Corporette.com

Updated: Nov 1, 2018 157 Comments · by

Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Textured Sleeveless V-Neck Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Escada Textured Sleeveless V-Neck DressMan oh man — this emerald sheath dress is gorgeous. I love the slightly heathered look to the wool/silk blend, as well as the texture to the fabric — it just adds another dimension. I'd wear it with pumps and a blazer for the office, perhaps accessorized with a brooch near the clavicle, and/or a small, delicate round necklace (like my Maya Brenner initial necklace, or perhaps a diamond solitaire necklace). It's $1,375 at Bloomingdale's. Escada Textured Sleeveless V-Neck Dress Looking for something similar? Here's an $80 dress, and a really cool plus-sized version. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected]. (L-4) Psst:  I've often been hesitant to give “similar” recommendations for our pricier picks since, in fact, I usually choose the pieces based on their individuality — but I thought I'd give it a go this week, at least for our pricier TPS days. Let me know your thoughts, ladies! 

Sales of note for 9.10.24

Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…

RSS Error: A feed could not be found at `https://corporette.com/tag/posts/feed`; the status code is `403` and content-type is `text/html; charset=utf-8`

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Scully

    This dress is gorgeous! I can see how it would be tough to do a “similar” pick. The modcloth dress doesn’t quite capture the je ne sais quoi of this one, but I like it too, and would try it if it was in stock in my size. The plus size dress is really pretty, although it could get costumey if styled a certain way. On behalf of all the ladies, thanks for including a wider range of sizes!

    • LawyrChk

      Agreed. This is my favorite pick in a while. Obviously just aspirational at that price tag, but wow.

      • Ellen

        Yay! Pricey Monday’s! I love pricey Monday’s and this sheathe dress from Bloomie’s! Granted it is expensive, but the V neck appear’s to be high enough so that peeople like Frank cannot peer in at our boobie’s for a cheep look! Fooey on men like that who have to do that! They should just look at their own boobie’s!

        I wish that my dad had negotieated a 70% clotheing allowance for me when I see the price of nice dresses! I would go into Bloomie’s to look myself, but they do NOT like me to come in there ever since some of the old poopie from my shoe’s came off in their CARPETEING department. FOOEY b/c I am NOT the onley one that ever stepped into poopie in NYC and then went into a store, am I?

        Noah met the manageing partner’s brother at my apartement yesterday and the 2 of them were stareing at each other kind of like 2 dog’s would if they were fighteing for the same soup bone! It was funny, but if I had to choose, I suppose I would choose NOAH b/c he is a Doctor and would be loyal once I bore him children. The manageing partner’s brother appear’s to be interested in me, but I think he is more intereested in finding as many women to have sex with now that he is divorceing his wife, b/c he told me he went year’s being faithful, and more recentley his wife stopped haveing sex with him b/c of his body odor (FOOEY) so he want’s to start up again while he is still viral. But now that I know that, between me and the hive, I do NOT want that on top of me! DOUBEL FOOEY!

        It turn’s out Rosa was NOT pregenent after all. She had something in her digestive system, Ed told me. Myrna is back 100% and she also now know’s NOT to swim in the HUDSON after it rains in NYC. I hope she remembers next time there is a triantholon. YAY!!!!!!

          • Wannabe Runner

            Sometimes when I mention this webpage, my husband asks, “What’s Fooey up to today?”

            So I have started reading Ellen posts out loud to him, complete with deliberately mispronouncing the misspelled words. At the right time, I point at him and he goes, “FOOEY!” or I point twice and he goes, “FOOEY! FOOEY!” :)

          • Philanthropy Girl

            I normally skip Ellen’s more wordy thoughts (so, most of them), but given the accolades, I couldn’t help myself. And I agree – “viral” was indeed inspired. Thanks for the laugh on this not-so-humorous Monday.

        • Anonymous

          I read this site on and off for the fashion suggestions and interesting take on professional life and advice, but the fact that the comments section shows random comments like these does ruin it a bit for me. This commenter’s enthusiasm for the dress is genuine, but why would anyone leave up the rambling parts? This is why I don’t read the comments section that often. Sorry for being harsh, but this sounds like a 12 year old trapped in a grownup’s body. To each his or her own I guess.

    • Anne Shirley

      Love the similar options. And today’s just highlight how the beauty of this simple dress comes from the high end fabric and exquisite finish and cut. This I could see buying.

        • preg anon

          Agreed. I doubt you’ll be able to find much really similar to most of the Monday picks (or at least I hope not, because why else would they be so expensive???), but it’s always good to see more options.

      • TO Lawyer

        +2 – This dress – the cut, the fabric, is gorgeous. I’m practically drooling over here.

    • Contrarian

      The fabric seems to have a noticeable weave for a dress. With the sheen on it, I am reminded of some curtains I’ve pined over. I know that the ladies in GWTW and The Sound of Music had a make-it-work attitude towards using such fabrics in their dresses, but for a 4-digit price tag, I’d rather have something in a more delicate weave.

    • hoola hoopa

      It’s truly breath-taking. I want it so badly. Definitely a case when quality materials and craftsmanship make the difference. It’s a simple dress, but not ordinary.

    • Playing DressUP

      You’re very gracious. I would’ve said, “Thanks but… the plus-size looks nothing LIKE the pick!”
      But you’re right. So Kat picked the same color, similar length, and old-timey vibe. I get it.
      You’re very nice & professional and I’d pic you to be on my corporate communications team.

  2. RR

    This is gorgeous. I’m not a fan of the plus size option, but I do appreciate the new effort to include plus size options.

    • Anonymous

      Except that the plus-size model in that photo was wearing a 20W, and she was tiny. 34C bust and 33 inch waist. I’m not quite sure what message they’re trying to send with that one.

      • Anonymous

        Isn’t this the equivalent of non-plus sizes being shown on 6′ tall, 110 lb models with zero curves?

        Clothing manufacturers are still going to trying to showcase their clothing on the best possible model to get you to buy the clothes. I feel like people will find anything to gripe about.

          • Mpls

            Exactly. Those are almost my measurements. Which would be a 12 or 14 in a BR/JCrew store.

          • Parfait

            She’s probably got a bunch of binder clips in the back, just like they’d do with a size 00 model wearing a size 4.

          • Aggie

            I wonder if the dress is a 20 and not a 20w. Her hip size would be more of an indication but a 34c with a 33 inch waist would fit into a BR or J Crew Size 14 or Large. I also think her bra size is what is throwing everyone. I’m a 34C and wear size medium tops in almost every store.

      • RR

        Yeah, there’s only so much you can do about how the individual retailers choose to show their looks. Most sites’ “plus size” models are nowhere near my size, but it’s still easier to visualize than the same style on a very slim, tall model.

        • Lands End Rave

          I hear you. I have trouble visualizing Athleta items (and stuff from similar fitness stores) on someone like me (not large, but I have a tummy as opposed to abs, so it is not the featured look).

        • Coach Laura

          Since I’m a size 14-16 I find it hard to look at regular models wearing items and know how it’ll look on me. So with Talbots and Nordy’s I’ll look at the plus size photo. Much more realistic image of how item will look.

      • LilyStudent

        She’s not much smaller than I am (maybe an inch at both chest and waist) and I wear a uk 16 in straight-cut skirts and dresses, which translates to a US20…

  3. Of Mercer

    Has anyone purchased clothing from the brand Of Mercer? I came across an article that mentioned the brand, and I’m contemplating the Madison dress. Would love to hear if anyone has positive or negative experiences with ordering.

    • Cat

      Yes – that is one of my preferred features of Cap Hill Style too. (The styling suggestions are always good too – I like that Belle reuses accessories /pieces when doing the Two Ways posts.)

    • Meg Murry

      I like the similar recs and more sizes when you can find something, but I think its also fair to show something unique enough not to have a similar option – although making sure at least some of the TPS items are available beyond a size 12 or under $500 is definitely appreciated.
      For me the bigger frustration is when not one of the items featured on “The Hunt” is available in a larger size. In a roundup of 6-8 items, it doesn’t seem hard to find one items available in larger sizes.

      I come here more for the conversation than fashion – but I have purchased items featured here (or ones I saw as recommended after clicking through the link) – so its in Kat’s best interest to keep me clicking links by offering up a few items I might actually be able to wear.

  5. Marilla

    This dress is lovely – and thanks Kat for adding in the plus-size option!

    Question – we’re moving out of our apartment building in a month, and just found out our favourite doorman is leaving this week for a few months for an operation. We’d like to give him a thank you/get well soon card. Any suggestions for an appropriate gift? We don’t know a ton about his life or interests – all I know is he’s a grandpa from the Philippines (early 60s) and he’s always funny and helpful and kind of stoic.

    I should add – we are totally open to giving cash or a gift card if that is the appropriate option.

  6. (former) preg 3L

    I posted this on the Moms site but I had such a great experience I wanted to post here too. Finally had my first br@ fitting at n0rdstr0m and it was fantastic! Also they are converting my new br@s to nursing br@s at no charge. Thanks to everyone who recommended n0rdstr0m!!

  7. Lands End Rave

    I recently got this dress in both patterns: http://www.landsend.com/products/womens-pattern-knit-piped-beach-tunic-dress/id_272502#

    It is wonderful (it is a heavy nylon knit and reminds me very much of the DVF Reina dress I have, except that it’s washable and I don’t flash the world my top if I bend forward). And it’s just $50!

    I have the petite S (to get the blue) and it is barely shorter than the regular S (the orange /pink), so that may be an option if you must have it. It also comes in Plus.

    • hoola hoopa

      I took note of that dress earlier. It’s intriguing. Where do you wear it?

      • Lands End Rave

        It’s my non-work uniform: like putting on a t-shirt, and I don’t have to deal with bottoms. Works for summer. Not sure if they’ll work with leggings, but I don’t care. All my other clothes are work / workout and this is a nice transition for me (my DVF Reina was a good one, but it was pricey for me and not washable, so I am nervous wearing it while cooking / with my children (which means I never wear it)).

        Have not actually worn it as a beach tunic.

        • Parfait

          I like the pink/orange pattern but I am having a hard time with the idea of bathing suit fabric as a dress. It’s actually comfy? Not too hot?

          • Lands End Rave

            I hear you. I thought it might show any lump and bump. It reminds me of the DVF silk jersey or the material in the Gemma wrap dress.

            I don’t find it hot and it is comfy. It gets really great reviews.

            I couldn’t do The Dress as a casual go-to (something about it looks not great on me but it is great as pictured) but this did the trick for me.

    • anon

      Wow! That’s super cute. What’s the sizing like? Would it be appropriate to wear to a casual work environment (think tech company).

      • Lands End Rave

        Based on the fact that I think it is too casual for BigLaw, probably OK for tech (but maybe too pretty for tech, if that is a thing). If brunch-with-the-girls works for tech, it works for tech.

  8. Anonymous

    I mailed a return back to Nordstrom over two weeks ago, and I haven’t heard anything and the money hasn’t been credited back to my account. Is this normal?

    • tesyaa

      I mailed a couple of items back to Nordstrom recently and it took about 9 days before I received an email that the items were received. It was longer than I expected.

      If you used their return label, there’s a tracking number. If you don’t have it, customer service might be able to look it up for you.

      • Wanderlust

        I mailed things back to Nordstrom’s over a week ago and still have yet to hear anything. I think they’re just slow.

        • Famouscait

          This is my experience. Nordstrom takes the longest of anyone I do mail returns to – always around 2 weeks to confirm receipt of the package and then a few more days to see the payment credited.

    • BMBG

      Yes, they’re slow, and add in all the returns they’re probably receiving from their sale and it may take even longer. I would call and ask, but I also wouldn’t be too concerned yet.

      • Aggie

        This. I returned everything I purchased from the Anniversary Sale except for cosmetics. The quality this year was low even when taking into account the price.

    • Senior Attorney

      They are very slow. If you have a store nearby it’s less nerve-wracking to do returns in person.

      PSA: You can return online orders from “regular” Nordstrom to the Nordstrom Rack store within, like, 30 days. Super fast, super easy.

    • hoola hoopa

      Ditto that they are slow. Their CS is great, so call if you want, but my last return took nearly a month (or felt like it) and went flawlessly otherwise.

    • Burgher

      I returned a pair of boots in store once while they were shipping me a different size and they somehow got credited to a completely different customer. I only discovered it after I got my bill and still had both pairs of boots on it. Their customer service was phenomenal about the whole thing, though!

    • Need to Improve

      Yes. Their returns are very very slow 2 weeks is a little slower than usual, but with NAS I would not worry too much. Give it until the end of this week, then call.

  9. wolverine

    That is one good looking dress. If I wore it I think I would spend all day admiring myself and get very little work done.

    Question – my dry cleaning service damaged a silk blouse with a hole in the sleeve. It’s not tiny either. It’s been over a week or so since I picked it up but I just noticed the hole today when I took the shirt out of the bag. What are my options? Dry cleaners don’t normally refund you any money, do they? Can they darn the hole in some way? Or should I look into altering the blouse to make it short sleeves?

    • eagon

      Depends on the dry cleaner. You don’t know which kind you have until you ask.
      It’s tough to know what is possible without examining the fabric in person.

    • preg anon

      After some negotiation, I got my dry cleaner to give me credit toward my next batch of dry cleaning. I think it was maybe half the cost of the blouse.

    • Anon

      My dry cleaner once ruined a silk dress — one of the silk threads was pulled out, which I didn’t notice until about a week later. This dress retailed for probably $400 (based on the designer) but I’d bought it at a consignment store for $80. The dry cleaner’s official policy was no refunds for damage, but when I brought the dress in and showed them the damage, they agreed to refund me the price paid. Of course, $80 wasn’t enough to replace it (and had I bought it new, they would not have refunded me the purchase price), but it was a nice gesture. So, it’s worth asking, notwithstanding the “official” policy.

    • AIMS

      Refunds are hard but I’ve found you can usually get them to a) fix the problem for free if it’s fixable (e.g., darning the hole, shortening sleeves, or re-cleaning if not thorough first time) or b) give you a credit for the same amount (so, if your blouse was $10 to clean, they’ll give you a freebie on the next one, assuming you still trust them).

    • lawsuited

      My dry cleaner will reimburse me for the cost of the damaged item to a maximum of $50 if I complain and give them a copy of the receipt for the item (which I usually have only because I shop online a lot). It’s happened to me twice, unfortunately – one time my favourite white silk shell was irreparably chemical stained so there was nothing that could be done about that, and another time a hole ripped in the underarm of a chiffon blouse so I took it to my regular tailor to be patched.

  10. YouSaucyMinx

    Ugh love this dress, hate the price tag. Oh well, a girl can dream!

    Sidebar…I’m doing a giveaway on my blog. I’m offering the new Urban Decay Naked2 Basics palette to one random winner. Visit my blog for to enter and for details.

    • Baconpancakes

      I have the Modcloth dress, and recommend it! But as a basic emerald work dress with a little flair in the back, not a standout power piece like this Escada beauty.

  13. Venting

    UGH. I have a case of the Mondays. I’m getting close to my wedding, but am shelling out a freaking fortune (boo). I had figured we’d have more money left over than we will and on top of that now my car is acting up. I have nothing to wear for a party on Friday and I’m in between sizes (none of my current dresses fit and my old stuff is still too snug). too late to order something and I really don’t want to spend a lot of money on a dress that I will probably wear 2-3 times. Blah.

    • Anonymous

      Too late to order something? Au contrarie. Are you in the US? Rent the Runway will get you something Thursday. As would Zappos.

      • Lynnet

        She’s venting, it says so right in her username, people are allowed to vent. Maybe skip posts you don’t like instead of taking the time to be a jerk about it.

      • Venting

        Wow. I hadn’t thought of that. So helpful! I could also ask my car to not freak out or just ride unicorns to work.

        • Anonymous

          In support of the Anon above who was a little rude, there are definitely ways in which you contributed to this problem/ could improve it. For example, spending less on your wedding, making a commitment to getting back to your old size (or getting stuff let out/ getting new stuff if you’d prefer to do that). I’m actually in the latter situation now, but i’ve been working on it and am almost back to where I want to be. So I sympathize, but there’s something to be said for ways in which you could make your issues better. Also, a lot of car maintenance things are fairly easy to diagnose and fix yourself with a little effort. I’ve had that issue recently too.

          I’m sorry you’re not having a great day, though.

          • Anonymous

            Ok.. You could say that about anything. Is she seriously getting flack for not fixing her own car? Oh your job sucks? well you took it so… good lord its not like she is complaining about putting on pink peach lipstick instead of the mulberry shade she prefers.

          • Anonymous

            The car thing was just a suggestion, as it’s way easier than I think most people assume it is. I’m pointing out that it’s better to focus on things you can change, is all.

  15. Hair Trouble

    Do you all have any recs for frizzy, curly/wavy (2b/c) hair? I once saw a commenter refer to her hair as wooly and that seems to really fit my hair. It’s difficult to get defined curls and keep frizz away. I’ve been trying to embrace the curls/waves by using the curly girl method, but I’m just not loving it. I’m fully on board with no-poo, but I really prefer the look of straighter hair (which takes so long to achieve). Do you all have any recommendations for either growing to love my curls/waves or an easier way to get straighter, smoother hair (Keratin, perhaps?)? TIA!

    • Anonk

      How are you drying your hair? I saw a video a while ago that was a game changer for me – now I flip my head over before I step out of shower, run my fingers thru my hair to comb it, scrunch curls with my hands to get rid of wetness, add products like leave in conditioner or gel or mousse, then use a turbo twist to do the plopping thing. Then I straighten up and dry off the rest of me, do makeup, get dressed, etc.

      Will try to find the video… Don’t remember what product it was.

    • Carrie

      I say…. love your hair!!! Ignore this seeming trend of torturing yourself to straighten your hair. Save yourself hours… days…. months of torment by trying to go against your natural hair. Never mind the expense….. If you have a hairstylist that is trying to convince you to straighten and maintain, realize that this recommendation is in THEIR financial self-interest to keep you addicted to their treatments.

      I have a couple friends who have gorgeous natural curls, but they were convinced early in life that they are less desirable. It pains me to see their wasted time, poor perception of themselves when actually their natural hair is fabulous and actually looks worse in their attempts to tame it/flatten it/torture it into submission. In fact, they actually are not flattered by the straight hair once they attain it. Your head shape/coloring etc.. also helps to determine what hairstyle fits you. And a good cut changes everything.

      I am currently in the process of finding the right, sophisticated, maintainable hairstyle for me. I have the total opposite hairstyle as you… flat/thin/flyaway and dead. I have been trying to gain your bounce/wave for decades. It’s funny how we often want what we don’t have…

      • Carrie

        I’m in moderation for no clear reason…

        But my rec is do NOT fight your natural hair. Embrace it. Be fabulous. Find recs from others to help the hair quality reach its highest. But don’t damage it/torture it (and your pocketbook) by following a silly trend for straight hair. It isn’t always flattering anyway.

        • Maizie

          +1. Finding a way to wear your curls well saves angst, time, energy and money. You can also console yourself by imagining how many women with shiny, straight hair bemoan their lack of curl, or the fact that they can’t wear it cut short, or whatever. The grass is always greener elsewhere!

    • rosie

      You could try a Keratin treatment. My understanding is that the longer it’s on, the straighter your hair will be (so it can be a relaxer or a straightener). Be warned, when I had it as a relaxing treatment, the new growth was really visible–frizzy roots.

      Another option might be a perm w/the curl pattern larger than your natural curl pattern. At first I was skeptical (a perm for curly hair?), but I think it helped make me happier with my curls/waves. I had it done years ago at an Aveda salon.

    • Medic Maggie

      Before I chopped off my hair, I was beginning to embrace its natural wave. I’m not sure where I fell on the spectrum, but, imagine if you will what it looked like: I had it cut into a just-shoulder bob with some light layers. I never fully got on board with no-‘p00 but treated it gently with good products meant for curly hair (Shea moisture shampoo/conditioner, curl milk & some gel-cream stuff–Garnier maybe?). On the days I would wear it straight, I just made sure to not rub with the towel (I began to use/still use an old t-shirt for wrapping my hair after shower now, to reduce damage & frizzies), and get some moroccan oil on the ends right away. I would blow-dry to about 80% or more dry with my fingers, and then use a small round brush to just smooth if I needed to. Then go over it with the flat iron. On curly days, I’d put the curl cream in my soaking-wet hair, wrap it, and then about 15 minutes later, I would scrunch & blow-dry with a diffuser. I would often have to go back over the top layer with a curling iron to get the curls to stay intact, though sometimes I didn’t. It does take a long time to get it straight, but I found that since I had been doing that for so much longer than embracing the wave, it was quicker than fiddling with getting the curls just right. It will hold curl like a sonuvab!tch, but it just took a long time to actually do it and do it well.

      Now, it’s a sassy shag, that I was honestly hoping would look like an elegant gamine cut, but it’s just too curly at this short length to go that route. Maybe I can get it to lay straight with the iron, but it might just not be long enough for the iron. So, now I pretty much can wash & go. It will air-dry wavy/flippy without anything, or I can get some pretty well-defined (sometimes full-on coils) curls with the curl milk & careful styling/scrunching/drying. I am using a product now that I like pretty well: it’s Garnier Pure Clean paste, and it has just enough sticky to get definition. I wish I could offer you more advice, but my solution was to chop it all off and go short. I love it now, and I get so many compliments on it.

  16. Tinderella

    Reporting: first Tinder date yesterday.

    Note to self: only chat with/meet with people with at least one full-body photo.

    That is all.

        • Anonymous

          Or covered with swasticka tattoos?

          Or, wait, maybe he was just fat. And you’ve now suffered the horror of being seen in public with a fat person. If that is the case you have my deepest sympathies.

          • Ginjury

            The horror!

            Clearly, if you’re a fat person on a dating site you need to make it abundantly clear that you aren’t as thin as you may appear in your headshot, lest you make a fool of some unassuming date.

      • Tinderella

        He was nice, and had lovely eyes, but… he was tiny. Lilliputian. I towered over him by at least six inches, and I’m average height. I felt like a walrus next to his rail skinny frame, and was not attracted to him. He’s not active at all, but I’m very active, and my photos show it! He was very nice, but it would not work out between us, and I wouldn’t have agreed to a date if we’d met in person and not online.

        • Anonymous

          Poor guy. I bet he’ll have a hard time finding someone. I hope you both have better luck in the future.

        • Anonymous

          Surely he wouldn’t have agreed to a date if you had disclosed that you were shallow in your profile though either. Most people don’t put every single thing out there. What do you want his profile to say? Btw ladies I’m much tinier than tinerella would prefer?

        • Wanderlust

          I ran into this a lot when I did online dating (Jdate). I’m 5’4 and wear 2 or 3 inch heels, and the guys were often my height or smaller, or very thin in stature. It might not bother some people, but it bothered me.

          • Tinderella

            I’m willing to date someone my height, or skinnier, but not my height and skinnier, or shorter. I feel shallow narrowing my parameters like that, but I’m just not attracted to men who make me feel like The 50 Foot Woman. I try to keep a pretty wide range of parameters, but mama gotta feel that groove, you know?

          • Longtime lurker

            And a lot of women lie about their weight.

            Of course everyone has a right to their preferences re: physical appearance, but I’m surprised at how acceptable it is to bash on shorter men. Replace “tiny” with “large” in these posts, replace “short” with “f at”, and replace “men” with “women”… I think you would get a lot more criticism for these comments.

  17. BB

    Has anyone bought Boden shoes? How did you find the quality compared to say…J. Crew?

    • Hildegarde

      I have bought one pair of Boden shoes, which I am wearing right now. I actually purchased these last winter because they were similar to a pair I wanted from J.Crew, but substantially cheaper. I would say the quality is the same as J.Crew shoes or slightly better. I love these shoes, and have resolved always to check Boden for shoes before buying shoes from J.Crew, because the styles are often similar (though Boden’s selection is more limited).

  18. Anon

    Many of you are mothers and I would appreciate your perspective. A colleague just advised me that she failed to adjust her childcare pickup arrangements to accommodate a late afternoon meeting and her DH can’t help, so now we have to cut an important external meeting short or reschedule. This is the first in a series of meetings with this group and will set the tone. The meeting has been in our calendars since the beginning of July. I am really irritated. Can I say something or am I just going to get flack for not supporting work-life balance in my colleagues with children?

    • Orangerie

      I don’t have any children, but I would absolutely say something; her lack of preparation is pretty unprofessional. Maybe she can dial-in from her cell phone so the meeting can continue as scheduled?

      • JJ

        Agreed. And if she’s known about it since the beginning of July, absent a sick-child emergency, it’s pretty inexcusable to not be prepared for this meeting. I know having kids makes planning for non-regular-work-hours activities more difficult, but that’s part of having a job…

        • Orangerie

          To me, “late afternoon meeting” doesn’t even sound like a time frame outside of normal working hours. I read that as the meeting start time is around 3pm.

          But yeah totally agree that having a kid doesn’t exempt anyone from normal job functions like being present for a meeting scheduled 1.5 months in advance.

        • Toffee

          This assumes she had options or that just because she has a job, she’s willing to go that extra mile for it. Maybe she doesn’t care enough to put a late meeting ahead of her child.

          Or maybe I’m grouchy because I worked until 3 a.m. Saturday morning and coirker expected me to work all day yesterday even though I hadn’t seen my kid in two weeks since I billed 20+ hours the weekend before.

          • Orangerie

            I don’t understand how being present for a meeting that presumably falls within normal business hours, AND was scheduled with a lot of advance notice, qualifies as “going the extra mile.” To me it sounds like the bare minimum.

          • rosie

            I don’t think either (1) making alt childcare arrangements for a meeting scheduled 1.5 months in advance, or (2) speaking up earlier to avoid a last minute reschedule if you do want to guard the time is going the extra mile.

            I think you’re grouchy from your crazy hours (sounds really rough…not saying I wouldn’t be grouchy in your situation, too!).

          • Toffee

            Yeah, I was thinking she meant seriously late, not 3:30. In my office, late is after 7, not before 5.

    • Toffee

      It happens. Exactly what do you suggest at this point? Not what should she have done, but what can she realistically do?

      She has clearly made her choice and put family before work. I presume she’s willing to accept the consequences. Dole them out and move on. But ranting about it gets you no where.

      • OP

        I was actually looking for advice on how to broach it with her, not ranting. There is a fine line about work-life balance that I don’t have to walk at this point and I don’t want to say something inappropriate or even discriminatory. We are on a long project together and both her and my reputation is on the line. I want to know if there is a delicate way to highlight the fact that she can’t let this kind of oversight happen again. If it was going to be an issue or risk, she should have made it clear that she can’t take late afternoon meetings. I’ve managed to sort it out (and won’t ever, ever book a meeting after 3 again), but I don’t want to be scrambling all the time because someone else can’t get their house in order. Family emergencies or illness are a whole different thing, but not something like this.

        • Toffee

          But what do you really think she can do? Most daycares close at 6. Mine is literally the only one in my area open until 7. But i have an hour commute and my 1 year old goes to bed at 6:30
          So on my one night a week, i have no choice but to leave.

          Telling her not to do it again won’t change anything if she honestly has no other options. She and her husband made their decision and it came to her skipping the meeting. Exactly what time is the meeting?

          • Anonymous

            Of course you have a choice. Your one year old could go to bed at 8 once a week. You could go for daycare near work. Like everyone told you last time you posted, get a nanny. If you chose to cause a meeting with external people to be canceled the day if when it was scheduled a month in advance, I hope you have an awesome plan for being unemployed.

          • Toffee

            You clearly do not have children not do you know anything any childcare. But I’ll gladly let you learn from mine
            If she’s up past 7, she’s literally (not figuratively) bouncing off the walls past midnight.

            Also? Even a nanny can’t stay to all hours of the night.

        • Anonymous

          I wouldn’t be delicate at all. A long scheduled meeting with external group? Call a sitter. Get a back up plan. If you are her manager I would issue a written warning. If you are a colleague if report it to your supervisor. “We needed to cancel an important meeting because coworker failed to plan. This is a problem for our project because x, y, and z and I thought it was important to make you aware.”

          I don’t give a flying f if she is prioritizing her family, if she keeps this up she deserves to be fired.

          • Anon

            I agree with this. It doesn’t sound like she needs to make accommodations for anything extreme but it’s absolutely ridiculous that everyone else has to make accommodations for a late-afternoon meeting because of a life choice she made. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.

        • hoola hoopa

          Ask her “When can we schedule future meetings to assure that you’ll have daycare coverage for all meetings going forward?”

          It may be that this was an off day (ie, there’s no aftercare at school for some random reason) or maybe the original time will chronically conflict and she’d always be at the whim of her husband’s ability to leave work early on those days.

          • Orangerie

            I don’t think this is entirely fair. If the meetings are with an important external party, their schedule preference should take higher priority. Unless the original meeting was scheduled for like 4:30pm, coworker should not get to dictate when meetings are held.

          • Anonymous

            For goodness sake! This is a grown up woman! If the time was an issue she needed to speak up a month ago. Nonsense like this is why people don’t like working with parents. How entitled can you get?

          • hoola hoopa

            The point is, what’s done is done. They need to move forward. They don’t need to bend over backwards to accommodate her, but that question will snuff out what they need to know and resolve the issue.

          • Burgher

            This seems really passive aggressive to me. Isn’t that like the most basic part of scheduling a meeting – knowing whether or not you can attend said meeting?

            I would just say something simply to her that barring exigent circumstances you expect her to attend all meetings during normally scheduled work hours and to check her schedule as to her availability during non-work hours immediately upon receipt of the invitation so that it can be rescheduled if she’s not available then.

        • Burgher

          Are you her boss?

          If so, I would have a meeting with her, with HR present if your work place is structured, making clear how you expect her to handle her commitments.

          We all have issues keeping commitments sometimes (whether it be for a child, a parent, a pet, a plumbing problem, etc.). That’s just life. What matters is whether the problem could have been realistically avoided by better planning on their part and how they deal with the failure to meet a commitment once it happens.

          If it was an emergency (ie the person who was supposed to watch the child during this time was called away suddenly), then I’d just ask her to tell you of the change as soon as she knows when it impacts important projects so that you can provide everyone with as much notice of the change as possible so as to preserve relationship. These things happen to all of us sometime.

          If the issue was not caused by an emergency, I would clearly lay out to her what her responsibilities are and how and when she should let you know that she is unable to meet her responsibilities. I would then send a summary email to her documenting the conversation. If this becomes a pattern, then you have started building your HR case.

          I am not sympathetic when someone makes their failure to plan your problem.

        • Meg Murry

          Does she normally leave before this meeting ends everyday? Even if its been on her calendar for months, if meetings scheduled after she usually leaves she might not have realized the conflict right away if you don’t usually do late afternoon meetings.

          Also, not saying its right/fair, but for some stupid reason after my son’s elementary school starts the after school program doesn’t start up for 2 more weeks, leaving us to scramble to get someone to pick him up after school every day for those 2 weeks. So is it possible that this is the first week of school (and possibly the first week ever at that school if she has a young kid)? My school also is not on the ball with telling you what time the bus will drop your kid off until a few days before school starts, because the schedules aren’t set yet. I have to change my hours because my son used to be one of the last kids off the bus, and this year he will be one of the first and get home almost half an hour earlier. Which is fine, but I wish I had known more than a few days before the change happened.

          So, yes, you are justified in being frustrated at her, but sometimes things happen that people just can’t anticipate. If nothing else, she could have told you earlier in the week, not today. But you probably need to consider if this is a one-time poor planning situation, or a one time breakdown of her system.

      • hoola hoopa

        “Exactly what do you suggest at this point?”

        This. Don’t say anything unless you have something productive to say. You’ll just sound whiney.

        It’s fair to be irritated. She’s probably irritated, too. But a parents hands are fairly tied when it comes to childcare. You HAVE to pick up your child. Yes, she should have made coverage with the time known in advance, but unless you’re absolutely 100% positive that she just flaked out and doesn’t care (rather than any of a million other reasons that this happens: her husband’s schedule changed, her child became sick, her babysitter became sick, her babysitter’s father died, etc), just move forward.

        • Anonymous

          And let the external group judge OP’s group as incompetent for rescheduling an important meeting calendered a month in advance day of? Impacting their reputation in the project going forward? Terrible idea.

          • Anonymous

            They’re still going to judge. And blaming someone else is, at best, going to look equally unprofessional (since it doesn’t actually change the fact that the meeting has to be rescheduled) or, at worst, more unprofessional (by exposing in-fighting and squabbles) between the “team.”

    • mascot

      Sometimes life happens. Without knowing all of the details, I’d give the benefit of the doubt that she really is picking the best of her options. The reality of two working spouses with two important meetings is that sometimes your commitment has to be the one to cave. For all you know, she had prepared and then it all fell apart Can you make any accommodation for this, starting a bit earlier, or letting her do her portion first and then dialing in for the rest if possible? I’ve been in a hearing where opposing counsel made it known at the beginning of the day that he absolutely had to leave to pick up his child, he apologized for the inconvenience, and no one had an issue with it because they all understood his predicament.

      • Clementine

        Yes, I’ve been in meetings where someone has left early or called in remotely and it was never a big deal. If anyone questioned it, ‘childcare issue’ was a good enough reason.

        Good managers I’ve known have simply reacted to it, made it clear that you get what happened but it’s something to be avoided going forward, and moved on as best they could. Some of the worst working environments I have been in were those where they couldn’t accept that ‘S#!t Happens’ and people do have lives outside of work.

        If I were to start this conversation, I would probably say something like this: “When you told me at the last minute that you were unable to make it to the meeting, I felt like you were putting both our reputations on the line. Going forward, I’d like to work together to make sure our scheduling is in sync.’

      • JJ

        I agree with everything you’ve said, but my takeaway from this was that the employee knew about the meeting for 1.5 months in advance and never made alternative pick-up arrangements. I’d talk to her and if it’s that case, I think you can discuss the issue with her. If it was some type of emergency or something unplanned, then chalk it up to life getting in the way.

        • hoola hoopa

          I agree that it’s a different situation if the coworker simply never attempted arrangements, but I’m honestly unconvinced that OP really knows the backstory of why she doesn’t have care at that time.

          OP also does not sound like her supervisor. She sounds like a coworker.

          • JJ

            Fair point. I think I’d have a different take, as well, if she’s coworkers and not her supervisor.

      • anon for this

        I 100% agree with what you have said, as well as Toffee. Sometimes sh!t happens. And, as it has been pointed out, unless you know all of the details, it’s hard to say exactly what happened.

        Even if she didn’t have childcare arranged right away, and she’s known about the meeting for months, sometimes we people just forget things. If it was a disruption to her normal routine, I could totally see how it would get overlooked. I personally have a tendency to compartmentalize events in my brain, and sometimes two events don’t ever meet in my head and I double-book without realizing it.

        Sometimes you just.can’t.find.childcare.

        As for advice, the only way that you will sound at all welcoming to her is to praise her commitment to the project and look forward to her involvement. “I am sorry you are missing some of this kick-off meeting. I am really looking forward to working with you on our team, and I hope that you will be able to be present at the rest of the meetings, as we value your input. Are there days that are better or worse for you?” You wouldn’t be totally accommodating her schedule, but at the same time, you’re giving her an out to provide an option that will work for her. I also really like Clementine’s suggestion of conversation–pointing out that she is representing herself, and you, as a part of the company.

        As an example of what a crazy week can sometimes look like: hubs and I both WOH fulltime. We have a full-time live-out nanny. She generally keeps hours 745a-5p. This week, however, hubs and I each have Monday, Tuesday and Thursday evening meetings. In exchange for these evenings, one of us has to go to work late, so that our youngest can get dropped at preschool. So, today, tomorrow and Friday, she will pick him up at 12:30 when he gets out of school. On Tuesday, I will not see my children awake, at all. I have to leave for a meeting earlier than they get up, and my meeting in the evening will last well past their bedtime. We are fortunate to have a nanny with flexible hours, but it is certainly not the rule, especially with a daycare center as opposed to a nanny/sitter arrangement.

        • Curly Sue

          I’m sorry, but this is absurd to me. Of course life happens, of course people make mistakes, of course things are sometimes overlooked. But the idea of offering “praise” to a coworker or employee who failed to meet a work responsibility in the name of being “welcoming” is just ridiculous.

          I truly understand and believe that being a working parent is hard. Being a working adult–with commitments and people who rely on you and a life you’d like to continue to function outside of the workplace–is hard, whether or not you’re a parent. Parenthood doesn’t earn you some special status wherein your mistakes are met with praise instead of a clear instruction that this is not an acceptable outcome in your workplace, and it’s your responsibility to work to avoid it in the future. It’s not the OP’s job to dance around her coworker’s schedule; if coworker has a conflict, it’s her responsibility to raise it.

          Nobody is suggesting taking the coworker outside and flogging her. But it is not unreasonable for people to be told that commitments are important and failure to meet a commitment matters.

    • OP

      Thank you all for the input! I love that there is a place like this that allows you to get feedback and perspective. Much appreciated! We figured something out, and it will all be okay. I am going to let the dust settle today and then when we next chat project timelines, I will raise the matter of best times to schedule external meetings with her so we can avoid scheduling stress for her. For the record, the meeting is 3:30 – 4:30, I am not the person’s supervisor, and she told me directly that it just didn’t register that she’d need to adjust her regular schedule.

      • tesyaa

        It sounds like you are handling it really well. We all occasionally have brainlock about scheduling; hopefully for this co-worker it was a one-time thing.

      • anon for this

        I just posted not long after you replied, but your comment about the schedule adjustment just not registering with her made me remember a similar compartmentalization I had just recently. I took my oldest son to his well-child check in the summer. He started 1st grade last week, and has to take a medication to school with him. I knew about this forever. Since forever ago. Did I take the appropriate forms to the doctor with me for signatures? Nope. Didn’t occur to me. No worries, I will just take them when I take the youngest to the doctor tomorrow for signatures. When did oldest start school? Last week. Did I send his meds in? Yep. Is the form signed? Nope. It will be tomorrow, though. I can totally relate to this woman’s plight of oversight.

        • Maizie

          “I can totally relate to this woman’s plight of oversight.”
          OMG. Me too. Thank you for reminding me to handle my own child’s school med form THIS week (when school starts NEXT week)!

          Life happens. Sh!t happens. It’s really, really, really tough to be a top-flight, rise-up-the-corporate ladder, WOH mom. Fortunately most such professional women can afford the various available child care solutions. Unless as Anon @ 2:04 pm said “Sometimes you just.can’t.find.childcare.”

          Unfortunately sh!t also happens to the women lower down the income ladder who may have neither the workplace flexibility to participate remotely nor the income flexibility to obtain childcare at non-routine times.

          I like the idea of using calendaring software. It gives everyone another safety net.

          If your organization has an EAP does it include referrals to or assistance in finding backup child care?

          It’s an imperfect world in which WOH parents have to find individual solutions to a collective problem. Parents and nonparents alike, we’re all struggling to do our best for the kids and our coworkers.

      • Meg Murry

        One technical detail then – do her “official” hours end at 4:00? Did you schedule this meeting via calendaring software? You should ask her to put her work hours into the software (I know Outlook and Lotus Notes allow for this) so that when you go to schedule future meetings, it will show her as unavailable after 4 pm or whatever her leave time is. I worked at a place that allowed flexible start times, and the general policy was “if the Outlook calendar shows your are available, you are expected to show up for the meeting”.

        Now if you scheduled this just via email and not a calendaring software – for me personally, that’s asking me to forget your meeting. If it doesn’t land right on my calendar, there is a much better chance of me having a scheduling conflict.

  19. Anonymous

    Has anyone had experience with bathroom scales that also measure body fat? I’ve read that they’re not terribly accurate but am wondering whether there’s perhaps another reason people have found them worthwhile.

    • Anonymous

      They are inaccurate in that it’s probably not a great gauge at your actual body fat % but they could definitely be accurate in tracking progress! Ie, if you start at 29%, and eventually you’re at 24%, well, by whatever the scale is measuring, you’re in better shape!

  20. Anonymous

    If you were to ask a new intern what s/he wanted to learn or get out of the internship, what are some answers you’d be impressed by?

    • Away Game

      When I ask, I’m not looking for a specific answer – especially for undergraduates – but more how they answer. I am looking to see if they have something they can articulate well, something that has clearly been thought through, and something that is remotely achievable (which would show they both thought about it and have done enough research on the office/position to have an idea of what they could learn).

    • Wildkitten

      I wouldn’t ask to be impressed. I’d ask to see how I can help hir reach hir goals. So say the truth.

  21. Tina

    I love this dress but just not in this color. Shame that this style in a fitted fabric will never fit a busty woman :(

Back to Top

About

Work with Corporette®

Serious Stuff

work fashion blog press mentions