ByKat Hours Updated
Comments 159 Comments

Coffee Break – Stitched Hobo

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Today's item is definitely a splurge — but for anyone out there looking for it: hello, Bottega Veneta. I've been drooling over this stitched hobo for a few weeks now — love that grained leather look, and something about the short braided strap (it's 6″) really appeals to me. It's (gulp) $3,680 at Barney's New York. Bottega Veneta Stitched Hobo (L-2)

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

159 Comments

  1. $4k for a hobo? ::scratches head:: I’ve had hobos that I loved, but it’s just not the type of bag I’d consider dropping that kind of money on.

    I’ve noticed that there have been a lot of pregnancy/children related questions lately and thought that some readers may appreciate a recommendation for an online mother community.

    Snottykisses [dot] com is a community primarily of moms with toddlers/preschoolers and 2nd/3rd time moms with babies, but first-time moms with newborns (or expecting) are welcome. It’s supportive, fun, and not crazy like The Bump. There is a wide variety of backgrounds and parenting styles, but I’ve found the women to be largely intelligent, mature, and thoughtful. There is a mix of SAHMs and working women (including professionals in law, finance, science, etc). It is private and moderated.

    Not trying to push these topics elsewhere, just supplying a reference that I thought some would appreciate.

    1. Thanks for the recommendation. I’d love any other suggestions that people have for thoughtful pregnancy/baby/kid blogs or websites with good communities like this one or the one over at A Practical Wedding. I like Babble dot com a lot, but I find the comments tip towards flame-wars, especially on sensitive topics.

      1. Thanks for the recommendation-I spend more time than I should on the bump and I don’t think it’s doing my mental health any favors…

        1. LOL, stc, I’m on the nest more than I like to admit. I’d love to check this one out!

  2. I just bought my first bag that can’t be carried over the shoulder (it’s a beautiful Kate Spade tote that I had been drooling over) and I’m struggling a bit with carrying a purse over my arm. I injured a nerve in my left arm right before Christmas (lifting weights) and I constantly forget and put the purse on my left. I’m also constantly trying to figure out how to situate it on my arm to be comfortable. I love the tote but maybe I’m just not cut out to carry a short-handled bag?

    1. I have the same problem. I love the handheld tote that I bought and love how it looks but just find it really cumbersome when it’s light, and plain uncomfortable when it’s heavy.
      I am not sure I would ever buy a non-shoulder bag again in the future (clutches not inc.).

      As for the BV bag featured, I am not wild about this particular one (strap looks too short to be comfortable/practical) but I absolutely love their bags, generally. When I get that surprise inheritance from a wacky great aunt I never knew existed, I am marching straight to a Saks to pick up a BV woven hobo.

      1. @AIMS: you can’t go wrong with the classic BV hobo.

        I own one, and it’s less expensive than Kat’s pick and the BEST bag I ‘ve ever owned. Looks as great in the office as it does if I could bring myself to carry such a spendy bag on the weekend:)

        And it’s super light, so you’ll never have shoulder aches.

  3. I would like to see a picture of someone carrying this purse. Hobos are supposed to fit on the shoulder. With a strap that small, I can’t picture it. I think this would look odd if carried by hand like a satchel.

      1. I have a Kate Spade with a similar handle. It can be cumbersome to always hold it around your arm instead of over the shoulders but it does work if you really need to. I love your purse, by the way. Cute!

  4. I have 2 slim braided Bottega Veneta handbags – one each in caramel and black. They belonged to my grandmother and they’re beautiful.

  5. If you are thinking about dropping some serious bank on a bag, I do recommend a pebbled leather rather than any other type/texture. It’s flexible and much slower to show wear. I recently splurged accordingly (though not to this extent!!!!!) and it’s one of the less obvious pieces of advice about bag shopping.

    1. Yes, and also make sure it is a true pebble and not just a printed-on pebble design. I have a Cole Haan bag in some kind of patterned leather (snake?) that I originally thought was pebbled, but it shows wear a LOT. The true pebbled leather has a different feel.

    2. Good advice. My biggest splurge thusfar was on a bee-yoo-tiful YSL large muse bag – did not realize at purchase that the leather (lamb) would show every scratch! I still love it and I think it’s aged well, but it didn’t keep the original look for as long as I would have liked.

  6. Let’s discuss what we’re getting our SOs for Valentine’s Day. If you don’t support Valentine’s Day, what did you get him the last time you got a gift? I generally don’t buy my husbanda gift for V Day, but I’ve been wanting to spoil him recently because he’s so good to me. He’s just really hard to spoil!

    1. would love some ideas on this as well. so far i can only think of fairly ordinary things … chocolate, liquor, boxers, tickets to see something.

      1. I used to not do valentine’s day presents for men (so sexist of me, I know!) – my thinking was always nice dinner and a good time would suffice ;) … but the last 2 years with my SO, I have end up getting him cologne. He uses it sparingly so basically a bottle lasts till next February 14th, and he likes the fact that I pick it out for him. Sometimes I will throw in a pair of boxers with hearts for silly fun; last year I also got him an old fashioned hot towel shave at a nice barbershop (Paul Mole, if anyone needs a place in NYC).

        I know the cologne is kind of cliche as a gift but it strikes me as more romantic than many other present ideas.

    2. This year was going to be doughnuts, his fav spendy coffee, and a card – but just last night he decided to completely cut out carbs. Sigh. So maybe just the coffee?

      In the past, I’ve made him heart-shaped pancakes and brought home a six-pack of beer.

    3. I’m in the non-Valentine’s group, but you asked for recent gifts, so:

      -Massage (I added a pedicure on to this because I was tired of getting stabbed in bed)
      -His choice of a multi-course meal cooked for himself and a few friends
      -A new pair of dress shoes that were too expensive for him to buy for himself
      -Dinner at a fancy restaurant that was WAY out of our normal price range, but served his favorite type of food
      -Superbowl gear, since his favorite team was on their way to the Superbowl
      -Tickets to a rivalry game for his favorite football team (worked for basketball too)

      1. “I added a pedicure on to this because I was tired of getting stabbed in bed” – BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YES! Love your reasoning =)

      2. Tired Squared, maybe I should steal your pedicure idea, because I’m tired of getting stabbed in bed.

    5. I got him some clothes from ralphlauren dot com. They are having some good sales on sweaters. It’s a dull idea, but it is his favorite brand. I will also get him some of his favorite scotch.

    6. Last time I wanted to spoil my hubby, we did a couples’ spa day. Couples massage, couples manicure/pedicure, hot tub, etc. It was fantastic!

    7. I’ve been thinking of getting a belt from Burberry, but just last week, he happened to buy 3 from a different store, so that’s ruled out. He’s not too fond of sweets and liquor so these options are ruled out too.

      I also feel he doesn’t care about getting one but I feel so guilty, he’s already reserved a place for dinner, has some budget allocated for a bag for me etc. Need ideas :(

    8. I’m giving my hubby his favorite thing…nothing…so I didn’t spend any money. Jk. But seriously, we decided when we started dating not to celebrate Valentine’s Day — we usually do a nice meal at home and he sometimes gets me flowers if he remembers.

    9. I’m getting mine a house! And he’s getting me the same thing! (We just bought (yay!) and are closing on V-day, so we agreed not to do presents this year.)

      In general, though, we’re kind of weird on V-day – for a while we didn’t do gifts, because it’s right after birthdays and X-mas, but then somewhere along the line, he started and I couldn’t avoid giving in. One thing that we don’t do, though, is go out to eat – too crowded! We like to cook, and usually do a special dinner with wine at home, or sometimes we do “wine & cheese night” – just go to the fancy grocery and get some cheeses we’ve never tried before and some bread and fruit, and usually 2 different bottles of wine. Very fun (and that might be what we do this year, since our new house will have neither furniture nor appliances on V-day!)

        1. Congrats on the house. Wine and cheese in an empty house you just purchased sounds like an amazingly sweet way to spend valentine’s day. Enjoy it :)

    10. Not for v day but I’ve had luck with activity related gifts – concert tickets etc.

    11. Thanks for including VD haters like myself! I got BF a Forever Lazy for Christmas. Not only was it great for a laugh (it’s even more ridiculous looking in person than on TV), but his favorite thing to do in the evenings is relax, so now he can do so ensconced in fleece. I got him several other things too, but that was his fave.

      1. I think everyone hates VD. :-P (Sorry…couldn’t resist). Also, I love blankets more than anyone in the world and kind of want a forever lazy. So yay!

        1. Well the best part is that they won’t let you buy just one – you have to buy two in the same color. So guess who has been “borrowing” the second one since 12/24?

          #s3xiestcouplealive

    12. I’m getting mine a new driver/golf club (he needs a new on badly… and there are lots of good closeout deals right now).

      I also saw an idea for a “Man” Bouquet that I might try to make for my guy. Rather than flowers, you tape his favorite treats on wood skewers and stick them in a pot. I’m thinking of using small liquor bottles, cigars and candy. It may be a bit cheesy, but I think it’s a cute twist on a “traditional” ladies’ gift.

    13. I cook lamb chops for dinner. He’s in charge of dessert. That’s all we do for valentine’s day. For christmas, I got him a couple of Charles Tyrwhitt shirts. Boring, but necessary.

    14. We’re finally going to hit up the Newseum (in DC) and then eat at Wolfgang Puck’s The Source for dinner. We usually don’t exchange gifts but go out and do something fun instead. Last year we went to a winery.

      1. Please review! I’d love to go. I wish they had prices on their site, although I guess that falls under the “if you have to ask…” category.

    15. We just cook the same meal we did our first year together – salmon, peas, and a glass of wine.

    16. We do a big Christmas and birthdays, so we do not do presents for our anniversary or Valentine’s day. I would appreciate a card, flowers or chocolates, but not an actual gift like jewelry.

      Our kids get a heart shaped box of chocolates from Daddy. I know that seems old school and maybe it should be from Mom and Dad, but I remember my dad doing that for my sisters and me – little heart shaped boxes for each of us, and a big heart shaped box for Mom – and it’s such a sentimental memory I wanted my kids to have that too.

    17. Ooh, good topic, and I’m waiting for the comments. My brother in law just asked what I was getting my husband, and all I could think was, “wait, I have to get him something? Oops”. We’re buying a house so have been low-key with presents lately, and it didn’t even occur to me. I assume the wasn’t getting me anything either, but now I’m worried that he will and I have no idea what to get him.

      1. This is a day late so you probably won’t see it, but how about a new keychain for his new housekey? It something he’ll use forever, and you can get it engraved (name or date perhaps) or something else sentimental.

    18. I’m making him an album on Shutterfly of pictures from our honeymoon. It is taking me FOREVER, but we rarely ever develop pics, so I thought it would be a nice keepsake. I hope he appreciates the effort!

      1. The gifts we exchange tend to be cards and maybe something silly or related to an inside joke. For example, in the past I gave my SO a bobble head of one of his favorite athletes and this year I am getting him “the world’s larges gummy bear” weighing in at 5 pounds (don’t ask!) LOL.

    19. We don’t do Valentine’s Day. BUT, I gave him boudoir photos of me for our 10th Anniversary. WORTH IT. Also, very empowering. If you’re in Texas, I’ll pass on my photog’s name, she was awesome!

    20. Surprise him by getting his car detailed for him. Or get him a gift cert to use at a nice detailing place.

    21. I got him a card and then I got each of us ID tags for our sneakers, like what Kat featured here a while ago, but from a cheaper site. We’ve both started trying to get back into running, but we generally run alone, so I thought they would be good.

      I don’t know if my SO will get me anything. He agonizes over picking out the perfect gift and procrastinates about buying things. I don’t mind, though, I really enjoy gift giving (and I got myself an ID, too, so there’s that :) ).

    22. I’m vegetarian and he loves steak, but we don’t ever cook meat when we eat together. So I took him to a steak house (and paid for it, naturally).

  7. I posted a link on the bottom of the morning thread to a proposed NH bill that may affect access to healthcare in NH. Given that the SJK/PP discussion became quite contentious, I do not want to start such a debate on yet another thread. If you are interested in reading about it, check out the bottom of the morning thread. If you would like to comment on it, please comment there so we can avoid spilling the discussion onto this thread. I’m only mentioning it here b/c I posted it so late I doubt anyone would see it.

  8. I would love to get thoughts from the hive on jealousy. My boyfriend of 3 years has always had issues with jealousy (he recognizes this and says the issues arose from previous relationships). My problem is that I feel that the lack of trust is a real insult, and I hate how suspicious he is of anyone male in my life. A couple of examples: I was on friendly terms with a previous boss, and my boyfriend could not stand him because of this. At work dinners he would almost be rude to my boss, and afterwards tell me he ‘didn’t like the way he looked at me’. Whenever I mention a male colleague, neighbor, acquaintance, he always makes a little snide comment that seems to be rooted in jealousy/suspicion. He often mentions that he doesn’t like the way other men look at me. I’ts like he makes up stories in his head and then believes them and acts accordingly. I’ve never cheated on him and never would, but the jealousy is starting to burn me out. I have already more or less stopped meeting up with my male friends (whom I’ve known longer than my bf and never had any romantic relationships with) since I don’t want to start an argument or trigger his jealousy. I basically feel like I’m tip-toeing around, trying not to set him off. He is in therapy (has been for the last year), but I don’t know if they really talk about his jealousy in sessions. I am starting to grow resentful, and don’t know how much more of this I want to put up with. Thoughts? Is there a way to build better trust (although I don’t know where the lack of trust comes from in the first place – I’ve never done anything) in a relationship or will this always be the dynamic?

    1. I mean this kindly, but this doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship. He sounds very controlling and overly possessive. If he’s been like this for 3 years and is in therapy and is not improving, will he really change? You have the right to have male friends, just like he should feel free to have female friends. My ex was like this to some extent and it just got worse over the years, unfortunately.

      1. this – absolutely this. you should not need to worry about “building better trust” when you’ve done nothing to betray it in the first place.

      2. +1. You haven’t done anything inappropriate, and it’s ridiculous that you’ve given up on male friends because of your boyfriend’s jealousy. This guy has serious control issues that he needs to work out before he should be in a relationship.

    2. Leave him. Seriously. It’s not you, it’s him. There is nothing you can do that will make him not be jealous. He will always be like this, and it’s affecting you both personally and professionally.

      Wow, it’s so much easier to be forthright about these things online. Now if only I could sum up the courage to do this when my friends ask me these types of questions to my face.

      1. Although after reading “Oh no’s” comment I do wish mine had come out a bit kinder. I wish you the best in dealing with this.

        1. Thank you both for your comments. Honestly, the reason I’m posting this today is that I am thinking of ending the relationship. However, I have broken up with him once before (over the same issues) and ended up missing him terribly. I’m 33, and I want to settle down and start thinking about having kids soon, and he wants the same (he’s ready to go for it, basically – I’m the one holding us back). Part of me thinks maybe this is something I can learn to live with since other parts of the relationship are good (we love spending time together, I am always interested in what he has to say, he is super supportive and kind to me (other than the jealousy fights…).

          I still can’t figure out though if this is something I can live with long term, in a marriage. (I have no illusions that getting married or starting a family would magically solve it.)

          1. I see that he’s in therapy, but what about doing some couple’s therapy sessions to specifically address this issue? That might help get the full extent and roots of the issue out in the open, give you a sort of neutral space in which to discuss it. If this really is the big thing that’s holding you back from further commitment, I think it might be worth it to explore that issue as fully as possible together before making any major decision. Plus, if you’re not sure that he’s addressing it in personal therapy, it’s entirely possible that the problem is salvageable in some way but he hasn’t had the right impetus to address it head on.

          2. I completely understand where you are coming from, but I would say that staying with him because you want to settle down and have kids is probably the worst reason. You should never stay with someone who is emotionally abusive because you’re worried that you’re “too old” to meet someone else. I have a few girlfriends who, like you, were in their mid 30s and stayed with someone less than ideal for far too long, only to break up with them in their late 30s. And now they’re kicking themselves for staying with that guy for all of those years when they could have made a fresh start at your age. You’re still young, there’s no reason to say that you can’t find someone wonderful. And even worse case scenario you don’t, I would say that being single is far better than being with someone who acts like your boyfriend.

            I also understand that you missed him when you guys broke up. When you spend so much time with someone, it’s natural to miss that person. That doesn’t mean that you should be back together. I broke up with my ex about 20 times (literally) and always got back together because I missed him. But really what I missed was not him necessarily, but the companionship and physical and emotional comfort of having a boyfriend.

            I really wish you the best of luck. I know this is very very hard, and I agree with the other poster that you may want to consider couple’s therapy before breaking it off all together. But my experience is that men who are overly controlling don’t change anytime soon. They just move on to the next woman to control. HUGS.

          3. Being treated like some sort of deceiving she-devil is not something you should ever learn to live with. You’re worth more than that. Please get out, if not for your sake, for that of your potential kids. How would he treat a daughter?

          4. “I have a few girlfriends who, like you, were in their mid 30s and stayed with someone less than ideal for far too long, only to break up with them in their late 30s. And now they’re kicking themselves for staying with that guy for all of those years when they could have made a fresh start at your age.”

            This this this. You cannot think that you are going to “wait out” a man’s problems and then at 36 he is going to magically turn into a responsible, wonderful, non-jealous, caring, committed individual who will make a great husband and father. It does not work that way.

            I have seen many of my friends try the “I’ll hang around until he pulls it together” thing and it always, always blows up in their face. The uncomfortable truth is that people’s personality foibles generally get worse as they get older, not better. You’ve put in the time waiting for this guy to change. He’s majorly insecure and needs help and needs to work on it, but you are not obligated to let him work on himself on your time, after you’ve already been trying this for three years. I think that even though it might be painful, it’s time to make a break and move on.

    3. Hmm. I think he should DEFINITELY be addressing this in therapy, and you should be figuring out how long you are willing to deal with it before you say, sorry, DTMFA. It is a big red flag that you have stopped hanging out with your male friends. Another red flag that he was rude to your boss and made weird remarks like that. Not acceptable. Also not acceptable that you “feel like I’m tip-toeing around”. At all.

      A contrasting anecdote – My husband used to be weirdly jealous of when I was in a show in law school, esp the musical number in which I wore a lace cropped bra top – one time I came home from rehearsal and found that he had put my costume in the trash. I did not change my behavior and told him, it’s a show, this is what happens in shows, deal. He stewed for a while but got over it.

    4. I would show him exactly what you wrote here. Seriously. He needs to know how this makes you feel. If he can’t change, then I’d say this is a very serious problem, one that I personally wouldn’t be able to deal with, sorry.

    5. I think the above is all good, but I wanted to add that what you have described sounds to me like an emotionally abusive relationship. Because here’s the thing, jealousy like this is not something that comes part and parcel in loving relationships. Its about control. He’s using it to control you and your behavior, and frankly, at this point he’s succeeding. And the hardest part is that men who use jealousy as a method of control are particularly adept at making you believe that its YOUR fault — if only you had not worn that top or not spent time with that friend you could have prevented his behavior (doesn’t sound like you’re there yet, but its where this sort of behavior leads).

      The fact is, this is been going on for three years. This isn’t about some past relationship. Its about him and how he treats women, and right now you are that woman. So while I don’t want to tell you to end it, I do want to tell you that you two need immediate therapy. I also recommend reading up about emotional abuse — you may find it familiar.

      1. I agree — I think couple’s therapy could be helpful. At best, it will save you guys. At medium, it will let you know whether the relationship is salvageable. At worst, you will know when you end things that they wouldn’t have gotten better.

    6. His jealousy has potential to grow and lead into physical abuse. At a minimum, find out if he is addressing his jealousy in his counseling sessions. Perhaps even schedule a couples session with a counselor. Good luck.

    7. It won’t change, maybe unless he aggressively addresses it in therapy. That’s still a maybe. He has some need that you cannot begin to fathom and cannot fill. The harder you try, the more you give up, the more he will expect from you. I would draw some ground rules and if he can’t work on it or make things better, you have to move on, for the sake of your emotional and mental well-being.

    8. Leave him. If he does not trust you after three years together and a year of therapy, he will never trust you. This is worrisome irrational behavior.

    9. Thanks all. I should mention that we have considered couple’s therapy and he’s very open to it (he even got some names for us and keeps asking me to make an appointment). Basically he wants us to work on our relationship and move forward, and he has expressed that he’s willing to do what it takes. I think it’s a good idea to go to therapy, but first I booked a few sessions for myself to try to get some clarity. And hearing myself talk in those sessions made me wonder whether I should even continue down the path of this relationship.

      1. And yeah, I hate how it makes me feel that I’ve done something wrong. It also used to be a problem when I went out with my girlfriends (close-knit group of long time friends) -e.g., he would comment that “but they’re all single” (which they aren’t) expressing some worry that we were out meeting men (couldn’t be farther from the truth – we basically only meet up for a glass of wine or two to catch up on each others’ lives). I really put my foot down about this one though as it’s so important for me to see my girlfriends every now and then. (And he meets up with his guy friends frequently.) Still, if I don’t pick up my phone or call him back immediately when I’m out, there’s trouble.

        1. If you go back and re-read what you wrote, you have your answer. Sometimes we don’t want to hear the truth because it hurts. Good luck to you.

        2. All of these things you’ve written are danger signs for relationships that will turn physically abusive. Seriously. And even if it doesn’t, is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life? Because you have to assume that he’s not going to change. I mean, he’s been in therapy for a year and you’ve broken up once and he hasn’t changed.

          I know its scary but I think you know what you need to do.

        3. This really, really doesn’t sound good. If you’ve pretty much cut off your male friends, and had to fight with him to see your female friends, and THEN he’s calling and checking in when you are out with your female friends…

          I don’t have the experience or training to call this an emotionally abusive relationship, but his behavior is having the effect of isolating you from people you care about (besides possibly hurting your career). If he keeps this up, eventually who will be left in your life but him?

          I agree with posters above that some couples therapy can help you make a stronger decision about whether or not to move forward in even trying to salvage this.

        4. There was a discussion yesterday or Tuesday with someone posting for advice because her roommate had a seriously controlling boyfriend. Different circumstances, but had lots of good advice and was really eye-opening. As an outsider looking in (based on your comments) this guy is trying to isolate you and in my mind there is no good reason to do that.

          Plus, say he starts to do “better” and you all progress (married with kids). What happens then if he decides you’re doing things he doesn’t like? There are always what ifs in every relationship, but hopefully they are more “will he do the dishes without me asking” and not “will he freak out if I want to call a friend.”

        5. I can’t help feeling incredibly sad reading what you wrote here. Seven years ago I could have written exactly this about my relationship with my then-boyfriend. Living in constant anxiety isn’t worth it, period. The thing was, for me, that the highs of being with him were so sharply beautiful in relief against that anxiety and unpleasantness — frankly, it becomes addictive, waiting for the pleasure of the good times helps get through the bad times. Maybe you’ll decide it’s worth it for the good times. But frankly, if you’re honest with yourself, most likely you’ll have to admit it’s abusive and controlling. Like any addiction, it’s not healthy for you, quitting it is going to be associated with some unpleasantly feelings of withdrawal, but once you’re clean and detoxed from it? Life becomes good again in ways I hadn’t even realized it had become bad before.

          I’m now happily married (certainly not to Controlling Ex) and have been with my husband for 5+ years (married 3). If I go out for dinner with colleagues, my husband is happy for me that I’m networking and making friends among colleagues. If I go for a drink with girlfriends, he’s glad I’m getting to spend time with friends. I’m just as supportive of him. And this all works because we spend time together, too, and are confident in our relationship and truly want to support each other as we go out into the world around us.

          Reading through this, I realize this might sound horribly “look at how awesome my life is” — and truly, that’s not my point, though I do feel very lucky to be in this partnership. Lots of parts of my/our lives aren’t easy right now, in ways that are beyond the scope of the main point here. Really, I’m trying to illustrate the profound difference between what life was like Controlling Ex and what it’s like with a supportive, non-pathological partner. No matter what anyone tells you, your choices now aren’t easy, but I’m glad you’re talking to people, going to therapy, and getting support. Best of luck to you.

          1. Just in case you’re still checking the thread: I could have written exactly what “been there” wrote. In my case, though, the ex-boyfriend was hiding something (a kid! and I’d met his family, etc. When I found out I was floored), which I think was part of the reason he was so suspicious. Now married to a great guy. We are best friends and nothing about his love makes me feel sad or guilty. You deserve the same and can find that kind of love with someone, but it doesn’t sound like this guy is it. Good luck. These things are tough.

      2. I was in a relationship with a guy for 3 years who was the same: loving, handsome, interesting, smart, etc. but also very jealous. I didn’t realize how much I had turned my life around to adapt to his jealousy until after we broke up (ironically, after he carried on a year long relationship with another woman – we were long distance, which was why it was so easy for him to get away with it). It was classic emotional abuse.

        This was when we were in college (so long ago!), but I remember not going to parties because he wanted to sit on the phone and talk, and then when it was really too late for me to go out, he’d be getting ready to go out with his friends (I was on the east coast, and he was on the west coast). Or, when I studied abroad, and he’d be sad and jealous so I wouldn’t do as much, because I wanted to avoid any issues.

        I have friends who have dated and married men that were initially insecure and jealous, but became more confident as their relationships strengthened. It *can* happen. But, that was after about 6 months of dating. Not 3 years.

        I think talking to someone is a good first step to figuring out whether you want to stay with him or not. However, I will say, it is so nice to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t make you look over your shoulder all the time, or constantly worrying that you’ll trigger their jealousy. Think about how tired you are of his jealousy now; can you really live with that for 40+ years?

        1. Think about how tired you are of his jealousy now; can you really live with that for 40+ years?

          THIS. It would be so exhausting to deal with a personality like that for the rest of your life.

    10. Question – are you tiptoeing around him because you’re afraid of him when he gets angry, or because you just want to avoid upsetting him or causing conflict? If it’s because he’s angry, I’d lean toward leaving him. But if you’re afraid to assert yourself, maybe he’s only half the problem. My husband had jealousy issues early in our relationship, and I think he did the same thing you mention here – he made up stories in his head and believed those over what I told him. I think he mistrusted women in the abstract because of some past relationships, although he knows he has no reason to mistrust me. So I called him on it every time and reminded him that I’m me, the woman he married, and not some random cheating Woman. I’ve struck what I think is a good balance between doing my thing and being respectful of his feelings, and it’s basically a non-issue now.

      1. I’m tiptoeing around because I want to avoid upsetting him or causing conflict. I’m not afraid of him when he gets angry (he has never ever shown any tendencies toward violence or even rage), I just hate the long drawn-out fights about nothing (I get pretty angry in response when I feel like I’m being accused of something I haven’t done and would never do).

        1. Yes, but he knows on some level that you dread conflict, and will cave/tiptoe to avoid it, so he uses it to control you. That is problematic.

          I think I have to go all Dan Savage on this one: DTMFA.

          I also wonder if he’s gaslighting you, or trying to put you on the defensive because he’s actually the one who’s carrying on flirtations, cheating, but this accusatory thing he turns onto you gives him the smokescreen to carry on and, also test how much crap you’re willing to put up with.

    11. My BF did this too. For all seven years we dated. Then we got married. And it got worse. I left him on the night that he threatened me with our butcher knife, 100% positive that I was seeing someone else instead of studying at the library most nights (I was in grad school).

      Your bf might be different, but three years is a long time for this behavior to persist.

      1. The thing that bothers me is the three years. When I first started dating my DH, I checked his phone when I was alone with it. My last bf had really messed me up re: jealousy and cheating. He caught me, called me out, and I still did it again a few days later. I really worked on myself after that, and after about two months I never even had the urge. This is something that might be understandable in the first month or two, but after that, besides the anger and emotional abuse aspect, its downright disrepectful. By saying its a past relationship thing, he is saying the hurt caused by the last relationship takes a precedence over his current happiness with you. Its understandable you missed him, but that really doesn’t sound like enough in this situation.

        1. The three years is what bothers me too. When I started dating my SO I was jealous for a few months, then as we got to know each other and built a foundation of trust the jealousy dissipated and went pretty much completely away. Honestly, if your BF has been unable for three years to participate in building such a foundation, I doubt that he is going to get there any time soon.

          Also, with respect to your comment later in this thread, please don’t blame yourself. I have to echo the commenters who stressed that this is his problem, not yours. It sounds like you have done everything you can to reassure him, and have even stopped seeing certain friends, and nothing has helped. I really wish you the best of luck in deciding what your next step will be.

    12. It’s hard to tell if this is an early stage in an abusive relationship because we don’t know the guy. Sometimes people get into weird headspaces and have thoughts it’s hard to control, I get that. The thing is, he’s making it your problem and it’s not. It’s his problem.

      Tell him, straight up, with no apologizing or backtracking, that when he accuses you of cheating, he’s insulting you. Because he is, he’s saying you’re untrustworthy, a liar, and that you can’t keep your commitments. Tell him that you will not be insulted by him again. Tell him from that moment onward, he is to keep any intrusive jealous thoughts in his head and in therapy where they belong and the next time he’s rude to a friend/coworker, accuses you of being inappropriate with another man or of men “looking at you” or whatever bullsh!t he thinks up, your relationship is over and it’s not you who will be at fault, it’ll be 100% due to his choice to inflict that behavoir on you. Tell him to ask his therapist for tactics for dealing with intrusive, obsessive, and inappropriate thoughts. Then stick to your guns and leave him if he starts it again.

      If you don’t think you can have that conversation with him, or if you don’t think you can stand up to him to hold those boundaries in place, then I think that’s a serious red flag that your relationship is abusive and you need to get out now.

    13. I read the entire thread and want to make a few points.

      1) It is hard to imagine leaving him now. Your lives are intertwined, and you will miss him. But no matter how hard it is to imagine leaving him now, it will be exponentially harder when you are married and have kids. And if you have kids with this man, he will be in your life forever, even if his jealousy and control issues become more and more pronounced. Are you willing to do that to yourself? Are you willing to do that to your kids? Imagine yourself trying to get a divorce from this guy. Do you trust him to be kind to you if the marriage goes bad? Do you trust him to be fair in a custody fight? I never would have said this before I got married, but now that I’ve been married for six years and have seen friends get divorced, I think one of the most important things you should look for in a spouse is someone who will be kind and fair and trustworthy EVEN IF the marriage goes sour.

      2) I have always heard that couples counseling is inappropriate where there’s a potential that one of the members of the couple is abusive or potentially abusive. I’m not saying that your boyfriend is abusive, but I do think that some of the patterns you’ve described are classic signs of abuse. Where one partner is controlling or potentially abusive, couples therapy runs the risk of just teaching the controlling/abusive partner how to be more effective. So I think it’s great that you’re in single therapy, and I would avoid couples therapy for now. There’s a helpful article about this here: http://www.psychotherapy.net/article/couples-abuse-assessment

      3) You’re talking about how to get him to trust you. I think you should trust yourself. Your posts are beautiful and clear. You said that when you listened to yourself in therapy, “hearing myself talk in those sessions made me wonder whether I should even continue down the path of this relationship.” This is so incredibly important. Your heart and mind are telling you that these jealousy and control issues are dealbreakers. Stop worrying about how to make him trust you; after three years, either he does or he doesn’t. Trust yourself and your own instincts about getting out of this relationship.

      I am sending you courage through the internet and I wish you all the best.

      1. “Imagine yourself trying to get a divorce from this guy. Do you trust him to be kind to you if the marriage goes bad? Do you trust him to be fair in a custody fight? … one of the most important things you should look for in a spouse is someone who will be kind and fair and trustworthy EVEN IF the marriage goes sour.”

        This is SUCH EXCELLENT advice. So, so excellent.

        1. And by that I meant to say it’s excellent advice for every single person (man and woman) to consider prior to marriage, not just OP.

    14. Thank you all for your thoughtful comments. I think what has become so entrenched for me is the feeling of “what can I do differently to stop causing his jealousy outbreaks,” and it has been very helpful to hear so many of you say that these outbreaks are really his problem, not something I am doing to him. I now have a lot to mull over.

      1. If your daughter came to you and said everything you’ve written here, what would your advice to her be? I hope you would give her the wise advice you’ve received in the comments above, and tell her that she deserves better.

        Please also consider whether this is the type of relationship you want to model for any future children you would have with this man. Because children learn how to be in relationships by watching their parents. As things currently stand, you daughter will learn that it’s ok to put up with emotional abuse because it’s “just jealousy” and her spouse isn’t really ALL bad, and your son will learn that it’s okay to treat women this way. I am certain that’s not what you want for your future children. Even if YOU think this is something you can live with, is it something you want your kids to live with?? Because they will have to, and it will affect them no matter how hard you try to shield them from it. (Speaking from experience as the kid who grew up with parents in a similar relationship…)

        1. I couldn’t read all the comments because it caused such painful memories of the abuse that I suffered. I, too, feared breaking up with him after the time investment and as someone who cherished the idea of having a husband and children. But, looking back over four years after my breakup, I promise you, you will be so much happier once you get the courage to dump him. You will re-find yourself, and then you will find a wonderful husband. Best of luck!

          1. I’m teary eyed reading all of these posts. What an amazing group of women and a supportive community. To the OP, I wish you lots of strength in these days ahead.

      2. You might find the book Stop Walking on Eggshells helpful. What you are describing are pretty classic signs of borderline tendencies. I am sorry to say that it isn’t likely that anything will change. I’ve been through this, and extricating myself from that marriage was costly and painful to everybody involved.

    15. My ex-boyfriend was exactly like this. I did not listen to the warnings that my friends and family were screaming at me. (I was young and in love…) We ended up having a baby together and from there it got worse and worse until he became violent. After one particularly bad and scary event, I left him for good–with my two-year-old daughter. She is now 11, I have married a wonderful man and looking back it is so clear to me that he was emotionally abusive and trying to isolate me from everyone. He tried to get me to drop out of school, move away from my family/support system, lose all my friends–female and male. He would call constantly if I was hanging out with friends and would not believe me that I was not cheating on him.

      I am glad I left him when I did because my daughter has no memory of what happened those first two years. I can’t say I regret having a baby with him because I love my daughter so much, but I really should have left him at the first sign of his controlling behavior. To me, there is a difference between a little jealously and the controlling, isolating, emotionally abusive behavior that my ex did and that you have described above.

  9. A commenter asked in this morning’s thread about the JCP Worthington fit, but I figured my response would be too far down in the thread. So, re-posting: I’ve found their items tend to run a little large. Some of their dresses run a touch tight across the hips, so if you’re well-endowed on your bottom half, you might want to go normal size or one size up. The blouses tend to run big, and I’ve gone true to size or one size down on the skirts.

  10. And can I just say how terribly sad I am that Heidi Klum and Seal are ending things? I know pretty close to zero about either of them, but I thought they were a Hollywood couple who was finally going to make it work. :*(

    1. I know! I haven’t been this sad about strangers since Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins broke up. If Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell or Kyra Sedgwick and Kevin Bacon break up next, I might give up on everlasting love altogether …

    2. It’s too bad. I’ve been skimming the articles, and it’s unclear WHY they are breaking up. No affair, no adultery, no nothing.

      1. According to my trashy magazine, he was jealous that her career is doing better than his. So sad.

        1. I don’t know though – I saw a clip of him on Ellen where he talked about Heidi in such glowing terms and hasn’t taken his wedding ring off yet. Nor does he plan to anytime soon, from the sound of what he was saying.

          My BF posited that Heidi was tired of being pregnant. ;)

        2. Another trashy magazine I read said he had anger issues.

          I was also unreasonably sad when they broke up.

    4. Did they have children? All I can think of is how incredibly, painfully, unimaginably beautiful a mix of their genes would be (or would have been).

      (Which, you know, totally makes up for having limelight-hogging Hollywood parents who get divorced in the public eye, I’m sure.)

      1. She’s literally been pregnant non-stop for the last 7 years. Yes, they have kids. And they are painfully adorable.

      2. They have three genetically-perfect biological offspring, plus Heidi has a daughter whom Seal adopted who looks just like her mom. Lucky kids.

  11. My boss just yelled at me for proofing errors in a paragraph I’d never seen, because it was in a version of the motion we’re working on that I haven’t been given yet.

    1. Hah, my boss wont yell at me over quoting the wrong paragraph in a draft motion and I almost wish she would. Nobody’s this nice right? And I hate feeling like she’s going to feel like she can’t trust me. And it’s sort of an understandable mistake (not once you really look at it, but I was in a hurry and the paragraphs are very similar).

      1. Thank you for your enabling comments, both of you :) But I don’t think I could spend that much on one bag. I get a new one a few times a year and probably spend $1350 total over the course of a year and a half, but if I instead spent all of that on one bag, I’m not sure I’d love it for eighteen full months. I’m also not sure I’d want a black bag if I had only one.

  13. Just a rant. I have major depression, and after trying therapy and basically everything else I could think of, I finally decided to make an appointment with a psychiatrist and consider medical treatment options. And so I called the psych department at the large medical center where I usually go – and find out that they don’t work with insurance! And it will cost $400 for a consultation and $200 for every visit thereafter! So I tell them nevermind, look at my insurance website, and discover that there is not a single psychiatrist who accepts my (major, national company) insurance in my entire large, east coast city. WTF. W.T.F!

    1. I have called fsix places in the last week about anxiety, and recieved a call back from one that doesn’t take insurance. The rest never even called back! It is really discouraging. I feel like I really, really need therapy, and really don’t know how to get it.

      1. It is so discouraging. I can’t imagine if I was suicidal and severely depressed, instead of pretty much functional and wanting to figure out treatment before this episode worsens. I wonder how many people kill themselves because it’s so hard to get an f-ing phone call back.

        1. Right? That is what I keep saying. Like this anxiety is really starting to affect my life, sleeping, etc, but imagine if I was having really really bad thoughts? I called almost all the people recommended to me by corporette, and one phone call back to tell me they don’t take insurance.

          If anyone happens to have a rec for a person in DC who is responsive I’d appreciate it. Earlier I called 2 people recommended by my pcp who knew my insurance situation.

          1. Did you try the therapist search on the Psychology Today website? You can search by who accepts your insurance policy.

            I actually am in DC, and I’m going to the GW Medical Faculty Associates Psychiatry Clinic, but they don’t accept any insurance. I can follow up and let you know how it is.

        2. If you were suicidal, you might have an easier time getting help. While working for very low wages without health insurance, I called the local state dept. of health and human services. They asked, “are you suicidal, on drugs, or homeless?” Because the answer was no, they could not provide assistance.

      2. this same thing happened to me – i finally ended up going to a teaching center. i see a psychiatrist who will be certified in a year or two, and clears my rx with her supervisor. they have a sliding scale for payment, but since i’m high income, i pay the full thing. at 75 apiece it’s not easy, but i do eventually hit my deductible. i suggest calling around for places with low income facilities – if you have a college near you they might have some suggestions. i second the recommendation about calling your insurance company and letting them know that there are no options available to you, and that you need an out of network reimbursement. (i didn’t do this because i gave up after 2.5 hours on permahold, but i think i should have). it may also be cheaper to split up – try and get a rx from your dr if you feel you need one and see a counselor for talking.

    2. Clearly getting no work done today. Look at your policy and find out if there’s something along the lines of having access to providers. If not, you should call them and see if you can set something up where you get reimbursed per your out of network rates. If they won’t do that, consider talking to your PCP and finding a therapist they work with. This way your PCP can prescribe and monitor your meds and inform your therapist as needed. Not the best way for sure, but may help.

      1. Yes, I will be able to bill it as out of network through my insurance, but there’s a separate deductible for out of network care and I won’t come close to meeting it, so it’s all out of pocket. My insurance co doesn’t have a policy about no access to providers. I don’t want to see a therapist; I’m turning to psychiatry because I have attempted therapy multiple times and while I know it is helpful to many people, it isn’t to me. But thanks for the suggestion.

    3. My college roommate is a psychiatrist and she says most psychs don’t take insurance–which I don’t understand. I agree with L’s comment about contacting your pcp–many pcp’s will prescribe anti-depressants (and hopefully your pcp will be more inclined to if she/he realizes the issue you’re facing with insurance coverage).

      Also find out if your insurance covers the anti-depressants. Mine did, but my co-pay was higher.

      Don’t give up. I found the meds really helpful to treat depression and I hope you do too.

      1. Thanks. I am not comfortable going to my PCP for my first attempt at medicating. If I find something that works for me, then I’ll consider getting refills from my PCP instead of shelling out for every visit to the psych. But thankfully my insurance does cover the Rx.

        I can understand why psychiatrists who have small practices and work for themselves don’t want to deal with insurance, but I expected that a clinic affiliated with a major teaching hospital would accept it. It kind of screams that they only want to treat people with money. And while I’m fortunate to have enough money to pay for my medical needs, it still rubs me the wrong way.

        1. I have a relative who is a psychiatrist and most insurance plans these days just won’t cover visits to an MD. They rarely cover visits to anyone who holds above a master’s degree because it’s deemed too expensive. I think what normally ends up happening is like L says- people end up seeing a therapist who works with a PCP who can prescribe medications.

          1. That’s what’s so weird, though, is that mine does cover, but there are no MDs on their plan within a 30-mile radius. If I wanted to rent a car and drive to Baltimore, I could have my pick of doctors.

    4. Does your employer offer as one of its employee benefits a FSA/health savings account? If so, during the next enrollment period you should put away the max in the account as battling depression is not a short term project. You can use the pre-tax money in the FSA for visits to psycologists, psychiatrist, and medications, if they are not covered by insurance. I have also suffered severe depression, after the end of a emotionally abusive marriage to a man who also had jealousy issues, so this thread hits a chord with me.

      I wish you healing and happiness.

    5. This is so frustrating. Because of this crazy drama and difficulty, I just gave up entirely on finding a therapist… maybe i’ll try again some day, but for someone dealing with anxiety and getting overwhelmed by life, trying to figure out the therapy thing was just adding to the pile of cr*p i couldn’t deal with. I hope you don’t give up like I did.

      1. Thanks. For a while it’s been on the pile of crap I can’t deal with, but I’m unable to get anything done at work or even get out of bed and go to work some days, so I need to do something with it.

        @desigirl, I do have an HSA, which makes this a lot more manageable.

        1. There is a place in Montgomery County called Med Psych Md or something (medpsychmd dot com), which I believe takes at least some insurances. I don’t have personal experience with them as a patient, but I’ve had clients/other parties who used them.

    6. In NYC at least, nobody takes insurance in the mental health world. It’s generally a sign that they are really horrid at their job. (According to my good friends who are established private practice therapists/psychologists.) Insurance companies give them horrible run-arounds and don’t pay them for months and months. A lot of insurance companies think that psychiatric help is just a black hole that can suck up money forever without the person getting better. They can’t cut it off from the insured, so they make thing unbearable for the providers.

      I was able to get an appointment at a teaching hospital (had to have a friend of a friend who worked there make the initial appointment) but they were LITERALLY the only place that my psychologist friend would approve of that also took insurance.

      I feel so GRATEFUL to have gotten in and would recommend checking out high quality teaching hospitals in your area.

    7. Sorry that this is very belated — but consider calling around to some community places and seeing a clinical social worker. They are generally covered by insurance (because they don’t have MDs), they do talk therapy, and they can do prescriptions (I believe). Also — call your PCP and see if they have a nurse case manager or social worker who deals with psychiatric issues, they will almost certainly have dealt with this before and will be able to assist you in getting seen by someone in a way you need to be seen.

      Remember, there is help out there. Just ask for it!

      1. Anony has a good point about checking for other types of providers with expertise. Clinical social workers can’t prescribe (but they can do therapy and insurers like them because they’re cheaper than PhD psychologists). However, Clinical Nurse Specialists in psychiatric nursing CAN prescribe medication and have a lot of expertise in that domain. You might try asking your primary care doc if there is a CNS who could do med management for you.

        Otherwise, if there are providers a 30-45 minute drive away, in my book, it’s worth it. Psychiatrists aren’t the kind of provider you see often, especially if you just need a couple of sessions to get started on the right meds and your PCP can continue med management later. Good luck to you! I know the health care system currently leaves a lot of people feeling like they don’t have the options they’d like.

    8. Try checking out your state or local NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) affiliate at http://www.nami.org/template.cfm?section=your_local_nami. These groups offer resource lists on their web sites, knowledgeable people (staff? volunteers? both?) to contact, and a variety of workshops and support groups. You can’t be the only person in your city who has tried to find affordable mental health care.

      Kudos to you for trying so hard. Don’t give up, and continue to take good care of yourself. Beating (or learning how to manage) depression, or any other mental health challenge, is well worth the struggle. I speak from experience.

      The following may be TMI. I mention what I found helpful only to share the information, not to insist that these are the only possible solutions (wink, smile): cognitive therapy and DBT/Dialectical Behavioral Therapy from psychologists, cognitive & anti-anxiety counseling from a social worker, and medications prescribed by a psychiatrist. (Full disclosures: I met some of these professionals while taking care of another family member. I also chose to pay full freight instead of going through insurance and am relatively calm about the resulting financial strain because I know it won’t last forever. My DH and I were also able to deduct some of the expenses as per our accountant’s advice. This is not meant as advice to anyone else, since I’m not qualified to provide such guidance.)

  14. Just to make a happy threadjack, I felt really smart today at work. It was just one of those doldrums kinda Thursday, went to my own meeting kinda prepared, but then I kicked butt and impressed my supervisors and myself. And it felt awesome. I love feeling smart. The end.

    2. Yay! Thanks for sharing, being reminded that sometimes things go well at work really perked me up.

  15. You guys, I just did six days of business plus pleasure travel with one capsule, one suitcase, all in black and charcoal. It worked and I was able to carry on only for all three of my flights, but I have never been so happy to be back home and wear navy blue in my life.

    1. You’re my hero! I love the idea of capsules. I used to have the knack, but lost it along the way … I think about the time my MIL asked me, after my 5th visit or so wearing black-and-tan, “do you ever wear color, dear?”

  16. Is it really so hard to read the emails in the thread you are replying to *before* you write your reply email?! Don’t get me wrong, I *love* writing the answers to the same questions multiple times that I preemptively addressed in my first email. But, still, it might save a whole lot of time.

    Also, if you are insisting on having approval of all outside communications, reading your email a couple times a day might be helpful, so that it doesn’t take me 2 days, 4 emails and 2 instant messages to get you to read the freaking thing that you insist on having approval of.

    1. Oy, sorry, that was supposed to read as:

      [Start Rant]
      Is it really so hard to read the emails in the thread you are replying to *before* you write your reply email?! Don’t get me wrong, I *love* writing the answers to the same questions multiple times that I preemptively addressed in my first email. But, still, it might save a whole lot of time.

      Also, if you are insisting on having approval of all outside communications, reading your email a couple times a day might be helpful, so that it doesn’t take me 2 days, 4 emails and 2 instant messages to get you to read the freaking thing that you insist on having approval of.

      [End Rant]

  17. I need to vent. I ordered progressive lenses. I’ve always worn glasses, but now I’m having trouble reading small print. I left my frames at the store today so that they could put the new lenses in. When I returned, they told me that the frames were cracked. The sleazy salesguy then told me that they were going to let me get a new pair of frames and lenses free, but that he knew that the frames I’d given them were already cracked.

    They weren’t. I had them checked by 3 separate, qualified people at 3 different eye stores. Now I’m wearing my new lenses in my old frames. The new lenses are hard to adjust to. Plus, I had to choose new frames. I love my old frames. I had the lenses put in the old frames because the frames are awesome and they suit me. The new frames are embellishes. All the frames they told me I could get have some sort of bling or embellishment.

    It just sucks all around. I didn’t have the lenses installed in my old frames because I wanted to save money. I did it because they look good on me. Then I get accused by the salesguy. And now I have to deal with new cheesy frames.

    1. Ugh, I f-ing hate embellished frames. You have my sympathy. After I last got a new pair of frames that I hated, I decided to just get antoher new pair of simple, cheap ones. I found ones I really liked on Eyefly, but I’ve also seen recommendations for Warby Parker and some other sites. I have previously bought from Warby Parker and I had a good experience with them as well as with Eyefly. Highly recommend both, and for under $100 with easy returns, you’re not taking a big risk if it ends up you don’t like them.

      1. I highly recommend Zenni Optical. I have progressives but they didn’t work for intermediate distance so I ordered computer glasses from Zenni Optical for about $40 and they are perfect. You upload a full face picture of yourself so you can “try on” glasses. It works pretty well!

      2. Just checked… Eyefly and Warby Parker don’t do progressive lenses. Very sad. I found the perfect pair of frames at WP.

    2. I’m just all about the venting today, apparently, so I will join in with you, Bunkster. I commiserate about cheesy frames, i have been putting off getting new frames for *years* b/c i think all the frames in the stores are cheesy these days! cheesy colors, with too much bling, and weird shapes! i don’t want tiny little rectangles, i want lenses big enough to actually see thru, thank you very much. I just keep getting new lenses in my old frames, and I would be so upset if they broke my old frames and forced me to get new ones. :o(

      so short version: sympathy and hugs.

    3. On adjusting to progressive lenses: my eye doc told me to wear the new glasses all the time for one week straight (I really only need mine for reading and computer work). He said you need that long before your eyes adjust to using the new type of lenses. Too many people take them on and off when they get them and then are never able to make the adjustment.

      1. Yup. I wear my glasses all the time so that’s what I plan on doing. I’m working from home tomorrow, though. I’ve been told that going down stairs is pretty scary initially. There are some scary staircases at the T stations on my commute so I’m going to try to get used to the glasses before I attempt those stairs.

        1. @ Bunkster: My mom’s advice about going down stairs while wearing progressive lenses is to tilt your face forward and down, so that you’re looking straight down and using the uppermost lenses to see the stairs. (These are your “look UP to look OUT at the world” lenses.) My experience is that after several years, I usually can wing it based on my good balance and kinetic awareness–but if I’m tired or the stairs are unfamiliar or poorly lit, I revert to looking straight down. I also slow down and really concentrate on my body movements.

          @ zora: I completely agree with your opinion of the currently available eyeglass frames! Since when is it more important to be seen as stylish than to be able to SEE the world?! I also really like my three year old frames. I do have a spare pair (frames only, not lenses–long story). This was probably an avoidable expense, but at least I have backup until the market again offers frames and lenses larger than one’s eyeballs.

        2. I didn’t really have any problem going down stairs. Keep in mind that if you’re talking to someone who got progressives 10-15 years ago, their experience will be wildly different from yours. The progressives available now are much, much better as long as you spend a little more to get the nicer lenses. Apparently the low-end progressives are much harder to use.

  18. Sale alert – J Crew’s doing an extra 30% off final sale on their site. I remember someone here saying the love the Tippi sweater, and I just noticed a few in stock marked down to 39.99 (plus the extra 30%).

  19. Black is not the only colour that we can dress to be executive womans. We can put fun using colors and still look very professional, whatever, i like the bag!

    I invite you and your followers to visit my blog, a space wich combines fashion+photography+music:

    http://www.browniescreativos.com.ar

    Celes

Comments are closed.