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Frugal Friday’s TPS Report: Taped Cuff Shirt

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Many thanks to this week's TPS guest poster, Stephanie from Adventures in the Stiletto Jungle. Taped Cuff Shirt Back in the day, as a newly minted attorney working my way up the ranks in the City Attorney's office, I learned to love The Limited. This inexpensive mall store stocks a surprisingly extensive selection of office-appropriate clothes, including great “starter” suits for the young, fabulous and broke that are machine washable (three cheers for no dry cleaning bills!). Beyond their affordable suit selection, another great staple item to snag at The Limited is their Taped Cuff Shirt. This basic button-down shirt comes in a variety of colors and patterns, each made from comfortable stretch fabric and cut in a figure-flattering tapered shape. It comes in sizes XS to XL and is priced right for buying in multiples. This everyday shirt will go with everything from your suits on formal days, to skirts and trousers for business casual, to khakis for casual Friday. Plus, the cotton/ Spandex blend actually wears quite well on an airplane, making it perfect for business trips where you have to go directly from airport to boardroom. The Taped Cuff Shirt is available for $46.90 at The Limited. Taped Cuff Shirt Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail editor@corporette.com with “TPS” in the subject line. (L-2)

Sales of note for 1/1/25 (HAPPY NEW YEAR!):

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

240 Comments

  1. what’s happening with the DC corporette meet-up? Just wanted to make sure I didn’t miss something ….

    2. October 18th. Email me for details. I have a couple messages to respond to so will send out another email later today.

  2. Comeuppance — How did your meeting go yesterday? I’m anxious to hear how you’re doing!

    1. Seriously, you are so awesome for posting. Thank you.

      The meeting went well, especially since I was so terrified of having this meeting. But I know my supervisor well so I booked a conference room, made sure his calendar was clear and we sat and talked. And talked and talked. Before the meeting, I sat down and wrote down all of the things that I wanted to say, including acknowledging my declining performance, my frustration and his, as well as various issues in our organizational structure that were driving me nuts.

      I’m just really happy that I wasn’t wearing any concealer, foundation or eyeliner on the lower lid because I did tear up a little when speaking, just teeny pinpricks of water that stayed in the corner of my eyes. I never understand before how people could actually cry in the office but I’m so happy I didn’t bawl. My voice was shaky at times and sometimes I would address the table, my notebook, or the wall, but everything I wanted to say came out. I didn’t realize how upset I was until I had this meeting.

      My supervisor was actually very happy that I set up the meeting. He liked the initiative and commented on my self-awareness. He’s the kind of supervisor that appreciates explicit comments/honest conversations. I did make sure to mention that I appreciate his open-door policy and the fact that he was trying to support me into becoming a more productive employee but those methods actually made me feel worse (having me report to someone who is not a mentor at all who instituted weekly meetings and the taking away of work to “help” me). I acknowledged that it’s difficult to assign me more work when I’ve been sucking lately but I do work better under pressure and that I need to make that strength work for me when there is no pressure. I also told him that it *really* stresses me out to have these frequent status meetings. He’s going to try a more laid back approach and told me that now that I’m responsible for myself, he’s expecting me to deliver. Which is a-ok with me.

      I really wished that I hadn’t mentioned the medical issues, because that really worried him. Who knows, maybe that was the right move, I don’t know. But I’m happy with the way the meeting turned out because he didn’t know how I felt about the way we work. I guess he’s learning how to develop me as well – I don’t think he’s ever had staff as junior as me (almost 4 years out of school now, I started with him). Maybe this is just growing pains? I don’t know. But I am more motivated today to get.stuff.done so I shall do stuff.

      To everyone who wrote yesterday, thank you a million times. I’m not in law but not getting work in on time can have serious repercussions to the public at large. I actually LOLed at the “need a man” comments, which I’m sure my mother would agree with but is so not what I need right now. And to my compatriots quietly suffering, I just set up a meeting with “let’s talk” in the body of the invitation and started by stating up front that I’ll be blunt about this all because I’m NYC and I don’t know how to ease into things. So today, I’m more hopeful and we’ll see how it goes.

      1. Thanks for the update. It sounds like it went fairly well, and hopefully the relaxation on the status update meeting will help you perform better. It’s understandable that he’s worried about the medical issues, but my guess is that he’s relieved you mentioned it because it shows you’re just as concerned as he is and are doing everything you can to try to figure out the root of the problem. Please keep us updated on how everything goes.

        1. He may also be worried about the medical issues because he may be wondering how he should handle it officially–e.g., does he need to tell HR or the like. It sounds like it went fine. You sound totally on top of things, which may not be how you feel, but you sound good!

      2. I just wanted to say that I think you were very brave to do this and you should really be proud of yourself. What a hard conversation to have. I bet your boss is proud of you too and sees that you are on the road to becoming that star employee that you once were.

        Good luck!

        1. I so agree. Hopefully having this talk with him will help you kick start yourself back on the rockstar path!

      3. Congratulations on getting through it! I hope you are feeling better, and that you’ll be able to relax more this weekend (and ever, really.)

  3. The Drew Pant from the Limited is an amazing work pant! Also, I see them at my local TJ Maxx all the time — last trip I got a pair for $15.00

  4. Also, I might have to check these shirts out. Can anyone speak to the need for ironing them? At the risk of seeming like Ellen, I HATE that chore more than ANYTHING.

    1. With all these correct spellings and reasonable word choices, nobody could mistake you for Ellen :)

    2. I definitely don’t have time in my life for ironing. For this price though, you can find Brooks Brothers no iron button downs on sale online or at the factory store. Much better quality IMO.

      1. Such a good point. When I looked back at the price, I realized that I just paid less than that for a BR no-iron button down last weekend bc they were having a sale. It fits kind of weird, though. I have literally no chest (AA), and yet somehow the buttons were gaping a little when I was in certain positions.

        1. My theory is that non-iron button downs always tend to gape more because the material is stiff and doesn’t “bend” as well between buttons to conform to an individual’s torso shape.

          My fix is to safety pin from the inside to keep the boob-area from gaping. All plackets have a double layer of fabric, so if you put the safety pin on the inside of the shirt (against your skin) and then pin it through both layers of the bottom side but only the back (hidden) layer of the top side, the pin will be invisible to those around you.

        2. I use fashion tape for that and it works wonders–a small price to pay for knowing that your girls won’t be hanging out!

        3. I’ve seen people recommend the little snaps that onesies have for shirts that gape. I think that might be more discreet than safety pins.

        4. This is anon from 1020. I’ve actually found that safety pins are more discrete. I’ve tried the snaps and if you look from the side, you can sometimes see them. With the safety pin (since the bulk of the pin is completely inside the shirt, against your skin) you can’t see it at all, especially since I don’t pin it through the topmost layer of the placket (thereby avoiding any telltale silver on the top of my shirt). I’m not sure if my explanation makes sense but it truly is invisible!

        5. The best method for dealing with gape is to bring your shirt to a tailor and have him sew up the buttons. I do this to all my shirts. Make sure you can put the shirt on over your head before you do that, though.

          2. I think it would also make it difficult to put on over my head. Maybe I just have a large head and shoulders?

        1. I second this. I love BRs last season jewelish ton blues, magentas that had almost an iridescent quality…but once they go into the wash, the frabric isn’t holding up as great as my trusty blue stripes on white BB shirt.

        2. they dont expand to include jewel tones because those colors in button downs are not classic business colors. instead, they are the uniform of 20-somethings who shop at banana republic.

          1. Just because I’m over 20 doesn’t mean that I should be stuck in a wardrobe of pastels.

          2. And what about those of us who have skin that washes out and looks gray with pastels? My skin looks much better in the right jewel tone or bold colour

    3. Quick trick that works wonders for mild wrinkles (ie creases from sitting all day in pants/skirt/etc) Take a spray bottle set to mist (or a damp washcloth) and wet the fabric where the wrinkles are. Smooth the fabric by hand and let it dry (I usually do this the evening before I need to wear something). If the wrinkles are light, they’re usually gone. If they’re deeper or more set it this will usually make ironing the next day a bit faster.

  5. What’s everyone wearing today?

    Inspired by this picture of Marissa Webb http://jcrewaficionada.blogspot.com/2011/09/marissa-web-leaves-jcrew-say-it-aint-so.html, I’m rocking an untucked white J. Crew button down banker’s shirt with deep blue stripes (a shirt I’ve had for years and years and still looks brand new – which maybe speaks to other people’s comments about the decline in J. Crew quality over the past few years) underneath my recently acquired light blue J. Crew long sleeve boatneck painter’s tee, button down sleeves pulled back over painter’s tee sleeves. On bottom we’ve got dark wash Citizens, open toed camel Charles David stilettos. Accessories, long gold & pearl D&G necklace and my watch.

    I feel so put together and preppy! Which is a good thing because our CEO just swung through our offices for a chat.

    2. Friday Jeans Day at my firm. Dark wash maternity skinny jeans (a contradiction in terms if I’ve ever heard one, but I love them), tiered chiffon camel colored tank (not as “festive” as it sounds and flattering for my almost-a-baby-bump), black v-neck cardigan over it, and black peep toe pumps. Opera length tan/black/grey beaded necklace.

      1. Ooo, where did you get your skinny maternity jeans? I am going to need some this winter. Preferably with lots of stretch! :)

        1. **Butting in!!**

          I’m loving my maternity “jeggings” from Old Navy. Super comfy, stretchy, and only $40! They are much more jean than legging–my friend mistook them for a much more expensive pair I wore last year (non-maternity, of course).

        2. Old Navy! When they were having a jeans sale a few weeks back. I’m only 17 weeks and they’re full panel, so they’re a little big still, but I think they’ll fit perfectly when I’m further along.

          I think they run long, as well. I’m 6′ tall and always need “long” length jeans and these are perfect in their normal length.

        3. I have a pair of Hudson skinny dark wash maternity jeans that are flattering. Wearing them for hopefully the last casual Friday at the office (tomorrow is my due date).

        4. I dig my Bodens from this season’s maternity, but size up since it’s fantastic, thick ‘real’ denim (with stretch but not the knit sort of stretch ‘denim’) that has a body of its own. I appreciate the good strong denim since it gives me good shape, but I think one size up was just the ticket. The belly is lovely jersey but they don’t fall down as you might find many, many maternity jeans/pants do… it’s an engineering prob since with no opening/buttoning-shut waist band, most maternity pants can’t stay up without being too tight, which is obviously no go…. frustrating… but the Bodens, 1 size up, are good for hiding lumps and staying on.

      2. Also – adding what I paid for everything.

        As I type this, I realize I’m wearing Old Navy-apalooza.

        Jeans: Old Navy, $15
        Tank: Old Navy, $20
        Cardigan: Ann Taylor five years ago (and still looks like new): $40
        Necklack: NY & Co, $10
        Shoes: Naturalizer, $40

        This is a shockingly thrifty outfit, actually.

    3. Herbie your outfit sounds amazing!

      I started the day in a floral print dress and belted cardigan but then my impending head cold made me feel chilly with bare legs. Went to go pick up cold medicine and swung by Old Navy to pick up a cheap outfit for the rest of the day.

      I am now wearing black slim leg pants, a white blouse with a print, grey ballet flats, and my usual gold jewelry. And I feel much more comfortable =)

      1. I’m wearing a navy crew neck sweater, dark khaki pants (yay casual friday), grey flats, with green accent jewelery. I also took my inspiration from J Crew, and am devestated to hear that Marissa Web is leaving. Hopefully they will continue making the bright wool pencil skirts. Those are my favorite!

      2. >swung by Old Navy to pick up a cheap outfit for the rest of the day.

        Wow. I so admire that you were able to do that, both geographically and motivationally! Your new outfit sounds so classic and comfortable. :)

    4. On bottom: black slacks, black flats. On top: slim-fitting, textured toffee-colored sweater with cross-over neckline with black cami just peaking out for extra coverage. Accessories are a silver chain mail necklace and several bracelets made of little graphite-colored beads.

      I declared it casual-for-me-Friday. This is about as casual as I would go at my (say it with me) not-quite-business-formal-but-definitely-not-business casual office.

    5. I was going to post the same thing but also ask– how much did you pay for what you are wearing? I wonder what the answers to this will reveal about us…

      (not working today – student!)
      Aerosoles wedges (cognac), on sale, $30, which I never ever wear
      Gap outlet “long and lean” jeans that I haven’t hemmed yet, thus the wedges ($21!!!)
      White “Perfect” T, Jcrew, $20
      Beige print cardigan, Jcrew outlet, $20-30 (its old so I’m not sure)
      Jewelry – undecided yet but probably something from etsy in the $10-30 range.
      Beige/tan/whatever coach purse, $300

      I think this makes me look like a huge bargain hunter, which I certainly am not – it might just be the bias of a very casual day.

      1. Oh, interesting question! I actually think that everything I’m wearing today was given to me as a gift:

        (I have a client coming in later, so I’m not rocking a casual Friday look)

        Darkish gray pants suit from the Limited that my mom bought me a couple of birthdays ago- it’s a great suit, very comfortable and easy to wear, and I think it looks very flattering. I guess it was around $150-200. Wish it had a skirt option as well.

        Stretchy short-sleeved cream colored top with a gathered neckline, also from the limited (I had to pull at the tag and check!). I think my sister got it for me a few Christmases ago; I assume that it was in the $20-30 range.

        Dark red peep toed heels from BCBG (see, I shop at other stores!) that my husband got me last Christmas, to which my dad strongly objected (I don’t think they look overly sexy, but my dad’s kind of a prude). Husband probably paid full price, (he loves to get expensive things), so guessing $150-ish.

        Matching pearl necklace and earrings – the pearls are kind of set apart with some curvy silver tubing in between, if that makes sense. Husband bought them for me years ago, not sure where or what they cost (probably too much!).

        Hmm, I guess my family treats me pretty well!

      2. Black and white print jersey shirtdress from Target. I got it on clearance, probably less than $10. It fits well and is a nice weight for a fall day. Also a turquoise cardigan, which I don’t remember buying, but I doubt it was expensive – I have about 15 teal/turquoise sweaters, often thrifted.

        Teal boots, ooh la la. :) New, I paid about $70 on clearance, and they’re gorgeous and I’m super happy in them.

      3. J. Crew banker’s shirt – no idea – bought on final sale in 2004.

        J. Crew boatneck painter’s tee – $33

        Citizens – probably around $180. Bought several years ago. People have different jean philosophies (I know $200 on jeans is offensive to some people), but I *live* in jeans, so my cost per wear is in the pennies at this point.

        Charles David stilettos – no idea – bought them several years ago on sale on Amazon.com

        D&G necklace – Gilt! This I also bought several years ago, so no idea. Less than $100?

        Most expensive thing I’m wearing is my watch. That I paid $400 for.

      4. Maroon pencil skirt from Talbots (on sale last winter – $40)
        Light brown scoop neck (years old, probably less than $20)
        Dark brown skinny belt (absolutely no clue)
        Pearls (gift)
        Nude-to-me Vince Camuto Vickiy Pumps, Nordstrom ($80)
        Dark brown Nine West blazer that lives in my office (I seriously think I bought it at Burlington for probably like $30)
        Refurbished gold Burberry bracelet watch (eons ago, but I remember thinking that it was a steal when I bought it, best guess is $150-ish)

        I am a super bargain hunter today, I guess! To make up for the frugality of today’s outfit, I went shopping during lunch. Ooops.

        1. And I just realized that actually my bra is the most expensive thing that I’m wearing (well, about tied with the shoes, I think). Chantelle is so. worth. it.

    6. Working from home because I had to bring my car in to get new tires. I’m wearing the Old Navy cross-over jersey dress in Navy and black and white daisy-printed flip flops.

      I’m also wearing my armani tank watch, 3 silver bangles (2 from Tiffany, 1 from Shreve’s) and a blue enamel regatta bangle from Lilly Pulitzer.

      I wouldn’t be this put together if I hadn’t had to run out to the tire place.

      1. I was going to say! When I work from home, it’s a miracle if I get out of what I slept in.

      2. To answer the price question…

        The dress cost $16 and I bought the flip flops on sale for $14. The watch and all the bracelets were gifts. And I bought the undergarments at Target and TJMaxx (probably not more than $17 together).

    7. I’ll play along with the paid for game as well…

      Green Lands’ End cardigan with white stripes – $19.99ish
      Pink Canvas scoopneck tee – $9.99
      Talbots straightleg dark wash Heritage jeans – $25
      Silver/nickel Me Too flats with a bow – $9.99

      moissanite studs and e-ring, Citizen eco-drive watch with silver face,
      Cape Cod bracelet

      Casual Fridays are weird around here. Most people wear jeans and sweatshirts or jeans and Packers gear but I never know when another attorney will stop in and try and settle something.

    8. Hit the snooze button a little too long this morning, so I’m not wearing exactly what I intended.

      Black gap premium pants- $50ish
      Gray old navy tank- $12
      Orange talbots short sleeve sweater- $20ish on sale
      Black bracelet watch (which I love!)- $13 at Target
      Silver disk earrings my awesome jewelry designer friend gave me for my birthday

      PS, I totally need to brag about my jewelry designer friend today because she has earrings featured in the new In Style magazine! I’m so proud of her and feel the need to tell everyone!

      1. I’m interested in this because my awesome jewelry designer friend has also been featured in InStyle. I don’t know if she’s in the newest one, but I’m wondering if we know the same person.

        1. That would be crazy! This is her first time being in In Style and they are feather earrings. Same person?

          1. Nope. Doesn’t sound like it. My friend is from Florida. We met in Providence – she lived across the hall – when she was just starting her business. She now lives in NYC.

          2. Not the same person, although that would have been really cool and a super small world.

      2. Working at home. Old Navy plaid woven camp shirt/tunic – $20. “calvin klein” shorts from Costco – $20. Elle Macpherson bra – $50.

    9. navy v-neck tee ($15)
      grey tank ($8)
      dark wash jeans ($60)
      naturalizer pewter flats ($12 at the outlet!)

      I work in a decidedly casual firm, though. I am easily the least casually dressed today. (do the sound of flip flops at work drive anyone else batty?)

    10. Dark wash maternity “jeggings” from Old Navy – $40
      Long maroon cowl neck sweater from Ann Taylor last year – $40
      Nine West gray suede boots – Christmas 2010 gift!
      Diamond / pearl earrings purchased on vacation in Mexico- $30

    11. Oh, so very casual today: Levi’s midrise skinny jeans, a Threadless statement tee, and a a purple Loft cardigan from last year. Black ballet flats and gold hoop earrings. I am so ready for the weekend.

    12. Very monochrome day here:
      Black/grey herringbone pencil skirt picked up at Target forever ago (fully lined and still looks great!), black silk top with a funky collar, grey jacket, black tights and black kitten heels. Also wearing a triple strand of pearls I bought on Etsy.

      1. I think I am wearing that same skirt today and I LOVE it. I have it in a couple different colors and weights. Its the best skirt ever. Looks fantastic, is machine washable, sits on a good place on my waist, and is nice and long for me.

        1. Sounds the same to me. This skirt has been a work wardrobe staple for years. Also feels really nice, though I’m sure if I shimmied around and looked at the tag I would not find 100% wool.

          1. I think I have that skirt, too. I also bought it in a pink tweed and a brown tweed.

            I need to have them taken in, though. I’m probably about 2 sizes smaller now.

    13. The prices are very guesstimate, because most of what I’m wearing is at least a few months old.

      BR herringbone skirt ($50)
      long sleeve tee ($10-ish)
      AT long vest ($35)
      brown pumps ($30)
      Ikat scarf (no idea)

      all in very oatmeal/brown/neutral tones. Feeling blah to reflect the weather and humidity.

    14. Running errands day, so nothing exciting.
      Black Hunter rainboots (Gilt for $89!), dark skinny jeans from JCrew ($40ish at outlets), white tank, simple purple top with deep vneck from BR outlet years ago, Kate Spade “Go to Town” bracelet that is striped and matches everything, and a scarf that’s in between yellow and orange sherbet from BR outlet.

      Side note: today I learned from writing this post that “sherbet” is not spelled “sherbert.” Thank you, Safari spelling correction.

      1. I got the hunter boots from Gilt as well! yea! so glad for the PSA from Corporettes!!!

        hmm, are we more bargain huntery than I thought? I feel bad that I do not fit into that trend.
        Today:
        THE halogen skirt from Nordstrom (yellow)- $68
        grey silk shirt from Neiman – $220ish
        deeper charcoal grey cardigan from BR’s heritage line – $150ish
        grey flannel heels from Joan and David (poor choice because it is drizzling today) – $200ish (and now they are on sale for 118 – grrrrr).

        here’s my question. I NEED another halogen skirt. for several reasons:
        1. the light purple one is not fall, I think
        2. the yellow borders on being too light – not as pictured on nordstrom site
        3. I love this thing – go up five pounds and it still looks great. go down five pounds and still looks great (just sits lower on my *substantial* hips).

        so what colour is best for fall at a conservative firm? orange or burgandy? the blue is sold out in my size. I feel like red is a bit safe, but not sure if I can pull off orange. and is it as pictured on the website, or is it lighter?

    15. Sorry if this is a repost . . . my comment is in moderation!

      I got the hunter boots from Gilt as well! yea! so glad for the PSA from Corporettes!!!

      hmm, are we more bargain huntery than I thought? I feel bad that I do not fit into that trend.
      Today:
      THE halogen skirt from Nord. (yellow)- $68
      grey silk shirt from Neiman – $220ish
      deeper charcoal grey cardigan from BR’s heritage line – $150ish
      grey flannel heels from Joan and David (poor choice because it is drizzling today) – $200ish (and now they are on sale for 118 – grrrrr).

      here’s my question. I NEED another halogen skirt. for several reasons:
      1. the light purple one is not fall, I think
      2. the yellow borders on being too light – not as pictured on nordstrom site
      3. I love this thing – go up five pounds and it still looks great. go down five pounds and still looks great (just sits lower on my *substantial* hips).

      so what colour is best for fall at a conservative firm? orange or burgandy? the blue is sold out in my size. I feel like red is a bit safe, but not sure if I can pull off orange. and is it as pictured on the website, or is it lighter?

      1. My gutt says that burgandy is going to be easier to style and will stand out less. Full disclosure: I ordered both, and fully intend to rock both in BigLaw. Orange arrives today, burgandy early next week. I’ll post again if I disagree after seeing the orange in person.

      2. Don’t know if you’ll come back here to check, but just in case: I got both the purple magenta and the ginger wine yesterday. Honestly, I love them both. I was wearing a brown shirt when I tried them on, and I really like the orange with the brown. The orange is definitely a pop of color, but it’s not as bright as I feared that it might be. I think either one would be a great addition. For what it’s worth, I think that the colors were pretty accurately depicted on my computer screen. Maybe a smidge lighter than they looked online, although that might have to do with the white shirt that they’ve paired the orange with, which I do not like. Much better with a chocolate brown.

        Full disclosure (again): I love orange more than the average Corporette because it was one of my undergrad colors, so I’ve had a long time to get used to wearing it.

    16. Casual Friday again…spent forever trying to figure out what to wear. I think I spend more time deciding on clothes for Friday than I do combined the entire rest of the week.

      Navy blue J Crew A-Line skirt – from the J Crew outlet so maybe spent about $40
      Beige short sleeve Banana Republic shirt – No idea as to price. Hand me down from my sister (when she shrinks her clothes, they end up being the right size for me.) Hated hand me downs as a kid…but now, who can resist a free nice shirt?
      Cliffs wedge sandals – probably about $50
      Denim jacket – probably about $50

    17. “Visible” but non-suit day here, so despite the rainy Friday:

      -Black and white pattern DvF wrap dress ($350)
      -Cami (black, plain, cut tag at some point but suspect it was an Ann Taylor so $15-20)
      -Ferragamo heels ($400 – Christmas gift to self)
      -Tiffany diamonds by the yard bracelet (gift from parents for LS graduation)
      -Pearl studs (gift from husband)

    18. I’m wearing a black/blue tweed dress from Target that I get a ton of compliments on – $39; Talbots ruffled black cardigan – $25 during their Red Tag sale; Talbots flats – $25 during the same sale; big faux pearl studs – gift from my mom.

    19. had a meeting today, so I’m in a suit. Camel lightweight wool suit from Ann Taylor Loft, from 5 years ago back when Loft had such things, silk brown and cream shell from banana republic (cream with sort of a snakeskin pattern in the brown, but not really–it’s prettier than it sounds), red jewelry.

      (this is kz–i’ve decided to change my handle to something slightly more anonymous since my bf keeps directing all our friends to corporette because he thinks it’s awesome, and I took a page from AlannaofTrebond and went with a favorite young adult literary character)

    20. Casual Friday (although my boyfriend accidentally locked me out of our garage, so I’m working from home temporarily while I’m waiting for him to come set my car free):

      -Ann Taylor gray and white striped long-sleeved boatneck tee – $20-$30 (picked up during one of their 40% off sales)
      -Gap dark wash jeggings – $50
      -Black Franco Sarto pumps – $50
      -Long lucite beaded Banana Republic necklace tied into a knot at the bottom – gift from my mom

    22. Black skinny 7s (~$200), a navy/white striped T from Maison Scotch (~$20, on sale from $60), a pale pink sweater from H & M (30 Euro), and Red Toms ($60), American Apparel beige Circle Scarf ($40?).

      “Unmentionables” (Hanky Pankys and Chantelle- $120). Jewellery: my gold grad ring (~$500).

      I’m an articling student in a medium-sized office of a large Canadian firm, it’s usually pretty formal, but Fridays are ‘casual’. I keep a suit in my office just in case I’m sent to court.

    23. I am starting my third trimester and am absolutely EXHAUSTED… so my outfit today is as close to pajamas and a bathrobe that I could justify wearing to the office and in colors that match my dreary disposition.

      – Gap Perfect Trouser maternity black dress pants (they’re the looser-fitting straight leg kind) – $45
      – Dusty/smoky blue v-neck motherhood maternity shirt – $25
      – Black, long, no-button cardigan with tasteful ruffle detailing down edges – $75
      – Red-ish necklace from Silpada (gift from friend)
      – Target watch and teal bracelet – $9.99 combined
      – Neutral disc earings from farmers market – $4
      – Black Naturalizer flats that I keep under my desk – no idea what they cost but do remember that they were on super clearance when I got them and was proud of my score. They are a bit scuffed after wearing them on too many spur-of-the-moment site visits and need to be replaced desparately. When I head out to a meeting later I will change into Enzo Angiolini black patent almond toe pumps ($90) that are so perfect that I justbought a second identical pair to replace the originals.

    24. Long sleeved navy faux wrap from Nautica with a pink J. Crew tank top underneath, grey Liz Claiborne flats with metal details on the toes.

    25. My personal Casual Friday in a super casual office:

      Levi’s dark wash straight leg jeans ($60)
      Black blouse with tiny stud/nail detailing ($90)
      Club Monaco light grey merino cartigan ($15 on sale!)
      Black Dan Post paddock boots ($100)
      Yellow Amrita Singh earrings ($15)

    26. Jeans Day!

      Dark wash bootcut jeans from BR.
      Black cami from Uniqlo.
      Cornflower blue V-neck merino pullover from Uniqlo.
      Black flats from Geo.
      Silver jewellery.
      And, when I came in this morning, blue plaid riding jacket-style blazer from Hess, since it was remarkably chilly outside.

    27. Sleeveless dress with black pencil skirt and grey jersey top w/ cowel neck ($30 at Nordstrom Rack), purple boyfriend cardigan from AT ($50) and Plenty “Zora” sandal that is probably only kinda sort of work appropriate but I love them and don’t care! I think I paid $90 on sale, but I am sure they are on even deeeper discount now that its fall. Silver “DNA” jewlery, looks like a double helix, from an artist whose name I cannot recall. Was a gift, no idea how much it cost, but probably too much. My office doesn’t have casual Friday and its a bone of contention here in casual SF.

    28. Had to go to court so I’m kind of boring today: dark brown Ann Taylor suit with a semi sheer blouse in a purple pattern with a brown camisole.

    29. Pualani bikini in dark brown, white and aqua blue hibiscus print ($40 bc bought directly from designer about eight years ago);
      Black slim Havaiana under the lounge chair ($24); and
      White cotton poplin tunic coverup from Athleta used as pillow ($80ish a few years ago).
      Very happy to be on vacation but sorry to miss the SF meetup.

      2. Casual Friday:
        Sam Edelman nude flats
        BR Black cuffed ankle pants
        Garnet hill merino cardigan in pink and cream lily print
        Very old cream shell from Forth and Towne (remember them?)
        Brighton gold and silver hoopsb

  6. Ladies, how do you store your diamond stud earrings? Or any “fine jewelry” stud earrings for that matter? I’m terrified of them getting lost in my jewelry box…

    1. Check container store and BB&B for earring storage options. I have what looks like a stainless steel card, with holes in it, that you just fix the earrings into.

    2. I store them in little jewelry pouches (I love the Chinese jewelry pouches that look like an envelope and have a zipper or I use organza drawstring pouches). Or I keep the original box (if it is pretty, fits with the rest of my stash, etc) and store items in there.

      1. I store them in 2″x3″ tiny ziplock bags, then arrange the bags standing upright in little cardboard boxes (those ones from Tiffany) like a filing cabinet. All the little boxes go into a shoe box. Different “sections” for different types (gold, pearls, cheapo, etc.) Not glamorous but very effective.

    3. I’ve been storing all of my favorite ones (4 or 5) on one of those peices of cardboard backing you get cheap jewelry on, which sits in my jewelry box. I know that it seems like a weird choice, to store very nice jewelry on something that could be from Claire’s or similar, but it’s been working really well. Easy to find and no worries about losing them, and if I want to stash them, say for travel, they’re all in one place and easy to grab.

    4. I keep them in the grooved area of the jewelry box that is intended for rings. I use half of the rows for rings and the other half for stud earrings. Occasionally one will slip down into the slot, but at least I know exactly where to find it.

      1. Me too. I’m not really a ring person, and only have a couple, so these are perfect for holding almost all of my stud earrings.

    6. something to keep in mind next time you get fine jewelry – ask for a pouch. I treated myself a few years ago to diamonds at Tiffany’s and the saleswoman provided a nice soft blue travel pouch. I store my diamonds-by-the-yard necklace, as well as the diamond stud earrings, in that pouch.

  7. Reminder – SF Bay Area meetup TOMORROW at Reposado in Palo Alto, 1pm. The email keeper is karenpadi, but hopefully someone can respond with what her email is.

    2. thanks for posting! I had non-stop meetings yesterday–very rare for me.

      that’s my email. I had a few questions re: how to find “the group”. I don’t usually have a problem finding a group at these things. So I’ll keep my eyes out for single ladies who look like they are looking for someone.

  8. Threadjack!

    Happy Friday ladies! I’m wondering if any of you have experience with keratin treatments or brazilian blow outs? I am a woman of color with very curly hair. Like, ringlet curly. It’s the kind of hair that most women of mixed race have. Most of my friends that have used it rave about it and now use this treatment instead of relaxers. However, I can’t seem to find anyone with hair like mine and thought maybe the hive would be a good resource.

    1. I also have a question about Brazilian blow outs. Is this something you can do to your hair long term? If I do it 2-3 years straight, is my hair going to start breaking / falling out or something?

    2. I don’t have experience with any of those treatments (nor do I have hair like yours), but I just want to say that your ringlet curls sound gorgeous! I have curly/wavy hair which can be a serious pain to work with, and I’m sure ringlets are even harder to maintain, but your hair sounds awesome.

    3. We’ve addressed this a couple times this week. Please check the comments, especially on Coffee Break threads, where threadjacks are more common.

      I never straighten, so I’m sorry I can’t be more specific.

    4. Love love LOVE my brazilian blowout!!! I did it for the first time 2 years ago and have done it every 6 months since then. I always wanted to look sleek and sophisticated, and I finally feel that way (personal choice). My hair is softer, shinier and feels and looks healthier than it ever has. I’m a total fan!

    5. Putting too many links in will kill this comment, but here’s how I check for things we’ve talked about in Corporette.

      Go to google and search this term:

      site:corporette.com “insert topic here”

      Anytime the topic is used in the comments, it will return a link to it!

    6. Haven’t used it myself (I’m a dreadhead), but a good friend lost her hair to the brazilian blow out stuff. YMMV, but tread cautiously.

      1. Thanks for the feedback. I actually did check out the previous threads about this but no one who’d commented seemed to have similar hair. I love that space geek said it made her hair look sleeker, because that’s just what I’m going for! Truthfully, I love my hair and am complimented on it all the time. I’m just at a point where I need a change–there’s only so much you can do with super curly hair! My stylist told me the keratin wouldn’t straighten my hair but that it would ‘loosen the curls’ to more of a wave.

        Also, the older I get (I’m 31) the more I feel like my hair makes me seem so much younger. Although my hair is long, it barely hangs past my shoulders because its.so.curly.

        My biggest fear is that once the keratin is out, it won’t go back to ‘normal.’ Can anyone speak to that?

        TIA ladies!

        2. Haven’t done either, but I did a “gloss” treatment once and even after the results faded, my hair texture didn’t feel the same. Disclaimer: my hair texture is different, so maybe you’d have different results.

          You could also look at the cost of getting one of those treatments and instead commit to a less permanent method – maybe get a professional blow out twice a month? Or maybe have a stylist play around with using other tools to get looser curls/waves that are sleeker? I hated my natural curls until I had a stylist show me how to polish them with a curling iron.

        3. Your hair will go back to normal with a Kertain treatment (my experience is with the “by Copola” brand). I have had 4 treatments. While the effects do start to last longer as you have more treatments and the protein builds up, it will not last forever. I am due for a treatment now and believe me, my “old” hair is rearing its ugly head!

          1. This is good to know. Thanks anon. I’m going to have it done tomorrow so I’ll let you all know my results.

  9. Any advice for getting a horrible mothball smell out of a gorgeous sweater? (And never again will I store something this way. I’m sorry, but I would take moths any day over this ungodly smell….)

    1. Wash it? Cotton? Wool? Cashmere? If its the latter two, baby shampoo, or The Laundress’ Wool and Cashmere Shampoo (instead of Woolite). Or store with a cedar or lavender sachet?

  10. Is it too soon to wear tights? I’m in Chicago where it’s starting to get chilly :-(

    4. In Chicago too-have been seeing lots of tights on my walk to work and in my loop office…go for it!

    6. I’m wearing tights in Los Angeles, so I’d say you’re completely justified.

    8. I tights it up first freezing half of this week in DC. Warmer now so I’m skipping tights now, but I think it’s officially Open Season once you get that first September cold day. Then, whatever temps call for, rock on. Bring on the boots!

  11. Quick question re tailoring. I just inherited 3 new Lafayette 148 suits from my mom’s friend. They are beautiful, and would be a perfect addition to my suit selection.

    But, I’m a size 0 and the suits are a size 4. I very, very rarely tailor beyond hemming pants, so I’m a novice. Has anyone had a (good or bad) experience with tailoring suits down a few sizes? Is it worth it – or should they get packed up with my consignment items? The friend has no attachment to the suits, so there’s no sentimental value associated with keeping them. Thoughts?

    1. You don’t mention whether these are skirt suits or pant suits. (Skirts are generally easier to get taken in, pants are harder, and jackets can be very hard.) If the size difference really is a 0 vs. a 4 (i.e. they’re on the same sizing scale) I suspect tailoring is going to be complicated, expensive, and yield mixed results at best. In your position, I’d donate the suits and spend the money toward new ones in the right size instead.

    2. It depends on the cut and it requires a really good tailor. I bought several Lafayette suits in July at the Nordie Anniversary Sale but when I went to wear them recently, they were too way big as I have lost weight since then. I went back to Nordstroms and had them take in the pants first. They did a great job and were able to go down 2 sizes. One pair with side pockets was so big I just got a new pair in my current size. It cost about $40 per pant. I have not yet had the jackets cut down because I want to see where my weight stabilizes (I am in maintenance). The tailor told me jackets can be easier as they just take in the back seam assuming the shoulders still fit.

      While tailoring at Nordstrom may be a bit pricey, I used them because they sell Lafayette suits and the tailors work on them all athe time. Also, if they do a bad job, I know Nordstroms with its excellent customer service will make it right. Be sure to use a really good tailor. A run of the mill place may botch it.

    3. There was a post recently about tailoring/fitting suits; you might want to check that out for an overview of what a tailor can do for you and approximate prices (though my tailor charges more than the prices listed). Like Monday said, if you basically have to remake the suits, it’s probably not worth it. But if, say, the shoulders of the jacket fit you but the sides need to be taken in, then that’s an easier fix. A tailor should be able to give you an estimate of how much each suit would cost to take in.

    4. It all starts with a good tailor. Call the Brooks Brothers or Saks or Neiman’s closest to you and ask for the name of their outside tailor (ie the tailor to whom they send people with clothes that were not purchased in their store or whom they use for overflow work). After that, it all depends on the shoulders. If the shoulders on the jacket can be tailored to fit you, almost anything else can be fixed (it’s just a matter of cost). If the shoulders can’t be tailors to fit you, scrap the whole suit because it will never look right.

      PSA: I went to a conference yesterday in Santa Monica and the lunchtime speaker was from Dress For Success, so they are on my mind. If you have to give the suits away, you might consider DFS. The dinner speaker was Lois Frankel, author of NGDGTCO. She was fantastic.

  12. Following on from yesterday’s thread, where my comment still awaits moderation, I believe, are there enough corporettes in London/coming to London to arrange a London meet-up?

    It’s funny that Nonny mentioned it, as I had been thinking I would raise it as a possibility.

    I would definitely be up for it and am happy to coordinate – contact details to follow to avoid moderation…

    Also, the people who arrange meet-ups elsewhere, would love to hear how it went!

      1. Same here! Also, ladies thank you so much for your sweet congrats and advice regarding my upcoming trip to London yesterday. I’ve decided to take everyone’s advice and bring my trench coat with a zip out wool liner so that I can zip the liner in and out as needed. (BTW, can I tell you how much I really love coats with removable liners. Obsessed I tell you, really allows a single item of outerwear to be used in multiple season.)

  14. Wearing a leather jacket and carrying a leather bag: too much leather-on-leather? Assume the jacket and bag are different colors but the same texture…

      1. Well, I was wondering if I should carry a nylon tote instead, or even suede, when wearing the leather jacket. But thanks for the input!

        1. I hadn’t even though of suede! I still think that leather jacket + leather purse is A-ok.

  15. Threadjack – What is the best way to apartment hunt in a big city (specifically, Chicago). I’m living in a different state right now, but will be moving to Chicago permanently in a few months and would like to find a nice place. Is there a more reliable/systematic way than just scanning through Craiglist? (I’m just getting out of grad school, so you can tell this is the first time I’ve ever had to find a “grown-up apartment”). Thanks!

    1. I think it depends on your budget. My husband and I recently moved to Chicago, and we were not sure if we wanted to buy or rent. So, a realtor showed us both rental and purchase options.

      We ended up renting, and I was pleasantly surprised (after living in NY and Boston) that we did not have to pay the realtor fee. So, it seems that landlords who want a certain type of renter will list their apartments with a realtor.

      (FYI- We looked at places between $1,800 and $3,000 in the Gold Coast and Streeterville.)

    2. If you have the time/money, it may be worth it to take a weekend and devote it to apartment hunting. I’m not familiar with Chicago, but I know people who were hunting and it helped them to go in person. Since it’s a few months away, it’s probably too soon to start looking, but you could use Craigslist to at least get an idea of what is out there and how much you should be budgeting. I don’t think Chicago has the same broker system as NYC, and I know rents are significantly cheaper :)

    3. It’s hard to do a long distance search if you aren’t familiar with the city. I did the same thing before moving to Chicago and I ended up in a nice place, but not an ideal location. The neighborhoods in Chicago vary considerably and I found that whatever descriptions you find on the internet aren’t really that accurate. If you want my opinion on anything, I’d be happy to help.

      1. Yes, this is part of the problem that I’m having. I have spent a summer in the city doing an internship, so I’m familiar with the basics, but not the ins and outs of every neighborhood. I’d like to live in a “young professional” type neighborhood (I’m in my mid-20s and will be an attorney). I’ll be commuting into the Loop, so I want that commute to be doable. I’ve been thinking that Lakeview might be a good option.

        1. Lakeview will be great. You may want to go a wee bit west and check out the Ravenswood area (the Brown line will take you straight to the Loop).
          If you’re willing to put up with all the ‘woo girls,’ as we called them — yk, the ones who pop out of the bars screaming “Whoo!” at the top of their lungs on a Saturday night, Wrigleyville/Lincoln Park is fun.

        2. Let me shout out for my neighborhood, called alternately South Loop or Near South Side. It’s on the Red line which goes straight to the loop. Compared to Lakeview, fewer ‘woo girls’, but fewer ammenities as well, since it’s a less developed area (read: gentrification is continuing).

    4. I recommend going for a weekend there and having a real estate agent show you around. We did that when moving to Chicago and it was really effective because we had already whittled down a list of apartments with the agent beforehand, and she was very helpful and honest in giving descriptions of neighborhoods, pricing etc. We then narrowed down our choice of neighborhoods and spent the evening walking through them to get a sense of whether we could really imagine living there.

    5. I’ve never lived in a big city, so I’m not much help, but a friend of mine always finds the greatest places for decent prices in her city. She swears by Craigslist and says the trick is to go for the places that have the least information in their ad. Her current apartment (a gorgeous and quirky two bedroom apartment in a reworked turn of the century residence) was advertised as “Nice, clean two bedroom apartment at [address]” with no additional information.

      1. Granted, she is a student, so her time is pretty cheap and she can spend it checking places out.

        1. yo, I know what you meant, but a student’s time is NOT cheap. Whatever level we’re talking. It’s just that (unless you’re in a doctoral program) you’re paying for your time instead of the other way around.

          And Craigslist is fine, just take a friend and a camera with you.

          1. Very true, I should have said her time, which she has little of, is easier to part with than her money, of which she has none. Mostly I was just explaining why she didn’t use a real estate agent.

    6. I made the same move (starting first atty job at biglaw firm in loop) last January and my husband and I used a great realtor that we really liked. Her name is Marissa Foradas with ReMax. It was totally free (the landlords/buildings pay and I think her commission is one month’s rent). We weren’t sure exactly what we were looking for so she showed us a bunch of different options and we ended up in a River North building which is a great neighborhood to be close to the loop if you (like us) aren’t sure what neighborhood “vibe” you want yet. We plan to move when our lease is up now that we know where we want to put down some roots but it’s been a great starting point.

    7. Apartment People and some other services can help. They don’t charge you – they charge the landlord. And they can do some of the legwork.

      1. I lived in both Streeterville/Gold Coast and Lakeview for many years. Both were great. I liked Streeterville better just because it was walking distance to Michigan Ave shopper’s paradise. Careful about agents and Apartment People (I used them once)- they are only showing you units in buildings that pay them a finder’s fee. You will miss out on a lot of good Craigslist finds.

  16. Looking for some tips on make-up. I had been using id bareMinerals for a very long time but I no longer feel like I have the coverage I want/need. It looks fine when I put it on in the a.m. but by the end of the day I look like I’m not wearing anything. My skin is pretty decent so I don’t need to cover up a lot but by the end of the day I look like I just got out of bed and don’t look pulled together anymore. Suggestions, please!!

    1. Do you use a primer before you put your makeup on? I started using that Smashbox Photofinish primer after my moisturizer and before my makeup (I wear Bare Escentuals mineral powder as my foundation) and it stays all day. I was having the same issues with “losing” the makeup during the day and primer solved it.

      1. I’ll have to try that. I never really believed primer would work so I haven’t tried it, thanks!!

      2. Ditto. I use the primer over moisturizer and sunscreen. Then Bobbi brown loose powder and some blush.

    2. I had also been using Bare Escentuals and started hating it- the lack of coverage, the mess, etc. I’ve been using Makeup Forever HD foundation for the past couple of months and love it. Liquid foundation is just so much easier to apply and layer for more/less coverage. I use Smashbox Photo Finish primer underneath, which actually makes a big difference in how long the foundation lasts.

    3. I stopped using Bare Minerals for the same reason. I really like Philosophy’s Supernatural airbrushed canvas foundation.

    4. I also stopped using Bare Minerals after 10 years for the same reason. I now use Laura Mercier mineral make-up and am happy with the results.

    5. I was a former bare minerals person as well. I now Laura Mercier tinted moisturizer (after the sales lady said not to use the minerals). I use a LM printer and then the tinted moisturizer.

    6. I must be the only person with this issue (okay, not really) but I didn’t like Bare Minerals because it settled in my fine lines. I use Physician’s Formula mineral makeup now. Of course, I like less coverage than most. In fact, when I showed up at work with real foundation- for my professional headshot- a coworker said to me, “Are you wearing makeup?!?” ROFL

  17. New job I mentioned a few days ago is contract based; so today I formally registered my very own limited company.

    It’s a first step on a ladder I’ve long debated. It means the sideline business SO and I want to start in the new year will be potentially easier to navigate. Definately bucket list stuff. But it’s terrifying and scary and I need to share. (And don’t worry sensible sisters the boring but important accountancy and insurance meetings are already set up)

  18. What do you do when you just can’t go on any more? I’ve had a very stressful few years and seem to have reached my limit – after totally breaking down at work a couple of days ago I was sent home to rest. I now realize I’m probably depressed, probably burnt out, and that I don’t have a life outside work.

    I saw my doctor but cried all the way through the consultation and couldn’t make any decisions so he told me to get some rest, come back in a week and we’d talk about meds etc then. I’ve just started seeing a therapist. I know I should be taking this time to rest and eat properly and get fresh air and exercise and take a look at my life, figure out a way forward, but I don’t seem to be able to manage anything. I know I need to build up my life outside work but I don’t know who I am anymore and nothing seems to interest me. I feel like I’m wasting this time by not making changes but even the smallest thing seems overwhelming and too much pressure and I count a day I manage to get dressed and take a walk round the block to be a good day. I hate feeling so weak – I was always the strong one who supported everyone else. I’ve been pushing through the exhaustion for so long its a shock to realise I just can’t any more.

    My family are a huge part of the problem and offer no support. I moved away for work and don’t have many friends here. My boyfriend is really the only close supportive relationship I have in my city and I’m trying so hard to not overburden him or become completely needy and overwhelming that I don’t feel like I can lean on him either. The other friends I have here are through work and I’m wary of involving them in this.

    I just don’t know what to do or what way to turn and the thought of having to go back to work soon and deal with everything there fills me with dread. I just don’t know what to do. Has anyone been here before? Words of wisdom on a way out? Or a way to make yourself do what’s good for you when all you feel able to do is lie on the sofa and stare out the window?

    1. Honestly, it sounds like more than just exhaustion. It sounds like depression to me. I’ve personally been at that point where I couldn’t get out of bed and getting dressed or leaving my place was considered a major victory. I think medication could be beneficial for you, but if you are scared about it, remember that you don’t have to be on it forever. I was on a lot of meds for about 6 years, but managed to get through it and am no longer on them.

      Try to give yourself a break for the next week until you see your doc again. You can only do what you can do and at this moment, it sounds like that is very little. You’ve been the strong one for so long that I know it probably freaks you out to feel this way now, but it is ok to do very little for now until you are able to figure out exactly what is going on and how to move forward. Hang in there.

      1. This is great advice. Therapy and medication can work wonders for getting you back on your feet. Then you can start putting together a plan for addressing the forces in your life that are contributing to your feeling so unhappy. Sometimes your therapist and your doctor should be two different people – it’s often hard to find those two very different skill sets in the same person. Maybe make an appointment with a therapist a few days out, then have faith in knowing that you’ve taken that first step toward recovery and things will get better. In the meantime, be kind to yourself. Eat healthy food, make smoothies and soothing soups or find some good takeout. Watch some uplifting movies; listen to great music. If you can get yourself out to a yoga class it will really help. Even just going outside to breathe fresh air and walk around the block can really help. Reach out to friends who are supportive, even if they’re far away and even if it’s just a quick e-mail. Life can be so hard sometimes, but it always gets better. If you’re in SF let me know and I’ll take you out for a drink (or a cup of soothing tea). Good luck to you!

    2. I’ve been there.

      Break things down. Do not think long term think about today. What is one thing today that you can do that you might enjoy. Maybe you won’t enjoy it, but you might. Is it a nice day? Can you go for a walk or run? Are you in a city? Can you go to a museum for an hour? Don’t think about how hard it is to go. Think about how it won’t take long. You only need to walk for 10 minutes. Or go to the museum for a half hour – hour. Then you can come back to the couch (unless you’re enjoying yourself).
      If you don’t enjoy it, you don’t have to try again. But this is one way to figure out who you are.
      The therapist is key, but it will get more difficult before it gets easier. Be prepared for that.
      a year and a half ago I had cried constantly and often for no reason. Now I’m pretty happy. Some things changed externally, but mostly it was me that changed. I discovered that I actually love running. That’s been great for me. I also spent a lot of time making sure each weekend involved something where I explored, even for just an hour. I might take photos. I might go to a museum…
      But that’s me.

      1. I often read the comments, but have never been compelled to comment. I found myself in the situation you described a few years ago and thought I’d never pull out of it. In addition to the other commenter’s advice, which is on-point and fantastic, I just wanted to suggest cognitive behavioral therapy. In addition to a low-level dosage of Lexapro for a few months, I found that this sort of therapy, which focuses on triggers for depression/anxiety/disruptive thoughts, really helped me put an action plan together. I liked CBT because it appealed to me intellectually and made me feel like a had a concrete plan back to being able to live life. Three years later, I still use the tools I learned at therapy to cope with work stresses and my propensity for anxiety. Good luck to you and sending you good thoughts.

        1. I didn’t have good luck with CBT alone (I’m the anon from 11:52pm). I think CBT is likely good when there isn’t an underlying specific issue that needs to be sorted, but, for me, it just allowed further suppressing of the impact that being raped and sexually assaulted in college had on me. Since I could function, I didn’t deal with it. It was only when I found a therapist that also relied on some other therapy techniques, including talking about childhood (like in the movies), that I started to really make real progress. I thought I had dealt with my rape and sexaul assaults. I hadn’t really. So…the bottom line, is don’t be afraid to try different therapists. What works for one person may not work for another.

    3. You are depressed.

      Your doctor should not have sent you home without a prescription or a solid plan. Go back to the doctor’s office. If you can’t get it together to call and make an appointment, just show up and say you’re there in case someone cancels. If no one does, schedule an appointment for as soon as possible.

      See if you can find a friend (or your BF) who can help you be accountable about your appointments (they’ll call and remind you, or give you a ride).

      Depression can take a LONG TIME to get better. Try to set one little goal a day (even though it may feel like a HUGE goal). Get dressed and have coffee outside of the house. Or try to hit the gym. Don’t be angry at yourself for this — this is a chemical problem in your brain. It’s like having allergies (your body is over-reacting to stimuli) or diabetes (your brain isn’t making all the chemicals you need). If you don’t have a long history with depression (and it doesn’t sound like you do), chances are you will get better.

      And get a solid medical diagnosis written on a piece of paper to send to HR at your job — you may be eligible for medical leave or something.

      1. I agree about the doctor being wrong for letting you leave. I am a recovering alcoholic and when the twelve stops stopped helping, I started Lexapro. There is no shame in taking medications. We are living in a technological demanding world that our bodies and minds are not ready for. Hugs to you and please get yourself to a doctor for meds and then go from there in terms of exercise, yoga, meditation, etc. You will get through to the other side.

        1. Ditto. Get into a dr -possibly a different one – asap. A week is too long to wait. I’m not a dr, but having been in your shoes, I can’t believe your dr’s solution was to send you away….at least in the situation you described.

    4. I’m really shocked that your doctor just sent you home when you were in such distress. You sound in rough enough shape that you might need to be “in-patient” somewhere to get you through this rough spot. Consider calling a crisis number or local suicide prevention hotline to get a referral to a 24 hour walk in place. If all else fails, go to the ER or call 911 if you need to. Don’t be embarassed to get the help you need.

      Often no one will ask you the hard questions. Your doctor should have. If you have thought about suicide, you need to call your doctor back ASAP, tell him you are in crisis and say that you have thought about suicide. If you have a suicide plan, you need to go straight to the ER. If you don’t have a way to get there, call 911. If you are considering implementing your plan, call 911. If you answered yes to any of my questions, tell your boyfriend or anyone else you trust and don’t let yourself be alone until you get the help you need.

      Here is the number to the Nat’l Suicide Prevention Hotline:
      1-800-273-8255

      See also

      www dot suicidepreventionlifeline dot org

      Keep us updated.

      To everyone else – if you have a friend in crisis and you are worried he or she will do “something stupid” ask the tough questions. Trust me, asking someone if they thought about suicide will not give them the idea or make them do it. It can identify if they are in absolute crisis and then you can stay with them until they get help.

      2. +50000 Corporette points.

        A lot of women have been posting about depression issues lately; I’m so glad people are coming forward. Thank you for helping everyone out, especially those lurking.

        Ladies, you are NOT ALONE.

    5. C, I’ve been there and I’m sorry you are there right now. It took a long time before anything beyond sitting on the couch seemed worth the effort. I started counseling last year and it has made a world of difference in my life.

      Try and pick one thing every day you are going to do different. For me, that started with going to the breakroom rather than the bubbler on my floor to fill my water bottle. It was new scenery! Eventually I started taking a walk around the block at lunch and now I try to do this 3-4 times a week.

      What did you used to like doing? I’ve always been a big reader and I started reading for pleasure again at night – it gave me something to look forward to during the work day and I enjoyed getting lost in a book rather than myself for a while.

      When you feel up to it, try and join a social group in your area. Do you have a college or sorority alumni chapter you can join? Is there somewhere you’d like to make a small volunteer commitment?

      I tried meds and they did not work FOR ME but that doesn’t mean they won’t work for you. I also upped a whole bunch of vitamins on the advice of my MD and it took a while, but that also made a difference.

      Hang in there – I promise you it will get better.

    6. I went through something similar this year, with work and family. I moved to a new town with no friends and no connections, for a new job that turned out to be not as great as I had hoped. A week before I started said job, my mom had a nervous breakdown. She confided in me that my dad, with whom I’ve never had a good relationship, had done some truly horrible things to her – for years – as a result of bipolar disorder that he was diagnosed with a long time ago and that my mom felt compelled to cover up “to keep me safe” because he refused to get help. The combination of everything caused my work life, family life and personal life to take an astronomical nosedive. I probably went a good few months without speaking to anyone but my coworkers, and only when necessary. I remember sitting petrified on my couch, New Year’s day 2011, and thinking “I’m only 26 years old, and I still have a good 50 years to go. What else is going to happen to me?”

      Things didn’t start getting better until I’d found a therapist and started on medication for – what I didn’t realize at the time was – severe depression and anxiety. It’s taken a while, but I’m slowly starting to take the steps I was petrified of taking months ago: Saying “no” to work that my coworkers try to pass off on me at 7pm on a Friday, telling my parents (gently) that they need to deal with their own problems, reconnecting with old friends, looking for a new job and venturing out into my community. There are times when I still get very hopeless and lonely, but the combination of therapy, meds and new goals to look forward to help me shut out those negative thoughts. Don’t be afraid to lean on your boyfriend for support and encouragement right now – that’s what SOs (should) do best! People who really care about you, even if they’re miles away, are vested in your happiness and won’t consider you a burden if you need help or just someone to talk to. Reaching out is the hardest part, and you’re taking the right step by seeing a therapist. I really wish you the best – just hang in there!!!

    7. I’ve been there, and I promise you, it WILL get better. I often get overwhelmed and it lasts for days/weeks where all I can do is panic about what I have to accomplish. And yet I get nothing accomplished.

      Talking to a therapist is always helpful. Also, anxiety or depression medication (even temporary) may be just what you need to get yourself back on track. Sometimes, you just need to take time off and do nothing but concentrate on things that make you happy – even if it may interfere with work and other obligations. Nothing is more important than you and your personal health and wellness.

      *virtual hugs*

    8. I’ve definitely been there. It sounds weird, but maybe try and let go of your planning a bit? Yes, it’ll probably make you feel a bit better if you eat healthy and exercise and build a social network and get hobbies, but I get the impression you’re getting overwhelmed by all that. Let it go, there’s no deadline to life and no reason why you need to have all of that done right this instant. Do one thing, then when you’re good and you feel you can handle it, improve something else. One step at a time will get you there eventually.

      That being said, the first thing my therapist suggested, which did actually help, was to stop using alcohol or pot. They mess with your mental chemistry and make it harder for your brain to regulate itself.

    9. You need to take time to heal yourself. Use your sick leave for this. Use your vacation. If you need to, take unpaid leave. But if you just decide, right now, that you’re taking a break from work without a scheduled return date, it will do wonders to liberate yourself from the fear that you are “wasting this time.”

      And when people are exhausted (and depressed), they don’t need to exercise and figure out a way forward. They need to take care of themselves — however that works best. Just take some time to be with yourself, to read a funny book or go see an afternoon movie or lie on the couch for a Teen Mom marathon.

      Be gentle to yourself. And seriously, either go back to your doctor or try someone new.

    10. Bless you.

      We are in your corner!

      I went through a period of needing to see my neurologist/therapist once a week, and then got so sick I had a mini period of needing to see her once a day. Literally. I needed to get through each day as a challenge and a hurt. Each day was something I thought I couldn’t do, and each day I did it.

      I have everything I have ever wanted now, years later, and I am thankful to my younger self for doing whatever needed to be done to get through each of those painful days, through all of those challenges, to where I am now.

      You will get through this. Be as gentle on yourself now as you will have the strength and gratitude to be later.

      Get help. Let your boyfriend love you– if you have to hide your hurt and the work you are shouldering, he’s not worth daintying around with anyway, and if he is worthy of you, he will rise to the loving occasion– but you are very right not to see him or anyone as your salvation. Take out your health insurance card, call the number on the back or visit the website, and pick a mental health provider close to where you live. Let a specialist work their special skills and Help You.

      Treat yourself to pleasure reading and walks around the block or the park or the mall or whatever. Go outside, and outside yourself and your problems.

      I’m glad you have a supportive workplace. Now add to your support system via the insurance you have been paying for all these years of hard work on the job.

      Love yourself, and give yourself time, and this will be a short chapter in your long life, and one you can be proud of.

    11. Where are you? Would you like to get together with a Corporette friend and have a cup of coffee? You said you don’t want to burden your friends from work, but how about a complete stranger?

      I’m in NC (Triad and Triangle), and if you’re in the area, I’d love to take you out to lunch. It wont solve your problems, but sometimes we just need a supportive and nonjudgmental ear to listen to us.

      1. Super sweet offer CSF :)

        I love all the heartfelt comments, and just want to add that a social network is really important (as you probably already know). But part of being in a relationship is allowing other people to help you when you need it. Being vulnerable is actually a gift to others because it allows them to get to know you better and connect with you on a much deeper level. I have a tendency to close off and try to only show my put-together-self to the world, so I know how difficult it can be to reach out. Try. Try to reach out to someone (your boyfriend is probably a good place to start). Healing doesn’t have to be a solitary process. It really, really helps to have support, and I’m glad you did reach out here on this blog, but continue that process in your non-virtual life as well.

    12. Thank you all so much for the support and advice and stories. I’m very touched – I’ve been feeling so alone and having you all take the time to reply really means a lot to me. Kindness of strangers indeed. I wish I had the mental power right now to reply to you all individually – you honestly can’t know how much it means to me.

      Now its been pointed out, it does seem obvious that I’m depressed. Just to defend my doctor a bit – he did take me seriously and talk through all the options with me, but I think I was still in shock after being sent home from work and having to confront that something was very wrong so I just couldn’t think. That’s when he said to come back in a few days when I’d had time to absorb it and to come back sooner or phone if needed. I do wish I’d just taken the meds but I’m glad he didn’t force them onto me. Even though I’ve been wishing I’d taken them it hadn’t occured to me to go back sooner to say that – I’ll do that.

      I’ll take everything else said on board too. Meeting someone feels a little overwhelming at the moment but I’ll bear it in mind – I really do appreciate everything, more than I can say. Thanks all.

      1. I mean, yes, we all love individualized responses, but you don’t owe them to any of us. We’re your anonymous internet support group, not your best friends. Don’t worry about getting back to us until you’re ready — the fact that you took the time to process what we had to say (and respond) is more than enough.

        Love,
        LL

  19. To the Corporette with the major motivation issue at work from yesterday –

    I am the original ADD poster. At the suggestion of several of my doctors, I finally went for a sleep study. I’m not your typical sleep study patient as I am under 30, thin, and excercise regularly. Apparently, sleep studies are usually ordered for patients over 50 that are overweight. I was skeptical because I think sleep apnea is the new fad and they just want to sell expensive equipment. Nonetheless, I went.

    Turns out, I have severe sleep disordered breathing. I don’t have apnea per se. Instead, there is something in how I breath that keeps me either waking up or jumping sleep cycles and unable to get true restorative sleep. I now have to see other doctors to work out causes and cures including potential sinus surgery! They are also going to do some heart testing to rule out issues in that department. While I am healthy as noted above, I did faint without explanation during a field hockey game in high school. I had blue lips too. At the time, I was given gatorade and a banana when I came too and then went back out on the field! Apparently blue lips is bad and a sign of major issues. Hasn’t happened in the 15 years since but with all the other issues I am having it looked into.

    Long story short, sleep issues maybe causing your problems too and may also be indicative of other medical issues. In the meantime, the ADD meds are most definitely helping me but I am still trying to get to the bottom of what caused this in the first place. Good luck!

    1. Thank you for mentioning this. I hadn’t even considered sleep, although my sleep is absolutely affected. I can’t fall asleep on Sunday nights – I lie awake thinking about falling asleep and then I pass out around 4 am, no matter what time I go to bed. And weeknights…..I can only fall asleep if I exhaust myself mentally and/or physically. I was thinking this was anxiety related but maybe there’s just something wrong my sleep. I do have asthma, allergies and sinus issues, so who knows, maybe I’m the perfect storm. I will make sure to mention this to my doc.

    2. This is really interesting. How did your doctors know to recommend a sleep study? For years I have felt like I don’t get refreshing sleep. I frequently wake up exhausted even though I’ve been in bed, supposedly asleep, for 8+ hrs.

      Do you have any suggestions on how/when to get a sleep study done? I exercise, am very medium weight, eat very healthy foods, and am only 25, so definitely not in classic sleep study demographic.

      1. I think it was the long list of ailments I was presenting with and them starting to think “what could be causing all of this?” I can fall asleep with no problem and always thought I slept great. I can sleep forever without an alarm but I am always tired all the time. I never realized I was waking up. Like comeuppance, I have allergies, been on and off diagnosed w/ asthma though excercised induced, have ear problems that were attributed to sinus problems, have a sore throat every morning allegedly from my acid reflux and have other inflamatory problems like crohns. The ADD symptoms were the icing on the cake. I also have anxiety issues and an abnormally fast heart rate despite my “good health” – aka, thin and good diet/excercise. I put good health in quotes because it drives me nuts that doctors think you are “healthy” if you eat well, excercise, and are thin. Obviously with all my “diseases” I’m not exactly the epitome of health.

        Anyway, I think they key thing that made them suggest sleep study was the ADD symptoms coupled with the sinus issues. I don’t have the final report yet, just raw data that my doctor relayed to me. A sleep specialist will give me a final report to bring to the next round of doctors that are going to try to find the cause.

        1. Holy moley, that sounds so eerily similar to me. Definitely bringing this up to the doc.

  20. I’m going to take my first depo away from home on Monday! Very exciting stuff. I’ll be going to Chicago and just looked up the weather – 63F day / 47 F night with showers. I have no idea what this weather looks like anymore (in Texas) and could appreciate any apparel suggestions from Chicago corporettes. What are you wearing this time of the year? Is it coat weather yet? TIA.

    1. Layers are key (although imagine you’ll be wearing a suit for the depo). Bring a scarf for sure. That can help you through a lot of situations. You probably won’t want bare legs if you wear a skirt. Its tough weather wrt to outerwear. I find it too hot for anything too warm and too warm for nothing. That said, I did wear a lightweight corduroy jacket to work today.

      1. Thanks Anon! I’m thinking of wearing a brown tweed skirt suit, tights, and black knee-high boots. I’ll wear the tweed jacket for warmth and bring a coat just in case.

    2. As a Chicagoan, I’d suggest tights with your suit and jeans and a hoodie at night. You may need a trench over your suit because it’ll be in the 50s by late afternoon and in the morning. It’ll be chilly at night if you walk to and from dinner or the office, but not freezing. I’d be surprised if you’re outside long enough to want a scarf or gloves, but since you’re coming from warm weather, you might want to slip a pair of gloves in your coat pocket just in case.

  21. I have a pair of Cole Haan Air Talia’s in black leather that I bought in the beginning of July. I wear them once a week or so. I don’t even wear them anywhere that’s more than a block away, and I mainly wear them while sitting at my desk.

    The heel broke on the right one about 6 weeks into wearing it (and I had it repaired), and the heel just broke again last night.

    What is the deal? Did I just get a dud pair?

    I bought them at a local shoe store, and I know I’m past their return policy deadline, but it’s ridiculous to have the heel break twice within 3 months of buying the shoes.

    Suffice to say, even though the shoes are comfy, it has turned me off the brand- I’m not going to pay that much for shoes that don’t even hold up to regular wear.

    1. Take them to the Cole Haan store, not back to the shoe store. I’m pretty certain you got a defective pair because I’ve never had such problems, nor have I heard of such problems. But Cole Haan will certainly repair the shoe for you for free regardless of where you bought it.

      1. Thanks for the tip, but there are definitely no Cole Haan stores in Calgary, otherwise I would have just bought the shoes there in the first place.

        I know there’s one in Toronto, but it would be a huge PITA to ship the shoes to my mother and ask her to do it. I guess I could wait until Christmas?

        1. I have no experience with Cole Haan but maybe you can call them? They may have some sort of procedure in place. No harm in finding out what their policy is.

        2. Call the store in Toronto, then. They will be helpful, I promise. My store just ships items for repair to their repair place so I don’t think it matters if you can’t come in person.

    2. Sounds like a manufacturing defect to me. I’d try to get a refund – most stores are cool about taking back defective merchandise regardless of their stated return policy. (And I would steer clear of stores that aren’t.)

    3. I’ve basically stopped buying Cole Haans because the same thing happened to me. I called the company and they said they’d refund my money if I shipped the shoes back to them, but I never got around to shipping the shoes (what a PITA). Good luck.

      1. Yes, I’ve had two Cole Haan Air X boots and each lost a heel after less than a year’s worth of wear. Nordies replaced them for me the first time and refunded my money the second.

    4. You can mail back to Cole Haan, even if not bought from Cole Haan directly. Call their customer service.

  22. I’m looking for advice on how to be supportive of my husband who is going through a harm time with work. He quit his non-profit job a few months ago to go into private practice. He loved his old job and he made a rather rash decision to quit. Within the time frame of one week he applied, interview for and accepted a new job at a small firm (accepted the job without discussing it with me).

    The new job pays more but is also more demanding in a different sense from his old job. His old job required alot of socializing, community building, mentoring, advocacy, etc. (I know I wouldn’t be good at it). His new job is more of a traditional lawyer job (court hearings, dealing with demanding private clients, intense workload). He is having a tough time dealing with going to court. Whenever he has to go he is filled with dread and anxiety for days on end. For example, he agonizes over having to make what I consider routine appearances and prepares for them for days. He says he is depressed but I think it is more anxiety than depression. Any recommendations on how he can deal with courtroom anxiety?

    The other problem is with me. I want to be supportive and encouraging but sometimes I just don’t understand where he is coming from. It seems to me that his new job is a good opportunity and he just isn’t used to working in private practice. My natural reaction when he tells me about his stress is to tell him to toughen up (in my head but verbally to him) and to not give up. I guess I am not that sympathetic.

    1. Lil3 — please get your husband to a doctor and/or therapist. Honestly, this does sound like depression to me. He made a rash decision without consulting his spouse. That’s step 1 of something not right. Step 2 is the courtroom anxiety. Step 3 is him talking about being depressed. Honestly, whether it’s anxiety or depression is a bit academic. Something is really off and he needs to get some help, now. (BTW, some of the same medications are used to treat both anxiety and depression.)

    2. As a young associate, I would get very anxious about minor appearances and anything having to do with speaking publicly or in a group. Here’s the things that helped for me: (1) reminding myself that (no matter what) the scheduled time for the appearance, or meeting, or what have you, that I was stressing over would come and go. So, for example, if I had a hearing scheduled for 8:30 a.m., I would visualize what I would be doing say at noon that day. (2) doing lots of cardio (for me it was running) so that I got used to the feeling of my heart racing. That way a racing heartbeat wouldn’t add to the anxiety I was already experiencing during an appearance. (3) reminding myself of the real purpose of the event over which I was stressing. So for instance, at a case management conference, focusing on the fact that the judge just wants to know the status of the case vs. focusing on the way I talk or look, etc. (4) taking deep breaths to help calm myself down. Hopefully, your husband will find one or more of the above useful.

    3. Went through this with my fiance two years ago. He quit his job and went solo and it was the best decision he could have made for both of us, although financially scary. In the meantime, he went to counseling for CBT and that really helped. Encourage your husband to go.

  23. Hey, this is such a great blog, I just recently started reading it. I’m not a lawyer but I’m getting ready to go back for my MBA and am a young professional.

    I’ve also recently started blogging myself and would love any input or advice! Thanks for covering such great and helpful material!

    1. I’m being completely sincere with this response:

      http://www.xkcd.com/741/

      Content is first, community is second. Advertising/fame should be way, way down on your list.

      Be very, very careful about anonymity if it’s important to you. The Internet is forever. Read up on the Anthroholic scandal (just Google it), so you know exactly what NOT to do, and how to respond if someone accuses you of it.

      And always, always, stay classier than the other guys.

      Good luck!

      1. Oh, and having checked out your blog for roughly 30 seconds, I have two thoughts to add:

        1) the background is a little distracting. pretty, but distracting.

        2) for longer posts, it really helps to use the “more” tag, so your viewers don’t have a giant wall of text. it also helps you keep track of your site stats, because you can see who’s actually reading and who’s just skimming. (well, sort of.)

  24. Totally off topic. For lunch I had a very healthy salad and then inhaled a Klondike Bar. I just had to tell someone.

    5. Sounds delicious. I did something similar yesterday. Hummus and whole wheat pita for lunch…followed by a crumbs red velvet cupcake as an afternoon snack.

  25. Oh, how I need to vent. After today having a meeting with my supervisor in which we discussed how I need to more effectively train consultants in order to halt ridiculous over-expenditure in databases, guess who discovered that a project has spent 4500 euros in said database? This girl. Guess whose ass is going to be on the line for this? Also this girl.

    So, for all you consultants and lawyers out there – please, please try to remember that information is not free and if your firm does not have unrestricted access to a database, your overusage is giving some librarian or knowledge manager a splitting headache and making her want to cry.

    1. I think this is exactly why Westlaw and Quicklaw give law students free + unlimited subscriptions (or offer them at an extremely reduced rate for law libraries), so we get into bad habits of inefficient research and they get more money later on, once we start doing research for a fee instead of for school .

      That being said, my firm has subscriptions for databases where they pay a flat fee, and the only reason we log in with a client identifier is to pass the costs on to the client as needed- so we’re still very encouraged to be “cost-effective” in our searches, but it doesn’t actively cost the firm anything if we’re not.

  26. I love the Limited too! I think I have since 8th grade! :) I remember going there in high school which is crazy! I haven’t been there in awhile but I should stop in there again! Thanks for the reminder! Maybe I will go shopping again tomorrow:)

  27. What a stunning blouse. It gives you a very cool and comfortable feeling. Actually, it fits all ages of women. Just want to make sure to choose the right color as well as the right bottom for yourself. It can go very well either pants or a skirt. It really depends how you feel.

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