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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Bluefly has a number of cute dresses on sale, but this simple black cotton dress strikes me as a particularly great deal — it was $348, but is now marked to $89.10. I like the ruffles at the neckline, the scoopneck, the full lining, and the side vents at the back of the skirt. I'm not a huge fan of the belt, but that's an easy swap — I might go for a brightly colored skinny belt instead. (6pm has the same dress in lilac and a mustardish “Redwood” for $121-$156.) Elie Tahari black cotton blend ruffle trimmed belted ‘Roxanna' dress
Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.
(L-4)
Psst: Check out more great deals at the Corporette Bargains page!
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
js
Cute dress, but I think the ruffle trend is fading. A couple of years ago you couldn’t buy anything that didn’t have a ruffle on it.
On a side note, I saw a Hermes bag in the wild for the first time yesterday. It made me a little sad because it was not attractive, and the woman carrying it looked like a hobo. Maybe it is some famous person I should have recognized…
Miss Behaved
One of the Olsen twins? They always look like hobos to me.
momentsofabsurdity
+1
phillygirlruns
i don’t care for the birkin bag – forgetting the cost, it’s just not my style at all.
Signy Mallory
So many of those “classic luxury” bags are just very middle-of-the-road in terms of aesthetics and function and very matronly. They’re old-looking even for old ladies like me.
Whenever I see beautiful young people and I’m not talking about ones who are spoiled heiresses jonesing to get photographed by stylebloggers like Olivia Palermo, they never dress in couture and carry expensive bags. That’s just a very rich middle-aged lady or old-lady look.
Cornellian
Agreed. It’s like they’re props. I think you need to pay decent money for a good bag, but spending money shouldn’t be the POINT of your bag.
phillygirlruns
“…but spending money shouldn’t be the POINT of your bag.”
THIS, a thousand times over.
Cb
I decided to take another chance on Boden and ordered 5 dresses in the sales. Ordered in a UK 12 despite my reservations. Fingers crossed something fits and they aren’t totally mumsy? I hate everything in my closet.
LR
I love their dresses – they do them very well. I’ve sent back other items but every dress I’ve tried on has been fabulous. If you paid attention to their measurements and the reviews commenting on sizing, you should be good.
Mountain Girl
I made my first order from Boden (Notre Dame skirt) and it is my absolute favorite skirt in my closet. I have to keep myself from wearing it every other day. If you are lucky and they have it in your size you need this skirt. I ordered the caramel and I’m wearing it with a chocolate cardigan, brown tights and brown Mary Jane pumps.
http://tinyurl.com/Boden-Notre-Dame-Skirt
ANP
Oooh love this, especially in that pretty green color.
MJ
I love their dresses. They sometimes need a little nip in the chest or waist to fit me right, but they do such a great variety (and not all are empire waist). Every time I wear a dress from there, I get tons of compliments. I hope your order works out!
momentsofabsurdity
Reporting back on the sweetheart ride –
Sadly, I did not have the courage to bring a garden tool with me to place on the seat next to me. However, when the instructor said to “thank your sweetheart for coming with – and give them a kiss if you want!” I toooootally kissed my water bottle.
Hydration – better than any SO. At least, in a spin class.
TO Lawyer
You are awesome! The whole idea of the sweetheart ride irks me though – I might be the world’s biggest scrooge when it comes to valentine’s day…
NOLA
Agreed – the whole idea was very strange. I will be in the weight room on Valentine’s Day. My SO is coming to visit today and I’m booked solid tomorrow, so it’ll just be a regular day. So it’ll just be me and the guys lifting weights. I won’t kiss a machine…
qwerty
I’ve seen lots of partner yoga classes on offer at the studios I go to, and flywheel is doing “single ladies” rides tomorrow. the entire theme thing is driving me nuts.
Anon for this
Reposting from yesterday – and adding by way of clarification, that I cannot (absolutely cannot) speak out on this other than anonymously, because, quite simply, there would be severe harm to innocent people if certain things that this teacher forced me to talk about publicly were to come to light. To clarify, I’m not concerned about what he did becoming known, but specifically about the revelation of certain things that he made me speak about. The level of potential harm is such that I can’t fully express it without going into all details, but as a result anonymity is the only option.
It may be too late for anyone to see this, but here’s hoping.
Years ago, I was a student at a prestigious private co-ed prep school. My school used a type of homeroom system for middle school, where you spent all of the day except for specialist classes in a suite of rooms with your class and homeroom teacher.
My homeroom teacher was famous for being idiosyncratic and “inspiring” – think Dead Poets Society, Stand and Deliver, etc. The truth is that he was straight-up physically and emotionally abusive of students. Without going into a lot of detail, I’m not talking about anything s*xual, but clear physical abuse (striking children in the face in front of the class with an open hand, for example) and emotionally abusive conduct as well (for example, again, forcing a child to describe, in detail, an experience of incest to an entire class of peers, and belittling that child for showing fear and reluctance). He was big on forcing students to talk about family secrets (parental alcoholism, a mother’s adultery, and a father’s suicide are among the things he made students reveal to the class) and their own s*xual behaviours (whether alone or with others, although at that age, nobody really had any “with others” to talk about).
None of us told our parents, because he’d developed an almost cult-like control – we thought no one understood and we knew that anyone who told would be subjected to terrible things, as well as ostracism. Because of the physical set-up of the school, outsiders were never in the suite. So no one knew.
He’s retired from teaching now. When I think about this, I want, at the very least, my school to stop using him as an example of a beloved teacher in fundraising literature. Honestly, I wish he’d face criminal sanction, but I know that’s impossible at this point. I’m considering writing an anonymous letter to my school – I’m well aware that I have no proof and that this would be considered slander, plus, I’m sure that if I went public, he’d reveal the things that he forced me (as an 11-year-old) to tell the class about.
Does anyone have any experience doing something like this? Or any experience trying to lay the ghosts of something similar to bed? In case it needs saying, I’m leaving out details, but really, none of this was even remotely borderline – it was all clearly inappropriate and abusive. And yes, in case it seems too extreme, I’m not exaggerating at all.
Divaliscious11
Again, are you in contact with any of your classmates? You could quietly go to the the headmaster or dean and let him/her know that some abusive things took place, that you don’t want to go into detail as there is no need for additional people to get hurt, but that the marketing materials with the person may be impacting fundraising etc…. He is gone, and it doesn’t seem like you want to bring ill repute on the school, but if he was abusive to your cohort of students, there were others……
Anon for this
Thanks (and thanks for your comment on the last thread). I really just want them to stop using him as an example, and to realize that they need to put procedures into place to make sure this (or similar things) don’t happen again.
Lucy
I agree with this.
Honestly, if you can, I’d schedule an in-person meeting with someone from the school. Use Penn State as an example: things happened then that were covered up/not recognized. They were horrifyingly bad. They would cause a person to get fired or prosecuted or both today. In your case, many, many alums experienced this.
Make a clear request: given the person’s history, the school should stop using him as an example of their teaching at once. You personally are not inclined to go public, but this is a person who physically and emotionally abused many children in front of witnesses. Sheer common sense and self-preservation should be enough reason for the school to quietly distance themselves from him.
In your shoes I would not be above recording the conversation, but YMMV. Of course a person should only do this if it is legal in her location.
Niktaw
I am sorry you experienced so much abuse in such a young age. I can’t begin to imagine the scars this must have left on your soul.
I assume you are not giving money to this establishment, right?
Are you in contact with any of your classmates from that time? Not that anyone would want to rehash those experiences. I am thinking one anonymous letter would not really make any difference with the board/management, but several letters might. And of course, the classmates could join you in not contributing to the alumni fund.
Diana Barry
You should definitely tell the school at a minimum.
Also, check out the suits against Horace Mann and some of the other prep schools , as well as the Catholic priests abuse suits. It may be that a prosecution can go forward with the names of some people protected (I am not sure on this, though).
goldribbons
I think you could do anything from asking to be taken off the mailing list, to contacting classmates to see about pursuing some sort of legal remedy. Given the horrifying sexual abuse that has come to light in the last 10+ years (e.g., Catholic priests, Penn State), many states are extending the statute of limitations for child abuse cases — from 2-3 years to 10-20 years. An anonymous letter to the school explaining exactly what you posted here might be an option too. I’m so sorry to hear about what happened to you (and it reinforces my fears about how dangerous the world is!).
S
I am so sorry this happened to you. I had a similar though way less extreme experience with HS teachers (cult like devotion, totally gross and inappropriate in retrospect). I think you need to talk to your classmates and see where people are at.
moss
My guess is the school, having shrugged off his behavior in the past, will shrug it off again. Have you considered going to the media?
I had a teacher when I was 11 explode with anger one day in class and shove over a desk. He was fired straightaway. The fact that your teacher is still there tells me that people at the school know and are not doing anything.
Anon for this
He’s retired – they just still use his photo in fundraising.
ANP
I’m speaking as a school administrator.
Please do not assume that others have already brought this to the institution’s attention, and please do not go directl my to the media. I’d urge you to contact the Head of School to discuss your experience. The whole not-using-this-teacher in fundraising materials is a foregone conclusion, but the school needs to be made aware of your experience first.
I realize that many places have, sadly, swept allegations like these under the rug. But I was involved in a similar situation at one point and it turned out no one had EVER stepped forward. The actions were swift and just, and I know everyone was grateful to the individual who came forward — even though it was a painful couple of months while everything unfolded.
moss
thanks for your perspective. That’s actually very heartening to me. I am amazed that nobody could know that this teacher was slapping, etc., children but perhaps it could be so.
Divaliscious11
Shame is very powerful in children…..
Herbie
Have you read this article about abuse at Horace Mann? http://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/10/magazine/the-horace-mann-schools-secret-history-of-sexual-abuse.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0
I thought it might be a helpful read because it deals with, in part, “coming out” as a victim.
SFBayA
Wow, that’s horrific. OP, I hope you can bring yourself to tell the school. I also hope that you are in therapy. It sounds like you have a lot of anger, sadness, and shame about this and could really benefit from some professional help.
In case you’re new here, I’m in therapy and on antidepressants myself, and very open about it because I hate the stigma against seeking mental health assistance even as we all would not hesitate to seek medical help for any physical ailment. I’m not saying “wow, you’re crazy, go see a shrink.” I’m saying “wow, you went through some very traumatic experiences and it sounds like you’re still struggling with them because who wouldn’t still be struggling with that traumatic stuff, so consider seeing a mental health professional who can help you work through these struggles.”
Anon for this
Thanks – I’m totally not new here (you’d recognize my “real” name were I posting under it). Oddly, although I’ve gone to therapy for other things, I’ve never – ever – talked about this to anyone. Perhaps that’s a measure of how harmful it truly was…
SFBayA
Yes, that is a measure of how horribly traumatized you are by the experience. My heart is breaking for you. Please, please, please get some help. I suggest that you write on a little notecard something like “I had a traumatic experience in childhood while at school that I need to talk about, but I’ve never ever talked about it with anyone. I need help even trying to talk about it.” A friend of mine couldn’t bring herself to even bring up the general topic of an experience she had so there was no way she could monologue what happened. She needed the doctor to ask questions. She wrote that card and handed it to her therapist so that her doctor knew that there was something there, and would know to try to get there, slowly, gently, supportively and help draw the information out so that she could get the help she needed to confront the experience, experience the grief and sadness and fear she had been suppressing for so long, and begin to heal. You can do this. You have been so strong surviving this experience. When you’re ready, it’s time to talk to that poor hurt child inside of you and heal her.
anon too
Yes, it sounds to me too like you ought to be talking about it with a professional. If nothing else, because of your impression that something truly horrible would happen if he revealed what you let slip when you were 11.
Now I’ve had a somewhat discheveled family history myself. But what could possibly have been so utterly horrible back then? My mother was banging the sales rep from the wholesaler? My uncle was a crook? My stepfather’s first wife ran off with another woman? Standards in society have changed a lot :-). I mean, at 11 it’s unlikely that you had managed to commit something totally unforgiveable, really criminal. And what other people had committed is unlikely to be as earth-shattering as you thought at the time (turn on your tv for half an hour if you doubt this). And revealing something inappropriate at 11 is equally understandable, people who truly want to keep their business to themselves don’t share it with a child.
So just saying it sounds to me you need to get a bit of adult perspective about the initial Horrible Thing, and your possible role in bringing in the light. You’re not a lifelong traitor because your abusive teacher forced/lured you to make inappropriate revelations. A different point of view may also make you feel differently about how to handle the secrecy about this teacher’s real behavior.
Anon for this
Thanks, SFBayA. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the compassion and honesty. Really, teared up a bit reading this today at work, and couldn’t really handle responding, but I very much appreciate it.
anon too: I appreciate the sentiment – and I’ve struggled a lot with what the ramifications would be, but I’m secure in my decision with regard to the negative effect on others of outing myself in connection with this.
Silvercurls
+1 to you for this:
“I’m in therapy and on antidepressants myself, and very open about it because I hate the stigma against seeking mental health assistance even as we all would not hesitate to seek medical help for any physical ailment.”
Anon
Wow- this was absolutely horrifying.
OP – please reach out to the school, at the very least. You are incredibly brave for contemplating stepping forward.
Pest
If you do decide to come forward and tell the school what happened, I suggest that you reach out to others who had him as a teacher to confront the school as well. The school will be less likely to blow you off if others complain too.
Monday
Looking for some home hair-coloring advice.
My natural color is medium brown, and it tends to go reddish with sun exposure. For a few years I have been dyeing it darker, partly to fight the red tone, but now I feel like going back to natural. I usually color it at home, but yesterday did go to a salon to try to bring it up a shade, and it doesn’t seem to have worked. I don’t notice a difference, especially on the lengths. I have long hair and realize that the ends have been dyed darker so many times that there may be no hope, but has anyone successfully brought their hair color lighter on their own? I realize I will probably need to do a little damage, but is it even possible? If so, any brand recommendations?
I’m also wondering if a red-tone shampoo might help the transition as the dyed parts grow out? My goal is not red hair, but the red tones might help blend roots with ends? Thanks for any input.
Cornellian
Maybe you can think about using a henna conditioner and shampoo, or buying henna and adding it to conditioner for a gentler version. That may be a relatively healthy way to bring out a bit of red without using bleach (although you can prepare henna with lemon or chamomile or other lighteners). I also have friends who used henna as a dye in a situation like yours and loved it, but I understand that if you plan on dying your hair at some ponit in the future, henna can make things difficult for your future stylist.
Anecdotally, I have a sort of strawberry dark blonde or light brown (google Amy Adams oscar party) and added henna to a leave-in conditioner a few years ago, and it worked fabulously. Smelled funny for a day or two, but my hair was glossy and just a shade redder than normal. I used pre-mixed henna you grate sold by LUSH cosmetics, but apparently purists would buy their own raw henna online. LUSH seems like an easy start, though, especially if you just want to add some hot water and mix a couple tablespoons in to your conditioner as a start. I think it’s like 15 or 20 dollars for a block, which is a LARGE amount of henna.
Veronica
My hair is similar in color to Amy Adams’ hair you mentioned, except maybe more mousy. It was bright orange when I was younger and has dulled significantly as I’ve aged. Right now, I just get it dyed to have a more vibrant color, but this sounds really promising (and much cheaper). Would you mind elaborating a bit more on what you did (specific products, how often, etc.)?
Cornellian
Sure. I actually researched this a lot, and there are lots of variables to note, so I hope this isn’t too hard to follow:
I bought LUSH’s Caca Rouge henna (they have a couple different colors, including one meant more for brown hair, you can order it online, too), covered everything in my house with plastic (I’m particularly clumsy, but it does stain), and grated it finely using a cheese greater into a bowl. It comes in little “blocks”, 12 in total. For my thick, straight bra strap length hair I only used one, but I didn’t do a full preparation. I also rubbed vaseline on my hairline to make sure it didn’t stain (I think that’s probably only necessary if you’re going to leave it in as a dye for a long-time, but can’t hurt!). I then boiled strong chamomile tea because I wanted slight lightening, or at least not to go darker, but you can use water. Henna can’t lighten color itself, so you need to add lemon or chamomile if you want to do that at all. Apparently you’re not supposed to use metal during the preparation process, so I didn’t, but I’m not sure if it actually would have changed anything. I slowly added a bit of the tea to the grated henna until it had the consistency of yogurt ( you could add lemon for more intense lightening) and let it sit and cool for 30 minutes. If you wanted the real effect of henna, you’d then put this directly on your head.
I mixed it with conditioner in about a 1:3 ratio, though, combed it in, covered my head with a shower cap, and waited about an hour. Again, if you want a more serious effect, some people sleep with it in or wait 6-8 hours. I then rinsed it out (only with water and conditioner, NOT shampoo for the first day or two) 3 or 4 times and let it air dry. It was a bit smelly and strangely textured the first day, but everything I read said you SHOULDN”T shampoo it out immediately, so I waited. When I did shampoo it, my hair was glossier, a bit redder, and very healthy feeling. I ended up taking another fourth of a block (so only 1/48th of the bar), grating it, letting it soften in boiling water until it was a paste, and adding it to a conditioner bottle to ease fading.
I promptly broke open that bottle of conditioner and still didn’t notice any fading at all, but again, I didn’t go very far from my hair color.
The most helpful resource for me was the hundreds of customer reviews on lush.com. I don’t think they edit them, and lots of people post pictures of their before and after hair, with what steps they took. I took a relatively conservative route, but I helped a friend with medium brown hair dye her hair (3 blocks of henna on her long hair, no conditioner mixed in, she waited 4 hours), and although it was very bright the first day, it was a beautiful auburn after that.
Hope this helped!
Cornellian
Oh! Also, use a dark or old towel you don’t care about on your hair for the first few days, as it will bleed and dye your towels. I didn’t notice anything on my pillowcase, but if you care alot about your sheets, you may want to put a towel down for the first couple days.
One more thought: heat is meant to intensify or “release” the henna, somehow. that’s why you let it soak in boiling water to make the paste. When I did my friend’s hair, we wrapped her hair with a towel on top of the plastic, and she even used a heating pad on her head. That’s another variable to play with. I would probably start either by making a leave-in conditioner like I did, or just adding a bit to my normal conditioner to see how your skin and hair respond, rather than go all-out henna, but there aren’t many reports of people complaining about allergies or awful reactions when they do go all in, so if you’re feeling adventurous, maybe you should do it!
Let us know how it turns out if you do it!
The Slapdash Sewist
I use henna to color my hair. I buy the powdered version. My preference is Sadaf brand, which I have found online. I get about 5 or 6 colors out of one package–well over a year’s worth of henna. The Rainbow brand they sell at the Whole Foods is garbage and does nothing.
I mix up henna powder in yogurt before leaving for work to allow the henna color to develop. For my fine, medium length hair I used about 1/3 cup henna powder, mixed into enough (plain, no sugar) yogurt to make a thick cookie-dough type paste. The color needs to develop for at least 8 hours to be effective.
I use vaseline on my hairline and a color brush, of the kind available at Sally, to start brushing the paste into my roots. Once my roots and hairline are done, I massage the rest of the paste into my hair. It is thick and textured, so it takes a bit of massaging. Then I wrap my head in plastic and keep the henna on for 3 hours. Wear an ugly old robe and carry a rag around with you to catch drips.
I use shampoo to get the henna out of my hair. I normally use more “natural” not very sudsy shampoo, but I have a bottle of Pantene for this purpose. It can take a couple washes. Then I condition. From then on I treat as normal, which for me is to wash every other day. Admittedly, it does smell terrible (I liken it to goose droppings) and you will smell it for a couple days.
Henna is extremely colorfast. The color will slightly darken the first couple days as it oxidizes, but then it’s set. When I used chemical dyes the color would start to fade within 2 weeks. I don’t notice any fading at all with henna, it’s just a matter of my roots growing out. I color about every 3 months. So much cheaper, easier, better for the environment and me than chemical colors.
AIMS
I haven’t dyed my hair in ages but I once died it black and to bring it back to a more reddish color, I had to do a double process at the salon. I’m not sure it’s necessary in your case, but at that time I want it to be pretty bright red so that was the only way to accomplish it. It wasn’t pleasant but it wasn’t too damaging on my hair.
I would probably stay away from red tint shampoos as they’re likely to just give you a less than natural mahogany tint.
Maybe try having another go of it at home in a week or so? My mother has been using a “natural” hair dye recently that I have to say looks amazing. I think it’s called Naturtint. I’m consistently impressed with how it makes her hair look. She even gets questioned by the stylists at her uber shmancy salon re: who does her highlights, so it’s not just me. Maybe try that and go a shade or two lighter than you intend for the right outcome?
Monday
Thanks amigas.
Bonnie
Consider using a semi-permanent toner. It jazzes up brown hair without looking fake and washes out gradually so no visible roots.
Anon
Early TJ – I’ll be a Summer Associate at a BigLaw firm in NYC this summer, and we have an orientation weekend coming up this spring. I have no idea what to wear!
The weekend is split into two main events – a daytime seminar, and a nighttime c*cktail party. The seminar’s attire is “casual.” I was thinking of wearing a J.Crew cardigan with a basic tank underneath, a nice necklace, dark jeans, and heels. The c*cktail attire is “what you would usually wear to a nice restaurant or business casual.” I was thinking of wearing a DvF shift dress with a black cardigan or suit jacket on top (that I could take off if it seemed a little more c*cktail-y and a little less formal).
Does this sound totally off? I’m in the Midwest now so I’m not sure about NYC fashion and don’t want to look out of place or think about my clothes all weekend. I’m also (more than) willing to buy something new, so if you have ideas for what would be the perfect dress or accessory, I’m open to suggestions!
Cornellian
Hmm. I wonder what “casual” really means here. I would be inclined to nix jeans, even though obviously they do fit the stated code, and lean towards the business casual (same outfit, but dress pants or a skirt, I think). Even if the official code is casual, I would wonder what other people will be wearing.
I think your instincts as to the evening are spot-on, though.
MB
I agree with this. I am picturing swapping out the jeans for a pair of those ubiquitous black ankle length pants (GAP has a nice pair), a cardigan (or blazer) and flats. Plus a pretty necklace.
What color is the DVF dress? I would wear an evening-y jacket with that dress instead of a cardigan or a suit jacket. A black cardigan or standard suit jacket is going to dress down any look.
Other than that it sounds great!
Blue
Plus one on the black pants. I wore those black ankle length pants for pretty much every casual-but-I-don’t-want-to-wear-jeans event when I was a summer associate. Those pants somehow solve every fashion problem.
OP
The DvF dress is a black background with blue, white, and gray swishes all over it. An evening jacket is a good idea, but I don’t have one!
Anonymous
Exactly. I was going to suggest wearing black cigar e t t e pants and nice flats.
mascot
I also agree that you should nix the jeans. Denim is different from casual in many law offices.
Cornellian
Agreed. I’m in NYC biglaw, for what it’s worth. But you will probably see some people in jeans or khakis, to be honest. I think I’d rather just be slightly too dressy than slightly under.
huh
Khakis? Not on the women, right?
Blue
I probably wouldn’t wear jeans. I spent two summers at a big firm (not NYC, but another big city) and I only ever wore jeans to events when it was something super casual/outdoorsy (like a baseball game). This event sounds like the kind of thing where it’s *probably* fine to wear nice jeans, but as a summer associate I think it’s always better to be a little too dressy rather than a little too casual. So, I think the rest of your outfit sounds fine, but maybe substitute some “casual” black pants for the jeans.
The rest of it sounds great though!
Diana Barry
Ditto! :)
Signy Mallory
+1 Agree w/everything Blue says here.
qwerty
For cocktail, your instincts are perfect. for “casual”, i’d do the same outfit with either dress pants or a skirt.
Anonnc
Both choices sound great. You might consider swapping boots for heels for the daytime outfit in case you will be on your feet.
Anon
The recs above are great, but could you also check with a alum of your school is now at said law firm? Just say, “Hi alum from my law/undergrad school, I was wondering if by casual they really meant casual?”
OP
Yep, no alums :) Thanks though!
Alanna of Trebond
Is the event on March 1st and in New York?
If it is, casual here really means jeans. I might wear a suit for the dinner if you have time to change.
OP
Yes, it’s that weekend – the dinner is March 2nd. If we’re talking about the same event, thanks for the info.
Alanna of Trebond
I think it might be, I’m not sure how many firms do this weekend thing–I’m supposed to attend the dinner on the 2nd and our invite says “business casual” for that event. I think I wore a dress with a blazer for the dinner and I wasn’t able to attend the daytime seminar.
Do you also have a brunch on the Sunday? I think we did. If you think you are going to be summering at my firm and want to know more, shoot me an email at pton [this site name] (no spaces) at gmail dot com.
Houston advice...
Can anyone in Houston reccomend a good tailor, preferably near the River Oaks/Montrose area?
Thanks!
b23
I can’t remember the name of it, but I’ve been going to a lady at Shepherd and Westheimer (across Shepherd from the grocery store) for the last few things I’ve gotten tailored. She’s done a good job and has been very reasonably priced, particularly for that area.
I live in Montrose – so fun!
Houston advice...
That’s perfect, I’ll give it a try. The only other place that was reccomended to me was out by Memorial City and I just can’t find the time to drive out that far.
anon in tejas
I’ve gotten quite a few things done at Martin’s Tailors (Shephard at Memorial (off on a side street)), and they have done a good job.
Sweet as Soda Pop
I second the rec for Martin’s. Fast, good work, and reasonable. I don’t recommend MW Cleaners alteration services.
anon in tejas
yeah. I go to Height’s cleaners as they are on my way home. I’ve found the best cleaners (cheap, good, etc.) are neighborhood ones. no yelp, no website, just busy and on site.
Anon
I live 2 minutes from Martins and go there all the time! Great turnaround time and you can negotiate the prices if you have enough pieces. I’ve also heard they do the tailoring for Brooks Brothers…
elz
I use Donna on Holcombe. I’ve strayed before & regretted it. She is awesome!
oil in houston
I use Donna on Holcombe. I’ve strayed before & regretted it. She is awesome!
Maggie
I don’t have any recommendations but I’m in the same area and have been putting off getting some alterations done for a LONG time so I’m bookmarking this thread. Thanks!
Ellen
Yike’s! Gonzalo showed up when I left work yesterday and had a FITBIT. He said that he wanted to walk with me, so I said that I was NOT abel to and took the Subway — but DOWNTOWN. I did NOT want him to know what subway I took and where I was headeing. He seemed a little dazed so I wanted to get out of there ASAP.
The manageing partner was very distresed about his house in the Hamton’s. He still is not comeing back until he has resolved thing’s. I do not know if he took my advise about the carpenter’s but I did give him the name’s. He will deal with them. YAY! I oneley have a co-op so I can NOT deal with a HOUSE and carpenter’s. FOOEY!
If there is any one in the hive that knows peeople in the Hamptons that can fix pool house’s, please tell me and I will tell the manageing partner.
Now, I have to go to court alone FOOEY!
Signy Mallory
Oooh, please give the MANAGEING PARTNER Joe Schwenk’s info:
http://www.businessinsider.com/which-one-of-these-ridiculous-tasks-received-by-a-hamptons-contractor-was-given-by-a-wall-streeter-2012-6
Schwenk is the contractor who bites the bejeweled hands that feed him – he takes great delight in using twitter to making fun of the rich people who hire him for jobs. I think he got his 15 seconds of fame last summer. Maybe the two of you could hook up — I think he’s a better bet than “Gonzalo.”
goldribbons
There was a poster in yesterday’s Coffee Break thread (handle: Help!) who needed doctors (PCP and Endo) in So Cal. Any recommendations for her? Is she around today?
OP
Yeah, that’s me. I haven’t checked this morning, but as of last night there were no recommendations in my area. Just in San Fran, which is about an 8 hour drive for me. I’ll keep looking! Thanks for checking in on me :)
SFBayA
Or a 55 minute flight :).
KinCA
I’m not sure exactly where you’re located, but Dr. Harvey Schneir in the Camarillo area is a great endocrinologist.
Senior Attorney
My PCP is awesome. She has a concierge practice so you have to pay for the privilege of being her patient, but it’s been worth it to me. Alexis Anvekar in Pasadena.
OP
Thank you Senior Attorney. I will look into that! I’d rather find someone closer than SF, even though it’s a 55 minute flight! :D
ouch
Hey guys,
Relationship TJ: My boyfriend is an actor. Generally, I’m okay with the whole kissing/romance thing in shows (after all, it’s his job), but he has a show coming up that involves nudity, simulated sex, etc. It’s fairly graphic. Anyway, on an intellectual level I’m completely fine with it (he loves me, I trust him, blah blah blah) but I still kind of want to vomit at the thought of it. It’s a visceral reaction. I’m trying to be mature about it because I want to be supportive, but i’m struggling. Does anyone have any advice?
momentsofabsurdity
I’ve never been in this situation so I don’t have any real advice (beyond just talking to him honestly about your feelings – not to say he can’t do it, just to say, hey, if you see me behaving weird, its because this whole thing, even though I know it’s fine, is giving me a strange feeling of jealousy and I’m trying to process it) but some tongue-in-cheek advice is to definitely DON’T be Chandler in the Friends episode where he gets super jealous of his actress-girlfriend’s costar and their sex scene. Did not end well for him.
ouch
Yeah I’m not remotely jealous (the woman he’s performing the scene with is a lesbian!) because I know he loves me. I’ve been trying to be as communicative as possible about my feelings but I don’t want to come off as unsupportive because this is so huge for him (this is a lead role in an Equity show and we live in a major theater town). Just. Ah. Ick.
De
Chandler was the first thing that went through my mind too!
LLBMBA
Is it on film/video or on stage? What I would remember is that there is absolutely nothing sexy about simulating sex/sexual activity on camera under lights with directors telling you to move this way or that way, etc. Nothing at all. And that goes double on stage – you’re literally living the nightmare of being naked in front of an audience.
While your visceral reaction is understandable, it is just work for him. Try to remind yourself that he’s not having nearly the fun that he’s pretending to be having.
ouch
It’s on stage. I realize it’s a nightmare scenario but to watch while it’s happening in realtime…ahhhh! But thank you for your insight.
Signy Mallory
It’s hard to compartmentalize but it can be done. I have an aunt who married a butcher. She never, ever visited her husband at work, and just required that he’d be all washed up, showered, and changed into clean clothes when he got home.
She found his work grisly and unpleasant, but knew it was his work, and not his entire person. Still, I think she had good powers of compartmentalization. I have a morbid mind drawn to things that repulse me, and I think I’d be imagining everything to be more gruesome than they were.
TO Lawyer
I totally understand your reaction – I occasionally get jealous of platonic encounters my SO engages in even though logically I know there’s nothing to worry about it and I trust him implicitly. FWIW, I think you’re dealing with this really well because this is really tough and your visceral reaction is totally justified!
That said, I would second the suggestions to be honest and communicate your feelings. And maybe suggest that you guys do something after this show to remind both of you of your relationship i.e. special date and a party for two afterwards…
notowhat
Why not just tell your boyfriend what you’ve told us? It sounds like a very normal reaction and one he’ll understand. Also, is it necessary for you to go to the performance? Maybe you can skip the sex scene if you do attend. If you can’t control your reaction to this (in your situation, I certainly couldn’t) then don’t pick at that scab…
ouch
well, I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he gets very defensive about it being his “work” and stuff. I feel like I’m being really unsupportive every time I bring it up.
Mpls
Can you explain to him (and maybe you have) that yes, you understand it is his work, and that you aren’t telling him to *not* do it, but does he at least understand how you might feel icky about it. I’d ask him what feels unsupportive about your feelings, and what he sees as support.
Is it possible he’s being defensive because he’s not as comfortable with the scene as he says he is – and that he’s trying to convince himself it’s no big deal because that’s what Actors do?
If it was me, I’d totally sit out the scene that made me uncomfortable (if you know when it is) by making a trip to the bathroom. I also wouldn’t tell him that I skipped his scene unless he specifically asked.
ouch
I’ve tried to make that very clear (“please understand that I may feel icky, it has nothing to do with trusting you or jealousy or not wanting you to do it”), and I’m pretty sure he understands that.
He’s worried that becasue I’ve told him this, he might get distracted during the scene by MY feelings and not perform to the best of his advantage. So…I don’t know. Part of me is very angry with myself for doing that to him and part of me is like “well, you’re a professional actor, so…you shouldn’t let it affect you” and doesn’t want to sit on my feelings just to protect him.
(I have a history of domestic violence in previous relationships so I’m timid when it comes to things like this).
Anonymous
From what you’ve said here, you don’t want your boyfriend to quit the show, and you don’t need him to reassure you that he loves you and you can trust him, so what is there to gain from telling him his play icks you out? I sort of understand why he might be confused and defensive when you bring it up…
Blonde Lawyer
Haven’t been there but do you have other friends who are significant other’s of actors? Could you ask them how they came to terms with it?
ouch
Alas I do not. Actually, the few I do know are also actors themselves.
Same place
My husband is an actor, and I’ve faced this situation before. If it’s a play, honestly, don’t go. Or turn away when the s e x y part happens. You don’t want to have that image in your brain.
Also, I’ve found that it helps to get to know the actress–it takes her out of the character and makes her a real person that your bf is not interested in. It may also help to hang out with her with your bf so you can see that, despite what you see on stage, they’re just friends.
ouch
thank you for this!!! I’m glad I’m not alone. Don’t think I can skip the show but I think I’ll have to leave the room…
M-C
Can I ask another stupid question? You aren’t planning to go see this, are you? You talk about your feelings about it “live”. There’s no reason to see it live, or even at all. Given how you feel about it beforehand, I think you should consider skipping it entirely. Tell you bf nicely that you support his work and normally would be there, but don’t want to subject yourself to these feelings. End of discussion.
And if he insists on your presence, ask yourself more questions..
LilyB
Question to those who swim somewhat regularly for exercise:
I’m training to run 10-mile race that’s in May; I just started training a couple weeks ago so right now I’m only running 2-3 miles at once. My training schedule consists of running 3x/week (non-consec days), strength 2x/week (with one of those being on a run day), and “cross” (which I interpret to mean non-running cardio) 2x/week, leaving Fridays as rest days. I’m interested in incorporating swimming into my exercise routine but to be honest I’m a little intimidated. My gym has a 25-meter indoor pool and I’ve been scoping it out for a couple weeks- looks like it’s fairly empty on weekday late nights, so that’s when I intend on swimming. I’ve gotten all the gear, now I just need to figure out what one does haha. I literally have not swum a lap since grade school (obviously I’ve been in the pool/ocean since then, but just to play around). I assume I still “know” how to swim freestyle/back stroke/breast stroke; does my technique not even really matter at this point? What distance should I be aiming for when I start out?
Thanks!
anon o
There are a ton of swimming websites out there if you google a bit with workouts for various goals/fitness levels/etc. And don’t worry about the strokes – you can just swim front crawl for most of them (or just select those). I used to belong to a triathalon/masters swim group – I really liked having a coach with set workouts (although those occasionally would use the other strokes). I wasn’t training for a triathalon, just swimming for exercise. I should note I swam in jr high so I know all the strokes and can do a flip turn, etc and I was way ahead of most people in my group as far as knowledge and technique but I don’t think I ever once got through the whole workout! Your gym might have a group or coaches that you can use also. Have fun!
LLBMBA
I do ladders – swim 50 m, short break, swim 100m, short break, swim 200m, 400m , 800m and then back down again. All freestyle.
It will take a little bit to get used to being in the water again – don’t be surprised if you’re out of breath sooner than you’d expect (even if you’re in good shape!). you could cut the ladder down at first and then go up higher distances as you get better.
I’d also aim for a time in the pool rather than a distance.
LilyB
thanks for the suggestions to both of you!
SunnyD
I swim as part of my cross-training too. My first thought is: just go for it and don’t worry about looking stupid in the pool. As with running, there are people of all different abilities in the pool and no one is watching you.
I’d suggest aiming for 1,000 yards or meters as you start out (that’s 20 laps or 40 lengths). And in the beginning, rest as frequently as you need to, change up your strokes, and throw in some kick board.
Also, consider watching some You Tube videos about swimming technique, especially since you haven’t been in the pool in a long time. Yes, you can get from one end to the other, but working on your form will make swimming easier and more enjoyable (much like running).
And here are a couple of posts from a blog:
http://www.healthytippingpoint.com/2010/01/guest-post-how-to-swim-part-i.html
http://www.healthytippingpoint.com/2010/01/guest-post-how-to-swim-part-ii.html
Finally, if you rub spit around in your goggles before you put them on (or, alternatively, kinda make out with your goggles), they won’t fog up.
LilyB
making out with my goggles is something I can get on board with!
anon in tejas
swim plan dot com (all together now!) can put together some plans for you. I have used them when starting to swim as an adult for fitness and triathlon training.
When you swim, you generally want a warm up, core, and cool down. I’ve found that it’s a great way to stay in shape and change up my work out routines.
k-padi
I would suggest asking an instructor to evaluate your stroke after a few weeks in the pool. In swimming, technique and form can make a huge difference–and it’s all little things like hand position and shoulder rotation! As a lifeguard in college, I saw many swimmers who would be so much better (faster, more efficient, able to swim longer) with a 30 minute coaching session.
Try to use pull-buoys, kickboards, and hand paddles if your pool has them. They will add variety to your workout and help maintain your technique.
Maddie Ross
Second the suggestion to use pull buoys, kickboards and/or hand paddles. I particularly really like the kickboards when I’m trying to get back into swimming. My legs are way stronger than my arms and having the ability to keep my head out of the water when I would otherwise be sucking wind is helpful, too. For cross-training, I usually alternate 100s or 200s of swimming (crawl/freestyle) with 100s of kicking.
springtime
Your post really makes me think as I progress in my training I should incorporate swimming. I don’t know why I’m so anti-swimming!
As another cross-training alternative, may I suggest spinning. I’ve been doing a lot of spinning since I pulled my achilles and my fitness has increased a lot. You don’t have to go to a class- most gyms have spin bikes in the main area.
MB
I’m anti-swimming, too. I don’ t know why. I love the beach and the water. I get super sweaty when I run and have to shower after anyway. So why the aversion to swimming? It sounds so unpleasant to me. Intellectually, I know its excellent cross-training, is great for my joints and would tone up my back and shoulders, which are neglected areas for most runners.
But I don’t wanna!
rosie
I was anti-swimming, but when I was in an area that was way to hot to run, I was able to get into swimming. I think having the pool relatively to myself helped, since I like the solitary aspect of running. I also didn’t have to worry about my terrible technique, and I got more confident in my swimming the more I did it.
MJ
Hey Lily…great idea re incorporating swimming. If you are new, I second K-padi’s advice to try for a week or two and then have a short lesson. A few minor tweaks in your body angle or head position can make swimming much more enjoyable. In terms of being intimidated–don’t be. Swimming is a sport that has all levels, from the grandmas in Esther Williams flower caps doing modified breast stroke to super-hard core folks. Just make sure that if you join someone in a lane that they are about the same speed as you, and you figure out whether you circle swim (generally counterclockwise) or split (back and forth, each on your own side). You can just jump in and they’ll figure it out, or ask, if someone is at the wall about the time when you get in. And if you stop, don’t “hog the wall” — e.g. allow enough room for any other swimmers sharing your lane. That’s all the etiquette you need to know.
I would also caution you about using swim paddles very early on…it’s quite easy to really screw up your shoulders/elbows/wrists. For now, I would concentrate on simple workout. You can mix things up. I sometimes find that it’s easier to do a workout if it’s already written. You can write your own workouts (after you get a sense of what is realistic) on a 3x 5 notecard with ball point pen and just stick it to the side of the pool with water. It’ll stay. Also, doing +10 seconds or +15 second after 2 or 4 laps is just fine–you don’t need to get too aggressive and try to figure out how fast you are going for each stroke for X number of laps in the beginning.
Lastly, think of swimming as akin to running–you can do sprint sets (like a track workout), longer timed swims (like a tempo workout) or focus on one aspect — arms, kicking, stroke speed, a certain stroke. Some folks might say swimming’s boring, but it’s not when it’s all new and you’re mixing it up.
Also…this is not creepy…if you want some tips on your stroke, just ask someone who knows what they are doing (e.g. someone swimming fast/gracefully)…politely. Almost any good swimmer has taught swim lessons or can give you a small tip quickly that’d radically change your workout. If you’re hanging out on the wall and see someone who looks somewhat friendly…ask. I wouldn’t mind if someone asked me. Have a great time!
LilyB
Thanks MJ!
Alana
As a former lifeguard and swim, instructor, I endorse MJ’s post.
Anonymous
I agree with the advice here. But want to say again that when you are just starting, you are very likely to be tired/unable to continue swimming much sooner than you expect. Swimming asks very different things from your body than running and strength training, which is what makes it great for cross, but also discouraging when you start. Just keep going. It gets easier. And a lesson will help a lot with efficiency.
Statutesq
I was recently diagnosed with Rosacea, which has manifested as a bunch of pimple looking things rather than overall redness. My derm recommended CeraVe for cleansing/moisturizing, but I forgot to ask about makeup. Those who are dealing with Rosacea, what products work for you? Also the triggers the derm mentioned (wine, exercise, and spicy food) I don’t intend to start avoiding, so are there any other lifestyle changes you made or natural remedies you think work? I’m thinking of adding natural noninflammatory supplements to my routine. Thanks!
Lalo
I have a similar manifestation of rosacea. I don’t have a problem with most of the things you mentioned, but for me dairy is a huge trigger, but it can be really hard to cut out and I didn’t want to for a long time so I understand your reluctance to cut out the other stuff. (I also have a casein allergy though so milk/dairy products have always been problematic which is part of the reason I am eating about 85% less dairy than a year ago.) I’ve also had some success with niacin and zinc supplements. Really, though, the biggest difference has been the dairy.
FP Angie
Is it very bad? I had pretty bad rosacea right after college and use a tiny dab of prescription metrolotion every day. Once the condition calmed down, I was able to use whatever I wanted for makeup. I never avoid any triggers – that never was a problem for me. The Rx I used initially made my skin very dry, so I used more oil-based foundation at first, but so far things have been fine.
little b
Finacea was a miracle drug for me. I’ve been taking it for years. It is expensive but none of the other RX drugs worked and as long as I use it regularly I don’t have many flares. Salicylic acid treatments have also helped. I currently use Philosophy On a Clear day for a daytime moisturizer and Cerave at night. I also avoid chemical sunscreens since these trigger a reaction for me, so this limits my foundation options. I usually use a tinted moisturizer with titanium dioxide or combine Clinique’s City Block with a foundation that doesn’t contain any sunscreen. If you are interested in dietary changes you should check out Dr. Weil’s anti-inflammatory food pyramid.
Me too
My rosacea is similar to yours: more bumps than redness.
I pay close attention to picking makeup that works well for sensitive skin, but that’s about it. Most of my skincare products are Clinique, and I use Purpose (drugstore) for a light morning cleanser. I’ve been using Urban Decay’s Naked foundation for about 2 months without incident. My blushes are NARS and Bobbi Brown.
Probably the biggest thing that has helped me keep the bumps under control is using a Clarisonic once a day. I know that the experts usually say that people with rosacea should avoid messing with their skin, but the Clarisonic has seriously been a huge help. My theory is that not only is my skin cleaner and thus less irritated, but the Clarisonic provides just enough exfoliation to keep the bumps under control without completely making my skin freak out. If I skip a few days, I notice a big difference.
FWIW, finding the right skin care regimen was key to controlling my rosacea. It took a lot of trial and error but I haven’t had to use prescription creams in almost three years. If I get extra bumpy, a light coating of hydrocortisone cream does the trick. I don’t do that daily, just when the need arises (hello, hormonal fluctuations).
Bonnie
Use sunblock but avoid chemical sunblocks where the main ingredient is avobenzone. I also make sure to use a calming face lotion at night like: http://www.soap.com/p/eucerin-q10-anti-wrinkle-sensitive-skin-creme-30058
My skin gets really irritated from working out so I use a calming face mist.
Signy Mallory
Saw this thing on Slate – “vinegar valentines” from Ye Olden Times
http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_vault/2013/02/13/vinegar_valentines_an_old_tradition_of_sending_mean_cards_anonymously.html
Not surprising that many were sent anonymously. ‘Tis human nature, I guess.
TO Lawyer
So I’ve been trying to get back in the routine of working out again and I think part of my issue is I have no one to do this with or push me. So does anyone want to start an online support group? We could keep each other accountable and motivated to go to the gym!
momentsofabsurdity
I’m down for that! To that end, I use an app that charges me cash moneys when I don’t go which does keep me pretty motivated – I’ve only ever missed maybe one workout I’ve committed to. Maybe try something like that?
petitesq
I’m with you! I’m actually resolving to work out for Lent (giving up laziness/sedentary-ness/time, I suppose?), and could use a motivator!
Merri
I’d be into that.
springtime
I was thinking of posting about something similar last week- I’m upping my training and it would be nice to have some motivation!
Violet's Fan
I’d be in! (I’ve scheduled a boudoir photo shoot in April for extra motivation…nothing like being semi-naked in front of others to get you to the gym!)
Nonny
Oh my goodness, are you me? I have a boudoir shoot in April too! But I had a nasty encounter with a scale a few days ago (I never weigh myself, but I did that one day just out of curiosity) and a subsequent encounter with a measuring tape, and now I am in serious gym mode. I’ve even given up my Starbucks treats, which for me is a big deal.
De
I think there was a group on myfitnesspal, started a few months ago, but I wasn’t too good about logging in on that AND weight watchers, but if you come up wtih something, I’m in! I’ve really enjoyed the classes I’ve started to go to at my new gym lately–I think that helps alot for me, rather than being on the treadmill for an hour.
Merabella
I’ve not been so hot at keeping up with it, but like I said before, we could just use the message board as a way for doing a weekly workout check-in.
Merabella
There is a group on MyFitnessPal for this website. The name is Lady Fitness Parties. We could use that venue as a way to keep one another accountable – set up a weekly check in.
TO Lawyer
Wow ok any ideas for how we could do this? I see De’s point – if it’s not super easy to track stuff, I’ll probably forget. Maybe an email group or a phone app?
De
We could just have a recurring discussion on the weekend open thread?
Kim
Oh, please don’t. The occasional diet / fitness thread is fine (and skippable) but a “recurring discussion” … please don’t.
Signy Mallory
Not interested in joining or reading this, but why shouldn’t they do this as a recurring post?
De
I’d hate to annoy anyone, but was just an idea.
Anonymous
Ha ha. Please run all topic discussions by Kim before posting.
Kim, may I ask about my hair today? Kim, may I threadjack with some shopping advice?
TO Lawyer
Ok what if we use the myfitnesspal group and maybe post a reminder on the weekend open thread to check in? That way we’ll see a reminder and won’t annoy everyone with our workout check-ins?
Can someone post a link to the message board? I tried to find it but was unsuccessful…
My Fitness Pal Link
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/forums/show/9211-lady-fitness-parties
This is the group. Would love someone to bring it back to life!!
Anon
To this end, does anybody have an interest in a workout buddy at the 51st/53rd and Lex NYSC or 24 hr fitness?
moss
Has anyone ever had Seiko repair an older (out of warranty) watch? I want to get mine fixed but don’t know how much of a hit I am going to take and fear losing it in the mail as well.
Anastasia
I haven’t, but my husband recently had the band on his Seiko replaced. It was no problem at all — just put it in a padded envelope and insure the package when you send it. The post office told me I didn’t need deivery confirmation, since the recipient is a corporation. Seiko will call you in a few days with an estimate of how much the repairs will cost. If you agree that they should go ahead with the work, you will get your newly-repaired watch back in a couple weeks. I would assume that if they quote you some exoribitant price, you could just say thanks but no thanks, and they would send back the watch as-is. I don’t remember how much the repair cost, but my husband did remark that it was less than he expected and very reasonable, considering the value of the watch.
moss
awesome! thank you so much :) :)
LilyB
another question, ladies! how does the jcrew jackie shell run as far as size? they’re on sale now and the colors are adorable. usually I’d just go with a small but because they have xxs and xs, I’m curious. I’m 5’4, 120 lbs, 34D, do not have broad shoulders, fairly average torso length. should the small do the trick?
petitesq
::checks own tag:: I’m 5’1″, 115, 34C and wear an XS, which fits nicely, but does gap if I try to button it all the way up (which I don’t). XXS is far too tiny. I think you’re safe with a small.
js
I think the Jackie fits more TTS than the Tippi. I wear a M in most shirts, and an M in the Jackie. I have to take a S in other JCrew sweaters and cardigans.
anon
They are very short, or at least were the last time I bought them (have since stopped because they’re so short).
Anon
5’9″, 155lbs, 34B – I wear a small.
Anon
Really? 5’8″, 145lbs, 34A, here, and I wear a medium or a large.
Anon
Maybe it’s a difference in body shape? I wear a size 4 or 6 in their suit jackets, but an 8 (and sometimes a 10) in their skirts. Don’t get me started on pants. J.Crew pants and I are not on speaking terms.
CKB
I’m often surprised at the differences in sizes between people who are the same height & weight. Definitely a body shape issue.
Mountain Girl
How long are the sleeves on the Tippi cardigan? I generally have to wear tall sweaters so my closet is filled with Eddie Bauer and Banana Rep tall sizes. Sometimes, I can wear a regular size sweater if the sleeves are a little generous in their length. Any recommendation on the sleeve length with the Tippi? (I don’t have a store even remotely close so I can’t go try them on and I hate paying shipping knowing that I will most likely have to return it.) Thanks
phillygirlruns
the tippi is a 3/4 sleeve.
Image
The Tippi Cardigan is a full length sleeve, the sweater is only 3/4 length.
I’ve got long arms (like I’ll default to a tall size if I have an option) and I really like the length on the cardigan. They are long enough that I don’t have wrist bone sticking out. When I wash them (which I do at home), I also give the sleeves a tug when I lay them out to dry to encourage that length.
Mountain Girl
Thanks – totally what I was looking for.
mascot
TJ: Can anyone speak to LegalMatch or any similar lawyer referral service? I am in a niche practice in a mid-size firm. My initial instinct is that this isn’t that valuable of a service for me but would be interested in hearing others experiences.
Solo Practitioner
The general feeling among solo practitioners nationwide is that these things are a waste of money.
Save your money and get out and shake hands. Networking in your community is a much better return on investment.
anon
This is kind of a dumb question but –
Do any of you ladies with larger feet feel silly wearing flats? I’ve realized I tend to avoid wearing ballet flats because I feel like they make my feet look like boats, especially if I wear them with skinny jeans. I wear a size 9.5/10 in most brands.
Is this a totally crazy insecurity that I should just get over? Does anyone else feel this way? Are there certain styles of flats that work better for you?
SunnyD
I wear the same size shoe as you do and absolutely feel like my feet look huge when I wear ballet flats. I think it has something to do with how your feet look when you look down at them because, in a mirror, my feet don’t look any larger in ballet flats than in regular shoes.
But, then again, I think my legs look short and stumpy when I wear ballet flats and I’m 5’9″ with objectively long legs so I already know my eyes are crazy.
anon
I think they make my legs look stumpy too! And I have crazy disproportionate long legs and a short torso. Maybe it is the angle I’m viewing it at.
Me too
Yes, I absolutely have this problem. It’s something I’ve been self-conscious about since I was probably 12 years old, when I had giant feet but didn’t yet have the height I have now. I’m thinking it’s high time to just get over it and start buying the shoes I want. I have size 10 feet; they cannot be hidden. :)
Anon
I wear a slightly smaller size (9), and I only wear flats. Sometimes I think my feet look big, but that is probably because my feet ARE big. And unless I want my footprints to look like lotus flowers, there isn’t a darn thing I can do to make them smaller. So I embrace it and wear whatever shoes I want.
Diana Barry
Ditto! :)
KC
I have size 9 feet and wear flats 95% of the time. I don’t think they look that big, but that might be because I’m tall, so it’s all part of the package? At any rate, I’ve never noticed the size of other people’s feet, so my conclusion is wear whatever shoes are comfy :)
Violet's Fan
Size 10.5-11 here. I have the hardest time finding flats that don’t make my feet look bigger, actually fit me, and go with my style of dressing. (Yay for a cheap pair I picked up at Target this weekend!) I’ve been wearing the same black flats for at least 3 years now, and they are on their last legs. Despite my best efforts, I can’t find anything I like. You are not alone. Sigh.
MaggieLizer
I have a friend who has this concern and I’ve always been perplexed about it. I have literally never looked at a woman and thought, “Wow her feet are HUGE, she should NOT wear those shoes!” Well except maybe runway models who are forced to wear ginormous, clunky shoes, but that’s a different issue. But fwiw I’m sure your feet don’t actually look big; wear all the ballet flats you want!
Ditto
I have size 10 feet as well and I put this worry firmly in the “life is too short to care” category. I have never noticed big feet on another person in my life. Wear whatever type of shoe you like and be happy. Foot size isn’t really anything you can change.
CH
Right. Size 10 here (and 5’7″). There are some shoes that make my feet look bigger than others, but they are just never going to be small. My dad would say that they keep me from blowing over in the wind. And I remind myself that it’s far easier for me to find shoes than it has been for my grandmother, who wears 13AA’s.
MJ
Hi–I am an 11.5/12 (who was in denial for many years and smushed my feet into 11s). Some ballet flats are worse than others–depends on the toe cleavage and if they have lines/stripes/design elements that go the length of my feet or emphasize the length. Some shoe designers just “upsize” all elements of a shoe while others actually adjust things proportionally (appropriately) for big feet. So some ballet flats with less toe cleavage/higher vamps end up looking like clown shoes. In my case, I have really long legs, so my feet look proportional. It’s only when I take my shoes off next to a friend’s tiny feet that I feel silly. At the end of the day, you should always wear stuff that makes you feel amazing. If ballet flats, as a general rule, don’t do it for you, but them on your banned list. Find another style (small wedges, etc.) and go with that instead. You want to look and feel amazing!
By the by, whenever I complain about my enormous feet, 90% of friends or acquaintances say things like, “You are so funny! I’ve never even noticed that about you!” so know that it might be mental, but even so, I still recommend that you jettison what makes you feel bad. You’re not going to change your foot size, but you can change how you feel if you wear something “better.”
Brahbrah
Oof, I think I’m in denial. I just bought flats in a size 11 that are pinchy in the toe area, and I just want them to stretch out, but I know they probably won’t. :( I should just size up, but for some reason I’m emotionally blocked from doing so. I’m 6’1″, so my feet aren’t terribly disproportionate or anything. Bah.
Another tall girl
You’re 6’1″? I think smaller feet would actually look disproportional to your height!
The avg woman is 5’5″. That’s 8 inches shorter than you. Of course you have larger feet than the average woman.
Anon
Ugh – I’ve totally been in denial about needing an 11. But now that I’ve moved to my “real” size can’t bear to put on any of the size 10’s I still have . I’m not really that tall, 5′ 7″, so sometimes I do worry about my feet looking huge, but there’s nothing I can do about it so I just try not to let it bother me.
An
That’s what I wear and I don’t really think of them as big, to be honest. I don’t think that many people pay close enough attention to feet to discern and extra inch or two of length.
Brahbrah
I think you’re right that most normal people don’t pay close attention, but I’m kind of traumatized from high school where a kid made fun of my giant feet every day. But that was HIGH SCHOOL. Over a decade ago.
M-C
I know that the reason my grandmother was so revved up about how big my feet are (11) was that she was mocked as a child about hers. But that was the 20s, small feet were fashionable :-)! And truly I’ve never noticed anyone else’s foot size either.
mamabear
I am 5’10” and have size 10 feet. I never, ever worry about my feet looking big. They don’t. If they were smaller they would look out of proportion to my height.
anon
I guess this is part of my problem — I am only 5’5 so my feet feel disproportionate. But my legs are long (according to the doc, I have the torso of someone who’s 5’2 and the legs of someone 5’9!) so maybe it does balance out and I just can’t see it.
Wannabe Runner
I think that everyone’s feet look weird with skinny pants.
But that’s the trend, apparently.
bizzyb
I just refuse to wear skinny jeans. I bought some that are “slim bootcut” that work a lot better, and cover up more of my shoes so it doesn’t look off for me. As for flats that seem to look good on larger feet (I’m a 10/10.5), I really like the Ann Klein Buttons. They’re not that expensive, and come in so many prints/colors.
anon
does anyone happen to know of any jcrew free shipping codes?
MB
There are none right now. Periodically they’ll do free shipping. Its always free over $175, which I realize is a high minimum. If you live near a store, you can return items purchased online (i.e. add stuff to reach $175 and return it to the store — when I do this, I end up liking stuff and keeping it — I should start adding Men’s stuff or stuff that is not in my size!)
LilyB
haha great thinking! i do have a store nearby. as you suggest, i think i’ll add some stuff in a totally wrong size so i won’t be tempted to keep it!
KC
Just be careful not to add anything that’s final sale.
momentsofabsurdity
If the item you want is full priced, if you go to the store, you can order it from a red phone and shipping is free.
ohc
Just sent my very nice landlords an email asking if we could talk about getting our bathroom floor retiled, either by us or by a professional. Fingers crossed that they aren’t hugely insulted or annoyed by this request! (The tile is in really bad shape–uneven, buckled, broken, loose, missing. Also ugly.) Anyone have successful landlord-intervention stories to share?
PollyD
Can you approach it as being a repair that will help prevent further damage? I can’t imagine have a broken tile floor is very good for the subflooring or whatever underneath. Maybe just say that you noticed that the tile is broken and loose and you are concerned about it damaging the floor. You could also say you are concerned about cutting your feet, maybe? The threshold or whatever it is called to my bathroom came loose and there were nails starting to poke up – my building fixed that right away when I told them I was worried about stepping on the nails.
LR
Just a comment about Kat’s sponsored post yesterday – my eye doctor just prescribed that same brand, Ciba AquaComfort Plus dailies. I’ve been wearing them for about a week and am pretty impressed. You lose a bit of vision correction in the very thin dailies but they’re quite comfortable. I was having problems with my old monthlies drying out and causing irritation but these are a definite improvement.
SFBayA
I just switched to dailies (Acuvue Oasis Astigmatism) and am definitely noticing both a slightly less sharp vision correction and a significant improvement in comfort over my previous lenses. I don’t wear them to work since I want really sharp vision staring at a monitor all day, but they are great for everything else.
Becky
Love the dailies but only wear them during allergy season. Basically all spring and early summer but very comfortable and it’s nice not to worry about pollen build up in my monthlies.
orangecrush
[regular reader; new handle] Can we talk about vaccinations? Does anyone keep up with their boosters? Do/did you have any qualms about getting your kids vaccinated? Any thoughts about getting a tetanus booster while pregnant (I hear it’s recommended)? Thanks for your thoughts.
Maddie Ross
Haven’t had a tetanus while pregnant, but did get my flu shot this year while pregnant. Also intend to get my child vaccinated and will be getting the whooping cough shot as soon as the child is born. Already had my husband get it.
mascot
Yes, I am up to date on my vaccines and yes we vaccinated our toddler on the recommended regular schedule and get flu shots annually. I got the DTAP booster after delivery (I was already up to date). I hear they are seeing mutations/increases in whooping cough outbreaks, hence the new recommendation that they want pregnant ladies to get their booster in hopes of passing on some immunity in utero.
CKB
Me too. Actually, I’m due for a tetanus shot booster, but my boys are all up to date, and were vaccinated on schedule. They are all very healthy without any allergies. I consider vaccinating my kids a public health issue, and a way to help take care of those children who aren’t as healthy as mine and/or who can’t be vaccinated due to other medical issues, such as allergies.
Merabella
This x 1,000,000. So many terrible diseases have been eradicated through vaccinations, like small pox, that I believe it is imperative to get them/keep up to date.
Signy Mallory
+1
rosie
I try to keep up with my vaccinations. I need to look into getting the whooping cough booster. I know I’m UTD on tetanus because I looked into it when I cut myself on a rusty street sign. I don’t have kids, but if/when I do, my SO and I are in agreement about getting them vaccinated.
Violet's Fan
My daughter caught pertussis (whooping cough) just before her first birthday. She had all of her regularly scheduled vaccinations, including two that included the pertussis vaccine, but she wasn’t fully protected yet because you need all three shots for that.
She ended up being okay, but it was extremely scary, and if she had been a little younger or weaker, she would have been even more seriously ill and could have died. Pertussis is extremely contagious, so she could have gotten it anywhere – the park, the grocery store, etc. But the health department people told me that often it’s an adult relative who passes it along.
Since then I’ve learned that the pertussis vaccine wears off, and adults – especially those who have contact with babies or children who have not yet been vaccinated – need boosters. The “P” in DTAP stands for pertussis, but it’s my understanding that sometimes you can get a tentanus shot without the “P.”
After my daughter’s experience, I’ve been really proactive about telling others, especially other parents and caregivers about the booster. So here’s a little PSA: please get vaccinated because even though you may recover from an otherwise preventable illness (and you may not even know you have it!), someone else’s child may not.
LLM in BsAs
[regular reader, generally lurker, sometime commenter].
Just a quick note regarding the tetanus booster, it is in fact recommended for pregnancy (I think it is related to possible delivery complications or in cases of c-sections). I have a 6-month old and my OB actually prescribed a TDAP vaccine for me this time, which is administered after the 20th week (it covers diptheria, tetanus and pertussis).
But I am also totally pro-vaccine for me and my kids, so I’m probably biased.
anon
Same here – we vaccinate kids on the AAP schedule, and I get whatever vaccinations my doctors, including my OB, tell me to get. This year, that includes a flu vaccine and a whooping cough booster (especially important in California, where there are very high whooping cough rates.) I think that vaccinations are essential to public health and to my own health and the evidence supports me. There’s also virtually no credible scientific basis for the argument that vaccines cause autism. Vaccinate away!
anon
Same here – we vaccinate kids on the AAP schedule, and I get whatever vaccinations my doctors, including my OB, tell me to get. This year, that includes a flu vaccine and a whooping cough booster (especially important in California, where there are very high whooping cough rates.) I think that vaccinations are essential to public health and to my own health and the evidence supports me. There’s also virtually no credible scientific basis for the argument that vaccines cause autism. Vaccinate away!
orangecrush
Awesome; thanks everyone. For some reason, my parents failed to immunize me (grew up in the fly over states) and now I’m an adult, married, talking about having children and realizing that I need to make sure I have all my vaccinations before I have kids (who might have adverse reactions, which we would be able to prevent if I get my vaccinations, or so says my PCP). So far, it looks like I need MMR, TDAP, Varicella, and HPV (though since I’m married, not sure how necessary this is).
k-padi
Yes, I stay up to date–especially on the TDAP because I’m a scuba diver and shipwrecks have lots of rusty edges.
I don’t get the flu shot because I’m allergic to some of the antibiotics they’ve used in the past few years to keep bacteria out of the vaccination solution. Before they were using those antibiotics and I was diligently getting the flu shot, I would always get the worst cold ever in February or March. I know correlation is not causation and colds are not caused by the flu virus but I wasn’t horribly disappointed when Walgreens said I couldn’t get the flu shot.
anon
for all the other women out there who (like me) felt bad about their (non) workout schedules after the r e t t e postings:
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/02/13/why-four-workouts-a-week-may-be-better-than-six/?hp
we’re okay!
long time lurker
Yay! Thanks for posting.
KinCA
Best news I’ve seen so far today!
Philly
Any recommendations on a good dermatologist that takes independence blue cross? Center City area preferred. Thanks~
LilyB
not sure if he takes independence blue cross, but he does take blue cross blue shield (fed employee program)- Dr. Ari Gutman, at 8th and Pine, very good.
Philly
Thanks!
New Bride
I recently got engaged.
I worry about my engagement ring when I… ahem… use toilet paper. I worry my ring will fall off my finger and into the toilet.
I sometimes take it off and set it on the toilet paper holder, but I forgot it once and panicked until I found it.
My ring also has a pretty intricate design, so I take it off to wash my hands, because otherwise soap gets into its design. I also worry about leaving it on the counter.
Any suggestions? Am I the only person that worries about this?
orangecrush
You can get it sized to be tighter on your finger? When you get married, you can wear your wedding ring on the outside to hold the engagement ring in? I used to worry but now mine is properly sized and while it can wiggle between my knuckles, it can’t go over my knuckle without really being pulled.
New Bride
Maybe my fingers are between sizes or something. I have never been comfortable with rings, so we got the size big enough so I feel comfortable that it won’t get stuck on my finger. But now I worry that it will fall off. So who knows what the answer is.
I expect that my wedding band will be the same size. Right?
orangecrush
You should be able to get sized down to a quarter-size, and if it’s still not quite right, they can do “a hair larger” or “a hair smaller” than any quarter size.
New Bride
Awesome, thank you!
js
Yes, my jeweler sized my ring as a “5+” which meant size 5 plus a teensy bit.
NOLA
Buy yourself a Waterford ring holder to hold your rings when you’re in the bathroom. At work, I often take my rings off and leave them at my desk before going to the ladies room.
js
First, CONGRATS.
Second, I think it is normal to be paranoid about that blingy thing on your finger. I know I was. If it is so big that it’s flopping around on your finger, get it resized. (I know – that means you have to take it off for a while!) If it fits correctly, I wouldn’t worry about it. Your ring will get surprisingly dirty even if you take it off for washing, lotion, etc. I would leave it on when you wash your hands and let warm water run over the ring for a few seconds to make sure the soap gets out. Every so often, I would take a very soft bristled toothbrush and very gently clean out the ring. A jeweler is better for cleaning but is obviously more of a pain. Eventually you will be less paranoid about it. Congrats again!
Anastasia
Congrats on your engagement!
Do most people take off their rings to wash hands? I remember I did this when I first got engaged, because the soap film DID make my ring less shiny… but I stopped that somewhere along the way. I figure it’s way more likely I will accidentally leave my ring somewhere or have it fall down a drain than I will be severely bothered by it not optimally sparkling at all times. I clean it every month or so (I used to do that more often, too) and have the jewelery store clean it if I’m not in a hurry at the mall, but I only take it off if I’m putting on a bunch of body lotion.
Also, if you live somewhere with big seasonal temperature changes, you might want to hold off on resizing unless your ring is a lot too big. Mine are a little loose right now, but if I sized down I’d probably have to take them of in August.
Pest
I take my rings off before using the restroom and before washing my hands. Get in the habit of putting them in your pocket when you take them off in places other than your home. That way if you forget to put them back on, you don’t go running back to the ladies’ room or worry that they were stolen. If you are worried that the ring will fall off, you should go to a good jeweler to see if it needs to be re-sized.
OpposingCounsel
Anybody out there in the Wilmington, DE area? Just curious!
SmlMktClerk
I am clerking for a judge in a small market, and have been exploring post-clerkship employment opportunities for about five months. I am interested in estate planning and administration, and have reached out to a number of local attorneys who practice in this area. In October, I had lunch with the managing partner of a small law firm in town, and we’ve developed a good rapport. He is the firm’s sole estate planner, and by all indications, his business is prosperous. There are two associates in the firm right now, both of which handle litigation. I have since had lunch with the associates, and have expressed interest in a position with his firm should one become available in September.
How would you continue to cultivate this relationship without seeming overeager, or even worst, pushy? I ran into him a few weeks ago, and he mentioned that we should have lunch again. Should I take him up on this offer to reiterate my interest?
Wannabe Runner
Yes. You should continue to have lunch. Also go to events where these people will be – CLEs in Estate Planning, Estate Planning Section meetings, Bar events, etc. Our bar association sponsors receptions for local judges getting sworn in or retiring. Go to those things and make a point to say hi to these people. Make sure to tell them how much you’d really like to work for their firm or in their field.
This is called networking.