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My obsession with Alexis Bittar continues with this necklace, which looks delicate yet statement-y at the same time. The necklace is a bit of a splurge for a lot of plated hardware and non-precious stones, though: $595. Alexis Bittar Maldivian Necklace with Green Stones (L-2)Sales of note for 10.24.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
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- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Famouscait
How much is a reasonable amount to pay to create a simple will? DH and I are having a kiddo in the fall and feel this is the time to get such affairs in order. We don’t have a complex estate, and mainly want to be sure that guardianship is established in the event of a worse-case scenario.
Along the same-ish lines… has anyone done a medical power of attorney before birth? I found a link to a pretty straight-forward document for my state through careinginfo dot org. I was highly alarmed to see that my state’s laws supersede any of my personal wishes if a fetus is considered viable. As such I don’t know if a MPoA doc makes any difference. Thoughts?
Maddie Ross
As to cost, it’s variable based on the part of the country and complexity of your assets/tax burden, but I’d say a garden-variety one should be about $1000 or so, flat fee.
As for the medical POA, I did one while I was pregnant (I think I read way too many alarmist articles) and yes, it spooked me a bit in some ways. That said, while there are certain things that the gov’t (state and fed) has taken out of hands with regards to birth questions, I still thought it was worthwhile as to my own health and wishes.
Ellen
Madeline say’s it should NOT be expensive, unless you have a BIG Estate. She can handel a family will like your’s for about $500, and she throw’s in the tax aspect’s FREE! She is good, though the manageing partner told her to loose weight b/c the cleint’s are beginning to wonder if she is goeing to be around to probate their will’s or NOT, b/c of her tuchus and eateing cookie’s all day. Her husband Hank is very skinny, like an eartheworm! I can’t even imageine those 2 in bed together, b/c she could turn him into a PANCAKE if she rolled over on him! FOOEY!
As far as the health care Power of Attorney’s, they are simpel form’s you can get off the web or from your state department of health’s website. There is also a liveing will form, but you need to check what state you are in, Madeline say’s.
If you want, just leave me your e-mail and I will have Madeline contact you with “speceific’s”. I am doieng a littel marketing for her b/c she is bashful when it come’s to cleint’s. The manageing partner said she would be a partner by now if she were as bashful with cleint’s as she is with the food he send’s out for. She eat’s even more then Lynn, who is very rapidely turning into a quarterhorse, tho she is getting very muscular. Mabye she and Mason are lifteing weight’s together outside of the bedroom! I now have my own guy who is interested in me, but NOT in bedroom stuff. He might turn out OK after all. We will see…….Yay!!!!!
Two Cents
We used a solo lawyer to draft a simple will and trust and medical power of attorney, and we paid $1800. Other quotes I received were about twice as high. Also had ours done when I was about 9 months pregnant, so you’re ahead of the game.
Diana Barry
Ditto to Maddie, depends on where you are located. About 1000 sounds right for wills only along with POAs and medical POAs. You can ask your doctor about the medical POA – it may depend highly on the hospital’s practice and not so much on state law.
jc
Where are you located? Might make a difference in pricing.
Behind the Orange Curtain
“I was highly alarmed to see that my state’s laws supersede any of my personal wishes if a fetus is considered viable.”
I am not surprised. Nothing like this surprises me anymore. I just spent 11 months locating a pro-choice OB-Gyn in a major metropolitan area on the West Coast. I must have called a few dozen practices since last Spring, and when I asked the question, the responses from receptionists included: (1) we can’t answer that, (2) I don’t know and I won’t ask, (3) we would never perform *that* procedure (an elective termination) and (4) we send anyone who wants *that* done to the clinic. The guy I eventually found went to medical school in the 1960s and was the lone holdout when our last local hospital was purchased by a Catholic-owned medical conglomerate last year. I hope that when I have my first appointment with him soon, I like him because he seems to be the only game in town.
Anonymous
If I were a receptionist I don’t think I’d answer that question either. Because bombs.
Anonylicious
Yeah. I understand your frustration, but I can’t blame them for not answering.
anon
there are often additional restrictions on terminating a pregnancy beyond the first trimester which often requires the procedure be done at an ambulatory surgical center. if you obgyn does not have access to one of those and your hospitals are all catholic/religious and will not allow abortions– then yes, you may be going to an abortion clinic.
Famouscait
I don’t like the idea of asking my doctor or practice if they’re “pro-choice” as this is the political-slang way to phrase the question. I would, however, have no problem asking if they perform elective pregnancy termination, and if not, why? (as in- due to personal faith issues vs. licensing issues, etc.) But I do think the phrasing here is important – one is a medical procedure and the other is a political term.
Aggie
Whether a doctor is “pro-choice” or “pro-life” does not necessarily mean the office does not perform elective terminations. Their political views should not influence their treatment plans. And, I agree with Anon 4pm….OBGYN’s offices are very aware of the risk in answering that question. The receptionist is the first person at the door and likely the first one injured.
The latter is a question for your doctor during an initial consultation/interview, not one a receptionist should answer. A polite “You will need to ask Dr. X.” is all I expect from a receptionist.
AnonLawMom
Love your handle.
RSJ
My spouse is an ob-gyn. He does perform elective terminations. And the staff is instructed to say no. It is simply not worth the risk of being picketed or, worse, stalked or bombed. I’m sorry for your predicament and wish it didn’t have to be like this, but unfortunately he has to keep this service private. And I’m in a major metropolitan area of a blue state.
Lily student
You have Catholic-owned hospitals?! Wow. I can’t believe people complain about the NHS.
HMRC
Yes, the Catholic Church funds hospitals and clinics around the globe that provide health care to millions of people, many of whom would not otherwise have any access to care. I’m ardently pro-choice and not Catholic, but it’s not like the church established these hospitals with the goal of controlling individual women’s reproductive choice.
Lily-Student
Oh okay, the OP implied that the Catholic hospitals weren’t pro-choice.
I’d not heard of the concept before, so I was confused. Apologies.
HMRC
They aren’t pro choice, and the dominance in some areas of the US of Catholic-owned hospitals/healthcare systems does limit women’s access to elective terminations. From an access-to-care perspective, I would prefer a national system that’s not religiously motivated (not entirely sure we’d get that in the States even if our system was overhauled). I responded to you because I think it’s important to remember that the Catholic church does many, many good things in the world (and has many members who devote their lives to helping others) even when we disagree with a particular policy stance.
MNF
Please get an estate plan including the living documents (power of attorney, health care proxy, living will) as well as a will. Obviously it’s important to have a will, but so often the lifetime documents are even more crucial! (Can you tell I’m an estate planner?)
To answer your question: $1000-$2,500 for a basic suite of simple documents.
Famouscait
Do these documents have to change or be updated if we move states? I’d like to have them done but don’t want to pay every time we move (we move a lot).
Philanthropy Girl
Many of them need to be updated for the state in which you live so they are filed in accordance with state law. Ask around with the estate planning attorneys in your area. One of the big firms in my town offers a free no-obligation consultation, where they will advise you on what you need and offer you an estimate.
It should be more affordable to have something updated to a current state of residence than to craft a new document.
MNF
A will translates to different states, for example, a NY court will accept a will so long as it was executed properly in the state where the testator was domiciled at the time of execution. But for other documents, you should change them when moving to a new state. This is not so onerous – you can get a NY power of attorney form from the NYS bar association website.
This is a good question for the attorney drafting your docs because obviously the rules do vary by state.
just Karen
Depends wildly on the part of the country. I will do basic wills for a couple for $500, but recommend more complete plans that run $1500-2000. I just want to be sure no one is priced out of planning (my basic will price does include medical POA, but not a springing general POA). Part of that is also savings of going with a solo versus a firm though.
Meg Murry
Do you work somewhere with an Employee Assistance Program? I haven’t used ours, but wills were one of the things featured prominently on the flier for our company’s EAP. Not free, but a free consultation and quote, with a % discount. Something to look into.
LEATTY
Shopping challenge!
I’m looking for some a-line skirt suits. I am required to wear a suit every day, and pencil skirts simply aren’t cutting it anymore. They restrict my movement, they don’t accommodate well for weight fluctuations, and they are not particularly flattering to my wide hips. Has anyone seen any good ones lately? Preferably ones that don’t cost a fortune!
Ciao, pues
Ann Taylor has some.
http://www.anntaylor.com/all-season-stretch-flared-skirt/341264
Anonymous
This is cute: https://www.jcrew.com/womens_category/skirts/alinefull/PRD~A4833/A4833.jsp
anon
Just got the J Crew “Flare” skirt, which I believe is a new silhouette this season in their Super 120s suiting line. I am (very) short and have wide hips and rear and this skirt is very flattering, probably best with a knit shell if you have a belly. I feel feminine and pretty in it (still professional), and I can move, none of which I can say is true for me in a pencil. I am a pear shape and wore my smaller J Crew skirt size in this.
Duchess
I think this is so, so beautiful, but wayyyyyy more than I’m comfortable spending on costume jewelry.
Bonnie
Gorgeous necklace. This one has a similar feel for much less: http://www.etsy.com/listing/78696747/crochet-necklace-stone-wire-green-red?ref=sr_gallery_47&ga_search_query=chunky+stone+necklace+green+wire&ga_order=price_desc&ga_ship_to=US&ga_max=50&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery
anon-oh-no
really? This seems about right for this type of piece.
Lady Tetra
I’m going to San Miguel de Allende for a wedding later this summer. Have any of you been there? Is there enough to do if I stay an extra few days, or should I stay in Mexico City? How about Guanajuato? Thanks!
Famouscait
Stay the extra days!!!! Mexico’s old silver-mining towns are really neat. I lived in Mexico for a while and we drove through San Miguel, Guanajuato and Queretero as a road trip. San Miguel is the most American-ized (you’ll hear English spoken everywhere) but the others were far more authentic. Guanajuato has *the coolest* old highway system that was built underneath the mountain. If you’re some sort of civil engineer you may be too alarmed to enjoy it, but driving around in it was one of the coolest things we did. I don’t know what the safest way would be to get from city to city now – we drove ourselves 6 years ago, but we 1) lived there, 2) speak Spanish and 3)crime was different then. Do research on that aspect of the plan but definitely stay the extra days!!!
LilyB
I would not be worried about crime in Central Mexico. San Miguel is amazing, as are Taxco (main silver mining city), Guanajuato and Queretaro. You can take buses between all those places; try ADO GL or Platino, those are the “first class” buses and are very comfortable/clean. Even the regular ADO is fine. I think renting a car would be fine too, just try not to drive at night.
Lady Tetra
Great, thanks!
Reix
Please, do not take buses at night EVER in Mexico (I live here and I know what I am talking about).
Although I agree crime shouldn’t be a major concer in Guanajuato-San Miguel de Allende-Queretaro. Not so sure about Taxco, but Taxco is in Guerrero and not close to San Miguel anyway.
ETN (Enlaces Terrestres Nacionales) are the most comfortable option I know, but I am sure the ADO LilyB is reccomending is perfect too.
There is plenty to see in these three towns as other commenters stated.
NOLA
A professor friend of mine is going away on sabbatical for the year and just came by to say hi (and sort of bye) and says he wants to get drunk with me before he leaves. He is married (but currently working in a different city from his wife) and I have a very jealous SO who is long distance. What is he thinking? This is so not something I would do. Had to sidestep the whole question. Of course, I told my SO and he promptly proceeded to call the man every name in the book. Bleah.
Anne Shirley
Huh? He said he wanted to get drink with you not lady garden with you. Getting drunk with coworkers is one of my favorite things to do especially when they’re heading out of town. He’s probably thinking it would be fun! Not his fault you’re dating a jealous guy. And I don’t see why you needed to tell your SO about this.
NOLA
Huh, well, I generally don’t get drunk with my coworkers. Occasionally with a female colleague who is a good friend, but even then only a drink or two, not getting drunk.
Anne Shirley
Ohhh it’s fun! Unprofessional and risky but fun. I’m comfortable admitting I’m naive, but I don’t think this invite necessarily implies anything sketchy.
Diana Barry
+1! I wouldn’t have told my SO either.
NOLA
I just mentioned it to my SO via text because we joke about this guy. My SO is convinced that he is interested in me. I’m not interested in him so I don’t care.
rosie
I would think it’s a little weird if someone said “I want to get drunk with you” rather than “let’s hit up happy hour” or something like that. That said, doesn’t seem too difficult to get around without being awkward. “It’d be great to catch up before you leave, perhaps we can get coffee one afternoon as my evenings/weekends are booked right now.”
Wildkitten
It’s not a thing I’d say every day, but we all have days like that occasionally.
LawyrChk
+1. I’d also encourage you to nip this in the bud with your SO. I don’t want to sound alarmist, but behavior that starts as endearingly jealous can rapidly escalate and may signal control issues.
NOLA
Honestly, it’s just this guy that sets him off. He is a bit jealous, but partly because he’s long distance. I used to be more friendly with this guy, but we’ve sort of drifted in the past couple of years. So I was pretty surprised by the “let’s get drunk” comment.
L
+1. No harm, no foul.
LH
I totally disagree – this sounds really sketchy to me. If they drank together regularly, it wouldn’t be as weird. But just going up to someone of the opposite sex that you never drink with and saying “hey lets you & I get drunk together alone” (especially when he’s leaving soon and both their SOs are long distance) totally sounds like a come on. I think you were right to tell your SO & its reasonable for him to be annoyed (at the guy, not at you, of course).
LilyB
I absolutely would think it was a little weird, the way he phrased it. That said, it’s not inappropriate for you to grab drinks with a male co-worker- however I would definitely tell my SO about the way the coworker phrased it, just for full disclosure, and I would probably invite other people along. If one of my SO’s female co-workers said “I want to get drunk with you” to him, I would want him to tell me about it and talk to me about how he interpreted it before he went out for drinks with her.
roses
Also, if you’re really uncomfortable going just the two of you (which I don’t think you should be but whatever), why don’t you suggest inviting a few other co-workers?
Anon
You’re not allowed to go to happy hour or socialize with male coworkers? I don’t know how he said it and maybe he said it in a creepy way, but from this your SO seems like the one who is unhinged. There’s nothing wrong with socializing or networking with male coworkers. I’m not sure how I’d network if I couldn’t do that.
Curly Sue
This seems like a somewhat extreme reaction. I don’t know the guy, and I wasn’t there when he said it, but barring extraordinary circumstances I’d take it as a friendly gesture, not a come on. It wouldn’t have occurred to me take this to my (apparently jealous and possessive) SO.
Ginjury
While I don’t think it was necessary for you to tell your SO about this because it causes unnecessary stress for him, I agree that the way he phrased it sounds more like a come on than just, “Hey we should get a drink before I leave.” Getting drunk just implies inappropriate behavior/lack of inhibition/and everything else that generally goes along with actually being drunk. I wouldn’t go or, if you really did get on well with him, would just suggest coffee.
Anon29
I’m in academia (and assume Nola is as well) and I feel that academia is more formal and old school than other fields. I’ve never gone out drinking with my colleagues or heard about other people doing it except when we’re out of town on a conference and there’s nothing else to do. Its a little weird that he wants to get drunk with you rather than go out for some drinks or happy hour. However, the best judge of how awkward this situation is would be you, Nola. Are you guys super close that this is normal? Are there no other faculty your age who he can hang out with? Did he say it in a fun manner rather than in a creepy way?
NOLA
Shoot, I just typed a long comment and it went away. I used to be more friendly with this guy. It’s hard to know how to take him – he’s older and not American. I think he very much appreciates women and once had a group of us over to his new apartment for dinner (all women). I don’t see him as much as I used to but saw him yesterday at a meeting. Nope, we’re not super close, but friendly, and he is not someone I would want to get drunk with. He has always seen me as a bit of a problem solver for him (he is junior to me because he got his PhD late in life). My female colleague and I decided that the only way we would consider this is together and that’s because we want to hassle him about the fact that he wrote a tenure recommendation letter for someone who shouldn’t have gotten tenure (and he knew it but still wrote it because he’s a coward and wouldn’t say no). We wanted to confront him about it and could only do it over drinks. She says he’s harmless and just wants to gossip.
Anonymous
Um, every orientation weekend I went to for grad school included kegs and large amount of alcohol hosted by both grad students and professors. So I have to disagree with academia being more formal…
Anonwolverine
The time my law school profs got drunk and karaoked Toto’s Africa begs to differ.
NOLA
What you’re describing is pretty far outside the norm for my world.
Sad Little Law Student
Ugh, I can’t really vent about this in real life because my friends would think it is a little bit ridiculous, but I just got my grades back from my last semester of law school and didn’t do as well as I’ve done over the rest of law school. I got my first B+’s of my law school career (which I know means I did well the rest of law school and is why I dont want to mention it to friends who have gotten those grades all the way through). I got married and had a lot of other really fun things going on this semester, but clearly it affected my schoolwork. Now I’m just hoping it doesn’t affect latin honors.
Someone shake me out of this and make me go enjoy the few days that I have before graduation please?
The Hive
Don’t worry, we think it’s ridiculous too. You’re a graduating 3l and you’re sober enough to be worried about this? Fix that stat.
Anon
+1 to “You’re a graduating 3l and you’re sober enough to be worried about this? Fix that stat.”
Magdeline
Everyone certainly is loosening up around here- I like it! And, yes, +1! Enjoy your time before graduation/the bar.
Wildkitten
I’m a lawyer and a happy adult and I don’t even know what latin honors mean. Maybe I was drunk with colleagues for the class on that?
Coach Laura
I think she’s referring to summa/magna cum laude as “Latin honors.” I missed honors for my Masters by 0.03 ten years ago and I’m still bummed.
tesyaa
This sounds like my daughter’s high school friends who have literal panic attacks if they get an 89. I know law school is not high school, but chill please!
Lavinia
Actually, law school is pretty much high school. ;)
Lily student
We were warned at the start of my degree how different university grading is to school grading. It is impossible to score above 85 in my department, and above 75 is very rare. I had a piece of work which was ‘pretty much perfect’ marked at a 71%. It’s a whole different world over here. (UK, humanities/ social sciences)
Fellow/ Former Gunner
Can’t you figure out your Latin Honors now that you have all of your grade information?
Also – ENJOY THIS TIME! Put your inner-gunner on hold and have a great time before you have to start studying for the bar.
Also 2 – Congratulations on your Graduation!
Coach Laura
This is good advice.
Anon.
You’re being ridiculous.
1) Do you have a job lined up? If yes, quit complaining and wasting your life feeling sorry for yourself.
2) Do the math to calculate whether you’ll get latin honors (unless its Order of the Coif, and then you may not know if you’re in the top 10%). If that’s your concern, then ask yourself: What do I value more, getting married and enjoying my life, especially before I start work and lose a LOT of free time and flexibility, or having latin honors on my resume?
3) Just quit worrying and wasting your life feeling sorry for yourself.
Signed, a former You who no longer has time for such a display of over-emotional suffering.
Anon
Don’t worry. Regardless of what grades you get in law school, and what firm you end up working at after graduating, you’ll still be doing the same work on your first day as everyone else’s first-day work: making copies and doing research.
anonsg
You know what? I felt like that after my last quarter in college because I didn’t make Dean’s List (and thus didn’t make Annual Dean’s List, the only year I didn’t), but you’re done with school, so just be happy, relax, and don’t think about it. A B+ is a B+, nothing you can do about it now. So, just soak in these last couple days before bar prep takes over your life. Congrats on your graduation!
anon-oh-no
fishing for complements much? you better get over this or life is going to be rough as a lawyer.
Sad Little Law Student
Seriously? I just wanted some perspective. If I were fishing for compliments I wouldn’t do it anonymously over the internet.
anon-oh-no
yes. seriously. and that IS some perspective. from a partner in a law firm. and people anonymously fish for compliments on the internet all. the. time. so good luck. i’m sure you’ll do just fine.
Magdeline
Wow, someone needs some chocolate and a glass of wine. That was majorly uncalled for, especially “from a partner in a law firm” to a law student.
West Coast
Completely agree. Also, if you feel the need to come here for reassurance on a pretty trivial matter, I would rethink your real life support network. If you don’t have people with whom you can share a bump as small as this, then you will feel even more lost as the bumps get bigger. If you think that this was too much of a humblebrag to share with them, then maybe it is too much of one to share online as well
Anon
+1 – this doesn’t even sound real. I say fake poster.
Mpls
There’s nothing you can do about it now, right? Then worrying is wasted energy.
Blonde Lawyer
I’ll bite. It sucks. If you got all A’s before you can’t say “I got all A’s in law school” now. You broke a streak and are kicking yourself. That said, in the long run it really shouldn’t matter. I can understand being upset though if this moves you out of valedictorian or bumps you out of the top 10.
LH
Yeah, I understand feeling bummed about it too (although I certainly got some B+s and worse in law school and it definitely won’t ruin your future). If it kicks you down to a lower level of latin honors, its pretty understandable to feel sad about it. Hopefully, it won’t though and if it doesn’t, it will really never matter again in your life. Also try not to blame yourself – I found that 1L grades were fairly objective but in 2L and 3L classes it got a lot more subjective and my grades were way more dependent on how interested I was in the subject, how much I connected with the professor (even with blind grading), how much the style of the exam suited my strengths, etc. It may have absolutely nothing to do with anything you did and just be bad luck.
Aggie
I actually never looked at my final semesters grades. To this day, I do not know my law school GPA.
Go focus on your alcohol intake before you have to begin your bar exam prep. It is a long way to July.
former law student
I got B+s my entire law school career. At a non-T14 law school. Post-recession. And now I have a super awesome BigLaw job in NYC that I love. Seriously, this will never matter in your life.
Lady Tetra
Meeee toooooo (but not in NYC).
RR
Hope you are still reading this.
I’m a partner in a big law firm, I’ve had a lot of objective success in my career, I love my career, and I’m still slightly bitter about the one B I got in law school. It’s okay. You aren’t a horrible person. Take a moment. Be pissed. But realize that it doesn’t affect the rest of your life. If you did that well in law school, you are likely to do well in the practice of law. Unfortunately, you will get used to the lack of perfection as you move through being a lawyer. Some of the best advice I ever got was from a partner/mentor who told me, “RR, you aren’t perfect, and you will never be perfect.”
interview help
I applied for a marketing communications director position at a southern university. Any suggestions for interview attire, should I get a call? I’m in the Pacific Northwest, and our university is very casual. I’m not sure how formal I need to be. A suit, for sure, but what material? It will be pretty hot and humid as well.
Thanks for your help!
Famouscait
Wear what you would to any other interview. Be aware of the school’s colors (and rival’s colors) and I would just tastefully avoid them both. Depending on how deep South you’re talking, other men and/or women may be in seersucker or linen blazers, but I wouldn’t stray to far from your regular interview attire. Just be sure you can take your jacket off if need be and still be presentable. Good luck!
interview help
Good call on the school colors! Thanks!
Anonymous
I think it’s premature to even ask this question if you’ve just submitted an application. Not to sound harsh, but you are wasting worry and mental energy on something that may or may not be a long shot. You wear a suit to an interview unless instructed otherwise.
interview help
I like to be prepared. I live several hours away from any decent shopping, so if I did get a call, I’d have to scramble to find appropriate attire. It’s still 36 degrees in the morning here, so I have nothing that would work in warmer climes. Plus, I was asking about the level of formality in the South vs my very casual area–especially in an academic institution.
Anon.
You’re still going to be required to get plane tickets and make travel plans. It won’ t be that much of a scramble.
“It’s still 36 degrees in the morning here, so I have nothing that would work in warmer climes”.
I don’t understand this. Presumably it is more than 36 degrees at some points in the year where you live. The style of suit you wear to an interview will not change based on the weather. Just wear a typical interview suit. Long sleeved jacket, matching pants or skirt, panty hose. The south is pretty formal because it is conservative.
Also, it’s the south, not the Amazon. It’s also not so hot and humid yet as to justify a different fabric like linen or seersucker (not that I think anyone would or should wear a seersucker suit to an interview). It’s May.
Anon
Omg seriously? Maybe she just wants to avoid a fire drill. Plane tickets can be purchased quickly too you know – I have to fly out for an interview within a few days and it is a scramble.
Anon.
To Anon,
Yes, “Omg seriously”. You’re choosing to read a nasty tone into my post which really isn’t there. That said, I think you and the original poster are needlessly worked up about this. I get wanting to avoid a fire drill, but this poster doesn’t have a fire drill. This poster didn’t say she didn’t own a suit. She appeared to want to know if she needed to buy one in linen (no) or some other material (no) because she applied for a job in the south. If she didn’t own an interview suit at all, then sure, go buy one if you’re planning on interviewing for a new job. But she didn’t say “hey I need an interview suit.” She just talked about it being 36 degrees in the morning, as if some how that fact makes her suits inappropriate for warmer “climes.” I STILL can’t figure out how that’s relevant.
I gave the poster the exact answer she wanted, I just didn’t kiss her butt while doing it. Knock off the tone policing.
Sacha
Yes, wear a nice, conservative suit. I would suggest seeking out fabrics like tropical wool, seasonless wool, cotton viscose and stretch cotton. I would veer toward the first two, because in my experience cotton often wrinkles, and the wool options will be something you can wear in multiple seasons in any climate, but that is not a hard and fast truth. I would suggest picking a lightweight, breathable top (silk, silk/cotton blend, or tencel would be good options) with short sleeves so you can comfortably remove the jacket if you are walking around outside or in a room with insufficient air conditioning. Bring a small umbrella. It storms unpredictably in the South in the summer, and we use umbrellas when it does and we are in a formal situation. Good luck with the process.
interview help
Thanks, this is helpful!
anon
Whenever I’m around my family/parents, I find I act differently. Less like the grown-up, capable, stable adult that I am and more like the wild, emotional, dramatic girl I was at say, 16. Does anyone else do this or am I just crazy?
This weekend my parents are coming to town and will meet my boyfriend for the first time. I’m nervous about “reverting” to my younger self around him. Do you have tips?
This behavioral shift manifest itself mostly in picking fights, being hyper-sensitive/moody, making mean comments I might otherwise not. Weirdly, my parents and I maintain a nice long-distance relationship, so this is something specific to being with them in person.
The Hive
Pretty sure everyone on the planet does this. Just try really really hard not to.
tesyaa
I’m in my late 40s and it sounds like me too.
Terry
1+ to The Hive, but… Make sure you’re well rested and fed. Will power is generally conserved, meaning that if you’re going to use a lot of it to be an adult around your parents you need to use less of it for other things, so pamper yourself in other ways..
Anon
I would also just casually mentioned to your bf that your parents bring out the crazy in you. Tell him he can calm you by periodically feeding you a cookie. :)
TO Lawyer
Yup absolutely get this and it really only happens in person (and more often when my sister is around) – we otherwise have a great phone relationship.
I think you just have to try to be conscious that this happens – it’ll help you from slipping back into that pattern. Also – play bingo – you get points for all the annoying things your parents say – it’ll help you be less reactive to the annoying things.
Graduation Gift?
My boyfriend’s family has invited me to my boyfriend’s younger sister’s college graduation dinner, and I’d like to bring her a small gift (less than $50). I don’t really know her taste in jewelry, and I know she doesn’t have a job lined up but is actively interviewing in her field.
Any ideas on what could be a good gift?
rosie
A gift card to Amazon, Target, Barnes & Noble, Bed Bath and Beyond, etc. Stick it in a congratulatory card, and it’s perfect.
Pink
cardcase. :o) I got a nice leather one in the men’s dept at bloomies.
AttiredAttorney
I second the card case, but recommend the one from the kate spade line at Macy’s/Nordstrom. It’s a silver plated one that says “let’s do lunch” on the cover. It’s only $20 but looks wayyyyy more expensive.
mss
Definitely a gift card, since she’s probably broke.
mss
I meant to add, I like Nordstrom for this kind of thing since she could pick out fun accessories or a nice top for work.
Clementine
-Pearl Stud Earrings (always classic)
-A nice coffee mug with a gift card to a coffee place inside
-A gift certificate for something like a mani or pedi or even taking her out to those things if you want to develop a better relationship
-A ‘travel kit’- stuff a nice toiletry bag (I like the ones that hang) with travel sized toiletries, a nice luggage tag, etc.
Anonymous
I think a interview portfolio would be awesome – especially one with her college on it.
Baconpancakes
This was my favorite graduation gift, along with a professional omega necklace pendant and earrings with my school’s cipher on it. Something to make you feel super polished at interviews is a great gift.
AnonPara
Does anyone have any suggestions for protein powder? I am considering jumping onto the smoothie train. Since I am cooking challenged, somewhat lazy and don’t eat protein often, I thought I could kill a number of birds with one protein-laden stone. But there are so many to choose from! I thought I would mix it up with a few from different protein sources. I am okay with whey and want to try hemp and pea as well. No added sweeteners, and I prefer organic and non-GMO. I won’t be lifting weights (although I should) and am just thinking about this as a quicker meal replacement as sometimes I sit at home thinking of things I should eat but then just end up grabbing chips and salsa… Any recs for a blender would be great too.
First Year Anon
Just did this recently- I was told to always get New Zealand whey because it is mandated by law in NZ not to feed cows hormones. The cows are also grass fed which leads to better quality protein.
A lot are sweetened but you can find unsweetened. Otherwise I don’t think there are too many differences.
I drink smoothies after I workout and I like the protein in them because it keeps me full longer. I lift weight but by no means am I trying to bulk up.
Anon
If you want whey protein – http://www.amazon.com/Raw-Organic-Whey-Certified-Protein/dp/B00APPF0LE/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1400183313&sr=8-3&keywords=grass-fed+whey
If you want vegan – https://shop.myvega.com/products/vega-sport/recover.html?mode=grid
Before someone points this out, yes, these brands are more expensive than others. However, they’re the ones I prefer.
Anon
In moderation for links…
If you want whey protein – Ray Organic Whey Certified Protein (amazon).
If you want vegan – Vega Sport Recover
Before someone points this out, yes, these brands are more expensive than others. However, they’re the ones I prefer.
L
I did this and got the Gnarly Whey Feast (the meal replacement and not just the whey protein powder) and they use Trulicious a “natural” sweetener, but holy cow is it ridiculously sweet. I’m not sure I’d get their straight protein powder because it also uses the same sweetener and man does it taste artificial. The plus side it mixes incredibly well and covers up all the bitter veggies in my smoothie.
Min Donner
I used to make smoothies regularly, and my favorite taste-wise was Jay Robb’s whey protein powder in vanilla (chocolate is also delicious), and his whey powders have a great (non-gritty/chalky) texture. He does make a bunch of other flavors, but I haven’t tried those. He also makes some egg white ones and isolate, and some other varietys, but the whey were my favorite. It’s not cheap, but I found good deals by buying larger quantities online at lucky vitamin, i herb, a mazon, and the like.
I also really like Nature’s Bounty Optimal Solutions Complete Protein & Vitamin Shake Mix in chocolate. It’s a combo of pea, whey, and rice protein. They used to sell it at Costco which is where I discovered it, but then they stopped selling it. However, they sell it at Walgreens (including online) and according to my mom Walgreens has BOGO or other sales fairly often so she stocks up.
Many health food stores, and Whole Foods I think, also sell individual packets of various powders for a few bucks if you want to try some flavors/types before committing. In my opinion, it’s definitely worth paying a little more per serving to try a variety and find what you like than to buy a bigger container and discover you can’t stand it.
Susie
My husband likes the Vega line.
Anonymous
After trying many samples, I decided that I like the chai flavor from Vega for drinking as a protein shake, but it probably wouldn’t be good in a smoothie. When I was sampling different brands, I found the vitalady website, which sells samples of a number of brands. I also found samples at Whole Foods and Sprouts, and some of the more “natural” lines will sell/give away samples through their websites (RAW and Phood come to mind).
Aggie
+1, I drink the vanilla chai just mixed with almond milk and the natural flavor in a smoothie.
Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler
+2 to the VegaOne Natural flavor.
roses
Do you eat dairy? Seems like it would be easiest to just blend in kefir or greek yogurt.
Anon
+1
Famouscait
I don’t even like Greek yogurt but I don’t mind it in a homemade smoothie.
Anon
I can’t help much with specific brands since I’m still looking for the perfect powder myself, but be careful with the pea proteins. All of the ones I have tried tasted like… peas. But not in a good way. I actually like peas but could not find a way to make this stuff drinkable.
Protein
I would be careful with protein if you don’t work out. Only put 1/2 a scoop at most of protein in your smoothie, it could make you inadvertently put on weight otherwise. My SO and I are both really into fitness but he orders all our supplements online so I couldn’t tell you what protein I use.
Rule out seizures
Whatever is on sale at Costco.
Currently, Cryosport 100%
anon2
Just heard from my DD in NYC that she found a bed bug in her new apt she’s been in for 6 weeks; exterminator coming tomorrow. Trying to help from afar, found bed bug laundry services – any experience with these? Are they a scam? Any practical tips? She’s understandably upset but familial help is 11o0 miles away.
Anne Shirley
Tip: stop googling for her. I know she’s upset and you want to help and bed bugs suck, but she can and will figure this out on her own.
anon2
Wow. I hope your family doesn’t see the need to help you out when you have to deal with any of life’s little problems. Take a pill – I’m not hopping on a plane.
Anonymous
“Take a pill”?!? Gosh. Was unaware suggesting this is a good time to practice being sympathetic but letting your daughter have the satisfaction of taking care of herself was crazy.
Anne Shirley
(Sorry that was me not trying to respond anonymously)
anon2
Not crazy in the least Anne Shirley. But I think you leapt to suggesting I was a helicopter parent when I, who works in front of a computer from home, was just trying to help out my kid (same as I’d do for anyone I know in this situation) who was at work, already works 50-60 hours a week in a stressful occupation, who lives alone in a 4th floor walkup and is stressed out about the situation. She is thoroughly capable of handling herself and her affairs and had already made all the other arrangements between the super & the exterminator. I clearly didn’t give all these details in my original post, but I think your assumptions were a bit too quick. I also just believe in helping anyone (my kid included) when I can.
Wildkitten
Wildkitten’s rich people hack! If she’s rich enough to live in her own apartment in New York City she’s probably rich enough to pay someone who is local and knows things about bed bugs to fix this.
anon
Seriously, it seems like you’ve gotten a bit grumpy recently, Anne Shirley.
tesyaa
I personally appreciate Anne Shirley’s candor, even when it’s uncomfortable for me.
anon-oh-no
i like her too.
Wildkitten
And I think she’s right here. There are things you should not look up on google – medical questions and bed bug questions! Especially if you’re 1100 miles away and don’t actually know anything. (So if you’re an entomologist or a doctor, maybe you can google. I don’t know. I’m neither.)
Onon
Some people think it’s OK to be rude under the guise of being “direct.”
Anon
+1
Anon
+1, and it makes me sad she uses the moniker of my favorite childhood literary heroine, wish the handle was Bitter Betty or something more apropos
Alanna of Trebond
Josie Pye.
Ella
This is such a rude comment, Anne Shirley, and I agree that this week it’s sure seemed like someone put a bee (or a bedbug?!) in your bonnet.
My apartment had a flea infestation when I was in my 20s, 1100 miles from any family, and you better believe I called my parents freaking out. Thank God they reacted with compassion and kindness instead of a cold “Figure it out on your own,” as you suggest. People don’t stop being parents, and loving their children, when their kids hit 18. The OP can both let her daughter take care of herself AND be supportive of her daughter in that endeavor, you know. It doesn’t have to be either/or.
LH
I agree with this 100%. I’m a fully functional adult who is almost 30 but I would still call my parents in a situation like this. And the OP clarified that she has a lot more time on her hands than her daughter, so I think it makes complete sense that she’s shouldering the load of doing the initial research (yes, her daughter can pay someone to deal with the problem, but there is still a fair amount of work required just to FIND the person you pay). Getting on a plane would be helicopter-parenty. This just sounds really nice and supportive.
Ann Shirley’s (and others) rude comments are really turning me off. I have no problem with direct comments when someone asks “Am I being unreasonable?’ and people answer honestly “yes.” But the OP didn’t do that. She asked for advice about solving the problem and all the comments telling her she shouldn’t be doing this for her daughter are unhelpful and uncalled for. And this is far from the first time this has happened in the last few weeks.
anon2
Thanks LH. I appreciate your perspective. I, too, was surprised by the snark when it was a pretty simple question. My daughter is in her late 20’s and has been (successfully I might add) on her own since college. We’re very close and I am happy to be there to listen when she has a problem. And while this isn’t cancer, it is a real pain in the rump, takes a lot of time issue you need to resolve quickly once it’s identified. So I wanted to help in whatever way I could – moms do that and I unashamedly love my only child!
In the past, this community has helped me answer both professional and personal questions. In addition to being useful for professional purposes, I’ve often thought that by listening to many of you “younger ladies” I could get a more objective view into my own daughter’s experience and better understand what the world looks like from her perspective. And once in a while I’ve been able to share my own experiences as someone who has “been there and done that.” But wow – after this – I’m just really glad to know I raised my kid to be a much kinder person than many of those who left comments on this thread. Very disappointing.
Lily student
I’m 20. Our circuit breakers flipped last night. I got on a chair, had a look at them, and called my mum. It’s just what you do the first time you have to deal with something that could potentially wreck your living situation.
Lady Tetra
I had bedbugs once and just washed everything in my own washer/dryer (on hottest setting that the materials will allow), then put everything in plastic bags so the bugs couldn’t get back in. You definitely don’t need a pricey service to clean things if you have access to a regular washer/dryer. It’s good the exterminator is coming tomorrow. Get an assurance from them if you can that if the bugs come back within X number of days/weeks they will come back and do the extermination again; I think reputable companies will give some sort of guarantee on this.
anon2
Thanks but she thinks the laudromat where she did her laundry is where she picked up the bedbugs.
tesyaa
There must be other laundromats, and I imagine she’ll have to go to one eventually… I doubt she plans to do all her laundry in the sink as long as she remains in NY. I am sure bedbugs are super-traumatic, but life goes on.
L
Airtight bins work well to. Have her put everything in ziploc bags that can’t be washed and it should go in her freezer (extreme cold kills them it just takes a lot longer). If you’re feeling exceptionally generous send her a steamer.
The place should look like it was ransacked after the exterminator came through. If it looks untouched, they didn’t do a good job. I speak from experience.
L
Oh also, if they’ve moved into the mattress, just throw it out. It’s not worth saving. Make sure that any company that disposes of it marks it as contaminated and wraps it before moving it (so they’d dont get distributed to other parts of the house).
MK
Anon2, I hope you are still checking replies. As someone who went through this situation in her late 20’s, I do not think you are acting anywhere close to a “helicopter parent” in this situation. I truly appreciated my Mom’s support when I was dealing with my bed bug situation.
A few tips:
As others have said, everything needs to be washed in hot water and dried on high heat or dry cleaned. Once the clothes are cleaned, put these clothes in either air tight plastic containers or those huge zip lock bags.
All bedding/pillows/etc should either be washed or thrown out. If she is getting rid of her bed, I agree with L that it needs to be disposed of properly.
Make sure the exterminator asks her to empty all drawers, take down all pictures, remove couch cushions, etc prior to the extermination. They will need to get into every crevice.
She may need more than one treatment. Once my apartment was treated, I saw a bedbug a few days later. They came back and treated again.
She can get these to put on her bed, either during the treatment or after for peace of mind:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0028Z0LDQ/ref=oh_details_o04_s02_i02?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Your daughter will get through this, either on her own or with your help. I, for one, was very grateful for the help of my family.
anon2
Thanks MK – I’ll pass these tips on to her. :)
Lisa
I hope you still checking replies. I work for a pest control company in Westchester and while this is scary and creeps people out it totally treatable. A lot depends on how the exterminator is treating her apartment. It could be with thermal remediation which heats up the room and kills everything , in that case she wouldn’t even have to remove her clothing. If it with traditional materials or freezing then washing everything with very hot water and drying on high heat should also take of anything on her clothes. We also are capable of treating items that can’t be washed by putting them in bags with treatment slip. If she is not sleeping in her bed because of the bed bugs make SURE the rest of her apartment is inspected as well, unfortunately bed bugs are heat seeking and if there is no body heat in the bedroom they will search for it.
anon2
Thanks Lisa – this is very helpful!
Maggie
My family moved to an apartment in between my parents selling our house and buying a new one, and we got bedbugs there. I experienced their body heat seeking tendencies – I was grossed out and itchy so I stopped sleeping in my bed but they followed me to the couch. :( They’re nasty but treatable, as others have said.
Ciao, pues
Tips for combating sleepiness at work?
I’m newly back at work after maternity leave and can hardly keep my eyes open. I’m pumping three times/ day so my flex time during the day is somewhat “taken.” I’ve started drinking an afternoon coffee, but I don’t like all the caffeine and feel like my crash is worse than the buzz is worth. I’m also getting low-grade exhaustion headaches. Clearly I need more sleep, but I don’t have high hopes of getting much more of that. Other ideas?
tesyaa
Definitely stay away from the carbs at lunchtime and go with proteins like nuts, lean meat and fish, maybe eggs (I don’t know, hard boiled)? Carbs make me sleepy and I don’t even have a newborn.
Maddie Ross
I walk around my office or stand when I can. I don’t have a standing desk, but can talk on the phone while pacing or read while standing up. Or even better than just around my office, take a lap around the floor and get water or use the facilities. For me, esp. while pumping, drinking lots of water was helpful in so many ways – good for supply, excuse for frequent bathroom breaks and I swear it was better for energy than afternoon coffee/sugar.
Anon
It helps me to drink lots of cold water and to get up and walk around every now and then. Also, I used to take lunch at my desk and rest my eyes for 10 minutes or so. In the initial months after maternity leave, I had to go to bed super early. Like eat dinner and then lay down. It helped me get more sleep, even though it was interrupted. My husband would handle dishes, etc.
mss
Stretching (touching my toes) and/or jumping jacks for a few minutes sometimes works for me. Drinking a cold glass of water (or fizzy water). Getting up and walking to the restroom or something like that. Some sunshine always helps. For me, eating a good breakfast with protein helps stave off an afternoon crash.
I find I can get through the week a lot better if I can sleep in extra on the weekend – DH would often take the kids for an hour or two and let me sleep.
Also – it gets better! Until you get pregnant with number 2, and number 1 is still keeping you up. Then it gets worse.
kc esq
This might sound strange, but make a concerted effort to do only ONE thing at a time while you’re working. For me, mom mode means I’m often thinking of 1000 things that I need to do and when I’m really tired to start, I just get even foggier. Focusing on a task to completion helps me get in the work zone and out of the foggyheaded, maybe-I’ll-just-rest-my-eyes-a-minute zone.
Parfait
I like this suggestion. I always have 8 million things going on at once and I think it’s a contributor to the problem for me.
Now where’s my diet coke, I gotta stay awake for at least a couple more hours.
CapHillAnon
I’ve been there, and it can be a big struggle to avoid caffeine and still be functional. Here’s what worked for me: 1) Tons of decaf tea, seltzer, water, whatever will keep you frequently having to get up for the ladies room; 2) get some grapefruit essential oil and put in on your pulse points (or just give it a sniff); 3) make your office as cold as you can stand it; 4) nibble on some dark chocolate chips, which gives you a tiny boost of wakefulness but not too much. Finally, I know it can be tough to take work breaks when you’re already breaking all the time to pump, but it can help if you can close your door and do some squats, jumping jacks, or push-ups to get your blood circulating. I mean minimal numbers–5 squats?–because you are physically exhausted, and actual working out should probably not be on your priority list for a little while, but sometimes a little bit will be enough to get your through extreme sluggishness. Good luck.
New field / pay cut
I’m a federal attorney who is bored to death. Considering trying a new area of law, which would initially require a pay cut of $30k but (I think) would lead to greater compensation long-term. If I had more experience in this new area (I have some and really like it), it would not require the salary cut. DH is supportive but I worry about giving up FERS, TSP, accumulated sick leave, etc. I realize there’s no right answer and it’s very dependent upon facts and personal preferences, but I’m curious to hear whether anyone has made the leap and what the result was.
Wildkitten
How far along in your career are you? Do you have kids? A mortgage? What are your obligations versus how long will your new career be?
E
Could I crowd source some shopping advice please? About to start as a summer associate in a business-attire office. I’m told women generally wear sheath/shift dresses and blazers when they aren’t wearing suits. My lower body does not look its best in pants so those are out generally. I’m having trouble finding sufficiently formal (read: long) dresses and blazers that are flattering without being too trendy. Does anyone have suggestions of blazers and dresses you love, as well as (ideally) outfit pairings? I know it’s pathetic that I’m incapable of dressing myself, but I just got out of law school finals and haven’t had time to shop around much!
Wildkitten
I have to buy things in long or tall for them to be long enough. JCrew sheath dresses and suit jackets both come in tall.