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Which are your favorite Etsy sellers for jewelry, readers? I somehow stumbled on SimplySerasi’s Art Deco-inspired jewelry and I’m drooling over most of it! I’m picturing the necklace here, as it is great for both work and weekend. But do note that the seller has a ton of gorgeous long, dangly earrings but would, in my humble opinion, be best for the weekend or evening and not the office. (As always, I am opposed to dangly earrings with a lot of movement for work — I just find them personally distracting and I’ll bet other people do as well.)
I somehow got into long, dangly earrings during the past year or two (I think my perspective was that if I was wearing any jewelry at all I may as well have fun with it), so a gold or silver version of this necklace may be in my future. Hmmn. The pictured necklace is $84; most of the similar earrings (some pictured below) are $74–$117.
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Workwear sales of note for 5.5.24
Our favorites are in bold!
- Nordstrom – Nordy Club members earn 3X the points on beauty; 30% off selected shoes
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase (ends 5/12); $50 off your $200+ purchase (ends 5/5)
- Banana Republic Factory – Spend your StyleCash with 40-60% off everything, or take an extra 20% off purchase (ends 5/6)
- Brooks Brothers – 30% off women’s collection
- Boden – 10% off full-price styles
- Eloquii – $19 & up 300+ styles and up to 50% off everything else
- Everlane – Shorts from $40; bottoms from $60
- J.Crew – Shirts & tees starting at $24.50; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; up to 70% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Mother’s Day Sale, up to 40% off
- M.M.LaFleur – 100s of styles on sale, including classic shoes!
- Talbots – 40% off one item & and 30% off everything else; $50 off $200 (all end 5/5)
- White House Black Market – 30% off select full-price styles; extra 30% off sale styles & additional 20%
- Brooklinen – Anniversary Sale, 25% off
- Crate & Barrel – Up to 30% off spring refresh; up to 20% outdoor; up to 35% off spring kitchen event
- West Elm – Up to 60% off
Workwear sales of note for 5.5.24
Our favorites are in bold!
- Nordstrom – Nordy Club members earn 3X the points on beauty; 30% off selected shoes
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase (ends 5/12); $50 off your $200+ purchase (ends 5/5)
- Banana Republic Factory – Spend your StyleCash with 40-60% off everything, or take an extra 20% off purchase (ends 5/6)
- Brooks Brothers – 30% off women’s collection
- Boden – 10% off full-price styles
- Eloquii – $19 & up 300+ styles and up to 50% off everything else
- Everlane – Shorts from $40; bottoms from $60
- J.Crew – Shirts & tees starting at $24.50; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; up to 70% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Mother’s Day Sale, up to 40% off
- M.M.LaFleur – 100s of styles on sale, including classic shoes!
- Talbots – 40% off one item & and 30% off everything else; $50 off $200 (all end 5/5)
- White House Black Market – 30% off select full-price styles; extra 30% off sale styles & additional 20%
- Brooklinen – Anniversary Sale, 25% off
- Crate & Barrel – Up to 30% off spring refresh; up to 20% outdoor; up to 35% off spring kitchen event
- West Elm – Up to 60% off
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Stay tuned for a list of our latest threadjacks!
Nashville Tips
We are planning a weekend in Nashville in October, and I’m looking for suggestions on what neighborhood we should try to find an airbnb in. It will be 2 adults and a 14 month old. Every time I’ve been to nashville in the past, it has been a lot more girls weekend drinking vs family exploring. We are driving in from Atlanta and will have a car.
Any kid friendly activities also welcome.
Anonymous
I would stay in 12th South with a little one. Lots of fun stuff (5 Daughters, Jeni’s, Etley’s BBQ) and all walkable, but a little quieter than downtown. Sevier Park is there and it’s cute. Hillsboro Village/West End is another good option. Go to Fannie Mae Deeds/the Dragon Park. Super fun playground near Hillsboro Village.
Anonymous
Apologies if I’ve missed this in recent days — is anyone else in the US getting more worried about Delta? I just decided not to take a week away because it would have involved leaving Grand Central Station on an Amtrak train for 2-3 hours. Want to book a vacation for my family but not sure if we’ll feel OK flying until the kids are vaxxed.
Anonymous
I am. Cue everyone who’ll tell us we’re dumb and don’t want to live life.
anon
I’m also concerned but I’m trying to squeeze in as many fun things as possible before it gets bad. I’d probably be more risk averse if I had kids.
No Face
This is my attitude. Cases are still low so we are living it up! But there are too many unvaccinated people in my state for there not to be a problem in fall/winter.
I still think the situation is better than before, because all my beloved old folks are vaccinated and my kids’ school and my current firm handled the pandemic really well when cases were high.
I’ve accepted that I probably won’t get to travel internationally in the fall/winter, which I kind of wanted.
Cat
personally no, bc we are vaxxed and don’t interact in person with anyone who isn’t vaxxed. We are flying on several trips this summer.
Anonymous
If you’re flying you are interacting with folks who are not vaccinated, same if you are eating in restaurants. I ate outside last night next to some idiot who was going on and on about not wanting to be part of the experiment of vaccination and how he believes masks are really the risk because people get too close. Ugh. Yes, the news out of Israel is concerning. It’s also concerning how low our vaccination rates continue to be.
Cat
Not eating inside restaurants, and everyone is masked still in airports & flights.
Anonymous
Not on flights my mom just took. Lots of people were taking them off.
Anon
I flew across the country last week. The masked on airplanes thing is more theoretical than practical. Everyone is allowed to unmask to eat, of course. But when they re-mask is a bit iffy. As far as I could tell, everyone was masked when we took off, then after that it seemed to be about 75/25 at any given time.
Anon
We flew to Hawaii last week and didn’t see anyone on the plane maskless except while eating or drinking and those mask breaks were brief. People even wore their masks while asleep, which honestly surprised me. I was in economy premium, don’t know if that makes a difference. Mask use was definitely spottier in the airport but it’s also easier to distance there and we kept our masks on 100% of the time and only removed them for eating once we were on the plane. Regardless, imperfect masking is much better than no masking. My husband works in public health and he will fly but not do indoor dining. Part of it is about weighing the risk vs benefit (there is a good alternative to indoor dining, namely outdoor dining, but there is no easy alternative to flying), but he’s confident flying is pretty low risk overall.
Anon
I don’t actually think then news out of Israel is super concerning. They abandoned all Covid precautions, resumed life as normal and now some (mostly unvaccinated) people are getting Covid. Some vaccinated people are also testing positive but almost all of them are asymptomatic (Israel has far more testing than the US or the EU). There’s no vaccinated people are spreading it as far as we can tell, it seems like all the spread is unvaxxed –> vaxxed, e.g., unvaxxed teens spreading it to their vaccinated parents. The scary thing would be if vaccinated people were getting seriously ill and/or spreading it to many people, and we haven’t seen that in Israel or anywhere else.
Anon
+1
Anon
I’m concerned but not making any significant changes to behavior, which is probably fairly conservative. My husband and I are fully vaccinated – our daughter (8 months) is obviously not (but I’m exclusively breastfeeding so she has some protection). My husband still wears a mask at work (voluntarily) – I work from home (and did pre-Covid). He wears a mask when traveling for work (which resumed last week) and I will as well once my work travel resumes. We don’t plan on traveling with our daughter until she is vaccinated. We’ve come this far – I really am not bothered by waiting a bit longer to get back to “normal” when I feel like we’re back to mostly-normal.
Anon
I’m in Australia and am worried about getting Delta. Long wait for vaccines here.
Anonymous
Yes, I’m concerned because the vaccine may not protect me (I got it and am eagerly refreshing PubMed on a daily basis for new research). We’re continuing to mask at the store, etc. – it’s an incredibly cheap, easy, and low-impact way to protect myself and others.
Anonymous
I am getting a bit worried because I have a kid who is too young to be vaccinated. I am most concerned that school reopening will fall through. Right now it seems unlikely and politically untenable, but who knows. I also work for a theater that is finally planning to reopen in September. I’m just so tired of not being able to count on anything.
Anonymous
Only that it will somehow cancel my European vacation
Anonymous
Really? Ya wouldn’t just rent a car and still go? So weird.
Anon
So you think that’s helpful?
Anonymous
Not worried for myself and DH who are double dose vaxxed. Worried for my kids who are under 12. We are not traveling with them (except for a week at my parents lakehouse) until next winter. Betting that pfizer will be approved for under 12s by then.
Key is to get everyone double dose vaxxed (first pfizer dose is only 30% effective against delta variant) so that it doesn’t spread to the unvaxxed like kids.
Basicially if you are fully vaccinated don’t worry but encourage everyone you know who is not fully vaccinated to get fully vaccinated asap.
Anonymous
This is where I am too. DH and I fully vaxxed. Young kids who aren’t. Not concerned about getting a (likely mild) breakthrough infection myself – concerned about spreading it to kids.
Anon
yes, though not losing sleep over it/not at all as anxious as i was before at least DH and I were vaxxed. we are about to fly with our kids who aren’t vaxxed to see family. we are still engaging in outdoor only activities, indoor activities masked and only seeing people indoors who are vaxxed. in some ways what we are doing is totally inconsistent in that we are flying with our kids (though if our families lived driving distance we def would not), but I don’t want to take them to the grocery store. we kind of decided that the risk/reward analysis of taking our kids to see our families is much higher than a trip (or multiple trips) to the grocery store. if the US was like other countries who might re-impose a mask mandate (see Israel) to handle I’d probably less concerned. i had to go to a doc appointment at a hospital yesterday and was shocked by the number of people walking around without masks
JTM
I’m very worried – I have 2 small children (under 5) so I expect they won’t be vaccine eligible anytime soon. I’m terrified that my children will get sick, everything I read about the Delta variant sounds absolutely awful. For now we’re staying close to home and continuing to mask anytime we’re away from home.
Anon
+1 I have one kid under 5 but also very worried for my kid. We’re doing some air travel this summer because everyone is masked in airports and airplanes (through September) and she’s in daycare (everyone masked) but otherwise totally avoiding indoor spaces because no one here wears masks. We go out in public less than we did at the height of the pandemic. :( My red state is only about 35% fully vaxxed so I anticipate we’ll have a huge surge from Delta, and masks are gone and not coming back. If I lived in some place Massachusetts, I’d be a lot less worried (high vax rate and people will revert to mask wearing if things get bad).
I think I’m in the minority but I am also still worried a bit for myself. Even a mild infection can have scary unknown complications down the road. There’s been a lot of research lately about brain damage/loss of gray matter in the brains of people who recovered from mild covid. Women in my family are dementia-prone and getting a virus that might significantly increase my risk of dementia down the road is pretty terrifying to me.
Anon
+1
Anon
No — I’ve had my shots. Hoping that my 11YO kid will get approved to get shots before aging into being allowed to get shots @ age 12 b/c our city struggles with getting kids their regular vaccinations, so I’m not optimistic about any eligible kid getting both shots in a timely manner (would love for this reason if J&J were approved for kids b/c of parental vaccination failures).
If schools don’t reopen this year, after barely opening last year, you may see me starring in a spontaneous remake in the Michael Douglas role in Falling Down: 2021.
anon
Not concerned. I’m fully vaxed as are all of my family, friends, and coworkers. I got Moderna which I read holds up well against the Delta variant.
anon
+2 but I have no kids or spouse, my friends are all vaxxed, and if I go into the office the only people who can be sans mask are those who have submitted a copy of their vaxx card to HR.
anon
Not personally worried for my health, but crushed that this will prolong the travel restrictions, which are weighing heavily on my mood. I haven’t seen my fam in almost 2 years, they can’t travel here and I will likely get stuck if I travel to them and thus lose my job. We are all vaccinated but that doesn’t matter for the travel ban.
Anon
I’m not, but I had Pfizer and my kids are vaccinated too. If any of us had Johnson and Johnson, I’d be more concerned. I would be VERY concerned if I had kids too young to be vaccinated, and I wouldn’t fly or take any sort of public transit with them. I don’t think you’re crazy for being concerned.
Anonymous
Have you seen any reports about J&J’s efficacy against Delta? I don’t ever see anyone even talking about J&J in the news anymore, but I want to know more about how it’s faring against variants since several friends and family members got it.
Anon
Many experts who got J&J decided to get Pfizer or Moderna as a booster. https://www.wcnc.com/article/news/health/coronavirus/vaccine/doctors-vaccinated-jj-boosters-delta-covid-19-variant/275-a2df5a5f-e608-48bc-87b6-ac4bf30b45b3
I would not feel protected if I got J&J at all.
Anon
They’re talking about Johnson and Johnson patients getting a Moderna booster, so they’re assuming it’s not going to be as effective against Delta.
Cora
So my dad did get the delta variant after being fully vaccinated with Pfizer. True to reporting he had at most a bad cold, but he did get it. I just went on a domestic trip (flew, ate in a few restaurants but mainly outdoors) but I am wearing a mask as much as possible indoor and generally willing to still take some precautions.
Anon
I’m glad your dad had a mild case!
Walnut
I’m concerned from a perspective that I’ve had a taste of normalcy this summer and I want to keep it! 2020 and early 2021 was such a sh!t storm and I just don’t want to re-live any minute of it (covid OR cancer). I also badly want to plan travel to visit friends/coworkers in the EU, but am concerned about the fluidity of the situation and wouldn’t want to race an border closing to get home. Delta variant…don’t you know I have babies to snuggle and their mama’s to hug?
Anon
How are you doing, Walnut? Are you done with treatment?
Walnut
I am done with chemo and NED. I’m still waiting on the side effects to fully go away and all my bloodwork to come back clean, but life is good right now!
Anon
That’s awesome to hear!!! Off to google NED.
Anonymous
NED = no evidence of disease
Congratulations!
anon
I’m vaccinated but somewhat concerned whether this means we’re going to be on lockdown again. I’m still picking up the pieces from 2020 and trying to live my life; I do not want to go backward. I also have two unvaccinated kids, which gives me pause.
Anon
We’re not going to be on lockdown again (unassuming you’re in the US) unless hospitals get totally overwhelmed again and Delta can’t do that – it would take a variant that makes many, many vaccinated people seriously ill to get to the level of hospitalizations. I personally don’t even think we’ll see the return of masking and other precautions, because the deep blue states will likely be fine due to high vax rates and the governors in other states won’t re-enact restrictions because it will be politically unpopular. Too many people have the attitude that “anyone who wants to be vaxxed can be” (not true! Kids can’t be!!) and believe even the mildest restrictions are inappropriate.
Anon
*assuming you’re in the US, I mean.
Anon
I’m not too worried about Delta, although I’m annoyed that everyone stopped wearing masks because I’ve had to pull back on some things we were doing with our unvaxxed kids (grocery store, public library, etc). But I’m really scared that by summer 2022 when my kids are FINALLY vaccinated and we can hopefully travel internationally again, there will be a worse variant that makes vaccinated people seriously ill and we’ll be back to essentially square zero. It’s very concerning to me that every major mutation so far has made the virus more transmissible and more deadly, since you often see viruses mutate away from virulence to spread more easily. I really fear that life will be far from normal for a long, long time and my kids will not have anything resembling a normal childhood.
Are all law firms dysfunctional?
I am contemplating a job change and am struggling with whether all law firms are dysfunctional and trying to find a better fit.
As background, I worked in BigLaw for about 7 years and made partner at my firm. I work in a somewhat niche practice area and know a lot of people in my industry and in my city. I left my first BigLaw firm because I was tired of the billable hours, wanted a change, and had developed anxiety from working with a highly demanding and difficult to please senior partner. Also, after having children, I was being subtly sidelined/mommy tracked.
I went in house at a large, prestigious F100 company for a role that sounded great on paper, hoping for a better work life balance. However, the legal department for my area was very understaffed, and substantively the role morphed after several early retirements in my group. Although my manager was great, most of my time was spent on putting out fires and I seldom had the opportunity to work proactively on any matters before they came to the legal department as a mess. Although I had no billable hours, my workload was huge and stressful (think a role that is litigation oriented for someone who is more of a deal attorney).
After a couple years in house, I left to go back into private practice at a new firm. Fast forward a couple years, and I’m finding the group I’m working in dysfunctional – silos, poor management, inability to develop and delegate to junior people, etc. I am doing great at my firm (people are very pleased with my performance) and I actually like what I do, but I want to work with a well run group where I can see a long-term progression for me. I have raised the issues at my current firm multiple times and am trying to drive improvements to the group, but am getting no traction and I can’t single handedly change things – the group is actually quite collegial, but really stuck in their ways.
I know of a couple other firms where I could practice at a high level in my niche practice area, but there are lawyers at a couple of those firms who I know and am wary of working with. Do I try to find a firm where I don’t know any of the lawyers and hope that they are better run? Are all firms dysfunctional? Do I need to try to find a different avenue outside of in house or large law firm? I feel like I’ve been burned in some fashion each time I’ve made a move and hoped for improvement, so I’m hesitant to make another move, but I’m becoming really unhappy with things in my current job. I don’t want to be viewed as flighty and am wanting a long term fit, but at both firms there’s been at least one individual who is challenging to work with and makes my life difficult (and it’s not just me – others have been driven out after working with these particular people). I guess I’m just feeling stuck now. How can I approach a new job search to find a better fit?
Anon
Do you have a book of business? It sounds like you would thrive as a solo or running your own small firm employing a junior associate or two. Even as a solo you could employee an assistant/paralegal.
OP
Sigh. I don’t have my own book… due to a combination of colleagues in my current firm hoarding all client facing contact and me being the dutiful worker bee. I actually think you’re right that I would thrive running my own practice, but in my niche many of the clients want the name brand representation.
Smol Law
My vote is yes :)
I’ve worked in small law firms (7 attorneys smallest, largest was 35 attorneys over 2 locations) my entire career and I find law firms to be ALL ABOUT the personal dynamics. There’s always sh!tty opposing counsel to deal with, power-tripping partners, staff who are amazing, staff who are sub-par, associates who are new and green, management who don’t want to spend money, etc. I just think some combination of these personalities is present at every law firm, it’s just what you can tolerate.
Elle
Does anyone have suggestions on how to be a better conversationalist? I’m progressing in my career and moving from a strictly analytical role up the chain to more presenting to senior management and stakeholders. I feel safe and comfortable with data and feel awkward with small talk. I also largely work with older men with kids while I’m a younger woman with no kids. I’m starting to listen to sports radio a little just to be able to keep up with the local teams but otherwise I’m kinda stumped.
Allie
My go-tos – how was your weekend? Any fun weekend plans? Any fun vacation plans coming up? Then make small talk around responses.
Anon
I think the key is just to be interested in people and the world in general. I’m a huge introvert, but I’ve never had trouble with small talk because I’m generally curious about people and what’s going on with them- if anything I have to try to not ask questions that might come across as too nosy. I don’t care about sports at all, so I never talk about that, but I ask people about their kids or pets (if I know they exist- this can a touchy subject so I don’t bring it up if they haven’t already mentioned them), I ask them about where they’re from, stuff in the news, movies, something I made for dinner or did over the weekend, even the weather. If they don’t really respond to a topic, I move on to something else, but when someone acts interested, I talk more about that and am more likely to bring up that topic again.
anon
+1 I love love love learning about people and can talk to anyone. These are good suggestions.
Anonymous
I’m sure this is a knee jerk reaction but — gently, have you considered whether you might be autistic? “feeling safe with data but awkward with small talk” sounds like a lot of ND people I know.
I think there’s a book, “how to talk to anyone about anything.” also “never eat lunch alone.”
personally I think remembering people’s details — the dog’s/wife’s/kid’s name.
safe topics/questions: local restaurants, vacations, local sports. weather.
Anonymous
If op does have ASD she can learn to fake social interactions, it’s called masking, but it’s not really pleasant and long term can cause burn out.
anon
I actually go in with a few ideas prepared to jump start conversation. Something that has come up in my personal life that is not too personal. For example, a restaurant I recently tried, home DIY gone awry, etc. I think the main thing is ask the other person a question to get the ball rolling. (For example, tried new restaurant last weekend – what is your favorite place for Mexican?)
Elle
You know I’ve considered it! But I think I just don’t know how to talk to old white guys. When we’re discussing my work I’m confident because I trust that I did it correctly. It’s more the fact that I don’t have kids, a vacation home somewhere expensive, and I’m not really into sports. I love hiking, running, and live music. We don’t ever seem to have a lot in common and I feel like I’m struggling to build rapport.
Senior Attorney
I think you are stereotyping people and it’s holding you back. My husband is an old white guy and he loves hiking, running, and live music. The key to small talk is to be authentically curious about the other person: For example, you don’t have to have a vacation home somewhere expensive to be interested in people’s summer vacation plans.
Anonymous
+1. Stereotyping people or assuming that you won’t have anything to talk about with them is going to hold you back for sure. Ask people what their interests are. You don’t have to know much about it – try “wow, I’ve never tried scuba diving, but it looks really cool. Have you ever seen a shark out there?” and see if it leads to any good stories.
Senior Attorney
And here’s a sure-fire tip for the older crowd: Talk about your injuries! They eat that sh!t up, man! Tell them about your running injury and they’ll be referring you to their orthopedist and telling you about their knee replacement and you won’t be able to shut them up!
Anon
HAHAA I’m in my fifties and had some of my girlfriends over recently, and at one point we realized we were all talking about our various ailments. Getting old sucks! But it beats the alternative…
Anon
Also, I’m cracking myself up imagining a nervous, awkward young woman asking an older man she works with, “So….. do you have any injuries?”
OP I know you’re not going to do that, but the imagery is making my day!
Senior Attorney
HAHAHA! Right?
I was imagining something a bit more subtle:
Anon: “How was your weekend? I went hiking and unfortunately took a bit of a spill and twisted my ankle/had a good time playing tennis but my elbow is a little sore today.”
Old White Guy: “Oh, ankles are tough! I broke my ankle skiing and…. [ad nauseum up to and including his unrelated joint replacement].”
Anon
I think most people have more in common than they think. If you just see them as old white guys with nothing in common, then you will struggle to connect. But I bet a lot of those guys also like hiking, running, music, or other things you like, even if they don’t get a chance to do them much these days. I think you just have to try a lot of of topics until you find something you connect on… and obviously it helps when both people make an effort, but if you think it will help you with your career, then it’s worth it to work a little harder than if this was purely social.
Anon
So I’m not OP but I actually am suspecting I may be mildly autistic. I was watching a show where a character was diagnosed and as they were going through one of the screening surveys, I had all the same answers as him (in my head) and my husband and I just looked at each other like hmmmmm. I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety but I think autism could make more sense. I have a lot of sensory issues.
Anyway, I don’t really see a benefit in getting diagnosed as a late 30’s adult. I don’t expect to request any accommodations. Has anyone been diagnosed as an adult and seen any benefit from it?
Anon
I was evaluated as an adult and ended up diagnosed with a different, adjacent Dx (NVLD) that also has a lot of sensory issues. So that was interesting since it wasn’t something I’d ever heard of before, but it explained a lot. I don’t always completely connect with the idea of the social model of disability, but listening to disabled people broadly has been beneficial. Jonathan Mooney has some talks about bad and good school experiences with ADHD and dyslexia that really hit home when I listened to them (and I think I’ve mentioned this all here before when it’s come up).
S87Or
Jonathan Mooney is the best.
Anon
Become comfortable with little white lies. “I spent 48 hours crying into the couch about my love life” is not what you’re actually supposed to tell people who ask “How was your weekend?”
Develop a hobby that’s accessible and easy to talk a lot about. I like baking, so people latch on to that. I’ve had long conversations about baking with unusual ingredients (lavendar and other edible flowers, for example).
Practice giving small compliments. I bonded with a VP over commenting on his cool pen, and it turned out that we both are obsessed with Japanese calligraphy pens.
Anon
I am kind of bad at personal small talk with business people because sometimes it revolves around “I went golfing while my SAHW took our three kids to the country club” but I think that people are actually interested in talking about things in their work that no one ever asks. Some good questions are: “how did you get into this line of work?” or “did you always know that you’d be doing XXX?” Keep up on the news and ask about topical things so you can ask about how the cyber breach at XYZ relates to what they do or how the labor market is working in their area. For me it’s a good middle ground between whatever the meeting is about and idle chit chat.
Elle
I like this, thank you!
Cora
Remember things about them and bring them up – sports are good for this, also any hobbies, things about their kids (how was joey’s tournament?)
Tv shows or movies are also good for the above. I just ask questions about things that they mention, even in passing, try to relate when possible, and act more friendly than I feel. That last part is like “fake it till you make it” but for small talk not technical stuff
Also, I don’t think this suggests that you’re autistic. A lot of people have this issue
Anonymous
Lots of people are awkward with small talk! Both extroverts and introverts, I think it’s a little bit like public speaking – something very many people is afraid of, often seemingly for no reason.
Some things to remember about small talk:
1) It does not have to be very interesting. It’s social lubrication that helps us acknowledge each other and be friendly, it can absolutely be forgettable. There’s a reason why the weather is a classic.
2) It’s a good idea to listen to people en engage if they talk instead of spending “silent time” during turn-taking to think of something to say to them as soon as they shut up.
3) Be your own talk-show host. Look at how morning TV shows work – small snippets of random, friendly conversations about low-stakes subjects.
4) Some subjects you introduce will fall flat, that’s fine. Just shrug it off and talk about something else.
Some possible subjects that might work for you: weather (past, present, future weather, freak storms coming, hurricane prepping), hiking and outdoor adventures (trail tips, where to get good gear, camping food), sports in general (either watching or doing – are anybody doing a 5K? Iron man?), holidays (past, present, future, cruise tips, rafting whatever), food or drink (restaurants, microbreweries, home brewing, meal boxes, holiday food traditions, cocktail recipes), current affairs, TV (Schitts creek level common ground, or maybe interesting documentaries about weird animals), music (a 60 year old man will have lived with rock music all his life and may be a full-on music geek – don’t assume you won’t have anything in common), favorite board games, gardening (LITERAL gardening, not corporette gardening), hobbies of all kind….
Cora
The olympics are coming up, that’s always a great office topic. How its going, the actual results, sports you’ve never heard of, your own amateur gymnastics/swimming/track career, etc!
No Face
I remember this phase of my career.
Questions and follow up questions always keep the conversation going, even if you don’t care about the topic.
Boss: I took my yacht to the caviar festival this weekend.
You: Saturday was really good weather for being out in the water. How did you get into boating? / It rained pretty hard at my house. Did it rain during the festival? / I’ve heard of that festival. Was there live music?
Being vaguely aware of whether the local sports teams are doing well or not helps too.
anon
This is a good suggestion, but gawd, I would struggle to implement it. I can do small talk if I’m well-rested and in a great mood. I struggle when I’m tired and can barely feign interest in my own minutia, much less someone else’s.
No Face
I find small talk draining and never having to do it was a nice part of fulltime WFH. But I understand that it is how many people learn to relate to coworkers and helps make the office a nicer place.
Anon
I love this jewellery but would only wear the necklace. Do other curly haired people feel like lots of curls isn’t compatible with lots of earring!
No Face
I love statement earrings. I usually wear big earrings with a top bun.
Anon
I feel like it’s one or the other. Only real housewives can get away with both a statement necklace AND statement earrings. (And it’s debatable whether they actually get away with it.) The rest of us mere mortals have to make a choice.
I agree hair up is a great look with dangly earrings.
Anonymous
Does anyone have any great remedies for eye twitches/tics? My eye has been doing it nonstop for a week now.
Anonymous
Mine does it when I’m stressed/sleep deprived.
Cornellian
sleep? Maybe also check your electrolyte consumption. For me muscle spasms are often a magnesium thing, I think.
Anonymous
Sleep and less stress
Anonymous
More sleep and less caffeine.
Anon
I always thought it was a sign of potassium deficiency and that you should eat some bananas, but I have no idea if that’s correct or not.
Anon
Is something subconsciously stressing you?
Anonymous
It’s probably stress. I went to an optometrist about the same issue once and was told to take a vacation, unsurprisingly it went away when I wasn’t looking at a screen all day.
Anon
I get it when I’m overtired and have been drinking too much coffee to compensate.
Less coffee, time away from screens and more sleep will fix it.
Vicky Austin
Water, sleep, mast ur bation for a quick stress release.
amberwitch
Great suggestions – love the way your mind works:-)
Anon
Yep it’s a sleep deprivation thing for me too.
Anonymous
For me it turned out to be a blue light issue. First I got reading glasses which helped. But then I upgraded to a later version of Windows that had an automatic “blue light” filter than changed the backlighting of my computer in the evenings and I never needed glasses again.
Anon
In regards to the post topic: I stan for LilyRossJewelry on Etsy. They’re the only place I was able to find a white gold 4mm clicker for my forward helix piercing; 4mm is IMPOSSIBLE to find both online and IRL. Looks like they’re currently set to vacation mode, but should be back up by mid-July.
Anonymous
This is full of words that I do not understand.
Senior Attorney
Haha I understood maybe half of it and I feel very proud.
anon
I still don’t understand what “stan” means.
No Face
If means you love /are obsessed with something. I think it originates from the Eminem song Stan about an obsessed, deranged fan.
Anon
Gosh, if only you had resources at your fingertips to figure it out . . .
Anon
Ha, sorry! I’ll try to translate.
The post asks for Etsy jewelry sellers. I love the one I mentioned because I wear a very small hoop in my ear cartilage, and the size and finish I wear is unusual. I have abnormally small helixes (the outer curl of the ear) and also have the piercing in an uncommon location (up near the top front of the ear).
Clickers are hoops that snap into themselves to create a seamless finish, and they are difficult to find smaller than 5 or 6mm. They are commonly worn in cartilage piercings and septum piercings, because they can spin around freely without snagging anything.
The seller currently has their Etsy store on “vacation mode” which means their inventory is hidden because they’re taking a break.
So, cool store has hard-to-find thing I wanted. Cool store is on hiatus, but will be open for business in a couple of weeks.
Anon
I was looking at the tail and it seemed like development had pretty much stopped on the incurred side, even some factors less than 1, but there was consistent upward movement on the paids, and looking at paid to incurred ratios indicated that not everything was in case at that point so it seemed like the tabular discount unwinding, meaning I at least needed a tail to account for that.
Anon
Thumbs down to being sn0tty
Anna
This is definitely a weird question but idk who to talk to about this in real life so here goes:
I do t have to much experience dating, and I’ve always had trouble figuring out if or how much I like someone. I’m also usually a little anxious in social situations not with close friends.
I’ve been dating someone from a dating app for about 2 months, and when I have a date planned with him (like tonight) I know I’ll have a great time once I’m there, but I feel nervous / anxious about it during the day and have to hype myself up to go. In contrast, I’m meeting friends for dinner later this week and I just feel exited for that, not nervous.
The nervousness could be a good thing, it could
be like butterflies, but it definitely comes from feeling that a date is more high stakes or something.
Is this normal? When does this subside a bit?
Anon
If you are anxious in social situations with not-close friends, expect dating to feel the same way. That’s fine. It will subside once you get to know each other better. If you end up married, there will come a point when it feels weird to not have the other person around.
Anna
This is reassuring. I guess I thought this should go away faster, but maybe I just need more time.
The Original ...
It’s super typical! It’s a sign you are invested and hopeful and also vulnerable that he may not feel the same about you. As long as it’s new, it’s likely to continue. But if/as it solidifies, like your friendships, it’ll feel less scary and you’ll feel less vulnerable, and it should subside. Enjoy your date!!
Anon
I felt this way about a great-but-not-great-for-me guy I dated prior to dating my husband. I did not feel this way with my husband.
Anna
This is what I’m afraid of. In the past I dated a guy who I felt like this with and it was that he was a very nice, charming, great guy but not for me. The difference here is that I do have a great time on dates with this guy, so we’ll see. I always thought that if I really clicked with someone I would feel more comfortable, and I’m trying to gauge how true that is.
Anon
I will chime in and say I don’t think nervousness after 2 months is normal.
I recognize this is based on very little information about you, but have you ever considered you might not be straight? I ask because I have never been unsure if I liked somebody or not.
Anna
Honestly that’s a fair question. I think I’m straight but also leaning towards the demisexual/asexual side of things.
Curious
I felt nervous on and off with now husband for at least six months! And we are very happy.
Senior Attorney
Same
Anon
I’m socially anxious in general but stopped feeling nervous around my now-husband after a few dates. BUT he was nervous around me for months! I remember for at least 3 months every time I would open the door when he came over I would notice how utterly terrified he looked. It never interfered with us having fun together or anything, it was just always that initial moment of fear in his eyes but then he seemed to get past it quickly. It was his first relationship though.
I don’t think feeling nervous is a bad sign as far as how much you like him, if anything it seems like a good sign. A guy that you just feel “meh” about won’t inspire those kind of nervous butterflies.
Anon
Does anyone here have thoughts on risk management as an alternative career for a litigator? Currently a litigator but thinking I want to stop doing that. In an area with not a lot of big companies so in-house roles are limited. I know risk management is not legal, but seems like I am well qualified for it. Appreciate any thoughts.
Anonymous
I work in healthcare and a lot of our risk management people have their JD, in addition to a strong clinical background. They have to work a lot more with angry people than I do, take call on weekends and nights and get paid a bit less. But nearly everything they work on is super interesting. It’s a trade off.
Anon
I run into lots of JDs in insurance, honestly more on the complex claims side than the risk management side, but I can understand how it would be a huge asset to have litigation experience in a specific area – say you’ve done insurance defense work in D&O, it would make sense to manage a self insured portfolio that is heavy on the D&O side, like a tech company. The problem is most risk managers are expected to also handle the property and the workers’ comp, the auto fleet, and maybe some of the benefits side stuff.
If you have niche expertise, it might be better to go in on the insurance company side.
Anon
Thanks to you both!