Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Charming Cardigan
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Let’s talk about sets, baby. Specifically, cardigan twinsets.
I know they get a bad rap for being too preppy, but I’ve always found it useful to have a set on hand for wearing together or mixing and matching. I wear both pieces when I’m meeting with more casual clients who might be put off by suits (I think of it as the women’s equivalent of a men’s golf polo) but also break the pieces up to wear under a blazer or over a dress.
The Charming Cardigan from Talbots is a classic for a reason — it comes in a wide range of sizes, has just enough stretch to be flattering, and is machine washable. It also comes with a matching shell.
The cardigan is $39.50, marked down from $69.50 as part of Talbots’ Summer Stock-Up Sale, and comes in seven colors. It’s available in misses sizes XS–XL, petite sizes P–XL, plus sizes X–3X, and plus petite sizes X–3X.
Sales of note for 1/31/25:
- Ann Taylor – Suiting Event – 30% off suiting + 30% off tops
- Nordstrom – Cashmere on sale; AllSaints, Free People, Nike, Tory Burch, and Vince up to 60%; beauty deals up to 25% off
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20 off your $100+ purchase
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
- J.Crew – Up to 40% off winter layers
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off sweaters and pants
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – End of season clearance, extra 70% off markdown tops + extra 60% off all other markdowns
Sales of note for 1/31/25:
- Ann Taylor – Suiting Event – 30% off suiting + 30% off tops
- Nordstrom – Cashmere on sale; AllSaints, Free People, Nike, Tory Burch, and Vince up to 60%; beauty deals up to 25% off
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20 off your $100+ purchase
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
- J.Crew – Up to 40% off winter layers
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off sweaters and pants
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – End of season clearance, extra 70% off markdown tops + extra 60% off all other markdowns
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- My workload is vastly exceeding my capability — what should I do?
- Why is there generational resentment regarding housing? (See also)
- What colors should I wear with a deep green sweater dress?
- How do you celebrate milestone birthdays?
- How do you account for one-time expenses in your monthly budget?
- If I'm just starting to feel sick from the flu, do I want Tamilfu?
Any brand recommendations on green juices that aren’t loaded with sugar? I love juice, need more nutrients/vegetables so green juice is a good option for me, but I don’t have to time to make it myself (Saw an amazing IG video of Martha Stewart making one, but soooo much work/ingredients involved for one cup!). The brand I tried was so sugary, like sweeter than soda – which defeats the purpose.
The Suja Juice green juice has no added sugars, I think BluePrint at Whole Foods also is no added sugar. Evolution Fresh green at Starbucks is low(er) sugar and also skips added sugars. O2 living is the lowest in over all sugar.
I buy the Evolution green devotion juice from my local supermarket. It has 5 grams of sugar. Avoiding green juices that have apple and pineapple juices should help.
Do you want no sugar or no sugar added? Any green juice with fruits is going to have sugar, and a pretty decent amount of it. Have you thought of getting a green juice that is vegetables only and adding a little stevia or apple juice to it for just a touch of sweetness?
Definitely check your local Whole Foods or comparable market. Agree with the other brands recommended but they also usually have local brands too so it may be location dependent. You want something where the first ingredients aren’t fruit juices – sometimes brands have fruitier green juices and then there’s the no-nonsense types. I find that the ones with cucumber tend to taste better.
Have you considered green juice powder, and mix/shake with water?
I love green juice, but I genuinely want the vegetables, not fruit juice. The best I’ve found is the Itsu ginger/spinach/avocado juice in London. For premade, bottled juices, the least sweet combo I’ve found is carrot and ginger, or plain tomato or beetroot juice. Since carrot is naturally sweet some companies drop sweetener in those, but the green ones are more bitter, so more sweetener added.
For Reasons, I worked until 3 am last night. (I’m an old. I usually go to bed at 10. Yes, exhausted and mad that it happened, will have a meeting next week to prevent it).
I have a busy morning but could take the afternoon off or at least a couple hours. Nothing tonight. Sat afternoon-Sun morning I am delivering a training via Zoom.
Any tips for how to make it through today with any energy? Should I sleep in tomorrow?
I have no idea how I did this when I was in college.
I would phone it in this morning and take the afternoon off to recharge. If you are in a pleasant climate and it’s possible, can you take your laptop outside for any of the meetings? That helps me stay energized when I do not want to do the THINGS because I am tired.
I also would sleep in a little bit tomorrow, but would get in a good workout after that as I find that tends to restart my juices!
Hydrate, eat clean, get some sunlight and fresh air. Take a short (30 minute) nap this afternoon. If you take a longer nap, you’ll have trouble getting to sleep tonight. Enjoy a nice relaxing evening, preferably with minimal screen time, eat an early dinner, and go to bed early – seriously get in bed at like 8 and do a sleep meditation. If you’re able to sleep in that’s great, but personally I can’t seem to sleep in like I used to so I can’t bank on it.
I’ve posted about this before, but when this happens to me I comfort myself with the studies that show missing a night’s sleep can help lift severe depression. https://mosaicscience.com/story/staying-awake-surprisingly-effective-way-treat-depression/
Thank you, SA (and all!) I hadn’t heard that before. At least I can still bounce back…sort of.
This being the case, I should be free from depression by now!
I think it’s reckless to keep promoting this for a number of reasons. Poor sleep can also be a sign that people’s mental illness is rapidly worsening. Healthy people who have one late night aren’t bettering their health.
I got my hair cut and colored a few weeks ago. I do not like it. My hair is dark brown and my stylist wove in what she calls honey caramel highlights, but what I feel looks too brassy and blond and high contrast. I am realizing what I don’t like far too late. If I book a gloss, will she be able to tone it down, or do I have to get entirely new color? Yes, I know I could just ask her but I want to handle this delicately since it’s a bit awkward.
I can’t speak to what the technical solution is, but bet it’s less awkward for her than you may be worried it is. I’ve gone back and asked for changes more than once and my stylists have always been super gracious. If you are kind and honest – “I’m just realizing this look isn’t quite for me!” it should be fine.
+1 if you are not rude about it, which I am sure you won’t be, this is NBD for your stylist. This happens and a good stylist is more than happy to make changes to get it to where you want.
+1. Your stylist wants you to be happy!
You need to ask her! It is not awkward or delicate. “Hi Stacy, love the haircut but after a few weeks I’m thinking I went too light with the highlights. Is there anything you can do now to tone it down?”
I had something similar happen last month – I asked for bronde balayage and decided the contrast was too much for me. My stylist said it was a simple fix – he added a darker toner to it, and now it is perfect!
They should be able to tone it. You can also use purple shampoo to de-brass.
This. Toning is what you want to ask for.
Yes, don’t specify any specific technique when you book, just saw you need an adjustment to your highlights, and then you can discuss with your stylist to determine what should be done (toner, etc.)
Are you a cool toned person by any chance? I always feel not like myself with warm highlights. I have to specifically ask for ashy highlights, which is cool-toned in hair stylist lingo.
She should be able to add a toner or glaze. That’s usually what mine does.
Thanks, all! I reached out to her and I already feel better. Yeah, it’s veering toward bronde and it’s just not me. The overall look from a distance is still medium brown, but up close the contrast is too much, esp when I see definite blonde streaks in my hair. Looking forward to toning it down!
Happy Friday everyone! Today’s question is about routines, as I seem to have none maybe cuz we are DINKs. What’s your daily routine like? If your job has some flexibility how do you ensure one? Every night I go to bed thinking tomorrow I’ll wake up, workout, have my meals in a timely manner, do something constructive after work etc etc but LIFE happens and I don’t! TIA!
I’m WFH and unless I have hearing set (all virtual or by phone these days) my days are pretty flexible. My SO drops our kid off for school so they are both out of the house by 7:30 or so. I am an early riser, so not unusual for me to be logged onto work by 6:30 or so. I will work for an hour or two and then take a break and do a quick chore around the house. I usually log a few more hours of work and then take an extended lunch break and do a workout. I have a peloton at home and find it’s very easy for me to sneak in a few shorter workouts through the day to get moving. After lunch I work a few more hours and am usually able to grab my kid from school around 3 and then come back and finish out my day. Our “core” hours for work are 8:00-4:30 and it’s not unusual for me to have multiple meetings, hearings, etc. through the day. What I love about WFH is the flexibility to get a large part of my work done before most people are even at their computers. At my job, we are supposed to log at least 7.5 working hours and I usually exceed that easily. I try to finish up for the day by 4:30 and then it’s usually time to start prepping dinner and work on homework with my kid. I tend to do the vast majority of the cooking and the in-home chores during the week because of my more flexible schedule. My SO does the lion’s share of outdoor chores as well as most of the regular chores and cooking on the weekend. My kid is almost 10, so he does some chores at home as well.
I have a kid but he’s at nursery all day. Right now, I wake up, do the kid stuff and shove kid + husband out the door, I look at my phone for 20 minutes while drinking my tea (my goal for next week is replacing this with reading my book), and then head out the door for a walk or cycle ride – this fake commute is really crucial for my focus. I’m at my (at home) desk for 9 with breakfast and more tea, and get cracking. I use boring webinars to get household stuff done (treat webinars like a podcast) and try to potter in the garden for a few minutes for some extra fresh air. My evening routine is very kid oriented (dinner, bedtime, collapse) so perhaps less relevant.
My whole routine (first coffee in bed while cuddling and wasting time on phone, regular meal times, go to bed at 10, prep coffee machine before going to bed) is focused on not having me be hangry or tired. A meal plan is really crucial for that moment when you notice it’s 10, you haven’t had breakfast, but you are too hungry to actually come up with a decent meal. If I have a packed day, my first thought is planning a window to snack. No suggestions on the productivity. Going to bed on time is my main goal on weeknights.
I’m trying to get better at working out, I really got off my game over the winter (no gyms AND no outside). I have to do it first thing in the morning or it doesn’t happen. I’ll tell myself it’s ok if I only do 10 minutes, but by the time I get moving I usually put in at least 30. Im also getting back to the midday walks I started at the beginning of Covid. I tell myself just go outside for 5 minutes, but then I realize how nice it is to walk around and I usually walk a little longer. For me, showing up is the hardest part so make it easy to say yes.
+1000
Another DINK here and I love a routine. My pandemic one will be hard to give up, but I wake up, take the dog out, get coffee and go back to bed to read the news, this s*te, cuddle w the pup and spouse. Eventually I’ll go take a long walk and get some breakfast while I’m out. Then I’ll get home ready for work. Evenings are starting to socially pick up now that my crowd is vaccinated so it’s a combo of going out again or cooking at home and decompressing.
Guess I’m an OINK (one income, no kids), and I currently live alone, so here’s my general routine for weekdays:
Wake up between 6:00-7:00 (perpetual snoozer here)
Make a cup of tea
Unload or load dishwasher while electric kettle is going
Eat a breakfast (usually something from Trader Joe’s so all I have to do is pop it in the microwave)
Get dressed, drink tea, go to work by 7:30ish.
Work from 8-5 or 6, depends. This is assuming it’s an office or WFH day; if I’m doing field visits sometimes my work day is more 7am to 6pm.
Scheduled workout at 7 or 7:30pm 3 times a week(these are paid-for classes, so if I don’t attend I lose money and I don’t like thinking about that)
Cook and eat dinner at 6, on my non-exercise days I’ll try to cook one or two batches of meals (usually one batch is roasted veggies while the other batch is more stirfrying and hands-on). On exercise days, eat dinner when I get back, sometimes get takeout
Shower, read, sleep around 10-11pm
On weekends I schedule one day for “fun” like hiking or meeting up with friends, the other day is for grocery shopping, laundry, and cooking meals for the week.
I’ve discovered during the pandemic is that I can only stand the taste of my own cooking for about 1.5 weeks, so I tend to alternate my heavy cooking weeks with weeks that I subsist more on takeout or pre-prepared meals (mostly frozen foods I can pop in a microwave).
I’m back in the office 80% now, and I think it really helps me with sticking to my routine. During the days when I was 100% WFH it was really easy to let the dishes and clothes pile up…
I WFH. No kids, but I have five cats. My husband has to go into the office to work.
– I get out of bed around 6:30-6:45, which is when my husband gets up.
– Brush teeth, change into workout clothes.
– Make bed with help from a couple of cats
– Downstairs to feed cats and clean litter boxes.
– I’ll also put away clean dishes and hang out a bit watching the news while my husband gets ready to leave.
– After he leaves around 7:30, I go downstairs to work out. Then shower, dress and open up my laptop for work.
I have a daily status every meeting at 9:30 so that gets me motivated to work out and shower first thing in the morning. My afternoon can vary, so I can’t count on exercising during the day.
I also wait until 11 to eat my first meal. Since I’m at home, I handle dinner duty and will start that around 4:30-5. I’ll so light cleaning, laundry, bills, etc. during the day between meetings. I’m ready to wind down after dinner and am not productive in the evenings.
Oh great thread! After months of 12-15 hour days, 6-7 days a week, I’m trying to rebuild my routine.
I like to workout in the morning, but I usually hit snooze and save it for the evening.
I wake up, make coffee (drink a glass of lemon water while making coffee), weigh myself, brush my teeth, do my skincare (cleanser, vitamin C, hydraulic acid, eye cream, and spf moisturizer; and then use a different (cheaper) spf moisturizer on my neck/chest/hands), and makeup (bb cream, eyeliner, mascara). While I do this routine, I listen to NPRs Up First. I then do a sun salutation, make my bed, get dressed, pack my lunch and leave for work.
At night, I try to either workout or catch up with a friend, do a quick 5 min tidy up/clean 1 thing, stretch, read, and do something fun besides TV. I have mixed results. My bedtime routine is simple – skincare (retinol, hydraulic acid, eye cream, moisturizer), brush teeth, sleepy time tea, pills (birth control, vitamin, allergy pills, melatonin), and fall asleep watching Netflix.
I have a very consistent morning routine – wake up (that’s not consistent, anywhere between 5:30 and 7), go downstairs, take meds, turn on Keurig while waiting for the whole pot of coffee to brew, make breakfast, then sit my butt on the couch. For like 30-45 minutes, I watch the local news and/or the Today Show, read the NYT morning newsletter, and check other random phone things. Then I get going – check work email/Skype and figure out what I’m doing work-wise that day, then get ready (shower, makeup, clothes) and settle into my WFH office usually between 8:30-9:30.
DH leaves for work around 10 or so and returns around 6. Between 10-5, I’m usually a free-for-all. Go on a couple walks, do a yoga or pilates workout, laundry, random cleaning, all in between actual work work. I’m all over the place and hate sitting still. Come 5pm, I stop work and head downstairs to *attempt* something productive but usually I end up reading my Kindle for an hour.
DH and I will then cook something or get take-out and eat around 7. Now that life isn’t totally locked down, we will start going out more for dinner and social gatherings, and just doing anything outside of the house. For the past year or so, we would watch two or three episodes of whatever show or I’d read and he would game. I go to bed around 10:30/11 but he’s a night owl.
I wake up and workout almost every day before work – on my rest day I try to walk and get a coffee just so that I’ve done SOMETHING before I sit down for the rest of the day.
That’s the only element of routine I really have but it’s the most important thing for my mental health.
also DINKs! I have a separate morning routine from DH which I love – it is my alone time. I usually wake up ~7, drink water, drink coffee, take a 20 min peloton ride or stretch/barre/meditate if I feel up for it, cuddle with doggo and feed him, make breakfast and give myself 15 min to eat at a leisurely pace. I also like planning out my day with a planner so I do that too. Then I start my work day.
Around lunch with WFH I will either eat lunch with DH, or run errands, or even do some of my weekly chores (e.g. vacuum just 2 rooms or empty dishwasher). I also sometimes watch some late night clips or do home errands (scheduling appointments etc). To me, the ability to watch 20 min of TV while eating a fresh made lunch due to WFH is SO luxurious.
After I wrap up evening work either myself or DH is on dinner duty. After cleaning up we’ll hang out, or go on a walk, occasionally I’ll do a workout at night. Not super exciting I’m afraid but I’ve felt very relaxed recently with this schedule.
For me – it’s key to establish “work hours” personally even though my employer doesn’t really care. If I am planning to work at night I mentally think of that as clocking in and endeavor to do it only once or twice a week. For me, work hours are 830am-6pm but I take a solid 1 hour break for lunch/errands/chilling in the middle of the day. I actually have gentle alarms set to ding to let me know when those times are done so that I can switch modes.
Is it appropriate to say you are interested in a job while also giving the conditions under which you would take it? I interviewed for a position recently where the panel wants applicants to confirm their continued interest in the job. It is a short term contract for which they expect on site presence, which would mean a move for me. I asked about a blend of remote and on site presence, since some of the tasks require on site presence. They seemed quite resistant to this. I am a good fit skills wise but have no desire to move at all. FWIW I applied for the job when everyone was working remotely, but the interviewing only happened recently. A friend suggested I add in my response to the panel that I would only take the job if it was possible to have some kind of hybrid physical presence and remote work. Is this a good way to handle this? If not what alternative response should I give? TIA
I would read the request as the panel realizing “hey, people who might have been interested in a short term role before might have found long term positions and are no longer interested. Before we waste our time talking about all of the finalists, let’s see who still has their hat in the ring.”
I would therefore respond simply “still interested” unless you know you’re not. Like, you don’t want to move, but is it such a good opportunity that you *would* move on a short term basis if they are firm in that requirement?
It doesn’t really matter- you don’t want the job they’re offering
I mean if the role requires you to be on-site and you do not want to be on-site, this isn’t the right job for you. Are you really interested in going through the rest of the process to not get the job because they want someone FT on site and you are not that person?
My thought is that since it’s short term it’s reasonable that you don’t want to move. Or they can pay for your accommodation at new location while you’re on this contract, if you’d like that arrangement. How short term is short term anyway? I’d state explicitly the conditions that I’d want and not beat around the bushes. No one would take offense and you’ll save everyone their time, including your own.
OP here: It is an 8 month contract, there was no indication it would be renewed which is why I don’t want to move. Your accomodation suggestion is what I had in mind since it would be for days or a few weeks just for the tasks that need on site presence. But discussions never got to that point.
I think this is one of those things that you wait to negotiate on until you have an offer. If you’re interested but this would be the only blocker (and it’s a short term contract!) just indicate you are still interested, go through the process, and then if they offer you the job it’s time to ask about this requirement. If it’s not flexible at that point, nothing lost really. You’ll say no thank you and they’ll move onto the next candidate. But I find that by the time we’ve gotten all the way to the end of an interview process we are much more likely to make it work for our preferred candidate than risk losing them/possibly wind up having to do the recruitment. If you told me midway through though that you needed special stuff it would probably feel just like another annoying thing and unless I already had my heart set on hiring you I’d say, okay thanks for letting me know, bye!
I think you got your answer already. This is t the job for you, I’d withdraw.
This is kind of specific, but I know there are many people who live in DC on here so I figured I would try. Does anyone have recommendations for a cleaning service in DC? A company would probably be easier, but I’m open to individuals so long as they have US work authorization and would be paid on the books. Given my job, it can’t be under the table. TIA
Well Paid Maids! They’re one of the only living-wage cleaning service in the area.
+1
+1 Definitely Well-Paid Maids! I no longer live in the DC area, but many of my friends still do and use them (and one was even featured/quoted in a WaPo article about the service a few years back)!
If you’re in NW, Family Clean does an amazing job at a reasonable price. You have to call though to set up.
I know absolutely nothing about this, but I’m curious — how do I know if I’m paying my house cleaner on the books? I can understand that a nanny who works for only one family is an employee, but a cleaner is definitely a contractor right? She only comes to my house every other week for a few hours, the rest of the time she’s at many other houses. What is my responsibility to make sure she’s reporting her income, remitting sales tax, etc?
If you are writing her a check or doing an electronic payment (Paypal, Venmo, etc), especially to a business name, she’s most likely compliant. If you’re handing her cash, most likely not.
According to the IRS, a household worker is your employees if you can control not only the work they do, but also how they do it. They do not have to be full time. Given that I get to pick the hours that a cleaning service comes and can give them directions (and housekeepers are listed as an example on the IRS website), I believe they qualify as an employee if you are paying the individual. If you pay wages of $2,300 a year or more to the individual, you then have to withhold social security and Medicare taxes and report it to the IRS.
If you don’t know and the money is going to an individual (as opposed to a company), you are probably paying under the table.
https://www.homeworksolutions.com/knowledge-center/do-i-have-to-pay-payroll-taxes-for-the-cleaning-lady-that-comes-weekly/
I am fortunate to not have had to deal with out of network benefits before and appreciate some advice to make sure I’m getting my full recovery. I am in a major city and see an out of network therapist for couples counseling who charges $225. My insurance says the going rate it’s willing to cover is $120. My insurance then covers a percentage of that $120. So it ends up covering a very small portion of the total cost.
The insurance rate of $120 seems crazy to me – there is no actual therapist in the city who would do couples counseling for that rate. Is there any way to challenge that rate? Or am I just stuck with it?
(We are going out of network because there is no one available in network, but I don’t think that makes a difference).
It is often difficult to find a therapist that works with your insurance, unfortunately. It is the norm.
Yes, you are likely “stuck” with that rate if you want to work with that provider. However, you can ask the provider if they are willing to accept a lower rate from your portion/payment. Some therapists work on a sliding scale, so if you are lower income they will accept less. However, I have found that most therapists who work on a sliding scale don’t work with insurance at all, and only offer sliding scale if you are paying 100% out of pocket.
My friends who are psychiatrists all do this – stay out of network to make more $$ – and they are still inundated with patients.
It really stinks to be middle class or poor and need mental health care. Fortunately, some remote providers are charging lower fees. Check with your insurance if they cover remote therapy.
Yup. I’m middle class. Would love to go to therapy. It’s not in my budget.
Yes, that’s crazy but it seems this is how it works. A few years ago when looking for a specialist for my son I quickly found out that it was nearly impossible to find an in-network psychiatrist or psychologist, I’m guessing because insurance rates are so low. Wishing you the best and hopefully you will get the support you need.
You’re SOL on this one. That low rate is why so few therapists are in-network, because insurance won’t pay a reasonable fee for their time and work. If you have an FSA or HSA, definitely use that money to cover the difference, so at least it’s pre-tax dollars.
+1 to a spending account. That is the only way I got my kid through much needed therapy for anxiety.
In my area, in-network therapists don’t even call you back when you’re trying to make an initial appointment, so the only realistic way is to go out of network.
This is a good use for your FSA/HSA, if you have one.
With other specialties, I have had luck demonstrating that there are no in-network providers within a reasonable driving distance and then they pay the provider I can find as in-network. However, I’m on a plan with NO out of network coverage so it’s not like we are discussing one rate versus another. If I can show I had no in-network option, they then make exceptions.
I’m pretty sure there are laws requiring health plans to have in-network providers in each specialty who are within a reasonable distance and accepting patients or to cover care as if it was in-network. Otherwise, what’s to stop an insurance company from saying “oh well, we don’t have oncologists, too bad, pay out of pocket for your $$$ cancer care.”
You could check with your state’s health insurance regulator or see if your plan documents say anything about this situation.
Thanks everyone for your comments! Maybe one day there can be reform around improved mental health care access
This had been asked about 1-2 months into the pandemic and it was too soon then but now — how has/will this pandemic change life for you long term? It can be anything from moving closer to family (or further); seeking a remote job or deciding you absolutely need an office; working more or less; how you’ll raise kids; to minor things like you’ll always mask or wear gloves to pump gas or whatever. Just curious.
I was firmly committed to the city throughout and then in September, we saw a place in the country and 2 weeks later, our flat was on the market. We moved to the country, 15 minutes drive from the sea. I’m 70% happy with the choice, my husband and kid are 100% happy, so it is probably worth it.
I’m reevaluating my career choices at the moment, but that’s a result of academia being a dumpster fire rather than the pandemic.
I don’t see major changes for myself around work. I still prefer to work in an office.
We did move to a more walkable neighborhood, which I loooooove.
The biggest change I see is how I will spend my leisure time– not putting off travel/spending time with friends. And being more mindful about the extracurriculars we do. We had gotten very heavily busy prior to covid, with tons of activities, volunteer obligations, etc. I realized during covid that I literally only miss one of these things. It’s the only thing I’m going back to. I’m hoping to be more thoughtful about how I fill my spare time.
I do think there will be some lingering anxiety with after effects that won’t be fully clear for a while, in the way there was after spending the first few formative years of my marriage and young adulthood in the 2007-2009 recession. I am also much closer to some friends and much less close to others after I’ve watched how people behaved during this whole thing. It’s going to take a while to come to terms with and process the whole thing.
Is wearing gloves to pump gas a thing?
Even pre-COVID I saw folks doing, I’d say mostly women over 45. I try not to think about it, but gas pumps are probably one of the most foul things you touch all day.
Agreed. I always clean my hands afterwards, pandemic or not. I just don’t see people wearing gloves for this where I am.
Some gas stations have little plastic mitts. I try to remember to use them, because yeah, gas station pumps can be grody.
Wow imagine having to pump your own gas
Xoxo,
New Jersey
City dweller here who is firmly staying a city dweller. The ability to walk to everything – work, restaurants, shopping – is a huge QOL benefit to us! Even at the height of the restrictions last spring, we could still go for long walks along the river etc. and we would have “stoop happy hours” – everyone was on their own stoop or in the middle of the street – so it didn’t feel isolating.
Change- not wasting a single vacation day.
I will say that I love city living that involves one door to the outside vs shared hallways / elevators. Originally, moving from a high-rise to an older townhouse was b/c of the late-night noise of rowdies in the hallway but it was a gift this year.
Also in Philly and stoop drinks are my favorite thing to come out if the pandemic!
I miss the word “stoop.” People don’t seem to use it much outside Philly!
“Stoop” is also commonly used in Washington and Baltimore.
Me too – I could still walk and see all sorts of different things, get loads of different kinds of food, all that good stuff. Loads of people in walking distance. I miss travelling and seeing big open spaces but I have been so relieved not to be stuck in my hometown.
I am coming out of this recommitted to connect with other people and my community in a deep and meaningful way and restoring balance and priorities to my family’s life. No more running around to a million activities after school and on weekends – we’re cutting back the kids’ extracurriculars in favor of more unstructured time; church every Sunday with a family meal after (so no more sports that have 11 AM or noon games on Sundays); and I’m limiting my own involvement to two specific volunteer things (rather than the millions of committees/activities/orgs I was involved in previously) so that I can build a deep connections. We want less “noise” in our lives, if that makes sense.
I will use videoconferencing in work and social life going forward. Not always, but it will certainly be in the quiver of options in a way it was not before. I enjoyed a few Zoom.happy hours and the family Zoom on Christmas. It was an occasional, not constant, thing for me. And I know that part of my ability to get and retain clients is my personal interactions with them, so if I can have a video meeting rather than just a phone call and not make them drive an hour to meet me, all the better.
My relationship became long distance (still drivable) due to his work, so I expect to continue to work remotely a few days a week until he can move back to me. Which at this point will be in about 2 years. I would’ve had a tough choice if not for the cultural changes my firm had to make to accommodate wfh during the pandemic. Pre-Covid, another junior partner would wfh on Fridays because of his commute, and no one said anything to him but I got the impression they side eyed the decision a little. Now, I think wfh one or two days a week will be extremely common, if not the norm, and I don’t expect any/much side eye about it. I’m really grateful to not have to choose between this firm and an amazing guy because of stupid and temporary logistical problems.
I had already gotten in the habit in NYC of wearing masks if I was sick or going through a period of all-nighters/near all-nighters and at risk of being sick, but I will probably do that more now, and stay home more if I’m sick.
I’ve negotiated coming back to the office 2 or 3 days/week rather than 5, which is pretty revolutionary for state government.
I was already in the habit of hosting giant dinner parties inside (pre-COVID) but I think those will switch more to happy hours/dessert in my small urban-ish yard. So much easier to clean up, so much less loud if my kid or others are running around.
Yes, I think moving things outdoors will be a huge one.
So interesting and such a case of “different strokes”…hosting indoor dinner parties is one of the things I missed the most during COVID, and the first thing I did when I hit full immunity yesterday was host one. Now that I know how much I missed them I’m going to prioritize doing it even more than I did before!
Definitely different strokes! I think moving them outside reminded me how much it costs to feed 25 people with different dietary needs on my government salary, and also how well young childrens’ voices bounce around in my house, ha. I may move to smaller ones and keep the front lawn for happy hours.
The only thing I can think of is that I will wear a mask when I am sick to protect others. I am ready for my life to go back to “normal,” please and thank you.
I had never worked from home before and I LOVE it. Luckily my job will continue with at least part-time WFH once the pandemic is “over” (I’m in Canada so it won’t be over for a long time here) and I will seek out WFH jobs in the future.
Pre-COVID I was already looking for new jobs that could be done remotely because I was slowly realizing that commuting/sitting in an office for no reason all day to do a job that is 99% by phone/e-mail was making me miserable. I was bummed because I otherwise liked my job, but my boss was adamant that I needed to be in person to do it, so it felt like getting a new job was the only way to test out whether WFH would really make that much of a difference for me. 15 months of WFH later I am VERY confident that it does make a huge difference for me – I’ve been so much more engaged in my job and my quality of life has gone up, even taking into consideration all of the misery of COVID and the fact that my job got 200% busier due to the pandemic. Long story short – knowing what I know now, I’m never going back to being in the office fulltime.
+1 same for me – I realized that WFH was SO much better for my overall productivity/engagement, not to mention happiness and finances (no commuting, paying for parking, etc), so I left my govt job for private practice mid-pandemic. Best thing I ever did and I don’t think I’ll ever go back to a FT office job (i would be open to hybrid). At earlier stages of my life, I really needed/wanted the camaraderie that some jobs offer via the office, but that day has long since passed, so this is what works for me now.
The only change I really see is my company is going hybrid/remote as are most in my area. So 2-3 days in will be the norm not the exception and I think that’s a fantastic, welcome change. For all else I’m ready for my old life. City dweller to the core here who loves a strong cocktail inside a dark bar and late night dinner parties lounging in a living room lit with candles and lots of friends. Bringing it all back.
I love this comment. YES to cocktails in dark bars and big dinner parties. I cannot wait!
We have very much missed what we call our “barstool time.”
I will use way more hand sanitzer than I did pre-covid. I will try to work from home a couple of days per week. I will try to do video conferences instead of travel when possible. I’ll wear a mask when I’m sick or when I’m flying or doing something that usually leads to me getting sick.
+ 1 to this, Covid brought mask culture to the U.S., and I plan to wear mine on planes to avoid getting sick and during fire season to reduce the impact on my lungs.
It changed my working life forever because I got laid off near the beginning of the pandemic – i had never been laid off in my 30+ year career, but in this case it was for the best. I talked to a couple of places about similar jobs but the pay was low and both places were really resistant to WFH during the pandemic which said a lot about how they’d be post pandemic so I said no. So I started my own business, which is going better than I expected. I’ve learned a lot about being a small business owner, and I can work part time for myself for what these employers would have paid me for full time. I never thought I’d do this but I’m so glad it all worked out this way.
Congrats!
This is awesome!!
Congrats! I am considering doing the same. Can you say generally what type of business, or how did you go about doing this? I want to do it so badly, but fear is really holding me back.
I’m a consultant. I set up a sole proprietorship LLC. I used Legal Zoom for all the filings to get started, because I am not an attorney and because they made it easy. The ongoing stuff is more complicated taxes, keeping track of invoicing clients and accounts payable, buying professional liability insurance, and most of all, generating new business. I’ve been very fortunate that I have had enough business so far (knock wood) just by letting people in my network know what I’m doing. I have about a 50% hit ratio on someone inquiring about my services to actually getting the contract.
That’s so awesome. I am going to seriously explore a similar option. Congrats and I hope things keep going well for you!
Wow, wonderful!
The biggest change for me was that I found a 100% remote full-time job in my industry that I LOVE—at the height of the pandemic last fall. I almost can’t believe it’s real. They do have an office that will be opening up soon for those in the main hub, but most of the people on my project are all over the country so it won’t matter as much for us. If you would have told me in 2019 that I would start a new job and never meet any of the people I work with in person, I would have thought it sounded insane.
Other changes/observations:
I live in a condo in the city with one door that opens to the outside. Love it. When even walking in the hallways felt fraught with terror, I was grateful for easy access to the outdoors directly from my unit.
Very happy with my neighborhood and plan to stay. During the darkest days of the pandemic, tiny bursts of cheer and hope appeared in people’s windows, on the sidewalks, in signage, in balloon clusters and posters and other messaging. I felt part of a friendly, caring community (and I live in a city that gets terrible press regularly! no one writes about this stuff)…
…that said, I also got SO TIRED of my neighborhood/city/area. I was a fairly frequent traveler before the pandemic. Not as much as some, but I’d leave the country at least once a year, sometimes twice, and probably took 4-6 domestic trips a year. To not leave at all for 15 months was tough. Besides the daily toll of pandemic worries, it was just boring! I hate winters here and I usually plan a trip somewhere warm to help me get through it. Without that to look forward to, I realized just how much the terrible weather affects my mood. All I want to do is sit around and eat — it’s awful. Also, while I don’t feel like I need to live near mountains and ocean, not having the OPTION to see those things and get out of town for a weekend really made me feel like the walls were closing in.
I bought a car. Used but only a few years old with very low mileage, and I paid in full so no payments to deal with. I was on the fence about it pre-COVID because I took public transit downtown every day. But now I have no commute but also plan to road trip more often, so the car made sense.
What else? I started a daily yoga, journaling, and walking practice that I will keep post-pandemic. I want to keep more unstructured time in my schedule. I used to default to being available just because I was free on my calendar. No more! Moving forward, I want to think more carefully about what and who I allow in.
I want to keep long walks as a social option! I love getting exercise and catching up with friends at the same time.
Also want to keep virtual movie watches around. My friends and I really got into those. It was a fun way to connect.
All that said, I am SO READY for travel, restaurants, dating, cultural events, concerts, and just… plans.
I am pinning all my hopes on this situation improving my career. I am stuck in the middle of nowhere caring for disabled family, so my career stagnated by 10-15 years worth of promotions and raises. The world reevaluating the viability of remote work is make-or-break for me.
I will definitely wear masks when I am sick going forward. Also will never go to work sick again — in hindsight it was crazy how we all dragged ourselves in when we were at death’s door! Relatedly, I will be more vigilant about scheduling flu shots and any other necessary vaccines early and often!
Also because we were stuck at home and didn’t have any vacations to spend money on, we finally pulled the trigger on some home renovations that we will enjoy very much going forward. Once they are finished, it will be the first time in our (long!) lives that either my husband or I have ever lived in a house with no “bad rooms.” (Looking at you, 50s bathroom…)
It is also crazy to me that we used to do that, but now I think that we are going to be even less inclined to use sick leave – oh, you’re ill? Just work from home!
It’s made me more determined not to let small scale practicalities get in the way of stuff. I cannot WAIT for Ireland to re-open to visitors and to get a vaccine so that I can go over there and see if there’s anything real between me and my guy. And if there is, we will figure out the practicalities.
I used to call my mom maybe once a month or so and visit maybe 3 times a year-ish (widow but pre-Covid active with book clubs, gym, church and friends). Now I call her almost every day and have been out to her place every few weeks to visit outside except when it got too cold. And I think we’ve gotten a lot closer. I’ve started to view her more like one of my friends. I plan to still call like I have been. A lot of her friends are moving to be closer with grandkids or moving into assisted living and I’m realizing how short time is and I don’t want her to ever feel lonely.
I think everybody thinks their own personal changes will be universal and permanent and I think that’s unlikely.
Do you mean we will individually revert to old ways or do you mean our individual change hasn’t been picked up by those around us?
One thing I’d like to do post-pandemic is work from my parents house for a couple of days periodically. I have pretty jam packed weekends and find it hard to travel to them (only a few hours but impossible if there is anything else scheduled that weekend). I will see them much more often if I can do it on weekdays!
The Daily Mail ran a picture of Jennifer Garner meeting with Jill Biden. I love that Jennifer Garner is the default celebrity ambassador for West Virginia. But what do you think that Jennifer Garner was wearing? It is black, so I can’t see if it a dress / dress + jacket / skirt suit. I feel like that is what I need in my closet, but not quite sure where to look for it online.
Looks like a dress to me, but meant to look like a dress/jacket? It’s a thick knit fabric, maybe St John Collection?
Definitely a dress, thick knit, but those buttons on it make it look more like a jacket.
Looks like a coatdress to me.
I so hope coatdresses come back in. They’ve cycled through twice in my working career and I’ve never felt more put together.
I also need to know about Dr. Biden’s shoes.
jG’s dress looks St John to me.
In style is on it and identified Dr. Biden’s items but just said Jennifer Garner wore a black knit dress
https://www.instyle.com/celebrity/jennifer-garner/jennifer-garner-jill-biden-vaccine-trip-west-virginia
Also Jennifer is rocking those big eyeglasses!
If a company says “we pay our workers fairly” or “we are green” or whatever, do you just believe that? I’m just wondering how you vet claims that businesses make to sway us as consumers. I may be a cynic, but people will say anything for a dollar. And some people are telling the truth. And some people who say nothing are nevertheless doing the right thing. How is a person to know?
I definitely think that it’s seen as such a positive that any company making any efforts in this direction is talking about it front and center, so I assume anyone not saying anything isn’t doing it. That said, I have a hard time evaluating the claims too.
IDK — many smaller or mom and pop businesses don’t have splashy ad budgets or worry about messaging. They just want to keep the lights on in a pandemic, so I don’t hold lack of slogans against businesses.
Disagree. Our local grocery delivery service has it right on their website that they carbon offset their delivery vehicles and pay a $15 hourly wage to their drivers. Tons of people have switched from Instacart to them. Enough that they ended up hiring a number of the Instacart and Door Dash gig workers on at proper salaried jobs.
Small businesses rely more on social media and word of mouth. They don’t need fancy ad campaigns to get out the word. Basically every small business has a FB or Insta page these days and the info is often right in their bio.
It depends on the industry. If you’re talking chain retail, it’s all bs. Paying workers fairly/more than average in an industry where the bar is SO. DAMN. LOW. is not something to brag about. Likewise, bragging about hiring from within… for ever well paid manager, there are many, many more part time staff cobbling together multiple jobs, public benefits and uncertain hours. Unless you know there are cashiers, stock clerks, baggers and custodians working full-time, regular schedules, with benefits, it’s all BS.
Source: many, many years in retail management at a chain known for “treating employees better than other places”. I left in no small part because it was all PR bull. I was not allowed to pay my folks a decent living or put them on a regular schedule. It is not reasonable to ask someone to have availability from 3AM to 11PM and only pay them $9/hr. At least if I’d been able to say, “Your hours are T-Sat, 5AM – 2PM” they could more easily get a 2nd job or plan their lives. And when you can’t find competent staff due to corporate’s crap hiring policies, as the manager, you’re the one who gets blamed. Good riddance.
Same also about big retailers with flowery language on their website about sustainability and green production. As long as the shirt is made in Cambodia or whatever, you may provide better comp/working conditions than the local average, but there is still a high chance that the workers are trapped in a precarious job and that production pollutes the local environment to a degree which wouldn’t be legal in the US or the EU. If I look for ethically/sustainably produced fashion and that is a purchasing criterion, I try to find things made in the US or the EU.
Likewise, one of the only times I’ve ever seen my normally cool as a cucumber mother nearly lose her shit was when she received a letter from the nursing home where her mom was, telling her the reason rates were going up was for staff raises. She asked a few of the staff on my grandma’s floor who took care of her day-to-day and they all looked at her like she had 3 heads. I’m not sure if my mom’s words to admin made any difference, but there was no question she got her point across as to where they could stick their bs letter.
Most people who are ‘doing the right thing’ will advertise it because it’s a marketing tool.
There are many third party organizations with certifications so that you know what they are claiming is accurate (eg FSCfor wood products, MSC for fish, GOTS a for organic textiles etc)
The third party organizations are not perfect but it does give you an ability to know the substance behind the company’s claim.
For universities, I’d like to know how many classes are taught by poorly paid no-benefits adjuncts vs real employees. I know a PhD person who is now working a random HR job b/c it pays better and has benefits AND involves only driving to one worksite each day.
Right? Like where is that $ going? Not to the people teaching the classes.
My barista is a PhD and an adjunct. He makes great cappuccinos, but it’s depressing AF.
OMG that is awful. I have a feeling that there are a ton of people like this. At least Starbucks has benefits (including tuition at ASU online I think). Higher ed can s*ck it.
I can’t believe that students and families risk their financial future to fund ish like this.
I don’t think the person who already has a PhD needs tuition benefits.
I remember one day in undergrad, going to a class and my teacher coming in and saying “Class is cancelled. I am an adjunct, and I have to work two other jobs, and I didn’t have time to prepare for class.” At 19, I didn’t really get it, but he has stayed on my mind all these years. It’s terrible for adjuncts who deserve better and it is not reasonable for students who are borrowing tens of thousands of dollars to attend these classes (this was a top 25 university). Basically everyone loses here.
Someone is getting the $, no?
I think higher ed should have some sort of 10b5 on everything they send to students and any parents / loan co-signers / tuition payors. At least with real estate, debt can be cancelled in bankruptcy and you have to disclose where the $ is going and there is an appraisal. Truly, of every $ sent in, where does it go? We know where it doesn’t go.
The people getting all the $$$ are the football coach, the basketball coach, and the university president. And by the way, sports do not pay for themselves. At least at my alma mater they have the courtesy to break out the fee so you know how much you are paying for other kids to play sports. It’s currently at $1,000 per year, or $4,000 of extra loans over four years.
If this is important to you, you can look for corporations that are b corps/benefit corporations, or have the B Impact certification. B Impact certification requires a lot of work (I work for a corporation that has it and it’s one of my projects) and you periodically get audited to make sure you are actually doing these things.
No, I don’t just believe it. I haven’t come up with a great way to verify it other than outright reaching out to the company to ask “what do you mean by fairly?” etc. Who has time for that for every business you patronize though? Frustrating.
Same. I don’t check all the businesses I patron. However, if I know people who have worked for a company and sing its praises, I will make a mental note of it. Companies which I know treat employees unfairly I generally try to avoid. It’s the bare minimum and I don’t do enough to avoid it all (and I still shop at Amazon quite a bit) but then again, there is no ethical consumption in our particular unregulated capitalist landscape and it’s probably better to put my energy toward working to fix the system as opposed to using all that energy up on tiptoeing inside of it without actually doing anything to mitigate the root cause.
I would try and verify those claims. I used to work at an environmental NGO and it was not green. Then I started collaborating with other ENGOs and learned they are also not green. By the end of my tenure there I realized only one ENGO was worth it’s salt and the pay was so low I didn’t even bother applying so I switched to the government side.
I know glass door is a place where former employees go to complain, but there was a lot of truth in what they said about my prior employer that I shouldn’t have ignored. I’d check it out for sure.
I love curling up with popcorn, wine, and glassdoor reviews. Spend enough time digging, sometimes you can start piecing together a narrative like a crime drama. 10/10 entertainment.
Hahahaha I 100% wish I could give you the name of my former employer right now
Nothing’s stopping you!
Oh but my non-disparage agreement is. :)
I think it really depends on how specific they get. If a company simply says fair wages or green processes no I don’t. But there are several companies that happily advertise “minimum wage is X”, that they purchase carbon offsets, that all vehicles are electric, where they source their goods, trustworthy green certifications, etc. I want to know HOW you are behaving ethically.
Do you ever video conference while driving? I was on a call with friends recently, (we have a regular catching up call with about 10 of us) and one friend was driving with young kids while participating in our zoom video call. I was pretty uncomfortable but didn’t say anything. Is this normal now?? I did not want to say anything in front of everyone, but I also do not want to participate in something so dangerous. What would you do?
I would have said “Jill, let me let you get back to driving. We can talk later.” Driving is not the time to multitask! And the example it sends to her kids who will one day drive . . .
Who would want to defend this woman in the event she was in an accident and her kids were hurt or she hurt someone else???
Um no. Even if this had been a “regular” conference call, those are distracting enough even with all the “legal” precautions (handsfree etc).
Plaintiffs PI lawyers scare me so much I look at my map app before driving and pull into a parking lot if I need to recheck. Even if things are legal (and it varies so much by state), it’s too distracting. On my bike, I fear drivers hitting me b/c I know how distracted they are with phones.
My husband had a near miss this weekend on his bike with someone who was, no joke, rocking out to a music video on her phone while driving, banging her head with the phone in her hand as she came up to the intersection. He’s fine, bike is okay, but it was scary. So your fear is warranted.
Driving is the most serious and potentially deadly thing we do. I lost one family member to a careless driver driving after losing his license to DWIs and had another young driver in the family probably cause a serious wreck (he has no memory of it; was sober and driving during the day, but was still a young driver and inexperienced). This is a time to throw some bombs b/c people are worth protecting from their negligence (or that of their parents and other drivers on the road).
I’m assuming she wasn’t looking at the video or holding the phone right? So it’s basically the same as if she had dialed in without video?
It’s a bit of a pet peeve of mine that all these video conferences don’t make it easy to dial in without video even though they have a dial in line. It’s so easy to just copy paste the mobile friendly link into the calendar reminder rather than bury it below a ton of video link info. When I know I’ll be in the car during a call, I create a separate calendar reminder with the mobile friendly dial in, so when the reminder pops up on my phone I just tap it and I’m in the call (my phone is always in its hands free holder so I can see my directions). No video. I’m assuming your friend tapped on the video link because that was easiest in the moment. I’d recommend sending out the invitation with the dial in listed first and the video link listed second.
OP here – yes, the phone was in a hand free holder and she would look into to talk and then look away also, so it was different than just being on the phone. I also didnt feel great about asking her to call back bc there were several of us on the video conference and I am not the host. This is not the first time she has been driving during these calls.
I also see so many people posting videos of themselves while driving – while doing little dances to music or just talking. I just cant believe it. Put the f-ing phones away while driving!
Yeah it’s not appropriate. I know someone who makes videos of herself for her insta (basically self-promoting her “wellness coaching” services) while driving and it is just ridiculous. She spends most time looking at the camera and glancing at the road.
I would have said something like, “hey, are you sure you don’t want to call in when you get home (or wherever)? Would hate for you to wind up in the ER because of book club!”
Yes we shouldn’t have to couch obvious safety concerns in roundabout, indirect language, but most socially aware people should take the hint. Especially if other members of the group also chime in and agree.
I’ve called into a video conference while driving but never participated w/ video! I had my phone on a hands free set up, called before putting it in drive, and was able to hang up at the end w/ a button on my steering wheel. Same as any other phone call. But I would not run video at the same time.
Honestly, I’m surprised that so many people here are OK with phone use while driving. People are so cautious re masks b/c of the risk of dying and it is multiples higher while driving a car.
+1
I have been hit multiple times from behind by people talking, hands free, on their cell phone.
Yes, the most dangerous thing most of us do every day is drive our cars.
What? Of the respondents so far, only 2 have said it’s ok, albeit with extremely limited involvement with the device and not using video!
I think the commenter’s point is that even talking – hands-free, without video – raises the risk of a crash significantly. The data is inconsistent, but it looks like using a hands-free device *might* be safer than holding the home, but you’re still distracted and still more likely to get into a crash than a driver who isn’t on the phone. Maybe most people here are also against generally using phones while driving (I don’t talk on the phone while driving except in very limited circumstances), but the focus of comments seems to be more on the video piece.
Genuinely curious, how is a hands free phone conversation in the car more distracting than talking with a passenger in the car?
I have actually read some articles about this but it’s been a few years. I think the main point was that a fellow passenger is also paying some attention to the road and when a driver needs to pay particular attention (merge, complicated directions, heavy traffic, etc) whereas the person on the other end of the phone has no such cues. It also doesn’t keep your brain “in the car” the same way in-person chat does.
+1
Are you really surprised? I feel like the readers here like to brag about all the unethical things they do to make their lives easier/more convenient without regard for their impacts on others.
It is a recurring theme here!
It is awesome that you are so perfect! Tell us your secrets.
What? I read here all of the time and I haven’t noticed it. Other examples?
You must not drive.
I spend more than 10 hours a week in the car, as do many people with a commute. No I can’t just be unavailable for 100% of that time if I also want to sleep (btw – driving while sleep deprived is super dangerous). I definitely would not plan to run a call while driving, or have a contentious or stressful call, but yes I’ll talk to my mom or dial into a CLE or other meeting where I need to be on the line but not have any extensive participation. I think the data on hands free talking driving is a little misleading because, afaik, it doesn’t distinguish between calls that require focus and participation vs calls that are more like listening to an audiobook. That’s a material difference in risk levels.
Yeah, and many jobs basically require this. My husband is on the road all over the state for work – often driving 3 hours between client sites. He’s expected to be on calls during a good chunk of that driving time but is required to use the installed hands free feature. They dial him in so he isn’t looking at a phone to dial and I think he answers with a voice command.
I have had people participate in videoconferences from parked cars, but never while actually driving.
This depends, was it just her set up the phone in a phone holder listening/talking while driving but not paying attention to the screen just the audio? Or was she looking at the phone or holding it while driving? The former is no different than talking on speaker phone. The latter is dangerous.
Agree. I prefer to talk on the phone while driving. Oddly it helps me focus more than sitting in silence when sometimes my mind zones out.
I probably would say something unless it was my boss or something. The only car thing I’ll do is listen to webcasts/calls where I’m passive, over my car speakers via bluetooth. Distracted driving is SO dangerous, and I think we should call people out on it like DUI.
I would not be comfortable with this and would have suggested we reschedule for when she’s free and then jumped off.
I haven’t done it myself but I’m in California and have had work zoom calls where at least one participant was in their car. Usually they leave the camera off but you can still tell from the sound. I’m not that worried about it, honestly. Lots of people talk on the phone hands-free while driving. It’s a way of life out here.
None of those people should be complaining about people who don’t wear masks then. Danger is danger. Car danger is the most danger we inflict on others.
Well, I will be sure to tell them what Anon thinks their mask policy should be next time we’re on a call.
And law is law. It’s truly flabbergasting that you’re comparing an illegal activity to a legal one. Heck, by getting in a car at all, I’m increasing risk. Guess I can’t complain about murder because danger is danger right?
“And law is law. It’s truly flabbergasting that you’re comparing an illegal activity to a legal one.”
This really made me giggle.
–lawyer and lawmaker
That is incredibly dangerous and I think you should have said something.
No, I hate this. People should not do it. It’s a hazard to themselves and everyone around them!
If you were going to go for a week’s vacation in August or September, where would you go?
Caveats: we only want to go somewhere that has the same access to the Covid vaccines that we do, so US, or US-affiliated places. And we are coming from NYC, so sadly Hawaii is probably out given our time constraints. We like beaches, but also hiking/national parks, food, art, and just walking around looking at stuff. Thanks for any ideas!
Providence or Lake Placid.
Cape Cod
Colorado Springs or Boulder. The flight from NY to Denver is only around 4 hours.
Acadia? New England?
August or September is prime weather in New England and much of the West coast. In no particular order: Maine, Nantucket or Martha’s Vineyard, Newport, anywhere in Southern California (San Diego, Laguna/Newport Beach, LA), Aspen or Vail.
These days, it’s also fire season in most of the west. Don’t count on it being nice anywhere west of the Rockies.
Yeah- last 3 Augusts in a row either San Diego or the Bay Area was on fire.
USVI? Better in August than September likely (increased chance of rainy or stormy weather the later you go).
St. John in particular would hit beaches, hiking, food…
I just got back from St. John and the food is not spectacular. It’s fine at best. But the beaches and hiking were great. It was also nice to get on a plane knowing everyone on there had tested negative recently or had antibodies (USVI entry requirements).
PEI/Nova Scotia if they open the border. Great beaches in PEI and Cape Breton Highlands National Park has great hiking.
or Gros Morne National Park in Newfoundland for the hiking in fjords.
The east coast of Canada will almost certainly not be open to Americans. The east coast provinces have handled the pandemic amazingly well and aren’t interested in outsiders.
Not so sure about that. The east coast depends heavily on tourism, so I could see opening up to those vaccinated. The tricky part will be that the local residents will likely not be fully vaccinated until late summer.
Probably too long of a flight, but we’re looking at the Northern California or Oregon coast for an early-August trip. I’ve only seen the Pacific twice.
Unfortunately, there will likely be wildfires (the last 3 summers have been pretty stressful). I’d recommend a trip in April/May to Northern California!
We had horrible fires last year and now we are in a drought. I would wait until October to travel to this area.
Wow – no
I’m in the Bay Area and October is the worst fire month. Honestly, come out when it’s true winter. It won’t necessarily be beach weather but it will be out and about whether and warmer than 90% of the country. Winter time in wine country is GORGEOUS when the wild mustard is growing in the vineyards
Oh thank you for saying that. We will re-evaluate.
Come to Western Washington! Our fire season is shorter and concentrated heavily in late August.
Aruba. They are on pace with us. I’m going in August. Bonus is that JetBlue out of JFK has direct flights.
ooh this is a great suggestion. We found the food there to be occasionally great and mostly just good-ok, but beaches + hiking for sure.
Alaska
What’s the going rate for a cash wedding gift these days? Is $100 per guest/$200 per couple in the right range? It’s been a while since I’ve been to a wedding, and don’t want to be wildly out of step.
Varies a lot but that’s what I do
That’s my go to.
I think it varies on the group. Among my lawyer friends, that seems to be the common amount. Among my non-lawyer friends, who mostly make under $100k in a VHCOL city, $50 per person seems more common.
It would never occur to me to give double because I am a couple versus one. Is this the “paying for your plate” concept? I am single. If I bring a guest who would not otherwise gift do I then double the gift?
Same- the going rate when we got married was about $100 per invitation, regardless of single or couple or family. But that’s… awhile ago now and our circle was recent law school grads with debt.
I think it does come from the idea that you should help cover your plate, so if you are bringing two people, you help cover two plates. In my BigLaw circle, I would for sure go 2x. Now in my government circle, I’m not sure that’s quite the norm, but I would probably do 1.5x or 2x.
In which case, please don’t call me a wedding guest. The accurate term is sponsor.
It’s not paying for your plate, but the gift is from 2 people. Two individuals will give $200 in total, so why should one couple (2 people) give only $100 in total?
She asked what the going rate is and this is (one view) what it is. If you don’t like it, don’t give cash or don’t give anything at all.
When someone requests the honor of my presence, I am going as a favor to them. If I give a gift to a marrying couple, it is because I want to honor their union. I’m not paying to come to their party. If I am supposed to, I want a LiveNation ticket link so I know what the price is and don’t have to worry that everyone is whispering about how I came on a discount Goldstar pass.
I do think you should give more if you bring a guest. The host has to pay per head and it’s just a thoughtful thing to do.
I mean, “you” are not a couple, you are one person. Your date is also one person. If you’re attending someone’s wedding you should give them a gift of some sort. When I’ve been a plus one, I always give something or offer to split a larger gift with my date.
That’s weird to me. If I am a plus one it’s because I am in a serious relationship with the one whose plus I am, and we give a joint gift.
Yeah same, we did not receive any separate gifts from people who were all on the same invitation. However they split up the cost of the gift behind the scenes was up to them.
If you’re in a serious relationship then you should be a named invited guest not an unnamed plus one. Poor etiquette on the couple’s part. But in either event I would never go to someone’s wedding empty handed. Just like I would never go to someone’s home empty handed.
I’ve gone as a plus one with friends (where plus one is not named on invite), and I have never contributed to a gift in that scenario. If I don’t know the couple, I am not giving them a gift because my friend wanted fun pal to go to a wedding with.
I give $100 when I am a guest, whether I have a date or not.
It would never occur to me to not give double, the same as we do for any other gift. We are taking up two seats, eating two meals, etc. and it meant that the couple couldn’t invite someone else (who they may be closer to then my +1).
Similarly, in my family, it is common to spend around $50 for a birthday or holiday gift for a sibling. When my husband and I get a joint gift, we spend around $100. The other people often buys two serape holiday gifts and has to buy two separate birthday gifts. When should they have to spend more just because they are single? In my mind, its the same as pooling together with friends to get a joint gift — you don’t spend the same amount it total when the gift is from 6 people as you do when it is from 1.
I usually give $150.
I give $100 typically or $150 for a very close friend.
In our prime wedding-going phase in our late 20’s early 30’s my now-husband and I would do $100 or $150 per gift. For weddings now that we both make significantly more money (mid-30’s) and we don’t have 16 of them in one year, we’d probably do more like $150-200.
I have some broken capillaries in my nose that I was thinking of addressing. There is a medspa near me in NYC that has an “IPL photofacial” that seems reasonably priced and has good reviews on yelp.
Any experiences with anyone who has done IPL?
I’m a 100% newbie to anything cosmetic so would appreciate knowing if this is a situation I should beware of for reasons I’m not thinking of, should only get at a derm, etc.
In my experience, IPL is great for dealing with uneven skin tone, redness, acne blotching. For broken capillaries, the use of an individual laser delivered to the spot has been a lot more effective. IPL was done by the aestheticians at my derm’s. The capillaries were always done by a derm (same office). Also, the capillaries sort of scabbed up and shed off in a day or two. Nothing at all like the IPL post-procedure.
I also forgot to add that I think my insurance covered part of the capillary removal by laser by the derm or at least I was able to use FSA money. I’ve done it twice–once for one on my check and another time for one on my nose. I don’t remember it being expensive. It also took like two seconds. (Although it was painful for the two seconds–I’m not gonna lie.) Totally worth it though to me and never returned.
The IPLs get expensive. They’re maybe $200-ish and I was told I would need a series of like 3-4. Each session took about half an hour (they cover you with cold goopy gel while then taking a wand-like thing across your entire face). It felt a little twinge at each spot as they went but not bad (in my experience it was less painful than laser hair removal I’ve had on my face). Did absolute wonders with long-term post-acne splotches and some sun damage I had.
I would (and have done) go to someone with a real laser for broken capillaries. IPL is not a laser no matter how well they market it.
Thanks to both of you…haha I guess the marketing worked on me because I thought it was a laser! My skin tone is not uneven so it might not even be helpful…
BBL helped a lot with redness from rosacea on my cheeks, both with the general redness and very small capillaries. The provider recommended a more intense laser for more significant broken capillaries. I use a medspa where the person doing these treatments is a nurse.
Did any of you watch A Discovery of Witches? (The mini-series). Looking for something maybe lighter and I love Matthew Goode – read the first book a long time ago. Not sure I’m into it after the first episode so trying to decide if I should keep going!
I really wanted to like it because the production values were high, but I found it to be kind of a drag. On screen the instalove and the “heroine is the super specialist witch who ever witched” stuff seems even less convincing than in the book.
Matthew Goode does look really hot in it, though.
+1 to all of this. I didn’t love the actress who played Diana (and lol at an academic from New England working in London having such a lovely suntan) and overall it just didn’t grab my attention (felt the same about the Outlander series).
+1000 Matthew Goode… Anyway – I got halfway through season 2 and sort of dropped out. I keep thinking I’ll finish it at some point. In some ways, I liked it better than the books – the pace really dragged, and at least the things moved along at a faster clip in the tv series.
I remember being super confused that she was suddenly in love … like it happened very abruptly in one scene where she hugged him and her magical powers changed the weather or something . . . I actually laughed & would’ve given it up then if I hadn’t been watching with a group.
Ha, okay thank you all for weighing in! I’m going to keep on for a bit for the Matthew Goode. Or maybe I should just pull out Chasing Liberty or that terrible movie Leap Year and enjoy his presence there?!
I’m watching season 2 right now. I read all the books and liked them, but the show is definitely not as good despite Matthew Goode and some nice costumes. It’s fine, but it’s sort of background while I do something else as opposed to really compelling TV (also watching For All Mankind, which really does keep my attention, I really recommend this if you like space stuff!). I think the actress that plays Diana just isn’t quite up to what the role asks, though it’s possible that that nobody could be since the character is sort of unrealistic. Matthew Goode more or less works in an equally unrealistic role, though, so I think it might have been possible to make it work with better casting.
I watched it because I like the books, and while I think the actors are all decent to good actors, I disagree with every casting decision they made except Miriam and Phoebe. I liked the second season just for the costumes.
There is no other reason to watch that than Matthew Goode. (Or you know, joy in very silly vampire things with feels).
Watch Brideshead Revisited instead!
Update on car window tinting: Someone suggested car window tints when I asked about taking care of your skin in your 30s. I got them done (details below) and it’s been amazing. My car is cooler when I get in, I need less AC, and I don’t feel my arms/legs/face burning when I’m driving in the Texas sun. It should age my car interior less, but my car is already six years old and came to me used, so I don’t really care. Highly recommend!
I got Llumar Air 90 on my windshield, which is invisible and legal in Texas as it blocks no more than 10% of light. It still blocks 99.9% of UV and I think 30-40% of heat. I got Formula One Stratos in 50% on my windows, which has a lifetime warranty that travels with the car if I sell it. 50% sounds WAY DARKER than it is, I don’t think anyone would notice if I didn’t point it out. it also blocks 99.9% of UV, but more light and a huge chunk of heat. I got quotes from 450-700, and went with a place for 650 because of reviews, etc. There were cheaper ceramic options around 400, and dyed options in the 2-300 range, but I would diligence that carefully before putting it on your car. it discolors and warps vision more, and ages poorly.
I’d be very careful of getting window tinting done. It’s outright illegal in lots of jurisdictions, or there are specifications on the maximum level of tint. Despite these laws companies still provide the services so unwitting customers end up getting pulled over by police and fined.
Agree, but it is legal where I live down to 25% on windows. I honestly thought 50% would be so dark, but it’s truly not and comes installed on many new cars here.
Two related things I’d note:
-have your shop put samples on your window so you can drive around with them and see how dark they really are/whether cops might find a reason to pull you over/what your vision is like at night
-also have a sample of the film in your car with a certification of its Visible Light Transmission (or I guess whatever the standard is in your jurisdiction)
I do not think that reaching into your glove box for a certification of visible light transmission would go over well during a traffic stop where window tinting was the pretext.
What? Don’t you keep your registration in your glove box? If I’m pulled over, my hands are on the wheel. When the officer asks for my registration, I ask to if I may open my glove box to get it. I’d grab my window tint thing at the same time.
As long as you’re not a black man, you’re probably going to be okay.
….. seriously? This was your take away from a legitimate safety issue that impacts everyone?
I meant it 100% seriously. I don’t think police are going to pull you over for this if you’re a white woman. And you’re wrong, it’s not outright illegal in most jurisdictions: https://drivinglaws.aaa.com/tag/glass-window-tinting/#:~:text=Tinting%20is%20permitted%20only%20along,must%20contain%202%2Dway%20glass.
I agree with anon at 11:54.
I’m not sure if you meant this seriously, but I drive around a lot with a black man in his 20s and this thought definitely occurred to me. Definitely a good reason to get your VLT cert and keep in your glovebox, although my tint is barely visible.
None of this is true. Notice how most SUVs come factory standard with tinted privacy glass? OEMs wouldn’t do that if tint was “outright illegal.” The maximum level of tent in most jurisdictions is 30% on front seat side windows, 15% on back. 90% on a windshield is totally fine. Finally, you don’t just walk in and get given illegal tint – you would have to specifically ask for it and a lot of places won’t do it. There’s just no way you end up getting illegal tint “unwittingly.” And yes, I know all of this because I worked at a tint shop.
There is a difference between what is legal and what a cop will stop you for.
Thanks for the update! I’m interested in doing this myself! I will check around to see what’s allowed here, but I’m really interested in the high UV blocking from non-darkening materials, as you describe regarding the windshield.
I have no interest in either company, but it seems like Llumar Air90 and 3M Crystalline 90 are the big players in that space. I understand that companies sometimes develop products specifically in order to meet certain large markets’ regulations on tinting, so hopefully you can find something that’s allowed in your jurisdiction.
I’ve had this done and I honestly forget what it was, but my dermatologist actually handed out cards for places that do UV protection. Mine is pretty clear and you’d never be able to tell a coating was applied. If you’re not sure it may be worth checking with a dermatologist’s office.
One more reason I buy less at Talbots: this sweater used to be 100% cotton, and now it’s:
47% Rayon, 32% Cotton, 18% Nylon, 3% Lycra Spandex
The same thing happened to the JCrew Jackie – the fabric used to feel at least somewhat sturdy and durable, and the current versions are sad and limp. I’m babying my few remaining with very gentle washing because the proportions of the old one (3/4 sleeves) plus the dressier buttons made them my MVPs over pretty shells for years.
Try searching eBay/Poshmark etc for old versions! Great way to get a deal, good quality, and less environmental damage. It’s win win win!
+1 I do this a lot with brands I used to like but don’t like now. It helps that I know my size in most of these things.
It’s not likely to be highest quality, but Loft Outlet (online, at least) has a 100% cotton crew neck cardigan, in lots of colors.
It’s disappointing. The old ones were nearly indestructible and I would eventually get rid of them because they had faded too much. I have this version and it pilled on the first wearing. Also, the fabric just feels creepy. BB is where I’m finding 100% cotton sweaters these days. So far.
Has anyone worked in a company with a totally horizontal structure?
I just had an initial interview and was told that “we don’t really have bosses.” We talked a little about feedback/constructive criticism/growth but didn’t get too deep into it. I don’t know if this a definite red flag or more of an orange “proceed with caution” one. Would be interested in anyone’s experiences in a similar structure.
I worked for a company a long time ago that tried to move to a teams concept with no manager titles. Even the company couldn’t stick with it. They offered way to work training to reorient us to the team concept but only invited people who were managers – yes, they still used that word – and not team members. So the teams were just our old departments and the previous managers became team leads.
I think you’re going to see a lot of power struggles. Someone always wants to be alpha. It’s better with less fighting when everyone knows their position in the pack to start with.
I’ve never worked in a place like that, but it might be helpful to look at the idea of “teal organizations” from Frederic Laloux. The idea is that there are five progressively more equal and progressive organizations as society transitions from agrarian life, with teal organizations being the most advanced.
I would proceed with caution. If no one is in charge, then there is no one to mediate conflicts over resources (what happens if two project directors demand quick-turnaround work from the same staff member?), and no one to advocate for you.
I have never understood how this would work in practice. The theory nice, but … somebody has to be in charge?
Yeah, my biggest concern was accountability. If someone’s slacking or being an asshole, who deals with it?
I think it practice there’s a hierarchy, it’s just not acknowledged.
I work for a small company (like 20 employees), and we are pretty flat. When I first started like 5 years ago, it was everyone else as the employees and then the 2 partners in charge. In the past year or so, we have added 3 middle management VPs. It works fine for a small group. This would be a red flag for any org over 50 people though. There’s no chain of command, lots of group think because no one makes the final decision.
I work in an environment like this with a “semi flat” structure. You only report to the person necessary to approve certain actions and to direct that team’s goals. So in general there is maybe one to three degrees of separation between a team and the top of the company. It works great and less red tape. But it only works with clear approval and reporting policies.
That sounds like hell! I’m having so many flash backs to team school assignments where I had to do all the work, because no one is in control. It would not work for me. I’m great at collaborating with my co-workers, but at the end of the day want someone who has final authority to approve overall direction and strategy.
you are so right. This is just like group project work, with all the same pitfalls.
Thanks all who chimed in on my crossbody bag search yesterday. Last night I caved and bought the Cuyana one many of you liked and I’m super excited. It was a bit of an splurge for me because we are supposed to be taking austerity measures around here (ha!) but I looked a my credit card and had enough points for a $300 statement credit… just from buying groceries, really. I’m so excited to receive it.
https://www.cuyana.com/bags/crossbody-bags/double-loop-bag/10010346.html
And I bought the olive as suggested. The blue was really calling my name but I looked at my clothes and there’s a good 20% it wouldn’t look great with, and I’m not the kind of person who likes to change bags all the time. The olive will work with everything.
Woo hoo! I think that’s a great bag!
I am very excited for you. It seems like the perfect fit for what you were looking for and I love when that happens, even if it’s not for me!
Go you! Enjoy your bag!
I don’t like the way that I look post-covid. I’m considering hiring a personal trainer to get me started on exercise. I feel stupid because I feel like beginner exercise is pretty straight forward, I shouldn’t need somebody to tell me what to do–you go to the gym, you make yourself sweat–or maybe you stay home and sweat. Maybe it’s in a cardio class, maybe it’s on a treadmill, maybe you’re lifting weights. Point is, I know that when you’re not a particularly advanced gym goer, it’s not like it’s that complicated and there are lots of routines/plans available on the internet that can stand in as guides.
But at the same time, I’ve been trying to get in better shape for years at this point. I just don’t stick with anything. I am horribly inconsistent. If I don’t see results when I think I should, I don’t have any one to either point out the results I am not seeing (dysmorphia is fun!) or to reassure me that I’m doing the right thing and to keep going because it will work.
I guess this is mostly just a vent. Outside perspective is welcome.
I am planning to do this postpartum. I just won’t exercise the way I want to on my own.
Go for it! All those questions are what personal trainers do.
Learning proper form for strength training is incredibly important, so even a temporary trainer is a good idea. It’s impossible to assess your own form unless you’re working out in front of a video camera and then reviewing the tapes, at which point you’ve possibly already done it wrong.
There is nothing wrong with needing help with motivation. Some people simply need external motivation to work out and there’s nothing wrong with that. That’s what group classes are for. If you need to there are a lot of personal trainers online that can coach you through video at home for more privacy and lower cost.
I know myself and I know that having some kind of “coach” makes me work out better and more consistently. You don’t have to feel guilty about that!
Same, to OP – don’t feel guilty about not being a self-motivator for this! I know I won’t stick to exercise on my own, so that’s why I prefer to go to group exercise classes (HIIT and yoga). Having some sort of external accountability really does help, plus that the classes I attend are small enough that the instructor can correct my form but I don’t feel like I’m under scrutiny every second.
Most people could successfully create their workout plan or just follow simple routine – but they all hire trainer for the same reasons: the trainer takes the planning off your shoulders, they motivate you, they keep you accountable and make you arrive to class because you already paid. I say go for it! You can re-evaluate after this becomes a routine.
I was in the best shape of my life when I did small-group quasi-crossfit classes. Good coaches and camaraderie went a long way to helping me be consistent. And then all the good coaches left :(
Yep, all through 2019 I did an Orange Theory knock-off class – small groups with a trainer, good mix of cardio and weights – and I lost some weight, looked good, and felt good.
It wasn’t cheap, although probably cheaper than one-on-one training, but it was so worth it. Planning on going back soon.
I’m in the same boat! Former college athlete, I let myself go. Now I’m so out of shape, I hardly know where to begin. My actual fitness level is way below what I think my fitness level is, which makes it hard to start a plan.
I’m starting with Couch to 5k. It feels stupidly easy to do a 5k training plan, but I needed to start super basic.
Do it! I just did this. I am so glad. I was totally upfront – said, I need basics, I don’t want to hurt myself, I want to set slow and achievable goals. I feel better.
Trainers exist for a reason. The good ones really do have knowledge of things you probably don’t have the bandwidth to learn. They will have you focus on what will get you somewhere quickly rather than you guessing around. I am sure there are good internet-based plans, but there is no one then to talk to about tweaking them if they aren’t working for you specifically. I pay for a trainer-based gym because I need the accountability and knowledge of having a trainer. I need form correction all the time and I can feel the difference between doing it my way (wrong) and the right way once corrected. And since you are looking to change your appearance, let me tell you that after 6 months of strength training, my entire figure changed. I’m not at all done, but I am very far from where I started and people have definitely noticed. (Except my mother, of course.) I am pretty certain that would not be the case if I had just gotten on the elliptical at work and done bicep curls and regular sit-ups a few times a week.
Lol @ mothers. So with you on this.
Permission granted. I’m the same way. I need accountability and need to be told what to do. I am that person who will cancel a morning work out because my toe hurts or I have work to do or I’m slightly tired or I’ll do it “later.” (And let’s be real: I’m always slightly tired. I always have work to do. I’m always busy “later.” My toes don’t always hurt, but there’s always something.)
If have accountability (trainer, gym class with a cancellation fee), I’ll do it unless something real is truly preventing me from going. This lets me live my life in accordance with my best intentions and keeps me from succumbing to the many ways I can talk myself out of reaching my own goals. I sign up for my workouts at the beginning of the week.
You gotta work with yourself instead of against yourself. I’m not an unmotivated person by any means, but I know I have the tendency to let other obligations come before working out (and myself in general) and I know that I do better with external motivation and instruction. Now that I have gotten over the initial hurdle of starting again I’m more self-motivated. I get the endorphins. I feel better. And I’m not constantly beating myself up for failing to “discipline” or “motivate” myself and not living like the person I want to be, which feels great.
Is it more expensive? Yes. But I have realized I can either pay X and reach the goal, or pay nothing and not reach it. Not much in between for me at this point in my life. I’d rather reach it.
Wedding vent. I’m having a tiny family-only wedding. Everyone who is in a relationship was invited as a couple. Anyone who is not in a relationship was not given a plus one. One of FH’s relatives just asked to bring a plus one. I was single for a long time, I totally understand wanting to bring a newer SO who seems really promising, and I would never say that someone’s love is unimportant just because they haven’t reached X mile marker. We said yes of course we would love to meet your new girlfriend. Now he’s hedging on telling me her name, so I’m not sure he even knows who he’s bringing. I’m pretty annoyed that it seems like he just wants to bring a date, any date, to my super tiny wedding when I’m not even inviting close friends that I would really like to celebrate with. Harumph.
FH should push back on this. You’re already compromising so much, you will seethe the whole day if he brings some rando.
+1. Especially at a family-only wedding, since he will already know about half the people in attendance. It’s one thing to want a +1 to a wedding where you will know very few people, which I find understandable, and another to want a +1 to a tiny wedding with your own family.
Agree with this regarding plus ones in general for a small/family wedding vs. a big wedding. That being said, is he going to be the only single person at the wedding? How old is he? Is he traveling far to get to the wedding? All relevant questions IMO on whether it makes sense to give a plus one.
[Probably an unpopular opinion, but I generally think it is better to err on the side of giving plus ones to wedding guests, especially if the wedding is out of town for the attendee.]
I agree it’s better to be inclusive, which is why I said yes when I thought he had an actual person in mind. He’s in his 60s and will have a long drive to get to the wedding. His brother was recently widowed and we were hoping he would be his brother’s support person during what I expect will be a difficult day for him. It’s a little disappointing that he might be choosing a rando over supporting his brother. We’ll tap someone else to be the brother’s shoulder for the day.
Any denim shorts recommendations for curvy hips and thighs? It’s probably not the best choice for me, but I like the versatility.
Slouchy denim shorts with a wider leg are in this season. The AGOLDE Parker is very popular. At a lower price point with a zip fly, try the Kut From the Kloth Jane (runs 1-2 sizes big).
I got a pair of Levi’s mom-style denim shorts that are nice and roomy in the hips and thighs. I like them a lot!