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Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon for this
Like the silhouette but not the pattern shown.
TJ–My fiance is having some mystery bachelor party thrown for him next weekend, for which he will go out of town. I wasn’t planning anything for myself, but now I’m wondering if I may feel lonely and lame while he’s gone having a great time with other friends. I don’t have a ton of money to throw around, so plane tickets at this late date are probably out–any suggestions for things to do in my own city, either alone or with just a few girlfriends, that could feel like a celebration without being over the top?
TCFKAG
For my bachelorette party, my bridesmaids and one other friend and I literally basically had a grown up slumber party. We bought the liquor for my favorite cocktails, went grocery shopping for nice dinner (fondue!), and cooked and drank and gossiped. You could watch fun movies or play fun games or just chill. Honestly – it was perfect for me. I much preferred it to some “night on the town” type thing.
Anon in NYC
What city are you in? You could have a spa day, and get a massage, facial, and mani/pedi. You could do this alone, or with friends. Or, if that is too expensive, get some girlfriends together for just a mani/pedi and brunch or lunch. Or, find a trendy bar where you have to dress up a little and go have some drinks.
TBK
This might not work for everyone, but I seriously miss evenings to myself from my single days. I love being married more, but when my husband is away, I love the chance to stock up on my favorite TV shows (via Netflix, Hulu, or whatever), some wine or beer I really love, and fun snacky food or take-out that Mr. isn’t huge on (like Thai, which isn’t is favorite but which I LOVE). Then I put on comfy pj’s (read: totally uns3xy but totally comfortable), watch as many back-to-back episodes as I want, drink a glass of wine, and enjoy not worrying about anyone else. During the day, I love the chance to do things like go shopping on my own. My husband always wants to tag along and tells me to take my time, but frankly he doesn’t get shopping just to enjoy looking at things. He sees it as an errand. So when I get a Saturday to myself, I love browsing at boutiques or consignment shops just on my own time.
MB
This is what I do and love to a T. Takeout / food that isn’t his favorite, shows he doesn’t like to watch, comfy clothes and then, by day, shopping to my heart’s content, including consignment stores and thrift stores, which he especially dislikes.
SC
Truth. My husband was out of town at a bachelor party last weekend, and I ordered pizza with my favorite toppings, binge-watched The New Normal, slept in the middle of the bed, slept in, went to Pure Barre classes, took the dogs for long walks, chatted on the phone with my parents, and went out for dinner and drinks with a friend. It probably doesn’t sound too exciting to anyone else, but I was thrilled. Like TBK said, I love being married, but a couple times a year, weekends like this are so nice. And when my husband returned, I was thrilled!
KLG
This is me, too. I love my husband but he is on call for a week every 6 weeks and I usually find myself hoping that he will have to go in to work one evening so that I can watch bad TV and eat food he doesn’t like.
Angela
DITTO!!!
Of course now when hubs travels I am in charge of 2 kids but loved it years ago
Divaliscious11
This is important – having the things you like that you can do when your spouse is traveling or working elsewhere etc… Sometimes it is just a book and some wine, sometimes its other stuff.
Meg Murry
Right before my wedding my best friend and I had one last “sleepover” like we were teenagers again – watching girly movies, doing each others hair and nails, reading trashy magazines and staying up late into the night giggling and gossiping. You could invite some of your girlfriends over for a last minute “girls night in” – either at your place, or some local hotels that cater to business travelers during the week actually have really cheap last minute weekend rates. Ask everyone to bring a bottle of wine and some snacks, it would be inexpensive but still could be fun.
JessC
This. My close girlfriends and I still do this (usually we send the male SOs off for a guy’s night where they inevitably get drunk, play video games, and pass out at someone’s apartment). We paint our nails, eat a stupid amount of junk food, gossip all night, and watch silly girly movies.
Anon for this ...
Going anon since some of you ladies know who I am …
Can I selfishly ask for internet hugs today? The guy I was seeing broke up with me last night right before we hit the six-month mark. I know it’s for the best, and that I had been using the relationship as crutch not to make other big life changes that I need to make. But, but … I’m still sad. I just liked the fact that he was there.
Today is going to be a bitch, isn’t it? *Tears.*
michelle
*hugs* just cause something isn’t working, doesn’t mean it won’t hurt to end it. Just plow through it and it will all be OK in the end…
Anon for this ...
Going anon since some of you ladies know who I am …
Can I selfishly ask for internet hugs today? The guy I was seeing broke up with me last night right before we hit the six-month mark. I know it’s for the best, and that I had been using the relationship as crutch not to make other big life changes that I need to make. But, but … I’m still sad. I just liked the fact that he was there.
Today is going to be a b!tch, isn’t it? *Tears.*
NOLA
It’s not selfish at all! Treat yourself well and don’t give yourself a hard time about mourning the relationship, even if you knew it wasn’t right.
And, of course, hugs to you.
Anon in NYC
Hugs.
Ellen
Yes, HUG’s to you! FOOEY on that LOOSER!
I’ve been there too, tho I was the guy who DUMPED my ex, it still HURT alot. What you have to realise is that there are OTHER fish in the sea, and even tho some have to be thrown back, and other’s SMELL, there is a fresh clean fish for you that will be VERY tasty! YAY!
I am still waiteing for Ed’s freind to call me, and DO not know very much about him. I will ask ROSA what the storey is if I do NOT hear from him schoon, b/c the park’s department guy keep’s texteing me. I figure I had better CALL him already b/c he knows alot of the same peeople that I do and I do NOT want to be a SNOB.
I just do NOT want to go out for VEEGAN food with him, b/c he is busy cutteing lawn’s and planteing seeds in the park all day. He may not like MEAT, and I am a big MEAT eater. YAY!
OH, KAT, I love the dress, but it is a little to expensive for me. FOOEY! Frank and the manageing partner would NOT be able to look at my boobies with this. If this goe’s on sale, I would GET it. YAY!!!!!
Anon too
Hugs to you. So sorry this is happening.
Also, thank you for posting. I see myself in your post and need to do exactly what you did. Thank you.
Hope you feel better with each passing day.
Anon for this ...
Glad I could help, and good luck to you! :-)
Monday
I’m sorry. I hope you can look forward with some comfort or enthusiasm to whatever the changes are that you need to make, and let that feel like starting over and taking care of yourself.
Silvercurls
+1 to this, and a hug. Also a cookie or cupcake, or some sorbet or frozen peaches.
Good wishes for finding a new person after you’ve made whatever changes you need to make. Not saying that you have to accomplish this _immediately_, or that it doesn’t feel sad right now. You don’t and it does. Be kind to yourself.
MB
Today is going to be a b*tch, but try to do anything to take your mind off of it. Work hard (if you are at work) and throw yourself into some tasks. Then tonight, start a new series on Netflix or pick out a new book to read. Go to the gym or try a new class at the gym? Basically, keep yourself busy to distract yourself from it.
And hugs, of course.
January
+1. Sorry to hear it, but if you can already recognize this is the right thing, then I predict you will be feeling better very soon.
momentsofabsurdity
Aw, I’m so sorry. It’s okay to be bummed even though you know rationally it was the best thing. The good feelings don’t always come in the same package as the right answer.
Diana Barry
Booo! Do something new and fun – take a walk at lunch if you need room to breathe, get a cupcake, drink a fun new c-tail tonight, go to a new store you’ve been meaning to check out. Hugs!
Anon
What is this, breakup season? This recently happened to me, too. The first day is the worst, but it will get exponentially easier as each day passes. Now you’re free to go out, do the great things you had been putting off, and meet someone that doesn’t have all of his bad habits.
Matilda
Big, big cyberhugs. Take care of yourself today, and for the rest of the week. Do the nice sort of things for yourself that you would do for a friend in your position — take advantage of free B&J scoop day today, get yourself nice coffee drinks, or whatever makes you happy. It will get better.
Anon for this ...
Thanks, everyone, all your hugs and advice are really helping, particularly those who have said that it’s going to be sad even though I know it’s the right thing. I just got a bit blindsided. It’s also bringing up all those other things that have been lurking in the background. I’m going to give myself permission to wallow for a little while and then take this kick-in-the-#$% for what it is … a reminder that it’s time to move on in more ways than one.
Calibrachoa
*Hugs!*
Anonymous
Big hugs and lots of chocolate your way. It’s okay to be sad. Give yourself time to wallow. Spring is here – a great reminder that there’s always time for new beginnings :)
Tuesday
Hugs, wine, cookies and (thanks, Silvercurls!) frozen peaches.
a.
Hugs. I’m so sorry, but you’ll get through this. Have some ice cream and wine.
TO Lawyer
Hugs! I’m echoing the comments of it’s ok to be sad and give yourself time to wallow. I recommend coffee flavoured ice cream and red wine. And then move on and be awesome.
momentsofabsurdity
Thanks to the poster who suggested unroll.me yesterday! I just started using it and this morning, my inbox was so much more manageable without 85million email subscriptions coming in at 5:34am (so they’d all be “the first thing in my inbox when I wake up!”)
Anon in NYC
Gorgeous! Love the higher neckline too.
The warm weather is making me want to buy spring and summer clothes. I have to keep reminding myself that a change of seasons does not magically mean that I have the budget to do so.
NYC
Ugh, ditto.
hoola hoopa
Yep!!
The Masters
Condi sighted in a green jacket at Augusta!
I am not a golfer but I am somehow over the moon about this.
Anon!
Cool–she’s a member! She used to lift weights with my team in the AM when I was at Stanford. She’s a really nice lady, honest!
JessC
Anyone ever shopped at ModCloth? I’ve been eyeing one of their swimsuits and was wondering if anyone can speak to their quality.
Note to TO Lawyer: I saw your shout-out late last night (so I figured responding was futile) and I’m glad that hearing my story has helped you deal with your situation. Even though I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, it’ll get better and you will be able to move on. I recently started seeing a guy who, although he may not be my Mr. Perfect, has caused me to overcome the irrational belief that I couldn’t be attracted to any guy other than my ex.
A Nonny Moose
Modcloth is like Anthro for example in that they sell clothes by many designers, so it depends on the individual designer for quality unfortunately.
Apple Pie
I have a few things from Modcloth, including a swimsuit. They gather products from a wide range of indie designers, so the quality can vary widely depending on the brand. The website reviews for a particular item are probably your best bet. My swimsuit is one of the Bathing Beauty ones, and it’s by far the best quality suit I’ve ever owned (although, admittedly, the rest of my swimsuits come from Target and Old Navy).
JessC
That’s the exact one I was looking at! Thanks (and I’m totally the same way – most of my swimsuits are from Target)!
Maggie
I love ModCloth for “fun” clothes! However I agree with the previous posts that quality is hit or miss. I usually buy a few things I’ve had my eye on and then keep whatever is my favorite. If it’s clearly low quality, I send it back. Free shipping + returns, why not? Many items have reviews too, which I find very helpful. I avoid items that are in juniors sizing as they probably won’t fit properly and for whatever reason I assume juniors clothing is more likely to be poor quality (though I could very well be wrong).
As for swimsuits, I have a nautical one from last year that I LOVE and get compliments on every time I wear it, and am expecting the Bathing Beauty to be delivered to my doorstep in the next couple days! There are lots of positive reviews for it on the website, and they must have a reason to make it in so many colors, so I have high hopes that it will be a keeper. I can report back later once I’ve tried it on.
TO Lawyer
Thanks JessC! That’s also good to hear because I’m partly terrified I’ll never meet anyone I click with again. Hope things go well with your new guy!
mascot
Residential real esate TJ- We are under contract to purchase a house and everything points to us closing on time in early May. The sellers are now asking us about the possibility of a leaseback for a couple of weeks. I am awaiting their proposal, but I imagine that their reasons are that they need to free up the money to close on the next house, don’t want to put furniture in storage, kids need to finish school, etc. We would insist on a temporary occupancy agreement to protect us, but are initially not wild about being a landlord. Our lender only requires that we take possesion within 60 days of closing. Anyone care to share their experience or thoughts on this?
SunnyD
I leasedback to the guy I bought my condo from. On the day I took possession, I walked in and thought he hadn’t moved out because there was so much of his stuff everywhere (including a refrigerator full of food). Turns out he just decided to leave behind everything he didn’t want anymore, including half-eaten pizzas and furniture. That was probably more a result of him being a jerk than the leaseback.
Congratulations on your new house!
V
Why not just delay the closing? That’s much cleaner. If you do a leaseback, watch your insurance — you need a temporary renters policy otherwise you may have problems if something catastrophic happens. Also, if you rent >14 days, you will need to see about filing a Schedule E with your 2013 taxes. My city also has a short term rental tax (like a hotel tax, so it isn’t for long term rentals) that kicks in concurrent with the Schedule E rules.
Diana Barry
+1, I would delay closing instead.
mascot
Oh, hadn’t thought about taxes. Good call. We were going ask our insurance company about the renting issue.
I imagine they want to close early to get their money out so they can buy their new house in their new town, hence their reluctance to extend the closing date. Leaning more and more towards saying “sorry, can’t do it”
V
If they are having movers to move them out, most moving companies can store things also (or use PODS, etc.) for this very reason. I appreciate the having to close on a house to fund another (or to avoid a bridge loan), but dealing with people and stuff in a house you need to inspect and close on yourself is another matter (and exposes you to risks at your expense and inconvenience).
IMO real estate agents seem to oversell the ease of a rent-back and miss the downsides (e.g., what do you do if you have already given notice on your apartment and it has been re-rented).
Senior Attorney
+1 Don’t get involved in a leaseback. Delay the closing if you must, but do. not. close. until they can deliver possession.
Away Game
I don’t think a month or so would make a difference, so I would definitely do it for a couple of weeks. They pay rent which will help with your first months’ costs, and are frankly pretty unlikely to trash the house (which would be my big fear as a landlord). I’d write into the agreement that any repairs needed are theirs to cover, and let them have a couple of weeks. We bought last summer and thought our sellers were going to ask about this and were perfectly prepared to agree. It turns out their new place was ready early, so we didn’t end up going through with it, but didn’t see any real downside.
V
If you do go this route, they need some skin in the game — maybe a $1000 deposit to cover repairs (moving out can really trash a place — gouge floors, etc.) and it’s not like you’d want to go to small claims court if you say they owe you $ and they disagree. If things are fine, no problem, but what if they aren’t.
The other thing is that you can’t do a good closing walk-through with their stuff still in the house.
Anonymous
we did this last year — the sellers of the house we bought leased it back from us for 1 month w/ the option for a second. That was w/in 60 days, so it wasnt an issue for our lender or insurance (though, of course, check yours). Their “rent” covered all of our expenses — mortgage, taxes etc — and we got a security deposit from them. As for the walk through, we did two — one at actual closing and one after they moved out. It wound up defraying our overlap costs (we had 3 months between the closing date on the new house and closing on our condo), so it was good for us too.
As for pushing back the closing date, this wasnt an option for us becasue our lender (like most, but of course, check yours) would not lock in interest rates more than 60 days out w/o a significantly increased interest rate. Often, if a closing gets pushed back by more than a few days, it can cause this problem.
My suggestion is to do it if it works for you with your timing, but talk to all of the necessary people (lender, insurer, agents etc) and only do it on your terms.
Anon
I rented back this when I bought my house and while I was super impatient and just wanted to move in already, it helped me out because I save extra money to buy new furniture with and because there was a leaky faucet we didn’t see leaking during the home inspection. They got to pay for that with their deposit. I did like the and trust the people, though, and they were impressively clean.
You could push back closing, but if you do that it’s possible that you may not have your mortgage rate locked in anymore. You could maybe see how much they would charge to maintain the rate and have the seller pay that.
a.k.
We did a 45-day leaseback on our place when we bought, and it went okay. Like another commenter, the place was a mess when we actually took possession. We treated it like a short-term lease, with commensurate rent (a bit higher rent than market) and held a security deposit in escrow, and we threatened to hold all of it because there was so much work that had to be done to just get the place clean. We ended up compromising and holding back several hundred dollars to hire a cleaning service. If I were doing it again I would insist on a separate move-out fee to cover cleaning in addition to a security deposit.
Lilly
A leaseback is not absolutely necessary to allow them to take money out of your closing and put it into one of their own. “Simultaneous” closings are possible – the closing of your purchase occurs, then the closing of their purchase occurs immediately after yours. The closing are not, of course, truly simultaneous, but they are set up for the same time, and the second closing waits for confirmation of the first. They do not have to occur in the same location. As far as I’m concerned, it is the parties’ realtors and closing agents/attorneys who are tasked with setting it up and making it go. I’ve been on both sides of this kind of closing.
LR
The previous owners of our house wanted to do a leaseback and we said no at our agent’s advice. She recommended having them put several thousand dollars in an escrow account as a security deposit if we went that route, but we preferred not to. Closing was scheduled for the Friday before a holiday weekend and the sellers belatedly realized they would rather have had the holiday in their own home – not enough reason for us to take on this risk. They were still moving out Friday morning when we showed up for our pre-closing walkthrough and they were pretty bitter. They also left quite a bit of junk in the house and at the curb…I can only imagine what they would have left if there wasn’t a formal inspection.
n.
LOVE this! I dearly wish I had $350 to spend on this dress!
TJ about nail polish: I feel a bit silly even asking this, but what are the secrets to getting a home manicure to last more than, say, 24 hours? I feel like I missed this part of makeup education growing up and I must be doing something horribly wrong. I’m sitting here looking at a manicure that I did on sunday afternoon, and by tuesday AM it’s chipped so much it’s embarrassing. Moreover, my nail polish tends to come off in big flakes, not just little chips at the tip, so I’ll look down and suddenly half a nail’s worth of color will be missing. This particular manicure was two coats of Sally Hansen Xtreme wear polish with one coat of Sally Hansen acrylic top coat, but this weird flaking thing happens to me with more expensive polishes as well. What gives?
momentsofabsurdity
I am ridiculously bad at at home manicures (so I never do them). I have shaky hands and the polish gets everywhere. Even my salon manicures I usually ruin before getting out the door since I’m impatient. I switched to OPI gel manicures (I’m currently on my third week of one and aside from the one finger I slammed into a car door last week, they’re perfect and unchipped).
My friend who does at home manicures all the time, however, says the real key to a chip free manicure is to let each coat dry completely (like 20+ min of drying between coats) and use a really good top coat.
Equity's Darling
20+ minutes between each coat? Yipes. If it took me that long to polish my nails, I would easily spend 2 hours a week on applying polish alone, and my habit is time-consuming enough as it is. With my beloved Seche Vite quick dry top coat, I can do a polish change in ~ 40 minutes, and then go to bed immediately. On weekends, if I want a matte top coat, I’m definitely looking at closer to an hour of drying time before doing anything though.
Equity's Darling
Seche Vite is the topcoat answer. It smells like plastic, I’m pretty sure it’s the most toxic polish I own, but it’s magical not only for being the fastest drying, but also, in my experience, the most durable top coat. If I double up on a Seche top coat, I can get a solid week out of polishes (though I usually get bored of a colour after 3 days or so…)
I also need to be careful of things like zippers, because those often cause chips for me. Same with any type of cleaning, make sure you wear gloves. Also, make sure you’re using a good base coat, and that your nails have no lotion/oils on them before you put on the base.
Diana Barry
+1 to Seche Vite and having nails really clean. Also, sit with it on for at least half an hour before you move or do anything. And don’t wash dishes that day!
I also like to do another topcoat on day 2 or 3 and with that, can usually get through a few more days.
Senior Attorney
+1 Seche Vite topcoat = magic
Anonymous
One more for Seche Cite being topcoat magic. My nails grow out before they chip.
Anon
File your nails first, push back your cuticles, and wash your hands before applying polish. Use a base coat like Orly bonder and put your top coat both over and under the nail to seal in the edge.
Blue
I use OPI base coat and Seche Vite top coat and my manicures generally close to a week before getting chipped. And I don’t wait more than a minute or two between coats.
Mountain Girl
I use 2 coats of polish, one coat of top coat and OPI nail drying drops. I find that the secret to making a manicure last is maintenance. If I slightly buff my nails and add another coat of polish and top coat every other day I can make a manicure last all week. However, it is time consuming and takes awhile to remove it. I don’t do it all the time but it works for when I wear polish. I’ve been going with shorter buffed nails lately and appreciate that they don’t take maintenance.
Anonymous
My home manicures routinely last about a week (or more!). Here’s what I do:
File/buff if I need to, then wash my hands. Apply a good base coat, let dry 3-5 minutes. Apply 2-3 coats of good polish (experiment – some brands are gonna chip quickly no matter what), let dry 3-5 minutes between each one. Apply top coat, let dry. Apply quick-dry top coat, let dry for a few minutes, then blast with hair dryer on cool for 5 minutes.
Don’t do anything like wash dishes or handle warm laundry that day.
Seche Vite is a fantastic top coat but a lot of people notice it shrinks the polish. I usually use Zoya Armor topped by Essie Good to Go.
Orangerie
+100 to all the Seche Vite recommendations. I use CND Stickey base coat, which is also great.
A few other things that help make my manicures last a full week:
– lightly buffing the surface of my nails so that they are extra smooth
– wiping my nails down with acetone directly before starting to polish
– applying thin and even layers of base, polish, and top coats, with adequate drying time in between each
Senior Attorney
+1 to the CND base coat, too!
n.
Thanks for all of the replies, ladies. Oddly I have tried Seche Vite topcoat (perhaps on the recommendations from others on this site?) and for me it’s even worse for flaking than my cheapo acrylic top coat — I can sometimes literally peel an entire nail off in one sheet! I wonder if it just doesn’t play nice with whatever nail polish I’m using? Anyway, I’ll try a base coat, which I typically don’t use, and see if that makes a difference for next week’s manicure…
In the Pink
I use the Deborah Lippmannnn products – turn back time for the base (helps with the discoloration from reds in particular) – and I use the addicted to speed top coat. I find if I want to last longer than that, I can put on another coat of color and then the top coat.
I used to wait 45 mins between coats, but now I have success with 30 mins.
Also, I try to take off the polish one afternoon/night, do dishes and shower to get the chemical off, and polish the next day. Seems to help.
FWIW, I have had long, natural nails since high school and this has seemed to be the best routine yet.
I run my own “shop” and do all the filing, phone calls, writing, copying, typing myself. So it’s a good testament to wear, imho.
cartascartas
I use Orly Bonder for the base, and the Sally Hansen Mirror Shine for the top and my manicures regularly last 5 days – 7 full days if I don’t do any heavy cooking/cleaning in that time. Highly recommend both!
NOLA
A couple of ideas:
One is that I have read that you should be sure that there is no water, oil, soap, or dust on your nails when you start. Ideally, you should run across your nails with acetone right before you put on your basecoat. Put on the basecoat and let it dry (10 min.). I use OPI start to finish for my basecoat. Then, do your coats of polish, letting it dry between. I use Sally Hansen Insta-Dri as my top coat and it is supposed to go on 2 minutes after your last coat of polish.
I have also read that water is the enemy of a manicure. Wear gloves when you do dishes. I find that most of my chips come when I’m in the shower, especially washing my hair. I also wait until Sunday night to do a manicure because I cook on Sundays and that is really hard on a manicure.
Hope this helps!
Susie
Honestly I seem to get the best result doing just one coat of regular polish, no base or top coat. The ones I like best are Maybeline quick finish and OPI. I think with multiple layers the key really is waiting for them to dry enough in between, which I’m just not patient enough for. So if you’re not going to wait the full time maybe its better to just skip?
eek
It really depends on your nails; I’m convinced of this.
For me:
– Deborah Lippman Base coat (skip her primer, dries out nails). This week, I’m using Dior base coat with good results so far.
– Polish (I like Dior)
– Dior Topcoat
I also use the Dior cuticle cream nightly. It truly works. I have really bad cuticles and flaky nails and haven’t had a problem in the 5 weeks I’ve been using this stuff. FWIW, I’d tried everything.
Had ok results w/ Seche Vite, but it gets thick quickly and I felt like it made my polish “shrink.”
J
Seche Vite is good, but my favorite quick-dry topcoat is the mysterious-looking blue stuff from Sally called “Beauty Secrets.” It has iffy ratings on Makeup Alley but it’s been the product that has worked best for me out of all of the options I’ve tried (FWIW, the OPI drops were the absolute worst). My manicures last for more than a week easily without chipping. I do VERY thin layers – basecoat, 2 coats of polish, and then quick-drying topcoat – of polish and wait about 5 minutes between each before proceeding. Thin layers are the key – any time I get an accidental glop, that nail wil peel/chip without fail.
After everything is done, I will sit for about 10 minutes and let the topcoat do its thing before getting up and moving around. I find that NYC nail polish is awful for just about everything but fixing runs in pantyhose, but everything else is OK. I particularly like Essie and L’Oreal polishes.
J
Oh, and I second the advice on pushing back the cuticles. I also highly recommend a crystal file over normal emery board – they don’t leave ragged edges and “seal” the edge of the nail so there’s less likelihood of chipping at the top of the nail. My routine is: remove polish, clip nails, file, apply cuticle salve (I use Aveda) and push back cuticles with bamboo stick, then wash hands, swipe nail beds with acetone, then start with the polish. It generally takes me about an hour and I do it on Saturday mornings when I catch up with Scandal and Nashville and drink my coffee.
No Problem
This happens to me too. But it usually takes a couple days to start happening, and typically whole chucks of polish will peel off while I’m in the shower and running my fingers through my hair.
The only advice I can give is to try to avoid getting the polish on your cuticles. I’ve noticed that salon manicurists generally don’t paint very close to my cuticles, but I’m a sloppy painter, so I do on almost every nail. Painting on the cuticles leaves a raised edge that is easier to catch on things (hair, clothing, towels, etc.) than the flatter edge if you can avoid doing it. Easier said than done, of course…
Posey - Boardroombelles
Seche Vite top coat (http://www.amazon.com/Seche-Vite-Fast-Nail-Ounce/dp/B00150LT40). A friend of mine who always had the best looking at-home manicures introduced me to this product and now I’m hooked! With SV my manicures my manicures dry in minutes and last 5 -7 days (I am really hard on my nails).
RosieAims
I have been doing my own Shellac (a polish/gel hybrid) mani/pedis since Christmas and it has been amazing. Buy the CND Shellac base and topcoats, whatever colors you want, and a 36 watt UV light off Amazon. The technique is as simple as painting your nails (no mixing powders or filing your nail bed) except that you cure the polish between each step and wipe your nails with rubbing alcohol at the very end. I’m left with a rock-hard set polish that lasts until I soak it off (2-3 weeks!) which is game-changing for me because I hate waiting for polish to dry and I am SO hard on my hands. I can immediately shower, wash dishes, fold laundry, dig in my purse — it’s amazing to not have to wait around waiting for paint to dry!
kira kira
Thank you to those of you who gave me advice on the Paula’s Choice skincare line recently. I have been using it for a couple weeks and am really impressed so far!
TBK
First, thanks to the recs on Boi-ing concealer. Bought some over the weekend and LOVE! It’s perfect.
Second, need some shopping help! I need a pair of tan (either a yellowy nude or light brown — just not a rosy nude because I have those) flats. But not totally flat flats because those don’t work on my feet. Bandolino Xarby are just about right, but I’m having trouble finding them or similar shoes in the right color. I also want them to be real leather, patent is okay, size 9, and $100 or less. A miniwedge would also be perfect. And closed toe. I need them because I recently bought some fabulous cropped (ankle) pants close to the color of Nantucket reds but they’re cut in a way that heels don’t really work, and my flats are too pinky to go with the red. I think a leopard print or tortoise would also work. (No snakeskin, though. I just don’t like it.) Any suggestions? I’m having the worst time!
AEK
I’ve been looking for something similar (I think— not sure how casual / dressy you want). Haven’t bought anything yet but I have a full cart at zappos. A couple ideas:
http://tinyurl.com/dxcempy
http://tinyurl.com/d77bnh9
http://tinyurl.com/c67yg94
http://tinyurl.com/cnyhmeu
http://tinyurl.com/c6cmgkv
NYC Anon for this
Going anon for this one…
My SO and I are having issues. Namely, before we got together (ages ago – we were still in school), I had a few too many and ending up kissing a guy at a bar that I was sort of into at the time. Nothing came of it (we never dated, etc). My SO knows all of this.
He told me last night that this knowledge still makes him really uncomfortable, and that he has trouble being out with friends at a bar/party/where alcohol is involved because of this hurt (not because he thinks I would do this again because he knows I wouldn’t cheat on him, but because it reminds him of something he didn’t want to know about in the first place – imagining me with another person, whom he has actually met).
Any suggestions on how to get past this? He’s expressed to me that we need to heal this hurt and that it is up to me to take the lead, but I’m struggling for what to do/where to start. Apologies are not the solution (historically, it will just make things worse instead of better). He just wants to move forward – without rehashing what went wrong/the past (which I agree with – I don’t think a rehash would be helpful) but we need to fix this first – and I don’t know how. Help?
(ps – before someone else says it – I know that some of you will be thinking, what the what? he’s upset that she told him she kissed another guy before they even got together? you’ll just have to trust me that 99% of the time he’s a reasonable guy, and worth it – this just got under his skin)
Anne Shirley
I don’t think you should fix this. It’s his problem. I think the message needs to be “I kissed men before you, and I’m not sorry about it. What dies bother me is that you feel like you’re entitled to an opinion about this, and you’re still dragging thus up years layer.”
This is his problem. You can’t help him fix it.
KLG
Agree. He is the one that has to move on from it.
SC
I agree. I don’t think you can fix his feelings about what you did before you got together. It’s up to him to take responsibility for this. You could suggest or agree to go to couple’s counseling because honestly there are deeper issues if he’s uncomfortable with you kissing somebody years ago before you two were together. He may want to consider individual therapy as well.
Marjorie
Agree wholeheartedly. You did nothing wrong. He’s upset because you once, years ago, when younger and unattached and slightly drunk, kissed a guy you had a crush on (whom you knew, and who wasn’t a stranger, and whom you would have been into while sober!!!!)? That’s ridiculous. He should see a shrink, because he is the one with the skewed view of things. And what could you possibly do to fix this? Feel super-guilty and depressed because of your loose lips? Wear a chastity headgear?
Diana Barry
My husband used to feel like this. It is 100% his issue and totally irrational, based on fears that I would leave him.
Moving forward is great, but it is his issue to work on. Maybe counseling for you together? We only got through it because I cried a lot and groveled a lot, which I don’t recommend! It also got 100% better when we moved in together in a new city.
OP
Yeah, oddly enough, crying/groveling has proved to be somewhat effective. Painful, but effective.
cbackson
Oh, my dear, this is worrying. You shouldn’t be groveling over this. And you should only be crying over the fact that he is way, way over the line that defines what constitutes acceptable behavior. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of or to apologize for. You owe him nothing other than understanding as he tries to work through his abnormal and problematic response to your perfectly normal personal history.
Honestly, of all of the relationship posts I’ve seen on this site, I find this one the most concerning and upsetting.
Nonny
Don’t grovel. You have nothing whatever to grovel about. If I were in your shoes, I would be totally p!ssed off. Actually I feel totally p!ssed off on your behalf right now. Your husband is being completely irrational and unfair. As many others have said, this is his problem, not yours. As for the rest of it, I echo cbackson’s comments.
Diana Barry
Don’t get me wrong, I would never have done that had we been older and more mature when we got together. He was eventually able to identify why he was feeling this way (fear of being left) and thus get over it, but in retrospect therapy would/should have helped him identify it sooner, WITHOUT any of the groveling.
Senior Attorney
+1,000,000
He is entitled to feel however he feels, however he is not entitled to project all his insecurities on you and make you jump through a bunch of hoops when you. did. nothing. wrong.
I think Anne Shirley’s response above is perfect, give or take a coupla typos! ;)
goldribbons
It sounds like you need to dissuade his fear with re-wiring his thought pattern. Right now, he’s associating going out (as you mentioned above) with his hurt. Do the two of you frequently go out separately? Try going out together, being more present toward him when you are out with a group. Then separately, addressing the hurt will be tough. Would the 5 Love Languages help you make him feel more loved? It kind of sounds to me like it’s his problem, and he’s asking you to “prove” your love, which is @$$-backwards. I’m trying to be constructive though. Good luck and hugs.
Sutemi
I find it odd that the problem is in his head but that you are expected to take the lead in solving it. I think that he needs to find a therapist to discuss this with who can help him decide what steps he needs to take to move forward.
Blonde Lawyer
I think part of the problem may be how you describe/described the event. You say you had a few too many drinks. It sounds like you describe the event as a mistake. But, this is a guy you were into at the time. You probably wanted to kiss him. What your SO may have heard you say instead is “I can’t control myself when I drink and I make mistakes like kissing people I don’t want to kiss.” You say he knows you wouldn’t cheat but his he more afraid that if you were drunk and not yourself you might? If that is the case, maybe it would make more sense to say “I was totally in control of myself back then. He was someone I was into. I’m now into you so the only guy I’d kiss at a bar is you.”
Are there any different cultural/religious things in play here? Like are you both from a “save everything until marriage” background so the fact that you even kissed someone prior to marriage is hurtful? If so, any therapy is going to need to be with someone who understands that context and background.
anon
Honestly, I’d reconsider this whole relationship – that sounds like the start of really controlling behavior.
Anon
+10000
Senior Attorney
+1,000,000
Hollis
I agree. It is controlling, unreasonably punitive, and completely inappropriate. You did not “hurt'” him (or anyone) since this happened before you got together, so he shouldn’t even be talking about being “hurt.”
Houston Attny
Agreed. It might not seem like it today or in this situation, but it sure sounds like the start of something you’ll look back on and think, “that was the first red flag.”
Anonymous
yup- we have another r3tt3 telling us why its ok to be in a soon to be an abusive relationship (this is one of the number 1 signs- making you apologize/make amends for your sexuality before you even knew him) He is trying to make you feel like you were sl*tty- so you can’t really be trusted can you? Fast forward to “why do you want to go out to a bar with just your girl friends? So you can make out with random guys”
cbackson
OP, with regard to your PS, it doesn’t matter if he’s reasonable 99% of the time. This isn’t normal. Sure, generally, nobody likes to imagine an SO’s previous romantic adventures. But treating this as a “hurt” that *you* need to heal, instead of a hang-up that he needs to get over? You kissed a guy at a bar. There’s nothing he should feel hurt about. The solution here is for him to examine why this upsets him and to figure out how to move past the fact that you once got to first base with someone who wasn’t him.
Anonymous
+1 if you two didn’t get together at 16 I think its completely unreasonable to think that your partner had never so much as kissed someone previously.
This is his hang-up, not yours. I would perhaps think that therapy for him, maybe with you joining a session periodically, would be helpful. This is not a healthy thought pattern for him.
Anon
cbackson’s last sentence sums it up perfectly.
This issue has nothing to do with you and he needs to figure out what he needs to do to get over it (therapy, smack upside the head, whatever). You can offer suggestions, which is very patient and supportive of you, but it’s up to him to deal with it. I apologize if this comes off as flippant but I had to re-read your post to make sure I understood correctly because I didn’t believe someone would seriously get mad over something like this.
Jo March
His telling you that it is up to you to “take the lead” to make this better does not make it true. What exactly are you supposed to do? What possible thing CAN you do? You can’t untell him or take the image away. It is so 100% his issue to deal with.
Susie
Okay I have a suggestion, maybe a little out-there but perhaps worth considering a little role play. Have him meet you in a bar, and dress totally different then you normally would (maybe even wear a wig). Then pretend that you don’t know each other, have a few drinks and let him pick you up. Maybe this would create new, more pleasant associations.
Anon
Someone called in to Dan Savage’s show some time ago with a similar problem – the caller’s SO could not let go of the fact that the caller had had experiences/relationships before him. Dan very strongly told the caller that this was entirely out of line for the SO and that the SO needed therapy. I wish I could remember which podcast episode it was.
SJ
What are the odds your SO thinks you might be pining for/still interested in the guy from before? I read this less as him being controlling and more about him being reminded that you kissed this guy.
My suggestion is to reassure your SO that nothing will ever happen with bar dude and ask him what he needs from you to move forward. Make him be specific and see if you’re willing to do what it takes for him to make peace with it. I don’t think telling you to take the lead with it is very helpful because I bet he has something in mind that he wants you to offer him.
Anonymous
I agree with the general consensus of the replies, but may I suggest something?
Practically speaking, when you go to talk to him about this, do it calmly and speak “normally” but ask him to pinpoint and express * exactly* what bothers him about the situation. You know what I mean: “Well, I was just a normal young person living her life and so on. This whole thing is a perfectly normal outing with friends. WHY are you so bothered by all this? What *exactly* is the problem? Have you never gone out and had fun/ blah blah blah…” If the conversation goes well (if he responds rationally enough and you’re able to understand each other), I’d suggest making absolutely sure you express to him, also calmly, that his reaction really concerns you and that this worries you about possible similar thing sin the future.
I find that the calm-and-rational approach that seeks to pinpoint the exact cause of the problem often works well when people act powerfully and out of pure and illogical emotions, often rooted solely in their own issues (like, say, my Mom can). :)
Gus
Interesting how completely different this dress looks in the three different fabrics Kat posted links to. I adore it in the Saks version (and would buy it in a heartbeat if I was ever willing to spend $350 on a work dress), but I hate it in the other two versions.
Matilda
Okay, so my name is Matilda, and I am a snooze-button addict. Seriously. Recently it has started to be a major problem for me — I use my iPhone for my alarm and it’s across the room with two different alarms set, and I am STILL capable of snoozing for upwards of two and a half hours. This means I’m losing my mornings, which historically have been my most productive time. I’ve committed to getting to bed earlier, and have actually been doing a pretty good job of it, but somehow this isn’t translating to an earlier morning. Does anyone have any advice or resources for weaning yourself off the button, or a recommendation for a magical alarm clock, maybe with electrodes or a built-in caffeine drip or something?
TBK
Does it work if you drink a ton of water before you go to bed so you HAVE to get up to pee? (I’m not joking. This is often what finally gets me out of bed on the weekends.)
goldribbons
+1. This is extremely effective.
Coalea
If I drink a lot of water before bed, I will wake up to pee sometime between 3 and 5 and then fall back to sleep :(
momentsofabsurdity
A friend in college would always sleep through or snooze through alarms. His mom got him an alarm that skittered across the floor so he had to chase it and find it before turning it off. It was um, completely hysterical, but it totally worked.
AIMS
You could also try an old fashioned alarm clock set across the room.
Anonymous
It’s called Clocky! It’s really cute and is easy to find on Amazon.
Merabella
Try looking at that website where you put in when you need to wake up and it gives you when you need to go to sleep to get sleep cycles in. I started doing this, and I’m less of a snooze button addict, because I think I’m actually coming out of a cycle at a good time.
Also, I don’t have this, but I think it would work for me (a snooze button addict), but the Jawbone Up bracelet thing-a-ma-bob has a built in alarm that vibrates on your arm, and it goes off at the best point in your sleep cycle. Maybe this will help.
Cali CPA
I have an app for my phone that wakes you up during the best point in your sleep cycle. It’s called Sleep Cycle.
TO Lawyer
I also have an app that does this called Sleep Time that I like.
Parfait
it’s called http://sleepyti.me/ and it might help.
CBM
I have an alarm clock that simulates the sun rising by slowly brightening up the room. I cannot believe how much easier this makes waking up even for trips to the airport before dawn! There are probably cheaper versions but I got the Phillips wake up light from amazon (currently $80).
hoola hoopa
Similarly, I had one that made ‘nature sounds’ that started quiet and increased in volume. Loved it. The slow wake up works so much better for me.
Sydney Bristow
I have an awesome alarm clock called the Neverlate Executive (http://www.amazon.com/American-Innovative-Neverlate-Executive-Alarm/dp/B0010DX8MI). The coolest thing is the snooze button setup. You can set it to snooze for a specific length of time then each time you hit snooze it cuts that time in half until you cannot hit snooze anymore. This lets you fulfill the need to hit the snooze, but have a limit on how long you can do it.
Houston Attny
It might sound wacky, but when I went through this, I finally went to the doctor who determined after blood tests that I was Vitamin D deficient. I would sleep for hours – easily 8-10 hours – and be exhausted when I woke up. That might not be your issue but just a thought since you said mornings were once very productive times. Good luck.
Matilda
This is also worth checking out — I have a history of SAD, so there’s probably something to the idea that there’s a deficiency here as well…
Seattle Freeze
Dogs. Once you’ve gotten up to let them out, there’s really no point to getting back in bed :)
TBK’s suggestion to drink lots of water is great, unless it backfires and you need to get up several times a night to pee.
Lilly
Ha! Agree as to both. The canine solution is especially effective when at the first sign of a ray of light, the one that’s as big as a pony gets on the bed and stands looming and drooling over me while her little furball friend snugs up to my shoulder and explores my ear canal with her tongue.
SC
I’ve started scheduling a work-out class for 6am, and I have to pay a fee if I don’t cancel at least an hour before class starts. I set my alarm for 5:30, and the only reason I got up this morning was to avoid paying that d*mn fee. I was wide awake and back from class by 7 and out the door by 7:45, almost an hour before I usually leave.
Anon in DC
Fellow snooze-button addict here. The best alarm clock I ever had was called “Little Quake”–you slipped it under your mattress, and it gently shook the matress when it went off. It was incredibly effective for me, and _always_ woke me up for early morning classes in law school. The ringing / buzzing / obnoxious noise alarms just don’t work well for me and leave me annoyed when I wake up. I doubt that particular one is still on the market. I’ve seen some similar ones on the market designed for deaf people.
BB
For a very budget friendly solution you could try, download the Sleep Cycle app (I think it’s like 1.99). It tries to wake you up in a more “awake” part of your sleep cycle, so you feel more awake when it goes off. It made a pretty big difference for me, and actually “trained” me to wake up naturally within about a 20 minute window after a few months. I would often already be awake when the alarm went off.
mintberrycrunch
This wouldn’t really cure your snooze button problem completely, but I’m also a former snooze addict. What I’ve started to do is refuse to let myself hit snooze, but allow myself X minutes of laying in bed reading on my tablet before I have to get out of bed. Somehow, knowing that I have to wake up, but all I have to do is flip through a magazine or catch up on thissite comments makes it more bearable to wake up, and the light from the tablet and my bedside lamp (which I always turn on right away), help me to wake up slowly and prevent me from going back to sleep. Oftentimes, I will tell myself that I have 20 minutes to read in bed and find that I only really need 10 before I’m awake and ready to get up and get the day started. Baby steps :)
Scully
Love this idea!
Matilda
Thanks so much for the suggestions! I tried the Sleep Cycle App, but I think it got confused by the fact that my cat and one of my dogs both sleep on my bed, so it never worked too well. And the dogs are VERY used to the snooze button, so not doing a very good job of training me out of it. I think I may try the water solution tonight and see how that goes. And I was considering the scampering clock — I think that could be really effective.
Thanks!
Anonforthis
Any advice for how to cope when you feel totally stuck in your job? I have a job I took because I was unemployed for a bit, then had to move for family reasons, and this job just fell in my lap. The pay is pretty good and the hours are good, but it’s totally outside my field and not in anything I want to pursue. I had a one year commitment, which ended last month. I’ve been actively looking for the next thing, but I live in DC and the job process here can take forever (both in government and in the private sector). My current job loves me and it’s a ridiculously easy job so doing well doesn’t really take that much effort. I just feel really frustrated by how long the job process can take, and feel like time is slipping away from me while I’m failing to work toward what I really want to be doing. (yes, yes I’m trying to take from it whatever lessons or whatever I can, but it’s still frustrating.) Also, I’ve never been jealous of friends before because in the past I always felt like I was doing what I wanted to be doing. But now I feel like they’re all off doing “real” jobs and I’m stuck in this backwater. How do I stay positive and stop dwelling on how much I hate this place? And how do I keep sane while waiting (and waiting and waiting) on other employers?
roses
I think you need to take a more active role in your job hunt to stay sane. That is, instead of just sending in your resume and application, try to do more in-person ways of job hunting. Are there conferences or groups related to your field of work that you can attend/join and network? What about job fairs, or alumni events? I know networking isn’t the easiest thing, but I think at the very least it will help you feel saner if you don’t feel like you just keep emailing/mailing things into oblivion.
Anonforthis
Thanks. I’m doing this. I have lots of friends at employers that would be a good fit for me and they definitely have their eyes and ears open for me. I also try to go to as many industry events as I can, just to keep my hand in in my real field (I’m a lawyer, btw, and my current job is a non-lawyer job, so I do bar events, CLEs, etc.) I’ve also had an article published in the last year, and frequently write smaller blog posts etc. in my practice area to stay relevant.
goldribbons
This sounds great and very proactive. Since you seem to be keeping your job search going, I would actually suggest getting some sort of hobby to keep your mind busy with something other than JOB&JOBSEARCH. Could you spend energy working out? Starting a new TV show? Joining a book club? I’m really thinking you just need something else for your mind to skip to, not necessarily a huge time commitment, so I’m not sure what would be the right thing for you. Could you try cooking fancy dinners more often? Or volunteering? I hope something in here is helpful… good luck, it sounds like a really tough spot, but it also sounds like you’re doing all the right things.
Famouscait
A random vent I need to release:
I made the mistake of telling my older sister (who has two kids) that I have come off of birth control. When I told her over the past weekend that I surprisingly slept in until 11am (!!!! I rarely sleep till 8am) her response was a very annoying, “Well, enjoy that, because your days of sleeping in are numbered! When you have kids they won’t sleep in and so neither can you!”
Major argh. My days of sleeping in are already numbered, and that number is two: Saturday and Sunday. And I intend to enjoy them fully, no admonishment needed.
That is all.
goldribbons
Love your response: “My days of sleeping in are already numbered, and that number is two: Saturday and Sunday.” I completely agree. Also, not everyone who has kids hates getting up early with them, or has a problem with it (so you might be just fine!).
Diana Barry
Does she have young kids? Like babies or toddlers? Let me tell you, we crave sleep. Sleep is like crack, except we can never get any. When your kid magically somehow sleeps until 7 instead of 6, or magically sleeps through after getting up twice a night to wake you up for MONTHS, you feel like a different person.
So if someone we know sleeps in, for the love of all that is holy, DO NOT TELL US ABOUT IT. The response from your sister is basically instinctual at this point. :)
Famouscait
A totally fair point. (She has a kindergartener and a pre-schooler. I think they just wake up early?)
But I don’t tell her to, you know, “Enjoy getting your errands done at 2pm on a weekday when the stores are empty! Because once you start working again you won’t be able to do that!”
It’s just annoying. But, I have made a mental note to not tell her in the future if I am wondrously able to sleep in until “double-digits” (as we called in my house, growing up).
AIMS
It’s frustrating but you just have to chalk this up to “the grass is always greener, yadda, yadda…” I was recently having a similar conversation with a friend who has two small kids and we were talking about how we hate cleaning, etc., and she actually said, “I was just thinking about you the other day and I thought if I were AIMS, I would have the cleanest apartment because I would just be able to clean it and no one would mess it up.” I mumbled something about, um, you know, having a full time job and not being home all day to do any of this cleaning ( like she is) but no go – she just said, “yeah but you can come home at night and no one bothers you” (as if I am not totally exhausted after being at work) … But it’s just not a conversation you can win. Enjoy your sleep and keep it to yourself. Some things are just not worth the argument.
Diana Barry
She may just be clumsily trying to give you advice about what it’s like when you have kids. Note to self: don’t do this to my childless siblings!
Anonymous
um, your errands at 2 pm on a weekday have screaming kids attached to your hip. Plus, there are many of us who work AND have kids, so we get no sleep and have to do errands on the weekend with the rest of the working world AND our kids.
And while I agree that “mommy-martyr” remarks are annoying and condescending, so are the remarks from childless folks like the ones fromt he OP and Kelly.
As AIMS said, the grass is always greener — or its not, but we make our own choices and often people who have not made those choices dont “get” it.
Kelly
Who said I’m childless? Just because I don’t believe in condescending to single people doesn’t mean I’m not a mom.
Kelly
I hate these kinds of mommy-martyr remarks. So condescending.
anon
+100 – they chose to have kids.
Anon
And frankly sucks for those of us who would like to have children but haven’t yet or never will due to life circumstances of whatever sort. Every time a friend makes a comment like that to me I have to refrain myself from saying “Yes, and I’d give anything to not be able to sleep in so let me enjoy what I actually have in my life.”
also anon
Word. One too many of these comments from the same person and I’m likely to say “True. Sometimes I get to sleep in. And yeah, I bought a white linen couch, because I can. Not quite the same as getting the kids I wanted though, is it?”
Yes.
My sister is in the camp and it drives me absolutely insane. Both her kids are in school, she doesn’t work outside the house at all, and they have a cleaning woman weekly and STILL she bitches to me about how busy she is and forces me to do all family tasks despite the fact that I have a very demanding job and am in grad school part-time. We used to be incredibly close but have now become really distant over the last five years or so. She also is the most disrespectful phone conversation holder ever now. I totally get that you can’t ignore your kids while talking on your phone, but maybe make some calls during nap/school time or answer some calls during those times? I don’t think I’ve had a conversation with her that’s been uninterrupted for more than 2 minutes in five years. (This is not to say that I don’t love her kids or kids in general, it’s just that sometimes you actually want to have an adult conversation with someone.)
It also completely burns me when people do this mommy martyr to me because i want kids but through quirks of fate its just not in the cards for me right now. I die a little bit inside every b!tchy woman tells me that I could just never understand how hard their life is because I don’t have kids.
Anonymous
“I totally get that you can’t ignore your kids while talking on your phone, but maybe make some calls during nap/school time or answer some calls during those times? I don’t think I’ve had a conversation with her that’s been uninterrupted for more than 2 minutes in five years”
Well, yeah. Thats what happens when you have kids. Unless you hire a babysitter and are actually out of the house away from the kids, you will not have an adult convo. that is something you need to get over, just as thouse of us with kids have. and it you cant get over it, its your problem, not your sisters. And I say this fully believing that I am not a b!tch and that my life is wonderful.
interrupting
But you can ignore your kids when you are talking on the phone. They will survive without you for 10-15 minutes. Send them to play in their rooms for a little while. I was taught not to interrupt when adults are talking and my parents had plenty of adult conversations. I do not understand why so many of my friends allow their kids to interrupt all. the. time. Different parenting styles, I guess.
Reba
+1,000,000 to interrupting. “I’m on the phone, you need to wait. Go play.” Repeat as needed. Have an appropriate consequence that you will enforce for those who won’t comply. As soon as you’re done talking (or sooner if they’re really young, but make it on your terms, not theirs), make a point to find out what they wanted. They may not remember, but at least they will learn that they’ll get the chance as soon as you’re done.
a passion for fashion
This may work for 8,9, 10 year olds, but not kids under 5. It sounds like you dont have kids, but regardless, I think these two responses are why parents often get annoyed at childless people (or anyone for that matter) who make comments like you just made. If that is how you will choose to parent your kids when and if you have them (and we shall see, because I would have said what you just did before I had kids), then good for you, but dont tell me how to parent my kids. If it bothers you that my kids inturrupt when we are trying to talk on the phone, that is your problem, becuase it doesnt bother me all that much and it certainly doesnt bother my friends who do have kids.
Reba
I do have kids, and this does work with kids under 5, if only on a shorter time frame (as I said above, maybe wait 30 seconds and finish your sentence, and then ask what he/she wanted until she gets the hang of it). No one is telling you how to parent your child. I’m just saying it is not an inevitable part of parenting to get interrupted every 10 seconds if you don’t want to be. My friends with kids have a similar take on it, so maybe its a regional or cultural thing.
L
That’s when you should look at them and say “And you’ll never understand how hard it is to have people assume you can have kids.” And just walk off.
I’ve said this before because honestly, the assumption that any woman between x-y years old can have a kid is rude.
Corporate Cowgirl
I absolutely hate when people say things like this! You get a lot of this when you are pregnant and people feel the need to warn you or something. After I had my first baby someone sent me a congrats card and wrote “….now you can be broke and tired just like us!” Wow, thanks! I attribute it to people who are unhappy in their life.
Reba
Haha, I love that attitude! My stepdaughter is 3, and when she wakes up, she goes in the living room and watches cartoons or plays until we get up. It was different until she was about 2 1/2 because she couldn’t do as much for herself. The theory that kids need to wake up everyone in the house just because they’re up at the crack of dawn is absurd. Teach them to entertain themselves.
Granted, I’m talking about sleeping until 8:30, not 11. But she’s probably up at 6:30. In another year, she will be able to get herself cereal, and then we’ll be set :) And she won’t be going to college and unable to basic things for herself. I saw a facebook meme the other day that I loved: its not what you do for your kids, but what you teach them to do for themselves that will make them successful.
I guess what I’m saying is, get up and entertain a toddler, and she’s entertained for an hour. Teach a toddler to entertain herself, and she’s learning to be comfortable with herself and not rely on others for everything for life.
anon
Not all kids are like this. I have one that is and one that isn’t. I too was smug when I only had one kid. Then I realized that all the things I was attributing to my superior parenting skills were just a matter of the kid’s personality. HTH.
hoola hoopa
+1000
Reba
I don’t think I was being “smug”. As I said below, we’ve done this with all the kids, even with split households where that isn’t the rule in the other home. It really comes down to consistency. I’d rather go through a week or month even of building up this skill, than to forever be at their whim of when they want to wake up the whole household. It just isn’t an option in our house (as it wasn’t in mine when I was a kid), and it can be done the easy way or the hard way. They learn quickly they can have more fun quietly amusing themselves for a hour or two, and that waking us up is of no benefit to them because the answer is always the same.
We also never really babyproofed, and she knows what is breakable and what is not, and what she is and isn’t allowed to play with. We are very lucky that she complies with this and doesn’t use such tactics for getting what she wants (i.e., you won’t come play with me, so I’m going to pull all the knicknacks off the shelf and break them so you’ll coming running out).
To each their own, I’m just sharing one experience. I think for the most part, kids are trainable if you are consistent and create a reward/punishment system that is tailored to their motivation for the behavior you are trying to change.
Tips?
How do you teach them that? Serious question from a household with a three year old. We are trying but it’s a split household and he is apparently not learning it/having it reinforced anywhere else.
Reba
It is very hard when she goes to her mom’s (a several hour plane ride away, so not often but for extended periods of time). There is usually a transition period when she gets back. Everything is different at mom’s, which is hard for 3 year old brains to deal with. It usually leads to fits and tantrums for the first week until she realizes that the same rules apply as before, and just because you got to do X at mommy’s doesn’t mean thats ok here. Super hard for her, and hard for us to watch, but its just the way it is and its better for her in the long run.
As for teaching her to entertain herself (and as to Anon’s comment, we have a 9 year old, 5 year old, and the 3 year old- they all do this with varying degrees of willingness. Its just not an option for them). Its all about rewards and motivation. Why is he waking you up? If he’s hungry or thirsty, or not potty trained yet, that is hard because those things sort of have to just be dealt with. Our 3 year old is potty trained, so that is not an issue. She has a cup for water that she can fill in the bathroom sink. She doesn’t usually want breakfast until 8:30 or 9. Or maybe you could put dry cereal or something out where he can reach it. Of course, you’ll have to show him how to do all this stuff.
If its just boredom, attention, etc., that is where you have to get creative. She doesn’t get to watch tv often, but in the mornings she can watch cartoons. We taught her how to work the remote, and she can find her channel from whatever it was on before. Initially, she’d wake us up for attention. You have to consider, what is a reward for that want. Even negative attention rewards that behavior (i.e., he keeps coming in your room and waking you up, you yell or even get up all huffy and shoo him out, and then eventually get up and do what he wants= reward). It has to be consistent. It took awhile where she would come in the bedroom, and we’d say “go out and play, we’ll be out in a bit.” She’d come back sometimes, but it never got her what she wanted. Sometimes she’d cry, but that is part of growing up and learning you don’t always get your way. Crying/whining/fits definitely can’t get them what they want (unless they’re hungry, sick, etc., and even then you probably should have anticipated it before its a full-blown fit), or you will have a mess on your hands. Consistency is key. So is routine. Kids love routine. She knows, she gets up, plays until we’re up, and then we all play/eat breakfast (well, eat and go to work, but you know…)
I think the key for her was, if she did entertain herself and let us sleep, she got immediate attention once we were up, we eat breakfast together, etc. She loves to be told she is a big girl and did a good job. “SD, you are so awesome playing so we could sleep. Thank you! What did Barney do today? Lets have breakfast!”. She gets the positive reward for doing what we ask (playing and letting us sleep) and no attention for not doing it (go in the living or bedroom and play. Now.) She will generally listen to such a command, even if she leaves crying about it. For one that won’t (which signals a bigger issue- he’s probably learned if he refuses long enough, he’ll get his way), you have to come up with an age-appropriate “punishment” that you will enforce consistently. You can’t tell a 3 year old “go in the living room or you don’t get dessert.” The consequence is way too far removed from the event. Same with “go in the living room or you’ll get a spanking” unless you will follow through with that threat. Time outs worked for her, because she hated them, and we rarely had to use them. Its hard when the point is not to reward the behavior by getting up and giving them attention, even negative. Try to make it fun instead. “Hey, isn’t your coloring book in your room? Why don’t you make a new picture for the fridge?” Give them ideas of what to do, and eventually they’ll just do them on their own.
I missed this part for the other two (also step kids), and thats not the rule at their mom’s either, but they pretty much follow it at ours. We try to help them learn consequences. For the oldest one, he would be up really early and wake the little ones up. Then they’d be tired and crabby, and we couldn’t do anything fun in the afternoon because they’d have to nap. Once he realized that, he would read or play (age appropriate) video games until they woke up. Problem solved.
I’m not saying its super easy (anon is right, some kids will be more inclined to play alone or quietly than others), but its doable if you are consistent. Its possible that for many kids, 3 is a little too young for this. But you can start building the base now. Ask him to go play, and wait 5 minutes and go reward him for playing. Extend it little by little until he’s ok with it for an hour.
I’ve found with split households, we just have our rules, and they are expected to follow them. It would be nice if the other households followed suit, but they don’t and we can’t control that.
Anon
I know the prior post was trying to be helpful, but it read very “sancti-mommy” to me, which doesn’t seem much of an improvement from martyr mommy.
Just because your kid (or kids) behaves in one way doesn’t mean that everyone’s kid can be trained to do the same.
Reba
Understood, Anon. Tips asked how we did it, so I shared. Each parent gets to make the decision on what the rules are, how to parent, etc. that fits the need of the parents and children. I happen to be of the mind that *most* children, absent behavioral and learning disorders, can be taught to do just about anything. Whether its worth it to the parent to put in the work, is another issue. Waking up at 6 am with the kids may work for you and your family. Its not what works for ours. But if its “I’d love to sleep in because I CAN’T, because my kids WON’T LET ME”, then that is a whole other issue. Kids don’t run our household, we do. And you can too, with some (or a lot of, in some cases) work and planning on the front end.
Tips?
Thanks for taking the time and sharing specifics, Reba. I really like the idea of rewarding him for playing alone for five minutes and gradually extending the time, and the point about negative attention is well taken.
Reba
You’re welcome, Tips. Five minutes can be an eternity to a little kid. Maybe even start with 1 minute. Just enough that he has listened and complied, and has occupied himself somehow. Also, be careful with time frames. “I’ll be out in a minute” can’t mean an hour later. Try that at first, but then don’t give a time frame (“You need to go play quietly”), and then see how long you can let him go. It works for our 3 year old to understand that she’s helping us by letting us sleep a little later, and that she’s being a big girl by doing so (and she inherently likes quiet time to herself, which is easier than the oldest, who wants someone to play with all the time). She is also learning her manners, and is accustomed to most requests asked nicely being granted. We use that to our advantage, and give her the same courtesy (“Please go play or watch cartoons. Thank you.”) She seems to understand that the social custom is that one tends to grant requests made using manners, and will go along with it.
Think about what motivates him in other aspects of the day, and try to work those in. Or you could start with getting him a snack and getting him settled in with cartoons or a game, and then going back to sleep (or just back to your room), so that he can get comfortable being alone for a little while, and transition eventually to where he knows to go grab his snack and hang out until you’re up. I think the effort now is worth it in the future, both in regards to the sleep issue, but also for the child learning that his actions affect other people, that the world doesn’t always revolve around him (harsh, but true), to be comfortable in his own presence, and to be resourceful and self-sufficient.
For negative attention, that is a hard one. I try (and don’t always succeed) to think before I say anything about whether I will really do that action or not, and if I’m not willing or don’t have time to stick it out for the long haul, don’t make that an option. For example, “put on your shoes or we’re staying home.” If you’re on your way to a wedding where you’re in the bridal party, this isn’t really an option. He doesn’t put his shoes on, so what is your option? To not do what you said, put his shoes on for him, and go to the wedding. He learns your consequences don’t mean anything. Now if its “put on your shoes or we’re not going to the park” and you’re only going to the park so he can play, fine. No park. But you have to stick with it. If he cries for an hour (or gets all sweet and cuddly), you can’t say okay, lets go to the park. Later, you could say, “lets clean up your room, and then we’ll go to the park.” So long as it isn’t a reward for not listening and/or throwing a fit to get his way.
Anonymous
your comment that “it is better for her in the long run” is super annoying. Many of your parenting “tips” seem pretty normal. But you come across as very “high and mighty” and it seems like you believe your way is the only way, which in my view is never a recipe for success. You seem very, very controlling, and although you believe your way is the right way, Im glad it works for you but i simply do not agree. You talk also pretty bad about your step daughter’s mother, which in my view is never, ever appropriate and certainly doesnt set a good example.
Tricky
If your old boss who is kind of like a mentor asked you about your new boss’s abilities bc he wants him to work on a very prestigious project and you didn’t think new boss necessarily has the intellectual heft required, would you say something? For what it’s worth, project is a group one so that new boss’s participation wouldn’t hurt it. There’s also a good chance he just wouldn’t be interested …
Tuesday
You might say something like “I’m not sure that project would be in NewBoss’s wheelhouse, but you could ask her if she’d be interested”. It conveys that you’re not over-enthusiastic about the idea, but doesn’t get into active criticism of New Boss’s intellect.
If I had asked someone for a recommendation and got such a response, I would hear it as a “not recommended” but a gentle one.
Lizzy
I love DVF–they seem to fit me better than any other wrap dress. (I don’t know why. I’m high-waisted with broad shoulders and c-cup breasts. So, I guess that’s who they’re made for?) But I’m a public interest attorney with Tier-One loans, I can only buy them on consignment!
anon in-house
I just got one for my bday and it is amazing! I love them too, and get them on consignment or crazy clearance sales from past seasons.
bladder control Q
TMI alert. I’ve started doing the 30-day shred, and I find that I “leak” a little when I do the jumping exercises, e.g. jumping jacks and jumping rope. This happens even when I make sure to pee right before I start the workout. The volume isn’t much, just a few drops, but it’s definitely there and I notice it. Is this normal? FWIW, I am ~30 and have never been pregnant much less given birth. And yes, I will ask my obgyn about it when I see him in a few weeks. And yes I am trying to do kegels.
anon
It’s happened to me before and I’ve heard of it happening to other women, especially runners. I think it’s related to my cycle and it only happens occasionally.
lifter
This is surprisingly common with weightlifters (involves the same hip movements as jumping). Tight muscles and ligaments cause the pelvic area to get out of whack. Try stretching out or rolling your hips, quads, gluts, inner thighs, and hamstrings. A good massage therapist can also help.
Meg Murry
Not a doctor, but just FYI, I’ve read some articles that say along with kegels there are other exercises you should be doing as well to tighten all the muscles down there – focusing ONLY on kegels can make those muscles over tight. I can’t get to the article at work, but try googling “squats not kegels”.
Also as an FYI, some pantiliners have a note on them about “occasional leakage” coverage as well, and I’ve found they are good for this kind of situation where its just a few drops, but those few drops are annoying/unpleasant.
Anon for this
Try avoiding acidic foods and drinks before exercising. They irritate the bladder lining which can cause more leakage.. HTH
baby lawyer blues
At what point does one acknowledge the stupid mistakes she’s been making late, apologize, and mention she’s bringing her A game is coming back to the table?!! argh.
goldribbons
Let go of yesterday. If you need to fix something, fix it. If you don’t, move on.
Hollis
Agree, completely. I am totally like you – wanting to apologize, dwell, kicking myself, etc. but if you were a guy, you’d have moved on by now. Just do your best going forward. EVERYBODY makes mistakes.
Dumped
Hi Ladies, need some advice here. I am an associate at a small firm (3 admins, 5 attorneys) and just learned that my assigned admin asked the managing partner to assign me to someone else because she doesn’t want to work with me anymore (flashbacks to being the last one chosen for teams in gym class). Anyway, aside from my self-confidence/self-esteem issues, I was somewhat taken aback having not had any indication that our working relationship was a problem Given that we work in such a small firm, I was thinking about meeting with her today to provide some closure, see if she has any constructive criticism, and try to keep this from being a tense situation. Is that a terrible idea? Wondering if I am just trying to fill my own needs by finding out what the issue was . . .thanks for the input!
Blonde Lawyer
Are you sure it is personality and not some other issue like wanting to work for someone that keeps similar hours or has the same work style?
goldribbons
First of all, not to be harsh, but flashbacks to being the last one chosen in gym class is totally overreacting. Someone else decided they don’t want to work for you; this could be because they don’t like your perfume or they don’t like your tone of voice. Not worth getting upset over.
If you want feedback from anyone, speak to your manager about “how do associates typically work with admins?” If you’ve been at the firm more than 6 months, you probably already know how associates work with admins. Maybe compare notes with a trusted associate about what sort of work they give their admin. If you’re new, then following up with the admin *might* not be a horrible idea, but I really think you’re overthinking this. Hopefully others will have more perspective.
Anonymous
i totally disagree with most of this, particularly because a 5 atty firm wont really have other people to ask, or maybe even other asociates. But i would ask the managing partner first if you are comfortable with that. Otherwise, id go to the admin and ask in the nicest way possible, and phrase it like you want to learn if you did something wrong; i.e., you thought you had a good working relationship so were caught off guard, want to make sure things go well with new admin etc.
Also, FWIW, i dont think you are overreacting at all. I would want to know and would be hurt if i didnt see it coming, and im a partner in biglaw.
NYC
You are the lawyer/boss? Not your problem.
Length?
What are the Hive’s thoughts on the length of this dress for the office?
The Saks page says its 21″ from waist & on the 5’11” model, it looks like its to the top of her kneecaps. Nice, flattering, respectable.
However, on the other two pages for the other stores, this dress looks super short. ie fun for a brunch on the patio, but not at all suitable for the office.
I’m 5’8″ and am constantly buying dresses that seem to be ok in the store & then the length seems regrettable at the office unless I am wearing tights.
Bonnie
I don’t think the other versions are too short for the office.
ANON
Has anyone walked left a career to earn a PhD in a completely different field? Is this possible?
I work in marketing but I would love to earn a PhD in economics but I don’t see how it is even a possibility given my area of study in ugrad (business) and my work experience. I don’t have any of the prereqs or any research experience. Is making this leap totally out of the question without substantially investing time and money?
Image
Uh…WHY do you want a PhD in Econ? Do you want to teach? Do research? Just because?
Silvercurls
No expertise in economics (not that I’ll let this stop me from commenting ;) )but:
– What do you want to do after you finish the PhD?
– Are there any jobs in that area? Many fields requiring PhDs have so few solid job prospects that graduates become adjunct professors & earn way too little while working way too hard, sometimes teaching at more than one institution which means the additional stress of commuting between employers!
– Can you find another way to feed your love of economics without getting the PhD?
– How will you finance the PhD? If by loans, can you find a job that will let you repay them (see above) and still live comfortably (neither luxuriously nor frantically counting every cent)?
– Are you currently OK financially, or are you still paying off loans, having a mortgage, managing a chronic health condition that depends on ready access to good care providers who know you and your history?
– Do you have any other factors present or future in your life to consider? Even if you are at present free to move anywhere, including other countries, might you ever want or need to relocate closer to SO, parents, nieces, nephews, siblings, either to better enjoy their company or to provide/help with caretaking?
Like I said, no economics expertise (I started one course in college, but dropped it after 2 days) and no PhD, but a fair bit of experience in making life choices despite some significant improvable-but-not-eradicable conditions. Full disclosure: I am extremely grateful I never started a PhD because even had I finished (doubtful, honestly) it would have been in the humanities, for which the related job market was and is just plain horrible unless you are brilliant, super-determined, and/or a whole lot less featherbrained than I was right out of college.
Silvercurls
P.S. No sour grapes: I admire others who have completed doctoral work & degrees. It just wasn’t and isn’t for me.
Monday
I have a PhD, but had no idea what I was getting into when I started it at 23. Silvercurls’ considerations are good, and I will also add that even being “brilliant, super-determined” and not featherbrained is no guarantee of an academic job. The numbers for this so-called market are so insane that meritocracy is not able to work, it just isn’t.
If it’s not a professorship that you’re after, do a lot of research about the career you do want, and read lots of bios, ideally talk to people about their paths too. Good luck, and check back in…
a.
What will you do with a PhD if you get one? How will having that advance you towards a long-term goal? Are you aware that most PdDs are black holes of time, energy, and money, as per http://chronicle.com/article/Graduate-School-in-the/44846?
Monday
That’s a well-respected article, but at most institutions Economics is not considered one of the humanities. I think a lot of these arguments still apply, but it’s worth acknowledging that this isn’t quite what the OP is considering.
a.
I know it isn’t a humanity, but um, I would say the same arguments apply. I am not aware of a direct, reasonably secure path to employment for PhDs in econ–could be that I just don’t know about it, but if not, the article’s valid.
anon
a., just a note: I’ve noticed that you respond to other commenters with “um” a lot, and I think you should know that it’s generally perceived as rude. You can get your point across without being defensive (or just plain b!tchy).
momentsofabsurdity
I agree with this. PhDs in econs are often better equipped to transition into the non academia world than PhDs in 18th Century Art. It doesn’t mean the degree is more valuable, but I know major consulting firms, banks, etc do hire economics PhDs.
Also, a lot of times, people conflate “humanities” with “liberal arts.” Economics is in the discipline of social sciences (I think?), which distinct from humanities but still under the umbrella of “liberal arts.”
Monday
Government is also a viable option for Econ not open to many humanities people.
Anonn
I work in the economics field (and studied it, though not up to PhD level) and agree with the others.The jobs in government or international organisations that would require a PhD would also need you to have decades of experience in the field. For other junior, mid-level or even senior positions you may be looking at, a Masters should suffice. Economics at the PhD level is also highly technical and quantitative in nature (especially in the US), so chances are you’d be at a distinct disadvantage compared to your peers (depending on your background of course). So if you want to do a PhD to go into academics – go for it. But for any other career in economics, I’d suggest a Masters programme. Good luck!
OP
I have been considering a master’s in econ too since I am open to a career in consulting. I haven’t seen many programs that offer masters and in fact many of the most well-respected economics programs don’t even offer the masters – only the PhD. Why is that? What am I missing?
Anonn
Hmmm…I’m not based in the US (probably should have mentioned that!) and I’ve mostly had experience with the British system where Masters degrees may be more common. I think in the US a lot of Masters are geared towards PhDs, and aren’t structured as a stand alone degree. Also, again, not sure how things work in the US, but unless your work experience is in the economics field, chances are you’d find it hard to get accepted at the Masters level even without relevant work experience or an academic background. Not very helpful advice, but maybe look into a more business-y degree you could do (that may have a couple economics electives available), use that to get into consulting and from there, weasel your way into more ‘economics’ work? Or if there’s a specific subset you’re interested in i.e. development economics, there may be some MAs in that field? Or study abroad :)
Anonn
So I see the poster below got into a PhD without an econ background, so I’d take my advice with a grain of salt haha!
CurrentEconPhd
In the US, there are no terminal masters programs in economics at top schools. You could go abroad for a masters; the London School of Economics and Pompeu Fabra for example, have respected programs, but I’m not sure what the payoff would be.
If you are interested in consulting, I would say an MBA or masters in finance is a much better choice. The econ Ph.D. program is a very academic one.
I am going into consulting after graduation. For me, the Ph.D. was a great experience, and certainly trained my mind more rigorously. However, in terms of career advancement, I don’t think it’s particularly helpful. I could have taken offers at consulting firms straight out of college, and my friends who chose that path are much farther along in their careers. From my personal experience, I think you should only pursue the Ph.D. if spending 5 years doing this kind of research really appeals to you.
SciencePhD
Just wanted to reiterate that a PhD is rigorous training plus you acquire other skills like being analytical that will serve you well in life. That said since you are committing time and money to this endeavour I would suggest a Masters if consulting is your desired career path. A PhD would be mandatory only if you would like to do research or become a tenure track professor. But if you still want to go ahead with it make sure you have support so you don’t have to take many loans to pay for it.
CurrentEconPhd
I’m currently an Econ PhD candidate. You should really ask yourself why you want to do this Ph.D. The only good reason to do an Econ Ph.D. is if you are interested in doing research in economics. To gauge this, I would go pick up the most recent copies of the top journals (American Economic Review, Econometrica) and read them thoroughly. Is the content exciting to you? Can you see yourself working on similar topics?
The other thing you should consider is how much you like to work with other people/on a team. A Ph.D. is a long and frustrating process, and in econ, you are expected to write single authored papers. This means you will be working by yourself most of the time. Your research may only be tangentially related to your advisers’, unlike in science fields, where you are often part of a lab. This is great for independent and self-motivated people, but if you are more of a “people-person”, it’s pretty tough. This was definitely a factor I did not consider before starting the Ph.D.
Finally, you should consider your mathematical training. The majority of the class at a top econ Ph.D. program will be filled with math majors, not econ majors, for good reason. You should have taken some math department math classes prior to starting in the program. (I.e. At least a course in real analysis.)
The academic job market in economics is currently pretty decent, in comparison to other fields, especially if you come out of a top 5 Ph.D. program. (I previously studied physics and engineering, so those are my comparisons). You won’t get stuck in post-doc land forever. That said, about half the people in my class will not be going into academic jobs. I think the Econ Ph.D. is also a good route to pursue if you are interested in working as an economist at a place like the Fed or the IMF. For private sector jobs, it’s unnecessary.
Bewitched
I don’t have anything to add (lawyer, not PhD), but I have to say, you ladies who are currently in econ PhD programs are impressive!
EconPHD
I just finished my Econ PhD last year, and I agree with most of this. You would be best served having a strong math and computer science background, although it is also important to understand the economics intuition. I think it’s also important to be good at expressing yourself in spoken and written word.
Most of my cohort has gone on to jobs in government, think tanks, or industry (although a few have stayed in academia). I slightly disagree that Econ PhD research is very solitary – I worked very closely with a fellow student and a university resource on some of my work (required high performance computing) and being able to work as part of a team was invaluable. I literally would still be working on that dissertation if not for their help. I think it’s extremely important to be able to ask for help and pursue it aggressively if you are stuck.
I would say that getting a PhD in Econ is not a terrible idea, but it will absolutely be time-consuming and sometimes frustrating. You will forego significant earnings. I would discourage you from pursuing an Econ Masters – they are basically worthless in my opinion. If you would like to do a masters, I would like into a terminal masters program in operations research, data analysis, business or something along those lines.
a.
Don’t know if it’s too late in the thread, but has anyone been to Mallorca? I’m going at the end of this month for three nights, and my friends and I are trying to figure out what to do and where to stay (more location-wise than specific hotel-wise).
Anonymous
I went about 8 years ago, it was gorgeous. It was a lot colder than I thought it would be (I went in April) so I wasn’t hanging out on the beach all that much – but the food was delicious and we went to the Gaudi cathedral.
Samantha Brown did a good episode about it a few years back, you could probably find it on YouTube.
I would say it was more relaxing/beachy vacation spot then really cultural (though there is a fair amount of that)- and I picked a bad time to go.
Anon
Yes, when I was 16 with friends. We were very chavvy. I would make sure you are not staying across from a bunch of loud drunken scousers!
korakel
I went last autumn. We rented a car to avoid the tourist-heavy spots. We stayed in Cale d’Or (very touristy, but nice and relatively cheap), which is about 30 min. from Palma de Mallorca. Palma is a nice city, definitely worth a visit. We also did a lot of scuba diving, one of the best spots in the Mediterranean I’ve encountered so far (lots of barracuda, brass, etc). Arta and Pollença are both worth a visit, nice views.
If you want to combing hiking and a trip to the beach, Cala Mondrago (near Santanyi and Portopetro) lies at the end of a walk through and alongside a riverbed. Very pretty!
dorothygale
Any suggestions on where a gal can find maternity clothes appropriate for work? I don’t want to spend a ton on clothes I can only wear a short while, but I want to feel put together and look professional . In-house business casual environment. Thanks!
RR
Gap, Loft, Target Liz Lange collection, Pea in a Pod.
Merabella
ebay, Gap, Loft, Ann Taylor, Target
Anonymous
motherhood maternity isn’t the best but all my work maternity pants were from there. FWIW, gap and pea in a pod run small.
Nousha
Pretty dress, I just need a yellow necklace to break black and white colors
momentsofabsurdity
With so many attorneys and law school students reading here, I found this article pretty interesting, particularly when it considered law schools with the lowest unemployment not necessarily being in the Top 25.
http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2013/04/the-jobs-crisis-at-our-best-law-schools-is-much-much-worse-than-you-think/274795/