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Updated: Oct 30, 2018 352 Comments · by

Thursday’s Workwear Report: Colorblocked Belted Fit & Flare Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. colorblocked-fit-flare-dress2I tend to prefer sleeker fit and flare dresses, and not like frillier, poufier ones — so I'm kind of on the fence on this one. The pro: it's a best-seller at Macy's (where it has rave reviews), and is available in regular, petite, and plus sizes — and it's only $89-$99. I also like the mix of navy/white/black in this dress. (Amazon has a few colors as low as $48.)  Calvin Klein Colorblocked Belted Fit & Flare Dress Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-all)

Sales of note for 9.19.24

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 15% off new styles
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
  • Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
  • Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
  • Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
  • Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
  • White House Black Market – 40% off select styles

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Comments

  1. CountC

    UGGGGGGHHHH Immediate vent. I am so overwhelmed at work and immediately wanted to start to cry when I came in this morning and looked at my email in box with YET ANOTHER escalation of a document that my former coworker had been working on but for which none of the proper internal approvals were obtain. Of course the customer wants it this week. And the other customer with which we got the contentious agreement down to two open items, has reopened an item that I know my management won’t accept. That was a fun conf call at 7:30 a.m. Not to mention that I can’t get to any of my own work due to cleaning up my former coworkers messes. And there is a hiring freeze so it may be months before his position gets filled.

    Thank goodness I had Ativan in my purse. It’s gonna be a long day.

    On a good note, my first post-raise paycheck will go in tomorrow, which nets me an extra $300/pay period. I will take it! And my FWB told me that I am tough as nails and that I can do this. (I don’t feel tough as nails, but it was really nice to hear from him.)

    Okay, pity party over, back to work!! Hope all of you have good days!

    • Lynn

      That sucks about the drama, but the pay raise is awesome! I remember when I went up a grade and it was less than $100 per pay period. Super disappointing, because the numbers looked so big in theory! I hope your day gets better.

      • Anonymous

        One year my Big Law annual raise was entirely eaten up by higher taxes. A total first world problem, I know, but it was so sad to see such a big difference in the pre-tax salary and no difference in the after tax salary.

        • Anonymous

          False. This is, mathematically, false. Your entire raise did not go to taxes. That’s literally not how they work. Maybe you increased pre-tax contributions, maybe your healthcare went up, possible your paycheck did not look the same, but there is no way your entire raise went to taxes.

          • Anonymous

            +1 If raises go into effect on January 1, take home pay will be lower than in the last check from the prior year, because deductions that were maxed out in the prior year will restart.

          • Anonymous

            Nope, there were no changes to my withholdings or our firm’s benefits structure. It wasn’t literally $0, but I only got about $20 more per biweekly paycheck, so about $500 a year more after tax on a pre-tax raise of $5k. It was a combination of a big raise in the limit to the social security tax ceiling and (with my husband’s income) getting bumped to the next tax bracket. I consulted an accountant to make sure the firm hadn’t made a withholding error and she did the math for me.

          • CMT

            Thank you! I can’t believe how many people make it through their lives — paying taxes!! — without knowing how they work.

    • bridget

      Time for “Watch Me Shine.” If Elle can do Harvard Law, you can do this.

    • busybee

      Asking out of curiosity because my job is completely different–what is the consequence of these things for you? What happens now with the agreement and the extra item?

      • CountC

        Luckily, because my boss is the bee’s knees and because none of us have any control over the hiring freeze, nothing except appreciation. I’ve already been commended by counsel on “pulling a rabbit out of a hat” on the one agreement, and I am going to hustle to pull a similar miracle on the other.

        It’s looking like I am going to pull the first agreement off, which will be great. The customer will be happy, everyone on my side will be impressed, and it will be off my desk. The second will be more challenging, but I will put up the best fight I can and do whatever I can to push it through quickly. I already found issues that my coworker let slide, so counsel is appreciative of that.

        That said, as things start to get late on my other work, one of two things will happen, the business won’t care or the business will care and will push to have an exception to the hiring freeze made for my former co-worker’s position. I have been very good about setting expectations with internal and external clients. I respond with updates even if the update is that I don’t have one. I have found that if you are at least communicating with them as to no news, it’s better than not communicating with them at all.

  2. Pesh

    Recommendations for crew neck sweaters? I found my holy grail crew neck a few years ago from Old Navy of all places…perfect length, fitted but not tight, neck not too high or low…I got it in every color. They’re my go-to winter outfit for my casual office with a statement necklace, skinny jeans and heels or booties. But, like a lot of things from Old Navy, they didn’t hold up well and I need to replace them. Any recs?

    • MJ

      Land’s End. Their Italian CEO who just got fired–her first collection is hitting stores/catalog now, and there are some super-cute sweaters. Truly. I am drooling over them.

        • MJ

          I just got a 40% email this morning, so…not bad. They are just moving to price like BR and AT, where no one ever pays full price anymore!

      • Turtle

        I second Land’s End, their cotton crews are easy to wash and have held up great. Also check out Woolovers, they have well-priced, good quality sweaters that are machine washable.

        • Anonny

          YES! Someone else singing the praises of Woolovers. Good quality and great fabrics. None of that synthetic nonsense that most stores do. I hand wash mine and they wear like iron , but the tag says you can machine wash too.

  3. Anonymous

    I measured my bra size with a tape measure and learned that I have been wearing the wrong size. Someone at Victoria Secret measured me and told me I was a 36B. According to my measurements and multiple online bra size calculators, I could be a 30DD or 30DDD.

    Any recommendations for places that actually carry these ‘rare’ sizes? I would like to try one one and see if it actually fits before I buy one and online bra shopping takes forever.

    • Anonymous

      They’re not actually that rare. Victoria Secret is basically useless at fitting. For small band size and larger cup size I like Panache. They also make gorgeous nursing bras in case that’s relevant to any other readers.

      Signed, Thought I was a 34B but really was a 30D.

      • 36DDD

        If you are near a Nordstrom’s go there and get a proper fitting. They also have a much larger selection than most places. My favorite bra is the Natori Feathers, which they carry in many sizes (as does Amazon).

        • 38!DDD

          My Nordstrom fitting was mostly great – the ladies were super helpful and even brought me water and treats because I was in the fitting room for hours – but they kept wanting to put me in a 36 band, insisting it was my “correct” size, but it felt so uncomfortable I could barely breathe. I ended up returning the bra I bought.

        • housecounsel

          Natori Feathers is the HG of bras – and VS will just try to jam you in to whatever size bra is in stock, in the style that is currently being promoted.

          • Anonymous

            30D and I hated the Natori Feathers, but I love the Betsey Johnson (and have multiples). The Calvin Kline one is a bit more padded that was my fave before I discovered the Betsey.

            VS is the worst.

    • anon anon armani

      Not many brick and mortar do carry such sizes in my experience. YMMV. I do find that the online places like her room and others do the trick. I like her room because they show each item on a mannequin with various necklines. You can also take their quiz and then search through their offerings based upon your needs/size. I do wish more places would offer free returns and shipping though. Wishing you all the best. I just don’t know how we can educate the problem that after middle and high school, VS is an inappropriate place to shop for such things. My problem is being unable to wear underwires any more and no one carries anything like that which is a traditional item, not a sports thing to pull over your head – which is impossible given the size of the gals. Best shopping to you.

      • Anonymous

        I wouldn’t call VS “inappropriate” for those of us that actually fit within their size offerings. I would just caution about thinking of VS as the be all and end all of bra options.

        • VS

          +1. I know VS gets no love on here but they are my go to (I’m a standard size so easy to fit), once you know your correct size.

          Also, PSA — they are getting rid of their swimwear line and everything is heavily discounted now! Their one pieces are super duper flattering, particularly if you’re looking for a little “lift”, ha.

    • Lynn

      What city are you in? Maybe Macys carries specialized sizes, but otherwise, you’re looking at non-chain lingerie shops, which vary by city.

    • CPA Lady

      The people at VS are generally the most incompetent fitters I have ever experienced. The day I wrote off VS completely was the day I went in there and the saleslady told me I was a 34B. I’m a 30E/32DD/DDD depending on the bra. I gamely tried on the 34B that the VS lady brought me, laughed hysterically at how absurd it looked, left the store, and never returned.

      I recommend Soma. They may not have bras in your size, but they should be able to at least accurately measure you. If you fit well into a sister size, you can find some 32D(D)s there. I had a very good experience there getting re-fitted for bras after I stopped nursing and didn’t know what size I was anymore. I’ve also had good luck at Dillards with small band large cup sizes. They carry a surprising variety of sizes. I’ve heard good things about Nordstrom, though I have not tried them since there’s not one close to where I live.

      • Killer Kitten Heels

        +1. I got fitted at Soma recently and it has made an enormous difference in my daily life to finally be in something that fits properly.

        Also, at the Soma in my mall, I’ve actually seen the fitters recommend other stores in the same mall to women whose sizes they don’t carry (or where they carry the size but none of the cuts of Soma’s current in-store offerings are working), so I think they’d be a good resource regardless.

      • soaps

        Also recommend Soma! I was wearing the wrong size from VS for years. I’m so much more comfortable now.

    • anon a mouse

      I know you said brick and mortar, but don’t overlook amazon! fast shipping, and you can return things within 30 days. A friend recently had a similar epiphany and ordered maybe a dozen bras, kept the two that fit best and sent the rest back.

    • Anonymous

      Nordstorm, Intimacy, Smythe, and a whole host of local non chain stores.

      • Sydney Bristow

        At least in New York, Intimacy is now called Rigby & Peller. I’ve had wonderful fittings there twice and they carry a wide range of sizes, although I’m on the larger band and cup size of the spectrum so I can’t speak to the smaller band sizes. Head’s up though, Rigby & Peller don’t actually measure you with a tape measure. They bring in a variety of shapes and sizes and assess how they fit and narrow it down. Nordstrom fitters also did a great job for me a few times.

        Once you’re fitted, at least in my size range, I typically buy at least one from the place where I was fitted then buy the rest online. In my size I’ve had fairly good luck at Zappos and the free overnight shipping helps me get through the process quickly.

    • Anon 2

      A 30DD = 32D (go up a band, and down a cup). I regularly find this size at Nordstrom Rack.

      • Anonymous

        Not necessarily. Proper band fit is what give good support. You want it to fit tight on the furthest hook so that if it stretches over time, you can go to the closer hooks.

    • Anonymous

      Beware that some of the bra size calculators online aren’t that accurate – I think I measure 29″-30″ under my bust, but I’m actually a 32 because many popular brands (Chantelle, Natori, Wacoal, etc) tell you to add 2″ to your measurement and their size charts are accurate for their brands. The brands that have the band size as a direct correlation tend to be more obscure brands that you wouldn’t necessarily buy in a store in America – it would work if you’re shopping for, say, Polish brands. I would recommend stopping in at Nordstrom or another larger store. They do stock 30’s.

    • Anon

      Yeah, VS can’t fit a bra to save its life. They once measured me (34C) as a 34A. Um, not since I was 12?

    • Laundry roulette

      Natori feathers. Once you are sure of your size, you can also find them NWT on ebay.
      Also check out a bra that fits on reddit. It’s a gold mine regarding what entails a proper fit and suggesting bras depending on size and shape

    • LawDawg

      Double check your measurements using Reddit’s abrathatfits calculator and then order from Bare Necessities. Tons of styles in every imaginable size.

      • a full-busted anon

        +100 to LawDawg’s comment.

        Measurements are not the only thing you need to take into account–SHAPE figures in, too, as far as which brands and styles will work for you. Best wishes…It can be complicated.

        • a full-busted anon

          Oh, and I’ve read bad things online about Soma’s fitting–almost on-par with VS.

    • Anonymous

      I’m a huge fan of Third Love. I’m relatively flat chested (34A in some brands, 34B in Third Love) so I don’t know how bustier ladies like their bras, but I love them. I checked and they have 30DDD available, but not in a ton of colors or bra types. They do have free shipping on returns though.

    • Anononope

      I am v. loyal to the local (it’s actually a 30 minute drive but I’m loyal!) bra shop by me. They have a bajillion styles and sizes, and friendly women who measure you, make you try things on, jiggle things around, tell you “no, this doesn’t work,” say “oh I knew you’d like that blue one!” etc.

      In case you’re in the LA area, it’s Wizard of Bras.

    • Anonymous

      I went into Victoria Secret to find a specific bra that I had purchased online in 36A. They didn’t have 36A. The woman insisted on measuring me, declaring that I am a B cup. I barely fill an A. But guess what? They didn’t have a single 36A in the store in any style. Nothing aggravates me more than when clerks try to sell me something when they don’t have what I want.

    • 32DDD

      So random, but I just ordered two bras from Aerie and they are cheap and comfy and fit! If you like the lasercut/memory foam feel of VS I highly recommend them.

      Also not sure if the Natori Feathers push up (not the normal one) is in your size but I found that comfy, too (though it doesn’t come in my size).

  4. Anon

    Bolero jacket alert: As a lone voice defending the bolero jacket as fashionable and work appropriate in recent months, I just wanted to alert everyone that Huma Abedin was wearing last night the kind of bolero jacket that I think works well. She wore it in much the same way I do: over a fitted shirt/blouse and with a skirt. As usual, she looked great. I admittedly didn’t study her outfit (it was a quick shot), but what I saw seemed well put together and like it would be perfectly professional for most offices.

  5. sweetknee

    I have had pretty good luck with Soma. They have brick and mortar stores and also an online way to purchase.

  6. Vermont and Maine

    Any recommendations for things we must see/do/eat/experience while in Burlington, Vermont and/or Portland, Maine? My boyfriend and I are flying into Manchester, New Hampshire tomorrow morning with plans to spend Friday and Saturday nights in Burlington and then drive to Portland for Sunday and Monday nights. Thanks for any suggestions!

    • Bostonia

      You might want to consider NOT taking I-89 to get between the two, and take the northern route through the White Mountain National Forest for a more scenic, alebit a bit longer, ride. Specifically, the route through Bartlet/Glen/Jackson/Conway/Intervale. You’ll see Mt. Washington and a lot of other natural scenery. It should be stunning!!

      • anon

        I second this. It should be a gorgeous weekend for a drive through the White Mountains.

    • An

      I’ve done that drive. I’m not sure if there’s anything that I’d consider a must see, but you can walk by the lake in Burlington and visit plenty of great restaurants and breweries. Along the way to Portland there’s Ben & Jerry’s and Mount Washington to stop at. Portland also has lots of good food and breweries, and walking around Old Port is charming. Another fun thing to do in Vermont if it’s still warm is to swim in Dorset Quarry.

      • RGH

        It’s actually supposed to snow in Burlington this weekend. Or at least cold rain. No quarry swimming for sure!

    • Anon

      Novare Res in Portland for great beer and food. Shilling in NH for the same (forgot the exact town but it’s not too far from Bretton Woods).

    • CHJ

      A few ideas for the drive from Manchester to Burlington:

      – Lunch at Simon Pearce in Quechee
      – Or lunch at Prohibition Pig in Waterbury

      In Burlington:

      – Hit the Burlington Farmer’s Market on Saturday
      – Penny Cluse Cafe is awesome for breakfast, but get there very early because the wait can get long
      – Shelburne Farms is very pretty

      In Portland:

      – Duck Fat! Get the fries!

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Friday traffic during leaf peeper season is really bad from Manchester to north of Concord, particularly during commuting time. If your flight is early enough, I wouldn’t waste any time visiting Manchester and just get yourself up to the Concord area before 3 or 4. If you are going to be stuck in traffic either way, I’d get off onto 3A in Manchester and take that to Concord. You might want to do that anyway. It bypasses the tolls, goes along the Merrimack River and when not congested, traffic usually moves around 50 though the speed limit is 45.

      Definitely take the time to travel through the white mountains even if it isn’t really on the way. The views are amazing. Cannon Mountain might have the gondola going and it is right off the highway if you wanted to take a quick stop. Either the Loon Mt or Waterville Mt rest area (I’m 90% sure it is Loon) right off the highway has a beautiful visitors center and gift shop. Lots of cool historic things to see and a giant fake bear to take your picture with. It also has an enormous map of the mountains on the wall to help you figure out what you are looking at as you drive through.

    • Ellen

      Burlington should be very nice–I stayed at the HOLIDAY Inn by the lake with Sheketovits. He did NOT want to go see the lake, but it was cold out so we stayed in the room most of the weekend. I realy do NOT miss Sheketovits, tho I could go back to Burlington if I had a boyfreind. FOOEY!

    • Anon

      Late reply, but Hen of the Wood in Waterbury, VT is one of my best meals ever. They have a newer location in Burlington as well.

  7. Cb

    Asked earlier in the week about nausea and received some very helpful advice. Period arrived today and magically feel better (with the exception of crying in my office b/c it was 6 days late and I had gotten my hopes up) so perhaps something hormonal going on. Will keep an eye on it in the coming months and see if I can id a pattern.

      • Cb

        Thanks, feeling a bit silly for getting excited and a bit worried I’ve gone from 30 day cycles (for first 5 months post pill) to a 34 day, 28 day, and 36 day cycle.

        • AnonMN

          This happened to me (3 months normal post pill, then 36 day, 78 day, 30+ day cycles for about 5-6 cycles, then leveled out after that with no intervention). Not sure what the deal was, but it eventually went back to normal. It was super irritating at the time, especially since I went to the doc for blood work around day 70 of the really long one and it showed nothing “off” because my period was about to start (and I kept thinking that i just must be getting false negative pregnancy tests).

      • January

        :( I was hoping the nausea plus the delayed period signaled good news. I don’t know when it would be time to call in the docs, but I’d definitely keep an eye on it. I’m glad you feel better physically, at least.

    • Anon for this

      I suspect I’ll be dealing with the exact same thing in a couple days. The uncertainty is just the worst.

    • Anonymous

      Migraine/vertigo+nausea spells can also correlate with your cycles/hormones.

    • Anon

      I am def feeling the need to be nasty to my sh*thead coworkers that support trump

    • Anon

      Yes. I had a terribly stressful day yesterday, couldn’t do all the studying I needed to do, my cat woke me up last night when I really needed the sleep, and now I have to get all that stuff done today and attend a charity event tonight. Nasty doesn’t begin to describe my trajectory…

      • Anon

        and yes, let’s just say that watching the debate did nothing to alleviate my stress levels. Kudos to HRC for not losing her cool with that disgusting opponent. It just makes me sad that women ALWAYS have to do that – we never get to be justifiably, openly mad with men.

        • Anonymous

          It totally justified that she has the EXACT temperament to be President. Anyone else would have resorted to shouting F* you at that loser.

        • Shopaholic

          +1 – I can barely keep my cool watching this happen with wine on my couch. I do not think I would have that cool and collected response if someone so hateful was saying what he was saying to my face.

        • Jax

          Towards the end I thought if I was her, the second I was able to step off stage I would scream at someone on my staff to get me a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and walked past everyone else saying, “Not now. Don’t talk to me.” Then I would stand in a scalding hot shower for 20 minutes in absolute silence before eating my ice cream in the middle of my bed.

    • TK

      If that man called me nasty, I could only take it as a compliment. We have so little in common that if he agreed with me on anything I would consider changing my opinion.

      • Anon

        Right? My husband turned to me at one point and said : “That is a great outfit. She looks…regal. And her hair and makeup go so well with it. He just can’t compete with that”. Ha!

        • Anonymous

          As much as I try to focus on the substantive stuff… Her highlights looked FANTASTIC!

      • Anonymous

        Yeah, she really looked great. Spot on. I hate myself a little for even “noticing” (as I have no idea what Trump wore….), but she was also so composed and dignified at all times on the split screen. Very impressive.

        • anon

          If a male politician came on stage in a white or red suit, you would surely notice. Men just always look boring. Noticing attractive outfits isn’t sexist.

          Also, was her outfit in the last debate blue? First was red, second was blue, third was white? I like it.

          • af ds

            I feel less bad about it because men’s clothes are really boring. They all wear the same thing. Once I was walking out of my consulting company and saw 10 guys all wearing black pants and blue button down shirts. The women dress nicely and interestingly. In any case, Trump’s outfit last time was baggy and his tie was too wide. Yep she’s worn red, blue, and white!

          • af ds

            Also the one time Obama wore a cream colored suit people freaked out and he never wore it again I think clothes do have power – the white suit at the DNC stood out from the AMerican flag background, the the red suit looked awesome

        • Julia

          Actually I noticed what Trump was wearing last night because it was a black suit, which I’ve learned from this site is widely considered to not be proper business attire for men. Plus I think he looks particularly bad in black. Add to that the combination with a red tie and he looked like something out of the 80s, which frankly is where he belongs in my book anyway.

    • Sydney Bristow

      The Janet Jackson memes and lyrics are just so great today/last night.

    • Heather

      I am legitimately curious on what this election would be like with two men as the main candidates. What would Trump possibly call the opponent man? Would he go with the same low level blows he did during the primary? So so ready for this election to be over. I don’t honestly support Secretary Clinton on her stance on many issues, but how can the next four years really go if Trump actually would happen to win?

      • Killer Kitten Heels

        I think the Republican primary is a good indication of how it would’ve gone if Trump were running against a male candidate – he’d presumably be making slights on the guy’s manhood and mocking his wife’s appearance.

      • Anonymous

        Considering he talked about having a bigger p*nis than his opponents in the primary and said Ted Cruz’s father killed JFK, yes I think he would be going this low even if his opponent were a guy. He’s a classic narcissistic and when he’s losing or being criticized, he lashes out. He was pretty much always winning in the primaries (except in a few states, which of course he totally claimed were “rigged”) so I think he would be stooping to new lows in the general no matter what. It might even be worse because if he were running against Obama or Biden he’d probably be down by a lot more and he’d really be melting down.

    • Wow

      I know, right — I respect women so much that I insult one with cheap names on national television!

    • Anon

      Absolutely! On a nice note, DH was so disturbed by debate he ran out this morning to vote for HRC on the first day of early voting in our area- I’m still going Sat, first day I’ll have a chance!

    • Senior Attorney

      Nasty for the win!

      I want to get “Nasty Woman” and “Bad Hombre” t-shirts for Halloween.

      I’ve been saying for a while that watching Trump campaign is like being married to my former husband, and this seals the deal. He was always calling me nasty. Ugh. Flashbacks…

  9. Nordstrom?

    Has anyone had a good experience with a Nordstrom personal shopper/stylist in the Baltimore area? Want to make an appointment with one and would love a recommendation from the hive.

      • Terry

        Not quite what you’re looking for, but Lauren at Trunk Club is very good. She asked questions about my workplace and incorporated them into her picks. You can make an in person appointment. I tried working with a Nordstrom Stylist but we weren’t a great fit.

  10. Dallas advice

    Best / cheapest way to get from DFW to downtown hotel (Meriden Stoneleigh, which I presume is “downtown”) ?

    • JayJay

      If you don’t need a car while staying here, Uber. Much better than cabs and UberX is likely cheaper.

    • Pesh

      I travel to Dallas frequently for work (was actually there yesterday) and usually cab it or Uber from the airport. Love the Stoneleigh!

    • Anonymous

      I had the worst experience going from DFW to my company’s building in downtown Dallas in a cab. $50, cabbie had no idea where it was (it’s a major building), asked me to use my phone for a GPS (said no, because I had a call), made me punch in the address to his GPS, could not follow the directions on his GPS, and could not efficiently navigate traffic (took 10 minutes longer than GPS predicted). It’s been a month and I’m still mad.

      So… I’d recommend UberX.

    • Anonymous

      +1 to Uber. Do not get in a cab, full stop.

      And the Stoneleigh is more considered on one of the edges of Uptown. It’s definitely not part of downtown.

  11. Online privacy

    Hello ladies…I googled myself and I see my address information online. I am extremely disturbed by this. I thought I maintain very low online profile. I don’t have facebook or twitter. I don’t have much information about myself in linked in (name, company and role..that pretty much sums it up). I have a separate device which is not linked to any email account where I browse for things that I don’t want to be linked to me easily. However, I am a member of couple of networking sites that are focused on my hobby. I do a lot of online shopping. The search results are gathered from public records but I don’t know which public record. I want to try and get this information off the internet. I am researching ways to do this. I had searched my name couple of years back and this didn’t come up in search results.
    I want to make sure that I protect my privacy more aggressively in future. What do you ladies do to protect your privacy?

    • Cat

      I mean…. I get why this is disturbing, but 20 years ago, people were listed by name and address in the phone book, and if you’re a homeowner, property records are often very easy to find. It’s pretty hard to go entirely dark.

      • Anonymous

        +1 Yeah I’m not really sure how the online listing is worse than a phone book.

      • Online privacy

        I never had my name on telephone book because I never had a landline phone. So never thought about that..

        • Pesh

          In the “old days” most people were listed in the phone book, so the amount of privacy we have in terms of address accessibility isn’t really much different than it’s always been.

          • Sydney Bristow

            In the old days though, you could keep your address and phone number out of the phone book. At least where I lived. I think it was more possible then because you were only dealing with 1 company who likely had a system for opting out. We weren’t listed growing up because my dad is a doctor and was concerned about patients trying to reach him outside of the office.

          • Libby

            Even before phonebooks were city directories, which listed every person who lived at an address along with occupation.

    • CPA Lady

      If you pay property taxes, it’s probably from that. I don’t know if this is true everywhere, but I can look up info on the property taxes my clients pay because that is public information where I live. I can type in either their name or their address on the county tax assessor website and get the other and the amount of the property tax they pay each year. We do it all the time to get that info for itemized deductions on tax returns.

    • Anonymous

      Do you have a landline? Own a home? They would be the most likely sources. I wouldn’t really consider it to be a big deal.

    • Online privacy

      We don’t own a home…But regardless I am just shocked my the amount of personal info available online.

      • Sydney Bristow

        I don’t think there is much you can do about it, although I agree that it is shocking and somewhat disturbing.

        For me, I do have a fair amount of information on LinkedIn. But all other social media accounts are locked down privacy wise as much as possible and I don’t use my last name on those accounts.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        Most websites have an opt out option that include an expedited request if you have a current restraining order. You don’t need a restraining order to opt out, they will just get it down in 24 hours instead of a week. I’ve removed myself from Spokeo several times and it was easy. I only re-appeared after purchasing property or registering to vote in a new location. (Just to be clear, I moved, I wasn’t registering in more than one place at a time.)

    • nutella

      Do you run a business out of your home? Have you made political contributions? You may not now, but have you ever owned a landline? There are a lot of reasons why your name and address could appear. FYI if you do decide to purchase a home someday and are still concerned, I suggest putting it in a land trust with a random name or number on it.

      • Online privacy

        Oh..thank you for this. We want to buy a home next year. I will seriously consider it. And I don’t run a business out of my home or made political contributions or ever owned a landline…

        • Blonde Lawyer

          We wanted to go the trust route but there was really no way to keep our privacy and have a mortgage. At least in my state, the trust docs or the mortgage would be filed in the registry of deeds and one of those would have our real name on it. If you were buying your house without a mortgage it is a lot easier. Even if we found a mortgage company that would have let us have a business that owned the trust that held the mortgage the business docs at the secretary of state would still have our real name. There is always a paper trail to individual. YMMV based on individual state laws and with how much is put online. It would be harder for someone to find us, sure, and maybe that would keep us off public websites but if someone really was trying to track us down, they could.

          Are you a notary or JP? You address must be public in my state if you hold either of those.

          If you have a serious safety concern (like you are a stalking victim) your state might have a program where they let you use the AG’s address as your official legal address for everything or a similar crisis program.

          • nutella

            Yes, that’s correct re mortgages. It gets a little trickier and the path to find your name is a little shorter, but it should still avoid being the 1st g00gle hit. The additional steps and cost may not be worth it to you, so be sure to ask an attorney.

        • nutella

          It’s fairly simple, but you do need a lawyer to help – but you can do it yourself if you are a lawyer. You then pay an annual fee to maintain the land trust. Caveat that if someone wanted to, they could do some digging to find that Land Trust 123XYZ is owned by you (unless you create a trust that holds the land trust that is also a random name/number), but if you want to avoid basic internet snoops that should do the trick. If you really want my tin foil hat ;) you should also know that a will becomes public, but a trust can have the same directives and remain entirely private.

    • Anonymous

      I also find this very disturbing, and wish my info was more hidden. Similarly, I don’t know how my info got out.

      I have had a mentally ill patient find my (unlisted) home phone and address in the past, and come to my home. It is very unsettling….

      • Online privacy

        Without going into too much details, I have been stalked before and it was frightening and makes me feel sick in my stomach. That is why I am so much concerned.

    • Calico

      Do you have your own website? I know my address is available b/c the domain I registered with required my billing address for the credit card. Now you can find it if you’re looking for it….

    • Anon

      Are you in the US by any chance? Here the privacy around home ownership, traffic stops etc are made public whereas in somewhere like Canada (where I am from) none of this would be publicly available.

      • Online privacy

        Yes, I am in the US. I don’t know why all these information is public and so easily accessible. I understand some times there is need for background checks etc, but there has to be a process to get this information and the person whose information is being shared must be notified. Or if it is something where secrecy has to be absolutely maintained when they obtain the information, then they should prove that to a court first.

    • Anonymous

      I have found everything from my phone number, address and birthday online due to online voter’s registration records. Much more information that I ever wanted available on the internet

      • Anonypotamus

        All of your information is public as well if you contribute to political candidates because of campaign finance disclosure laws.

    • Engines

      I don’t think anyone mentioned this one — some states make information about registered voters public. I know in North Carolina, for example, you can look up any registered voter’s name on the state website and easily find the address the registered with, as well as their party affiliation. I find this quite disturbing, and I assume other states do this as well.

  12. Anonymous

    I started a new job a few months ago, and I’m still in training. The thing is, I’m not being trained by my manager, but by a few other people on my team who are senior to me. They are not managers and do not have manager experience or training, so I’ve found they are not the best teachers. They are simply the default trainers because of their seniority and because our manager is not involved in our day to day activities.

    Every time one of these senior team members notices a mistake I’ve made, I’m called into a smaller spare office to go over the mistake in detail and log the mistakes in a tracking document. Every time it feels like I’m being called into the principal’s office (doing a walk of shame) to be reprimanded. I’m happy and eager to learn, and of course I want to learn from my mistakes, but this being singled out is really rubbing me the wrong way. Am I being too sensitive?

    • Anon

      I am an engineer and all of my team members are engineers. Our manager stopped doing engineering work long time back and her specialty was different than what we do when she did engineering work. So she never personally trains any one. It is done by other team members. So I don’t find that aspect to be of concern.

      However, I think calling a meeting and documenting a mistake is something I have never seen unless they are doing some kind of performance management. When some one makes a mistake, we fix it and move on in very informal way. However, I don’t know what kind of job/industry you are in. So it may differ for you.

    • Anon

      The people training you may very well be ineffective trainers, but that doesn’t mean your manager will be better. Good managers know how to manage people, including delegating tasks (in this case training). As managers advance in their careers, they often get further away from the hands on tasks in their profession. These senior team members probably have more current experience.

      • Anonymous

        Right, I totally get that, I guess my concern that I didn’t express properly is I feel like our manager is kind of letting these senior team members do whatever they want without checking in. She’s very far removed from the rest of the team.

    • nona

      Yes, you are probably being too sensitive. Learning involves mistakes, so you WILL make mistakes and need to figure out why so you can avoid them in the future. Your coworkers are talking to you about the mistakes in private, showing you how to fix them, and not lambasting you about making the mistake in the first place, right? You’re only being singled out because you are in training and it’s important to get this sort of correction in earlier.

      Is this your first job? Managers do not have magical training abilities, so I wouldn’t assume that the lack of manager experience is somehow correlated to poor teaching skills. In fact, it sounds totally normal for your co-worker to train you.

      • Anonymous

        It’s definitely not my first job. It is the first job where I feel like my manager has no knowledge of or say over my daily work or my team’s daily functions.

        Making mistakes is fine and normal. It’s this being singled out and called into the other office (publicly, in front of everyone) that I find strange.

        • Sydney Bristow

          Could you ask them to address your mistakes at your desk? It would still be public, but might feel less like being called into the principal’s office. I’m better at understanding my mistakes in the environment where I made them and can reference the system I was using. Maybe that could be your justification for asking that they change how you get your feedback.

        • all about eevee

          It isn’t strange. This is something that we have to do with new team members. They are probably documenting the mistakes at the request of your manager, in fact.

        • Anonymous

          But it sounds like you are in an open office or cubes. The only other option would be telling you at your desk, which would mean that people both know that you made a mistake and what the mistake was. Would you really prefer that?

    • Anonymous

      I’m not sure what type of work you’re doing, but it seems normal to me. I wouldn’t expect a manager to train you on your job duties, that is not really what they do in most places. With some roles, logging mistakes or unexpected outcomes in some kind of reporting system is the norm. It sounds like they are probably following the normal team process.

    • Pesh

      Don’t look at it as being reprimanded. The point of training is for you to learn, and mistakes are part of the learning process. The training seems very thorough, which is a good thing. If they just glossed over your mistakes, you might make them again. This kind of training will make you a better employee and set you up for a better career path at the organization.. It’s also a good opportunity for you to show them a lot about you – how you handle errors, how well you take criticism, how you take responsibility for mistakes, etc.

  13. Boot-cut jeans?

    I keep hearing that my beloved skinny jeans are headed toward not-cool and boot cuts are back. Two things, do y’all get the impression this is actually true? And if so, how in the world does one style them so they don’t feel like College Circa 2003 or frumpy in general?

    • Anonymous

      They can take my skinny jeans from my cold dead body. I will never go back to bootcut.

      All my friends and all the ladies in my office wear skinny or straight cuts.

      • emeralds

        Boot cuts make my legs look wide and stubby. My legs are neither wide nor stubby. I can do straight legs, I can do wide legs, I can do skinny legs, I can do literally anything other than boot cut.

        • January

          I was wondering why the opposition to boot cuts – I find them more flattering on me than skinny jeans, which just emphasize the bowlegged part of my thighs. Thank you for the explanation.

          • anon anon armani

            This, Why can’t we have both styles popular and well available as we are all different shapes? Ditto for keeping fit and flare as well as sheath dresses.

            Word.

          • anon anon armani

            Why not stock both cut? We all have different shapes and sizes. Ditto for fit and flare dresses as well as sheaths. Gee, vendors and merchants and clothing companies could make twice as much income if they always stocked both ends of the continuum. Word. Perhaps we need a fashion Nobel Prize Award.

      • Anonymous

        Preach. I had the fashion sads all the years bootcut and flares were in style and was ecstatic to see skinnies resurface.

        Fashion is much less rigid than it was though, and IMO skinnies will still be around although they might be considered the most avant garde option.

        • AIMS

          This is funny. I remember this exact conversation in reverse on this s*te maybe 5 years ago? All the way down to the “pry my boot cut jeans from my cold dead hands” and complaints about how skinny jeans only look good on skinny models.

          I think this means I am getting old and have been around here too long.

    • anon

      They’re not not cool. Flares, etc. are what is trendy right now, but that doesn’t make skinny jeans unfashionable, it just means they’re not the height of fashion.

    • Anonymous

      I think it’s like the riding boots v. ankle boots debate. Boot cut jeans may be more “on trend” right now, but skinnies have become a classic and are still totally acceptable to wear. Skinny jeans are much more flattering on me, so they can take them from my cold dead hands.

      • HSAL

        Yep. I hate skinny jeans and never started wearing them, so I’m so glad that flare and bootcut are back so I can stock up.

        • Anonymous

          Me too. I don’t own a single pair of skinny jeans and never have. I’m so glad boot cuts are back.

    • Potatoe

      Style them with a tighter top than you wear with skinny jeans. The skinny jeans silhouette is tight bottom with a loose, flowy top (great for applish ladies, tough for pears). The flared jeans silhouette is tight (or fitted) on top and loose on the bottom.

    • Suburban

      Struggling with this too. Half the time I see them I think “oh that looks new and fresh” the other half of the time I think “oh, she never threw away her old jeans from circa 02” but I can’t put my finger on what the difference is. Any insight?

      • pugsnbourbon

        I wonder if it has to do with the rise as well. Flashing back to high school – super low-rise, obnoxious whiskering, embellished pockets.

    • H

      I wonder if it has to do with the rise as well. Flashing back to high school – super low-rise, obnoxious whiskering, embellished pockets.

    • Anonymous

      I still see skinny jeans on TV. When the star of the Blacklist starts wearing bootcuts, we are in trouble.

  14. Sniffles

    I am sick. Did my best to push through because I go on a 1 week break.
    Today my supervisor came in all angry telling my I slacked during past 3 days and he needs to take over.
    I was just sitting there thinking I did a stellar job to date, I got sick and still pushed through to not let him work alone and he is b***ing at me.
    I was so stoic that he eventually backed off and said, you know it’s not an assessment of your work, I just wanted to give you a heads up.. ya f*** off! I’m taking my sick day then.

    • anon

      This kind of thing is how I learned to take sick days, even (especially?) in biglaw. If you know you can’t do your best because you’re sick (or overwhelmed or sleep deprived or whatever) then you have to say no. When the partner is writing your review 6 months from now, they’re not going to remember that you were sick when you turned in that one typo-littered memo. They’re just going to remember the typo-littered memo.

      Once many moons ago, I was a first year associate. An assignment request went out on Friday afternoon before a holiday weekend. The rest of my team had plans out of town, so I volunteered even though I had started to feel sick. I spent the rest of the weekend on the floor of my bathroom trying desperately to research and write this stupid memo in between bouts of being sick. I told the partner that I was very sick but I turned the memo in on time anyway. When I returned to the office, I got an earful about the 3 typos in the memo. Three. I also heard about it in my review. No one cares if you’re sick. They care about the end result. Don’t work when you’re too sick to do a good job.

      • Betty

        Agree completely. I took on an assignment at 8 months pregnant in biglaw when I was on reduced hours and worked until 2am on the project. It had a typo. That typo was mentioned in my review, and I was encouraged to be more detail oriented. I should have said no to the assignment; it was the end result and not my circumstances that were remembered.

        • Anonymous

          Hoping that yesterday’s poster who is planning to do a trial at 7 weeks postpartum reads this and gives it some thought.

          • Betty

            Totally depends on the person, pregnancy, baby and PP recovery. AT 7 weeks pp with my second, I would have been more capable than at 8 months pregnant with my first.

          • Anonymous

            But that’s the whole point – you don’t know until your PP how it will go. If that poster is like you were on your first, she’ll end up with a disastrous review or a firm that’s pissed that she dropped out at the last minute.

        • Anonymous

          This may not be the point of your post, but I think mentioning in a performance review that a huge document had one typo is absolutely insane (unless the typo was relevant to the legal analysis in the document). I certainly submitted documents with typos in Big Law and I was never pregnant. You can’t work people until 2 am regularly and expect them to submit work that is completely typo-free 100% of the time.

          • Betty

            Completely agree that it was insane, but that was the unrealistic expectation of my prior biglaw firm.

      • anonymous

        I agree… sorta. I went to the hospital with appendicitis in biglaw and emailed from the hospital that morning at 5 am to say that I was in the emergency room and to remind them that I had a motion due (internally for us then to the client, so 2 weeks before filing deadline). I wasn’t too descriptive because I didn’t know what was wrong but that it was serious (old boys club type firm and I didn’t want to talk too much about maybe it’s violent food poisoning, maybe it’s appendicitis, or maybe it’s lady problems), but made it clear that I had been admitted to the emergency room and it was serious. Partner responds saying he is sorry to hear that but nothing else. I was out that day and the next day (then it was the weekend) only to find out that nobody had been reassigned my motion and now they were angry with me that they didn’t have it. It was like they had amnesia. (Before anyone jumps down my throat about procrastinating, this was a series of emergency motions, so I had just turned in my last motion the day before and received the next one just hours before I went to bed that night.) I busted my butt from the couch that weekend and handed in a motion, which I then got scolded for because one section “could have been meatier” and “this wasn’t my best work.” Yeah, I know. It came up in my performance review, too, as a “generally your written work is outstanding, but there was that one motion…” I was livid. (Still am!)

        I guess this is to say, I don’t think you can win in some work environments (like biglaw). You are dam*ned if you do, and dam*ned if you don’t. When I woke up screaming in pain and was carted off to the ER, I actually said, “I can’t go! I have to write a motion!” That is f*ed up.

        • Celia

          But with something like this, can’t you respond with “I was in the emergency room with appendicitis.” Why does it seem like we just keep silent with this sort of unfounded criticism? Why do we continue to accept it to maintain our “nice” image? And with the ladies who’ve been posting lately about incompetent assistants –why do we suggest such nice, non-confrontational methods of handling them? “Oh, gee, would you mind not scheduling a meeting for me when I’ve asked you sixteen times already to honor my PTO”?

          • anonymous

            Oh, you better believe I *did* say that. My old firm was so terrible that I knew going into my review that it would come up, so I was prepared to remind them. It didn’t matter. Some workplaces and bosses are just toxic.

  15. Super Anon for This One

    This may be a request for advice that not so many can actually offer advice on, but I don’t really know where else to ask so….Does anyone else in LTRs with kids just feel so…blah?…about their relationship? I don’t know if it is just – hey, we’ve been together going on 20 years, so that’s why there’s no excitement – but. Ugh. We just went out for a nice anniversary dinner and basically just talked about scheduling kids pick-ups and similarly non-s€xy things. Am I asking too much to want to have some excitement in my marriage? The kids are 3 and 6, FWIW – out of the immediate “baby” stage. I fantasize All. The. Time. about LGPs with other people, but am less than interested in the same with my husband. I have little interest in trying to make LGPs more interesting either. I feel horrible about these feelings, since looking from the outside I “have it all”, but they are there. Am I the only one? Am I destined for the big D?

    • Anonymous

      We’ve got that point. Marriage is quite dead seeming, like beig with a work project partner I get along with. You’re not alone.

    • Anon

      I think that happens and it’s normal, but you will need to work to regain the spark. I totally get what you mean about talking about kid schedules, etc. – it’s almost like making small talk with an acquaintance in terms of how unsatisfying it is. I recommend going out for another dinner or taking a kid-free vacation (make it work somehow, even if it’s just a local thing), laying some ground rules for what you can and can’t discuss, and trying to reconnect. Maybe you could bring some questions in advance to start the conversation, like “are we on track for a happy life?” or “when I was 20, I thought I would be ___ at this age” or “I always wanted us to travel to ___” (just examples, obviously). Don’t try to force the intimacy spark until you recapture the relationship spark; it will happen organically. Best of luck to you.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t think you’re destined for divorce, but sounds like you need to prioritize your marriage. For starters, banning talk about the kids’ pick-ups and other logistical stuff on date nights- maybe banning talk of kids entirely – is a good first step. I’d also try to send the kids to their grandparents and do a vacation or at least a long weekend getaway just the two of you. I think it’s normally to be super, super focused on kids during those baby and toddler years when the kids require so much attention. But now that they’re hitting school age, it’s time to focus on your relationship with your husband again and get back to knowing each other as husband and wife, not as co-parents.

    • LawDawg

      If you want some excitement in your marriage, don’t just sit back and wait for it to happen on its own. He may be doing the same thing. Get an overnight babysitter (a full weekend, if possible), book a hotel even if it is local, and take some time for the two of you. Relationships take work. Forever. Don’t expect that when you have it in autopilot it will be as exciting as driving a race car. If you care about your husband and your relationship, do something about it.

    • Cb

      Adam Gopnik did this amazing podcast (maybe on NPR? Or Radio 4?) about marriage and how people approach their marriage when it hits a rocky or stale point. It was a long time ago so a bit hazy on details but it stuck with me. His point was that marriage (or romantic love) consists of three key aspects: loyalty, laughter, and lust. Loyalty is the last thing to leave (you feel like part of a team) but lust is trickier when kids and ageing parents and jobs come into the picture. He argued that rather than going for romantic dinners to restore that spark, you needed to do activities that focused on laughter and loyalty. So rather than pining all your hopes on a sexy weekend break, figuring out a way to bring more playfulness and fun to your relationship.

      • Betty

        YES!! We are in a similar boat (16 years together and two small kids) and the biggest thing for bringing my husband and I back together is simply having fun. We need to laugh together, to play and to enjoy each other’s company. The play, laughter and fun make me feel closer to my husband and that brings the spark.

    • Anon

      Look at the blog “Down to there” . It was started by a woman who was frustrated with her situation and is on a path to change it. Sorry this is vague I just am not trying to use words that will put this in moderation. But I think she might have some good tips for you!

    • Anonymous

      I think you need new life experiences, hobbies, etc either undertaken separately but preferably together. Bc you need something to talk about and be excited about and do together. Once you have something to talk about besides chores and work, I think the rest falls into place. I know it’s hard.

    • Anonymous

      My husband and I have been together for 13 years, we have three kids, busy jobs, and are currently taking care of ailing parents. We had gotten to the same point. However, we talked about it and re-affirmed that we both still love each other, are attracted to each other, and really want this to work. So we have made it a point to have s3x at least once a week, no matter what. And since we started doing that we have s3x more than once a week, because once we got back into the habit of it we (or at least I) really did want to have more of it. We also have been doing dates that were more like when we first started dating in college. We have been going to outdoor concerts and snuggling in the grass together or dancing. We go bowling and laugh at how bad we are. We pick up ice cream or fancy coffee and go sit in the park. We still do fancy dinners and the theater sometimes, but we realized that for us, going back to our early dates are what gets the spark to return.

      • Anon

        “So we have made it a point to have s3x at least once a week, no matter what. And since we started doing that we have s3x more than once a week, because once we got back into the habit of it we (or at least I) really did want to have more of it.”

        This was my experience as well.

        • Anon:

          Ok, I have to ask, what day a week is a good one to start with? I’m at a loss!

          • Anonymous

            We do what Anon at 10:16 suggested but we don’t have a set day of the week. Just try to make sure it happens once a week. Usually Saturday or Sunday because we have busy jobs and the workweek is exhausting.

          • Anonymous

            We do Saturday too. If we go out somewhere – when we get back. If we stay home, DH often cleans up the supper stuff while I take a long hot shower. My favorite shower of the week because there’s no kids banging on the door and no time pressure to leave for work.

          • Anonymous

            We didn’t have a set day. Sometimes it is easier during the week for us because the kids go to bed early. Sometimes we would take them out to the park in the evening on the weekend and they would fall asleep on the way home. Sometimes they would be outside playing in the backyard and we would sneak away for a quickie.

          • Anon

            We don’t have a set day. I kind of mentally keep track of how long it’s been. After four or five days of nothing, I’ll make a point to initiate that night. Now that we’re in the swing of things, it very rarely gets to five days without it happening more naturally.

    • nuqotw

      20 years and 2 small-ish kids: you are awesome. I am not married nearly as long as you and have just one toddler. Before we had the kid I got some advice that really stood us in good stead: plan on doing a lot of working and parenting when the kids are small (like, under 8) and that basically everything else will be in a holding pattern. It will feel like “everything else” might not come back but it will – it’s hard because 8 years is a long time. We are still keeping the faith that this person was right and just plugging along for now.

      One way we keep the faith is that DH and I try to do a little mutual vicarious living, like talking about fun things to do with each other and as a family once the kid is a little more self-sufficient / old enough to enjoy older kid trips and activities. It helps us remember that there is a future beyond parenting a toddler and that one day we will again be able to enjoy some time to ourselves.

    • Anonymous

      You’re not destined for the big D but you will need to work on recapturing the romance. Where you are is the sweet spot for divorce. You get through the crazy early baby days on the basis that things get better when the kids are older. Then they’re older and you don’t know how to be with each other just as a couple anymore.

      Date again. Make plans for dates like you would if you just started dating. Don’t just go to dinner – go see a movie and sneak in snacks/spike your sprite with vodka; go to a lecture you would have cared about pre-kids and grab a coffee afterwards.

      Try a new activity together. It can be anything, painting/rock climbing/whiskey tasting/pottery – whatever – the point is to learn something new together. Have fun with it – who cares if it turns out you’re awful at the new activity – it becomes a new inside joke about how bad you both are at pottery. Research shows that trying new things together is good for relationships.

      Don’t feel guilty about going on a date instead of staying home with your kids – they benefit in the long run if you have a strong marriage.

    • CHJ

      Do you listen to the Longest Shortest Time podcast? They just had a great one about this very question – Episode #98. I think it will make you feel a lot better and give you ideas on how to improve things.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      Not in your shoes, but also have been in ruts for other reasons – the thing that has helped is finding something to talk about that isn’t just work/life stuff. For example, we both love movies, so we’ll watch a movie and then watch or read critiques of the movie, and then talk about our own thoughts on it – it can give us something to talk about for days, and often sparks larger conversations about pop culture/culture generally/general thoughts on media and writing/etc. It works for us because these are the types of conversations we had when we were first getting to know each other, so it’s a reminder of what we like best about each other.

      What are the things you like about each other? What attracted you to each other? How do you get back to those things? That might be a place to start.

      • Hello Thursday

        I don’t think it’s kids that make this happen, I think it’s long term relationships.

        • Anonymous

          +1. To be honest, this happened to me and my husband of more than 10 years when we got a dog. We were suddenly spending all our date nights talking about the dog, snapping at each other about who had done more dog chores, and the dog sleeping in the bed was affecting intimacy. Relationships get stale and any of the many things in our lives (kids, pets, jobs, aging parents) can take the focus off the relationship and you have to put effort into getting it back.

    • Anonski

      This is me. I feel better just reading the comments here, because I was starting to get scared it meant divorce eventually. I am going to try some of the suggestions here.

    • Sunny Day

      Same. One thing that helps me and my husband is now that the kids are at the age to spend a hour or two alone, we try to do things we enjoyed before we had kids, like hiking. I was surprised at how much we enjoyed it as a couple and it felt refreshing for our relationship.

  16. Anonymous

    My little sister (university student) stayed with my husband and I for four months when school wasn’t on. We spent a decent amount accommodating her and she didn’t contribute anything financially. She’s stayed with us before on the same arrangement.

    We went for a two week vacation somewhere remote and left her. I left her about $250 cash for food and emergencies.

    Apparently while we were gone she took our 16 year old cat to the vet for a checkup. (We hadn’t taken cat for a checkup and she thought that cat should go for one). Cat appeared to us in good health before we left. Sister claims vet suggested microchipping so she agreed to it. Cat was 15 years old an an indoor cat.

    Anyway cat had an extreme reaction to the procedure. Sister called us to say cat was in very bad shape. We told her not to spend too much and to use her judgment about whether to put cat down. We were very clear that we didn’t want to spend very much and that we didn’t want to drag on the life of an old cat.

    She apparently asked our parents and they spent over $5K saving the cat.

    Cat spent at least 7 days at the clinic and was on expensive medications or something. Cat is now fine.

    Should we pay parents back for the cat bills? Husband is furious about the whole thing.

    • Anonymous

      I would start by trying to be just a little more generous to your little sister. I know that if it were me in her shoes, I would have done everything and anything to save that cat, even though you said not to, because I would have blamed myself. Was she in the wrong? Yes, but it doesn’t seem like there was malicious intent here. However, I would not pay parents back for the cat bills. If anything, I would recommend little sister work out a payment plan with them if they want to be paid back.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t think you need to pay your parents back, unless $5k is a real hardship for them or there’s part of the story missing. You didn’t ask them to spend the $5k, your sister did, and it doesn’t sound to me like they did this on the assumption that you would pay them back.

      (Also I think what your sister did unilaterally taking it in to get microchipped was weird, but I hope you realize you have some blame in this – telling a college-aged kid “not to spend very much” on saving the cat is a vague instruction that’s going to be really hard for her to follow, since of course she wants to save your beloved pet. You should have given her clear instructions about what she was authorized to spend and instructed her to put him down if it exceeded that limit.)

      • Huh?

        What?? This is the OP’s cat. Parents paid $5K for cat’s well being. OP needs to pay her parents back. For most of us, including those high earners on here, 5K is no joke. I understand that you didn’t ask them to pay that much but it happened. Things happen when family members take care of your pets/kids.

        • Wildkitten

          But the parents seem to have decided to spend $5k on the cat without asking OP.

          • Huh?

            I don’t get this thinking at all. Her parents presumably thought that a cat that she owned for 15 years was a beloved member of the family and OP would want the cat to be treated. I’m not a pet owner but my friends with pets all seem to consider their pets that way.

            And just because the parents are not asking doesn’t mean that she shouldn’t reimburse. You’re adults, people. The courteous thing to do here would be to offer. If they refuse, then that’s that. But not even offering to reimburse when they paid money to take care of THEIR DAUGHTER’S cat seems really tacky.

          • anon

            To be fair, sister incurred the debt, parents just bailed her out. It sounds like the parents didn’t want to put themselves in the middle of a situation that was really none of their business.

        • Legally Brunette

          I agree with Huh. I know you didn’t authorize the payment, but it happened and your family had the best of intentions. You should at least offer to pay and let them decline, if they so choose.

    • Houda

      Sister was wrong as this is your cat not parents’ cat and the ultimate decision on its expenses comes down to you. On the other hand, I think she had a freak out because she might have been thinking that in the back of your head you’d be thinking the cat passed away because of something she did while you were away.
      You don’t need to pay the parents back because you made it clear how much you were willing to spend on Cat, I suppose she explained that part to them so the decision to fork over the extra money was knowing that it is beyond what you budgeted.

    • Anon

      Ouch. I can see how, from her perspective, she feels bad about taking advantage of your generosity and then almost letting the cat die on her watch, however unfair that may be. I would feel terrible in that situation. Given her age, your parents probably should have stepped up to be the voice of reason regarding veterinary care costs for a geriatric animal, but they didn’t. If they volunteered the funds (rather than your sis sticking them with the bill post-treatment) and aren’t asking for reimbursement, I’d say it was their choice to invest in avoiding a dead-cat conflict in their daughters’ relationship. You know your family dynamic best.

    • anon

      Have you talked to the vet about the bill? It seems really sketchy to me that the vet microchipped your cat without your consent and without disclosing the risks of the procedure. Of course that assumes that your sister told the vet it’s your cat and not hers. I would start by trying to negotiate down the bill.

      I agree with the other commenters that your frustration toward sister is misplaced. Sister shouldn’t have agreed to any sort of medical procedure on the cat without your OK, but microchipping is so common that I’m sure she didn’t think of it as a real “procedure.” Once the cat was in distress, you really can’t blame her for doing everything necessary to save the cat. I personally would readily throw down $5k to save my elderly cat. If someone told me not to spend “too much” saving their cat, it would not occur to me that $5k was over that line.

      I do think you should pay back your parents for whatever you can’t get back from the vet. Yes, they helped out your sister, not you, because she would’ve been on the hook for the vet bills. But it’s your cat, which means it’s really your responsibility.

    • rosie

      Did your sister take your cat to a different vet than you’ve been to before? Does your sister think you are irresponsible pet owners? I cannot imagine a situation where we would leave my dog with anyone who would take her to the vet except in the case of an emergency, in which case they would take her to her usual vet and we would be in communication with them. That’s all bizarre to me. I get that your sister might not have been comfortable having the cat put down once the problems started, but her actions caused the problems. I would repay your parents if it’s a hardship to them to not get the money back.

      Also, on the finances, if we had a sibling that age staying with us, I would not expect them to pay–maybe make dinner or something like that, but probably not even treat us to dinner if they’re a college student at the time. And you left her $250 for food and emergencies–so you are willingly paying for her food, and $250 isn’t going to go very far in the case of an emergency (you’d be on the phone with the vet/contractor/etc. talking through the emergency and giving a cc, I suspect). Imight reexamine your expectations and treatment of your sister.

    • Anonymous

      I’d pay them back unless you explicitly said “Do not spend more than $300” or whatever amount.

    • Anonymous

      If sister lives with you for 4 months, that’s 1/3 of the year. She may consider your house her permanent “home” when she’s not at school, so perhaps she thought she wanted to chip in as a household member and be responsible by taking your cat to the vet. That’s how I take it. It sucks the vet convinced her into microchipping then charged so much due to an adverse reaction, but I also think that unless you told her “don’t spent more than $X”, you can’t fault her for how much she spent. She may have no idea how much vet care is. And no, I don’t think you need to pay your parents back unless they request it. I imagine she reached out to them because you were in a remote place, inaccessible.

      FWIW, I’ve had cats live to 20 or 21…so 15 doesn’t seem that “old” to me. Its an older cat for sure, but not on its deathbed especially given the good health you mentioned.

    • anon

      My comment got eaten but basically – (1) See if you can negotiate the bill with the vet; (2) don’t be too hard on your sister, she was emotional and made the best decision she could under the circumstances; (3) if you told me not to spend “too much” saving your cat’s life, it would not occur to me that $5k was over that line, so I don’t think sister did anything wrong there; and (4) assuming you can afford it, yes you should at least offer to pay your parents back. over time if necessary. Your cat, your responsibility.

      • anon

        +1 to the negotiation.

        Did you have your sis listed with the vet as someone who was authorized to bring your cat in for medical care? That piece of it seems really off to me. Her “deciding” the cat needed to have a checkup, the vet suggesting this for an elderly indooor cat and your sister making that decision (presumably) on her own.

      • Anonymous

        “if you told me not to spend “too much” saving your cat’s life, it would not occur to me that $5k was over that line”

        This makes my jaw drop. There are no words to describe how much I love my pets, but in this case 5K is a huge sum to spend without explicitly obtaining permission.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      Sure, it’s OP’s cat, but isn’t part of the issue that sis took the cat for a completely unnecessary check-up and then had a totally optional minor surgical procedure performed on the cat in the first place, though?

      I get that the $5K decision was likely affected by sis’s emotions, but the whole thing seems to have started at all because sis decided, unilaterally and arbitrarily, that she knew what was better for OP’s cat than OP did, and took advantage of OP’s absence to impose her decision on OP without OP’s consent (or possibly even OP’s knowledge – I’m getting the impression OP wasn’t told about the check-up until after it happened). Who randomly takes someone else’s elderly cat to the vet for a check-up while the person is on vacation? That’s weird and presumptive, and, frankly, inappropriate.

      If OP had asked sis to handle the check-up in her absence and it just spiraled out of control, or if the cat had suddenly taken ill while OP was away and a hard decision had to be made, that’d be one thing, but that’s not what happened here. I’m all for trying not to be unnecessarily harsh towards the sister, but this is sister’s bill to pay, in my view, since she created the situation in the first place, for what appears to be no real reason. I wouldn’t hold it against her from a relationship perspective, but I also wouldn’t pay the bill she *created* by dragging my elderly cat to the vet “just for a check-up” and then having a completely optional procedure performed on the cat without my permission.

      • Senior Attorney

        I agree with this. The whole thing is insane — the checkup, the microchip for the indoor cat, the $5,000, and the parents paying it without putting the brakes on. I would be furious, too.

      • Frozen Peach

        I could not agree more. Sis should never have taken cat to vet. Honestly, vet should be reported to whatever authorities license vets for allowing sis to make costly “medical” decisions on behalf of someone else’s pet.

        • Anonymous

          I’m not condoning any of the vet’s actions, but the vet world is not like human medicine. One lawsuit (even if completely unfounded) can ruin a career. Reporting someone to a licensing board could also be very damaging. If there was a problem with the vet’s actions, better to address it with the vet or the clinic. My sister is a vet so I regularly hear how terrified she and colleagues are of threats like this.

          • anon

            I mean… then don’t (a) perform unnecessary procedures on elderly animals (b) without the consent of the owner (c) and then charge the non-owner $5k to fix your mistake?

      • SD

        Who would do something like that? I sheltered college student.

        I could totally see myself trying to “help” in that way at age 20 or so.

      • SW

        I would also be pretty angry with the vet for suggesting the microchip in the first place (especially if he or she knew it wasn’t the sister’s cat) and try to negotiate the bill down, as someone else suggested. It almost sounds like the vet took advantage of a non-pet-owning college student.

      • SC

        I agree with this too. If OP had asked her sister to take the cat to the vet, or if the cat got sick, and it spiraled out of control, then I would say OP should pay the bill. But her Sister created the problem by taking the cat to the vet herself, apparently without OP’s permission.

        It’s not OP’s parents’ fault either though. If I were OP, I’d offer to reimburse my parents. But I also think that OP and her parents should ask Sister to contribute at least half of the money, over time, by working during the holidays or part-time next semester or something.

      • Beth

        BUT– sis is a college yahoo. I had no idea what vet care cost when I was in college. I would want to find out why she took the cat in in the first place…my guess is she didn’t just wake up one day thinking “Gee, I bet it’s been a while since Fluffy has been to the vet. I’ll open up the phone book, try and guess who her vet is and take her in.” I do agree that once in the vet’s office, it’s odd that she’d agree to microchipping without authorizing. Frankly, if I were the sister I’d have called OP just to make sure the cat hadn’t already BEEN microchipped and it was just missed in the exam! And then see if she wanted it done.

        • Killer Kitten Heels

          I don’t think “she’s in college, she’s just dumb” is a reasonable excuse/explanation here. Because it’s not dumb – it’s presumptive and audacious. If she was really trying to “help” the way folks who are giving her a pass are arguing, she would’ve done it before or after OP’s vacation, or at least gotten in touch with OP to ask permission to take the cat to the vet (since she clearly could get in touch with OP after the damage was done, she could’ve done so before as well). This sounds a lot more to me like someone who is on her high horse about how the OP treats her cat and is assuming she knows better than the cat’s lifelong owner. Being a know-it-all is costly, and better for OP’s sister to learn it now when the cost is $5K loaned from her parents and not a lost job or a huge credit card bill or something.

    • Anonymous

      I’d ship my sister back to my parents at this point for not being trustworthy (bad judgement all around) and make her and the $5,000 their problem

    • BeenThatGuy

      Have you thought about this…Maybe your parents are happy to pay the 5K because you provide a home/food/etc to their “other” daughter for 1/4 of the year?

  17. Anonymous

    So I recently just went on an Ulta splurge, deciding to try a bunch of new things that I’ve had my eye on. Which makes me think – if there were one beauty product that somehow would have to pry out of your cold, dead hands, what would it be? For me, it’s my moisturizer. I use the Clinique moisture surge, and it’s pure gold in a bottle. Anyone else?

    • JayJay

      Hair product is my Oribe Dry Texture spray. Literally the BEST (best!!) spray I’ve used that lets my wavy hair dry naturally without frizz. I’ve converted several people to it.

      Beauty product is my Glamglow face wash in the white bottle. Pure magic for my face.

    • jwalk

      Jo Malone wood sage and sea salt cologne. The scent fits me/my personality perfectly and I love it so much!

      • pugsnbourbon

        Oooh, I use the Demeter “sea salt” but yours sounds wonderful, too.

    • DC Anon

      Paula’s Choice Skin Recovery Hydrating Treatment Mask. I have extremely dry skin and I use this as my nighttime moisturizer. I used to get flaky, scaly skin on my face every winter, and this moisturizer has saved my skin texture.

    • ITDS

      Urban Decay Eye Shadow Primer. My eyes are hooded with very recessed eye lids, and without that stuff my eye liner and shadow just all crease into a terrible line. With it everything stays in place all day (and all night if I don’t take it off). Also, the little tube lasts YEARS.

  18. Searching for a Unicorn...on Amazon

    Anyone have a suggestion for long sleeve or 3/4 sleeve solid color dresses (some print might be okay) available on Amazon? Thanks!

    • Searching for a Unicorn...on Amazon

      Should say looking to be work appropriate (business casual) but also work for family photos.

    • CX

      I have a dark purple Anne Klein shift dress I bought on Amazon that matches that description. It’s no longer available but (link to follow) it looks like there are a number of other AK options on Amazon.

    • Jdubs

      Search for Lark & Ro…almost everything is solid and they have a decent amount of choices with sleeves.

    • Sloan Sabbith

      Karen Kane 3/4 length sleeve wrap dress. I have printed, but I’m pretty sure they come in solid colors. I’ve grown to love mine- if I had tried it on, I probably wouldn’t have bought it, but I’m honestly super lazy and once I had it, I decided to just keep it even though I didn’t adore it. I now absolutely love it and get a zillion compliments on it every time I wear it.

    • ChiLaw

      London Times / Maggy London’s midi dresses with elbow length sleeves are my work uniform. Love ’em.

  19. Silk Tops

    I have four or five silk tops that I love but that I don’t think I’m taking very good care of. I machine wash on gentle/cold and lay flat to dry– but they always look wrinkly/crunchy afterwards. Is there a better (but simple) way to maintain them? The flip side is I’m not going to take the time steam them, or basically do anything special. My options seem to be lay flat, hang, or put in dryer, but they look crunchy after all of these. Am I just too lazy to take care of silk tops?

    • anon a mouse

      you can iron them, on a low setting, very quickly. Basically the heat from the iron will release the “crunch” if that makes sense. Other than dry cleaning, that’s the only way to really get them to drape again.

      • nona

        +1 – You are doing everything else right, you just have iron them. Low heat – most irons have a ‘silk” setting.

      • Aunt Jamesina

        I also iron mine while they’re still wet, which gives it a nice steam and dries it at the same time.

        • Anonymous

          +1

          It’s also my secret from getting linen pants to look amazing, albeit on a much high iron setting.

    • Anon3

      Hang them in the bathroom when you are taking a shower for a little steam.

      But basically, yes you are a little lazy for the silk tops. But so am I. My silk tops hang up waiting to be steamed for weeks (months?) before I wear them again.

      I would stick with machine washable ones in the future, if you don’t want to dry clean or steam (or very careful iron with a cloth between).

      FYI – if you hand wash the tops and put a couple drops of conditioner in a water rinse step, it makes them less crunchy feeling.

    • Senior Attorney

      I got a very inexpensive hand steamer at Bed Bath & Beyond and it really helped motivate me to steam my silk tops. You have to either do that or iron them. If you can leave the iron out and ironing board set up, that will make it easier, too.

    • Lilly

      Silk is tougher than you think. They used to make parachutes out of it. I think what you can do to it depends more on the quality of the construction. I hand wash (which consists of sloshing it around in the bathroom sink with some ivory dish soap or some shampoo and then sloshing it around a couple of times in sink full of cold water. Takes only a couple of minutes.) I hang to dry in the shower to catch the drips. Then I try to catch it when it is still somewhat damp and iron it. I use a hot – yep hot- iron and am essentially finishing the drying process with the iron. I have Talbots shells and one lucky find Balenciaga shell that have withstood this treatment for years. If the silk dries before I can get to it, I steam iron it. On hot. I wouldn’t do this with anything that has an interfacing or any other material than silk and thread in it.

  20. waffles

    Shopping help! My former assistant told me yesterday that she got married and is moving to a new country, where her husband is already living/working. I would like to get a gift for her, budget maybe $500. It’s partly a wedding gift but mostly a goodbye gift, as I will definitely see her less once she moves.

    Does anyone in the hive have suggestions? Her style is minimalist, and she’s moving anyways, so I would prefer not anything too bulky which would be trouble to move. Also, as her new husband is already long-distance, experience gifts are tough. I don’t know exactly where in her new country she’ll be living, so it’s also tough to get her something for her new home.

    Is this a situation where wine is the best/only option? thanks!!

    • Anonymous

      . No, cash. You are her boss, give her cash and a lovely card. It is the correct option. 500 worth of wine is cray!

      • waffles

        I’m her former boss. We haven’t worked together for about three years, but we keep in touch. My budget is up to $500, but you’re right, I wouldn’t spend that much just on wine.

    • Moonstone

      Something small (like a bottle of champagne), a heartfelt card and the other $470 on an AmEx gift card.

    • Anonymous

      Cash or gift card for sure. I like doing a Nordstrom card but that might not be an option if you don’t know if she’ll have one nearby in her new home, so maybe just a Visa or Amazon gift card.

    • Maddie Ross

      Honestly, as much as I hate cash as a wedding present (and I know others have exactly the opposite thought on cash as a wedding gift, this is just how I was raised), I think this is a situation for cold hard cash.

    • Never too many shoes...

      Super nice lunch at a great restaurant so she has a nice “last” memory of you and then maybe $250 cash in a card at the end of the date so she can use as needed….maybe in her new foreign currency.

    • Salem

      Cash! She’s moving to a new country and presumably does not need more stuff to take with her. I come from a culture where cash wedding presents are very common, so I see no problem. If you are uncomfortable- perhaps can Amazon Gift card, if it is a country where Amazon deliveries are easy.

    • Anonymous

      A small pair precious or semi-precious stud earrings. Very packable!

      One caveat is to check if she typically wars silver or gold tone metal before you buy them.

  21. Houda

    I would do diamond studs that she can wear every day and won’t take any space.

    • Two Cents

      I would not do this unless you know her taste in jewelry extremely well. Studs look terrible on me, I would never wear them. I agree with others on a small gift and the rest in cash.

  23. Write-Offs

    Looking for advice. I’m a mid-level associate at my firm, and I’m bringing in good clients on my own. I need to do a substantial write-off for one of my clients. I worked the case well, though admittedly worked it too hard during several slow months at the firm, and it was my first plaintiff case (which just took longer than my defense cases). I successfully settled the case, after filing cross MSJs, for the best possible outcome for my client. I need permission from the firm president to do any write-offs larger than $500. I’d like to write-off just over 30% of the bill, or just a little over $30k. I’ve drafted up a memo summarizing the request, and identifying the specific line items I want either removed or zeroed (i.e., travel). For those of you who have requested large percentage write-offs, what can I include to effectively advocate for my client to my firm, and also preserve my own reputation at the firm?

      • Write-Offs

        It’s a substantial amount for this small business, and there was a solid learning curve for this type of case for me. I also spent a lot of time preparing discovery, expert disclosures, and preparing for depositions (which I took on my own). This is the first case I’ve managed and directed on my own. I don’t think the client should have to pay for my learning curve, or the fact that I pumped all my available time into the case (which was considerable for about 3 months given the available work firm-wide). I have already implemented processes (with my own timekeeping and sending out of bills) to prevent future substantial write-offs. My sincere hope is that this is a one-off. Plus, my client is a small business, with seasonal revenue (summer only). Billing the full amount will represent about 70% of its net profit for this year.

        • Anonymous

          I’d focus on two aspects (1) your learning curve and (2) client satisfied with result and will be a source of business in the future but not if cost is too high.

        • anon

          With this information, I think you should talk to a trusted mentor before putting anything in writing. The client couldn’t afford the litigation, at least not at the level you were working the case, and the case should’ve been worked differently to accommodate the client’s needs. These are all things that should’ve happened a lot sooner in the process, but you kept it to yourself and now you’re trying to find an after-the-fact solution. What that solution looks like will really depend on your firm’s culture. It might be nbd. I mean heck, you still pulled in a client and ran a case to resolution as a mid-level, that’s awesome. But this strikes me as a very know-your-office situation.

    • anon

      Do you have anything in writing from the client that they won’t pay certain types of charges? The more formal the better, but even an email would be helpful. “Client’s internal policies provide that client will not pay for the following categories of charges: [list]. The prohibited charges account for $X of our outstanding bill.”

      I’m not sure about the “worked it too hard” line items though. It’s one thing for a partner to say, Associate did a good job but spent more time than I’d have liked on X. It’s another thing to look at your OWN time and do the same. It’s my impression that billing partners just… don’t charge for things they don’t want the client to pay for. Of course that’s hard for an associate to do when they’re facing an hours requirement. I’m interested in the responses here.

      • Write-Offs

        Unfortunately, no. This is not an insurance company with solid policies regarding travel time, multiple attorneys, Westlaw fees, etc.. This is a small business, a great service-oriented business.

        And you’ve sort of nailed my concern: the hours requirement. I’m only writing down my time (not my paralegal or any other attorney I pulled in to assist). Writing down the bill is the right thing for the client. However, I really don’t have a right to expect the firm to absorb my impressions and good intentions. Though – the firm does it for pro bono work, and clients that become insolvent as a case progresses.

        • Anonymous

          Can you write off a component as pro bono or even CLE reading requirement if you have one? Like if you spent a bunch of time researching a particular issue because lacked a general familiar with the area? If you can write it off as CLE then in lowers the percentage cut that you’re asking for.

        • Never too many shoes...

          Even if there are no policies, you must have had a retainer though…what does it say about fees/billing? And I would honestly write down the paralegal’s time before my own.

    • Rb

      I think you’re not valuing your work / having impostor syndrome and identifying with the client too much. You work for the firm, not the client. Don’t be a doormat. Ask them to pay for your services. If they want to fight it they can but don’t preemptively tell anyone your time wasn’t worth it.

      • Anonymous

        +1 You are so enthusiastic about the client it almost sounds like you work for them. Just send the bill and let them push back.

        • Anonymous

          it sounds like she’s trying to secure this business as a repeat client given that she got a good result for the client but she’s business smart enough to know that if she sends a bill for 70% of their net yearly revenue – they likely won’t be back.

          • Senior Attorney

            Yes, but if she has to write down her time for all their business, then is that really the kind of client she wants to have come back?

          • Anon

            +1. I am the associate general counsel of a small business. Any goodwill generated by the decision will be overshadowed if this bill is sent without comment and as-is. We’ve had this happen, and absolutely will not work with the attorneys who have this to us, no matter how successful they were.

            This is not impostor syndrome – impostor syndrome is a young or mid-level BigLaw associate deciding to cut their hours back b/c the associate believes it took too much time to complete a task on a case. This is client management, which is an important skill and one she is handling well. She needs to understand how to navigate it within her firm, but I agree she’s on the right track as far as client management is concerned.

          • Amy H.

            What does your engagement agreement with the client say? And why on earth would the client only be seeing a bill now, for the first time? Didn’t you send out bills monthly, so that the client had a sense of what the costs and legal fees were on an ongoing basis?

    • AB

      Can you tweak the write-offs? In my firm, a 20% discount is not unheard of. A 30% is. But 20% plus writing off certain costs wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. Can you adjust a bit so that you are asking for authority to provide a 20% discount on the final bill and write-offs of certain costs? Note that this case was your first plaintiff case, which now has positioned you to seek work on similar cases in the future where you will be more efficient, but you want to give the client a courtesy.

    • Write-Offs

      Thanks to you all for good and sound advice, helpful criticism, and general encouragement.

  24. Never too many shoes...

    About this post – just want to say that I own this dress (grey with black and white on bottom) in a plus size and it is super flattering on, especially as an hourglass. It does not wrinkle and looks brand new after two summers of wear. It also adapts well to fall when paired with a short, fitted jacket.

    • AZCPA

      I have this as well, based on a recommendation from someone on this board – I thought it was Wildkitten, but perhaps its was you? I love it, but it didn’t fit off the rack: The dress itself was perfect, but the lining fit very snugly, causing the dress to ride up and pull. I had to have a tailor add fabric to the lining. Now that it is fixed, it is one of my favorites, but it added $24 to the cost of the dress.

      • Killer Kitten Heels

        Might’ve been me, I’m pretty sure I’ve recommended this dress at least twice over the last month or so. I have it in gray and wear it as often as I can get away with it (the band at the bottom makes it a little distinctive for weekly wear, but I still bust it out at least very 10 business days or so).

    • BensonRabble

      I don’t know if you are still reading but I’m interested in how you style the dress. I love fit and flare flare and black and white so have been tempted my this dress in the past. But I’m worried it would only look good with a white or maybe black cardigan/blazer so it’s not that versatile. Thanks!

  25. Another zika

    What is the furthest south you would vacation in the US in Feb 2017 in light of all the zika stuff? We are vacationing with two kids under 2. Looking for warmth and within a 5 hour flight of NY. This is our first time south of Atlanta so I really don’t know what to expect in terms of weather and mosquitoes (mosquito season should done by then?)

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