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I had an injury a few years ago that resulted in me swearing off heels for several months. My injury healed, but I’ve seen the light and now I’m Team Flats 99% of the time. This means that on the rare occasion when I break out a pair of heels, I turn into a crabby monster about an hour into the evening. Not fun.
Having selected a dress that was not going to work with flats, I decided to try this CBD cream (CBD = cannabidiol) from Lord Jones before a friend’s wedding a few months ago. I rubbed it on my feet before putting on my heels and was pleasantly surprised that I was able to dance all night without the typical aches and pains. While the rest of my body was in rough shape the next day (tequila shots, WHY?), my feet were feeling pretty good. The cream is $70 for a 50-mL tube, so it wouldn’t be an everyday thing for me, but great for special occasions. (You can also find a Lord Jones CBD Body Lotion at Sephora for $60, which looks like it contains half the amount of CBD.) Pictured: Lord Jones CBD Stiletto Cream
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Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Banking Rec
Does anyone use First Republic Bank for their primary banking/savings institution and have any feedback? We’ve been long-time Schwab people and are looking for a more traditional bank. I know FRB doesn’t have a lot of branches but there happens to be one in the lobby of my building (not that I go to a branch all that often as it is). We’re considering FRB because we have our mortgage there so there are some logistical advantages of being all at one institution. TIA.
Tweeter
We do. Also moved banks because of our mortgage. Also refinanced DH law school loans there. I love it! You get reimbursed atm fees anywhere and they really have a personal touch. I never go to a branch. Nothing bad to say, only can recommend.
Anonymous
We use it and love it for personal and business checking. I looked into using it for savings a year or two ago but at the time (not sure if still the case) they required too much in-person interaction and the rates were better at Ally, so I still use Ally for our savings. But really love FR for our basic banking needs. Great customer service at the branch which I find myself using more than I had expected. Their ATMs are not numerous but they rebate fees for other ATMs. Since you’re near a branch I highly recommend.
F in SF
First Republic has a great rep in the Bay Area and I banked with them for a bit of time before switching over to Chase (ended up with them for my mortgage). The branch service was good and I could see how it would be preferred by some but I prefer the convenience of Chase myself – the site and app is much better and I rarely have special banking needs.
Boston Legal Eagle
We switched to First Republic for the mortgage reason as well. You’re right that they don’t have a lot of locations (compared to a BoA for example) but they do reimburse all ATM fees so you can easily take money out of any other bank’s ATM. We’ve been pretty happy with them so far but we don’t go inside banks much anymore and mostly just do all of our banking online and as mentioned, can withdraw cash from anywhere. I haven’t tried to deposit a check there yet, but I imagine there is a way to scan it in if you can’t get to a branch.
Anonymous
Yes, they have a great mobile deposit option with high limits (not sure what the limit is, but haven’t hit with $25k checks), which was a problem I had with other banks topping out at a few thousand.
OP
What about the fees? Looks like you need a minimum balance in checking of $2,500 to avoid fees. Anyone have a work around to that or is that just a fact I have to live with?
F in SF
Honestly, if that’s one of the concerns you have, First Republic might not be the right choice for you (it wasn’t for me). It’s positioned as a premium service product for a reason. (I wasn’t able to get them to waive the fee that I’d incurred for a couple of months while transitioning over to Chase)
OP
We’d be depositing a lot of cash with them but I just don’t carry high balances on my debit cards as a matter of principle. I’m increasingly thinking they’re not the right fit for me. Thanks for everyone’s input!
Celia
My favourite bank! I work with small businesses and individuals and have a lot of experience working with many banks. First Rep has terrific customer service. I would call a phone number, the same person answered, and I’d just say “This is Celia, I’d like to do blah blah blah.” She’d know who I was and what to do –and just do it. I didn’t even have an account there.
Fitbit?
My regular watch broke and I’m looking to replace it with a smart watch. All I really want is to be able to tell time and track my distance when I run, I’m not really looking to replace my phone. I’d appreciate any suggestions for a reliable brand/ model!
Anonymous
I prefer Garmin watches to FitBit.
Ellen
I love my FITBIT! I recommend you go to fitbit.com and read through the different models. I have a Fitbit for year’s now, which I got a nice new band for over the holidays. Dad says I should also be wearing a cuter watch, but he still wants me to wear the fitbit so he can continue to track me from his Imac computer. Dad says that now that Google owns Fitbit, he wants them to be able to send his personal messages directly to my watch. If he can do that, eligible men will get scared off and I will NEVER get married. FOOEY!
Megan
If you want a watch that looks like a watch but tracks mileage, consider a Fossil or Skagen hybrid. I got my Skagen hybrid for $100 on sale.
Move123
I have been thinking of going into management consulting. I have a science background (PhD) and I am currently 6 years post PhD. In those years I have taught as an adjunct and now I’m a researcher. One of the roles I am interested in at some of the consulting companies I have looked at is research. But this far after my PhD I’m struggling to figure out how to transition, most people with PhDs went into consulting immediately after grad school or through internships during grad school. I have tried reaching out to recruiters in vain. Applying online for entry level roles seems a blackhole. For those who have worked in this domain, is it a worth a try contacting one of the more senior consultants? Or even a partner? Advice on how to go about this appreciated.
nuqotw
(1) Talk to people from grad school who went into consulting, if any.
(2) Any chance you are in a field that has big annual job market which is a prime place to make this kind of transition? I’m guessing not based on your post, but some do (mine does).
(3) Ask your committee members if they can introduce you to anyone.
Pompom
Try focusing on more boutique or market-specific consultancies, who may be more likely to “credit” your non-consulting experience into seniority sooner. Some of the bigger brand name consulting firms have pretty lockstep hierarchies, and being X years into a technical career wouldn’t necessarily translate into a more senior role (not suggesting that’s what you’re suggesting) or may actually scare them off because you may not be re-programmable to their Big Firm way of doing things.
Pompom
*they think you may not be “re-programmable.” You are.
Caveat that my experience with this is more on the consultant, and not research, side of consulting.
GO YOU!
Move123
OP here: Thanks for this, will try it.
anonchicago
I work for a consulting firm. It’s hard to enter as an experienced hire, especially 6 years post-phd as your peers will be managers or approaching partner by now.
I recommend reaching out to the people you know at those firms and asking them as they may be able to pass along your resume. I’d be inclined to focus on the research depts at those firms instead of client-facing consulting positions; they’re likely more welcoming of PhDs.
Anon
Recommendations for a casual/weekend rain jacket? I have a trench for work that is too formal for the weekend. Ideally, I would like something stylish enough that I could wear this with jeans, boots, etc. out to dinner but practical enough to wear hiking or walking the dog when it is actually raining. Most of the stylish jackets I’ve seen are only water resistant, and most of the practical jackets I’m seen are not stylish. Budget– $50-100 or less.
Anonymous
For that price, I’d get a Uniqlo puffer in the longer length.
Anonymous
Oops, missed the water repellent part. Not a puffer in case. Not sure you’re going to find anything actually water proof in that price range.
Anon
+1 I don’t think anything waterproof will be had for under $100. I’d nominate the Girl on the Go trench.
Anon
+1 everyone where I live (Bay Area) wears the Uniqlo puffer.
Anon
OP– I’m not wanting a puffer. (I have a lightweight puffer.) I want a windbreaker/rain jacket for when it is raining and over 65 to 70 degrees. I’m in the SEUS, so this is for our winter/spring where it rains but is warm and humid outside.
Anon
Try 32 degrees
NOLA
I wish it had a hood, but otherwise, my Madewell floral rain jacket is adorable and functional.
NOLA
https://www.nordstromrack.com/shop/product/2915103/madewell-ruffle-neck-french-floral-raincoat?color=FRENCH%20FLORAL%20BLUE%20M
Katie
Eddie Bauer makes a nice ran jacket with a hood, but ties like a trench. If there’s an outlet near you, they usually have excellent selections on sale.
Anon
What is the point of a rain jacket without a hood? I get some people don’t like hoods, but it’s a dealbreaker for me
NOLA
Yeah, my friend who was with me said the same thing, but it was on clearance and really cute so I went for it.
S in Chicago
I have a dusty pink/mauve Calvin Klein trench that I get compliments on just about every time I wear it. It doesn’t have a hood, but it’s still been one of the best jacket purchases I’ve made. Sometimes things are so cute that it’s worth bringing an umbrella. ;)
Parfait
I don’t like hoods because I wear a hat every day, so hoods just get in my way.
Anonymous
Everyone here was touting the Eddie Bauer girl on the go coat. I needed waterproof and warm so I got one (on sale it was close to $100) and very pleased so far – had it 3 weeks but that includes a lot of time outside in the rain. Best part is all the mud just brushes off when it dries, so I can go from mud-hiking with toddlers to work !
Anon
Did you get the insulated or non insulated? I’m looking at the insulated and it’s “on sale” for like $170, but the extra 50% off coupon doesn’t apply for some reason.
Anon
I got my insulated one from Poshmark for about $100. Might check there.
rosie
I’ve had an REI brand rain trench coat for over 10 years. Looks like they have something similar on sale right now so in that budget (REI Co-op Pike Street Trench Coat, although you might want to check out all of their raincoats if you don’t really like that one because looks like they have many options on sale right now).
pugsnbourbon
You can also try Sierra Trading Post (TJMaxx for outdoor gear). It’s got a couple nice-looking options, specifically the Marmot brand.
rosie
Oh reminds me backcountry dot com is another similar option to check out.
Coach Laura
Yep, I got the Girl on the Go unlined raincoat from Eddie Bauer for this. I specifically picked it after looking at others (Cole Haan packable etc) because I wanted one that I could wear to work or out to dinner and then to walk the dog or do weekend activities and to wear traveling. I also had to have a hood (Seattle) and wanted something that I could wash and dry in the dryer if I got mud on it at the dog park. Dry clean only for my last coat got old. I got it big enough to get the Uniqlo ultra-compact down jacket under it which has come in handy and made it function like the lined version.
Blueberries
Both Patagonia and REI sell previously owned gear via their websites now. Probably your best bet for a high quality waterproof jacket at your price point. That or waiting for an REI sale.
Dpmitten
Patagonia torrentshell city coat. It’s amazing.
Anonymous
I’ve heard people talking about tinting their car windows to protect against UV rays – has anyone found a way to do it without darkening the windows too much?
Anon
In my state there’s a limit to how much you can do it – I think it has to let in 35% of the light or something like that? I did the legal max and I barely notice it when I’m driving (they look dark from the outside, but when you’re on the inside looking out it looks much lighter). Even though it only blocks 65% of visible light, they told me it blocks 99% of UV rays but I still wear sunscreen in the car.
Anon
Almost every state has a limit (and sometimes multiple limits for front vs back vs rear), but they vary a lot so you’ll want to look it up ahead of time.
Anonymous
I’ve heard of clear film that protects against UV rays. I would call your local window tint place/glass store or car dealer and see if they have it available.
anon
Anyone want to do some vicarious shopping? I’m looking for a gown for my brother-in-law’s upcoming (February) black tie optional wedding. I will be in family photos and also will be walking my daughter (the flower girl) down the aisle so I’m putting more thought into my outfit than usual. I’m mainly worried about not buying something that is too bridesmaid-y. The bridesmaids are wearing navy, FWIW. I have ordered 3 dresses already (links to follow) but knowing me, it will take ordering at least 5 or 6 to find one that actually fits well and is flattering. I’m looking for something that is not conservative, but not too flashy either. A bit of cleava*e is fine, and I’m ok with a leg slit but no cut-outs and nothing too body-con. Willing to spend up to $350. Let me know if you’ve seen anything fabulous lately. TIA!
anon
https://www.bloomingdales.com/shop/product/bcbgmaxazria-metallic-stripe-pleated-gown?ID=3508920
https://www.bloomingdales.com/shop/product/bcbgmaxazria-point-desprit-gown?ID=3547575
https://www.bloomingdales.com/shop/product/bcbgmaxazria-cold-shoulder-gown?ID=3620709
Anon
None of these seem right to me, given the role that you are playing in the wedding. I would honestly look for a long navy dress. Not matching the bridesmaids, but something that complements and will look good with your daughter’s dress.
Anonymous
I think all of these are great and a long navy dress will look like she’s trying to match the bridesmaids.
Anon
If she wasn’t walking down the aisle with her daughter, I would agree. But she is, and should pick something that won’t clash with her daughter’s dress.
Anon
Her daughter is not a bridesmaid though? I don’t know why you’re so sure her daughter’s dress is navy. I also think “avoiding clashing” is not synonymous with “matching.” Coral, plum, teal, mustard, etc. all look really nice with navy, and she could incorporate navy into her outfit in some other way (eg., a wrap) so it looks deliberate. I think, mother of the flower girl or no, it’s SUPER weird to wear a long navy dress when you are not a bridesmaid and that’s what the bridesmaids are wearing. People will think she’s trying to pass herself off as a bridesmaid.
Anon
I would NOT wear navy in this situation; you should not be in the same colour as the bridesmaids. Wear plum, burgundy, emerald, or peach.
Never too many shoes...
Definitely not navy if the bridesmaids are wearing it, but I would also avoid black in that case. Maybe a dark green, wine/burgundy, grey or even gold…
Anon
I like the first two of these!
Anon
Have you asked what the color palette to the wedding is or the suggested dress color from the couple – or colors to avoid? They may have a preference for wedding participants, even though you aren’t in the bridal party since you’ll be center stage for part of the ceremony – even if it’s just so you don’t clash in a garish way with the wedding colors. It sounds silly but I’ve definitely seen some clashing in wedding photos and it’s very noticeable (ex. dark color palettes everywhere and participating family member looking like New Years Eve, or a Spring wedding in soft pastels and usher sister wearing floor length black Morticia style).
YourShoppre
A print is a good option for avoiding the bridesmaid look (since they tend to be solid colors)
1) A cute navy and muted orange dress: https://www.neimanmarcus.com/p/eva-franco-venice-printed-tie-waist-long-dress-prod229080241?childItemId=NMT0GWU_&navpath=cat000000_cat000001_cat58290731_cat48730734&page=0&position=87&uuid=PDP_PAGINATION_9b24403ebae1fccf84da45d85626eefe_WQ8rY1NRagL0fuBCLasGIy_hr45l4VzbUE4kYTp6.jsession
2) A dark green velvet number (if a winter wedding and size 4,6): https://www.neimanmarcus.com/p/jill-jill-stuart-velvet-puff-sleeve-v-neck-gown-prod229530669?childItemId=NMT0KHB_&navpath=cat000000_cat000001_cat58290731_cat48730734&page=1&position=44&uuid=PDP_PAGINATION_c53f9f574fc9e20c905e8e8a827c6b9f_WQ8rY1NRagL0fuBCLasGIy_hr45l4VzbUE4kYTp6.jsession
3) green and navy – if you’ll stretch your budget a little: https://www.neimanmarcus.com/p/zac-zac-posen-floral-jacquard-sleeveless-gown-with-bow-back-detail-prod224580124?childItemId=NMTZJJX_&navpath=cat000000_cat000001_cat58290731_cat48730734&page=2&position=111&uuid=PDP_PAGINATION_c53f9f574fc9e20c905e8e8a827c6b9f_WQ8rY1NRagL0fuBCLasGIy_hr45l4VzbUE4kYTp6.jsession
4) Purple, navy and a little crazy. I love this dress but it may be showier than you like for this occasion: https://www.neimanmarcus.com/p/marchesa-notte-off-the-shoulder-blouson-sleeve-tulle-dress-w-3d-flowers-prod222570663?childItemId=NMTZ4A9_&navpath=cat000000_cat000001_cat58290731_cat48730734&page=4&position=27&uuid=PDP_PAGINATION_c53f9f574fc9e20c905e8e8a827c6b9f_WQ8rY1NRagL0fuBCLasGIy_hr45l4VzbUE4kYTp6.jsession
anon
Ahh I love the green velvet option, thanks! Good point about prints, though I am always so drawn to solid colors. But will consider branching out!
Mallory
Ooo! February is a great time for velvet…maybe this:
https://www.bhldn.com/products/ellis-velvet-dress-marigold?via=Z2lkOi8vdXJibi9Xb3JrYXJlYTo6Q2F0YWxvZzo6Q2F0ZWdvcnkvNTYxQTlBNTU
or this:
https://www.bhldn.com/products/logan-velvet-dress-marigold?via=Z2lkOi8vdXJibi9Xb3JrYXJlYTo6Q2F0YWxvZzo6Q2F0ZWdvcnkvNTYxQTlBNTU
I think prints are a good way to avoid looking bridesmaid-y, maybe this?:
https://www.bhldn.com/products/lilliana-dress?color=Twilight+Multi&via=Z2lkOi8vdXJibi9Xb3JrYXJlYTo6Q2F0YWxvZzo6Q2F0ZWdvcnkvNTYxQTlBNTU
Anonymous
Tadashi Shoji (sp?) has some really pretty long gowns. Grey would be pretty for winter and no one puts bridesmaids in grey.
Worry About Yourself
Man, this would have been an excellent stocking stuffer at Christmas! I gotta try this stuff.
MD
Really? A $70 stocking stuffer? That is a placebo affect (if does anything…._) ?trendy cream that is likely worth like $3?
Save your $$.
LaurenB
Sure, why not a $70 stocking stuffer? Our stocking stuffers could include drugstore or fun novelty items, or “nice” things like expensive creams or makeup.
Senior Attorney
I would have loved to have found this in my Christmas stocking.
Bay Area marriage counselor
Do any of you have recommendations for a marriage counselor in the Bay Area? We’d prefer someone with an office between North San Jose and Redwood City. We’re two ambitious people, trying to work through some conflicting goals. We’ve been married for over a decade, generally feel like we’re capable of coming to acceptable compromises, generally assume each person is acting in good faith, etc. but sometimes it’s just hard to do life with two people. Book recommendations are also welcome (we had great conversations after reading 5 Love Languages, for example).
Anon
The Gottman books are often recommended here. I read one and quite liked it but the relationship I was in at the time was beyond saving.
Poppies
We tried a few sessions with Ann Langley in RWC. Currently going through an acrimonious divorce, so I can’t say “success!!”, but I liked her style.
Anon
I feel like I often say slightly the wrong thing in social situations, and then I spend way too much time thinking about what I said and wishing I said something slightly different. Could this be social anxiety? Has anyone found anything to help, either with the saying the wrong thing part or the obsessing about it afterward part? Fwiw, I don’t have any anxiety about the socializing itself – I don’t dread going to planned events or anything like that.
Anonymous
I’m not a professional in that field, but to me that’s normal anxiety, not social anxiety. I also think that’s normal to question one’s responses after the fact and wish they’d said something better/wittier, etc. To me, it’s only a problem if you’re overthinking it to the point that it becomes stressful, limits your interactions with others, or otherwise intrudes on life. Otherwise, I think it’s pretty normal to second guess this type of thing. Don’t we all wish we were smarter in the moment than we were?
Anonymous
This happens to me all the time; I’ve seen enough funny jokes or cartoons or whatever about how it’s The Thing to Worry About At 3 AM that I feel like it’s normal. But then, every thing is normal up to a point – if it is interfering with your life then Not.
Anon
I think this is just part of being human.
Anonallama
That sounds like my social anxiety. Therapy helped a lot, as well as formal CBT workbooks from said therapist.
Anon
It’s a fairly common thing. Agree with the other poster about seeing it in memes a lot. The one that made me feel normal showed a person lying in bed –
Me: “I’m so tired, I’m going to sleep like a log”
My brain: “but what about that thing you said at that party three years ago?”
Senior Attorney
This happens to me constantly. Like, almost every time I attend a social event. At this point I just tell myself, “Oh, that’s that thing your brain does. Bummer.”
Formerly Lilly
Anecdotal sample of me and my friend group says this is normal. My mother fussed at me about doing it once, and something made me ask her did she not ever worry after the fact that something she said came out wrong, sounded wrong, or could have been taken wrong. She said no. I said, “Never, not once?” And she said no. I thought to myself “well that explains a lot”. She had many good qualities, but she also tended to bulldoze over people and be completely oblivious to what others needed or felt. I think that occasionally fretting about how someone else might have negatively perceived something you said or did probably indicates that you are a considerate person. I’d only be worried about it if you spend a considerable amount of your time and energy doing it, or if you can’t shut it down in your head when you want to.
Anonymous
Has anyone bought disability insurance but for less than your current income? (Anyone bought over the internet without talking to annoying brokers?) The last time I looked it would be $500/mo to insure my current 6-figure income, but i’d be ok with much less, like I think just $50k
ltd
I have and also quoted it recently and typically it’s only offered at 60% of your current income? Both times I worked with a rep, I could pick how much we wanted, but in both cases less than 60% of current salary.
Anon
Make sure you know what you’re buying. Sometimes the stated limit is from all sourced combined. So if the private disability policy has a $50k limit, and you receive $20k in SSDI, the policy would pay the remaining $30k.
Anon
Disability insurance, in my experience, only covers like 60% of your current income. Are you sure that the policy you were looking at would replace your income in total?
Anon
Did you invite your colleagues from work when you got married? I am planning my wedding and finalizing my guest list. I really would prefer not to invite my coworkers (except for the two I socialize with outside of work), but I am wondering if it will result in hurt feelings and disrupt the great camaraderie I feel with my coworkers. For context, I am an inhouse attorney and joined my current company about a year and a half ago – I generally like it and my colleagues are great. However, I don’t really socialize with them outside of work. I am professionally and friendly to them all, so it wouldn’t surprise me if people think I will invite them as I have several “work friends”. I would not consider these work friends’ actual friends though. My group is made up of our General Counsel, our Deputy GC (who is my boss), me and a couple of junior lawyers and a paralegal. There are also a couple of colleagues in the Compliance team I work closely with. Between Legal and Compliance, there are about 12 of us – small enough that if I invited my “work friends” I’d have to invite all 12 so nobody feels left out. It is manageable to include them from a budget perspective, but honestly, I don’t really want to spend the money to do that, but still want to continue to have the good relationships I currently enjoy at work. I am an older bride (37) and it is my second time. So I’ve thought of just saying we are having a small understated wedding and hopefully they will understand. What would you do?
Anonymous
Invite none of them, don’t bring the wedding up, and if they ask say “oh it’s just a small wedding”
aBr
We had a small destination wedding with about 30 people. There were no ruffled feathers when we did not invite any co-workers because the wedding was small enough that people understood that not even all family members were invited. On a different note, and while I might not be unbiased, if you want to go small, 30 was a totally manageable stage for everyone to hang out and actually get to see your guests.
Anon
I would never expect to be invited to a coworker’s wedding and I doubt your coworkers would either. It’s not kindergarten, you can invite the two you want and not invite the 10 you don’t want.
Anon
We invited a few, didn’t invite more, and that was standard for our workplaces. Don’t hand out invites due to social pressure; just say you’re having a “personal” ceremony.
Housecounsel
You should absolutely not feel obligated to invite all of them! Go ahead and invite the people you socialize with outside of work. We invited a ton of work people. I look at my wedding pictures now, see people I never saw outside of work and think “why were you there?” I really don’t think people will mind sitting this one out.
Anonymous
I think you probably shouldn’t be the person who invites all but one person. But assuming you just invite a handful of the people you’re close with, you are fine to just do that. No one will mind that.
Anon
Honestly, I would think it was weird if a co-worker or work friend who I didn’t socialize with outside of work invited me to their wedding. I would probably assume it was a gift grab and that they didn’t expect I would come, because if I’ve never hung out with them outside of work before why would I start at their wedding.
Anon
Agree. Invite anyone you regularly socialize with outside of work, skip everyone else. It doesn’t have to be all or none.
Anon
Don’t take this the wrong way: your coworkers don’t actually want to go to your wedding. Unless you are social outside of work, they do not want to buy a new dress, get their hair done, buy you a present, sit through the ceremony, and smile and clap while your husband dances with his mom.
As for how to handle this: just say it’s a small wedding. In fact, “small” is the best way to avoid offending people: absent another description, people will assume what they will assume. Do not go into the intricacies of who is invited and who is not invited, as it just leads to people second-guessing your decisions.
MNF
I wouldn’t invite anyone. I have work friends who have gotten married and I have loved talking to them about all kinds of wedding details without any expectation of an invitation. If you think they may expect an invite, then mention that you have a small guest list and don’t talk about details with them.
Think about it this way – if you invite them all, you’d seat them together. So you’re saving them a Saturday night of sitting with their boss.
Anon
Original Poster – Great perspective re Saturday night of sitting with their boss! And yes, that would have been the other headache – trying to sit them together and then potentially having to split them.
Senior Attorney
I invited everybody at my (very well defined and easy-to-draw-the-line) level, plus my immediate small staff, and most of them came and seemed to have a good time. It was a huge wedding and it just seemed to be the right thing to do.
On the other hand, I didn’t invite anybody from work (law firm where I was a partner) to the wedding before that (, 20 years ago), and that was fine, too.
Do what makes sense to you. I promise you that it’s not a big deal to anybody else.
Anon
Original poster here – I’m liking the consensus. I’ll go with my inclination – invite the two I hang out with. I’ll just say we are keeping it small when others ask (and they will ask – it is that kind of an office – people are very friendly and overshare. My boss invited me to his wife’s baby shower, even though I have never met the wife and never hung out with him outside of work or work related events).
We have a guest list of 160 (started off at 130 and it has gradually increased – really didn’t want it to increase any more).
Anonymous
160 isn’t really small. I wouldn’t refer to it as a ‘small wedding’. Just say you are inviting mostly family and a few close friends as you both have big families (assuming that’s true). Ask the two work friends you do invite to not be too chatty about it. Seems like based on invite to his wife’s baby shower, your DC may expect an invite.
In my area, it would be common to invite close colleagues – in your case at least the DC and GC.
Anon
+1. I wouldn’t be offended at not being invited to a colleagues wedding, but I would roll my eyes pretty hard at someone who described a 160 person wedding as small. That’s normal to big in my circles. I think you have to be under 100 to describe it as small, and many people picture a “small” wedding as more like 50 guests.
Anonymous
Not sure if you’re still reading, but a baby shower is a lot different than a wedding. It’s pretty easy to accommodate a few extra chairs at brunch and you’re not expected to invite SOs. Adding 12 coworkers to a wedding = 24 guests and that’s a lot! No one expects you to use that many spots for coworkers!