Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Silk-crepe Pussy-Bow Blouse

172 Comments

1. Cyber Monday Shopping TJ! Sorry to TJ so early but….

   My boyfriend got us Broadway tickets for my birthday! We are going on Dec. 13. I don’t know what show yet, he’s keeping it a surprise. It will be the first time I have ever been to NY! So of course my first thought was what to wear! I am interested in hearing any what-to-wear-to-Broadway tips!

   I was thinking of maybe a knee-length lace dress in the red family. Does that sound appropriate? With tights or nylons and pumps. I am 5’10” so it can’t be short, decidedly pear shaped with a little tummy pooch, about size 10. I would like to stay under $150. Any suggestions? TYIA!!

   1. People do not really dress up for Broadway shows anymore, it’s become an anything goes environment. You can dress up for date night or wear jeans. It’s more about how you feel and your plans for the rest of the night. I certainly wouldn’t buy a new outfit for the occasion. But the dress you described sounds lovely for a NY dinner date if you go out after.

      1. I was mortified that I was going to my first Broadway show in jeans (we spent the day sightseeing and it was way too cold for a dress – I had tights layered under my jeans…). Turns out, I didn’t need to be so worried. People were in all levels of dress from jeans to c*cktail attire. If you want to make a special occasion out of it, you’re welcome to dress up, but there’s no need to :)

   2. You will LOVE NYC and Broadway! It does NOT matter to much what you WEAR, b/c you are a tourist! But have FUN!

      I had alot of fun this weekend — My mom baked a great TURKEY, and I helped to baste the bird while it was cooking! Yay! My dad helped me with another soup run, and he drove me back to the Bronx b/c Myrna wanted to get back earleir then I wanted. I think I put on about 5 pound’s tho! FOOEY! But it was worth it b/c my mom baked alot of pie’s which I had to Sampel!

      Can you beleive that David had Adam call Myrna to see why I would NOT want to go out again with him? Hello? Where was he when there was a black-out? I do NOT know, and do NOT WANT TO KNOW. All I know is that he was NOT doeing anything to comfort me when it was windy and rainy and peeople were loosing power! FOOEY on him!

      But I met Myrna yesterday and we went to another pole danceing class in Brooklyn. The guy there was stareing at me! Why, I do NOT know. I have to do something to loose weight, my dad says, or they will have to put me in the back of the airplane he says! He is such a kidder! Fooey on that. I am only about 10 pound’s over where I should be and THAT is why I am excerciseing.

      I also saw HAROLD hangeing around outside NYSC yesterday, but b/c I was on the OTHER side of the street, I did NOT stop and I do NOT think he saw me. I wonder if he is goeing to show up at the big swanky party the firm is throwing. I do not think so, but if my dad is goeing, then mabye the manageing partner will invite him and his dad. Yuk!

   3. I kind of had an idea that dressing up isn’t required but I still want to (birthday celebration, Broadway, and there might be a chance of an important question…). Plus it’s a good excuse for a new dress! Just can’t find it yet…

      1. It’s obviously your call, but honestly I think a red lace dress, esp. with pumps, would probably be overkill unless it’s opening night (which it doesn’t sound like it is). I also wouldn’t wear jeans though – yes, there are people who will wear jeans and a sweatshirt, but you probably don’t want to go for the lowest common denominator. I recommend something in between, or at least sans pumps.

         1. I don’t live in New York, but when I go to the symphony, ballet, or theater in my city I always dress on the more formal end of the range I know will be there. Granted, very few people wear jeans to such events here, and sometimes I’m a bit overdressed, but I wish people dressed up more, and my thought is that the more people dress up (like me), the more others will follow suit. It may be wishful thinking, but I think if you want to dress up, go for it. All you’re doing is adding beauty to the world. However, I too would hesitate to wear pumps, because of the walking.

            1. “All you’re doing is adding beauty to the world.” What a lovely thought!

            2. Eleanor, I wasn’t suggesting that OP shouldn’t dress up. I go to Broadway shows and to the Opera/Ballet somewhat frequently and I usually “dress up” more than most people. I also wish that more people dressed up for these events, and more dressed up in general, really. I was just pointing out that a red lace dress would probably be a bit too dressed up for a typical Broadway show. Kind of like wearing a floor length gown to a c*cktail attire wedding. But, of course, that’s just my personal experience.

            3. I agree with Eleanor, Go For It!! I LOVE dressing up for shows, it’s fun!

               As for finding a dress, I don’t have any specific ideas for what you’re looking for, but I’ve had luck in the past just searching on Nordstrom and on Last Call for “dresses under $150” and then looking for something with a cut that i know will work for my body. I am a high-waisted pear, so usually im looking for something fit and flare or similar, but i have found some great dresses that way. Also, don’t forget about tailoring! It can add some to your final cost on the dress, but I have been able to buy sheath dresses a size up and then have my tailor alter them so that i can wear a cut I wouldn’t normally be able to wear.

               Also agree with the thoughts about shoes, but maybe think about some fun sparkly flats, or low heels that are really comfortable and stay on your feet well?

               But have a great time, Broadway is amazing, and I still remember my first Broadway show ever. Make some wonderful memories! ;o)

            4. Love it, I am going to use the “adding beauty to the world” excuse to dress up more often. :)

               I agree with erring on the more formal side, despite the trend to more casual attire. You never know when you’re going to end up at the show that just happens to be a majority older, more traditional crowd… I went to a symphony concert recently, and wore a nice dress and flats. I am SO glad I was not in jeans like my friend was. She ended up being one of only a handful of jean-clad people there, and the disapproving looks from the men and women of a certain age made me uncomfortable, even though they weren’t directed at me.

      2. Have fun! Consider your footwear too. When I go “out” I always end up wearing my low-heeled boots because even if you don’t plan out it there is always a fair amount of walking in NYC. Have had many friends visit and suffer blisters.

   4. I would vote maybe for a structured sweater dress instead of something lace–my experience is always that Broadway theaters are cold! Something that doesn’t constrict at the waist would be nice, too, as that can get uncomfortable when you are sitting for a long time.

      I would also suggest that you think about your outerwear. Remember that you’ll be taking off all your layers when you sit down, so make sure you have a way to keep track of scarf+gloves+hat+purse+sunglasses+whatever. I definitely would leave your puffer coat at home, as it would be hard to hold on your lap or in your seat.

      Fingers crossed that you get your important question (and that you’re seeing Book of Mormon)!

   5. Also think carefully about your shoes and your transportation plans. If you are going to be doing a lot of walking, plan accordingly. I always think we’ll “just take a cab” and then get too tired of waiting for one, so we walk. A lot. And now I know to wear sensible shoes and smart outerwear.

   6. I submitted this to your tumblr just now!

      1. I saw! I’ll try to get an answer up in the next day or two (I like that Pappell dress too, though the exposed zipper down the back kind of ruins it for me.)

   7. Presuming you decide the red lace dress is the right way to go: http://www.modcloth.com/shop/dresses/when-the-night-comes-dress-in-red

      I have this dress in a cornflower blue and it is lovelyyyyyy.

2. Good morning! Wanted to take advantage of online sales today. I’m looking to buy my husband a work bag as his holiday present. He works in media and can get away with casual/cool styles. But he currently uses a ratty backpack and I’d like to get him something more adult. Any suggestions on nice work bags for men that would work in a casual/cool/media work environment? Thanks!

   1. I know a couple of guys who really like Kenneth Cole stuff, they have some decent prices on a variety of leather bags.

   2. My brother (longtime computer professional in a very casual environment) swears by Timbuk2 bags, which are almost infintely customizable. I noticed that they are having a 50% off sale today only. Link to follow. My same Google search also told me that Amazon and Zappos also carry this brand.

      1. www (dot) timbuk2 (dot) com

      2. I like Timbuk2, they’re super sturdy and you can design your own if you’d like.

      3. Yep, thirded. Love mine, totally durable, TSA friendly (!) and a great purchase for me.

   3. What about Jack Spade or Brooklyn Industries (25% off today sale)?

   4. I really like the jack spade bags too. They are hip and casual, but still pulled together. My husband has had one for 5 years and its still going strong.

   5. Just ordered this gorgeous Samsonite Columbian Leather Flapover bag for my sig o. Looks like it’s sold out now with a few weeks’ restock time, so if you’re gunning for Christmas I’d order ASAP. Amazon definitely has the best price on this.
      http://www.amazon.com/Samsonite-Columbian-Leather-Flapover-Brown/dp/B004XAVT8K/ref=sr_1_2?s=apparel&ie=UTF8&qid=1353947534&sr=1-2&keywords=samsonite+flapover+briefcase

      Tentatively seconding Kenneth Cole Reaction bags… They look nice and are priced competitively for leather–but they’re really not top of the line if you have the dollars to spare. Got my guy one for his birthday last year, and it’s falling apart after just a year and change. (Granted, he puts it through all sorts of abuse, but still.)

   6. What about a Tumi bag? They can be expensive but great quality and very classic!

   7. Filson large briefcase- just gave this to my husband and he loved it. Perfect amount of cool and classic, and should last a lifetime.

3. Negotiators – would love your help with something. I’m transitioning from government legal work to private sector compliance (for a publicly traded corp). What are things I can/should negotiate for ? Any specific suggestions? Also, when do I bring this up? Post offer? And, is there any good way for me to inquire into benefits (FMLA, when insurance kicks in, # of sick days) without outright asking?
   Thanks so much!

   1. Vacation days may be negotiable.
      I’d wait until you have the offer.

   2. When you get the offer, the HR person should also provide all of the benefits information (vacation/sick/FMLA policy, 401(k), health insurance, etc.). If anything is missing or you have questions about anything, that is the time to ask. I’d personally be surprised if vacation days are negotiable if you’re working for a company large enough to be publicly traded, but you can’t get what you don’t ask for.

      1. I should also add, things worth negotiating for (and most likely to be given) include salary, signing bonus, and $$ for continuing education courses. And if you’re relocating, you should request a relocation allowance.

   3. Also, can negotiate interim review cycles and flex time elements.

4. I haven’t been interested at all in Christmas shopping online or going out to the mall. Maybe it’s the flu I’ve been battling for a week and the overwhelming number of sale emails I’ve gotten. On black Friday, I went to a couple of local stores and yesterday I went to the arts market and bought beautiful ornaments and a painting. Anybody else feeling this way?

   New York ‘r e t t e s! Any more thoughts about a get together on Wednesday? I think it could be fun even if it’s just a few of us. I’ll be staying in the Village (Washington Square) so near there would be great, but I could get else where.

   1. I’m likely working until 8:30 on Wednesday. :-( Ill try to keep tabs on what you all decide to do and hopefully meet up with you after work if you’re still out somewhere.

      1. Thanks! I’m not sure what to do since you and Ru had responded and I don’t feel like I’m in a position to plan something. I’m also free on the 29th.

   2. were you thinking drinks or dinner? Either way, there’s no shortage of places near Washington Square. Amity Hall is a pretty good bar near there (though lots of NYU law students usually). If we want a little classier, there’s a wine bar named Vyne that I’ve been meaning to try since they opened (bonus: it’s next to Anderson Cooper’s firehouse, so there’s always a chance of a minor celebrity spotting)

      1. I’m open for whatever you all want to do. Sorry I’m so late getting back. Busy day.

         1. Is there an email chain going on this? I don’t have anyone’s email–Send me an email —my dummy email is corporetteclothesswap@gmail.com

5. Ladies, thanks for your advice a few weeks ago on wearing my bright green sweater…it looks nice with a grey skirt and a white button-down under it. :)

   I have some more clothes (sizes 8,10 and L) for those of you who would like them! Blazers and tops, mostly, but maybe also some pants. Please email me at dianabarry r e t t e at gmail if you are interested, and I will take pics of the clothes and email you back.

   1. I emailed you :)

   2. Oh! And if anyone is interested in buying a Theory dot com $50 gift card (for face value) please let me know. I am not jazzed about the stuff on their website right now.

6. I have a threadjack too… (side note, I just cannot handle the name of that shirt.)

   Anyone need to vent about family plans for the holidays? My family is a stage 5 clinger and they are driving me batty! Per my Mother, they are super flexible… if we can’t make it to their house by 10am on the 25th we can come at 11am! Geez… we really wanted to not go anywhere on the 25th, hence the family drama that officially begun last night as I was trying to chop veggies for the week. Ugh. Makes me want to put a plane ride between me and my parents.

   Tell me I’m not the only one!

   1. BIG HUGS. My family is similar. They think they’re being super cool and flexible when in reality they’re dictating everything, down to the dishes/holiday meals being served when I’m the one hosting/cooking. It’s taken me two years of therapy and lots of good advice from fellow ‘ r e t t e s to be able to set my own boundaries.

      The only thing that’ll work in a situation like this is for you guys to decide what you want to do (i.e. 12/25 as an immediate family; extended fam stuff on other days) and stick to it. Do not be apologetic, but DO prepare for backlash and guilt trips. They’ll get used to it eventually, but it’s hard going in the meantime. Just know you’re not alone.

      1. Thanks ANP! It’s tough to make my decision and stick with it, but I know I need to for the sake my sanity and my husband’s! I’m the baby of the family, and my family truly hasn’t really accepted that I’ve gotten married, had a child, and now have a “life of my own.” I mean obviously, they were there for all of it, but it’s like it hasn’t really sunk in.

         My sister said my Dad was going to call me and DEMAND that I be there on the 25th, no if ands or buts. Not really sure what route he was going to take… was he going to give me an ultimatum? Celebrate on the 25th or you’re out of the family?? Families are weird. Hopefully mine will soon learn that I have GROWN UP and cannot be told what to do by my Dad. Ugh… wish me luck!

         And Good luck to Monday – The rental car sounds like a GREAT idea!

   2. Yep, I’m totally overwhelmed about staying a week with my mom. It’s going to be freezing cold, dark at like 4 pm, and snowy, and I won’t have a car. Every time I think our relationship has improved, something else comes up that sets me way back. As already summarized on this site, her latest faves are passing on negative comments about me that my sister allegedly said and throwing sh!tfits about the wedding that I didn’t even want to have. It’s terrible because I never want to discount the good that someone brings into my life…but seriously I don’t even know how I will handle our first conversation as I walk in the door, let alone ALL THAT TIME…

      1. Can you give yourself the gift of a rental car? And tell her “oh it’s the only way to use up my about to expire reward points” if she’s likely to fuss?

      2. Monday, is there any way you could rent a car? I can take public transportation to my family’s house pretty easily, trains, boats, etc., but I refuse to simply because I cannot stand to be there without my car, for easy escapes! It might be worth it, as a little treat to yourself!

         1. Thanks for the suggestion, Anne Shirley and De. I had not thought of that at all. Going to look into it. Who knew that venting could ever be constructive?

            1. Also, remeber if you’re a laywer and an ABA member, you get a discount on Hertz! My 3L year, I had some extra cash and treated myself to a hotel room near my mom’s house as a “spoiling myself” present (read: I need some space). Best idea EVER.

7. Is it just me, or is this…not blue?

   1. Shows up as pale gray on my computer screen…

8. TJ: Is anyone here a member of the Women’s Bar Association of the State of New York? I just received a mailing from them and was wondering if it’s worth joining. The brochure looks a little dated, so I am curious about how vital it is as an organization. Thoughts?

9. TJ for lawyers

   I desperately need to find a lawyer in MD who can help us with a quick/emergency guardianship process for an elderly relative who is medically incapacitated. I read that this usually takes 3 months but the family of another patient in the same brain injury unit said they were able to prove a medical emergency and get it in 2 days. They had a counsel on retainer so I need to find someone who has experience with filing for guardianship of adults and practices in MD. Any suggestions? Thanks so much!

   1. John Laster should be able to help, or at a minimum point you in the right direction. Link to follow, but his address is trusttolast [dot] com.

      1. http://www.trusttolast.com/

      2. Thank you so much!! Does he practice in Maryland as well as Virginia?

10. I think I would feel perpetually self-conscious about this bow. I love the rest of the blouse–I would just worry about getting the bow stuck in something (a drawer, a teacup, spokes of my bike . . . )

    Parental mental health TJ (how fun):

    I’m trying to find a way to gently and supportively suggest to my mother that she consider seeing a therapist or a counselor. She’s mid-fifties and one of those vibrant, busy people; always on the go and always ready to tackle something new. She prides herself on never even getting a cold; she would never admit to the kind of “weakness” that might require the help of a mental health professional.

    That said, she’s had a rocky few years: my father skipped out on her very abruptly a few years ago (with another woman), and she came very close to dying of cancer while I was in college. She dwells on these things more than a mentally healthy person might; it sounds as though she really hasn’t processed the emotional upheaval of being sick, let alone of being divorced, and I worry that her patented shrug-it-off-and-ignore-it style will leave her perpetually bitter and stunted. (And I worry that if she is perpetually bitter and stunted, she will also never have a chance of meeting someone new or having any kind of post-divorce social life.) She’s aware that mental health professionals exist in the world–her siblings were both diagnosed with serious mental illnesses as teenagers–but I don’t think she realizes that such resources are available even to people who aren’t severely depressed and schizophrenic.

    I’m afraid I don’t have any therapy experience myself, but my boyfriend and my sister have both benefited from it, and we all agree that my mother needs someone to guide her through this rocky emotional terrain. Has anyone had any luck urging a parent in this direction? Any books or podcasts that might soften the ground for her and make her see that therapy isn’t shameful or bad?

    1. Your mom sounds like my mom. Always busy, juggling a million things at a hundred miles an hour. She was adament about scheduling our doctor visits as kids, but would go years without getting a checkup herself.

       Long story short, a bunch of things converged to seriously throw her off her game (my dad’s infidelity, a major health scare, kids growing up and moving out). Unfortunately, we discounted many of the warning signs which “enabled” this slide. She ended up having a severe breakdown which required hospitalization and a mental health hold. The hospital appointed a caseworker who told our family that our emotional involvement made it difficult to realize she needed help (for example, we had had a number of hour long standoffs in which we’d have to talk her out of taking a car and running away or we’d have to hide all medicines so she wouldn’t overdose in a moment of panic – looking back these things seem crazy, but the way they gradually built made it seem like just another phase).

       During her mental hold, the hospital’s psychiatrist diagnosed her with bipolar disorder. Unfortunately, mental health issues have such a negative stigma in society and she resisted admitting that she needed any help for several weeks. She did agree, fortunately, to begin a mood stabilizing drug (it actually took a few weeks to try different types, as individuals react differently). After a few weeks on the drug, her outlook improved and she agreed to see a psychiatrist regularly. She’s making progress month by month, but as someone who is used to immediately fixing a problem and moving on, we have to remind her regularly that this is a process she needs to continue for the rest of her life.

       With regards to your original question, what helped her accept the diagnosis and get help were the following:
       1) Lots of research on mental health issues to dispel stigmas (ie. how actually prevalent they are, how one can be high functioning despite them)
       2) Reiterating that the diagnosis was not “her fault” (ie. mental health issues are often genetic)
       3) Emphasizing that she “deserved to be happy” and that it was unfair for her to suffer because of my dad’s actions (and that getting help was the best way to achieve this)

       Unfortunately, it took a major wake up call for my mom to get help. I’m glad you’re so dedicated to helping your mom. She’s very lucky.

       1. I just wanted to say (((hugs))) to you. I went through something very similar with my mom, and it was very difficult.

          1. Thank you, lots of hugs to you as well! It’s a scary and difficult process, but I’m so thankful for the mental health community :)

    2. I’m about your mom’s age, and I can’t stress enough that if you approach her with the words you’ve used here (“she dwells on these things more than a mentally healthy person might;” “I worry that if she is perpetually bitter and stunted she will never meet someone new”), you will most likely just make her mad and not get the results you want. I know you mean well, but… ouch.

       My suggestion is to approach her with an attitude of curiosity, as in “Mom, what’s it been like for you these past few years? I know you are, like, Superwoman and all, but I can’t help but think it has to have been wicked hard.” Then really listen to the answer. At some point, maybe you can say something like “I don’t know if you’ve been following the mental health field all these years, but these days there are people who specialize in helping people get through these rough patches and I wonder whether it might be worth just talking to somebody a little? My boyfriend did it when XYZ thing happened to him and he says it really helped.”

       Good luck to you and your mom!

       1. Oh, Senior Attorney, bless you. That is a brilliant script. You’re right–I would never *dare* be so explicit with my mother as I am with you guys, but yes, that kind of opening just might work.

          1. Good luck! I hope she can find some help!

    3. I don’t have any first-hand experience with this, but maybe she would be more open to go see someone with a different label. Perhaps a grief counselor, (cancer survivor/divorce) support group or a clergyman. Maybe if the (approach to) therapy is centered on the events that took place, she would not feel like it is a sign of her weakness. The therapy is about surviving cancer or about being divorced – factual things that happened; the therapy is not really about her or a weakness of hers (as she may see it).

11. You guise, a few days off made me realize that I need a vacation. I’d like to plan a short trip between Christmas and New Years. I’m thinking either Paris, London, or Dublin. Any experience on whether any of these cities sort of shut down during that week? We’d be looking to do a mix of touristy things and just wandering around the city, so I’m wondering if a lot of the restaurants are closed, etc.

    1. Paris is going to be busy and gorgeous. Go.

    2. In my experience, Paris is more shut down than London over the holidays. Big museums etc will be open except perhaps on Xmas day but lots of smaller businesses including restaurants will take the whole week off. Suggest staying at a hotel where your concierge will be able to call around for you, rather than a rental.

    3. I spent a few days before and after New Years in Dublin last year, and pretty much everything was open (including museums). We had no problem finding restaurants and pubs and bars and shopping. I’m not sure if the same would be true in the villages and towns outside of Dublin, but in the city proper there were no issues and we had a great time.

       Can’t speak personally as to Paris or London, but some friends went to London for that week in between a few years ago and if I recall correctly, they said a lot of things were closed. Not sure if that’s still the case, and I can’t remember where exactly they were.

    4. Obviously I vote London since I live here :-)

       The only day during the holidays when places are closed is Christmas Day. And that really means pretty much everything, including some public transport. There will be some restaurants and pubs open, but shops and museums will all be closed.

       Boxing Day is a public holiday, but everything is open (like on a Sunday). 27th and 28th are normal working days.

       Christmas Eve is just a normal day (although my office is closed, whoop!)

    5. Edinburgh has a huge new year’s eve celebration if you are traveling over new years. Also look into Icelandair and doing a (free) 1 or 2 night stop over in Iceland on the way to Europe. Maybe you could see the northern lights, visit the blue lagoon, party in Reykjavik–I spent 3 weeks in Iceland and it was wonderful.

       1. Yes, Edinburgh! Check to be sure you can get tickets to the street party though, they might be sold out. I feel horrible being in such a big New Years celebration city and not appreciating it at all but NYE has never been my thing. I’m here this year (originally planned on being on a flight here from the States) and now have to sort something out.

    6. I’ve been to Paris during that timeframe and it will be full of tourists (Asians and Italians, IME)and lots of things will be closed. If you plan carefully which things you see on which days, you should be OK, as long as you are good with maybe some alternate activities and maybe just walking the streets. I’d still go for it!

    7. I went to Paris right after Christmas a few years ago. It was COLD! I still had fun, but there was no sitting in a sidewalk cafe for me.

    8. DH and I went to London last year around the time you are thinking (a couple of days before Christmas and flew back NYE). We spent Christmas Eve/Day/Boxing Day in the country (southwest England) and then the rest of the time in London. Everything was open in London when we were there and it was very festive. Christmas Eve/Day/Boxing Day in London, as far as we could tell, most places, including restaurants, museums, etc. were closed. So, going to the countryside was great (we got to do a lot of walking around the tiny villages). Definitely recommend!

    9. Late to respond, but if you’re still on this issue check out the web site of NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness, www (dot) nami (dot) org. They have local affiliates (states or counties) and offer lots of support not only to people directly experiencing mental illness but also to their families. Something on here might be helpful for you or your family as you move forward in supporting your mom. Good for you for wanting her to take care of herself in this way!

       At the risk of being too opinionated here, I’ll add (in response to another posting) that I would approach a clerical/ministerial/rabbinic/etc. counselor with some care. I’d want to be sure that he or she is sufficiently savvy about current mental health practices and comfortable with the idea of people taking full control of their own lives. In more traditional sections of the religious community I’d be, frankly, on guard against any suggestions that confuss taking charge of one’s mental health with being obedient to any traditional but not necessarily healthy customs such as accepting all life experiences as divinely ordained, and not moving beyond the appropriate-for-the-particular-religion social norms or gender roles.

       _Please_ don’t be offended by this comment–it’s caused by my own feminist hackles, not by anything said by the original poster or any of the other responders. I’m religious but also feminist and quick to question anyone who says that we meekly have to follow precedent or tradition. That’s my take for my own life. I know that others choose to live differently and I do my best to be respectful. (It’s hard for me to watch people dismiss all scientific evidence or choose to completely smother one’s personality beneath the cloak of tradition, but I really do try to tamp down my strong opinions. There _is_ beauty in living with discipline and single-minded purpose.)

12. Family gifting TJ: For those that are part of a family with very diverse financial means, how is gifting handled among adults? Both immediate family (ie 4 siblings, one pulling down a biglaw salary, another waiting tables), as well as extended family (grandma, aunts, etc)?

    For kids, I know the rules are different.

    1. We do a single gift with a limit and then steal. It’s weird but fun and means that Christmas doesn’t turn into an exchange of gift cards.

       1. We do this at the extended family Christmas dinner. It’s really fun and so easy.

          For immediate family, we’ve all basically estabished our routine gifts. They aren’t equal, but everyone knows what to expect. Those who spend more could elect to spend less, and those who have less to spend can take comfort in those with more money know approx what level of gift to expect. The family with less money likes to give homemade gifts, for example, but the siblings with demanding careers with large salaries much prefer to give giftcards.

    2. We normally do a grab bag on my mother’s side of the family, which is a family tradition and kind of turns into a fun thing, some of the gifts from years and years ago are still discussed (not in the sense of their extravagance, we have a $25 limit, but the stories that went along with them. Wow that sounds cheesy!) This year we are doing the white elephant version, not sure how that will go over, but it should be interesting!

    3. My immediate family (mom, dad, mom’s sister, husband, me) gifts to each other, but we’ve cut back this year and adopted several families from a giving tree in the community.

       Husband’s family (parents 5 siblings + significant others) does a single gift with a limit and steal as well. We started this about three years ago and absolutely love it. Last year his dad did a bloody mary in a box with bloody mix, vodka, onions, mushrooms, etc. and it was a huge hit. This year our limit is $30, which is enough to be creative but not enough to break the bank.

    4. My husband and I are more well-off (now) than my siblings and their spouses – we give each of them about a $75 gift, ditto for my parents. We give to my BIL’s kids instead of to the parents. We don’t give to extended family at all, except a picture for the grandmothers – they are too old/out of it to appreciate anything else.

       My siblings give us and our kids what they can afford, no pressure.

    5. My husband’s family does a gift exchange for the adult cousins where one of the aunts draws names and coordinates. There is a $20 limit, and you send a wishlist to the coordinating aunt to pass on to the appropriate cousin.

    6. My family started doing $5 “gadget” gifts and I hate it. It’s impossible to find fun gifts for everyone at that price point and we end up spending way more than if we bought one really nice gift (either drawing names and buying for a specific person, or doing a Yankee Swap). Plus, I end up throwing out half the crap I accumulate there. Every year, I suggest changing it and get met with inexplicable residtance…drives me crazy.

       1. Agree that the price point matters. My SO’s family does a $10 gift exchange whic should be great because we each only have to buy one $10 gift. But I feel like I either end up giving gift cards or crap. My family does a “$25ish” gift exchange which is much easier IMHO.

          1. Oops, just re-read my post and realized that I wasn’t clear that we have to buy a $5 or less gift for everyone! There are usually about 15 people there so it adds up really quickly. Buying a single $10 gift actually sounds great, but I was trying to convince my family to do a limit of about $40 and we’d still only spend half as much as on all those stupid small things.

             1. We sometimes do a $5 limit too but make it into a contest of who can give the best gift under $5. It’s actually really fun. Other years we just have an agreement to only give good gifts. i.e. If I can’t think of anything that would be a great gift for X, I just don’t get him anything. We only buy stuff that “would be perfect for Y!” Some of us end up almost never swapping gifts because of it, but nobody really cares at all.

    7. My brother’s family has way more money than we do and it really pisses me off when they give my kids expensive gifts. I feel like they are more materialistic than I am. My niece just emailed me if it was okay to give my son a laptop and I told her firmly that it is not. But it dredged up memories for me and I got angry all over again… a few years ago they gave him a dvd player without asking me if it was okay and that made me furious. Nobody else (besides my husband) gets why this is a big deal at all but I hate Christmas and all the annoying family obligations and feeling inferior and the expensive gifts are very much a symbol of that for me. ARGH.

13. I really like this blouse. Not so much that I’d spend the money to buy it, but I really like it.

    Trying to be productive today, while biting my nails waiting to hear back from an interview. There are things that I can/should be doing, but instead I’m working for 5 minutes then checking email, working for 5 minutes, checking email. Not the best environment for sustained writing! Urgh…

14. Anyone from the Twin Cities have a good recommendation for food delivery? My dear friend who lives in St Paul has a child with health problems who has been in and out of the hospital for her first 10 weeks of life. I was thinking food delivery (either catered or restaurant or meal prep) would be helpful but don’t know where to start. Any ideas? Thanks in advance.

    1. Check out Let’s Dish for a place that will prep and deliver and all the family needs to do is pop it in the oven. I think you can also freeze items until needed as well.

       For restaurants, Green Mill is a local chain that does the pizza/pasta/sandwich items, and will do delivery.

    2. I’m in the Twin Cities and you could try lundsandbyerlys.com – it’s a local upscale grocery that has all kinds of grocery items as well as wonderful prepared food in their deli. Check out their webpage (see Great Food Fast for prepared foods) for home delivery options and call customer service (available 9am-9pm) for specialized assistance. Good luck and let me know if there is anything else you need here!

       1. Was just about to recommend this. They have amazing deli food. I used to eat it for dinner all the time when I lived in the TC.

    3. coborns delivers dot com — a few weeks ago they were offering a free trial deliver service for the holiday months.

15. I’m not a fan of these blouses, admittedly, but I really dislike this one in particular. The bow just looks like the model left a scarf on, and tied kind of awkwardly at that. Maybe it could be tied in a better way?

16. Hi all,

    Anyone have advice or links to share with information about purchasing a house directly from the owner? We want to purchase a house from one of my old neighbors. They have not listed the house or used a real estate agent. We haven’t yet told them that we are interested, but plan to do so soon. We told the sellers that, if we were interested, we would want to have an inspection and appraisal and have a real estate attorney draw up a contract to protect all parties involved. Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated?

    1. I would say that you each need your own attorney to ensure that all sides are protected. A single attorney cannot represent both sides’ interests.

       1. Good point, thanks. The attorney would be representing my husband and me. If they wanted to engage a different attorney they could do so.

       2. Ditto, the two attorneys would work on the P+S so that it was acceptable to both parties. There will likely be an appraisal involved if you are getting a mortgage, so it doesn’t need to be a separate line item.

17. Broadway follow up – anyone have any pre- or post-show dinner recs?

    1. Pre-show I like Toloache. And I never get post-show dining! Maybe at heart I’m Midwestern but how do people wait until 11 for dinner without going full on Spanish siesta style.

       1. Love Toloache! …it’s also across from my office….

    2. Becco for dinner. Get a reservation. The pasta specials of the day (unlimited and brought around fresh off the stove in a pan) are incredible.

    3. Pre or post show: Esca.

    4. Ca Va. Less “gourmet” than Esca (which is delicious), plus it has Christmas decorations and a warm, cozy vibe.

18. Thoughts on Le Crueset? I desperately want a teapot and they are on 25% off this week. Will I destroy this and be heartbroken? Which of the gorgeous colors should I choose, bearing in mind that I own one plate, one bowl, and a couple of tea cups so no worries about matching?

    http://www.johnlewis.com/230955895/Product.aspx

    1. I don’t have a LC teapot but am a big fan of the line in general. I did get my mom a LC teakettle a few years ago and it was pretty heavy, but still lovely.

    2. Love the teapot. I have Le Crueset stoneware coffee mugs and love them. They’re not indestructible, but they’re sturdy, and I think they keep beverages warmer for a longer period of time (or maybe I just tell myself that to justify the price).

    3. I say do it! Le Crueset are true investment pieces, my mom got her set as a wedding gift in 1970ish and everything is still in beautiful condition. I think it’s the perfect choice if you want a teapot that will last, and not some cutesy thing you’ll be having to replace in a few years.

       1. Fabulous! A thrift shop had an olive green set in the window the other day, definitely 70s but classic and gorgeous. It’ll be the one thing I’ll own that’s worth moving across borders. It feels a bit ridiculous living such a transient lifestyle but I’ll spend £50 on a dress or drop £25 on makeup in Boots, £22 on something I will use everyday feels pretty reasonable. It’ll be my 28th birthday present to myself.

          I have very little interest in getting married but might be convinced just for the opportunity to register for LC tableware.

          1. I know, right? My sister got married a couple of years ago and got some amazing kitchen investment pieces. I’m a little bitter that there’s no accepted version of wedding gifts for us single folks, can i throw my own “I’m single” party and have a registry just so i can get a Le Creuset set and an espresso machine?? ;o)

             1. I want a milk steamer and tableware and a really gorgeous cashmere throw.

             2. Reminds me of that SATC episode.

             3. Ooo, good call, Cb. And I forgot the other thing: a feather bed, mmmmmm…..

             4. Ditto on SATC episode!

    4. I love that I say go for it. Personally, I’d pick the bright red color.
       PS: I assume this is not meant to go on the stove, right? I have cracked their ceramics that way before so just FYI.

       1. You want LC enameled cast iron if you want it to go on the stove. I’ve done the same thing as AIMS with their stoneware.

          1. I’m assuming she already has a tea kettle for boiling water, and that she wants a teapot to brew her tea in. Not that she would put this teapot on the stove.

       2. On this note, their ceramics cannot go straight from the refrigerator to the microwave. Ask me how I know.

    5. I prefer Staub to LC (cast iron vs enamel coated cast iron).

19. Hi everybody. Job TJ.
    I am so excited to share that I was offered the internship with the judge that I interviewed for a week and a half ago (and asked what color my nail polish should be… ended up going with light pink)!
    Also, I am SO excited to share that I was offered a summer associate job at a mid-sized firm!! I’m thrilled and I want to accept BUT: 1) should I re-apply for jobs in January and see if I get anything better; 2) are there any questions I should ask before committing; and 3) is there an acceptable point at which to ask about healthcare / maternity leave policies before committing my 2L summer there? I’m excited about the firm, excited about the work, the location’s great, the pay is as good as I can expect (a little more than half of BigLaw)…. just want to make sure I’m making a good decision. Thank you!!

    1. Congratulations squared!

    2. Congrats on both counts!!!!

       I would stop at “I’m thrilled and want to accept” – I wouldn’t reapply at this point since so many firms have committed to hiring already. And I also wouldn’t jump the gun on asking about benefits – see how the summer goes first and then see if you get a permanent offer. :)

       1. This. And congrats.

       2. +1

       3. This and some more congrats! Glad to see you posting happy news!!!! :)

       4. This and congrats!

       5. Ditto. And Congrats! I was in a somewhat similar position (had a summer offer at a firm unknown to me/other students at the school) but enjoyed my summer, and now that I’m working, love it way more than my 300+hours/month BigLaw friends love their jobs.

    3. Congratulations!! It sounds like the summer position is great, so I wouldn’t worry about applying to more places in January. Most of the bigger firms will have already made their hiring decisions and it seems like you really like the place where you got the offer. Accept the job and take the pressure off yourself to find something else (and have the time to focus in your classes, etc). Congrats again!

    4. Congrats! I say accept and enjoy not thinking about the job market for a while.

    5. Thanks so much everybody! I’m so glad to hear that my gut was right :)

20. Some colors of “The Dress” are on sale at Nordie’s today: http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/suzi-chin-for-maggy-boutique-ruched-faux-wrap-dress/3036369?origin=category&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=HEMLOCK&resultback=0

21. Southeast asia travelers! Planning a trip to Thailand in March — know I want to do Bangkok and Ko Samui. Question about adding a third destination, either Chiang Mai or Siem Reap / Cambodia. Would have 3-4 days in 3rd destination (going for 12 days total). Any thoughts appreciated! Also, if we ended up having to go in April instead would that be too hot?

    1. I spent spring/summer in SE Asia and was in Cambodia in April and Thailand in May/June. It was plenty warm, especially touring Angkor Wat all day. Three days is a good time to spend in Siam Reap–I would recommend the 3-day pass to Angkor Wat and hiring a tuk-tuk for your private usage to get you between all the sites. Also, I would strongly recommend doing sunrise and sunset (probably not the same day); the sunrise is absolutely incredible and sunset is nice too. There’s really nice bike-riding around Siam Reap and the nightlife can be pretty fun too.

       Chiang Mai is a really lovely old city and there’s plenty to do there-cooking classes, massage, one or two-day tours or trekking will definitely fill your time. It is also cooler there than Siam Reap. In terms of how much time you’d have, it definitely depends on whether you plan to fly or go overland between Bangkok and either Chiang Mai or Siam Reap. The overnight train between Bangkok and Chiang Mai is very comfortable, but it takes over 12 hours, so if your time is limited you may want to fly. Going from Bangkok to Siam Reap overland is an *adventure* and can be quite time-consuming, so I would recommend flying.,

    2. I did a very similar trip for my bar trip — Bangkok, Ko Samui/Tau/Phangan, and Chiang Mai. Literally cannot recommend Patara Elephant Farm in Chiang Mai enough. It remains the single coolest day of my entire life, and made my entire trip! There’s also great shopping, scenery, Tiger Kingdom and beautiful resorts.

       I’ve never been to Cambodia, so maybe that would be just as amazing. Have a wonderful time!!

    3. Both are good choices, but personally I would go to Cambodia. It’s more unique, and the temples around angkor wat are the single most amazing things I have ever seen, and I travel a fair amount. Agree about getting some kind of private transport. You can either hire a tuk tuk for the day, or if you have more to spend, hire a private guide and a van. We hired a guide and a van with A/C, and it was relatively inexpensive, maybe $40/ for two people. Our guide was very knowledgeable, and had a degree in archeaology from the local university. I got a lot more out of it than I would wandering with a guidebook.

       Chiang Mai is also great, though has fewer show stopping sites. But there are many beautiful temples, the markets are great, and the people are lovely and friendly.

       Also, I second Patara elephant farm 1000%! It seems expensive, but it is amazing. I think our day long trip cost about $150/pp. Don’t bother with the 2 hour long tour operators where you ride on a big chair on the back of the elephant. Go the whole day somewhere that lets you interact with the animals, and doesn’t make them put on a show (e.g., playing with a ball or painting, etc.) It seems sort of cruel from what I’ve seen.

       1. Also, if the Patara elephant camp is booked, a friend tried and liked Thai Elephant Home, which also adopts a sustainable, cruelty free model.

    4. Posting late but just to say that the Thais celebrate Songkran in mid-April. It is a big holiday (offices closed 2 – 3 days, small businesses the whole week) and is associated with a lot of fun/ rowdiness involving throwing/ splashing/ spraying water because it is also the hottest time of the year in central Thailand.

22. Lo & Sons threadjack- thinking about getting the OG or OMG (with the Holidays2012 30% off code) for a stylish family member who travels pretty frequently for work. Which one should I go with? She’s 5’7 so I think she could pull off the larger OG but I can’t tell if it’s still too big for in-town use and thus less versatile.

    1. I am 5’8″ and about size 8/10 and I don’t think that the OG is too big. I use it frequently for work. I haven’t seen the OMG, though.

    2. The OMG is useful but smaller than you might think. The OG may be a better travel bag.

23. Ladies, I wanted to report back on the Joy the Baker salted caramel cheesecake, which I made for Thanksgiving dinner. It was **unbelievably** good, one of the best things I have ever tasted! A big thanks to whichever commenter suggested it a few weeks ago (I don’t remember).

    It was very easy to make (and did not require a springform) but did have several stages, i.e. cook this… then cool for x amount of time … then do this other thing … then cool for x amount of time, so reading the recipe in advance (I did not) is important.

    Thanks again! I can’t wait to make it again at Christmas.

    1. That sounds amazing. In other recipe report backs: I have made the Nantuket Cranberry Pie for myself many times, but this was the first year i made it for my family, and They Were Dying. Everyone loved it so much, and is already planning the next time they get to make it. Thanks again to the Original Poster for introducing us to this amazing pan of buttery and tart deliciousness!

       1. I made the pie too- major success… of course I am crediting the cranberries direct from the source rather than a bag which having used them for the first time ever in our other cranberry dessert I have decided makes a huge difference.

    2. Thanks for reporting back! It sounds like its worth the effort, so I’ll have to go for it!

       Zora, I made the cranberry pie for the second time this year and once again it was a crowd pleaser. It went way faster than the sour cream apple and pumpkin pies that I made. It’s so easy that I just want to make it all the time! Freshly made whipped cream goes perfectly with it and helps to further cut the tart ess of the cranberries. I think Bunkster introduced us to this delicious concoction last year. If so, thanks Bunkster!!

       1. Yup, that was me. It’s so easy to make. I made it again last week, too.

          1. Well then a Million Bajillion Thanks to you, Bunkster!! ;o)

             Last year i made it three times throughout the winter. Just for myself. And +1 to the fresh whipped cream. MOAR CRANBERRY PIE, NOM NOM NOM

          2. Bunkster, this just makes me want to steal your recipe file even more :)

24. hive-alert! (frequent reader/ infrequent poster).

    i am getting married in february, wearing a lacy a-line sleeveless v-neck dress. i need to accessorize now with three things:
    (1) faux fur white wedding jacket
    (2) large gold/silver colored (costume) necklace
    (3) shoes, preferably metalic and peep toe.

    Any ideas on any of those three? budget is low-as-possible. thank you so much.

    1. For the jewelry, I’d definitely check out Etsy. Got almost all my accessories that way and it was significantly cheaper than in-store options, plus you can work with the supplier to get something that is exactly.right. You might even be able to find something for the jacket on there.

       1. Ditto Etsy for wedding accessories!

    2. (1) Forever 21?
       (2) Check J C Penny.
       (3) Look at Nina brand, probably available at Macy’s or similar.

    3. Check out Macy*s for shoes. They have all their holiday shoes out right now and there are some fabulous gold sparkly ones that I think were either J.Renee or Nina that were super cute.

    4. Off-topic, but way to go on not getting the strapless wedding gown! You are already more original than 99% of brides.

       1. you know, speaking as a strapless lace column dress wearer, that many brides select that style because it’s (1) flattering on them, (2) many v-neck gowns are designed for the Keira Knightley figured among us and changing the neckline to raise it either screws up the line of the gown or introduces yet MORE alterations, and (3) well-tailored gowns with sleeves, even short sleeves, make putting one’s arms around one’s spouse a stiff and awkward maneuver — and not because they are sheep?

    5. 1. I had a winter wedding and ended up buying a cute little 3/4 sleeve jacket in a color that coordinated with my bridesmaids dresses. Purchased at Anthropologie. I recall also seeing the faux fur stoles there as well but you can check bridal stores for those.

       2. Etsy is great for jewelry but I find it hard to navigate. My wedding jewelry was purchased from etsy and anthropologie.

       3. Zappos! I ordered so many pairs of shoes to try for my wedding and never had to worry about getting them back to the store. Also try Macy’s and other department stores. They have dressy metallic shoes out all year.

25. Do any of you have the jcrew leather ballet flats? Wondering if they run big/small/uncomfortable….thanks.

    1. My experience has been that they run true to size but wear out quickly. Or, rather, they look worn out quickly – they’ll still get you around town, but they won’t look nice.

    2. Seconding the true to size. I haven’t had an issue with mine looking worn (have had one pair ~3 yrs) but I probably pay more attention than most to prioritizing which shoes get “harder” wear.

    3. I’m on my 4th pair of Cece flats and I love them — are those the ones you are referring to? Unfortunately, my dog chewed up the first two pair, so I can’t tell you the actual lifespan, but they looked great until then! I order a size up.

       Currently, I have a tan pair that are holding up really well despite the pale color. I wear them for everything, just short of yard work. I also have a cap toe pair that I just wear for dressier occasions which have stayed pristine for 6 months or so. The patent cap toe may be protecting from wear.

26. Does anyone have a receipt scanner they’d recommend? I need one for personal use, not work. So need something that is simple to use and not too costly. TIA

    1. I just use my cell phone to take a picture of them.

       1. Seems like Evernote would be a good way to keep pictures organized on your phone…I use it (when I’m being good) to keep track of grocery store prices by taking pictures of price labels and labeling them with the date.

          1. I need it for tax prep purposes since my SO and I have to itemize my receipts so we are talking about a couple of hundred receipts. I was looking for something that would scan and then organize the receipts… preferably a handheld/desktop tool rather than the commercial scanners my work uses.

             1. the blog unclutterer often recommends the scansnap (fuji?), I believe, but there are likely more suggestions over there as well.

             2. Thanks Cat! Will check it out

             3. I do too, that’s how I came to the phone thing (sorry for the brief earlier reply). I use an iphone & made a folder in my photo stream for receipts & then upload that folder to my computer/back them up every so often. I find it’s a lot easier than a scanner as I can take a pic in the moment (e.g. right when I get the receipt v. sometime later on). Not a perfect system, but workable for a few hundred receipts a year. If you come up w/ a better mousetrap, please do share!

27. My family is doing a “yankee swap” type gift exchange this year, with $25 limits. Problem is, none of us are all that clear on the “rules” of the game. Can anyone who has done this before give me a run-down of how you play/steal/when it’s over? We’ll have 15 adults (ages 20-70) if that matters.

    1. My friends and I play this way: Everyone brings a wrapped present. Person 1 opens a present. Person 2 can then choose to steal from Person 1, or open a new present. The way we play, Person 3 then gets to either open one or steal.

       Some years, we have put limits on the number of steals for a certain gift – i.e., once a gift is stolen 3 times, it can’t be stolen again. But usually we just let it play it out until every gift has a home. We usually have 8-9 people, and it can take an hour or more to finish.

       I think we’ve also required a person who wants to steal to (1) sing a song; (2) take a shot; (3) recite a limerick; and (4) give a backrub to the person they are stealing from. Lots of ways to play it!

       1. Thanks! :)

28. Am I the only one who thinks this blouse makes the model’s breasts look incredibly saggy? I can’t imagine this being flattering on anyone.

    1. I think the blouse is nothing special but it’s the skirt that makes the whole outfit look so frumptastic.

Comments are closed.