Colorful boots: yea or nay, readers? Personally, I can see wearing a colorful boot with bare legs — but I’ve always had a hard time wearing a colorful boot with pants unless the colors are really complimentary. (If you’re hoping to wear colorful boots with tights and a skirt or dress, the general rule is that 2 of the 3 should match — skirt and tights, or tights and shoes.)
In any event — these Rag & Bone boots come in black as well (both in smooth leather and this fun woven suede) — but I thought the woven suede was so unusual and really noticeable on the brown version of these boots. So gorgeous, and I think these would be great for a woman who has a lot of beige or browns in her wardrobe.
The boots are 25% off today at Nordstrom — they were $575-$625, but are now marked down to $431-$461. You can also find some sizes at Rag & Bone (same price) and ShopBop (full price).
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Workwear sales of note for 3.24.23:
- Ann Taylor – 40% off everything
- Athleta – 20% off shorts, swim, linen & more
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything; extra 15% off purchase
- Boden – Up to 50% off
- Brooks Brothers – Clearance styles to 70% off. Some pretty serious markdowns!
- Express – 40% off dresses & tops
- J.Crew – 25% off your purchase; up to 50% off special-occasion styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 15% off 3 styles; extra 20% off 4 styles; extra 50% off clearance
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty
- Talbots – 25% off select styles; 25% off markdowns
Got some disappointing work news (I didn’t get a promotion I had interviewed for.) I like my employer a lot but realize it’s likely time to lean back a bit, which isn’t something that my people-pleasing self has done before. For those of you who have quietly quit/leaned out, words of advice? Examples of quiet quitting?
Sorry about your disappointing news. Take some time to allow yourself to feel the feelings and then you can review your options.
I had a C-level job that really burned me out–especially because I was involved in our organization’s pandemic response. I took a different job within my organization & I’m leaning out. For me this involves not checking email at night and very limited on the weekends, not working on the weekends, not putting more than 8-9 in a day, feeling no hesitation regarding taking a sick day and truly not working (before I would work from home), using my vacation. People say I look happier and no one has noticed or commented on my leaning out so it must be working for me. In addition my family has commented that now I am really present when I’m with them. It’s been good.
I think we should all reevaluate what it is that we do. Do we want to work to live, or live to work. I personally have done the latter, but now wonder if it is all worth it. Sure I am financially secure, but I have no man or kids. I would rather have a man to marry me and suport me as I bring up our family.
I hate the term quiet quitting. Please let’s not make it a thing. If you’re still doing the requirements of your job you’re not quitting in any sense. If my job considered me quitting if I didn’t go above and beyond every single day, I wouldn’t want to work there – we’re humans not robots. Leaning out isn’t the best term but far more tolerable and accurate.
It’s not quiet quitting, it’s just doing the job and not trying to do more than you’ve been hired to do.
Stop volunteering for things. Stop saying yes to every request. Take your paid time off. Schedule the doctor appts you’ve been putting off because you’re too busy. Stop thinking about or being available for work over the weekends. Schedule other, more personal and pleasurable activities for yourself outside of work hours – whether that’s volunteering or pursuing a new hobby, socializing or just relaxing.
Quiet quitting and setting work-life boundaries are very different.
Don’t answer emails after a certain point in the day. Block your calendar out. Decline meetings that are superfluous. If you can’t hit a deadline, don’t kill yourself doing it. Just tell them when you will have it done by. Don’t jump up for projects. Suggest others take them on.
Actually take lunch breaks.
In some jobs (e.g., many law firms), this signals an intent to quit/invitation for termination. It can take a while for them to do anything about it, which is kind of the purpose of this tactic in this context.
I’m in marketing. This would get you terminated pretty quickly where I work. Not making yourself available for meetings is a big no-no.
Yeah–this behavior would not fly at most law firms. Client says jump at 10pm, you jump. Missing deadlines is very serious in biglaw. And at most firms, saying no is not an option.
OP doesn’t say she’s in Big Law.
Stop just using buzz words and dig in. Why have you tied you identify to being unable to set boundaries? WhAt work are you doing to unpack that? What is your actual job? How can you focus on doing that and not working yourself to the bone?
If you’re ready to lean out you might consider spending your time looking for another job. I had the same thing happen to me (didn’t get a promotion, but liked my employer), and I took the opportunity to send out some applications. Fast forward a few months and I have a new job that came with a big title and salary jump, and I’m feeling really energized and excited about the move. I was afraid I would never find another employer I liked, but it doesn’t hurt to look! They are out there!
I need to do this too. I am under so much stress at work right now. Outside lawyers with subject matter expertise have dropped the ball but it has all become my problem and it is really a lot of stress and worrying. These are the days that I wish I could win the lottery!
I need to lean waaaay the eff out too, commiseration.
I quiet quit, as in I rarely work more than 15 hours per week. Contrary to what someone said above, I am very conscientious about attending meetings and responding to email promptly during normal business hours (weekend and evening work is not expected at my job). I don’t want to give them any reason to fire me. I’ve just gotten less productive and have condensed my work into a shorter period of time. I work primarily from home, which makes this possible. Basically I try to work efficiently two days a week and take the other three days off. I succeed most of the time. I sometimes combine the other three days with weekends to take vacations without using PTO. So basically I’m collecting my full time salary for a 40% work schedule. I have a very individual role and no one else does my job so when I don’t get to things they just sit there until I get to them, no one else is picking up the slack. I used to care about my job and work hard but my big boss is a real jerk and made it clear I was never going to be promoted or get good raises. It’s basically impossible to get fired at my employer (not literally – but it takes years to fire people for much more egregious offenses than slacking off, and I’ve never heard of someone getting fired for unproductivity) so I figured if I’m never getting promoted and I’m (likely) never getting fired, I have no incentive to do anything except what I need to do to stay off a performance improvement plan. I’ve been doing this for over a year and so far it seems to be working. My last review was actually better than my last pre-quiet quitting review when I was working far more hours!
I’m genuinely curious: Does no one above you ever ask what you have been working on in a given day/week? Sometimes I have less than 40 hours of work, but I worry that I will be asked to account for that time (informally; I’m not billable or anything).
People ask what I’m working on and when I’ll finish X project and I answer truthfully. They don’t really demand a precise accounting of my time.
I like your style!
For those of you who have successfully escaped from being a lawyer, what did you do to prepare for your escape? I have worked as a lawyer for ten years, and I have decided I need to start planning my escape. There is the practical side of things and the emotional/mental side of things. Practically I am in fairly decent shape: I’ve lived far my means during my whole career, have no debt other than a modest mortgage, have no kids (and no plans to have them), and have saved a good chunk. My spouse works but does not earn enough to completely support us. Mentally/emotionally, though, I need to do a lot of preparation, because I don’t have a good idea of what non-lawyer job I should go after. I just know that I do not want to be a lawyer anymore. If you have escaped, what was your timeline from decision to quitting, and what did you do to prepare?
**”lived far below my means”***
Same. Lived far below my means, paid off my debt, and saved money. I took a job that paid 2/3 less than my BigLaw job did, but still paid enough to support my life. I knew from almost the moment I started BigLaw that I wanted to leave so there wasn’t any mental or emotional preparation for me to do. The only reason I stayed as long as I did was to get my finances set. I’m now a career law clerk to a judge and really like the job. I’m now a happy lawyer.
Are you looking for a non-lawyer job entirely or a lawyer-adjacent one?
If the former, do you have a preferred salary range you’d like to achieve? As someone who went through a similar thought process (though ended up in a lawyer role at the end), happy to share my thoughts!
If the latter, there are compliance roles which lawyers make strong candidates for.
I escaped but after only 4 years at two different small firms. I think the first step is to network and research what other opportunities you may want to pursue. I decided to leave law and 6 months later I was hired for an entry level role in my new field. Obviously you don’t have to make the switch that quickly and it may be a good idea to look into non-legal jobs within your practice area so you’re not starting at the bottom like I did. Also, my only regret is lasting 4 years and not leaving sooner. Good luck!!!
I think it’s important to drill down on what you don’t like about your current law job–the client service aspect, court, adversarial nature, etc. There are a lot of legal jobs that are very different, and could be a way better fit. If you tell us what area of law you’re in, we can provide some suggestions on how to pivot.
For instance, you might do employment lit at a firm, but you could do investigations at a multinational. Or you might do lit but pivot to privacy or commercial work. Or if you are corporate, you could go to the business side fully and not lawyer. Some pivots are further away than others.
Exactly. I took some time to think about what I enjoyed about my legal work (strategic consulting) and what I did not (filings, following a billion persnickety rules, work hours). I then did a ton of informational interviewing both with law (just other areas in law) and outside of law. My timeline was dependent on my spouse’s academic year calendar so I really took almost a year to do this.
This is EXACTLY the kind of change I am trying to make – from employment litigation (8 years experience) to doing workplace investigations/in-house something more proactive. I know I need to get serious about the job search, but work is so busy right now that it feels so hard to devote time and energy to anything else.
I know many lawyers that have gone from employment litigation to in-house HR roles.
I’d start by looking into your network on LinkedIn/in real life and set up informational interviews to see if you’d like it and then apply/put the word out you are looking from there.
Nothing. I applied to a non-law job on a whim, got it, and took it. I know I got lucky. The financial piece was simplified by the fact that my husband has a reasonably well-paying job and I’d been in Big Law for 5 years and had paid off my loans and saved a lot of money.
I could use some assistance finding a new wool peacoat. My budget is $300 and I want something a bit different (my other coats are all black or camel). Let me know if you see anything fun!
Check out Mango
JCrew has a blush colored one and is 30% off. In general, they always have coats in fun colors.
My favorite wool coat is a military-inspired, raspberry-colored, no-brand number I found at Burlington a decade ago. It fits great, is interesting enough without being gaudy that I get compliments whenever I wear it in public, and it is so easy to find at coat checks in the sea of black and navy. I think it cost less than $50.
Boden often has peacoats in fun colors and designs.
My mentor, who is now retired, is urging me to advocate to my current boss for a promotion (from VP to SVP). I have the credentials, worth ethic and tremendous social equity (which is important in my field and at my corporation). My company has no formal process for employee development or promotions. While I have promoted plenty of staff in my day, they never had to ask for it. I saw their value and felt they deserved it. If needed, I fought for them to my superiors. My boss, a c-suite executive, is not that way. For some reason, I’m frozen in my tracks with how to approach this with my boss. Compensation season is upon us so now is the time. Any advice?
Are you taking on SVP level work? I got the bump from vp to svp by taking on a new department. I’ve never really seen it given without additional responsibility.
Good question. No additional responsibilities. As a matter of last, last year, my counterpart was promoted to SVP with no change in workload or management changes. For perspective, counterpart makes Teapots and I make sure the Teapot doesn’t leak, is damaged or could cause harm. I’m not close enough with this counterpart to ask them if they had to approach our boss for the promotion.
If this is the internal struggle with not wanting to come across as too demanding/entitled/other things women are not supposed to be, I found it easier to ask ‘what would you need to see from my performance to consider me for an xyz role?’.
The conversation about not wanting to reach the highest levels of a company/career ladder got me thinking. For those of you who are content in your roles and not looking to move up, how did you reach that stage? What is it about your current role that is appealing? And what is it about moving up that doesnt appeal to you?
I work in software development. Moving up would mean going into a management role. I have no desire to manage people. I’m very happy in my individual contributor role. I make good money and have a decent work/life balance.
Exactly the same, except I’m an operations manager in insurance.
I was sort of there in my early 30s, mentally. But what solidified it was having kids in my late 30s, where I just want stasis on the work front until they are out of college. It’s wishful thinking: I’m not always the one making the choices, things change, etc. But I’m not seeking things out. Even without the kids, I just have other things than work going (volunteer leadership role, other volunteering that is hands-on that I find fun, etc.).
I am an independent consultant so I hit that long ago. My husband is a very well paid VP. He’s been recruited by companies for a higher role and turns them down. At the VP level, he’s senior management but not expected to give his love to the company. He has a big team and enough autonomy to keep himself useful and busy but never called into last minute board meetings in another country.
I’m a subject matter expert and I have no desire to be GC. I like advising in an area of expertise, I don’t like generalist work, I’m not interested in the politics involved, and I don’t wAnt a 24/7 job.
Would you mind sharing your subject matter area of expertise?
Labor and employment
I’m a military lawyer. I want to remain in the working rank and not be promoted. The next rank requires people management and I don’t want to do that, certainly not at the expense of practicing law. It’s a small group and I don’t want to play politics. I make great money and have fabulous work life balance. I do really interesting work then leave it behind and don’t work evenings or weekends (there are theoretically exceptions). Every person I know at the next rank lives to work and can’t vacation without checking their phones and I don’t want that. We have a large, busy family and that is the priority. I *think* I finally have convinced my colleagues and superiors that I am not a careerist and genuinely just want to be as useful as possible without competing for their jobs. I could have easily been trapped by ambition and was headed down that road but had an awful early experience where I was told I wasn’t considered loyal for having my first baby so I said peace out and parked the ambition and it has been exactly what I should have done anyway and has been extremely liberating.
Govt lawyer not military but basically same. Said no to a promotion when I came back from my second maternity leave. Not looking to advance at this point because my work-life balance leads more towards life. I advanced well between mid-20s to mid 30s so I’m not necessarily disadvantaged if I lean back in down the road. It’s small govt with a relatively high level of churn so they are happy to keep me at this level with lean in possible in the future.
Been there done that
I had a VP role at my organization and I was the 2nd highest paid employee for three long years. And I was very miserable and stressed. The job owned me and I fantasized about quitting but I really love my colleagues and believe in our mission. Then through a series of events, I was able to transition into a middle management role and it’s been wonderful. Things that bothered me in the past when I was climbing the ladder no longer get under my skin. I have a life. I am not responding to crises and emergency calls at night and on the weekend. People tell me I look happier. I learned a lot from the experience of being a VP (I was in the role for three years) and developed good relationships across the organization. The CEO wanted to keep me rather than have me go elsewhere so I was able to transition into the role I had before becoming a VP. You give up a lot for the title, status, and money and for me it was not worth it.
Honestly, it was a serious illness that did it to me. I was in my mid-30s, moving up the ladder quickly and linearly. I have still had some minor steps since, but I can’t give the extra that I used to. Partly because I don’t have the stamina any more, partly because I just don’t have the drive.
I’m a GC in a private, mid size company. I love the people and company culture. There is very little politics. The work is challenging and interesting. I get to do international work which is important to me. At this point, I could try to get into a bigger company or a public one, but I love my job and think I am fairly compensated. I am grateful every day.
Civil servant here. The only way now that could be considered “up” is people managing, and in terms of job satisfaction that would be a serious downgrade.
I don’t think I intend to be in my current role long term, but I don’t want to move up to being a partner at my accounting firm because the politics are already making me tired.
I was an associate at a big law firm and decided to get off the partner track and take a counsel role instead. I saw that the partners on my team were not investing the time, resources, and sponsorship to get associates to the partnership level so I concluded that the sacrifices and detrimental impact on my mental health, quality of life, and relationships that associate life required would ultimately lead nowhere. My husband (also a lawyer) didn’t understand, and that felt really isolating but I’m glad I stuck to my choice. I have a great in-house job now and would never go back to private practice.
Can we talk about loafers? I have a hard time finding ones that fit my foot well and recently found a pair that fit and is comfortable BUT now I can’t figure out what to wear them with because everything mostly looks super frumpy. Like, I appreciate the look on others but it doesn’t seem to be working on me. I tried pants, skirts, dresses… an a-line silhouette dress just at the knee looked okay with theme but not super current. This got me thinking that maybe toe shape matters? What am I missing?
I feel the same way and will sit out this trend. Wish I had advice to offer.
I think with pants, loafers look better with no socks and if you show a little ankle. With dresses, I think they look better with longer (below the knee) slightly more casual dresses. So not necessarily rufflepuff but not a sheath dress.
A more almond shaped or pointed toe will also likely read less frumpy than a rounder toe.
Agree with all this.
A lug sole.
I accidentally fell in love with a very expensive pair of boots. I’m all for spending for quality, but can’t do Manolo Blahnik.
Can someone find me a dupe with maybe a slightly shorter heel? Would pay $300 even $400….
I’m generally not a fan of kitten heels but these boots are great. The rose color is lovely.
Paris Texas has some, but they’re more than $400.
These are related, but I don’t think they have your color and the heel is thinner: https://www.neimanmarcus.com/p/black-suede-studio-ilsa-slouchy-mid-boots-prod252860019?
Same with these (thin heel, different color): https://www.saksfifthavenue.com/product/schutz-ashlee-slouch-high-heel-booties-0400014839361.html
But Nine West has something along the same lines: https://www.dsw.com/en/us/product/nine-west-denner-bootie/544648?activeColor=120
recently someone posted about getting a coach and someone recommended a book in the comments.
I can’t find it, please recommend again?
I started at my company about a year ago, and am coming up on my annual review. The boss who hired me left about 6 months through, and I’m concerned that my new boss doesn’t fully know everything I’ve done in my time here. Our review prrocess is that your manager sends our 360 reviews, and then has a meeting with you where you get your review/raise etc.
Is there a way of bringing up “here are all the things I’ve done that you dont know about”? I do have a regular meeting, should I just do this in my next one? Share the doc? She knows generally what I’ve done but not the specifics.
My experience is that if the boss writes it first, they won’t change it and/or anything unfavorable will still be skewed after you request a change. And it may be awkward to ask for a change. Asking ahead of time might make it less awkward. I would either email her the doc soon or bring it up in the meeting – if the regular meeting has the time and headspace to do it comfortably. But it’s a know your boss type question. If she likes initiative and likes you to bounce ideas during your regular meeting, that would be a reason to bring it up in the meeting. If she’s more regimented and has a specific list of things to review during your regular meetings, bringing it up might hit her wrong, especially if you go in with no notice. Or you could email it to her and ask if she’d like to review it with you during your meeting.
My best review scenario was where the managers asked their direct reports to write their own reviews. I had my team write their own and I wrote mine for my boss. That way I could highlight what I thought was important and create my own holistic goals for the coming year, as that was part of the review process too. And as a manager, I got insight into what the direct report was thinking.