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Coffee Break: Blaue Earrings

I've said it before, I'll say it again — I really like the curated collection of jewelry at Shopbop. I feel like it's fresh and fun, but still attainable in general. These intriguing earrings from Charlotte Chesnais are a great example — the organic yet unusual way they loop around, the mixed metals, the laid-back yet somehow still conservative vibe… I really like the entire collection, as well as these particular earrings.

They're $680 at Shopbop.

(It's hard to find something similar yet more affordable, but these $44 threader earrings from Etsy have similar mixed metal details and look great. I especially like that while they're long, there won't be a lot of movement, which I always think is distracting in an office setting.)

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Sales of note for 12.5

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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124 Comments

  1. These are kind of 80s, but I like them! They remind me of my preppy aunt’s gold-silver bracelets.

  2. Ugh. That’s a lot to pay for something that is far from timeless. This will date as quickly as an 80s ear cuff.

  3. I’ve been experimenting with t h c gummies at bed time and looking for some advice, since I’ve seen commenters here mention they do the same. I feel that I build a tolerance to the gummies quickly, to the point where if I take it 2 days in a row the second day has little effect. Has anyone else noticed this? Because of this I only take it when I *NEED* a lot of sleep. Also, I’ve noticed some mornings I feel extra groggy for an hour or so after waking up, which I attribute to the gummies. I’m not sure if I need to take a lower dose, take it earlier, take it less often, or something else. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you!

    1. Edibles usually take about an hour to kick in for me on an empty stomach or 2-3 hours if I’ve eaten food. I also build up a tollerance really quickly and I don’t think there is any way around that. I only find I wake up groggy if I’ve accidentally taken ‘too much’.

    2. I get groggy and cloudy the next day if I’ve taken too much. When I first started taking gummies I was taking one 5mg gummy and that was enough. I did develop a tolerance I think and upped to 1.5 (so, 7.5 mg) and that has been enough to get me high since then. Maybe if I was using them every day I would also develop a tolerance to that but I’m a ~3x/month kind of user.

    3. Yes, I save them for rare occasions now (like if I need to adjust a new time zone or something) and stick to melatonin most of the time. Melatonin doesn’t knock me out as intensely but there’s no grogginess and they’ve been working for months.

    4. Try a lower dose. I find that 2.5 mg is enough to help me get to sleep without leaving me groggy the next day. Or find a really good shop and talk to the people who work there. You might need something different.

      I do not take them every day (or even every week) but I can definitely take them more than 2 days in a row without building up any kind of tolerance and never feel groggy the next day on the dose I use. In fact I am not sure it is physically possible to build up a tolerance that fast which makes me wonder if the first night you are having a placebo effect.

  4. I’ve been having a very hard time focusing at work, and I realized that I work best in spurts.

    Something like this:

    6:30 – 7:30am Work
    7:30 – 8:30am Get dressed, shower, eat breakfast, etc
    8:30 – 10:30am Work
    10:30am – 11am Do an errand or something
    etc

    Especially while working from home, is it a big deal to do something like this? Has anyone done it in the office? I know people work early or late around kids dropoffs and bedtimes anyways. Of course I wouldn’t miss meetings or ask people to schedule around me or anything like that. I especially like doing a chunk of work before other people are up – buys you some time in the mornings

    1. I wfh outside of covid, but this is my work style too. Work for 2 hours, laundry, work for 2 hours, dishes, so on and so on throughout the day. It refreshes my mind to do a mindless task.
      I imagine something similar could work in an office. Making a personal call, coffee break, walk around the block. I think it’s a know your office thing though.

    2. I think a lot of people do this in the office, whether they admit it or not. At least, they schedule blocks of time for different types of work and wander the halls in between.

    3. I think really well between 6 and 8 AM. I’m totally useless between 2-4PM… Working from home, I’ve found myself tuning to take a 2PM ‘lunch’ break and doing a workout then has really helped me. I won’t be able to make that work when I go back to the office, but… I think it’s something acceptable with WFH that we don’t really talk about but something that doesn’t work in the office.

      (Although, please be aware of extremes. One of my colleagues – who I love and is very bright but can be really challenging to collaborate with because colleague logs on like 10-10:45am, then 3-7 (sometimes?) and 9PM-Midnight. So if I need something from her, I need to basically track her down and/or set the expectation that I’m going to need to wait until tomorrow. Colleague’s schedule is also kind of all over the place, so she’s both working all the time and not working all the time.)

      1. I think that your schedule would work well for me and is what I need to do. I had a job where I had to start at 6:30am (when most people started at like 9:30am) and it was actually a good thing. It’s funny because I am a night owl in a lot of ways, but early morning is a great focus time for me.
        Re: the extreme hours, my only thing was that I was not willing to stay that late at all because I started so early. Which I think was fair, I was still solidly there during core hours.

    4. Same, and this is why I am worried about going to the office. I think in the office you could do this in many jobs, you just end up surfing the internet/gossiping at the water cooler/paying personal bills online on the off times, and doing it all away from home in less comfortable clothes.
      As to whether it’s a problem, I think it’s a matter of how quickly you respond during your “break” time, and whether you are willing to be flexible with your schedule (e.g., I assume you are scheduling your breaks around calls/meetings and not refusing meetings that conflict with flexible breaks… but even that is kind of a know-your-office scenario.) If you get your expected work done and people aren’t complaining about the volume of work or level of responsiveness, then I see no problem.

    5. I think this is how most people work. I definitely take time during the days of WFH to be less productive or do laundry or whatever.

  5. DH is having oral surgery next week. it is not a major out of the ordinary type of procedure, but he is extremely anxious about it and is kind of freaking out. i personally don’t love going to the doctor or dentist, but definitely don’t experience panic at that thought of it so i’m having trouble figuring out how to be supportive. for those of you who also panic at that the thought of medical stuff, what is helpful for a partner to do to support you?

    1. I’m like that. My fear of dentists is a real phobia, the only panic attacks I’ve ever had had to do with routine dentists visits, its a problem.

      Don’t minimize him. Yes I get that everyone hates the dentist, but this is worse than that.

      Take care of logistics if possible, they seem much harder to deal with when you have another stresser there.

      Idk what else. It really really sucks. It has to be done. Nothing anyone does can really make it much better. I actually don’t want to talk about it much. Maybe something nice or distracting afterwards to get my mind off things

      1. Aww, hugs Aria. I hope that you have (or can find soon) a dentist who can put you at ease at least a little bit. And that you reward yourself after each dentist visit!

        The best explanation I got about phobias was from a friend who is afraid of flying. I flew with her once and she started getting a panic attack at the smallest turbulence. I pointed out the window at the wing and engine that were full intact and functioning. She commented “you don’t understand, it’s not rational” and that was when I really understood. Phobias and intense anxieties aren’t rational, but knowing that is not enough to overcome them.

    2. Don’t buy into his panic or freakout. Be calm and confident. Maybe ask him, once, what you can do to help, and then let it go. I don’t think dwelling on it is useful.

      1. Pardon? Fear of the dentist is real and something many people have. My MIL has a Xanax prescription just to get her teeth cleaned, her childhood dental experiences were that poor.

        OP, sorry, I don’t have any advice.

      2. Nah. SA is right. The feat may be real but it is not rational. It doesn’t need to be confirmed or condoned or coddled.
        Also, OP. you would probably get more responses to what is actually soothing on a board from men. In my experience,, far more men indulge themselves in these kinds of fears without also learning to cope.

    3. I’d suggest he talk to the dentist or PCP and he can probably get some short term anti-anxiety meds to get him through. That’s exactly the kind of situation they work best for.

      1. Agreed. There was signage at the endodontist office where I had a recent root canal done asking for you to alert the staff if you were feeling extra anxious. I wasn’t so didn’t ask, but I’m guessing they’d prescribed meds if needed for the procedure.

    4. Do you know the source of his anxiety? Is it fear of pain, or of not knowing what to expect? Or something else? I have potential answers for the first two.

      Assuming this isn’t the kind of surgery where they put you under (e.g., they’re just going to give him a Novocain shot), he can also ask that they give him some laughing gas (nitrous oxide). I’m not someone who is super anxious about the dentist but it’s not like I love getting my teeth drilled either. One time I was getting a cavity filled that was extremely shallow and the dentist thought he could do it without a Novocain shot, so he turned on the laughing gas while he did it just in case he hit something. He didn’t hit anything, but it turns out that laughing gas made me just not care about the drilling. It was seriously pretty awesome. I would highly recommend that he tell them he is very anxious and ask for the laughing gas, or even that one of you calls ahead and mentions that he’s very anxious about the procedure and going to want to talk to the surgeon about using laughing gas or any other techniques to keep him calm.

      It also helps to have the surgeon or nurse or whoever walk through what the procedure will be like, and how long each step will take. I have had two dentists in my adult life who have been really great about doing that and it has helped a lot. You as his partner can talk through with him what he might experience to help him prepare.

  6. Vent ahead, please feel free to ignore. My neighbours house in under renovation (there was a natural disaster and it was damaged) so it is currently unoccupied. Local criminals have taken to breaking into the house nearly weekly which has obviously caused more damage and increased the renovations and length of vacancy. The city and police can’t/won’t do anything since it’s ‘only property crime’. I feel like I’m being terrorized, I can literally watch/listen to the break ins! Please give me strength to wait out the renovations.

  7. Does anyone have a bar shampoo to recommend? What about bar conditioner? Plastic-packaging-free deodorant?

    1. I’ve been using JR Liggett shampoo bars for over a year now, and I really like them. I’ve settled on their classic/original one after trying some of the other scents and the conditioning one. I have fine, straight hair that tends to get oily. The bar leaves my hair soft and clean. I haven’t tried a bar conditioner yet.

    3. Native sells deodorant in a plastic-free packaging option. I know not everyone is into natural deodorant but it works great for me.

    4. I use a plain old olive oil soap bar on my hair and love it. Cheap, easy to travel with, and doesn’t strip my hair like shampoo does.

    5. I love HiBar, both shampoo and conditioner. I get at Whole Foods, but can also be ordered. I also liked Ethique shampoo and conditioner bars, but it’s more expensive and it’s made in NZ which seemed to me to negate some of the plastic free benefit. I tried JR Liggett for shampoo but found it to leave residue on my hair. Also tried The Right To Shower, but it left even more residue on my hair. I didn’t even finish that bar, just switched to using it as bar soap. HiBar has really good sudsing and it doesn’t melt into a pile of mush (either the shampoo or conditioner) on a soap tray in my shower. I have shoulder length straight hair, formerly colored. Highly recommend HiBar!

    6. Related question – preferred facial cleansing bar? I’ve been using a glycerin soap but I think it might be too moisture stripping.

    7. I really love my shampoo bar from Trader Joe’s. It has peppermint and tea tree oil, I think.

    8. I use shampoo bars from Lush and have their small metal tin for traveling with them. I prefer the yellow one with the orange pressed into it for my thin wavy white girl hair.

    9. Meow Meow Tweet Tweet deodorant is my go to. I clean and then reuse the glass containers!

  8. I`m wondering how people handle friendships when you are at different stages in life and might have slightly different values? I have a childhood friend who has essentially stopped working (no kids). She is doing some sort of mindfulness life coach training from a private organization that seems kind of woo to me, but is essentially a stay at home wife now. She and her husband manage this because he has a well paying job, his family is wealthy, and they moved away from the city to a cheaper life in the country. Which, good for them. But I work (in biglaw), we love the city, and we just bought a pretty expensive house (not a McMansion, just a normal house in good area in a HCOL). Friend and I talk regularly, but everytime I mention my life, she mentions how “everyone is leaving the rat race” and “the city is toxic” etc. Every time I mention my job, she mentions how I will inevitably see the light and do what they did. I might quit biglaw one day for something a bit less stressful, but I like working, my income is important to our household expenses, and I don`t really plan on embracing her lifestyle. She also sends me a lot of inspirational quotes, mindfulness info, therapist recommendations, etc and it’s not really of interest to me. How do I navigate this without sounding judgemental of her lifestyle? To be honest, maybe I am a little – she is highly educated and kind of wanted to change the world, but wanted better pay and less stress than most nonprofits were willing to offer. So I feel like she kind of just opted out? I also feel a bit judged by her myself for being a corporate sellout who hasn’t seen the light and moved to a simpler life yet. She is an old friend and otherwise a sweet person so I would rather not cut off the friendship, but I`m finding it hard to connect right now.

    1. When she says “oh the rat race is toxic” trying being honest with her. “Stacy that hurts my feelings. My life isn’t perfect but I really like it.” Directly ask her to stop sending therapist recommendations!

    2. Ugh. Somebody is definitely being judgmental and it’s definitely not you. I think she is way out of line and you should be pushing back.

    3. it sounds like she is judgmental of your lifestyle and while i’m not saying you should be judgmental back, but it just sounds like you have taken different paths in life and if you want to maintain the friendship, you just have to sort of agree to disagree or not discuss those topics. or while it might be hard, maybe this is the kind of friend you catch up with twice a year, but isn’t necessarily part of your day to day life. you can either ask her not to share those recommendations with you or just ignore them

    4. I have an old friend with whom I have a total difference in values in the other direction — I’m doing the non-profit thing and living in a small apartment in the city, she works for a big firm and lives in a huge suburban house. We just don’t talk about it and don’t try to change each other’s minds. I do feel a bit judgmental sometimes about her life choices, and I’m sure she feels that way about mine, but we try not to express that to each other. Instead we talk about the same stuff we talked about when were in middle school — clothes, planners (lol), art exhibits, books, TV shows. If you value the friendship, I would recommend re-directing the conversation to something other than work and related things.

      1. This.

        OP it sounds like your friend is being a bit defensive of her choices and is trying to convince you of how great they are because she is unsure of herself.

        I have a good friend who has made very different career choices whereas I’ve intentionally stepped off the promotion track. We just don’t talk about career stuff – she’s my go to person for politics chatting, vacation travel planning and clothes shopping discussions. Friendships evolve and rarely is one friend a true BFF like in elementary school. Different friends fill different needs.

    5. She sounds exhausting. If you don’t want to be direct, how about just saying “I’m happy where I am, thanks!” or some variation every single time she starts going on? Or “I’m happy we’ve both found a life that works for us.” I.e. signal to her that she’s wasting her breath trying to convert you. I’d just ignore the inspirational quote BS.

    6. I think her coming off as judgmental is probably because she’s defensive about her choices and feeling like she doesn’t measure up to your success, so she’s insisting that success doesn’t matter. That said, it’s not for you to fix. I’d distance myself from this person. I can’t see what you’re getting out of this related.

    7. The older I get, the more I realize that people look to reassure themselves that whatever choice they made was the right one.

      Whether it be as a stay at home mom or a working mom or somebody with a super flex career or somebody who crushed it as a high powered professional. I know I look for validation that my choice was the right one.

      Starting with that awareness and approaching the relationship with an awareness that part of this is likely coming from her own need to validate her choices and your countering need to validate your choices might give perspective.

    9. It’s about her, not you. I have a friend who went from biglaw to government in one of those government jobs that’s barely 40 hours a week etc. (not like the prosecutors or financial regulators work all the time). It’s these CONSTANT comments about how she’s sooo happy with her life when she seems bored, how people really need to see the light, more to life than money, she wonders when x person whose supposedly her best friend will leave the partnership (x person was dying to make partner and loves it, she’s the type of person who needs to stay in biglaw). Reality is she sees all these other peers doing different things — some in biglaw, some after biglaw — and taking on challenges. She chose the easy and stable low hours job and feels people judge her for that. So before they can judge her, she’s painting them with the brush of — well at least I’m not a corporate sell out. Reality is no one is sitting around judging her, people have their own lives to live. You’d think she’d get that at age 50 but she seems not to.

    10. It sounds like you are growing apart. If you don’t want to just let that happen, I think you could have an honest conversation about how her statements about your job and your choices make you feel. It’s possible she feels defensive about her choices, and maybe things you have said have exacerbated that. The bottom line is neither of you need to feel bad for wanting different things in life, but you may not be able to relate to each other very well any more.

    11. If you hadn’t mentioned that this friend doesn’t have any kids, I’d think you were talking about my husband’s cousin who left her career as an engineer to become a yoga coach and self-proclaimed holistic wellness expert (“Drink beansprout shakes while doing handstands on the beach to become immune from C O V I D!”). She’s so in your face about her newly “mindful” life that she’s alienated most of the family.

      Unfortunately, in her case – and maybe in your friend’s case – the outward change is concealing a whollle lotta drama that needs to be worked out on a therapist’s couch, not on FB for the world to see. It might just be that your friend is in the happy-new-convert stage, or this might be who she is now. And sometimes, people change, and you grow apart. It’s sad to lose a good friend, but it does happen. Try the redirect that others have suggested, but if it doesn’t work, that might be the end of the road for this friendship, sadly.

    12. Her lifestyle isn’t the problem. She’s judgmental and rude and not behaving like an actual friend at all. I’d let the “friendship” fade away.

      1. +1. I took a giant step back career wise. I’m supportive of my friends with big jobs. I also recognize my privilege and wouldn’t dare tell others that they should live like me because that’d be unrealistic and obnoxious.

        If this is an otherwise good friend, it’d be worth saying something rather than just doing a fade.

      2. I agree with this. I would have a conversation with her to let her know how she is making you feel. If she is invested in your friendship, she will welcome the feedback and try to change what she is sending you, etc.

        If you would be open to it, perhaps set aside some time to understand what she is up to periodically — she may be learning some things that would be of interest to you, but not all the time.

        See if there is enough that you have in common and respect about each other to continue the friendship.

    13. I have a friend group where I am the only one that stayed in not quite big law. When they expressed sympathy that I still “had” to work, I just laid out the facts: I didn’t come from money or marry money, so I will be working until I have made enough to retire, and that I need them to be supportive. They apologized, including sending flowers, and we have been fine since. Just use your words.

  9. Can’t talk about this IRL so I’ll ask here — did anyone else feel after they got to a certain net worth or a certain standing financially, the desire to work just went out the window? I’m not even at the $5 or $10 mil mark, I’m talking more like $2 mil (all in regular investments, cash and retirement – none tied up in property) after a decade in biglaw and a a half dozen years in government. I’ve always lived a cheaper lifestyle — it’s just how I set up my life; so like in a year where I’m making $150-200k gross, I’ll spend 60k all year on everything from housing to food to utilities. Obviously I’m single and probably will stay that way. I’m not looking to stop working as I need to work for my mental health, but part of me thinks is this the time to step down from a 200k job to a fun job?

    A fun job for me actually isn’t working at a bookstore or owning a bakery but maybe a business job rather than a law job — like get into transport and logistics in strategy for some company or work with state government as its been trying to launch a lite rail forever etc. The types of jobs that’d be starting over so they’d pay 80k-120k though would have insurance and some retirement though I obviously couldn’t max out. And then part of me thinks who gives up 200k+ at only 40 years old? Keep at it for another 2 or 5 years and then reassess. But then knowing me it feels like I’ll just keep slogging forever at something I don’t like because $$$. Anyone else with this issue?

    1. Girl, I saved one months’ worth of salary and my motivation is gone. You have to work for another 25 years. Find the fun job. You’ll still be able to retire. And you’ll have fun in the meantime.

    2. I am not at that point yet, but yes, I intend to do exactly that when I reach a certain point (probably around 2.5 mil, though I’ll definitely be older than 40 before I hit that). Barista FIRE, essentially (google it). At some point, the money isn’t worth the job.

      1. Second the recommendation to Google Barista FIRE! You should definitely do it if that’s what you want. Your investments will continue to grow and as long as you don’t draw on them for a while longer and have health insurance, they will last you forever.

    3. A job that pays 120k is vastly more than most people make. It isn’t misguided or unreasonable to decide it’s enough for you!

    4. I think you are talking about defining what you want out of life — how do you define success? Finances are just one slice of the pie. Make sure you are clear on the other slices and make the appropriate adjustments to balance.

    5. Same issue. 40, single, $2M without property and maybe $3.5M with property. I do not know what to do. I enjoy my job but it is a grind. I am in a niche area so hard to transition to something else, and I have some health issues that could lock me into working until I qualify for Medicare:(

      I am considering a leave of absence next year to figure out my next move.

  10. How do you deal with really differing incomes between friends? I have a friend, let’s call her Emily, that I’ve been close with for almost 15 years (we’re 29, became friends in high school). I adore her, but she’s a resident (so thus, making very little $$) and I work in tech (lots of $$ right out of school, no grad school required). I’m happy to do cheaper activities, but she’ll agree to things and then back out. We recently went on a low key beach trip – driving, airbnb, bringing a cooler to the beach – at her request instead of the ski trip we’d planned (and I’d booked her flights with my miles for after she agreed to the cost estimate…thank god for COVID cancelation policies). Throughout, she was aware of how much things would cost, but I usually will pick things up on my card and venmo her. In the end, I venmo’d her for her portion and…she says she can’t afford it. I can afford her portion, but throughout the trip she’d push for more expensive options – I’d bought food to cook every night, and wine and beer to relax on the deck with, and she’s push to go out to dinner.
    I don’t know what I’m looking for – I’m happy to pick up the tab for things I want to do that are more expensive, but I really resent her being so unaware of her finances that she agrees to trips and then sticks me with the bill without warning.

    1. This doesn’t sound like it’s about financial differences as much as a friend who makes less who thinks you’ll just pay her way? Because if it was just financial differences and you were slumming it in cheaper activities you don’t want to do, I’d say don’t drop her — she’s a resident, it won’t last forever and once she’s an attending you both will have more financially in common and can take the types of trips you want. Yet this — this is just jacka$$ behavior.

    2. This isn’t a differing incomes problem. This is a friend behaving badly problem. It’s not ok to press for more expensive choices and then declare you can’t afford them when it’s time to pay. In your shoes, I would feel used. I’m so sorry, this really stinks.

    3. Do not go on trips with her ever again! She is unreasonable and using you. If you want to stay friends you need to not travel together.

    4. Wowza. I’d ask her about a payment plan, “Gosh, I’m sorry money’s so tight for you right now. Do you think you could afford $X per month for Y months.” And then don’t invite her to anything else (or at least anything big) – she might feel like she can’t say no, so only invite her to cheap things like a happy hour or something until you know her financial situation has improved.

      1. Are you sure she means she isn’t going to pay ever, or it is that she can’t pay 100% now. I would have that conversation with her.

        When I travel with a friend, we agree on a budget and try to balance who pays for what along the way.

    5. I’d bring it up. I’ve been on both sides of this and I think honesty is the only way! I would go something like, “I wanted to bring this up so I can better understand what happened and do better when we travel together next” then bring up that you thought you understood the financial plan but obviously misunderstood, etc. If you let them explain, maybe you’ll have them not defensive so they will fix it or you’ll hear what you need to know to decide if you want to keep the friendship.

    6. I would not travel with this person. She may be a great friend but a freeloading travel companion. You’ve offered lower cost options and yet she pushes for something she can’t actually afford. Nope.

    7. This is not a differing incomes issue. This is either her being bad with money or taking advantage of you. Honestly, this might end the friendship for me. At the very least, I would never pay for her for anything again with the expectation of being reimbursed. Split everything at the time if you want to split it. Or just decide in advance to treat her, make it clear you are paying, and let her pay for both of you if she wants to do the more expensive option.

      1. +1 this isn’t a differing income problem. I have lots of friends that make less money and it’s pretty easy – we either do things within their budget or if I feel like treating I pick something more expensive and pick up the tab (and make that clear in advance ). I’ve never run into this.

        1. +2 I make more money (triple in some cases) than 90% of my friends and it has never once been an issue. We do things that everyone can afford or I treat if I want to do something way out of budget.

    8. That sucks! I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I would consider this a tuition expense. Going forward, you split every expense equally at the outset and don’t offer to pay it up front. Or let her book it on her credit card and you venmo her back. I’m not sure if she’s taking advantage of you, or if she is just completely clueless, but it sounds really terrible to suggest going out to dinner and then not paying for it.

    9. The list of people I would be willing to travel with is very, very short. No more travel with this friend. Also, no more paying for joint expenses in advance with this friend.

    10. I don’t think this is about her income, I think this is about her being a jerk and taking advantage of you. Not cool at all! Personally, I wouldn’t go on any more trips with this person unless she Venmo’s you her portion up front.

    11. I’ve been there. My advice: don’t pick everything up on your card, or if you do, don’t ask to be repaid. You either need to split things as you go, or just accept that you’re going to pay for a few more things. I travel with a friend who makes significantly less than I do. We are upfront about the budget, and take turns paying for things. Taking turns also makes it easier for the person with less money to keep track of how much has been spent.

      If we go somewhere that seems out of her budget (like we visited a third friend who picked a fancier restaurant), I’ll pick up the tab because it’s not a big deal to me. That’s usually just once on the whole trip though. You also have to not care how your friend spends their money, so if you pick up the tab and then the next day they want to go shopping (maybe bc they have extra money since you bought dinner), you have to be fine with that.

  11. I hope it’s not too late in the day for this, but I’m hoping someone can help. Some years ago, Senior Attorney posted a list of “rules” for her relationship with a guy. It stuck with me that they were great and I’d really like to share them with my adult daughter, who is trying to figure out her relationship right now. But sadly, I didn’t bookmark the post and can’t find it via searching. Can someone (or Senior Attorney herself) help? Thank you!

    1. OMG you have sent me down a rabbit hole! I think you may be conflating a few things because Hubby and I have Rules for Life, which is not what you are looking for (but see #2 “be kind” and #7 “people are not improvement projects”). I had dating rules including “don’t chase boys” and “don’t date anybody who isn’t excited to be dating you — people who want to be with you will make it happen.” And of course #1 Price of Admission vs. #2 Dealbreakers and “there is no #3.”

      And I had a list of qualities I was looking for in a man including “must be kind,” “reasonably financially appropriate,” “makes things happen,”…

      Found it: https://corporette.com/boss-veala-print-pencil-skirt/#comment-3488380

      Also this is good: https://corporette.com/dating-advice-for-career-driven-women/#comment-3774756

      OMG I can be so insufferable sometimes…

    3. My guess would be that it was a price of admission vs. dealbreaker list. :D

    4. I would add to SA’s rules one more (that I think she also has espoused): Assume good intentions. This only applies to someone you are actually in a relationship with, of coure, and not to strangers.

      And, SA, I have to tell you that I violated your rules about not chasing boys. My now-SO and I hung out at the same local wine bar/middle-aged-people dancing place every week. We gradually started talking, but he was twice-divorced, of 60 and thought he was just done with relationships and I couldn’t possibly be interested in him. I batted my eyelashes shamelessly, invited him to walk me home a couple of times (we live one block apart in a small town and so can never break up) and, as a last ditch before giving up on him, essentially told him to take me to a local event. He wisely did.

      Once I got his attention, he was crazy-mad about me, and we had our two-year anniversary in April. And we joke about how he very nearly blew it.

      2. Oh, yes to assume good intentions, for dates and strangers!

        And hooray, Jules! The exception that proves the rule! :)

  12. Paging Senior Attorney: Iceland tips!

    If you haven’t been, go to Blue Lagoon when you’re in Iceland!

    The food hall near Hallgrimskirkja is really great, as is the one in the old harbor.

    I didn’t do it but wish I’d done Flyover Iceland after going on some of the similar flyovers at Disney World.

    I LOVED the Perlan museum above Reykjavik- be sure to go get a coffee on the top floor.

    There’s an adorable Christmas store right off of the old square in Reykjavik, “Yule Store” that’s worth it year round. If you’re in that area, go to the Eymundsson on Austurdtraeti and go to the little cafe on the top level. Super pretty on a sunny day.

    If you go, please report back about the Settlement Exhibition! It was closed when I was there last.

    Last but not least, because it’s me: Read Alda Sigmundsdotttir’s books on the plane. They’re short. I’d start with The Little Book of Tourists in Iceland, then The Little Book of Icelanders and if you have time, one of the other 2 Little Books. If you really want a reading experience, read The Museum of Whales You Will Never See: And Other Excursions to Iceland’s Most Unusual Museums.

    1. WOO HOO!! Thank you so much!! We leave in two weeks and I’m psyched!

      Definitely going to Blue Lagoon! And thanks for all the rest, especially the book recs!

      1. I’ve been once during summer and once during winter and loved it both times.

      2. Sorry, one more book recc: Read (or ideally listen to) Burial Rites by Hannah Kent. It’s fiction, set in 1829 in rural Iceland, about the last woman sentenced to death in Iceland. The audio version is excellent because you can hear how names and farms are pronounced. Icelandic naming conventions are super interesting to me.

      4. If you aren’t against a short walk and have a rental car check out Seljavallalaug Pool. It’s not spa like blue lagoon, but it is tucked into this gorgeous valley with a stream running past that is just magical.

        1. Ooh and for kitsch, our hotel was right next to the lebowski bar and we went and had adult milkshakes one night. So fun. I remember Die hard was on

    2. Oh and definitely get the face mask at Blue Lagoon- don’t skip it! I thought I wouldn’t like it and ended up buying a little bottle of it I liked it so much. A good drugstore knockoff for the mud mask is Shea Moisture African Black Soap Mud Mask.

      Iceland has great pizza.

      Also near the Yule Store is Saeta Savinia Gastropub, which has fried avocados that I definitely did not expect to like but I ended up loving.

      Be sure to go to the top of Hallgrimskirkja if it’s open!

    4. I really, really loved the National Museum of Iceland. Spent HOURS there. It’s terrific if you’re interested in cultural history and good museums! Iceland has such a fascinating history, and it was fun to learn more about it.

      We also enjoyed the Settlement Museum, though not as much as the national museum. The Settlement Museum is obviously much smaller in scope. Both are worthwhile, but I would select the National Museum over the Settlement Museum in a heartbeat if I returned.

      We enjoyed visiting parliament, too. (Easy to walk to from the area around the Settlement Museum.)
      ,

  13. Is there a couch to 5K equivalent for track-type shorter running distances? I have liked group sports where there is a lot of sprinting but that isn’t feasible as a grownup (even scheduling tennis is hard). Not to mention as a grownup who is older and out of shape. Like I don’t even know what shoes would be best to wear — probably not trail runners LOL.

    1. What distances are you thinking of? How comfortably can you run now? Are you looking to compete in a USATF master’s division race or are you just looking to have fun getting in shape?

      If you’re looking for, e.g., running a relatively competitive mile, I can get you there. But my advice is not going to be remotely helpful if you’re really just looking for finding ways to run that involve sprinting instead of slogging it out for miles on end or doing Couch to 5k style run/walks. I have advice for that, too! It’s just very different advice.

    3. Check your local running club! Mine has several different interval workouts – you show up at a local track at the specified day and time and do whatever the workout is. It usually comes out to a mile warm up and cool down and 3 miles worth of intervals, but there’s no pressure for a particular speed or to do the entire thing if you’re not worked up to that.
      If what you have that are comfortable are trail shoes, wear them – they’ll be fine. None of us are trying out for the Olympics (like the most recent would be Olympian popped for PEDs, I can also attribute my not getting to the Olympics to burritos, but for different reasons :-) Also pizza.)

    4. Google “sprint training” and go to a running store. While at the store, tell them what you are up.to and ask for resources. Those people like to talk about running and know a lot of runners and running programs.

  14. gift help needed!

    My parenrsare taking a much needed vacation to Sonoma next week. They arrive Sunday, and I would like to send my dad something to the hotel as a Father’s Day gift. They will be wine tasting the whole time he’s there so don’t want to send any wine. Any suggestions?

    3. I might send a card to get there on Sunday, and then send a fancy wine bottle opener to reach him when they get home, as something to remember the trip by.

    4. I always find out where people are having dinner and send bubbles or dessert too the table. I’m in Sonoma and everyone will do this – just call the restaurant and give a CC#.
      For my dad, it’s the thought that counts and this is always a hit. You can get a physical gift later if you need to.

    5. How about a basket of delicious snacks for the room or to take along for in-between wine tastings? Maintaining my ratio of wine to food is always a challenge on trips like those! Mouth (add snacks to your search term) is a great source for this.

    9. This might not be seen but in case it is, there is nothing better than some delicious beer after a day or two of wine tasting. I recommend you send them a gift card to Russian River Brewery. Moonlight is also great but not sure if they have a brewpud/restaurant.

  15. Argh! I wrote a polite thank you email for a final round job interview this morning and just realized I mistyped the company acronym in the final email (off by one similar looking letter). I should pretend this didn’t happen, right? I was typing on my phone and got the letters mixed up. This week just needs to be over!

    2. pretend it didn’t happen. Honestly, if you were the best candidate, that shouldn’t tank you if they’re reasonable.

    3. Yes, it didn’t happen. According to research, the reader’s eye is likely to revert the letters for their mind and the reader is unlikely to notice. And I am a stickler for many things, but I wouldn’t ding a candidate for that even if I did notice.

  16. I made a telehealth appointment with a psychiatrist, and just got an email saying that the doctor “may be up to 30 minutes late”. Is that normal? I’ve had it happen in doctors offices in person sometimes, but how is it possible to be that late – don’t therapy sessions usually have set start and end times?

    1. Roll with it. Life happens for both doctors and patients. Just minimize the telehealth window until the doctor shows and keep working, which is 9 million times better than having to rush across town to a doctor’s office to sit there for an unknown amount of time. At least this way, you’re still getting work done in the interim on your laptop instead of whatever you can accomplish on your phone in a public waiting room.

    2. My counselor for anxiety is always on time, but they had to totally switch which midwife I saw the other day because the patients before me lost their baby (horrible, wish this on nobody). Scheduling issues happen.

    3. Yes. Just think of it as the typical waiting time in a clinic for a doctor…. but I have found that it is tends to be longer for telehealth appointments. Not sure why. They must be overbooking them.

      I take care of a parent who is homebound, and almost all of his appointments are telehealth. We commonly wait an hour for the doctor to call. In fact, the email reminder we get prior to appointments often tells you to be available up to one hour after the appointment time.

      Last year, one doctor’s appointment was at 11:30am and she called…. I kid you not…. at 5:45 in the evening. Didn’t even apologize. This year, she did something even more irritating. She called 1 hour late, but then said she couldn’t find the test results and would “call us right back….” and then called 3.5 hours later. My parent was livid. Unfortunately, this doctor is an excellent doctor once you are with her, and the only specialist of her type in our area. It’s her…. or no one…. and I guess she knows it!!!

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