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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: New Julian Two Classic Wrap Dress

I read an article recently that said something like one in three Americans gained weight over the last year, and you can definitely count me in that camp.

I’m of the mindset that you need to dress the body that you’ve got right now, not the one you used to have, or even the one you wish you had, so I’m buying a few new pieces in larger sizes or in cuts that are more forgiving for a fluctuating size. (I’m also of the mindset that this body got me through a very challenging year, so it deserves to be dressed and treated with care!)

I always find wrap dresses to be very accommodating of size fluctuations, and I love the houndstooth print on this version from DVF. I would add some chunky gold jewelry and a basic black heel for an easy office look.

The dress is $568 at 11 Honoré and comes in sizes 14–24.

Two options in straight sizes are this dress from Leota (which we featured recently), and this Eliza J dress, both at Nordstrom; this Leota dress is available in sizes 1X–3X at Nordstrom Rack for $79.97 on sale.

Sales of note for 12.5

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

307 Comments

  1. I’ve always had good skin but in my mid-30s am seeing signs of aging if I look very close: beginnings of a line across my forehead, tiny dent between eyebrows (no actual 11s yet). I’d love to prevent this from going further. But I’ve always been a very low maintenance person (only beauty product is daily sunscreen, and I only rarely wear minimal makeup)…so I’m new to the idea of cosmetic dermatology. Is this a case for Botox or Retin-A or both? How do you find a reliable provider?

    In NYC if anyone has specific recs. I care most about safety and looking natural–I’d rather do nothing than have people be able to “tell”. I’m cost-conscious but will pay what it costs to do a good job (I just don’t know what that is!).

    1. I’m a bit younger than you, and I don’t know about the Botox or anything like that, but I’ve had good results using products with retinol (Cerave brand, use at night) and niacinamide.

      I used this yogurt mask from nature republic yesterday that, to my shock, made a noticeable difference.

    2. Forehead botox or Dysport. This will be the most effective. Get the botox now before the lines get deeper. Just my 2 cents. I finally got Botox recently and am quite pleased and annoyed I hemmed and hawed so long

    3. I’ve done Botox since I was 29, so prevent/reduce those exact lines. Retin-A is amazing to improve skin texture and clarity, but won’t change lines caused by facial movement. Retinol doesn’t do nearly as much, so I’d consider adding the rx to your arsenal as well.

      I will only get treatment through a derm’s office (no medspas for me), so that’s a good place to start. Even if your derm doesn’t do anything cosmetic, they can likely make a referral.

    4. That’s what Botox is for. Also contrary to popular belief, the frozen fake look comes more from fillers. Often they’re combined with Botox so it gets a bad rap. I’ve done it since my early 30s and in my late 40s now I’m so glad I did. Every time this comes up I comment that no cream is going to do what Botox does.

      1. +1 Just had this conversation with my best friend’s husband last night. I Botox my 11s and have for years and my forehead/face is not frozen. People often comment on how expressive my face is, actually.

      2. Agree. I have a very strong “resting b*tch face” and Botox eliminates my angry look without restricting movement. It got rid of my 111s (yes, one more than the typical 11s) and smoothed my forehead, but I can still make all the usual expressions. Nobody in my life (family, friends, colleagues) has commented on my face one way or the other, and I’m related to some loud opinionated people.

        Keep in mind that it goes away in 3-4 months, so you can always try it and let it fade out if you don’t like it.

    5. Both. Rx retinol or tretinoin will help with skin turnover and other signs of aging. It won’t touch the forehead line(s) though. Baby Botox can smooth those lines right out. I’m turning 40 soon and I just had my 2nd round of baby Botox and I love the results. I do go to a medspa because I saw plenty of examples of their work and the person doing the injections is a medical professional. She also won’t overdo it, she starts with a small amount to evaluate the results.

      1. What is the difference between Botox and baby Botox? Is it just the amount of Botox injected? –Signed, a newbie to all of this

        1. Yep – it’s just the difference in amount. They’re the same product, but a lot of derms/med spas have a “baby botox” package, thus the name.

    6. Both! A good derm will be able to prescribe a stronger Retinol, and help with botox, or at the very least, make a referral. Skincare is helpful, but we do Botox because no cream can do what Botox does – anyone who says they’ve found a magic one that does what Botox does is trying to sell you something. Period.

    7. This thread is entertaining to me. I started Botox early to mid forties and posted about it here and people were ready to burn me at the stake for being so vain that I would inject botulism into my face.I’m sure there were others here getting it but based on the responses I was getting I would have been surprised if anyone else spoke up.

      However, I really loved my results, and what kept me going back was the peaceful feeling of not being able to scowl/frown/squint my eyes. It greatly reduced the number of afternoon headaches I’d get.

      I’m mid fifties now and have stoped getting it. I miss the feeling, but for me it was a combination of money, hassle, and a couple of suboptimal experiences. But I have no regrets and am glad the rest of this community has come around on it.

      1. I appreciate your perspective.

        This thread just made me sad, to start a Monday morning. We keep hoping we are moving things forward for women and I was born as the 70s hippies were being told to stop shaving our legs. But now the liberated corp0rette has to remove all body hair and spend even more $ to try to hide our age.

        3. No, the “liberated Corporette” can choose to spend money on what she wants. Or not spend it. Someone else’s personal choices shouldn’t make you sad. Moving things forward doesn’t somehow mean that humans can’t choose to make choices about their physical appearance.

    8. I’m 34 and asked a similar question recently. I think Vitamin C/antioxidants and retinols (either prescription-grade or not) seem to be the next two at-home steps. I like the Ordinary (Ulta often has sales) and I like looking at EWG’s review of products as well as beautypedia for ingredients. Often expensive products have a lot of alcohol, added fragrance, questionable ingredients, etc.

      I’m also diligencing microneedling with RF.

      1. +1 I could have written this question and am a no makeup/low maintenance 40yo. I have taken the first baby step into Skinceuticals Vitamin C after reading up here and other reviews sites, for daytime use. And I also got BHA for nighttime use (did the quiz on Paula’s choice website to pick between AHA and BHA first).
        With this alone (and sporadic/weekly once use of BHA to boot) my skin looks vastly better.
        I was going to go to Retinol as a next step but based on this good feedback and my inherent laziness, decided to stop here for now and re-assess after a year or so.

  2. After 5 truly insane months at work and lots of burnout, I’m finally coming up for air.

    I took a long weekend trip and it was amazing. I’m off again today and plan for today to be my “reset day”. I need to do things like clean my apartment, grocery shop, do laundry (all of which have been neglected since the winter).I plan on going back to making healthy choices,so need to do some prep on that today (eating better, working out again, taking time to do hobbies I enjoy and making time for loved ones, relieving stress before it consumes me, and losing the 20lbs I’ve gained). I also plan on doing some soul searching (I need a new job, but I don’t know what I want to do. I need to bring adventure and joy back to my life. I need to chill out).

    Obviously I can’t do this all in one day, but I’d like to kick start the process. My time off was pretty fun and pretty relaxing, so I also want to continue that into today . If you were me, how would you spend today?

    1. I would right now do a quick half hour tidy- wash dishes, take recycling out, get a load of laundry going, what ever you can do in 30 minutes. Then I’d shower and use my nicest bath stuff and then get dressed. At that point I’d move the stuff in the washer to the dryer, put another load in, and leave the house.

      I’d go to a cafe and pick up tea and a bun and enjoy them in a park, then go for a long walk.

      Post walk Id pick up a nice fresh lunch to eat at home and make a grocery shopping list. I’d do the shopping then put on a fun travel show while folding/putting away/tidying. I’d then cook a nice dinner and relax.

      You can’t do all that stuff in a day but you can give yourself time to think and you can handle some home chaos.

      1. This is perfect. And for grocery shopping, note that thin spring asparagus and frozen chicken strips both take 14 min to roast at 425. One pan, 15-min dinner and my roast pans fit in the dishwasher.

    2. One thing at a time. And I would focus on the things that make me feel in control.

      I would start with a really good cup of coffee. Then I would throw in a load of laundry and while it’s in, I would clean the bathrooms (because it’s quick and I feel accomplished). I would do all this while listening to a podcast.

      I would plan that at 11:00 you’re going to work out and then shower, then at 2PM you’re going to clean your fridge and then grocery shop (or whatever works for you). Book it now. Fill in the day with whatever else sparks joy.

    3. – lay out clothes for the week (do laundry for that amount)
      – figure out a healthy achievable meal plan – you don’t have to spend a ton of time ‘prepping’ the meals – just make a rough plan so that when you get groceries you have options you can easily turn into solid meals instead of resorting to fast food
      – sign up for a weekly hobby or physical activity class to get you back on track

      – FWIW – I use WW for maintenance. Recording water/sleep/meals/activity keeps me on track with a relatively healthy lifestyle. You can set it up with Siri so you can record it via talking to your phone. I still ate an entire box of chocolate yesterday and I have zero regrets but ‘writing’ it down reminds me to make healthier choices today.

    4. A little thing – All of the things you need to do are much more fun with a good playlist on Spotify. I tend to forget to play music when I’m really stressed, and when I finally remember things feel a lot more fun.

      2. Same! I’m usually of the “listen to a podcast/similar for MAXIMUM BRAIN ENGAGEMENT” school, but sometimes that makes it seem like more of a slog, especially when I’m already feeling overwhelmed. Blast those tunes!

      3. Also fact: you can do a sink of dishes in the time it takes to play Bohemian Rhapsody and Hotel California. 70s rock ballads for the win.

    5. I would spend today on the things that will give you the most time “back” later — so meal planning, looking into home exercise equipment or gym classes you would enjoy, perhaps doing a monthly cleaning service?

      If you have in-home laundry, can you find a routine that’s less disruptive so it doesn’t get to a big backlog? In Normal Times I would put a load into the wash after I got out of the shower in the morning, then swap it to the dryer before leaving for work. Once home all that was left is folding. I would save ironing to do every other week while catching up on a favorite show.

    6. Lately I have been giving myself very short to-do lists each day. For example: one load of laundry, do all the dishes before bed, exercise (go for a walk or run, lift some weights, whatever), make a weekly meal plan, run one errand, read for 20 mins. Another example: exercise of some sort, do all the dishes, sort/file/trash the mail that piled up, one errand, clean out the fridge/take out the trash, read for 20 mins. Basically I realized I need to acknowledge that I can’t do all of my daily life stuff on the weekends, I need to do some of it every day. So if I were you, today I would list out everything you need to do (what you’ve written above), assign a couple critical things to today and also something fun/relaxing as others are suggesting, and assign some other tasks for other days this week. The idea is to keep the big picture in focus but do it in bite size chunks.

  3. I need to wear a backless dress to a function in ~1 month.

    Over the last year I’ve uncharacteristically had some weird acne blemishes on my back that left red marks after healing even though I didn’t pick at it. I know these marks will fade over time but given the backless dress situation I’m wondering if I can speed up the process. 

    Are there products that would really work on this? Or even something at the derm?

    1. I’ve been SUPER pleased by how well the differin dark spot fading cream works. It’s packed with a lot of good, high quality ingredients at a VERY fair (imho) price. I’d start there before you go with anything more expensive. If your skin can handle it you can also speed up turnover by using a low concentration of BHA in the AM and then maybe this in the PM? Btw – my go to for cheap, reliable, easy to use BHA is the Stridex pads in the red tub – it’s the exact same concentration as the more $$ options from Paula’s choice and BHA isn’t an active that easily degrades so you don’t need to pay up for airless storage or stabilizers.

      2. Oooh, thank you for the stridex rec. I had never connected the dots between that and fancy Paula’s Choice somehow.

    2. The derm may be able to zap them with a laser. Can’t hurt to ask. For DIY treatment, I would use an AHA to help clear it up. I use CoxRx AHA on my face but you could likely go much stronger on your back.

    3. Murad makes a Rapid Dark Spot Correcting Serum that I have used on my face to fade acne marks, it works wonders. I had real problems with acne several years ago and ended up with dark spots all over my chin; the serum faded them within a few weeks.

      1. Murad also makes an AHA/BHA that works wonders at skin turnover. I used both recently and it’s amazing how it took all of the old splotches away.

    4. I’ve found that covering mine with liquid bandage for a day does wonders to reduce redness. They were still itchy and irritated yesterday; today they are great. I may be weird though but it’s a nice $10 fix if it works.

    5. If you have long hair, this can be ameliorated by showering without washing your hair. Hair products can clog up the skin on your back.

      1. I bet this is why! I only have had long hair during this last year (thanks, no haircuts) which is when it weirdly cropped up.

      2. A late response, but I am a person who has to wash my hair every day, so a tip in case you are, too: shampoo/condition your hair as usual, but then flip your head upside down (lean over and look at your knees/toes) and rinse your hair out that way. Then just wash your face after rinsing your hair. Keeps your hair and all the rinsed off product off your back.

  4. Has anyone bought a sofa cover for an IKEA couch from a third party vendor? I have an Ektorp sofa and they’ve discontinued the line, so sofa covers from IKEA are slim pickings.

    2. I actually bought slipcovers at Pottery Barn for my Ikea loveseats (although there were sofa available from Ikea in this line, and covers from PB). The fit was as if they were custom made. Just check dimensions and you should be fine.

    3. I haven’t used them, but a friend has been really happy with an armchair cover from Bemz. I want to say she’s had it for 3-4 years now, and it has held up well.

    4. Yes, I purchased a new cover for a long-discontinued IKEA futon online recently. I believe the order was from Comfort Works, based in Hong Kong (?) The new cover is much nicer than the cover that came with the futon originally; I’m very happy with it! Just checking their website, they make a slipcover for Ektorp, among others in the IKEA line.

      1. I also ordered from comfort works, for a norsborg couch and the fit was spot on, quality of construction very good, zippers seemed heavier than the original from ikea, etc. It’s a little scratchy, but that’s my fabric choice – I have a small kid and got something with texture/stain resistance b/c the cotton ikea was a mess

    5. Sounds like a job for Etsy – haven’t looked but this is the kind of thing people always sell on there

    6. I have read a couple of reviews that say the Uppland line covers work for the Ektorps, although they are slightly big for the cushions. Probably worth a shot!

  5. I’d like to start following the Mediterranean “diet” (yes, I want to lose weight but I really want to be making healthier food choices so this is more of a lifestyle change than a diet).

    I’d love a 2ish week long meal plan so that I can kind of get my legs under me on what I’ll be cooking, what ingredients to include/avoid, etc. Just looking at a list of “eat this, not that” makes it almost impossible for me to come up with meals or recipes.

    Looking for any good resources, preferably online.

    1. Mediterranean diet is just veggies, fruits, fish, beans, etc…. yes? No need to overcomplicate things. What do you like? Eat that.
      Fish and sheet-pan veggies seasoned however you like them is a really tasty, easy place to start from. Think of meat as a condiment – for flavoring.

      1. Not the OP but I would also love a meal plan. And no, just doing it isn’t easy for me.

    4. If your library has the Pioppi diet book, it has a three week plan that’s pretty simple. It is a bit adapted to what’s available in the UK (I’m in the US where Mediterranean foods are easier to find).

    5. I eat a Mediterranean diet all the time. My advice is to plan one or two breakfasts to rotate through on weekdays, like yogurt, berries and nuts or mini-egg crustless quiches or overnight oats with fruit. This makes life easier. Lunches are a meal-prep ahead of time salad. Dinner is a protein/beans/quinoa, full half plate of salad plus roasted vegetables.

      https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/mediterranean-diet-meal-plan#sample-menu

      https://www.eatingwell.com/article/291946/30-day-mediterranean-diet-meal-plan-1200-calories/

  6. I have realized thanks to virtual meetings that having mirrored closet doors in my office is a no-go. Would you replace sliding doors with more of the same, or with doors that open outwards? Trying to decide if the space to open them into the room is worth the trade-off in order to have access to the entire closet at once.

    1. Boo sliding doors. Are the accordion-style doors an option for you? Then they would only protrude half of a door-width into the room.

    2. I love accordion doors! I had mirrored ones from Home Depot in a prior home (they were able to make them custom for the non-standard old home), but they have others as well. I prefer them a lot to ones that open all the way outward.

      1. +1 for accordion doors — you can open them all the way and see the whole contents of the closet.

    3. +1 for accordion doors — you can open them all the way and see the whole contents of the closet.

    4. If the closet was designed with sliding doors, it’s unlikely regular doors will be viable in the space. I personally hate bifold doors, I feel like they are hard to use and look cheap (at least in all the instances I’ve seen). So…that pretty much leaves more sliding doors. Not an amazing choice, but will do the job.

      1. It should be fairly straightforward to remove a sliding door track and replace with doors that open out.

        1. Agreed that replacing sliders with regular doors that swing open is not a difficult task. However, depending on the size of the room and the furniture that’s in place, regular swinging doors may not work for the space– they require significant available floor space to open. Sliders do not. Bifolds are somewhere in between. Look at how much space is available– sliders may make the most sense.

          (Also note that you may be using the room as an office now, but if it’s intended to be used as a bedroom, think about whether a bed will fit easily with swing-open doors.)

      2. I wasn’t commenting on the ease of installation, but on the daily use. Doors that open out are very likely to block the flow of the room or make areas of it unusable, which is why the closet would have been designed with sliding doors in the first place.

    5. I wouldn’t bother, I’d just get a folding screen to out in front of it while you’re taking meetings

    6. Another cheaper/temporary workaround….. I purchased static cling sheets to change my mirrored closet doors into a whiteboard!

    7. I’d just cover the mirrors in one of those privacy films that you can get at Home Depot. You won’t have the use of the mirror anymore but it would solve the problem, be just as or more aesthetically pleasing and only cost $20 and a few hours on a weekend.

  7. Does Retin-A work for everyone? I have very acne prone skin. Throughout my 20s I had moderate but consistent cystic acne, and when I was 29 I did a round of accutane that was ROUGH on my skin and caused a lot of scarring during the breakout period. My derm seemed to think it was successful but I was never totally acne-free. Four years later, I don’t have cysts all the time but I still do have a lot of acne. Derm recommended getting up to the highest level of Retin-A (takes a year to step up to the highest strength) but I’ve been trying for over a year and every time I go a few days in a row it seems like my skin just gets really mad about it. This happened again this last weekend, and I’m seriously questioning whether it’s even worth it at all. Do I stick it out because that is THE anti-aging thing? I do use sunscreen.

    One more bit of info – I do notice that I have flare ups throughout the month and therefore am convinced that my cycle/hormones are affecting it a lot, but hormonal birth control never did anything to help and I switched to a Paraguard IUD prior to accutane to see if hormonal birth control was affecting it; no change.

    1. Have you been evaluated to see if you have PCOS? My acne history is very close to yours. I was diagnosed with PCOs in my early 20’s and it has been a gamechanger. I so wish I had been diagnosed years earlier—my self-esteem and my skin would both have fewer scar. My body type is not at all typical for PCOS, so my doctors never looked in that direction.

      1. That’s really interesting! I never have been evaluated because my periods are pretty normal and DH and I are child-free by choice, but I have a lot of first cousins with PCOS. Out of curiosity, once you were were diagnosed, how did that change treatment options for the acne?

      2. This is what I was going to say. Some doctors are just way better with PCOS than others in my experience.

        1. I’m intrigued by this – I never connected PCOS with acne. From reading this morning a little bit I definitely have the acne, but regular periods and no symptoms of cysts on ovaries, so I’m not sure if I’d meet the 2/3 categories (but obviously wouldn’t know until I was tested). But from reading – the acne is caused by inflammation and that’s EXACTLY what it feels like.

    2. The only thing that ever worked for me for cystic acne was spironolactone, which I can longer be on any more because of other medication issues (unfortunately). It was not a 100% fix – more like a 95% and every now then and I’d get a big cystic bump from stress or my cycle, but only every few months, not constantly.

      I’m now only using Retin-A and I’m happy with it, but it is super drying.

      1. Tried it! Was on it for 9-11 months since it takes a while to kick in, and all that happened to me is that my feet were freezing all the time.

    3. Before you do that, I’d recommend trying either Spironolactone, OR higher doses of azealic acid (finacea I think is the brand name for the 15%?). I eventually did Accutane a second time in my 30’s after not being able to get completely clear on the does of retin-a I could tolerate but lots of people with hormonal acne think those work really, really well (I’ll defer to your derm but you can combine them I believe).

      1. I tried Spiro for 9-10 months or so, and it didn’t do anything for me. Not sure if I ever did azealic acid – that worked for you instead of the retin-a?

        1. Retin-a did nothing but make me peel and that was at one of the lower strengths. Azealic acid was very helpful but at that point I was so darn fed up with the creams and pills that I just decided to go nuclear with accutane.

    4. Anecdotally, I’ve heard of others who can’t tolerate retin-A, but I don’t know about research to support that.
      If your acne seems hormonal, two things to consider:
      1. Ask your derm about trying spironolactone. It’s a diuretic that works through a hormonal axis, including some anti-androgen effects that can really help with cystic acne.
      2. I started having cystic acne in my early 30s, and cutting out dairy made a dramatic difference. It was a rough transition, since I was 75% cheese at that point in my life, but it basically cured me.

      1. Tried Spiro for 9-10 months, only made my feet super cold all the time – did nothing for my acne. Was really disappointed!

        And oofdah, cheese! I have a feeling this is going to work and it’s going to be very rough but I’m just going to have to get over it.

    5. So, two things still make my skin flare up – not drinking enough water, and when I go on a dairy bender. What I thought was hormonal turned out to be related to the pizza and ice cream my pms demanded. If you have never tried a dairy elimination for a month, might be worth it to see if that’s impacting you. I did not give it up completely forever, but I am much more aware of how much I consume and the quality and know that if I indulge, my skin will remind me.

      1. You just answered my below question. :D I drink a ton of water, and definitely notice when I don’t. I’ve thought about doing a dairy elimination – ugh so hard! I don’t care about milk, but CHEESE. However I’ve been toying with it for a long time, I should probably try it.

        Funny story – two weeks ago I got food poisoning super bad and couldn’t keep anything – including water – down for 24 hours, and the next day was just little sips…..my skin super cleared up. Obviously I’m not taking anything away from that experience because I have to drink water and eat, but it did make me laugh.

        1. I find that any fever clears my skin up, most recently the 102-degree fever I had after the COVID vaccine. If you had a fever with the food poisoning, it could have been that and not what you didn’t eat for 24-48 hours.

          1. Interesting! I barely ever get fevers, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I had one because I got it bad.

    6. Replying to my own thread but it’s related and I don’t want to start a new one – has anyone used changes in diet to treat acne? There’s a part of me that has been thinking for years that this is a diet issue – I’ve thought about cutting out sugar, dairy, and/or meat. I’ve asked my derm about it but she gave a very western-medicine answer “sure diet can cause it” but no real solid advice. Cutting things out completely is not in my personality – I’m very much a moderator, not abstainer. If anyone has any really encouraging stories, maybe I can muster the motivation to try it. :)

      1. Veganism completely cleared up my skin, it also stopped all my migraines. I made the diet for ethical reasons but the medical benefits have been a great bonus. I was vegetarian prior so the cheese was likely the culprit.

        1. I really feel like veganism is my ultimate goal. Like when I picture myself in 20 years, I think that I’ll probably be vegan. I’m just such a d@m# good cook with meat it makes it hard.

      2. The main dietary thing that exacerbates acne for me is just anything that causes water retention. If I eat something that makes me puffy and bloated, that also messes up my skin for some reason. So drinking more water and watching salt, sugar, and starches helps me.

        Not a dietary thing, but nutrition related: my doctor recommended oral niacinamide for acne, and this actually did more for me than topical for some reason.

        1. I strugged with really painful cystic acne too, for about twenty years. Retin A never seemed to help. I was on antibiotics for a long time and they didn’t help either. I really did not want to try Accutane due to the side effects so tried changing my diet first and it really made a huge difference. No diary, no sugar or artificial sweeteners, no caffeine, added some supplements. It was tough to get used to, but I was pretty desperate. I saw results after a month. This book was very helpful: https://www.amazon.com/Clear-Skin-Diet-Alan-Logan/dp/1581825749

          1. Thanks for the book recommendation! Do you find that the diet is sustainable? That’s part of my problem with starting – I wonder if I can continue, and if I can’t, what’s the point?

          2. I did find it sustainable. You need to be strict with it the first month to see if it makes a difference, and then you can add things back in and see what happens. You can figure out what causes a reaction. For me, I also can cheat once in a while. It is the overall diet and level of inflammation that seems to matter. Plus, plant based cheese has come a long way! You can get used to alternatives. I guess it depends how badly you want the acne to stop. Mine was so painful and embarrassing that it was worth it.

      3. Quitting milk and ice cream cleared up 90% of my acne. I can still eat most cheeses and baked goods with dairy in them. I am a Retin-A user, but was still struggling with those deep, painful pimples that last for weeks and always scar.

    7. Have you tried a different hormonal birth control? Monophasic vs tri-phasic tend to affect you differently.

      1. I wonder about this, but totally don’t remember…I was on a few different hormonal birth control pills 18-25, but got a Mirena IUD then switched to a Paraguard IUD. I do like the Paraguard IUD and I have five years left, so wouldn’t love to have it taken out to try pills…plus I really don’t want to get pregnant and taking a pill at the exact same time of day every single day would be very annoying to me after years of not having to do anything daily.

        1. Is paraguard hormonal? You may be able to do both (just guessing – I honestly don’t know.)

          1. Not hormonal, and I totally want to try that but haven’t gotten a doctor to agree with me yet.

        2. You don’t need to take combo pills (the most common type) at the exact same time every day, just the progestin-only type that is commonly prescribed to nursing mothers.

    8. Talk to your derm about spironolactone in addition to your Retin-A. Yes, Retin-A works, but sometimes you need more, or at least I did. (I also did a long course of Accutane that was only semi successful)

      1. I tried spiro before accutane and it didn’t do anything for me – maybe you mean try it again?

        I find it comforting to know that I was not the only person who did a long course of Accutane and didn’t end up with fantastic results. I felt a little like a Accutane failure since halfway through my derm is talking about doing a second round. it’s so harsh, I wasn’t ready to do that at all.

        1. I was also not willing to try a second round, but spironolactone really helped when there were no other options left. Try it again, post Accutane, and see if it helps. Give it three months minimum.

  8. How much (if any) of a salary decrease would you be willing to accept for a 100% remote/telecommute job?

      1. +1000. At my company, the all-time most productive and well-liked person has been remote for years. There is no correlation between location of job and performance.

    2. None. I’ve been wfh for 14 months, my employer is getting free office space out of the deal they don’t get to pay me less too. I personally love my fancy schmancy neighbourhood and the amenities provided. Even with WFH I would never move somewhere with a LCOL.

    3. Zero percent considering that’s what I have now and the end result has been a complete loss of work-life separation. 7 am zoom what? (Also I wish I could go back and tell young 20-something me that exciting and glamorous “international work” was just going to mean coordinating across multiple timezones while trying to understand diverse accents on poorly performing tech).

    4. $0 because I have no interest in that. But I’d expect to get COL adjusted based on where you move.

    5. None. Accepting less due to the “convenience” of no commute is undercutting the concept of “pay what the job is worth”. Companies beat the drum that salary is based on value and merit, not the employee’s lifestyle needs. So why should the company then get to hack away at the salary when we can do the work from home? Heads they win, tails we lose. No.

      1. Exactly this. I don’t get a pay raise when my rent goes up – why should I take a pay cut when I move somewhere where rent is 10% lower? If that were the standard, then in-office employees who move to the suburbs and pay less should also get pay cuts.

        1. I think this is going to have some big, unintended consequences on certain areas though. Say everyone from CA with CA-level salaries but WFH flexibility moves to say, Boise. In Boise, a comparatively LCOL place, local employers pay pennies compared to the CA employers. The newcomers buy up the housing for a song, slowly running up prices and pushing out the Boise people. So what do we do? Do LCOL places continue to exist? Do people really need to pay CA level wages for good people?

          1. Anon at 12:42 – this is such a good point! And it honestly deserves it’s own thread. This is a very real issue that may begin to come into play.

    6. If I got a fully remote job I would ask them to pay for a WeWork subscription for me.

    7. None. I might save some $ on officewear and commuting but pay for it in extra effort for visibility and people thinking WFH = available at all times.

    8. As long as the salary still met my budget needs overall, I’d factor in what I’d save in transportation costs and actual time-savings. Two years ago I left full-time work to take a small pay cut working part-time, and a major factor that the part-time job was closer to home and saved me at least 5 hours a week in the car. 5 hours of my time is worth a lot.

      I think some of the above commenters are reading your Q as whether you’d accept a salary decrease in your current job to go full-time remote. I read it as a new job that happens to be remote, but even if it’s a salary decrease for a current position, I’d still consider it. Sure, there’s value to the employer in having free office space, but there’s value to me in being able to run laundry during conference calls.

    9. Several thousand dollars per year because if I could then work from anywhere and travel more. Like Summer 2020 when we left our home to spend the entire summer in Colorado because we were both working from home full time. If I could keep doing that and other similar things, I would give up some salary. Unfortunately for purposes of this discussion, I can’t afford to give up a ton of salary because I already did that to leave BigLaw for government. If I had to stay in my city all year anyway, then probably nothing.

    10. Answering not ‘what should they pay me’ but ‘what would I be willing’ –

      25% less. I am so much happier not working with fluorescent lighting and being able to go running on my lunch break.

    11. It would depend on whether I planned to move. Although I agree with all the other comments about not asking a pay cut for your current job to be fully remote (although I’m not sure that is realistic if you really want to be remote), I would be happy to take a pay cut when evaluating a new job that would be fully remove if it meant I was going to move to a LCOL area. If I was planning to stay in my current area, I would only be willing to take a 1,000 pay cut or so.

    12. Counterpoint: many of my clients are offering employees 70-80% of their current salary for permanent WFH status. Did this because they have long-term leases, can’t get out of them, office space is expensive, and they’re losing out on the face-to-face training/things you pick up on. Some employees love the idea and have jumped on it. Others are returning to a set schedule in office.

      I personally hate working from home in my current living space, so I would not take a pay cut. If I knew it would truly be forever or up to me, I’d take a 10-15% pay cut to live wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted.

    14. I was out of work when this happened, but I took about a 4% cut in this scenario and it is so worth it. I would have done it even if I hadn’t been out of work, had the possibility been available.

    15. There are two issues here for me, personally.

      Commuting costs: my husband’s job is in a small college town. If I were permanently remote, we could move there, save a pile of money on housing and commuting, and knock his commute down from 45 minutes to 5-10 minutes. While I would take less money in exchange for that, I’m already slightly underpaid anyway.

      Available jobs: right now, the type of job I want (not the one I have) would involve upping my commute to 2 hours each way. We’re just that far outside of a big city. I would happily take a less-massive pay bump to still take a large pay bump and title increase.

    16. None. The thing stopping me and a lot of my coworkers from choosing full time WFH is that with the lack of facetime, we would be passed over for special projects or promotions. I’m not going to be pigeon-holed into a dead-end job and take a pay cut. If a company wants to be WFH-friendly, paying its employees less is a huge red flag.

      HR has a salary band applicable to my job. Pay me that, regardless of where I work. The reduced overhead the company has to pay in office space is translated into the costs of hiring more employees.

    17. None. My work is still “worth” a certain rate and is billed out as such. It’s not like my employer is going to start charging clients less for tax returns because I’m working from home, therefore I see zero reason that I should be paid less to produce them. If anything, if we all went fully remote I’d hope to get paid more because work wouldn’t have to pay rent on a huge, expensive building.

      (And I say this as someone who hates working from home and happily went back to the office.)

    18. None – it would not meaningfully change cost of living. A small reduction in commuting costs and workwear is a drop in the bucket compared to housing, utilities, and childcare, which would not change.

      1. This. Plus, I can’t move out of my burb due to spouse’s job. Our biggest costs are mortgage and childcare. That’s why WFH hasn’t really affected my budget positively. Also, the cost of groceries has skyrocketed, due to higher Prices and more at-home
        eating. Not commuting is nice, but having the work/home separation was better. Or maybe grass is greener. My org is already family friendly though.

    19. It would depend on how much I hated my commute, but if I liked my job and was confident I’d enjoy working from home, I’d be willing to reduce my salary by the costs of my commute and the hours I spent commuting.

    20. Agree with everyone that we shouldn’t have to and that there’s the risk of creating classes of employees who are less valuable because they are pure WFH.
      That being said, if it was offered to me, I wouldn’t even have to think about accepting -10% to do my same job and not have to go to the office.

  9. Does anyone have suggestions for a quinoa and spinach recipe? I usually try to have a cooked protein, veggie, and carb around, and just mix and match. Right now I have frozen meatballs and frozen chicken I marinated, and some roasted veggies. I also have frozen spinach and quinoa, and a good variety of spices. And greek yogurt. Any suggestions for how to make the spinach and quinoa into a side dish or meal?

    1. Cook quinoa, set aside. Sautee onion, garlic in oil, then add spinach, salt to taste. Drizzle in a little water if it dries out, but it probably won’t. If you have some dates, chop up two or three and add when the spinach is about halfway done. Add the quinoa back. Taste for salt and pepper, adjust as needed.

    2. My favorite way to eat spinach is as saag. In that case, I might cook the quinoa with some saffron so that it complements the saag spice well. And then make lassi with the yogurt.

    3. I like this one- it calls for fresh baby spinach, but I’ve always used frozen. I have a subscription, so I can’t tell if this link is paywalled, but you can probably find the recipe elsewhere or riff on the general idea of baked quinoa, spinach, and onion, held together with some egg and cheese (I’ve always used mozzarella and parm and dried spices , instead of following the recipe, since that’s what I usually have in the house). I serve with a little sriracha on top.

      https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1016493-baked-quinoa-with-spinach-and-cheese

    6. Bake the frozen spinach together with the quinoa in a glass pan. Add a can of tomatoes or spaghetti sauce and skip the water.

  10. Hi Ladies, I have the afternoon free today in Los Angeles. What should I do? I’ll have a car. Traveling for work and have a rare afternoon to myself. Thanks!

    1. Where in will you be?

      My top thing to do in LA is to visit the Van Gogh irises at the Getty Center, but that used to require a parking reservation.

      1. Yes! go to the getty- if you can’t get a parking reservation, there’s ~10$ parking lots down the street.

    2. Lunch at/from La Brea bakery and a trip to LACMA would be my pick if you have a morning and evening schedule to keep.

    3. LACMA just reopened and it’s lovely (though they are doing a huge construction project so the very large old building is gone). Maybe lunch at the Water Grill in Santa Monica and a walk around the area? A little touristy but kind of fun.

    5. What part of LA and what do you like doing? The Getty museum is great and would probably be my first choice if you can get in (I don’t know if it is open on Mondays and/or requires reservations currently). Lunch and walking around Manhattan Beach can be fun (same for Beverly Hills or Santa Monica). Driving up to Malibu and getting a late lunch / afternoon snack at a fun restaurant right on the water. Hike in Runyon Canyon (definitely not my favorite hike in LA, but it is well known and kind of fun for an out of towner).

  11. I committed to a side gig a year ago, which immediately fell apart due to quarantine. Since then, I’ve realized I need to move on from my stagnant FT job, and started looking. Now the side gig is back, and they want me to commit to a hectic (but necessary) schedule. I can make it work because my FT job is offset due to supporting another time zone, but a standard 9-to-5 would probably not be feasible.

    I know I need to stop looking for a new FT job right now. I committed to the side gig, and it’s not their fault that it was delayed a year. Backing out would be incredibly unprofessional and would damage my reputation. I’m just having major FOMO because the I’ve been fighting for fully remote work for years and the world is suddenly okay with that, plus the news won’t stop talking about talent shortage, and my inbox is flooded with higher-level SME jobs that look perfect.

    I’m doing the right thing, right?

    1. What? Let’s back up here. There is nothing unprofessional about backing out of the side gig. It’s literally a YEAR later! The world is totally different! Of course they wanted you to lead their Llama Farm rebranding project and you’re the perfect woman for the job, but you need to re-evaluate if you can do it A YEAR LATER. Decline that job! It will not damage your reputation and if it does, what kind of unreasonable people are they? Duh your working needs have changed after 2020! I’d instead say, what move do I make TODAY helps me move in the direction I want to go in the next 5 years? And maybe that is taking the SME / Llama role, and that may be staying put and looking for full time SME.

    2. No, your abandon that side gig, you don’t owe them anything. Companies are not loyal to people they would get rid of you in a heartbeat if they could. Do what is best for yourself, which in this case is a new job I think.

    3. I don’t think you’re doing the right thing, actually! Why would you stop looking for a new full-time job in favor of this side gig? Unless the side gig is very solid path to your longterm desired future, why wouldn’t you focus on finding the FT job that you want and need? It is absolutely reasonable to say that a year later life looks different for you and you can’t do this.

    4. I think it’s crazy to put a side gig before your full-time job (search). A hectic side gig just sounds like a part-time job with zero benefits.

    5. No, you’re not. A side gig is not the thing to focus on or worry about your professional reputation at, that’s what your FT job is for. Agree with others too that a year later the world is changed and no one can expect things to resume as they were in Feb 2020.

    6. Yeah I agree with the others. Gracefully declining to say circumstances no longer permit you to take the lead on Side Gig is not at all “incredibly unprofessional.”

    7. Definitely decline the side gig and focus on obtaining a full time position that suits your needs. Don’t harm your own career trajectory because a gig made sense a whole year ago!

    8. No, you’re not doing the right thing to prioritize the side gig.

      I can almost guarantee this is how things went with the company you’re side-gigging for, when it came to getting back in touch:
      – Things got back to nearly-normal and they decided to ramp up the project, restart operations, etc.
      – They knew most people had likely moved on with their lives but they had to start somewhere
      – They decided to shoot their shot and got back in touch with you hoping, fingers crossed, you’d either not have anything else going on or you’d feel guilty enough about “backing out of your commitment” to say yes to what they wanted you to do
      – You bought whatever they were selling.

      You absolutely can back out of this, if this is a side gig I have no idea why it would be “incredibly unprofessional” and would damage your reputation? I need more explanation on that, maybe. Mic-drop quitting your regular gig in a blaze-of-glory-style exit would damage your reputation. Not stuff like this, generally. I would just tell them hey, like a lot of people my situation has completely changed between last year and this year and I have other commitments now (even if the commitment is to yourself, to get a better job). Sorry and I wish circumstances were different! I wish you the best of luck in the future! You don’t need to provide a more advanced explanation than that.

      Srsly unless the side-gig is working for the Obamas, or literal human lives are at stake and only you can save them, or the side-gig people already paid you thousands of dollars in advance that you can’t afford to pay back? You can get out of this. And you should.

      1. And even if you had, I feel like the pandemic would probably be grounds to get out of it.

  12. This seems like a dumb question after 1+ year of working from home, but what are your tips for giving a good presentation on Zoom? Where do I even look? It’s super strange. I have led plenty of meetings during the pandemic, but I’ve yet to give an actual presentation to an audience that I don’t know at all.

    1. Into the camera. It stinks because you can’t see reactions well. If you need notes, put them over the people view so they’re close to your eye line.

    2. It depends a bit on the type of presentation and the audience. In general, I aim to look at the webcam, or just above/below it. A couple of other tips:
      – If you are running the meeting, arrive a few minutes early and get all the permissions and screenshare stuff set up before attendees arrive. It looks much better if attendees arrive to the title slide already sharing. If you’re working with meeting organizers, ask them to arrive a few minutes early and go through all that with you.
      – Test your audio and camera with a trusted friend or family member ahead of time. You might discover that your microphone isn’t that great and no one ever told you. Ask them to evaluate your background and point out anything distracting. Ideally, do this test at the same time of day as your presentation so they can evaluate your lighting.
      – I usually put a couple of books under my laptop, so that the camera is at a more flattering angle, and a more natural one for making eye contact with the camera.
      – Be more intentional with how you engage with the audience than you would be in-person. It’s much harder for everyone to read communication cues by Zoom. Tell the audience up front if you want them to hold questions til the end or just jump in. If there are parts where you’re looking for the audience to weigh in, explicitly invite them. Give a slightly longer pause any time you ask if there are any questions.
      – Get very familiar with the platform you’re using. If it’s Zoom, try to get meeting host permissions. Learn how to mute other attendees, in case someone has a hot mic. Practice sharing your screen. Etc.

    3. Two basics: lighting and acoustics. Avoid that tinny, echo-y computer audio sound at all costs. (The dear older woman on my team who does all calls from her glassed in 4 season porch with ceramic tile is the worst offender.) After that, just make sure you’re modulating your voice to SOUND engaging. I honestly don’t care what you look like – you’re a 2 inch square on my screen.

    4. I make sure I have nice, soft, natural light and decluttered and pleasing background and the color balance of camera is not thrown off by me having super white skin, wearing black top and having white-ish background. When presenting, I make sure the laptop is raised so that people look straight into my eyes (lay laptop on a box or books). I smile and look in the camera (center top on my laptop), so that it looks “natural” for participants. Other than that, I keep presenting as usual. I make sure to engage hand gestures from time to time, but not too much (to prevent distractions).

    5. The other advice is really good, and I’d add definitely make efforts to engage with the audience. You’ll need to wait longer if you ask for audience participation questions, and may need to specifically call on some people. If at all possible, have a few people in mind who you know you can call on to answer confidently. Last week I was in a webinar and the presenter wanted audience participation, wasn’t getting it, so called on me specifically since he knew me and that I could answer well – I thought that was really effective to get people off of mute. You can also use the chat function and read off answers – sometimes people would just prefer to type.

    6. All of the comments are spot on. I would add that I love the zoom special effects that I call “zoom makeup.” That tiny bump in brow and lip enhancement is all I need to feel like “myself only better.”

    7. Get some stick-on googly eyes, place them to either side of your camera opening, and talk to the googly eyed person.

        2. Someone at my university has walked around putting them on rocks. Every time I see a googly eyed rock, I smile

  13. I liked the idea of moving away from skinny jeans to softer fabric pants with elastic waists. Fast forward three months later: this is just another way to buy ill-fitting pants that are tailored to a generic body (ie not my actual body). I felt lulled into believing this but now I feel conned by washable pants with not enough room in the back so when I sit down the tummy elastic creeps up and the back creeps down. This is in a M; the L was an option that the elastic couldn’t hold up (and because of the elastic, there are no belt loops). Waah; must be Monday.

    1. Do you sew? I personally tailor all my sweats/joggers/etc. It is just such a luxury to have comfy clothes that fit perfectly. For me the tailoring usually involves adding/modifying pockets and taking in the waist.

    2. I definitely agree with the annoyance of clothing “tailored to a generic body”. All this move away from button and zipper closures to elastic and boxy or loose styles is just the manufacturer trying to accommodate all different body shapes with as little cost as possible. I would so much rather only be able to shop from a subset of stores that work for my body but work well than all the mall brands that now look equally sloppy on everyone.

    3. Jeans are essentially the only trousers I wear – because at least they come in a variety of fits for body shapes and in nice thick fabrics that don’t highlight every lump and bump underneath them!

  14. Another Mother’s Day come and gone without my mother, another day wading through endless social media postings from women posing with their own mothers while urging me that they “see me” and “hear me” as a motherless person and that they “hold me in their hearts.” Anyone else hate that?

    2. I have an extremely strained relationship with my own mother and will sometimes go for years without communicating with her. The posts about people with their own mothers do not bother me; I AM extremely bothered by the posts that tell you that “you will never regret picking up the phone to talk to your mother” (STFU about things you know nothing about) or telling me that I feel “seen.” The latter seems to rub it in: there are plenty of things in life that other people celebrate and I don’t, and vice versa; however, it is just weird to tell me that I am some charity case because they want to celebrate and I can’t.

    3. Yep…..No social media on that day for me!
      I always find reading the Anne Lamott essay on Mother’s Day to be a great relief

    4. This year the fact that I desperately want to be a mother and am not really hit me hard.

    5. Yes.

      There was a little graphic that a bunch of influencers were sharing – everything from people who’ve lost their mom, to struggling to conceive, etc. Super patronizing.

      1. OP here and that’s exactly it – super, super patronizing. I should’ve known better than to use social media yesterday.

      2. So would you prefer that people not post that graphic that acknowledges Mother’s Day isn’t the happiest of days for many? Because asking people not to celebrate Mother’s Day on social media at all doesn’t seem reasonable.

        1. Yes, exactly. People posting a sweet Mother’s Day pic with their own kid or parent – totally fine.

        2. Yes, I would love if people posted their own happy photos or did whatever felt relevant for their own lives without the influencer-speak, faux-concerned and caring platitudes about “holding space for me in their hearts”. That is exactly what I prefer.

          1. Yep. WTF does it mean to “hold space in your heart” for a stranger you don’t know and aren’t even speaking directly to or a person you know but aren’t actually bothering to communicating with?

            It’s the influencer way of saying “thoughts and prayers.”

        3. I think this is a “can’t win” proposition because we all have different opinions and experiences. As an infertile woman, I appreciate the nod that this day can be hard for some. I don’t find it patronizing but I am fully aware that someone else could. I find in the infertility online community it’s almost a 50/50 split of people that want acknowledgement that this is a hard day and those that want to just celebrate their own mom (if they have a good relationship w/ one to celebrate) and not have their own struggles highlighted.

    6. I do hate that because it is performative and insincere and who GAF that some influencer or distant acquaintance pities them from afar. Why are you torturing yourself with these things? Stay away on the day if it is displeasing. Nothing emergent happens on social media that isn’t covered elsewhere. If there is an Arab Spring, you’ll know and can tune in then. Or not. But also, I am so tired of people feeling like those of us who have mothers and relationships with them, or are mothers, have to apologize for it or hide it or tone down the joy it brings because not everyone has that. I don’t get it. I want a new car and can’t afford one but you don’t have to garage yours so as not to taunt me with it. I want a BF who cares about me but if you’ve got one, you are very welcome bring him around and gush about him.

      2. What? No one is saying that people who actually celebrate Mother’s Day shouldn’t post something nice about it. I’m prepared for that and can tune it out.

        But when people feel the need to remind those that aren’t celebrating of exactly what it is they lack — patronizing and awful.

        1. Exactly. I’ve been motherless nearly my entire life and it doesn’t mean that I’m not happy to see pictures of my friends and family appreciating their mothers. Of course I wish I could join them, but I’m still happy for them. What makes me unhappy is the pitying, patronizing reminders that only became a trend in recent years. I forgot about Mother’s Day until I opened social media and then I was reminded I should’ve stayed off the Internet.

        2. Okay. That is totally reasonable and we are on the same page. But the apology/”I see you” posts are there in response to a chorus of people (though maybe not you, the OP, or most of the others commenting here) who complain that people posting on SM on Mother’s Day = rubbing their nose in the fact that other people have living mothers, functional parental relationships, or fertility.
          (Note that I did not and never have posted anything on SM about Mother’s Day because, well, I communicate directly with my parents and our relationships are nothing to brag about anyway, they just exist.)

          1. Yes. Sometimes its “d@mned if you do, d @mned if you dont”. When people didn’t recognize and sympathize with those who cant celebrate mother’s day, it was criticised. Now when they post stock messages of commiseration it is viewed as hollow and insincere.
            Signed, someone who doesn’t post on social media anything personal at all, just pictures of my (actual) garden

    7. I think you’re better off just avoiding social media than to expect that influencers will behave in a way that doesn’t hurt your feelings.

      I’m sorry you had a tough Mother’s Day. It’s my fourth without my own mom and although it still sucks it does get easier.

      1. Given the way algorithms work and how basically no timelines are in chronological order anymore, we’re going to be seeing this posts all week. And it’s a bummer and I get to be bummed about it.

        1. Yeah, it’s easy enough to avoid for a day, but it’s so much more than that. And also this is after weeks of constant mother’s day advertising literally everywhere you go, which functions as a constant reminder.

    8. Yes, and I think they can all go f themselves with the insta reposts. And I also continue to hate Mother’s Day with the fire of a thousand burning suns for being a gross, patronizing hallmark holiday that, bonus, implies that parents are more valuable than people who are not (for whatever reason). I hated it when I had a mother and now, even more UGHHHHHHHH.

    9. I don’t know what it is, but Mother’s Day feels like it had taken on such a huge push over the past decade or so. Why is my Whole Foods bagger wishing me a happy Mother’s Day just because I’m female and of a certain age? I feel like Fathers Day doesn’t get half of the hullabaloo.

    10. Halfway through yesterday, I realized the secret is avoid social media and go day drinking instead.

  15. Could I please get some help brainstorming potential causes of fatigue? It has hit me very hard in the last couple of weeks. I’m in my late 40s. I am a government lawyer working a 40ish hour a week job from home. I sleep ok-not great, but that’s nothing new. I’m a dedicated exerciser and healthy eater. I have an appointment for a physical in a month and will discuss with my doctor then of course but am interested in input in the meantime.

    2. For me, this was a lack of Vitamin D. My doctor suggested a multivitamin containing Vitamin D due to low blood values. Worked in 2 weeks!

    3. Your doctor may check vitamin D, B12, iron, and thyroid levels. It’s also possible your doctor will recommend a sleep study since you already know you aren’t sleeping well.

    4. Strange, but that’s my reaction to seasonal allergies. I don’t sneeze, I don’t get itchy eyes or a runny nose – no typical allergy symptoms, but I just get SO TIRED. Taking a Zyrtec, etc, takes care of it.

  16. Random question but anyone recommend a scenic drive or a scenic overlook in the DC area preferably on the Va side (though the city is fine too)? IDK if this is a thing in Va — but in the part of Pa where I’m from it’s pretty normal to drive in a pretty area and park and look out at say a covered bridge and a river and just have a deep conversation or time to reflect or whatever. I just need to get out of the house and do some thinking that’s job related. I want to just sit someplace and I prefer my car esp these days because I just want to grab a coffee, park someplace nice and zone out in my thoughts and not worry about who is too close to me, were they masked etc AND I don’t have to wear a mask. I tend to do my best thinking away from home — probably because at home there’s a TV, phone is ringing, dishes or laundry or something always need to be done so focusing on me takes a back seat. All I can think of is the place at DCA where you can park and watch planes land — I may do that but I assume it’s kind of loud.

    1. Great Falls of the Potomac? Harper’s Ferry? Down by where they have the Gold Cup is pretty.

      1. Mount Eccentric and O’Bannon Roads by the Gold Cup course (Great Meadows if you want to google for directions) are really pretty–hilly enough for lots of views of some really gorgeous farms. If you go early in the morning, you might be able to see them out walking the Orange County Hunt foxhounds.

    2. I can’t help with a place to stop and sit, but I LOVE driving all of the back roads in Middleburg/Upperville/Unison. I would take a random turn off the main drag in Mburg and take turns whenever I felt like it. The farms are so gorgeous in that area!

      1. Yeah, it’s a little tough because everywhere out there is private, so while people are unlikely to *bother* you if you’re just sitting in your car, for me it would not be the most relaxing. OP, if you’re up for a little more of an adventure, take Foxcroft Road/route 626 out of Middleburg, consider pausing at Glenwood Park (which is private), and I think I vaguely recall there being a pull-off somewhere near Goose Creek over there?

        Hmm, maybe drive down to the far end of Kirk Branch Road? That dead-ends at the river and I don’t recall there being any houses like, right up on the end of the road.

        (Really giving my hyper-specific knowledge of Western Loudon and Northern Fauquier an outing today.)

    3. There are a few places along the GW Parkway that could work. Overlooks north of Rosslyn, a few marinas south of the airport. The closer you get to Mt. Vernon the quieter is is. Also Jones Point Park (closer to the lighthouse than the bridge)

      1. This was my first thought. GW parkway near Mount Vernon. And probably near other parkways. I’d just google “scenic overlook” for more ideas if you haven’t already.

    4. Ooh if it weren’t for Covid concerns, I’d say take the train to Harper’s Ferry. I can do some deep thinking watching the scenery from a train.

    5. This may be farther than you want to drive, but I’d take 50 out through Western Loudon. Options along the way:
      -Aldie (like the actual town of Aldie, not the ‘burbs part of Aldie) has a parking lot next to a old mill with a nice view of Little River. You should be able to pick up a coffee there; I haven’t been in ages so don’t have a specific rec.
      -If you drive past Middleburg (get your coffee and a snack at The Upper Crust, which is delicious but fair warning has kind of odd hours; or the Market Salamander) and Atoka, you’ll eventually cross Goose Creek and there will be a semi-hidden turnoff onto Route 832 on the right. There’s a little area with a historical plaque and a view of a nice old stone bridge.
      -Even further out is Sky Meadows State Park. Route 17 between 50 and 64 is a GORGEOUS drive. I don’t have any recommendations for specific places to stop (other than the wineries…) but I’m sure you can figure something out at the state park.

    6. If you don’t need to the very most scenic spot but just want somewhere quiet and not too far away, you could go to Theodore Roosevelt Island or just drive up the Potomac and sit in one of the pull-offs.

    7. Close-in options – Gravely point by national, the steps to the river by the Lincoln Memorial looking back on Rosslyn, anywhere along the GW Parkway towards Mount Vernon, Scott’s run waterfall by the river if you don’t mind a 15 minute hike.
      Jones point Park in Old Town.

      1. Um, not everywhere. I’m in NYC and our school ends June 25. My son started back 5 days/week 2 weeks ago and it is glorious! It would be worth it even for 3 weeks.

        1. Even for 7 weeks the disruption doesn’t seem worthwhile, especially since there’s a good chance classrooms will be quarantined for at least part of that time. Here in VA, there is usually no instruction going on at this point in the year anyway because they’ve been reviewing for state tests since the beginning of April.

          1. Well, for us it was a transition from being in school 2 days a week to 5, with the same teacher — combining A/B cohorts after CDC guidance changed to allow 3 feet of distance–so disruption for us was minimal. This is also the 3rd school schedule we’ve had this year, not including 4+ shut downs due to high positivity rates, positives in the school, and one positive in my son’s class. I have friends that had students that were fully remote that decided to stay remote because it would have meant changing teachers, which I totally get, but it was a no brainer for us as we were already hybrid and already dealing with periodic quarantines or school closures.

    2. I get why this is exciting. I would really really hate having kids home all day for months on end. But isn’t it weird to send the kids back for just a few weeks?

      1. School usually runs until mid-late June so it’s more like 6-7 weeks right? I’d take it!

        1. Not OP, but not here. They get out before Memorial Day here but sent kids back for a few weeks anyway. Just grateful every day I don’t have to worry about any of this, personally.

      2. My daughter has fortunately been in full time school all year, but we have good friends whose kids just went back to a different school last week and they are SO HAPPY (the kids, I mean, but the parents too I am sure). I don’t think it is weird at all to send the kids back for just a few weeks. Better than nothing IMO.

        1. I think of how life-changing summer camps are with the human connections you made in 2 weeks, so after a year of no school, even 3 weeks in person will be a great tonic after a year that was very gray (if not outright dark, emotionally) for many kids.

    3. Congratulations! Mine just did after spring break, and it was kind of surreal! I hope rollout goes smoothly for your district, OP!

    4. I totally get it! My kids went back in April and even though it’s only been a few weeks (and if it ended right this minute) – SO worth it! They are happier, more active, more tired at the end of the day and I am so much less burdened during the day with work, kids and house.

  18. I joined a start up a couple months ago. My compensation is split up into a base rate that is paid normally, and a bonus that is paid out quarterly. I haven’t received the bonus I was supposed to receive at the end of March yet, although they confirmed that I will receive it. How much should I pursue this? I think i haven’t received it because the founders are overwhelmed and there’s no formal HR, not because they don’t have money. But this is weird.

    1. I don’t know what state you’re in, but in California not paying compensation as agreed or mandated by law can get employers in BIG TROUBLE and subject them to BIG FINES. I’d suggest looking into the rules where you are and giving the “overwhelmed” founders a gentle heads up.

      2. Caveat though, startup comp tends to use base/bonus where the bonus is contingent on X to avoid paying it out. I’m getting the vibe that this company is out of money and OP is going to be SOL. OP, hate to say it but I’d dust off your resume.

        1. But OP says it was due at the end of March, and she got confirmation that it would be paid to her. They’d have to be changing her compensation agreement retroactively, which they can’t.

          1. They don’t really seem out of money – business is going well, they are actually thinking of hiring. The businesses expenses are pretty low, esp with everyone WFH right now.
            In response to my email asking about this, they replied that I would be paid + we should have a meeting. I’m just weirded out by why this requires a meeting.

    2. Absolutely follow up until it’s paid. Do not let it go. It’s part of your compensation! What if it’s still outstanding by the time your next bonus is due?

      Also, you’re new there and if you aren’t being paid fully and promptly, that’s important information. Take it from someone who has worked at an unstable startup and had to chase down pay several times. If it turns out they actually can’t make payroll, you can leave asap and maybe not even put this short job on your resume.

    4. Pursue. Perhaps with a phrase like “I’d hate for us to run afoul of employee pay laws.”

      A relative had this happen and ended up without a paycheck for 6+ months…

    5. He wants to have a meeting about it. Sure, but what is there to really discuss, just pay me. Perhaps I will have to use phrases like “I’d hate for us to run afoul of employee pay laws” as Cat suggested

      1. A meeting request on this is a huge red flag IMO. As you say, there’s nothing to talk about.

      3. Yeah they’re going to try and get away with not paying you and you need to be prepared to walk.

        1. And report them to the Employment Department for non-payment of agreed-upon compensation in a timely manner. They can get fined (paid to you!) for this.

  19. What do you do when close family members have different covid risk tolerance? I feel like we’ve been going through this pandemic for over a year, and there is constant and changing strife within my family that is coming to a head now that vaccines are becoming more widespread and restrictions are loosening up.

    My family, with whom I am very close, is comprised of my 2 siblings, their spouses, their children (2 each), me and my husband and our 2 children, and my 2 parents. All adults other than my Dad have been working from home throughout the pandemic. All kids are now in person in school with masks and strict Covid precautions (and, fingers crossed, have had a very successful school year with no exposures). We have all been very covid cautious and follow the CDC guidelines as closely as possible. There is now an entrenched conflict between my one sibling and my other siblings’s spouse. My sibling (A) is extremely risk averse. Always has been in every facet of life. Complete rule follower and has basically been a hermit for the entire pandemic. Hasn’t left the house really at all other than to see family. My other sibling’s spouse (B) is a Trump supporter and anti-masker. B does follow the rules in public- wears masks when grocery shopping, going to stores, works from home exclusively, etc. but feels very strongly that because we all know that all of us are not undertaking risky behavior and because we are family we should not be wearing masks indoors when we get together. We avoided the issue last summer by only getting together outdoors. We are very tight knit and usually get together at least once or twice a month and all the kids love playing with their cousins.

    Once the weather cooled off, tensions flared and we had a huge blowup about Christmas. Sibling A insisted that we all get together indoors with masks and each household eat in separate rooms (my parents’ house is huge and can easily accommodate all of us in separate rooms). All of us except B were on board, and B refused to come over on Christmas and gave his spouse (my sibling) a huge guilt trip for “leaving him alone” on Christmas for the part of the day my sibling and kids came out my parents’ house. B was welcome to come with a mask but refused. Since Christmas, we have settled into a routine where we either get together indoors with masks and precautions and B just doesn’t come (which is an elephant in the room) or now that it is nicer we’ve gotten together outside again a couple of times.

    Now, all adults but B have gotten fully vaccinated. Kids are young and not vaccinated. Sibling A is insisting that because kids are unvaccinated we need to continue wearing masks indoors, even if it is only with fully vaccinated adults. Other sibling and parents are saying we need to loosen up a little, all adults are fully vaccinated now and kids are low risk so we should be able to let go of the mask requirement. Sibling A is digging in heels and feels that it is too risky for the kids even if all adults are vaccinated. Plus, and here is the real sticking point, B is refusing to get vaccinated and refusing to wear a mask indoors with family. We had a huge blow up on Mother’s Day because B was excluded from the gathering and everyone was fighting about what is the right thing to do.

    Is the answer just that we stop getting together because it is causing so much disagreement? Do we default to the comfort level of the most risk averse person of the bunch (which is what we’ve been doing). Mother’s Day ended with both siblings and my Mom in tears. Mom is stuck in the middle and wants everyone to get along. My sibling (B’s spouse) thinks B is being stubborn but she cannot get B to back off this position and cannot force B to get vaccinated. My sibling feels torn in half each time she shows up to a family gathering without B. Are we being overly cautious continuing to wear masks indoors if all adults but one are vaccinated and we’re all being cautious in our day to day activities? This has become an unresolveable situation, my parents and I are stuck in the middle, and I’m starting to feel like we are going to just have to stop getting together as a group to keep the peace.

    2. B is a dick and you’re right to continue not to invite him until he gets vaccinated. You can be maskless when he’s not there, though, even with the children present.

      Stick to your guns.

    3. Look, I’m more in the “B” risk tolerance bucket, though not a Trump supporter or anti-masker, and I firmly believe that people who won’t get vaccinated don’t get to complain about masks. Now, I also know that statistically kids are extremely low risk for COVID (more have died in car accidents, or of the flu in a normal year than of COVID), and as I’m fully vaccinated, other than following store/restaurant rules, I’m living my life like it’s 2019, regardless of what the CDC says – which I think has forfeited all respect and credibility at this point, both during the Trump and Biden administrations.

    4. I think this is your sibling’s problem in that your sibling is married to a terrible person who is fundamentally selfish, guilt trips them, and is anti vac and a trump supporter. You should probably all get together less often.

      1. +1. You can’t compromise with people like that who are anti-science and anti-common sense.

      2. Yeah I feel like you all maybe need to do some reading on communication. I’m really surprised that you’re willing to fight to the point of tears about this, and that your instinct is just for everyone to stop getting together completely to avoid this.

        We have this almost exact scenario on two different sides of our extended families. The answer has been that sometimes the family gets together indoors no masks, and sometimes outside plus wearing masks if you have to go in to the bathroom. Whoever is comfortable with the arrangement comes, and no hard feelings if not. We’re in the middle (stuck to mainly outdoors before vaccines, now cautiously opening up to indoors no masks with smaller groups) so sometimes we went, sometimes we didn’t.

        But also, I’m surprised there are that many school-age kids involved and you’re still able to ALL get together every other week. Between sports, recitals, friend birthdays, other sides of the family, etc (in normal times) there’s almost always a sibling or two who can’t make an event. Even “important” ones like Mothers Day or Christmas have someone missing. I can’t imagine crying over someone not coming to an event. Maybe use this as the start of a wider conversation on expectations, this doesn’t seem like a sustainable situation even IF everyone suddenly gets vaccinated.

      3. I’m in your sibling’s position (my spouse is anti-mask and anti-covid-vac). I am extremely frustrated with him – but let me plead for some grace and support from blood relatives. The pandemic has been extremely hard on my husband’s mental health. Also, we have children together and I don’t want to break up our family because of my husband’s reaction to a temporary event. My sister has basically refused to see him (because she finds him obnoxious, not for health reasons), and I get it, but it really, really puts me in the middle.

    5. If B is out of the picture, and all adults are vacced & no one (kid or adult) is high-risk, then I do think continuing to mask while indoors in these circumstances is very very cautious… but I think A is also entitled to be very cautious about their family’s health. Can you get everyone (B included) together outdoors, and A and family can stay outdoors and/or mask up if they need to go inside? I think a lot of people are still figuring out their comfort level as we “return to normal” so to the extent you can kind of push the decision until A has a change to adjust, it may work itself out.
      For B, I don’t know that there is a solution. Based on Fauci’s recent statements, we’ll likely see loosening of mask requirements *for vaccinated people* in the near future, but that doesn’t fix things for someone who doesn’t want to vaccinate or mask. One alternative I’ve see put forth is regular COVID testing, so would B consider getting tested a few days before each family visiti? It’s a burden for sure, but maybe that gives A some comfort, and frankly I’m not that sympathetic to B who basically won’t make any effort here.

      1. Not the OP, but I would put money on A being stuck on “Your mask protects me, my mask protects you” regardless of the science. And I think it should be B who has to stay outside; everyone else can go in.

      2. I think that A is being reasonable for A, but shouldn’t dictate to a larger group. I think “believe in science” goes both ways. At this point, if B gets sick, B gets sick, but I don’t think that B will be getting you sick given that B is not actually engaging in anything else risky and WFH and masks outside of the home (n.b., mask requriements may loosen or go away this summer).

        1. Yeah, I think it’s kind of a “A and family can do what they want – including wearing masks and staying outside” while the rest of the family can gather how they feel comfortable. At this point I would still try to do something that A could tolerate, though, like going maskless outside and if A’s family wants to mask while outside, then they can do it.

    6. Given that the most cautious family member is asking for something easy to do, I would default to the comfort level of the most cautious family member. If they wanted something that was overly burdensome for my family (like everyone stays home for two weeks prior to gathering, making kids skip school), I’d hold off on gathering for now.

      I would be really wary of B. That behavior indicates that B doesn’t taken others’ health seriously and I’d be worried that B would show up to a gathering even though he has Covid symptoms or otherwise behave recklessly. I wouldn’t want to hang out with B, wouldn’t want my (yet to be vaccinated) children near B, and we had to be near him, I’d up my normal level of precautions.

      B throwing a tantrum wouldn’t sway me to be less cautious at all.

    7. Stop getting together as a whole big group because two unreasonable people are ruining it for everyone. Just stop doing this.

      1. I don’t know of local families with grandparents and 3 kids with their own kids/spouses all in town that got together as a big group that much pre-pandemic.

        Also, in my city, there are vaccine avoiders, but far more vaccine-hesitant people (generally Biden supporters; city is very blue, metro area is more blue than purple; state is purple).

        1. My family did and it was a GREAT way to grow up (this is the early 00s – mid 2010s, my siblings/cousins and I all played sports (most of us ended up playing in college) and has other extra curricular activities and we still made time to do this). I loved growing up this way and I’m sad that more kids don’t.

          There’s a 20+ Year age gap among my 10 cousins, so we never were that family where “my cousin is my BFF” but growing up like this is also probably the only reason I still talk to my cousins now as adults.

    8. All vaccinated adults indoors doesn’t need masks if only adults

      But B is unvaccinated so if B comes then adults need masks indoors if only adults.

      If kids are present then everyone masks because they are unvaccinated.

      In a few more months, we’ll likely have herd immunity. Just socialize outside or in smaller groups. Does everyone have to get together at the same time?

      1. I would think that it should just be the kids wearing masks if inside at this point.

        1. No, because the vaccinated adults may still be able to pass it on to unvaccinated kids. The CDC guidance presumes that some risk is tolerable if the kids aren’t individually high risk, but that doesn’t mean that the kids or their parents have to be comfortable with that risk. The mask protects the others, not the wearer (at least not as much).

    9. B is causing ALL of the commotion since everyone else is fine wearing masks indoors. Just let B stay home.

    10. Not going to be the most popular answer- you’re vaccinated. Go to the gathering. All of you. See your family.

    11. If we were just talking about all vaccinated adults and all unvaccinated kids, A would be slightly overcautious but still in the realm of reasonable to request that indoor gatherings still be masked. It depends on the age of the kids, but in the elementary school range my pediatrician friend is concerned about multiple households of unmasked kids (7+). If they are mostly 5 and under, less of a concern. There’s a reason schools are open/opening (kids are lower risk!) but with masks (let’s decrease that risk as far as we can).
      However, if B refuses to vaccinate and refuses to wear a mask, then there isn’t an avenue for compromise, except keeping everyone outside.
      Personally, I’d push A to start to relax on indoor maskless gathering, but be clear that you are certainly still taking her side against B. And I think everyone should stop feeling bad that B doesn’t get to come to stuff. You are giving B two or three totally reasonable options: 1) get vaccinated, 2) wear a mask, 3) spend time unmasked/unvaccinated with his family outdoors. If he is refusing to participate in any of the three that is strictly a him problem.

  20. In charge of planning a bridal shower. Narrowed down the dates that the bride can do, then the (outdoor) venue can only do one of those, so that’s our date. Find out one bridesmaid can’t do that date. I guess it is my fault for not asking the other bridesmaids for availability first, but idk what I could have done to make it work. Party planning is hard.

    1. Sounds to me like one bridesmaid just got lucky and doesn’t have to come, the bride got lucky because she found a date when she and the venue are mutually available and most of her bridal party can attend, and you got lucky that the shower will be where the bride wants it and almost everyone can be there so you did a great job with planning. This does not sound like a problem to me at all.

      2. Thank you for that perspective. The one bridesmaid is understandably bummed, just trying to please everyone I guess.

        1. Pleasing everyone here is an impossible task. Give that bridesmaid a few years and she’ll be feeling lucky she escaped the 7th bridal shower she was invited to that year.

        2. Reassure her she’ll be missed, give her a hug at the wedding, and forget about it.

    3. Agree with everyone above. I was always sympathetic to and understanding of overwhelmed brides, but even I was shocked at how many moving parts are involved in wedding planning. This includes bridal showers. Do not be hard on yourself; there was exactly one available weekend and nothing you were going to do would change that.

      Everyone wants to pretend that weddings can be run to accommodate everyone, and a bride (or her friends) who do otherwise is being unreasonable. LOL, WTF, LOL, no. Herding cats on cocaine would be easier than trying to coordinate everyone’s preferences and schedules. You make the best decisions you can, communicate those decisions to people, and move on.

    4. No, you did the right thing. It’s harder to try and take everyone’s availability into account and then you’re in a situation where you have to choose between the people who can’t make it every single date you’ve proposed.

  21. Thankful for this blog. I have recently been made permanently WFH, which is absolutely the best case scenario for me / my family, but can be so isolating. I really look forward to reading the comment threads here daily.

    2. Me, too! This is exactly my situation as well. I was WFH temporary because of Covid but found out I’m going to remain WFH about 95% of the time from here on out last month. It’s been great on a personal level, but also really hard. I miss interacting with people other than my family in person. Corporette comment threads are seriously a high point for my work day.

  22. Any tips for getting zinc sunscreen out of bathing suits? A really long presoak with my standard detergent (Hex) doesn’t seem to have made much of a difference.

    2. We use Zinc sunscreen on our kiddo (tons of it), and this has never been a problem. We wash her clothes in Dreft. So maybe try a small bottle of that? I never even knew this was a thing.

  23. How are there so many women on this board with intimate knowledge of the backroads of small town Middleburg, VA?! Impressive. Anyone else live in the area? Feel free to drop me a line at MiddleburgVA2021@gmail.com

    1. One side of my family is from the area and my father moved back when I was in middle school. I’ve never lived there permanently, but I’ve spent a ton of time there over the years. It’s such a gorgeous and unique area.

      I miss horses.

      1. Such a small world! Yes, you really seemed to know the area well. We moved out here from D.C. and haven’t looked back…though we do visit family and friends. Yes horses!

    2. Never been, but it looks like such a beautiful equestrian-focused area with historic homes – basically my dream!

    3. I ride horses :)

      Also, a friend of mine’s father has a farm in that area, my mentor has property out that way, I used to show at Upperville, hang at Magpie’s (underage), etc.

      1. Oh man, I haven’t thought about Magpie’s in YEARS. I preferred Mosby’s for my definitely-legal drinking, though ;) RIP to two institutions.

        I showed at Upperville too! And we’d go to the jump-off every year.

        Nostalgia hours over here…

      2. I ride, too! You were in deep if you showed at Upperville :) I forget if they’re allowing spectators this year, if so I’m finally going to drop by!

  24. “I’m of the mindset that you need to dress the body that you’ve got right now, not the one you used to have, or even the one you wish you had, so I’m buying a few new pieces in larger sizes or in cuts that are more forgiving for a fluctuating size. (I’m also of the mindset that this body got me through a very challenging year, so it deserves to be dressed and treated with care!)”

    I really appreciate the body positivity in today’s post. Thank you for that.

    2. It’s a nice sentiment, but a wrap dress does not fit any body I’ve ever had or will ever have except a pregnant one. Wrap dresses are the opposite of accommodating.

      1. I totally agree. I find them to be the least forgiving! A-line skirts are my MVPs of weight fluctuations.

      2. Huh. They are the items that last the longest in my closet when I am fluctuating sizes. I have a mostly straight figure with a bit of a tummy that I can camouflage with smoothing (not compressing) undergarments in a wrap dress. I guess like any garment, they work for some better than others.

      3. I’d say the wrap is best for hourglass or pear figure. For me – straight trending to apple if I gain weight — the tie around the middle is just really unflattering, and I’ve also never found one that wasn’t too low cut to wear to work without constant adjustment.

      5. Agree. That dress and pattern could not be more unflattering on someone larger sized.

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