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Coffee Break: ARC 18K Gold Vermeil Hoop Earrings

How have your jewelry habits changed during this strange time? I “got dressed” for a Zoom “conference/happy hour” last week and put on some sparkly earrings and wondered, will anyone even SEE these?

These gold vermeil hoop earrings are cool — a bit bigger than what I normally wear, but I like the very, very minimal vibe (and I always find threader earrings the most comfortable!). They're $54 at BaubleBar. ARC 18K Gold Vermeil Hoop Earrings

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195 Comments

  1. my boss has 5 adult children and just had all of them and the spouses of those who are married over for dinner on Friday for a dinner party of close to 20 people when we live in an area with a stay at home order. i live in an area where i think things are going to open up sooner than they probably should and she does not take social distancing seriously at all

    1. People are independent creatures capable of their own executive thinking. They determined – after however many weeks – that they would like to see their family. This isn’t China or North Korea where you can force people to stay in their homes for months on end. In my state, violating the stay-home order – IF you’re caught and IF they want to enforce – is a Class 1 misdemeanor (up to 12 months in jail or $2,500 fine). Do I think either of those things would happen for a family dinner party? No way.

      1. That’s not how laws work. We don’t get to pick and choose which ones we’ll comply with based on our personal preferences, even if we are capable of “executive thinking.” If you don’t want to abide by your state or national laws, then you should move out of the country – that’s your responsibility if you don’t wish to be part of this shared society.

        1. Uh, did you ever smoke pot in college? Drive faster than the speed limit? Drink underage? Please, do tell how every American who drank before age 21 should move elsewhere.

          1. Aren’t pot dispensaries open? And yet they are illegal under federal laws.

            Shaking my head.

          2. Agree. You can disagree or criticize these choices, but you can’t prevent people from making them. I for one would always choose to live in a place where people make those choices (even if I disagree) than one where they put a tracking anklet on you to ensure quarantine compliance (Singapore) or can make you disappear for speaking out against the government (China). People forget that COVID-19 is a terrible, awful, phase. It’s not forever – the government having overwhelming power to enforce laws against its citizens is forever, and I’d take a few more deaths over living in a place with significantly less freedom.

          3. +1 not to mention the millions of odd but never enforced laws that exist in this country. Pretty sure Pure Imagination and every single poster on this board and every person in this country has broken a law at some point.

          4. My city is still having a fair amount of crime — those folks aren’t distancing. Or even staying home.

            OTOH, traffic is way down — while our compliance is not 100%, it has been good enough to severely flatten the curve (and still, the goalposts have been moved at least 2-3 times, so I feel that people are less likely to keep it up; parents with shut schools will have no choice but to continue staying home).

          5. My state suggests but doesn’t mandate masks. Because wearing masks in public is ILLEGAL in my state (Klan-era law; your state may have a similar law, too).

        2. Why can’t you pick and choose which laws you comply with based on personal preferences? Everyone does.

          1. +1 I think about the risk and I decide whether it’s worth it or not. And I am a lawyer IRL

          2. …. and, not to mention, even if you ARE charged with the crime of breaking social distancing protocol, the courts/DA STILL have to decide if they want to charge you with it. And, then if you are charged with this crime, there’s a separate step of sentencing… So maybe you get no fine and community service, or a $100 fine. It’s dependent on a number of factors. (I’m a different

          3. In my state, you can be charged for wearing a mask in public. And also in private if not given express permission. Exceptions are for health care workers (and other typically masked professions) and while riding a motorcycle.

            OOPS — but lock them up! If you are <16, you get a pass per the statute.

            BUT if you demand we follow the law, either make better or laws or acknowledge that the law is an a$s.

      2. I’ve been saying this for a while – these laws are simply unsustainable, not only because they are draconian, but because they are simply unenforceable. They are entirely dependent on voluntary compliance, and once the collective will to follow them is gone, it’s gone.

        1. “once the collective will to follow them is gone, it’s gone.”

          Agreed, and I think some of our government leaders – and it seems all of the public health professionals – are vastly overestimating how long the collective will to continue sheltering in place will persist. End of the day, same thing is true for both government and law enforcement: there are more of us than there are of them. If collectively everyone decides to stop staying home there really is very little the government or law enforcement can do about it. I am not advocating for massive civil disobedience but I can see the path to that state evolving. At the end of the day, people will not choose to stay home and starve. Because of social distancing, we have flattened the curve and at least in my state, we have built auxiliary medical facilities so the primary facilities are not overwhelmed. That is what we were told the quarantine’s purpose was. If there is a switch on this, and now the message is, we want to prevent all transmission and we need to stay in lockdown until there is a vaccine – that will be a major bait and switch and people won’t stand for it. Get ready for civil war.

          At this point, the government also needs to come up with a Plan B for what happens if it’s decided we need another shutdown or if there is another, different pandemic. Because once restrictions are lifted, if they try to institute another shutdown (for Covid or something else) I think businesses will just not close and say “fine me” and let the courts sort it out.

          1. Yup. If businesses cant’ legitimately open soon, be prepared to see speakeasys of sorts pop up. Seems better to figure out a safer way to open businesses (and also so they can pay taxes) rather than having Susie cut hair in her garage for cash or worse, the shady business owner down the street reopen his smallish factory and pay everyone off the books with unsafe working conditions.

          2. I am an essential worker. There are WAY more people on the road this week than there were 4 weeks ago, and our state hasn’t opened anything back up. People are just ignoring it. I think the people who are complying don’t realize how much more ignoring is happening, because of course the compliant people aren’t leaving their house to see it. There is easily triple the traffic volume- it is like a regular ‘good traffic’ day pre-COVID.

          3. @Anon at 4:36, I’m staying home but just from taking walks around the neighborhood, I’ve noticed a huge increase in traffic this week and last. My state has not reopened anything except non-emergency medical procedures. I don’t think all these people are leaving their houses to get medical procedures done. Fwiw, I’m in a red state but a super liberal area (a college town that went for Hillary in 2016 by 30 points). I’m pretty sure none of my neighbors are Trump supporters but many of them are clearly fed up with staying home.

      3. It’s interesting how people defend gathering in groups, breaking social distancing rules, etc. during a pandemic but criticize anti-vaxxers when they basically do the same thing. Violating public health instructions and potentially putting other people at risk of a deadly, highly contagious disease because you don’t want to do what the government is telling you to do is selfish on both sides. I don’t get the justification on this board for those who don’t listen to public health advice. No cocktail at a friend’s home or playdate with the neighbors is worth getting this, or worse, passing it on to someone else

        2. That’s my issue with this. I think we all know that smoking a joint or letting your teenage son take a sip of alcohol are not on the same level as willfully violating public health orders and putting others’ lives at risk. Even speeding in your car falls into this category – you are no longer making a personal decision or committing a “victimless crime” with no impact on the safety of others. However, I don’t know how to make you care about other people, like the article I posted above writes about so well. If you decide that you are going to go to that cocktail party or have that beach day because you having fun is your only priority, then clearly we are very, very different people and it is going to be hard to find common ground.

          1. Also, it’s important to note that you may violate social distancing and think you got away with it – but you’ll likely never know if the gas station cashier you handed your card to or that family you sneezed near at the park will get sick or die. If you find yourself tempted to say “I did ___ and it was fine,” think again, because you may have violated the law and caused someone to die while you took a casual outing. We all have to accept the risk posed by essential workers, homeless individuals, people who must travel for family emergencies, and so on, but I would personally find it very, very hard to cause someone’s death because I wanted to go to the beach.

          3. anonanon, I’m not Pure Imagination, but I’m rolling my eyes back at what a self centered ass you are.

          4. Unless that person died because there weren’t enough beds, then no, that action didn’t kill that person. From the beginning, social distancing is about spreading out the number of cases over time not reducing them.

          5. Dude. Pure Imagination. If that family is at the park then they are taking a risk too, no? I’m generally on team stay inside but you are just a nightmare about this. If I’ve been cooped up in my house for 7 weeks, going no where except the grocery store, and I go to a park or gas station (why am I handing the cashier my card, exactly? Every functioning business has moved to online payments or you just handle your own card), how reasonable is it really that I need to perceive myself as a festering disease vector?

          1. Must be nice to have a nice big house in the suburbs with a husband to ride this out in, eh LaurenB? Not everyone who wants to leave the 700 square feet they’ve been living in and see other human beings is flippant and selfish, as you constantly imply.

          2. I’ve got way more sympathy for the “how do I figure out how to get my business to re-open somehow in a safe fashion” crowd than the “but I wanna party with my BFFs” crowd.

        4. Agreed.
          And I hate the SD/SIP directives, but I’ve decided to move towards everyday completed is a day closer to the finish line.

        5. I’m not advocating for lifting orders or breaking the rules but surely you understand how not wanting to get a shot because of fake science is very different than not willing to stay home for months or forego a paycheck for months

          3. Assume you misread my post unless you believe any of the fake science that vaccines cause autism or whatever the latest nonsense anti-vaxxers are passing around? I’m saying anti-vaxxers use fake science to justify not getting a shot (i.e., a very easy activity for them to do). And that’s very different than someone choosing to not follow shelter in place orders for months on end, particularly if they are losing income doing so (i.e., very hard for someone to do).

      4. “People are independent creatures capable of their own executive thinking. ”

        But that isn’t very bright executive thinking, is it? I mean – I’m contemplating whether I should drive a bit of a distance to *walk outside with proper social distancing* with my family members. I’m not contemplating whether I should go into their apartments and hang out because, you see … that would be reckless and stupid.

        1. Lauren, reasonable people can disagree about the wisdom of different things. You don’t think anyone should go out until the government allows you too, I think you’re being a dunce about it this and purposely obtuse.

    2. Yes, I live in a hot spot under a stay at home order and know of at least 3 social gatherings of around 10 people over the weekend, all of which included people over 60.

      1. This is happening under the radar in my community too. Next phase, people don’t even bother keeping it under the radar and just do it openly. Next phase after that, things just start reopening with or without governmental approval. State governments could actually exert influence and halt that progression by listening more, accepting feedback, and being more candid about plans to reopen society. Unfortunately I’m seeing more “hold the line, regardless of the rationality of it” in my state than I am seeing careful consideration about how real people behave realistically in the real world.

        1. Yes, i am already noticing people who were very compliant during the first two or three weeks are no longer. I understand that there are some posters here who like WFH and who can get their groceries delivered and live in large homes with lovely families, but that isn’t the reality for most people out there. In my world, i am oddly finding many elderly neighbors and relatives who just do not understand or want to comply with social distancing guidelines. The people who are most at risk, and who all of us want to protect just don’t seem to get it…and that is only going to get worse with time. I know many small business owners who are really up against a wall right now. Professionals who work in sales or whose income is mostly commission based, who aren’t getting laid off, but who don’t have the opportunity to earn money like they did before. I think state and local governments have a few more weeks of semi-compliance left, and then we are going to start seeing more under the table transactions and interactions happening

          1. OMG yes, my parents and in-laws are the worst about social distancing and they’re the ones we are supposed to be doing this to really protect. Their friends are all the same way.

          2. Yeah, I’m a little frustrated that so many young/middle-aged adults are out of work and so many kids are out of school to protect the older people, when they’re the WORST at social distancing. DH and I went for a walk around the neighborhood today and some elderly people we don’t even know tried to come up and talk to us from about a foot away. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but it feels like the low risk people are making a lot more sacrifices than the high risk people, who should theoretically be having a much easier time staying home anyway.

      2. I sincerely hope you reported them. I am so over the people that think they are above the rules.

    3. And this is why Quarantine is taking so long. If people would stop thinking they’re so smart and sooooo special and just followed the rules things would be a lot better.

      1. I have heard this said and don’t think it’s true. Cases in our area are dropping. The cases that do emerge are in one specific area. Our government officials have praised people saying we are “doing something right.” Yet very little talk is happening about reopening. That’s the thing about humans: it’s very difficult to tell a large group of people one thing to get their compliance and then expect that compliance to continue when the message changes because the goal gets changed. We have been told, flat-out, we have “flattened the curve.” We were told that was the goal of the quarantine, and the goal has been accomplished. So great, ease up on the quarantine restrictions. If that doesn’t happen, then we’re in a state of ambiguity – no one no longer has any certainty about what we are working toward or how we will know what success looks like – and people will begin to act however they feel is appropriate vs. doing what they’re expected to do. It’s pretty basic organizational behavior. Too bad none of the public health folks apparently took any org psych classes.

        1. Where (meaning what state / city) have you been told you “flattened the curve”?
          And certainly you understand that the back half of the curve still has a heck of a lot more cases than what was present at the beginning when we all started sheltering. I think you didn’t get the memo that the goal of flattening the curve was to a) not overwhelm the health care system, b) give us time to implement widespread testing and c) gain more knowledge on treatments and/or potential vaccines to work towards re-opening. This was made very clear by all public health officials / experts. The goal wasn’t just “flatten it – once flattened, re-open.” Where did you hear that?

          1. I would engage you on this, LaurenB, but from past posts I know you’ll just keep steamrollering over every reply anyone offers with your tried-and-true, set-in-stone chosen messages about how the quarantine is going to save everyone and anyone who doesn’t comply with the restrictions to the letter is just an evil person who wants to kill everyone and probably also barbecue their puppies on a grill. There really isn’t any point trying to “discuss” anything with you. But hey, I appreciate the attempt! Have a great rest of your afternoon and try to get outside today for some fresh air; it will do you good.

          2. People keep saying this but honestly if you look at the flatten the curve stuff from when social distancing started there was very little messaging around (b) or (c) so no it’s not at all surprising that when people see reductions in new cases or that the numbers aren’t as bad as projected that they succeeded in not overwhelming the hospital. I’d be happy to be proven wrong but I haven’t seen an article from early March that talked (b) and (c) being the main goals, everything was about not overwhelming hospitals

          3. I am in Arkansas, and we are told almost daily during our governor’s press conference that we are succeeding in “flattening the curve”. Also agree with the above poster who pointed out that (b) and (c) were not really stated reasons for any restrictions at the beginning, at least not in my state. We are one of the few states without a SIP order, but the “targeting closings” here have always been sold as a way to make sure the hospitals don’t get overwhelmed. This isn’t a comment on any specific measure or behavior, or even whether my governor is correct in his analysis, but just confirmation in my area of the messaging Anonymous 3:50 is referencing. Though my state is talking about what/how to reopen, with a goal of May 4 to start loosening restrictions.

          4. yeah, the main messaging I got was (a). From local news outlets to facebook friend doctors, they were all focusing on the chart that had the dotted line for health system capacity.

          5. Reason (c) isn’t and never has been a stated condition for reopening – vaccines will take years, therapeutics will take even longer. I agree that (b) is/was important but it got lost in the messaging which was heavily focused on (a).

        2. I adamantly believe we need to deal with what exists, not what we want to exist. The reality is the stay at home orders don’t apply to X % of the population, I believe the NYT says about 40% of workers are essential.Thats a lot of people not at home.

          The reality is people will not follow the orders or stay at home forever. It doesn’t matter what we think or even feel about that. People will go out because they are hungry, or lonely, or bored, or scared, or just going crazy. There will be increasingly more people out and about. It is a real weakness that some states aren’t dealing with this, but keep just extending the dates and trying to terrify people into staying home. The last few days, even Governor Cuomo is talking about reopening.

          Reality is, re-opening is going to happen, at some combination of what the states decide and people decide to do.

          1. +1 re-opening is going to happen whether its sanctioned or not. Let’s figure out how to make that happen as safely as possible. And trust me, most people that are out and about aren’t people who are WFH agonizing whether to take a socially distanced walk with a friend or not, the masses are doing much worse and will do much worse the longer this goes on and the longer people are going without paychecks.

    4. I have recently seen both my next-door and across-the-street neighbors have other families and their kids over for playdates. Our big city park last weekend was absolutely packed with groups picnicking, playing beer pong, etc. (and nobody’s gonna convince me that all those groups were people and their 10 roommates). I live in ATL and while everyone I know feels like it’s really too soon for business reopening, I think we’re definitely starting to see the commitment to social distancing fall apart, at least when it comes to small-group socializing. I suspect that part of it is that deaths and hospitalizations in the state as a whole have ended up being a lot lower than the projections, notwithstanding that our stay at home order was late in coming, weak in substance, and not well complied-with or enforced. So a lot of people here (vs in Albany/SW GA where the situation is/was really overwhelming) are, I think, just not really feeling a sense of urgency around avoiding that kind of social activity.

      Personally I still feel pretty paranoid even about small-group socializing and I can’t imagine when I’ll feel okay about going to a busy restaurant, a movie theater, or a festival…

      1. I live in VA. Our neighbors have never taken social distancing seriously. Many of them are nurses who are exposed at work, and their kids play together daily. People are playing tennis and pickleball, hosting parties and cookouts, and having church services in their driveways.

    5. Don’t know what state you’re in, but my state’s stay at home order specifically allows you to visit family members. Even it violates the spirit of the stay at home order, it may not violate the letter of the law

      1. Ours allows you to leave your home to “care for” family members, but not to visit them.

      2. I am in IL. I live in the suburbs and my 77 yo mother and my mid-twenties children are all downtown, in their own separate apartments. My mother and one of my children live near one another; the other lives on the opposite side of town, not walking / biking distance. All 3 of them live by themselves. Everyone is sheltering-in-place and not leaving except for necessary groceries and walks (with appropriate social distancing).

        I live about a 45 minute drive from everyone. None of them have cars. The possibility does exist that I could drive downtown and walk (again practicing social distancing) with each of them in turn. I would not dream of hugging / touching them or entering their apartments, just walk outside. Is that appropriate? I go back and forth on this. Is that appreciably different from when I walk with my neighbor, where we have driven (separately) to a trail 10 minutes away and walked, while practicing stringent social distancing?
        Thoughts?

        1. You can’t really walk plus social distance without clogging the sidewalk/street/path so that others are blocked or have to come close to you

        2. I’m the kid in your hypo, and drove the 45 min to my parents’ house in the burbs on Saturday. We stayed 8-10 feet apart in the yard and just visited outside. Harder for them to come into the city to do the same thing, as it’s hard enough staying 6 feet apart on a narrow street and sidewalk.

          1. Yeah; unfortunately none of them have cars. I’m not comfortable putting them in a car with me at this point.

        3. My friend who lives alone has done this — just plan your bathroom strategy in advance.

      3. I think a lot of states have limits on gathering size even with family, and for those that give you a number, it seems like most are <10 people. This would violate the law in my state, and we have a pretty moderate stay at home order.

        1. If I wasn’t clear – my hypothetical is not that all 4 of us walk together, but that I individually walk with each of them. The point about it being a bit harder to do in the city as a pair is a fair one (while maintaining our own distance from one another), and would require some careful thought about where to meet / where to walk.

          2. Lauren – you might have better luck driving in on a weekday, when demand for distanced visits in open spaces is lower. In Philly, sunny weekend days, we see tons of people doing distanced yoga classes, friend visits, etc. on blankets spaced apart in grassy areas. The harder part is getting to them while staying distanced as sidewalks are narrow!

          3. Gah, I miss the edit button. I should say – it’s not hard for a person walking alone to do the sidewalk dance. But a group of people trying to walk together while staying distanced *from each other* as well as strangers is tricky.

    6. I wonder about whether he is creating a problem. If one had the virus before, they can all have the virus now, but not know about it for 14 days, and can spread the virus w/o knowing it. I would stay 6 feet away from him once you go back to the office to be safe.

  2. I have been wearing stud earrings every day because I feel naked without them. I put on a necklace for videoconferences. I am not wearing rings, even wedding rings, because my hands look so awful. My nails are so weak that they peel and split. I don’t want to call attention to them.

    1. I’ve been so confused by these comments. How are you sitting/standing in conference calls where people can see your nails in any detail? I don’t think I’ve seen a single coworker’s nails, in detail or otherwise, since all this began and we’re on Zoom all the time now.

        1. I understand. I feel like I’m spending way more time than usual looking at my hands, somehow.

        1. Oh, people look at them normally. I always look at other people’s hands.

      3. I think a lot of women are noticing nails these days because nail salons are closed. I don’t think anyone is particularly paying attention to my nails in Zoom meetings because, where I sit, you mostly just see my head. But, I posted a mirror selfie on social media the other night and one of our senior VPs asked how my nails look so good. I told her (truthfully) that I have natural nails and have always done them myself so there has been no change for me at all, other than having more time in the evenings to keep them looking good.

    2. I wear earrings only to go to the store or when there’s a Zoom call that I can’t just dial into and have to actually appear on.

    3. I took the acrylics off about a week before the world changed. I have been dealing with grow-out since. I’m using NutraNail hardener to help keep them from splitting while I wai

    4. I haven’t been wearing any jewellery, even for Zoom calls (although I will wear make-up). I’ve had to stop wearing my wedding and engagement ring temporarily because the intensive hand washing resulted in eczema type rash. I’ve since deep cleaned my rings (to the extent possible) and stopped wearing them in the house, although I did wear them out for our government sanctioned walks this weekend (in the UK here, allowed out once a day)

    5. I always feel naked and self-conscious without earrings on, even if I’m home alone with no video calls. It’s just a “thing” for me. Right now, I’m wearing pearl studs and one ring everyday, both of which I would probably be wearing with or without lockdown. Might switch up the earrings if I was going out, but also sometimes I just get decision fatigue and prefer to have a jewelry uniform.

      1. Same – earrings are my “thing” too.
        I’ve been peeling/picking at my nails constantly due to anxiety and they look like hell. I added a couple sets of press-ons to my Target order of household items.

    6. I was in pajamas for about a month, maybe three weeks, and I felt bad about myself. So now unless the first call is very early in the AM, I get dressed before I head into my home office. My getting dressed clothing is comfy/stretchy stuff but it’s real clothing and shoes, and it helps my mental state a lot.

      Along with this effort, I laid out 5-6 favorite pairs of earrings on my dresser, all on wires so minimal fuss to get them on, and part of getting dressed is putting on earrings. Every day. Sometimes a necklace too! But not always. Never my rings, though. All the hand washing was causing scaly skin under my rings.

      In terms of zoom, I have lipstick, darker than usual, and a hairbrush in my desk drawer. Between that, wearing glasses, and the “touch up my appearance” feature, I feel like I’m getting away fine with messy hair and no makeup.

    7. I’m wearing makeup and making sure my hair looks presentable, but I am not wearing any jewelry, not even my wedding band. I’m not a big jewelry person to begin with, though. My hands never look that great, so not worrying any more than usual about that! I hate how my roots look but don’t trust myself with a home dye job. I’ll keep waiting it out …

    8. Also somewhat nail self-conscious. I’ve worn gel manicures (without extensions, on natural nails) for…4 or 5 years? I had to remove them myself, which wasn’t a pretty sight, and my nails are growing out. There are ridges and discoloration, and I’ve tried painting them to cover up. The polish chips quite a bit. The few regular polishes I own have been in my drawer for a few years. I suspect they’re too old. I would only occasionally use them on my toes. It is funny to notice how such a small thing is a major morale booster for me. I really loved looking at my shiny gel nails and feeling that small thing pulled me together, particularly as I wear minimal or no make up.

      1. Have you thought about trying the stick-on polish like Color Street? Once you get the hang of it, it looks great and lasts forever.

      2. So much this. My nails are so short and stubby now after my self shellac removal…I want to cry. I bought some new Essie fast dry polish when I went to the drugstore and it helps the look a bit (a really dark colour looks best on short nails) but it is still so far off my usual. Sigh.

    9. Question for people not wearing earrings: does this mean you take your earrings off when you sleep? Why? I get it if they’re danglies but even for studs? I’ve had my ears pierced since I was ~4 and I’ve always slept in my earrings with zero problems… now I’m wondering if i’m doing it wrong.

      1. I take the left side one out because I sleep on that ear and it digs into my neck. This is also why currently, I am only wearing one earring – I often forget to put it back in in the morning!

      2. I’ve slept in my earrings (studs) for years. I only have 4 pairs of earrings – diamond studs, pearls, and two “fun” pairs that I would use for travel. I keep my diamond studs in all the time, honestly, and maybe clean them once a month? I’m not wearing rings, though, because I’m washing my hands so often.

      3. I don’t find earrings comfortable to sleep in, at least the post kind. They poke me. Wires tug. None of them are comfortable. Maybe with the exception of some little huggie hoops i used to wear, but that’s not my favorite style.

        I also don’t want my earring to get caught on my hair or blanket or whatever and get yanked. One of my piercings is already slightly elongated from an accidental yanking incident in my twenties, and I would hate to make it worse.

      4. I take my earrings off every night because I rarely wear the same pair every day. I wear hoops or huggies though, never studs.

      5. I really only wear studs. I always remove them before sleeping. It’s kind of uncomfortable to sleep in them, but it also just doesn’t feel like it’s time to sleep unless all jewelry is off. I would never get the Cartier love bracelet because 1. I would take it off every night and 2. It’s outrageously expensive for me.

      6. I wear pretty much only studs. I take them off because (1) I change the pair I wear anyway, and (2) posts dig into my neck when I’m on my side.

  3. I love the style of these, but I don’t wear yellow gold. Just finished a project so I’m surfing for something similar in silver.

  4. I applied for a job posting over the weekend on the employer’s site. But later saw the job posting advertised on LinkedIn by a recruiting agency, so I also applied on the recruiting agency’s site. At first I didn’t think anything of it but today I received an email from the recruiter via email where the recruiter states in his email
    “I thought given your expertise, that you may want to review the role. I have attached the job description for your reference and would be keen to hear your thoughts. If you are interested do let me know and we can talk through next steps.” and also gives a salary range for the position while also attaching the job description.

    For those who have dealt with recruiters, is this standard procedure? I am just wondering because I have also seen job ads on company sites where they explicitly say “no recruiters” and this had me questioning whether the person is working for the employer or they are positioning themselves as a go-between.

    1. If you’ve already applied for the job a recruiter won’t work with you because they don’t get paid for that.

    2. You can always ask the recruiter if it is a “retained” search, meaning all applicants are going to go through the recruiter no matter what.

      I once missed out on an interesting job because I didn’t know it was the same job an in-house recruiter and an external recruiter were talking about. The two sets of recruiters fought over the potential commission the external recruiter would need to be paid, and they dropped me as a candidate for that reason.

      Generally it’s a bad idea to apply for the same job twice.

      1. OP here: I did not know that when I applied i.e. it is not good to apply for same job twice. At the time I just found it curious that the listing appeared twice, thought the company was maximising their chances to find someone because they are a new organisation. Should I tell the recruiter I already applied on the company site as well?

        1. I think just tell the recruiter that and then see where they take it. It may be that all applicants go through the recruiting company but we can’t tell that from here.

  5. This is a shallow question along the intern with a Berkin line –

    Do you ever worry about your (real pieces like this) jewelry being too fancy or expensive for the office? I have some rings from my grandma that would probably be very expensive to buy now but i inherited them.

    1. I’m going to tell you two secrets.
      1. People don’t look that closely at other people
      2. Most people see objects as things not as $$$

      I’m reasonably junior and for a really long list of complex reasons I basically exclusively wear very expensive or hand made things. All that to say no one has ever noticed except to say I look ‘nice’.

        1. A combination of family members giving me extravagant gifts as a child (seriously who gives an 8 year old emeralds?!) and being a very strong advocate for social and environmental ethics means that anything I buy as an adult is either made using good conditions or comes second hand.
          Nothing I own has any synthetics etc to prevent micro plastics, which means even my second hand garments are usually fancy. Lastly I’m a pretty talented sewist (if I do say so myself) so occasionally someone who knows a lot about fashion will note an ‘expensive detail’ like french seams on a garment I’ve refashioned.

    2. I think it’s about appropriateness for the occasion more than anything. I particularly think jewelry is more typical to be passed down (it’s more durable, that’s for sure). If they’re tasteful and otherwise office appropriate? Of course, wear them. If they’re cocktail rings in a business formal setting, skip them.

      1. +1 I don’t have anything that truly wealthy people would consider expensive, but I have a few pieces that are in the four digits and I wear them to work all the time. A lot of engagement rings exceed $1k and I don’t see the difference.

    3. I wouldnt wear anything that was very big stones (like 3+ carats) with the exception of an engagement ring. And I probably wouldnt wear recognizably extremely expensive jewelry, like a Van Cleefs alhambra set (starts around $20K for earrings + 20 motif necklace).
      I do regularly wear a 1ct diamond solitare necklace or a diamond cross, that–while expensive–look fairly understated. I also know people who wear understated Rolex or similar watches, but I’m personally waiting until I’m a bit more senior to wear mine at work.

      1. My pieces are more in your second paragraphs category – expensive because if the fine work, not a large stone or something like that.

        1. Then I think you’re fine. People rarely notice the real $-value in fine work. They mostly notice labels or otherwise very recognizable designs (see again, VCA alhambra or Cartier love bracelet or something).

    4. I do think there are some limits. I once worked with a woman who wore a diamond that was literally the size of a nickel, and it did make people go “hmmm” even if nobody ever said anything to her. (So, Lilac, just because nobody mentions it to you doesn’t mean they don’t notice. Not saying that’s good or bad, but I promise somebody is noticing.)

      1. +1, see our prior discussion of skating rink sized engagement rings. Absent that, as long as your pieces are suitable in design to the occasion, you will be fine.

    5. I have never judged anyone on fancy jewelry or statement bag. I have judged a woman I worked with who wore multiple labels, all the time, all together. Gucci bag with the signature pattern, Chanel loafers AND headband, each bearing the logo, and a Burberry scarf. That was typical for her. I thought she looked a little desperate.

    6. If I saw you as a young woman wearing expensive and real jewelry, I’d find a way to become your friend and ask you about it. I love jewelry and I love hearing the stories behind people’s inherited jewelry.

      I personally have had three different wedding rings. (Same husband, just different rings.) People sometimes notice that I don’t wear the same wedding ring every day and it starts a kind of fun conversation, usually.

      1. I agree! I may notice and be genuinely curious about your pieces. Jewelry is meant to be worn and enjoyed!

      2. I thought I was the only person with multiple wedding rings! I have a gemstone ring I wore for our actual wedding (quick engagement and buying diamonds then seemed a bit much), the vintage ring I got a few years later and LOVE but is a little too delicate for every day hard core use, and a simple diamond and band for every day that I tend to put on most of the time. But like you, I switch them out depending on what’s going on. Also, all the the same husband!

        1. We got engaged with a vintage diamond ring. No separate wedding ring (the vintage ring does not have one big center stone like an engagement ring.) We later had a “guard” made, two smaller diamond channel bands to fit around the original ring, maybe around our 5th anniversary, but I didn’t wear the guard much. I still count this all as one ring. It’s platinum, 1900s era.

          Then when we’d been married 15 years or so I had a right hand ring made, basically a rose gold wife band with little pink and white diamonds scattered randomly across it. The design is a special design that a jeweler in my neighborhood is known for. But wearing it on my right hand for a while I realized how much more comfortable it is than my original ring. It’s basically a men’s “comfort” band and they’re not kidding with that name. I started wearing it as my wedding ring on my left hand.

          Then for our 20th anniversary, my husband got me a narrower band of square diamonds meant to stack with my second ring, made by the same jeweler. I wore them this way for a while, but now wear the square diamonds band on my left and the other band on my right.

          Sometimes I wear my original ring. Sometimes I still stack them. I have a different wedding ring just about every day and people definitely notice – almost all the women I work with. Plus men who are shopping for or have recently shopped for engagement rings!

          Of course, no one notices now. I don’t wear any of them because we’re stuck at home, and I wash my hands too frequently now to deal with rings. :(

    7. This is all about taste and less about expense. A nearly flawless 2 carat platinum ring is very expensive, and while on the larger side, still tasteful. But a blingy cocktail ring with large stones and in an unusual style but half the price is way more noticeable and inappropriate for the office.

      Think taste / non-ostentatious wealth not expense.

    8. I have a sapphire and diamond ring from my grandmother that I have work as a right hand ring for about 15 years. It is, strictly speaking, a bit blingy for daytime wear, but I wear it to work every day and I do not give a damn what people think on this front.

    9. I think it’s a know your industry thing. If you work in a business where people make great money, and it’s no secret, I’m not surprised by the massive engagement rings or designer handbags. Same goes for industries where image are important to convey success.
      Now if you are a lowly intern or work at a non-profit doing homeless outreach and you are running around with a $5k handbag, I will silently judge you. It also depends on the piece. I’m less likely to judge an engagement ring than shoes or a handbag. Just like I’m less likely to judge classic studs than clearly designer pieces even if the value is comparable.
      I am one of those people that really notices clothing and jewelry. Not always in a judgey way, it’s just part of how my brain catalogs memories.

      1. I work at legal aid and I won’t wear clearly designer items, even if I could afford it (which I cannot). I don’t want my clients to feel uncomfortable.

    10. Funny and somewhat related story: I once had lunch with a partner, a client and another associate. At one point, the client admired my fellow associate’s watch and she basically said “thanks; it was a graduation gift.” The watch just looked like a normal, leather band watch with a gold face. It was pretty but I did not think anything of it. The two of them proceeded to have a 10 minute conversation about watches before she steered the discussion back to the partner.

      About a year later I was talking to the client and fellow associate (who was on maternity leave) came up. Client asked when she was going to be back and when I said she had extended her maternity leave, client laughed and said something about how clearly someone wearing a $50K watch to work was not in it for the money. I could not believe it but client sent me a screen shot and sure enough fellow-associate was walking around with a $50K watch on her wrist at work every day. The kicker is that only people in the know recognized it. (Which goes back to the class discussion we were having the other day.)

      BTW – fellow associate did come back from maternity leave, still wearing the watch and a pair of pave diamond hoop earrings that I am forcing myself not to google image search. They are not large or obnoxious but now I am horribly curious.

        1. Well since Senior Attorney OK’d it:

          Assuming she is wearing the small hoops and not the wide ones (hard to tell from the images but they do not seem that big), she is only wearing $5,900 worth of earrings. Unless she is wearing the bigger version, in which case she is wearing $12,500 earrings. (I THINK they are Robert Coin Poi’s Moi Luna earrings).

          And to be really clear in case anyone ever figures out who she (and I) are (because how many people can be running around with those earrings and that watch) she is a really nice woman. Other than the jewelry, I would have never guessed she had that level of family money.

          2. I’ve never heard of Robert Coin Poi and now I want everything on that site!

        1. It was a Philippe Patek. I do not remember which one. Brown leather band and rose gold face. Pretty but I would never in a million years have recognized it or thought it was particularly expensive.

          And again – she is really a very nice woman who does good work and everyone (particularly this client) likes her. I have no idea whether she “needs” to work but she has excellent work ethic. (Although we are not the kind of Big Law firm that requires 24/7 availability.) But in thinking about our discussion of class, she has a lot of the tiny markers of growing up with money that people who have also money would recognize.

          1. Dad has a Patek Philippe which looks alot like this one:

            https://www.swisswatchexpo.com/watches/patek-philippe/mens-patek-philippe/calatrava-hunter-case-yellow-gold-automatic-mens-5227-26981?msclkid=f06de25c60f11c837da4bcf473d351ea&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Shopping&utm_term=4579740808163015&utm_content=Patek%20Philippe

            When I was dating Sheketovits, he always thought that b/c I was the older sister, Dad would give the watch to me, and if I was married to him, he would get it. He always oooogled that watch when he was around Dad, and Dad was irritated that Sheketovits always ooogled the watch. In fact, he even told me that Sheketovits must have had s-xueal fantasies over the watch, not me. I also thought Sheketovits was unduly fixated on Dad’s watch when we were all sittting at our dinner table. Now that our relationship is EGGZOVER, I have no idea what Dad’s plans are for that watch. For all I know, he may give it to Rosa’s son, as Ed already has nice watches (tho none as good as this one).

      3. Entirely possible that the associate did need to work. Her family may have paid her way through law school and given her an expensive watch for graduation, but after that, she is sort of on her own. Oh, sure, the parents will put a down payment on her expensive condo, but she may not be getting proceeds from a trust that are enough to live on.

      4. I feel like that scenario is actually more of a reason to avoid very high end pieces, vs people in your office recognizing. I would never want a client thinking I was less focused because of my watch. report back on the earrings!

    11. No. If you want to wear them, wear them! We’ve all just spent weeks staying safer at home and going almost no where. When you get the opportunity to wear this jewelry, I hope you do so with pride!

  6. I posted last week about the boss who drank wine in a car in public after taking a walk with the guy I was dating.

    Update, he was out sick a few days last week. He was tested for COVID19 and had the regular flu, not COVID19 (thank goodness). He told his boss he’d be out until today.

    She texted him Sat. asking how he was doing, and he was asleep and didn’t reply. After only an hour and a half of no response, police knocked on his door. She had called them for a wellness check.

    He was scared, feverish, and confused. He wonders how she got his home address (HR file, I assume). I think he should file an HR complaint and a grievance with his union. He’s a state employee. He is, of course, still scared of losing his job. This seems like grossly inappropriate behavior. Thoughts?

    1. What’s going on? His boss is a woman who told the cops to check on him after 90 minutes?

      1. Yes. They are both mid-30s. She has had no boundaries in other instances, but this seems worthy of an HR complaint. Note, neither of us have ever personally filed such a complaint, but I would be livid if my boss texted me on a Sat. and called the cops for a wellness check because I didn’t reply after 90 minutes.

      2. She’s probably interested in having s-x with him. It is inappropriate for her to get his personal information from HR to check up on him, tho she could have found that information while she was walking with him; and he could have given it to her when he just thought she was harmless. You have to warn him in case she starts stalking him. He could have been neutral, which to some women, is like coming on to them, particularly if they are unattractive and not being used to having men NOT shirk away from them as if they have bad breathe. If you are still dating him, you should ask him what he might have done to deserve this level of interest in him by her. Dad thinks he might have led on the lady, who probably was not that used to any man showing interest in her before. Let us know, b/c many women face this situation with their boyfreinds, and some times, the boyfreind brings in on himself.

    2. Omg, that boss is horrendously inappropriate. I have no idea on what the best next steps would be, although jumping straight to HR seems like big escalation.

    4. Her behavior is bizarre. If he’s in a union, may be can ask his union rep for advice?

      1. Correct. There is something wrong here and you as his girlfriend have no standing to address it. Did you ever get to the bottom of the weird wine cooler story your BF told you? He exhibited bad judgment and he needs to be an adult and handle his work place situation. Maybe suggest that he write in to ask a manager?

        1. Correct. There is something wrong here and you as his girlfriend have no standing to address it. Did you ever get to the bottom of the weird wine cooler story your BF told you? He exhibited bad judgment and he needs to be an adult and handle his work place situation. Maybe suggest that he write in to ask a manager?

      2. Right. This situation is wild but I’m confused why you’re still in the middle of it.

    7. This story just keeps getting weirder. His boss is way out of line, but like others I still think there’s a strong possibility that something happened between them and that’s part of the reason she’s being so reactive and that he’s so hesitant to push back.

      That said, I’d love to hear her response if HR were to ask her about this. “Oh, I was concerned about Employee being sick, because we had recently been drinking together in my car. Surely you understand!”

      1. I am totally with Monday. There is more to this story as it pertains to guy and boss.

        I say run. There are no gifs here, but this is a place for the Whoopi in Ghost “you in danger, girl” one for sure.

      2. Yup, something going on between them. No one has said this yet so I will – DTMF.

        1. It feels weird dumping someone when I can’t see him. I’ve never broken up with someone over text/phone. But this is a unique situation!

    8. I remember your original post.

      The boss sounds like she is nuts, but your boyfriend doesn’t sound innocent either. I’d let them deal with this without your involvement. In fact I’d let your boyfriend live the rest of his life without your involvement.

      1. I remember it too and totally agree with you. And after reading the update, I’m wondering if maybe she knew his home address because she’s been there before?

        1. and sent the cops because she thinks he’s seeing someone else?! she was probably hiding in the bushes.

        2. WOW, I hadn’t thought of that…but you may be right!

          The basic idea of a relationship is I’m getting something out of it, which I am not right now, other than morbid entertainment value as in “why is this my life”.

          1. please keep up the morbid updates, for science if nothing else! I am dying to know the explanation.

          2. I appreciate the fact that you have such an awesome sense of humor about all of this. Good luck to you & please keep us posted!

    9. He needs to work on establishing his own boundaries. You can’t do it for him.

      I can’t imagine dating someone who has allowed this to escalate to this point.

      1. I agree. Too bad you couldn’t just have him take some sort of test where he could be found out if he was not being completely truthful. There should be a test where a man goes into a chamber and a machine can detect whether he was telling the truth by finding female DNA on his private parts! I would pay bigtime if I could find out all the men who cheated on me over the years by there being caught by such a machine. YAY!!

    10. I hear everyone that I’m likely am missing some facts, because this also doesn’t make sense. He swears nothing happened between them while drinking sangria wine coolers, but there’s no way to know for sure. All the information I have is mediated through him.

      We’ve been friends since about…Nov. or Dec. 2018 and dating for less than 6 months. The relationship may just burn out during quarantine. We’re in a hotspot area, and I’m strictly WTF and quarantining, so I don’t think we’ll have the opportunity to see each other soon. If that happens, it happens. At the very least, he has no boundaries with this boss, and that is a problem (fear of job loss in COVID19 or not).

      1. Lolol I’m dying that you’re “strictly WTF” during quarantine. Same girl, same.

        Best of luck figuring out this weird situation…

        1. LMAO what an apropos typo…I meant WFT, of course, but I am also generally WTF about this situation, COVID19 protestors in my city, life in general…

          1. WFH…apparently my fat fingers can’t type on my screen today! I wish we could edit these posts!

  7. Jewelry q: what’s the verdict on David Yurman cable bracelets/cuff? I like the cable design – it’s interesting but still seems “neutral” enough to wear frequently. Is this something that early-30s professional women wear?

    1. I think it is. It’s not my personal taste, but there’s nothing wrong with it IMO.

    2. I live in the SEUS and only see these on old lady judges and lawyers and at my in-laws’ country club.

    3. I think it’s regional. I don’t see a lot of the classic Yurman jewelry here in the Bay Area, but if you were to visit my sister in Texas you’d see the wrists of all of her girlfriends piled with these cuffs. I think they’re pretty, but they’re just not my personal style. I do have a couple of pairs of the earrings tho.

        1. These are gorgeous! And that’s interesting about it being regional. I’m in the northeast and it’s not as if every woman I see has this on, but they’re common enough that I noticed and started looking into it for myself.

    5. I’d worry about it looking dated soon. It’s had its moment for awhile. I think it may soon be the jewelry version of the Tory Burch Reva.

    6. I’d worry about it looking dated soon. It’s had its moment for awhile. I think it may soon be the jewelry version of the Tory Burch Reva.

    7. I think they’re higher risk of being dated than pieces that aren’t so instantly recognizable as the David Yurman Cable Cuff.

      Personally they have become to me the kind of thing that lifestyle or mommy bloggers show off, rather than pieces I see at the office.

    8. They were very popular at my high school (Northeast) in 2006-2008 time frame, like the trend that immediately followed the tiffany heart charm bracelet.

    9. I’m late 20s and received one as a gift when I graduated college. I like the design of it a lot. I do agree with the posters above that it might soon begin look dated in the way Tory Burch Revas do, but I’m still happy with it over 5 years later. The design has also been around much longer than the blogosphere has been adopting it as a uniform. I would love to have maybe 2 more to wear as a stack, but can’t bring myself to pay those prices for what is essentially just a sterling silver bracelet.

      1. I bought some DY earrings resale from a trusted site. They are well made so had little visible wear. You might consider that for the rest of your stack.

    10. I know a few women I consider stylish, mid to late 20’s who wear stacks of the cable bracelets daily. I really like them. Also know some with giant dramatic statement rings that I think are very cool.

  8. Since so many people were commenting about nails upthread, I thought I would post an unsolicited recommendation for nail polish that I ordered during this quarantine and have turned out to love. Static Nails Liquid Glass Polish. Normally, I have a tough time painting my own nails, but the consistency of this polish has made it very easy to paint my own nails, including my right hand, which is normally a mess since I am right-handed. I’ve tried tons of brand, and have always failed, but this one has been working out great, and I think my nails look almost like they have gel polish on (it isn’t gel, just regular polish with a thick glossy look). They also have press-ons, but I’ve only tried the polish.

    1. what color did you get? I tried their ballet slippers one and it was a total mess. worst polish I’ve ever tried, but wondering if I messed up the color given your recommendation. I ended up getting a Chanel red that’s been OK, but I’m also terrible at my own nails.

      1. Might be too late in the day for you to see – I got the Nudes II palette, which the colors are more wintery, and probably too dark for my (very fair) tone, but color aside (Nudes I was sold out), the consistency was really good for painting and I’ve been practicing and have improved a lot! By far the best at-home nails I’ve been able to manage. I subsequently ordered Beach Bum, Earl Gray, Honey Lavender, and Pistachio which I think will be better colors for me, and only Beach Bum has arrived, but it looked good! (I did once have a $28(!!) bottle of Dior Mirage, and it is still probably my all time fave color, but, alas, I couldn’t manage it on my own so I still had to take the bottle with me to the salon. Even though I’m painting my own right now, I really, really miss manis/pedis!)

      2. I ordered both the fake ones and the polish and am waiting or them to arrive. Hoping for the best!

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