ByKat Hours Updated
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Coffee Break: Vanessa Lace-Up Pump

5/24/24 Update: The Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale has started — see our big sale roundup! Also, sign up for our newsletter to stay on top of all the great sales!

lace-up pump for work

The below content is about the 2018 Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale.

Wow – I love this lace-up pump from Jimmy Choo. After all the block heels we've seen of late, a classic stilletto heel is nice to see, and we all know I love a sleek strappy pump as a more comfortable heel.

There's a black-on-black version (whoa: and a rose gold, and a red, and several other color options!), but I like the vintage vibe of this particular pattern.

They're $750 at Nordstrom, Saks, and Intermix; Rue La La has several lucky sizes on sale for $500ish. Pictured:  Vanessa Lace-Up Pump

For two more affordable options, both under $100, check out this Nine West option or this lace-up heel from Franco Sarto.

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

143 Comments

  1. Can you be sore from walking? Normally walk 1.2 miles each weekday – commute to work and back. This week and a few days last week it’s been more like 3-3.5 miles during the day. IDK why exactly but the weathers been nice and I just want to be outside before we get to our 95 degree everyday weather. So then I end up waking around the block, walking to the further coffee shop, going to the grocery store just bc it’d be nice to have some unnecessary item and now my legs are uncomfortable. Not pain really just heavy/sore – and yet it feels better if I get up and start walking. Could this be shoes?? Even though it isn’t my feet but rather my legs??

    2. Worn-out or otherwise unsupportive shoes can totally contribute to soreness from walking. But it’s probably just the increase in activity levels.

    4. Yes, I agree. If you haven’t done it, any amount of walking, especially with pumps, can get you sore. That is why I walk with my Nike Air’s. Right now I am walking over 2 miles a day down to work, but when I move to the West Side, I think I will have to do more like 3 miles. Dad is goeing to clock it in his SUV b/c he does NOT want me to cheat, but I know I can tell him that I take different routes, depending on if the traffic lights are green or not. But he can track me block by block with some app, so I dare not give the fitbit to Myrna again b/c he knows I do NOT move that fast! FOOEY!

      Kat, I love these Jimmy Choo pumps also, but they are to expensive for me. The manageing partner will not reimuburse me for more then $100 per pair so these are a no-go. DOUBEL FOOEY b/c I know the cleints would really love me if I wore these. I think they’d think I really knew what I was talking about b/c you look smart when you dress smart, as Dad says. That is why he NEVER wears dungarees and sneakers, even if he is gardening. FOOEY on that! No one wants a guy in a suit digging in the dirt!

  2. transplant from the suburbs here… I used to always have cake from Costco from my birthday. And I know it’s NYC and I should explore, but I just want something comforting and familiar this year for my birthday. All the bakeries I’ve seen so far are too fancy for what I want. Anyone know where I can get a simple (small) cake with buttercream frosting?

    2. Not in NYC so I’m no help – but this reminded me that Costco cake is actually pretty amazing! I was surprised when I first tried it.

    4. Yes, Costco:-) There’s a Costco in Astoria. Broadway stop on the N, walk west on Broadway until you hit the river and it’s right below that park. Caveat is I never got cake from there, but it appeared to be a normal Costco, so I assume they have it.

      1. (But should you decide to mix it up, may I suggest Eileen’s Cheesecake?)

    5. Empire Cake. Expensive but the cake I ordered for my dad’s birthday was amazingly delicious.

      1. If you decide to get the cake at Costco, watch out for what DH and I call “the Costco Effect”:
        stuff looks normal-sized while you’re there, but when you bring it home it’s huuge. Never will forget the frozen pizza that was too large to fit in our oven…

  3. What is your after work “uniform”?

    What is your weekend/running around “uniform”?

    Trying to get comfy recs for after work, and practical yet stylish recs for weekend…..

    1. After work: pajamas (I usually work out after work, shower, and just put my pjs on early)

      Weekend: I’m basically an Athleta catalog. My favorite jeans, casual shorts (not running shorts), and tops are all from there. It’s not the cheapest, but their stuff wears like iron.

    2. After work is pajamas or exercise clothes, BUT i just came up with the idea to just change into a bathing suit when I get home to maximize enjoyment of the summer. Gonna start tomorrow! Working toward living my best life.

    3. After work: since it’s warm right now, loose cotton shorts and a tank top. When it’s cooler, sweats and an old t-shirt.

      Weekend: leggings and a long tee, or this old, slightly shapeless black dress. It’s basically like a giant t-shirt.

    4. After work – pajamas. But once its summer it’s usually a pair of shorts and a tee shirt until after my shower (then pajamas).

      Weekends: Usually one day I wear actually clothes, so jeans and a top. In the winter that’s jeans and a flannel or patagonia better sweater. The other day is leggings and tunic. In the summer its shorts/top.

    5. After work: pyjamas. The very first thing I do when I get home is take off my clothes.

      Weekend: skinny jeans or leggings, drapey tees, denim shorts and linen tees in the summer.

    6. It is fascinating for me to see so many people change into pajamas when they get home! I don’t know why this didn’t occur to me….. I live alone so why shouldn’t I be as comfortable as possible and avoid making more dirty clothes.

      Do you have multiple pairs that you wear for multiple times and then move to a “clean” pair? What are your favorite after work + sleep pjs?

      2. I’ve invested in nicer PJs from SOMA (which I adore) and I change into one of my matched sets within 30 minutes of getting home from work. I put a fresh pair on every few days after I shower and wash my hair

    7. If it’s a long workday, I go straight into pajamas after showering.
      If I might still be up for a couple hours, I usually wear a lose t-shirt and leggings both from Abercrombie. I’m aware it’s a brand targeting teenagers but their clothes feel butter soft (I sound like the male clothes reviewers that people were complaining about few posts ago haha).

    8. After work I usually rush right in and cook and eat dinner in my work clothes (bad i know, but i have a nice collection of full bib aprons) and then change into my pajamas after dinner if I have no errands to run. My pajamas are loungewear separates from soma.

      Running around clothes on the weekend tend to be loose dresses with cotton bike shorts, or dark wash jeans or my rare unicorn of a dark wash denim pencil skirt that doesn’t look juniper creek, worn with a knit top and a cardigan. I like longer cardigans because I’m tall. Shoes tend to be pointed toe flats or sling backs unless I’m at one of my kids’ sports events, then i wear Mary Jane sneakers.

    9. After work…. Nothing / breathable underwear bottoms. Me taking my work clothes off at night is basically like that scene in Free Willy where the whale finally gets to the open ocean. For anyone trying to start a garden party I recommend this avenue. It also cuts down on laundry.

      Weekend: Athleisure or Jeans / cute t shirt / flats

  4. Does anyone have advice/encouragement or even just commiseration for someone who was told relatively late in the biglaw game that they’d not make partner?

    2. I’m sorry. Realize that most often these things are NOT about you. As much as firms like to act like you’re suddenly unworthy, it’s almost always financial, a political directive up top and your department partners won’t stand up and go against whoever has the power because they’re worried about themselves. Happened to me – at year 8 they acted like it was LAUGHABLE that I’d be partner track AFTER telling me in years 5-7 that they saw me as one of their partners and would do everything they could to get me in. Nothing happened with me between 7 and 8 – but their business fell off and it was easier to blame me. I’ll be honest – this messed me up for A LONG time, totally lost my confidence and even now 4 years later I’m in an awful job and a shell of the person I used to be. So avoid falling like I did if you can.

        2. Did talk to people a few years ago — that’s what got me to believe finally that it was about $$, firm politics – not about me personally. Sadly I don’t think I’ll go back to being who I was. I was a young (naive) happy workaholic. This kind of showed me you can’t trust, no one will look out for you so why bother working/trying hard etc. I know these are adult realities but not wanting to work/try hard is a fundamental change for me that I don’t like.

          1. Up to you if you want to go through life like this. Not making partner is part of the game and extremely normal. Your reaction isn’t.

          2. Oh ok. Then I’ll just flip a switch and go back to how I used to be. Why didn’t I think of that? That Thanks genius.

          4. FEIW a similar thing happened to me. Not a lawyer but I was fast tracked to the top, then after giving my all to a company for 3 solid years (I was there longer but it was 3 years of brutal hours and constant travel while I had young kids), there were Politics, Managament Changes, Takeovers, and I was called in by my new CEO, told he “needed someone else” in the role, and I was out the door. I got calls for weeks from the rest of the flabbergasted mgmt team, who knew nothing about it. I got calls from my mentor and from my prior bosses, some of whom were in new roles at the company and some who had moved on, all of whom were just astonished.

            It took me years to build up my confidence *despite* having basically everyone except the guy that cut me loose in my corner. It was worse, of course, that I was a female WOC and replaced by a white male in his 40s (of course I saw a lawyer who got me a very nice severance package). But to this day I still get sick to my stomach thinking of that company and role and have dreams about the then-CEO failing miserably at life. He was booted later, and landed in a cushy role. I built out anconsulting practice and my life is great. But this stuff really, really gets to people.

            So—all that to say “just see someone” isn’t helpful. I’m as bounced-back as can be career wise and I’d still not be sad to hear that the CEO that did this to me got hit by a bus.

        1. I’m the one who posted my story – glad to see the game hasn’t changed. (Sarcasm – I’m sorry you’re going thru this.) This is how these firms play it because they can’t bear to look bad and admit they aren’t bringing in enough business to make new partners.

    3. Have you thought about what you want to do next? Nothing says you can’t jump to another similar firm, a regional firm, a smaller firm, a boutique practice. Not making biglaw partner is by far not the end all be all of career that people have spent their careers in their making it. I’ve seen many peers not make partner in biglaw, go to a regional powerhouse with more sane work expectations and become rainmakers (as they weren’t as constrained by the ridiculous internal and client expectations that expect you to say “how high” for jump).

      If you don’t want to pursue partnership in the same big law setting you now have the luxury of choosing what kind of life you want and how you will proceed.

      1. Trying to go to a smaller firm, but not getting anywhere so far. It’s a demoralizing process.

      2. +1. One of my favorite coworkers at my last firm was a senior associate who left Big Law after 8 years and moved to our large, regional firm. He made partner in that firm after 2 years. He is being groomed to take over a particular partner’s practice. He made substantially less money, but the hours were saner, the COL in our area is much lower, and he and his wife made a killing selling their house in Capitol Hill at the right time.

      3. I am sorry you are going through this.

        I would echo the sentiments about joining us lovely folks in midlaw. It is so nice to have sane work expectations, low COL (but super fun “cities”), and good firm culture.

        You are not your job. Your job is not your identity. You are an incredible human in a difficult situation and like any big issue you would handle for a client, you are going to handle this one.

        Consider working with a recruiter to find a good fit. I am partial because of my experience, but the Southeastern firms are fantastic to work for and include room sideways (counsel, senior attorney, etc.) if you are not ready or don’t want to make partner.

    4. Yes! First, it’s ok to be sad. You worked hard for this and it totally stinks. Second, when you feel ready, reframe your thinking about then whole situation. You’re in the enviable position of being able to job search openly while you’re still working. How lucky! If you’ve made it this far, you likely have some partners who know your work and like you as a person. They *want* to see you do well. Have a conversation with one or two of them about your career goals from here. They’re probably willing to make some introductions to folks who will be able to help. Third, you’ve been in practice long enough that you probably have a pretty good network of folks outside the firm who can help. Think about associates who have left the firm already or friends from law school who may have already made partner at smaller, regional firms.

      Finally, and maybe this was just a personal thing, but I needed to get over the idea that the best and brightest lawyers are at large NYC law firms. I left a few years ago for a smaller firm and am still doing high-level, engaging work with brilliant people every day. It’s going to be ok! Good luck!

    5. Yes — I got this message about a year ago. The firm viewed me as a seventh-year at the time, and they let me know they did not intend to put me up for partnership.

      I did NOT want to go to any law firm after that, small or large. About a month ago, I joined a small boutique law firm in my field that had called me before I got the message and was still interested. I’m happy where I am now and SO RELIEVED that the search is over and to be out of the awful limbo my previous firm put me in. I also have more free time and more respectful bosses. All in all, I think it’s a win.

      This whole (incredibly demoralizing) process took about 8 months. I know this is really hard, but you’ll get through it.

      PS. One of the threads I read on here when I first got the news recommended a couple of songs — one was a country song called “Little Miss,” and I kind of loved it, as cheesy as it might be.

      1. I was the person who recommended that song!!! And I also landed in a happy place after escaping bad Biglaw situation. You have NO IDEA how happy this makes me. That song got me through the worst year of my life. I love this website.

    6. I do sympathize, but trust me, since I have become partner, my workload has INCREASED maybe 50%, so I am working harder then ever, and all b/c I am the primary biller in the firm so they all depend on me to bill my clients so that they can make there own money. You do NOT want to become a plow horse like me, responsible for revenue. It is a big burden that has gotten in the way of me meeting a decent guy. The manageing partner and Margie want me to meet a guy, but how can I when I am billing 7 days a week? I can hardly see a guy sitting around watching me bill client’s all the time. FOOEY!

    7. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. This happened to a friend when she was a 7th year associate, had been given every indication that she was going to make partner at her mid-size regional firm up until that point. She lateraled to a similar firm that was looking for someone in her practice area and stayed an associate for three more years. She didn’t like that firm any better, and then managed to find her dream in-house gig that she is really happy with. As awful as this situation is, there are ways to make it through and find something that makes you happy, and I hope you’re able to find it.

  5. Good questions to ask when contemplating a switch from private practice to fed govt (attorney)? Early stages, just trying to figure out what I don’t know.

    1. Don’t do it. Awful place to work. Unless you’re mommy track, then it’s not bad because the work is so dumb, you can get away with minimal/no effort.

      2. As contrasting advice, if you’re planning to put in minimal/no effort, please don’t come join my agency. We love the law (in all its myriad complications) and we want to do right by the people we serve. We give the dumb cases to the co-workers who can’t hack it, and in this hiring environment where it’s hard to get a foot in the door we don’t need any more of them.

        1. Maybe you can explain something to me…. Why don’t these poor employees who can’t hack it get fired? Especially since so many good lawyers seem to want these jobs? And/or why is it so hard to fire people from government jobs, giving the appearance of waste/laziness in general in government (not legal departments per se)?

          Can anyone tell I was at my post office lately…. only half kidding.

          1. In my office, we don’t currently fire the bad ones because the hiring freeze means we can’t replace them, and there’s a feeling that it’s better to have someone who can’t do much than it is to have no one. We have fired problematic employees in the past when there was a hope of new hiring.

      3. I don’t get sweeping statements like this. I work in the general counsel’s office of a fed agency where pretty much everyone is an Ivy League graduate and has a federal clerkship. The work we do is prestigious and very challenging. I’m sometimes intimidated by how smart my colleagues are here — just as smart if not smarter than my Big Law colleagues, who were great at following directions but had no clue on actually handling their own cases (not surprisingly, since no associate gets to do that at a firm).

      4. Can we not take the bait from our resident tr0ll who hates mommies please everyone? TIA.

      1. I was never Partner-track but I did go from in-house at a huge Big Law firm to in-house at a smaller Big-Law firm. The new job is better on its face, meaning less hours, fewer nights and weekends, etc. But I really struggled when I first joined because I was so used to that 24/7 grind, answering emails, being at Partners and GC’s constant call, etc. I thought I really missed it and was feeling very unfulfilled. Until I realized I needed to find my worth outside of work alone. My whole life had been about becoming an attorney, landing a gig at the big firms in a big city, I really loved saying the name of the firm when people asked where I worked or needing to respond to emails when I was out places. Sad but true. It’s still a work in progress and it isn’t easy. But realizing you are more than your title, your firm, your job is so important for your mental health. Focus on you! Take a class. Paint a picture. Join a group. Volunteer! Enjoy the time to cultivate yourself beyond Big Law.

  6. Just wanted to say that these shoes are hot AF. Nice pick, Kat.

  7. I have a beautiful bright blue slightly shimmery eyeshadow (think ikea blue but more shimmery) that I don’t know how to wear. Does anyone have tips on how to wear blue eyeshadow as an everyday or going out item? It’s too much on its own and I don’t know what to do with it. For what it’s worth skin is caramel colored so there is no problem with being washed out.

    2. Blue eyeshadow is only good in 1982 or if you’re an Instagram model/vlogger.

      1. I’ve seen it work plenty (just. not. ever. all over the lid by itself) and anon’s link above makes it seem on trend.

      2. For what it’s worth, I’m in the late twenties/early thirties and youngish looking so I think I can pull off something a bit more avant-garde.

        1. I think that a bright color on the … what do you call the part of your eye you put eyeliner on when you’re tightlining? … on that little shelf of the eye, just on the bottom, with black liner on your top lid… that looks really fun and party!!!ish without being like, super over the top.

    4. I’m a MAC NC45 and I never wanted to wear blue eyeshadow until a MAC associate tried one on me. You can pull it off eon the mobile part of your lid if you use a brown-gray transition color in the crease. I think where things go south is if you put the color all over the lid and even higher (à la eighties) so the crease color is key to limit the blue area

    5. For me, an eyeshadow like that is a statement. I would wear it on the lid, full sweep across, but I’d skip any other eye makeup and wear it with a very plain face (foundation to make an even complexion, but no contouring, visible blush, or lip color). This would be a high fashion runway-like going out look. Sounds fun!!

  8. I’ve been eyeing the Aritzia Wilfred Chevalier Jacket, which I seem to recall has been mentioned in the comments here. Does anyone have any tips on sizing? I’m usually a 0-2 in J.Crew, a 2 in MM.LaFleur and a 4 in Boden. Thanks!

  9. My law-student friend is working on a case that’s about to go to trial, and she’s pretty stressed so I’d like to send her a “care package.” Is there anything you’d recommend besides generic de-stressing items? Is there anything you’d have specially appreciated as a law student?

    1. My roommate’s mom used to send us Starbucks gift cards. Easy to buy and mail and definitely come in handy for any law student.

    2. Snacks that she can keep in her bag when the trial prep sessions run late. I like having a orange essential oil in my bag that I can snif to wake me up occasionally. Starbucks giftcards as the poster mentioned above is a great idea as well. For us, we tend to be in the office for hours when prepping so stepping out for a sbux break isn’t always do-able, in that case I would suggest assortment of tea bags etc. Another good idea would be a gift card for postmates or other places that deliver/she likes

    3. Snacks to munch on when the trial prep sessions run late. I like having an orange-scented essential oil in my bag that I can sniff to wake me up occasionally (you could do peppermint essential oil). I also have a small tin of altoids in my bag for when I am running to court because I will likely have coffee breath but also need to whisper things to co-counsel. Starbucks giftcards as the poster mentioned above is a great idea as well. For us, we tend to be in the office for hours when prepping so stepping out for a sbux break isn’t always do-able, in that case I would suggest assortment of tea bags etc.

  10. What is the best online dating site in NYC currently? I’m about to jump back in to dating after a break up and have never tried the online route before. I’m in my 30s and looking for something more than a ONS but not necessarily looking to get married. TIA!

  11. My mom has twice been diagnosed with Lyme disease and both times recovered after taking antibiotics. Even my prior dog had been diagnosed before and treated. Recently, I’ve seen a lot of skepticism about Lyme disease and talk that it’s a fad diagnosis for holistic healers and something that hypochondriacs think they have. I was offended on my mom’s behalf. She saw a real doctor, had real tests and took real antibiotics. I tried to research the subject more but everything seems unreliable and slanted one way or the other. Can someone explain why Lyme disease is so controversial? Is it only controversial for chronic cases?

    1. I’ve never heard of it being controversial. I mean, it’s diagnosed with a blood test. Maybe hypochondriacs think they have it, but it’s a pretty straightforward test.

      1. It is diagnosed with a blood test, but you have to wait six full weeks from the time that you know you have been bitten (which most people don’t know) and by that time, you can be very sick. Once the infection has been allowed to spread for that long, a person is likely to have developed symptoms that will last a lifetime.

        Also, there are strains of borrelia bacteria that produce symptoms similar to Lyme…ie Miyamotoi…that there are no tests for yet. Further, many people already have it/have been living with it and have just been told they have Lupus, old age arthritis, heart issues etc…and they may not test positive because their bodies no longer produce antibodies. A doc can disagree with this, but Lyme is pretty easy to spot in people once you have had it…and you can kind of see this going on. I know docs like are trained to think otherwise, and they adhere to their beliefs like Bible thumpers to the Bible…but there definitely is something wrong there.

        Part of the reluctance to diagnose this is that once you have had it a while, there really isn’t much you can do. Antibiotics in any amount won’t save you from symptoms and you can always just go to a rheumy and get a bs dx, be told you are getting old, etc., and be given biologics or some other med.

        People go crazy over it because their docs are trained to tell them if they do have continuing symptoms, they are just mentally ill. That would make anyone crazy. They should instead tell patients that the continuing symptoms will always be there and there is just nothing they can do.

    2. AFAIK it’s only “chronic Lyme disease” that’s controversial, especially chronic Lyme disease that apparently needs to be treated by a chiropractor and a keto diet.

      1. +1 I have a friend who was diagnosed with this by a holistic healer and said hers is the type that “doesn’t show up on the blood test”. She is treating it with diet and herbs, not antibiotics.

        2. This kind of scares me. She could have an undiagnosed autoimmune disease or neurological condition. I guess it’s at least good she isn’t doing antibiotics (though “herbs” could mean almost anything).

          1. Yeah, I’ve seen a couple patients have strokes after taking mysterious “Chinese herbs”…

            It’s amazing how the “healthiest” of people put anything in their body if you tell them it is “natural”.

            There are many poisons that we discovered in “nature”……

      2. When you have had Lyme a while, you do get a lot of inflammation and a PT or chiro can help with lymph drainage while you heal so your symptoms are more manageable.

        While I think “keto” is extreme, autoimmune diets will work. Even if you get into a car accident and injure your arm, eating pies, cakes, and ice cream are going to keep you in pain longer than eating foods that are known to be anti-inflammatory. Even if you have an old knee injury or plain old arthritis, avoiding wheat, dairy, and nightshades can help you live a better life. If people starting realizing how much diet affects how they feel, fewer people would be taxing the health care system and on disability. The medical “industry” would lose out, though, so that’s why they like to pooh pooh it.

    3. Acute Lyme disease (with rash, positive blood test) is very real and is treated with a course of antibiotics. “Chronic Lyme” has no little/no medical basis, but if diagnosed by a “Lyme specialist” will require years of expensive intravenous antibiotics, which have zero evidence of efficacy.

    5. I think it’s important to distinguish between “Chronic Lyme” (the claim that people can remain chronically infected) from the chronic experience of symptoms initially caused by Lyme disease. The idea that Lyme can cause chronic illness symptoms is not, as far as I know, controversial. People whose Lyme disease was not treated early can end up with chronic neurological symptoms caused the by neuropathy that persists after the Lyme has finally been addressed.

      2. Well, they do have some evidence that live bacteria still remain in some patients after treatment, but they don’t know if that is the cause of the symptoms. Bottom line is that if you are not a doc, you may not get treated early and you may be stuck with symptoms for life that you can’t do anything about.

        People wouldn’t run to odd docs if mainstream docs were honest with them about this. Mainstream docs will tell you if you still feel sick or sicker after treatment, you are imagining it/have another ailment. They need to be honest.

    6. Ugh idk the answer but I do know my grandmother was diagnosed with Lyme disease/chronic Lyme disease and turns out she had a brain tumor the size of a clementine. Whoops. Crazy enough, it was removed, she made a total recovery and lived another 10 happy years.

    7. The problem is that if you aren’t diagnosed or treated within a few weeks of being infected (and a doc has an advantage here), you don’t recover easily and have symptoms for years. If not indefinitely. It’s very hard to know you have it/have been bitten because the ticks are small, rashes can be in places we don’t see/are transient, and the symptoms just start out minor.

      I can’t really convey to strangers how serious this is, but I have been severely incontinent for almost three years from this and will have issues for life. I didn’t know I was bitten in the Spring and didn’t show anything beyond basic allergy/cold symptoms until the Fall. I spent months…years in recurring bouts of nausea, chronic pain…blah blah blah. My knuckles also have tiny cysts on them that are very ugly.

      Like I said, it is easy for a doc to recognize the symptoms and get prompt treatment, but for others it isn’t.

      1. Have you seen a neurologist and a urologist about this? Incontinence due to this is not typical at all, and it is highly likely there is another cause and perhaps the temporal correlation is blurring this. I definitely recommend a second opinion, and see a neuro-urologist and or neuro-gastroenterologist. Definitely pelvic floor or bowel PT is worthwhile.

        1. I have been to a neuro, uro, gastro. All of that. Multiple ones. I go to pelvic PT for this so-called “nerve insult”. The student uro I saw at the teaching hospital in my area immediately told me they are seeing bladder probs with Lyme more and more.

          Yes, it isn’t typical, but my PTs that I have seen (3 of them) are ALL aware of the connection. Anything to do with Lyme is not discussed. Training for docs is you have a few aches and pains, you take some antibiotics, and you are as good as new. But that’s not the case. Unfortunately, patient anecdotes mean nothing and Training is their Bible.

          Further, hand lesions and having lower spinal nerve affectation (which is what triggered the pelvic floor dysfunction) is supposedly more common with Lyme in Europe. We supposedly don’t have that strain here…but they do see odd strains in coastal/island areas on the East Coast of the US and that was where I was exposed.

  12. Anyone here do your own wedding makeup? Any tips?

    I am going to do a few trial runs, and generally go with the way I would normally do it, just a little bit bolder (my usual look is pretty subtle). I know to avoid SPF. I have also read to use finishing powder, which is not a thing I have ever used before. Any thoughts? If your thoughts are, hire someone to do it for you, please move along. I am not doing that.

    1. Yeah, I did it. I did a dry run with the lady at Sephora when I bought all the stuff. Finishing powder is good bc it helps for photos–I like the Makeup For Ever HD and do feel that it made a big difference compared to my normal look in photos.

      Just ask someone at wherever you buy makeup from to help you put together the look and teach you how to do stuff. I am moderately good at makeup but by no means a pro and I didn’t find it intimidating. Obviously keep the look as simple/few products as possible relative to the style you’re going for. And go for products that have already done the work for you as much as possible (eyeshadow palettes and the like). If you can have a friend/relative/bridesmaid help you on the day of (or, as in my case, just cheer you on that you’re doing everything right), I would recommend it. Like you, my normal look is subtle and I just did an amped-up version of that.

      It’s really NBD and worked out great for me! I was on a tight budget for my wedding and am really happy I didn’t spend money on this particular thing.

      Oh, and do your makeup before you put on your dress so you don’t spill anything on it.

      1. I once had someone recommend the Laura Mercier finishing powder over the Makeup Forever because it has less silica and therefore looks white in flash photography. I switched and am happy with the Laura Mercier.

      2. But do your hair after you put on your dress so that you dont mess it up pulling the dress on over your head!
        – Signed, large head and updo makes it larger so everything snags

    2. For finishing powder go for a no flashback one like RCMA, or even makeup forever HD. Also consider a setting spray to hold the makeup for an extended period of time, Urban decay make great ones, so does skindinavia.
      You also want to test how your lipstick fades after a few hours. While you’d keep it on hand to retouch, some lipsticks tend to give a white crust, or crack, or leave a weird halo on the outer lip so worth testing them for extended wear.
      Congratulations :)

    3. I’m considering it but I’m a makeup junkie and do my makeup for events so I know what lasts forever on me.

      Definitely test out some finishing powders – some show up super bright white in flash photography. Laura Mercier translucent is a classic good option. Also setting spray to extend wear time – Skindinavia or Urban Decay

      Test false lashes a bunch leading up to it – they can make or break a look if put on wrong (check out Ardell demi wispies for a drugstore cateye option that are super easy to apply)

      Waterproof mascara and liner (again test ’em all leading up to the day if you don’t have a favorite already)

      Get color matched for your foundation (Sephora and any makeup counter do this for free)

      Amp up the blush to show up in photography and pick a complementary lip color.

    4. I think it’s much better to do it yourself, that way you will be comfortable. Practice more than once and watch tutorials on youtube. I also recommend taking some selfies in different lighting. What looks bold inside might look washed out in natural light (assuming you are getting married during the day). Definitely use a finishing powder, I recommend NARS or Cargo. Also, it’s a good to experiment with bronzer and highlighter, which can really enhance your face in a subtle way and also help your cheekbones pop in photos.

    5. I also recommend wearing a white shirt/t shirt or whatever matches your dress when doing your makeup. The reflection on your face will be different and you can see how the makeup compliments your skin tone better.

    6. I did mine. I wanted a natural look, but wore a lot more makeup than I normally would. I took a class at Sephora and bought products I still use a year later (not all together, though). It was fine – I looked nice walking down the aisle. Full disclosure that it was a bajillion degrees at my wedding and my makeup was definitely not perfect at the end of the night – I’m not sure if it would have been better with pro stuff? It didn’t smudge or anything, I just looked…flushed. I don’t really care, though – I wanted a natural look and have hated my face every time I got makeup done. so I have not regrets. I did get my hair done because I have no hair skills and that was a good balance for me.

    7. I did this. I went to Sephora and told them I wanted a wedding look, and they did full face. I spent about $350 on new makeup (but I needed new makeup in general). My advice is to get a heavier foundation than you normally would (full coverage), do contouring (smashbox has a really easy kit), and blush then blend blend blend. I didn’t do lashes because I can never get them to work, I just put on heavy/smokey eye and a lot of mascara. Also fill in your eyebrows! I’m pretty good at makeup so I felt comfortable doing my own and most people thought I had paid someone to do it. I don’t like longwear lipsticks, so I just touched up throughout the night. I did use the HD finishing powder FWIW.

    8. I did my own. I did use powder after my concealer/foundation. If you use false lashes, use black eyeliner. Don’t underblush. That’s mostly it. If you do a great job day to day, you’ll inevitably look great the day of.

    9. Youtube is your friend on this question. There are a lot of tutorials on how to do wedding makeup since you’ll need to go for a bolder look for it to show up well in photos (even the “natural” looks usually utilize colored eyeshadow (like a shimmery pink or gold to brighten the eyes or a soft brown to deepen the eyes) bold blush and false eyelashes)

    10. I did. I went to sephora and got help picking out products and did a few trial runs myself. Bought fake eyelashes but ended up not applying them. The woman at Sephora was very helpful and not judgy at all about me doing my own makeup. This was in 2009, pre-Pinterest/Instagram craziness, though.

    12. One tip – if you have any bridesmaids/friends who did theater, even in high school, they are generally adept at doing fake eyelashes. I think that’s the number one thing that takes the makeup look from everyday to “holy crap I look so awake and alive and put together!” so I wouldn’t skip them. I was a bridesmaid a few weeks ago for a wedding where the bride did her own makeup – she went to Sephora and got a lesson, had her sister who is more into makeup help with eyeshadow, and I (a theater nerd in a former life) did everyone’s fake lashes (bought at Duane Reade, so not expensive at all). Turned out better than the wedding I was in the next week with a not-so-great makeup artist. Everyone’s got their own niche makeup expertise – use your friends!

    13. I did my own and got a ton of compliments! You definitely don’t need to hire anyone if you don’t want to. Be careful about primers, foundations with SPF (as you said) and powders being reflective. Read online reviews. I narrowed my options down to a couple of “looks” and wore them in everyday life (on Saturdays). It helped me see how they would wear, if anything was particularly annoying or would fade/run (bold lipstick, etc) and I was able to get some honest feedback from family/friends. When trying them out, take a few pictures, a selfie, a photo from further away, and one with a flash. I also wore what I chose as my “finalist” the day of my dress fitting to seal the deal. Congratulations and good luck!

  13. My partner and I decided it’s time to have a baby; yeah! I’ll be considered ‘geriatric’. I have a check up thing scheduled with my GP. What should I tell her/ask about this? Other stuff I should consider? Thanks!

    2. Start taking prenatals with folic acid (or folate) now, before you are pregnant. Good luck!

    3. I’m sure your practitioner will have advice if you just express to her what you’ve said here. My understanding (not a medical professional!) of “geriatric” pregnancy is that your chances of success go up (just like for women below 35) if you are in good health otherwise and are doing all the good lifestyle stuff. So you may want to make a checklist of your typical habits and any existing health issues or questions you have and ask her if there are any other steps you need to take to get in the best health possible. Generally good advice for any preconception appt AFAIK.

      Also, Taking Charge of Your Fertility is great and helps you understand fertile windows and all that jazz. My understanding from this book and similar sources is that the number of high probability days in the month can go down as you age so learning how to spot the signs of ovulation is maybe more helpful for you at this stage.

      Good luck!

  14. I did it! I made a 45-minute appointment at Sephora and then practiced a couple times. I decided not to bother with false eyelashes, but Sephora has a special class for those if you are interested. I was advised to use a little less under-eye concealer than I thought I should, and a little more blush than I thought I should. My goal was the same as yours – myself but better/in high-def – and I had fun practicing. On the day of, I wish I had given myself more time. I arrived at the venue (where I was getting ready) at the same time as the site coordinator and day-of coordinators and they all wanted to talk so I lost 15 minutes or so with that. But I decided not to get stressed about it because no one was going to start without me ;)

  15. DH and I moved from NY to LA about 3 years ago. Since making the move we’ve both gained a fairly significant amount of weight with the change in lifestyle (driving everywhere, being so tired at the end of a rush hour commute, no gym, etc.). We’ve both always been on the high side of a normal weight, but are now considered overweight if not obese (I hate that word but by BMI calculations, we are). I’m now 6 months pregnant. DH just had a check up and the doctor suggested considering a gastric sleeve procedure. Has anyone had this done? The timeline would be to do it in about 2 months (so I would be 8 months pregnant). I really want to address this with diet and exercise and know that will be something I need to focus on post-partum anyway (I had been losing weight and getting healthier when TTC, but with my pregnancy he’s gained weight along with me as I spent 4 months eating bread and plain pasta since it was all I could keep down). I just don’t know if he’s “too far gone” to address this with diet/exercise. Has anyone experienced this themselves or with a loved one? I’m just so worried about him – always, he’s my lobster, but also especially now as he’s the father of our unborn baby. Any words of advice…?

    also love these shoes…

    1. What kind of doctor suggested this? How well did the doctor know your husband? Does your husband have a long history of obesity, unable to manage?

      For someone with just a more recent weight change, who has made no efforts yet to try t0 address it using traditional means, this seems like a CRAZY CRAZY did I say CRAZY recommendation.

      Seems like a great thing to address together, slowly now with simple changes in diet and maybe an after dinner walk in the nice summer weather, and then more aggressively after birth. Why in the world would they recommend it for a month before you give birth. He will be a recovering patient, in need of a special diet (for life!) and follow-up appointments and could have complications… just… why why why!?!?!?

      These surgeries are making a fortune for doctors/private practices, by the way……

    2. I would not suggest that your husband undergo voluntary surgery when you’re 8 months pregnant.

      1. Yes this. Also don’t do this on two months notice. Wait. Give birth. Sign both of you up with a nutritionist

    3. Either way, are there lifestyle/diet changes he could make for now, and then revisit the possibility of gastric sleeve after you’ve settled in with your new baby? If he was overweight not long ago, I doubt he’s too far gone to at least stop this in its track with diet.

      I do think that some of us can’t eat normally without normal outcomes (and it’s statistically quite normal to be overweight or obese). Even we watch portion size or count calories–something is already not working right if we gained this much weight to begin with. And everyone I know who has had the bypass or the sleeve had to go on a diet anyway, so I really think it’s worth it to try, at least in the interim.

    4. I had this surgery about 7 years ago and i t was the best thing I’ve ever done. They do it laparoscopically and I had it on a Thursday, took a long walk in the park on Sunday, and was back to work on Monday. It’s been ten years and I’m still quite close to my lowest weight.

      I’d suggest getting over concepts like “too far gone” and “the easy way out” (my take on that? High five for the easy way out!) and listen to his doctor. He’ll still have to eat right and exercise but, for me, the sleeve leveled the playing field and gave me a fighting chance.

      I can see the downside of surgery when you’re 8 months pregnant but honestly I think it would be better than doing it when you have a newborn.

      TL;DR — it’s a great, safe surgery and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

      1. You were not that large to begin with though right? People who are truly obese have a much harder time recovering (probably from any surgery, not just this one). My coworker was out for 6 weeks and was still visibly exhausted and weak when she came back to work. It’s really not something I’d do lightly. She was 50ish and had spent 20+ years trying to lose weight with diet and exercise. It doesn’t sound like that’s the case for your husband.

        (Fwiw my dad is also “obese” by BMI and his doctors are constantly nagging him to eat better and exercise but no one has ever suggested surgery. Like others said, I’d be wary of a doctor who jumps right to that.)

    5. Don’t jump to surgery if he hasn’t even tried diet and exercise yet. The men in my life have all dropped weight so quickly once they started making the effort (it’s seriously so much easier than it is for women). I find it highly unusual that your husband’s doctor would recommend surgery before lifestyle modification.

      1. +1

        Completely agree.

        Do you have any idea why the doctor jumped to such a drastic, risky, unusual option?

        1. Not to be insensitive, but OP seems to be dramatically underestimating the weight issues they have. I think they first need to move past denial. This isn’t a surgery that people just suggest to anyone.

    6. I’d also weigh whether he has any other risk factors besides his weight. Not every overweight or every obese person is unhealthy. If his blood pressure, heart rate, cholesterol and all of that jazz is still in the normal range, losing weight isn’t a 911 emergency.

      My mother was diagnosed with pre-diabetes and advised to cut her carb/sugar intake. She wasn’t even a soda drinker. She started drinking more water and eating sugar free version of some of the treats she likes. She didn’t really change her diet that much. She lost 20 pounds really quickly with a nutritionist who identified some easy fixes for her. Maybe he could do the same.

    7. So…. you’ve moved to LA. So…. your husband has seen this doctor maybe, twice? For once a year physicals, right? And he suggests your husband have an invasive, life altering, risky surgery for a recent weight gain during your pregnancy?

      See a different doctor. Terrible medical advice.

      Yet, so LA. Of course you are in LA.

      Think about it.

  16. I want to start sugar waxing myself. I bought a kit from Ulta, but I see it doesn’t have great reviews. Has anyone done this? Do you have any tips?

    1. Make sure the wax is not too hot! I learned the hard way and burned the top layer of skin last week. Also, even after the wax cooled, the sugar wax did not stick. I have found Parissa (non-sugar) wax more effective for waxing. Also, it’s important to use gentle products if you want to wax any facial hair or risk injury.

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