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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 228 Comments · by

Wednesday’s TPS Report: Pinstripe Sheath Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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Classiques Entier Pinstripe Sheath DressOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Ok, I know I linked to this dress a few weeks ago as a mention, but c'mon: it's down to $124 and clearly deserves a post of its own. Love the bias-cut panels of pinstripes, the leather trim, and fitted look. Wow. It was $248, but is now $124, with most sizes still left. Classiques Entier Pinstripe Sheath Dress This dress is a tough act to follow, but … here is a lower-priced option (sizes up to 18) and a plus-size alternative. Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

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Comments

  1. YouSaucyMinx

    TJ-I’m fairly short (5’4) and extremely hippy and plus-sized (basically a triple whammy). I love the look of pencil skirts on other plus-sized women, but I look like a packed sausage no matter what size I get. And I feel like A-line skirts make me look stumpy or like a 50’s poodle skirt costume character.

    Any other pear-shaped short girls have advice? What skirts look best on a plus-figure?

    • your secret twin

      I’ve had great luck with the Karen Kane knit pencil skirt. Not sure if we’re exactly the same body shape but it’s worth a shot.

    • NYNY

      I’m a pear, and find that pencil skirts look best on me if they’re a little longer than standard – I like them best when they hit me just below the kneecap. Even though I’m only 5’4″, the length in the skirt is elongating, where a shorter length makes me look short and wide.

      • hoola hoopa

        5’1″ bott0m-heavy hourglass and also wear my pencil skirts just below the knee. It’s definitely the most flattering length for me.

        I know the sausage effect you speak of. I have had okay luck with brands designed for large hip-to-waist ratios, but mostly I sew my own. I don’t sew much of my own clothing, but a custom pencil skirt is well worth it!! I highly recommend contacting a tailor.

        If it helps, I make my pencil skirts with a very, very slight A-line. You may be able to use that to help identify off-the-rack items to try.

  2. This is a pretty dress, could it have sleeves, please?

    I like this dress. But it’s freezing! I haven’t worn a jumper since middle school when the nuns had us in uniforms. Layering a turtleneck would be warm but casual. Layering a button-front always gets lumpy and not sleek in a sheath. I’m not opposed to the concept, but it always seems to bring down a sleek dress to have to do layering (and it just doesn’t look as business-y as it does unlayered in warmer weather).

    I am envying men: they get sleeves in the winter that make sense with the rest of their outfits. And warm socks to wear with their shoes. [If only I could get some pants that fit over my hips!]

    What are you executive ladies in Boston, Chicago, and points north actually wearing? I have few role models, especially on the fashion front (and esp. in winter). Help!

      • Ellen

        Yay! I agree with both of these OP’s! I love the sheathe dress, but AGREE that when it is THIS cold out, you MUST wear a blazer! Today I froze my tuchus off walking into work, and I wish the manageing partner woudl let us wear slack’s into work when it is THIS cold, and we can change here, but he is SO stodgey b/c he want’s the ladie’s to wear nude pantyhose even if we are NOT goeing into court! Who else has a manageing partner like this? DOUBEL FOOEY!

        My dad is getting very pushey about my husband to be–he wanted to know why I dumped Alan all over again. And Grandma Leyeh said I should be still doing the “horizontal hora” with Alan, even tho he had alot of difficulty with that b/c of the alcholoism, even b/f I dumped him. Why is everyone so insistent that I get MARRIED just so that dad can leave. I am over 33 year’s old and can take of MYSELF, even if I do NOT have a husband to handel all of my finance’s for me. I have managed to gradueate from college, law school and landed a great job w/o a HUSBAND, so why settel for a drunk now? I know ALAN would marry me in a heartbeat now b/c he is NOT workeing now and would love to move back in and have sex with me every day and eat everything out of my refrigereator and soil my sheet’s. TRIPEL FOOEY!

    • Anonymous

      Over this dress? A dark purple blazer or a light blue cardigan.

      In general though, sleeves. I go to stores and buy shirts with sleeves, and then I wear them with pants or skirts, and jackets or sweaters depending on how formal a day I’m having. I don’t find it particularly complicated.

      Buy pants in a size that fits your hips and have them tailored. Kim Kardashian wears pants so I’m sure this is physically possible for you.

      I just don’t buy sleeveless dresses and expect to wear them in winter and everything works.

        • Anonymous

          What fabrics would work in this instance? Wool? Ponte? Cotton? Does it matter, or is it more about cut and color?

          • Type A

            I am thinking cut (something fitted to show off curves), color, and fabric (something close to the fabric of the dress).

      • Lyssa

        I’d still be way too cold in that in winter. I usually put on a long-sleeved tee under the dress (I’ve cut the neck out on a few to accommodate dresses and tops that have lower necklines), and a blazer or cardi over that. It means that I can’t take off the blazer/cardi, but I usually don’t anyway.

    • Anon

      I’d still be way too cold in that in winter. I usually put on a long-sleeved tee under the dress (I’ve cut the neck out on a few to accommodate dresses and tops that have lower necklines), and a blazer or cardi over that. It means that I can’t take off the blazer/cardi, but I usually don’t anyway.

      • This is a pretty dress, could it have sleeves, please?

        Thanks! Where else have you found good wool dresses with sleeves? I have one from Pendleton that I love, but have struck out there and at JCrew lately.

        • Anon

          Most of my wool dresses with sleeves are either J.Crew or Boden. I typically pick up 2 per year, and wear them until they reach the end of their useful life. I’ve had the Clea dress (in 2 colors) for 3 or 4 years now, I think.

          I actually picked up one of the Clea’s on eBay, new, after buying one and loving it. So don’t discount eBay in your search.

          For more casual days, I like a knee length wool pencil skirt (the No 2 pencil from J.Crew) with a sweater or blouse, blazer, and boots.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      I’m in the Northeast. My office is actually warmer inside in the winter than it is in the summer. I wear heavier weight pant suits, knee high stockings and pumps/flats or sometimes socks and booties. I also wear sleeveless dresses with a blazer on top, thin leggings that look like thick tights and knee high boots. I wear a winter jacket on top when I’m outside. I drive though and park right outside my building so I’m not outside for long. If the weather is particularly bad out (like schools are cancelling but I’m still working), I wear snow boots and a snow jacket instead of my professional wool jackets and change out my shoes when I get to the office.

      Another difference between summer and winter is what I wear under my suits. T-shirt or tank top style shell in summer, long sleeves and thin sweaters in winter.

    • Diana Barry

      I wear pants with tights under if it is cold. (buy the size that fits your hips, get the rest tailored) And I wear warm smartwool socks with my boots to work in winter.

      I generally either wear sleeved dresses or layer a modal LS tee under my sheath dresses, AND ALSO wear a blazer over them in winter. If it is super cold, I will wear undershirt (uniqlo), shirt/blouse, wool cardigan, AND wool blazer over, and also wear my fleecy lined boots.

    • Brunchaholic

      I hear ya! There is something about throwing a cardigan (or even a blazer to some extent) over a sheath dress that takes a lot of the oomph out of it. I do it out of necessity but it feels less like an outfit for some dresses in particular.

      Love long sleeve dresses and wish more were featured as it’s getting colder! I have a great Theory wool long-sleeved dress that I wear to death.

      • In the Pink

        Agreed. As an extreme hourglass, I feel that layering under a dress just emphasized the top bulk and then adds to my waist, which I’d rather keep as a “thin” emphasis. It also reads youthful to me, as in I’m basically wearing a jumper (in US lingo, not UK = sweater).

    • Julia

      I wear pantsuits almost every day…on a cold day, I’ll wear a cashmere tneck or jewel neck top, on a warmer day, a blouse or shirt. I live in southeast NE and it gets cold and windy, but I don’t have to commute and my parking lot is near the door to my building. So regular hose or trouser socks work and if there’s snow on the ground, I wear my snow boots and bring shoes to change into.

    • SuziStockbroker

      I have repurposed the BabyLegs legwarmers my son had as a baby and wear them as arm warmers with sheaths in the winter. They are very thin so they fit well under the blazer :)

  3. Gray29

    Sorry for the immediate thread jack but I am looking for some advice on a professional looking black briefcase/tote that I could use for court and when I have to schlep documents home from work. My husband has offered to buy me for xmas a bag like this but I cannot seem to find one that I absolutely love. I am looking for one that is not more than approx $500. I have been researching the below three bags and I am interested in hearing from anyone who has one of these bags or has looked at one OR for any suggestions on alternative bags. Thank you in advance for any advice!!

    Tumi Lynn Large Tote
    Tumi Elaine Brief
    Levenger Majorca Expandable Laptop Bag

    • In the Pink

      I have two different totes by Siamod from the ebags website. I cannot say enough about their quality, stylishness, femininity, and durability. They also came with dust bags. Just search by brand and see what you think. You can input the model of your laptop/device on the ebags site and they will indicate if the items you are selecting will/won’t accommodate it. Nice feature. Happy shopping.

  4. What do you do for long-term volunteer commitment?

    TJ here. I’m looking for a hobby, and I was thinking about volunteering. I haven’t had time to do it in a few years, but I think I’m ready to do some long-term commitment in my community. I’d like it to be unprofessional – I don’t want to do pro bono work or lead a committee or an alumni group, and I’d like to have an impact on people less fortunate. I live in a city so there’s options that I need to explore – I’m just wondering what you do, why, how often and how many hours a month or so, and how you go into it and what you like about it. Any insight appreciated.

    • LilyStudent

      Are there Girl Scouts where you are? I spent my last four years of high school volunteering with the younger age-groups of my local Girlguiding district. It was about two hours a week plus a termly planning meeting. It could have been more if I’d taken the leadership qualification and led a pack.

      • mmm

        Great question and great answers. I quit JL because I couldn’t handle all of the meetings in the provisional year, and I thought I would just find other places to volunteer. It turns out to be much more difficult to find actual hands-on helping-people-in-need opportunities. These are great ideas that I hadn’t considered.

        • Anon

          +1 I tried multiple things and gave up and signed up to work at our local animal shelter. I would love to help people but it is incredibly difficult to find anything where you can actually make a real difference.

    • cavity maker

      I have volunteered before on a domestic violence hotline, and it’s a great opportunity to feel like I am making an impact. The questions aren’t too hard. There are trained counselors available if someone really needs to talk beyond what I am trained to do. I can volunteer weekly, biweekly or once a month. There are also other volunteer events/activities I can do with the same organization.

      ETA: I also volunteer as a clinic escort at an abortion clinic

      • NytoCO

        Can you describe how you got your domestic violence hotline volunteership? I would love to do this, but I just googled and it looks like to volunteer with the National Domestic Hotline you have to live in Austin. I’ll be in Denver.

        • cavity maker

          I volunteered at the Houston Area Women’s Center.

          You need to find your local domestic violence hotline. Despite the national numbers, most major cities have local programs.

          I just googled and found Denver Center for Crime Victims which takes volunteers for a hotline. Denver Safe House also has a hotline and needs volunteers. I am hesitant to link so it might put this reply in moderation. if you google, you should find though.

          • NytoCO

            Thanks! The first organization I saw referred people to the national hotline, so I thought maybe you had done it from Austin.

    • Math Chick

      Volunteer EMT? It’s a lot of training, but I’ve lived in towns with volunteer fire/rescue squads. I dream of going PT in about 10 years in part to do that.

      Also, our bar association is always looking for lawyer mentors for junior high students. It’s a lot of going to the school and eating lunch with them and listening to them. [So: hard to do during the week, but maybe works for your schedule.]

      Finally: is there a Junior League near you? That can be like running your own nonprofit at the management level (with budgets, staffing, leases, all sorts of stuff where a law background is helpful.]

      • kellyandthen

        My husband is in the process of training to be a volunteer EMT–he’s loving it so far. Here, the county will provide all your equipment and training for whatever coursework you want to do, then you serve 2 shifts a week. They treat their volunteers like gold, which is a bonus, but it’s all about getting to do some good.

    • mascot

      I like Junior League for volunteering as there are generally multiple options and people to volunteer with. I probably do 4-5 hours a month with Ronald McDonald House through the JL. We fix meals for people staying at the house and provide support to families in the hospital.
      Is there a United Way in your city? Those are connected to so many smaller organizations that need volunteers.

      • Ella

        Junior League seconded. In my city we run about three programs and different events every month with community partners, which gives that person to person interaction that I love in volunteering.

    • Rogue Banker

      I was in the Girl Scouts from kindergarten till senior year of HS, which was about 50% volunteer work (the remainder being split between general life skills and Ye Olde Yearly Cookie Sale), and I can’t recommend it highly enough. You can volunteer as a troop leader, which is usually a multi-year commitment, once or twice a week after the local school gets out. You’re basically a mentor to a bunch of young girls, and a non-parental adult presence, which is incredibly important sometimes. I learned so much about being a strong, resilient woman from my troop leaders – one of whom I’m still in touch with a decade later.

      Also, if you go to church, there’s usually multiple volunteering options you can find through there.

    • Type A

      Not sure if you go to church, but there could be some great opportunities there. Our church is huge, so they need help with rgular church activities as well as outreach programs. The people who do it, love it! So different from their normal work day.

      • anon

        Yes and the opportunities are varied and offer varying levels of commitment. When I was on sabbatical, I volunteered in the church office one day a week. That was a lot of fun. I’ve also done craft projects to sell at the church’s mission market (raised about $2500 just with my stuff one year) and I do cooking for families when there is a death or illness. We also cook for the college group and there are opportunities to cook dinner for the youth group. My church also has a free health clinic and many other outreach or volunteer opportunities.

      • Anon

        Yes, if you are affiliated at all with any religious group, check to see what sort of social action they have. My group (not a church) has one-time commitment things, weekly things, monthly things–some are actual interaction with the people you help, others are things like group knitting of scarves and hats that someone else distributes. I don’t think any are actually tied to my religious group, except for the fact that we are volunteering together.

    • SW

      I drove a weekly route for Meals on Wheels for several years. It only took 90 minutes or so each week, although I could have added additional days if my schedule had allowed. Some of the people I met just broke my heart. They were all completely homebound and mostly very low-income, and I was often the only person they interacted with all day. I kept the same route the whole time, so I really got to know them. It was easily my most rewarding volunteer experience so far. You might check with soup kitchens or homeless shelters, too – they like for people to commit long-term to a shift once a week or so.

      I am now on the board of directors of my local Dress for Success affiliate. As a non-traditional law student who made a total career change, I really wanted to help other women re-enter the workforce and succeed. While I do not always love the board work and the meetings involved, I also have the opportunity to assist our clients with suiting appointments and mock job interviews. That part is really fun, and being on the board is certainly not a requirement to volunteer.

      • ANP

        My husband is a MOW driver and really loves it, too. He’s been doing it for about a year.

      • Must be Tuesday

        My parents have been volunteering with Meals on Wheels since they retired. They pick up extra routes in the winter when other volunteers go south, and they drive less in the summer when other volunteers are back. They also volunteer with their church, cleaning the church, singing in the choir for weekday funerals (when regular choir members are typically at work) and serving/bussing tables at church fundraiser dinners.

        My volunteer work is all legal pro bono stuff, so no suggestions from my personal experience.

    • TCFKAG

      I volunteer as a mentor at a local long-term residential treatment facility for teenage girls (i.e. girls with very serious mental health issues.) Its fun and is basically a bi-weekly commitment on the weekends.

    • Godzilla

      Engineers Without Borders. Not just for engineers (we desperately need non-engineers).

      • Ha

        My company posted something from Engineers Without Boarders. I was glad they didn’t need tenants.

        The misspelling was clearly on behalf of my company.

      • Sarabeth

        If you read this, I’d be interested to know more about what kinds of volunteer work non-engineers could do. I have current/former students who would be interested, but it’s not obvious from the national website.

    • j

      I volunteer as a clinic escort at Planned Parenthood and other family planning clinics in my area. I do it a few times per month on Saturday mornings.

      I really enjoy it – I feel like I’m making a concrete difference in facilitating access to health care services, and the other escorts are all really interesting and interested women and men (not surprising that volunteers would self-select into people I enjoy chatting with for a few hours each week).

      It can definitely be draining and frustrating, but I find it so rewarding, as well.

    • nutella

      Check out your local hospitals, if that interests you. Reading to kids, passing out newspapers, assisting nurses, there are even knitting/craft groups for the women’s hospitals! Lots of ways to volunteer that have a direct and helpful impact on your community and can be fun. I also love the work Ronald McDonald Houses do, which house families of children in local hospitals to give them a sense of home as they undergo a difficult time for the family.

    • Volunteering is so satisfying

      I love the person interactions with the volunteering choices I have made. Like you, I want to make a personal, direct impact.

      I volunteer with our local hospice company. I just searched online for a reputable, local, non-profit one and called them. There is usually a training program. You can then choose hours/types of volunteering that work for you. Once a week, once in a while, occasionally “on call”… depends on the company. Everyone should read the new book by Atul Gawande MD.

      I volunteer with “Get Covered America”. I do outreach in inner city neighborhoods and try to help people figure out if the qualify for health insurance through Medicaid, ACA/Obamacare plans, and help them to access resources to get them enrolled. It is incredibly satisfying for me. It usually means attending local festivals/health fairs/church gatherings and trying to think about how to access populations that are falling through the cracks. My hours totally vary depending upon my interest/free time that week/month. We get a list/calendar of events, and you just join one when you have time.

    • Flower

      Have you gone to idealist and just searched for volunteer opportunities in your area? I did a search for Denver and 56 opportunities came up. Most non-profits use idealist for job postings, so it would be a good place to look at for volunteer opportunities as well.

    • houda

      I have been on the board of an association to promote Moroccan Jewish heritage for 8 years and we’re still going strong.
      The fun part is that I am not Jewish and neither is anyone in the association, so we feel like we learn so much from doing this.

      • Marilla

        I’m descended from a family of Moroccan Jews so thank you for keeping awareness of such an important part of the country’s heritage alive! There are plenty of organizations you could connect with to learn more if you’re interested :)

    • L2fly

      Have you considered Big Brothers Big Sisters? I’ve done it for 5+ years now, and it definitely has made a big impact in my little sister’s life, as well as my own. BB/BS has chapters just about everywhere. I also volunteer at the local shelter, usually working at whatever adoption event they have going on at PetCo/PetSmart on Saturdays, often with my little sister. Plus I’m going to start driving dogs from our local shelter to different breed rescues that are out of the area, as there aren’t many rescues in our rural community.

      • Lynnet

        This is what I was going to suggest as well. I’m also in the process of looking into an organization called Circles, which is as far as I can tell kind of like Big Brothers Big Sisters but for the whole family.

        I’m in Denver (well suburbs) and I did BBBS through the Denver chapter. I know we have several local Circles organizations, too.

        Also, if you ever want to meet up for happy hour, let me know.

      • L in DC

        +1 Big Sister style mentor programs are great and give you the chance to develop a relationship with an individual that can last years. I’ve been with one of my mentees for over 4 years and the other for close to 2 years. Can’t recommend it enough.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      I haven’t done this in years so no comments on time committment, etc, but therapeutic riding programs usually take volunteers if you have any interest in doing something with special needs kids. Even if you know nothing about horses, I imagine they still could use side walkers.

      • CountC

        And it gives you the chance to learn about horses if you’ve always wanted to but never took the plunge :) These programs are very rewarding for all involved

    • DC volunteer

      Not as altruistic as some things others have mentioned, but I’m a docent at the National Zoo. There were serveral training sessions – maybe 20-30 hours total? And after that, the time commitment is a three-hour shift three times per month for the first year, and twice per month after that. Monthly dinner/informational meetings on weeknights that are ostensibly required, but NBD if you can’t make it. It’s been an incredible learning experience, and I love talking to Zoo visitors about the animals and conservation efforts.

    • Mpls

      I picked up a volunteer gig with ALS Association – one evening a week I meet with an individual with ALS and help him with a project he wanted help on. It’s one on one, helping someone who can no longer complete the task he wants to do, but is separate from the care-giving side of the disease. ALS often has need for someone to help an affected individual with errands, chores around the house or other one-off projects. If its a long term project, you get to know the person you are helping pretty well. You might not be helping “people” but you are definitely helping a specific person.

    • HSAL

      Yes, I’m so sick of leather trim everywhere. I don’t hate it quite as much on this dress, but please let this trend die.

        • January

          Personally, I figure leather trim makes the item harder to clean. I also think it makes a piece less classic (although you could argue that this dress isn’t that classic anyway because pinstripe trends tend to change quickly).

        • tesyaa

          I’m not the OP, but it bothers me knowing it will be dated in a year or two. Also, if it’s real or even with some fakes, there are special cleaning requirements that would drive me crazy.

        • HSAL

          Same as January and tesyaa – cleaning and datedness. I also think it’s an attempt to “toughen up” certain pieces where it just looks out of place, and I’m not big on mixed materials in one item of clothing. I’m also just not a leather fan in general when it comes to clothes.

  6. Gray29

    Sorry for the immediate thread jack but I am looking for some advice on a professional looking black briefcase/tote that I could use for court and when I have to schlep documents home from work. My husband has offered to buy me for xmas a bag like this but I cannot seem to find one that I absolutely love. I am looking for one that is not more than approx $500. I have been researching the below three bags and I am interested in hearing from anyone who has one of these bags or has looked at one OR for any suggestions on alternative bags. Thank you in advance for any advice!!

    Tumi Lynn Large Tote
    Tumi Elaine Brief
    Levenger Majorca Expandable Laptop Bag

    Sorry if this posts twice, my first attempt is stuck in moderation!

    • newly in house

      I like the Tumi Lynn Large Tote the best of these 3 – although I like both Tumi options. Something about the Levenger looks off to me (the stitching maybe), but in real life it might look better than on my screen. I don’t typically care about the interior organization (I have 2 inserts that have my cables/cords and pens/binder clips/random stuff, so I use the Longchamp LM Cuir Leather Shoulder Tote Bag.

  7. anonymous

    For what items is it worth buying more expensive makeup vs what you find in the drug store? My personal taste is fairly light/ natural makeup, and only when I have to wear it. Is it worth paying more for “quality?”

    • Rogue Banker

      The only ‘fancy’ makeup stuff I have has been gifted to me, but I’ve gotten more use out of the high-end brushes than I ever do out of the actual cosmetics. In particular, Smashbox has the most lovely, soft fluffy powder brush I’ve ever used, and it’s lasted for about four years now, and I have a bareminerals eyeliner brush that’s lasted even longer. The actual products from Smashbox are less than stellar for the price, and bareminerals looks like mud on my face, but their brushes are gorgeous.

      tl;dr: skip the fancy products, buy the fancy brushes and use them to put on drugstore makeup.

    • Anon

      The only thing I’ve found is that when I want a foundation / powder shade to really work with my skin (very pink), I go to a counter (or the Bare Minerals store). I need to have good lighting and a bit of time to see how it works and if it looks funny or not. I don’t wear much other makeup (so lip colors come from anywhere — lots of Burts Bees), so drugstore or grocery checkout has been OK for that.

    • anonymous

      What about eyeliner? it’s one of the only things I wear consistently. Is there a reason to buy fancy eyeliner?

      • Becky

        I’ve found that some of the mid-range eyeliner lasts longer, and is sometimes more pigmented. If what you have works for you, great. If not, Urban Decay’s 24/7 eyeliners stay like crazy on my oily eyelids and Perversion is the blackest eyeliner I have. I’m sure there are others, but I can speak to UD because I actually own it.

        • Diana Barry

          Yes, it lasts a lot longer IME. I have the NARS and Laura Mercier eyeliner sticks and they stay forever, all day if you need, and aren’t irritating to my eye.

      • mascot

        Eye shadow primer really helps with keeping your liner in place. I also am loyal to Urban Decay liners and their primers. I’ve tried a bunch of different liners at varying price points and those are my favorites.

        • Baconpancakes

          I actually really like the Sephora eye primer. It’s cheap, comparatively, and completely transparent, so it doesn’t matter what color your skin is, unlike most other primers.

        • Anonymous

          I’ll plug the cheapie primer at the drug store called Milani. It’s supposed to be a dupe for Urban Decay – haven’t used – but it’s terrific and like $6 and lasts forever (I’m at month 18 on the same tube, I think).

      • Godzilla

        Urban Decay smeared all over my monster lids and put this gorgeous film on my contact lenses. Same with Stila. Both with and without primers. You can try prying my Revlon Colorstay eyeliner from my claws. While Urban Decay and Stila kohl eyeliners are super black, so is the Maybelline gel one in a pot with a brush. Bonus – Maybelline doesn’t mess with my contact lenses.

        • Bewitched

          I didn’t realize that there were contacts for monsters. They must be quite large (swimming pool size?) RAAWWWRRR!

      • Anonymous

        Marc Jacobs gel liner. Hands down the best eyeliner I have ever used (and I’ve tried them all, Make Up Forever, Laura Mercier, Urban Decay, Lancome, Dior….). It glides on so smoothly and lasts until you wipe it off. I wore it to my wedding and at it didn’t budge. Same for hot summer days or days where I shed a tear (or 100). Basically, it’s amazing. :)

    • Beth

      I think it depends on the product. I wear very little makeup day-to-day but recently started “investing” in better brands. For my two cents, the Naked palette or Naked Basics palette is 100% worth the extra money. You need less because the shadows are more pigmented, they last longer, and blend beautifully. The same with blushes – my set of tarte blushes have more pigments and are glowy/prettier than anything I’ve purchased in a drugstore. I’ll stick with drugstore mascara and drugstore lip colors though.

      • Burgher

        I really like tarte and use their eyeliner & shadow, brow filler, and lip stain. I like their tinted moisturizer and will probably try out their powder foundation when my Bare Minerals runs out, too. I have basically been slowly replacing everything with it as I run out and have not been disappointed so far. Paying a little more for all natural, but still high-performing products is worth it to me.

        The only product that I haven’t noticed much of a difference in price vs performance is mascara. It seems like no matter how much I spend, it just turns into a clumpy mess in a few weeks anyway. I feel like having the right wand makes a bigger difference than whats in the tube…. but maybe I’m doing it wrong!

    • Denveranon

      I’m not really a makeup expert, but I’ve learned a lot from reading maskcara.com. (Which I found from a recommendation here.) She reviews a lot of makeup products, both drugstore and high end, and explains which she thinks are worth the splurge.

    • kc

      I just bought fancy makeup for my wedding. For the past 4 years I had been using drug store makeup, and used fancy makeup before that. It has made a HUGE difference. People constantly say “you look great!” just because I’ve upgraded my foundation/blush. If you want something natural, upgrade to a nice BB cream (I like Tartes cause it still gives good coverage), buy a tarte or Nars blush, and an urban decay naked palette. Using eyeshadow primer has helped a lot with making my makeup stay from 7am-8pm. I still use drugstore mascara and lip stuff since that has to be replaced pretty often anyways.

      • YouSaucyMinx

        For me, I use MAC Foundation and concealer and Urban Decay Eyeshadow (the Naked Basics palette). Other than those 3, I use drugstore makeup.

        I just notice a real difference in its long-lasting ability.

      • Alana

        As a person who does not wear makeup daily and wanted to upgrade prior to a job transfer, a BB cream, Nars blush and Naked palette has helped me to look more polished.

        If anyone has found a BB cream for cool-toned dark complexions (Michelle Obama), please share, as the undertones are often off with foundations and concealers for my skin tone.

        • kc

          Hm…My sister in law has very dark skin and she uses makeup forever HD foundation. You could try going to sephora and using their color match. This works for me but I’ve heard a few people complain about it.

        • Pretty Primadonna

          I have had fantastic results with Cover FX CC cream. They have a BB cream also, but I can’t speak to it as I have never used that.

        • Cocoa

          Try Kiss Aqua BB cream. I have the same complexion as you and it works wonders. I got it at a Korean beauty supply store but if you check their webs!te I think they have a store locator function.

    • houda

      I have an extensive makeup collection because I am a beauty and lifestyle youtuber in my off hours.
      I have found great products in pretty much every cosmetic category.
      The one thing I splurge on would be concealers (MAC) or foundations (Becca and Urban Decay) simply because I am dark skinned and am very hard to color match, and I need SPF free foundation for filming.
      Other than this, primer (smashbox) and makeup brushes (Sephora Pro) would be the only items I splurge on.
      Save money on makeup and splurge on skincare. You’ll have a better canvas to make any product look amazing.

    • Maddie Ross

      Along the same lines as fancy makeup, can anyone recommend a set of “fancy” makeup brushes? I’d like to ask for some for christmas, but don’t know what to ask for. Thanks!

      • SA-litagor

        I’ve heard great things about Mac and Sigma brushes. Sigma is very good and somewhat cheaper than MAC, they have a good kit on Amazon. Be sure to also get the SIGMA F80 brush – it’s the very best foundation brush I’ve ever owned and there’s a ton of videos on Youtube singing its praises.

        • Anonymous

          Okay, I have to correct myself. Both Mac and Sigma make decent brushes but they simply cannot be compared to Hakuhodo (my 1st choice) or Bobbi Brown (easy-to-find choice).

      • JJ

        Iv’e had my Bobbi Brown brushes since college (I accumulated them as gifts). I LOVE them and every other brush that I’ve tried pales in comparison.

      • Brunchaholic

        I used to be a slave to Bobbi Brown brushes and am a Sephora Professional Airbrush convert. They are at a better price point than Bobbi and there’s a wider selection. I think they changed the design of their brushes a few years back because I had previously written them off, but I love them now, especially for liquids.

  8. BBs

    Anyone use beta blockers to quell anxiety symptoms before meeting/presentation/court? What has your experience been?

    • jc

      I take them daily (20mg/2x a day) for anxiety. If you are taking it as a one time thing for a stressful situation, it works very well (especially if you tend to turn red). Take it about 45 minutes before the event and you should be good to go.

      • mmm

        Yes, I love them. I know one person who got super tired from taking a whole one, so you might want to test out how it affects you before your big day. He takes half now, which is what I do too.

      • anonymous

        Can you get beta blockers from your GP, or do you need to go to a specialist?

        • jc

          I got mine from a psychiatrist and from what I understand, they are more likely to prescribe them than a GP.

    • anon

      I take beta blockers for another reason, but have taken a half dose (with the other half at normal dosage time) before a big court appearance and it has helped, but I also have been taking it for years and know how my body will handle the split dose.

    • August

      Not exactly what you asked…but as soon as I saw word beta blocker, it gave me anxiety. In my industry, beta blocker means some problem that blocked the release of software beta version and every body higher ups want it to go away ASAP!!! So if you are tasked with solving that problem, you will be in a pressure cooker.

    • Senior Attorney

      I take a low dose daily for migraine prophylaxis, but before my divorce mediation I took an extra dose (at my doctor’s suggestion, instead of the valium I’d requested) and it did take the edge off my anxiety. Definitely do a test in advance to see how it’ll affect you. You don’t want to doze off in court…

      • OS

        How’d the mediation go, Senior Attorney? I hope you’ll let us all know when you are finally finished with the divorce proceedings. Best wishes!

    • kc

      I take a high dose (but extended release over 24 hrs) for migraines. It made me SO tired the first two weeks. When i was on a low dose before it didn’t make me tired but definitely lowered my heart rate. Hasn’t really affected my anxiety at all.

  9. Cold Weather Running

    I recently finished the Couch – 5K program and for the first time in my life, I am really a runner! Of course it was just in time for the cold weather to hit. I’ve realized running outside is SO much better than running on a treadmill, but I have no idea how to dress for it. Do any of you have recommendations for running apparel in 30-40 degree weather? What layers do I need to be wearing? Any advice would be appreciated!

    • Anonymous

      I’ve heard that for running, you should add 20 degrees to the temperature and wear that. So if you normally wear long sleeves but no coat when it’s 60, wear long sleeves but no coat to run when it’s 40. You could start by checking out a running store just to get an idea of the types of layers to wear — I’d start with a long sleeved shirt and a running jacket, running pants, and ear muffs (or a headband that covers your ears)!

    • TCFKAG

      The thing I got that was most key for cold weather outdoor exercise were the running gloves that have kind of a snot-wipe spot on the inside of the thumb, I was like “THIS IS THE BEST.”

      Also I prefer a warm headband to protect my ears rather than a hat because hats annoy me when I’m running.

      (Otherwise, its all about the breathable fabrics and layers – like I go with leggings on the bottom and then a couple layers on top so if I get too hot, I can take off a layer and wrap it around my waist.)

    • Anon

      It varies from person to person and also the time of day/whether it is sunny/the distance you are running.

      30-40 degrees for me can either mean shorts or sweatpants depending on the above factors (I don’t do running tights), a long-sleeve top, a lightweight vest, a baseball cap with our without an ear band underneath, and lightweight gloves.

      • Anonymous

        Sweatpants? Is it 1982?

        Running tights + under Armour type top (Gap Body has some great ones last year). Then layer over that. For really cold, add a windbreaker type jacket and a pair of shorts. For not as cold, add a short sleeve shirt over the long sleeve top.

        One thing I like to do is buy tall athletic socks and pull those up under (or over) my running tights. And hat and gloves.

        One thing you will find is that once you start running, your body will become really warm. So long as skin isn’t exposed to the elements, you’ll be fine. (Also, 30-40 degrees is not really cold at all and is great running weather).

        • Anon

          Yes, sweatpants. I am not comfortable wearing skin-tight pants. My sweatpants are great for running, and I’m not making you wear them :)

          Plus, I think if it was 1982 I’d be jogging in a leotard and leg warmers.

          • Anonymous

            Its just not great advice because they are not a moisture wicking fabric and do nothing to insulate against the cold. They are prone to “letting the breeze in.” If that’s what is comfortable for you, then great, but its odd advice to give to a new runner, considering 95% of the runners I see wear tights (men included).

          • Anon

            I actually do find them to be insulating. I wore them last weekend for a half-marathon in 25/30 degree temps. My legs stayed warm and at that temperature wicking isn’t an issue.

            I’m not sure why it is odd advice. I thought she was asking for what individual posters do (and could therefore get a bunch of different advice and pick & choose what works for her) as opposed to people just telling her what “95%” of runners do.

        • Bewitched

          Jeez, not sure if you meant your first sentence to be quite so snarky. Who cares if she wants to wear sweatpants instead of running tights?

      • ml

        While I 100% respect a no-running-tights decision, I love them. Sweatpants start to feel clammy and gross when I sweat, and I just feel slow and bulky in them (I realize this is probably mostly in my head). I often wear shorts over top of tights so I don’t feel like I’m letting everything hang out.

        On top, long sleeve tech shirt and neon windbreaker vest. If it gets below freezing or is especially windy, fleece. +1 to headband/ear-warmer and the snot wipe gloves mentioned above.

    • JJ

      Good timing – I had my first ever “cold” run today (my workouts used to be religiously indoors). I went at 5:30 am and it was 40 degrees, with a windchill of 32. I wore running tights, a technical long-sleeved shirt, a running jacket, and decided when I stepped outside not to wear my gloves. When I was in the wind, I wish I had worn the gloves, but otherwise I felt good. If it got any colder, I would have wanted earmuffs or a fleece head/earband.

      • Anonymous

        I like to make sure my top or jacket has pockets so that I way I can always wear gloves, but can shove them in a pocket if need be.

      • Burgher

        I have a jacket that has these little glove sleeve things that will roll down/flip over to cover up your hands. They are so great when the weather is borderline for gloves! I think I got it at Costco and it wasn’t very expensive.

    • Clementine

      Some of it’s trial and error. I find that (like someone else said), a temp of 30-40 can really feel different depending on other conditions.

      My default ‘I don’t really know what it’s like out there’ is a pair of running tights (underarmour compression) with a running tank or short sleeve under a long sleeve tech t or quarter zip. I have a smartwool quarter zip that I LOVE along with a new balance one that seems to work well in like a 40 degree range. On my head I wear a buff band- the lightweight one- so if it’s warm I wear it as a headband and if my ears get cold I can pull it over them. I use cheap stretchy gloves so I don’t feel too bad if I lose one. If it’s really chilly, I have an old down vest that I’ll throw on top of everything.

      Also, depending on the time of day (and darkness) I accessorize with a head lamp, reflective vest and blinking red back light. All kinds of s3xy.

    • Brunchaholic

      My essentials:
      1. Fleece headband to keep your ears warm. Hats trap way too much heat, but ears tend to stay cold when you’re running.
      2. Underarmour cold gear leggings. I hit my running peak before Lululemon got really popular so I don’t know if they make similar stuff, but I feel like UA is real deal athletic performance gear and it really gets the job done. I’ve had a lot of my gear for many years. I also wear their cold gear fitted tops when it’s particularly cold.
      3. Layer. If you wear a few thinner layers, if you misjudged the temperature it doesn’t have to make you so uncomfortable that you cut your run short.
      3. Gloves. Same logic as the headband. Extremities get surprisingly cold!

    • SuziStockbroker

      You just layer.

      I run outside, hate the “dreadmill”, and I am pretty sure it is at least as cold here as where you are :)

      I would try to wear a jacket with pockets though. I find I have to strip off my gloves and hat a lot of the time part way through my run and stuff them in my pockets.

      And the jacket has to have a full zipper so I can undo it if I get too hot, and armpit zips are good too.

      When its really brutal I wear a balaclava.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      If it gets really cold one compromise between the cold out doors and the boring treadmill is an indoor track. There is an arena near me that has indoor soccer/lacrosse/football/field hockey games and they have a track around the field. For a small fee $5? you can get admission to run the track. I enjoy watching the games while I run. It can get a little dangerous though because a lot of the parents there for the game walk around the track and don’t yield the lane to the runner so you have to be ready to dodge. The track is a little smaller than standard so I think 5 loops is a mile.

    • Annie

      Way to go! Running outside is the best. I generally wear a long sleeve tech shirt and a vest, with either capris or long tights. Smartwool socks are my favorite for the whole year, but especially when it is chilly. I’d also recommend a nice light fleece headband. I only wear running gloves when it’s below freezing, and sometimes not even then.

      I don’t know what time you plan on running, but my most important gear for winter running in the dark is the safety gear. I have a reflective vest and a headlamp, and highly recommend that if you’re running any time when cars have their headlights on, that you wear many reflective things.

  10. Bonnie

    DC MEETUP TODAY

    Happy hour today at Vapiano’s in Chinatown at 6
    Brunch on Sunday the 23rd at the Coupe in Columbia Heights at noon. I’ll make a reservation.
    Feel free to email me at dccorpore##e at yahoo dot com

  11. Wedding Dress

    Wedding TJ: Any recommendations on where to purchase a new wedding dress in NYC? My budget is around $1500. I’ve checked out a few stores but still nothing that catches my eye. Any recs would be helpful. TIA!

    • A Nonny Moose

      Bhldn has a lot of dresses in your budget and there is an NY location. Scope out online ahead of time, though, as their dresses do have a certain style. If you like Anthro, you’ll probably like bhldn. If you want something more traditional it probably wouldn’t work out.

    • Anon Lawyer

      Jcrew? I think the BHLDN dresses are gorgeous but if you’re looking for something slightly more classic, Jcrew has some beautiful options.

    • Anonymous

      I purchased mine at Pronovias, but ended up with a simpler, sister brand sold by the Pronovias store. I paid $900 in 2011. Pronovias is on 5th Ave and 52nd St.

    • Sydney Bristow

      Honestly I just got mine at David’s Bridal in Chelsea. My budget was about $1000 but I think the most expensive dress they have is $1600 so you could get pretty much any dress they have. I saw some poor reviews online of that particular store, but I had a great experience. My consultant (Cynthia) really listened to what I wanted and the style of my wedding and she actually found my dress.

    • big dipper

      There are a couple places in Brooklyn that have a large selection in your price range, if you’re willing to travel a bit.

    • Anonyc

      RK Bridal on W39th btwn 8th and 9th. Got my awesome wedding dress there for about $1000 (including the cost of the alterations) in a no-fuss morning of shopping. Best friend and a former intern also got their dresses there. They have a bazillion brands/styles to try on and are very nice. Prices were the best I’d seen and they were extremely helpful in getting my dress quickly but *without* an expensive rush charge. Feels like they’ve been in the business forever and have great contacts at all the companies that produce these dresses. My mom also got her MOB dress there and they have all kinds of accessories, etc. Love them totally. If you do go, try for a weekday morning–it’s quiet and you’ll be able to try things on without pressure or getting rushed. http://www.rkbridal.com/

  12. Gray29

    Guys, I am trying to post a question about work bags but my post keeps getting put into “moderation.” Are there words or something I should be avoiding? I even took out the links to the bags!

    • Diana Barry

      I think the words that will do it include any variation on r e t t e and s i t e but I can’t remember which other ones.

    • Wildkitten

      And once a post goes into moderation you can’t edit it to take it out of moderation. You’d have to make a new post without the words.

    • In the Pink

      I replied to an above link.

      Try looking up the brand Siamod on ebags. I have two of them; came with dust bags! Love their look and durability. You can input your laptop/device info and the ebags site will tell you if the items you’re considering will accommodate the device. Nice feature. Nice gift! Have fun shopping.

  13. Office gifts

    I found out through the grapevine that in my new (small) firm, gifting up is the norm. I was planning to get a cash gift and bottle of wine for my own assistant (gifting alcohol would not raise any eyebrows in our office, to the point that buying wine will be easy because I know everyone’s preferences), and then a bottle of wine for each of the other staff I work with frequently. If the expectation is that I give a gift to my boss, is a bottle of wine okay? As I would usually avoid gifting up altogether, I certainly don’t want to go overboard with his gift, and think a token gift on par with what I am giving the other staff is about right? Thoughts?

    • Anon Lawyer

      Yes this is a thing at my firm too – I usually give my bosses a bottle of wine or a nice box of chocolates or something.

    • Cimorene

      If you’re expected to give a gift to your boss(es), and you know that wine is a normal gift in your office, I think wine for the boss is absolutely fine. Wine accessories, like a nice/unique stopper, could also work. But a bottle of wine in a nice-ish bottle bag should work just fine!

  14. Mer

    I just had my hair cut and I’m not really happy with it. I’ve been seeing my stylist for years and sent him a message that I’d like to come in for an adjustment, but he seems to be ignoring me. He’s independent so contacting the salon isn’t an option. I’m not in tears or anything, but I’m not happy either. I also am wary of forcing the issue for fear that I’ll send up with someone who’s annoyed with me cutting my hair. What would you do? I’m considering just living with it and finding a new stylist when I need another cut in a few months…

    • wintergreen126

      If you’re not happy, get it fixed. Ask your friends or maybe coworkers for suggestions as to a stylist, then give them a call and explain your situation. This happens, and a good hair stylist should be able to fix it.

      Good luck, I hope you’re able to get it to your liking!

    • lawsuited

      It sounds like having the same stylist fix your hair is not going to work for the reasons you point out (ignoring you, or if you make enough fuss that he stops ignoring you, then being irritated with you), so JSFAMO. Get a new stylist to fix it now, or live with it and get a new stylist next time.

      That said, if you “just” had your hair cut yesterday or the day before, I think it’s safe to wait another day or so before assuming your old stylist is ignoring you.

      • tesyaa

        Yep, could be he’s having phone or connectivity issues so I wouldn’t freak out just yet.

  15. Anon

    Hahaha. I can access the main s-i-t-e at work no problem, but as of today, the Mom’s s-i-t-e is blocked under the filter “S-x Education”. Hahaha.

  16. Type A

    This happened to me. I ended up going someplace else to get it fixed, and ended up loving the stylist. I have been going to her ever since.

  17. Anonymous

    I usually suffer from SAD, but it seems to be starting earlier this year, and I’m worried it will be worse than usual. I’m making an appointment with my doctor, but any other ideas?

    I aready have a light box, exercise regularly, I try to get sunlight, eat lots of vegetables, and take vitamin D.

      • LF

        I actually am doing that, to give myself a break from the near-perpetual lack of sun during the winter months. First time doing it this year. Doubt the effects will be lasting, but it will be nice to take a break.

        Also, since you’re already making an appointment with your doctor, consider discussing whether or not taking an antidepressant makes sense for you. I live in Northern New England and my husband who works in the health field says that a surprisingly high percentage (something like 1/3rd) of people take antidepressants seasonally around here.

    • houda

      People (including my family) make fun of me calling me a chicken.
      This is a local expression insinuating that I go to my “den” and limit any activity as soon as it starts getting dark outside.. usually around october till february.
      I found that being in overly lit places helps.
      I make sure to not leave my windows bare, so I can never know what weather is outside.
      Sometimes, I cheat by having a spring scented candle (peaches, mango etc. ) lit and also put on summery perfume and eat colorful fruit salads instead of grayish soups.
      I recently bought some flower elixir called “Bach Flowers” for energy. Not sure if it works but i’ll give it a try.

    • Wildkitten

      It’s f-ing cold way early this year so it would seem perfectly rational to me that you would get SAD earlier. It’s too cold to go outside, it’s cloudy/snowing, so you’re probably getting less sunlight than you usually do in November.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      I once had a basement office with no natural sunlight and a gym membership that included free tanning. I was afraid to tan because of the obvious skin cancer concerns. I spoke w/ my doc about some of the issues I was having from lack of sunlight and he suggested I use the free tanning for just a few minutes every couple of days (3-5 minutes). Not enough to really darken my skin but enough for my brain to think SUN!!! I think it also helped that the whole area smelled like coconut. I haven’t done this for years as I have natural light and a happy light now but I wouldn’t hesitate to do it again if I needed it. YMMV and not all doctors would likely agree with this approach.

    • Parfait

      One thing I try to do in the winter months (with mixed success) is to get up and go to work earlier so that I can leave before full darkness. Your latitude may vary, however. If you’re in the far frozen north there might not BE a way to get a little daylight on both ends.

  18. Bonnie

    I bought this dress and matching pants and jacket when Kat linked to it earlier and love it. I’m trying to hunt down the matching skirt in my size.

  19. Cooking question

    Is it rude to ask people for recipes when you try something AWESOME that they make? I always feel tacky/weird asking even though I know it’s more of a compliment.

    • houda

      The only issue is if they did not make it…you know bought it from a store and pretended that they cooked it.
      I am usually flattered when someone like something I made, especially if it’s a family recipe and I can recount the story behind it.

    • JJ

      As someone that cooks a lot, I LOVE it when people ask for recipes. I take it as a compliment. I then feel bad because, unless I’m actually baking something, 90% of what I make doesn’t come from a recipe and I don’t measure anything – so whatever I give that person is a very rough estimate.

      • TNTT

        Ha – this is me too. I’m always so pleased and then I think “ah jeez, what was in this?”

      • hoola hoopa

        Haha, this is my husband. But he absolutely does not consider it rude!

        There is only one recipe that he won’t share, but if someone asks for it he’s extremely flattered and then makes them a batch.

      • Mpls

        It would only be rude if the recipe holder said they couldn’t give out the recipe (got it from a professional chef and promised not to share) and you continue to ask for it (knew someone who did this).

        But agreed, the first ask is perfectly fine in my book.

    • anne-on

      I’m always happy to give out recipes, but my issue is that most of what I make is heavily doctored from the original recipe, so it won’t necessarily be exactly the same. Not an issue when I trade recipes with experienced cooks but I feel bad sharing recipes with my SIL who isn’t a great cook and can’t adjust spices/flavorings by taste the way my family is used to doing.

      • Baconpancakes

        I got a friend in trouble this way. He asked for a recipe of mine, his girlfriend made it, and the consensus was that mine was way better. When I give recipes I try to note my adjustments (add 1/2 cupish water less so it looks a little thicker, additional tsp cumin if you like a lot of cumin) but so much of it is taste and adjust, or varies on how much water is in the squash, or how large the cucumber is, it’s tricky.

      • Sue

        I get most recipes online so usually I just email the original-and note what modifications I made.

  20. anonymous

    My fiance and I are planning to elope , just the two of us at the courthouse no big deal. I think we’d like to have a small party for close friends (i.e. people we want to spend time with and not people we’d be obligated to spend time with like family at a wedding), with no gifts or anything like that. Most of our close friends have expressed desire to come be with us and celebrate, no matter what we end up doing. My hesitation is that they live all over the Eastern US, and there isn’t an obvious location that would be most convenient for everyone. The other thing is that I feel like the festivities have to be big enough/ nice enough to warrant people flying in from wherever. my ideal outcome would be something like a casual get together at our place that’s not too fancy or elaborate, but given the geographic issues, I’m not sure how possible this will be. Any advice/ ideas on how to work this out? I thought maybe we could just make a point of the two of us going to visit people individually in the next year or so when we have time, but I would really like for the various friends to have met each other.

    • Wildkitten

      You could have a small ceremony in your backyard, with rented tables and chairs and a bbq/buffet. That way people could mingle but you wouldn’t feel like you were just expecting people to fly in for a bbq?

    • POSITA

      The best part of our wedding was having all of our loved ones in one place. It was amazing having everyone get to know each other. I’m glad we did it, even with a bit of family drama that came along with it.

    • Senior Attorney

      I vote for just having it at your place and let people decide to come or not, as they wish. As you say, there’s no other obvious place and at least this way the people who will be inconvenienced will understand why — it’s because the thing is at your house.

    • kc esq

      Just one thing: decide what you’re really going to do before you actually elope. I’ve had a few friends have weekday courthouse ceremonies and they each said, “we’ll have a party next summer!” So I waited until the party to give a gift . . . and it never happened. You’re clearly not grubbing for gifts, but my advice is whatever you decide, just let your friends know when they ask so that they can do whatever they want to honor your marriage.

    • Unicorn

      If there isn’t an obvious place that would be convenient for everyone, and most would have to travel regardless, it makes sense to have it at your place. Just make sure you have all the tasks/hostessing covered by someone else (caterer or whomever) so you aren’t running around trying to make the party details work, as can be the tendency when it’s your party at your house.

    • Anon

      I’m doing the same thing – eloping and having a party after and have friends all over the place. I plan to just be clear about what the party involves so that people don’t feel pressured to fly out unless they really want to. We expect some of our closest friends will make a weekend out of it and come, but the whole thing will be very low-key.

  21. Paris NYE

    I’m going to be in Paris for New Year’s Eve this year with my family (yay!!). We’re going to be in Paris the whole week and have lots of sightseeing and dining planned, but we’re still trying to figure out what to do for New Year’s Eve itself (and we figure we would have to make reservations pretty soon). Does anyone have any ideas? We’re a mix of late 20’s/early 30’s and 60’s/70’s, no kids. We all love good food and drinks, although the older crowd might not be up for a loud/crazy evening. To the extent it matters, we have one fluent French speaker and the rest of us only know a few words here and there. Also open to suggestions for places to go/things to do during the rest of the week! TIA.

  22. anonymous

    What’s the big deal about BB creams? how is this different than just using sunscreen/moisturizer/ foundation together?

  23. PEN

    Need wedding gift advice: I gave the couple a gift ($100) at their couple’s shower and the bride a gift at her bridal shower ($50). I am in the wedding and have spent about $700 on related, required costs. What would you do about the wedding gift?

    • Anonymous

      Who has a couples shower and a bridal shower? That’s really tacky. Give them a nice card and call it a day.

      • Away Game

        Agree. The couple’s shower gift is really the wedding gift at this stage. Totally tacky to have two showers like that.

  24. Allie

    I feel like I can’t share with many people in real life, so I just wanted to say I paid off the last of my $138,000 in student loans today!!! Logging in and seeing the “$0.00” balance felt incredible. Incredible relief.

    • A Nonny Moose

      Wow, congrats! Any tips for those just starting to pay off loans that big?

    • Clementine

      AMAZING. I always think that loan payoffs should come with confetti!!!

    • Senior Attorney

      Oh my gosh, that’s HUGE!! Heartiest congratulations!!!

      How long did it take? And what are you doing to celebrate?

    • Miz Swizz

      Congratulations! I can only imagine how that must feel, and to echo Senior Attorney, how are you going to celebrate?

    • Allie

      Thanks everyone! It took me exactly 36 monthly payments, or 3 years. Obviously the biggest component of that was my BigLaw salary, but between the loans, paying for my wedding in the middle there, and living in a very high COL area, it also took extreme diligence and making sure to keep all expenses as low as possible. Not like I’m an expert by any means, but when I was first starting and felt very stressed about how insurmountable the number was, what I did was make a month-by-month payment plan that you write down somewhere, make the monthly payment as large as you can given your reasonable expenses, and refer back to your payment plan when you’re tempted to veer too far off course. Just looking at exactly how many more payments I had to make and what dollar amount they had to be kept me on course. Also, put any windfall amounts you can into the loans (bonuses, gifts, tax returns, etc.)

      My plan from the beginning was to be very aggressive toward paying off loans and try to maintain a low-cost life as much as possible. My husband and I mostly cook our own food, don’t do much fun shopping, kept our (one, shared) old car, only moderately upgraded our grad school apartment, and generally tried to keep expenses reasonable. We weren’t too extreme about not spending money (I don’t think, we went on a couple of moderately-priced vacations over those three years, financed our own $18,000 wedding, allowed ourselves to eat out a few times a month, participate in fun events with friends when we wanted to, etc.), but we always kept a mindset of “every dollar put toward something else means less money toward loan payments.” My husband still has about $35,000 of his loans to pay off, but we’re planning to achieve that goal in March by staying on the same track as we have been up to now.

      • roses

        Your story and approach are almost exactly like mine (finished payoffs a couple weeks ago), so I know the feeling! Congrats!

      • Allie

        I should add, when I started out, my husband had about $79,000 in loans too. With the $35K he has left, I guess that means we’ve paid off about $44K of his, so we were definitely focused on mine first. His salary is about 1/6th of mine, but combined we have a high salary that we feel very lucky to have. Part of my desire to pay off the loans so aggressively is that I don’t want to stay in BigLaw, and I felt like we needed to be debt-free before I would give myself permission to end this chapter.

        Other small points that I think helped in the long run — no housekeeper, no “self care” expenses, i.e., he cuts his own hair, I don’t dye/treat mine, no manis/pedis/that type of thing, no buying coffee at coffee shops, no buying lunch at work, and so on. Each of these things is not a huge expense alone, but combined they add up very quickly. Some people don’t want to deprive themselves of these things, which is totally fine and I don’t judge at all, but for us it was a matter of–well, we’ve never had these things, so since we don’t know what we’re missing, let’s just keep it up.

        • Senior Attorney

          That is just fantastic. You are doing yourselves such a huge, huge favor by not letting lifestyle creep keep you in those golden handcuffs! Again, congratulations!!!

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