Frugal Friday’s TPS Report: Tie-Waist Dolman Dress
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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Sales of note for 2/7/25:
- Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
- Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
- J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- My workload is vastly exceeding my capability — what should I do?
- Why is there generational resentment regarding housing? (See also)
- What colors should I wear with a deep green sweater dress?
- How do you celebrate milestone birthdays?
- How do you account for one-time expenses in your monthly budget?
- If I'm just starting to feel sick from the flu, do I want Tamilfu?
- when to toss old clothes of a different size
- a list of political actions to take right now
- ways to increase your intelligence
- what to wear when getting sworn in as a judge (congrats, reader!)
- how to break into teaching as a second career
Woo Friday!
I’ve been the victim of a stealth closing on a really complicated deal which had been silent since the summer and has now massively kicked into high gear. The client keeps changing the structure and nobody really understands what the hell is going on, and I can’t get the work done I already have because new stuff keeps coming in all the time. It’s very exciting and very interesting, but I’m glad to get a break for a couple of days from the craziness!
If you actually get a couple days off for the weekend during a complicated deal, I envy you! Deals are weekend killers for me.
We are pretty lucky that weekends very rarely happen. All-nighters occasionally, but weekends less so. Thank god.
I’m taking the bar exam in February (boo) and want to look forward to a post-bar trip. I’m in Boston. It will just be for a 3 day weekend, so I can’t go away too far. Ideally, I’d like to go somewhere within driving distance. Any ideas for a fun and low key weekend destination? My husband and I enjoy culture, history, outdoors, and eating. Thanks!
Annapolis could be fun. Walkable, good food, shops, on the water.
Portsmouth, NH is a really cute town and has tons of great restaurants and a cute little downtown to walk around in.
I’m also taking the bar in February. I’m only studying 3 hours or so a day, plus all day on weekends. I’m starting to worry that won’t be enough.
I love Portsmouth, but you can totally do it as a day trip from Boston! If you need a break from studying one day, just jump in the car and go to lunch in Portsmouth — its a nice drive and the Portsmouth Brewery is fabulous. :-)
To you and OP don’t boo the February bar, it’s way better than studying in the summer! I took it last February and worked full time up until 2 weeks before the bar. During the week I’d just listen to one lecture after work, and not do any other studying except for the weekends. I might squeeze in like 3 hours of studying a week (not counting weekends). Then I just kicked it into high gear the last 2 weeks, and I passed two states on the first try. You’ll be fine!
I went to aspen for my post bar trip (obviously working full time before the bar helped fund that!)
Oh, Red, that is truly inspiring. I didn’t start studying until mid-January and I’m worried about it.
Good! I don’t know the dates of your bar, mine was Feb 22-24, but I believe barbri started Jan 3 or something, right after new years. I listened to all my lectures on an ipod, and never went to a testing center. I did all the assignments you’re supposed to do, but I did not do any of the optional ones.
I will say I was always better at closed book tests rather than open book tests, and I like high pressure testing environments, so the bar exam was right up my ally. I actually kind of enjoyed taking it.
Its not called Passachusetts for nothing!
What about Vermont? You could stay at a bed and breakfast, visit some of the little towns, hike or ski (if there’s any snow left) — and the food is really great. If its up and running agin, the Simon Pearce factory is so, so cool.
Another idea could be the Berkshires in Western Mass. You could visit the Shaker Museum out there and there are lots of cute towns and beds and breakfasts. Plus its a beautiful drive.
http://berkshires.org/
I think the best place to go to for all you want is Newport, RI. The weather tends to be nice there in the winter, and the resaurants are great. Lots to see and do. providence, RI is nearby and is a great city to explore.
Another great alternative is Provincetown, MA. Cod Cod climate is warmer in the winter than most of New England. You could explore the whole Cape but focus on P-town. First read the beginning chapters of “Mayflower”!
I would say Montreal, but it is miserably cold there in the winter (in my experience, having lived there for 4 years).
But, food, culture, history and outdoors are not lacking…I miss the food there a lot. And the culture.
Yes. Poutine!
Also, a week in Montreal each winter is a good reminder that what you think is cold is not actually that cold.
I miss poutine, and the little hole in the wall restaurants that are so cheap, yet soooo good. I order the bagels online from St. Viateur. Not nearly as good as fresh, but I’ll take what I can get.
Unfortunately, I never forget what “cold” is, since not two weeks ago, I was trekking around in below -40C.
This week, and next are thankfully closer to +5C on average. Yay for the chinooks!
There’s a pub near me that serves something they call poutine….made with fresh mozzarella.
I want to punch their face in the face for that abomination.
That is a travesty.
Ummmm, I’m a little ashamed to admit that I had to google what poutine is. I’m gonna need a proper introduction.
Whoah, there’s a place in Montreal that ships bagels out west? How long does it take, ED?
Also, BTW, if you make it to Vancouver anytime soon, there is a place there that *apparently* serves actual, authentic poutine. I haven’t tried it yet. Not linking to avoid moderation, but it is called La Belle Patate (fantastic name).
Montreal-style bagels!
Sugar pie! Smoked meat!
Thanks ladies! We were thinking of Newport actually, so good to know that others enjoy it as well. And to Red, your story brings me a lot of comfort – thank you. I’ve taken one bar exam before, but I definitely have not studied as much as Barbri is telling me to.
Newport is fun and low-key in winter. The grand old houses are a blast to explore, and a fascinating look into American history. There are a ton of good restaurants. If the weather is reasonable there are a lot of nice walks along the harbor, in town, and down along the houses. Assuming you bring a car it’s also just a nice place to drive down the wind-y roads and look at the scenery and then stop in someplace for coffee and chill and just … relax.
Good luck on your exam!
Another good thing is that a lot more things in Newport stay open year round than used to (if that makes sense) — so its a nice idea as well. A drive out through Middletown and Portsmouth is also strongly recommended, there are vineyards and farms and its just pretty out there.
The Massachusetts bar was the third bar I took, and it really was not very difficult. Honestly, Each time you take the bar it gets easier. I just took Illinois (my fourth) while working full time (until the last two weeks), while my dad was dying of cancer and living with my husband and me, and I passed. You too will pass.
My sister lives in Tiverton, which is right near Newport, so I’m there a lot. I’m actually going to Barrington tomorrow afternoon.
Cape May, NJ is adorable!
Acadia National Park plus a night in Portland, ME? Portland has a bunch of awesome new restaurants. You could also treat yourself to some outlet shopping in Kittery or Freeport to celebrate.
We love Portland, Maine. It has amazing restaurants and some fun, quirky stuff to do, like tour the brewery or go covet rugs at Angela Adams. There’s also a good regional theater there if you are a theater person, and Acadia is gorgeous. But I suspect Acadia might be seriously shut down in February.
Yeah, I am originally from a town right near Acadia. It is beautiful in the winter (so serene and devoid of tourists), but unless you are really into snowshoeing and cross country skiing I think a summer/early fall visit is better. A lot of the park is closed off to cars in the winter, including the most scenic areas (the top of Cadillac Mountain & Ocean Drive). Also the vast majority of the restaurants in Bar Harbor are shut from Oct-April, so not a place to go in winter if you like eating nice meals out.
PLEASE take a look at Mohonk Mountain House in NY! It is absolutely gorgeous. You may want to save a trip like this for warmer weather, but I have to say it is one of the most beautiful places I have ever been to.
Yes, I love Mohonk! It’s especially beautiful in the fall. There are great hiking trails through the woods, as well as a nice indoor spa and pool.
Maybe I’m a total lush, but I did not appreciate that you were not allowed to have a cocktail on the porches or anywhere outside of the small bar area.
It is a gorgeous hotel with great grounds, but the drive up that hill in any sort of snowy/icy conditions would not be something I’d want to try!
The rock scramble is always fun.
I would recommend Portland, Maine. As a Mainer in living in exile, I would say its a great place to visit, even in Winter.
If you are interested in food check out portlandfoodmap dot com. If you or your husband like beer, its a great beer town. Depending on when you take the trip, it may line up with Portland’s restaurant week. You’ll have your pick of places to stay, you can hit museums, music, shopping, and not have to fight the mad rush of tourists in the old port. Good luck on the February Bar!
“Born in Maine, Living in Exile” –best bumper sticker ever. Now that we don’t have Maine plates on the Saab, I want to get one, but the SO is very anti-bumper sticker.
Portland could be great fun, and there are tons of B&Bs that might have off season rates. Good luck on the bar exam!!
I highly recommend Montreal–so gorgeous (even in Winter). Makes you feel like you’re in France with delectable food. Really pretty architecture and a totally doable drive from Boston–maybe 5 hours? When I was at Dartmouth we used to go for MLK day weekend, and the City is magical in winter. Really gorgeous.
Haha my sister is at Dartmouth and trying to convince me to go to Montreal with her the week after Winter Carnival. Too funny!
Woodstock, VT – great little town with skiing nearby (if there is snow!!!), otherwise nice hiking on 2 mountains in town, a farm museum (pretty neat), rockefeller house, and several v good restaurants. We like the Charleston House (B+B) and Kedron Valley Inn to stay at, and the Prince and the Pauper to eat at at least once. :)
I am now the proud owner of a magenta animal print dress. My inner Elle Woods owes all the corporetters who mentioned the huge sales a Lord and Taylor a big thanks.
Ooh, it’s the LK Bennett one, right? That looked so cute, but I wasn’t sure I could pull off the print.
Yep- not worth $200 plus but a great deal for $60 and very flattering to my top heavy hour glass.
yesterday, I was 20 mins away from heading to DC for testing in preparation to be an anonymous bone marrow donor when my dog began to go into crisis. Instead of taking a car to a hotel and being grateful to get to give such a gift, I was in the vet ER leaving him overnight in an incubator. I’m choosing to do all we can for as long as he’s comfortable and has the chance for coming home and being happy. I just hope those of you who have the bigger paychecks realize what a gift it is to not be bankrupted by an emergency (as a laid off social worker, that’s something I can only dream of) and that everyone has a wonderful day as maybe something like this will help with perspective…
I am so sorry for you. I hope he gets better.
Hugs. Hope it all works out well.
I’m sorry about your pup. I will keep my fingers crossed!
Oh I hope your pup is all right. If you need alternative funding ideas, CareCredit offers interest free financing for 6 or 12 months and I used it when my dog had a veterinary emergency to the tune of $1200.
Just wanted to say that I’m sending best wishes your way. I’ve done the lonely late nights at the ER before and it can be incredibly painful to feel so helpless. Hopefully you have some comfort knowing you were able to get him in good hands. I sometimes think fate has a way of putting you where you need to be at times. It’s good you were able to be there. I don’t know if this helps because it certainly doesn’t make the high costs go away, but they do have credit cards tailored to vet bills that let you go for a year (?) with low to no interest. If it’s the choice of putting it on your regular credit card vs. one of those, that may be a better option. Of course, that still leaves you having to pay it off. But just wanted to pass along as someone who put her dog through chemo and spent awhile paying all of that down.
My sympathies go out to you — and as the daughter of a laid off social worker (who just recently got a job) I know its so, so hard out there right now for people in social services.
I would also strongly suggest asking the veterinary hospital if they have a financial counseling office. They may be able to connect you to an organization in your area (NYC?) that would be able to help you with the bills — there are quite a few rescue organizations that do this with donations to try to help people keep their pets. Good luck with your testing today.
Wishing you lots of good juju.
Sending good healing thoughts in the direction o f your doggie!
I’m so sorry K. That is awful. Did they ever find out what was wrong with your pup around Thanksgiving? I have a cat that has had a few cost calls and it is absolutely heart wrenching. The vets (unintentionally) make decision making so hard because they often can’t give your predictability and percentages but just tell you all the expensive things you can do to “try” to make it better. What helped me immensely was having someone way less emotionally invested there with me to hear the options, ask the vet questions, and make decisions with me.
We were faced with a lot of options that all had risks and benefits and costs. We went with what we felt was least risky for our cat and cost acceptable to us, knowing there was a risk he could turn really worse and then it would be too late for some of the more expensive options. For us, that decision was mostly based on the fact that the more expensive options would have also been very risky for him since he is diabetic.
Just like with humans, use your gut and brain, and don’t be pressured into anything. If he can be moved during the day from the ER to a less expensive clinic (Banfield near me is open 7-7) during those hours you may save money.
If at the end of the day, you just can’t afford the cost no matter what, talk to your vet about other options. My in-laws got their dog because it was hit by a car and the owner couldn’t afford the treatment. The vet took the dog as a surrender, treated it, and re-homed it to my in-laws (who could afford all the follow up treatment) with the original owner’s permission. Some emergency clinics have those programs.
There are also grants available for some emergency care for low income pet owners. I donate to the Banfield program but I’m not sure how you apply to receive their money. Try calling one or googling it. Best wishes for you.
Lastly, maybe you could barter with your vet? Offer to do some marketing, cleaning, whatever, to pay off your bill? Let him/her know you were supposed to be donating bone marrow. Maybe they can “board” your dog for free while you go do that giving him/her medical care (which you pay for) but not charging the overnight hospital fees while he stays there since he is being boarded charitably so you can donate bone marrow. Try to talk up a solution when you are thinking clearly.
That should say close calls, not cost calls, but I guess they were both!
I hope this makes sense with all my typos. I wanted to give you support but only had 2 minutes to do it in!
no worry in the least about typos, I haven’t slept in 25+ hrs and counting so I didn’t even realize it, just knew what you meant.
Since I had a job through Nov of last year, my income looks higher than what it actually is, so I don’t qualify for most of the programs. I used Care Credit for myself for vision correction last May so the free financing option was already used. I’m mostly just trying not to max out the same credit card and realizing that I’ll ding my credit score for using so much credit and it’ll cost me in interest until I find work.
It’s his heart and he’s older so best case scenario is that I get to bring him home and get more time with him, knowing that at some point, I’ll have to do this again with him and the time will run out. I’m really focused on only doing what has the best chances of making/keeping him happy and am trying to remain positive while I wait and see how his body reacts to the treatments they’re using.
I adore all of you for these messages… I moved here for a relationship that very recently ended for good and am feeling pretty solo in this process. I know we’re all just usernames and such but it really does help.
Internet hugs! Going through pet health problems is taxing, I hope your little guy recovers well and has plenty extra time to spend with you.
Major hugs for you and the pup!
Oh, K! I hope he gets better. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this.
Sorry to hear about your dog, K. *hugs* to you both, and best wishes for his recovery!
Best wishes for the pup.
Hugs <3
I’m so sorry about your pup; I’ve been there and it’s horrible. And you sound like a total BAMF and awesome person.
I know you’re from NY and on a budget, but you mentioned being in DC. I have a great vetrinary cardiologist in Annapolis, Md. Dr. Ferguson. I don’t know if you have time for a consult but he really is great.
http://www.cvcavets.com/doc%20bios%20-%20mcgregor%20ferguson.html
Good luck!
I’m so sorry you had this happen. Been there completely with my beloved cat, who we babied through treatment for kidney failure for two years before we lost him. Lots of tears and time with him, making sure he had good quality of life, and lots of vet bills. Eight years later I still feel guilty about going to a baseball game the Saturday night before he died. It’s a real commitment, but you do it because you love them.
I have a young friend who is a newly-minted vet and she says that they actually have classes in vet school about not feeling guilty about charging for their services. Trust me, vets love animals and they want them to get the best care, they aren’t making a ton of money, and they know we’re all paying out of pocket. There are, of course, more humane ways of handling that billing and the good practices will do that.
Hugs to you and your baby.
I’m sorry, K. I hope things turn around for you soon.
K, I remember your previous troubles with pup’s health. I hope he and you can have some peace and a good outcome for the pup. I’ll also be sending good thoughts out into the universe for you to find a job that fits you and makes you happy.
I’m so sorry about your dog. I hope he gets better and you’re able to take him home and make him comfortable.
K, I don’t know you, and I hope this isn’t rude, but I read your comments and often think you sound like you’re slipping into despair and self-pity. I really hope you’re taking care of yourself. Sometimes people in the caring professions forget that they need care too.
Love this dress (and the best). Has anyone ordered online from Dillards before? Is there free shipping / free returns?
They have great sales but you have to pay for shipping both ways.
This dress has “blob butt” written all over it.
I’m thinking sack of potatoes.
I’m always drawn to styles like this. But experience has been they can be hard to pull off unless the waist hits you at just the right spot–and you’re having a good butt day.
Too funny and so true!
LOL! As a little “noodle,” I don’t have the right figure for this. Tie-waist stuff never works if you don’t have much of a discernible waist.
There was some talk about Downton Abbey last week, so I started watching and am hooked. I watched all the episodes and am ready for Sunday night.
“You’re a lady, not Toad of Toad Hall.”
what is a weekend?
I really want to be a Dowager Countess.
I just want to be Lady Grantham. I love Lady Grantham.
I know. She is my new aspirational role model. Favorite quote of last week: “This is what happens when you give little people power!”
Another addictive BBC drama, if anyone else is looking for a good one: Sherlock. I am obsessed with Benedict Cumerbatch and his cheekbones. My god, his cheekbones.
*Cumberbatch. Whoops.
Did you know that John Watson’s blog is actually available on line? Season 2 has aired in the US yet, though, so there maybe spoilers on the top of the blog page regarding the Season 2 cases.
“It goes to their heads like strong drink!”
(This was in response to a.)
Yes to Sherlock! It was created by the same guy that’s produced the last couple of seasons of Doctor Who. Though what’s up with the 3 episode season? I know the British like their short seasons, but need more Sherlock.
(My netflix has basically figured out it can just suggest British tv for me and have it be a huge success. Being Human, anyone?)
The Luther season was really short too.
I can’t decide if I want Lady Grantham to be my mum, or if I want to be Lady Grantham… either way would be brilliant.. and lovely…
That show is SO good! I am watching the first season on Netflix and I am hooked!
So you’re the one that’s making it a “very long wait” on Netflix! :)
Unless she streamed it :)
I did stream it actually :) Can’t wait for season 2 to come out! I know it’s on right now but I missed the first few episodes and want to watch it in order.
You can stream both seasons on Amazon. Season 1 is free if you have Prime.
Once you’re done with season one, if you have an iPad or iPhone, you can download the PBS app and stream season two. You may be able to watch it online as well.
I tried streaming it on my iPad from PBS but it didn’t work since it’s a Flash file. Are you saying PBS has an iPhone/iPad app?
I just finished Season 1 after two marathons of Netflix streaming, and am caught up on Season 2 on TV, but don’t want to wait and would rather watch all of Season 2 in another marathon if I can. What a great show!!!
Yep — free app in the iTunes store. It’s the awesome.
You can indeed watch it online at the PBS website.
and… there goes my weekend. Thanks!
I admit that I started reading the NYMag.com recap to the first episode of Season 2 and it looked so fascinating, I bought the Season 1 DVD and watched all of it.
I just ordered the Season 2 DVD and the Christmas special (region-free edition). Yes, I’m addicted.
There’s a region-free edition? Uh oh…
I bought it on Amazon….but I heard it might be sold out now. A few of my coworkers are watching it online on certain sites, being quite the law-breaking rebels….
Having torn through all of season 2 and the Christmas special, I needed something to watch and have started watching Season 1 of Covert Affairs. (A friend lent me the DVDs and has been pestering me for months to watch, and I finally got around to it. It’s great mindless fun, not of Downton Abbey calibre, but enjoyable nevertheless.)
You can also get it from the UK iTunes store – you just have to change settings on your iTunes account.
I watched by upgrading to Amazon Prime (free, for first month). With that, Season 1 is available to watch instantly, for free and I watched 5 episodes in a row into the wee hours one night. Season 2 is on PBS to view online or iPad app; it was clear after watching an episode of Season 2 that I needed to start from the beginning.
One of my favorite OH SNAP moments is between Lady Mary and her mom, when there is a rumor circulating about London that Lady Mary is not a woman of virtue. Mary dismisses the rumor, saying that Papa will never believe it.
Lady Grantham, quite pointedly: “Yes, but I know that it is true.”
I watched the whole season 1 when it was airing on PBS stations, then I bought the DVDs and watched it all again. Love it. Also, my hockey-and-car-show watching husband? 100% hooked.
Yup. My NFL-crazed hubby is totally hooked on Downton Abbey, too. I am a bad influence. :-)
All I have to say is: squee!
Best line yet from the Dowager Countess:
“I hope it is not vulgar in me to suggest that you find some way to overcome your scruples.”
As she usually does, Maggie Smith positively steals the show!
Love it! I watched the first season streaming on Netflix in a day. I was transfixed.
Love this show! (and love amazon prime for making it available!) Especially for those of us with Agatha Christie complexes (I think we discussed this a few weeks ago under “comfort books”) this show totally feeds the monster. After watching season 1 I was inspired to re-watch Gosford Park (same writer), and it was just as good as I remember it. I pretty much just want to be Kristen Scott Thomas in just about anything.
Second all of this!
For all you watchers, did it take some time to get into it at the beginning? I’ve been watching the first episode and haven’t really liked it (and also haven’t finished watching). The show seems like my style, so I really want to like it!
It does. For me, I think I like some of the supporting characters better. I don’t really like Lady Mary and I don’t believe in her love for Matthew.
What episode are you on? I really disliked Lady Mary in the first half of season 1, because she just seemed like a Mean Spoiled Girl who derived all of her superiority from her good looks. They’ve developed her a bit in season 2, and she’s much more likeable then.
Part of why I like Lady Mary a bit more now is that I suspect the Dowager Countess’ character (as a young woman) was very much like Mary’s. The same unquestioned sense of superiority, the commanding air, the snobbiness that comes with all the privileges of class and beauty, and certainly, some of the petulance.
It’s just more charming when Maggie Smith does it, and because Old Age can suck so hard that I’m more forgiving when I know that she’s still full off p!ss & vinegar.
I agree – I think Lady Mary becomes much more sympathetic as the series goes on. I didn’t like any of the daughters in the early episodes, but they become a little less one-dimensional.
I was the opposite. I have no real reason to love it, but I do love it so hard. And my husband does too – which is hilarious; he’s been requesting that we watch another episode (until we ran out of them). Can’t wait for Sunday.
whendowagercountesstexts [dot] tumblr [dot] com
You are all very welcome.
Also amazing – downtonabbeyonce [dot] tumblr [dot] com
ack, stop! you all are a bad influence, i’m never going to get any work done ever again! ;o)
NGL: my iPhone now automatically suggests “Downton” when I start typing “downtown.”
I have trained it well.
I have a crush on Bates.
I have heard that there is a D.A. Christmas special but can’t find it anywhere to watch it. Help?
http://www.amazon.com/Christmas-Downton-Special-Original-Region-free/dp/B006X4VVFU/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&qid=1328299996&sr=8-8
Thank you! I had read about it but hadn’t yet tracked down a way to watch.
Anyone have a Boden coupon code for free shipping?
I don’t know if this will help you or not, but yesterday I signed up for their emails on their website. As a reward/thankyou they emailed me back a 10% off offer as well as free shipping and handling. The return email came within a half hour or so.
Supposedly, I will get offers and discounts and sale notices now via email.
Hey Lynnet —
know you are getting a biopsy today, and I hope it goes well. I left a long response to you late last night about breast stuff, so if you want, check out your old post. Hang in there.
EC MD
I just read your reply. Thank you so much for breaking it all down in such an easy to understand way. I’m classified as a BIRADS 4 (they didn’t tell me A, B, or C) and it was nice to get some more detailed understanding of what that means.
Thank you for the good thoughts.
I missed your post yesterday but just went back and read it. I don’t have much to add other than good luck and if this suggestion isn’t too late – request some sort of sedative as EC MD suggested. I had 3 biopsies on my breast (two FNAs and one core) and while the FNAs were fine with the local and just felt a little uncomfortable the core was almost unbearably painful – it isn’t that way for everyone (or so I’m told) but I really should have asked for something because it was pretty traumatic. And if you have any questions or need some understanding during the waiting period, just let me know on the weekend open thread. I really struggled with all of the varying scenarios when I was waiting for biopsy results. My results were cancer and while I hope and pray that is not the same for you, I will say there is a way to get through it and I would be happy to share my experience with you. Best of luck and please let us know how it turns out.
Well, with BIRADS 4 lesions, even though the vast vast vast majority of them are benign or intermediate findings, I think you are really wise to just bite the bullet and get it biopsied. Theres enough gray area that more information is needed.
Thinking of you today!
Thank you both so much for the support. I just got back and they ended up having to biopsy, so I won’t know the results until next Wednesday or Thursday. I’m trying to just focus on enjoying our foot and a half of snow (and the fact that the biopsy means I’m not allowed to shovel it), making my favorite cold weather foods, and in general pretending that nothing is happening.
soulfusion- I just wanted to say that hearing your story over the past several months is a large part of what convinced me that I did need to get this checked out. So thank you.
I have this dress and love it.
Can you comment on the sizing? I’m pear shaped and usually a 8, but maybe not in a slightly fitted jersey dress that wants to be work-appropriate.
I would say it runs true to size. I would say the place to watch the fit is the butt (back view), not the hips (sides), if that makes sense.
I need some help. My mother-in-law is becoming increasingly difficult to deal in the 2 years we’ve been married. My husband and I live about 30 minutes from her, but he is involved in a family-based business that, although she’s not “involved”, she is through my father-in-law, so my husband sees her 2-3 times/week. Other than this woman, I absolutely adore everyone in my husband’s family.
Our major issues are this:
(1) she goes through our personal business and asks a lot of questions. For example, she’ll go through our mail if she comes over and ask why we have a bill from such-and-such. She’ll open our fridge and inspect the contents. One visit we counted and she asked 27 questions in a row upon entering our house.
(2) She tells everyone about our business, with too much detail, and usually showing us in a pretty negative light. We don’t tell her anything anymore, but seems like we can’t share anything with my husband’s family or it gets to her, and she tells everyone in our shared community about it – doctors and we have some sensitive medical issues, purchases from jewelry to appliances. We’ve asked and firmly told her to stop, to no avail. Distant acquaintances come up to us knowing our private and medical lives in detail. This happened yesterday and sent me over the edge.
(3) She’s polite to me, but the way she treats my husband seems emotionally abusive in my opinion. She often guilts him, tells him an endeavor is stupid/useless or that he’ll fail, or tells him how if he cares about having the family business, he needs to do X thing she wants. Evidently, it’s been like this his entire life in private, but now it’s in front of me too. We have gotten up and left from family dinners when she becomes too abusive.
My husband couldn’t really get another job in this field if he left the family business unless we moved, and I love my career and our friends/other family. I don’t want to turn into one of those couples that hides behind the sofa while she knocks on the door. I don’t want to have to alienate our husband’s entire family because of one bad apple.
Mostly, I feel frustratedand guilty that I am an attorney who can handle transactions involving millions of dollars and difficult clients but half an hour with a 62-year-old woman can make me cry and ruin my week. Does anyone have suggestions for any resources or strategies we can use? I want to find a middle ground of how to deal with this before we go completely crazy.
Is your father-in-law aware of this and a passive observer? I ask, because in many abuse situations, one parent is the active abuser, and the other passively stands by and lets it happen.
If FIL is not aware, would it be possible to talk to him and ask for his help on this issue? I don’t know what sort of relationship your FIL and MIL have.
Does your husband have siblings? Does your MIL treat them this way, too? Or is he the one singled out for punishment/abuse?
Who does your MIL admire/respect/fear in the family? Is that person (if there is such a person) someone who would be willing to intercede on your behalf?
My FIL is definitely aware of what’s going on and passively sits quietly. That’s become even more clear as I learn from my husband what it was like growing up in that house. Away from her, he is the nicest man – but I’m starting to think he’d stand by and watch while she set their house on fire rather than step in.
My husband has two siblings. One sibling moved across the country and doesn’t come back for anything and has essentially cut off contact. Now I understand why. The other sibling is more like the FIL – he doesn’t say anything, she makes all the decisions. Also he’s 27, works full time and lives from home because that’s what she wants. So, we’re sort of in the middle.
I thought your last statement was a really good one – and maybe in part things have gotten so much worse because all of my husband’s grandparents have passed away in the last 3 years, and I can appreciate now what they did to keep things sane.
How awful. The WaPo advice columnist would suggest stating firm boundaries clearly, and then following through when those boundaries are violated. May I also suggest family therapy for you and your husband to learn coping strategies? It’s so hard having a toxic person in the family, as it is to work with a toxic person, and unfortunately your poor husband is dealing with both. I imagine that learning some effective coping strategies from an experienced therapist will help the two of you coordinate as a response team, plus help you both learn to rise above the fray emotionally. It may feel less emotionally overwhelming (which is why you don’t have these problems with deals) if you have a strategy worked out beforehand and you can execute it, sort of like preparing for a depo that will probably go sideways. Hugs.
I’m sorry. Two suggestions:
1) stop the info train to your husband’s family. They haven’t earned the right to know confidences about your lives because they share it with her, and she is toxic.
2) stop inviting her over. If she has a key, change the locks. If she shows up uninvited and starts knocking, greet her at the door and say, “Now is not a good time for us. I’ll call you later today/tomorrow/at a time that works for you.” This will be very hard. But it is essential to setting boundaries.
I agree that therapy, etc. is a good idea, but ultimately, you can’t change her behavior. You can just come up with boundaries and strategies to deal with her.
agree it is hard to stop the info flow but seems the only way on the disclosures she is making. i am currently dealing with this during my pregnancy with my mom- don’t know why she can’t keep private details to her self- and it is hard and sad but i just can’t take it when she broadcasts those details or forwards my emails to others.
It is hard and sad. We’re dealing with some serious fertility issues right now and we feel like we can’t tell anyone, because somehow it will get to her and then everyone will know everything about every detail. The hardness/sadness is less than what it is when we say anything, though.
Agree that you should not be taking this on alone, e.g. you & your husband vs. MIL. There must be other people who notice and suffer from this behavior, how do they deal with it? Unless she’s really singled you both out, in which case everyone else would seem be to enabling her.
Also – is there some additional context here that you haven’t yet mentioned? Is she, for example, somehow jealous of the way you and your husband live? Is she resentful that you spend money in XYZ way and can afford or enjoy certain things that she can’t? Is she the kind of person who likes to have free rein over everyone’s lives, and is angry that you don’t allow her to do that? Did she at some point seek a close (possibly suffocating!) relationship with you that you didn’t agree to (understandably!) and now she’s lashing out?
I’m making all this up, of course, but if there’s some subtext going on here that might help to “diagnose” her attitude.
There’s lots of subtext, of course.
She wants to have control over everything, that’s really clear. And we don’t let her do that, which has been a real point of contention. When we bought a house that wasn’t in the neighborhood she wanted us to live in (to be clear, not a mansion, actually a small fixer-upper we plan to one day turn into a rental property) she was furious for weeks. It manifested as her telling people how we couldn’t afford it, were making bad decisions, etc. She buys the clothes for her husband and her other son, plans all the meals, trips, etc.
She likes to be a “mother”, if that makes sense. She has no friends. I apologize if that sounds cruel. When we got married, we asked them for a list of friends/family and they didn’t have any friends listed – then my husband and I have discussed it and we don’t know of a single time in the last ten years that she’s had lunch or dinner with a friend or with another couple. Her gossiping is done at work and at church, and at extended family gatherings. We live in an area where that quickly turns into the entire community. She’s happy when she’s sacrificing or doing a favor for someone, but doesn’t want anyone to succeed without her help.
Honestly, she’s never really tried to be super-close to me.
I think we are moving towards counseling – I don’t want to go to a ‘talk about feelings’ counselor, but a ‘here are strategies to stay sane’ counselor. I’m thankful that my husband also recognizes how difficult she is and we’re a team, although he has lots of emotional baggage from all this.
Ah. I feel like I know her, oddly :)
One school of thought, just throwing it out there, is to beat her at her own game – give her something little to control and let her obsess all over that. Of course it needs to be something fairly small that you don’t particularly care about or just don’t have the time to deal with. e.g. picking out a new type of washing machine? planning some relative’s birthday party? buying christmas gifts? etc – and just let her unleash her crazy on it. I’m assuming she has some competence over these things, if she’s so insistent on doing them for people.
Of course, the risk is that this still drives you nuts, or that she takes this as open invitation to start weighing in on other, bigger areas of your life. However given that you aren’t moving anytime soon, and she probably won’t change anytime soon, some form of this could help.
Or yes, move towards counseling. Good luck to you. Short of cutting her out of your life as much as possible (an option, if difficult) you need some way to manage her.
“just let her unleash her crazy on it”
LOL absolutely. When you’re going back and forth with your cable company, could you say, “I just don’t know HOW to deal with these people,” and then she can be the one on the phone for two+ hours?
That’s partly in jest – I suspect that, given what you’ve described, giving her even that much of a toehold in your life will come back to bite you. I think K in NYC’s suggestions are probably best for your long-term happiness… but maybe you could test out giving her a project and see how it goes first.
I think she has a lot of the classic symptoms of codependency. Codependency can stem from feeling fearful or powerless, and combined with all the socialization that women (esp. older women) get that they should be nurturers. Because the message I’m getting from your description of your MIL is, “let me do all this stuff for you, so I can make you feel obligated, so I have a way in to control you.”
A classmate of mine (from undergrad days) told me that because his mother was raised to only accept very traditional gender-roles and because “completely drank the Kool-Aid,” (his word-choice), she never had a life of her own.
She poured all her energies into her husband, and once there were children (my classmate and his brother), she poured all her energies into them. She had nothing that was her own– not even so much as a hobby. Everything she did had to (in her mind) be linked in some way to providing for the children or supporting the husband.
In time, my classmate and his brother stopped referring to her as their “mother” but as “the SMother.” Because she had no life, she viewed her husband and especially the children as the proxy life she should have had. So, if at any point they dared to deviate in any way from Her Plan For Them, she’d go apesh!t and give the Great Martyrdom Speech. It would be an exhaustive (and exhausting) list of all that she’d given up and all the things she did SPECIALLY FOR THEM and how dare they throw away her sacrifices and blah blah blah.
Now, your MIL may be of a generation and upbringing that makes her dismiss psychiatry and therapy out of hand, so I’m not sure counseling would work for her. It’d probably be more useful for your husband on how he can reclaim his identity and choices away from her.
I would only add that having dealt with a fair number of older women who suffer from the extreme codependency/controlling issues, what has worked for me is the drawing of boundaries (I like the earlier suggestion of changing locks, not letting her in, and definitely not letting her read your mail if she’s over).
What has also worked is balancing those hard lines with some softness— reminding these women that no, the way they can most successfully connect with me is not by doing unasked for, and frankly, unwelcome stuff for me, but by just “being.” I think a lot of these women have been told by society: “you are inferior because you’re a woman. just being yourself is not enough. you can only be valued if you provide food, nurturing, homemaking, s*x, etc for other people. you only mean something if you serve others, because you’re of the servant class, second-rate.” So they can’t get out of the habit of doing stuff for people to assert their self-worth.
I’ve had to try to counter that message with my own message of liking these ladies for who they are, not because they bake stuff for me, or want to give me a painting I *must* hang on my dining room wall, etc.
I told one person, “the foundation of my liking you is not because you do stuff for me, or make stuff for me. It’s because I like your core. Please don’t complicate that with all this other stuff– it creates obligations where there aren’t any.”
Just wanted to second the idea that it is you + DH vs. MIL and that a good counselor can talk to you about specific steps without starting out at “tell me about your childhood feelings.”
My husband and I did this to deal with his ex-wife. Her behavior has not changed one iota in the six years since we saw our counselor, but our way of dealing with her has brought us much closer together and severaly limited the amount of chaos she creates in our life.
If you are in southern California, I highly recommend Christyn Nelson.
try to reframe how you see her… go into your logical mind… rather than, “it’s so annoying when she asks 27 questions,” try to make yourself think as either a sleuth, “hmmm, I wonder what she’s trying to find,” a comic “I wonder how many fake answers we can give before she figures us out or before I can make my spouse laugh and give us away” or as a sympathizer, “poor woman has nothing better to do than instigate with us.”
if you love your life otherwise, don’t give her the power to make you move but you’ll have to either limit or cut off giving details to her family, but you have to tell them why. when they ask about something, tell them that you’d love to discuss it with them but you don’t want MIL to know. do this with something pretty trivial. then, if/when MIL brings it up, contact said person and explain that you’re sad s/he couldn’t follow through on your request for privacy. in the future, when the person asks for info, remind them that you don’t feel comfortable trusting him/her anymore after the last incident. if this family is so gossipy, the word will spread fast and people will either back off from you, jump on her for her behavior, or get better at not sharing what they know.
K, I just wanted to say that you are GREAT. Your advice is always so spot-on and thoughtful. I hope things get better for you with your dog and employment situation. Please let us know if the online advice column thing works out because I bet most of us would be big fans.
(Sorry if this is totally out of the blue.. I mostly lurk!)
I appreciate it more than I am able to articulate… I’m surviving on fumes right now, as they say, and this was so kind of you to say.
(Personally, I kind of hope the OP goes by way of the comic option… she and her husband may start hoping for MIL to go batty so they can play the game and see how long they can make up answers without her figuring it out… besides, when she -does- catch on, worst case is that she leaves, so they win either way)
Two book suggestions: “Boundaries” by Cloud and Thompson, and “Toxic Parents” by Buck and Forward.
Therapy is a really good idea. Your DH may end up needing to go for a while on his own, too…a parent like that can do lots of damaging programming that takes time to unravel.
Completely cut off the information stream. It’s sad, because you’d like to be close with the family, but please recognize that anyone who doesn’t actively oppose MIL (I’m looking at you, FIL) is part of the problem.
Finally: Crazy Mom Bingo. I’m serious. Make two different bingo cards with her most egregious offenses and common phrases. Race to bingo! with your husband. Because, honestly, sometimes the way to defang the dragon is to point and laugh.
THIS. I needed something to make me laugh out loud and put it in perspective, even more so in the moment. I have enough to fill out two bingo cards off the top of my head.
Well, there you go! Buy some new colored pencils and decorate the sh!t out of those bingo cards.
Hide the mail. Don’t share sensitive info with her, or with any one else who would tell her these things. If you and your husband have a disagreement, no one should let her in on it.
There’s some reason she wants control. Maybe it’s anxiety, or maybe she gave up the career she could have had, gave up a sense of control in her own life. She could be living with some past trauma you are unaware of.
Can I share my cringe moment of the day? Yesterday, our office manager sent out an email that today is Wear Your Patriots Gear to Work Day to celebrate the Super Bowl. So I’m wearing a Patriots waffle weave, jeans, and boots. Aaaaand none of the other attorneys dressed down — only the secretaries. And me. All of the other attorneys are in their standard blue + khaki business casual.
Sigh.
Ahh! Oh well. It happens. (It kind of reminds me of that episode of Modern Family where Mitchell dresses up for Halloween at his office!)
Now I’m sitting in my office laughing, one of my favorite episodes ever!
Same here! Picturing him scaling the side of the building in the Spiderman costume…
I was just thinking this!
We also have a wear your Patriots gear day at work. I’m working from home, though. So I’m wearing workout gear. I was actually kind of disappointed. I have new jeans that I want to wear to work. We get to wear jeans about 6 times a year.
Rock on, Fiona. Own it :). And give your fellow attorneys crap for not backing the Pats like you are. They’ll just remember that Fiona is a die-hard Pats fan (who otherwise dresses totally appropriately).
Agreed. This calls for prime-time trash talking.
So they didn’t get into the spirit and you did, good for you!
Hi all, for anyone considering buying the Jcrew lady coat, I wanted to offer my review. I am normally a size 4/6 in coats. I like my coats fitted, but I also want to give myself enough room to layer up.
I ordered both sizes 6 and 8. Size 6 was WAY too small and even size 8 looked a little tight. I also thought that the cut was unflattering to my pear shape. The coat is an a-line cut, which made my bottom half look larger.
I know that many others love this coat, it just wasn’t a good fit for me.
I’m gonna offer a review of some of the limited purchases I made with the 50% off last week.
http://www.thelimited.com/detail/large-leather-tote/1204689
love this large leather tote, it was a great deal at 50% off. Decent pebbled leather with pegs on the bottom, good straps, and it’s not super heavy for a leather bag. I ordered the red and black (red no longer avail online). I’m glad I ordered both bc I orginally wanted the red. The red in person was not a great red, but I still would have kept it but for my mom convincing me to keep the black one as a young attorney (“The red is nice,but you’re not going to take it to court are you?!?”), and I seldom seek fashion advice from my mom.
http://www.thelimited.com/detail/drew-black-slim-leg-pant/6622998
These pants are perfect audrey hepburn pants. I’m 5’3″ and they hit my ankle at a good spot for at least 3 season wear (and in the winter I would commute in boots and wear these at the office too). I have a difficult time with pants because I have a wide waist (0.76 waist to hip). These pants are incredibly flattering and I have no muffin top.
http://www.thelimited.com/detail/boxy-charmeuse-shell/4263427/648
This is a good option for a plain silky short sleeve tee to wear under a suit. It is tight to get on and off, but once it’s on it fits fairly well. I’m a 34C/D and got a small. A medium would prob be easier to get on and off but would look too big.
you know, I was the one who posted a couple weeks ago when they were on sale I was SOOO excited. I am normally an 8 in coats, but like you wanted to make sure I had enough room for my bust and my suits, so I got a 10. Yup, too small. By the time I got it, the 12s were out of stock. However, I do think the style was flattering on me. I guess I will try again next year…. *sigh*
I’m planning a trip to NYC in mid-May, just a 4 day weekend shopping trip with some friends. I’ve never been, and would welcome some tips on what to wear when out sightseeing/shopping. I live in a small midwestern city, and am thinking my normal weekend wear of jeans and Skechers might not be appropriate? Also, any tips for must see things that don’t involve standing in line? I’ll probably skip the Statute of Liberty and Empire State Building, just because I think they will take up too much time on such a short trip, although I’d love to go back some time for a longer stay and see all of it.
whatever you want and are comfortable in. there are millions of people there. you can dress up, but who are you trying to impress and then get sore feet?
ps try de janeiro discount stores… when i lived there i got some great ‘real’ stuff at really low prices on occasion, you have to hunt through the store but it isn’t large.
Aww, you can wear whatever you want!! you’re on vacation! Especially if you’re planning to go to Macys, Bloomingdales, Fifth Avenue etc and the major tourist shopping areas – I’d say wear whatever you want, as most people there will also be visitors.
On the other hand … as former NYC resident (now I live in the burbs!) what girls wear lately on nice spring weekends to hang out/get brunch/go shopping is usually some combination of casual dresses, skinny jeans + flats, little sweaters, sandals, maybe casual skirts. Do wear comfortable walking shoes (flats!) and dress in layers, i.e. bring a cardigan or something rather than a jacket which is a hassle to haul around.
As for what to see … well, where to start? If you want to hit the major tourist sites, you probably know where to go. If you and your girlfriends would rather do the kinds of things that your NYC equivalents would do on a Saturday, I’d hang out downtown, get brunch, see the High Line, ramble through the Village, walk around Soho and especially the fringes (good shopping), find a wine bar in the evening and people watch.
Nah, jeans and sketchers are fine. You’ll be doing a lot of walking, so comfortable shoes are a must.
I lived here three years before I went to the Statute of Liberty. I stayed about 15 minutes (though it was raining…). We didn’t have tickets to climb it or anything, as they’re super hard to get. You can get a nice view of the statue from the Battery. Though you can do a combo LIberty Island+Ellis Island ticket, and if you want to go to Ellis Island, you might as well tack on Liberty Island. Oh, it may not be open (I think it opens the end of May), but if Governor’s Island is open, it’s got a great statue view and is a free 5 minute ferry ride from downtown.
As an alternative to Empire State Building, I know a lot of people do the Top of the Rock (top of 30 Rock building). I never had, so I’m not sure what the lines are like, but you might look into that. I believe it’s also cheaper than Empire State Building.
My personal favorite is the Met. You could spend hours and hours in that museum and still not see it all. It’s wonderful. If you are, however, crunched for time, you can hit the highlights in a couple of hours.
Second the free SI ferry rides, that’s what I do with all of my visiting friends instead of actually visiting the Statue of Liberty. And wrt the Met – you do not have to pay the full admission price, it’s a suggested price. I typically fork over a dollar per person.
wear whatever is comfortable for you, including layers for the weather. the ESB isn’t as exciting but is more crowded than Top of the Rock (look it up for details) and the best bet for uncrowded views of SoL is to take the Staten Island Ferry from Manhattan to SI and then back. Free and it goes right past the SoL, going a zillion times a day so not crowded.
Also, if you’re planning to shop in expensive name stores, consider carrying some plain bags to carry your stuff in so you don’t look like both a tourist and one with major money… hope it helps!
Spend time in Central Park, maybe rent a boat or a bike. Research your favorite cuisine and make a reservation at a really fabulous restaurant. (Chowhound is a good source, and a good place to ask. New York Magazine has a great search engine.) Visit the Museum of Modern Art, then have drinks in the Bar Room at The Modern. Go for a round-trip ride on the Staten Island Ferry for great views.
Lots of good suggestions already. You’ll definitely look like a tourist in your jeans and Skechers, but wearing comfortable shoes is key since the best way to experience the city is to walk, so wear what you want.
In addition to Bloomingdales, Bergdorf’s, Fifth Avenue, SoHo, etc. for shopping, here are some other suggestions, including some ideas for getting just a bit off the beaten path:
* Take the A train to High Street or the 2/3 train to Clark Street in Brooklyn Heights, then wander around DUMBO, walk through the stunning new Brooklyn Bridge Park (where you can eat a picnic lunch, or buy food at a concession), and then walk across the Brooklyn Bridge back to Manhattan, taking in the best view of the Manhattan skyline.
* Walk through the charming small streets of the West Village, then check out some of the great boutiques in the Meatpacking district, and have lunch at Pastis or Barbuto, where you’ll be able to sit outside if the weather is mild.
* Definitely visit the Metropolitan Museum, then walk through Central Park, or take the bus down Fifth Avenue and get off at 59th Street to start your Fifth Avenue shopping — and don’t forget the various flagship stores on 57th Street — Louis Vuitton, Coach, Prada, Victoria’s Secret … there’s both high- and not-so-high-end shopping along this stretch, but all are worth checking out.
* Visit Chinatown and have some dum sum for lunch or dinner, and wander down Canal Street to look at the various knock-offs of designer bags. (I’m a lawyer, so I’m not recommending that you buy counterfeit goods!) :-)
* Buy tickets for Book of Mormon NOW! I’m not even usually a Broadway musical fan, but this is definitely the funniest show on the planet right now! Then you can walk through Times Square and experience the famous bright lights, which really are pretty spectacular. (Lots of flagship store shopping in Times Square as well.)
* Finally, don’t forget to watch your purse and your wallet! New York has become ridiculously safe in recent years (so don’t be afraid to take the subway, or to walk around at night), but you’ll be easily recognizable as a tourist and therefore an easy mark for pickpockets. NEVER put your purse down anywhere, never keep it open, never let it just swing on your shoulder or behind you, and never put your wallet down on a counter when paying in a store.
Have a great trip! New York City is wonderful in the spring. I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful time.
I second all of these!
Book of Mormon is sooo sold out, unless you’re going in like three years (seriously…if someone has some secret way to get tickets that doesn’t involve waiting in line for tickets at 6 Am tell me!)
Sadly, Book of Morman is all sold out until September, unless you want single tickets only, then I think there are some available in May. And the cheaper tickets are all already sold out as far out as they have dates for. (I must see this show at some point. If anyone has suggestions for getting tickets at reasonable prices, do share. They’re never at the ticket booth)
Oh, speaking of the ticket booth–if you want to see a show while you’re here, there’s an app for that. TKTS app will tell you what shows are available that day, as well as the frequency that they have tickets for a specific show.
oh, except I think there may be AmEx Preferred Seating left for Book of Mormon. They’re quite expensive, though.
You can get great discount tickets through the TDF booth day off performance or next day matinee. They won’t have Book of Mormon or Lion King, etc., but they usually have good options. Don’t go to the Times Sq. one — it’s too crowded. Go to the one by the South Street Seaport or in Brooklyn Heights. Go before 1/2 o’clock to get a good selection. They have a free app (TKTS) so you can see what is available each day. Today, for instance, they have Chicago, How to Succeed in Business, Mamma Mia, Anything Goes, Rock of Ages, Phantom, Avenue Q, Blue Man, Rent, Spider Man, and lots of others. If you’ve never been to a Broadway show, go see Phantom – it’s an impressive spectacle.
Lots of great ideas above! Some other tips –
If you go to the Met (and if you only pick one museum, this is the one I’d recommend), 2 tips: 1) go to the roof — it’s an amazing view of Central Park and Manhattan, right above the tree tops. There’s also a bar, so you can enjoy a c*cktail or glass of wine, if you’re in the mood; 2) entry is suggested admission, so if your group is on a budget, you can pay what you wish for entry (other museums have specific free nights). Unless you’re really into modern art, I would skip MOMA. There is a ton to see at the Met; when I have friends visiting from out of town, I usually take them to see the Impressionists and the Temple of Dendur, followed by a quick walk through the Greek and Roman Statutes. There is a great new American Wing open too now. Also, check out their museum shop – they have great jewelry. Afterwards, go to Central Park and relax.
In Central Park, you can rent a row boat for about $12. It’s fun.
If want to do the Empire State Building without the crowds, go late at night. Last car up till about midnight, I think. The view at night amazing is amazing.
You can get a pretty sweet view of the Statute of Liberty without actually going there by riding the Staten Island ferry. It’s free and (bonus) there is a bar on board. Second bonus, you may meet a cute firefighter ;)
As to what to wear, weather can be varied in May, so just check the forecast before you come. Personally, I’d leave the sketchers at home. There are lots of comfortable shoes out there, I walk tons around here every day, and I manage to do it very comfortably without sneakers. Obviously, do what makes you happy and be comfy, but you will look like a tourist and I bet you’d have a nicer experience, esp. going to places like Barneys or Bergdorf’s if you wore cute comfy flats. In terms of clothes though, wear whatever makes you happy – nothing would be unusual here. Jeans, dresses, light weight scarves, all would be great. Definitely do layer as weather can vary, and air conditioning will be on full blast indoors.
If you have an iphone/smartphone, download the NYCway app – it’s free and has a TON of helpful info. You can choose the version for visitors, to tailor suggestions to your visit.
A nice shopping area is lower fifth avenue in the high teens and low twenties. You can go sight seeing past all the “fancy” flagships in the east 50s on 5th, and then take the bus down past the big public library (beautiful, E 42) and get off around 23rd. From there, make your way down to union sq, and do some shopping at Anthropologie, Daffy’s, JCrew, H&M, etc. (although I must say my favorite H&M is the flagship on 5th and 51st). By Union Sq., there is a Forever 21 and a Nordstrom Rack.
Jeans + Skechers sounds just fine to me. Ignore mean judgey people. :-) Being comfortable and having functional footwear is key, as there are a fair share of “mystery puddles” if the weather’s been cruddy!
Places to go: Museums are great. Met Museum, Museum of Natural History, the Intrepid Air & Sea Museum (if you like your Naval history and like battleships), as well as the Museum of Modern Art (it’s not all paint-splatters, and the layout makes it a particularly good museum to do some walking/talking and viewing with friends.)
Shopping (clothes): for some great basics and stylish “fast fashion,” google Zara and Uniqlo for locations in NYC. (Some locations will be more convenient to the hotel you’re in.) Not sure what you’re budget is, but I tend to stick to very mid-priced items.
speaking of museums, has anyone been to the Southstreet Seaport Museum since they just reopened? Is it worth going to?
I think most of my suggestions have been covered but I’ll chime in with another vote for wear whatever you want but focus on comfortable shoes. Most of the time I am wearing riding boots, flat ballet slippers or chucks. Even if you are in good shape you will be surprised by how exhausting it can be to spend a day walking around NYC so I always tell visitors to prepare by walking more in the shoes they plan on wearing – Skechers or whatever. I think the most common complaint I get from visiting friends is how much walking we end up doing – but it is also the best part of living here. And dress in layers and carry a bag big enough to stuff extra layers in – May can be really hot and humid or cool and breezy or pouring rain, or all of the above.
And while I’m at it, here are some of my favorite attractions in the city: the Highline (which I think has been mentioned), Chelsea Market (get a lunch to go for the Highline), walk the Brooklyn Bridge, Staten Island ferry to see the Statue of Liberty (free) and MoMA. Also, while I have never done it, many of my friends and family have taken the double-decker bus tour and loved it because it got them into neighborhoods they otherwise would not have explored. The bus can also be a great break from all the walking and shopping.
I’ve lived in NYC for about 3 yrs (minus one break) and wear sneakers and jeans all the time, so either I look like a tourist (as do my roommates and friends) or other folks are more sensitive. (That said, if you’re planning to shop the expensive stores, you’ll probably get better assistance if you dress the part, FYI.)
Also, don’t carry a map around with you, it screams TOURIST! There are downloadable phone apps for the subway system, road maps, etc. No one will look at you funny if you’re another person seemingly glued to her/his phone but a map in hand is a huge neon sign.
I wear sneakers and jeans all the time too, but I think it’s more a question of which sneakers and jeans you pick. High rise, pleated mom jeans with tapered legs scream tourist, as do running/gym shoes if you’re not going to the gym. Boot-cut, skinny, straight-leg jeans are fine for everything from brunch to clubbing. Also, “fashion” sneakers are fine. I frequently wear chucks, pumas, Asics Onitsuka Tigers, etc. and don’t feel like it stands out. Skechers makes shoes that swing in both directions, so it will depend on which kind you have to know if they will scream tourist. But then again, who cares? You are a tourist, and you should just enjoy your time here.
siiigh, love these threads, but they make me miss NYC so much! NY corporettes, throw the city a big kiss for me?
Museum of Natural History is awesome. I also liked the Tenement Museum on the Lower East Side. They have a few apartments that were apparently walled up for years and so were never modernized. It was very interesting and I think the tour took about half an hour (website is http://www.tenement.org). There also is (or was when I went) a delicious little gelato place across the street! One thing to know is that it seems many museums are closed on mondays, which has screwed up my plans a few times.
Does anyone have experience “making someone move” with the “move me move” feature on zillow dot com? I just saw a house that could be the perfect fit for me and my family, and wanted some advice from fellow Corporettes. Thanks!
Breaking news: SGK has reversed its decision to pull funding from PP
http://news.yahoo.com/komen-drops-plan-cut-planned-parenthood-grants-163643930.html
I don’t want to start another firestorm, but just to notify people that this is taking place.
Never change your name, Ms. McGotes.
Thank you Monday!!! I recently changed it from something else and wasn’t 100% sure about the fit. With your vote of confidence I can say that Totes McGotes is here to stay!
Own it. Unfortunately Tarte probably does not make a tinted lip balm in your honor, as it does mine (and my day-of-the-week fellow Corporettes Tuesday and Wednesday–thus far). But it’s definitely a “fit”!
i love it too!
Komen was perfectly justified in pulling most of their funding from PP. PP does very little in the fight against breast cancer. Only 10% of the women who go to PP for services are over 40, the age group most likely to seek out a mammogram. Only 3 PP chapters in the country actually provide mammograms (and Komen stated they would continue to provide funding to those chapters, although that was mostly ignored in the backlash), the rest just refer out to other providers, while taking the grants. Why wouldn’t Komen prefer to fund the providers directly? How much of the grants went to PP’s administrative costs rather than to the actual mammogram provider? Oh well, now they’ve been forced to continue to give PP money, rather than ensure their donated funds are used in the most efficient manner in the fight against breast cancer. So long as no one is allowed to reduce their “voluntary” donations to PP, I guess everyone’s happy.
Democracy works. Funny thing, public outcries…
As powerful as the public outcries were, what did them in was that there was so much dissention WITHIN the SGK organization for what they did. Members of the board resigning, affiliates coming out with public statements that they didn’t support the defunding, etc. I looked around this morning at about 5 different SGK affiliates and was amazed at how ALL of them had a response on their home page, something to the effect of “we are deeply disappointed in the national org’s decision and had no role to play in making that decision. We believe that PP is a great organization that serves an important purpose in the community, and we hope to continue partnering with them going forward, etc.”
If you can’t rally the troops within your organization and stand united, you have a big problem. Of course, the PR nightmare that SGK has faced (and will continue to face) could not have helped either.
Thank you for posting numbers. People do tend to get outraged about ideas with out really looking at facts.
I don’t agree. During yesterday’s discussion I was disappointed in the decision but still on the fence about how I felt about SGK because of my mostly positive experience with them but the more I thought (and read) about the decision, the more upset I became over their decision to pull the funding and ultimately decided I was angry. PP provides cancer screening to an an already under-screened population. I am under 40 and my lump was discovered by my gyno in a routine annual breast/gyn exam, the same kind provided by PP.
I do not believe the decision to revoke funding was based on the numbers, I think it was due to political and social pressure from the anti-PP side of things. By revoking the funding they caved to political pressure and they essential admit to that in their statement (on their FB page): “We will amend the criteria to make clear that disqualifying investigations must be criminal and conclusive in nature and not political. That is what is right and fair.” For me it is too little too late and I am now a breast cancer survivor who will not be sporting pink ribbons. There are plenty of other cancer charities who will take my donations and not be so easily swayed by irrelevant politics.
Do you have a source for that, anon? I’m only asking because a friend of mine just posted a complaint about the lack of solid numbers and unbiased reporting and I’d like to share those with her.
I really didn’t understand why people who are interested in this don’t just donate to PP directly, rather than getting upset that some other organization does or does not choose to do so.
I can tell you that I (a liberal who is pro-choice but not pro-abortion, FWIW) donated to SGK under the impression that it was a nonpartisan organization. Now I see that my money (however little I donated, and however small my donation is relative to other sources of funding for SGK) is being allocated for political reasons. In that case, I don’t want to just take my money elsewhere; I want to make clear to SGK why I am taking it elsewhere, and I want to make sure that other donors know that their funds are being spent in a partisan manner. People on the other side of the (partisan) fence have announced their support very vocally; I don’t know why I can’t announce my dissent in a similar manner. Plus, I think this is a weaselly way for SGK to go about its business, and I want them to know that I don’t buy their neutrality argument. And if some employees of SGK are being vocal in their dissent, I want them and their employer to know that their argument is not without backing from donors like me.
Is there anyone who is really “pro abortion”?
I somehow missed the huge debate yesterday b.c. I was trapped in meetings most of yesterday. Ugh.
But…on a related matter, are you guys familiar with the Zaibatsu ? These were the Japanese Meiji-era industrial and financial companies that were all linked/lenders/part owners with each other. You couldn’t truly disentangle the finances of one from the rest– think tangled ramen noodle-bowl. :-)
Similarly, when I listen to NPR in the mornings, I always hear about these organizations (also non-profits) that support NPR. I would love it if someone did the linkage map– “here are all the organizations that are non-profit, but who also donate to other non-profits. ”
Having finally caught up on all the posts in the great abortion debate, and realizing I have nothing to add to either side that hasn’t already been covered (and with more clarity, passion, and philosophy than I probably have)….. I have to admit, I’m not entirely comfortable with these interlinkages. Mind you, I love NPR, but if I write a check to some museum, I want that check to go towards that museum, not NPR. I’ve already written my check to NPR, and conversely, don’t want that to go to the museum, or heck, anything that’s not part of NPR’s operating expenses. (Just as an example of my personal preferences here and, I guess, why I don’t give unrestricted gifts.)
That stuff bothers me, too. It’s a lot of the reason why I try to avoid the ubiquitous office drives for United Way (which almost completely follows that “give to other groups” model). I’m sure that there are some benefits to this model, but it’s got to be hell on overhead/admin costs, and it’s just not what I want to do with my limited donation funds.
Yes, but unlike a nonprofit like NPR, the purpose of an organization like SGK is not to be the actual cancer researcher or the health care provider but to give grants to fund organizations and institutions that are doing the research or providing those services. In theory it is a way to give money with a stated purpose. Yes, I know with every donation I make to a nonprofit some % of my money is going to go to overhead, some % to fundraising, but I try to give money to the most efficient organizations where the bulk of the money goes to the actual stated purpose. I have zero problem with a portion of my SGK donations going to PP or similar groups because they provide services in line with one of SGK’s goals (one I believe in): to get more women screened for cancer. If the PP funds had been revoked due to conclusive findings (and not just premature accusations)that those donations were misappropriated, I would feel differently. But this is an example of SGK making a political decision, not a budgetary decision.
PP provides very little in the way of cancer prevention services. They refer women to other providers that actually do the mammograms.
And even though I’m pro-choice, I completely understand those who are pro-life and don’t want money they donate to go to abortion providers. Regardless of whether PP only uses money from Komen to pay mammogram providers, the money they receive from Komen frees up other funds for abortions. If Komen wants to focus on cancer research and services, they should do so. If they want to give money to PP, let’s not pretend that money doesn’t also indirectly fund abortions.
First, no PP does not provide cancer prevention services but they do provide basic women’s health screening that can lead to earlier detection of cancer and thus earlier treatment and an increased rate of survival. There is more to cancer screening than just mammograms – most women cannot just walk in to a radiology clinic and request a mammogram. The first step is an annual exam by an ob/gyn which includes an oral medical history (breast cancer in the family? history of lumps/cysts in the breast?) and a physical examination. If your personal history and/or your age or, more directly, a palpable lump warrant it, you are referred to get a mammogram. Both a breast exam and pap smear are both cancer screening. I did not and would not have discovered my lump without my annual exam. I am under 40 and would never have had a mammogram if my gyno hadn’t told me to get one after feeling a lump in my breast. PP provides women with these services.
I agree that there’s a lot more to cancer screenings than mammograms. That’s why the referral number is there – they provide referrals because they find something to refer for. That is hugely important in early detection.
I think whatever side of this debate we fall on, we can all agree that SK has shown truly inept leadership over the past three days. If they don’t want to fund PP any longer,they should just own it, and let their donors, both small and corporate, make their decision whether to continue supporting SK. Despite their “reversal” today, I have no faith in their commitment to PP, and will continue to boycott SK and their events. People who don’t want them to fund PP are probably equally perplexed about the organization’s long-term plans. Really, hard to believe so much damage could be done to a brand in 72 hours.
I have a dilemma: H and I are both 27. We have been together for 4 years, married for 1. We are absolutely sure that we want to have a child sometime soon. I have been on some form of birth control for over ten years and am due to go get my next Depo shot this afternoon. H and I have talked about TTC starting in October of this year and my OB-GYN told me that it could take up to a year for my cycle to straighten itself out, so I know that I cannot just stop the Depo in, say, September and have a decent chance of getting pregnant the next month. I really want to get off the Depo and figure out my cycle. But I am terrified of getting pregnant accidentally right off the bat. I know we can use other preventative methods, but the failure rate of those scares me a bit. H and I are not in a “hurry” to have kids, but at the same time, after all the discussion on these boards, and what I see my slightly older friends going through… it seems foolish to wait much longer. I have gone back and forth about this decision about ten times in the last few days and just can’t make a decision. I don’t really know if I am even asking a question. I just can’t talk about this with anyone else, really.
No kids here, but I say get the shot as scheduled. If you’re not in a hurry, and “terrified” to get pregnant before October, and mostly talking about trying this year because you’re worried about infertility… spend the next few months actively enjoying your 20s and revisit this issue at a moment when the decision won’t be so urgent and stressful. Just my two cents, and hugs.
Agree. 100%
Also, I want to add that I understand how tempting it is to feel like you have to hurry up to have kids based on other people’s advice to have them sooner rather than later. I have heard the same advice and similarly been tempted to start trying now. But the fact is, I’m not ready. Not at all. And neither is the hubs. I’m 28 and he’s 31, and yes, maybe if we wait too long we’ll run into trouble and regret waiting. But at the same time, if we just do it, we may resent that we didn’t wait, resent that we don’t have free time, resent that we don’t get to spend all weekend playing xbox, and wind up bitter. I know myself well enough to know that this is all possible, even if that makes me a bad person. But, I digress…
The point is, don’t let other people’s lives and stories pressure you into jumping into something it sounds like you don’t feel quite ready for. No matter how well intentioned, honest, or factually correct that advice is, it is ultimately you and your life. Go off BC when you feel ready to go off BC and TTC. Start trying when you are ready, not when other people think you are ready.
I’m not familiar with Depo. Can you postpone your appointment until Monday to at least give yourself the weekend to think about whether you want to go off it now?
I have to go pretty soon or the shot wears off. I think I could only postpone it until Monday, since I have put it off for awhile already. I will consider taking the weekend to think about it further. I hadn’t considered doing that!
I’m in a similar situation. I’m 27 and my SO is 29. I was on the pill (different kinds) for about 14 years and before I was very irregular. Since mid November when I went off I’ve only had one full period and it seems like 31-38 days in between if the last couple of days are any indication. After speaking with 4 different friends who’ve had babies in the past 2 yrs after being on birth control for a long time it took them an average of 6 months to get pregnant. So that plus my original irregularity was what I took into consideration when were deciding when to get off. We decided to get off in November because my pill pack ended the day after we got back from vacation. If I did get pregnant right away I would have been in my new job for a year and wouldn’t have to announce my pregnancy until the spring. And if we did run into any issues I would still be under 30 when we realized.
If you don’t mind, why are you so terrified to get pregnant right away? What are your decision making factors?
Terrified was maybe a bit of a drama-queen word… H and I have to save up some money before I can get pregnant because I only have two weeks of paid maternity leave with my office and because I have a high-deductible health insurance plan. It is also a necessity that we get a different vehicle before getting pregnant. All of those goals will be attained by October, or so. Right now would not be the best financial time to get pregnant. Plus, and this is not as big of a factor, I kinda want one more summer for H and I to enjoy just the two of us.
You should do what you feel most comfortable with, but here are my thoughts.
First, I have heard from numerous sources that it is recommended (from a holistic standpoint) to be free from hormonal bc for 6 months prior to ttc. I’m not sure of the science behind this but to me it just makes sense.
Second, even if you started ttc now you wouldn’t have a baby until after October, so it doesn’t sound like your financial goals are really an impediment at this point. Additionally, you would still have this summer to enjoy with just your DH. Being pregnant does not mean you don’t get to have fun.
My point of view is colored by my experience having ttc throw me some curve balls, so take what I say with that in mind. Good luck with your decision.
I think the real reason ob/gyns want you to be off hormonal birth control for a specified time period is that it makes it easier for them to time the pregnancy. I also imagine that if you do have trouble getting pregnant, charting your birth control-free cycle for a few months will help provide data to pinpoint the problem. But really, given that if you skip as few as two bc pills you are warned to use back-up contraception for the next month, I don’t think the hormones linger that long. Plus I know a few women who went off the pill and never had a period, just got pregnant right away.
Other thing that bugs me, since apparently I am having a crabby week – I hate when people think they have to go off hormonal birth control to “rest” their bodies from the hormones, whatever that means. There’s no reason to go off unless it’s bothering you (and even then, I’d say try different formulations if you are dedicated to using hormonal birth control) or you are trying to get pregnant. Pregnancy is not restful. Or, if you want to take the “natural” angle, the hormonal milieu mimicked by hormonal birth control actually resembles that of pre-industrial women, who were generally pregnant or nursing most of their reproductive lives and did not have nearly as many periods as modern women do. Plus oral contraceptives have a protective effect against ovarian cancer!
To the OP, why not take birth control pills instead of Depo? You could probably find pills that are close to the same hormone type and dosage as the Depo, and as I said above, there’s really not a waiting period for trying to get pregnant after going off the pill.
FWIW, I’ve had 4 different medical professionals in the last 2 years tell me that depo actually lasts longer than 3 months in most cases but because it can wear off as early as 3 the market it as only being effective for 3 months to avoid any liability. So in essence you’re new depo dose is given before the last one starts to wear off. That being said if you got a shot now and it did last only 3 months to May, and then other that lasted to August, you could get off then and still have enjoyed your Summer and be only 2 months from your Goal of October ;)
Ditto to Polly D.
It might be a little late to make this change, but I was once on a monthly (not every 3 months like Depo) injectable called Lunelle (I think – something with “Lun” in it) as an alternative to Depo (which was miserable for me). Now, as a caveat, the reason that I stopped it was that it was pulled from the market due to ineffectiveness. But this was several years ago and I have heard that whatever the problem was was pretty quickly fixed and it’s been put back on (I just had moved on to a pill and decided to stick with that). Getting injections every month was a hassle, but I found it a great one to be on – so you could look into that.
Also, I think it’s worth asking your Dr. if you can just pick up and start the pill right now. Since you’re due for a shot, I would say that you’re at the “end” of your cycle, so it might work. Otherwise, though, you should keep in mind that these things almost never go as planned anyway, and either way, you can deal with what happens (as in, I’m sure that you’ve considered that you could get pregnant even on the best protection, and if that happened, you’d deal, and that you might never get pregnant and could deal with that, too), so I think that you’re over-thinking it. Non-hormonal contraceptive is pretty good, and you’ll at worst put yourself 3 months behind where you would have been if you go on and take the shot today. You’ll be fine, and good luck to you.
Signed – the girl who stopped her pills in Nov and was convinced that she would probably conceive by Thanksgiving, only to find out that her cycle’s just so wacky that she’s only managed one period since then, so who knows?
Getting on the pill.. Hmmmm. This is also something I didn’t think about, but I have a question: Why would it matter if I was on the pill or on Depo / injectable? Won’t any form of birth control cause my natural cycle to be out of whack for awhile after being off of it?
Either way, I think that this will be the solution I end up using because it seems the most logical and I avoid getting another 3-month shot.
Oh, I just meant getting the pill or a monthly injectable so that you can stop it earlier, rather than having to go a whole 3 months. You can pretty much stop the pill any time you want, so that will help fine tune your planning a bit.
Just an anecdote, but for me Depo was way rougher on my body than the pill is (mentally and physically), so it makes sense to me that it would affect your body longer after you stop. It took me several months for my cycle to get back to normal after I stopped getting the shots, but only about a week or two before I stop feeling the effects of the pill after I stop taking it and my cycle almost immediately resumes as normal.
Why not stop the shots, and get on condoms?
Exactly. I would probably do a combo of condoms and diaphragm because I’ve experienced condom breakage and it was Not Fun, but a double layer of physical protection would give peace of mind and let your body adjust from the hormonal BC.
Out of curiosity, what brand were they?
I ask because we’re considering switching brands.
I can’t believe this, but I don’t remember. You would think I would have written “DO NOT BUY X BRAND” on a post-it and stuck it in my wallet forever. Possibly Trojans? I had just started hormonal BC, and this was during the overlap time when you’re supposed to use condoms also, so we just tossed that box and haven’t thought about condoms since.
not the OP but i highly recommend sir richards brand condoms (available online and at whole foods).
When you do want to TTC but wait for the hormones to clear, then I highly recommend going this route. If properly used, condoms are effective – the effectiveness rates typically are for “average use,” so it includes all the misuse (ie, fooling around without one). My husband and I have used them exclusively for about six years without failure. Both of our children were intentional and conceived with one try, so if the condoms had failed, we’d know about it. And it really does make TTC so simple. No washouts, figuring out your changing cycles, etc. You just stop using condoms when you’re ready.
I’m 32 and I just started trying. When I was 27, I was no where ready to have kids and thought I had a loooong time to think about it. Well, 32 has crept up up before I expected. I see so many friends who are 27 – 30 with kids already and part of me feels down on myself for waiting until now. If you know you want kids for sure (and you know that you want more than 1), I would consider trying in the next year or so. You just never know if you will get pregnant right away. Good luck.
I’m 32 and just started trying, too! I’ve been married since I was 21, and maybe not as financially secure as I wanted to be but enough that I could have dealt with it, for a while now, and it blows my mind that I waited this long, too! Seems like just a few weeks ago that I was 25 and still had “plenty of time!”
Wow Mamma Mia, I’d love to keep in touch in these coming weeks/months. I’ve been married since I was 24 and can’t believe that the time flew by so fast. But with law school, moving to several different cities, clerkships in different states, bar exams…it all caught up with me. Hopefully we can both move this along. :) Good luck to you.
I’m 32 too, although I haven’t been married nearly as long as either of you. I’m starting to realize that I’ve been waiting for some mythical “perfect” time that I’m never going to reach…
Good luck to you, too, and Another S as well! Like Another S, I was also waiting for that mythological perfect time.
Maybe we should start a Corporette “Not (quite) the mamma” facebook page or something! I’d love to compare notes.
Yes, to the facebook page! As I said I’m 27 and SO is 29, we’ve been together for 9 yrs and been best friends for 16 yrs. I was waiting for the “perfect time” and thought I needed until at least 30 before I completed my bassinet list (the bucket list before motherhood) and he was ready about 4 yrs ago so we came to a compromise.
This. I’m 28 and currently in the terror of discovering the mythological perfect time does not exist. We don’t have enough money, I’m starting a new job in six months…but DH has a one-time only opportunity to take off the next year and only work outside of the home one day per week. We have no idea what to do and only a few days in each month to decide. So far, we’ve decided no, but we’re taking it one month at a time.
And part of me thinks it would be easier to have a child now, starting a job, then when I have significant client responsibilities. Another part of me thinks if I have a child now, I’ll spend the rest of my life in debt and overstressed.
It’s actually pretty hard to get pregnant in that woman are only fertile for a few days per month. Also, it’s pretty easy to prevent if you track your cycles. Check out the book Taking Charge or Your Fertility.
Before I had my son, I got off of the pill in March. Prevented by tracking until August, and conceived on our first try. My son is almost two, and I have been tracking to prevent since he was born with great success.
I just read that book as well, on advice from this site. Did you chart using a basal thermometer and if so, is there a particular one you would recommend using? Thanks!
Get a glass one! I tried three different digital ones – the drug stores near me only sell digital – and they were all inaccurate. I ordered mine from early-pregnancy-tests [dot] com.
Thank you! Just bought it. :)
If you’re super worried about getting pregnant, then get one more shot. If I were in your shoes I wouldn’t get it, but for period of my adult life I was not on bc, just used withdrawl and never got pregnant. As I get older my cycles are less regular, and as you see here and in real life, more and more young women are having trouble conceiving. To me it seems like it’s a lot more difficult to conceive than avoid a pregnancy. Anyone I know who accidentally got pregnant in their mid-twenties, it wasn’t so much of an accident.
Switching to a birth control pill may be a better solution, so you can stop in single month increments rather than wait 3 months.
Also, they say to not even try to get pregnant during the first 3 months of bc because of the high rate of miscarriage.
From friends who have gotten Depo and then come off, they have taken anywhere from 5 months to a year to regulate. When I went off BC pills I did not get a period for over a year and had to go to an RE to get pregnant. I would not get the shot, but instead use condoms and track your temps to see if/when you have any kind of a regular cycle. That may not be until October anyway – and then from when you find out you’re pregnant it’s another 36 weeks until baby is born. :)
Taking Charge of Your Fertility is an awesome book. I never had to do everything they recommended (I just temped) but it helped us to conceive #2 and #3 in 2 months and 1 month, respectively!
So much food for thought, ladies. Thanks for all the input. I have decided that I am going to go this afternoon and get on some form of the pill. That way, the DepoProvera can work its way out of my system and I can stop the pill at a time that I feel is comfortable for H & I, at which point we will start using condoms and I will track my cycle and get familiar with my body. I actually own Taking Control of Your Fertility, but haven’t read it because I bought it and immediately lent it to a friend and her H, who are having trouble conceiving. I will have to give it a thorough read when she returns it to me.
I don’t feel pressured by others’ advice as much as I feel pressured by the fact that the longer we wait, the harder it may be to conceive. Obviously, that comes from anecdotal evidence and statistical evidence, and that’s what has impacted me the most.
I know that last year, I had the idea in my head of that mythical “right time” to have kids, but it has become more obvious to me since then that such a time doesn’t exist, and if it does, it might be too late. Given the alternative, I would rather resent having a child a year “too early” than waiting and experiencing what many of my friends and relatives have gone through TTC slightly later in life.
I agree that a group for Not (Quite) The Mamma ‘rettes would be a great one to have.
Thanks again for all the thoughts. I love this community.
May be too late on this, but talk with your care provider about your concerns. Perhaps an IUD would be a better option, giving you a high level of protection while still leaving flexibility if you change your mind. I only mention this as it was once presented to me as an option when I had to avoid hormonal birth control for health reasons (hubby had a vasectomy instead so didn’t pursue). There may be other options than shot or no shot for you.
I would not suggest an IUD for someone who wants to become pregnant in the near future. If you do accidentally conceive with an IUD in place removing it always almost terminates the pregnancy, and pregnancy cannot continue with an IUD in place. It was a major reason I got my IUD removed when I got married. We weren’t actively *trying* but would have been happy to get pregnant, and knowing I’d lose a baby due to removal of an IUD would have been very hard on me emotionally.