Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Ribbon Texture Knit Skirt

Looooove this ribbon knit texture pencil skirt for work!Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I’m usually kind of iffy on St. John, but I’m now obsessed with all of the bright, happy separates on sale in colors like hot pink, marigold, and medium blue. I featured the hot pink twinset in yesterday’s roundup of what to get for work in the Nordstrom Fall Sale; there is also this hot pink ribbon texture knit skirt, as well as a short-sleeved jacket and dress. Fun! The skirt was $395, but now comes down to $237 on sale. Pictured: Ribbon Texture Knit Skirt

Here’s a more affordable option (in tweed) that comes in regular, petite, and plus sizes at Talbots for $109.

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  1. Gemstone Jewelry :

    Inspired by a recent post on self-bought push presents: I would really like to get a necklace to commemorate my son’s birth in July (he is a Leo). It should be yellow gold and include his birth stone (ruby). All that I can find however looks really dated and old-fashioned. I am looking for inspiration. Generally I like delicate necklaces and have been drawn to “Rachel Zane” style coin pendants, but don’t own any yet. Thanks in advance.

    • Check Etsy. I don’t have a particular store recommendation, but I know a few re t t e s have some favorites. Even simply searching and then narrowing, or going down the rabbit hole of shops would be fun and possibly productive.

    • Anonymous :

      I got this for a friend: https://www.etsy.com/listing/276448272/custom-birthstone-necklace-for-mom
      I’ve also seen coin shapes for the initials on Etsy.

    • I did an etsy search and came up with some things I thought were pretty. I’d recommend reading reviews to get a butter idea of product quality.




    • Gemstone Jewelry :

      Thanks for the suggestions so far! I should add that I would like to get a forever piece and am willing to spend around 500. Also, I prefer it to be really subtle, with no obvious initials or signs, so the classic birth jewelry is not really an option. (I know, this is very hard, since I don’t really know what I want… I just know what I don’t want :) ).

      • https://www.bluenile.com/garnet-birthstone-pendant-14k_58013?action=GarnetSelect&referrer=customizer&track=alternate-gemstonesCustomizer

        This looks to be out of stock in Ruby, but in terms of style, is this something you’d like?

        • I have twins, and love the idea of the double-layer version of this one! Thanks!

          • Glad you like it! I was given one as a gift (has my godchild’s birthstone) and it’s lightweight and delicate — perfect amount of subtle shine.

      • In moderation (probably for a link) but check out Bario Neal

      • Gail the Goldfish :

        This may be too basic for what you’re looking for, but how about just a plain bezel-set ruby like this?


      • Anonymous :

        It’s white gold but besides that Brilliant Earth’s necklaces fit the bill and the values of the company are a great bonus.

    • Check out Bario Neal – I’m more drawn to their rings, but they do really modern/interesting gem work – https://bario-neal.com/jewelry/necklaces/sapphire-slice-pendant

      • This one definitely wouldn’t read as a “birthstone” necklace, if that’s what you’re trying to avoid.

      • Went down that rabbit hole and now am obsessed with that black diamond pendant . . .

    • What about something like this, but set with rubies. (There is a 3 stone version as well). The shop should be able to source the rubies for you. She could also engrave the back with your son’s dob or his name.


      • Also- check out Audrey Rose jewelry- they come up in my facebook ads all the time and I love the look

    • This one is very simple and would look great layered. In your price range with the constant coupons: http://www.lastcall.com/Ippolita-Rock-Candy-18k-Mini-Composite-Ruby-Pendant-Necklace/prod43570062/p.prod?ecid=LCAF__ShopStyle+(POPSUGAR)&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_source=LCAF__ShopStyle+(POPSUGAR)

    • Anonymous :

      Facets in Brooklyn does custom work and all their stuff is jaw dropping.

    • When she gets a little older, if she starts to show a real interest in makeup and beauty products, you can also be the fun aunt who gets her a subscription to Birch Box,where she can try new products each month. That would be really fun for a teenager to receive in the mail.

  2. Any suggestions for a basic make up gift set for a 13 year old, or products to try? I remember at that age, we just got covergirl from the drug store (or ulta if we campaigned hard) and was looking for something a bit nicer. It’s time for my niece to have some makeup to cover up pimples (if she chooses) and also a bit of fun makeup to try out. (… and, yes, before anyone says it, this is already a sanctioned and approved auntie gift…)

    • Maudie Atkinson :

      Glossier kits might be a good place to start.

    • How about one of those big Sephora palettes? I was always envious of my friends who had those kits with the 50 different eyeshadows or whatever. These may not be the best quality pigments, but it would be fun to play with and the price is right. https://www.sephora.com/product/into-stars-palette-P423293?skuId=1921980&icid2=products%20grid:p423293

      • Rainbow Hair :

        I was gifted a set like that as a teen and it was the COOLEST.

        Also once my mom took me to get a custom foundation mixed, and I got a bit of a ~makeup lesson~ and some eyeshadows and blush and it was very helpful.

      • Dandelion :

        When I was 13, my friends would have thought I was the coolest person ever if I had that palette! Maybe you could do a gift of a few palettes? A fun eyeshadow one, a blush one, and a highlighter/contour one?

    • So sweet! I highly recommend the Urban Decay Naked 1 palette for eyes – it’s like a rite of passage and lots of girls know what it is nowadays. Then a little drugstore kit would be great, because she can repurchase what she likes without it being too expensive. Something like the Maybelline Fit Me concealer, Fit Me powder, Revlon Just Bitten Kissable Balm Stain in Honey, and your favorite drugstore mascara.

      Alternately, you could set her up with an appointment at Sephora to get her makeup done – you purchase a gift card to reserve the slot so she would get to chose what she wants after.

      • Anonymous :

        This is a great idea. One covetable high price item that will last a long time plus solid items to set her up. The ingredients in the glossier concealer might not be great for acne.

      • Linda from HR :

        Unfortunately I don’t think they make Just Bitten anymore. It was my favorite, I had it in Flame and Gothic and it was a great stain, but I haven’t seen it in years.

        • I’ve been able to find it at my Ulta! And it looks like online. I would be sooo sad if they discontinued these. http://www.ulta.com/color-stay-just-bitten-kissable-balm-stain?productId=xlsImpprod4410269&_requestid=1273373

          • Linda from HR :

            OH! You’re right, that does exist, I may have seen it at CVS. I was picturing the ones that have the marker on one end and the balm on the other. I’m allergic to common ingredients in lipsticks and balms but the stuff in the marker tip didn’t have any of my allergens. I think the balm does though.

            ‘Sokay though, I’ve found excellent stuff at Sephora!

        • Triangle Pose :

          Linda, do you mean the just bitten lip stain that is like a marker end, withthe balm at the other end? NOOOOO I love my Flame and Gothic. Last time I bought it on amazon. It’s SUCH a good stain.

          • Linda from HR :

            That’s the one, I stopped seeing it at my local CVS stores years ago, but maybe it is still floating around on Amazon. It was a godsend after I realized I had cosmetic allergies, but didn’t wanna ditch my signature red lip.

          • Sloan Sabbith :

            I bought one in Victorian on Amazon a few weeks ago because it’s the PERFECT color for me.

      • Anonymous :

        I was going to say, if you can, taking her for a lesson at a place with a very natural look (like Bobbi Brown, or specificy at sephora/ulta) so she can learn what to do with all those products would be awesome!

        The sephora sets have come a LONG way, I personally really like a lot of the sephora brand products, and that sounds fun!

      • Frozen Peach :

        The Laura Mercier eye books that they release around Xmas were a gift to me from a friend when I was makeup-clueless, and are an excellent starting point for a beginner. They’re almost impossible to mess up.

    • Anonymous :

      When I was 13, for my birthday my mom took me to the Clinique counter for a tutorial not just on makeup, but also on skin care. I thought it was the coolest thing ever – I got the makeup I considered to be basics (foundation, concealer, mascara, and a chubby stick), plus I started building good skin care habits with their skin care line. Highly recommend – I still use a lot of those same products today.

      • BabyAssociate :

        My mom did the exact same thing!

      • My mom did too. Clinique is a great starting point.

      • I came here to say this exactly. Maybe do a day of it if you’re close enough – lunch and a trip to the counter and you will buy up to $x amount. Clinique is great, having a non parent run through skin care basics would be amazing (sunscreen FTW), and she’ll remember it for years. my aunt took me into THE CITY as a kid all by myself and it was such an amazing gift to have that one on one time.

      • +1 – my mom did this too, and it was a fantastic lesson with simple, age appropriate recommendations.

        • Another idea is to take her to an Aveda salon, treat her to whatever type of spa treatment floats your boat (facial, manicure, etc.) and have the people there fix her up with Aveda makeup. Similar to Bobbi Brown, the color palettes are very natural and appropriate for a young girl.

          The multicolored palettes are certainly fun, but ultimately a waste because no one’s ever going to use half the colors.

    • NYX brand sets. They are mid range cost, cruelty free, and decent quality for trying out.

      You could also just bring her to Ulta/Sephora and let her play around with the cosemetics.

    • Tarte does a lot of combo palettes with eye shadow, blush and sometimes highlighter or bronzer, and is a great, cruelty free brand with about the cutest packaging ever. Their holiday kits will be at Sephora right now.

    • Sloan Sabbith :

      My aunt took me to a (now defunct) Tony and Tina counter at Nordstrom’s around this age. The eyeshadow we got is uh, still my go to color (from Lancôme now, but I found a match of the color). She also got me some fun eyeliners (purple and silver sparkly, 13 year old me was so into it) and I think a lip stain?

      But I agree with others here- take her to a counter and make a day of it. I felt so grown up.

    • When she gets a little older, if she starts to show a real interest in makeup and beauty products, you can also be the fun aunt who gets her a subscription to Birch Box,where she can try new products each month. That would be really fun for a teenager to receive in the mail.

  3. Maudie Atkinson :

    I’ll be in New York this week and have Friday afternoon to myself. Weather looks to be on the colder side, but sunny and clear. If you were me, how would you spend the afternoon?
    I’ve spent enough time to in New York over the years to feel like there is nothing I need to see that I haven’t, but would also prefer to do things I cannot do in Atlanta. Generally like putzing around and exploring neighborhoods. No real interest in shopping. Thinking I might spend some time at the Met, but otherwise don’t have much of an agenda.

    • I’m an out-of-towner, but I really enjoy going to the Museum at FIT in Chelsea. Very handy to the subway and free admission, so there is not much down side. Here are the current exhibitions: https://www.fitnyc.edu/museum/exhibitions/index.php

    • Chelsea Market for coffee and then walk the High Line to a pleasant couple hours at the new Whitney.

    • Do you like Hamilton?

      You can easily scoot around the Battery / Fraunces tavern / Hamilton Grange and even take the ferry over to Weehawken.

  4. Can anyone recommend a reproductive endocrinologist in central DC?

  5. Am I getting fired? :

    Please talk me off the ledge. The group I co-lead, a focused strategic team within a large (non-law) organization, has been called in front of the executive team for an update Thursday morning, at the CEO’s personal request. We are the only item on the agenda. These presentations are usually scheduled months in advance. I am incredibly concerned that we’re getting imploded/restructure and am frantically revising slides and brainstorming positions I can recommend my team members for. Help. How do I get through today and tomorrow without tipping everyone off? Anecdotal evidence of times this happened to others and it didn’t end in disaster are also welcomed.

    • Woah. Chill. No one does a group firing. Prepare a great presentation. Focus on that not a job search for other people.

      • +1 – it could be that the topic you are covering came up recently and CEO wants to get smart on the topic quickly. Are there any recent events in your industry that would be bringing the area you cover to the forefront?

      • JuniorMinion :

        I wish they didn’t but I / my team has been through exactly this that ended in everyone being sacked (luckily I quit for a new job between the presentation and the sacking). After we had made major strategic moves that seriously benefitted the business. I caveat this by it was a new CEO and a business with a lot of hair on it and we had been championed by old CEO. It doesn’t sound like this is what is going on here

        The more likely scenario here though is that the CEO is trying to get something else off the ground / make other decisions regarding other people and needs an update to do this. I would personally just reiterate your strategic priorities & how you will get them done as you have previously laid them out along with including a section on any new developments / progress since your last update.

    • I went through something like this last week. My nerves are still recovering! It actually ended up being really good. We had profitability issues due to some poor contracting processes in sales (old contracts being picked up every year without updating pricing, putting my dept as a loss leader to win a package and often carving out the rest of the package, etc.) I not only got support from our executive team in overseeing all contracts involving my dept (something I had pushed for but never had before) but was also told that the areas outside of these contracts where we were contributing (not tied to profitability for my dept but mentioned in my presentation) were so vital to the organization that they would keep us and simply shift all work there if those preparing the contracts tried to do end runs around my dept to continue the status quo. (I’m a little dubious it would simply work that way but it still felt good to hear how much our work was valued.)

      Lesson learned: Try not to let the worries trip you up. Just focus on your value proposition and achievements as much as you can. That’s all that you can control. Have numbers with you. It was easy for me to cite clear examples, point out inaccuracies, answer questions, etc. because I had done my homework and had a handful of stats at the ready and had reviewed project backgrounds thoroughly so I could be confident in recollection. And, yes, try to project calm to your team. You want them to be focused on progress right now.

  6. BigLaw 2d interview/dinner :

    I have a second interview this afternoon that will roll into dinner at a nice restaurant. Any tips on what to wear? I was planning on wearing a dress suit set. Ordinarily I’d wear matching heels (navy suit with navy heels) but was thinking of doing some different heels since we’ll do dinner after.
    Also, what should I expect. I’ve done drinks as part of an interview but never dinner and it’s been years since I’ve done this- it is giving me anxiety b/c I’m not sure what to expect. Any advice welcome!

    • Anonymous :

      Dress suit is perfect. Don’t have more than 2 drinks, and enjoy. They’re looking for fit so relax a bit.

      • Honestly, I wouldn’t drink at all. Interview…..

        • Diana Barry :

          If in NYC definitely have at least one drink. Otherwise they might give you side-eye.

          • Same with being in finance. . . if your host is drinking, you should have at least 1, maybe 2. No more.

        • If the interviewer orders a cocktail, it’s a safe bet to have a cocktail. I’d go with something simple and not too strong, such as a gin and tonic. Then a glass of wine with the meal.

        • Dinner. Drink, unless as a rule you don’t drink.

        • Triangle Pose :

          If it’s BigLaw, you’ll get side-eye for not drinking at all for a full dinner after interviews. Nurse at least one cocktail, or a glass of wine with dinner. Unless you’re pregnant or in recovery or say something, it will be noticed. It’s not fair, but IME it’s true.

        • I always have a glass of wine if my host is drinking. I nurse it all through dinner.

    • Anonymous :

      Interviews over meals tend to reveal more about fit/soft skills. It feels a little more relaxed to be sitting around a dinner table than a conference room table in my experience. Good luck!

    • I’d still wear the same shoes you’d otherwise wear for the interview. Definitely wouldn’t change in between and wouldn’t wear “fun” shoes to the interview. As for what to expect, my dinner interviews have always been much more relaxed than the interview itself. Just talking and getting to know people. With the right people, then can even be kind of … fun.

    • This is an odd question… but I shoudn’t offer to pay, right? I know they will pay and it is assumed that they will pay- but do I at least offer?

    • Anonymous :

      Definitely don’t change clothes or shoes — the people interviewing you won’t, unless they take their jackets off.
      Don’t offer to pay, but do say thank you.
      And I would drink about 1/2 of what you would drink if you were out with friends (so 1 glass of wine if your normal would be 2) and nurse it slowly.
      Congratulations on getting to this step!

    • Jackalope :

      Hi – I wonder if you are in Toronto doing in-firm interviews since I am currently on the other side doing the interviewing. Not sure if you will see this, but if you do, good luck!! and +1 to all other commenters recommending that you do have a drink, if you normally would at dinner and your host does too. Whatever shoes you already have on will be fine for the dinner. You can probably take your jacket off at dinner but watch your hosts to take your cue. In my experience this process is less stuffy for big law Toronto than in New York. You will do great!

    • I wish you the best of luck in your interview. I pray for you that you get your job if you really hope for it also. I would like to figure out how to hire a new associate for myself, as the manageing partner said he needs Frank to budget for next year and if I do NOT come up with a new person to replace Mason, I will NOT get anyone. FOOEY!

  7. I have a 40% off + free shipping code for Modcloth. I’ve never shopped there before – what should I get?

    • Triangle Pose :

      Quirky home decor, a gift or maybe scarves accessories? I think their clothing is generally trash and not well made or appropriate unless you’re super twee, but I think they have a nice selection of gifts and add-on home decor.

    • What about their shoes? :

      Thanks, I have something similar, and was thinking about purchasing some cute/quirky shoes there. Any reviews/ tips?

    • Baconpancakes :

      I like them for fancy dresses when I don’t need the dress to be super high quality. I bought a blue lace sheath there for a friend’s wedding and while I won’t wear it for ten years, it’s pretty and looks great on.

    • they have some cute party dresses right now. I wouldn’t spend a ton of money on them but if anything catches your eye, that’s an option.

    • I’m wearing the Airport Greeting cardigan right now and I get compliments every time I wear it. It’s a nice blazer alternative if you don’t have a super formal office, if not, great for weekends. Not super twee.

  8. St. Augustine :

    DH and I are thinking of doing a long weekend in St. Augustine, FL, over New Year’s. We both have an extra day off we need to use, will be happy to escape chilly New England weather, and there is a small airport near where we live which is offering direct flights at ~$300 to SFB airport. I know St. Augustine is about 1.5 hour drive from SFB, but since we’re only a 10 minute drive from our house to the airport, we don’t mind a little drive to our destination once we land. Any recs/tips for a long weekend in St. Augustine? Feel free to suggest other accessible FL destinations in the SFB area, but we’ve done Orlando and Daytona and wanted to explore someplace new. Thanks in advance!

    • Caladesi Island State Park! It’s north of St. Augustine, close to Clearwater. DH and I spent a day there in July and it was glorious. Beautiful not crowded beaches. Easy ferry ride across to the island. We rented kayaks and were kayaking to a mangrove area (which looks super cool in pictures) but we got sidetracked by a huge school of feeding dolphins that we got in the middle of and just followed around for an hour. Then when we were swimming a manatee swam by. We rented chairs and an umbrella.

    • Definitely do a tour of Castillo de San Marcos, eat at Columbia Restaurant, and tour the Historic District (there are some really neat shops and restaurants there). My in-laws rave about Raintree Restaurant, but I haven’t been there.

      Caladesi Island is great- but it is on the other coast near Tampa. Anastasia State Park is near St. Augustine, and it is beautiful (just don’t expect clear water).

      • OK I totally replaced Saint Augustine with St. Petersburg in my mind. Palm-to-face. I can’t even blame lack of coffee. You’re right – Caledesi is way out of the way. Put that on the list for a future trip.

        I haven’t explore that area a lot, but since it’s more north – I’d look into the springs. I’d see if any of these was close by – http://www.orlandosentinel.com/travel/destinations/florida/os-exfl-florida-20-best-springs-20170514-story.html

    • Eeertmeert :

      Alligator zoo Zip Line!! So fun.

  9. Hi ladies, it’s been a loong time since I posted (for a while as B until I realized there were two of us) but I came back to ask for some help…. After hitting some roadblocks setting up a women’s group within our company, I’m working with a group of colleagues to set up a professional organization to promote women in leadership and support networking among professional women / moms in our community. (Working on these objectives). We are in a small ish town of 50,000 but with 2 major company headquarters here and several other large employers; there’s no women’s or professional orgs of any type that we can see, but we think it could be successful.

    So my question is… what organizations are out there already? Considering forming a chapter of an existing org, for support & legitimacy. Or should we go solo and just make something up?

    My core group is mostly engineers in industry, but again, we are working to define our objectives and who we want to reach. (Other engineers? Any professional women? Moms? non Moms? New hires?). Have considered professional organizations such as SWE, but might want to draw our circle a little wider.

  10. Recommendations for a dermatologist in DC/NoVA? No major issues but would like a check on some moles etc. and to establish a relationship, have some adult acne issues being treated through my GP right now.

    Bonus points if they accept United/GEHA.

    • I go to Integrated Dermatology and have seen several of their doctors. I’ve been very pleased. I went for my annual skin check and also for acne/acne scars.

      • BabyAssociate :

        +1 to Integrated Dermatology. You can make appointments online and I’ve never had a problem getting in. I also have some adult acne and acne scarring issues.

      • I found them on Zocdoc and they had great reviews, so I was thinking about going here — great to see more recommendations!

  11. For those who have had a breast biopsy, were you able to go into work later that day? I have a 7am biopsy and am figuring out if I should plan on going into the office, working from home, or taking the day off.

    • Yes, I went to work after.

    • I didn’t go back to work. Dealing with ice pack, so worked from home.

    • It depends on the type of biopsy. I have had a few stereotactic biopsies, which were unpleasant, but I was able to go to work afterwards. They gave me a small ice pack (slightly smaller than the palm of my hand) and recommended I apply in 30 minute intervals that afternoon if I was able to, so that would have been easier to do if I had been working from home.

    • First of all good luck to you with the result. Can you work from home after? I had a needle biopsy and was sore. Could have gone to work with an ice pack but was nicer to work from home.

    • Engineer Girl :

      If necessary, you could go to work afterwards but you will most likely want to work from home. It will be sore afterwards and you may want to ice it.

  12. Diana Barry :

    I know there are a few of us with hypothyroid. How low do you like to keep your TSH levels? I just got mine tested and it has inched up a bit since last time – 3.5 or so. I feel like it should be around 2 but will need to argue with the dr about it (I just changed PCPs).

    • I think a lot depends on how you feel. My doctor likes it about 1, which is good for me. If you’re pregnant or trying, the range I think is smaller and most doctors will want it under 2.5 for sure.

    • If it turns out that you need a stricter range, I would think about seeing an endocrinologist. Many endo docs have strict preferences on which labs they trust, which meds to use, goals etc… It is hard to demand a new doc follow your requests, particularly when they are not an expert. Be sure to forward your records from prior docs, if that confirms your optimal treatment range.

      • BeenThatGuy :

        +1 to seeing an endocrinologist. There are other markers to look for other than TSH. I also have my T3 and T4 checked.

      • Man, I think mine was 12 last time (can that be right?) No wonder they doubled my dose …

    • I second the recommendation to see an endo.

    • Wanderlust :

      When my TSH is at 3.5, I feel absolutely awful. I feel my best when it’s around 1.

    • Huh, mine was 4.2 at my last checkup and my doctor didn’t say anything. I am constantly cold when sitting still, have gained weight, and am tired, but all of those things have alternate explanations. I’m also already taking a lot of medications for other chronic health conditions, so I’m not super into taking even more things, but is this something I should be looking into?

      • hypothyroid :

        Depending on which other chronic health conditions you have, you may be at higher risk for hypothyroidism than the general population. It’s a common comorbidity of autoimmune conditions and certain endocrinological conditions.

        It also sometimes happens that the early symptoms of hypothyroidism are misdiagnosed as other conditions (often psychiatric, but sometimes other random things). So if you did turn out to have hypothyroidism, it’s possible that the thyroid med could replace one or another of the other meds you may be taking.

        If I were you, I would at least want to get another TSH a few months from now to see whether it went up or down. A TSH above 4 with clinical presentation was enough for my doctor to order an antibody test that confirmed the Hashimoto’s form of hypothyroidism (though I think a negative antibody test would not have ruled it out). In any case, getting treated was life changing!

      • Yes.

        And if you don’t complain, they will often ignore the blood test (non-endo docs). Remember, the normal ranges of lab test results are somewhat arbitrary, so many docs will not treat the numbers…but will treat the patient. So always speak up how you feel. Or see an endocrinologist.

      • Definitely. Some labs/doctors will accept up to 4.5 as in the normal range, but most people feel best at 1-2. Combined with your symptoms, its time to look into treatment.

    • hypothyroid :

      I feel best under 2. My PCP takes symptoms into account and will also check whether the TSH has been rising or falling (my insurance is fine with tests as often as every 2 months).

    • I would have liked to get mine closer to 1, but my endo is happy with it under 2 (which it is – I feel ok but still have some symptoms, nothing like the crushing tiredness before I started synthroid, though).

    • I’m fine with it around 2.5, but YMMV. My PCP said under 4 was fine if you have no symptoms.

    • I have a daughter who has congenital hypothyroidism and this is all new to me. [I will say, I’m always freezing and after periodic repeats at the bloodwork, am somehow not hypothyroid myself.]

      Is there anything like TCOYF for the hypothyroid crowd? Am feeling like the endocrinologists have tons of educational materials for the T1diabetics and now I’m realizing that I probably need more than the nothing I’ve gotten over the years (other than “be glad you didn’t live 100 years ago” — yes, that is true, for many, many reasons).

    • Anonymous :

      Huh. Mine is 2.9, and my doctor seems unconcerned. But I’m tired and struggle to lose weight and have a family history of thyroid issues. Worth getting a second opinion? TBH concerned they’ll just tell me I’m fat and lazy.

  13. I’d like to get myself diamond earrings. My DH picked out my engagement ring, which is a 1.75 carat solitaire.

    About what carat size makes sense for earrings to go with that size ring? I basically wear no other jewelry. I’m having my 3rd kid and we are DONE and mama is going to get a present. Budget TBD- I want to get what makes sense, I’m okay spending $$$ but don’t want to spend for something too fancy for casual wear (all I do).

    Ideally the earrings and my engagement ring will all be passed to relatives (I’ll have 3 girls but maybe grandkids not kids?) when I die, for them to harvest the jewels and do what they will.

    • Veronica Mars :

      I think it depends less on the size of your ering and more on the size of your earlobes. I have attached earlobes so anything more than .5ct / 5mm in each ear (1 ctw) looks too large on me (mine are moissanites, though). If you have a detached earlobe, you could go anywhere from 6-8mm (1ctw to 2ctw) and have it look wonderful. The other thing to consider is the setting. I have martinis, which let in a lot of light and make it look like the diamond is floating. But if you’re going with bezel or a 6/8 prong, you can get a smaller diamond and have a bit more bang for the buck.

      • Agree.

        Be careful not to go too big, especially if you wear minimal jewelry. I went too big and it looks ….. off.

        • As a contrary point, if you wear a lot of jewelry, a lot more jewelry can just be too much. If you have one statement piece, I think it is OK. Just no big earrings + big pendant + a million bracelets (unless you are going to a fancy party at night). It’s just not a work look.

        • Does anyone give you side eye for having too big earrings, or are you just self conscious about it? I’m pondering a pair of diamond halo earrings that are stunning and fit my ears really nicely but are holy cow blingy. Only 1.5 carat tw, but I’m not sure if others would find them too “evening” for daily wear.

          • Of course strangers haven’t said anything to me, but, yes, family and close friends have told me that my diamond earrings (a gift) are kind of big for my ears (small ears, here).

          • Veronica Mars :

            I think it’s a consciousness thing. If anything, if they’re too big, people will think, “Oh, fake” rather than, “WOW that person is wearing 20k, 2ct earrings.” I think in terms of a halo, it’s more flexible because it’s so popular now. As long as it fits all the way on your earlobe, I think it’s fine. If it’s hanging off, it looks a bit 80s.

          • Others notice too much. I get comments about them, and not something I want to happen at work.

            Depends upon how you want people to notice/see you I guess. Yes, it makes me self conscious about them.

        • I wear 1 ct earrings often (so 2ct total) and don’t see them as big even. FWIW, I have a big head (sorry mom!) and shoulder length hair (often tucked behind an ear). They just don’t seem very large on me. I have never gotten the side eye but I work mostly with guys who just have no clue.

          In an era of big clunky necklaces, anything that fits on an earlobe just doesn’t register to me.

      • Recommendations on where to get good quality moissanite earrings?

        • Veronica Mars :

          Depends on how custom/picky you are. If you go to a company like Moissaniteco, you’ll get a good quality standard pair for a nice price. You will want to inspect the stones you got carefully and see if they meet your standards (i.e. no nailhead or fish eye). If you want more of a gem-quality/semi-custom experience, go to Joseph Schubach jewelers (the one based out of Arizona), and they’ll hand select the stones for you and give you more options of the settings (metal types, styles, etc). You can even spring for high bench execution too. If going for halo, I’d go to them for the superior quality. CVB also has a few earring styles but that’s top notch CAD work so you may not want to pay $1.5k for settings for $800 stones.

      • Veronica Mars :

        I will also confess, too, that I’ve retired my moissanite earrings for now. It was too much. I have a moissanite ering, diamond by the yard bracelet, and moissanite cross, so that’s 3 pieces of sparkle for daily wear! I’m now wearing pearl studys and I think it looks much better.

    • Go and try some on, it’s really the only way. I have a huge head and so 1 ctw looks smaller on me than on most others.

    • I am not a tall person, but I have a wide head (too wide for headbands back when they were cool) with detached earlobes. I have 1 ct for each ear and really think 1.5 would have been better. [So maybe I will get some cool jackets for them someday.] I am not a jewelry person at all usually, but figured this would be OK b/c I’d be unlikely to break them and it’s not like they’d be some flash in the pan trend.

      I went for color, since that is noticeable. Stones are VS1. But I would have gone to SI even (or fake). I just wanted simple and non-fussy.

      • Veronica Mars :

        Ooh that sounds nice. Costco has good jackets — those are on my personal wishlist but hard to find nowadays.

  14. I’m just started a new job 3 months ago at a different university. I was brought in to bring a new perspective and change to my unit and I get the feeling my predecessor was very lax. One of my direct reports is chronically late to meetings whereas I strive to start and end meetings on time. Any tips for politely addressing this with her?

    • Can you start the meeting right on time? There’s nothing like coming in late to make you realize you need to be on time. You could also end a meeting with “ok everyone, we’re going to need to be efficient moving forward to get through everything we need to get through at these meetings. Please arrive on time on Thursday since we will be starting at 9 on the dot.”

    • For context, this is staff member, not faculty.

    • “Jane, you need to be on time to all meetings.”

      • +1

        You’re managing her so just be direct. I would provide more context on why this is important – eg “it’s really important to me that you’re on time since we hold up starting the meeting and delays everyone else. Is there anything I need to know that would prevent you from being on time in the future?”

    • Sometimes my admin will track the person down if they are needed. Otherwise, I start without the person and let them catch up on what they missed. Sometimes, I’m held up in a meeting, which makes me late for the next one, so I don’t make a big deal out of it.

    • Are you my grandboss?

  15. I’m looking for a basic flat or a 1/2 inch point toe heel leather bootie. Everything I’m seeing has at least a one-inch heel. I injured my knee and can’t where anything tall for a few weeks.

    • If you don’t mind the gores of a chelsea boot, the Nine West Holdon at 6pm looks good; a higher price point would be the Paul Green Danni BT also at 6pm. (not linking to avoid mod hopefully). The Calvin Klein Eunice there also looks good, a little spiffier without the side gores.

      Good luck!

      • Cat Lady In Training :

        I have the Asos Chelsea boot with a low heel and it’s really comfortable and looks cute. They have a few different options with a low heel.

  16. DC getaway :

    Reposting in the hope of a few more responses. Thanks for those who responded yesterday!

    Looking to get away for a 3 day weekend from DC, ideally within a 2/3 hour drive. Two kids, age 2 and 4. We really like nature and history, we’re less inclined to go a big kids park like Hershey. We have done Deep Creek Lake, Harper’s Ferry, and Philly. Other ideas?

    • Did anyone suggest Charlottesville?

    • Is Pittsburgh too far? If not, I’m happy to make recommendations!

    • Richmond, VA? Charlottesville? while closer, you could make a weekend out of Annapolis or St. Michaels. Lynchburg, VA?

      • Lana Del Raygun :

        Richmond is nice, and for nature they have Belle Isle, which is an enormous and beautiful park/wild area with hiking, big rocks to clamber on, wading, etc. Also there’s some seriously excellent food!

    • Wintergreen Resort if you are going soon. The leaves will be gorgeous, you can hike, eat, swim in an indoor pool, hit Devil’s Backbone brewery (very cool for kids) or Wild Wolf Brewery. If you can sneak away from the kids for an hour or so, the spa is great and very peaceful. The food at the resort is decent too. You can also go to Montecello/Charlottesville. Lurray Caverns is fun with the little kids too, so is the Route 11 potato chip factory (little and quick, but fun).

    • St. Michael’s/Easton? Nature and history, but definitely getting a little chilly

    • You have a lot of good suggestions already, but just throwing this out there: Brandywine Valley in southeastern PA. Lots of outdoor options and Longwood Gardens.


    • Ooooh Land of Little Horses! Some of my fondest memories as a kid, and it’s right near Gettysburg.

    • Middleburry

    • Anonymous :

      Someone mentioned Massanutten yesterday. I would skip that. The drive is unpleasant, and there’s not much to do. The water park is nasty. Hiking in Shenandoah national Park would be ok, but it’s supposed to rain, I think. Charlottesville (Monticello, Ash lawn, and Montpelier) or Williamsburg are my recommendation. My 4 year olds loved the museum of the American Revolution in Yorktown.

  17. Start of Affair or Friendship? :

    For years, I have been participating in weekly meetings with several colleagues at another company (in another city), as their company has a stake in a product that my company offers. There has been a huge change in leadership at my company and just a big shake up overall, which caused me to need to privately update the leader of the group at this other company. We had a long talk and he offered to forward my resume to several leaders in our industry (I am looking to leave too and that ended up coming out). He has been a great professional contact for me and has also become a friend. He is about 10 years older than me and very senior to me career wise. He emails me several times a week about work updates, vents to me, lets me vent, but also has begun discussing personal things (nothing s*xual or inappropriate). He knows about my relationship and talks about what his wife and kids are doing this weekend, etc. but then asks random things like what tv shows I like, what I like to read, if I have any siblings, etc. It’s not inappropriate on its face but it’s definitely personal and a turn from the strictly professional relationship we have had for several years. I think it’s the secrecy of emailing that makes it feel odd and I don’t want it to blossom into anything more. I feel like I’m talking to another man behind my boyfriend’s back, but it is nice to have someone who is interested in news/topics of conversation related to my niche industry. I’m in my mid twenties and don’t really have any married male friends where I have no connection to or friendship with the wife. Am I being totally paranoid? Do people have friends like this?

    • On the one hand, I think if he’s talking about his wife and kids in a positive way, and asking you about your relationship, it screams “Friend”. I was in a similar situation once that got very uncomfortable, but in my case the man started telling me about all his issues with his wife, which is obviously a huge red flag.
      But the constant emailing would feel a little weird to me too. Have you told your boyfriend to see how he reacts? It seems like it’s the secrecy that’s making you uncomfortable and if you’re totally open with you BF about it, you won’t be doing anything secret. (To be clear, I’m not saying you owe your BF notice that you’re exchanging friendly emails with a male professional contact or that he’d have a right to be mad if he discovered the emails on his own, but it seems like you want to tell him, so why not tell him?)

      • Start of Affair or Friendship? :

        He does talk about his wife in a very positive light and usually it’s pretty casual (my wife likes X so I’m taking her to see Y this weekend, youngest kid is going to be at XYZ camp, etc). He comes off as someone who enjoys the conversation of someone else in our niche industry and FWIW, he talks to two other people, one male and one female, who used to work at our company (although I’m not sure how often). I’ve told myself it’s really no different than the male friends I have in my actual office, it’s just that I have to email this one because he’s not physically in my office. I have told my boyfriend about him as a professional contact but he doesn’t know that it moved to personal email. I’m debating whether telling him will make it sound bigger than it is.

    • The personal questions seem a little weird to me too. I have a business friend that we email back and forth teasing type quips whenever we have to email (example – he lives in a northern rural area so if he takes a while to respond I say I was worried that he was eaten by a bear, he labels my project ridiculous titles, send each other dumb gifs quasi related, etc.) but they’re not opened ended and it usually ends within a day.

      Can you just let one of the emails when a personal question go unanswered? If he follows up on it wanting to know why you didn’t answer the personal question, that’s weirder and a red flag in my book. If he lets it go without another thought/follow up, then he might just being friendly.

    • Have you met this person face to face? It’s weird to email like this with someone but none of the topics you list scream “personal” to me. If anything I think you venting about wanting to leave your job is a lot more personal than asking about what TV shows you like. If this is someone you can see periodically, I’d leave the chatty stuff for when you actually see each other – “Thanks for the article! I’m swamped right now but let’s catch up over coffee in 2 weeks.” If you don’t ever meet up though I think email is all you have to keep a professionalish connection; just reduce how quickly you email back and for sure don’t vent to him about anything.

    • The topics don’t seem weird to me at all – I’ve had conversations about all of those things with male professional friends – but having in-depth personal discussions with any coworker over email would feel a little odd to me. I wouldn’t say anything directly but would probably start ignoring some of the personal questions and keep things more work-related.

    • It sounds fine to me, and I would be careful about pulling a reverse Mike Pence: You don’t want to suspect a man who is acting as your advocate of inappropriateness just because he’s a man and you’re a woman.

      From what you’ve said, you and he:
      a) have known each other for several years
      b) have recently had in depth one-on-one conversation, away from the usual group setting
      c) as a result of item b, he has offered to sponsor you by reaching out to his contacts on your behalf

      If he were a woman, would you have any concerns?

      • “If he were a woman, would you have any concerns?”

        I don’t think this is the right test. I think married men and women can be friends, but I think the standards for appropriate behavior are different. I wouldn’t be at all fazed if a female co-worker regularly confided in me about issues with her husband or texted me late at a night about something other than work. I would be very startled and freaked out if a male co-worker did these things, because the only times I have experienced these sort of behaviors from a man, he was looking for more than friendship.

        • Anonymous :

          I guess this comes down to personal perspective though. I have close friendships with men, some of them decades long. It is possible to discuss deeply personal matters with a friend of any gender. I’ve never felt that they wanted something more than friendship either.

        • Never too many shoes... :

          I know this is so late and probably will not even be read but this attitude makes me want to break things.

          I am a married woman. I have male friends, female friends, trans friends, younger, older, married, single, whatever. They are my *friends*. In that capacity, we talk about intimate, personal things – our feelings, our triumphs, our sorrow, our relationships… the idea that I cannot tell my male friends something simply because they are male and that makes it de facto inappropriate is ridiculous and feels deeply limiting and sexist.

  18. Is it appropriate to get something for my siblings’ girlfriends when I go home for the holidays next month. For many years I’ve lived away from home so I met them both for the first time last year, we are friendly with each other but not close enough that I would know all that well what they would like. I will get something for my family members and I just thought it would be kind of awkward to have them be there and not get anything from me at all–one of my brothers lives with his girlfriend.

    Right now what I have in mind is getting something from Bath and Body works or the Body shop. My other idea is to get an assortment of stuff and put together my own little gift bag–e.g. Lipstick, Mascara and maybe an eyeshadow palette–both ladies wear makeup quite often and we have similar skin tones. I’m wary of fragrances because those are so subjective. They are both in their twenties and just recently graduated college. Any other ideas? Also FWIW, I thought of these since my family lives in a part of the world where some of these brands are considered somewhat special since they aren’t produced locally. Thanks in advance!

    • I did a similar thing for my brother’s girlfriend (now newly his wife!) the first Christmas. I put in the Winky Lux clear lip balm with the flower inside (turns pink to match your lips) and paired it with a little pouch that had a few products in it, all purchased at a local makeup shop. I figured it was fun to do stuff she couldn’t just buy at Sephora.

    • i don’t really have strong thoughts on what you should get them, but i think it is SO nice that you are thinking of getting them something. as someone whose in-laws were never particularly welcoming while we were dating, when we moved in, when we got engaged, etc. this is something i wanted so badly. most of my friends’ significant others’ parents would get them gifts, send them bday cards, etc. and it really made me feel terrible. i’ve come to realize it isn’t me personally, this is just how they are (they are not warm, thoughtful people unfortunately), but i think in this situation it really is the thought that counts!

      • +1. I’m sure they’ll be touched even if the gift isn’t something they would have chosen. My in-laws don’t do birthday or holiday gifts (they don’t give my DH anything either, but at least they acknowledge his birthday with a phone call or email, which is more than they do for me). We’ve been married 12 years and it still hurts, especially since my family has gone out of their way to get him gifts since the very early days of our relationship, long before we were engaged or married.

        • glad to hear it’s not just me! my parents are the same way, but my in-laws forgot my birthday the year we were engaged (we’d better together for 5 years already at that point) and also didn’t acknowledge our first anniversary. to be fair, they don’t really acknowledge their anniversary to one another, but personally i think that’s weird. also- they clearly know by this point that these things are important to me, so even if they aren’t important to them, if they cared enough they would remember the occasions that are important to me. their loss

      • +1. To all of this.

      • Same!

    • I’d get one of those pre-packaged gift sets and call it a day. Idk about the stores you list but it seems like everyone is doing that nowadays; Sephora, Ulta, and Mac all have great options. Putting together your own gift bag seems like a lot of effort and might come off a little odd when you don’t know them very well, but ymmv. Alternatively, you could order them one box of Boxycharm or something similar.

      • lawsuited :

        +1 If you don’t know them well but know they wear makeup, I’d get them each a holiday set of some kind from Sephora with a gift receipt.

    • When I was dating my now DH, his sisters got me a small present so that I would have something to open during the family gift exchange. It meant a lot to me at the time. So I vote yes.

    • Body Shop stuff or makeup would be great. I would try to get them each something different (not from same store/brand, but same price range) so they don’t feel like you were just checking off a list (I made that mistake with my sisters-in-law a couple times and am trying to stay away from that from now on).

    • Yeah, I’ve done this with siblings’ SOs that I weren’t very close to. Makeup might be a bit too personal in this case. I would usually go with mug/tea, or a nice candle.

    • Calibrachoa :

      It would be totally awesome to gift them. If all else fails, there is fancy holiday themed chocolate :)

    • My ex’s mom always gave me lovely Christmas gifts, and I really appreciated her for it (more than I ended up appreciating her son). Being at an unfamiliar house with a different family around the holidays is harder than many people expect it to be! Gifts I received from her over the years included a scarf from a local gift shop, a set of mini roller perfumes, cute fuzzy socks, and a Bath and Body works set with foaming soap and lotion. Ex’s siblings were younger (middle and high school) so we didn’t really exchange gifts, but I did once give a hand-knit scarf to his younger sister when I was visiting the week of her birthday in December.

    • Definitely a thoughtful thing to do. Bath and Body Works and the Body Shop are basically perfume to me, though, so I would steer away from those, too. I would ask your brothers for tips on what they are interested in. Here are some thoughts off the top of my head. If they like working out: You could do a nice S’Well water bottle, or fancy socks like Bombas, or a flip belt, with a gift card to LLL or something. If they like cooking or baking: You could do those gorgeous porcelain measuring spoons Anthropologie always has and a cook book and an apron and maybe even a family recipe. If they are into beauty: maybe a blow-out at dry bar or ‘fun’ makeup that isn’t really specific to their coloring – like a highlighter set or the [email protected] pal3tt3 or a nice makeup brush or hair brush. Do they cheer for a specific sports team? Or does your family cheer for one? You could get them gear for their own team or some that the family loves so that they feel included in the fun. Some other generic ideas if you don’t know what they are into: a nice picture frame, a nice ornament, fun nail polishes, a fuzzy blanket, socks, cardigan/wrap, a nice scarf, a couple of board games for their home, nice holiday treats (fancy chocolate, peppermint bark, ginger cookies) or other consumables if they are foodies.

      • +1 to Bath and Body Works is definitely perfume-y and specific…

        I love receiving luxurious hand balm or body creams (because even if scented, it usually dissipates).

        The Swell bottles/hydroflasks are awesome.

        • I’d go with one great item from L’Occitane instead of several things from Bath and Body works- the BBW stuff is lower quality to me, and the scents are really artifical. I’d rather one significantly awesome thing than several lesser things!

  19. Eggs, They Are a'Freezin' :

    Any anecdata from the hive about egg freezing?
    Specifically, my retrieval will likely be at the end of the week. I am very uncomfortable; the constant pressure in my lower abdomen has increased significantly in the past few days (as expected). The good thing, for me, is that my clinic is very happy with my stimulation progress; I’m trying to take comfort in the fact that it appears that this discomfort will be worth it. I’m not sure what I’m asking for here, but stories about how you, also, felt uncomfortable, how long the discomfort lasted post-retrieval, how you celebrated after, commiseration (I think there are a few others who are doing this right now, too), anything?

    • I just went through this twice. I was a poor responder so felt OK right up to the procedure. I had a ton of gas and bloating afterwards, particularly the second one where 6 eggs were retrieved, for about a week. I had some pain and discomfort too, for a few days. Nothing I couldn’t tolerate though. I think I used Tylenol for one day.

      I’m cautiously optimistic they’ll be there if I need them so I didn’t really celebrate. Just had a nice lunch.

    • nothing to share but hugs! i was about to start the process, but got lucky with an iui (though i’m sure me sharing that is not helpful to you right now and probably makes you hate me). i have SO many friends who’ve successfully had beautiful healthy babies through IVF. in fact, in return for having so much trouble getting pregnant, they seem to get fairly easy babies! i’ve heard from friends that you probably won’t feel great for abut 24 hours, and you said end of the week – so hopefully you have the weekend to recover. i’d plan a dinner with your SO to a sushi restaurant or to get some kind of food that you cannot eat once you are pregnant. or if you don’t feel like going out, even order in sushi or a deli sandwich or bagel and lox or all the soft cheeses. and of course maybe some cocktails or wine. maybe if you are into wine, go and do a wine tasting or something fun like that. get a massage or have a spa day! i don’t know if you are doing the pre-implantation screening, but if you are you likely have some time before implantation, so try to take advantage of all the things you cannot do while pregnant.

      • Eggs, They Are a'Freezin' :

        Thank you for the ideas and suggestions, Anon @ 11.18. Congratulations & best wishes!
        No hate here – this freezing is purely just-in-case I meet someone or decide to have a baby alone in the future. No pregnancies planned right now. And very ready for All The Wine post-retrieval.

    • Anon for this :

      I just had my retrieval Friday. I felt somewhat bloated before, but not terribly. For a couple of hours after the retrieval I had very bad cramps and then felt bloated the next day and a half, with the bloating diminishing so that I’m basically back to normal now. The nurse initially told me it can take a week to ten days till I feel normal, because the hormones don’t leave your system immediately at the retrieval. My bloating is gone (or basically gone), but my digestion is still stopped up more than normal, which is a little uncomfortable.

    • I’m on day 6 of gonal-f and menopur right now! I’m surprised that giving the shots has been okay but also I’m completely over it and ready to be done, and just feel off.

      Good luck to everyone else- it’s nice to not feel so alone in this. I’m not really telling people and I’m not infertile so I’m def not venturing into those communities. May we all be fruitful and multiply when we are ready to!

      • Eggs, They Are a'Freezin' :

        Although I’ve told a few friends, and my family knows, I did not expect how lonely I have felt in this process (I’m single). And the resources/blogs that I’ve found don’t address the intense, emotional questions and analysis I go through with each night’s shots.

        I hope that for all of us who have done, are doing, or will do this, we each get the result we are hoping for.

    • My retrieval was two weeks ago (waiting for PG test now/ freaking out). I went home, slept for two hours, and then slept that night for 8 hours. I felt pretty good! I did have some constipation and some significant gas in the days after.

    • shamlet96 :

      I did it three years ago and am TTC now – I didn’t really do much to celebrate (didn’t go to work the day of the retrieval or the day after) but like you, I had complex feelings about it and it was a tough process emotionally more than physically. In hindsight, I’m so glad a friend pushed me to do it because those eggs may be my best shot at a child at this point. Good luck and hope you get lots of mature eggs!!

      • Good for you for doing this, seriously. I’m doing it because I’m 40 and TTC for the first time. I really, really wish I had frozen some eggs about 5 years ago…

        • shamlet96 :

          Are you going through IVF now or just TTC naturally? Good luck!! I’m about your age (39) and if I don’t get pregnant in the next few months I may just use the frozen eggs (rather than a fresh round of IVF).

  20. Intermittent fasting?

    I saw a reference to this yesterday on this site – and now have noticed several articles and references to it. I went down the reddit rabbit hole for a few minutes this morning. Who has done it? Did you do 16/8, 5/2, or other? Feedback? Results?

    • DC getaway :

      I have been doing for the last 6 months and really love it. I intend to do this long-term, the weight comes off very easily and I’m not obsessing over calories or food portions. I do 16/8. Personally I don’t think I could stick with 5/2 (which for those who don’t know, is eating 500 calories twice a week, then eating normally the other days). That feels like such a deprivation, where as just skipping breakfast every day has just become second nature. It really works, good luck!

      • DC getaway :

        Oh, in terms of results – I lost about 10 pounds and am back in most of my pre-pregnancy clothes. I still do have a tummy though so it’s not a miracle solution but I’m hoping that exercise will help with that.

    • I do the Obesity Code 24-hour fasting, which means I eat dinner every day, but skip breakfast and lunch every other day. It works for me. I’ve never been a breakfast eater, so it’s just skipping one meal every other day and helps me focus on eating healthy balanced dinners every night. It has forced me to really think about what I’m eating—since the meal has to carry me through the next 24 hours—and that helped me eliminate any junk food. And it got me out of the habit of snacking at night.

      I’ve done it for about 8 months now and I’m pretty flexible on lunch—I switch things around if it works better for me—but I’ve stayed fairly consistent on not snacking. I lost some stubborn weight and am happy with the diet. The first few weeks were hard and I was constantly drinking mint green tea to distract myself, but I’m really used to it now and don’t get hungry until 5 or so.

    • Frozen Peach :

      I’m one of the people who’s referenced IF. Cannot recommend enough. I’m not following an extremely strict or formal schedule– and I try to spend a lot of time “listening” to what my body wants and needs. If I feel my blood sugar dip during a fasting day, I go get a green juice smoothie and chug it immediately. Usually I follow the process described by Miss above, where every other day I skip breakfast and lunch, except usually for a small breakfast protein or carb item. If I’m fasting two days in a row, I make sure to eat breakfast on day 2. Dinner on fasting days tends to be small, depressing, and sensible. Dinner on non-fasting days tends to be kind of the opposite. My stomach has shrunk enough over the last eightish months of doing this that I never eat nearly as much at one time as I used to, even when it’s pizza and ice cream.

      In general I’ve found that eating whatever I want on weekends is a good way to keep the whole thing in check. If I have a calorie-laden weekend then I tend to fast an extra day or two in the following week. If I have a super sensible weekend, I might only fast for one or two days instead of three or four. It’s all about balance. Weight has fallen off like magic. I literally cannot buy smaller pants frequently enough to keep up.

      • Anonymous :

        wow!!! i need to try this.

        • Thanks – I’m going to give this a shot. I’m pretty fit and “healthy” according to all the standard measures at the doctor. Even though the majority of my diet is non-processed and I eat reasonably, I have some extra weight that I just. can. not. lose. The extra pounds are a real drag when I’m cycling and taking on hills or hiking all day.

    • Anonymous :

      I only eat between 12pm and 8pm. Is that the 16/8 one? Honestly, it was a natural evolution. I never liked a big breakfast. I do black coffee and a 1/3 cup plain (no sugar) yoghurt for breakfast (so I guess it’s technically not a complete fast.). Then I eat lunch at 12:30ish and dinner at 7ish. Sometimes I have an afternoon snack. Has definitely stopped the mindless mid-morning and post-dinner snacking.

  21. KeepItProfessional :

    I recently read two articles on women in the tech field who have been propositioned by men. The one woman’s experience was when meeting a VC at a bar; the other had invited an investor to her apartment. Both situations involved late hours and too much alcohol.

    Is this common? I am in law and would never dream of bringing a client or partner into my apartment, nor would I get drunk with them into the early morning hours. Is this common in the tech world? It seems like keeping professional meetings professional (like in an office, not your apartment) would go a long way in ensuring everyone behaves professionally.

    • I’m in law. It depends. It seems obvious to just say, oh why would I ever be drunk with a client late at night or be at a partner’s house? But reality doesn’t always shake out that way. Example: firm picnic at partner’s house. Example: taking client out to dinner and show, and everyone goes back to partner’s house. Example: at a conference out of town with client and you’re doing a joint presentation- you eat and drink together at night. If you’re at a firm where the culture is to have fun and get to know your clients and colleagues, this stuff happens a lot. As long as people behave professionally, it’s not a problem. I’ve been drunk with bosses way late a number of times and I haven’t been harassed because they’ve not decided to harass me. I’ve been stone cold sober with bosses during the work day and I’ve been harassed because they decided to harass me.

      • this. “I haven’t been harassed because they’ve not decided to harass me. I’ve been stone cold sober with bosses during the work day and I’ve been harassed because they decided to harass me.”

        Thank you for spelling this out.

      • To answer, “why are you drinking with clients/colleagues?” here are some answers:

        – it’s where business gets done. for example, the effective way to ask my boss for a raise was over dinner/beers before he caught a train. people i spoke to about it said, ‘yeah, that’s how it’s done [in this place/context].’

        – it’s a celebration: holiday party. we won a case.

        – we are at a conference and there’s an event with drinks.

        – we are at a social event (with our partners, sometimes) because showing up and having fun matters. some social events are at people’s homes.

        – clients/supervisors want to see that you can ‘hang’ and you’re trying very hard to earn their respect over their sexist bullsh*t – “oh come on, rainbow, you can have another beer with us guys!” “rainbow, will you stay while we talk about this plan over some good scotch?”

        And what Pompom says is right. I got plenty of inappropriate sh*t while sober, and some clients were quite respectful while drinking (though all my bosses, with the important exception of the current one, were scumbags, whether drinking or not).

    • Yes, it’s common in the tech world and if you won’t meet people in bars, you will find your attempts to get funding don’t go anywhere. Your experience sounds unusual to me. I’m also in law and have been in plenty of networking situations at bars or involving copious amounts of alcohol (although admittedly rarely one-on-one, but I can see why one-on-one meetings would be more common in VC).

      Don’t blame the victims. Straight men can meet other straight men in bars or people’s homes and get drunk together without worrying about being propositioned or assaulted. That gives them enormous privilege in trying to get ahead in VC and in business generally.

      • nasty woman :

        “Straight men can meet other straight men in bars or people’s homes and get drunk together without worrying about being propositioned or assaulted. That gives them enormous privilege in trying to get ahead in VC and in business generally.”

        + a million.

        This is why the Mike Pence Policy or whatever you want to call it is so utterly offensive, and why it’s infuriating that people couch it as “he’s simply respecting his marriage! How virtuous!” No. He’s discriminating. Many men just don’t even see it that way because #privilegeblinders. Same thing with all of the backlash to women talking about harassment triggered by the scandals of late– men saying “oh I’m so afraid of a false allegation that I’m simply going to stop mentoring women or talking to them alone! Can you blame me!??! Poor me.” Oh, anon at 11:03 above was me.

    • Drinking into the late hours is common in the alternative finance world (outside counsel also takes us out when they’re in town, so I’m surprised you haven’t seen it as an attorney), but I’d draw the line at bringing anyone to my place, or going to theirs – that is not common at all IME.

    • Please don’t blame the victim. I was assaulted in my home after a bar association event. I lived very close to the venue. I was attending with a couple of attorney friends. One friend, A, had another friend, B, also an attorney, who attended the event. B had way too much to drink and couldn’t get himself home safely. A volunteered my spare bedroom for B to crash in. I figured… well this is a friend of a friend and a fellow attorney, he’s basically unconscious, why not. As soon as A left, B threw me against a wall and started groping me and forced his hands down my pants. I screamed and threatened to call the police if he didn’t leave, he strangled me for a minute before I guess deciding it wasn’t worth it? and stumbled off into the night. No clue where he ended up.

      • Rainbow Hair :

        I’m so sorry that happened to you.

        Even if a person *does* have a lapse in judgment (not saying you did!) … we should be able to have lapses in judgment without being harassed or assaulted!

        • Anonymous :

          The lapse in judgment comment is so odd. A man wouldn’t think anything of letting a friend of a friend sleep it off in his place. The only reason this might seem strange to a woman is because women are socialized to fear male violence. Assuming that a friend of a friend (who you met at an industry networking event, no less) isn’t going to assault you – even if you end up being wrong about that assumption – isn’t a lapse in judgment.

          • Rainbow Hair :

            No that is what I’m saying! I thought it was pretty clear that I was saying she did not have a lapse in judgment. If I didn’t I’m sorry. I think what she did should have been completely safe.

            But like, when the guy who assaulted me came at me while I was asleep because I let him pass out at my place, I wondered if I had made the wrong call — “don’t let a guy sleep at your place if you’re not going to sleep with him” is what I told myself.

            And while (1) that’s not true, also (2) it doesn’t matter. I have done things that were objectively not smart (getting irresponsibly drunk in inappropriate situations is one of them) and that doesn’t ever mean it’s OK for a person to come at me — that thought was directed at the OP in this thread. Even IF drinking with professional contacts is a mistake (which I don’t think it is!), they still don’t get to assault you.

          • Rainbow Hair :

            A longer response is in moderation but I really want to apologize if that’s how my comment came across! I think what she did was absolutely fine (and generous!), and that no one should have to be on guard like every acquaintance might be a r*pist. I’m sorry if it sounded like I thought otherwise.

    • This is sooooooo victim blaming! These women were doing what they thought they should or needed to do to do their jobs. It’s not their fault the men were d!ckheads.

    • anoooooon :

      Yes, this is common. I don’t generally have people over to my apartment because it’s too small to accommodate a lot of people, but going over to Boss’s house or happy hour after work is A Thing. Particularly with peers or people just a level above me, we have lunch, dinner, coffee, and happy hours pretty regularly, and it’s not uncommon for those to be 1:1 meetings. To several others’ points below, this is especially common at conferences, sales meetings, etc.

      Examples for me personally:

      Just started at a new company and GrandBoss hosted a summer BBQ at his house. With swimming. And drinks. I avoided the swimming, but everyone and their mother offered me and my SO more drinks/more food, like a good host (this was in a large Southern city, so guests running out of drinks/food was a huge sign of a bad host).

      At a sales event where I worked for parent company, Boss and I thought we were meeting all-male sales team of child company to go out for dinner and drinks, but they ditched us. Ended up hanging out in the hotel bar with Boss, and GrandBoss ended up joining us until midnight. Sales team finally came back to the hotel and we stayed until 2am having drinks.

      At a conference, went to dinner with all-male sales/engineers that started with drinks on the expo floor, walking to dinner and ordering 2 rounds before ordering, drinks with the meal, and ordering another round to start the bar-hopping portion of the evening. I left (and took young female intern with me) around 11pm, but I heard the guys stayed out until at least 1am drinking. We were invited and jokingly “pressured” to stay out to talk business.

      At the quarterly business review for West coast tech startup, company hosted happy hour and dinner, several engineers/reps/execs went out for drinks into the wee hours and a couple people crashed on local couches/guest bedrooms to avoid the ridiculous commute in the morning.

    • lawsuited :

      I’m a litigator. Trials often happen out of town. Trial prep often happens in hotel rooms into the wee hours of the morning. Alcohol is sometimes consumed.

  22. Had rsvp-ed yes to attend a networking event being thrown by a friend in my industry. It’s tonight – was iffy when I said yes and now I’m like – uh how do I find the energy for this?? I know I have to go – she’s an actual friend not just a contact and this event tends to have a low turnout so I want to go to support. Except the idea of standing for 2+ hrs and making small talk w other guests – ugh. Tips to make it less painful and maybe even enjoyable??

    • When all else fails, wine.

    • Why don’t you just go for an hour, assign yourself to make one new friend, and then sneak out at the one hour mark?

    • +1 to wine. Can you stay for just an hour? Also one of my tricks for getting through these kinds of events when I’m not feeling up to it is promising myself I can do something enjoyable after (order some delicious food, watch an ep of a TV series, do a facemask, etc. etc.)

      • Frozen Peach :

        +1 to rewarding oneself with something enjoyable.

        Also, my strategy as a nondrinker (makes the time go a lot more slowly) was always to arrive EARLY and scope out whether there were any good places to perch, or seating areas to base myself from. For some reason I can network for SO much longer when I don’t have to stand the whole time. Getting there early you help fill the room and help your friend more, and then you don’t feel guilty when you leave before it’s over.

    • Senior Attorney :

      And you don’t have to stay for two hours. Show up, stay as long as you can stand, and leave.

    • If you can’t do the full two hours, can you actually go later and wait around for your friend at the end? I might be nice to have a friend to decompress after an event like that

  23. Chicago therapist? :

    My wonderful therapist is retiring and I need to find someone new. Can anyone recommend someone good in downtown Chicago? Bonus points if it’s a woman over 40 (but not close to retirement!) who accepts Cigna. I don’t really NEED therapy anymore but I like having someone to check in with when things get hard, and I’d prefer to arrange that now before things get bad and I’m desperate.

  24. I have a very good (and very wealthy). lovely, fun friend who recently moved to my town from elsewhere. I’m creative, underemployed, flexible schedule, helpful. So in the time leading up to her getting her new place I’ve been helping her by doing research for services needed, going along on scouting trips (furniture etc). Anyway, we agreed she’d pay me for my help–I actually did a lot with the unpacking (4 full days) since she didn’t have anyone else and the movers wouldn’t. She gave me half of what she said she would. This was about a month ago. I’ve had to catch up on my work so since then only seen her once. She hasn’t said anything about the money, should I ask? I feel strange about it because she is my friend that I feel bad for and therefore spend way too much time helping, and she gives me lots of her hand me downs and feeds me but, it was a verbal agreement, though the sum was up to her, and even though I do need the money I feel miserly to bring it up. What should I do? How should I say it?

    • In my view, if she agreed to give you an amount of money and then only gave you half of it, you shouldn’t feel bad about asking for the rest. Just say, “Hey I’m not sure if you remember but we agreed on $X. You gave me $1/2X on date.” She already agreed to give it to you. She probably just forgot. When I forget I owe my friends money, as occasionally happens, I fork it over as soon as they ask.

  25. friend in need/indeed? :

    Vent? My best friend finally admitted she’s in an abusive relationship (verbal & financial), the husband is ‘clean’ now but in withdrawal from recreational dr*gs and alcohol when he’s not. She won’t leave until the youngest kid is off to college (10 years) but the three kids, girls and a boy, are in that toxic unhappy environment, because she’s convinced he’ll take the kids from her or something else that is unclear. I’m having a hard time being around them because of above and everyone is so unhappy they are just mean so much of the time. Oh yeah, and her coping mechanism is alcohol.

    • The reason your friend is concerned that her husband will take the kids is because she’s also an alcoholic and may have done some bad things she’s not telling you about. Meanwhile her husband is getting sober, which is what she should be doing too. Encourage your friend to stop drinking, go to meetings, get therapy.

      If you need to distance yourself then do it. You have no obligation to let people be mean to you, regardless of how bad their home life is. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

      • +1

        Agree with encouraging your friend to stop drinking, go to meetings, get therapy.

        This is great advice.

        Be there to listen to her. It was a big deal for her to admit this to you. YOU are not going to fix the situation, so try to be supportive and encourage her to get therapy/treatment.

  26. I’m an income partner at a midsized firm in a MCOL city and I am giving my legal assistant a $100 gift card for a milestone birthday. I plan to give her another $100 for the holidays. DH thinks this is crazy and we don’t give such large gifts even to siblings or friends. He is wondering why we’d give so much when we only give about $25 per kid’s teacher and their pay is less than my assistant’s (and job is harder frankly). I think there might be some policy against giving $100 to a public school teacher?

    DH is a professional who makes more than me but does not have an assistant or any direct reports. He is obviously not a lawyer, and I feel like there’s more of an expectation that law firm lawyers give gifts to their assistants. Should I rethink how much I am giving to my assistant?

    • Senior Attorney :

      No. This is a business expense for you and has not one single thing to do with gift you give to siblings or friends or teachers.

      If he wants to give more to the teacher, that is a separate discussion.

      • Triangle Pose :

        Absolutely. You tell him this is generally accepted in your workplace and is not something he understands. Gift to teacher is separate conversation with different conventions and he can look into increasing it if he wants to. Your assistant and your workplace is your business, not his.

    • I’m just curious why you think there’s a policy about gift giving for teachers? Is there actually one that you maybe read once or are you pulling that out of thin air?

      I think you should explain to your husband that giving your assistant a gift like this is akin to tipping in restaurants. It’s part of the social contract at a law firm and is part of making sure the relationship is a good one.

      • Aunt Jamesina :

        Many states have laws against public employees accepting gifts over a nominal amount to avoid the appearance of bribery. I know we have one in Illinois, I think the limit is around $20. It’s quite commo.

    • You’re fine. If anything that’s on the low side. Definitely don’t give less.

      • +1000. I’m NYC biglaw senior associate and that’s what I gave when I was a first year assoc.

    • Anonymous :

      No you shouldn’t rethink it. It felt very weird to me too, but it is what it is. In my BigLaw firm, it was normally $(100* your associate year) to assistants at Christmas, which meant that by the time I left as a sixth year, I was giving my assistant $600. I’ve never spent that much on a gift for my spouse, mom, best friend or myself (unless you count, like, an entire vacation as one “gift”). But this is not really a “gift”. As Senior Attorney says, it’s a cost of doing business, and you can’t compare it to true gifts to friends and family.
      I do think you can give teachers more than $25 if you want to, but I don’t think you’re obligated to by any means.

  27. helping/working for a friend :

    Wrote a longer post, maybe it’s in moderation, maybe I lost it in the either…. Advice, please. I helped my good friend do a lot of things for moving into her new place (four solid days of delivery/unpacking + other time spent help doing other stuff). It’s my friend, I wanted to help her we also agreed she would pay me, she stated a sum. Gave me half and hasn’t mentioned the balance since. What to do? She is a great host and gives me lots of hand me downs so I feel guilty about asking. What do do & how to say it? TIA!

    • How long has it been?

      I’m sorry to tell you that there aren’t any magic words that are going to make this conversation feel less awkward for you. You just sort of have to bite the bullet. If you need a script: “Hey friend, I know you’ve had a lot going on with the move, but I was wondering when you expect to get me the remaining $X that we agreed on?”

    • Money + Friends is tough especially when one friend is not as responsible as you hope they are. If you want to continue the friendship, you can ask once casually, but then you have to chalk it up as a loss. I have a friend that has failed to pay for half a hotel room, and then took foreverrrrrrrrrrr to pay for work. So now that friend is still a friend, but there are no longer any business transactions with that friend that are not paid upfront. Lesson learned. Some friends are really good about money/ financial obligations and others are not–they are still good friends–you just don’t loan them money.

    • I’m a little confused…. you wanted her to pay you, like someone she hires on craiglist?!? How awkward…..

      How much money are we talking about?

      If she is a “great host” to you (what does that mean…. feeds you? house you?……financially support you occasionally without you feeding/housing her?) and gives you a lot of hand-me-downs…. maybe your help can be you paying her back?

      Only you can decide what this friendship is worth. I’d let it go.

    • How much money was it? I’d probably let it go.

    • Or you can bring I up casually saying that you have XYZ bill to pay and you were hoping to use the proceeds from your helping her to pay this bill. if there still is no response, either you bring it up again in a more direct manner or let it go. if you want to continue for her to be a friend, you will need to not hold this against her however.

  28. Cat Person :

    Any tips for dealing with an unreasonable downstairs neighbor? He is very particular about noise and has come up to my apartment several times complaining about me needing to “break up the party,” when I was either the only one in my apartment, or there were 2-3 people sitting in the living room. Each of these times was before 8pm. I have a cat, but my cat makes very little noise, if any at all. However, this neighbor has gotten it into his head that I have a dog, which is strictly forbidden in this building (cats are allowed). He keeps reporting it to the landlord, who then has to come inspect my apartment for signs of the nonexistent canine. After learning that the landlord didn’t find anything, the neighbor insists I was hiding the dog, or took it out for a day and brought it back later. What should I do to stop him getting angry at me for just living my life?

    • Ugh. Rough.

      Normally I try to accommodate neighbor requests that are reasonable. This is totally unreasonable.

      I would be tempted to write him a legal sounding letter stating you do not have a dog, you want him to stop the harassment and to end all communication with him. Let the landlord deal with it.

      I guarantee the landlord knows this guy is a problem. Keep being nice and accommodating to your landlord.

    • Senior Attorney :

      Maybe nothing. Maybe it’s his issue and you live your life. If he consistently complains you say “I’ve told you I don’t have a dog and I’m going to ask you to stop making complaints about a non-existent dog.” And you don’t have to answer the door every time somebody knocks.

      • Anonymous :

        +1 I definitely would not open my door for an irate man. If he continues to pound on the door, call the police. He is not entitled to harass you.

      • Anonymous :

        Write a letter to him and copy the landlord nothing that 1) you do not have a dog and 2) LL has been searching for one and has found none on dates A, B, and C and 3) further instances of searching for dogs will be treated as harrassment and 4) note that you are well aware of the no-dog policy and do not intend to get one.

    • Yeesh, this is nutty. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.

      Do you have hardwood or tile floors? Not that you should have to, because he is being unreasonable, but if you do it might be worth it to invest in some inexpensive area rugs to dampen the sound if it will bring you some peace from his demands. I once lived in an apartment where my upstairs neighbor had tile floors and a very small dog, and I could hear the click of the dog’s toenails all day long when I was home. I never complained but it was actually way louder than you might think. So a rug might help.

    • Do you have carpet or rugs? If not, put some rugs down. I have the loudest g-d upstairs neighbors ever, and I’m sure they’re just living their lives, but I hear every single move they make and it’s driving me up the wall. Your downstairs neighbor is probably in the same position.

    • I had one of them too. She would bang on her ceiling/my floor with a broom every time I walked from one room to another, she told me to wake up later because she could hear me get out of bed, etc. She routinely called the police. They came once because I was brushing my teeth, and another time when I was reading on my couch. It sort of started to become a joke with the police, and management saw she was crazy too.

      I absolutely hated the feeling of having to tiptoe in my own place so…I didn’t. As long as you’re legitimately being a decent human and making a regular amount of noise, it’s the neighbor’s problem and not yours. Other people’s noise is just part of apartment living.

    • Anonymous :

      Remember that you also have a right to quiet enjoyment, and constant intrusions and calling the police are unacceptable.

      My suggestion is that, at this point, you loop in the property manager or landlord, explain that your ability to use the apartment for which you are paying money for is compromised, and ask them for solutions.

  29. Need haircut advice! I have brown hair a little below my shoulder. It doesn’t have curls, but it is wavy and frizzy enough at this length to require me to blow dry and straighten it every morning. I have been fantasizing about a short cut for a year now. To top it off, I am starting to go gray and I am not interested in coloring it. I personally don’t care for the long, partially gray look.

    Here are my hesitations:
    1. I love to run and have aspirations to work out more. How do I keep my hair back? My hair has a lot of body and I would be looking at a chin length cut. Is this going to drive me nuts?
    2. My hairdresser thinks a longer cut looks a lot better on me. I’m sure she’s right. My face shape is round, not bony, and I think the longer cut gives it some definition. I’m also sure that the short cut will make me look older. Not sure I care. I’m 33 with two kids.
    3. I think I will need to decide between bangs, and getting my hair in my eyes all of the time. Leaning toward long bangs.

    Any thoughts?

    • As someone with wavy hair, I’d advise against bangs. For me, if they get wet at all (snow, rain, humidity, sweat, etc.), they go rogue and suddenly I have a wave in the middle of longer bangs and a terrible flip at the ends on each side. They’re way too much trouble.

      I have done chin length hair and it works fine. I need lots and lots of layers to have a decent shape.

    • I have a hairdresser who loves to cut my hair (really) short. When she does it looks great. I am growing it out now (just below the bottom of my earlobes, which is long for me), and she isn’t much help. Another stylist in the same salon is really good at this length and longer, so she is in charge of my hair now. All of this is to say that you would probably look great with short hair but that a different stylist may be needed to make it work. I have not found that short hair makes me look older, I tend to get comments that I look younger than I am.

      I use a half-buff or a bondiband to keep my hair back while running. My hair is really fine and straight, I don’t know how that would work for wavy hair. Let us know what you decide!

    • Similar hair texture to you although currently at a shorter length.

      1. You use bobby pins or a headband. Depending on the weather, you can also use a hat.
      2. The worst thing that happens is that you decide short hair doesn’t work with your face shape and you grow it out. You won’t know unless you try!
      3. I suggest having your stylist cut your hair so that you can always tuck it behind your ear. In my opinion, long bangs are the most annoying kind of bangs because you have to style them just right or they flop into your eyes.

      FWIW, the shorter my style, the more time/effort I put into making it look good. Plus more frequent haircuts to keep it looking sharp and not scraggly.

    • As someone who had had everything from waist length to pixie (and back to pixie currently) chin length was the hardest for me. It was too long to leave down to work out, but the only way to stayed back was a ton of pins, which was a pain. It also required regular trims (5-6 weeks) to look decent, and still had to be blown out and styled everyday.

      I would say either do longer (like above the collarbone) so that you can still pull it back and benefit from less frequent trims, or go truly short. The nice thing with a short cut is that there can be a lot of angles, which can be very flattering to a round face. Short can also be very edgy/modern, alleviating any age concerns.

    • Bangs are the creation of the devil. Do not cut them. It is sheer misery growing them out. (I need to cut this out & paste is everywhere I look when I go get my hair cut as I’m in the middle of a grow-out.)

    • A fellow round face :

      I also have a round face and I found that going from longer hair with a middle part to short hair with sideswept bangs made my face visually much more balanced. If you’re blowing your hair straight and parting in the middle, it’s going to accentuate the roundness in your face vs. having some more wave to it and/or a side part.

  30. Baconpancakes :

    This is such a basic thing I’m sure there’s a standard procedure, but I have no idea what it is.

    I just started buying and wearing the longer-lasting matte lipsticks, and while I love the look, if I eat or drink, they show wear on the center of my lips and get a weird texture on the rest of the lip. Do you usually wipe off most of your lipstick before reapplying? The sheer, creamier lipstick I’m used to would just come off when I ate or drank so I would basically have a bare lip to reapply onto. These are higher end lip colors, Nars, Too Faced, and Stila, as the drugstore ones flaked off basically immediately, so I don’t think it’s quality. What am I supposed to be doing? Is wiping and reapplying the SOP?

    • I use a little lip balm to smooth the weird patches, and then reapply on top. Good formulas layer decently and it looks good as new! I know some people who keep a tiny tin of coconut oil to remove and reapply if this happens too. The best formulas I’ve found for this are Kat von D and Dose of Colors.

      Also, if you exfoliate and put on lip balm before you apply first thing in the morning, it can help keep things smooth for reaplying/layering later.

      If you’re really interested in going down that rabbit hole, StephanieNicole on YouTube has an entire liquid lipstick review series, and the last part of the test is a reapplying test at the end of the day.

  31. Boden has a very similar skirt much cheaper.

  32. Looking to order the Sam Edleman Hazel pump in another color and I am trying to get the greatest mileage possible out of my color choice. I am between the olive green suede, the bistro suede (light cream) and the camel suede. ALso considering the Cole Haan Eliza pump in grey suede. I have an orange sheath dress from MMLF that I’d like to work with, but beyond that, I’d just like the most versatile color. Does anyone have thoughts? Coordinating shoe colors is one of my weak spots. TIA!

    • I love gray with orange.

      • Olive works nicely with orange and a surprising range of other colors. Think of it like camel or taupe, with a little impact. It also looks awesome with pale blue, light yellow, and shades of pink, coral, plum, and burgundy.

  33. AttiredAttorney :

    Anyone have any recommendations for the Kentucky Bourbon Trail? Where to stay, itineraries, getting a driver vs. driving yourself, best places to eat, distilleries that shouldn’t be missed?

    • Gail the Goldfish :

      Woodford Reserve’s Distillery is really pretty. I don’t like bourbon, so I was the DD, but it was just interesting to go and see. We stayed in Frankfort because it was Derby weekend and everything in Louisville and Lexington was sold out or horribly expensive, but I would have liked to stay in Lexington–we went there for dinner a couple of nights and I would liked to have seen more of it. Only other distillery we went to was Buffalo Trace, which was eh. Woodford Reserve was more interesting, but again, I wasn’t there for the bourbon and am therefore may not be the best source:-)

      • Gail the Goldfish :

        *therefore may not be. Sigh, after lunch. I was going to recommend a restaurant in Lexington, but it appears to have closed.

    • we liked the Four Roses tour a lot. don’t go to Evan Williams unless you like animatronics.

    • Anonymous :

      Buffalo Trace, Maker’s Mark and Woodford have the prettiest grounds. Four Roses has the best tour. Willett is smaller and not as pretty to look at, but they make some of my favorite bourbon. If you go to Heaven Hill, spring for the higher-end bourbon tasting. I would do no more than 2-3 tours… after a while, you get the general idea (51% corn…).

    • Definitely Woodford, beautiful location and very well-done tour. Maker’s is the prettiest but if anyone gets carsick, it’s a terrible drive. If you’re going when it’s nice out, go get sandwiches at Wallace Station and sit outside.

      If you really want a full experience, I’d do Makers Mark and Heaven Hill and stay in Louisville; then Woodford and Four Roses/Wild Turkey and stay in Lexington. You can also do the “Brewgrass” tour around Lexington if you’re more into beer.

      If people like drinking bourbon, do a tour bus. If you think there’s someone in your group who doesn’t like bourbon, they can DD–basically, you can drink as little or as much as you want at the distilleries.

      I’ll check back here if you have more questions–depending on the specific time you’re going I’ll probably have better recommendations about what to do.

  34. I would love to have a wardrobe full of hot pink workwear, but besides this skirt most of that St Johns stuff is too frumpy.

    • Senior Attorney :

      Yeah and I feel it’s so instantly recognizable it just screams “I’m a career woman of a certain age with lots of money to spend on clothes and I place a high value on comfort.”

  35. Anonymous :

    Not sure what insurance she takes but I was very happy with C. Pe**man at the psychoanalytic institute. You can find her on their website listing.

  36. I’ve really been loving Talbots recently for some nice dupes of designer classics. This black and white jacket is also adorable! https://www.talbots.com/online/jackets-and-outerwear/provence-tweed-jacket-prdi43390/N-10229?selectedConcept=&akamai-feo=off


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