Coffee Break: Coral Necklace

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1. What’s everybody using for deodorant these days? My old reliable Secret is not cutting it in my forties. I don’t care about aluminum-free, all-natural, etc. I just want something that makes me sweat less and not stink.

   1. Mitchum

   2. I swear by Degree.

      1. Second Degree. I do like Native for times when I don’t care about the anti-perspirant effect.

      2. Same.

      3. + 1 for Degree, I like the one safe for black dresses.

   3. I’m using Secret Clinical based on recs here and it works for me. There’s a lot more to it than the regular Secret, if that’s what you’re referring to.

      I’ve read that it’s actually more effective when you apply it at night before bed, but I never remember to do it.

      1. +1 for Secret Clinical.

   4. I started stealing my husband’s when I ran out, and I am never going back. Unscented Mitchum clear gel is the bomb. All the women’s soft solids I’ve used have a clicker that tells you “use X amount of product because we say so” while the men’s is just a thumbscrew that lets you dispense as much or as little product as you want.

      Another major help (because I noticed that whatever product I used, they were all losing effectiveness) is to use an AHA/BHA face product on my underarms regularly, to keep the skin sloughing and get rid of build-up. I think a big part of the need to switch formulas more often as you age is related to your skin turnover slowing down.

   5. I just bought the new Hiki Unscented Antiperspirant to try even though it’s more than my drugstore ones – only had it a week so don’t want to really review it’s effectiveness yet. I used secret clinical for years but am really able to suddenly smell myself and needed to try something new. Mitchum made me sweat and smell too unfortunately. Will be following other responses.

   6. I have found that I have to switch up my deodorant fairly often or it seems to stop working. I rotate between Secret, Degree and Dove.

   7. My best option lately has been suave coconut kiss of all things! I feel like every single thing I’ve used hasn’t worked the last 2 years and this is as close as it gets to success for me.

      1. Another fan of Suave over here. I try the fancier brands once in a while but always go back because Suave just seems to work better.

   8. I use Certain Dri liquid at night a few times a week and Megababe Rosy Pits daily in the morning. The Certain Dri is the best antiperspirant I’ve found; the Megababe (or whatever non-antiperspirant thing you want) keeps me odor-free. I started because the aluminum in antiperspirants was making my nice shirt armpits yellow and sort of crusty; while the Certain Dri definitely does have aluminum, something about the formula or the format (i.e. liquid) or maybe just that i put it on at night so basically can’t sweat it off has meant that it doesn’t give me pit issues even on my sleep clothes (a price i was originally willing to pay in order to save my daytime clothes).

      1. Yes! Certain Dri is the best. I used it when I worked outside all day in the heat at a summer camp. I’d put it on right after showering at night, top it off with a normal deodorant in the morning just to be safe, and I was golden.

         Only downside is how irritating it can be. If I used it again I’d probably pair it with a AHA/BHA chemical exfoliant every 3 days just to help the turnover but honestly it wasn’t that big of a deal. Honestly, I’m not sure why I stopped wearing it now that I think about it.

   9. Fresh

2. I get emails from law dot com with headlines, but I’m not able to access their articles, so I was wondering if anyone who has access or other knowledge could chime in: I’m really curious about the situation with Coca Cola’s GC. Awhile back, he implemented an ambitious diversity policy for outside counsel, and there was some interesting discussion about it here. Now, he’s suddenly resigned, and the latest headline I can’t access is “lawyers of color have concluded the worst” about his exit. Does anybody have any knowledge about this situation they can share? I thought the policy sounded great in theory, but pretty aspirational, and I’m so curious about the politics that are clearly going on here. Did he initially have company support in implementing this policy, but lose it? (and why?) Were outside firms somehow able to pressure Coke to dismantle this? Interested in any info or thoughts people have about this situation.

   1. Whenever a guy abruptly departs, I assume that something surfaced that was Cuomo-like.

      1. He is still working for Coca Cola as a consultant so I would not jump to the conclusion that he was caught doing something inappropriate.

         I can think of a lot of reasons a man pushing 60 with plenty of money might want to go part time – ranging from “I want to travel” to “my spouse has a serious illness.” No reason to assume the worst.

         1. If I were 60+ with that much $, I’d only take a consulting job that was a no-show no-work job (like the Sopranos used to get on their contracts). Or not bother. Maybe it is face-saving, maybe it is real. If NDAs are worth their salt, we’ll never know.

   2. My guess, and it is just that, is that the lack of whispers on this suggests some major NDAs that people are actually sticking to.

   3. The article and related scuttlebutt suggests that he was too singularly-focused on a goal that was not immediately achievable and ignoring important parts of the role. Coca Cola underwent significant restructuring and part of the GC’s job was to organize and integrate the department into the new structure and he was not doing that part, creating a lot of enemies and friction inside and outside the department in a very short time, and losing good people along the way. There also, I think, and the article suggests between the lines, was disappointment that there was not promotion within the department, which is what ended up happening with his departure. All of this is subject to interpretation, of course. And while I am in favor of implementing diversity policies, I am not crying for this particular man, as the article also reports he is walking away with several million dollars (6+ is my fuzzy memory) and a contract to consult for $600,000+/month. (I find the numbers jaw-dropping and inappropriate.) So maybe there is something untoward that happened, or maybe he is being put in his lane. I like to think he would not be rewarded so handsomely if there was serious misconduct, but it’s certainly happened before in the corporate world.
      Don’t take my word for any of it — just repeating things.

      1. …are these kinds of numbers normal?! This is crazy to me but perhaps I’m naive.

         1. To clarify, the reported numbers are $4 million signing bonus and $666,666/mo for a total of $12 million for one year of consulting to the CEO.

            1. Yeah, that’s “make this problem go away” money.

      2. OP here — thank you! Interesting stuff.

3. As I get older and have moved from very slim pear (think: track sprinter shape) to a more medium pear/apple hybrid, I feel that more expensive clothes (that are budget-appropriate) are also somehow more boxy (maybe it is for us mid-career people), verging on too boxy.

   Before wardrobe problems: too short, too sheer, to hard to find a bra to wear with
   Now: does this jacket read artsy rich bohemian tourist or is it straight up menopause-wear

   I looked at a catalog the other day (these things just come to the house; now that I get the mail when I eat lunch, I flip before tossing) and it was all long boxy soft jackets with a crafty vibe. I could see how they could be done well (Cate Middleton visit to . . . Mongolia? IIRC something from Go Fug Yourself that I loved and yet could never google my way to finding it), but this was really not what I wanted (even though I wasn’t adverse to the idea of what they were doing). What is there b/w Boden and stuff my Nona would wear in Boca? Lafayette is one example of spendy stuff that is office-appropriate (even if casual) but is just way too huge on someone who still has narrow shoulders and no bust to speak of.

   1. Actually I think Boden is what you are looking for.

   2. A lot of American brands have a boxy fit. Try Barbour.

      1. Isn’t Barbour what the finance-bros wear?

         1. ? It’s like LL Bean but British and less boxy at least in the women’s line.

            1. Interesting — what makes it across the pond made me think of it as a place for shooting attire, which is very Downton Abby and not useful as I shop for meat vs hunt it.

         2. I love this comment and YES. There is a specific Barbour coat and vest so many finance bros have.

   3. Most of the Italian designers design for a narrow shoulder, as do Theory, Boss and Ralph Lauren.

   4. There’s tons and tons of clothing

      1. And yet it is never the right clothing.

   5. Look at Brass and Modern Citizen. I like both for more contemporary work clothes.

   6. I went shopping a few years ago and found myself at the intersection of Chico’s, Easy Spirit, and Coldwater Creek. I don’t know why retailers think as women get older they start needing things to be leopard print, metallic, or fringed, but that’s not me. I am probably in the target group for those stores but I’ve pretty much been all in on MM Lafleur for work, with a little bit of Eileen Fisher (love the crepe pants and the natural fiber tops), plus Nordstrom.

      For casual, I like linens in the summer and wool in the winter. My favorite linen company is Flax, which is very boxy, but I try to balance boxy + slim in different parts of my outfit.

      1. I tried on some cycling leggings recently and the XL would barely squeeze on. It was an Italian brand, so I am wary of anything European as I am of medium height and 130# (a soft 130, but not excessively). I have been to Europe. The food was delicious. IDK how actual Europeans would wear these (much less the smaller sizes).

   7. I think the Kate Middleton outfits you’re thinking might be the India tour in 2016. (Could be the Pakistan one as well, but that was more conservative.)

      1. Yep! I think the look OP mentions is the Nepal monastery climb.

4. Coral: you can find vintage real coral jewelry for less than this plastic nightmare.

   1. A lot of people avoid coral for the same reasons they avoid elephant ivory. I have some pieces given to me 40 years ago that I will keep and wear, but I would be very reluctant to buy coral even if marketed as vintage unless I could confirm it was sustainably harvested.

      1. If you buy it second hand the damage is already done and here’s a not so secret secret if you’re concerned about the oceans the best thing you can do is stop eating fish.

         1. Wow – that is an unnecessarily hostile response to this post.

            But that is becoming par for the course on this site.

5. Any recommendations for linen pants (either full length or capri)? I have an Eileen Fisher pair I love and are looking for more that are flattering for a pooch, comfy and not too unstylish.

   1. When and how do you wear your linen pants? I’ve always wanted a pair but I’m not sure when I would wear them.

      1. While sitting in an adirondack chair drinking with friends, mostly. Also wandering to and around the outdoor farmer’s market. And sometimes while summer shopping.

      2. Not the OP, but on the hunt for replacement linen pants (postpartum, the old ones don’t fit). I wear them on weekends with a cute top, to the driving range, and to the office on Fridays during the summer.

      3. WFH, daycare pick up etc. They’re very casual.

      4. I wear mine mostly around the house and yard and for very casual errands. It’s like pajama pants for daytime. I could wear them for something like lunch with friends but I tend not to, mainly because they’re not as flattering as other pants I own

   2. Try Athleta

   3. American Giant! I have 2 pairs of their linen pants. They are super comfy, wash well, and oddly don’t wrinkle that much. They have a hideous drawstring that I switched out with some pretty ribbons. I’ve been wearing them all day for the past few weeks since the weather got warmer!

      1. Thanks! These look promising

   4. For the tall ladies, I would like to give a shout out to a new brand, Amalli Talli which has super linen pants for talls.

6. Any suggestions for books or other guidance on facilitating a mentoring program? Or personal experience? I run the mentoring program for my law firm, which matches associates and partners up. In my experience mentoring relationships that happen organically are the best, but i also think there is value in connecting brand new people to someone and getting to know people outside of your practice group. I’d love to do what I can to strengthen the program (like sending out conversation starters or giving more explicit guidance to mentors on how to handle various situations that come up) so appreciate any resources.

   1. Aren’t these the things they hired you for? I will say that my personal experience with the structured programs have not been very favorable as the mentee. I find the assigned mentors are usually lackluster about being proactive and reaching out or trying to get to know the mentee on an organic level.

      1. Yeah, my two assigned firm mentors were a total personality mismatch. They were bro-tastic M&A types and I found them absolutely repellent. Especially when I met with them together they would literally chuckle at each other over my head (they were both tall, of course).

         I had far better luck getting to know senior associates and partners on my floor organically as I worked with them, and got to know people in other groups as I worked on deals that included SMEs. Maybe encourage more of that kind of “cross pollination” rather than the equivalent of blind dates? Like the woman who’s the ERISA expert is encouraged to take the junior associate on the deal for coffee?

         1. what about this sent it to mod?

      2. Nope, not at all. They hired me to be a lawyer! And then you have to take on committee work that nobody train you to do … thus, my question.

   2. My org (not law) incentivizes higher level employees to mentor younger ones. That works like a charm but not sure it applies to a small law office.

   3. We used a structured approach to Lean In circles where we adapted the curriculum and added formal scheduling and facilitation
      support from mid-level to senior women instead of the recommended ad hoc peer mentoring. Three two hour group sessions spaced across 3 months and you were done. It was a wild success.

7. Any suggestions for a nice gesture for someone who unexpectedly lost a much beloved dog? I’m getting a sympathy card since this person is the type to appreciate it, and ordinarily I’d try to get a picture done as a nice drawing or something but she unfortunately has almost no photos of the dog.

   1. A donation to a local shelter.

      1. How in the world did I not think of that on my own?? Obviously. Thank you!

      2. +1 to this, and extra points if the dog was a rescue and you can donate to the shelter he was adopted from. A friend did that for me and it was beyond touching.

         1. This is what we are doing. Thank you everyone. :)

   2. Our work team made a donation to the ASPCA in the pet’s memory when our coworker lost a pet (more like her child) suddenly. It felt like something to do to acknowledge the loss without just giving her a trinket. It also was more immediate, so we could acknowledge the loss quickly rather than waiting for something to ship.

   3. Oh, how sad. Agree about donation to local shelter or rescue group, and maybe flowers.

   4. If others are looking for the same thing but do have photos, I got a coffee cup on Etsy with an adorable photo of the dog on it and their name. My friend loved it. My dog is very much alive and I might get one it was so cute.

8. This necklace looks like a string of many many coronaviruses!!

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