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Updated: Oct 30, 2018 175 Comments · by

Suit of the Week: Ann Taylor

Suit of the Week |

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tweed-suitFor busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.

Happy Wednesday! I'm loving this tweed suit from Ann Taylor — it's got texture and visual interest with that black nubby tweed fabric, but the comfort and versatility of a classic style. There's a matching skirt and sheath dress, but no pants, alas. The jacket (Refined Tweed Jacket) is $179 in regular and petite sizes, and the skirt (Refined Tweed Skirt) is $89, available in regular, petite, and tall sizes.

Looking for something similar in plus sizes? This $99 blazer has a matching skirt, this pantsuit is selling out fast at Nordstrom but still available at Bloomingdale's.

(L-all)

Sales of note for 9.16.24

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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. SoFlaAtty

    Threadjack for compression sock help! My doctor advised that I should be wearing compression knee highs on a daily basis at my tender age (50!) and recommended 15-20 mm from a medical supply store. Are any of you ladies familiar with the brands, styles, colors etc. and have any recommendations. From my google research (!) it appears that they are quite an investment so any input would be appreciated.

    • Anonymous

      I would avoid any like this: http://www.brightlifedirect.com/therafirm-sheer-ease-thigh-highs-15-20mmhg.asp

      I have to wear compression thigh highs when I fly (and have had to since I was about 28!) to keep my knees from swelling up so enormously they won’t bend. I have found that the kind with the silicone “comfortable band strips” at the top to keep them up give me a really unpleasant rash where the silicone is. I’m not sure what brand the ones I have are because I bought them so long ago though, sorry!

    • Winter

      Just a note that when my doctor recommended them after a minor surgery, the medical supply store needed a prescription. I was surprised, and had to have the store call my surgeon to get them specifically “prescribed.” That may depend on the level of compression or vary from store to store, but it may be worth calling ahead to verify whether you’ll need one. Also, fyi, there was a fitting process as well where the store measured my leg to get the correct size.

    • CJ

      Ugh… I hear you. I should be wearing them daily too, but don’t.

      We all wore them in med school/residency in my program, if you can believe it, and we were in our 2’s/30’s. But hours on your feet were crazier then. I started getting visible/swollen veins in my upper legs in my 30’s (a lot of this is genetic) and now don’t feel comfortable going bare legged at work.

      I would start simple/less expensive. Like Walgreens quality, black, knee high. Make sure you put into a garment bag if you wash in the washer (on delicate) and use a gentle detergent. Don’t go pricey/medical grade unless you need 20-30mmHg. Just buy a couple pairs to start, and quickly hand wash in sink and hang up at night. Do this until you figure out if you like them etc..

      I would avoid any that have toe cut outs, especially if you have leg edema, or diabetes/foot numbness, as these can cause skin issues.

    • Anonymous

      Sockwell is a brand that sells attractive compression socks made out of natural fibers. You can buy at Nordstrom, Amazon, etc. I have a few pair and I like them.

    • Anonymous

      You can order them from Amazon. I had hip replacement surgery twice (at 40, so fun) and got tired of the hospital-white stockings. I got a couple of pairs that were sportier looking – black with green accents, in one case. The knee-high ones are often marketed to nurses.

  2. Meh.

    I think I’m just looking for some good vibes. I’m feeling really demoralized in my job search, and everything about my current job is just getting on my last nerve today. It’s not even a bad job; I’m glad I took it, it’s just that I’ve outgrown it and want something different and more challenging. So I guess I could just use some good vibes both in getting out and just getting through days like today.

    • Shopaholic

      I think the key to getting through both days like this and jobs where you’re generally frustrated is to make sure you have things going on outside of work to look forward to. It doesn’t necessarily help your general feelings of unhappiness at work but it’s good for your overall mental health.

      • Meh.

        This is helpful advice. I struggle, though, with juggling both job searching and plans after work on weekdays, and then can all too easily only job search on weekends, which I feel like doesn’t cut it. Thoughts?

        • Shopaholic

          What if you set aside one or two evenings a week for job searching but make it enjoyable? I.e. on the couch, with a glass of wine and some trashy tv on in the background?

          And then you can make plans the other evenings guilt-free because you know you’re putting in your time.

  3. Betty

    Quick update: My son’s biopsy came back totally benign!! Woohoo!!! By way of background, we did not go looking for the tumor but it was unexpectedly found in searching for the cause of a different problem. So the normal biopsy is great, but we did not find the answer to the underlying issue, so we are off to do a CT enterography with the little guy next week (or the following week). He’s such a trooper. I, however, feel like I’ve been repeatedly hit by a truck.

    • Anonymous

      I’m so glad it’s benign and hope you get more information soon. Hang in there.

    • Spirograph

      Thanks for the update, I’ve been thinking of you and your son. So glad to hear the biopsy results are good, and I hope you get a diagnosis and resolution for the underlying issue soon!

    • ezt

      How wonderful and what a relief. Hope everything gets resolved soon, and so glad one big fear has been put to rest.

    • Coach Laura

      So happy for you! Hope the other issue is quickly and painlessly resolved.

    • Samantha

      I was wondering about you today! So glad to hear everything turned out fine.

      • anon anon armani

        Great news. One step at a time. It’s frustrating not to have answers; I have a ton of those chronic idiopathic conditions … your sweet and courageous boy doesn’t need that. Keep hunting for the answers and the best docs! Go get ’em tough mamma!

  4. Sydney Bristow

    How do draped cardigans wear in the real world? The pictures look cute but I’m wondering if they don’t look as nice when you move around.

    Also, thoughts on wearing one when you carry most of your weight in your stomach-area? Would is disguise or emphasize the size?

    I’ll link the specific one I’m looking at in the reply. It looks so cozy to me.

    • Anonymous

      I think draped cardigans are really flattering because they flow nicely over your shape. I think the one you linked to is a bit strange though – that colourblocking will just chop you into pieces, not very visually pleasing.

      • Sydney Bristow

        Hmmm that’s a good point. I liked it because it was a bit different but maybe I’ll try a solid color first.

    • Anon

      This look seems really dated to me. Draped cardigans seem to be worn mostly by older ladies who are into Very Bradley and Brighton

    • anon8

      I love draped cardigans and have multiples. They are very cozy and comfortable and they work in my casual work environment. I am petite and carry most of my weight in my stomach. I feel like they do a nice job covering that area. Just make sure the overall fit is good. Since it’s drapey in the front, you don’t want the rest of it to be too big overall. Hope that makes sense.

    • Potatoe

      I had one but it didn’t work because the front always framed my breasts instead of hanging over them. It had an effect like a pulled back theater curtain.

      • Anonymous

        Lol, this is what every mm lafleur jacket/jardigan looks like on me.

        I find that it is all about cut though. I have a draped cardigans from Vince that works great on me. Often, if is cut to drop/fold over higher, it sometimes works for me.

    • Anon

      I have a ton of draped cardigans, and several other style cardigans as well. I carry my weight in my waist, and feel more comfortable (both physically and style-wise) in those than in anything else. Through the winter my default work outfit is comfy slacks, cardigan, shell, scarf. Mix and match. Works great for me.

    • Laila

      My problem with them is I find it awkward walk with them moving about, I’m always using one hand to pull the front together. For that reason I prefer buttoned, but I do think the ones you linked are cute, I like the pattern.

    • CMT

      I have one that I keep at work to put on when I get cold, but honestly I don’t like the way it looks on me. It falls to the sides and makes me look wider. I do like being able to wrap myself up it in, though! It’s quite functional.

      • Samantha

        +1 I am pear shaped with weight in my waist/hip area and I find structured knit blazers to be the best look – the opposite of the flowy cardigan. The latter just seems to make my bust smaller and hips appear wider.

    • Sydney Bristow

      Thanks all. I was bypassing the style altogether because I thought they’d be unflattering, but I think I’ll try some out with different cuts to see if any work. And I’ll be on the lookout for theater curtain b00b! If anyone has specific recommendations I’d love to have them.

  5. Anon

    Negotiating a job offer. OMG this sucks. I think I just low balled myself despite knowing better. Yet I’m still terrified that they’ll reject me.

    • DC Anon

      Just keep reminding yourself that they WANT you to come work for them! And they want you to be happy with your compensation.

  6. Kay

    Looking for some suggestions for things to do before going to law school. I’m racking up my vacation days, and I’m going to have about a month and a half between leaving my job and going back to school. I have no idea what to do with this free time. I think I want to take a solo trip. Part of me thinks I should save the money-while the other part is freaking out because I likely won’t get to travel for the next few years. I was also thinking about visiting some friends that I haven’t seen in a while and don’t live close to anymore. Any suggestions would be appreciated!

    • Anonymous

      Travel. Somewhere that takes a long plane flight where you won’t want to try to cram everything into 2 weeks (like you will probably have to do for the rest of your life post law school). Australia? Africa? Asia? This is where I would go if I lived on the east coast. West coast answers may differ as flight times to those locations are slightly shorter. Maybe ask a friend to join you for part of the trip? Like a week in thailand with friend A followed by a week in Japan with friend B?

    • Anonymous

      You’ll certainly be able to travel while in law school (spring/winter break) – I did some of my best travel during those years. That said, a month and a half is a long time so could be a good opportunity to visit somewhere with a 12+ hour flight that you’re less inclined to do with a week off.

      The money saving question depends a lot on where you are going to law school and what you hope to do after. If you’re aiming for big law and going to a top school (where getting said job is pretty likely), then I’d be inclined to spend the money on travel now.

      • Anonymous

        +1 I did my best traveling during law school as well. Especially during 3L when I mostly took seminar classes with grades based on papers.

    • SD

      Yes to solo trip! You can live very cheaply in the Caribbean, for instance, and there are buses that can take you between countries. It’s also cheap to live somewhere like Thailand. Potentially once in a lifetime opportunity you have here.
      I once had a 2.5 month gap between things and spent it learning to surf in DR. Stayed in a hut in a garden for super cheap, paid by the month to rent a surfboard.

    • nutella

      The year before I worked a lot to save as much money as I could and am glad I did. I also did a lot of ‘free reading’ – seriously I read soooooo many books and am glad I did because it’s been 3 years since graduation and I still don’t want to read anything that isn’t Tina Fey or Aziz or something light. (Whereas that year, I read Anna Karenina… no way that would happen today.) You may be different, but I am so maxed out of careful reading during the day, I just don’t wanna. I did go on a month-long trip essentially eating my way through Europe right before and it was divine. So I guess my advice would be- do what makes you happy!

    • Anonymous

      Travel, but do it somewhere cheap, like Southeast Asia, and look for budget accommodations. You’re a poor student now, so this is not the time for luxury hotels or an expensive destination like Australia or Japan. I think it’s very risky to spend a lot of money now with the idea that you’ll earn it back quickly in Big Law. For one thing, even for students at top schools, Big Law jobs are no longer the guarantee they once were. And more importantly, lots of people hate Big Law and want to quit immediately. Having an extra $20k more in debt can make a big difference to your mental health when you’re miserable and trying to get debt free ASAP so you can get out of your current job.

    • Anonymous

      People travelled a lot together when I did my MBA. I always regretted not having the funds to join them. Save some money for a few trips during law school.

    • Anon.

      If you can afford it, I wish I had taken this kind of time to learn a language somewhere – find an intensive language program in a location you want to visit (Spanish in the Caribbean or Central America, Spanish in Barcelona, French in Paris, Italian in Tuscany, etc.).

    • MJ

      I took an amazing cross-country road trip, focusing on Western states that I probably wouldn’t drive through–Idaho, Montana, Wyoming. I spent time in Glacier (AMAZING), Yellowstone (did a wolf-watching trip with the Yellowstone Association in the Lamar Valley, where we got up early and looked at them through the scopes).

      Roooooooad TRIP. Highly recommend.

  7. Anonymous

    Wondering if others have felt this way… Found out a few days ago that I’m pregnant. Husband and I have been TTC for a few months with feelings of slight disappoint each month when I found out I was not pregnant. I would refrain from caffeine, alcohol etc. during the later half of those month when we weren’t sure if I was pregnant or not. This past month with work travel and other general busyness, I decided not to refrain – had caffeine almost everyday, had some alcohol, took tylenol, did not taking my prenatals daily, etc. Now I am feeling guilty and almost wishing for a miscarriage – I wished I took care of my body better this past month. I didn’t want to get pregnant this way, and wish I could try again under different circumstances. Not sure if this is a feeling that will pass…

    • Anonymous

      Wishing a miscarriage on yourself because you (gasp) drank caffeine is a horrible thing to say and incredibly disrespectful to your future child and other TTC women. Your baby will be fine. Many women have been where you are and their babies were fine.

      • Anon

        In what universe is this disrespectful to other TTC women (or her future child)? I say this as someone with a history of pregnancy loss. She’s freaking out. She’s allowed to freak-out. She’s allowed to hope for a miscarriage. She’s allowed to get an abortion if she so desires. It’s her body and her pregnancy and it has nothing to do with me. I doubt she’s really hoping for a miscarriage because she drank caffeine. It’s not uncommon to freak out when you learn you’re pregnant – even when you wanted to be pregnant. It was certainly the scariest moment of my life (until the moment they sent me home with the hospital with a newborn). I think this is similar to when I’m having a really horrible week and end up crying because I spill coffee on my blouse. I’m not really crying about the spill but it might take me a minute to figure that out.

        I think her fears are unfounded, and I am happy to be part of a community she can turn to for that reassurance. But, again, her feelings about her pregnancy have nothing to do with my attempts at conception.

      • Ellen

        You are SO lucky to have a husband and have a baby on the way! Do not worry about the caffene; just take care of yourself and you will be a mommy and be abel to live in peace, without a manageing partner watching as you tap away on your computer and pusheing you to bill, bill, bill, like my manageing partner is doieng with me. FOOEY! The onley reason I can write now is b/c he went home so I can catch up with the HIVE now that its nearly 7:30 PM. I want to go HOME! But I still have 8 hour’s to bill b/f I can go hom, so I will probably not get home in time for the debate at 9. FOOEY!

    • Anonymous

      You will be 100% fine. None of that will negatively affect the health of your baby as it sounds like you stopped early enough. Baby will be fine.

    • anon

      So you’re not perfect. Welcome to the human race. I promise this is not the last time you will be a less than perfect parent/person. Learn to forgive yourself and embrace imperfection.

      • anon

        Agreed. So much of parenting involves embracing imperfection. Better to learn early, I think.

    • KateMiddletown

      Do not fret! Not to get all hocus-pocus, but you let go of expectations, and probably some stress, and you conceived. You can now proceed to drive your pregnancy experience – but don’t have any guilt about the circumstances. Things don’t always come into being as we planned them, but that doesn’t mean they won’t turn out amazingly well. *Hugs *

    • Anonymous

      Most women (seriously) do not refrain from those normal things – caffeine, alcohol, or OTC painkillers – in the weeks before finding out they are pregnant. I didn’t. I did take prenatals, but only because I had taken the gummy ones for years b/c they helped my hair and nails. You.are.fine. It’s totally normal to be nervous. And frankly totally normal to think what the F did I just do, but I promise that you did not cause any specific damage because you took Tylenol.

    • mascot

      For a good portion of the time you are worried about, and maybe the whole time depending on when you tested, is before the implantation period and the embryo isn’t attached. You don’t have to be a perfect pregnant lady. Please talk to your doctor about acceptable levels of risk and cut yourself some slack. Also, the hormones are no joke and they can really affect your mood. So also talk to your doctor about this if your anxiety continues to mount.

    • NOLA

      People get pregnant by accident and have normal, healthy babies pretty often. Do not wish for a miscarriage!

    • Anonymous

      I am in almost the same boat…. refraining from wine etc “just in case”, but my sister (who is a doctor) has assumed me that you really can’t hurt the baby in the first couple of weeks because your placenta isn’t even “built” yet.

    • Bewitched

      NONE OF THOSE THINGS WILL NEGATIVELY IMPACT YOUR BABY! Sorry for all caps, but I just can’t help but think your post is all of what’s wrong with the US based mommy guilt. Your baby will be fine, you will be fine, you wanted this baby, please celebrate your success and don’t waste time feeling bad about non-events!!!

    • Meredith Grey

      Give your OB a call so she can tell you what everyone here is already saying. I like when mine reminds me of such things because then it has the authority of a Dr.!

    • bridget

      We didn’t get to having 7 billion people on earth because babies are so fragile that some pre-implantation booze creates lifelong problems.

      I know plenty of people who were “whoops” babies, so Mom was enjoying her morning coffee an evening wine and was nowhere near a prenatal vitamin. Those adults are now happy, healthy, flourishing individuals.

    • Lyssa

      Agree with everyone else, but I’ll point out that none of those things are particularly bad even if you know that you’re pg. Tylenol is fine – it’s usually the recommended pain killer for pregnant women. Some caffeine is fine. They’re not sure what, but none of the research shows problems with amounts in the 2 cups of coffee a day range. Some alcohol is even fine. Europeans routinely drink during pregnancy. I drank some throughout both of mine. Don’t get drunk or do shots (though even if you did at this stage, it’s still almost certainly OK), but a few glasses of wine aren’t a problem.

      But I’ll add that it’s normal to freak out a little and not be able to really accept that it’s real when you first find out, so don’t be too hard on yourself for thinking these sorts of things. It will become more normal to you. Good luck and congratulations!

    • Anon

      Oh gosh. I got drunk before I found out I was pregnant. Like throwing up drunk. Did I feel guilty about it? You bet. Did I worry about it all through the pregnancy? Absolutely. But that guilt and concern was nothing compared to the pain of the miscarriage I had before that pregnancy. And I now have a beautiful, intelligent four year old.

      • sweetknee

        If you are going to be a mother, you need to give up the idea of being perfect at any thing. Caffeine and a little alcohol will not cause your baby any trouble. I had a similar situation, and have a healthy brilliant and beautiful 17 year old.

        You will “screw up” lots of stuff as a mother, some of which might cause harm, and some of which won’t. If you try to be perfect, you will drive yourself nuts.

          • Anon

            VERY much this.
            Continuing to feel this way about oneself as one raises a child would put the child at more risk of being unhealthy than the behavior you’re currently worrying about, IMO, completely lay, opinion…because of the messages it would pass along to the child.

    • HnH

      My mom drank tons of black coffee when she was pregnant with my brother. He came out pretty fine. Tall, smart, and athletic.

      • My mother smoked and had a few drinks

        My mother calmed me by pointing out that she and her contemporaries smoked, drank, and ate as usual when they were pregnant, and the kids turned out fine. This would be women giving birth in the 60’s and 70’s. She water skied while preganant. She said “We lived our lives like we always did, only we were pregnant while doing it”. I think some precautions are wise, and medically based, but it seems like things have gone to an extreme and pregnant women are shamed and blamed for the least “transgression”. OP, look at the generation that is about 45 to 65 years old right now. Don’t they seem pretty ok? Try not to worry yourself so much.

    • Anonymous

      What? This is extreme. No one’s pregnancy goes exactly as planned. I planned to eat salads and keep exercising during pregnancy but guess what? I had horrendous morning sickness and the first trimester was a total wash. I ate macaroni and cheese 4 times in a week once, which clearly isn’t the healthiest thing, but I’m sure my baby is fine. Talk to your doctor about the alcohol but they probably won’t be concerned and just take your vitamins now. Many people don’t even know that you are supposed to take them before you get pregnant. And don’t wish for a miscarriage, that’s horrible. I say this and my doctor agrees — if you aren’t smoking, still drinking alcohol (and even moderate consumption is up for debate now), or doing drugs, you are doing a great job..

    • Anonymous

      Oh my god. What? It is completely fine to drink, take Tylenol, have caffeine in the 2 weeks between conception and a missed period. Completely fine. This is why it fills me with rage when people are all “I would never just to be safe”. It is zero percent more safe.

      You are totally fine. If this feeling doesn’t pass get therapy for your anxiety. You don’t have to live Like this.

    • Anonymous

      I had a prescription for codeine when I found out I was pregnant. I’d had a chest x Ray, and I’d definitely had a few drinks for NYE. I continued My daily cup of coffee all the way through my pregnancy. My doctor reassured me that all of that was totally fine, and looking at my 2 month old son who is perfectly healthy and sleeping on my chest at the moment, I’m pretty sure she was right. Don’t beat yourself up over this. Congratulations on the pregnancy!

    • Anonymous

      Side note, I listened to a fascinating Radio Lab podcast the other day about researchers growing a human embryo in a lab for 14 days. So… Yeah, if you need any proof that the “baby” is not really impacted by the contents of your blood supply yet, that’s it.

    • CMT

      I’d be more worried about your anxiety. Seriously. You have 9 more months of being pregnant and then a lifetime of actually being a parent, and you’re going to have a lot more serious challenges to face than this.

      • ezt

        Nope. It’s normal to freak out when you find out you’re pregnant in general, and with all the scare literature out there about even-one-drink-omg, her reaction to this is pretty normal too. Maybe if she still feels this way in a few weeks, but I don’t think she’s showing pathological anxiety levels based on what she wrote. OP I hope you are reassured by what everyone has written here. I had the same aspirations of a whistle-clean pregnancy, they went out the window after many months of TTC and deprivation, then of course the month we went wine-tasting in CA was the month I got pregnant. I had a milder version of some of the feelings you are having now. You’re fine, baby’s fine, please allow yourself to get happy and excited.

        • Anonymous

          And that was also irrational anxiety you should have dealt with because obsessing about being clean is not normal AND IT IS FINE TO DRINK WHILE TTC. Get a grip.

        • Co-signing Anon

          Just wanted to clarify I was agreeing with EZT. I think this freak-out is well within the realm of normal. I would only be concerned if the anxiety continues past a week or so. Finding out you are pregnant is really really scary for a lot of people.

    • Kelsey

      This may out me, but I did not find out I was pregnant with my twins until they were 16 weeks gestation. I had an anovulation issue (no period for months at a time) and after a year of disappointment, I was basically waiting for my appointment with a fertility specialist and found out at that appointment that I was already 16 weeks pregnant with twins. Well, I was also in charge of the summer associate program so my first 4 months of pregnancy were filled with Starbucks runs, deli sandwiches, sushi lunches, wine tastings, and no prenatal vitamins. My daughters were born as healthy as they could possibly be. Do not worry about the past! Congratulations! I urge you to talk to your OB if you have any concerns about this because wanting a miscarriage is not a normal reaction for someone who is TTC and makes me wonder if there’s an anxiety issue.

    • (was) due in june

      Friend discovered she was pregnant the week after she went to another friend’s bachelor3tt3 party in mexico (this was pre-zika) and was literally drunk on margaritas for a week, and then ALL THE COFFEE when she got back to get through work. Baby is beautiful and healthy.

      Or as my ob said, during the first month or so, it’s just cells dividing, so if something you did kills off a couple of cells, they just divide a few more times.

      Everything is fine. You are fine.

    • Anon for this

      Not sure if you’re still reading, but I had to reply. I have had a very similar experience and have felt similarly. Well, for me after several miscarriages and vowing to lose a few vanity pounds, I got pregnant again and just felt like I wish I had gotten in better shape beforehand, I should have taken care of xyz things before, maybe it would have been better if it didn’t happen at all yet, etc. I am personally prone to anxiety and I think it’s a defense mechanism – pregnancy is a huge shift in life and I think this is a way to potentially shield yourself from further disappointment. I’d recommend talking to someone if you can. But I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone. And I am still drinking coffee and everything’s ok so far… Hang in there!

    • Anonymous

      Many women smoke and drink and even do drugs during pregnancy and their babies are fine. Of course, many of those babies are not fine, but the recs for no caffeine or tylenol, etc., are extreme precaution.

    • Pam

      Many women I know had the same experience. With my first I had heavy drinking and even smoking cigars (which I rarely do). I know have the most gorgeous 12 year old and a 10 year old. I would have liked more but that is all I got so feel very blessed and take best care you can going forward. By the way, this is good prep for when your baby digests half the sand box and other imperfections that we just can’t control for. So, congratulations, relax and enjoy the ride. It will never be perfect but you can be really good.

  8. Walking to work?

    My office recently moved and I have an opportunity to add a medium length walk to my commute (~30 minutes). It’s long enough that I’d prefer to wear sneakers and change to work shoes at the office, but I’m stumped about the best way to change my socks – ideally I’d wear proper gym-type socks with my sneakers and trouser socks with my work shoes. I don’t have an office of my own, just a cubicle in a high-traffic area, and I think I’d feel awkward changing my socks there (not so much slipping shoes off and another pair on). Others who change shoes at work – do you change socks? If so, where?

    • anon

      I don’t change socks/shoes at work, but is there a bathroom near the lobby or en route to your office that would work?

    • Anonymous

      It’s just socks. Stop overthinking it. What’s the big deal? Take them off and stick them into your commute shoes.

      • anon8

        Agree. Keep your feet underneath your desk if you want to minimize exposing your feet.

    • LawDawg

      In the winter, I put heavier socks over my thin trouser socks. No need to change socks and provides extra warmth.

    • CountC

      I stand at my desk on bare feet all the time. I also will walk to the printer when I am feeling especially fross and unprofessional – haha. I would have no shame changing my socks. It’s just socks! People get that some people walk to work. NBD, promise

  9. KateMiddletown

    Seeking Banana Republic wins – I have some BR Bucks I need to use in November and can’t find anything I like online.

      • SD

        J Crew as well, and Anthropologie for the past couple of years too. Where to even shop anymore??

          • Sydney Bristow

            I’ve had good luck at Boden lately. The quality seems amazing in comparison to other brands.

        • Anon

          I’ve actually been having good luck at Talbots of all places, although you certainly have to be judicious. Vince Camuto at the department stores is often a good bet, as is Tahari. At Nordstroms, the Halogen brand is generally good. Then, finally, Ann Taylor is a mix of ‘perfect’ and ‘wtf’.

    • Anonymous

      I ordered a bunch from them recently and had to return everything. Nothing fit and everything seemed to be Limited quality for much more money.

    • Jdubs

      Can you use the banana bucks on Athleta? Or some workout clothes from ON or Gap?

    • Anonymous

      I got a few cardigans earlier this year that I’ve really liked. Not sure if they are still available.

  10. In House

    I’m an in-house lawyer at a national company with about 1100 total employees. Our legal department has 6 lawyers in 2 offices. I’m at headquarters, with the GC.

    We have weekly team meetings with the entire legal team, and I also have weekly one-on-one meetings with my boss. Lately she always closes the meeting by asking me if I have any suggestions for our team or for our team meetings, and looks annoyed when I tell her I can’t really think of anything.

    What does she want me to say?? We all work together pretty well and communicate about what we need on projects as we’re working on them. I said that this morning when she seemed dissatisfied with “no, I can’t think of anything” and she got kind of defensive. I am genuinely at a loss here. I have never been a team manager though and maybe I’m just not thinking about the kind feedback she’s looking for because it’s outside my range of experience.

    • In-House in Houston

      I’m in a similar position, but in a much bigger, global company. My GC asks me the same thing. I do labor/employment law, so the last time he asked me, I offered to do an update to the whole legal group on a new law that came out. He loved it and jumped on it. Could you offer to do that? Lead a discussion on X? There are so many legal blogs out there, I’m sure you could pick a topic and lead a discussion.

      • Anonymous

        +1. Maybe she’s trying to mentor you, maybe she wants to see you step up into more of a leadership role, or maybe she is just running out of ideas for the team meeting. Before you go into the meeting with her, start thinking about how you might lead the meeting or have a few ideas in your pocket of topics/themes for the meeting. Things like updates on new laws, a brief talk on a leadership/teamwork book you read, or relevant industry news.

    • Anonymous

      What’s the ratio of men to women in your office? Do you speak up much at these meetings? Is she trying to mentor you by offering you a chance to speak, being conscious that younger women are sometimes overlooked in meetings? No other ideas, it’s a strange dynamic. Try to preplan something generic to say?

      • Anonymous

        The meeting format is that we go around the room and everyone discusses what they’re working on and discuss as necessary. I’m definitely not quiet. There are probably …. 60% men at my company? It’s a male dominated industry for sure but my company is pretty good about hiring women. So I don’t think that could be it.

    • Anonymous

      Are there maybe things you’re bringing up in the one-on-ones that you aren’t bringing up on the big call that she thinks you should?

  11. anon

    Not sure what I’m looking for here- maybe just some commiseration if someone has been through something similar.

    I got engaged earlier this year and will be getting married in the winter. Although I would rather have had a very small wedding or elopement, we are having a big fancy wedding (at least, big by my standards… 180 people). We are paying for it entirely ourselves.

    My mom and I have always had an extremely turbulent relationship. She is a recovering alcoholic but didn’t get sober until after I finished college. She was functional when I was growing up, but it was really traumatic for me, especially as a teenager, and I think she was borderline emotionally abusive. But I’m an only child of a single parent, and we have had an oddly dependent relationship over the years. We lived in a foreign country when I was growing up, and I had to do a lot of translating for her and just generally was put into the position of an adult more than I think was good for me.

    Now that I’m planning a wedding, I was really hoping that my mom would take interest in it and want to be involved. Although my fiancé and I have done almost everything ourselves, I’ve tried to involve my mom in certain ways (dress shopping, asking for input on invitations and flowers, etc). I envisioned that she would walk me down the aisle.

    She has not been great about being excited or interested about the wedding. I realize no one is as excited as we are for our wedding, but I am an only child and I figured my mom would take an interest. She summoned up some interest for the wedding dress shopping, but generally when I try to talk to her about something she doesn’t seem very interested and would prefer to talk about herself. I don’t want to make it seem like all I do is talk about wedding planning- far from it. I’d just love it if she would ask me occasionally how the planning is going, and for her to want to be involved.

    Now that the wedding is just a few months away, she is pushing me away hard. We got into a stupid fight a few weeks ago, and now she’s sending me long, angry emails/texts. She has basically said that she doesn’t want to host the rehearsal dinner anymore (which is fine; she is the one who insisted on paying for it even though we planned to pay), doesn’t want her name on the invitation, doesn’t want to give a speech, and doesn’t want to attend a second wedding reception we are having in a different city (hosted by my dad… that’s another long story but we were not consulted about whether we wanted a second reception).

    I’m so sad and feel so abandoned. Even though I have so much to be thankful for, I don’t think I can be happy and excited about a wedding when the one person who I want to be happy for me and excited for me just isn’t. I don’t think she will ever change. My therapist thinks she is a narcissist.

    Has anyone else faced a big wedding where you’re supposed to be happy but you’re sad because your family isn’t standing by you (either physically or in spirit)? I really, really don’t want to have this wedding anymore. Thinking about it is making me so sad, and I know that’s upsetting for my fiancé too because he couldn’t be more excited. I just don’t know what to do.

    • Anonymous

      My mother did this to my brother, and ended up not going to his wedding. It was really really hard on him, and hard for me to watch.

      Which is to say, ::hugs::. Try not to let her ruin your day. My brother still had a loving wedding. My mother tried her best to spoil it, and we refused to let her. I hope you’ll be able to do the same.

      ::hugs again::

    • bridget

      Do not expect more out of people than they can give you.

      Do *not* ever treat a wedding as an opportunity to heal old wounds with family, change relationships, etc. It just is not an opportunity for relationship growth (well, except between you and your betrothed).

    • Anonymous

      Even though your mom isn’t capable of being there for you, lots of other people are almost certainly very excited for you! It’s ok to be sad. I’m sorry you have to deal with that nonsense. One of my friends went through something similar, and she ended up eloping instead for various reasons because her fiance’s family was also not into the idea of a wedding. It hurts, no matter what your relationship with your mom is like.

    • Bewitched

      I agree with Anon above. I’d add: it’s not about you, it’s about her. Maybe she is afraid of losing you. Maybe she feels guilty about her past and her poor choices, maybe whatever whatever. It doesn’t really matter, you haven’t done anything to create this problem and I’m not sure you can cure it. I would probably try to kill her with kindness (Mom, I’m sorry you are so upset. you are an important part of this event and this day), but if that doesn’t work, disengage. My mom was never super supportive of me and yet she fawned all over several of my siblings. It’s hurtful, I get it. But at the end of the day, I know I’m a good person, I deserve better, and for whatever reason, she wasn’t able to give more of herself to me. Some times she would randomly do something very thoughtful and super considerate, and I would just try to hold on to those memories in my heart. It only hurts you to focus on the hurtful memories. Best of luck to you, I promise, you’ll see your groom at the end of the aisle, and it will be worth it!!!!

      • anon

        my fiancé thinks I should try to do as you suggested (smooth things over), but I just don’t have the energy to do it anymore. and I’m worried that I’ll somehow smooth things over for now, but she’ll still find a way to be upset on my wedding day.

        thanks for all the kind words everyone!

        • the gold digger

          I am so sorry you are going through this. My husband’s parents told him not to marry me and said they were boycotting the wedding. I still, eight years later, wish he had told them fine, don’t let the door hit you on your way out. But instead, he agonized and begged and pleaded.

          Long story, but they came to the wedding. And they never changed. They continued to be ugly to him and to me (many reasons, one of them being I eat bacon wrong) and even on his deathbed, my husband’s dad was complaining about me to my husband.

          Both in-laws died last year. My husband knocked himself out taking care of them in their last months and in their last years. They were never nice to him. They never apologized. They never changed.

          I don’t know your mom, but it seems that at some point in your life, you might need to draw a line in the sand with her. My experience is that people do not change. This might be the time for you to say, “Mom, have a nice life” and then just move on.

          I hope you have a lovely wedding, with or without your mom.

          • Anonymous

            Your blog tells me…. You have a lot of issues to work out.

            FYI – your parent/in-law issues were really nothing in the scheme of things. Your ultra dramatic responses come off quite irrational, and it’s stunning to me that you continue to tout your blog about your parents. I know everything is relative, but you seem to not realize how good you had it. No disabled, financially bereft parents requiring caregiving.

            I hope you are in therapy. You can be in a better place. Time to let it go….

            But I’m sure my post will get you more hits to your blog!

          • Sydney Bristow

            Wow, can we stop criticizing The Gold Digger every time she posts something?

        • SD

          “Smoothing things over” and “not having the energy” can actually be the exact same thing. I’m telling you, the less reactive you are to her, the less she will lash out and the less drained you will feel. I’d even recommend googling some terms like “being nonreactive” and “mindfulness” or even “tips for toddler having a tantrum.” The same techniques that will take the wind out of a cranky toddler’s grocery store fit WILL de-escalate and soothe situations with your mother. You can also look up “communicating with someone with BPD” (it can be similar to dealing with a narcissist, and it’s about how to establish and hold onto boundaries even when they’re acting out).

          You were raised by a single parent with such emotional damage, and yet you’re about to have a beautiful wedding to a man you love and who loves you back. You’re breaking the cycle because you’re strong and good. You’ve got this!

    • SD

      I have narcissists as parents as well. I hate to say it, but you have to let go of the wish that your mother will change and somehow become capable of “being there” for you and giving you the love and consideration you crave. You have to mourn the fact that she wasn’t and isn’t the mother you deserve. It doesn’t sound like having a codependent relationship was ever healthy for you, and it makes sense that your wedding would bring that all to the fore. Narcissists often react VERY negatively to any sign that you’re becoming independent of them, and outdated as this sounds, a lot of people think of marriage as a transitional time when you leave your family of origin and start ‘your own’ family apart from your parents. I wouldn’t be surprised if this is what she’s reacting to, and lashing out is a typical way for narcissists to proactively deal with a fear of abandonment.

      Nothing has changed. You’re no less in love with your fiance because your mother is having a tantrum. Your married life will be no less fulfilling. Your wedding will be no less beautiful. It’s time to come to terms with who she is, and who you are independent of her. The best way to deal with narcissists is to disengage and be non-reactive when they try to hurt you. Confide in your fiance and friends, and your fiance’s family; they’ll help you through this. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.

      • Anonymous

        +1, so well expressed SD.

        My mom and brother have narcissistic tendencies, although nothing like what you’ve described. I had envisioned that the wedding planning period would be so happy and perfect (like Kate Hudson in that bride movie) and my mom would just not get on board. All of the moments that I’d pictured as bonding moments, buying the dress, planning the details, etc. were just plain boring to my mom. What helped me get through it was adjusting my expectations – a ring on your finger is not going to change your mom.

        Also, in case it makes you feel better, I think everyone has family problems when planning their wedding. It throws everyone together a lot more than usual, add money and varying tastes to mixture and it’s bound to stir up something. I’m watching my girlfriend with a *perfect* supportive family go through all kinds of passive aggressive (and just aggressive) crap from her future MIL and SIL.

      • Emmen

        +infinity

        OP, the earlier you can let go of the notion of your mother fulfilling this role in wedding, the more peace you’ll find in your big day. From one adult child of a narcissist to another, I’m sorry for what you’re going through.

      • Sydney Bristow

        + a gazillion. My mother has borderline personality disorder and was incredibly manipulative whenever I showed any sign of independence. In my case, I did wind up cutting off all contact with her when I was in college for my own mental health and did not invite her to my wedding.

        Adjusting your expectations so low that anything she does that is supportive comes across to you as a pleasant surprise can help. I’m a big believer that you can create your own family. Now is the best time to lean on the family you’ve created for yourself in your fiancé and closest friends. They are probably the ones you’ve been most supported by in life and will be there for you through this.

    • Anonymous

      I wonder if your mom has an undiagnosed depression or bipolar disorder? Alcoholism is often coexistent with other issues. Does she go to meetings or get therapy?

    • Anonymous

      Echoing what others have said – my mom has some mental illness problems and situations where I demonstrate competence or independence are very threatening to her. She once stopped talking to me for six months when my first child was a baby (over a totally imagined slight.) She was supportive during my divorce but her first visit to my solo-adult household she staged a very calculated episode where she started screaming at me in a public place about ending her life in my home (with vivid details.) It was very painful (plus I had a strong aversion to that particular Target for months … )

      My advice is to not engage. She wants to back out? Fine. You’ll be happy to have her if she changes her mind, period. She wants to fight about trivia? You have to end the conversation now, bye. She sends angry emails? Do not reply. Refusing to respond will remove the reward for her behavior.

      Finally, therapy. It’s really helpful for getting the emotional support you need and deserve. It’s sad and lonely sometimes to not have a loving mother.

  12. Anonymous

    A friend of mine is having abdominal surgery in a couple weeks – I’ve volunteered to help him out, and he said he will take all the help he can get. He has a family member coming to stay and help for a week or so, but family member also has lifting limitations. Are there any ideas for helpful things I could do or anticipate doing? I feel like it’s one of those, “well, I just won’t know what help looks like until I need it,” situations but this is somebody who has been a good friend to me and I’d like to support in kind.

    • the gold digger

      My friend who had a hysterectomy could not drive or take stairs or lift things for six weeks. Not sure what your friend’s limits will be, but here is a list of things that would be useful for an incapacitated person:

      1. Do the grocery shopping
      2. Do some housecleaning or help him find a cleaning service
      3. Cook a bunch of meals and stick them in the freezer
      4. Go to the library for him
      5. Cut his grass
      6. Take out his trash
      7. Do his laundry

    • Anonymous

      Groceries, take the trash out, do laundry, change the sheets and make the beds.

    • Anonymous

      Hang out and watch bad TV? After my appendectomy (which was laproscopic and shortish recovery time), I just wanted to watch terrible TV. it couldn’t be a show that required too much thinking, but it couldn’t be funny because laughing hurt. I watched a lot of Drop Dead Diva with my poor father.

    • (was) due in june

      Post C-section, I adored having a shower stool (like, for old people, the ugly plastic kind with handles you get at a medical supply store). Changing the sheets and doing the laundry. Putting away the groceries from Instacart and Google Express. Bringing takeout I can’t get delivered. I also found a postpartum corset (Kat’s bellefit) really helpful. I wonder if there’s an equivalent for him.

    • MJ

      One other thing–make sure he has some loose shirts, like Hawaiian shirts, or even some giant nightshirts. When I had an appy with a subsequent abscess, having a waistband touch my scars was super-painful. He’ll need some outfits that don’t have waistbands, most likely.

  13. Anon

    Jamaica recommendation needed! Husband and I have booked a long weekend in Jamaica for early December, flying to Montego Bay. But there are so many options, I’m not sure where to book the hotel. I’m not sure if we’re looking for an all inclusive resort experience. We are in need of rest (leaving toddler behind, both working hard full-time), but I like to include something active as well, like a good hike or other activity. Husband also really wants some authentic Jamaican cuisine, not resort food. Any advice welcome!

    • LF

      So this is in Negril, not Montego Bay, but check out the RockHouse – it’s not all-inclusive but it’s got a great mixture of beach and activities.

    • nona

      Some friend and I stay at the Silver Sands community in Feb (this villa, in particular: http://www.mysilversands.com/villas/Santa_Margherita_Villa_Jamaica.aspx)

      It’s not a resort, but is a gated community. The house came with a housekeeper and cook, who was very good about taking direction on what to make – we just asked for a couple meals a day and for her to make her favorites. They also had arrangements for excursions, including transportation.

      • nona

        oh, and this was along the north shore of the Island, maybe and hour or two east of Montego Bay. The group that runs the gated community also provided a ride to/from the airport, if you arranged it ahead of time.

  14. Wildkitten

    When should my resume be two pages? I’ve been working since 2007 and can’t decide if I should keep trying to cut it down to one pager or give up and let it be 1.5.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t think a resume should ever be two pages in most industries (academic CVs are an exception and are typically very long). I can see if you’ve been in the workforce for three decades, but nine years of work experience definitely isn’t enough to justify running onto two pages.

    • Anonymous

      Keep it at one page. Remember it doesn’t need to be your entire work experience, only what highlights the key skills fit the job you are applying for.

      For jobs that are less relevant, keep it short.

      • Ellen

        For what it is worth, I have a 1 page RESUME, and it has alway’s worked for me. Dad has a much larger resume, but he was MENSA-eligebel, and Was not. I did get my BA degree from GW, but NOT cum loude, so I could not even put that on my resume. Rosa got a magna cum loude but she went to a MUCH easier school (that I will NOT name), and she met Ed and got married anyway. FOOEY! Why can’t I find a guy to marry me and take me away from all this work? DOUBEL FOOEY!

    • ONE

      One page, unless everything on and after page 2 is a list of publications or a list of important speaking gigs.

      As context, I’m in-house counsel, and when we’re hiring, the only thing that goes over worse than error-laden thank you notes are resumes that exceed a single page.

    • Anonymous

      A friend in HR at a large tech company once counseled me that two pages was fine since I had 10+ years of experience and multiple graduate degrees that I had to list, but cautioned that all experience/education listed should be relevant to the position I was applying for and the page break should occur somewhere logical (i.e., all experience on first page, all education on second page). She said they far preferred that to stuffing too much on one page (even if it was all relevant). But don’t go beyond two pages.

      • Wildkitten

        I can do one page experience and then hang the education on the second page.

    • bridget

      My general thought is that a second page is fine, as long as it’s fundamentally different from the first page. Work experience in a different industry, publications, speaking engagements, chairman positions, etc. are all fine for a second page.

    • Walnut

      You can submit 2 pages, but I won’t be reading the second. And frankly, your good stuff better be on the first half of the first page.

  15. Preganon

    I know it’s mostly genetic, but any recommendations for creams/oils/anything to prevent stretch marks during pregnancy? I already have dry skin so I’d like to do whatever I can!

    • Maddie Ross

      I use pure Vitamin E oil from Trader Joes, but you’re right – it’s mostly genetic.

      • Anonymous

        Is it possible to get stretch marks on your thighs during puberty/freshman 15 weight gain and then not get them in pregnancy or is pretty much just – if you got them once you’re doomed to get them again?

        • empresaria

          I got stretch marks as a teenager. Did not get a single one while pregnant (and I got huge!). I did occasionally put on Vitamin E cream but probably not consistently enough for it to matter.

    • Anonymous

      As a moisturizer generally, do you use lotion? You might try switching to baby oil. I put it on my legs when they’re still damp from the shower and it works much better for me than lotion ever did.

    • Midwest Mama

      I used good ol’ Palmer’s Cocoa Butter twice a day and have no stretch marks.

    • (was) due in june

      My OB said they’re genetic and there’s basically nothing you can do to prevent them, but lotion feels nice.

    • Anonymous

      Stretch marks in puberty. Mom had stretch marks from pregnancy. I didn’t get an in 39.5 weeks of pregnancy. I used coconut and shea butter. You’ll kick yourself if you don’t at least try.

  16. homes

    I am the one who posted earlier this week about a kitchen in the back of a house far from the living room. While we don’t plan to remodel (per se) and the dining room is too small to flip with the too-large living room, it occurred to me — thanks to you guys — that you could tear down the wall between the dining room and first-floor office to make that the new living room and make the too-big room a combined formal dining room and formal living room/parlor. (That is what some of you were likely getting at, but “remodeling” to me conjures up more expensive projects and additions.)

    I know it isn’t a difficult project, it is tearing down 2 walls that probably total 20 feet in length together. I know it shouldn’t take long, either. My question is how much does that typically cost? We would want to do this first so would want to consider it in terms of how much to offer on the house. Obviously I know there will be accompanying costs (repainting, fixing crown molding to match the new ends of the walls, and possible staining the 5 inches of floor underneath the existing wall, but I think that may have been done during the remodel).

    • Bristow

      You need an expert to look at it and decide whether it’s load-bearing and determine construction costs. A contractor’s estimate would be a good place to start, but I would also get an architect with deep experience with the local building department to come out as well. They won’t be able to open the wall until you close the property, but they should be able to give you a range of what to expect based on their experience.

      • Anonymous

        +1

        You really don’t know if it’s a difficult project or not until you know whether the wall is load-bearing. Also has a significant impact on the cost.

      • homes

        It is 100% not load bearing (also doesn’t have any wiring or plumbing in it) but I guess we will get a quote from a contractor anyway.

  17. Bristow

    Even it’s not weight-bearing, there’s weird things that get triggered when you change anything. I had a WTF were they smoking in the 1980s/1970s “step-pyramid” half-wall/triangular nook removed with permits (get them – they protect you the homeowner from sloppy or dishonest work and prevent future habitability issues that could kill you and your family) and under CA law, it triggered an update to the HVAC energy calculations to ensure that it still worked efficiently. While I bemoaned the professional fees, I do love that the HVAC vents are located appropriately and the house can be cost-effectively cooled and heated.

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