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I was perusing The Outnet recently and came upon a bunch of beautiful purple sleepwear from La Perla — maybe a pajama upgrade is on my list of ideas for 2021.
(If anyone needs to review the four types of pajamas from this hilarious old BuzzFeed post (about single lady advice from yore), here you go!)
For my own pajama backstory (lol) I used to be a fan of shorter chemises, but after having kids I'm solidly in the “pants + t-shirt” bucket. So a long, dramatic nightgown with lace and transparent details is kind of a huge upgrade, and I sort of like the dramatic/glamorous vibe of it. (Although Moira Rose's sleeping vests are also an option!)
The pictured nightdress is $218 (down from $624); these sleep shorts also look fab.
I think the fabulous Birdies slippers we posted last year aren't sold anymore, but these are similar and only $19.
Psst: some of the readers' favorite PJ brands: blue / gray / teal chemise / lavender / stripey
Sales of note for 9.19.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Sales of note for 9.19.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
anon
Just a curiosity here. We booked a refundable trip for this Christmas and then canceled well before Christmas and in the window, and the (well known, well regarded chain) resort promised our money back but then just never did it. We finally reported them to Amex, who refunded us the money immediately and then closed the investigation within twelve hours (love Amex). It was an open and shut case.
But I’m curious how Amex deals with this. Surely they aren’t taking a $9k hit. Do they settle with the resort for some middle amount? Still seems crazy because the resort clearly should have refunded us the whole amount. And that would actually work better for the resorts than just refunding us the money. Do they withhold payments to the resort going forward? Anyone know?
Vicky Austin
I’m not an expert on credit card companies, but I don’t think it’s totally impossible for Amex to take the hit, at least temporarily. They likely have lots more tools in their arsenal to get the resort to pay than you do, and it’s worth it for their customer service reputation to take on that burden, even at the four figures for this one case.
anon
Amex strong-arms the hotel into giving them the refund by threatening the hotel with termination of their “business relationship.”
Anon
I think you mean Amex enforces the terms of its contract with the hotel/merchant, under which the merchant is liable for all chargeback losses.
anon
Yeah, I wouldn’t call it strong arming except that Amex has more power than we do. But really, this is a major hotel chain so it’s not like Amex v. little guy. And it is such a clear call. They said fully refundable if we cancel by x date and we canceled by x date, which they then acknowledged and said we would get a refund, but we never did.
anon
+1 This isn’t even a close case – the hotel had a contractual obligation to refund OP, the hotel didn’t do so, Amex paid OP in order to mitigate the impact to her but Amex isn’t the bad guy for wanting the hotel to make them whole.
anon
I didn’t intend to imply that strong-arming is always a bad thing. In this case, someone needs to strong-arm the hotel. It’s also true that small businesses often get screwed by dissatisfied customers or even people who lie to get money back.
Anonymous
I hate Amex. We have to use them for work. Their travel agents are rude and not helpful and obviously working at home even before the pandemic. Our system of access for them is miserable. I could do stuff on my own with far less aggravation and stay places with lower rates even factoring in the kickbacks. I hate them and will never use them voluntarily.
Monte
“…and obviously working at home even before the pandemic.”
Is this a knock of some kind? I mean, rude is rude, but what difference if these folks got to work from home?
I love Amex for precisely these fraud/merchant issues, but I have also never attempted to deal with their travel agents.
anon
They withhold payments to the resort going forward or if they were concerned about the resort’s financial status, they might have established a security reserve fund as collateral to ensure that they got paid by the resort for stuff like this.
(Source: I work in this industry)
anon
This makes perfect sense. So they will withhold the full amount from future payments for other people staying at the resort and using Amex to pay for it.
Anon
Advice on powering through the rest of today when I’m plagued with a ton of anxiety? I found out that I was exposed to covid yesterday right before the insurrection started. I got a test yesterday evening but am now quarantining for 14 days since exposure. I keep thinking everything is a symptom and have taken my temperature 3 times today. The news is not helping. And I’m having a busy day at work! Breaks to take deep breaths are not making much of a difference.
Anon
Oh, and normally the only thing the helps when I’m feeling like this is to take a walk in the fresh air but I can’t do that because I’m quarantining! (and live in an apartment building, so can’t walk in my backyard or something).
Cat
ugh! Can you at least poke your head out your window to get some outdoor air?
Anon
Or open your window in sit in front of it for a bit and deal with the heating bill later (or just turn off your heat for a bit while you do it.)
We had a lot of really icy days here where it was even too dangerous to walk in my backyard and I was going absolutely stir crazy. I opened our sliding door and just sat in my kitchen in front of it and the cold air did a ton of good for me.
Rainbow Hair
Ugh, that stinks. Thank you for being so responsible – and I’m sending you all the no-covid vibes.
Long term, do you have a therapist who can help you with strategies?
Immediate term, is there inside exercise you can do really quickly? As I’ve likely said on this board 100 times, I haaaate sweating, but even 15 minutes of sweaty exercise really helps my broken brain.
Ellen
I agree. Hang in there. You may have been near some body with Covid, but nurses are around people with covid all the time and they are not catching it so easily. So get rest, sleep and good food while you isolate and b/f you know it, you will be able to come out and the sun will shine down on you favorably! YAY!!!
Anon
My therapist has me lay on the floor with my feet up the wall when the anxiety gets bad. Remember it will take 15 minutes for the anxiety response to clear your system (not that you have to spend all 15 minutes on the floor!) Also, square breathing: out four, pause four, in four, pause four.
Anon
I do something similar but on my couch. I lay on it but instead of putting my legs straight out I put them up on the back of the couch.
Anonymous
Thank you for being responsible re: quarantine – it’s hard but SO important. Can you take a bath later and make something really good to eat? Social media/news break will be vital too.
Anon
Thank you for all the responses. I barely do anything anyway so the quarantine isn’t hard except two things — I can’t take walks and I don’t think I should go down to the mailbox to get my mail but I really want my (print) New Yorker! Reading it on a screen just isn’t the same. I will suck it up for two weeks though. Thankfully I live alone and can WFH and can get groceries delivered and will send my laundry out with contactless pickup so I don’t have to go down to the laundry room.
Sloan Sabbith
Do you have neighbors who could get your mail?
No Face
I would absolutely get mail (or groceries, whatever) for someone in quarantine. Ask a neighbor or a friend!
Sloan Sabbith
Me too, even if I didn’t know them at all. During the beginning of the pandemic, two of my neighbors (neither of who I know well) went to the store for me because I’m high risk and we just didn’t know anything. I appreciated it a lot. I hated it, because I hated being dependent on someone, but I appreciated it.
Anon
If your mailbox is on your property and isn’t shared, you can go get your mail!
OP
I’m in an apartment building so I would have to go through shared hallways and either a shared staircase or ride in an elevator to get it.
Thanks for the suggestions everyone — maybe I’ll suck it up and ask if one of the doormen could bring it up! Just makes me feel like such a princess to even ask. I moved in here just before the pandemic so unfortunately I don’t know any neighbors at all.
And I’ve stuck my head out the window for a few minutes and that helped — I’ll definitely try the legs up the wall next time!
CountC
This internet stranger gives you permission to ask the doorman and is telling you it’s not even remotely princessy to ask for this while you are quarantining because you potentially have exposure to COVID-19. Do it! :)
Anon
I would actually just call building managment, tell them you’re under required quarantine, and could they possibly have someone deliver your mail to your door for 14 days? I’m sure they would find this preferable to you potentially spreading COVID to your neighbors in the elevator or hallway.
LaurenB
Could you wear an N95 mask and gloves to at least get your mail?
Anonymous
An N95 mask actually valves your air out. This is absolutely horrible advice. And, no, you don’t potentially risk someone’s life sharing your elevator because you don’t want to wait. Quarantine literally means quarantine FFS.
Anon
Short of going outside (and thank you for quarantining!!) how about watching stupid TV or a rom com?
Anon
Just submitted an apartment application for an apartment in the Nashville area, are there any people here who are in the area and might want to connect? (I’m very locked down for covid but would love to meet new friends virtually knowing it’ll be in person once it’s safe via vaccination and such.)
Formerly Lilly
Middle Tennessee, not Nashville, and not super close to Nashville. But Nashville is where I go for dr appts, dentist, hair, friends, family, and shopping back when that was a thing. I have wondered if there were enough people in the Nashville area for a meet up when that is feasible again. There was one back in the dark ages, but a schedule conflict prevented my attendance. You can reach me at formerlylilly at the mail of Google if you like.
Anon
I’m considering a move to Nashville and will be there for a couple weeks at the end of February to get the lay of the land. Feel free to reach out At ducklescorp on google!
Anonymous
So if the White House has just withdrawn the acting DHS secretary’s nomination because he called on Trump to renounce the violence and referenced that he was staying until the inauguration to ensure an orderly transition to Biden’s DHS team, does that mean Wolf has also lost his acting job? Trying to figure out how far the White House can go in removing cabinet members who might vote for the 25th amendment.
PNW
I’m 100% certain that’s why Chao resigned. It looks like a principled stand but it’s just a way to avoid having to vote on 25th.
Ellen
I could not believe that she is married to McConnell. He is much older then she is. I hope I find a guy closer to my age to marry. FOOEY!
Tennis
Let’s assume for a moment, that in a non Covid world, I wanted to take up tennis. Where do I even begin? I’m trying not to spend a ton of money on finding a hobby I may not truly love so let’s talk bare minimum.
I would assume finding someone local to teach me to play is basically step 1. From that point, how do you find people to play with semi-regularly? Our suburban neighborhood has a court and looks to have some league that plays once a week, but on Wednesday morning which obviously doesn’t help working folks.
Tell this non-tennis person all about picking up tennis as a hobby.
Anonymous
Sign up for a USTA membership. You can ding a night beginners league and pros and clinics (really good for beginners) and other 2.5 (beginner level people).
Anonymous
Check with your local parks and recreation department for classes and leagues. Quick way to find people who are also learning in your area.
anon
+1. Also, check the continuing education classes at your local community college. Mine offers lots of zero-credit hobby classes that sound super fun for adults who need an entry point for pursuing some interest. There are lots of recreational offerings, like tennis, yoga, pickleball, etc.
Duckles
+2
Also if you literally go to any public courts in your area if it’s warm enough, there are usually the scheduled classes posted on the fence with info for joining. They’ll start at beginner. Once you get good enough to play a little, USTA and other local online resources are good for finding low-pressure leagues.
Shameless request: currently in Austin and looking for any ~3.5 rettes who want to hit!
Anon
Are there any local tennis clubs or facilities? My husband plays quite a bit and we have a membership at an indoor court. It is not too expensive (just over $100/year, not including court fees) and it’s a great way to find other people to play with.
I know you said that you don’t want to spend a ton of money, but one of the best things he did was to look online for a used ball machine. I won’t say it was cheap (several hundred dollars), but he got his money’s worth for sure. He pretty much taught himself just by finding an empty court and hitting balls for hours.
NY CPA
In my experience, tennis is pretty hard to get good at, so I would expect you to need to take lessons for quite awhile before you would be able to play with other people (it will be frustrating for you and no fun for them).
Duckles
This is why there are rankings! Yes as a 3.5/4.0 I have no interest in hitting with someone who’s just starting, but she will have a great time if she takes a cheap class— it’ll be around $20/hour if you do it through the parks department. That will 1) give you an intro to see if you want to continue and 2) put you in touch with other beginner players. Then you can hit together and if you want split the cost of a private instructor, which would be about $20/each/hour with 3 or 4 people. If you play twice a week, you’ll be good enough to play 3.0 (the lowest leagues) in six months or less. Do it!
Anon
I am so tired of reading social media posts telling me to “protect myself”, “don’t feel like you have to be productive today”, “this is not normal – it’s ok to do less”.
God bless the medical professionals who can’t do less than their best bc of Covid. But tons of us (raises hand) also can’t just take an afternoon off because we feel like it. I write appellate briefs all day. They require a shit ton of focus. Yes, I can file a motion for an extension, but I need reasons. I’ve gotten this far without writing “the world is on fire and I can’t focus” in my affidavits. At this point I am honestly thinking I might just put something like that in there. My boss doesn’t read them and doesn’t really care about when my deadlines are because they are always fluid (I’m in charge of the appeals unit in a government agency). I really want to take some kind of stand and officially say to a court, hey, I’m doing my best, but the idea of being as productive as I am in normal times is not happening.
Anon for this judge
Why not? I would totally grant a continuance on this ground.
anon
I hear you; sometimes those social posts are exactly what I need, and other times they feel like salt in the wound. I can’t say I’m brave enough to tell my own bosses — “hey, I can’t concentrate for sh!t because this nation is on fire and I need a moment.” I have literally done that one time during the pandemic and it was because a close family member was getting admitted to the hospital for COVID. I took vacation hours for that afternoon, though.
Monday
I’m reminded of a Black commenter here who emailed a partner asking for more time on an assignment after George Floyd’s murder. (I apologize if I’m mixing this up with one of the many other similar atrocities.) She got zero support or understanding.
Monday
Agreed. “Okay to do less” in what sense? According to whom? I could slack off a little on cleaning and laundry, but I don’t have permission from anyone not to be productive at work. I am in health care, but as you say, this applies to most people who aren’t too.
Also, the position that I don’t have to be productive during an emergency becomes pretty problematic when the emergency has been going on for almost a year? Punctuated by many more shorter-term crises along the way? I someone else just going to function for me until I’m feeling better?
anon
Right. There have been PLENTY of times during the past year when I’ve wanted to curl up on the couch and watch bad TV all evening. Well … my kids still need parenting, right? I’m not going to dump all my responsibilities onto my spouse (at least not all the time!) just because I’m just not feeling it. He’s dealing with his own stuff and isn’t checking out.
IDK, there is definitely a time and place for slowing down, protecting yourself, doing less, etc. Unfortunately, it’s usually the nonessentials that have the most wiggle room (cleaning, meal planning), not the essentials that are more draining and require actual presence, like working or parenting.
Anon
Then slack off on cleaning and laundry. That’s what the posts mean, I don’t understand why you would get upset about them.
CountC
+1 I always have read them as only do the essentials. Cleaning and laundry are not essential, assuming you have something to wear.
Anon
Depends on how you define cleaning though — dishes need to be done and garbage needs to be taken out and kitchen counters need to be wiped so you don’t get bugs and it doesn’t smell. Sometimes even that is hard for me and it can’t really be skipped.
CountC
I mean not for one day – if I am having a crap day, I leave that ish until the next day. Bugs have never appeared overnight in my house from leaving dishes in the sink and not taking my trash out daily. Even on my best of days, the trash gets taken out when it’s full – so like once a week.
anonymous
Yep. On the one hand, these posts can be a little comforting to me because I put a ton of pressure on myself* to “be productive.” On the other hand, maybe the influencers who “see me” can just take on the burden of telling my partners and clients that they won’t be getting their work product for a few days, or handle drafting and filing the motion for continuance? I’m an adult with an actual job; sometimes work needs to get done. I’m not doing “self-care” wrong by pushing through discomfort to do work.
*Thankfully I have an actual therapist who understands what it’s like to have a high pressure career and we address these issues.
Anon
I’m sorry. I’m right there with you. I have a client presentation tomorrow and I can’t change the date. I am still working on the presentation, which should have been done yesterday so I could be reviewed today.
Anon
I work in emergency management and I feel you. The times when everything is on fire are the times that we have to show up and give it our all. This is the first major shit storm I haven’t been on the front lines for (not in dc. Definitely keeping close tabs on the situation though), so I’m finally experiencing 2020/2021 through the eyes of everyone else and holy cow I’m exhausted
Anonymous
I find this hard too, especially because sometimes it feels like they’re encouraging me to embrace weakness. I don’t mean that in a derogatory way, but I find that I do better when I hear things like “we can do hard things” or “draw on your resilience today” instead of “it’s okay to curl up in bed right now.” Yes, it’s okay to curl up in bed and if I want to, I will, but it’s just not inspirational to hear it, I guess.
Anon
+1
The Original ...
I think it’s a balance; some of us struggle to dig deep and need to be reminded with encouragement to keep going, others struggle to slow down and process emotions and need to be reminded with permission to breathe and feel and be. If it doesn’t apply to you, skip it, just know that what works for you can be the opposite of what someone else needs just like the reverse in this case!
Anon
Yup, I posted above. I’m quarantining, reeling from the news, but at the same time work is still moving along. Thankfully my judges are all understanding about deadlines during this whole pandemic, but some things just can’t get pushed back… I was sitting in a previously scheduled meeting yesterday right after finding out about my covid exposure and right after the insurrection was first reported, trying my best to concentrate and just failing. It was incredible that everyone else in the meeting seemed normal, maybe they hadn’t seen the news yet? I was too stunned at the time to say anything.
Anon
https://annehelen.substack.com/p/how-to-work-through-a-coup
Anne Helen Peterson GETS IT.
Anon
I was just reading this!
Anon
Thanks for sharing; I found this very very on point for how I’m feeling today.
Anon
I wouldn’t beat yourself up about filing for the extension, citing “personal challenges/difficulties/whatever word you like.” Just indicate that you are seeking a modest extension as you will be unable to complete your brief by the current deadline and use a vague reference to personal circumstances preventing the same. Most judges will grant that without blinking, particularly if it is your first extension, it isn’t for an insane period of time, and with opposing counsel’s consent. You will submit a better brief if you are able to adequately focus on writing it and it will require so much less energy from you to do it when you are in the better mental state. Just ask for the extension.
Anonymous
Just sharing a small joy for any others growing up in the late 70s/early 80s out there–I am sitting here enjoying the flavor of grape lip balm from my childhood after discovering Tinte Cosmetics online. They have those flavored slider tins and kissing potions that were everywhere. Man, this takes me back so much. I feel bad for the kids today who won’t know the joy of glossing up (because no one was old enough to wear lipstick) and getting dropped off at the roller rink. It’s so weird how memories are so sensory like this.
all about eevee
I grew up in the 90s and feel the same way about Lip Smackers. I loved putting on my Dr. Pepper Lip Smacker and being dropped off at the skating rink.
Not That Anne, the Other Anne
Yes! I felt so grown up. And now I see that there’s a Miss Pepper on Tinte.
I might be masquerading as a responsible adult, but I love flavored lip balm.
Anonymous
I relate to everything in this post. Enjoy!
PNW
Do they have green apple?
Anonymous
Yep. That was one of the ones I had considered ordering.
JHC
You made my day! On the website now.
Anon
Low or lower-tax states
Talk to me about low or lower-tax states. I get that some states have no sales tax and some states have no income tax. Previously, I cynically thought that if you were not paying one, you were paying a lot of other other (or property taxes). Now, where I live is having high income taxes, high property taxes, and the sales tax is also getting higher and is levied on groceries (which many states don’t do). I feel like I am just bleeding money. Uhaul lists my area as one that they lease moving trucks FROM and either have to pay a driver to get the trucks back (or deeply discount one-way rates TO our area).
Is there an escape though? Management is being very flexible with where we live now, as long as it is in states where we have office already (but not even be local to that office), at least with people with my level of seniority. So FL, TX, TN, NC, SC (the latter two have taxes, but a much lower COL that they’d be in the running); other offices are high-tax, VHCOL, or weather I’m eager to be rid of. I think also VA since I’d be sourced to the DC office (VA obviously varies widely in COL; I’ve always loved the Ghent part of Norfolk).
Anon
Out of curiosity where are you currently
Anonymous
Sounds like a lot of states with terrible covid responses and bad schools.
Anon
+1
anon
Sounds like a major generalization (at least as to schools)
Anon
Yes — schools in my state set tax rates at the county level. In cities, houses are worth more, so the $ is higher there vs somewhere more rural. So I’d look at overall COL vs just what taxes the state imposes.
Anon
I’m in the north-east and if you lived in a nursing home, the COVID response was lethal. And I hate DeBlasio with the passion of a thousand suns.
tennesseean
I live in TN. we have no income tax… and also really bad social services (and very very bad covid). Nashville is nice but expensive. Memphis is liberal and not expensive but also has a lot of problems…and the weather is extremely hot. I would not recommend moving here.
all about eevee
I am also from Tennessee. I would not recommend moving here. Cost of living is low here for a reason. Inferior schools (with the exception of a handful of good colleges and high schools), only okay hospitals. A lot of COVID deniers. Beautiful scenery, though.
Anon
Currently live in Nashville. I am originally from another state in the SEUS that is similar, so some of the tax issues here probably don’t stand out to me as much as to someone from the West Coast or NEUS. However, we had a large property tax increase this year that got a lot of attention on Fox News– something like 34% but it was a move from 3.__ % to 4.__ & of the value of the property. I had family from my other SEUS calling me and telling me it was absurd.. until they realized my taxes were still lower than theirs even with a “34%” increase. We also have no income tax, and the city can’t increase sales tax without state approval.. so they are left with taxing property. The city would have gone bankrupt without the increase and is still not doing well due to giving lots of financial incentives for business development, etc. and tax cuts in recent years.
We have bad roads. Schools require moving to a suburban county after elementary school (which ends at 4th grade). Hospitals are good. Covid response by the city was fine-ish but didn’t matter because the state has done such a poor job. There is a big emphasis on charities/celebrities/private companies like Amazon bailing out government when it doesn’t work, which right now is all the time.
Anon
I’m in California. Lots of people move to Nevada for these reasons. It’s tempting, but have you seen most of Nevada. Still, we think about it from time to time.
That said, I have been really glad for the last four + years to live in a state that has its own economy and effective government.
Anonymous
Yeah, living at Lake Tahoe definitely sucks. Don’t move here!
Signed, Home Means Nevada
Anon
That’s the only place I’d move! Which is why I said most of Nevada. But I’m also pretty cautious about wildfire. How do you get comfortable with that risk?
Ellen
I think she was being fahseeshuss. I went to Lake Tahoe once and the men were crazy about me. They were cute! It was beautiful and the lake was very clean. In the winter you can ski. Lots of people go their to escape for the weekend. If I had money, I would have a vacation home there. But I am not, so I stay in NYC and visit my family on Long Island (NY). I suppose if I married someone like Elon Musk, I would not have any issues, but I really cannot fathom him on top of me every nite. FOOEY!
Anonymous
Yeah, Nevada’s tactic is no income tax and higher sales tax, which theoretically impacts tourists the most. And although much of Nevada isn’t pretty, Reno is nice (which is why it’s now full of California transplants, and Vegas is ok for what it is.
Anon
I’ve lived in 16 different states, in every region except the PNW. I’m assuming you’re coming from somewhere like the blue northeast to the red/purple south. I’m sure you’re smart enough to do things like analyze salary vs. cost of buying a home to see how much you’d really save. To the extent that you move somewhere that still has a large contingent of natives/locals, understand that culture runs deep. The reason the south has low/no taxes is because there’s a powerfully ingrained opposition to government. That means schools, first responders, health systems are chronically underfunded because people lose their ish when anyone suggests paying a little more to do X for the common good. Google “11 American nations” to read up on the cultures of the regions you’re looking at. I’m not saying don’t move, I’m just saying go in with open eyes, because you have to be ready to tolerate a degree of frustration with locals if you expect a certain level of public services.
Also, presuming you aren’t up on the latest with Norfolk….Norfolk is literally sinking into the Atlantic Ocean. Combined with rising sea levels, Ghent has knee-high water at least once a year. It’s not somewhere I’d buy real estate, though I might rent – on a high floor – for a year or two if I really, really wanted to live there.
Anon
Oh, the TN posters above reminded me. TN is one of my 16 states. I was there 15? years ago, and the local school district couldn’t start school in August because it didn’t have enough money to buy diesel for the school buses. I remember just staring at the local tv news in disbelief that they didn’t have enough money for gas.
Anon
Wow — I’m in CLT and I would not say that our taxes are low (or our services poor / lacking and school quality varies by neighborhood). Tax-wise, it helps that CLT has lots of commercial properties (vs suburban areas in other states where it is only residential development, thus making the area lose $ for every 3-4 BR house b/c any taxes are not offset by the school spending). NC is a beautiful state (and a huge one; some beautiful areas near Pisgah had no cell service at all, so rural areas are still very rural). Cost varies tremendously throughout it. Some areas have wretched schools (but NJ did also and my taxes were through the roof there, as was my car insurance). I think VA is similar to NC — moderate taxes, lower COL than NYC/NYC suburbs (I will add that in NYC, most of my co-workers send their kids to private schools or move far out for decent public schools).
Anon
Yeah, NC is not a low tax state. It’s not a definitely not a high tax state, either, but I think most of its reputation comes from its relatively lower cost of living and taxes compared to places like NY and NJ, not compared to to states that have truly low taxes. I moved back and forth between CA and NC, so I can make pretty direct comparisons, and one thing to consider is the structure of the tax system. Sales tax was about the same between the two. Property tax rates weren’t actually that different, but property costs way more in CA (though there’s also prop 13 to consider, so if you’ve owned a now million dollar home in CA for decades, you’d actually be paying less than I did for my 250k home in NC). The big difference is income tax, which is taxed at a flat rate in NC (~5%), so if you don’t make a ton, you pay actually pay MORE, but is highly progressive in CA, topping out at ~13% on income above a ~million per year. CA gets a reputation as a high tax state because rich people pay a lot of taxes. Poor people or truly middle class people don’t pay much more than in most other states and might very well pay less, though the cost of housing certainly doesn’t make it affordable in general.
Anon
Delaware is a lower tax state (I am pretty sure?) and still commutable to DC via train. Biden did it for years.
Anon in NY
I’ve never thought about Delaware as a place to live, but I just looked it up and they have no sales tax, low property tax, and income tax tops out at 6.6, which is 2% less than NY state plus NYC also levies an additional tax of about 3-4%. Very tempting option should I ever want to work out my company’s Philly office…
Anon
Philly has a local income tax, so in DE I think you’d be paying that. I lived in DE for a summer and thought I’d like it but found that all of the 20-somethings seemed to spend their entire weekends in Philly (and that is a long drive home).
Cat
+1. You pay the city wage tax if you either live – or – work in Philly. And DE is kind of dead on weekends. (Worked in Wilmington for a bit.)
Anon
Just remember that you get what you pay for so if you move to an area with very low taxes, there’s not likely going to be much in the way of services.
Anon
I think it matters if you use services (generally: schools). My retiree parents are from the SEUS and are paying a fortune in property taxes in NJ and I cannot imagine why they stay. Definitely not for the good schools. Maybe b/c they can get the roads plowed when it snows (but who am I kidding — my SEUS county has one snow plow but if we wait a few hours our annual snow allotment will have melted away).
Anon
I grew up in the northeast and schools were done by town there. Seniors in my town were always voting down school budgets as too expensive. In fairness to the seniors, the budgets probably were too expensive for older people on a fixed income who had settled into a house/neighborhood/church routine. But there is a reason people retire to Florida — if you can’t afford high taxes and aren’t using the schools, it’s not worth it to you when you literally cannot afford to stay in a place you might prefer. I love NYC and SF. But I cannot afford to live in either place.
Anon
I live in Florida and while we don’t have an income tax, much of that is made up in fees that are tough to escape. Many newer developments are in special taxing districts to fund their infrastructures, so you may not get much of a property tax break compared to where you came from if you want to live some place new/fancy.
Depending on what county you live in, property taxes may be reasonable and offer solid schools, parks and amenities (not on the level of NOVA public schools, but perfectly good) or they may be somewhat less and schools that don’t offer much more than entry into the school-to-prison pipeline. Jeb Bush nearly succeeded at his goal of dismantling public education in the early 00’s and it’s been tough crawling back. Public education is one of the places where economic and racial segregation is most pronounced. Schools founded as segregation academies in the 60’s still exist and don’t acknowledge this part of their past.
Other aspects of living in Florida:
Our state park system is top notch. I will fight anyone who says otherwise.
Higher ed is constantly under threat from the legislature but has managed to stay pretty solid, though the focus is career training rather than liberal arts education even at the university level.
Our Department of Health has been starved for years and the consequences of that are what you see now with the COVID response.
Department of Environmental Protection has been in the pocket of developers for as long as there’s been development in Florida – much of the best journalism out of Florida is on the environmental beat.
Division of Emergency Management is also top notch – they have to be with our risk of hurricanes.
In general, state government/services is starved via years of Republican governors who portray state workers as lazy leeches. It’s resulted in one of the smallest, lowest paid state workforces in the country in a state with a huge population. That is not sustainable, particularly as the last of those folks from pre-Jeb who were good at their jobs but had too many years in to leave their pension behind are able to retire. No one else is willing/able to do the high-quality work they did for the pay offered.
On a local level, police/fire/ambulance varies widely. My city requires a college degree for all police officers and is generally pretty progressive. <100 miles away, a deputy was recently arrested for planting evidence on over 100 defendants and it took the Assistant State Attorney resigning for there to be a thorough investigation and response. Some counties don't have a hospital and you may find yourself with a 50 mile ambulance/helicopter ride in an emergency.
tl;dr – Florida can be awful or awesome, so look hyper-locally if you consider moving here.
Anon
hey, you forgot to mention Florida Man!
I don’t live in Florida but I used to travel there a lot. I always said the freeways are crazy – you have an elder person who can barely see over the steering wheel going 40 in the fast lane, and Florida Man in his Camaro going 80 in the slow lane.
Anon
Yes, #FloridaMan! And the Skunk Ape! I’m in north Florida, so we don’t have the snowbird/tourist traffic that they have down south. For me and my little corner of FL, it’s more good-unique than holy-hell-get-me-outta-here unique but, as I said… do hyper-local research before deciding to move someplace in FL!
Anon
I’m in NH. We have no sales tax, no income tax but very high property taxes and other gov’t fees like to register our cars. I think I paid less overall tax in a more traditional blue state w/ an income and sales tax but it is hard to say for certain…
I also lived in Maine where I had a super low property tax but my rural town did not have a police department and only had a volunteer fire dept. Kids were sent to nearby towns for school.
I don’t things are really sustainable here in NH and I suspect there will eventually need to be taxes. We have a fair number of non-profits that pick up the slack for the lack of services for the low-income but we still have a pretty significant homeless population too.
Anon
When I lived in NJ, a big way to save $ was for towns to disband their police force and rely on state police for coverage. Frankly, I think that NJ towns should be much larger (like Parsippany is huge), especially in rural areas. But waiting an hour when you call 911 because you live near the Appalachian Trail is crazy. In my city now, you can drive for half an hour and still be in . . . my city (assuming no traffic).
Anon
Thanks all. What I want is a medium-sized city (my litmus test is if it is big enough to have at least one professional sport, it is probably “big enough” to have a decent airport without being super-huge) and find a good walkable neighborhood in that. I get that services are important, but my life is go to work and go home (or: just move rooms), so at most I use parks and roads. I just want a more reasonable trade-off with all-in COL and less oppressive rate-race-feeling compared to what this year has taken out of me to keep being productive at my job.
As my CPA friend says, leisure and happiness are 100% tax-free. So, if it is affordable (in all senses), I’m giving it a hard look. Maybe not Ghent. Maybe Richmond / Raleigh area. Something like that.
Anon
Thing is, a walkable neighborhood in a medium city is expensive any way you slice it. You’re going to pay for it one way or another because that’s what everyone wants.
Anonymous
This. I’m in Raleigh. If my house (which is in a perfectly lovely but not walkable to anything other than the library neighborhood near the edge of the city limits) was in the walkable neighborhoods near downtown, it’d be 100-150k more than what it cost me. And this is only a difference of like 15 minutes by car. Cost of living is still way cheaper than a VHCOL area (I used to live in NYC), but not as cheap as some people seem to think.
Anon
Does Raleigh have a walkable area? I don’t recall. Richmond does, but man, the hipster-try-hard vibe is intense there.
Have you thought of somewhere a little off the beaten path? Birmingham? Chattanooga? Greenville, SC? They don’t have professional sports, but the QOL is absolutely there.
Anon
You sound like you’re going to get so hung up on tax rates that you’re going to ignore all the other factors that go into quality of life.
Duckles
Not sure if you’ve done this but I’m in the same process of choosing a new city to move to (taxes are some of the factors) and I made a Big A$$ Spreadsheet of all the factors for all the cities. So no, you’re not going to get perfect— the lowest taxes cities might not have direct flights; the place with the best weather has insane taxes; the place that all around looks good on paper has a culture I don’t like, etc. So get it down to your top, say, five and see if there are any that 1) have significant savings that 2) you can see yourself being happy in.
Anon
If you move to TX, have fun with the super blatant sexism labelled as “good old fashioned family values.” Source: lived there for 30+ years. It’s better or worse depending what part of the state you live in, but never escapable. Also, horrid response to COVID. Now, many healthcare workers there are refusing the vaccine (even in nursing homes). Source: mom works in one and at least 75% of the nursing staff refused the vaccine. So if you move, don’t get sick either, because Typhoid Maries abound…
Texas
Can only comment on TX, but no income tax is great, standard sales tax, but property taxes are very high, especially in cities. But home prices are still reasonable compared to other large cities. Excluding Austin, you can get a good house in a safe suburb with good schools for around 350k, or a nice house (3 bed and 3-4 bath, at least 1800 sq ft) in the city core for 400-600k.
Anon
On topic for once. I have a friend who makes a hobby of buying La Perla on deep discount. Like a 75% markdown is not unusual for her at all. I wonder who buys it full price?
ps she’s thin and self-described flat chested. I am not sure it works for any other figure type, certainly not mine, but the stuff she has is so, so gorgeous.
Anon
Where does she find this deeply discounted La Perla?
Anon
Sales like this one. She’s always on the lookout.
Jules
On a frivolous but on-topic note: I have the slippers Kat mentions (or something almost exactly like them from Amazon) and they are actually kind of great. They look extremely cute, are reasonably warm for being open-back and are comfortable. Mine are a ballet pink so they show dirt and coffee spills (why do I buy anthing that isn’t black?) I decided to just toss them in the washer (delicate cycle, in a lingerie bag) and even the dryer on low heat and its been fine. I’ve probably washed them at least three times and they still look good.
In-House in Houston
Another frivolous topic. So many recipes call for chopped “fresh” parsley. Is that just for show, or does it actually impact the taste? I found dried parsley in the spice aisle of my grocery store which seems so much more convenience than having fresh parsley, but it doesn’t really add any flavor, in my opinion. It looks pretty sprinkled on food (just saw a recipe for manicotti and it’s in the ricotta/parmesan spread.) Can I just use the dried parsley or do I really need fresh?? help!
Anon
The only place I really taste parsley is in taboulleh, and I don’t like it, so I never use a ton of fresh parsley. A little parsley adds a fresh taste to wake up food that has been cooked and might be kind of… cooked tasting? I don’t know the right adjective.
For any parsley that goes in to a cooked/baked recipe at the beginning, I think dried parsley is fine. If you don’t care about the garnish and that tiny hit of fresh flavor, then by all means skip it. Or consider garnishing with other tender herbs instead – I vastly prefer fresh dill or fresh chives to parsley.
It’s kind of like bay leaves. We all add them because that’s what you do, but I don’t think most people have a strong sense of what the bay leaf added.
Anon
I have another thought. I do like fresh parsley in salsa verde (not mexican salsa, but the classic european sauce) and green harissa. It also keeps a lot longer than a bunch of parsley in your fridge, so that’s a thought if you really like the flavor. Though I’m pretty sure the flavors I like most in salsa verde are the capers and anchovies – the parley is just the body of the sauce.
Vicky Austin
Fresh parsley is so cheap that I always buy it instead of dried. (Pretty much the only things I use dried for are garlic butter and my grandma’s Thanksgiving stuffing recipe.) And it’ll stay good for a week or two wrapped in paper towels and stuck in an open plastic bag. (I change the paper towel a couple times if I really want to eke it along, but you may find that too wasteful.)
Anon for this judge
Same. Also I think it lends a nice freshness to a dish.
Anon
If it’s a tiny bit sprinkled on top then it’s mostly for show. If it’s mixed into the dish or a more substantial amount, then I like to include it because it alters the taste. It’s like some recipes include squeezing a little lemon juice at the end – you can get a good dish without it but it’s much better to include it.
Dried parsley is pointless IMO.
Buy a bunch of fresh parsley, put the stems in a water cup and put the bag over it, like a loose cover. It’ll stay fresh in the fridge like this for 2-4 weeks, depending on your parsley and your fridge. The bunch is usually around $2 and I end up using it in a few recipes during that period.
Anon
I’m not OP, but I’ve seen this tip before and really have no clue how people keep this water cup from being knocked over in their fridge. Or maybe they don’t have teenagers….
Anon
Stick it behind something they won’t touch — I have a 5 year old so I put it behind the milk, which she considers “yucky.”Also you only need to fill the glass like 1/3 full!
Anonymous
Fresh parsley has a very different taste to dried parley, and you can’t really sprinkle dried over a dish before you serve it and get the same effect. The aromas and oils and smells of the freshly chopped are different.
But dried parsley is fine to use in a sauce or similar, when it’s cooked for a while. I think it’s fine in a vinaigrette as well. Some people would still prefer frozen parsley to dried, though, for all uses.
Mattress q
looking into new bed, seeing rolled queen or queen as terms. Any recommendations ?
anon4this
does anyone else have male coworkers that are a bit patronizing/coaching/doing a lot of mansplaining? how do you handle it? not a boss – but someone at the same level who is too involved “coaching” you etc. it’s driving me absolutely nuts with one coworker.
Anon
IDK but my husband mansplains re anything camping-related. I hate it. [Other things he realizes I probably know as well or better than he does, but I didn’t camp before 2 years ago and it’s like I am the perpetual newbie.]
OP
yes, this is someone who is only a couple year more senior but who i work with a lot together but not in a he’s my boss type way, more collaborative type of way, and its constant mansplaining. today he sent me this email about paying attention to detail and thinking through the bigger picture on a project we are working on togheter, and then the edits he made were super rushed with lots of spelling mistakes etc, while i think my work was fine and not rushed. it’s like men always want to be know it alls, right, and be in power. so annoying.
Anonymous
https://www.askamanager.org/2020/10/new-coworker-is-a-rude-know-it-all.html
OP
thanks. super helpful. neither of us really has a boss though (we are the boss) so i don’t have a boss to report him to, but I can for sure use some of the replies.
Anon
I have a coworker I’m very affectionate toward (in a big sister kind of way). Sometimes I put up with it, but sometimes he starts mansplaining a topic that I indisputably know better than he does, as in I’m known for my knowledge on this topic, and then I will say “George, are you really going to sit here and explain my field of expertise to me?” Since we are on friendly terms he will usually laugh and knock it off. I really hope I’m helping him curb the habit generally.
I had a former coworker (thank goddess he’s former) who was senior to me in the org but not in my area who also used to do this to me. I would usually work on my computer while he yammered on at me, occasionally stopping and saying “oh really” (not as a question) when he was being really pedantic.
Friday
Oh yes. He’s usually mansplaining something incorrectly, and he will mansplain to other men if they’re not adequately enthused about whatever his argument du jour is. I either completely ignore him, as in, physically turn away from him (thanks, open floor plan) or if work isn’t busy I’ll make a game of seeing what insane stuff I can get him to claim. He once told me that carbonation can’t escape from beer if you put a coaster over it.
AIMS
I am just very snide back and they stop. It’s always worked. Maybe they secretly think I’m a b— but I don’t really care and it hasn’t been an issue.
Anonymous
Yikes why is there a nsfw post on a blog geared toward work wear?
Friday
I don’t think this is NSFW. TBH I didn’t even notice it wasn’t an evening gown until the second time I navigated to the post.
Anonymous
It’s an old lady nightgown. How is that NSFW? The photo doesn’t show anything.
Anon
Careful, you might ruin your pearls with all that clutching.
AIMS
Also what is NSFW at this point? I find this nightgown no less ridiculous than a recommendation for a new suit right now.
Anon for Bath and Body Works
I got a giftcard for bath and body works and haven’t shopped there in ages. I think I want a fun scented body wash (but not fruity- maybe more floral). Any suggestions since I can search by scent?
Anon
Check out their aromatherapy line – they have maybe a dozen fragrances. Their Tea & Eucalyptus is one of my favorites.
Anon
I would suggest the moisturizing body wash, which is great for winter. If you are looking for floral, Dahlia or Peony could be a good option. Another thing to use the gift card for that I like buy from there is their foaming hand soaps.
Anon
PS: Additional option is small hand sanitizers for your purse. I find them moisturizing and easy throw in any bag, pocket, your desk, car, etc.