I think a windbreaker would’ve helped. Cold doesn’t bother me, much, but the wind adds a whole other element. Hence why it’s difficult to predict what will actually work for any given day!
Anon
I have a super light weight windbreaker from Patagonia. Something like that may do the trick.
I bought mine for hiking actually, so I haven’t run in it yet (luckily I was out of town for our first cold snap and snow). It’s meant for wind but it’s pretty water resistant too.
I do tend to overheat in windbreakers since they don’t tend to be very breathable. Hoping this one fills the niche
Anonymous
+1 wind blocking is key
Mary
I had another thought about having a hard time warming up when you get back. What if you get a heating pad and put it in a chair and cover the whole thing up with a lap blanket or two? Turn it on when you leave to run , and when you get home you can shed a layer and climb into a warm nest of a chair and blankets.
So Anon
It sounds like you are ok during the run but get cold soon after. Is the material that you are wearing during your run one that wicks sweat away? It sounds like you could be getting chilled after the run from being in damp clothing. I would suggest getting out of your damp, cold running clothes as soon as you can when you finish running and getting into a warm shower, and a warm bath would be even better. Some of it is also just acclimating to the weather. My first sub-30 run of the fall/winter tends to feel brutal, but when spring rolls around, it will feel lovely and warm!
Anonymous
I use this chart but find I like to overdress a little compared to what she recommends for temps in the 40s and 50s.
https://tinamuir.com/winter-running-what-to-wear-at-every-temperature/
And wind makes a HUGE difference for me.
Another anon
When I can’t get warm after exercise, it’s often because I’m tired or hungry.
Anonymous
I’ve gotten a couple of cold call-type emails to speak at CLE webinars on various practice-related topics. I’m trying to get more visibility and speak more often so I think maybe I should accept these when I can. Any tips for evaluating whether a particular CLE provider is reputable and what the audience is like? Or does it matter – is any speaking engagement a positive on my firm bio?
Anon
There are definitely some well known companies that provide CLE, what are they? And a good tip is who are the co-presenters? Are they experts in their field or at least very experienced from reputable firms?
In any case, it doesn’t hurt to participate, it’s not like there is a real way you can embarass yourself. Worse case – low attendance and you can add the presentation to your CV/website.
RR
Anything that wants you to pay to speak is likely not legit. (That would not necessarily include conferences that would require outside counsel to register for and travel to the conference.) Otherwise, look online for who is sponsoring, typical attendees, etc. to get a feel for the legitimacy.
Anon
I’m an actuary. I’m often asked to speak at conferences. We do expect actuaries who speak to pay, though at a discounted rate, because we expect the actuaries to attend the rest of the conference for their own CLE.
Non actuaries often fly in and fly out just for their talk, so they are not expected to pay. An actuary can request the same if they’re not going to attend any other sessions.
Only someone like the keynote speaker would get paid to speak.
Anon
*at actuarial conferences
RR
That’s what I meant by the parenthetical. Outside counsel often have to pay to register for conferences they speak at, and that’s not concerning (although some will cover the cost of the registration for speakers, leaving speakers to pay only for travel and expenses). What I’m talking about are the companies that want you to pay $699 for a “package” where you speak for 20 minutes at a webinar. Those are not something I would ever sign on to do.
Anon
Oh I’ve never heard of those! If you can believe it, those scammers haven’t yet happened upon actuaries. :)
Anon
Does anyone have a recommendation for headshots in NYC? I need a professional one (about to graduate law school) but would like something a just a tad…creative? Something that doesn’t look like it was already taken by a firm (not stuffy if that makes sense?).
Edna Mazur
Wouldn’t your new firm set that up for you?
Anon
OP – it’s for my LinkedIn and I currently don’t work at a firm, and want to transition as soon as the bar is over.
Anonymous
Out of curiosity, why do you think you need one? People never ask for headshots in application materials. If it’s for LinkedIn, I would save the money and just get a friend to take a picture of you dressed nicely in front of a stately building at your law school or next to a column of some grand building or something like that.
Anon
OP here – It is for LinkedIn. I’m really self conscious about taking photos. I despise it. I’m willing to spend a little bit if it’s something that I really am proud of. I know some friends who have taken some on their own and they look great. I’ve tried and just haven’t been pleased with them.
Anon
Not the OP, but I had professional head shots taken about four years ago and it worked really well. I was on contract assignments at the time, and I get published every so often in big-name magazines that require head shots to go with the byline. The $200 or so that I spent to upgrade my LinkedIn and get a nice headshot for the articles was well worth it.
Senior Attorney
I agree with this. I think everybody should have a good, current head shot. You just never know when you are going to need it and it’s nice to not have to scramble.
The original Scarlett
No specific photog recs but it’s a good time of year to find a wedding/family photographer doing mini sessions. They often also do natural headshots and a 20-minute discounted mini session is an easy way to go. I also disagree with the person below to have a friend do this, it’s a digital age and having a professional looking media presence is a good idea. I update mine w a family/ wedding photographer every few years.
TrixieRuby
There is a mall chain called Portrait Simple. I had some head shots done with them, and they were great. It ws affordable, too, with different backgrounds to choose from, and with or without photoshopping, and an opportunity to change tops, put on a jacket, etc.
https://www.portraitsimple.com/
Anon
I would ask the career center at your law school. They may have a day where they do headshots for students.
As someone who hires interns and recent graduates, I just want to reassure you that I never expect a professional headshot.
opaque window film?
I have a street facing ground-floor bathroom. The window is about 18×18. I would like to find some opaque window film to put over it b/c the window shutters are old and don’t always stay shut. I know that there was a stick-on version in the 80s/90s, but this is a rental so it would be ideal if I could pull it off easily when I move out.
Anon
Ikea sells stick on paper shades that look quite nice, work well, and last. I know someone who’s had them in a bathroom for years.
Anon
Buyer beware, we put this up for a few months while waiting to put in our shades and they tore the pain and part of the drywall right off – it works too well.
I suggest any of the films sold at Home Depot – remove it by peeling it back with a steamer, even if it leaves a little residue, that can be taken off with soap and water.
Anonymous
You can easily find this on Amazon, or your local Home Depot or similar. I got some for my a hall-facing glass strip in my office when I was pumping. They have lots of different widths available.
givemyregards
I ordered something like this from Amazon – looking back at my order it was called “privacy window film.” I ordered just the plain frosted version and it looked great, not super ’80s, was easy to install and remove. Once I’d put it in, I wished I’d done it way sooner.
Anon
Same. My downstairs bathroom has a small, high window that for some reason opens right onto the back porch. So when someone was in there standing, they were looking right at anyone on the porch, or you saw the back of people’s heads as they lowered themselves onto the seat. Awkward! Finally bought the privacy film and it has been so much better.
Anonymous
Check out Lowes or Home Depot. I bought some of the Gila brand. I believe it is removable and you can cut it to fit the window.
Anonymous
Yes this
Anon
I’ve use it, too.
Aurora
Amazon sells a ton of “No Glue Static Decorative Privacy Window Films for Glass” that just use water/static to stay on so they should be easily removable and not leave any glue stains. I got a really pretty iridescent stained glass looking one for my bathroom that makes me happy every time I look at it.
Sister Drama
I am jumping off of the discussion yesterday about the friend with the “stupid” comment, because I find myself in a very similar situation with my (only) sister, that has now been going on for 6 months. It’s a bit of a longer backstory, so bear with me.
My nephew’s 3rd birthday was in early July, and fell on the same weekend as my recently-widowed MIL’s birthday. In April or May, I discussed with my sister (who we used to see all the time, she lives 20 minutes away) that I wanted to throw a party for my MIL, but didn’t want to step on her toes if she was planning something for my nephew. She said that because she just started a new job, she would love to have us celebrate both birthdays jointly at our party, and asked if I would be willing to just put together the party and invite her parents-in-law, so she doesn’t have to do the work, and my husband and I agreed. She didn’t give me any preferences or requests for the party.
Fast forward to three weeks before the party, in mid-June, my husband and I happened to be on the phone with her. Important point here: this fell exactly during my 7th round of (unsuccessful) fertility treatment). She started asking questions about the party and menu, and we told her what we were planning. She got incredibly irate and angry that we weren’t doing two cakes, but instead had ordered one large cake with both names — because she then wouldn’t be able to get a photo of her son blowing out the candles on his own. Meanwhile, she had never asked us to do so, and we had already ordered the cake. While she was ranting and raving, she said “you just don’t understand what it’s like to love anybody as much as I love my son, because you’re not a mother!” This statement had terrible timing (see fertility treatment above), and was one of the more hurtful things anyone has thrown at me, especially my only sister who has always been close. I did not respond right away and got off the phone, and my husband and I (we were both still on the phone, and he felt the same way) discussed how hurtful it was afterward.
I waited a week to calm down before I said anything, and then I had a discussion with her (end of June). I told her that I felt like she was mad at me and threw my infertility in my face just to be mean, otherwise whatever she meant to say came out really wrong. I expected an apology. However, instead, she doubled down and got angry with me, and said all she was trying to do was “defend her son” from my inconsiderate ways, because of the party (that we were throwing!).
Since then, she’s barely spoken to me. At family events and when I happen to see her, she and I are civil, but just one little thing will blow her up and it will start all over again. She starts crying and ranting every time I see her, and I never knew why. The last time we got together for a football game 4 weeks ago, she finally said what was really bothering her – she was waiting for ME to apologize to HER because apparently me “thinking that she would say something like that [which she earlier admitted to saying] was the worst insult anyone has ever given her.” I’ve forgiven her months ago figuring it just came out wrong, and she’s family after all, despite her lack of apology. But she is holding it over my head waiting for me to apologize for — in my view — being an adult and calmly telling her that something she said hurt me. The other people there (her husband, my husband, the godfather to her child, other close friends) all witnessed her public outburst at me and said she just needed to get over it. This made her even more angry because everyone else was on MY side (meanwhile, there is no sides, I just want it to be over with – i don’t even care about the apology anymore, I’m just sick of the drama).
The next time I saw her, I finally rolled over and sucked it up and apologized to her. She rejected it, saying that I was “not actually sorry” and was “just saying that to make this whole thing blow over so we could be around each other again.” (meanwhile, this is exactly what I was doing).
I’ll add that since this time, my 8th round of fertility treatment worked, and I’m now 22 weeks pregnant with her soon-to-be niece. We still are barely talking.
Since you all are so good at this, is there anything I can do to fix this before the holidays? We won’t see her for Thanksgiving, but she’s hosting Christmas at her house.
Anonymous
Ugh and congrats! I got something similar hurled at me after I had had a miscarriage. I missed an opportunity to kill someone in the heat of it and still regret not going full Dracarys on that POS.
I don’t think so, in the case of your sister. Maybe in 18 weeks your daughter’s arrival will knock her to her senses, but your sister isn’t worth an ounce more of your effort. She seems like a complete narcisist.
anne-on
+1. I have a close family member who is a narcissist and god help you if everyone else agrees that they are being insane/irrational/unreasonable. Losing face/losing status is a HUGE deal, and usually results in more drama/doubling down on their original position. OR there is the huge/public ‘love bomb’ reversal when they realize they are not going to get everyone to agree that THEY were right. Honestly – read up on narcissists. You need to re frame your expectations because they will not (cannot?) change, and you/your family need to come ahead of placating your sister. It sucks.
I am sorry – therapy helps but it is really hard when family can’t be supportive/kind.
Anon
There are several people in my family who behave like this, and I finally realised that they cannot be fixed, nothing will ever make the relationship “work” (except me acting like a peasant while they strut around like queens), and I’m better off without them in my life.
The part about the sister asking for an apology after being a total (well, I won’t use those words on this blog), says volumes about her lack of character. One of my family members is particularly adept at doing this, and even goes out of her way to punish people who try to hold her accountable. (Think: father told her she couldn’t go out with her friends when she was failing classes and had tests the next day; she filed a false police report alleging abuse and delighted in the fact that it could have landed the rest of us in state-run care. Message was sent: don’t hold her accountable or all that you hold dear will be taken from you.)
Anyway… yeah. The sister here isn’t as bad, but it’s the same nonsense: hold her accountable for her poor actions, and she will make you pay.
Anon
Has your sister always been this unreasonable? Because, IME, people don’t randomly get like this. What has worked in the past to placate her?
Sister Drama
She has, in a way, but this has been the worst example in my 36 years of knowing her. Typically, she doesn’t say things this bad that I feel compelled to call her out. I (and the rest of the family) typically swallow most things/don’t call her out, for her entire life, because (1) it doesn’t help, and (2) it just makes things worse. I know this is kind of a problem of my own creation for not really doing it until now. I just felt the need to stand my ground on this one.
Senior Attorney
Well, then. This is her, this is how she is, and I don’t think there is any fixing it. I agree that you don’t have anything to apologize for, but I also think the lesson is that calling her out on bad behavior isn’t ever going to get you the result you want. Me personally, I’d be polite and kind to her and if she wants to hold a grudge, then that’s on her. (Also I would definitely not do anything like hosting a party for her son ever again because now you know it’s not going to end well.)
I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this!
Nudibranch
Also… I would limit your sister’s time with your child. Maybe don’t let her babysit unsupervised. When the child is older and if they’ve experienced some unusual behavior/s of Auntie, it’s good to have a talk with your child/ren about Auntie.
My parents did early with us, and it was a very healthy way to handle it. We accepted her as she was and limited our interactions with her and expectations of her in an age appropriate manner. To this day, we love her, but we don’t expect more from her than she’s able to give.
Anonymous
Congratulations on your baby! I’m sorry you’re going through this. I don’t have any advice for the situation. If I were in your place I’d probably leave it; it sounds like you tried to make the peace a number of times and for whatever reason she doesn’t want to get over it. I’d probably also skip going to her house at Christmas since she’d likely be unpleasant, though in the mood she’s in sounds like she might have something to say about it after. And why didn’t she just pick up a separate cake for the kid?! I hope you have a beautiful holiday season.
Anon
“Meanwhile, she had never asked us to do so, and we had already ordered the cake. While she was ranting and raving, she said “you just don’t understand what it’s like to love anybody as much as I love my son, because you’re not a mother!””
What the everloving F-CK. I’m a mother (okay, pregnant with my first) and that is so, so, so wrong of her to say. I would be sorely tempted to tell her that many of us love people as much as she loves her son – it’s just that we’re so used to loving other people as much or more than narcissists love themselves that it’s not a novelty for us.
Elizabeth
I’m sorry. That is an annoying situation. Congratulations on your pregnancy! That is awesome and I wish you all the best.
I have two veins of thought – 1) be thankful this week that you aren’t still angry over the situation (unlike your sister), and 2) is there something you can do to minimize your engagement with her? Or 3) alcohol :)
We have a similar situation with my in-laws where my sister-in-law needs to be the center of attention or else she throws a hissy fit. (She is 37.) Her mother enables her, so my husband and I just try to minimize how it impacts our life. Most recent example – expecting a 1 and 4 year old to stay up late to have dinner on her schedule during upcoming visit over Xmas and then accusing us of being “anti-family” even though I explained that toddlers can’t wait until 8pm to eat. (Background: She has a 2 month old old and my kids go to bed 7/7:30.)
Good luck!
Sister Drama
Thanks for the encouragement – and my sister is 37 as well! Unfortunately alcohol for her makes things worse, and alcohol for me is out of the question (pregnancy). I’m not angry, just tired of the drama. . .
Anon
From this story, she sounds wretched. If this was truly a one time thing, I’d probably apologize just in the interests of moving forward, and try to chalk it up to something she’s going through. If, however, she behaves like this regularly, I think you’re better off without her.
Anonymous
Sorry you are dealing with this. Family drama sucks. I think your sister is in the wrong and needs to apologize. She is acting incredibly immature and the “defending her son” comments are over the top. Does she have a history of acting this way? Is there something else going on in her life that could be causing her to act like this? Not trying to defend he behavior, but trying to understand if there is a reason behind it. Especially if this is out of the ordinary for her.
I don’t know if there’s anything you can do to fix this. Can you try and have a serious conversation and let her now how you feel? I have no idea how she would take it, though. I think all you can do is be the better person and be kind and wait for her to come around.
anon
Short answer–no, there’s nothing you can do to fix this.
Long answer–your sister said something extremely hurtful to you and then acted like she’s the victim because you stood up for yourself. And she won’t let it go. She won’t accept your attempt to make peace. There’s probably another side to the story, but it doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong, and certainly nothing worth months of conflict. At this point, you cannot control her feelings or her behavior. At this point, I would plan a very brief Christmas visit to her house–not going would amp up the drama, as would spending hours there.
Anon
+1000 to all of this. You’ve gone above and beyond in trying to make this right and it hasn’t worked. Continuing to try is just going to encourage her to act like this again. You’ve let it go, so I’d just accept that you can’t control her behavior and wait for her to hopefully so the same.
RR
As someone who struggled for 7 years with infertility, I’m deeply offended on your behalf. I can’t believe how mature you are being about this given how awful that comment was. I think you’ve done everything you can, and she just needs to get over it.
rosie
Oh so much this. I would avoid contact and let the relationship simmer for now. It is frankly admirable that you seem to be able to move forward with the relationship, I don’t know that I could.
anon
Yeah, I am a mom and did not struggle with infertility, and I am deeply offended by the sister’s comment on OP’s behalf. It’s a terrible thing to say to someone whether they’ve struggled with infertility or not. There’s no way or reason to compare love.
Also, our love for another person (whether child, husband, etc) should never be used to justify terrible behavior. That doesn’t mean we can’t have reasonable boundaries, whether enforcement of those boundaries “hurts” someone or not. But there’s room to love someone and even to defend them without saying something so unkind to another family member.
Nan
Agree 100%. You’ve done a really amazing job taking the high road, but at the end of the day this is all on her now.
Anonymous
My relationship with my sister is not close for different reasons. It makes me sad that we won’t have the close sister BFF relationship raising our kids together that I always imagined we would but that is the reality. Accepting that relationships are not what you hoped they would be is one of the hardest things about adulting.
Turn your love and energy towards your child and your DH, continue to be cordial with your sister and things may improve with time. But she is who she is and you can’t do anything about that.
I would avoid any type of joint celebration events in the future as those are always very difficult to manage.
Anon
I don’t think there’s anything *you* can do to “fix” this. It sounds like this is all on her end.
Anonymous
I guess you could try a couple joint counseling sessions?
Anon
Congratulations on your pregnancy!
Your sister is bonkers.
She needs to apologize.
You can’t fix her or situations that she creates with nasty comments and unreasonable demands.
Anonymous
Adding–your sister is bonkers and probably will never apologize. The only thing you can do is temper your expectations of her. You now know without a doubt that she has an unreasonable side and is prone to saying very hurtful things. She is your sister, so you are going to have to learn how to let those hurtful things roll off of you, and you should always know in the back of your mind that she has an unreasonable side. It will probably come out again. And, look, you have no idea what else was going on for her at that moment that she accused you of not knowing what was up because you weren’t a mother–there could be something else going on with your nephew that you don’t yet have insight into that caused her to fly off the handle.
Anonymous
Recs for a good pore filling primer and foundation that works with it? Currently wearing Elf poreless putty (Tatcha dupe) under Hourglass vanish stick/Charlotte tilbury flawless filter (applied in stripes and then blended together). I look like I have giant pores on my cheeks. I don’t wear makeup 99% of the time but when I do I want it to look better than bare skin..not worse.
Anonymous
Honestly, if those aren’t working for you, maybe just go with bare skin? I really like that poreless putty, but I don’t wear anything over it. I wear It cosmetics CC under it and nothing on top at all.
Anonymous
Agreed. I read the question and cringed – “another thing I’m supposed to think/care about”.
RR
I really like the benefit primer (POREfessional), which has worked well with any foundation I’ve used.
Anon
You have three pore products under your makeup? I mean, that’s why, they aren’t meant to be used together and splitting, pitting, and peeling are what products do when they don’t mix well. Use one good primer under your foundation – Smashbox Photo Finish primer is a popular one that actually has a perfect dupe, Monistat Chafing Relief Powder Gel. It’s literally the same ingredients repackaged (Smashbox has some additional small amounts of oil, so if you have dry skin applying a drop of argan oil under it will probably do the trick – it works for me).
Anonymous
I’d not depend on primer. My experience has been that using something pretty silky feeling (I use garnier BB cream normal) with a powder on top does a much better job. The powder is what sort of fills in and keeps it smooth. (For what it’s worth, I’m a Sephora junkie but I still go back to the drugstore Garnier. For some reason it just melts into my skin really well.
Anonymous
smashbox photo finish is excellent. The YSL primer with the gold flakes is amazing as well.
Anonymous
Hourglass Veil Mineral works well under Bobbie Brown cream foundation.
So Anon
I am considering dipping my toes into online (or any) dating after the new year. By way of background, my divorce was final in May of this year to an emotionally abusive guy. My sister is saying that I need to get professional makeup and photos done for a dating profile. Is this a thing?? Can I go with the best photos I can find of myself that have been taken lately? For reference, I do not live in a major metropolitan area.
Anon
Do not get professional photos done. Do not listen to your sister. Just get a friend to take some nice, flattering shots of you.
Anon
Nobody has professional photos for dating apps and it would look weird and try-hard, and probably disappoint people when you meet them in person.
Anon
What? No, professional hair and makeup for dating profiles is not a thing. Use your most recent snapshots. (IMO, getting together with girlfriends and taking photos so that you’ll have fun, non-selfies is allowed in my book.)
Abby
+1 I would avoid using selfies if you can!
The original Scarlett
Chiming in again with disagreement on the professional photos, it’s very much a thing and can help you stand out. They can be done really naturally. I had a couple of professional ones and then supplemented w the iPhone type photos. You can also do double duty – I did LinkedIn photos at the same time.
Anonymous
Stand out in a bad way.
Anonymous
+1 I immediately swipe “no” when I see professional photos. It’s weird.
anon
+1 to Scarlett – I did online dating for years with nice, casual photos with friends, and never had much luck (to be clear, I’ve been told many times that I look better IRL than in photos). A friend urged me to get hair/makeup done and professional photos taken. I bit the bullet, and literally overnight, I started getting 10x the number of emails, from my target demographic group, and a higher response rate as well – one of whom ended up being my husband. It was well worth the few hours and $200 I spent. Also like Scarlett, I got a set of photos that I now use for LinkedIn. I’m super glad I did it and would recommend it to anyone.
Anonymous
What everyone else already said – you absolutely do not need professional photos for dating apps and to be honest, it would stand out and not in a good way IMO.
Vicky Austin
No, your sister is wrong and your instinct is right. I guess you *can* get professional makeup and photos done if you want them, but the idea that you need them is ridiculous.
Anonymous
No just use whatever you have. You can update the pictures later. The hardest part is getting started – so just get started! Fwiw the only professional photos I’ve seen are from weddings.
Anon
Absolutely do not use professional photos. Use a couple of good snapshots from the last year — make sure there is at least one that clearly shows your face and one that shows you from head to toe. Try to avoid group photos. Make sure they are recent and accurately represent what you look like and something of your personality.
In the next few months, as you go about your regular life, ask friends to take photos of you in situations that are representative of what you like to do (tell them its for the dating apps!) — mine include me contemplating a statue at a museum (hard to explain but it’s a funny photo), painting a wall in my apartment, hugging a tree at a local park, that kind of thing. At least some should show you actually doing something and not just posing. As you get such photos, add them in. If you like to dress up and go to fancy places, your photos should show that. If you are more of a no makeup hiker, ditto. If you are both, show both. That’s it!
Anonymous
If the goal is to attract the interest of compatible people, definitely use a photo that shows your personality and interests.
Anon
And only post pictures of you doing activities you enjoy. I’m so sick of guys posting hiking pictures and then when you ask them about it, it turns out that they hate the outdoors and only do stuff like that once a year. As someone who spends significant time outdoors, that is not what I’m looking for.
So Anon
Thank you all so much!! Its a brave new world, and I’m trying to have as much fun with this as I can without needing professional photos!
Ellen
Sorry I am late. Good luck to you. Try not to repeat your past and do not cozy up to a doosh who is or may be abusive, even tho he may appear cute and innocent. The test you should apply is make sure he does not get sore at you if you do not want to do what he wants you to do. My ex was pretty much like this. Fine until I crossed him. Then he bared his dirty teeth and became abusive, even tho I was otherwise mostly very accommodating to him and his needs.FOOEY on dooshes like him!
Anon
Agree, and if you don’t have enough photos you like, it’s perfectly fine to also post a selfie.
Anon
+1
TrixieRuby
I had great luck with Portrait Simple, a mall brand chain store. Inexpensive, casual photos, you can bring your dog or ski poles, etc. I would use one or two prof. photos, and then iphone pics with your friends, etc. And you can get a head shot while there for your job, passport, etc. They have a variety of casual back drops and you can pick and choose.
https://www.portraitsimple.com/
MissK
Minority here – I would go for professional photos and have done so in the past. A good photographer will bring out more of your personality – and the setting can absolutely reflect what you like to do. Not sure what the tell signs for a pro photo are?? We are not talking about over photoshopped and polished images.. just better lighting/ framing / your posture. You absolutely should mix up the photos with non professional ones – but there’s absolutely no downside to adding some pro ones in the mix. Good luck with online dating!
Rules of Texting
Fluffy topic for anyone interested who is dating.
Do you have any firm “rules” about how you text with someone you’ve recently met? If so, what is the rule and why do you believe in it?
CountC
I won’t text with someone I “meet” on a dating app until I have their last name and can Google them.
Other than that, no real rules for me!
Anon
Really? I would be uncomfortable giving my last name to someone on a dating app so I don’t ask. I don’t give out my number until I’ve met someone IRL, in a public place of course, and only text within the app until then. Many people have started asking for a phone call (which you can do within bumble) before meeting, which is cool with me.
CountC
I won’t meet up with someone at all until I am able to Google them. I discovered (before meeting up) that someone I had been chatting with had been charged with having sex with a minor, which I would never have known if I hadn’t Googled. I’ve discovered people being married (and lying about it), and other things that were absolutely deal breakers for me this way, so it works for me. No one has ever not given me their last name, and I’m willing to lose one here or there because of it!
CountC
ETA: I used to not give my number before meeting either, but I turn all of my notifications for apps off to reduce general phone distraction so texting is easier and I am more than willing to utilize the block feature.
Anon
I don’t want to have long back and forth text conversations. If I’m really interested in someone and vice versa, then I’d rather just see them a couple times a week and have conversations in person. Instead, I would prefer just a couple texts a day, something funny or interesting not “hey what’s up.” Reason being that texting can be an oddly stressful way to interact since you lose tone and don’t have a sense of what else they’re doing or why they’re taking so long to respond. And I don’t want to spend a bunch of time glued to my phone, especially when I don’t even know someone that well.
Anonymous
Should I participate in my office’s Secret Santa? I’m an attorney and most of the participants will be staff, though I assume other attorneys will participate. I’m uncomfortable with the gifting up dynamic. But then again I don’t want to come off like I’m not a team player. This is the first year we’re doing this.
anon
Yeah, this is an uncomfortable dynamic. I would decline to participate, honestly.
mascot
I’ve been at firms that did this and it was fun. A mix of staff/professionals/men/women all participated and there was a $25 spending cap. I saw this as different than gifting up since it was voluntary to participate and there was a cap.
Anon
I would. This stuff is harmless and bonding. People are way to uptight on this board.
Anon
There’s also a contingent of people (not necessarily here, I mean in general) who think that ANY social activity at work is intrusive and out of bounds and it’s bizarre to me. Like, just be a normal human being and interact with your coworkers pleasantly. Nobody’s saying you have to be BFFs with them.
Anon
I think it’s fine provided there is a very strict low dollar limit (like 10 bucks) but if you’re not comfortable just don’t. How will they even know you didn’t participate? It’s a secret.
Anon
Yes, I would. I assume there’s a fairly small dollar limit. I happen to think they’re fun to participate in.
Anon
Can you ask around to see if your peers are participating? Personally, I would hate to be the only attorney participating.
Vanguard funds?
I recently got the money from the sale of my former marital home and am trying to figure out where to save/invest it. It is my emergency fund and part of it will eventually form the down payment for my own place, but it will take me 5-6 years to save up the rest of it. I don’t want all the money sitting in a savings account earning nothing in the meanwhile (though that will be the fate of some of it). I plan to keep some of I have a vanguard brokerage account already — does anyone have suggestions for bond funds that would be good for this scenario? My entire retirement savings are in index funds, so I’m not afraid of risk, but I definitely want to be pretty conservative with this money.
Anon
What about a betterment safety net account?
Anonymous
This also sounds like the perfect time for a CD. Some have options where you can withdraw a certain amount without penalty as needed. This may be what you need for the emergency fund.
Anon
An intermediate or short term bond fund like BIV or BSV sound like what you are looking for. If you are in a 24% or higher tax bracket I would look in to a municipal bond fund hopefully a state specific one that will save you state income taxes if possible.
anon
Nothing in your questions suggests you are insecure with your body, but I figured I would throw this out there in case it might be helpful. When I first started using dating apps, I used only the most flattering photos of myself. Photos that made me look thinner, etc. It created a ton of anxiety when I actually got asked out because I was concerned my date would be disappointed. I almost always ended up canceling. Now, I use flattering but realistic photos. Two full-body shots, and a couple of selfies. I’ve had just as much success and I don’t experience the same kind of anxiety. I know anyone who asks me out is already into my cusp-size body.
anon
I’m hosting a Christmas movie party with friends and am so excited! I want to keep this as simple and stress-free as possible since the season is busy for everyone. I know I’ll have alcoholic beverages of various kinds, hot cocoa for the kids, and popcorn. And knowing me, a tray of Christmas cookies. Any other ideas?
anon
consider something more savory/higher protein to balance out the sugar? Hummus and Veg tray is pretty easy and nice complement to the ‘fun’ food.
Other random ideas:
Have some comfy throws for people to wrap up and keep cozy
Set the dress code as casual (if it must be addressed at all) so people can sit wherever and be comfortable OR set a wild dress code: I once attended an adult PJ party (granted it was unisex) and it was hilarious to see what people came up with and every person was super comfortable. Note that all the featured PJs would have been fine in a mixed group party setting.
Anonymous
I agree with having some protein. A hummus and veggie tray and maybe a cheese tray from the grocery store.
Anon
I was also going to suggest having blankets/throws around! And I think a PJ dress code would be fun.
Anonymous
+ 1
Not sure how many kids you are having but my kids would have found it hilarious to attend a party where grown ups wore Christmas pjs
Katy
Our friends used to host Thanksgiving with PJs as the dress code – mixed group families – it was so much fun.