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Updated: Jun 27, 2024 277 Comments · by

Thursday’s TPS Report: ‘Pelle’ Jacquard Blouse

The Personal Shopper (TPS)· Under $150 |

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5/24/24 Update: The Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale has started — see our big sale roundup! Also, sign up for our newsletter to stay on top of all the great sales!

Classiques Entier® 'Pelle' Jacquard Blouse

The below content is about the 2012 Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale.

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Nordstrom's Half-Yearly Sale is upon us! I'll round up my top picks later today, but for the morning TPS report: I like this yellow silk jacquard blouse from Classiques Entier.

The stretch silk sounds soft and comfortable, and I really like the reptile-patterned jacquard. I'd wear it primarily with gray, with black, purple, or cobalt accents.

It was $168 but is now marked to $83.98. Classiques Entier® ‘Pelle' Jacquard Blouse

Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

P.S.: One more order of business: Everlane, the online-only shop which offers “the finest essentials at truly disruptive prices,” is expanding its collection from $15 t-shirts (soft, good) to silk blouses (for $80) and cashmere sweaters (for $120), plus free shipping on 2+ items. Here's my invite code if you need one.

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. KC

    This morning while getting ready, the question “What have you done this week/month to help other women in your firm/company?” popped into my head.

    After spending some time thinking about it, I thought this would be a great question to pose as a TJ. When I think of helping other women, I default to mentoring/networking activities. I’m interested to hear the takes of other women, as I’m sure there are many other avenues worth exploring. :)

    • just Karen

      I am the only female attorney in my office (of only nine attorneys), so the only other women around me are the receptionist and paralegals. To be totally honest, other than speaking out about what canNOT be asked in interviews (such as whether someone has kids), I haven’t done anything, and I’m not really sure what I should/could be doing. None of them are interested in becoming attorneys, so I don’t have much to offer in the way of mentoring or networking.

      • Ellen

        I am also the only YOUNG female in my office other then Lynn, my asistant. I help her by doing alot of myown typeing and also I gave her a wrap dress that I did NOT wear. She live’s in Brooklyn I think so she is NOT in and I am in b/c there IS power in my office today. YAY!

        There are a few older women, including 2 senior attorney’s and a partner, who’s husband is also working here, so I have to MENTOR myself. The manageing partner help’s me out when I REALY need help but often, I have to figure out the dificult issues all by myself, then he just agree’s with my analysis. My dad says that I have to learn to be totaly independent and NOT to rely on any body else, especialy a man. That is why I am a profesional, and admited to the NY Bar as an attorney at law he says. But I do want a decent guy to lean on especialy when there is so much to do, like NOW.

        With Hurricane Sandy, I had to do everything for every body. I had to help my dad and mom, go to LI, go to the Office, check on my apartement (where there WAS power thank god), and call the manageing partner, who I do NOT think is abel to come into Manahattan, b/c he does NOT want to drive with 2 other peeople into work over the bridge. FOOEY! It is good if he came into help me. When he does, I can YAY!

        I also have to monitor the phone’s here b/c LYNN is not here and have to help Frank “foot and proof” the billiengs (whatever that mean’s). No wonder I am so tired! If I were MARRIED, I would have my husband do alot of this so I could RELAX! FOOEY!

    • anon1

      I’m a pretty new associate, so I don’t think there’s much I can do, but I’ll share some things others have done for me.

      1. Talk about their kids in mixed circles. Make it a part of the conversation and not something to be ashamed of.
      2. Give me work and put me on trial teams even though I’m a married 30-something who just screams that I’ll be having kids soon (which hopefully I will be :)).
      3. Point out things others have said that are sexist. Seeing them do it, I know I can do it too.
      4. Talk about how to make partner, both generally and as a woman. My firm is awesome in that we have a very active women’s group that does this formally, but people also discuss it informally. People just expect the women to want to make partner just like the men do.
      5. Put me on a committee that isn’t the br**st cancer awareness committee.

    • Lady Enginerd

      Encouraged one to apply for her first conference and helped her write up the application (never occurred to boss to tell her she’s ready, so I did). Lots of informal “you are not alone” stories ranging from tough to work with men to hanging in there when things are tough. Women in STEM stick together.

    • ss

      I’m watching the responses with interest.

      I didn’t really value ‘help’ when I was a young woman – it usually smacked of tokenism since I was one of the very few women and the very few non-white people in my field. To the extent that there were a couple of senior women, it was enough that they existed. And now as a senior professional, while I set a fairly liberal tone when folks need to give priority to their family responsibilities and undertake mentoring regardless of gender, I don’t really explicitly undertake activities ‘to help other women’ professionally. A lot of it seems to be of ambiguous value – look at the controversy the Sheryl Sandberg speech stirred up, although I think her intentions were sincere enough.

      I don’t close the door on it though – if there are some activities which young women DO consider unambiguously helpful, I’d probably make a push to do my bit.

      • anon1

        I agree with this – the most important thing about it is that senior women exist, which is not a quick fix.

    • Diana Barry

      I don’t do much of anything, since the firm is smaller and there are few of us. I do send all my referrals for the X department to the one younger female in the X department, rather than any of the males.

    • Susan (edna_mode_nyc)

      In my department, there’s a guy who I’ll call the OfficeBully. He has decided that one of my (female) coworkers is an easy target, and at group meetings, he’s taken potshots at her and her ideas. He’s very well-practiced in throwing curveballs at people and putting them on the defensive, and she has not been as well-prepared in handling these.

      The first time he did this, I watched to see if she could defend herself. She didn’t.

      The second time he did this, people were averting their eyes, because they knew it was likely to be a pattern. So I told him that his question was besides the point. And that X was the more important question. My colleague then answered question X and the storm blew over, as it were.

      Aftewards, I went to her office and said, ‘he’s targeting you because he thinks you can’t/won’t put up a fight. I think he’s a bully, but don’t let him derail you from making your point.’

      I admit that I was a bit annoyed with my colleague, because it took a bit of convincing before she was willing to acknowledge that the OfficeBully was targeting her. I get that there’s a potential stigma to being “the target,” but putting your head in the sand is not going to help. I told her she should think about how she might defend against such future sniping, and be prepared. My underlying message was also that I wasn’t going to rescue her every time. It wouldn’t be appropriate, and it wouldn’t help her in the long-run either.

      My colleague (who was being targeted by the OfficeBully) is about 10yrs older than me and my peer in rank/title. (I’m mid 30s). I wonder if that was one of the reasons why she was targeted– to try to put down a fairly senior-ish woman is “bagging a bigger prize” for a bully than picking on the newly hired kid who’s just out of undergrad. Her own boss wasn’t at that meeting, and I kind of wish he had been, because I’m really curious how he would have reacted when the OfficeBully was targeting his direct report.

  2. AIMS

    This seems like it would be a very difficult blouse to wear. Maybe I am overthinking it, but I feel like between the color, the shine, and the looseness, this would not be so lovely on a lot of people. I do think it would look nice with navy.

  3. DC Jenny

    Did anyone else have trouble getting this site to load yesterday? I wanted to go back and thank everyone who comiserated with my complaining about getting personally sued by a pro se plaintiff, but I wasn’t able to. So, thank you! Sorry it happened to you, but glad I’m not the only one.

  4. anon

    Has anyone considered being single indefinitely; that is, single by choice for the long run? I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I’m pretty selfish, I really really need lots of me time, I like to do things on my own terms, I don’t really value “family time” so maybe it’s for me?

    • DC Jenny

      I don’t see anything wrong with that. And it’s not like it’s a permanent decision – if you change your mind or meet someone who changes your mind you can always partner up if you want to.

      • OP

        actually – that’s a good point, I could meet someone by chance later on in life and decide being a couple is better suited at that point in life

      • Susan (edna_mode_nyc)

        This. A good friend of mine has done the same thing– he’s decided to be single for 7yrs – no dating, hookups, etc. And he’s been perfectly content with it. It helps that he’s got a busy job, lots of friends and family, and lots of hobbies.

    • anon for this

      I’ve definitely thought about it. And actually, it is pretty much the path I’m pursuing now. It’s really difficult for me to see myself “attached” to anyone.

    • Sydney Bristow

      As someone who decided long ago that she didn’t want to have kids and hears people say that ill change my mind someday or I just haven’t met the right person to have kids with yet, I sort of liken it to that. It may not be the “norm” or what people expect anyone to choose, but it is a completely valid choice.

      I didn’t ultimately make that choice, but I was single for years. For a good portion of that time, I didn’t have any desire to be in a relationship. That wasn’t a permanent feeling for me and I personally went back and forth on it. I did wonder what people would think if I just stayed single forever, but ultimately I decided that it didn’t matter because we all have to do what is right for ourselves.

      • LMP

        This is similar to my experience, though I am married now — single for most of my life, generally liked it that way, didn’t much care what other people thought because it was right for me, couldn’t imagine meeting someone I’d love / like / get along with well enough to give that all up.
        Obviously I did, but it’s hard to explain that somehow, loving my husband so much and being so grateful I found him isn’t incompatible with my feeling that I’d be happy being single my whole life too. I guess it’s that when I made that choice to be single, it was a choice to build myself and my life not contingent on a life partner, which doesn’t mutually exclude eventually finding a life partner (though that’s not the way I thought of it at the time).

    • SH

      I had made that decision for myself as well, for exactly those reasons. For me, it also wasn’t a permanent decision – I met my current SO and suddenly didn’t want to be by myself. It’s a perfectly valid choice: you live your life however you like and however makes you happy. And even if you make that choice, proclaim it to the heavens, and then decide later on that you don’t want to anymore, that’s OK too.

    • style advice needed...

      Yes, for me.

      After being single for so long and relatively independent, I also think it would be fairly difficult for me to make compromises as I have gotten older that are so essential for a stable long-term relationship.

      I also had very poor role models for healthy marriages, and this made me realize early in life that marriage/divorce would likely not be in my future. I am quite cynical…

      I agree with others that is is fine to make this choice for now, and who knows what the future might bring….

    • Cb

      Yeah, I am busy and live a sort of vagabond existence so relationships haven’t really come into play.

    • NOLA

      I am not making any pronouncements about my life long-term. I’m in a semi long distance relationship that will soon become truly long distance. I am very happy living alone and spending a lot of my time alone. In fact, when my SO and I had a week together, I hardly knew what to do with him around in the evenings if we didn’t go out. I generally work out, mess around on my laptop, knit, whatever – not things that would include him. It made me feel kind of lame, but I’m pretty happy with how I spend my time when I’m by myself. I think, after being unmarried for 6 years, I would have a hard time going back to living with someone. When I was married, we spent all of our time away from work together. I couldn’t do that again and would have to figure out some measure of independence. I’m open to a different kind of relationship eventually but I wouldn’t go looking for it.

    • wolverine

      I have a cousin who has chosen to be single. Come from a fairly conservative culture of arranged marriages and such so this was a big decision. She’s in her late 20s, very involved in religious and charity activities and decided she wants to focus on those and not on raising a family. Most of the family has accepted her decision. And she hasn’t become a recluse or anything, in fact has a very active social life but just decided consciously to be single and I doubt she will change her decision later

  5. capnkate

    Grammar TJ:

    Does a participle (I think that’s what it is) always have to be followed by “that?” So, must you say:

    “Thinking that she was going to be late, she ran to the train.”

    Or, can you say:

    “Thinking she was going to be late, she ran to the train.”

    This keeps coming up for me, usually in citation where an explanatory parenthetical has to begin with a participle (e.g. “holding…”). I’ve had some people insert “that” into my participial phrases, and others delete it. What’s right? Anybody know?

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      I always thought you don’t need it, but this is more based on intuition than any firm knowledge so would also like to know. Maybe it’s a thing where you should have it, but it gets dropped for creative reasons and is generally acceptable.

      I find that non-native English speakers are more picky about this.

    • Equity's Darling

      I tend to think of “that” as filler. I use it a lot informally, but when I’m writing for work, or drafting documents, I will cut all my “thats” when I edit, leaving only the ones required for clarity or flow. I don’t know the actual rule, but I don’t think you need “that” in the examples you wrote- I understand the sentence without the “that” and it doesn’t really alter the flow. Though I’m sure there is a rule somewhere, I think it’s probably stylistic to a degree, because I’ve certainly had people add back in all the “thats” that I cut from my own writing.

      There’s also a Grammar Girl about this, I’ll post the link as a reply, or just google “grammar girl and when to leave out that”

  6. anon

    Does anybody know of a cute place to get paper plates for a party? I was thinking of using an Etsy seller, if that sort of thing even exists. I’m just never very pleased with the ones I find at the party supply store.

    • frustrated academic

      We used Smarty Had A Party for some of our wedding stuff and were really happy–fast (and free if you spend enough) shipping.

  7. Woods-comma-Elle

    Guys, advice on when something totally takes over your brain and you can’t think about anything else.

    I have a current personal thing that I just keep going over in my head/worrying about. I’m super busy at work and usually that helps because I just get on with my work and that helps me not think about the other thing, but right now it isn’t working and I keep going back to it like every ten minutes. This is not usually my style and I am generally very good at putting personal things to one side, but I’m putting it down to work stress which is compounding the problem.

    Any ideas on how to deal with this? FAOD the thing isn’t something within my control and I can’t therefore take positive steps to progress it so as to resolve it.

    • AIMS

      Put on a timer and give yourself permission to think about nothing but this for 15 minutes. You will be unable to after about 5. This usually works for me. Good luck.

    • NOLA

      A couple thoughts – exercise can help you let go of things that are bothering you. Doing things outside of work that engage your brain help, too.

      One thing that a friend told me years ago that has helped me is that you have to work really hard to let go of having to know how things will work out, especially when the outcome isn’t within your control. I try to just let go of having to know what the future will be, try to make good decisions, control what I can, and trust that things will work out in the best way they can. Otherwise, I’ll just think myself to death and the anxiety makes me crazy.

    • moss

      write down what you would say to your ideal audience (the person causing the problem or your fairy godmother). Often the things running through my head are me making the case for why I am right. Getting the argument down on paper helps. Getting worries down also helps.

    • ss

      Not immediately helpful but learning how to meditate was very helpful when I was being eaten up by work and unable compartmentalise between it and the rest of my life. Hope yours gets better soon though !

  8. Gem

    TJ: I’m sure I’ve seen ladies discussing the urban decay nak*d palette before. Any thoughts on whether I want the original or number 2? I’m very pale, tan a little on summer and want something to do double duty for every day make up and the occasional more dramatic makeup for events. Thanks all

    • ANP

      I just came here to post and thank the people who brought up these palettes last week. I ordered N*ked 2 and it came last night — and I’m in LOVE! For reference, I’m pale in the winter, tan easily in summer, but I have olive undertones to my skin (which sometimes read as yellow once we get to December – February). I liked what I ordered and the shades seem very versatile. I had a hard time swallowing the cost ($50 for eyeshadow) but will definitely be getting lots of bang for my buck out of this.

        • ANP

          This sounds weird, but I really like the consistency of the eyeshadows (smooth/creamy, if that makes sense). The colors are great — everything from uber-neutral to sparkly, and they all seem to “match” my skin and each other well. I’m also a sucker for convenience, and having all of these in one place is nice too.

    • Penna

      The original has warmer tones and the number 2 has cooler tones. So it just depends on whether your coloring is warm or cool. Both palettes have a good range.

    • Redhead

      I was going to post the same question, except I’m a redhead with the accompanying very pale skin. Thoughts for me?

      • a.k.

        I am very pale, freckled, light auburn hair, and the original Naked 1 has everything I need and more. The colors layer really nicely, so I can do one coat of a color for work, but do 3-4 for an evening look and make it more dramatic.

      • Anonymous

        I am a redhead by choice and have pale skin with pink undertones. I just bought #1 and it works great for me. I skewed a little more “rosy” with the undertones than two so I went with it instead. I think #2 is probably better for those with yellow undertones. All said, I think they are both very versatile and you wouldn’t be crying with disappointment either way.

      • jcb

        Also a pale redhead with freckles and skin with pink undertones, and really love palette no 1. The warm colors are all very flattering and go together really well. Makes it easy and low-risk to experiment. Haven’t tried palette no 2, but thought it looked like cooler tones that wouldn’t work so well for me. My ONE complaint is that I have really gone through the Naked color, as it’s the right base color for my everyday make-up, and I can’t find it sold separately. So I might have to go out and find a substitute base brown color pretty soon …

    • Hmm

      It’s amazing. I use it every day. I have medium brown hair, light eyes, and light skin. I use the original.

  9. Blue

    What does “After 5 Attire” mean (for women and men)? I’ve gotten conflicting opinions on Google. For reference, it’s a wine-and-appetizers type charity event for “young professionals.”

    • TBK

      I’d say that they don’t want stuffy work wear. For men, I’d guess a dark suit possibly without a tie (although with is probably fine, too) and for women, I’d guess a c-tail dress or dress pants with a sparkly top.

    • Cat

      For me, that means a day when I wear a sheath dress and cardigan. If I show up and people are dressed more “c*cktail” I can knot the cardigan over my shoulders. If it’s an obviously straight from work crowd (which is more typical for events of this type IMO), I feel appropriately dressed up while still clearly in business-wear.

    • Equity's Darling

      For those kinds of events, I always think of the “day to night looks” type outfits that I always see in magazines. My go to is a black sheath dress with a blazer at work, and then add more fun accessories for the evening, and consider removing the blazer and checking it/leaving it with my coat once I see what others are wearing.

      Generally speaking, I’ve never felt out of place wearing a black sheath dress with heels- it’s sort of a “good for almost everything” outfit, except the gym, super casual weekend stuff, or black tie, and your even is none of those exceptions.

    • InfoGeek

      It’s like a doll comforter, with elastic!

      It looks like a campy version from the 70s of clothes-of-the-future .

    • mamabear

      It’s like a doll comforter, with elastic!

      It looks like a campy version from the 70s of clothes-of-the-future .

      • Amelia Bedelia

        And I’m dying.
        laughing hysterically and people are now staring as they walk by my office.
        is it possible to be in love with an online community???

        • anon

          Funny I feel the opposite. I think its fine to ask other posters to acknowledge that sometimes the things they say are offensive. Apparently my request was not taken seriously but I thought it would be for people who say they want a welcoming environment. The OP was thoughtful enough to apologize though, which I appreciated. The rest just laughed, and now I guess think I was being too sensitive. I am constantly, constantly the brunt of jokes like the other day. Its a disease unlike most, where people think its fine to say things like eww! I would have never shared that information but I thought this community would like to know how hurtful comments like that can be to people who might have that illness.

          • Blonde Lawyer

            I considered posting to you yesterday but wasn’t sure how to word what I wanted to say. I think you handled the situation perfectly and courteously. If it is any consolation, the original comment could also be read to say “I don’t want you to think I have a serious long-term issue I have a hopefully temporary issue” as opposed to your disease equals “ew gross cooties.” Either way, your post resonated with me and I (not one of the commenters in question) will be much more careful about how I word things in the future. I have certainly joked before about a different std and I’m ashamed to think someone I could have been joking with may have suffered from that issue. It is like when I learned in high school that it wasn’t cool to call things “retarded” or “gay.” We have to live and learn. I’m sure your post awakened many people to another reason to be sensitive.

          • Lucy

            If you mean the AIDS comment – I was really appreciative of people who spoke up noting that they, or loved ones, were hurt by the stigma surrounding AIDS. I think even lighthearted reminders of that process, like the one above, are gentle moments where people reflect on the processes of the community conversation here.

            I didn’t take mamabear to be honestly snarking on the thoughtful comments by people who say “I was hurt/stigmatized by that statement.”

            I’m glad you’re speaking up here, as thinking about what we say and how we treat each other is important. Thanks.

          • Jo March

            It is definitely OK to ask posters to think about how their comments might affect other readers. You were not being too sensitive, and, sorry mamabear, but this feels like a gratutious shot at someone who had a pretty serious and legit comment.

          • Anonee

            Ok, if I read this right, this is about the AIDs comment earlier this week. I thought you were right to say something then (even though it wouldn’t have occurred to me that it would be offensive beforehand). I actually took that as a learning moment.

            But this comment here strikes me as a bit much. I don’t think I can explain why without possibly offending you. But, maybe you are expecting a lot from strangers?

          • SJ

            I thought mamabear’s comment was funny because if the next response had been “Too soon!” this thread probably wouldn’t have taken the turn it has. I tend to file serious matters under “okay to joke about” about 10 minutes after they’ve happened which has definitely gotten me into some hot water and I don’t always learn from those experiences.

          • TBK

            Huh, I didn’t see Mamabear’s comment as referencing yesterday’s discussion at all. Just about how it this puff thing does in fact look like a down-filled growth (but maybe I’m missing something?). Also, I’m surprised to hear that you thought people laughed at you yesterday. The comments I saw were all very thoughtful. I think it was great that you spoke up and clearly you made an impact on the OP as well as several other commenters.

          • anon re: IUD

            As the OP and (shameful) speaker of the offensive comments, I meant my apology. I had not considered it in those terms, and when I did, I absolutely realized it was wrong of me to express it that way and what I see as “joking around” certainly contributes to the hurtful stigma that comes along with STDs.

            So for me it was a learning moment, and I really do apologize that I offended people. I will choose my words more carefully in the future, and I do appreciate you bringing it up. I don’t like to hurt people (intentionally or unintentionally) and I like to know when I have, so that I can apologize for it and hopefully consider and adjust my behavior accordingly.

          • anon re: IUD

            Also – anon, I really don’t think people laughed at your comment (unless there was another thread somewhere that you missed). I know that I took it seriously, for whatever that’s worth, and I don’t think you said anything yesterday that was laughable. People had expressed they thought the comment was funny, but that was generally before concerns were raised about how it was offensive as well.

          • Amelia Bedelia

            clearly I missed something.
            i did not read the thread yesterday.
            I was laughing at the thread on the puffer monstrosity and did not know people were offended by something yesterday.
            regardless, I maintain that this community is awesome – evidenced by the responses to this complaint.

        • mamabear

          FYI my comment wasn’t about AIDS

          If I must be specific it was about this one

          Q: i’m frustrated trying to get pregnant. does anyone ever get pregnant accidentally?
          A: I got pregnant accidentally.
          A: I got pregnant accidentally too!
          OP: You are offending me and the infertile telling me stories about how you got pregnant accidentally.

          • anon1

            Calling someone else out instead doesn’t seem like the right solution . . .

          • hellskitchen

            I think your recollection is a bit off the mark. The OP asked “How do women get accidentally pregnant” which I took to be a rhetoric question. She didn’t ask for a roll call on who got accidentally pregnant. Unless you are replying with a step-by–step guide or manual on getting accidentally pregnant, it would have been best to not respond to that question.

          • Herbie

            I didn’t even realize you were referencing something specific, Mamabear. People here get their backs up about all sorts of random ish.

          • TBK

            +1 Herbie. I’m usually impressed by how rational a lot of the discussions here can be (@bortion discussion last week?) but things seem a little pricklier these last few days.

          • cfm

            eh herbie and TBK, I don’t think its “getting your back up” to point out that a joke about how awful it would be to have aids can be offensive. I think anon and the orignal OP handled it well, but I see how mamabear’s comment looks like it was poking fun. And I am a huge mamabear fan, but that is not really a fair description of how the conversation went with the infertile comments.

          • anon

            Thanks, cfm. I’m the one who asked the pregnancy question. I really tried to say it in a nice way, but I guess I shouldn’t have said anything.

          • anon

            And it does kind of suck to be reading this and then realize someone is making fun of you . . . .

          • Herbie

            I’m not talking about the AIDS comment. That seemed reasonable to me. What I am talking about is my impression, developed over the long term, that there are times you could say, “The sun is shining today! I love the sun!” and suddenly, someone is on you about how it’s cloudy in their neighborhood today, and how boorish and insensitive of you to remark on the sun in light of their lack of the same. An exaggeration, obviously, but I struggle with wanting to be supportive of other women on the one hand and the overly sensitive thought policing that goes on sometimes on the other.

          • cfm

            For the longterm I agree with you Herbie. I am very blunt person, and I’ve been called too blunt before when everyone on this site is kind of doing a “no its not your fault, you are the best!” but here mamabear is specifically talking about one poster, (two just thought it was about them) which I think is a little uncalled for.

          • hellskitchen

            Herbie, I too agree with you on the long term. And I don’t think we need to be overly policing everything we say. When the OP from the thread yesterday objected to the comments, several commenters said she was being too sensitive etc. but at least they all duked it out on that thread and were done it with it. Mamabear’s referencing it indirectly and in this passive-aggressive, inside-joke kind of way just doesn’t seem called for. Someone did that with a SF Bay Associate a while back and made a similar snarky reference to her post on organic food and that too was wrong. We can’t be all PC all the time but let’s not be downright mean and poke fun at individual members

  11. Anon

    Thanks for noting the Nordstrom sale, Kat! I received price adjustments of over $200 on two recent orders! #Dedicated.Nordies.Shopper.4.Life!

      • kaydee

        How recently does an order need to be made in order to qualify for a price adjustment? I foudn a number of things that I ordered in September that are now on sale, but I don’t know if that’s too long ago. Thanks!

  12. Anon

    I need some advice. I have a relative whose grown son is a drug addict. He also clearly has mental health problems although I’m not aware of any diagnosis. He was living with his mother on the condition that he get treatment for his addiction and mental illness. Recently it became clear that he was using again. His mother was ready to tell him that she would pay for in-patient treatment, but that if he didn’t want to go, he would be on his own in 30 days. (He has done odd jobs but never been able to hold down a job for more than a few weeks.) She was prepared for the possibility that this would mean he would be homeless, but saw no other solution since supporting him had clearly become enabling him. But then his girlfriend overdosed and is expected to die in the next few days. The mother contacted her son’s therapist and told the therapist what has happened and about the plan she had had to ask her son to move out. The therapist said that if the son moved out, he would be at a very high risk for suicide. (I’m getting all of this information third hand, but the mother and the relative from whom I heard all of this are reliable. I have no reason to doubt what I’ve been told.) The mother is now in a terrible position. Her son is grieving for his girlfriend and could be at risk for suicide. But having him live with her is intolerable. She has already taken all of her valuables out of the house to store with another relative, and she now sleeps with furniture in front of her door because she’s afraid that people her son is mixed up with (drug dealers etc.) may come to the house looking for money. Her other son is doing what he can to help (and has offered to sleep at the house to protect her, although she declined) but he is also at a loss as to what to do. The mother has consulted a lawyer, and is aware of her legal rights, but is still struggling with what to do. Is this the type of situation a social worker can help with? One of the problems is that the son won’t give his therapist permission to disclose any information and therefore the family is just guessing at what the son’s mental health issues may be. Does anyone have experience in this type of situation (K…in transition, do you have any suggestions)? Or any suggestions for who could help the family put together a plan? This is just all so sad to watch.

    • violet

      Al-anon may be a good support group for the mother and rest of the family. It’s a group for families of alcoholics. I am not sure if they also cover drug addicts or if there is a different group for that.

      • Anon

        They’ve considered NA-anon, but haven’t gone because their understanding of what the purpose of the group is is to get members to understand that they can’t “make” their addicted family members do anything. The mother and her other son feel they already understand this. Also, they understand that the whole AA-type thing revolves around submitting to a higher power but neither of them believes that a higher power exists (they’re at most agnostic and the son is probably an atheist). The other son has told me he doesn’t think the group could really offer them anything.

        • Calico

          Those were my exact same hesitations with attending Al-anon as an agnostic. I will say that upon going, I have been very pleased with how the group makes me feel. It really helps me to hear other people share feelings similar to my own. It’s quite cathartic to be surrounded by people who understand the culture of secrecy, shame and lies that surrounds addiction in many cases. Mostly since I can’t *do* anything to help the addict, just the act of going to a meeting allows me to feel like I’m making progress. I think for a lot of us Type A people, being confronted with something we can’t control leaves us feeling so powerless. I like to think of Al-anon as a step towards maintaining my best mental health.

        • Anon for this

          I go to Al Anon. I don’t believe in God. It has made a tremendous difference in my life. Even just meeting other people going through the same thing is tremendously helpful. In fact, the meeting I just went to a Dad was in the very same situation (he had sons girlfriend and 2 kids living with him) and he kicked them all out, got a restraining order, and didn’t talk to son for 4 years!!! Son eventually got sober. Life is better now. But the main thing is his own life was no longer in danger.

    • ANP

      Oh my goodness. I’m so sorry for your family — this is a terrible situation to be going through, whether you’re watching from afar or involved in the thick of things. To me, the icing on the cake is that she feels unsafe in her own home.

      Did the therapist who spoke with your relative have any recommendations other than “Let him stay with you?” While his/her advice doesn’t sound totally off-base to me (as in, I can see why this person would be at risk for suicide), I’m also a little surprised that the professional didn’t pose some viable alternatives for her. I have no experience with halfway houses or similar types of group settings, but would he be able to go somewhere like that? (Paging K in Transition!)

      I’m sorry I’m not more help, but know that someone out there on the internet is sending warm feelings towards you and your family. Also, I hope that your relative is seeing a therapist herself — I can imagine that she’s in a terribly difficult situation and it would really help to have someone to talk with about this on a regular basis.

      • Anon

        If the therapist had other suggestions, these weren’t passed along to me with the other information. I’m actually pretty angry at the therapist right now for dumping this on her. It’s understandable that he would feel he had to point out the suicide risk, but I’d expect him to also offer her other solutions or at least resources to help her. She was widowed unexpectedly a few years ago and while she’s doing better, her emotional health is still fragile. I feel like the therapist should have taken more care in communicating this information.

      • Anon for This

        Following up on ANP’s comment, is there any sort of facility that would be an alternative to her home? I’m not sure what the exact requirements are, but I had a relative threatening suicide who refused to be evaluated and the police invoked an M1 hold so that the family could get a proper mental evaluation and start treatment. Obviously, it’s a lot harder to do something like that if he’s not explicitly making threats, but a social worker could perhaps advise you if there is a similar option for addictions.

        Bottom line, the fact that she feels unsafe is a huge signal that she’s right to not ignore. When speaking with a social worker about the relative I mentioned above, she lamented that most families are so emotionally involved that they allow matters to worsen until they get a huge wakeup call. I hope that your relative finds a solution soon.

    • MaggieLizer

      If the son refuses to go to an in-patient treatment center and the therapist can’t recommend any other facility where the son can get help, the only real option to protect both the son’s and the mother’s physical safety may be to turn the son over to the police. At least in jail he would be monitored and perhaps the mother can arrange for suicide watch. If the son really wants to hurt himself, living with his mom isn’t going to stop him and I’m frankly shocked that a therapist would even suggest that. If he’s really a suicide threat then he needs to be in a facility that can handle that.

      • Anon

        The family would not object to him going to jail. However, the police didn’t arrest him even when they responded to the call about the girlfriend (he was with her when she overdosed) and there were drugs in plain view.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        From the jail perspective (former CO) – most accredited institutions do a suicide eval upon admission. Even those deemed little to no risk are put on “watch” for their first 48 hours. The “watch” means they have to be checked every 15 minutes and the staff has to note their demeanor on a form. Any change in demeanor has to be reported to the mental health staff. If someone is deemed a risk or has an attempt they are put on 1:1. 1:1 means a staff member has to be arms length from that at all times, even when they are using the restroom or showering. They also have a form to initial every five minutes. The watches can then be weened down to visual instead of arms length with ten minute initials. All inmates are supposed to be visually checked, regardless of suicide risk, every fifteen minutes. In reality, this does not always happen so the fifteen minute suicide watch sheets are useful. The staff will make sure to check that inmate as a CYA.

        There are also procedures, though very difficult, to have someone involuntarily committed. However, once committed, if they get out of 1:1 risk territory, they can usually sign themselves out. The mentally ill despondent do best on 1:1. The calculating and planned suicide risk who still has his/her cognitive faculties is less successful. They will do whatever they can to get off watch (answer questions in all the “right” ways) and they just wait until they are off watch to attempt again.

        The plus side to jail is there are far less ways for one to physically harm oneself than their are on the outs. Plus, one is truly never really alone in jail so an attempt is usually caught by either another inmate or staff fairly quickly.

    • capnkate

      Chemical dependency commitment might also be a possibility. If the son could get checked into a hospital, the hospital could petition for a CD commitment, which would get him some kind of social worker or case manager and ensure that he’s not using and he’s being cared for by professionals.

  13. Susan

    Threadjack–does anyone know where to find the black (leather?) sash/belt that Jones New York shows with so many of its dresses, slacks, tunics, etc.? It’s not sold on their site, and I can’t find a “contact us” link to ask them. It looks like it’s maybe one and a half to two inches wide, and it’s always shown tied in a sort-of half bow. Here’s an example: http://www.jny.com/Burst-Pleat-Dress/26641567,default,pd.html?variantSizeClass=&variantColor=JJZ01XX&cgid=25126439&prefn1=catalog-id&prefv1=jonesny-catalog

  14. Blonde Lawyer

    Out of the mouths of babes –

    I was wearing my new wineberry lands’ end dress (knee length, 3/4 sleeves) yesterday with a wide black belt and knee high boots. I also wore my hair curly and was wearing silver glasses. One adorable trick or treater saw me standing in the door and exclaimed “IT’S MRS. CLAUS!!!” as he ran to the front door. At first, I didn’t quite get what he was saying and said “who??” And he explained, “you have the red dress and boots and belt and glasses, are you santa’s wife???” I laughed and said “nope, this is just what I’m wearing.” So then his confused little counterpart responded “well, what is your costume then???” I had to respond, “I’m not wearing a costume, I wore this to work.” To which they responded “oooohhhhh” like I’m the crazy lady down the street. My friend was with me helping me give out candy and she was dying laughing. My husband was keeping my dog under wraps upstairs. I ran up to tell him and his response was “well, I told you that dress looked frumpy.” Oh well, I still love it. Now I need to get me some elves!

  15. Hair extensions?

    I posted this yesterday and thank you very much to the person who responded. Reposting in the hope of more responses. I have very fine, curly hair that has thinned considerably over the years. I feel self conscious about it and would like to experiment with a hair piece or hair extensions. I don’t have bald spots on my head, just a general thinning all over. Right now I’m considering the clip on kind, but would also consider the more permanent type if that was a better option. I cannot take Rogaine for medical reasons, so I thought that a hair piece/hair extensions are my best bet.

    Any advice from those who use hair extensions, either on specific brands, whether clip on is better than the glued on kind, etc? Thanks.

    • violet

      A friend’s mother has worn a hair piece & wigs for years. I would have never known if she hadn’t said something. I’m sure you will look great!

    • January

      This is not totally on point, but I have a friend with really thinning hair who got a lace wig from a wig shop, and she loves it. Hers is made of human hair, and it looks great. You would never know she wears a wig unless she told you.

      Perhaps more directly related to your question, I know my friend spent a lot of time reading hair loss forums, and you may find more people on one of those who have more experience with extensions? Good luck!!

      • Hair extensions?

        Thanks to you both! I found someone in my town who seems to have a lot of experience in this area, so I might schedule a consult with her first.

  16. Anonymous

    Meeting attire TJ: client meeting tomorrow, I’m in finance, client environment and mine is professional casual usually (except for Big Meetings, which this is not). Travelling by train. Hi-temps are low 50’s and breezy. I’m planning to wear one of those Calvin Klein ponte knit dresses, which I’d normally wear with black pumps and bare legs or hose. I plan to wear black tights and knee high black boots (3″ heel) instead.

    Does the heels/tights plan sound appropriate? Otherwise, could do tights and pumps or hose and pumps.

    • ANP

      Ooooh I like that. I think LEC runs on the biggish side. You can order a bunch of sizes and return for free to a bricks and mortar Sears store, if that helps.

    • SoCal Gal

      They definitely run large. Order one size down, I’d say. Realistically I’m a 14, but I wear a 10-12 in Lands’ End stuff.

  18. Crazy to Fly?

    It’s been a while since I posted and got great feedback that I should definitely try to make it back for my SO’s event (we’re in a bi-coastal LDR) over a weekend… well, then the Hurricane happened, and my closing has obviously been pushed, and may close in the next few days, or may lag another week or two. If it goes longer than next week, it will still be going when I would want to take my weekend trip. I know I have to let my team know, but I’m just hoping it all gets sorted (i.e. closes before the trip and is not really an issue). Any advice on how to raise this with my team? Was thinking of approaching the partner and saying that I had been planning on this (weekend-only) travel before I knew the closing might be pushed, and would still very much like to be able to do it, if at all possible. I have no control over when this thing will wrap up, but want to raise it early and let people know it’s important to me (for what it’s worth, we have a sizeable team, and are far enough along with things that I think they might be fine without me over the weekend, even if things are continuing)… any words of wisdom or advice on how to broach it while being polite, mindful of the team’s needs, but not a pushover when it comes to my personal life?

    • TBK

      Oh geez, totally depends on your firm. In my old BigLaw firm, I wouldn’t even ask about it and would just assume I’d have to cancel. But that’s a pretty extreme position (and a reason I’m no longer at that firm).

      • Cat

        As a younger associate, I would totally agree.

        Now as a mid-level — and I only do this for Very Important Plans, not a random fun weekend — I would mention it just how you have described. And say when you would be available remotely if needed.

      • SF Bay Associate

        I wouldn’t ask at my firm either. We get paid the big bucks because when a closing/trial gets pushed, we must be willing to push non-Very Important Plans too. Generally, I think Very Important Plans are truly important life events i.e. you’re getting married, you/your SO is giving birth to your child, your nuclear family member’s funeral/wedding and maybe graduation. As much as you want to visit your SO, I don’t think that qualifies. Personally, I’d cross my fingers that it closes before my hoped-for weekend trip, but say nothing.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      I’m at small law which has a totally different mentality. I’m in litigation not transactional but my gut says, if something can wait a few weeks, it can wait a few more days, right? I’m assuming because of the storm lots of people have family stuff to attend to. Would it be totally out of line for the firm to say “because of the storm we will be running on short staff this weekend?” This of course is “know your firm” and all you big law lawyers are probably laughing at me trying to be “rational.” I can’t see the harm in saying you have purchased tickets to an event that is important to you and you will be away just that weekend. But, I of course defer to the others who have lived your situation. At my mid-law prior job, if someone had to cancel travel (it was a rare rare event) the firm would pay the cost. So, worst case scenario, I’d try to get your firm to pick up the tab for your lost plane ticket so you can go again another weekend. Sorry you are in this position.

      • SF Bay Associate

        Yep, I am laughing :). You’re paid less in part because they can’t ask you to sacrificed personal plans, and we’re paid more in part because they not only can, but they expect it. “Tickets?,” says the Senior Partner, thinking of all the important events s/he’s had to bail on because of a sudden work conflict. “Feh. We pay you enough to eat the cost of the tickets. Too bad.” And oi vey – asking the firm to pick up the tab for the lost plane ticket. That would be known as a Career Limiting Move.

        • Blonde Lawyer

          And this is why I defer to you :) I am doing that waiving bow thing from the movies but there is no emoticon for that. Thanks for the reality check.

        • SF Bay Associate

          Darn it, they can’t ask you to sacrifice [not sacrificed] personal plans. Need more coffee.

          This job definitely has tradeoffs. My friends in small law make less, but by and large, they control their schedules and their lives and they have real evenings and weekends. Basically, the small firm salary bought their lives 9 to 5, Monday through Friday. I get paid more because the big firm bought much, much more of my life, and I need to proceed accordingly.

          • SoCalAtty

            Well, 7:30 a.m. to 5:45 p.m. or so unless a case blows up, and then we’re 12 hour days 7 days a week too – but yes, sometimes I have to remind myself that I’m not going to work Big Law hours for Small Law salary….even though they would like me to!

          • Blonde Lawyer

            So Cal, I think I need to print out the last half of your sentence and tape it to my computer . . .or set phone reminders to give me the message at 6 and then 7 pm every night.

    • ss

      This may not be what you want to hear but you could proceed along the lines of booking your trip and only going if your closing works out, and eating the cost if it doesn’t. If it works out, your arrival is a surprise for your SO. If not, it’ll be because you are tied up in a big closing. I’d mention to your boss that you’ve made plans but that they are subject to the closing being done and dusted.

      But either way, very much hope on your behalf it all goes well !

    • Brant

      How accessible will/can you be during the trip? Can you bring stuff on the plane (and take a plane that has wifi)? Will you be tied up during your entire trip or will you have time in the AM to do work? And, can your team get any value out of you if you’re not physically sitting in a room with them?

      FWIW, I’m not in law, but I DO often have to work weekends/ get harassed 24/7 by people that MUST HAVE SOMETHING RIGHT NOW–NO, IT CANNOT WAIT UNTIL YOU GET OFF THE TRAIN! But my team is largely remote so we’re pretty flexible on where you are when you answer your phone. By the by, I found my vacations in Europe to work the best, since my team would be working into the wee hours of the night, which is when I would be waking up. So I could “Take the baton” for a few hours with projects, then shoot it back to them and get on with my vacation.

    • TBK

      Just to pile on a bit and say that your firm might have told you to “set boundaries” and they might even have told stories about associates who never spoke up and were overwhelmed and how they so, so, so don’t want you to be like that associate. Well, the people who give these talks (I call these people the firms’ “Warm Fuzzies” — our Warm Fuzzy at least had a fuzzy beard and fuzzy wool socks and fuzzy sweaters and big Birkenstocks) don’t make decisions or handle cases or do anything else except impart a little warm fuzziness on the associates as a way to boost rankings in AmLaw’s annual mid-level survey. The people who actually do the work TOTALLY want you to be like that associate. I wouldn’t worry too much about being a pushover in your personal life. Not until you want to leave the firm.

      • MaggieLizer

        I have to disagree slightly. This kind of mentality is a know your office thing. In my biglaw office, the managing partner told me when I was hired, “People here do not cancel their Vacations. We will work around it.” And that’s held true in my experience here. But a fun weekend trip isn’t a Vacation. Even in my relatively laid back office, you only have so much political capital when it comes to skipping out on work for personal stuff and the trip you’ve described just isn’t how I would choose to spend it. That being said, if I’d already spent the money on the ticket and it was non-refundable, I would probably ask about the weekend the way you put it and also offer to cancel if something comes up.

  20. Pretzel_Logic

    Quick question about the care and keeping of boots–

    So, I splurged (with assistance of a gift certificate and birthday money) on some super awesome Born boots from DSW. I have never, ever spent this much on shoes but I loved them so much I decided they’re worth it–however, I’m not sure what all I should be doing to take care of them. They’re black and real leather, btw. Any tips for what I should to make them last and keep looking awesome for a long time?

    • AIMS

      Take them to a cobbler. He can put winter soles on them and weather treat them. This will extend their life substantially and is worth the $20 investment. Then get a basic leather conditioners and wipe em down every so often to keep them in good shape. When you store them, stuff some tissue inside so they don’t lose their shape.

      • zora

        I second take them to a cobbler. You can do it at home, too, but you definitely want a layer of weather treatment on them ASAP, before you wear them outside. And winter soles are a good idea, but being borns they might already have a good sole. (I love borns!! ;o))

        I actually keep something to hold up my boots on a daily basis so they keep their shape and dont get creases in the ankles from falling over. I take fairly thick magazines, roll them up and put a rubberband around them. As soon as my boots come off at the end of the day, the magazines go back in, and they get propped so they stand up straight. I have had boots ruined in the past bc they were laying on my bedroom floor alll the time and getting trampled on.

        Then, for long-term maintenance, keep an eye on the soles. Borns are usually pretty hardy, but at least once a year if not twice, most of my boots get a trip back to the cobbler to have the soles replaced and maybe a new layer of weather treatment, etc. It’s so worth the $30 once in a while, a LOT cheaper than new boots!

        Enjoy your new boots!!

    • BB

      If they are shiny, get a layer of polish on them right away. A waxed polish will help protect them to0. I was super sad that I managed to get oil drips (!!!!) on my brand new brown ankle boots last week before I got the chance to protect them. :(

    • Kontraktor

      I put a layer of a bees wax sealant on my riding boots called SnoSeal. Then, I polish/buff with regular black polish. I do this about 2x a year (for my last pair, I may have done it about 3x because I was pretty much wearing them every day). I also store boots with boot forms. In fact I just bought some for $10 at Bed Bath and Beyond. I am sure you could get the boots weather sealed at a cobbler if you don’t have the materials, but if you buy your own wax/polish/brush, you can do it yourself whenever your boots are looking a bit sad.

  21. mamabear

    ruh roh! There are lots of Alexis Bittar pretties on sale at Nordstrom today. My credit card might be in trouble…..

    • NOLA

      The gunmetal hoops are gorgeous. I wish they were hinged rather than posts. Posts poke me in the neck and make me cranky.

      • mamabear

        I’m trying to figure out a good reason why I need another bracelet. I like the studded hinged model. I have a similar one in the light gold color, but with crystals rather than studs, and I wear it all the time.

  22. BB

    You guys, I am seriously HEARTBROKEN right now over a suit!

    I’ve been looking for THE perfect high-quality black skirt suit for over a year now – the one suit that I want to own for years and years and will work for me as I age and move up in my career. I finally came upon this insanely gorgeous Akris suit last night. Here: http://www.bergdorfgoodman.com/p/Akris-Hook-and-Eye-Jacket-Mandarin-Collar-Poplin-Blouse-Double-Face-Pencil-Skirt-Designers/prod70180021_cat368202__/?index=4&cmCat=cat000000cat000002cat000008&isEditorial=false

    It is everything I wanted…and it’s sold out in everything but a few random sizes! :(( And it’s not even been discounted yet! Sigh…My one consolation is that there is no way I would have paid full price for it, but I would have grabbed it instantly for 40% off. Oh well…next season, I suppose…

    (okay, jk about the heartbreak obviously. I’m not that superficial, but I am kind of disappointed :P)

  23. viv

    Question for the hive. How do you deal with a boss who has a personality that rubs you the wrong way? I started my dream job a few months ago, and I love the work I do, but I find myself frequently getting annoyed at my boss. I don’t want to be overly judgmental, and hey, there are probably things about me that are imperfect. But it still gets to me. Most of all, I know that maintaining a good relationship with her is super important for my job to go smoothly and for possible references in the future. We haven’t had any conflicts, but I’m just trying to let go of the personal annoyance I’ve been feeling each day. I’d love some advice.

    • BB

      I have had this issue too. Try to understand where they are coming from and why they act the say they do. Since it doesn’t sound like malicious behavior, is it just habits from their culture? Their class/upbringing? It makes the annoying things seem less personal and you may even sympathize with them.

      Another tactic is to focus on the things you admire or like about them. So “x talks too loudly, but Iredpect her for getting to her position in the company.”

    • Lola

      Really depends on what you’re dealing with here, but for the first year of my job, I always said the reason I would eventually quit would be my 2 bosses. Another year later, I’ve come to really like both of them and find ways of working around their ‘eccentricities’ a.k.a. the things that used to make me so fed up I’d come home talking about quitting. Maybe it’s just time and finding ways of making it work.

  24. New poster

    Hello–I’d love to hear some ideas for packing for my first Biglaw weekend work conference. It’s my firm’s annual retreat, so it will be many people I don’t know, from all different offices.

    The invite says “business casual,” and it’s Friday/Saturday/Sunday. I am not especially concerned about what to wear for daytime conference meetings (pants and blouse/sheath dress/blazer) but I am wondering about the evening activities, dinner and drinks. Do people usually wear the same clothes into the evening activities? If not, should I wear something more casual for evening?

    If you have done one of these before, what did you pack? Any ideas welcome (even for daytime clothing). Thanks!

    • Carly

      PS–OP here. I have posted here a few times now and am no longer really “New.” Henceforth, I shall be known by my new name, Carly.

    • TBK

      I’m trying to remember what I wore to my firm’s retreat. I think we wore the same things to the evening events that we’d worn during the day. I do think there was one big dinner where we wore more evening-ish clothes (I would guess a sheath dress or LBD with more sparkly/bigger accessories and a wrap or evening cardi would work). Not sure what your workplace is like, but the other associates and I were all pretty close (as in socialized on weekends even when we weren’t on a work trip) so we spent our down time together and wore more weekend type clothes then (like nice jeans, leather shoes, and sweaters). That might be totally inapplicable for you, but just consider whether you might want one non-business (but still professional looking) outfit just in case.

    • Gus

      I think it depends a lot on the timing of the events. For instance, if the schedule has the day time events running until 5:00 and then just a short break until cocktails/dinner start, then you can assume most people won’t change. On the other hand, if the day time events end earlier and leave people enough time before dinner that they might go to the gym, go for a walk, etc., then it’s more likely that people will come to the evening part dressed differently. Or if one night’s event is billed as a special event (like a welcome for all the new attorneys or the new partners), then people are going to be more likely to change for that. But under any scenario, unless it actually says c@cktail attire, I wouldn’t wear something in the evening that I wouldn’t have been comfortable wearing during the day. I think I’ve typically worn wrap dresses for the evening events if I’ve changed, because you can easily dress those up or down (and don’t take a lot of room in your bag to pack, so you can bring one just in case).

    • anon

      At my firm’s retreat (same timing, Fri/Sat/Sun) most people wore business casual clothes through the day meetings and kept the same clothes on for dinner. Dinner didn’t end til 10 pm or so, and then many people changed into jeans before going out but quite a few kept the business clothes even for outings to the bars. I would err on the side of being more dressed up than normal. I’m in California so my office is pretty casual (lots of attys wear jeans on non-Fridays) so I have to say I was a little surprised to not see anyone wearing jeans (except at the aforementioned bar hopping) and many people (mostly guys) in suits. I actually felt almost under dressed in dress pants/sweaters & dresses/cardigans. I’d bring a blazer to wear with dresses for sure, dressier blouses for pants, etc.

      • Carly

        Thanks, everyone. I’m in CA, too, and I have heard that in the past the CA people were a lot more casual than everyone else at this event. I will keep it in mind when packing. Zora, I will run your searches–thanks so much for giving me the info.

  25. Limited fit?

    Limited is having a 40% off sale, and I found a pair of pants I like. They’re called “Lexie.” I’ve never bought pants from the Limited before, and I usually wear a size 6. They only have these pants in size 4 and 8–I’m wondering if I should go for one or the other. Does anyone know if Lexie pants run large or small? I’m usually on the smaller side of a 6, and sometimes wear a 4, but rarely an 8, although I saw one reviewer thought these pants run small and you should size up. Any ideas from the hive?

    Also, I’m thinking about buying the same pant in the “Drew” cut in a size 6 to see which I like better–any thoughts on the fit of this style?

    Thanks ya’ll!

    • hellskitchen

      My experience has been that they run a bit larger. I bought a pair of Drew pants from them recently – I am usually a 6 but got a 4 in Drew since it seemed to fit. And within days, the 4 had stretched out and was a bit loose for me. So I’d start with the smaller size

    • Merabella

      In my limited (no pun intended) experience the limited tends to run larger.

    • Anon in DC

      Don’t know about the relative sizes, but I have a pair of Drew pants that have become my all-time-favorite office pants. They are comfortable and flattering. I bought them 3 years ago, and the few times I’ve gone back to get a replacement pair, the fabric looks cheap or I don’t like the colors, etc. But if you find the right pair, go for it!

  26. Non-partisan question

    I am a regular poster but I believe most people now know which way I sway politically. I have a question that should apply equally across the board so I’m posting under a different name so nobody can read ulterior motives into my question.

    In light of Hurricane Sandy and the large number of displaced citizens, what should be done about the election and what can be done about the election?

    Ideally, I think it should be postponed but I understand that it cannot be due to some law from the 1800s. Couldn’t Congress pass a new law and quickly authorizing postponement during national disaster?

    Assuming it can’t be postponed, what is the next best solution? I think the biggest issue is lots of people are residing outside their voting district and can’t get back to their voting district right now. It is too late to get an absentee ballot. Given that some states are swing states, it wouldn’t really be right for people to just register where they are temporarily living and it is probably too late in many states too.

    Where I live, the poll officials cross your name off after you vote so you can’t vote twice. I think those that are displaced should be allowed to write their votes on any piece of paper, sign it, and mail it to their voting officials. Those would be cross checked against who voted in person and so long as you did not vote in person (trying to cast two votes) your vote would be entered in the correct format on your behalf by a voting official.

    What other solutions are there?

    I just don’t think it is fair for either party, in a close election, for people to be disenfranchised because of the storm.

    • Anon

      I’m admittedly not the most politically-informed of citizens, but I was not aware that any of the severely-impacted states are considered swing states. Which ones are?

      • Brant

        Forgetting for a minute about the Presidential election (yes, PA is a swing state, but the damage there isn’t THAT bad–not NJ bad)– there are a lot of senate/house/local gvnt elections that will likely be affected by the inability of certain counties to vote.

        I wonder how many voters are so displaced that they cannot get back to their town at ALL? In my town, you can vote early by going to town hall (and you can register to vote early same day–I found this out because I just found out that I’m going to be out of town on Tuesday). Perhaps for those communities where town hall is totally inaccessible, the town officials can set up somewhere that IS accessible?

        • Sydney Bristow

          I think some of the polling places have been moved to other locations, but I think part of the problem is getting the word out to people about the change.

          I really miss living in a state that allowed voting by mail. I like to take my time and research things but living in New York I’m still weirded out that I don’t even get a copy of a sample ballot or a list of everything that will be on my ballot ahead of time. I’ll take the time to figure it all out, but I miss the little booklet that I got when I lived in Oregon. I think that voting by mail and/or early voting just adds so much flexibility that could help alleviate issues like this.

          • MaggieLizer

            +1. I miss living in CA for this reason. I live on the edge of a very bad neighborhood, and while it doesn’t spill over to where I live, my polling place is located right in the middle of it. Absentee ballots are only given in exceptional circumstances in my state, and I don’t think “I don’t want to get shot” is the kind of exceptional circumstance they’d accept. I don’t vote anymore except for Very Important Elections because I’m too afraid to go to my polling place alone.

          • SF Bay Associate

            I had no idea that some states didn’t allow voting by mail. Wow. MaggieLizer, can you vote early? For several years, I would go to City Hall a couple weeks before the election and vote then. Putting the polling place in the middle of a dangerous area smells like voter suppression to me, as I imagine many people are making the same decision you are, which reduces turnout. I wish that election day was a national holiday or at the very least on a weekend, as it is in so many other countries.

          • MaggieLizer

            No early voting either, unfortunately. I think it’s probably not voter suppression so much as just unfortunate circumstances. If you move the polling place to the nice area, the underprivileged folks have to pay for transportation or walk pretty far and so just don’t vote. If you keep it in the bad area, the folks in the nice area don’t want to go there and so don’t vote. It’s just a question of who suffers the disadvantage.

          • Sydney Bristow

            I’m normally at work by 6:15am, so I plan to be at my polling place when it opens at 6am. As far as I know, it hasn’t been moved and I my neighborhood wasn’t hit that hard by the hurricane. I virtually always vote and its just a hassle to fit it into my normal schedule this time. I imagine that people who are on the fence about voting in the first place might just not do it if it isn’t convenient anyway, let alone the people who fully intend to vote but may not be able to do so because of the hurricane.

            I’ve hear (but don’t know if it is true) that people who vote via absentee ballots tend to vote Republican and people who vote early in person tend to vote Democratic. I wonder what the stats are for voting by mail in general versus voting in person.

          • Seventh Sister

            Just to make y’all jealous, I must point out that you can be a permanent voter by mail in CA. I signed up years ago, and it’s lovely. I used to vote in person, but after getting my polling place changed every.single.election, it’s nice to just fill out the ballot, mail it in and be done.

        • Blonde Lawyer

          When I read this, I was thinking of the people that traveled to stay with relatives far away for the duration of the storm. I know someone staying with family in Mass (from NY) who does not have a car. He took a bus in anticipation of the storm. If that same person’s house was destroyed (which I don’t think it was) I doubt he would be traveling back to NY by bus to vote, particularly where the subways are still down. I understood that he is staying in Mass until public transit is back up and his school or work reopens. I’m sure there are thousands like him that went to stay with family out of state prior to the storm hitting.

    • anon

      Interesting question. There was a scholarly publication a few years ago that showed a direct correlation between bad weather and Republican candidates performing better – “The Republicans Should Pray for Rain: Weather, Turnout, and Voting in U.S. Presidential Elections.” If so, that means that some in the GOP may be disinclined to move the election, even if it were legal to do so, because it would be better for their candidates if they did not move the election.
      http://myweb.fsu.edu/bgomez/GomezHansfordKrause_JOP_2007.pdf

      I wonder if the same would be true for those affected by Sandy, as the poor have been much more affected and displaced by Sandy than the wealthy, and the urban poor tend to vote Democrat and the rich tend to vote Republican. And everyone is rightfully far more concerned about the safety and health of their families basic needs like food, clothing, and shelter than an election, so I imagine many will not want to go through a great deal of time and effort to vote when they have much more important things to worry about.
      http://www.salon.com/2012/11/01/hurricane_sandy_a_portrait_of_income_inequality/

      I think Sandy will cause a lot of people not to vote, and the Democrats will be more negatively affected than the Republicans by that.

    • Lyssa

      I don’t have any good answers, but Slate did an “Explainer” piece the other day that pretty well explained what the law says on it, and it was pretty interesting. It basically said that, while congress can do some things, it’s mostly up to the states to make the call. Which makes sense to me. I’m not sure what actually should be done, though. It’s one of those things where there aren’t really any good solutions.

      • Merabella

        Mental Floss had a good explanation as well for why we vote on the first Tuesday following a Monday in November.

    • Merabella

      If those state have early voting you can go vote at any early voting site within your county – at least that is how my state works. It would be nice if they could set up something so that citizens who are displaced by the storm could go to a centralized area and vote regardless of their county, but this could also cause issues with voter fraud/double voting/whatever the case may be, and it may just be too late to put something like this into place because of money/volunteers being affected as well/spaces to hold these voter sites/what have you.

      • Anastasia

        I’m in Maryland, where we have early voting (which I think should be implemented everywhere, by the way). The lines were HUGE all weekend with people making sure they could vote before the storm. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside that people waited hours in lines around the block to vote, especially because I live in an area with a lot of immigrants and many were voting for the first time, according to my eavesdropping.

        Maybe I’m way too optimistic, but I think we will be surprised at the ingenuity showed by the hardest-hit communities to make sure that their citizens have an opportunity to vote. Locations may be changed, but some degree of transportation/mobility should be restored in most areas by next week, and I’m sure local TV, radio, and activist groups will make sure the information gets out to the public and people have ways to get to whatever polling places are available.

        The anon above makes a good – and troubling – point about the correlation between voter turnout and weather in the respective political parties, but (as an independent) I don’t think it’s appropriate to change EVERYTHING because of the hurricane. Everyone deserves the opportunity to vote, but making sure it’s equally *convenient* for everyone is just not realistic. Competing priorities and logistical difficulties can happen to anyone for any number of reasons, and some of them are not nearly as predictable as hurricane damage.

    • De

      Posting from CT, where there are alot of outages still, with friends and family in NY/NJ who still don’t have any idea of when their towns are getting power…
      I read an article explaining the law that states Congress can decide to change the date of the election, that it’s never been done, and if Congress were to change the date for the states that have been impacted, the entire country would have to change. I understand that this would be a major undertaking and rescheduling, etc., if the entire country were to reschedule, but I am honestly surprised no one has brought it up!! I know the people who are cold and sitting in the dark are more concerned with finding warmth, a place to charge their phones, etc., but eventually America will start rebuilding. The citizens that are struggling right now will still be impacted by the election, they deserve to have their chance to vote.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        I’m all over this post today (not using my pomodoros) but if this happened, then tons of people in the unaffected states may find that they would be away during the new voting date and then they would need time to get absentee ballots. It seems like such a “no win” situation all around. (This is based on my state requiring one to request an absentee ballot an absurd amount of time before the election in order to use one. I don’t know who actually plans that far ahead. You can only use it if you sign an affidavit that you would be unable to physically vote on election day at your designated polling place. )

        • De

          That’s a really good point. And from what I understand, many states have the very long time frame for absentee ballots.
          I’m wondering if we’re going to see the 2000 election all over again. (Which might allow for a sequal to Recount!) Hopefully the states can get as much help to everyone in the areas as quickly as they can, and try to do their best to ensure those who want to vote still can.

    • KC

      The method you described (write on paper, send in) is somewhat similar to a provisional ballot. Basically, they’re used in cases where a voter’s eligibility is questioned (ie. you lose your absentee ballot and still want to vote or you forget your license when you head to the polling place). It’s basically a method for an individual to record their vote which will be counted following approval by the voting official.

      Getting ahold of a provisional ballot could be tricky if you’re far, far away from a polling place though.

      • Anonymous

        Not to mention that provisional ballots are counted after the election.

        • Anon

          This would make sense as the verification process takes time? It’s my understanding that they’re included in the official count, even if they’re not in the broadcasted results election night – but really, those are called with absurdly small percentages reporting anyway.

  27. anon

    What is it about sweaterdresses that always makes me freak out after wearing them to work? I bought a cute new one at H&M. I’m wearing it with Spanx. I thought it looked great at home, but now that I’m at the office, I’m worried it’s too clingy. It’s definitely not tight or anything, but it’s just that I’m somewhat curvy, and the fabric hugs curves.

    • Z.

      I’ve finally resigned myself to the reality that I will never be able to wear sweaterdresses. They just aren’t flattering and I’m too curvy.

      • Alana

        I don’t know about your life outside of work, but it seems like sweaterdresses could be great when going out for a night on the town, but not for work.

        • anon

          Yeah, my plan was to wear something that could take me from a day at the (very, very casual) office to a night out for drinks, so I guess it works. I’m just paranoid!

    • Honey Pillows

      Slips! I wear a vintage full-body silky slip under sweater dresses, and they stop clinging so much, and fall around you like actual clothing. Add a belt, and you’ve got flattering without being smexy.

      Also, the thinner sweater dresses will feel more work appropriate. I’ve got a CK dress that’s about the same thickness as a jersey dress.

      • Research, Not Law

        Will try this. I’m also curvy and haven’t found them to be flattering, which makes me sad because they were a popular suggesting in my recent professional comfort clothes post.

  28. applesandcheddar

    Can anyone in DC recommend a place to take Spanish lessons? There doesn’t seem to be a Spanish equivalent of the Alliance Francaise or the Goethe Institute. I’ve emailed a few embassies to see if they have any programs, but no luck. I’m sort of adverse to the idea of the language schools that meet in random Starbucks locations.

    • apples

      Not sure if DC has one, but I believe the Cervantes Institute is the Spanish equivalent to the Goethe Institute.

    • InfoGeek

      Instituto Cervantes (Cervantes Institute) is the Spanish (Spain) equivalent of the Alliance Francaise and the Goethe Institute. It looks like there’s not one in DC (how weird!).

  29. Anastasia

    I know some people don’t like when commenters call out inappropriate outfits, but I can’t help it… I literally thought a woman had forgotten her pants a moment ago. Upon double-take, I realized that it was just a very, very short skirt with an otherwise very nice, well-tailored suit jacket. Yikes. Boots and bare legs, too, and it’s COLD today!

    • hellskitchen

      Ugh. I came across someone last week who was wearing thin tights as pants. Not leggings, not thick tights. I didn’t realized it until I noticed that as she walked, there was a big flash of white right where her butt and legs met because the fabric was too thin and too sheer there, while the rest of her legs were opaque. It looked very weird

      • Merabella

        I really hate when girls wear black panty hose when they should be wearing opaque tights or leggings. Black panty hose are not appropriate with tunics. You’re welcome.

        • momentsofabsurdity

          Yesterday I wore a mid/lower thigh length sweaterdress and sheer black tights. I thought it looked kind of cute. Oops.

          • KC

            I think there’s a difference between tunic (ie. shirt – should be worn with leggings/thicker tights) and a dress (can be worn with thinner tights).

          • Anon

            Agree with KC. I think the litmus test is whether or not you can wear the tunic/dress with bare legs. If yes, then you can also wear it with sheer tights (ie, it is long enough to cover your assets). If bare legs won’t work, then you need opaque leggings.

          • JessC

            momentsofabsurdity – you’re fine! There’s a big difference between a tunic a short-ish sweater dress. When I think of a tunic, I think of a long shirt that barely covers your bum. In that case, opaque tights or leggings are absolutely necessary. Rock on with your sweaterdress and sheer black hose.

  30. lucy stone

    I work for a government attorney’s office. I need to contact our outside counsel on a case to discuss what appears to be a padded bill. Everything is in increments of 0.2 or more and on one date he said he spoke with me twice when he only spoke with me once. Does anyone have tips for quibbling over bills? I’m having a hard time getting psyched to make this phone call.

    • anon

      Do you have a good relationship with him otherwise? If you do, I might start by saying, “I was reviewing your bill and noticed that some of your time entries don’t match my own records. For example, on X date, you billed for two phone calls when we only spoke once. Please take a second look at the bill and your records to ensure that it’s accurate.”

      This gives him a face-saving way to cut your bills and alerts him that you are being attentive. I suspect it will solve the problem. If it doesn’t, you can look at the revised bill and say, “I’m sorry, but this bill still doesn’t look accurate to me.”

      As a biller, billing is legitimately difficult. Things take longer than you think and people often won’t bill for emails at night in exchange for looser billing during the day, etc. I’d just give this outside counsel the benefit of the doubt.

    • Anon

      I have to make these calls about 2-3 times per year. I always preface the call by saying I am looking to clarify some information on the bill-sometimes there is a single entry which is entered twice-in other words, it could be an error on the part of an assistant or the billing person, so I don’t hesitate to seek clarification. In some cases, I know exactly what was done, and it is simply a matter of too much time being spent on an issue/question that should have been resolved quicker. In those cases, I state my point of view and either suggest a modification of the bill to an amount of time that would be reasonable, or I wait for my outside counsel to suggest a modification. I would try to think of it in the same way as is you received a cable or cell phone bill that was excessive. You are the customer, and in my case, I feel I am a very reasonable customer, so I do expect my outside counsel to be responsive to the questions I do raise.

    • mascot

      Some firms don’t let you bill in smaller increments than .2 thinking that it really irritates clients to see a whole bunch of .1 enteries. So there may be things that don’t end up on the bill, like him calling and leaving you a message or emailing a quick response. It also could be rounding up. A 7-8 minute phone is a .2 for some people.

  31. downstream

    Anyone have any experience with Everlane? I want to buy a sweater but am hesitant to take the leap…

    • darby

      I *love* their stuff — really nice quality & they ship almost overnight. Have never returned, so no experience on that front.

  32. anon

    I just bought two beautiful blouses on sale from Talbots. Both are loose, draped, long-sleeved, patterned blouses — one in muted blue, taupe, and cream, and one in gold and cream brocade. I really like them both, but when I tried them with my standard black work trousers, they looked very old lady. Any tips on how to wear these so they are more current? I can’t find pictures online because I bought at the outlet on super-sale, but they are structured similarly to the blouse in this post.

    • MaggieLizer

      Have you tried belting them? A wide belt works best for me with these kinds of tops but you may be able to wear a thinner belt too depending on the fabric and your shape; just play with it to see which looks best. If they have high necklines, you could add some long necklaces with a brooch to hold them together.

      • anon

        Oh, I wonder if I could try an obi belt – that might work. I’m not sure the blouse is long enough to skinny-belt it but I will try it.

    • Kontraktor

      What about wearing a skinny belt over the blouse at your hips and sort of ‘puffing’ the top of the blouse out a bit to create a small peplum at your hip? I have done this a few times and liked the look.

    • Honey Pillows

      Wear them with cropped trousers. Despite my loathing to buy pants that will probably be completely out of style in three years, cropped, cig a r e t t e pants make almost any loose top look very current and fresh.

      • hellskitchen

        I second this suggestion. Ever since I bought slim ankle pants, I hardly use my regular trousers and pants. Everything looks better and younger with slim, cropped pants. Also black may be too harsh for those muted colors – try colored skinny pants or cream/beige pants

    • eastbaybanker

      Try them with a pencil skirt or skinny trousers. I feel frumpy when I wear blousey tops with looser cut bottoms.

    • CKB

      Do you have colored bottoms you could wear them with? Like a colored pencil skirt? That might help.

  33. Hmm

    Ladies, I’m torn. I firmly believe in not buying fur. I have a pet rabbit who is litterbox trained and kept loose like a cat and who has every bit as much personality as a dog or other kind of pet. I refuse to support creating new items with fur. But what do I do about old ones?

    My snow boots were bought when I was in high school and have fur on them. Similarly, my mom has a few fur coats that were passed to her by my grandmother that she has mentioned eventually giving me. I generally care about my clothes and like to get nicely dressed and one of my friends recently commented on how she loved how I was wearing my boots and wanted to get similar ones. I hadn’t thought I’d be contributing to anything by wearing my old items to death and never buying anything new with fur, but now I’m thinking I should maybe just donate everything and be done with it. After all, a fur coat/boots will probably do much more for a homeless person in a harsh winter than it will for me. And that way I can be confident that nobody will look at anything I’m wearing, like it, and re-create it with new fur.

    Has anyone gone through a similar process? What should I do?

    • DC Jenny

      I don’t think a fur coat would be very practical if you were homeless.

      As for your dilemna, I received a nice faux fur vest as a gift a few years ago, but I couldn’t bring myself to wear it. I felt like everyone was staring at me thinking I was Cruella de Ville, so I ended up giving it, along with a real rabbit fur scarf, to Goodwill. I’m not vegetarian and I don’t think fur should be illegal or anything, but wearing it just made me feel very uncomfortable.

      • Hmm

        Really? I always found fur coats sort of creepy (literally afraid to open the closet door that kept them) and it was always explained to me that they were so popular a few decades ago because they were the absolute warmest you could get before all the synthetic puffers were available. I definitely didn’t mean that in a let them eat cake kind of way!

        • DC Jenny

          Yeah it’s warm, but what happens when it gets wet and dirty? Also, I would think it would make you a target for theft and/or robbery, which is a major problem when you are homeless.

    • mascot

      If you like your old items, then wear them until the end of their useful life. The deed has already been done regarding the animals so you might as well not waste the remaining usefulness. Fur is losing popularity anyways so that limits new production at least a little. I have a fur cape from my great-grandmother and treasure it. I don’t wear it often but I don’t feel like I am supporting future fur industries by wearing something that is 40+ years old.

      • Nonny

        I agree. I definitely wouldn’t buy new fur, but I appreciate the quality, beauty and utility of existing/old fur garments, and if I had them I would wear them. I stand to have an old fur coat passed down to me one day and fully plan to wear it when that happens.

    • Honey Pillows

      I don’t think you’re contributing by continuing to wear your old boots with fur. It’s really hard to find affordable boots with real fur these days, so if your friend ends up buying boots that have fur, they’re probably going to be faux anyway.

      And fun fact -for warmth, there is literally nothing warmer. For people who don’t live in the arctic circle, synthetic is plenty warm, but fur is still popular in places with really, really cold winters/poorly insulated houses/little indoor heating because it does insulate much better than anything man-made.

      • SoCalAtty

        My mom and brother lived in Alaska for a few years, and just about everything they own had fur on it! Mostly wolverine. They also had huge department store places that were just filled with cold weather gear…most with really pretty fur items, for really low prices.

        I think I just outed myself about how I feel about fur products by describing them as “pretty.”

      • LadyEnginerd

        Alright, so it’s very late in the day and I doubt anyone will read it, but here goes … I am fairly pro-fur, and definitely pro-vintage fur. I’m not necessarily pro everything about the fur trade, but is it necessarily better to substitute petrochemicals for animal products without vetting the sustainability of that product’s manufacture and ultimate disposal? I think that fur and animal products are in some ways superior to the petrochemicals we use to make artificial insulation and water-repellent clothing. It’s biodegradable! It’s warmer! It lasts longer! I strongly believe that “cruelty-free” isn’t necessarily all it’s cracked up to be if it just involves making a plastic version of an animal product.

        I guess what it boils down to for me is… if you already have a fur coat, I think it’s the quite possibly the more responsible choice to wear it out instead of buying a new, artificially produced coat you’d wear instead.

    • JDS

      I’m late to responding to this, but I’ve seen anti-fur organizations discourage wearing fur, even if vintage, because it perpetuates the idea that it’s ok. The Humane Society accepts donations of fur coats that they use to make blankets for orphaned animals to soothe them as their mother would (or something like that–it’s been a few years since I looked into it). That might be a nice option?

      • LilyB

        totally agree- even if you haven’t perpetuated the fur trade by buying fur, you are still perpetuating it by wearing fur because others may like the look and go out and buy fur themselves!

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