This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
What are your best tips for how to form a group of girlfriends as an adult? Do you have a group of friends who do things together, such as brunches or even vacations? For those of you who have actively created a group of girlfriends, what are your best tips? It feels like there’s an art and science to putting friends together in a way that you can create a “group,” so I thought it might be an interesting topic for discussion.
Obviously, men can be included in the friend groups also, but that might be an interesting part of the discussion as well — personally, I tend to either have groups of girlfriends, or “groups of couples,” if that makes sense, where maybe three married couples (or three nuclear families) hang out together. Most of my male friends are more 1:1 friendships.
We've talked about friendship tiers, the effect close friends can have on your life, as well as how to make new friends and network in a new city — but it's been too long.
For my $.02, I’ve always been the kind of person who is best one on one with people — I was always a bit envious of the Sex and the City ladies in that they had a group of four women who brunch together really regularly. My friend Auntie M put together a group of girls for her 30th birthday, and we all met at a fancy spa in Sedona, Arizona, where we spent a few days getting to know one another. We all live in different places, so we haven’t met regularly since, but for Auntie M’s bachelorette and wedding last year we all picked up right where we left off — and now several of us are talking about possibly getting together for a group vacation (kid-free). (When the pandemic is over, of course!)
Another group of girls came together somewhat organically — my younger son got a particular diagnosis, and I had questions, so one friend (M) connected me with her friend (SJ) who tuned out to be really good friends with my old friend B — so now M, SJ, and B have a friend group.
Because we live near each other and all have kids the same age, we see each other a lot more often — going out for drinks when we can, celebrating birthdays together with our families, and making dorky family trips together to waterparks and the like. The moms also have a group chat going, which is a lot of fun.
I definitely think there’s value to creating groups of friends for support and socializing and more. I will say that I think there’s a limit on the number of group chats you can be in before it feels like your phone is blowing up all the time, and it can be a bit tricky to get the right mix of girls so that the group “sticks.”
In fact, I’ve tried and failed a few times — there may have been an imbalance in the closeness of the friends, or the vibe — and some people just aren’t looking for a friend group.
What are your thoughts? Do you have friend groups that are tightly knit for vacations and group chats? Have you had successes or failures trying to put together groups of girlfriends? What are your best tips for how to form a group of girlfriends as an adult?
Stock photo via Stencil.
Anonymous
I recently moved to a new neighbourhood in my city, which I moved to because it’s a more social neighbourhood and I was looking to make new friends with similar interests. I ended up meeting two girls at the local dog park, and we have now formed a friend group with two other girls from the dog park and an old friend of mine who lives in the neighbourhood. It’s amazingly rewarding – I really feel like I’ve found my people! We are all single and in our late 20s – early 30s and have dogs, and I think it’s those similarities in life stage that have held us together, but I know that we will still be a friend group when people start finding partners, etc. It also helps that the dogs need to go to the park every day, so we end up seeing each other most days even without making plans.
Anon
I think having occasion to see each other without advance planning is key — I have a group of friends who all have kids the same age and some of them go to school together, have extracurriculars together etc. We’re constantly running into each other and it’s also easy to text the group chat to see if anyone wants to go to the park, or lunch, or grab pizza for dinner after school. A few months ago, some of us have started meeting once a week for a pre-work breakfast outdoors (we all WFH) — it’s nice to have some adults only time with people you don’t live with!
Anon
I love this! I too met a good group of girlfrineds at the dog park and while some have moved to other cities, we still do at least one trip together every year (less this year, but normally).
I totally agree with you that dogs are a good proxy for life stage. If you’re single, with a dog in your 20s or 30s, you’re probably not partying every night (which, I just cannot do any more, even though plenty of people my age do).
Lobbyist
Yes! It took a while, but mine came mostly from the gym. We swim together and bike together — started in a master’s swim group. They are so important to me and I’m so grateful for my squad. I’m pretty open and inclusive — if you seem like you want to swim or bike with us, come on and join!
Lauren
Any chance you live in Miami?! I just moved here from Maryland :)
Anon
I haven’t seen my girlfriend group in person since January. I’m afraid this time and distance is going to break us up permanently. We tried zooms but it was hard to get everyone at the same time, it didn’t fee the same, and two of my friends said they don’t like being on zooms for personal stuff after being on zoom/teams all day long for work. Even our text group kind of fizzles after a couple of texts. :/
Anonie
In addition to 4 or so one-on-one close female friendships, I have larger groups of girlfriends (one that is 3 people, one with about 5 girls, and one with about 10 girls, not all 10 of whom I am equally close to). My female friendships are extremely important to me, although they have gone from a top priority to a close second since I met my now-fiance. I was a very shy kid and high schooler…I NEVER would have guessed I’d someday have so many strong social circles. Here is my advice, which I share not to brag but to hopefully provide encouragement.
1) Show up and continue showing up. Friendships are not microwaveable. There are women in the groups I’ve named above who I’ve considered friendly acquaintances, at best, for years and only bonded with after long periods of time spent investing in group hangouts. Time builds intimacy, even with women who you might not have immediately clicked with.
2) Don’t expect perfection from your friends. Sometimes a friend will let you down or hurt your feelings. If this is a consistent thing and evidence of bad character, cut that friend loose. But, if it is something relatively small, give your friend the benefit of the doubt. If you expect everyone in your life to be perfect, you won’t be able to hang on to anyone. We are all flawed.
3) Within your friend groups, there will be women you become ESPECIALLY close to…women who are your “inner circle” friends. With those friends, be (gently) honest if they hurt you. Again, don’t expect perfection but do trust that your friendship is strong enough to handle potentially divisive issues. You may even feel closer to these women once you air grievances, because that is such an act of vulnerability.
4) Don’t take it personally if a promising new friend “ghosts” you. Though I have a large social network now, I have had MANY periods of loneliness and isolation as a child and in my early 20s. There were times when I invested in a new friendship, thought it was going well, and then quit hearing from the other person. It’s ok. Start fresh, just like after getting ghosted in the early stages of dating. There are so many smart, wonderful, caring women out there who will make incredible, inspiring friends.
5) Ask people to set you up. If you want to meet more people, ask relatives, coworkers, neighbors, etc. to set you up with women they think you might have something in common with. Even during the pandemic, there are many online groups of women hanging out to discuss books, jobs, faith, etc.
I really hope even one person finds this encouraging, rather than arrogant or overly simplistic :)
Anonymous
Yes, great thoughts. Thanks for sharing!
jgchow
I like Anonie’s post which has several good points and makes me feel like I’m not the only one who’s run into these situations.
Karen
Great advice Anonie. I live a mostly secluded life. I rent a room from a newish friend. The relationship is always developing. Sometimes we laugh so hard out cheeks hurt. We are both 75ish. I also have a friend that I treasure. We do thing together because she doesn’t drive so im the designated driver to Dr’s & shopping when she can’t see herself walking there. But she has o th her friends that she travels with & talks to over the phone. She is not techie just got a mom pad from her daughter, & a cellphone& key sanitizer that I’m helping her come on board with to the point that she doesn’t feel she has to have it plugged in all the time like her TV. I also have a friend from HS that’s reached out to me. That felt so good cause im usually the one to reach out then get no responce moving forward. I started an online business since feeling so unproductive. Kinda thinking that eas a mistake but it was an investment so have to keep moving forward.
I’m friends with alot if m.j arrived friends that I could call on but th their married & I’m divorced. So sometimes that is an intrusion..
Kinda stuck in place for the time being getting my on-line store up & running smoothly. Oh well for now. Thanks for the great suggestions. U have a great ?❗
SS
As a non- mommy professional who works from home in the suburbs, I really struggle with finding friends. COVID makes it worse, of course, but I don’t know how to find any like- minded people in my immediate vicinity. My dog hates the dog park and I quit smoking years ago.
I haven’t found a gym “home” yet. Any other ideas? I’m going bonkers!!
MsE
SS I’m in the same boat. Don’t have any children and moved to suburbs for husband job. I’m older and it’s seems all of my neighbors have children or grandchildren. Never had a problem of being lonely when lived in NYC.
CH
SS and MsE I am also in the same boat. It seems all of the neighbors’ socialization (is that a word?!) revolves around their families. I’m looking for ideas too!
Anonymous
Try getting a fire pit. People in the burbs like to stand around fire pits.
Ruby Bodh
Thank you so much sir hamko in tips se bahut kuchh sikhane ko Mila or hamai aage ka Rasta Tay karne Mai bahut aasani hogi thankyo sir thank you so much
Ruby Bodh
Thank you so much sir hamko in tips se bahut kuchh sikhane ko Mila or hamai aage ka Rasta Tay karne Mai bahut aasani hogi thankyo sir thank you so much
दिव्यांश
Very useful updates. thanks for providing latest news . get nsp national scholarship portal complete detail and state wise link here
Bharat Portal
You explained very well.