Coffee Break – Ramona Pumps

Sofft RamonaSometimes, you just want a great black pump. These Sofft Ramona heels are unusual for a comfort brand in that they’re really high — 3.5 inches! — but they have a 5/8″ platform, making them seem like they’re much lower than they are. I’m not a huge fan of platforms for the office, but I think these really look respectable while also adding a lot of height. The cushy, comfortable insole doesn’t hurt either. Zappos has them in the black leather, a dark tan “luggage” leather, black patent, and a “sand” patent. They were $109.95, but are now $72-$95 (depending on the color). Sofft – Ramona (Black Leather – Zappos Exclusive) – Footwear



  1. These look really clunky. I have a hard time imagining how comfortable these must be to overlook how they look – a 3.5 inch heel is still a 3.5 inch heel and if you’re going to wear it, may as well make it count or just go lower if comfort is more the priority.

    • Agreed. I’d rather wear a lower, but more attractive heel.

    • agree. the leather looks cheap, the heels and soles and overall shape of the toe box are clunky and dowdy, and the overall effect = the shoes older flight attendants wear to technically meet the “I’m wearing black high heels” requirement (not that I blame them, as I think that requirement is ridiculous anyway, but that is definitely not the first impression I’m interested in giving).

      and as mentioned, it’s still a 3″ drop from heel to toe – my Cole Haan Nike Airs have that same drop and while it does make a day on my feet more livable, ballet flats they are not.

    • Former MidLevel :

      Agree with all of the above.

    • completely wrong i think :

      Agree. I do tend to notice though that 99% of Cats shoe choices are clunky and I really dislike most of them.

      I think she needs a guest blogger for shoes.

    • The shoe looks much better in other colors.

    • Agreed. I own these in the sand patent. While they look much higher quality than the black ones pictured here, they are the most horridly uncomfortable shoes I have ever owned. They pinch, slide, rub and make my feet bleed. I would never recommend them. Ever.

    • Agree. They look awful.

  2. Ladies, I think that it’s finally time for me to accept that my absolutely fabulous 4 inch leopard print heels are just going to have to be put away until my little boy comes in December. Not that I’ve even found anything even close to acceptable yet to purchase in the (shudder) “comfortable shoes” catagory.


    • I’m due in December too and I had to give up the heels several months ago due to hip pain so good for you for being able to hold out this long!

    • I wore my Stuart weitzman leopard 1.5″ heel shoes till my due date….best pregnancy buy ever!

  3. Cornellian :

    I agree on the shoes… 3″ is still a solid heel without the platform.

    Vague threadjack: What are your experiences with getting back together with ex-romantic partners?

    I met a guy at 18, dated him 20-25, lived together three of those five years. I broke up with him a year ago for a variety of reasons partially related to me (wanting to figure out some psychiatric issues and wondering if he was feeding in to my behavior in a negative way, for example), partially related to him (I think his following me around and taking second fiddle was keeping him from feeling self fulfilled, and he wasn’t developing his oiwn interests), and partially circumstantial (I was moving to New York, he got a job in Cali, and I was weirded out by essentially marrying someone I met the summer I turned 18 without other romantic experience.) The process was really painful for both of us, and I think we both felt like we had our family torn apart.

    So… are we crazy for considering trying it again? It seems like we’ve both matured independently and solved/found ways to deal with a lot of our personal problems. Is it doomed from the start? Have you ever picked up with an ex a while later? Did it work?

    • Merabella :

      I don’t have strong feelings about getting together with ex’s one way or another, though I’m usually of the mind that if it was broken enough to break up it probably isn’t worth investigating later. I think it really depends on why you broke up in the first place.

      In this situation, I think the only red flag for me in the particular situation is that you said that you felt like he played into your own issues. I wouldn’t want you to get into a co-dependent situation again because you miss the relationship from the past.

      Before getting into it I would think that you should take a very serious look at why you want to get back together. What were the issues that led you to believe that he was feeding into unhealthy behaviors? Are all of the other things no longer issues? Do you just want that “family” feeling again, not necessarily related to wanting to be back with him?

      • Merabella hit on an issue that I think is important- are you sure it’s not just that you are in a new city at a new job and miss the familiarity he represents? You were with him for 5 years, so it’s natural that the breakup would be a huge loss. That doesn’t necessarily mean you should get back together. Have you dated anyone else since the breakup? Also, a lot of the problems you identified do not strike me as easily resolved within a year.

        I’m not saying definitely don’t do it, just proceed with caution. In my experience, the relationships that worked better the second time around were either (1) after a very short break (a few months, max) where the parties involved immediately realized the breakup was a mistake, or (2) after many years, when they had truly grown and developed (and often married other people) in the meantime.

    • Stepmom re: driving and ACT preparing :

      Maybe you should do one of those “50 questions to ask each other before getting married” books to see how much progress you have made, individually and as a couple, while you’ve been apart and how productive it would be to try again?

    • Honey Pillows :

      Honestly, if there’s ever a situation in which you might actually make it work with an ex, yours would be it.

      I’m firmly against getting back together with exes you broke up with due to compatibility, wanting different things, fighting, etc, but if it’s an issue of you guys not being in the right place at the right time, it might work ok. How do you feel about him now? How does he feel about you?

      If you’re not in the same place emotionally (ie, he’s still crazy in love with you, you’re just into the idea of seeing where it goes), I’d be leery.

      Regardless, set the ground rules as this: You are not “getting back together.” You’re dating a new person (essentially, if you’ve both matured and changed, you are dating a new person), and you need to treat it as such. Go on fun dates, don’t just watch tv together and order in pizza. Put as much effort into this relationship as you would any new relationship. It’s a fresh start, and that means you need to make it fresh, or you’ll both just fall back into your old habits and patterns.

      • Cornellian :

        If we start dating, it will be distance, which I think will make the “fresh” thing easier, although it will make many other things much more difficult…

        • TO lawyer :

          I agree generally with most people – getting back together with an ex depends on why you broke up.

          I’ve been in two serious long distance relationships in my life (neither with an old ex though) and I would say that unless you’re 1000% sure about your partner, it may not be worth it. My current SO is completely worth it and being with him is still one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do because some days, the distance is near impossible for me. I knew LD was hard before this relationship, but since my feelings are much stronger for this one than my previous LD boyfriend, I had no idea how hard it would actually be.

          Just my two cents about the distance…

    • Be careful. I dove into a relationship with my ex-husband after a break of many years. It felt very familiar. What I failed to do was give it long enough to learn more about his patterns (financial, work, etc.) since he became an adult. If I had, I never would have married him.

      • Cornellian :

        Good to know. My ex didn’t have any bad practical habits (except maybe being super duper penny-pinching when it came to his own apperance), I just want to go in to it this time knowing that our relationship dynamic can be different and better.

    • o_O. No advice, but I am tres interested in what others have to say. Just had an ex come back into my life and am wondering about the possibilities…

    • lawsuited :

      Are you going to date again? Move in together? Get married? Get a dog? Have a baby? If you’re just going to date again, the worst case scenario is that you break up again. I’d say that’s a pretty low-risk venture, so go for it.

      Anecdotally, I dated an ex and it didn’t work out the second time either.

    • Woods-comma-Elle :

      As others have said, it does really depend on why you broke up. The only thing that stands out for me is that you broke up only a year ago, and the question I would be asking is whether that is enough to have worked through the relevant issues (esp as someone pointed out him feeding into your personal issues).

      Only you can really answer that, but that is the question I would be asking.

    • Hey be nice to Cat! Shoes are MY FAVE!!!! Yay!!!!

      As for the OP I would be VERY CARFUL before geting back with a ex! After all you did brake up with him once, and that is TRAMATIC to say the leest!

      When I was dateing my ex I knew somthing was wrong but couldent put my FINGER on it! I wanted to be in a Releationeship and be MARRIED so I let thinegs slyde. He drank a lot, did not bathe Dailey and his teeth were filthy. FOOEY!

      But I figured he was makeing good money as an accountenenant, and he seemed to care for me b/c he stayed over alot on weekeend’s so I did not think he was after other women.

      I still do not think so but he perfered the BOTTEL to me geting drunk alot. FOOEY!

      I have grown a lot and could NEVER see me with that (or any other) DRUNK!

      I am a good catch my dad says and I will wait for a guy who will treet me right!

      Think why you want to be with a guy you dumped. If you can justefey bieng with him fine. Otherwize Just say FOOEY! And move on! Yay!!!!

    • west cost girl :

      The then girlfriend of the guy I eventually married once told me this about getting back together with a former flame: “nothing changes but the date”. I wish in retrospect that I had took all of her advice to heart and skipped both the marriage and the reunion with the old flame!

    • So anon for this :

      I say go for it. I was in the same situation before and we kept missing opportunities to get back together. I regret it to this day and still pine for him. It breaks my heart to see pictures of him and his new baby on facebook. I am (mostly) happily married and have a child of my own but still wonder what could have been.

    • No no no. It’s called a breakup because it is BROKEN. Think nice thoughts about the past, but realize that it is the PAST.

    • CPA to be :

      I dated my now husband for a few years in college, broke up, got back together a year later, got engaged a couple years after that. We’re about to have our 5th wedding anniversary this weekend and have been together for the better part of 10 years total. Some of the underlying issues are still there, but we have matured to the point where we are much more capable of handling them.

  4. emcsquared :

    Venting – it just took me 30 minutes to schedule a blood draw that is supposed to happen every 3 months and has not happened in almost 1 year (largely because I don’t want to go through the PITA of scheduling this baloney). Why does my doctor refuse to put in a standing order? I mean…it’s not like I’m abusing the privilege or scheduling frivolous blood draws. Just enter an order for it to happen every 3 months!!!

    And why in heaven’s name did the clinic need me to confirm my cell phone, work phone, home phone, home address, work address, husband’s phone (and address!), parents’ phone and address, and name of former employer just to have a blood draw? I finally refused to give any more information and it was really awkward. But now I feel like I should be monitoring my credit just in case…and I’ve actually visited this clinic within the last 6 months, so it’s not like I’m new to their system.

    Blargh, I’m sure there are reasons for all these policies, but interacting with health care administration makes me want to scream.

    • Merabella :

      That whole situation is ridiculous. I think you should investigate getting a new doctor.

    • "Allergies" PSA :

      Administrative things I do not understand about the medical industry:

      1. Why the nurse at my ENT’s office asks me for my birthdate, height and weight at the beginning of every visit (4 times since June). At least 2 of those things never change. The third — I could be lying, shouldn’t she use a scale?

      2. Why the hospital wants to know, before taking an XRay:

      a. whether I am married (I know, they want to capture my husband’s insurance if I don’t pay up).

      b. If I am not married, whether I am single, divorced or widowed. Does it really matter how it happened?

      c. What religion I am.

      • Well, I can answer these (probably) about the x-ray…its probably a combination of standard in-take procedure at the hospital (figuring out who the next of kin is likely to be and what rites you would need if you were to die…I know…creepy but true) and a screening to see how likely you are to be pregnant. Also, it may be part of a screening for domestic abuse.

        The birthdate, height, weight thing is about confirming they have the right patient … usually at my doctors office they usually still weigh me. Shrug.

        • "Allergies" PSA :

          @ TCFKAG: could the birthdate/height/weight thing be patient ID even if the nurse does not have my file in front of her when she asks those questions (she has neither the hard file nor a computer nearby). All she has is a blank form onto which she writes the answers I give her.

          Also, the very next question she always asks is “when did this start?” At my first appointment, I brought a written description, with dates, of my issues. I asked for it to be put in my file. Ever since then, when asked “when did this start?,” I have to ask what “it” is because it has changed over time and then I have to say, honestly, that I really don’t remember but that I wrote it all down and it is in my chart. And then she makes a big fuss about having to get up, leave the examination room, go to the main desk, consult my file, and come back. Shouldn’t all this information be in one place for the MD when he comes into the room to see me? I feel as if the answers I give the nurse never get to him.

          PS: Are you still looking for a job? I take it you are a health care lawyer? If you are in the Bay Area, I might know of a position for which you can apply.

          Also, the hospital asked if I was pregnant. I said no. Actually, they asked if I could be pregnant, and I said no because after a procedure about 5 years ago, in order for me to be pregnant, there would have to be a star in the East.

          • Um, I am still looking for a job, though I’m not really a health care lawyer by trade (though I know a fair amount about it for various reasons). But my husband and I did just decide to open our job hunt up to markets outside our present area. If you want to e-mail me about the position my e-mail address is [email protected] .

          • The birthdate part could be to make sure she puts it in the right file when she’s done with the blank form. There is another person in my area with the same first name, middle initial and last name (they are a friend of a friend, no relation though) and we used to see the same doctor. One of the final things that pushed me to leave this doctor was that more than once they pulled her file instead of mine and then said things like “test results? We don’t have any test results since your last visit a year ago?” and then realized they didn’t ask me my birthdate to double check they had the right file like they were supposed to. More than once I was left sitting waiting while they went back to pull the correct file, I finally insisted they put a note on the front of both files stating that they had 2 patients with the same name. And no, my last name isn’t really that common either. So yes, its annoying, but probably not as annoying as getting your paperwork screwed up. And I wonder if she came in for her annual exam and was suprised to hear that everything looked healthy with her pregnancy based on the last set of test results :-)

      • bday/h/w – it is probably due to quality reporting measurements. Particularly if they use an electronic health record, there are prompts. Annoying, but it is helpful to confirm you actually are the person you are supposed to be.

      • Religion could also be in case you are a Jehovah’s Witness – I believe JWs don’t typically take blood transfusions. Still seems weird and invasive.

    • Cornellian :

      I am also upset with the medical establishment right now. For the second time in the last month someone has taken my driver’s license and insurance card, and then scolded me for not filling out my driver’s license or insurance card number on the form they give me to fill out. I don’t have those 40 digits memorized!

      I’m amazed at how stuck in the early 90s is the US is in terms of healthcare paperwork and forms. I have yet to be in an office in the U.S. that had as integrated of systems as my rural German doctor did ten years ago. /rant.

    • (a) There’s really no reason your doctor can’t put in a standing order — unless the test changes when he has the blood draws done. Seriously.

      (b) That amount of info for a patient intake is absurd. I’ve been admitted to the hospital for major surgery with less info than that. I’d suggest switching labs…or switching health care providers entirely (new PCP and new lab). Because seriously, that’s silly.

    • Wow, you make me feel very lucky! My doctor’s office is in a clinic associated with a hospital. Once she puts in the order, I can show up at 7 a.m. on that day (no matter when my actual appointment is) and have my blood drawn.

    • karenpadi :

      I just…don’t. I had a 90 minute procedure with the doctor in a small practice and an assistant (not a nurse). Without insurance…$1600. With insurance…$900. That’s over 40% off! Talk about mark-up! Still, at $900 dollars for 90 minutes, that’s $600/hour. Or, having a $450/hour attorney and $150/hour legal assistant on my case. That’s like having BigLaw rates at a 4-lawyer firm (no super-sophisticated equipment was used–simple outpatient procedure).

      Doctors are so expensive and billing is so random. One toe cost twice what my other five toes cost. Same procedure, same anesthesia, no complications (knock on wood), so why the extra?

      • Well, billing is really complicated and at the risk of ‘outing’ myself, I’ll leave it at this – Insurance companies get a “break” because they are reliable payers and set their own payment schedules. Also, providers will often give individuals a discount to at least the insurance rate, if not more, if you are willing to pay via cash or credit. One of the few areas you can negotiate still. The problem stems from the fact, the US pays primarily based on volume and not quality.

        • I hate that I should have to haggle over my medical care if I don’t have insurance. I’m a horrible haggler.

          I also hate that it is impossible to determine what a procedure “should” cost, yet we are constantly scolded for using “too much” healthcare and being told to use our healthcare dollars more thoughtfully. How are we supposed to do this when costs and doctor ratings (do you really want to go to the cheapest dentist out there? No offense to truly brilliant dentists who are able to keep their costs low.) are impossible to find?

          • I agree that it’s a terrible system. I just also live in the world of reality where if you have 12k in medical bills, but are willing to pay 9k in cash right then, they’ll forgive the other 3. I think of it more as them being nice and trying to not bankrupt people (in certain scenarios).

            If you have insurance, your insurer likely has their own system for measuring quality, outcomes, and price. That is one of the things that the comparative effectiveness research institute is supposed to do (quality and outcomes), but we’ll see. And while it’s probably not helpful, Medicare has a lot of “comparison” resources available when it comes to providers and facilities. Unfortunately measuring quality is hard enough to define, let alone when you try and layer the cost function over it. Hopefully we will make progress, but I’m convinced it is going to take at least 10 years before we see meaningful improvements in the field. sorry for my nerd rant.

    • I feel the need to weigh in, even though there is little I can actually defend. The medical system in the US is totally broken, we’ve chosen to make it a for-profit system where insurance companies are major motivation is bottom lines, and the infrastructure is badly in need of overhaul. Most “reform” bills are directed to hospitals with no expectation that the cost of those reforms will be paid by anyone other than the hospital. Most hospitals, especially community owned hospitals are being faced with huge cuts to reimbursements, so the money to fund these reforms is no where. For instance, to meet “meaningful use” for medicare, most outpatient offices are being forced to adopt an electronic medical record. Good, right? well, who pays for that? They are expensive and the conversion is a nightmare (having recently gone through it).

      At my current hospital, our registration system is so outdated that every time you go in to get a blood test, you have to essentially re-register, showing your ID and insurance card. It makes me crazy. But the cost of replacing that system, which we are in the process of doing, is approximately 2 million dollars (for a hospital with 25 beds.) Our yearly profits are approximately 5 million/year. So it’s a huge chunk of money.

      As far as why certain procedures cost certain amount of money: it’s all from a medicare reimbursement schedule, done many years ago. Certain specialties lobbied and got more for their procedures than others. Non procedural specialties got slammed and make very little for some highly cognitive work. I get paid about 200 dollars to do an appendectomy. That includes seeing the patient initially, doing the operation, taking care of the patient in the post operative period in the hospital and seeing the patient in my office in followup. It’s probably about 5 hours worth of work. I don’t complain, because overall I’m well compensated compared to most Americans.

      The system is broken. We as a society have made a set of choices to allow this to happen, and it’s the natural set of conclusions.

      • Cornellian :

        I never quite understood the chorus of “Let’s keep the old American way of healthcare, where we let the market set the prices.” Uh… what? When was that system around?

      • Weighing in from the medical revenue side here…

        Being asked your DOB, height and weight are probably to confirm that you are the right person. There have been so many wrong person or wrong site (e.g., amputating the good leg) lawsuits that there are strict protocols for patient identification on any procedure.

        Marital status is probably one of the “minimum data set” requirements for your doctor’s office’s registration. The receptionist or medical assistant can’t get past that screen without completing it.

        Religion is a data point required by the government for EHR “meaningful use” incentive payments. Really what it means is that the government wants to be able to collect health data that can be sliced by race and religion for comparative analysis.

        And finally, if you’re having any radiology procedure, they have to ask if you’re pregnant and document your response.

        There’s a lot of legal CYA in healthcare because of the many liability issues. Patients suffer for it, but there’s not much that can be done.

        As far as the billed amounts, most physician and/or hospital contracts with insurance carriers stipulate that the entity is charging all payers the same amount. This means that true self-pay patients get screwed, because the rates being charged are higher than what any insurance is paying. Usually, you can negotiate based on Medicare rates, which are published online.

      • Mountain Girl :

        I am CFO of a hospital with your same bed count and will just say “ditto” to almost everything you have said.

        Here’s the deal – for everybody except the large hospitals and systems there are only a handful of electronic medical record vendors. (And that is a literal – maybe 5 or 6 vendors that serve our market.) I could probably guess within three tries and know exactly the system that EC MD uses in her hospital. The cost of a conversion for a our facility was almost $2 million. Our GROSS charges for a year are only $12 million. And, the system will be outdated and need to be upgraded in three years. We are only 18 months post conversion and our vendor is already working to sunset our system and move everybody over to a new platform – all at a cost of almost another $1 million. Where is the money going to come from?

        Physician practices are also under the mandate to convert to an electronic system. While they have many more options the gross revenue of a small practice is facing the same issues or community hospitals. How will we pay for it?

        We are also being forced to convert to an entirely new system of medical coding – ICD 10. While most of the rest of the world is already getting ready to move to ICD 11 the United STates is the only country that bases payment on these codes rather than simply recording it in a patient’s chart. For example, if you happen to present to your physician’s office because you got bit by a turtle there are probably a dozen or more codes that could be used for this encounter. Were you bit or struck by the turtle? Is this the initial or a subsequent encounter? Was it in the arm, leg, or some other body part? Which side? How large was the injury? And on and on…and that’s just for turtles. If you happen to get bit by a dolphin it becomes really complicated because you are going to have to determine if it was a dolphin or a porpoise. There are over 300 different animals identified in the new code sets. There are 9 codes related to being bitten by a parrot, 3 relating to injuries involving flaming water skis and 7 codes reserved for futuristic injuries that might result from space craft, space travel and weightlessness.

        I’m afraid that we are nearing the perfect storm for healthcare in the US. Rising costs, an antiquated reimbursement system, the ICD 10 conversion and a million unknowns regarding the implementation of the new healthcare law promise to make the next 10 years or so anything but boring.

        No matter where you stand on the healthcare law I am convinced that, as a nation, we didn’t have the right discussion regarding reformation. While some of the discussion started out as healthcare reform it quickly morphed into health insurance reform. We need to take about 10 steps back and try and find a better administrative system. When I get on my soap box I like to remind people of how our system or reimbursement works. In healthcare we bill somebody other than our patient, we do it in secret code, and that third party non patient gets to decide how much they want to pay and we have to like it. And, that is why we NEED healthcare reform.

        • I’m going to need to steal your explanation of coding using the turtle. This is excellent and is much nicer than what I use now.

        • We should get together for a virtual glass of wine to commiserate on this.

  5. No Good, Very Bad Day :

    Some help/hugs from the internet hive, please.

    Ladies, I got laid off today, something which I’m completely in shock about. I took a job about 9 months ago, moved states, and thought I was starting my dream job. It quickly became clear that this would not be the case. I am very different from my former coworkers – not in a personality clash way, just in a “I don’t feel I fit in here” kind of way. However, I had no idea they were this bad (i.e., no one was talking to me about performance issues, etc.), and I was floored when they called me in today and said, basically, pack up your bags and go home. I was told it had nothing to do with my work – just that this wasn’t a good fit, and they had decided to cut their losses, essentially.

    They are being very generous with severance, etc., and between that and savings I’m really not worried about finances. But, long term, I’m not even sure how to imagine coming back from something like this. I moved states and don’t have a network of any sort here yet. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do you explain that you were laid off after less than a year without appearing incompetent (and/or calling your supervisors not very nice names)? Help!

    • Aww, I am sorry to hear that. Any chance there isn’t enough work for you and you can spin it that way in interviews?

    • Cornellian :

      oh no! I’m sorry. It sounds like you may be able to get a reference letter praising your work, even if a letter about your personality fit with the corporation wouldn’t be as glowing. Maybe that’s better to ask fo rnow, rather than when you need it down the line.

    • Francie Nolan :

      (Hugs) and I am sorry this happened. I was in the same boat last year about this time.
      The first thing you need to do is take a little time for yourself, you worked really hard the last nine months. Do a few of the things you were too busy to do, like catch up with a friend, or go for a run
      Next, the harder stuff, update your resume and review your budget.
      Don’t be afraid to tell friends and family far and wide what happened, you never know who knows someone somewhere. It is surprising how small the world is these days and how supportive people will be of you.
      Join a professional association if you’re not active in one now and volunteer to get to know people. Also your library might have a networking group.
      As for the position I would say that the project you were working on ended or not enough work. It is common to hear right now.

    • lawsuited :

      I understand the shock you’re going through. It will take time to sink in, so keep focusing on the positives:

      1. It wasn’t your dream job. It wasn’t what you were expecting, and you didn’t feel like you fit in, so onwards and upwards!

      2. Financially you’ll be fine, at least for a while. Few people who lose their jobs are in that position, so well done on being financially prudent up until now – it’ll give you the time and flexibility to find the right fit.

      If you only moved to your new state for this job and don’t have a network yet, consider moving back to your old state and starting your job search there. Being laid off because the company did not have enough work to keep you busy doesn’t reflect poorly on your personality, skills or work ethic. If you can get a positive reference from your present company reinforcing that, that’s great, if not, you can explain it yourself.

      Lots of hugs!

    • karenpadi :

      I am so sorry. I was laid-off after 9 months, dream job that turned sour. Even though I had informally accepted an offer at another firm, it was still a shock and a blow to my confidence. I think the worst part was not being able to leave a “not-great” job on my own terms. The severance package was a cold comfort. But do ask your manager for contacts (use his/her network) and for an excellent reference.

      I was part of a mass lay-off (I think Above the Law called it Bloody Wednesday) so I didn’t get many questions. I now spin my move to this firm as my background not being a good fit for their clients. I give examples of the type of work I was given and let people draw their own conclusions (basically, the work was so far out of my expertise that there was no way anyone could have succeeded in my position).

    • Boo. How not fun. I’d start as soon as possible on re-framing the situation in a way that puts you in a good light. Enlist friends if necessary. Practice explaining it that way in your day-to-day life. By the time you need to discuss it in an interview, the only way you’ll see it is in the positive-light-on-you way. And if you believe it, the interviewer will too. If, however, you see it as something you did or you deserved, the interviewer will believe that, too. (Of course, for today and for the next couple of days, feel free to wallow. You’ve earned it. And maybe you’re incredibly strong and clear-sighted so you think “of course it wasn’t me”, in which case, please ignore this comment.)

    • Where are you located? I’m sure somebody on this site lives near you and can take you out for a drink…

    • Speaking from someone who was laid off as well, I am so sorry to hear your news. Here is something to consider: can you ask them if, instead of X weeks of severance, they could let you “work” there for X weeks instead? That’s what I asked for and received and I think it really helped me to find a position because in general, employers tend to prefer hiring people who are still employed and plus, it gives you a computer and space where you could look for a job.

    • No Good, Very Bad Day :

      Thanks all. I have until the end of the month to stay “employed,” so I can say I’m employed when I send out a million resumes but probably won’t be able to by the time any interviews (hopefully) come out of it.

      I’m just still in shock and trying to figure out what to say when I start job-hunting. I realize I don’t have to have the answers today, but, yikes! Its not about the company’s economic problems, or there not being enough work – it was just a relatively small, close-knit group where fit was really important, and I had realized that it wasn’t great – but I thought it was something they and I could handle for a while, and start looking for a job after I had been there a little over a year or so. If there were issues with my work no one ever expressed them to me, but maybe they had given up on me months ago … who knows.

      Moving back home isn’t an option, unfortunately, at least for now – I’m in a lease with high termination penalties and have renters living in the home I own 3 states away :( Ugh.

      • springtime :

        No advice other than what other people said, but I’m so sorry to hear that. Big hugs to you.

    • No advice – but if you’re up for hearing about how it may turn out just fine in the end, the same thing happened to my dad when I was growing up. He had 3 kids, moved provinces for a new job and was unceremoniously let go 8 months later. It wasn’t awesome – he was later middle ago and pretty stressed about trying to find something. But he did. And years later we all just put our middle finger up at the former employer when we drive by. This too shall pass. Best of luck.

  6. Reposting from this morning – Any thoughts on how to follow-up on an interview for a job that you would love to have, but didn’t have a chance to talk very much in the actual interview?

    • karenpadi :

      Beyond a short thank-you note? Nope.

      Interviews are for interviewers to gather more information about an applicant. If you weren’t given a chance to talk, the hiring decision was likely made before you walked into the room. Either you are in or you are out (these are usually “in”s at my firm but ymmv). If you are out, no follow-up will help your case. If you are in, anything beyond a thank-you note is seen as annoying and desperate–and make the hiring person second guess their decision.

  7. SF Bay Associate :

    OMG part 3 of the b.s “Biglaw Lady Issues” is posted. My brain is already exploding.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      I recently met a young-ish female in-house counsel. She was a Biglaw refugee, married with an eye to starting a family, who had jumped at the chance to go in-house rather than submit to the particular pleasures of the partnership push. We got to talking, and while my instinct told me to go into sell mode, I decided to play things more coolly. A lot of active listening on my part ensued, as I was subjected to various and sundry complaints about life as a female Biglaw associate, followed by a discourse on how much better in-house life was. I kept the conversation light, injecting some shots at Biglaw (these met with laughter and approval), while letting her do most of the talking. I was consciously avoiding acting like a Biglaw partner, or showing any interest in her because of her status as potential client.

      Things became interesting when she started discussing her dissatisfaction with her current outside counsel. Various and sundry became a litany, as she complained about the male partner’s inattention to her, the sloppy work of the female associate she was dealing with, and the size of the bills. Most importantly, she complained of feeling unappreciated by the Biglaw firm she was using — and suspected that the lawyers working for her actually hated her. She did not want to feel hated. I can’t blame her — nor would I be shocked if she switched firms in the near future.

      … cuz you know… us ladies have feeeeeeeelings and we really really want to be liked because our self esteem is dependent upon people who work for us liking us… because we are actually uncomfortable being in charge…

      • I didn’t even make it through the first paragraph before I thought– FONDUE FONDUE FONDUE HOLY HAIRY MINGES RUNNING WILD IN DUBLIN WHAT IS THIS I CAN’T EVEN

        Somewhere, an anonymous law partner made a Justin Bieber cry today.

      • I’ve been so much happier since I stopped reading Above The Law.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      I have also seen women in-house counsel be much more open to give work to younger partners, especially those they consider of the up-and-coming variety. They also gravitate to the senior leadership when things get tough. I have yet to see a middle-age service partner received as kindly.)

      … because we have daddy issues?

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Now I am in this Biglaw game to make a living and support my family. So if my customers are increasingly female, I am going to do what I can to make my services attractive to them. At a minimum, that means maintaining my physical appearance to look as best as I can (no male client has ever commented on how I look in something, but female clients have). It means not taking direct positions on issues but being more circumspect and offering options (this works on both pitches and in regular interactions with clients — try it.) And it means being sensitive to giving your female client an opportunity to look authoritative to her superiors, even if it means countering your natural inclination to boast and show off your genius legal mind. Do all of these things, while remaining witty and not needy in the process, and you may end up with a loyal client. Fail, and you may find yourself quickly replaced or not getting the work in the first place.

      …and my brain just exploded.

      • lawsuited :

        “Anonymous Partner is a partner at a major law firm. You can reach him by email at [email protected]

        So, Anonymous Partner is a man. What kind of man would suggest the necessity of hiding his “genius legal mind” so that his female client can feel smart, while remaining witty and handsomely dressed to butter up the broad? The anonymous kind.

      • karenpadi :

        mine too. He means men don’t want to be given options or humiliated in front of their superiors with surprises?


      • Also, outside counsel should ALWAYS let in-house counsel look authoritative to superiors, no matter what in-house counsel’s gender is. You may report bad news to the CEO or the Board, but you ALWAYS let the GC report the big win (and if your main contact is an asst GC, you let AGC report the win to GC who reports it to the CEO/Board). I thought this guy had a point with how timing in BigLaw works less well for women (since it’s true that you often are coming up for partner just as you really want to start having kids) and with saying that firms should consider the fact that their clients may increasingly be female, but this is just a strange post all around. Is he a lawyer or an escort?

    • lawsuited :

      What kind of “thanks” is icy?

      “Thank you for your email.” = icy?

      “OMG, thanks so much for your email! Love ya!” = warm?

      • Cornellian :

        I’m now picturing this middle-aged pudgy white lawyer billing time and getting a manicure with his potential client. dying.

      • I like to warm the tone of my e-mails up by using hot pink font. I think it gives it a little something extra.

        • lawsuited :

          Honey, you are soooo right.

        • Cornellian :

          comic sans! I do actually e-mail with a professional woman (non-lawyer, but works with them) whose signature is part that curly signature font that’s impossible to read, part comic sans, and alllll pink.


          Comic sans agrees with this. An email in comic sans could never be “icy.” Emails in comic sans are always warm, because they are fun. They’re the life of the party. They bring levity to any situation. In conclusion, lady lawyers should only be allowed to write emails in comic sans, because they should never be mean to man lawyers.

      • This is the perfect opportunity to bring back “Love and Fabuliciousness” as an email closing line.

        • lawsuited :

          Good god, that guest poster was beyond ridiculous! I wanted to click over to her blog to find out more, but didn’t want to give her the traffic.

        • snerk!

    • long-time lurker :

      Barf. Newsflash: women are humans too. Treat us the same as you treat the men.

  8. I used to wear Soffts, but in the end, they always ended up looking orthopedic to me. And I don’t find them any more comfortable than my CHs.

    Ladygarden threadjack: I’ve had a Mirena for 18 months, and I’m about to beg my new OB to take it out next week. Unlike the lucky ladies who get the no-periods side effect, I’m bleeding for 14+ days per months. Sometimes I have less than 10 bleeding-free days in a month. And I’m breaking out on my forehead and back, which is something that never happened before Mirena (seriously, I sailed through life virtually acne-free, and now I have super-painful breakouts on my back).

    I got Mirena in the first place because in law school and my first year of practice, I had two migraines with aura, and my doc pulled me off combined BCPs. Bummer, because I took Seasonale and loved it. At this point, it looks like I have no hormonal options, and I’m posting in hopes, I guess, that there’s some option I haven’t considered.

    I’m not having ladygarden parties at present, but hope to in the future. I’ve never depended solely on, erm, balloons for such festivities and I’m nervous about doing so. Is there anybody else who regularly uses only that?

    • Cornellian :

      balloons! almost just spit water all over my computer.

      If your parties are of a pre-arranged sort, rather than impromptu, adding rhythm method ideas to condoms has made some of my friends feel more comfortable with the entire undertaking.

      • Yes, I think that would probably reduce my anxiety a bit. Although I will need to do lots of research re: how it all works.

        • I had the opposite proble. Because I could see how “balloons” worked, I thought they were effective and because a pill was so invisible in its process it took me like 5 years to actually trust it not to malfunction.

          FWIW, I used to use “balloons” exclusively and never had an issue. If you’re really worried about pregnancy, get the ones with sp*ermicide to further ease your mind.

          • All this is, of course, hypothetical, given my lack of ladygarden party action, but I like to think optimistically.

          • Balloons work great if you use them religiously. I used balloons exclusively for 4ish years and only had one scare early on (Plan B!). I would be careful with the ones with added sp*ermicidal condiments though – the ingredient (can’t remember the name) can cause yeast infections.

      • TO lawyer :

        Hmm I am now planning on googling the rhythm method (when I get home from work obvi) to see if I can use it in conjunction with the BCP. We don’t use a back-up method and all this talk about BC is making me slightly nervous now…

        • Check out Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It’s often recommended for the TTC part, but half of it is about timing to avoid TTC.

        • I thought “rhythm method” refers to the calendar method, aka avoiding fertile times, in which case you can’t use it with the pill- the idea of the pill is that you’re never fertile. You shouldn’t be having the same hormone fluctuations (and related temp changes etc) that you rely on for the calendar method.

          When I was in law school and super nervous about accidental pregnancies, we used to use BCP and withdrawal method- DH was pretty good about timing it, but not everyone is, so YMMV.

          • TO lawyer :

            You’re right… the rhythm method and the pill aren’t compatible. I’m slightly embarrassed that I know so little about BC methods beyond balloons and hormonal BC.

            We’re using BCP and the withdrawal method but sometimes (after some particularly great lady garden parties I suppose), I just get a little nervous that it’s not sufficient…

    • You had two migraines ever and your doctor pulled you off all hormonal birth control totally? I mean, that’s kind of extreme. There are other treatments for migraine other than that. At least certainly better than the symptoms you’re having with the Mirena. I mean, I feel like the first option would be trying a different BCP or the ring or something.

      But, though I am not one of them, there are lots of people out there who rely only on balloons (teehee) though I’d probably throw some spermicidal l*be in there as well. Examples include…all gay men really. If used properly (!!!!!) they are very effective. But, you have to be very diligent about how you use them.

      • Oh, it wasn’t as treatment for the migraines – it’s because migraine with aura is associated with higher stroke risk in users of combined BCPs. The estrogen is the problem. Because of the liability issues, I’ve never been able to get a straight answer as to what the risk really is for someone like me who had only two migraines five years ago.

        I seriously have not had to figure out proper balloon deployment since I was 21, which is why I’m feeling so much anxiety. I have a short list of party attendees, and started dating my ex-h at a young age, so I’m definitely out of practice at…a lot of things.

        • I believe that your local planned parenthood will probably teach you about proper balloon deployment — as should your ob-gyn if they don’t s&ck. :-)

          • I am imagining myself as a 19th-century lady scientist, launching a hot-air balloon in the shape of a condom.

        • downstream :

          i got migraine with aura and my doctor only pulled me off when I was literally getting migraine with aura every single week. I would get a second opinion regarding whether you can go back on BC. Also, you should try the standard 28-day cycle of pills rather than Seasonale or others where you’re not on a “normal” cycle – I found that being on a 28-day plan helped control the migraine much better than skipping the “off” weeks.

          • I think my post was super-unclear: I’ve only ever had two migraines (both with aura) in my life, and I’d been on BC for over a decade before I got the first one. So the issue isn’t that the BCP are causing the migraines, it’s the stroke risk associated with the estrogen. Your story gives me some hope, however, that a doc would be willing to put me back on Seasonale, which I used for years and really liked…

          • Remarkable :

            My neurologist said Pill+auras = higher stroke risk. She made me quit the Pill this year. I have had all kinds of wicked freaky auras since college. When they are bad I get something like motion sickness and have to stay home with my eyes closed. I tell my kids they are my kaleidoscope vision superpowers.

        • migraine sufferer :

          When I went to the City of London Migraine Clinic (which I think is now called the National Migraine Centre), they had some literature about the increased risk of stroke due to use of BCPs. IIRC, the increased risk was very small. I had a similar issue (2-4 migraines with aura over the course of a year) and elected to stay on hormonal birth control. That was about 6-7 years ago and I haven’t had a migraine with aura since. I had discussions with my doctor in the US, who has a daughter with similar issues, and her opinion was that it’s worth it to try a few different options. If you don’t have migraine with aura when you go back on, then you should be able to continue with hormonal options.

          • Oh man, this heartens me. I would be really happy if I could try my old pills again. My doc back in SEA prescribed me a three-month course of BCP to try to stop the endless Mirena spotting, and there was no recurrence of migraine, so maybe my new doc here in ATL will be sympathetic.

    • I have a stepdaughter because of a balloon malfunction so to speak. BUT this was before Plan B was readily available. I went off the BCP for the last 6 months as a health precaution and used only balloons with no malfunction or pregnancy. I would think if you are careful and if you get Plan B as a precaution in the event of a malfunction, you would be fine.

    • I used only condoms for about 2 years, and used Plan B once. Worked fine for me. However, I would encourage you to talk to your doc about re-starting oral BC. It does seem odd that you would go off ALL oral BC after only 2 migranes. Maybe ask about Nuvaring? From what I understand it is also 1) low hormone and 2) you can just put a new one in when you are supposed to get your period, thus suppressing your period in a fashion similar to Seasonale.

      • It’s the estrogen, alas, which NuvaRing has as well. I know that NR absorbs more directly, so I’ve googled to see if people with migraine+aura can use it, but the results are all over the map.

        • downstream :

          I replied above but wasn’t clear – it was NuvaRing that my migraine doc pulled me off of. Migraines with extended aura (15+ mins) are a common side effect of NuvaRing. I had no idea why I was getting such frequent migraines but once I stopped NuvaRing they basically ended. I’m on Loestrin-24 now.

    • If you were otherwise okay with Mirena (ie, the hormone was not an issue), try the mini-pill.

      • I’ve heard that the spotting-for-an-eternity issue is also common with the minipill – true?

      • I had migraines with aura on the estrogen pills (Ortho-tri), switched to Mircette (brand) and haven’t had one since.

    • I thought I replied, but it seems to have disappeared.

      Anyway, as a hetero woman, I relied on balloons all through college. Granted, I wasn’t a very hard ladygardenpartier, but I never even had a scare. TCFKAG is right, using some balloon accessories (condiments?) will increase your margin of safety. It might not be too comforting, but there are also after-party options for preventing pregnancy (Plan B).

      • After-party options! HA.

      • Condiments. God, I’m like a 12 year old girl with the giggling over here.

        • Condiments. I love you ladies, I really do. I’m never going to look at lube the same way again. I’m inviting my SO for a ladygarden party immediately. This seriously made my day.

    • FormerPhotog :

      There’s the glory of the alternate implantable alphabet – Paragard. I can’t have any hormones – migraines with aura +PFO = uncomfortably high stroke risk (I was fine with the migraines until they found the heart problem).

      I love my Paragard. I will say that I had “more” cramps the first few months, but now I have none. No hormones, no babies, no worries for 10 years!

      • I had mondo bleeding with Paragard and then expelled it, so I’m a bit leery of trying it again, unfortunately.

    • Have you tried any of the progesterone only pills? I think they are sometimes called mini-pills. I think the depo shot also is progesterone only.

      • Mirena is progesterone only, so I think that there’s a likelihood I’ll have the same issue, unfortunately.

    • Childless by . . . Paraguard :

      I would never in a 100 years use only balloons.

      If the hormones are bothering you, try a Paraguard (aka Copper T) IUD. I have used them since 1985 and no “oops” yet.

      • I had a really unfortunately expulsion experience with Paragard, although I’m halfway tempted to try again if the doc says no to pills.

        • Childless by . . . Paraguard :

          Let me flaunt my ignorance: what options are there (other than balloons and Paraguard) that do not involve hormones? If you know that you never want kids, I guess there’s always tubal ligation. Short of that, what am I missing? Oh, right, diaphragm. Haven’t used that since high school, many decades ago. Didn’t much care for it, but I guess it is an option.

          • Anonymous Poser :


            I don’t have it but consider it off and on since my partner can’t even say the word “vasectomy”.

    • I used only balloons for years with success. But it may be worth it to get a second opinion on whether or not you can do hormonal pills if you so strongly prefer it.

    • Migraine Sufferer :

      I’m really confused because my MD *prescribed* BC for my migraines. (It did not work. In fact, it was a horrible experience.)

      • Because hormone fluctuation can cause migraines in some people, BCP can help (I was on them for a while, and my ladygarden parties have only lady attendees!). But if you get auras, it’s contraindicated because the risk of stroke increases, supposedly. Though what I’ve heard is more “if you get aura, you might not recognize that you’re having a stroke, because it might be like the aura, and then you’d be screwed” (since of course, there is an increased risk of blood clots and therefore stroke, with the pill). But if your migraines don’t involve aura, it’s not such an issue.

  9. Awkward moment: you should probably not reply to your colleague’s description of “the American guy who asked a question in your session” with, “oooh, you mean the super hot one? With the tattoos?”

    In my defense, “super hot” is an apt description. Makes the world’s most painful training week so much better,

  10. SV in House :

    Help! I just talked to an internal recruiter about a job at my company. It would be a big promotion and my qualifications are good, but not perfect. I am stretching here, but the recruiter encouraged me to apply. I need to dust off and update my resume ASAP. It currently lists jobs, then education, other experience. Should I modify so it talks to the specific skills (e.g. under “Management Experience” list the types of responsibilities I have had at which jobs)?


  11. des-pairing :

    Long time reader, newbie poster: anyone knows where I can find Cole Haan black suede pumps with 3 inch heels and 0.5 inch platform? Those are my absolute favorite. I need to replace an old pair and can’t find them anywhere :(

    • You might need to wait until the fall/winter season of shoes come out. The current (summer) crop doesn’t have much in the way of suede. You can try 6pm and Zappos for suede, though, as they might have previous seasons’ shoes available.

    • I just bought something that sounds exactly like that but patent leather not suede (Cole Haan 3″ heel with small platform). I got them at DSW. Didn’t see suede, but maybe in other DSW locations?

    • As far as I can tell, that heel heigh and platform height in suede is only available in peep-toe and not in black right now. Maybe in the fall/winter it will come back (as the above poster said) otherwise you could stalk ebay to see if anyone is selling a pair.

    • Anonymous :

      there was a massive sale on 6pm on the cole haan talias in black suede – good luck!!!!

      • des-pairing :

        Thanks ladies. I have the air talia but it is not as comfy as the other pair, so I will wait for fall shoes. I live in SF where the idea of seasonal shoes does not apply :)

  12. I’m interested in what y’all think about this marathon time kerfuffle surrounding Paul Ryan. I don’t want to talk about whether you like Paul Ryan or anything like that, just whether you think he was intentionally lying about his marathon time and whether it should be a big deal.

    I, for one, ran a half-marathon about six months ago and couldn’t really tell you how fast I ran it. I think it was around two hours, but I really have no idea. I was just glad to have finished. So if someone asked me in twenty years what my time was, I would be in the exact same situation as Paul Ryan. I don’t think he was lying; I think he forgot. No big deal. I feel like people are just looking for a controversy – surprise, surprise, I know.

    • As someone who dislikes the king of p90x, I honestly could care less. I can barely remember what I ate for breakfast yesterday. I think it is probably a little bit of his “one up” style, but I don’t know anyone (man/woman, D/R, VP nominee/average bear) who doesn’t remember an accomplishment with a little bit more grandeur.

      • Hate hate hate Ryan, but this is substantively irrelevant, and even if it reflects his tendency toward dishonesty, it can be ignored, since if he has such a tendency (as I believe to be the case — see, e.g., his RNC speech), it will surface with regard to more important issues than his athleticism.

    • I don’t remember my half-marathon times to the minute (never ran a marathon), but I think that confusing a sub-three hour marathon (extraordinary) with a very ordinary time of over four hours is indicative of the braggadacio endemic to Ryan’s oratory skills. So, in other words, my view of the statement smacks of confirmation bias. :)

    • Its so easily checkable that I don’t think he was lying on purpose. Don’t we all kind of have stories like that? where its not quite right. I told one about a month ago about when we were kids, and my sister was like no, that was me! Not a Ryan fan, but don’t think its a big deal.

      • This was my instinct too- just seems like such a silly thing to lie about. But I just learned from all the comments here that he is supposedly some sort of fitness buff, so that does make it more suspect. I don’t think it’s worth any more press coverage though.

    • Cornellian :

      I don’t know. As someone who ran her first marathon last year, I think it is sort of a big deal. It’s not the sort of mistake I would easily have made, at least, and I am very, very far from a hyper competitive runner. The difference in effort for a 4 hour marathon and a sub 3 for a is HUGE, it’s like saying you can do 30 pull ups when you just trained enough to be able to do one. I ran my first marathon in three minutes longer than him, and I am a far from lean officeworker who ran four times a week leading up to it. I don’t know anyone who ran sub-three and was not at least a sponsored athlete. Huge difference. I don’t know. Maybe it won’t seem so huge in twenty years.

      I think it was basically stupid machismo/bravado on his part, although I only saw about three minutes of the outing where he said that. It is a strange thing to lie about, I agree. Maybe he was just unsure of his time and rounded down to appear more attractive or something, but erred too far on that side. He has really been on a soapbox recently.

    • I think he lied and didn’t think that anyone would check. Finishing a marathon is a memorable occasion, especially for someone who does not run them frequently. A sub 3 hour time is exceptional and not easily confused with a respectable slightly over 4.

      • But someone who has only run one ever wouldn’t know so easily that under three is exceptional. I don’t know what’s exceptional for a half marathon, even though I ran one a couple of years ago. I know I wasn’t exceptional, but I also don’t really remember my time.

        Plus, it would be pretty naive for a candidate to think no one is going to check every.single.little.thing. he says. I don’t think anyone would be that naive.

        • Not an exceptional runner :

          I disagree that someone wouldn’t know that under 7:00/mile is exceptional. Then again, I remember every one of my half marathon times. Either way, I think it is getting far more press coverage than is warranted.

    • My issue with it is that the time he claimed is like current Boston Marathon qualifying good. Its really fast. His actual PR is average. And as someone else said, in this day and age, its so easily verifiable that its a silly assertion to make if its not right.

      Do I think its a big deal or in any way effects his abilities to be a vice-president…no (do I think a lot of other things do….well….that’s another issue). But I don’t understand why, if he didn’t remember, why he didn’t say “I don’t remember”. But whatever.

    • Research, Not Law :

      This made me laugh, so I looked up the interview transcript:

      HH: …Hey, in high school, what did you do in high school? Were you a speech and debate guy? Were you a bandie? What were you?

      PR: No, I was student government and athletics, honor society, you know, that kind of thing. I was kind of a combination. I was class president my junior year, I was the school board rep my senior year. I lettered in varsity, you know, my first year in high school, mostly soccer and track. I was a distance runner and a soccer player. So kind of well-rounded. I can’t, I can play a cowbell. That’s about it for instruments.

      HH: Are you still running?

      PR: Yeah, I hurt a disc in my back, so I don’t run marathons anymore. I just run ten miles or yes.

      HH: But you did run marathons at some point?

      PR: Yeah, but I can’t do it anymore, because my back is just not that great.

      HH: I’ve just gotta ask, what’s your personal best?

      PR: Under three, high twos. I had a two hour and fifty-something.

      HH: Holy smokes. All right, now you go down to Miami University…

      PR: I was fast when I was younger, yeah.

      I suspect he was puffing himself up a bit. He’s also vague about how many he has done, for example. While the race was in the past, if he’s a fitness fanatic with a marathon-running brother, then he’d know that a marathon in under 3 hours is something to brag about – and I suspect that while he wouldn’t have remembered his exact time, he knew it wasn’t under 3 hours.

      He probably just thought no one would look up a time from 1990, which cracks me up because one of my hardcore running coworkers recently looked into the record of a new hire who listed one her hobbies as “triathlons” and was all in a fuss because the new hire didn’t have a posted record, so she’s not a *serious* triathlete. If she did that to a random coworker, then a VP candidate should have expected it!

      While I look for honesty in a candidate, this sort of thing is not very important to me. I really hope it’s not a talking point for the next week or month.

      • Ugh, he’s so pompous. From people’s comments it sounded like he was just guessing, but no, he explicitly calls out a time.

      • I once had a co-worker who told a colleague who went to HLS that she picked another (very respectable) school because she wanted to go to a smaller school. This woman also said that she had turned down a Rhodes-type fellowship to study at Oxbridge because she wanted to have the same experiences as other people her age (I guess, by going to law school straight out of college). And she would sometimes make references to her work for the law review but she was, in fact, on a secondary journal (this particular journal had a similarly general name — but it definitely was not The Law Review of her school). She was incredibly well-credentialed and I wouldn’t be surprised if she came close to all of these honors. And I admit that aside from the law review representation, I can’t check the veracity of any of her statements.

        Here is the thing. Do I care whether she turned down a competitive fellowship or whether she made it to the final rounds and then didn’t get it? No. Do I care whether she turned down HLS or whether she came thisclose to being taken off the HLS waitlist? Absolutely not. Was I surprised when she turned out to be untrustworthy, manipulative and not a team player? Not really.

    • I don’t care about it one way or the other, but in the context of all his other “fibs” it does start to sketch a portrait. “Hometown plant closed under current president? Sure, why not. Oh, is that not true? Because then I never said that. What’s that, religious people – you don’t like that Ayn Rand was an athiest? I didn’t know that, either, I just liked her books. What? It’s right there in her books and I claim to have read them multiple times and made all my interns read them? Ummmm….”

      • But see this is where we are all spreading misinformation. He never said that his plant closed under obama. He said that obama made a speech and it didnt make it out the year. (Totally misleading I agree, but this is the problem with politics in this nation. Everyone keeps fudging everything)

    • MissJackson :

      Of all the things that Ryan has said, his mis-statement about his marathon time is seriously the least of my worries.

      Either he embellished or he forgot — either way, he stood up and said something that he didn’t double check first. Not good.

    • I must admit that it’s a mistake that I utterly don’t understand, as someone who’s been trying to break 3 hours for years. Someone who’s as into fitness as he is doesn’t realize that a 3-hour marathon is extraordinary? FWIW, Olympic trials qualifying (on the B standard) for women is around 2:42.

      • But if you use his metrics, I’ll bet you have already qualified for the Olympic trials!

        paulryanmarathoncalculator [dot] com

        • Um, by the Paul Ryan Marathon calculator I just came in second in the women’s Olympic marathon. GO ME!

          • Cornellian :

            Yeah, my friends and I now all have our “Paul Ryan Marathon Times.” Since my real one was 4:04, I get 2:57. YAY!

    • I think it’s a really bizarre thing to lie about. I don’t particularly care that much because I won’t be voting for that ticket anyway, but I think it’s really strange. Why would you lie about that? It’s really easy to fact check. If you’re lying about something that mundane, what else are you fibbing about?

    • SoCal Gator :

      I think it’s an indication that Ryan is not overly concerned about being factual and is prone to exaggeration when it suits him or makes him look good.

      I used to run a lot — 10’s, half marathon, etc and do not recall my times for any of them except my best 10k time. But I ran only one marathon (as did Ryan) — it is a special kind of achievement and stands apart from all the rest. I distinctly remember my exact time as it was way under my 4 hour goal. Ryan did not misstate his marathon time by a little, he misstated it by a mile (no pun intended). Saying you finished sub 3 hours when in fact you were just over 4 hours is like saying you did it in a time that is exceptional for your age and gender versus a time that is fairly mediocre or at least somewhat average. Anyone who runs a marathon should recall at least whether their time was exceptional or just average even if the exact time is not burned into your memory banks. If you care enough to run a marathon, even when you are twenty something, you care enough to know what a good versus subpar time is. That’s just my view on it.

    • I ran two marathons 14 and 15 years ago and I remember the time to the second! One writer compared it to your SAT score – you just dont forget. And he allowed the interviewer to infer that he’d run marathons (plural). It doesn’t change my opinion of him – after his speech at the convention, I thought his relationship with the truth was a little flexible, but this confirms it for me. What a dumb thing to lie about.

      • I don’t remember my SAT score. :-) Not at all (I mean, I can’t even estimate what it was). Then again, I’m old.

    • I don’t remember my SAT score precisely, and until I came across the certificate while cleaning this weekend, I didn’t remember my marathon PR to the second. But I know the ballpark for both – within 60 seconds on the marathon, for example. He shaved more than 25% off his time. Because it makes a better story, which is I think is his M.O., accuracy be damned. It is troubling, to say the least.

  13. To Rome with Love :

    Ladies, thank you, thank you, thank you! Just printed out all your Italy travel tips and going to go home tonight and go wild with the google. This really is a fantastic place!

  14. Not a Paul Ryan fan, but I think this is getting blown completely out of proportion. It’s a red herring that has absolutely nothing to do with anything relevant, really. Why can’t we, as a country, focus on issues that actually matter?

    • Sorry, meant to post this above.

    • That’s exactly how I feel!

    • Anonymous :

      Sadly, because neither party has actual answers to our problems, or the actual answers are too complicated to fit into a 30-second soundbite (read healthcare discussion above) and so instead they just snipe at each other over this cr*p.

      • Mrs. Jed Bartlett :

        And why is it that everything has to “fit into a 30-second soundbite?”

        I know that voting requirements were horrible and were used to prevent former slaves and their descendants, and to a lesser degree immigrants and their descendants, from participating in the political process. But, really, is it asking too much that before voting citizens of this country read a newspaper now and again?

        It makes me angry that Americans take their country, and their right to participate in their country’s governing, so for granted that they don’t even bother to participate meaningfully.

  15. Holy crap.

    My boyfriend proposed to me over the long weekend! I said yes!

    He did it Sunday night, so we had yesterday to tell close family and some of his friends. We haven’t announced on facebook or in public yet.


    And where do we even start on this wedding planning business?

    Can anyone recommend a Very Simple Guide to Not Freaking Out Now that You’re Engaged?

    I checked out The Bride’s Book of Lists, but yeah, that’s way to advanced for me at this stage. We were discussing dates/seasons, and he’s thinking he would like something next spring. That’s crazy, right? 5-6 months? Nuts? Please tell me it’s crazy.

    • Sorry, can’t say it’s crazy. I got married 5 months after Mr. 30 proposed. It depends on what you want to do and how you prioritize “getting married” vs. “having a wedding.” But in any case, I totally empathize with not being able to focus on work…and congrats!

    • A Practical Wedding! Link to follow. The website is fantastic, and she just wrote a book. I bought it for my sister-in-law who got engaged this summer, and read it before I mailed it to her. I wish it had come out before I got married!

    • SoCal Gator :

      That’s wonderful. My best wishes to you! You have every right to be excited. Enjoy the moment. The planning and details will come later but right now, just try to bask in the glow.

    • 5-6 months is either crazy or not crazy depending on what sort of wedding you want to have! A big, formal, catered event…then yes…5-6 months might be crazy. A smaller, less-formal, event…maybe not (with flexibility in location, etc.)

      But…if you need any help shopping for dresses or jewelry or shoes or ANYTHING come by the tumblr and submit questions! I LOVE HELPING!!!


    • TO lawyer :


    • Congratulations! A lot of other factors will determine your timeline, so figure those out and what you really want. For now, just enjoy the bliss!

    • Sydney Bristow :

      Yay! Congratulations!!!!!

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Congratulations! We planned ours in less time than that – you can totally do it! I wrote a big reply which seems to be missing in the interwebs, but I can’t repost as it’s a duplicate. If it doesn’t show up, I’ll post it tomorrow for you :).

    • Congratuations!

    • Merabella :

      Congrats! Planning a wedding in that time isn’t crazy if you are reasonable about what to expect in terms of what your able to plan. Give yourself time to be excited, and get a manicure if you got a ring, because everyone and their mom will want to see it.

    • The only crazy part is how many venues are already booked 18+ mo in advance (we thought we had plenty of time with 11 mo to plan, but most of the venues we called thought we were “tight” on time — whatever). But if you can find one you like, it’s not at all crazy.

      • We got married 6 months after the proposal, in a major metro area, and we didn’t have any problem. The only thing that could give you trouble, I think, is a dress if you want a traditional dress (I didn’t, so it was no trouble). You’re probably going to have to pay rush fees at this point if you do a standard bridal shop order situation.
        Other than that, as long as you’re flexible on exact date, locations and vendors, you should be fine. I did find many places already booked, but I found plenty of others that weren’t. If you have your heart set on certain location or vendors, that could be a problem.

        • SF Bay Associate :

          Hmm, my post still hasn’t shown up. Bizarre. Sadie’s point about the dress was the best one I had too. Fancy Salon wanted an EXTRA $400 on top of regular shipping in order for the dress to arrive in 8-12 weeks. Seriously?! So I bought the exact dress I wanted on preownedweddingdresses [dot] com because then “my” dress would already be in the country. They have new and used options. I bought mine used from a woman who was virtually identical to me in size, so it needed minimal tailoring to fit me perfectly, and it was half the price of the salon. It showed up at my door in less than two weeks. Take THAT, Fancy Salon!

          Basically, my main tip is that you don’t need to turn over every stone looking for the Perfect XYZ. Really Great is all you need. You will drive yourself crazy chasing hypothetically perfect vendors/locations/food in the amount of time you have. After narrowing our choices online based on portfolios, we talked on the phone with two photographers, met one and really liked her, hired her. Why look more? I used the same hair and makeup people as my friend did in her wedding when I was a bridesmaid. They did a great job last time, so why look more? I used my usual fancy florist (Assistant’s Day, Mother’s Day, etc) for the flowers. They always did a great job, and they do weddings, so why look more? I’m sure there were more perfect vendors out there somewhere, but the marginal utility of trying to find them was not worth our time.

    • Thank you thank you thank you all wonderful ladies.

      A Practical Wedding, here I come.

      More news to come in later posts.

  16. onehsancare :

    How wonderful! Enjoy this wonderful time!

    Yes, you can totally pull a wedding together by next spring!

  17. Anne Bronte :

    I have two random things:

    First, I wanted to say that the Indian wedding happened over the weekend, and it was amazing, as promised. No, I need not have worried about out-blinging the bride! And the ceremony was incredible. Such a marked contrast to the ten-minute Western version! (Or my own five-minute version in City Hall.)

    Second, I got hit by a cab tonight. I was crossing the street and that assh*ole made a left turn and hip-checked me, knocking me over and sending my groceries rolling. I was okay and was able to get up and walk away. I was so angry I couldn’t yell or even stand to lay eyes on him. Thank you, random woman who helped me pick up my stuff. I had this very animal reaction and just wanted to get home.

    Which brings up the question: This must happen a lot. What would have happened if I’d gotten his medallion number? Does a person call the cops? Her lawyer? If he’s found guilty (he was at fault), does he lose his driving privileges? Or is this such a common occurrence that no one gives a crap unless there’s injury or death?

    • Anne Bronte :

      Uh, I meant assh*ole, of course.

    • plaintiff side :

      He wouldn’t lose his license or driving privileges. If you could have gotten the cops to track him down, he would have gotten a hit and run citation but nothing more. I would still suggest calling the cops to document the incident, and then calling your attorney because they could possibly get any video of the scene (though the videos usually only cover 30 hours before it records over itself) and then track down the cab, or at least help you file for benefits. Sorry this happened to you, I hope you’re feeling alright!

    • I would at least call and file a police report to document the fact of the accident. If there are any medical side effects that arise later, you don’t want your insurance (whichever one covers this sort of thing) to fight you on the injury because you didn’t properly document.

      • Anne Bronte :

        Thanks, you guys! For what it’s worth, he did stop and say he was sorry. I couldn’t even look at him.

        Everybody be careful out there!

    • It doesn’t hurt anything to at least consult a personal injury lawyer.

      It’s usually not worth suing the guy unless you are actually physically injured. But talking to a lawyer an help you sort through where-to-go-from-here.

  18. All I can say is…beautiful shoes!

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