Coffee Break: Color Street Nails

156 Comments

1. Nope

   1. Yeah, lets not promote MLMs on here, please.

      1. I think the fact that you can buy direct from the website makes it a little different. I abhor MLMs but do like a few products and I usually just buy straight from the web.

         1. I really like Color Street. I dont understand why people think so badly of these companies? Most of them make a superior product, that if just tried, people may like. I love having polish on my nails, but once it starts chipping i tend to pick it off. With color street it does not chip within a day like liquid polish does. As long as you dont get the strips on your cuticles they shouldnt lift along the edges and rip off lol…..also, i put my leftover strips in the original sleeve and use my hair straightener to reseal after getting the air out, and then throw them in the freezer. When i go to reuse one i just make sure i bring them back to room temperature. The nice thing about ordering from a specific stylist, they can help you with all of these tips …..mlms arent bad but thats just my opinion. The group im in gives free sets away frequently, plus gives out all the tips above without being pushy to buy or join!! I love it!

            1. Absolutely, I love Color Street. I always had tips but during pandemic I couldn’t go to salon. I was introduced to Color Street and have stuck with them. My nails are finally healthy after having tips for years. A set can last me up to 3 weeks.

      2. I buy Pampered Chef products and they are well made.

      3. I love Color Street!! I can tell you why yours came off or lifted
         was because you put them over your cuticles.

   2. There’s a seller on etsy called So Gloss I bought a similar set from. I haven’t tried them yet because I’m waiting for my nails to grow back out after an stress induced picking session. They have rave reviews and are only $9 a set.

   3. I love these nail strips. The reason they came loose at your nail bed is because you didn’t push back your cuticle and you let them overlap your cuticle. You have to push it back and then place the strip right on the nail close to the cuticle but not iver it. You shouldn’t need to use a hair dryer. To keep the extras I use a hair straightener to reseal them in the original plastic package and then put them in a baggie and stick them in the freezer. When I want to use them I take them out and let them set to room temp for about an hour before applying them.

2. Thanks all who weighed in on my dilemma earlier.
   In related questions – what do you call the section on your resume where you list talks you were invited to give or panels you were asked to be on? “Talks”? “Community Involvement”?

   1. Speaking engagements or events?

   2. Speaking Engagements

   3. Please follow up on the meeting with your boss! I’m very curious how they try to wiggle out of not paying you on time.

3. Advice needed re: complicated family situations. My DH was in a fight with his brother almost 10 years ago. I won’t go into details, but trust me when I say that brother did a Bad Thing, the police was involved. DH and brother could no longer be in the same room (for legal reasons) and haven’t spoken since. DH’s mom sided with brother, from DH’s perspective, by letting him stay in the family home, which resulted in DH being kicked out from said home suddenly. I think MIL was trying to protect Brother as the fragile, troubled one, but the whole thing was pretty traumatic for DH and the whole family, and eventually led to DH’s parents getting divorced. DH is close with his sister and father. He tried to reach out to his mom a few years ago, but she kind of made light of the situation and told him he was overreacting, and he cut the conversation short because it really hurt him. We had a small wedding (covid) and she was not invited. Now we are TTC, and DH has been talking about how he wished his mother was around for the kids, and how she would be great with babies. She was otherwise a good mom to him, just prone to protecting his not very nice mentally unstable brother over him – the serious kid who did well in school. She also sounds like someone who does not like to talk about serious issues or apologize. I have never met her, but she recently tried to reach out to me via the sister, saying she wants to meet me and misses her son. What do I do here? Do I encourage DH to reach out? Do I tell him and leave it up to him? There are a lot of hurt feelings and while it makes me sad that he misses his mom (and I tiptoed around yesterday hoping no one would bring it up), I don’t want to push him into a situation where he could get hurt more.

   1. His family (with much drama). Just follow his lead — if he stays away, don’t try to make it into a Hallmark movie b/c he knows the mess much better than you.

   2. You should tell DH that his mom tried to reach out to you and leave it up to him to decide what to do. Support him in any boundaries he wants to keep.

      1. This. Also recognize that his feeling sad she wouldn’t be in his child’s life doesn’t mean that the reality of having her in his child’s life is what he would want.

         I think it’s hard for people with functional, loving families to understand sometimes why others grow estranged. But this distance may truly be what is healthiest for him–and for any future children. An “enabling” parent often brings guilt, gaslighting (what she did with their prior attempt at connecting) or other manipulative behaviors in to try to justify their own continuation of toxic dynamics. You note “she was otherwise a good mom to him.” Actions speak volumes. This is the same cold-hearted woman who chose to kick him out on the street.

   3. I have a sibling who brings the drama. I miss her, but I don’t actually want to be involve beyond texting. I miss the idea of just having the highlight reel be our reality and that is just not what you get to order up like it’s on the menu.

   4. I would tell him and let him decide how to handle it.

   5. Just tell him and support whatever he decides. But I strongly recommend that DH gets into therapy and in a few months you two do some family counseling together so he can start working through this before you have a kid. Becoming a parent really makes your own birth family turmoil rear it’s ugly head at a time that has plenty of its own stresses.

      1. Good point. He is generally a calm, well-balanced person but I do feel like these conversations about parenthood have him thinking about his own family and are bringing up a lot of emotions.

      2. +100 to therapy.

   6. Tell him that she reached out to you and what she said, and support however he wants to handle that

   7. “Now we are TTC, and DH has been talking about how he wished his mother was around for the kids, and how she would be great with babies. She was otherwise a good mom to him, just prone to protecting his not very nice mentally unstable brother over him – the serious kid who did well in school. ”

      I am your husband. Get him therapy to work through his feelings. Absolutely do not under any circumstance expose your child to someone who thinks that illegal activity (abuse, I’m guessing), especially of that child’s own father, is NBD. That will be horrifying and confusing to any children you have. Yes, the kids will figure it out. Yes, they will be confused and hurt. Yes, you can give them age-appropriate explanations as to why you do not see this person.

      1. This. Great that she wants to be involved, but she continues to downplay the very real impact she had on your DH. There is zero indication that she’s going to be different with the grandkids.

         Our family is much lower stakes, but my DH was constantly disfavored compared to his sister. We’re talking like, he got a new pair of socks for Christmas while she got $500 worth of clothes plus a new phone. He kept his distance but still was friendly, and all was good. Until grandkids came around. And now our kids get dollar store trinkets while her kids get mountains of toys and electronics. And ours are older and big enough to notice. Obviously we stopped doing large family gatherings with that side, but also DH started therapy to work through his intense feelings of childhood hurt and present-day shame from putting his kids through the same thing.

         Obviously nothing like a situation where police were involved, but just to say that therapy is very needed when generational slights start to meet grandkids. It’s much better to work through it now and even work through different phrases to use if kids ask why we don’t see Grandma X but we see Grandma Y. Once the kids get old enough to see it on their own, it gets much harder.

         1. This. I too am the ‘non favored child’ and it 1000% plays out in the grandkids. I shield my kid from the whims of my parents as best I can and make it clear that THEY are the ones losing out by not spending more time with him but yes, at some point he’s going to have to make the call to do what is best for his kids. Therapy helped with this a LOT and also helped me more clearly define and set limits for acceptable/unacceptable behavior (as well as hold firm when those limits where tested).

         2. This brings up something else I’ve noticed: as a rule of thumb, your family will treat your spouse and kids approximately the same way they treat you. My childhood is a preview of how my family treated my husband when they met him and how they would treat my kid if they were allowed any contact with the kiddo.

            I hope your husband learns to forgive himself; he did nothing wrong. Families that single out someone for bad treatment are really, really good at convincing the victim that he deserves it for reasons that are 100% due to him as a person. In no way do other people ever get treated like that because they are not like the victim. Naturally, the victim expects that his spouse and kids will be treated like everyone else in the family is treated.

      2. One thing I want to say about the idea of therapy, which maybe you can help your husband with, OP – Your dad misses an idea of his mother, or a certain version of his mother that he remembers from pre-conflict times. Maybe with rose-colored glasses. Or maybe he just misses having a mother figure in his life, but not this specific mother.

         He doubtless does not miss the mother who chose his brother over him. But both sides of this mother are the same person, and if he wants her back in his life, he’s going to get the whole person, not just the side he misses.

         What therapy will hopefully help with is naming that ache – what is it that you specifically miss? – and either working toward a reconciliation with boundaries, or deciding no reconciliation is possible and just finding out how to live with the loss of a real or idealized relationship.

         I guess I wrote all of this because some people (husbands, specifically my husband) are resistant to the idea of therapy because they don’t consider themselves mentally ill, but if you suggest it as a one-time problem to work through with guidance, they might be more receptive. Good luck.

         1. * husband not dad, sorry

   8. He needs a therapist to work through this. Becoming a parent can bring up all kinds of feelings for people who have complicated parent relationships. You cannot be his sole support through this. Be open and honest with him about any attempts she makes to reach out.

   9. Stay out of it. Definitely, definitely do not have any contact with his mom without discussing it with him first.

   10. I am your husband in this scenario. The only saving grace was that I had moved off to college before the issues with my brother (also sometimes involving police) escalated to a point where my parents had to side with one or the other. My mother also tended to take the side of my not very mentally stable brother over me (the “good” kid who did well in school). First, let your DH take the lead – he knows what all went on, and no matter how much he tries to explain the dynamic, there’s stuff that’s hard to convey. IF and only IF he wants to engage with his mother, here’s what’s helped me:
       – We do not see each other around the sibling – my brother is an issue, and my mom’s indulgence of him causes all the bad to rear it’s ugly head
       – My mom was otherwise a good mom (or at least, a very normally flawed loving mom) – if that’s not actually true for your DH, leave it
       – My mom and I do not talk about the sibling in question, and I refuse to indulge her when she says something isn’t fair to him.
       – We have a fairly surface level relationship when it comes to parenting decisions – she’s a loving grandmother, but I know she parents very differently than I do.
       – All of this is helped because we live across the country from each other. If we lived in the same city, we’d need more aggressive boundaries. Instead, the geography creates a forced boundary to an extent.

4. I have a question about hair dye and going gray for anyone who has experience. My hair is black and I dye it to hide my grays. I used to be able to dye it every eight weeks when I first noticed them. Now after two weeks my gray roots are very noticeable. My mom and both my of my grandmothers are naturally light blonde. They get theirs colored with highlights to cover the grays as their roots come in. My mom is in her 60s and my grandmothers are in their 80s and they all look great with not a gray in sight. My hair is the darkest of black so the highlights thing won’t work for me with my natural color. Right now the only way for me to hide my roots when they come in is to wear my hair in a bun or ponytail and wear a black fabric headband around my hairline to hide them, same color as my hair so it’s not noticeable unless you are extremely up close to me.

   I’ve never dyed my hair anything other than black. Should I dye it blonde and do the highlights thing like my mom et al or is there some other option to hide the grays that I’m not thinking of. My sample size is small because I only have 6 relatives but between my mom/grandmothers covering their grays and my dad and grandfather all going bald long before they would have been gray I’m not ready to be the only one with gray hair in my family while being the youngest one by 25 years. I would appreciate hearing from anyone who knows about hair coloring. I don’t want to have gray hair, it’s just not for me.

   1. I think a flat black is going to show grays basically no matter what. Instead of blonde (which may not suit your coloring and which may cause a lot of “woah!” from colleagues you may or may not be interested in) you might consider a something a bit lighter than your natural color with some highlights to help things blend. Or, you can keep your dark color and fill in your roots with hair mascara, powdered black eye shadow, or several of the other products out there for that.

      1. (That is to say, you may not be interested in having your colleagues remark on your hair. I am not implying you’re interested in your colleagues romantically. Word order is hard.)

      2. Thanks for responding. I didn’t even think of looking into products like you mentioned to hide my roots. I feel like that’s a facepalm moment for me.

         I have so many grays that going a lighter color but not blonde won’t hide them or my roots. I wish that were possible for me.

   2. Can you consult with a hairstylist? I think it’s hard for anyone to say without seeing your hair or strong knowledge about hair coloring. Lightening black hair to blond definitely requires a professional. Maybe an ash brown would look nice and be light enough for the greys to blend in more? I find white/grey hairs in light brown is less of a contrast.

   3. I have very dark brown hair and switched to doing a demi- permanent gloss. It fades out more evenly over the length of my hair and looks less harsh than the solid line.

   4. I have used the Clairol Root Touch Up kits between color sessions to extend the life of my color. Does your haircut brand have something similar?

   5. I posted on a thread about my BFF who is asian and who went blond over the pandemic, exactly for the roots issue you mention. She looks fabulous. It’s such a fun change and I am a big fan of it.

   6. I have very dark brown-black hair with English coloring (think Mary from Downtown Abby or Claire from Outlander). When I first started going grey I colored everything (DIY) my natural color. It got untenable for exactly the reason you describe. I went to a salon and the colorist did a ton of highlights. It lightened my hair overall and hides the greys well. She didn’t dye my natural color but over time the highlights have sort of taken over so my color is more dark brown with gold pieces.

      It really works since my kids are all naturally blonde with some brown mixed in. I now look like their negative.

   7. I’m a level 3 brunette, so not black but very dark. I touch up my hairline and part every two weeks with boxed color, then go for pro root coloring monthly. It’s a good compromise for me, since I’m self-conscious about my fast growth, but hate both the effort of doing my whole head alone AND the time of driving and sitting for a pro dye job.

      1. What brand of box dye do you use? I want to go this route, but none of the boxed dyes I’ve tried have actually covered the grey.

         1. I use Olio, but I also pretreat my temples with a bit of developer before mixing the two bottles. A hairdresser taught me to do that on resistant grays.

            There’s also an additive for boxed dye, to punch up the efficacy on coarse or stubborn grays. Sally’s sells it.

            I don’t get 100% coverage, there are some red and gold pieces, but all the strands take up sufficient color that it gets me through to the next salon visit.

         2. The Madison Reed formulas for “resistant grays” will cover.

   8. Family of very dark brown hair here. Gray just doesn’t look good on us – our eyebrows stay dark our whole lives and our coloring doesn’t work with gray.

      My mother worked with her stylist once she started to go gray because she couldn’t afford biweekly dye jobs at the salon. The stylist helped find a box dye that would be kind to the hair so mom could do two treatments at home and only go in every six weeks to get it done professionally. My grandma lived in a small town and got her hair “done” weekly, and the stylist would just do mini touch-ups to keep the gray blended.

      I’m going gray in a more salt-and-pepper pattern so far, so I’m using the highlight trick for now and just use hair mascara if a certain section gets more noticeable. As soon as I need it more often, I plan to go the same route as my mom and find a stylist who will work with me on box dye.

   9. I do think going somewhat lighter will help it be less stark. My natural color is a dark brunette (level 3), and prior to going grey I had lightened it and highlighted it to a dark blonde, but with a root-y look. As I started going grey, we brought the highlights up. I go in once a month to touch up my roots, and ever other month for highlights and I’ve found the greys to be mostly covered. The logistics alone of getting to the salon every other week seem prohibitive to me, even if the cost isn’t.

      1. I agree with this. I’m also naturally a cool toned dark brunette (my dad with his shorter hair the same color as mine always looked black-haired) and I’ve gone a bit lighter as I’ve gotten older. The reason I mention cool toned is that unless I specifically asked for ashy highlights, I kept getting warm highlights that turned brassy on me. Right now I’m going all over Madison Reed color myself and I think the results are pretty good.

   10. Thank you everyone. The responses are much appreciated. I think I’m going to try the mascara or root covering products mentioned about. My hair is level 2 black and I’m probably 40ish percent gray, so my roots are really noticeable and going brunette won’t be enough to hide the roots. I’m still going to be mulling over going blonde in the future though.

   11. I have similar coloring to you.

       I finally decided to let my hair go grey. Touching it up every two weeks, highlights, the time, the money…..
       It was out of control. I needed to regain more control over my life.

       It is so freeing.

5. I am recently vaccinated and hoping to start dating again after a year hiatus. I’m currently still working from home so spend the day wearing pretty much anything I want. Question– what would you wear for a drink/dinner on a week day. If life were normal I would be in work clothes. Would you go with work clothes? Saturday night clothes ( a little dressier?weekend day clothes (more casual?) HELP!!

   1. I’m doing either jeans and a cute top or a casual dress depending on temperature. Never work clothes so weird to put them in and then admit you’re working from home.

   2. Jeans and a fun top. I would not put on work clothes to go on a date in the week if I am not already weraing work clothes. But I also am the woman who went on a first date yesterday in a fleece beanie, breeches, rainbow striped socks, and Birks so take that for what it’s worth!

   3. I’m not dating, but have recently returned to the social world carefully after being vaccinated. When meeting friend for dinner recently, I wore jeans, a fitted top (sweater with wide neck bc it was cold), a fitted jacket, and booties.
      I would put a post-work date between Saturday errand-running schlubbiness and Saturday night going out wear.

   4. Comfortable skirt and a cute top.

   5. Yeah, absolutely no work clothes — if I won’t wear them for the endless videoconferences with my team, I certainly won’t for a date.

      Cute bootleg jeans, boots or booties, and a cute top — something either with a decent neckline or off the shoulder.

6. I started watching a French series on Netflix called Call My Agent. I don’t understand spoken French so I need the subtitles. But I am really watching just as much for 1) Paris location and 2) OMG how chic are these people? Is it really like that in Paris offices — people are just French straight from central casting??? [In prior times, I worked for a company with offices in Europe and when they visited here in the US you could always tell before they even spoke.]

   1. Love that show! I’d say both yes and no. The French dress sharper than Americans on average, and the average Parisian probably dresses better than those living in most other parts of France (not an uncommon phenomenon in any country, I think). Not being familiar with it, I would hazard a guess that that industry is pretty image-conscious, so between those three factors, I don’t think the portrayal is *that* far off, although obviously it’s still television.

   2. Native Parisian (who has since moved away) here. I mean, it’s the same as in the US – these are actors, everyday people definitely don’t look like that, even if the French (and especially Paris) cares about fashion generally. I love the show though – but I always wonder how it resonates with American audiences – it is clear that the people they showcase in each episode are played by themselves, and are all massive stars in France?

      1. Camille de France seems like a star. As do the two older women who are rivals for the same role. As do the mother-daughter combo. And the agents. But I’m just a few episodes in.

   3. Parisian here, and yes, that’s how people in that industry dress. my brother used to be in that style of work and looks down on me BIG time as I’ve quite americanized my day to day oufits lol

7. I’m a Great Plains girl with a couple weeks between jobs this year. I am planning to drive to the NE USA with a close friend this summer. She is outdoorsy, I can be with proper prep. We are currently leaning towards Vermont, Maine, and New Hampshire over 7-9 days.

   If any of you have suggestions for places to eat, stay, or see, I’m all ears! We are for sure spending a day at Acadia and stopping in each state capital city. We’re both able-bodied, love good food (no allergies), and haven’t been to any of these states before. FWIW, We’re both fully vaxxed but trying to avoid hostels/shared bathrooms if that’s a popular thing in that region.

   1. I have a friend who has a hostel in Maine and business is so slight that they are essentially a B&B now to space people out and separate them and show that they are safe to stay in. I’d call vs ruling them out entirely if $ is at all a factor.

   2. Don’t bother with the state capitols. I’ve lived in all three states, and none of them are anything to write home about (Concord NH is the most interesting, but not by a lot). I’d hit up Portland in Maine, North Conway or someplace on in the lakes region in NH, and Burlington in VT.

      1. Agree, unless you have a thing for visiting all 50 state capitols or something like that. My recs would be pretty similar- Burlington and Portland for cities, then Acadia and some time in the White Mountains in NH.

   3. Codex in Nashua, NH.

   4. Why the capital cities/capitol buildings? Want to have seen them all or something? Like… if I were planning your visit to Pennsylvania, Harrisburg would not be on the list.

   5. I would skip the capitals. Would much rather go to Portland than Augusta!

   6. Mint in Manchester, NH for a delicious dinner.

   7. Life-long New Englander:

      Woodstock or Burlington, VT. Stowe is great, too. Incredible food and best in non-ski-season in one gal’s opinion. North Conway/Franconia/Jackson, NH if northern, or Portsmouth, NH if more coastal (or both!). Portland, Kennebunk/port, ME. If you want to travel further, Acadia is incredible. Bar Harbor is also as charming New England-y/coastal as you could hope for.

      Anything else isn’t worth it for your One And Only trip out here. Codex in Nashua is great but…. don’t go to Nashua. Not for a single restaurant. Book early. These places are very in demand.

8. I only borrowed for grad school and not for undergrad. Am I right that you as a student can only borrow <10K for undergrad (unless a parent co-signs a private loan b/c undergrads generally have no assets / no credit or unless a parent borrows in their name)?

   Worried for a family member who just got a May surprise ("I don't have $ for you to go to college I let you get your hopes up for all year"). Kiddo is thinking of borrowing the $ (and what I hope, sincerely, is that this makes kiddo rethink whether a regional private college is a good idea at all when maybe kiddo can actually go to a State U with open enrollment (i.e., it's not too late to apply)). It may be that kiddo couldn't borrow the full cost and can't actually go (vs somehow taking on shocking levels of non-dischargable debt).

   1. No advice as I had very cheap schooling, but I’m so so sad on behalf of your family member. It’s fine if parents can’t or won’t pay for their kids education, but they need to tell their kids this well in advance.

   2. I don’t know the answer to your question, but I really hope that an 18-year-old cannot take on that level of student loan debt without a parental co-sign, because I don’t think most kids that age have any remote understanding of how that decision could literally negatively impact their entire life trajectory. It’s one thing to take on debt to get a graduate degree that is likely to pay off, but another entirely to borrow heavily for undergrad.

      1. What makes you think that all parents of 18 year olds are great decision makers? I feel like it’s a toss up in both directions.

         1. Also … some of us don’t have parents at all.

   3. Did the student only apply to one school? What is the most affordable option that this kid has, of all of his/her acceptances? Do any of the financial aid packages have need-based or merit-based aid from institutions that are unlikely to exist for transfer students? Does the student live near a community college or regional comprehensive university where he can get inexpensive credits? What is he thinking of studying? Can he work during the day and get the degree part-time?

      I’m asking this because the kid can almost certainly find someone to lend him huge sums of money to get this degree. Do not bank on him not having the funds to enroll.

   4. I’ve never heard that before and think it’s wrong based on aid package offers I got. I borrowed more than $10k for college and none of my loans were co-signed, but it was less than $10k per year since I went to a state school and had scholarships. Some of the other schools were offering me aid packages with more than $10k a year in loans, and I’m 99% sure my mom wasn’t expected to cosign (and it would have been ridiculous to ask for that, since she lived below the poverty line).

      My understanding is that most student loans are co-signed because, based on the family’s finances, the school expects the parents to pay for college. When the expected family contribution is low, as it was in my case, the school meets the need through grants, scholarships, and loans taken out by the student alone.

      1. It’s a bit hazy but this tracks similarly to my experience. State school, combination of merit scholarships and grants plus some loans to cover the rest. More than $10k total but less than $10k per year.

         If the kid’s already been accepted to the private school, they need to get on the phone with a financial aid officer ASAP and see what their options are. There may still be aid available, but they need to get on it quick.

   5. A first year student is limited to $5,500 in federal loans. If their parent applies for and is denied a PLUS loan, they can get an additional $4,000. That application looks at credit history only, not income, so if the parent hasn’t defaulted on anything they aren’t going to get denied. Anything on top of that would have to be private loans, which will require a co-signer. I’m so sorry that both the student and the parent in your family are going through this. I would imagine the parent couldn’t face disappointing their child and hoped it would somehow fall into place. I’ve seen that happen a few times and it’s sad for everyone involved.

   6. UGH I’m so sorry about the May surprise. My friend got such a surprise from their ex after their son had already been told to apply to any and all colleges because his parents had agreed as part of the divorce to split college costs. Kid was so excited about his college, then his non custodial parent pulled the rug out from under him at the very last minute. In fact, in this case the surprise was after the son had already committed to the first choice and turned down the other schools that had accepted him.

      They’re managing with a combination of loans and custodial parent, my friend, just paying a lot more than they had planned to, but my friend had to guarantee the loans, for sure. If the non-parental-guarantee loan cap is really $10k, that won’t get you very far in today’s college tuition world.

      This may be a Plan B community college situation, unfortunately.

      1. Thanks — this is where kiddo is. Mom has a good credit score but very low income (hourly worker). Dad has high income but spends it faster than he makes it, so he may not have good enough credit to even co-sign (IDK how that goes though; like he owns a home but may have no equity in it).

9. Any good suggestions for backpacking meals? The jerky sandwich (!) that a friend who’d “take care of meals” brought for us on a recent trip has me needing to get a backpacking food game going. [Or trail porters; I would seriously support trail porters to stage a cooler + food + wood + camp stove + potable water.]

   1. I see your jerky sandwich and raise you a canned whole chicken, which a fellow rafter brought for her turn “cooking” dinner on a river trip…

      When backpacking, we usually just do Mountain House or similar for dinner – it’s easy and tastes good (as long as you’re not on a very long trip where you’ll get sick of it). Lunch is cheese, crackers, salami, nuts, and chocolate. Breakfast is usually instant oatmeal with peanut butter, but I’m looking to upgrade it because it’s never that filling. The blog Bearfoot Theory has some decent ideas too.

      1. How was the chicken? I’m intrigued but will never eat one for obvious reasons.

         1. I didn’t eat it. I was nauseated just looking at it.

         2. It was a whole chicken. In a can. There is only one way this can go.

            1. hahaha I love this response.

               From a low income kid who regularly ate canned chicken growing up – it wasn’t terrible. You wouldn’t want it as a stand alone main dish protein, but it was serviceable drained and mixed up as chicken salad or cut up and put into a soup or stew (specifically, chicken and dumplings.)

      2. Omg no with a canned chicken. How big was the can?!?!

      3. Yeah, Mountain House is soooo easy it’s hard to bother with anything else. We do similar stuff as Anonymous for lunch, sometimes trail mix instead.

         But we never feel like messing around with heating up water in the morning, so we just have PowerBars or other protein-bar-type-things for breakfast.

         1. But what do you do for coffee?!?

            1. cafe bustelo single packets.

   2. Are you doing day trips or overnight trips? I usually just bring sandwiches and a candy bar.

      1. Overnights. It would lighten the load so much not to bring a tent, but most good hikes are 2+ hours from home, so it’s drive, hike in, set up tents, cook dinner, hang out, watch the sun set, camp fire, wake, breakfast, break camp, hike out, home. If we did 2 nights, we’d hike around on the second day. [So need fuel, but prefer that it also be tasty. I guess salted stuff is a given or freeze-dried? One night has been do-able so far; 2 to me is ambitious but also potentially awesome.]

         1. Ahh okay. Those dehydrated meals are spendy but they do serve a purpose. We usually do that or mac and cheese and packets of instant oatmeal for breakfast.

   3. For short trips where weight isn’t such a concern, I prefer things that can be made without cooking (had a stove malfunction once and uncooked oatmeal isn’t a great breakfast). Nice sandwiches, fruit, energy bars, fun snack mixes, etc. Those Indian meals in a pouch are also good because you just have to boil water to heat them and they can be eaten at room temp if you really have to. I’m okay with PB&J for breakfast, but instant oatmeal, granola, or even cereal with dry milk or little packs of shelf stable milk work. Beyond one or two nights you probably need more dried stuff, but you can do one night without really cooking.

      1. +1 on the lentil or chickpea meals in a pouch plus some hand fruit and veg. The ouches are actually good — I eat them for lunch regularly — and for one night the weight concern is not such that you must have dehydrated food.

   4. Since you are only talking about a couple of nights at most, freeze dried meals are a good option. There are a number of brands: Mountain House, Backpackers Pantry, and PackIt Gourmet are among them. They all have breakfast options as well. You can find them at REI and other outdoor stores and even some grocery stores in outdoorsy areas. You will need a stove to heat water. They are all a bit expensive and the definitely underestimate serving size (so, it may say 2 servings, but is really 1 or 1.5).

      If you end up doing longer trips more frequently, it is worth it to look at freezer bag cooking, but that is a little bit more of an investment (you end up needing a food dehydrator)

   5. If you are just going for a night or 2, you could borrow from my summer camp playbook:

      Breakfast – oatmeal with powdered milk, brown sugar, raisins
      Lunches – cheese, sausage, crackers, PBJ
      Dinner 1 – mac and cheese – made with dry pasta, butter, pre-grated cheese, powdered milk
      Dinner 2 – “fiesta rice” – this was an Uncle Ben’s product, and we added cheese. But some kind of boxed rice thing would work. I don’t think we added beans but we might have.
      Snacks – so much gorp, smores, chocolate

      The butter and cheese are fine for a day or 2. Skip the butter if you are worried. As far as I can recall we did not each fruit or vegetables other than the raisins. This worked out as we were teenagers and hated going #2 in the woods.

      1. PS – I forgot, Fiesta rice involved tortillas. It was basically a carb and cheese burrito I think.

   6. Here’s what usually comes in my food bag:
      – whole grain tortillas, crackers, or dense pita bread
      – squeeze pack of jiff pb
      – cuties or other citrus fruit
      – tuna or beef jerkey
      – hard cheese of choice
      – bars/granola snacks
      – nuts or trail mix
      – spicy instant ramen
      – Backpacker’s pantry pad thai (best freeze dried flavor of all time!)
      – quick cooking oatmeal
      – instant coffee/hot cocoa/tea packets

   7. I want to make a plug for one of our local woman-owned companies: Gastro Gnome Meals for backpacking food. Soooo good and I think they ship from their website. It’s way better than the stuff you get at REI.

   8. In addition to the meals already mentioned, we often do packets of salmon with tortillas for one of our lunches.

10. I spent my weekend looking at Zillow, which was a poor choice but understandable given bad weather and fueling a need to dream and try to be creative re the house I’ve been trapped in all year. Philosophically, does a wallpaper exist that won’t look super-dated eventually? It seems so expensive and removing it is so hard (half of my walls are drywall; half are plaster). Repainting is comparatively easy and cheap. Wallpaper seems so trendy (in a good way) and I like having some sort of pattern in my outfits (so now that is bleeding over to my walls, which, as a lifelong prior renter, I never dared to touch).

    1. No. Most house things look dated sooner than you’d expect. Wallpaper is no exception.

    2. There’s lots of classic styles in my opinion (things like Anaglypta) but there are also lots of very aggressively colourful and patterned papers which will become very dated quickly.

    3. Everything you do in your house will look dated eventually. It’s OK! Live your life.

       They have removeable wallpaper that may be for you – it’s like a giant sticker.

       1. Couldn’t agree more with the first sentence.

          If you want it to look decent as long as possible, keep the finishes consistent with the age of the house. A 1950s bathroom looks a lot more dated-in-a-bad-way in a 1920s house than it does in a 1950s house. Shag carpet looks worse in a 1950s house than it does in a 1970s house. And so on.

          But generally the finishes in your house shouldn’t be expected to be “timeless.” You should expect to update most things at least once every 20 years or so. (Which goes by in a flash while you’re busy living your life.)

    4. I live in an old house with painted over wallpaper in some rooms, so at least the old wallpaper is so hard to remove they slapped some paint on it.

       I don’t particularly love patterned walls and do think they’re just a trend right now that will fade pretty quickly. I guess I’d try to scratch this itch with maybe a large scale framed pattern print or a wall hanging of some sort.

       I do wear more patterns in my clothing now, I’ve noticed, so I guess that’s part of the trend. Thankfully clothing is easier to move past than wallpaper is.

    5. I live in a house with plaster walls and the wallpaper they used (some of it paintable) just peeled off the wall in sheets. It wasn’t fun but really wasn’t that bad to remove. Modern wallpapers though are a lot easier to remove by design. I wouldn’t be worried about removing it if you want to try it out – you can find easy to remove options.

    6. Everything will eventually look dated. Do what YOU love. Remember, there was a time where avocado green appliances were standard, or pink bathrooms all the rage, orange shag was just a given, and no one thought twice at that wood paneling with gold drapes.

       We’ve moved to far in the other direction!

    7. I think most housing things look dated after a while, including paint colors and wallpaper. So, honestly, I’d do what you want and feels good and worry about it later. A dark or deeply saturated paint color may need a lot of primer. Wallpaper may need to be removed. But I removed at least 6 different kinds of wallpaper in my last house, mostly from the 70s and 80s, and everything but the 30s paper peeled off relatively easily with a steamer. (I ended up demoing the cabinet soffit with the 30s wallpaper and installing taller cabinets anyways.) Wallpapers today are supposed to be even easier to peel off, so I’d go for what you like and change it up later if you want.

11. hopefully an amusing mother’s day story. I recently adopted a dog from a breed specific rescue group, and have appreciated the breed specific community in my area, who get together for things like walks in the woods and visits to parks, and have given me some really good advice about caring for my dog. As it happens, a lot of the other owners are women in my age group, mid forties, and single/childfree.

    Most of them have met one or the other of my kids as I usually bring one along for these meetups. Yesterday I received a lot of sweet texts from these women wishing me a happy mothers day, which I thought was so kind and I just said thanks! Not wanting to ask if they were getting together with their own mothers, because who knows if they have a good relationship or whether their mothers are alive and all of that stuff we’ve discussed here.

    It turns out I was supposed to wish them happy mothers day back, which I only found out late last night when I saw them all wishing that to each other on social media. New to the dog owning world, I didn’t realize this was a thing!

    1. wait- childfree women are wishing other childfree women happy mother’s day? In the spirit of being a dog mother??

       1. Yes!

          1. I am the first to say that properly caring for a pet is a tremendous responsibility. People who are good pet owners tend to transfer those skills over to children. Yet, I find this actually a bit gross. You aren’t mothers – biological, adoptive, step, or foster – so do not give yourselves kudos for something you are not doing.

             1. Those are fighting words! For now I AM a dog mom and my pup is my little. Only half kidding.

          2. Uh, this is really weird! My mind never would’ve gone there!

       2. We don’t all do this, just to be clear. CF cat owner who is not a mom, here.

          1. +100. I have a dog (have had three dogs) and consistently correct people who say I’m a mother or a “dog mom”. I am confident in my choice to not be be a mom, thanks, no need to claim a holiday that isn’t mine.

          2. I would honestly prefer not to be wished “happy mother’s day” on account of my dog. I would rather have experienced that for the first time as the mother of a human child.

             1. This is a weird attempt to avoid excluding people.

       3. I don’t have children (might have them in 5-10 years, might not), but I think it’s weird for pet / plant parents to celebrate mother’s day.

          I got wished a happy Mother’s Day for being a plant parent… my plants are all succulents that I maybe give 5 mins of attention to each month. Obviously Pete are more work, but still ?????

       4. I wished my bff a happy mother’s day yesterday and she wished me (CF) a happy mother’s day back with a dog emoji and said my pet was lucky to have me. I thought it was funny and harmless. I of course don’t think I’m an actual parent.

       5. My MIL sent me a card from each of my pets, so three cards and each was tailored to be from that specific pet. My pets have had a tough year medically and I have definitely spent a lot of time and money caring for them. I very much appreciated the thought. If she just said “Happy Mother’s Day” that would have been weird but Mother’s Day cards from the pets was cute.

       6. Yes. I keep trying to get people to stop though. My cats have their own mom who raised them (she did a great job!), are older in cat years than I am in human years so technically senior to me at this point, and really, really don’t make infertility any easier.

          1. Except insofar as they make everything better, I guess. But they’re not child substitutes. Also if I did have a child, I think I would feel the same way about my cats as I do now.

             I know not everyone feels this way though. It’s probably different if you bottle raised your pet from pet-infancy. And maybe dogs are more often just “one of the kids”?

    2. It shouldn’t be a thing. I adore my two dogs to pieces, consider our relationship significant and to be respected, and will admit to sometimes referring to myself as their mother (though I try to refer to myself as their owner, bestie, buddy, or butler), but I am not a “mother” on Mother’s Day nor are they ever my “babies” (this is for you, vet clinic receptionist).

    3. The only person I wish a happy Mother’s Day to is my own mother*. Not my aunts/cousins/friends who are moms to human children, and certainly not to those who are pet moms.

       * I used to wish my grandmother happy Mother’s Day when she was alive. If I had a mother in law, I *might* but alas, I am single.

       1. 100% this! I actually don’t worry about what my DH gets HIS mom, or feel the need to wish her happy mothers day. We have a perfectly good relationship, but she’s not my mom.

       2. +2, I appreciated the sweet texts from friends but the only person I tell Happy Mother’s Day to is my mom.

    4. I have a human child and I work in a small office with all childless 40-ish year old dog mommies. It’s a whole thing. The way they talk about and arrange their lives around their dogs boggled my mind at first. Adding to my initial bafflement was the fact that I grew up in the country where dogs were very much not viewed as human-equivalent in the way they apparently are elsewhere. Yes, they can be a beloved pet, but they were not a member of the family, equal in importance to the humans. But hey, these dogs apparently bring great joy and companionship to the lives of my coworkers, so good for them. :)

    5. This is not common and frankly I find it weird, as both a “dog mom” and a mom to an actual human child. Not at all the same thing

    6. This seems like a made up reason to throw even more hate at an already marginalized lifestyle

    7. It’s a joke, not a real thing. Like I have a t-shirt that says “dog mom” because I have a comical degree of devotion to my dog, there are silly Mother’s Day cards you can buy “from the dog,” and our breed rescue posts Mother’s Day pictures of dogs and puppies. If these women were all wishing each other “Happy Dog Mother’s Day, wink, wink, we are ridiculously crazy about our dogs, hahaha!” that’s fine. If they were even one bit serious then that is insane.

       1. I’m OP. That actually makes me feel better. I am new to the group and wondered if I’d caused offense by not saying “happy mothers day to you too!” I like these women a lot. I just didn’t think of them as moms, and didn’t want to wade unintentionally into a sensitive subject minefield, as often described here.

          1. I received a group text yesterday from all my girlfriends who have no human children but all have dogs. We love them unconditionally and are their sole source of food, access to the outdoors and healthcare. I consider myself a dog mom and am grateful to have my dog in my life to care for this way because I never had the chance to have human children. I’m not one bit confused about whether I’m the subject of Mother’s Day – clearly I am not part of your group and never will be.

          2. Super late reply, but fwiw my male boss wishes me a happy Mother’s Day every year, and gets a huge kick out of me responding with “and the same to you!”

12. White sneaker recommendations for summer that I can wear to the park with toddler, to run errands or to lunch. Something that won’t get dirty too easily.

    1. I like the lace-up vans, and they usually have cute colors and sometimes patterns for summer. They do get dirty but are easy to machine wash, which I appreciate for summer shoes that might get stinky.

       1. I like Converse for this purpose, throw them in the wash. But I always get the fun (and on sale) colors.

    2. I just bought a nice pair of white sneakers that are leather, not canvas, so much easier to clean. Adidas Grand Court. I found them for $49 at Nordstrom Rack.

    3. Vejas

13. Anyone traveled to Sedona solo? How was it?

    I can work from anywhere and was thinking about heading there for a week, hiking in the mornings and working late morning through early evening. I’m fully vaxxed. I do wonder if there’s enough to do for a week, but I am flying from the Midwest so it will take a fully day just to get there.

    If you have gone alone, did you hike alone or join a hiking group? I am a little apprehensive about hiking alone.

    1. I’ve been twice (also from the Midwest) and hiked solo. Most of the popular trails are busy so you won’t really be alone. I never had safety concerns there. I also did a pink jeep tour and it was fun to go beyond places you can reach easily on foot.

14. So…my (inexperienced) direct report’s direct report told us she’s pregnant- she told us very early and hasn’t wanted to tell HR yet- her due date isn’t til December, so, fair enough. This is her first job. What do I need to do if anything to support her?

    1. Refer her to HR to discuss leave options and continue to treat her as normal.

    2. Nothing. Treat her like anyone else unless she has a need for accommodations. I’m due around that time and I’m avoiding telling work for awhile because I don’t want the same barrage of (well-intended, usually perfectly polite) questions I’ve been dealing with from my family. I want to just be me at work without being A Pregnant Person. I imagine if she wants to talk about it, she’ll bring it up.

       1. Thanks both!

       2. Congrats! I think I missed hearing that you were expecting. So happy for you! Hope you have been feeling ok so far!

          1. I hadn’t shared anything until now, thank you!

    3. I might say the generic phrase we say to anyone experiencing a potential difficulty (in this case, morning sickness): “Health/family comes first; please let me know if there’s anything we can do.” And then move on.

       1. *do to support you.

          My manager says this repeatedly to folks and it’s very nice that it’s a predictable refrain, especially since our jobs are intense.

    4. Make sure she keeps on getting good work as usual. Don’t count her out because she’s pregnant.

    5. I’m also due in Dec, and her saying something already makes me think she’s either 1) excitedly first time pregnant and a bit naive, in which case “Congratulations” is all you need, or, 2) extremely sick from morning sickness. In my first pregnancy I had to tell my boss much sooner than I would have preferred because I was extremely sick, and could not travel. (Well, not if you didn’t want me puking on the plane, in the rental car, at the meeting, etc, and then checking me into the hospital for dehydration). Then I got to tell everyone I’d lost the baby. Not a fun time. But that experience makes me want to suggest that you say something like Curious’ suggestion – “Health/family comes first; please let me know if there’s anything we can do. If you are struggling with severe morning sickness, let us know so we can find ways to make things easier for you”. FWIW, I’m pregnant again, this time with a high risk mono-mono twin pregnancy, and again am super sick, and the only thing that is saving me is being able to work from home. Managing my nausea is much easier from home, and as a result I’m able to be decently productive. If I had to go into the office 90% of my mental energy would be on the logistics of trying to keep myself from puking.

       1. Thanks and best wishes to you !!! She’s definitely excited, young, first pregnancy and first job- but also a little sick (we have a small team and chat abt breakfast and coffee in our morning videocon). I will try to help her WFH as long as possible- I know she’s not excited to come back just for normal safety and anxiety reasons alone. But i am cognizant of not sidelining her either. She’s been super productive from home fortunately! Thank you !

15. So I know you don’t like MLM’s But I did Sell it not long at all…I did fall in love with Color Street and with the Pandemic I would not dare walk into a nail salon and still refuse to walk into any places of business…I strictly shop online .Well being a stylist I kept my Nails on and Changed biweekly . When I removed them one time after we’re different strips for a while…I ended up with Nail Fungus . Once that happened I did reach out to the company to ask what was I to do and was this an accuracy that happened before…we other ppl .I was placed on hold and given the run around . Yea I was not happy ..and I refused to keep selling a product like that if could damage your nail so bad…ugh it was Soo embarrassing to have Nail fungus ??? took four months to rid of it .

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