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Thursday’s TPS Report: Open Shawl Collar Jacket

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5/24/24 Update: The Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale has started — see our big sale roundup! Also, sign up for our newsletter to stay on top of all the great sales!

Halogen® Open Shawl Collar Jacket

The below content is about the 2012 Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale.

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Somehow, there are many teal jackets like this in stores right now, from high to low. I would have said they were “inspired” by the Rebecca Minkoff jacket that every celebrity wears, but I think these are sort of their own beast.

I like this structured one from Halogen the best — it has enough structure to make it appropriate for the office, but you still get the exaggerated lapels and the shorter look. If teal isn't your bag, the other nice thing about the Halogen one is that it comes in many more colors — navy, red, and white.

The jacket was $99, but is now marked to $59.40 as part of the Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale (check out my other picks for the sale here). Halogen® Open Shawl Collar Jacket

Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.
(L-all)

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

234 Comments

  1. I have an unstructured blazer that I washed on delicates at home instead of dry cleaning. I really really hate dry cleaning and I have had fantastic success gently washing a lot of my ‘dry clean’ clothes up until this point.

    The collar and pockets seem to be not as structured anymore (even though I described it as an unstructured blazer). I suck at ironing. Is there any way to fix this? Get it professionally pressed?

    2. I just did this with a regular blazer (it was actually structured but said you could wash it inside out on cold) – it came out a wrinkled mess. I just took it to the dry cleaners to be steamed. It actually worked out great – not to be too gross, but it had a smell that dry cleaning just couldn’t remove so actual washing solved that issue and then the professional steaming made it look like new. I am considering doing this with some other blazers now.

  2. Thanks to everyone who replied to my loose leaf tea post! I’ve ordered my first batch & can’t wait to start trying it out :)

    1. Thanks for starting the discussion! I’ve been getting more and more into tea and appreciated all the suggestions and tips :)

    2. It was great for tips. I’m not loving my current Whittard black vanilla but am forcing myself to finish it before opening up a lavender earl grey.

      1. Or you could take the black vanilla to the office and have your earl gray for home.

      2. CB – wanted to tell you that the next time you’re home, you should pick up some Revolution Earl Grey Lavendar at Safeway–it’s cheap–I can’t imagine it’s anywhere near the cost of anything from Harvey Nicks. It’s my favorite afternoon tea.

        ~MJ

        1. Ooh, that does sound good, there is a berry black revolution tea that I love as well. Harvey Nicks is weirdly reasonable, about £4.50 for a tin that makes 25+ pots. A selection of tins is my favorite present since it looks very luxurious.

    3. Formosa Oolong is one of my favorites. A coworker introduced me to it, and I’ve loved it ever since my first sip:

      http://www.harney.com/formosa-oolong.html

      You can order directly from Harney & Sons. They have great customer service in my experience. Also, they have it in tea bags as well as loose.

    4. Missed this convo and no time to check if this is duplicate. Mighty Tea has some interesting and pricey choices. Also Red Blossom Tea Company in Chinatown, San Fran ships some nice selections.
      When I visited China we went to a tea farm and “Dr. Tea” told us that tea bags are to tea what instant coffee is to American coffee. I have been drinking loose leaf ever since. But I mostly stick to boring old green tea and add some other tea to the ball if I need to mix it up or need some extra caffeine.

  3. Ugh. This morning I learned the hard way that my new parking lot is HELL to navigate in snow (and this was just a little snow!). It isn’t helped by the fact that my car handles incredibly poorly in snow. Let’s all cross our fingers for a quiet, non stormy winter!

    1. Last night was very rough leaving work. Our ramp into the parking lot/garage of our building is quite steep. I felt like my drive home was a low budget re-enactment of Cool Runnings. My fingers are crossed wtih you!

    2. Have you thought about getting proper winter/snow tires? They will.improve the handling significantly.

      1. Eh – Winter driving is mostly about controlled sliding. I’ve lived in MN my entire life and did just fine without snow tires in a metropolitan area. If you got caught in the snow before the plows went through, then I could see having some trouble, but I don’t see that justifying the expense of snow tires since most metropolitan areas that get regular snow are pretty good about dealing with it.

        Now, if it’s been a while since you’ve had new tires put on your car, I’d get the treads checked, and you might want to consider some new all season tires.

  4. Great minds. I bought this last week when I got my Half Yearly Sale email. It arrived yesterday, and is STUNNING.

    1. I have this jacket too in the deep red color. Alterations added a little hook and eye closure for me.

    2. I just received this jacket in the mail in black (search on the site for the same jacket description). I liked the fabric, but the sleeves were very long, which is rarely, if ever, a problem area for me. Trying to decide if I should get the sleeves tailored, or try for another size.

      1. I also found the armholes to be very high and tight. So sad it didn’t fit as it’s a great jacket.

  5. lol, the model wearing the white version of this jacket HATES it. Why would they use that picture?

    This is cute, though. I might pick up one of the darker colors…

    1. Maybe she’s a traditionalist and is appalled by the thought of white after Labor Day ;)

    2. That picture is HORRIBLE. It’s not even like she is dramatically unhappy like a model. It’s just a terrible picture.

      1. Why would they even use that photo? All of the other colors of the jacket are photoshopped onto the other model!

  6. So, I’ve got an interview at a very conservative office in a few weeks in NYC, where it will likely be quite cold and potentially snowy. My best suit is a dress suit (i.e. shift dress and jacket) in charcoal gray. I would like to avoid pants as this is a very conservative office and I feel more comfortable in those settings in skirt/dress suits.

    Question is: Can I wear opaque black tights with my charcoal dress suit or is that too casual? Should I do nude hose and be cold instead?

    1. Do black tights really keep you warmer than hose? You won’t be cold once your inside. I would just give yourself a few extra minutes to warm up in the lobby. Some people look stunning in black tights. I always look like a 10 year old. I still wear them to work but I would not wear them to an interview. So my suggestion would be nude hose since the pros (more conservative, more professional I think) outweigh the cons (slightly colder for the time you are outside)

      1. Ditto. If it is super cold, you can wear a long wool coat and take a cab to the interview.

      2. Cfm, I have to tell you – I really think you are the only sane person on this blog. :) The rest of us (myself included) get all worked up about politics, and then you step in and bring the logical view. I honestly don’t even know if you lean left or right, but it is clear that you are interested and informed. That’s super rare.

        Yay, cfm!

        1. thanks! I really needed a yay me this morning :) I think I am a moderate (I know everyone says that but I do vote that way) that lately has been voting left but not neccesarily leaning left. but I am a questioner first and foremost

          1. While we’re on the topic of cfm’s comments, are there any other technical/engineering types out there who think “cubic feet per minute” when they read cfm’s name? Just me?

        2. I agree that cfm is obviously intelligent and informed, but I often find her to be dismissive or impatient with those she considers to be too emotional or unduly concerned about something. And the test-message style of writing tends to detract from the message, IMHO. But still, she contributes a lot. So yay all the same.

          3. Co-sign. Cfm has been a bit harsh at times, but I am glad that we are all emphatic in our opinions, and I like all of you ‘r e t t e s, except the really mean, argumentative anons!

        4. I think this is an unwise comment on several levels.

          First, it makes people like me, who happen not to love cfm’s comments a lot of the time (harshness, assumption that those who disagree are uninformed) feel that they need to articulate their disagreement. (“I am a questioner first and foremost” — Really? Questioner or contrarian?)

          Second, this is b23 saying, I’m a lonely conservative and here is my friend who respects my viewpoint, let me discuss my feeling of marginalization as I honor her. It’s not thanks for substantive advice, it’s just a little pity party over marginalization. (Nice word choice: “I really think you are the only sane person on this blog.”)

          Third, it leads to a small number of commenters patting one another on the back, an action that leaves most commenters out in the cold. I’m not particularly offended (don’t often post, have a thick skin), but I know that this has happened before and other commenters felt left out (for example, MissJackson (if I recall correctly), who mentioned after a round of back-patting earlier this year that she felt left out and has since stopped commenting, so far as I can tell (and others agreed with her when she posted that)).

          1. I may be harsh, but I have never felt the need to write a post calling another poster out so I guess I have that going for me. also the performance reviews of my posts outweight the two compliments so I doubt anyone will be feeling left out.

          2. I think you could have easily just said “I these kind of comments are unwise” without the 3 paragraphs about things you don’t like about a certain poster

    2. I love black tights and I think they are definitely warmer than nude hose. One option is to wear black tights there, then change in a coffee shop bathroom next door or something, into nude hose. But I would probably not even bother doing that, because I love black tights.

    3. Thanks all, seems like nude hose is the option. I do think black tights are warmer but you are right and I won’t be outside that long. Maybe I’ll get lucky and it will be a warm day!

      1. huh, I’m suprised by the “nude hose all the way” comments, but that just doesn’t sound weather appropriate to me. It’s winter on the east coast, right? I would think black tights would not only be perfectly appropriate, but also not silly looking, as I would imagine a bare leg would look this time of year? I’m a west coast girl though & am often baffled by some of the conservative dressing tips, so take my comment w/ a grain of salt. Could be a NYC thing & I defer to those there.

      2. Good gracious, just wear the black tights. I am really not following this at all.

    4. Why not black hose? (i.e. daytime sheer). More grown up than tights and more seasonal than nude hose.

      1. +1.

        I wear black hose quite a bit, and am never sure why others don’t… Especially in winter, where nude hose look odd. And I don’t wear black tights, which seem too casual – even though I don’t work in a firm/corporate environment.

        But then again, my handle is “style advice needed….”

      2. I’d be inclined to try sheer black as well. It can be uncomfortable, but I have in the past had luck with doubling up hose to help deal with cold (I’m really cold natured) by layering a pair of sheer blacks over a nude. It helps (and she could always take the sheer black pair off later, if she wanted.

        Good luck on the interview!

    5. Don’t wear opaque black tights to an interview with a suit dress. I really think you’ll be better served in hose.

    6. Nude hose all the way. What you need is a long winter coat – that would solve the warmth issue.

    7. This might be unrelated, but is it really so conservative that you need to wear a skirt suit in New York? I work at a pretty conservative, white shoe, business formal firm and there is no need to wear skirt suits.

  7. Love this blazer!
    Just want to share that I had sedation dentistry done last night for the first time. The dentist gave me a pill, triazolam, and I waited an hour. Then I remember lying in the chair and feeling like I was awake but two hours went by like two minutes. I usually gag, choke and cry and I was told I still did that but I have no recollection of it. I highly recommend this. It was an amazing experience and wish I did it years ago.

    2. I’d be terrified of this. I’ve got the hots for my dentist (baaaaad!) and I’d be afraid I’d confess my undying love to him!

      1. Yeah, that would worry me too! Haha. But I purposely chose a new dentist for this who is a female (with an all female staff).

        1. I would choose a new dentist, except that my teeth are the one thing I’m ultra sensitive about, and can’t stand anyone to comment on/look at. I don’t even have terrible teeth, but they are my sensitivity for whatever reason. Anyway, when he looked at them, I felt 100% comfortable, and not judged. So, I sucked it up and dealt with having a beautiful man to look at while getting a root canal. Tough, tough life.

      2. Me too! He’s so handsome but so young, maybe 23?* He probably wonders why he’s had an influx of 20-something girls in to see him lately, I’ve sent all my friends!

        *The system is different here so dentistry is a 5 year UG degree which = very young dentists.

    3. My dentist does this. Although it kinda reminds me of Horrible Bosses and Seinfeld, I would do it.

  8. Can I get some hive love? My DH is going in for a stress test today to make sure he is not having any cardiac issues. On top of that, he has been battling some mild depression for the last few months and I need to get him in to see the doctor about that. Will have to go to the doctor with him for that (like I did earlier this week) thus taking more time from work. Sigh.

    1. Thinking good thoughts for you and your husband today. As for the potential visit for depression, try to focus on the positive that could come from it for you both. Life in general may be much happier when your husband deals with the depression and ultimately worth way more than the few hours you’ll be away from work that day.

    3. Lots of love and warm hugs! And I know it’s scary, I had to go for a stress test in college. Thinking of you :)

    4. I know it’s not easy to stop worrying, but I find it helps to focus on the fact that you’re taking action and doing something. Sending lots of good vibes your way today!

    5. Hang in there. Coming from the wife of a cardiologist, most of the time it seems that stress tests are negative. But! If there’s a problem, it’s better to diagnose and intervene rather than get caught by surprise. But this kind of thing is always hard. I’ll be thinking good thoughts for you!

    6. Thinking of you! It takes a special kind of strength to be there for family members and loved ones struggling with mental health – I’m really glad you’re able to be there with him.

    7. I think your hubby is super-lucky to have you to go in with him. I’m a real chicken about going to the doctor but am usually too embarrassed to ask for hand-holding ! Hope it’s over quick and all turns out to be ok.

      1. Thanks, ladies. Sometimes it’s tiring to be the “strong one” in the family for a long time.

        On a happier note, I am rocking my pre-pregnancy size Theory suit today! :)

        2. Congrats on being back to pre-pregnancy size! And ditto what everyone else said abhout your hubby’s health–hugs to you.

        3. ((Hugs)) for being the strong one – that’s me too.

          And congrats on rocking your pre-preg suit! I hope you feel amazing!

    8. Not to make light, but at least you sound like you’re in a loving relationship. This morning, my H called me an idiot because I didn’t understand what he said regarding the 1986 Immigration Act. Good luck today.

    10. I think it will work out just fine, I went through a stressful patch a couple of years ago and had to have a stress test …truth be told having the test was stressful!:) Everything was fine and since then I have heard of so many people having them. Sending well wishes your way!

    11. Good luck to you and DH in this difficult time, I know he appreciates your support. Hugs.

  9. Do you ever have one of those days where you feel like every person you walk past looks at you funny, like you’ve got food on your face, but you keep checking the mirror and you don’t? I try to tell myself it’s just an “extra pretty” day, but can never shake the red-jelly-on-my-face-even-though-I-didn’t-eat-any feeling.

    1. I always think of those as the “Do I have a booger on my face or something?” days. I think I’m just uber paranoid when I’m feeling yuck and just noticing people more, where as they are probably acting normal.

    2. Yes. They tend to be the days I try to mix up an outfit and realize the fit/proportions are slightly off, so I chalk it up to nerves and try to put on a smile. I like your “pretty day” mentality!

    3. I’m having that exact day as we speak. (I’m wearing a blouse with puffy sleeves. I think it looks pretty, but maybe I look like I’m dressed up for pirate day or something.)

  10. OK, need the Hive’s advice. I have a relatively good friend — we don’t see each other a ton, but moved to the same geographic area within a year of one another and are both away from our closer friends/family. She was recently diagnosed with bre@$t cancer (in her late 30’s, is married with a 3-year-old) and had a double mastectomy a few weeks ago. Previous plan was to undergo aggressive chemo afterwards.

    She told me yesterday that they’ve now found out the cancer has metastasized, so chemo is off the table and they’re now treating this as a chronic condition. I’m seeing her in person next week and want to be a good friend to her but I seriously have no clue where to start.

    I realize this is not about me in any way, but all I want to do is yell and scream and shake my fists at the sky right now. I consider myself an almost unfailing optimist, but this is horribly unfair. Sigh.

    1. No advice, but I’m so sorry that is happening to your friend, and remember to take care of yourself too during this difficult time.

      I have a good friend whose dad was just diagnosed with untreatable cancer. I’ve been trying to surprise her with something (little) every few weeks – make her cupcakes, drop a funny card in the mail to her, take her to a movie, etc. I also let her know it’s completely okay for her to call me whenever and vent/b*tch/whatever she wants. But there’s nothing really *great* you can do or say in this situation, beyond just being there for your friend.

    2. The fact that you are even asking about this and wondering how to support her makes you a good friend.

      Also – paging EC MD for concrete suggestions.

    3. I’ve never been in that situation, and I can only imagine it’s so emotionally trying. This seems like a trivial suggestion, but have you ever seen the movie 50/50? I ask because it’s obviously about a young guy who gets cancer, but what I love about the movie is the experiences he has with the people who really care about him. The best thing you can do is just be there for her. Maybe she wants someone who can have a normal friendship with, or someone to express her thoughts to. And your concern makes me think that whatever she needs, you’ll be that friend for her.

    4. Oh, that is so awful. I don’t have any experience with this, but it seems like people usually suggest that you offer specific things you could do to help her out (as opposed to “can I help with anything?”), like “I could go do a grocery run for you, or take kiddo out for an hour so you can have a nap, or I could take you out for a girls’ night to just have fun — which of those would be the most helpful to you?”

    5. So terrible. I second TBK and momentsofabsurdity – little things to know you care about her and are there to help. By chronic, do her docs think it can be managed, or is she looking at a shortened life expectancy?

      1. You guys are amazing. Thank you so much. Words are failing me.

        To answer Diana Barry — she said “it’s not a death sentence” but everything I’ve read via Dr. Google (realizing this is dangerous for my own mental health) says shortened life expectancy is the norm. My feeling is that she will not be living well on into her 70’s or anything like that.

        Seriously, I am a tremendous optimist about most things in life — and I know cancer is never fair. Still, WTH universe?! Why is this happening?!

    6. Oh my God, I am so sorry. I am sending good vibes your way.

      I think I read somewhere that the Buddha – maybe it was the Buddha? I’m not sure – said that the meaning of life was simply – this. The present moment, because if you really think about it, we don’t have anything else. I would focus on that and cherish the time you have with her, creating memories, yes, but having her enjoy her life as much as possible.

      And yeah, I think there will be tears, and I think there will be frustrations on both of your parts – you have every right to shake a fist at the sky and be angry at the universe. Don’t de-legitimize your feelings. I really think that if you want to be an awesome friend, you will be the honest person who asks her how she is, who feels every last feeling for her.

      Good luck, sending so many good thoughts your way. x

    7. I would start with, “I want to support you however I can, and I will. But first I want to say…[exactly what you told us]. Now, how can I help you?”
      She may feel the same way, in which case it might make her feel good to hear it expressed by someone she is close to. And even if she doesn’t feel that way, it still might make her feel good to know that you care about her so much.

      Another thing you can do is invite her to complain to you whenever she wants, with a promise that you will listen without judgment. It’s sometimes hard for people to do that even with the invitation, so you might call her one day (or sit with her) and tell her you are calling to hear her complain.

  11. I just got my first BigLaw job!

    I was told yesterday that I was a well-respected Bay Street (Cdn Wall Street) firm’s top choice. TOP CHOICE. Little old me with mediocre grades and an anxiety disorder. They were in love with me. And I was in love with them too, so I joined them!

    I am over the moon. It was actually my second-choice firm (the boutique), but that changed throughout the OCI process as my first-choice started playing games with me. I realized that that in itself said something about the culture of the firm and that I didn’t want to work at a place where the fit wasn’t right, or where I was the last person they hired on their list. So in the end, I was the first choice of my first-choice firm.

    I just wanted to say thank you to you guys. This is a lovely community of women and I’ve really appreciated your advice over the years. I will do my best to make y’all proud!

    7. Congrats! Ditto what others have said about reading the signals and finding the best fit – well done!

    14. Congrats – but just a word of wisdom. The Toronto law community is a small place and I would imagine there are several people who have now identified you based on what you just posted. I have. There’s not a ton of Toronto posters here but still perhaps a bit of censorship is needed.

      1. Thank you for being honest. I appreciate the advice – my excitement did get the best of me, likely to my detriment. You’re absolutely right and I will take more care.

  12. Just wondering – is anyone else on this site from Northern New England? I feel like my boss could be based on her ultra-amazing fashion sense and professional demeanor, but I don’t think I’d want her to know how much time I spend reading this site.

    I tried to post this question (twice!) yesterday but got moderated because of using the C* word for this site. Boo.

    2. I am from NYC and I was haveing alot of trouble posteing with my Iphone. I wonder if it is because of the storm? FOOEY if it was! I have VERIZON which is suposed to be relieable, but it is not workeing to well here in the Bronx.

      Myrna is here and all the guy’s are stareing at her like they have never seen a lady before! It is histerical! Some guy want’s to date me and all I did was give him a tuna sanwich! YAY! The peeople here are very nice and Myrna and I are going to meet Roberta afterward’s for a beer. Yay! I could even drink 2 beer’s! Roberta could not join us today b/c she had a doctor’s apointement.

      The manageing partner is even helpeing to proof my breif’s b/c Lynn is still haveing electric pro blem’s. Oh, and David called finaly, but I did NOT answer and I do NOT think I will even return his call. FOOEY on him. He is not reliabel my dad says. My dad thinkes he was just after me b/c I am a profesional lawyer who is admitted to the NY bar and have a good job and good prospect’s. My dad is so smart. Why don’t they make more guy’s like my dad? FOOEY on MEN this week anyway’s!

    4. How far north? From Mass but don’t live there anymore – but dreaming and planning on moving back….

      1. Oh, you know, NH, ME, VT. Northern New England!

        I’m actually a Boston transplant to my state. I really like it here — including the slower paced lifestyle — and never realized how much NNE has to offer until I moved here. But Mass. will always hold a dear place in my heart.

    6. LOL upper New England and ultra-amazing fashion sense don’t go together in my mind. I think more sensible fashion sense.

      2. THAT is why I asked how far north. Those other states just scream LL Bean and Sporto boots to me…. which bring to mind adjectives like sturdy and sensible, but never ultra-amazing – lol.

    7. I’m in Portland, Maine and agree that it is rare to see ultra-amazing fashion sense in these parts.

      1. Hometown love. My fashion sense developed mostly since moving away, but I worked retail as I was growing up there. The shopping has gotten better and better over time, but most people in the area still don’t wear what we’d call “great fashion” partly because they’re not into it and partly because of the cost. Neither here nor there, in my book.

  13. im not sure how to put this — my DH recently graduated from law school passed the bar, and works at a great firm. things are pretty prefect! buuut, he has this new found confidence that is borderline arrogrant at best. i think this is just a phase because all of the law school pressure is gone, but does anyone have any experience with this?

    1. Q: What is the difference between God and a BigLaw first year associate?

      A: God doesn’t think he’s a lawyer.

      Have you tried calling him out on his attitude? If so, what is his response?

    2. I’m assuming his attitude comes across at work.

      If he were your coworker, I assume you would find him annoying and patiently await the day that he lets his unfounded confidence lead him into a trap that makes him look very foolish or inexperienced. At least, I would.

      Since he is your husband, you might want to give him a gentle talk about minimizing the judgment of his coworkers when his day of reckoning comes by being a little more self-aware of how his attitude comes across. Everyone’s aware that first years have a lot to learn…people only judge when the first years themselves aren’t aware.

      If his attitude doesn’t come across at work, just let him be. Every new worker learns to be more humble at work over time.

    3. Er, first years have no confidence. I think it’s a guy thing. Like LF said, you may want to mention it to him to prevent it actually hurting him in the long run.

    4. Just wait a few months. He’ll screw up on an assignment he thought he totally understood, and then be instantly convinced he’s about to be fired and every confidence he had in himself was wrong, or get yelled at by a senior associate or partner for the screw up. Every first year screws up within a few months of starting work, me included several times over. His comeuppance will be along shortly.

      1. I think this is totally possible. The other alternative though, is that the screw-up happens and he won’t worry about it or getting fired or being less confident, but instead won’t see that he made any mistake. I’ve seen a lot of that: “Oh, the partner’s instructions weren’t clear” OR “the paralegal was supposed to proofread.” Arrogance doesn’t always get a comeuppance because the person isn’t willing to see his mistakes and instead blames any setbacks on others. I work with this guy.

        1. True. I’ve worked with that guy, too. That guy, and his dopplegangers, all got fired in the layoffs. Hang in there, Nellie.

    5. Tell him he needs to turn the lawyer mode off at home because you are not a partner, associate or a client. And while you are proud of his accomplishment in graduating law school and passing the bar, you are not a fan of how that is bleeding into arrogance.

      This is definitely a thing – lawyers who can’t leave the attitude at the office, and then it bleeds over into their home life. Sometimes they don’t realize it’s happening, so you might need to push back a bit to wake them up to the fact.

      1. Thanks, everyone for your comments.
        Mpls, you hit the nail on the head! He can’t turn the lawyer off and it is bleeding in to social situations.
        I have made him aware of it, but i am not sure he knows yet how to turn if off. Any recommendations?

  14. any recomendations for …wait for it…jeggings?
    i have held off for long, but im finally giving in – they look so comfortable. i would only wear them with tunics and boots, i promise.

    1. Express. I love my jeggings from Express. Comfy, look like real jeans, plenty of coupons and sales on the weekends.

      Or, you know, you could go for pajama jeans.

    2. My favorites are from Hue. Unfortunately, I think they stopped making them. They were called soft something and look much more polished than most of the Hue jeggings.

    3. I think I am ready to take this plunge too. Any recommendations for ones with a bit higher rise?

    4. I actually loved the ones from the Gap- they had pockets and a zipper etc. and were technically a Legging Jean – I thought they were amazing!

    6. I think they’re skinny jeans more than jeggings, but I really like Loft’s Modern Skinny jeans. I usually wear their Julie fit pants, which I find accommodate my hips and thighs without gapping in the waist. The Modern Skinny jeans are skinny enough to go into a boot, and I actually feel okay wearing a hip-hitting sweater – there’s both enough stretch and structure to be fitted, but not obscenely tight. They’re really comfortable, too.

      I did pick up a pair of Hue jeggings last year, but don’t have the guts to wear them. They seemed to have a pretty high rise. The material was decent thickness, too. I think it was just too drastic a change from my usual trouser jeans to jeggings, the Modern Skinny jeans seem to be good transition jeans for me.

      1. The Loft ones are my favorites too. Not all of them have the same amount of stretch though (which is what makes them so insanely comfy) so they’re an in-store buy for me. And even with all the stretch I don’t find that they get baggy, even after multiple wears

  15. What would you guys wear with a teal jacket? I have one and always just seem to put black under it.

    1. Depends on how dark teal, but cream/beige/white is a good one, or even brown if it is a bright teal. If it’s a darker teal, a light grey would be nice.

    2. I pair a teal top with a red skirt and it looks great. But my top has more green in it than this jacket so you might have to experiment to get the right shade of red… perhaps a brick red?

    3. Navy! (Exclamation point is indeed necessary. I love navy and am glad “nautical” is trendy so I can stock up)

    4. I’m wearing a teal jacket today! I have on a gray and white print blouse and a mustard skirt (The (Old) Skirt). I’ve worn white and black print, white, light blue, coral, and light pink tops. Other commenters have suggested leopard print; any brown/cream/white print would look nice.

    5. Black and white print blouse, black pants or skirt. Or a gray herringbone dress/skirt. Maybe a brown dress, although shoes might be a little tricky there.

    6. I would wear it with dark purple, royal blue, lime green, navy, or grey, but I do tend to wear a lot more color than most people.

  16. I have to lay off 2 people by the end of next week. I’ve done this once before (and it wasn’t easy then), but that person had boarderline performance issues and these two really don’t. We work closely together and chat throughout the week about family, etc. They’re good people. I know this isn’t about me, and it will be far worse for them, but I’m really really not feeling good about the situation. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to do this.

    Any advice? How can I best support them?

    1. I’m so sorry. I’m not a manager, so I can’t give specific advice.

      I just have to ask though – how many people read this and thought “Oh no! Does my boss read this site? Is it me?” I once worked for a company that did some very cruel layoffs and now I’m super paranoid. Every time my computer login or door access key doesn’t work I think “uh oh, did they fix the glich? Am I fired?” because that was one of the signs at my last job – if they didn’t catch you on your way in, when you got to your computer you couldn’t log in. Great for paranoid nightmares, let me tell you.

    2. As someone who has twice parted from an employer on good terms but not through my own initiative, I have several suggestions. Of course YMMV (for newer readers, YMMV = “your mileage may vary”) depending on your company protocol, local office culture, and/or interpersonal dynamics among the various players. Because I’m neither HR nor management I’ll defer to replies from people with more professional experience.

      1. Professional considerations: Are you able to be a reference for them (telephone contact plus a written letter), or is your organization one that follows the rule that all reference requests must go to HR which only confirms the fact and dates of a past employee’s tenure? If there’s a strict rule, can your company make an exception for these two good employees? Does your company offer severance pay to layoff-ees (ungrammatical but the quickest way to say what I mean)? Would your manager mind if you pulled together, on your own time, a list of resources for these people (e.g., locations of state employment offices, job clubs, social service agencies offering free workshops or sliding-scale counseling for job seekers, support groups for job seekers over age 40, who are women, etc.? I hope that whoever is guiding you through this can also be very clear re how much longer your colleagues are able or expected to stay on the job and the timeline for releasing this news to the entire company. Employees need to know whether they should keep the news confidential (if so, for how long and are there any exceptions) and whether they have two weeks or ten minutes to clean out their desks.

      2. Personal concerns: Are you able to give them some emotional closure–pull the team together for a good-bye coffee break or have everyone sign a card for each person? It’s nice to be able to tell people how as well as when the news will be made public. Some employees appreciate having the opportunity to send a “good-bye and here’s my personal e-mail address” message.

      3. Practical considerations for getting through the conversation: My instincts say find a private space and time both to deliver the bad news and to allow the recipients a graceful, nonpublic exit for a brief break or at the end of the day. This will spare your departing colleagues the agony of having to walk past or into a large group of people right after being laid off.

      No offense intended because you sound like a really caring, compassionate manager! I just realized that I’m also speaking beyond you to anyone else reading this who may find herself in a similar situation down the road of having to lay off good people despite “not feeling good about the situation.”

    4. I too have been in this situation and know how awful it is. In my situation, HR had a formal list of information, so I was very up front in saying “There is certain information I have to convey to you, so please excuse me while I read . . . .” I also said that I was very sorry about the situation and would support the employee in any way that I could. Some of the advice that I got was to leave myself out of it — yes, it is rough for you, but that is not the employee’s concern. I did pull the team together for a farewell, which was appreciated.

    5. Thanks, everyone. This is helpful. I have the HR end of things covered… the rest of it, not so much.

    6. A couple of other things I learned in the process: have the conversation early in the day and not on a Friday. The idea is that on a Friday, someone might go home and be alone and feel even worse, whereas it may be easier to find support during the week.

      Definitely practice the conversation multiple times.

      Hugs to you.

  17. I keep getting distracted by all the pretty snow swirling outside my wondow, and am feeling very glad I wore my parka today.

    However, I really need to get some work done, especially because our VP is closing the office at noon tomorrow for the long weekend (yay).

    Anyone else feeling very unmotivated & sad that it’s not even lunch yet?

    1. Me! Most of my office isn’t here today, and I don’t have thinking work to do- just mindless data entry for today and tomorrow and I have no motivation at all in this weather which may be complicating matters- it’s rapidly becoming a problem.

  18. Just want to say that the green David Meister dress that someone posted yesterday that Jill Biden wore is so, so beautiful. Wow. I’m 7 months pregnant so I have no use for it now, but I’m saving it in my files and will try to get someone from Etsy to replicate it at a later time.

      1. Cosigned. To me, David Meister is more dependable for great drape and high quality than DVF or Tori Burch.

    2. I’m glad you liked it! I have been lusting after it ever since I first saw it.

    3. I have a black and white David Meister c*cktail dress that I bought in 2003 (I remember the occasion I bought it for), and I still wear it and love it. I just an extra pair of Spanx every couple years to make it fit:)

  19. Any suggestions for a more “upscale” version on this? I’m trying to build a wardrobe limited to nice fabrics (wools, silks, etc) and quality over quantity. Slowly, obviously, because it can be pricey. The couple polyester-ish pieces I do have just don’t look right with the rest. I didn’t think it would be obvious, but it is.

    I need to find some non-suit jackets/blazers to wear on less formal days. Right now I’m mostly wearing cardigans but feel like sometimes I get mistaken for support staff by attorneys I see in the halls but don’t know.

    Suggestions? TIA!

    1. The Rebecca Minkoff inspiration was referenced in the post. Personally, I would never pay for a nice fabric version of something so trendy.

      1. It definitely wouldn’t be a teal one, thats for sure! Do you think the style as a whole is too trendy, or the color? I am attempting to compile fairly classic pieces that I will be able to wear for quite some time. Since my wardrobe is just starting out, its mostly classic suits and pencil skirts at this point. I just feel like something between a blazer and a cardigan would be useful staple in a more traditional color or colors. I tend to default to black, but maybe in red? I am fashioned-challenged though, so I could be way off base here.

        I hadn’t thought about trendiness for this like I have in resisting the peplum tops and dresses. Thank you! This is why I love this site :)

      1. Thank you! I should have been more clear– I’m looking for a style like this, but in a nicer fabric and a more classic color. Thanks for the advice on the Halogen jacket. Maybe I will pop in and check it out in person. And I just paid off my Nordies card too :P

  20. Toronto meetup next Thursday(Nov 15) at 7pm! I’ll will try to strike a balance between posting a few reminders and inundating everyone.

  21. Help! I live where we freeze and complain when it is below 50 in the day time. I have a work trip for NYC and London. I haven’t owned a serious winter coat in years, much less one that will work for seeing clients. I fear showing up looking either like a sherpa (warm, but not office-appropriate — e.g., full-length puffy down) or in something that is not warm enough. Here, if it is cold, I wear pretty gloves with a trench; when I used to be in NYC, it was all Elmer Fudd hat, serious gloves, and scarf. No? Yes? And my clients are mostly guys who are used to winter, so do not have useful fashion friend to run this by. Thanks, y’all!

    1. Also a southerner who rarely wears a winter coat. I have a cute gray fleece hooded jacket with faux fur trim but that won’t cut it. I didn’t have a professional looking winter coat so I went to Burlington Coat Factory about a month ago and bought a reasonably-priced JNY black wool coat for my various work trips.

    2. Why not just a simple pea coat? I always found great prices through Victoria’s Secret, especially since you likely won’t be using it for too long, it doesn’t make financial sense to invest in something serious. Then you can put on a winter hat, scarf, gloves, and be all set!

    3. Perhaps helpful: I tend to feel a chill more than most, so I would actually like to have a dress coat to wear. I can figure out how to be warm, but am more concerned about looking silly. The trench would be good for looking sharp while freezing.

      I can think that a VS coat would be impressive and memorable, but not in the way I’m looking for :)

      1. You have to pick one – looking sharp or feeling warm. A trench is not going to cut it in the winter. Neither will a wool coat, unless you wear fleece underneath the wool coat and a hat and gloves and scarf and boots. For nice professional warm alternatives, check out Lands End.

        Also, you will not look silly for wearing a warm coat. IT’S COLD. You will look silly for wearing a trench. Believe me, I was side-eyeing the ladies tripping in their heels during yesterday’s slushsnow.

        1. Once again, you’re making me very scared about working in NYC this winter, Godzilla. RAWR

          In other news, this blazer is not teal. It’s turquiose.

          1. Nah, bro, I’m only saying that because Southerner emphasized that her body is more sensitive to cold compared to other people. Most people are fine with wool coats. I wear a wool coat every day in the winter, except in blizzard conditions. But I don’t feel that cold in the winter. Must be the tough monster skin. RAWR.

        2. I’m not sure this is true. I live north of you (Boston area) and I wear a wool coat, hat and gloves for most of the winter, unless it’s snowing and then I wear my ski jacket.

          And, for reference, I take public transportation, which requires standing on a cold platform early in the morning and walking about 6 blocks from the station to my office.

          1. I also have a wool trench style coat that I wear (BR) that works for being dressy during the winter. And I would take that to about 20 degrees. Much colder than that, and I do break out the down, knee length coat. It kind of depends on the winter – last winter wasn’t so bad here, so I hardly wore any of my really cold gear stuff, and just rotated between the various wool coats that I have. I also layer underneath that (silk camisole for warmth, long sleeved t, wool sweater), and layering is as important as the warmth of the coat. The more layers you have, the more opportunities to trap your body heat and keep you warm.

      2. You could get a lined trench and still be able to wear it at home by unzipping the lining so its not too warm. Cashmere lined leather gloves, earmuffs, and a cozy scarf will keep you warm and stylish.

      3. I saw some very nice looking wool pea coats on Target’s website in the $50 range. If its something you rarely need to wear, it might be worth going the less expensive route.

      4. I’ve lived in NY and London. I think a wool coat is adequate for both, provided you’re not spending hours outside. When NY is colder, add a layer of a cashmere or merino sweater (warm but not bulky). I got through multiple winters in both places wearing the JCrew Lady Day coat and a wool-nylon blend coat from Whistles. Both were empire waist, hit just below knee.

        For me, the key is good hat, good gloves and a fluffy scarf. If it’s really cold, extra layer, as I said, plus one more scarf for your face.

        In London, I rarely had to bundle up that much. The damp there makes it warmer than where it’s can be really dry/cold, like NY. NY does have a few super-cold days per year, but it’s just a handful. You’ll be fine with a wool coat, and I recommend that’s what you invest in.

        Land’s End, Eddie Bauer, Macy’s…they all have wool coats on sale right now.

        1. I have been in NYC a few times where I’ve needed a scarf tied around my face. It depends on the wind.

        2. A few years back I spent Jan-May in London. I agree–it was damp but not quite as cold. I was coming from the lake effect region where it is really bitterly cold during the winter though, so perhaps it was that it just didn’t seem as cold! Also, I walked a lot so I’d warm up quickly even on the cold days. Not sure how much time you’d spend outside, but I agree that a wool coat would be fine in London, at least if your winter was like mine. I don’t recall if it was a normal winter, though, so it is possible that my winter was unusually warm.

      5. Actually, I own a peacoat that I got from the VS website. You wouldn’t know it from looking at it – it just looks like a regular peacoat (cream colored with a basket-weave style textured fabric).

        2. That’s what I meant…I don’t know if they sell clothing in the stores. But I’ve gotten a number of sweaters etc. from their website, and one of my favorite coats is from there!

      6. As a west-coastie transplanted to the land of eternal winter, I’ve learned that my previous definition of a warm coat really wasn’t. If you’re willing to pay for it, Soia & Kyo make the most beautiful, fitted/belted, really warm wool coats (they’re interlined, so much warmer than your standard wool coat). If you don’t think you’ll have much use down the line, you can find some very decent winter coats someplace like Burlington Coat Factory, but it’s often much harder to find an appropriate selection of winter coats in a city where they’re not worn regularly.

    4. When’s your trip and how much will you be outside? A wool coat is probably fine assuming you won’t be outdoors a ton. I got a nice wool coat from Boden last year that I bought for a fall coat that turned out surprisingly warm, more so than my nice winter wool coat, so check there. I don’t see the exact coat, but see if they have anything on sale. Wear gloves, a scarf, and a hat (or some nice earmuffs)

      Also, as a native southerner with a low tolerance for cold who now lives in New York, I’ll tell you that no matter what you wear, you’ll still feel cold outside. This is my fifth winter up here and I’m still not acclimated. But November and December are tolerable. January and early February are brutal. I just accept I won’t be truly warm again until June.

      1. And if you get here and it is colder than you expect, pop in to Uniqlo and buy one of their cashmere sweaters (super reasonably priced for cashmere. Not the fanciest looking, but fine) and layer. Oh, also, bring warm socks.

      2. Thanks! Part of the problem for me is that I will be in a skirt suits mostly, so no only is there the updraft but the likelihood that I will be just in hose (not tights). And lots of walking (to/from hotel, to/from various offices, to/from restaurants). It keeps you warm to move, but the wind in NYC can cut through a person. My NYC time was strictly around NYU, so I am not used to what a person would wear in an office, let alone when one is a BIGLAW person in town to meet (as opposed to a local who one understands to deal with commuting, train platforms, and is expected to dress for the weather) clients (mostly financial / legal types).

        So it looks like if I go with something wool from Land’s End (as opposed to puffy down), I will be OK (as in not only warm, but not going to be remembered as bless-her-heart-that-girl-with-the-WTF-coat).

        I already have only shoes with some sort of rubber on the soles. In my city, it rains a lot and there is no ladylike way to slip on marble. Helps in NYC, too, when it’s a bit wet / icy out.

        1. A wool coat about knee length or longer plus gloves (leather or mid-weight thinsulate), a scarf (wool, cashmere, or a nice-looking synthetic — a pashmina also works), and a hat (this is perfect http://www.jcrew.com/womens_category/accessories/scarvesglovesandhats/PRDOVR~54299/54299.jsp) will work fine. What often makes people from warm climates look odd is when they: (1) wear a giant Arctic expedition parka; (2) wrap a scarf over their faces when the temperature is above 20; (3) buy all the biggest, most extreme forms of cold weather gear and pile them all on top of each other because IT’S COLD (when it’s about 30 degrees out).

        2. Lands End is good – they also temperature rate their coats, so you can get a ball park idea about warmth. And knee length and longer are also going to be warmer. At least get something that covers your butt.

          If you are going to be in skirts, can you wear boots of some sort (I’ll bet there are plenty of other ladies doing the same) – with out too much of a heel so you aren’t have to deal snow and ice that way. That’ll also help keep you warm.

  22. Is it terrible that I’m counting down the hours until I can legitimately go to bed? I am weirdly exhausted and have a pile of marking to do but can’t seem to make myself start it. I took a walk, made some tea, and nothing has helped. Only 3 more hours!

    1. I don’t think that’s terrible – I’m just sorry you feel so beat! Hope you feel better after some rest.

    2. Sometimes when that happens you just have to give up and go to bed! And if you don’t want to actually go to sleep, this is the perfect evening for a blanket on the couch, a book, or some comfort TV. (Mine is usually Gilmore Girls.) You’ll have more energy for your marking and be able to focus better if you give yourself a vacation tonight. Seriously, when that happens to me to the point that I’m re-reading the same sentence 50 times and I can’t keep my eyes straight, I just give in and drop it.

  23. The day I have dreaded has finally come. I have a baby (8 months) and a husband who travels M-Thu every week. I am a consultant. My boss has been really really nice about not asking me to travel since my daughter was born, but he’s finally asking me to start again. I like my job and my company, but I just don’t think I can swing every semi-frequent travel. I work remotely (because of the travel job), so there is limited (but probably not zero) opportunity to move to a non-travel job within the company. I have no idea what to do. Bleh.

    2. I would think about what options you could handle. How many weeks a month, how many days a week. Perhaps you could do every other week, or Monday to Wednesday (or both). Maybe just once a month? As a manager in consulting with travel, I am often in your boss’ shoes. It’s super helpful if someone gives me an idea of what would work best for them. See if there are changes to your past travel schedule that you could offer to show that you want to contribute to the best of your ability.

      1. Thanks! It is helpful to think about it in these terms. I have been thinking of it as all or nothing.

    3. If your husband travelled less frequently, would it help you be able to travel more? If so – it might be worth not only looking at flexibility on your end, but also on his.

      Good luck.

      1. THIS. Both of you need to be looking at flexibility, and perhaps you need an available overnight child care options?

  24. If you look at the Petite version of this, it’s styled with a brooch at the waist as a closure. Kat’s post on brooches made me notice this. Another way to wear a brooch. Link in post to follow.

  25. I’ve been vegetarian for about 5 years now and feel like I’ve had a pretty good handle on dealing with dietary restrictions at work. But I watched a video over the weekend that has pretty much persuaded me to be vegan. My heart absolutely broke over the footage that I saw. Has anyone made the switch from vegetarian to vegan and have any advice? For those of you with other dietary restrictions, how have you handled things like client dinners or lunches in the cafeteria? There was always some vegetarian option easily available so I never felt like I had to ask a million questions about my food, but I feel like this is going to be a bit more intensive. Any advice would be appreciated!

    1. I am neither, but I seem to recall that Val (CityLifeEats) has written on here before about the challenges of dietary restrictions and travel/client meals. I believe she avoids gluten, eggs, maybe dairy, and eats very little if any meat. Might be a good resource if you can search for her posts?

    2. Have you considered staying vegetarian, but purchasing only humanely raised/collected eggs, milk, etc.? Your purchases will promote humane practices, and you won’t have to force yourself into a completely unnatural lifestyle. Yes, in my opinion, humans are not designed to be vegans. I seriously question the judgment of anyone who is vegan in all areas, not just food choices.

    3. It’s quite easy to eat salads, pastas etc.. when you are out.

      But I am very wary of the vegan diet now… very hard to maintain good nutrition for a busy working woman.

      Just make sure your doctor knows and make sure you get enough supplements. Two of my friends became B12 deficient on a vegan diet, and dangerously so. One was even a physician and both had PhDs! So don’t think this wont happen to you…. The symptoms can vary dramatically so sometimes the correct diagnosis is missed. One started having concentration difficulties, crazy mood swings/anxiety and tingling in her fingers/toes and her doc dismissed it for “female anxiety” for months….. another friend started tripping/back pain and other weird sensations. Both recovered on aggressive B12 shots, but it took many months. One was even nursing her infant when she became deficient. Ugh…. mothers please….

      So in case you are militant about cooking/eating balanced meals and carefully monitoring your nutrition, I would urge against this dietary change.

  26. Looking for book recommendations (either as a reply, or maybe point me to a recent thread? I know there have been a couple).

    I’ve got 16 hours of flying in the next 3 days and want to be prepared. Prefer fiction, or really engaging nonfiction.

    1. What do you like? Historical fiction, literary fiction, mysteries?

      I’m reading Dominion right now (CJ Sansom) and it is excellent, alternative history which I don’t love but I adored his book on the Spanish Civil War so I gave it a chance.

      1. Yes. I read a lot and can give you suggestions for a number of different genres.

        1. I’m really open. I’ve always been a big reader. Probably not total trash (super chick lit, Twilight, Hunger Games)– DH will probably mooch off my selections and I’ll never hear the end of it.

    2. I have been reading some YA stuff recommended on previous threads and really enjoying it – Vampire Academy & Bloodlines series & the Divergent series. I hated Twilight but VA wasn’t bad and not like Twilight at all and Bloodlines was a really good read

      1. I liked Divergent alot!

        I’m also reading The Oath by Jeff Toobin and it’s really, really engaging!

    3. Have you read Team of Rivals? Loved it. Also, The Historian is great. I love mysteries/action/sci-fi, so for lighter/quicker fare check out the Repairman Jack novels (by F. Paul Wilson) or the Dresden Series.

  27. I could really use some encouragement about now. Writing my dissertation is making me miserable, and the more miserable I get, the harder it is to make progress, even though I’m getting close to done. I’m not depressed or anything, but I’ve started getting feelings of dread every time I sit down to work on it. My advisor is really unhelpful (and part of the reason I’m still writing and re-writing), so I’m feeling pretty isolated. I realize I’m trying to keep a positive spin on it for family/friends who care, but I’m getting more frustrated and demoralized the longer this goes on.

    Any encouragement/suggestions/hopefully I’m not the only one who’s been here would be very welcome. Thanks y’all for being such a supportive community.

    1. I’m sorry you are so miserable. Sounds like it will be over soon, though. Have you thought about using the pommodoro technique to help move things along? It recommends 25 minutes of work, but I have found that sometimes I need an even shorter time frame to get committed if it is something I really don’t want to work on. So I will work for 12 minutes, then do something else for 12 minutes (usually work on something else), then back to the dreaded project for another 12 minutes. It definitely helps chip away at the project, and then the project is less overwhelming for me. Best of luck!

    2. Never done a thesis or dissertation, so I have no specific advice or help to offer, but just want to give you a little encouragement. It’s not the same thing at all, but when I took the bar exam I was working full-time also, and it was very hard to focus and to power through the work tat was required.

      This kind of thing seems really hard right when you’re going through it — it IS really hard — but you will get through it and will have the degree to prove it. And if your advisor is unhelpful, you probably can’t change advisors at this point, but can you at least get some quiet, informal advice from another faculty member to help you stay on the right track (or just get a reality check on how you’re doing)?

      Hang in there!

    3. I finished my dissertation earlier this year. I had a full time job and a baby on the way. And my husband left his job under unfortunate circumstances. And my grandpas died within a couple of months of each other. It kind of s*cked. ANYWAY!

      A couple of things helped me. First, I often worked outside of my house at a coffee shop, Panera, etc. Second, I made smaller goals for myself (eg: finalize committee, first draft to main adviser, etc.) and I wrote them all on a big calendar that I taped to my office door. It helped me stay focused on the one upcoming task rather than Finishing The Dissertation. I also kept telling myself to keep my head down and just plod along – kind of like a long run. If you think about how far you have to go, you are lost. Just put one foot in the front of the other and you will get there. I also had a ‘writing time’ each day. I forced myself to write, even if it was cr*p, for 15 min every day. It was much more productive than you would think. Finally, I never compromised my exercise time, and it really helped to have that built-in mental break.

      I turned in my final dissertation and graduation paperwork two weeks before my baby was born!

    4. Been there. Done that. You are definitely not alone. It’s awful, but you will get thru it. The only thing that worked for me was a hard deadline agreed upon in advance with my advisor (start date for my next job), which gave me a hard deadline on the defense, and a hard deadline on finishing the writing. Motivation by fear is my depressing suggestion (and your advisor should stop fighting you if there’s a real hard external deadline and they’d look like a total tyrant for making you miss a start date on your next job that they initially agreed to).

      Caveat: my advisor took that hard external deadline to its absolute limit. The very. last. day. for which I could possibly get proof of degree in time for my new job was when the paperwork was signed. So you will want to stick with a very hard deadline for revisions post-defense that still gives you a long break before you start your next job (plane tickets for a vacation with no internet access is my recommendation). Looking forward to that vacation should help keep you motivated, too!

      Maybe consider NaNoWriMo as an online community to help you stay motivated on your writing goals? Also, the pomodoro technique works. I’m trying to come up with some more warm and fuzzy suggestions, but the only thing that worked for me was fear of missing my start date for my next job.

    5. Thanks for the support and suggestions, everyone. I do something like pommodoro but have been getting lazy about getting back to work after my breaks. Lady Enginerd (love the name!), I wish that had worked for me. My original start date has had to be postponed because of committee delays and rewrites. So now, I have no faith that setting another firm deadline will work.

      EB0220, I’m really impressed. It helps to hear a been there done that, and your situation sounds crazy-amking. Congrats on finishing up! I know I’ve been neglecting exercise and self-care stuff because I feel terrible about my limbo state and guilt when I’m not working. Maybe I’ll try to schedule in a few workouts into my morning — runners endorphins counteracting the misery? Definitely worth a try.

      1. You had to miss your start date?! That is beyond awful and I can’t even imagine how hard it must be to keep going after that huge blow. It is entirely understandable you are having issues with motivation after you’ve been shown how little respect the faculty has for you as a person as they string you along. If you happen to be in Southern California, I will buy you a stiff drink.

        On the hard deadline bitterness: maybe a biological/medical hard deadline would work if a “mere” start date didn’t. For example, EB0220 had a baby. In addition to a start date, I had a surgery scheduled within a month of my defense. So remember – if all else fails, hospitalization seems to do the trick! (This is why I hated grad school. It’s entirely inhumane that you can be kept indefinitely at an underpaid “job” at the whim of professors over a paper that No One other than you and your committee will ever read.) Caveat: there are professors who insist on working from the hospital, and they might not consider even this to be a valid deadline (jerks).

        1. Writing this now with a surreptitious tear in my eye (so as not to scare the other patrons in my coffee-shop office). That’s exactly it, and hearing you put it in perspective like that helps me to push past the shame and touch into the anger. Focused anger may help me get unstuck and get this done faster Ms. Mopey Self-Blame. Ultimately, the sooner I write more and get through it, the sooner I’ll be out of this awful limbo of limited power, and into my close-to-dream job working with people I really enjoy.

          p.s. I’m not in SoCal (anymore) but thanks for the virtual drink. Raising a toast to all the small instances of mentoring and support in this community!

          1. I feel so much for you because I was just there. You can do it, and I believe in you (those are all positive emotions). There’s no need to be ashamed or blame yourself for having an entirely normal reaction to feeling like you have no control over your future.

            tangent:
            “fear…anger… aggression… the dark side are they” – Yoda
            “but how else am I supposed to graduate?” – me T-minus 8 weeks from defense

            Yes, people say you’re not supposed to tap into those emotions because it’s “not healthy” or “unsustainable.” Fooey on them. Graduate school isn’t healthy or sustainable. Feeling disposable and not valued by your boss and being unable to quit isn’t healthy or sustainable. Zen with the universe comes with the degree in hand and the freedom to switch jobs if you so choose. Do what you have to to get yourself in a place where you write. Consider me the Dissertation Darth Sidious.

          2. LadyE, you totally made my day with encouragement/commiseration/Yoda-wisdom. I’ve had a much more productive afternoon/evening thus far. Hopefully I’m turning a corner here….

            Also: If anger into hope and hard work you turn, dark side it cannot be.

    6. Oh my god, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I am writing my prospectus and trying to get to ABD status still, and it is taking me longer than others in my year so I feel so defeated all the time. My advisor is not very helpful, and as nice as my classmates are when I talk to them, I just feel like things are hopeless, which makes me procrastinate even more.
      Is there a dissertation-writing group you could join? I know some of my classmates who are writing are part of groups that meet once a month or so, and not only does that give you a social outlet, but it gives you external deadlines to meet. Good luck!

      1. Renza, good luck! I think the prospectus (at least in my field) is often harder than the dissertation. You’ll get there! And you’re right, community support makes a huge difference. I wasn’t making use of mine effectively because all the details I wrote about above. I did have an informal writing group when I was working on my prospectus, and it helped a lot.

        1. Thank you! I do feel like the prospectus is especially hard for me because I am ridiculously insecure about my ideas, and when I get questioned (which is normal and part of the process) I freak out and think it means I’m wrong. I feel like getting to ABD status would reassure me that yes, my project is solid, and that will help me persist with research and writing. In the meantime, however, it is killing me.

  28. A couple fashion questions:
    1) I want to jump on the peplum dress trend, but I’m not sure it would look right with a sweater or blazer layered over it and I’m always very cold so I rarely leave my arms uncovered. Can you wear something on top of a peplum dress?
    2) I bought a couple cute boyfriend cardigans (Mossimo from Target) to wear on the weekend, not to work. They have a deep V in front, so I need to wear something underneath. All of my camis are too low-cut so I don’t normally wear them except where they will be almost completely covered up. And anything other than a cami like a t-shirt or even a thicker “wife beater” tank (hate that term but don’t know how else to describe it) feels too bulky. Anyone have any advice or know where I can get some camis with a higher neckline?

  29. Hi Ladies,

    First-time poster with a random holiday question: I’m planning on ordering some cute, personalized holiday cards (from minted, if anyone is looking– they have a great selection) to send to my far-flung law school and college friends. I’ve never done a holiday card mailing before, but I feel like this is the first year I’m officially a *grown-up* and out of school, and I just love sending / receiving snail mail and miss all of my faraway friends.

    Here’s the question: is it weird to send out the cards as from myself & my bf? Basically, they’ll be personalized with a short printed message (“wishing you a happy holiday season, love c_ and c_bf” or something). I think it seems fine, but then I realized that the only people I know who do mass holiday mailings are my married friends.

    Thoughts?

    1. If you and your bf live together and both want to send a joint card, sure, why not? I’m terrible with cards (going to try for it again this year) but have a number of friends who’ve sent joint cards with a bf/gf. It does convey a little more togetherness though, and I can’t think of anyone who’s done it who hasn’t gotten engaged within a year or two after.

      1. Haha, maybe the joint card is the stationery version of the magical enagement chicken. But thanks for your input! Hearing about other people doing joint cards makes me think I might have just overthought this :)

  30. So I just picked up this jacket at the B&M store. The tag reads Navy Ribbon. Just like the name of the blue one on line. It looks very purple, periwinkle to me. Even in the better white lighting of my own closet. Not navy.

    They had a purple nectar one which reads a medium purple-burgundy to me at home. I swear it looked burgundy under the lights in the dressing room.

    Strange colors, but they will work.

    I am going to take one step further from the great idea of a hook and eye and see what my talented seamstress things about a real button and buttonhole or a backing for a snap????

    Not at all the colors I expected from the website.

  31. the skirt suits that I get from hatsandsuits.com are perfect for my fit since I am a large size woman and you can’t find these elegant suits anywhere else.

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