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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 204 Comments · by

Coffee Break – Skinny Leather Belt

Coffee Break

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Skinny Leather BeltA colorful skinny belt can be a great way to accessorize cardigans, sheath dresses, and otherwise neutral outfits — and J.Crew has a ton of great colors at a reasonable $34.50. I particularly like the “peacock feather,” pictured, but the “dazzling sun” yellow and neon pink and orange are all pretty great. Skinny Leather Belt (L-2)

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Comments

  1. Emilie

    Also check out Target, $12.99 for a bunch of great skinny belts in different colors (from bright pink and purple to neutral taupe) and in several finishes (patent leather, regular leather, “snakeskin”). I tried to find a link to the belts on Target’s website, but they apparently do not sell any women’s belts online. So next time you are picking up mascara, check out the accessories area.

    • another anon

      Target does have a good selection, but I’ve had bad luck with Target belts. They seem to break on me pretty quickly, and I don’t think I’m being partcularly hard on them. I would rather wait for a sale on something better quality.

    • GRA

      I have colored belts from both Target and J Crew and have equal luck with both – although with colored belts, I don’t wear them daily so they get less wear and tear than my more basic brown, black or leopard ;) print ones.

    • Bonnie

      I’ve had good luck with AT’s perfect skinny belts. With the 40% off discount they seem to be constantly running, they’re $18.

  2. Godzilla

    Century21, the weirdest department store ever, when you can pick up brand name belts for less than the Godiva candies at the counter ($1.29 belt??? Yes, come to me…).

  3. momentsofabsurdity

    Oh lord. Interviewed a candidate today wearing a gray suit which was pulled up so her midriff was showing, a spaghetti strapped tank underneath (which wouldn’t have been an issue but she took off the jacket so … yeah). Also probably 5+ in neon heels.

    We are a casual office (most days people wear jeans), but I interviewed in a basic suit, most candidates do, and I was interviewing her wearing a dress/cardi combo.

    Sometimes I think my interview suit makes me look a little frumpy, even though it’s just a basic Ann Taylor suit. I felt that way a lot in college going on interviews, because I was wearing clothes so far removed from my jeans + Northface regular-wear that I felt like a kid playing dress up. Now I realize I would much rather be frumpy than have my interviewer awkwardly stumble over their words as I take off my jacket to reveal my (thin enough to be slightly see through) tank top.

    • MaggieLizer

      I’m totally going to be a hot mess interview candidate/C o r p o r e t t e troll for Halloween.

      • qwerty

        dont forget your one blue nail, elastic on the wrist, and make sure something is lace or sheer. perfection.

    • Anon

      Totally curious, but was this a professional/managerial job or an administrative job. The description here is not a taste issue (as we’ve had in the past about flats vs heel etc…) but one of professionalism, and I’m stunned that there are still people so clueless about appropriate interview-wear ITE.

      • momentsofabsurdity

        Entry level professional job. Some level of forgiveness on my part (entry level) but less because literally every person she passed on the way into my office made a comment to me after (as in “Whoa you could see her belly button!” or “Did you see those shoes?!”) And we are generally NOT a judgmental office, clothing wise.

        • cfm

          Yeah entry level gets a pass from me on some things for sure, but this sounds just like a whole other level.

    • going anon

      Isn’t it crazy what people will do when they think they’re dressing professionally? One of my candidates was in her twenties and was wearing an outfit better suited for a woman in her fifties going to an afternoon tea (longish cobalt dress with a full skirt and a matching floral jacket, black patent pumps with bows). All everybody talked about was that she must have borrowed her outfit from her mother. Our successful candidate was in a black dress (a wee bit short on her very long legs but not inappropriate) and cute black wedges. No jacket. Some people just try too hard.

      • Accountress

        You know, I have a former friend who would swear that the afternoon-tea outfit was appropriate for interviews. She was homeschooled by her mother (who’d never worked outside of the home/church), and her only interactions with slightly-dressed-up women were at church services, so that’s what defined her idea of businesswear.

          • Accountress

            Not until college, no. And while I was able to teach her hair & make-up, my undergrad style was , well, not work-appropriate, so I was zero help there.

        • MaggieLizer

          Dear god. If you still have any contact with her, please direct her to this site.

          • going anon

            My only contact with this young woman will be calling her to tell her she didn’t get the job. I think it would be pretty devastating if I said something about her outfit as well!

          • MaggieLizer

            Oh, I meant that toward Accountress! I agree you shouldn’t say anything about her outfit, going anon.

          • going anon

            Trust me, there were way more important missteps there… poor girl has no idea.

          • Veritas

            I think you should absolutely tell her. Call her, say that you’ve chosen to go with a different candidate, but that you liked her, and that as a woman and a former interviewee and current interviewer (not representing employer) you want to give her some advice as she continues her job search.

      • Mary

        It seems mean to judge a woman who was dressed up and covered. That isn’t the same as a woman showing belly button. :(

      • Anonymous

        “All everybody talked about was that she must have borrowed her outfit from her mother.”
        Your office sounds really awesome. Really great group of folks.

      • momentsofabsurdity

        The shirt was pulled off under a short jacket and I guess the skirt was low riding? Big expanse of belly exposed.

      • Sadie

        This was my question, I have been sitting here and I just can’t figure out how one even wears a suit in such a way as to expose your belly button??

    • a.

      Oh. My. God. I started having a heart attack your first sentence, because I interviewed today wearing a gray suit and I have fragile nerves. However, I was not wearing a midriff-baring see-though spaghetti strap tank top, or 5+ inch neon heels. Thank the lord.

      • momentsofabsurdity

        Ha! I *have* to hope that no one reading this blog would wear what this girl wore. Sigh.

        • a.

          Well, I guess you never know. And I mean, I do some stuff that would cause/has caused pearl-clutching–leggings as pants! transparent tops! brightly-colored nails in the workplace! hairbands on wrists!–but um, steering clear of all of that at job interviews.

    • Anon1

      I judged at DECA nationals today, and 90% of the girls I saw wearing skirts only hit mid-thigh, if they were lucky. I was horrified.

    • Anonymous

      Oh, shut up, moments of absurdity. We get it, some people don’t have taste. You don’t have to out the poor girl so completely. That was a specific enough description that it would identify her immediately. You kind of suck.

    • AIMS

      I tend to get them at the outlet. I have a bunch of skinny ones that have really held up well. I find a lot of the Factory Store stuff is not that great quality wise, but belts are one of the exceptions. I usually get them for $10-15/ea.

    • b23

      Do you mean the 30% off sale codes? Or are there codes that will give you 30% off full-priced items?

      • MissJackson

        Sometimes they run 30% full price codes! The sale codes are more frequent, though.

  5. Mamma Mia

    Well, ladies, it’s official – I have a blob. We heard the heartbeat and everything (BTW, it never stops amazing me how much they can do now!). I’m 6 weeks along, give or take.

    I went ahead and told everyone in my office, since I work in a small one and I figured I might as well just get it out of the way. They’re all super-excited. Crazy that there were all these complications, then all of a sudden, it’s so easy I didn’t even see it coming.

      • Mamma Mia

        My thinking is that if something does go wrong, it’d be easier to just have everyone know that I was dealing with that, too. It varies by office, I’m sure, though. My office is very small and closely knit, so it’s pretty hard for me to slip out for doctor’s visits and such without being noticed.

      • GovtMom

        I read some excellent advice somewhere along the line. If you want to tell early, tell those people who you would also want to tell about a miscarriage. Sounds like Mamma Mia is in a small office where if something (G-d forbid) were to happen, she would share that, too. So what’s there to be afraid of?

        And congrats!!!

    • January

      Ohh, I’m so happy to hear this news! Congratulations!! And thanks for keeping us posted. :)

    • Mamma Mia

      Thank you so much, everyone! And thanks for listening to me fuss about it – I don’t understand how some of you gals just do this thing without it seeming like a big deal! :)

  6. Girl in a Grey Flannel Suit

    How does one get shiny hair? Like Kate Middleton shiny? Is it shampoo? Conditioner? Bathing in unicorn blood?

    Also – are there any tricks to make hair grow faster?

    • qwerty

      For a bit of shine and help with growth, try biotin nutritional supplements or a biotin infused shampoo/conditioner. But generally, pretty kate middleton hair is a mystery to me.

    • anon

      IMHO, Kate Middleton is the unicorn. Exists only in fairy tales…

      My hair is shiny but I never blow it dry. I tried once and some girl at the gym had to help me because I was just embarrassing everyone. Maybe a deep conditioning treatment?

      Brushing your hair is supposed to help it grow faster according to Marsha Brady.

      • nona

        Oh man – unicorns. I saw Cabin in the Woods this weekend. Won’t look at unicorns the same way…

    • Accountress

      I use an aerosol spray- Paul Mitchell’s Awapuhi Wild Ginger Shine spray (or something similar). It has the added bonus of making my normally heavy hair feel really light.

      • Jennifer

        Everyone talks Moroccan oil… is it leave-in? Can people with fine hair use it? My hair is both fine and thin, but it gets flyaways when I blow it out.

        • Leslie

          Leave in! They also sell a shine spray, which does make it look shinier – for at least as long as I look in the mirror after spraying. :) Not sure if it lasts long. But it smells nice, so I often use it if it’s been a while since I shampooed

        • Seattleite

          Yes, it’s leave in. Put a LITTLE bit on your hands, rub together, and then run through your hair. I have very thick hair that just hits my bra strap in back, and I use less than 1/2 teaspoon. (I’m thinking about applying more one night and then washing it out in the morning, but haven’t tried that yet. I think I read that trick here?)

        • Honeycrisp

          There is a “Light” formula of Moroccan Oil for fine hair. It is fantastic.

    • mamabear

      My best friend commented on my shiny hair this weekend. I’ve recently started using Sebastian Shine Define hairspray – that may be why.

    • Clueless Summer

      Second pre-natal vitamins on hair growth. On the shininess front…I cannot recommend enough the Kerastase line – their shine spray is amazing. They are like $60 and they come in a bottle so small you think it’s ridiculous…but they smell delicious and just a few sprays gives you amazingly shiny, soft hair. I bought mine from a good salon – I’d imagine Sephora and Amazon etc. would sell it as well.

      • EC MD

        I like the kerastase shine oil a ton. I have fine hair and live in a dry climate and it seems to make things shiny and moist without looking oily.

    • Niktaw

      People.
      Prenatal vitamins for hair growth work only on pregnant women.
      In fact, most pregnant women have amazing hair growth regardless of the vitamins. Because during pregnancy the hair just doesn’t fall out or does so at a very low rate. After birth, the hairs that held on fall out in a hurry.
      Prenatal vitamins are great, but they will not give you amazing hair.

    • Sparkles

      Gloss! I got highlights done recently and my hairdresser put something called “gloss” on it (I have no idea what it actually is) and it made my hairs a lot shinier. I just googled it and it looks like there are at-home treatments, similar to box dye.

    • Bluejay

      Professional stylist every single time you go out in public. Also, good genes. (Says the girl with coarse, thick curls.)

      • CA Atty

        That is definitely my first “purchase” the next time I marry a prince! :-P

  7. anon

    Ladies thanks for sharing all of your thoughts, stories, and support about leaving a guy you like and are very comfortable with but whom is not the one. This past weekend, I left a guy after more than three years who is batsh** crazy about me and we lived together. I am devastated but I know he is an amazing guy who needs to find someone who is as crazy about him as he is about them. It was never going to get any better and I want to find someone I really love too or if I don’t, be okay being alone. This site has provided so much support during the move. Thank you Kat for having a forum like this.

    • IBL

      Congratulations on making such an important decision. It definitely sounds like you made the right one for both of you, even if it was probably the more difficult (and courageous) one.

    • KLG

      Hang in there. I’ve been there and you are doing the right thing. Congrats on making a tough decision and having the guts to go through with it.

  8. Anon

    Boyfriend is moving in with me later this month. This is a first for both of us. Any tips on successful co-habitation?

    • NOLA

      1. Find a way for each of you to have your own space/time.
      2. Work out in advance how you’ll divvy up household chores.
      3. Talk about finances/bill-paying, etc.
      4. Don’t neglect your girlfriends or let others think that just because you are coupled up, you don’t want to do social things on your own.

    • Nancy P

      Figure out a bathroom schedule that works. Serious source of early-morning stress.

      • Anonsensical

        Speaking of the bathroom, don’t get in the habit of leaving the door open. Keep some mystery alive.

        • Modern Woman

          This! Six years together now (three living together) and I still insist. We were in our 40s when we met, both previously married, one of us a parent, share an adventurous bedroom life (avoiding moderation) — but we still keep the door closed and either some water or a fan running. Never heard it. Never want to.

        • CA Atty

          In my “new” house (very old house, moved into at the beginning of the year) there is NO door between the bathroom and the bedroom. In fact, there’s both a door and a window opening with no door or window! It kind of drives me nuts but my boyfriend has lived there for 20+ years and he’ll just trot on in there. Every chance I get I make sure he’s out of the room and then lock the door. :-P

      • Jo March

        Showering together is a great time and water saver if your schedule allows! It’s also super fun :)

    • Seattleite

      Make sure you’re on the same page WRT where this is going. If one of you is thinking “this is nice for now” and the other is “this is the next step before engagement” heartache will ensue.

      Decide how you’re going to maximize sleep. Limit on number of times you can hit snooze? Headphones only in bedroom, or does even typing on devices bother the other? Etc.

    • Anon 42

      Don’t clean up after him- it’s way too easy for the other person to get used to!

    • Co-Habitation List and Agreement

      If you haven’t already, go online and find two things: a sample co-habitation agreement and one of those lists of things you’re supposed to discuss before you move in with each other. I would check learnvestDOTcom first. You may not execute the agreement, but talking about both the items in it and the items on the list will be a very productive discussion or series of discussions.

    • mamabear

      Can you buy a duplex? :) I love my husband to pieces, but living full time with a man is for the birds. There must be a smarter way.

      Not to rain on your parade! Just know that some habit of his that you’d never thought about is going to drive you up the wall once you live together. Remind yourself why you love him on a daily basis.

      • Maddie Ross

        I don’t know that you need a duplex, but separate bathrooms, if at all possible, is a god-send. And it completely removes the need referenced above to negotiate bathroom time/schedules in the morning.

        • love bathroom time

          We love our bathroom getting-ready time. One of us brushes their teeth, etc. while the other takes a shower or we just shower together. My DH showers much faster and exits when he’s done so I save my grooming time for when he’s out. It’s a great way to start the day and seriously, if you do it regularly and have some self control, it’s just a shower and doesn’t he’eem… cause prolonged getting ready time… at least on the weekdays when we are in a hurry. We talk about our schedule, catch up one things that we forgot to talk about the night before or just generally chat. If we don’t shower at the same time we still get ready in the bathroom together for the same purpose. With that said, we have a large shower and a pretty long vanity with 2 sinks. If we were 1 sinkers… it would be a different story.

          We’ve been married for 10 years and I attribute our good communication to our shared getting ready time.

          • Jo March

            This is so awesome! Why don’t more people do this? It rules. Great way to start the day. I’m glad we are not the only ones :)

          • CA Atty

            Ah yes, at my house we have a lovely big bathroom and shower and I 100% love getting ready with him in the morning.

    • Anon

      Talk about how you will spend free time. My now DH thought that because we moved in together, that meant that we didn’t need to still schedule dates, etc. We worked it out, but there were definitely some hurt feelings on my part in the beginning.

      • Anon

        OP here. Thanks for the great suggestions. I can always count on this crowd to point me in the right direction.

  9. anoninnyc

    Talbots frequently has really cute colored belts, including some awesome color-blocked ones. And they almost always come in a full range of sizes up to 3x.

    • shortiek

      Yes! I hit up the Talbots outlet mainly for the belts.
      I don’t understand paying $35 for a belt? I see them for less than $10 constantly, from brands that have just as good quality as J crew.

  10. SoCal Gator

    I have this J Crew belt in the featured color and also in coral and hot pink. Be warned — they run big. While you normally might size up to wear a belt around your hips these ones from J Crew are meant to be worn at the hips, so order your normal size. Love these belts for adding a nice pop of color!

  11. whaaa?

    How is it that I am 37 and just learned that for the last 15+ years, I’ve been wearing the wrong size of br@? Come to find out I was totally off base with my sizing and now my girls are snug as a bug in a rug. I heart Nordies so very much.

    • Just had this convo at Nordies!

      I think it’s because of Victoria’s Secret: their “secret” is that they will only size you for the bra sizes they carry. For example, I’m a 32DD (and not amazingly huge by ANY stretch of the imagination. My GFs don’t believe it, but that’s because they are still wearing the wrong size), but if I go into VS, they will always measure me as a 34D, if not 34C.

      • mamabear

        The other secret of Victoria is that VS sucks. Once you start wearing real bras, you’ll never go back.

        • Just had this convo at Nordies!

          So true. Haven’t worn their bras in 15 years. But I remember waaaaay back in the day when VS had lovely bras (before it was bought by the Express Group, or whatever it’s called).

          • Just had this convo at Nordies!

            should prob. clarify, tho I’m sure no one cares, I haven’t worn their bras in a long time, but I go in every year or two to see if their bras have improved. :)

      • Sadie

        They can’t measure and there is rampant vanity sizing. I wear a 34D in most ‘normal’ bras. (like you know, Bali, Maidenform) I need a 34DDD now in VS. Used to be a 34DD, but now those are too small too. Even the exact same bra I bought years ago, now I need a bigger size. (I don’t buy them anymore, this was a try-on revelation).
        Then if they don’t have your size, they try and convince you you have a ‘swing size’. Oh! We don’t have a 34 DD but you can wear a 38C!

        Uh…no. I can’t.

    • zora

      speaking of, any recs for a place to get fitted in san francisco or the east bay? (besides Nordies) I am pretty sure I’m on the A-team, but I still don’t feel like any of the A’s or B’s are fitting me correctly, so I’m thinking I must be some weird, rare size.

      thanks for letting me jack your threadjack!

      • mamabear

        I have been fitted at both Nordstrom and Soma Intimates (in the Stoneridge mall, Pleasanton.) I live in Berkeley so Pleasanton is a haul for me, but I was already there for other reasons so I popped in. The good news is that both stores sized me the same.

        I was wearing one of my Soma bras when I was last sized at Nordstrom. The Nordstrom shopper said, “Oh, I see you have the Wacoal bra already. Most of our customers really like that one.” I actually did not fess up that it was Soma (and cheaper, on sale.) But when I browsed the racks I saw the Wacoal bra she was talking about and it was identical. I wonder if Wacoal makes private-label bras for Soma.

        • zora

          awesome, thanks mamabear, for lookin out for a fellow eastbayer ;o) I’ll keep both of these in mind.

          • Tigger

            There’s also a cute little place on 4th street in Berkeley. I’ve never been there and the reviews are mixed (on Yelp that is), but if you’re there anyway on a Saturday, it might be worth checking out?

        • NOLA

          That’s really interesting. There’s no Nordstrom here so I’ve always wondered how that would go for me. I have found the salespeople at Soma overly aggressive. I went in one day with a friend who wanted a cami bra and the saleswoman asked if I was interested in anything and I said that their bras don’t fit me (they don’t – I’m shaped in such a way that full coverage bras gap on me – I wear only demi) and she saw it as a challenge. She completely ignored my friend while trying to sell me on bras that didn’t fit.

          • Petunia

            Hey NOLA – Fellow New Orleanian here. You should check out the Bra Genie in Mandeville if you ever make it that way. Their bras are excellent and they sales reps are skilled fitters. I tried Basics Underneath on Magazine recently but didn’t find their sales reps to be well trained and they definitely tried to sell me the most expensive bra in the store. But there are good options in town! Saks also has a good department.

          • going anon

            I never think to shop on the northshore. I go to BR pretty regularly but never made it across the Causeway. I should try Saks, although I’ve never had a salesperson work with me like that there. I tried on some bras at Saks in Birmingham during an evacuation ;)

      • SF Bay Associate

        If you’re on the A-Team, schedule an appointment with Lula Lu in San Mateo. She specializes in smaller cup sizes and has a wonderful array of options. Apparently smaller b*sts also have more distinctive shapes (??), so it can be especially important to find a bra company that fits your shape.

        Another option, if you’ve got a bigger budget, is Charmelle 28. There are locations in Burlingame and Palo Alto. I found their staff to be properly trained. But I really, really recommend Lula Lu.

        • zora

          Yeah, I had kind of thought about that, but San Mateo seemed sooooo faaaarrrrr… but I should just get over it and go there, cause she does sound great. Thanks!

  12. Anon!

    A little TJ. Why do partners ask you questions via email which, in the same (or less) time as it took them to type the question, they could have clicked on the file and answered it themselves? I get what being an associate is about, but sheesh.

    • Rural Juror

      I hear you. I have a partner who emails me a document asking me to save it to the electronic client file.

    • AnonInfinity

      I think that part of it is that they just have a question and it breaks their stream of thought to think, “Where is that file saved? Where do I click? Waiting for file to open…”

      I have to admit that I shoot questions like that to my assistant sometimes (and I email docs to her and ask her to save in the electronic file). It’s just easier to forward a bunch of emails sometimes and questions than to take time to click on everything and open it up.

      • AnonInfinity

        I also realized after writing this that you probably just wanted to vent. It does sometimes suck, but I try to remind myself that one day I, too, will be in a position where people can just answer whatever question about the minutest detail pops into my head.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      I also realized after writing this that you probably just wanted to vent. It does sometimes suck, but I try to remind myself that one day I, too, will be in a position where people can just answer whatever question about the minutest detail pops into my head.

  13. wny grad student

    Dating-related threadjack, because Friday’s open thread seems like a long time from now: I think I might have become someone’s Bizarre Online Dating Experience and I’m not sure how to fix it / if it’s worth it at this point.

    Met this guy on okcupid, went on a few dates, then I got really busy at work for a couple weeks and we didn’t see each other much. Our last date (out of maybe 6-8 total) was about two weeks ago now and involved drinks with his cousin who was visiting (it was that or not see each other for another few weeks, the way my schedule worked out). I was starting to lose interest in the whole thing around that time, but it wasn’t possible to talk about things in front of his cousin (and we’ve never actually talked about defining our relationship, being exclusive, etc.)

    Since then, I’ve said I’m busy without giving a reason or an alternate time every time he’s suggested a date, hoping he’d take the hints. Well, no, he texted me last Friday, asking if I wanted to hang out or have a phone date if I’m too busy to get together (we live about 20 minutes apart). I kind of panicked, not wanting to have the “I don’t think we should see each other” convo over the phone (and we’ve never talked on the phone for longer than it takes to make or clarify plans), and not seeing another good option. So I just haven’t replied. And now it’s Monday. I’ve already handled this poorly, but would it be any kinder to get in touch again to say “I don’t want to keep seeing you,” or should I just continue to be radio silent?

    • Jennifer

      I think it’s always nicer to talk about it. If he’s an ok (not creepy) guy, give him 15 minutes of your time on the phone or over coffee. That shows you care about his feelings, even if you give bad news. Radio silence is mean. (No judgment—I’ve been on both sides. I even stood a guy up on purpose once when I got cold feet. But it’s always good to do the right thing.)

    • MaggieLizer

      Five minute (or less) phone call. “I’ve really enjoyed hanging out with you, but I don’t see the chemistry developing between us. Best of luck!”

    • KLG

      I third the suggestion to go ahead and call. It’s always nicer to know for sure than to be left wondering.

    • GovtMom

      Fourth. He deserves an answer and deserves to keep his dignity (i.e., not keep calling you when you’re going silent and he has no clue why). Apologize for handling things poorly and then say that you don’t want to keep seeing him.

    • Lydia

      After that many dates, you owe him a call. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? It doesn’t need to be a long call, but telling him is the right thing to do.

    • springtime

      I don’t think he’s going to take the hint. I would do the right thing and call him. You will feel better about it, and hopefully so will he once he gets some closure.

      • CA Atty

        At least call the guy. You will regret it if you don’t. I dated a guy 2-3 times in college (10 years ago) and it just wasn’t there. Also, I had this on again off again cr*p with my ex and he was sniffing back around AND since it was college I went home for the summer and I just…dropped him. I STILL feel bad about it even though the guy was pretty nuts. (He once called me 14 times between 5pm when I told him I was turning off my phone to study for a final and noon the next day when I turned it on after my final.)

    • J

      I have been in this exact situation. Same number of dates, nice enough OKC guy, him way more interested in me, me losing interest but not sure how to end things… and I did it over email. I’m not proud, but I felt like we hadn’t dated long enough to set up a whole meeting in-person to end things when they had never really begun! I was very nice in the email and kept it short and sweet. We had never actually talked on the phone (we’d text and email and then go on dates), so it seemed really strange to me to call him out of the blue for our first and last phone call. It’s a tough situation, and maybe I should have handled it differently, but I guess it’s too late now. Good luck.

      • MK

        Same here, I did it over e-mail… probably not the most mature route, but definitely better than the radio silence route, and allowed me to avoid an awkward phone call. I got a nasty e-mail back from the guy, but that actually made me feel better about it, since I saw that as him showing his true colors!

  14. FP Angie

    Ladies – wanting to dip my toe in the neon trend… looking for an inexpensive, neon “statement-y” accessory to go with a black and white dress for a wedding. Anyone seen anything cute lately?

  15. My back hurts!

    Anyone have a recommendation on a good back pillow to supplement my office chair with? My chair is the worst, but i’m so low level there is no chance of getting a new one. i’m looking for a relativly inexpensive back pillow or support to help my posture while I sit. I get up and walk around and stretch, but the rest of my co workers are so sentendary, they give me dirty looks when i go take my hourly lap around the office – they think i’m just slacking off, when in reality, if i spend more than an hour sitting, it starts to hurt my back. Thanks!

    • Leslie

      I bought a mesh lumbar support that has elastic to wrap around your chair. Turns out, my chair is good without it, but someone else here uses it. I found it at CVS.

      Also, keep the hourly stretch. I imagine you would spend more time not working if you sat in your chair in pain than your little lap takes.

      • CA Atty

        Agreed with keep the hourly stretch. It’s amazing how the attitude of just one or two people can change a workplace. Just do it!

    • NoVAAtty

      I feel your pain. Mine too. Our chairs are horrible here, and no way the Government will be buying me anything resembling ergonomic any time soon. There is one for sale (online) at Target – $29.99 and has a few very good reviews, it is in mesh. I went in to the Staples store and they had NOTHING in stock except one unpleaseant looking pillow thing even though their website had like 5 different styles. I asked why their online store had it and the store didn’t – apparently nobody buys them. I think I’m going to order one that is mesh (as opposed to a pillow) and slips over the chair with a strap so it stays put.

      I have had a knot the size of a golf ball in my lower back for a month because of this chair. Best of luck to you on your search. My next stop is nightly heating pad if the mesh chair support doesn’t work…

      • CA Atty

        Actually, I bring my heating pad to work. I generally have low back soreness from running but I swear it is a lifesaver.

        • NoVAAtty

          My husband once gave me one of those massaging chair things that slip over your work chair. I was too embarrased to use it at work because of the humming. Heating pad is probably the next best thing – but quieter!

  16. Anon

    Can anyone recommend a good strapless bra for a large-ish chest (34DD)? I feel like all of the ones that I’ve bought over the years have either not provided good support, or slipped out of place, etc. I feel doomed to never wear any dress/shirt that does not cover my shoulders.

    • MissJackson

      I am also a 34DD and I feel your pain (quite literally). I finally bit the bullet and bought a Chantelle strapless bra. I am kind of obsessed with the Chantelle tshirt bras, but I really didn’t want to shell out the cash for a strapless that I’ll wear a few times a year (at most).

      The Chantelle strapless is the best thing that I’ve found. It doesn’t slip out of place and provides adequate support. I’ll see if I can hunt you down a link.

    • Bra education 101

      You need to buy a properly fitted bra, which, in all likelihood, has a much smaller band size than you think you need. I used to think I was a 34C, and then I got properly fitted at the Town Shop in Manhattan, and it turns out that I am a–wait for it–30DD. That’s because cup size is not absolute but relative to your band size–your true cup size is the difference between your band size and the measurement around the fullest part of your bust. So, that means that every decrease in band size is an increase in cup size. Which is why 34C=32D=30DD.

      Anyway, most women are wearing band sizes that are way way way too big for them. That’s because most department stores and Victoria’s Secret only carry a limited range of sizes and so they try to tell you that you fit into their bras. Your bra should be supported by the band, not the straps. A properly fitted bra has a very tight band. My point is: even with a normal-sized bust, I used to always have trouble with strapless bras falling down. No longer. My strapless bra is AS COMFORTABLE as my regular bra, because the band is tight enough that it stays up without needing straps.

      Ta da!

      • SAB

        I got fitted at Intimacy and they sized me down a band size for my strapless bra. It was super tight, almost uncomfortable at first. But, everything stayed in place beautifully. I think it was a Chantelle bra.

        • OP

          Thanks. I’ve been properly fitted for a regular bra, but I also may need to go down a band size for a strapless.

          Thanks, everyone, for all the helpful suggestions! These look great, and I’ll definitely check them out!

    • Merabella

      I cannot recommend Soma strapless bras more fervently. My best friend wears a 34G bra and they had a strapless bra that fit her needs. They are comfortable and keep the girls in line. I would find one that fits your needs and buy buy buy.

  17. Tag Heuer??

    What do you ladies think of Tag Heuer watches as an everyday watch for women? I’m looking at the Aquaracer, with the silver face and brushed band. Good? Bad? Indifferent?

    • NovaMama

      I have had one for almost 5 years and wear it every day. It has held up beautifully and I think it is a perfect everyday watch! Mine has a dark blue face, which goes with everything and I absolutely love it.

  18. DC Darling

    Ann Taylor suit I got on sale just arrived today. Skirt fits like a dream. Blazer needs some slimming. It fits perfectly on the length, arms, and shoulders but its not tapering enough and is rather wide around the middle. Having heard some truly awful tailor disaster stories, does anyone think it’s worth it to get it tailored or just return it? I really like the jacket and picked it up for almost 65% off so I’d like to make it work but I’m not sure how feasible (or costly?) a slimming job is for a blazer. If anyone has any experiences/price points, I’d appreciate it.

    Mini-vent: my older AT suits are a 2 and they fit perfect. Inconsistent sizing is driving me nuts.

    • Kate

      I just bought a suit at Brooks Brothers for 70% off despite the jacket needing a little tailoring through the waist. The tailor I called quoted me $25-40. I think it is worth it if you love everything else about the suit. It is tough to find things off the rack that fit perfectly.

      • DC Darling

        Oh man I would definitely pay 25-40 but all the places I’ve called so far are talking upwards of 65 bucks for just a slimming. Seems like the tailors in DC have a price hike. I might just take it to my dry cleaner since it’s not a major job and she’s done really well with other slight alterations I’ve needed…..

        *hopefully won’t regret this.

        • R in Boston

          Try Congressional Cleaners on Pennsylvania over in Capitol Hill (around 5th or 6th). I love them and I think they are the part of DC I miss most of all. No experience on what this particular alteration would cost from them but they’re pretty affordable over all and everything came back perfect.

        • ChristinaMD

          Where are you in the DC area? My father, who pays a TON for his suits and often has them custom made, swears by this woman in Beltsville/Calverton for altertations. I have a stack of items piling up to take over there…. when I lose another 10 lbs. If Beltsville is feasible I can give you the deets.

          • DC Darling

            lol I can understand the waiting to lose a couple lbs. I recently cleaned out my closet (in the past year I’ve gone from a 12–>2/4) and I’ve found I prefer having fewer quality clothes that I love than a closet full of all sizes 2-14 accumulated from HS til the present.

            MD’s not that far from me but I’d prefer to take it to someone in VA since it’s on my commute route. Thank you for offering though and if I get desperate I might be willing to force my poor car to make the trek.

    • rosie

      It is amazing what a good tailor can do. My SO has had jackets taken in very successfully (more across the shoulders than the waist, though) by someone that came very highly recommended. If the jacket already fits well in the length, arms, and shoulders, and you generally like the style, I would ask for recommendations for who to go to and give it a try. The woman that took in the suits for my SO isn’t in the DC area, otherwise I’d recommend her to you.

    • Anon

      Having odd proportions – big boobs, little waist and ribcage, significant swayback – I’ve never owned a blazer that didn’t have to be taken in.

      I’d say it depends on the cut: Usually, because I’m an hourglass, my tailor has more trouble fitting my boxy blazers than my blazers that already have a defined waist built-in. Because of those limitations, prices have varied from approx. $35 (minimal work) to $70 (a lot of work).

      IMHO, if you got the jacket at 65% off and you really like it, go for it! Tailors do this stuff all the time.

      • Anon

        Also: I go to a fairly pricy tailor because I adore him and trust him my irreplacable vintage dress collection. I’m sure you can get it done for cheaper.

      • DC Darling

        Are we the same person? I too have a sway back (which my bf somewhat lovingly refers to his saddle) smallish waist and bigger boobs. It does have a nipped in defined waist but it’s still a little boxy and could use an inch total off of both sides. I think I’ll chance it as it is a really lovely navy suit.

        • Anon

          A “saddle”? Hee. Our problems are good problems.*g* Just, uh, it makes finding a structured RIDICULOUS. What suiting brands to you have the best luck with, if you don’t mind me asking?

          • DC Darling

            Most expensive: Theory doesn’t still well on my frame. Especially around the chest area. I have to size up to a 6 or 8 and then the arms/torso are baggy. I also struggle at paying that much for unlined skirts/pants. Elie Tahari on the other hand fits like a DREAM. If I could afford to stock my closet with designer suits, his would be the only ones I buy. Structures and fitted without looking pasted to my body or like I’m busting out of them.

            Mid Level: Ann Taylor is hit or miss. Sometimes I walk away with some nice blazers, sometimes….I wonder what they’re thinking. Over all I think their line this season has been really shapeless and baggy. Jcrew is absolutely awful. Very boxy and, just my personal opinion, the quality of their suits isn’t up to the price tag. I have pretty good luck with BR although their inconsistent sizing means I am really hesitant to order anything online even if its the exact same size and cut in a different color. For what it’s worth, I know most curvy people wear the AT curvy line but I find that the modern fits me better. Martin pant line for BR.

            Hope this is helpful!

          • Anon

            Tahari, hey? I will definitely look into that.

            Thank you for the recommendations!

  19. Anon in NYC

    Ladies, looking to you for advice/vent about a weird situation.

    Husband’s ex girlfriend from college is married to another family member. She seems very competitive and insecure. She and her husband try to speak to us once in a while but it always seems very forced. Her husband just received some positive career-related news and they are moving into a new neighborhood (where my husband and I once resided and I was very disappointed to leave due to career opportunities elsewhere). She (and her husband) are quite smug to both of us about it. My husband and I both try to act nice/polite to them but it just annoys me to no end.

    Should I just continuing ignorning her? I hate that she thinks she has it so much better than me. Or she is just trying to give me the impression she thinks that…

    • Ignore Her

      Ignore her. Don’t talk to her about this issue. Don’t talk to anyone else about this issue (in case she finds out that you were letting it take time in your life). She may never say so and she may never change her behavior, but the “fact” that is matters so little to you will drive her crazy. That is your only revenge.

      • DC Darling

        Ignore her but I would suggest venting to someone that doesn’t know her. I had a similar situation with my bf’s friend but venting about it to my childhood friend gave me an outlet and some perspective. Keeping it bottled up drove me nuts.

    • cfm

      I mean, you really can’t do anything but ignore her. Here’s the thing, while I totally believe she is being smug, “smug” is such a relative term. Like you don’t say “she sent me an email saying moving back to cali biiiiiiiiatch you know you wish it was you” which could warrant an actual discussion since that is rude. But unfortunately you can’t confront smug people, especially since its so relative. Realistically, she could be a 6 on the smug scale. Because of all your past history and feelings, your reading that as a 9 on the smug scale.

      honestly, I would prob just ramp up the niceness, especially if you don’t have to see her in person. I’d send an email back like “Awesome! it is such a great neighborhood! you are going to love it!” like triple your use of exclamation points. I just feel that if she is truly being smug on purpose, the best thing for her is to hear you say “thats.. nice” with a bitter edge. I would literally try to be as happy for her as possible. Because on the inside, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if she thinks shes better than you. You havea great husband you love and if she is competing with you, it means somethings missing for her. Since nothing is missing for you, just be happy and try to make it as genuine and enthusastic as possible.

      (also sorry for the really bad spelling in this)

      • mamabear

        If you want to be passive aggressive, you could say “Awesome! That used to be such a great neighborhood!!!”

        But of course I’m not suggesting that. Much.

        • Anon in NYC

          Love this mamabear! Thanks everyone for your responses. Guess I will have to suck it up and act nice. I guess I won’t tell her my husband was mugged at gunpoint 2 blocks from her new place.

  20. FB

    So I just got engaged (very happy). It’s funny though because some of my c0-workers who are also my friends on facebook have congratulated me online, but haven’t said anything to me in person, even though our offices are right next to each other! I told a few of them about it, but I don’t feel like marching down the hallway to tell everyone. I wish some of them would take the time to mention it, since I know they know about it. I kind of get it – they have other stuff on their minds and things to do, but it’s a strange vibe when office mates don’t make the effort to have a simple conversation about a huge event. Has anyone else had similar experiences?

    • Ruta Skadi

      It’s certainly possible they forgot. When I see good news of acquaintances/coworkers on Facebook, I offer up a quick congratulations online, but often it slips my mind during the day when I see them (in a similar vein I’ve also noticed people’s birthdays on Facebook but completely forgotten about it in person!)

      It’s also a huge event for you, not for them. So taking time out of their day to chat to you about it probably isn’t their first priority if they’re busy. Acknowledge to yourself the fact that they graciously sent their congrats through the medium in which you made your engagement known to them, and then I’d let it go.

      • anon

        “Acknowledge to yourself the fact that they graciously sent their congrats through the medium in which you made your engagement known to them, and then I’d let it go.”

        This. You didn’t make the effort to tell them in person, so you can’t really get too worked up over their failure to make the effort to congratulate you in person.

        • Sadie

          I agre with this, I feel like if I’m ‘online level’ announcement about something, then online level response is sufficient.
          If it’s fine to hear about the news on facebook, it should be fine to respond about the news on facebook.
          From their perspective, they already congratulated you. Why would they do it again?

    • Leslie

      Best wishes!

      I, too, find it very strange that they have not congratulated you in person! My only thought on it is that maybe they think you want to keep it outside of the office if they have not heard you talking about it to your coworkers. I think you should feel free to share it with all of them, and then they will probably make a bigger deal of it (as they should!).

    • karenpadi

      Two things could be going on here.

      1-They are happy for you but don’t want the half-hour “how he proposed” “here’s the ring” “we’re getting married in the spring” conversation. Recently-engaged women are pretty annoying for everyone who isn’t engaged.

      2-They respect that at work you are a professional and may not want to gossip about your personal life in front of other co-workers who aren’t in the know out of respect for you.

      And this–“I wish some of them would take the time to mention it, since I know they know about it.” Wowza! How self-centered are you? Get over yourself–the world doesn’t revolve around your diamond ring. If this is how self-centered you normally act in real life, they have already pegged you as a potential bridezilla and are initiating counter strategies.

      • FB

        I’m sorry, but you don’t know me at all! Is it really okay to call me self-centered? I have read many of your posts in the past and have respected your opinions, but this is over the line.

        • I am with karenpadi on this

          Without knowing you, I won’t call you self-centered but as I was reading your post, I too went bridezilla! in my mind. You say “I don’t feel like marching down the hallway to tell everyone” but then expect them to come to your office and congratulate you. That does sound self-centered, don’t you think? If you don’t want to bother yourself, why would they?

          • FB

            I didn’t want to do tell everyone myself because I am not a bridezilla type. I am a shy, quiet person who is usually the listener in the conversation. I felt uncomfortable drawing attention to myself, but was still excited about the news and hoped to find some support.

            I am really taken aback by these harsh comments. After months of reading this website every day, I might just have to say adios. This is just too negative. Do you really have to attack my character right away?

          • mw

            FB – I think maybe you’ve just caught some posters feeling a bit unsympathetic at the end of a long Monday. Don’t feel too bad about that – engagement-related posts seem to be very polarizing.

            I think that as a quiet person who doesn’t like to draw attention to your big events, you might have to reconcile yourself to the fact that people will respond in kind. I have a similar personality and I certainly noticed that while my close friends were sweet and celebrated with me when I got engaged, I didn’t have the month-long celebratory drink-night event schedule that some of my girlfriends had when they got engaged. I think it just goes with being an introvert who does not puts yourself and your life out there as much, and you have to be ok with that – this won’t be the last time that a big life event goes seemingly unnoticed by all but your intimate circle. Remind yourself that the people who love you and matter to you are thrilled for you — and, to the extent that you do want more feedback from those around you, do tell people about it (with the appropriate level of detail of course). Particularly at work, people may be hesitant to initiate conversations about your personal life, as others have noted. People will respond in kind when they know how excited you are!

          • cc

            FB the reactions were harsh because honestly, your post was slightly obnoxious. It doesn’t mean you are obnoxious, but from what you posted you sound exactly like a bridezilla type. You feel you deserve more attention than you are getting. Your coworkers congratulated on the medium you choose to announce your engagement. I think your in a situation where its all you are thinking about (because of course it is, its a really exciting time for you!) but for everyone else, it gets one mention and thats it.

            Anyway it is awesome you got engaged, and I hope you take the comments as a gentle wake up call and not meant to be offensive. I’m sure your close friends and family are truly thrilled and of course you and your fiance are too! Best wishes

        • anon

          I agree that this is over the line. You could have said that FB’s post came off a little self-centered without jumping into a wholesale indictment of her person. “wowza! How self-centered are you? Get over yourself” are not things I would say even to someone I knew beyond a doubt was self-centered. Definitely not constructive

        • Loking

          As a young woman I listen to people brag about their kids, have to deal with their brat kids run around the office, have to say I’m sorry when people get divorced or suffer a miscarriage etc. If the staff at my office cannot take five minutes to say congrats to me in person when I get engaged for the first time that is something worth venting about. Seriously, if they expect me to care when their kid wins the participation award at band why can’t I at least get a high five when I get engaged?

      • anon

        I too have lost respect for karenpadi for being so cruel. This is an online forum, so it’s easy to lash out, but let’s remember that these are people writing here, and they are opening up about vulnerable, personal things. Even though we can’t see each other, words are still powerful. Don’t tear someone down just because you’ve had bad experiences with bridezillas in the past and automatically assume this person must be the same way. You don’t know the whole story. Show some restraint and maybe even a hint of compassion. We are not middle schoolers in a cafeteria. We can be bigger than this.

    • In House Interviewee

      FB – as other posters said, if you did not take the time to tell them in person, it may be unreasonable to expect them to come to you to discuss it. They’ve already congratulated you on facebook. Isn’t that enough?

    • PghAnon

      If you think “it’s a strange vibe when office mates don’t make the effort to have a simple conversation about a huge event”, then why aren’t you having a “simple conversation” with your office mates about it? Why is it OK for you to say nothing in person, but not for them?

      I would never mention something I saw on Facebook to a co-worker in the office. It is safer to assume that if the person didn’t mention it at work, they want to keep the information out of the office. Don’t criticize your coworkers for being respectful of that boundary.

      • CA Atty

        I agree with this. I specifically DON’T mention things that I find out on fb in the office. I don’t know if the person doesn’t want people in the office to know, etc…

      • MDC

        I too would be cautious mentioning any personal news that I had learned from FB at work, unless the person specifically brought it up again themselves. I am quite introverted myself also, but when I got engaged I just told certain people at the office directly, something like “I’m so excited that we are engaged!”. It’s not bridezilla-ish, it’s just sharing your news. I understand about waiting for a response but the reality is that these people may think they have responded already and may think it is private news that you don’t necessarily want to discuss in front of colleagues. Also some people do react negatively to what they perceive as your success in areas they have not had success in e.g. getting engaged, having children. Just human nature and don’t get dragged down into their mess is my advice.

    • Loking

      Yup. I got engaged. I work at a small firm- the two partners (one hired me and one is my mentor) have not said anything to me. One girl (single and 28) has stopped speaking to me. People can react differently than you expect, I just pretens to myself that it has nothing to do with me.

  21. coco

    Are sheer black pantyhose a total no-no? I have an afterwork event that requires me to be far more dressed up than I typically am at work. It is a work event but it’s a party-esque setting and I would like to wear either a dress/blazer or skirt/shirt/blazer. It’s too warm for tights (my go-to) and I have the worst time in the world finding nude hose that actually match my skin tone. Plus I have some marks on my legs from a cooking incident where I would prefer a little extra coverage. Are sheer black hose completely out of fashion? Too sexy? Too dowdy? Too something else? I feel totally out of the loop on this.

    • momentsofabsurdity

      I wear sheer black hose to work and I don’t think it’s out of place, IMO.

    • coco

      Thank you both. We all wear jeans to work, so I just don’t know appropriate business wear, other than interview suits.

    • wawa

      I actually love sheer black panty hose. I think they look much better than having two sticks of pitch black coming out of a dress. I had no idea they might be a no-no!

    • Former MidLevel

      To me, black hose read dressy/evening, so I’d say they are fine for an after-work event.

  22. ChristinaMD

    Had posted a while back for some out-of-2nd job work for the summer suggestions, and then my computer went wonky. Just read your suggestions and wanted to send a Thank You to those people who took the time to reply, you had some good suggestions I’ll be pursuing.

  23. Andrea

    Any insight into the return policy for shoes at Saks? I’ve heard how wonderful Nordstrom’s is, but am not sure how it compares to Saks. I bought a pair of Jimmy Choos that I have worn 4-5 times and they just aren’t holding up at all. The heel tip fell off today (just walking on carpet, nothing out of the ordinary) and the leather around the toes is stretching in a very unflattering way. Any insight?

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