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Updated: May 12, 2021 300 Comments · by

Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Eliza Long-Sleeve V-Neck Midi Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS) | · ·

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This dress from Leota has long sleeves, stretchy fabric, and pockets! A perfect option for easing back into business casual. I love having dresses like this one on hand for days when putting together an entire outfit just feels like too much.

I would throw this on with some simple gold jewelry and comfy flats (I’m going on a full year of no heels — why break the streak?) and feel fabulous without putting too much thought into it.

The dress is $158 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes XS–XL and 1X–3X. It’s also available in a black-and-white floral print.

Sales of note for 9.30.24

Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Anon

    Did you cut your own hair during the pandemic? How did it go?

    I have another month until I’m fully vaccinated, but my hair looks terrible. The ends are so dry and straggly that I’m starting to feel a little embarrassed on Zoom calls. I’m considering giving myself a trim with the hair-cutting scissors I bought early in the pandemic but haven’t had the guts to use so far. I wear a blunt lob (currently a few inches longer than a lob) without bangs. At this point, I figure worst-case scenario it ends up a little uneven and my stylist can fix it in 4-6 weeks…right?

    • Cb

      I just freestyle it but my friend uses these clips that help her get an even cut. I think they were one of the Shark Tank products.

    • Anon

      I cut it myself and it did not go well. I used the unicorn method on YT and it was an uneven mess, though I was careful about following directions.

      Weirdly, I went to get it fixed after getting vaccinated, and the stylist did literally the 180-degree opposite of what I asked. I didn’t even know that was possible! I wear my waves in a long V-shaped cut, and she cut it so the front is longest and the back is shortest, like if a graduated bob was four inches longer. I can’t wait until it grows enough to get it fixed yet again, but by someone else.

    • Cat

      I would just wait it out honestly given you made it this long – make your appointment two weeks to the day after your second shot. In the meantime, have no shame in liberal use of headbands or neat ponytails.

    • Anon

      I did and have a similar hair length. It was my first time cutting it. I watched a few youtube videos and then went for it. Divided into three ponytails (each side and the back). Had to have my spouse handle the back. Then I tried to even it out. I left it long enough to pull into a ponytail if it went terribly wrong. I didn’t think it looked amazing but it felt much better. I have straight thin hair, so nothing complicated.

      I just had it cut at a salon for the first time after being vaccinated. The stylist said it was a little crooked in the back but not bad.

      • anon a mouse

        I have not, but a friend swears by the Unicorn Method (similar to the three ponytails I think) and her hair looks totally fine.

        • MagicUnicorn

          I gave my pixie a few anti-mullet trims last summer with the help of some YouTube videos and my husband’s clippers. Last fall I decided to let the pixie grow out, heard about the Unicorn Method here, looked it up and gave it a try. I am rather impressed with how it worked. Currently rocking a just-above the shoulder length. My hair is very curly so any uneven spots are pretty hard to spot, but even when it is wet and straight, everything is pretty even.

    • Anonymous

      Just wait it out. Everyone severely overestimates how much people can see details of their grooming on zoom. You don’t want to spike the ball on the 5 yard line with your vaccination.

    • Anon

      I just don’t even get this, go get a haircut. Wear a mask, you’re half vaccinated already. I went the whole time it was allowed and no Covid. Many personal services were the first to be vaccinated too, so your risk is low.

      • Anon

        I agree, but if she hasn’t been doing it this long, it makes sense to wait until she’s fully vaccinated. I’m one of the last of my friends to get vaccinated (due to eligibility) and I’m getting a lot of pressure to start going out w/ them. I’ve told them I’ve made it over a year and a month. I can make it three more weeks.

        • Anon

          I agree with you. You have made the decisions that are right for you without yielding to those who have other standards. Why change now when you are so close? Also, even when you are fully vaccinated, there will be decisions that you need to make, and relying on your inner compass as informed by science will still be important.

    • X

      I did and it went well. I watched several YouTube videos first. Last week, I got my first actual haircut by a pro in 15 months. She commented that it was fairly even. She also noted that it was likely because I am really good at following instructions and not panicking. So might depend a bit on your personality and ability to just accept how it turns out.

    • Anonymous

      If you’ve held out this long, I’d wait until you can see your stylist. If you absolutely must do something now, just “dust” the ends to remove the damaged parts without a big risk of an uneven result. You can search for tutorials on the web.

    • Anon

      Please just wait. If you’ve been looking scraggly this long it’s not going to make a difference. Don’t screw up and leave even less hair for your stylist to work with. If it’s in a bob with no bangs, slick it back a la Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies with some gel (Gorilla Snot and Ecostyler will have it in place until you wash it out), put on one of those trendy chunky but conservative headbands and call it a day.

    • Anonymous

      I trimmed the front and my husband trimmed the back of mine and it looks fine. I ordered actual hair stylist scissors (super sharp) on Amazon and I think it really helped. I just wet my hair and used a couple of fingers from the bottom as a guide. If you’re not up for it, the other thing that has gotten me through is styling more. (I’m vaccinated and finally getting my first real cut tonight.) The past month or so I’ve been taking a curling iron and creating curls away from my face with the bottom part of the hair. Some days I wear it up. Styling product is also your friend. I’ve been using a lot of serum on the bottom, which helps smooth things out a lot, too.

    • Sloan Sabbith

      Cut my own bangs twice. Once went fine. Once I looked like Spock, but worse. By the time I got my hair cut it looked like crap but I’m glad I just stuck it out.

    • Anon

      Yes I cut my own hair, and my family’s. I find layered cuts a lot easier and more forgiving than my blunt cut bob but if you take your time you can do it. I needed a little help with the back of my head the second time but it was honestly just perfectionism and would have been fine without it.

      Now, in the category of what did I get myself into, my family wants me to cut their hair going forward to save money.

    • Bonnie Kate

      I did a home haircut, but got my husband to actually make the chop – I got it in my head that my long hair needed to get cut short RIGHT NOW at the beginning of the year, and so got him to cut off about 5 inches. I just put it in a low ponytail and he chopped the bottom off and it turned out surprisingly well – although MUCH shorter than I was anticipating. That said, I needed the change and don’t regret doing it at all.

    • Anon

      I did and I’m glad I did it. Search on youtube “Brad Mondo Hairdressers Guide to Cutting Your Own Hair”. I’m really bad at anything hair related and was able to follow this tutorial. It honestly looked pretty good, especially compared to the scraggly mess that preceded it.

    • Anon

      I’ve cut my own hair, and my family’s, through the pandemic. It’s fine—the worst that can happen is that it doesn’t look great. But, scraggly hair doesn’t look great, so you’re no worse off.

      The most important thing is to remember that you can pick up the scissors again another day. Better to cut a little too little and go back to fix another day, then get obsessed with perfection and cut too much. I’ve found that when I make a mistake, the haircut looks much better in about two weeks.

    • bellatrix

      I gave myself a few trims, using (I think) the unicorn method. It was fine, but I haven’t been very picky about how my hair looks this year, so take me with a grain of salt. I have what I think is a lob, shoulder-ish length. The ends have seemed to get dry really fast lately, and I wonder if that’s because I wasn’t using good-quality scissors. But if you’re going to see your regular stylist soon anyway, you have some time before dryness sets in.

  2. An Old?

    I think this makes me An Old (which I’m not really… I’m just 36!)…. but I just. Do. Not. Understand. Fashion. Today.

    I want a simple maxi dress for a summer vacay. Everything looks like I should be milking a cow on little house on the prairie or pairing it with my mini backpack and choker necklace from middle school (“…well that’s because you don’t have a Prada backpack.”).

    Where are you ladies shopping? I used to have luck at BR and Loft for my non-preppy attire, but even Jcrew is transitioning over to this style. I have big hips, size 14 on bottom.

  3. Ribena

    I’m looking forward to being able to swim again for the first time in over a year, firstly as the sea warms up and then when I get vaccinated. I’ve been looking for a new swimsuit and as I have a very long torso have found Land’s End as one of the few places that make one piece swimsuits with extra length.
    Have any of you tried them/ found any other options?

    • Cat

      This is the bane of my existence and I am perpetually on the hunt for cute tankinis instead. (I prefer more coverage and high-waisted bikini styles are a no for me.) Boden has some nice options this year in both tankinis & long torso one-pieces.

      If strapless styles work for you and JCrew ships to you, the strapless ruched one-piece comes in a long torso option, and is super flattering.

      • Cat

        Oh and I do have some Lands End suits and they are good quality and fit is fine and all, but they… aren’t the ones I pack for a romantic trip. They’re more the “suitable workhorse that’s appropriate for beach trips with my in-laws” types.

        • Ribena

          That’s fine, I’m looking for workhorse ‘wear to the swimming pool where I will probably bump into colleagues’ suits. I have a Boden tankini/bikini (I bought both tops) that I love but inot for swimming lengths.

    • Anonymous

      I do not have a long torso, but FWIW, I’ve heard others give approval to Boden and Summersalt suits. I believe both have specific long torso options.

      • Anon

        IDK why Summersalt is such the social media darling. Unlined tanks smush my girls so much they disappear. I’m convinced that this type of suit works for people with implants or who have zero support issues, but OMG they so do not work for me (or any unlined suit). I really wanted to love them — their suits are really cute on other people.

    • Anonymous

      IDK why Summersalt is such the social media darling. Unlined tanks smush my girls so much they disappear. I’m convinced that this type of suit works for people with implants or who have zero support issues, but OMG they so do not work for me (or any unlined suit). I really wanted to love them — their suits are really cute on other people.

    • Anon

      I am stumpy of torso and my sister is built like a human Corgi and we both swear by LE suits (petite for me and long torso for her). I buy tankini pieces and she likes tanks. They wear like iron.

      I like the swim skort for this year where I will be doing some adult lifeguard training work (so more on land but will need to go in water periodically) and SUP training at a summer camp. I fear the sun more than bad fashion, but only slightly so. I love their rashguards / sun shirts.

    • asdf

      Fellow long-torso here! I just traded in my LE tankini for athleta, which is both cute and functional. I’ve been in the water 3-4 times so far with it.

    • Anonymous Canadian

      I used to love Land’s End and just find them not as appealing now. I bought a long torso Andie Sardinia swimsuit after them popping up in my social media feeds. Honestly I was prepared to throw away my hundred bucks just to see if I could get a cute one that actually fit. Surprise – it is really cute, and truly long torso! They have a few one-piece options. Shipping and returns to USA look pretty good. I can recommend!

  4. Mat Leave Responsibility

    Yesterday’s question about requesting vacation leave right after coming back from maternity leave (which, for the record, I think is a bad idea for that individual) and last week’s question about taking 6 months maternity leave when there are office politics that might make it difficult for the individual poster have made me think more about why women seem to bear the responsibility of other women’s choices and whether we should be making choices that are worse personally in an attempt to make things better for other women. It’s sort of like how one “bad” minority actor seems representative of an entire population but white men are just allowed to be bad as individuals and it doesn’t get imputed to the entire group.

    What do you all think? I personally struggle with this – I want to be an example for other women who follow and make their path easier than mine has been, but I also don’t think I should always sacrifice my own needs or hinder my own achievement for the abstraction that it may benefit other women in the future when men don’t have to do the same. I feel like it furthers the narrative that women have to look out not just for themselves but for all other women but for men it’s totally okay for them to act wholly in their own self-interest.

    • Anon

      In my previous company, they instituted 10 weeks of paternity leave and no man had any qualms about taking it. In 2 years supervising, 2 men got this benefit, one at an extremely inconvenient time (in addition to him taking additional approved study leave). I am shaking my head that women get a bad rap. Don’t get me wrong, I actually think the paternity leave levels the field a little in the sense that men who might procreate are viewed as liabilities the same way women in their childbearing years are.

      • A.

        Yeah my husband’s company offers 6 weeks of paternity leave at full pay and while he wanted to take it, he was nervous the first time. We had the conversation about how him taking it normalizes paternity leave for the dudes who come behind him, and lo and behold he took it with each of our three kids at times that were of varying convenience to his employer. Now, for each kid he took it differently (broke it up into chunks with our first, took it in larger chunks with our second, and took 6 weeks straight with our third), but I also think that was good. It’s legitimized his support of his subordinates when they take maternity/paternity leave and hasn’t negatively impacted his career one iota. I do think this is different than how women are viewed but also believe it helps level the playing field.

        • Anonymous

          Same here. DH is in a leadership role and I pushed him to take it so others would feel comfortable. He was really the only option to be an example because the rest of the leadership team (male and female) is extremely unlikely to have babies (age).

      • Anonymous

        I have a friend who started a new job and one week later started his paid paternity leave. Then he did it again for baby number two less than two years later. This was in oil and gas too.

      • Equestrian Attorney

        While I don’t disagree that women are generally at a disadvantage, this can happen to guys too. A male colleague of mine took 6 weeks off for paternity at my previous firm. 3 weeks in, we landed a massive deal, and he was told in no uncertain terms he needed to drop this whole “paternity charade” and get his butt in a seat ASAP because none of the senior (male) partners took more than 48 hours off when their kids were born. Unsurprisingly, he quit not long after. And I’m in Canada where paternity leave is government mandated.

        • Anonymous

          This varies greatly by work place. Govt is more supportive. DH is federal govt and took a full year unpaid after each kid (age 1-2, I wasn’t going to give up my year). And in provincial govt – we’ve had a few of the younger male lawyers take a 3-4 weeks vacation when baby is born and 1-2 months when their wives have gone back to work at one year.

          • busybee

            Yeah my police officer husband gets six weeks paid paternity leave and can take six months unpaid. Everyone he works with takes their full six weeks and as much unpaid as they can afford. It’s considered extremely odd if they don’t take the six weeks

        • Anonymous

          I’m not sure this is representative of all Canada, maybe this is a difference between private and public sector because at Justice everyone takes their full mat/pat leave.

        • anonshmanon

          I don’t think this is responding to what the OP was pointing out. Your male colleague was facing tradeoffs between parental leave and career opportunities on an individual level. But did management draw broad generalizations about men in the workforce from the choices of this colleague?

          • Equestrian Attorney

            Fair point, although there was a lot of eye rolling about how “the younger men not being as ambitious/driven/whatever” as the real men of yore. But I 100% think it’s a lot worse for women. And to be clear, I don’t think this represents Canada in any way – I’m still in private practice in Canada but fortunately my current firm is way more family-friendly and something like that would never fly.

    • Anon

      I don’t disagree with your question and sometimes wonder about it myself being a woman in a very male-dominated field. However, to yesterday’s example, any new hire asking for a week off after being employed for less than two months is wildly inappropriate in many settings [I’m disregarding the gap caused by the mat leave].

      • No Face

        Agreed, taking a week off from work when you have a brand new job is just a bad idea.

        To the OP’s point, I completely agree that white guys get to be individual human beings and other people don’t. I find it so, so frustrating. The moment I became a mother, development opportunities shifted away from me. I had one partner say to my face, “We need someone from our office to go to this conference [with all the important partners from the firm]. Maybe we should send [young white guy who had been working there for two months].” When I said that I, a senior associate gunning for partner and bringing in more revenue than any other associate in the firm, should go instead the partner was shocked. Because I had a young child. And don’t even get me started on practicing law as a Black woman.

        I’ve also known many white guys who left firms for lifestyle reasons (to clerk, to work a government job, to leave the law altogether), and it was always treated as an individual choice. But partners would complain constantly about women leaving for the same reasons.

    • Anon

      i feel like you can sort of do a combo some of the time. the poster last week who was offered 6 months and one person’s response was that they only took a month…well that’s ridiculous and no one should take only a month if they are offered more. yesterday’s poster i think was in a trickier situation since they had only been at their job a month prior. if they had been at their job for like 5 years and had a well established reputation, it would be a know your company, but i think a lot of bosses would be ok with someone taking a week off. i mean, things happen, your baby could get sick for a week. also, everyone’s postpartum experience is so different, which is not talked about enough. some women might need to go back to work sooner for financial reasons, or for their mental health. i also have recently seen lots of linkedin posts from men talking about their paternity leave, which i think is great. everyone i personally know, both men and women, have taken all of the leave offered to them.

    • Anon

      And the flip side is that if you’ve hung in there was a working mom and you want to go PT, you are “letting women down” by not being in a notable leadership role. When do I just get to live my life and not have to carry the burden of the hopes / dreams of others??? When am I just me and not “an example to others”?

    • Anonymous

      Yes, misogyny and sexism are so ingrained in our society that we don’t even notice it or call it out. It sucks and it’s overwhelming.

    • Anon

      Some background – I’ve hit the highest level you can hit in my profession. I’m the top woman exec in my company.

      Leadership requires leading by example. It DOES require you to sacrifice your own needs (within reasonable limits) to benefit others. We have an abundance of self-interested leaders; we don’t need more. If you are lucky enough to get 6 months – take it! Show people that you don’t have to be drones to succeed. And besides…if you are fundamentally good at your job, people have extremely short memories. They WILL NOT remember the 6 months to take off with your baby (don’t we always say, time flies?!) but you will never, ever forget that time. Work is important but it’s not the most important.

    • Anon

      I started my job in 2018, got pregnant in 2019, and took maternity leave in 2020. IMHO, the best thing I can do for women is the best thing I can do for myself: take the leave and do a great job when I return. An American medical leave (12 weeks or fewer) is not actually that massive a price to pay for a good employee, especially when that leave was planned in advance.

    • Anon

      I guess the “sacrifice my own needs” phrase gives me pause – what needs are those? Honestly I’m of the mind that if you’re already out of office you may as well take the whole thing. You have needs on both sides of the coin.

    • Anon

      So I made the comment about way to live up to the stereotype yesterday, which I know rubbed people the wrong way. I’m referring specially to the poster who worked a month in a new job, took a full maternity leave, then asked us if she could take a week of vacation shortly after returning from maternity leave.

      I have been in those rooms were 8 male executives and I were arguing about who got laid off or who got promoted and believe me, some of those men were GUNNING for women of childbearing age to either be let go or to not get promoted. Most (not all!) of them were smart enough not to spell it out but it was obvious.

      Anyone who took the kind of leave yesterday’s OP was talking about would have been used as an example as to why we couldn’t rely on another woman who was pregnant or maybe two years out from having her first child. Again, these discussions were usually somewhat coded, words like “continuity” were used, but we all knew what they were talking about. I advocated as hard as I could but I was just one voice, and for this and a handful of reasons similar to this, I left.

      • anonshmanon

        Yes but that’s basically what today’s OP is criticizing. The problem exists right now, even though the parental leave available to the average employee is minimal. Whatever the woman chooses as an individual, she will be judged by the worst stereotype of a woman leaning out.
        With your male exec colleagues, there is no way to win if you are not male and white, no matter how great of a job you do. If they were that worried about continuity, maybe they should think more about long unplanned absences of the demographic that tends to get heart attacks.
        So why do we tell each other to limit our choices so as not to represent our entire group in a bad light? Why isn’t it enough to tell yesterday’s OP that this will impact her career negatively and leave it there? I get that this blanket judgement is on your mind because you are in the room where it happens, but it sounds a lot like you have internalized this as your own view.

      • Anon

        But even in the example of the women who wanted a vacation shortly after maternity leave – why was everybody so mad at her? We are trained to be so subservient and obedient to our employers in this country, that we actually get irritated when people want to break the mold. So she wanted to take a vacation sooner rather than later? So what? We are all defending and upholding an oppressive system.

        • Anon

          I mean, do you want to be theoretical or talk reality? Because even if you’re right theoretically, in reality OP on that post would be making a career limiting move at best, asking for a pink slip at worst. YES the system is oppressive in some ways but one woman getting herself fired is not going to make it less oppressive.

          • Anon

            Well, the commenters could have said – yeah, it’s going to hurt your career. Fair enough. But there was a really weird hostility to the comments. Like people were mad at her for considering it.

          • Anon

            I think they were mostly mad because it was so obviously a bad idea they were surprised she had to ask.

  5. Anon

    i’m very concerned about the implications of the results of the census data. i read in one article that if NY had 89 more people it wouldn’t have lost a seat. given how hard covid hit NY and how many people left NY (some temporarily, some permanently) over the past year, that seems like such a small number of people. hope they can get a lot done before 2022

    • Anon

      Nope — still way too many people are voting with their feet and leaving HCOL coastal cities / rust belt for the mountain west and south. Birthrates are very, very low. It’s been happening for decades and this really isn’t news. TX and FLA were in fact expecting more representatives than the latest census showed. SC didn’t get another rep and probably should have (and will in the next round).

      • Anonymous

        With this new information about low birth rates, the United States is either going to go for universal childcare and maternity leave or Handmaid’s Tale and I honestly don’t know which. I do not believe that the gains that women have made are permanent or that they cannot backslide.

        • Anon

          I think we either become like Japan, an aging country with no way out. Or we recognize that we need more immigrants. The NE / rush belt will likely continue to decline when young people move away and the people left don’t have babies or are too old. Who will be there to work in a nursing home in rural Ohio or Maine or central Pennsylvania? Or will they just have to follow their children to Arizona and Texas and the Carolinas?

        • Anon

          I hold out hope that COVID will increase birth rates in the long term. This is not because “heh heh, snicker snicker, people in lockdowns are going to garden constantly out of boredom.” (The lockdowns caused a baby bust in most parts of the country.) Rather, the larger forces that drive families to have fewer kids than they want will be alleviated by the move away from HCOL cities and the move towards permanent remote work for those who want it. Your money goes a lot further in Florida or Tennessee than in NYC, allowing you to get a bigger house, save more money, and buy a bigger car when you can’t fit three car seats across in the sedan. Full time remote work makes mornings less stressful, **once your kids are able to go to school or daycare safely.**

          It’s remarkable how much birthrates vary across states. They aren’t great anywhere, except maybe Utah; however, the fertility rate in Texas is 25% higher than in Massachusetts. Some of that is cultural; some of that is the general affordability of middle-class life.

          • Anon

            In my MCOL city, people often have 3 kids (usually 2, but I’d say 1/4-1/3 of people have at least 3). In my HCOL prior city, you rarely saw even 2 kids per family.

          • Anonymous

            We do not need more people. This infinite population growth is just not sustainable

          • Anon

            Anonymous at 11:42, we are actually on track for a population decline. Population growth is coming in the form of longevity and immigration, not births. We do in fact need more births, at least if you want Social Security to be around and not have massive societal instability in your twilight years.

          • Anonymous

            Population decline is a good thing! If we continue at the rate were going we will have incredible wealth disparities and climate change refugees. The system needs to be fixed so it’s not reliant upon more and more people to fund those who came before them.

          • Anon

            If population decline is bad for our economy, then our economy is bad and must change. Population growth is bad for resources and the environment.

          • Anon

            It’s easy to say that “the system needs to change.” However, unless you want people literally starving to death in their old age, we need population growth to fund the promises we’ve already made. If you have better ideas, ones that actually will work, put them forth. Otherwise, you’re being obtuse and dumb.

    • Anon

      The concern should really be about the coming caregiving crisis that is laid bare by the Census data, and how that will decimate women’s choices. The pandemic hurt women for sure, but aging demographics are going to crush younger millennials and Gen Z women. Even if their partners are pulling more weight, it can’t make up for an only child having to care for 2-4 parents (with step families) as well as their children.

    • Anon

      I read that Minnesota beat NY out for the 89 person to keep their last seat due to high census turn out. While the exodus and deaths didn’t help NY, lower census completion rates were likely the direct driver of the 89 person difference.

      • Betsy

        Some of my ultra liberal friends refused to complete the Census for reasons that I wasn’t entirely clear about. Solidarity with undocumented people, or fear the government was using the data to track them? Frankly it felt like they had fallen into an internet conspiracy theory about it. I didn’t manage to have productive conversations with them about it, and I am resisting the temptation to tag them in articles about the 89 person difference.

        • AIMS

          What about the fact that the Trump administration actively sought to undermine the census count, esp. in cities that naturally may skew liberal?
          I probably personally know 89 people in NYC that didn’t fill out their census. Some I’m sure were misguided and some just uninformed about why it matters. There no shortage of idiots anywhere. But this is why elections matter. And now we have to deal with the consequences another 10 years.

          News of NY’s demise are greatly exaggerated, to paraphrase Mark Twain, though. Even if we do lose funding and representation.

  6. Business Analytics

    Is any ‘rette in business analytics and would be willing to share their path and experience with the field? I’m interested in an MBA program with a business analytics focus – I am mathematically inclined but have no tech background. A few people have suggested it might be a good fit, and I would love to learn about what to expect in the field, the highs, the lows, what qualities you see as critical for a successful career in the field.

    • Anon

      I’m adjacent to this field. I would start by thinking about what exactly you want to do, not just in your first analytics job but 3-5 years down the line. If you’re interested in staying in the analytics space, you should look at non-MBA programs focused on analytics, data science, or statistics. You might be able to find more 1-year or part-time programs in the non-MBA route. There are some post-MBA opportunities in analytics, but many fewer than than there are for other functions and most post-MBA roles in this space are structured so that you quickly move away from being hands-on with the data and into people management. Think about if that’s actually where you want to go before you spend the cash!

      Otoh, if you’re really interested in moving into tech in any business function, an MBA is a reasonably common way to do that.

    • Anonymous

      I work in the field. Happy to chat if you want: analyticsrette at gmail

    • Anonymous

      I am fed finance, and we certainly do a lot of analytics. Best to learn Tableau AND Power BI. But what I would suggest to you as food for thought… what part of the “business” do you want to analyze? Is it just financial numbers? That would work with an MBA. But if you want to do “big data” for a *particular field*, that usually requires a PhD. We ONLY hire PhDs for that level of analysis/data consumption. So it really comes down to figuring out where you live (in your mind/are willing to learn long-term) within the business stratosphere. Finance? Logistics? Sales? Inventory? Maintenance? etc.

      • Anonymous

        Also – you should be HEAVY on statistics/math/finance no matter what specialization you choose. From someone that has taken statistics in undergrad/grad – that’s a gift that keeps on giving if you can do it and excel.

  7. Joanie Fund

    Thank you to the two commenters who mentioned the Joanie Fund on yesterday’s post re: Mother’s Day gifts. I hadn’t heard of it, but was so moved by the concept: donations fund Mother’s Day parties at domestic violence shelters, including craft kits so kids who live there with their moms can make paper flowers to give them for the holiday. What a wonderful idea. I was delighted to contribute in honor of my mom and sister. Thanks to those who suggested!

  8. Cash

    Does anyone do the cash envelop method to budget your spending? Let me know the pros and cons.

  9. BWE

    My firm has begun to implement ‘goal setting’ into our annual review process. I am fairly early in my career and have never had to tackle this before. I need to come up with 3 goals for the year and I am …..struggling. I’m not sure if it’s because of my innate fear of failure or the fact that last year was such a mess I’m afraid to make goals to jinx 2021. Ugh, anxiety is fun.

    Any advice on goal setting? For the managers here – what are you looking to see in these types of processes?

    • Anon

      I try to find a way to get my company to pay for something I want. Like setting a goal of achieving X certification, so the company has to buy the study books and the test sitting fees.

      Program you want to learn or improve on? Ask for a training course. Etc.

    • No Problem

      Have you talked to your manager about the steps you need to take to get your next promotion, or get to the next phase in your role? Those should be reflected in your goals. If you’re fairly junior, those often look like being able to work independently, taking on larger roles on new or ongoing projects and delegating your work to someone even more junior, and doing a good job on your work. Specific things might be leading a task, authoring a report or chapter, leading the data collection or analysis for a project, directing or reviewing the work of others if there is someone more junior, submitting work that requires minimal rework by your manager or project lead, contributing to a proposal(s), etc. A goal related to learning something new and becoming the go-to person for that sort of task could also be appropriate. If your manager also has goals, find out how your work contributes to those goals and work it into your goals.

      Bottom line, you should have something to propose but your manager should also be providing some input or even examples that line up with what their goals are for the year.

      • Anon

        Yep, this should be a collaborative process between you and your manager, especially for your first couple of reviews. The types of goals your organization and manager expect can vary from company to company, but mine often fall into the following buckets: 1) Complete anticipated client projects, generate high-quality client deliverables, etc., 2) Contribute to the company via business development, serving on a committee, 3) Some type of professional development activity dedicated to learning a new skill, process, or content area. (Obviously, I add more detail, but these are the general categories.)

      • Anon

        +1

        I just did exactly this with my manager. My goals aligned with my manager’s. It made the process much easier.

    • EB

      When I was earlier in my career, one of my goals was always just a skill I wanted to get better at. “I want to be better at presentations” or “drafting ___.” Looking back over the year, I always felt like I really did accomplish that goal, because it was something I really did need to work on, and did work on. A lot happens in a year – you’ll be able to point to tangible improvement. And you can quantify it too, like maybe the goal is to “give 8 presentations over the year” and if you actually give 8 presentations, you’re probably going to improve at it.

    • Anon

      Is this a law firm? If you are junior enough your goals could be things like take a deposition, handle a mediation, argue a motion I drafted…

    • Jeffiner

      What are you company’s goals for 2021? Win new clients? Expand to new markets? Start with that, and then relate your job to the company’s goals – Maybe your goal is to research the new market or prepare presentations to engage with new customers.

      Don’t put specific metrics like “write 10 papers” because things change so much in a year. Keep metrics vague like “produce papers in a timely manner to support xxxx.”

      Being early in your career, learning new skills and growing within the company are easy goals to have. My company especially loves goals about communicating and engaging with coworkers.

  10. Anonymous

    I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 6 months. No long term conversations yet but that’s my hope. We’ve been very locked down together but are finally fully vaxxed and able to start seeing our friends again. A few weeks ago I invited him to my best friend’s wedding this summer and he accepted/seemed happy to be asked.
    Today he forwarded me an invitation to a glamorous birthday weekend his friend is having in the Caribbean on the same date, saying “we can’t make it because we have the wedding, but I wanted to share so you know you were invited.”

    Of course I would never skip my best friend’s wedding, nor was he implying I should…but I started feeling guilty, like I’m the thing keeping him from this super fun weekend (which honestly my bff’s tiny covid-era wedding will likely not be). It would be weird to tell him he can go to his friend’s weekend without me if he wants to, right? If he asked I wouldn’t try to stop him, but I’d be sad not to have him at the wedding with me, and it certainly wouldn’t make me feel good about him as a long term partner…

    • Cat

      what? He sounds like he handled this perfectly. He thought you’d be happy to know you were also included (like hey look, evidence my friends like you and would want us both included in the fun!) but proactively reassured you he wasn’t looking to bail on your plans.

      • No Face

        Agreed. It sounds like he has communicated enough about you and your relationship to his friends that you were invited to a glamorous destination friendship trip.

        Just let good things be good. Enjoy the wedding and your growing relationship.

    • Anon

      I think this is very individual/couple specific, but don’t set up a trap for him. If him going to the birthday party would make you question him as a long term partner, then please do both of you a favor and do not propose this idea. If he really wanted to do this he would bring it up himself, and you would go from there.

    • anomanomanom

      I’m sure everyone will have different opinions, but in your situation I would offer him that if he wanted to attend his friends weekend, that I would totally understand and be supportive. I think the fact he didn’t ask you or whine about having to go to the wedding instead is a good sign for the future.

      • anon

        +1. Honestly, I don’t understand why you’d question his potential as a long-term partner because he wanted to attend his friend’s wedding. I’m not saying you have to do that–but I think it’d be a generous of you to let him choose without holding it against him. Sometimes couples have scheduling conflicts, especially during those years when everyone you know is getting married.

        • Anonymous

          Maybe I’m overreacting in questioning his longterm potential if he preferred to go to the birthday weekend. But, like, my best friend really wants to meet him and to my thinking it would be sad to have to tell her, oh, he can’t come anymore because he wants to go to the beach with his buddies.

          • anon@11:09

            That makes sense. Sounds like he’s handling it perfectly, then, and there’s no reason for you to feel guilty. Couples have scheduling conflicts all the time, especially during the years of weddings (plus showers and bachelor/ette parties). Sometimes you both choose one to go to together, sometimes you divide and conquer.

    • Flats Only

      Many Caribbean locations are still a gamble as to whether they’ll be open. Mexico and the DR will be open, but other islands are not guaranteed. Anguilla just announced their opening, and then closed back up after 3 days when they suddenly had cases on the island. So the glam Caribbean birthday may turn out to be a bust, with wasted airfare and hotel charges. If it was me, even with no conflict for the date I would be wary of booking something that might not work out unless I could get my money back. Unless of course the host is private-jetting everyone to a private island and all this is moot.

      • Anonymous

        Thanks, that is probably a good description for my feeling weird about this!

      • Anonymous

        This. He saw the wedding invite as you telling him that you view things seriously. He is telling you that his friends take things seriously because they assumed you were a couple and that he is prioritizing your relationship by going with wedding over birthday.

    • Anon

      I think he handled this perfectly, so then you need to recognize that this is just being in a relationship, especially early on – two people with different lives and circles that sometime have conflicting events and scheduling. Sometimes you and other pick one, other times you divide and conquer.

    • Marie

      Agree with others that he handled this exactly right and unless you would be sincere in a suggestion that he attend his friend’s weekend himself while you attend your BFF’s wedding, don’t make an offer you would ultimately hold against him if he accepted. I personally wouldn’t have an issue with separate plans under the circumstances you describe, but it sounds like you would, so don’t raise an issue that would create a problem when there currently is not one.

    • Anon

      I think take him at his word. He’s not even considering going but wanted you to know you were invited (meaning, people see you as a couple.)

  11. Anon

    Writing a job description for my first department hire- and I really want to write…Your boss won’t be mean, toxic or manipulative.If you put in a good effort for 40 hours a week and everyone will be nice to you. Won’t bother you on vacation or weekends unless it’s serious.

    I can’t write this, but wouldn’t you find this appealing?! I’ve had one too many toxic work places. Just cut to the chase and tell me whether the office is normal or not.

    • Anonymous

      I would write that the office is professional, collegial, and committed to work life balance. If you want to put it in that all-too-common faux-friendly bro-speak, “your colleagues are fun and respectful, but also respect your weekend.”

    • CHL

      Kinda weird — I think you address work life balance and expectations in the interview. you can maybe signal collaboration, collegial or similar.

      • Anon

        Yes of course – it all gets filtered through office speak. But for once, I’d love to just say what I mean.

    • MagicUnicorn

      If I were an applicant, seeing that in writing would make me very, very concerned that the exact opposite is true. This is something I would want to suss out as a candidate during interviews, but having it featured in the description would not be a comfort to me.

        • Cat

          yeah this is the job description equivalent of “I swear I’m a good guy!” Uh huh.

      • Lyssa

        Agreed, it has an air of protesting too much about it.

        It would certainly be fine to discuss in the interview (though I’d stay away from that specific phrasing – more like, “I think our work-life balance and office environment are pretty good. Here are some examples of why . . . “).

    • Anon

      Boss won’t be mean, toxic, or manipulative -> department is committed to integrity and professionalism
      If you put in a good effort… -> collegial atmosphere, focused on work product rather than face time.

    • EB

      That is not the purpose of a job description, unless you’re talking about a job posting? Then you could include something like this in a description of the workplace culture. But if you’re talking about a real job description, there’s no need for that language because the purpose of the document is to describe the essential functions, responsibilities, requirements, etc. of the position, not the company or its supervisors.

      • Anon

        Yes, job posting sorry. Remind me never to post lighthearted off the cuff comments on this board, lol. They never get received in the intended spirit.

        • CHL

          Oh! I totally did not get it! Yes, I would like to read this. Also, you won’t have to participate in mandatory “fun” and you can wear whatever you want on your feet!

        • Anonymous

          Right? I got so frustrated reading the responses you got. I understood, I promise not everyone missed your intent.

    • Sloan Sabbith

      This seems like it would come off as bro-speak “We are a family who work hard, play hard!” regardless of the intent.

    • AIMS

      It sounds like you’ve had a crappy boss/job before! I have too, so I would find it appealing.

    • anonshmanon

      I’d use this to reflect on people who have/haven’t succeeded in your environment and lay out in the job posting what interpersonal qualities you are looking for in the new hire.

  12. Anon

    The aggressively loud ads beside the comments that start suddenly these days really suck!

    • Equestrian Attorney

      +1. I used to scroll this site on boring calls I don’t really need to participate in but the sudden loud sound is really jarring and in the event I am not on mute, very awkward.

    • AnonATL

      You can permanently mute a site if you use Google chrome. I do it for this site and weather channel.

    • No Problem

      I muted the site in my browser. If you’re in Chrome, right click on the browser tab and select “mute site.” It will be muted in perpetuity until you unmute it. I have also done this on CNN, which also likes to autoplay videos that start with really loud ads with every article.

    • Is it Friday yet?

      Get an ad blocker for your browser – I use AdBlockPlus. No annoying ads or autoplay videos unless a site makes you disable it.

    • Anon

      I love when they start absolutely blasting and you go to click off the sound button and find it already clicked off. I vow to never ever ever buy from a brand who does this. Name them and shame them.

  13. Agurk

    Trying again since the rec I got last time was not taking new work… Does anyone have an interior designer to recommend in the Boston area? We just bought a Victorian and I need help modernizing/brightening it a little while still preserving the character of the house. Thank you!

    • Anon

      Depending on the look you’re going for and your budget, Kira David Design recently opened an office in Boston. Clean, classic and borderline preppy while keeping with the style of the house – I heard about her through the blogger Kelly in the City, so I’d say stalk her Insta to see if you like the style.

  14. Anon

    Warning- weight loss/gain discussion: We are having a garage sale soon and I decided to try on lots of work clothes while emptying my closet. Surprising no one except maybe me, the biggest weight gain was in my belly and thighs. My main workout has been walking so I hoped I was maintaining over the past year but I guess not. A lot of pants now fit like bellbottoms. Is this a lost cause and I should get rid of all pants and buy new or is there a targeted way to lose some of the pooch and thigh mass?

    • oil in houston

      abs, abs and more abs …. it will take a couple of months, but you should get your shape back

    • Anon

      The only thing that helps my belly fat is a high-protein diet and strength training.

      • Oh

        +1. bodyweight planks, bridges, squats, lunges, burpees + 30 minute walk + high protein high vegetable low (but not zero) carb filling meals.

    • Anon

      If you lose the weight you gained, you will probably lose it from where you gained it.

    • Anon

      You need strength training. If you find it difficult to lose weight or don’t want to lose weight, strength training is the only thing that will change your shape. Spot reducing fat on the body is nearly impossible so changing that fat to muscle might be your best bet. Start with weighted squats (like 5 or 10 lb hand weights on your shoulders), ab exercises, and simple arm exercises with those same dumbbells (ex. bicep curl, shoulder press, tricep pull back, lateral raise, etc.)

      • Anonymous

        Agree with the strength training suggestion. Focus on core.and posterior chain exercises and throw in some arm exercises for the quick results confidence boost. You should be looking to progress past 10 lbs pretty quickly, too, though starting there or at 5 is of course fine.

  15. anon

    Fellow women of color, I’m a medium brown skinned latina and I’m looking for something that will fade my dark spots. I’m currently using Sunday Riley’s retinol at night and vitamin C during the day but haven’t really seen much in improvement over the past 5 or so months I’ve been using both. I use them every day and they don’t have an irritating or drying effect, so maybe they just aren’t intensive enough? Do I need a prescription or can you recommend something OTC that’s worked for you?

    • Anon

      In my experience, there is nothing that can replace a prescription retinoid. Highly recommend seeing your dermatologist and getting a script.

    • Anon

      The dermatologist can prescribe 4% hydroquinine – just be careful with the sun

    • Anon

      Are you using sunscreen? Sun damage will pretty much reverse any positive effects from the retinol and vitamin C. My two other suggestions are – get a prescription retinol that is more concentrated from Curology or your regular doctor. If you have very dark spots or stubborn hyperpigmentation you might need a cream specifically for fading dark spots. Ambi fade cream and the Ambi face soap bar have always worked wonders on my skin (I’m brown similar to Halle Berry coloring).

      • anon

        Putting in a rec for Ambi fade cream. It has a not entirely pleasant smell, but that as a spot treatment + hyper skin vitamin c serum and regular sunscreen use have gradually reduced old acne scars/dark spots. Following as well if anyone has had success with anything OTC for fading larger patches of hyperpigmentation.

  16. Anon

    I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of gatekeeping at work using acronyms people don’t understand or insider, jargon-y terms. I’ve been in so many meetings where some senior person rambles on, almost speaking a different language, and then afterwards everyone messages each other and is like, “did you understand one word of that? I didn’t.”

    Why can’t we just speak normally at work!?

    • Anonymous

      We are having this problem too, but with super elitist language that I can’t describe any other way as aggressively woke. It’s frustrating because we are all on the same team and trying to tackle the same problems in our social-services-oriented field, but some employees take it to such extremes that you can’t even understand their point sometimes. It got to the point where my boss (who is usually very hands-off) went through and ruthlessly edited a short report to make it plain English again.

      • annie

        It frustrates me a lot too! You’re not progressive or woke or whatever if you’re speaking in a way only some, well-educated-by-your-definition people can understand. Especially in social services – if my grandpa can’t understand your point, you are not communicating and you are not doing your job. Real people with real busy lives do not have the time or energy or inclination to keep up with the woke word of the day, and that does not mean they would not understand it or disagree with it or anything like that.
        I have literally said to people “Can you summarize that in 3 sentences that my grandpa would understand?”

        • Sloan Sabbith

          I have tried to write this comment three times and it keeps disappearing before I can hit post.

          Asked an in germ a few summers ago to write an intake questionnaire for our clients, most of whom are older and somewhat conservative. They wrote “Do you consider yourself to be part of the LGBTQIA+ community,” as well as “Please tell us your preferred pronouns.” I asked my grandpa (a very progressive 80 year old) if he would understand either of those questions. “I assume no since I have no idea what….that all means, and what the hell are ‘my pronouns.’”

          • Anonymous

            My husband is a college-educated, successful professional who speaks English as a second language and he said “what’s a pronoun again?” to me. SOOOOO many people do not know the parts of speech and the burden is worst on people with lower education levels and people with less English fluency.

          • Anon

            The pronoun stuff can get weird fast. It’s good to normalize not assuming pronouns (people are just not as good at guessing as they think they are). But putting a lot of pressure on people to declare pronouns can sometimes feel like something cis people came up with.

        • Anonymous

          I saw this years ago when a “woke” school with an international focus interviewed a potential educator from a Spanish-language foreign country and disqualified him immediately because, when asked how he would encourage diversity at the school, he focused on expanding course offerings and encouraging kids to take a broad range of classes and to learn two not one foreign language instead of discussing the need to recruit more Black students. They said they were offended by his blind spot to the issue. The man was deeply brown and merely unfamiliar with the way the word “diversity” has been hijacked to, ironically, mean only one thing here now. Had they asked the question using different language they likely would have gotten a different answer. When I chimed in with my perspective, they said “Well, if he doesn’t understand that then he is clearly not a good fit for our culture,” ignoring completely that they had no ide what he understands because they failed to ask him in a way that would elicit a response.

          • Anon for this

            I live in a diverse community where the largest non-white population is Spanish-speaking. Especially in regards to school stuff, the allegedly-super-woke people have no idea how to address any issues outside of a Black – white binary. So when my friend’s Latina daughter wants to take advanced science classes (which part of the school board is trying to phase out in the name of equity), the school people are just totally baffled. Ditto on in-person instruction – a LOT of non-white families in our district want 5 full days of in-person instruction, which is the opposite of the broad national surveys on the issue, and it just does.not.compute for the highly enlightened.

      • Anonymous

        Oh man I feel this so much. The aggressively woke people drive me nuts. I once mentioned my disabily infront of someone #woke and was then berated for not using ‘person first’ language. Nope, I’m entitled to refer to MYSELF however I damn well please.

        • Sloan Sabbith

          Have had people do the same thing. Tell them you don’t consider yourself normal for a really over the top reaction.

      • Anon

        I was involved in one of these arguments the other day where a black woman was talking about issues the black community faces, and well-meaning but clueless white people kept responding with “people of color.”

        My black colleague rightly lost it and said “when we’re talking about the black community, we say black. We do not say POC, because this particular issue is a Black issue.” The others’ attempts at inclusiveness and PC-speak actually had the effect of minimalizing the specific community at risk.

        • Anonymous

          Yup, that’s exactly what we’re dealing with too, both for Black women and women in general.

    • Anon

      I have this problem with my manager who has a background in sales although we work in a totally different industry now. Soooo much stupid corporate jargon from her sales days. Just say what you mean!

    • Anon

      I chair the board of a health care agency and we have consumer members of our board that are not health care professionals. I interrupt each meeting at least 10 times to either explain an acronym or to ask the speaker to explain it. There is no point in having consumer board members if they can’t understand a word of the meeting!

    • Anon.

      As a non-native English speaker working in a business role the US, I have had to ask trusted colleagues many times what certain expressions mean. And we are a global org with constant meetings with colleagues all over the world. Examples: “Dog-and-pony show”, “greenfield opportunity”, “right of the bat”, “on a dime”, “drinking the Kool-Aid”, “peel the onion”, … Please don’t assume these expressions are widely understood.

      Now, I have become the trusted person my American coworkers ask for language editing when they are preparing slides for the global audience. In my experience, presentations are almost always more engaging when the speaker can express complex concepts in an easy-to-understand language.

      • Anonymous

        That’s just speaking English though? I’m sorry you’re not fluent yet but we don’t have to dumb down the language in case someone might not know it yet.

        • Anonymous

          Nope nope nope. Plain language is about accessibility for all and idioms or other regional dialect quirks are not accessible.

        • Anon

          No. Idioms like these are often used to exclude native speakers anyway, since no one has learned the same set (e.g. boating metaphors). English can be inclusive and professional. It’s unusual to use any language the exact same way at work and colloquially.

        • Anon.

          Wow, lol… I guess my English isn’t good enough to deserve to work and live in the US.
          Thank goodness my company doesn’t share your views. They appreciate that my mother tongue is useful to talk to people at headquarters abroad, and that I speak another (3rd) language at conversational level.

          And yes, I made a typo. “Right off the bat”.

        • Unsub

          Native English speaker with a degree in English and I have no idea what some of these phrases mean. Right of the bat?? Give me a break. Let’s use language to bring people together, not to highlight our knowledge of unnecessary jargon. That isn’t dumbing down, that’s knowing and respecting your audience.

        • Anon

          I’m a whit American born in the US, and I have no idea what greenfield opportunities or right of the bat mean. I could probably guess based on context, but these are not known or used US wide.

        • Anon for this

          Nope, these are idioms. Years ago I had a wonderful intern from a Slavic country who clued me in to how many idioms I use in my everyday speech, and being a gracious guy, he wanted to know EXACTLY what each idiom meant because many of them were region-specific (and Southern-ish). It actually became a lot of fun, and I’d like to think I helped him enjoy the weird, wonderful world of American English variation.

      • Anon

        I have to say I love your examples and they made me laugh! Many of them are idioms that I, a native English speaker, find annoying and overused.

      • anon

        I am American, and English is my only language (my high school French just didn’t stick). I don’t know what “greenfield opportunity” or “right of the bat” mean. I assume “right of the bat” is a baseball metaphor, but I hate baseball and have no idea what that term would mean in either baseball or business.

        • No Problem

          It’s a typo. She meant “right OFF the bat,” as in right away. That’s a pretty common idiom.

      • Anonymous

        I think the recent NPR Rough Translation really identifies what you are talking about: https://www.npr.org/2021/04/21/989477444/how-to-speak-bad-english

        That when international people who speak English as a second, third, fourth, etc language together, they understand each other just fine in English, but when the “native English” speaker from the US, UK, Canada, Australia, NZ joins, that’s when things get hard to understand.

        Also, I was born in the US and learned to speak English in the US, but my family moved abroad when I was in early elementary school, so I didn’t understand a lot of slang or sports idioms people were using when I came back to the US for college. Like “Monday quarterbacking” the eff is that, only Americans know wtf American football is, the rest of the world plays *real* football and there’s no quarterbacks!

        • Anon for this

          I lived in Germany as a teenager and went to an American school. When I was trying to help a German friend with her English homework, she laughed and laughed when I asked her what a “budgie” was since wasn’t I supposed to be the English expert?

      • Ribena

        I’m British and only know two of those metaphors, and wouldn’t use any of them myself. I’ve been the only native English speaker in a conversation many times and it trained me to steer clear of difficult-to-understand idioms.

  17. Anon

    When online dating, how do you find the balance between knowing it’s a numbers game and you need to go on a million dates and not getting emotionally exhausted by all the conversations and ups and downs? And also filtering enough that you only go out with people who match what you’re looking for, but also allowing for unexpected chemistry?

    • Anon

      1) Eliminate all the “hey” or smiley face messages. They aren’t that interested or they’re a bad conversationalist. This gets rid of about 70% of the messages IME. Don’t even click on their profiles or answer unless you’re bored. Prioritize people that message in whole sentences.
      2) Scroll through profiles of guys whose messages you like, if they seem nice, in your realm of attractiveness, message for a week and then schedule an easy date (coffee or drinks). If that one date doesn’t go well, Nix them.
      3) If you have the time, do the above with multiple guys at a time. If you find a guy you’re interested in, the others will naturally fall away as you lose interest in them.

      It is a numbers game but you also have to play the odds and conserve your time. But also don’t think too deeply on the messages or profiles. This should be fun and your words make it seem like this is stressing you out.

    • Oh

      1. I try to set up coffees (in a very public place) for a first date as soon as possible and don’t waste time on texts, as long as I’m not getting a completely weird vibe from the first few texts. I escape quickly with a fake phone call (sorry! work!) if coffee is not going well.
      2. I agree to another date again only if I like the guy enough, and promptly cut off contact if I’m feeling meh about the another date. Truth is, if I don’t like someone enough to see where it goes by date 5-6 (or vice versa) – usually date 2 – I’m probably not that into them. Thank you, next.
      3. The numbers game sucks. I’m sorry. Sometimes you get lucky and meet someone you like right off the bat, but most times I’m slogging my way through 2-3 years without finding someone who clicks enough for me to want to spend time with them.

    • Anon

      If you find out the answer let me know. I’ve been doing online dating on and off for nearly 15 years with no success.

    • Anonymous

      After I had been at it for a bit, I began to trust myself, if that makes sense. I know what I like. It’s ok that I know what I like! I don’t have to go on multiple dates with a perfectly nice guy that I don’t feel a spark for…to know he’s a perfectly nice guy that I don’t feel a spark for.

      This was largely informed by my first marriage to a super great guy that…I wasn’t attracted to. SUCH a great guy! But when it came down to getting serious about timing of having kids, I just could not envision myself reproducing with this guy. I just couldn’t. We were married for 8 years!

      So when I started dating again, I told myself that I wanted to be crazy about somebody. I wanted butterflies. I never wanted to have the, “But he’s a great guy,” sad convo with myself again. I wanted someone I was crazy about and somebody who was crazy about me. So I skipped messages that seemed insincere. I skipped profiles that didn’t appeal (for any reason – it’s ok!). I didn’t go on second dates unless I liked the guy enough to imagine marrying him. (As you can imagine, I went on very few second dates!) Because I was calling the shots and writing my own story. I was looking for my future husband and I was in charge.

      If you’re wondering, yes, it worked out. I went on 2-4 dates per week for about 6 months and met my now husband. We’ve been together 5 years and married 3. And we still holler down the hall at random times of day, “Hey, I love you! I’m glad you’re mine!” And it’s really wonderful. So trust yourself. Be in charge of your own dating script and find whatever it is you’re after <3

  18. Mask Q

    Reposting from last night as I posted really late — thanks in advance.

    Mask recommendations? I like polyester / “sports” fabric, but my Atheleta Activate masks are bugging me as they now tend to go into my mouth when I breathe. I recently purchased some Tommie Copper poly/spandex masks but the inside feels really cotton-y. I also like masks with nose wire that are form fitting (as opposed to the accordion style). Anyone have any good ideas? Thank you.

    • Anonymous

      They’re expensive, but I SWEAR by the Under Armour masks. They’re designed to stay out of your mouth when you breathe and there’s a metal nose piece. They look “sporty” though, so I’m not sure they would work with whatever you’re using them for. I use them for workouts and outdoor sports.

    • DeepSouth

      I really like my Gretchen Scott masks the most. They have a nose wire and are fabric that is sometimes called scuba fabric. I feel like it’s a legitimate barrier, but it doesn’t collapse into my face when I breathe. I have defaulted to them more in the last couple of weeks when it’s been warmer. They are easier to wear than my Johnny Was ones in the heat.

    • SSJD

      Under armour sportsmask is my daughter’s favorite for athletics. They are thick but structured in a way that keeps the fabric out of her mouth. The have a nose wire. She’s been really happy with them.

  19. anon for this

    Somehow even though I’ve been inside almost entirely the past year, I’ve developed two sunspots on my face. I am pale skinned and freckly so this is not unexpected, but one is right over my lip and looks like I just have a dirty face. It’s about the size of an eraser at the end of a pencil.

    Any products that I can use to lighten them slightly? (I don’t even need them to disappear, just lighten enough that people won’t wonder about me when I’m on camera.)

    • Anon

      No one is wondering about your face on camera. Cameras do weird things anyway. I’m a freckly, spotty fortysomething and it is what it is. I didn’t get hired for my face (understatement of the year).

    • Anon

      Long term and best results – laser. Short term and marginally helpful, vitamin c and a retinoid, preferably a prescription retinoid like Retin-A.

      Also do some research on Vitamin C. A lot of brands advertise vitamin C but it’s important to know which are most effective, and there’s a tradeoff between efficacy and stability.

    • Sounds like

      Sounds like melasma which can be triggered easily. I recommend hydroquinone.

    • pugsnbourbon

      If it makes you feel any better I have a birthmark between my nose and lip that looks a little like a booger. Most of the time it blends in with the rest of my freckles, but every so often someone “helpfully” points it out lol.

  20. Sloan Sabbith

    What’s a success you’ve had recently? For me, it was that i got lung function tests yesterday and for the first time in 12 years, I scored over 100% of a normal lung function for a woman my age and height. With the lung disease I have, this is pretty much unheard of, but now that I’m on a new medication, it’s become possible again. Three years ago, my lung function was 75% of normal so it’s gone up more than 25% in that time. I was so happy I cried.

    Also, I’m going to work for the first time in over a year today (not a long term thing, going in this week because I can and want the big printer/copier) and my outfit is….not the best thing I’ve ever worn to work. I didn’t have many real pants at my parents’ house that are both comfortable/fit and that I’d want to wear at work and I can’t get into my own apartment so I’m wearing bright red Betabrand bootcut pants, a loose polka dot sleeveless shirt and a Nordstrom open cardigan that was posted here last spring. It’s all too much volume and I forgot better shoes so I’m in chambray Toms. Fail.

    • Anon

      Congratulations, Sloan!

      My success is that since I started my own small business a year ago, this month was the first that all my bills to clients were paid on time with no back and forth, and I didn’t have to chase receivables! (The things you don’t think about when you imagine having your own business)

    • pugsnbourbon

      That’s awesome about the function test and I bet you look great in your outfit!

    • Ses

      Wow, congrats! My success is that a year-long major tech project is coming to fruition, and the first few clients I’ve demo’ed it for really like it.

  21. Trish

    Why are all the clothes so ugly right now? Even at under 30 dollars, there is nothing at Ann Taylor, or most stores, that I want to buy. The puffed sleeves and baby florals are the worst. The bright side is less impulse shopping.

    • Anon

      Agree about the puffed sleeves. They don’t flatter me at all and I have tried and failed too many times to count.

    • No Problem

      I think AT has been an especially bad offender when it comes to the sleeve embellishments. I’m just not interested in the trend, I think it already looks dated, and it’s not really the area of my body I want to emphasize, so I have purchased exactly zero items from AT in the last year+.

      I also don’t think there’s been much in the way of new trends in the last year, for obvious reasons. We’re still seeing the same trends from 2-3 years ago (sleeve ruffles, tons of florals, a lot of crewneck tops) and not much new, so everything feels tired. The possible exception is pants shapes, which are finallllllllly moving away from skinny everything to straighter and even flare styles. But tops have been left behind.

      I ended up just buying some casual stuff from Old Navy to fill out some holes in my wardrobe, since I’ll be WFH thru the end of the summer and won’t need any new workwear until at least September.

    • Anon

      Fashion designers think that COVID caused us all to move to farms where our work from home jobs leave us time to frolic in the fields for evening photo shoots, and want us to be appropriately dressed.

    • anon

      I am still remembering my best fashion year which was 2008 or 2009 – Ann Taylor had all these AMAZING monotone geometric styles in red, black, and white – my colors. Swoon.

  22. Anon

    I’m betting that at this point in the pandemic several of you have figured this out better than me… Any moisturizing handsoap recommendations? Bonus points if it comes in a refill option because I have refillable glass soap bottles. I still wash my hands a ton, and my skin gets irritated and dry. Okeefe’s working hands helps, but I’d like to see if a better soap makes a difference too (currently using whatever DH picked up and sale at the grocery store).

    • AIMS

      I really like the TJ orange honey soap.I think it’s a dupe for something at l’occitane.

      I also love the Avalon Organics rosemary soap (you can get at whole foods & at Amazon)

    • Anon

      For a grocery store option, I actually like Safeguard. Yep, the old school one that these days seems to come in like a half gallon pump.

    • Anonymous

      bar soaps with oil are where it’s at – I love the dr bronners bar soaps – they really changed the game on the dry patches I got n the back of my hands

  23. Monday

    Attention all scam lovers! HBO Max has a new docuseries called Generation Hustle. Each episode stands alone as a documentary about a different scam. The “Hollywood con queen” kicks it off! Enjoy!

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