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Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anonymous
Before every blog known to man spends weeks fawning over the Nordstrom anniversary sale, this is just my PSA that did the last two years every single fall item I bought at The Big Sale was available at a better price in September.
NOLA
I’ve also found that to be true, to a certain extent, especially in the past few years. I also feel like I am terrible at planning ahead and I end up not wearing what I bought. I gave away the pumps I bought last year, after I never wore them and they were too big. The burgundy suede mary janes from a few years ago were staples. It varies a lot year to year.
Ellen
This is true, EXCEPT that if you buy new stuff earlier, you DO get to wear it now and over the rest of the Summer and all Labor Day weekend, which is exactly when I look my best and most svelte well BEFORE the end of the summer. That is why I personally go to Nordstrom’s with Rosa early, and possibly pay a little more, but it is VERY important at this stage of my life to pay now to look good in the Hamtons as I truly hope to find a decent guy out there worthy to marry. Me wearing scuffed Espidrille’s or faded party dresses is simply NOT going to land me the quality dude have been looking for, just another Doofus from the City, who I really don’t need to go all the way out to the Hamtons to find. FOOEY!
Anonymous
I like the sale for overcoats, since it can be hard to find tailored pieces appropriate for work. It’s also good for cosmetics that otherwise don’t really go on sale.
coffee
I know those big chunky heels are in these days, but I just find them so clunky and unattractive. I don’t need skinny stilettos or anything, but man do I hate those massive heels.
anon
I don’t! :) If anything, the chunkiness of the heel balances me out.
Inspired By Hermione
I love them. I’m very picky about their shape but I can’t walk in skinny heels or even really normal heels. Wedges or block are perfect.
pugsnbourbon
+1. I really like these.
Small Firm IP Litigator
At least I am with you! I hate how they look in general (pilgrim shoes?), and how they make my feet look more enormous than they are. Some block heels like Varas are fine because they are not super chunky. But in general, someone will have to pry pumps/stilettos off my cold, dead feet.
Anon for this
I promise I’m not a troll…please be kind.
I was widowed young with a preschool
age child a couple years ago. I accepted that due to the fact that my child is so young and I don’t share custody with anyone and have no local family, that dating would be on the back burner for a while. The last two years have been healing and my child and I are now doing as well as can be expected, I think.
I think (?) a coworker likes me and I’m interested in him too. But I have no dating experience (my late husband was my first and only boyfriend and we got drunk and hooked up at a frat party freshman year of college, so I have never “dated” in the adult sense of the word). Do I just wait for him to officially ask me out? I think he may be hesitant to, because of the coworker thing and the fact that he knows I have full-time custody of a young child, but perhaps I’m making excuses for him and if he were really interested he’d make a move.
Any advice for ways I can make it clear I’m interested in him, without completely embarrassing myself if he doesn’t feel the same way? I feel so ridiculous about this, like I’m a 16 year old in a 30-something body, but the reality is I do have less dating experience than many teenagers.
Anon
You have two issues here: lack of dating experience, and you really shouldn’t date anyone from the office.
If you’re now looking for a partner, get on the dating apps, let your friends know that you are looking, and take your child out to fun places where you can meet people (political meetings, plays in the park, whatever).
Anonymous
Except that a lot, a LOT, of people meet their spouses at work. I think if you are reasonably grownup, you can take things slowly (no doubt having a kid around may force that). But if you think it’s too steep a learning curve, you don’t have to.
FWIW, I never dated at work in my 20s when I was concerned about starting a good reputation, but I did in my 30s and have been married to someone I met at work (different departments) but an not currently a co-worker with for 10+ years. We both didn’t want things to blow up and went v e r y slowly at first.
You spend a lot of your waking hours working and it’s just not unusual that that would be how you first connect with a lot of people. At my spouse’s current company, it is big enough that dating co-workers is NBD. Maybe size of company in your office / department / building makes it more or less weird? But if one or both of you is troubled by this, OK to listen strongly to that. AND if he likes you but not enough to ask you out, listen to that like it is LOUD.
Anonymous
It may be a bit too subtle but start by touching him more — lots of normal opportunities to put your hand on upper arm/upper back in a friendly way that starts to communicate more.
anonshmanon
Nooo, that’s so awkward. Just use your words. “Would you like to grab coffee?”
Anon
+1 Seriously, are we not all adults here? Communicate in plain English (or whatever language!)
Ellen
Agree. He knows you have a child and right now he needs to know you are single b/c of your being a widow, NOT b/c you could not get along with your spouse. Once he figures out you are ready to be out there, with a little effort on your part I am sure nature will take it’s course. That means all the others are saying. Look him in the eye, wear shiny RED lipstick, and do not be afraid to show you are interested in him. I try and look innocent and vulnerable, and when I do, Dad says men tend to come to me like moths to a night-light. Just resist the urge to merge for the first few dates b/c he will ghost you and you will feel terrible. See if you can get a sitter so that you can stay out late, but do NOT stay over at his place. By the time you are ready to have $ex, make sure it is at your place so that you will feel safe. Good luck!
Monte
Touching a guy you’re on a date with, to communicate interest? Sure.
Touching a co-worker who you are not sure is (or very well might not be) interested? No. No. No.
Anon
I was similarly aged without lots of dating experience once. (It’s more common than you think!) And here’s what my dating life taught me: interested men pursue, disinterested men do not. Don’t chase a guy – not because it’s not “ladylike” or whatever, but because you’ll know when a man is interested. Shy guys, divorced guys, busy guys, whatever, they will all ask you out if they’re interested. [For future reference, replace “ask you out” with text/call/make time/any other verb once you meet somebody and you wonder what’s going on. If they like you, you’ll know.] If your coworker starts asking you to go to coffee or to meet for after work drinks, then he likes you.
Anon
Yes, this. Correlation is not causation: you cannot cause a man to be interested in you by not asking him out, but you can assess his level of interest by how much he pursues you.
Anon
People say this a lot, and I don’t think it’s bad advice in general but there really are some guys who are actually too shy to pursue. I personally know at least two: one is now my husband and one is a good friend’s husband (and yes, we both wondered “Is he just not that into me?”). I agree that once you’ve kissed or had a conversation where you say you both like each other or something like that, that a lack of follow-up should be interpreted as lack of interest. But before that, I’m not so sure. Maybe I just know a lot of REALLY shy guys. But I’m glad I didn’t miss out on my husband.
Anon
Don’t chase a guy but you can definitely let him know you’re interested. Not all guys chase. If you have to put in all the effort, then yes you’re wasting your time. Otherwise, I’m general, don’t be afraid to go after what you want.
Anonymous
Ask him out to lunch sometime and see how it goes!
Rainbow Hair
I think this is solid advice. OP sounds like she’s got a good head on her shoulders — if she can suggest a casual hangout (colleagues hang out outside of work sometimes!) — she can suss out whether he might want it to be a date-date or just a friendly hang.
This shoe.
I don’t know how I feel about this shoe. It’s like Wicked Witch of the West goes corporate or pastel pilgrim. I just…can’t put my finger on what about it I hate but I know that I do.
Anonymous
The neighbor Larry from Three’s Company would have worn this in white. Maybe white crinkle effect vinyl?
Anon Lawyer
Posted on the Moms page, but though I might get more replies here:
Anyone know where to find professionally-appropriate maternity clothes in a size 16/XL? Everything I’m finding that seems truly professional stops at a size 14 or L. I ended up ordering a Stitch Fix and a Trunk Club shipment just to see if they can come up with anything but I’m feeling kind of stymied looking online (and people on other boards think things like rompers are professional). I work at home most of the time but I’m a lawyer and have some in-person events coming up – I was thinking dresses and a blazer I can wear open would be best, but am open to other ideas.
JTM
Could you potentially just size up or change your style, like more wrap dresses?
Overall plus size maternity wear is dismal, it’s like they dont believe that plus size women get pregnant and need clothing.
Anon Lawyer
Maybe. Wrap dresses are hard for me because my chest is big so they tend to show a lot of cleavage. I could possibly size up but I don’t want to just look sloppy instead of pregnant . . . .
Anon
Can you find a camisole that would look good underneath a wrap dress?
Signed, first trimester and now a 32E or F.
Anon Lawyer
Heh, I might have to do that (I’m a 34J), but I hate having to deal with keeping a camisole smooth under a dress. Ugh, but I guess beggars can’t be choosers.
Anon09
Try Second Base half camis! I love them. I’m a 30DD, got up to 32G? in my third trimester. Wearing one today under a wrap dress!
Anonymous
Belly bands are great for covering cleavage if you don’t want a camisole. I am 6 months pregnant and it’s way too hot to wear a whole other layer as far as I’m concerned.
I wear stretchy maternity dress + normal blazer to court. It looks professional, especially if you’re showing.
ALC
I had good luck with LOFT, their maternity goes up to size 18. Also, I found that most of my blazers still fit if I didn’t button them, so I wore a simple black jersey dress (from Old Navy or Gap) with a nice blazer and jewelry and seemed to be professional enough.
Anon Lawyer
Thanks! I didn’t even realize LOFT had maternity clothes. I was wondering if Old Navy’s stuff would be formal enough – sometimes their clothes are not so much, but maybe I’ll order some and see.
Anonymous
Second LOFT and I am a size 14/16. They were the only place I found that had work appropriate shirts for my Biglow office (business casual, no court appearances) that weren’t $$$$. As for bottoms, I never found any skirts I liked, but I did find that gap had decent pants. Also, I found a brand on amazon (Daily Ritual) that had decent jersey dresses with mid length sleeves and the dress was knee length. I found most maternity dresses seemed to be way too short for me.
Anon.
+1 LOFT maternity for my size 18 self last pregnancy was great. I also found a few pieces at Old Navy that worked, but that was more hit and miss.
Annie
I can’t speak to their plus size offerings, but I found motherhood maternity to be surprisingly good for professional basics.
Anon
I mostly wore a MMLF jardigan or similar with various maternity dresses.
Anon Lawyer
Oh good – I have/love a couple of jardigans and was hoping they’d continue working.
Anonymous
MMLF and OfMercer both make maternity clothes. Loft. Old Navy. Amazon has some options too.
Anon
I’m posting this late, so I hope you check back. I am cusp size, and in my 8th month of pregnancy, so I have been through all of the dismal work wear maternity offerings. I found pants to be best at Motherhood Maternity (they were short on me at 5’7″, so I stuck with the pencil pant style); JCPenney (Duo brand, the straight ones have a strangely placed waistband but the wider leg ones were comfy most of my pregnancy so far); and some from Old Navy. I got dresses from Old Navy and Gap and wear them with my usual blazers left open and my usual cardigans. I also got away with wearing Lands End ponte dresses pretty far into my pregnancy. For work tops, Motherhood Maternity has a pretty good selection with generous sizing and a lot of tops with necklines that are not low. Loft also has some good options. If you are a type to wear tights or nylons, Berkshire brand on Amazon has the best that I found. If you want a layer on the bottom for support under dresses, I got some light shapewear from Amazon, Cyuuro brand. For an under layer on top, I bought the Isabelle Maternity tanks at Target. If you don’t mind the extra layer, they come up reasonably high in the front and are long. I find that the tanks help my maternity clothes sit nicer and stay in place. Motherhood Maternity’s Jessica Simpson nursing bras are generous, well shaped, and have good support.
Anonymous
Any good savings apps? Something that will give me positive reinforcement for saving? Not looking to make a whole budget.
nona
A high-yield account? That’s the best positive reinforcement I can think of – getting interesting that measure in dollars (vs cents).
Local credit unions or online-only places will often have been rates than the bigger banks.
editrix
I use Acorns to round up transactions and set the account to invest moderately aggressively (not my usual investment posture). Every time I bring lunch from home I contribute $10. It’s done really well.
Inspired By Hermione
Qapital. My bank stopped syncing with it, which sucks a lot but before that I was saving a ton and loved it. I like the goal set up.
Job App Advice
I’m applying for a job that requires a writing sample be submitted with the application. I’m in a job where I don’t write anything substantial very often that could be used as a writing sample, and there’s really only two things I’ve done in the last year that are publicly filed. One is entirely written by me and is primarily legal analysis, but is not my best pieces of writing in my life – it was a response to a pro-se motion that I had to get done quickly. Another piece is better but the majority of it (in terms of pages) is factual summary, and large portions of the legal argument are boiler plate from within my org – the issues were far from novel. Unfortunately I don’t have anything else publicly filed that I could use. I should submit the first one, right?
Anemone
Are they asking to see what you’re capable of, or what you’ve published? If the former, tidy up the pro-se sample so it looks like it would have if you did have enough time to do it. If the latter, submit it as-is.
Anon
Edit the first one and use that.
Anon
I’m sure this has been discussed before, but I can’t seem to find it when I search the forums. Anyone have any recommendations (or input on this decision) for wine tours from Florence? Currently looking at Grape Tours and Fun in Tuscany. Both are small group tours. Grape Tours looks to be a little more in-depth about the wine and involves a dairy farm/additional food tour component. They also have a tour that goes to Greve. Fun in Tuscany has an option that involves a trip to San Gimignano in addition to a few wineries. This would likely be our main day trip from Florence, and we are going the first week in September if that matters.
anon
Any recs for flats like Rothys, except with more arch support and (ideally) not as $$$? I may bite the bullet and just buy a pair, but I’m struggling with the fact that they are made out of plastic water bottles yet cost almost $150.
Anonymous
Here’s a link for $20 off, if that helps any: https://share.rothys.com/x/Tvzb4k
Also, I also like my shoes with more support than Rothy’s but I’ve had good luck with adding those small plastic arch support inserts.
TryTheseFlats
Skechers have cute washable flats. Not much arch support but you could try a slim insert. Link will follow.
TryTheseFlats
https://www.amazon.com/Skechers-Cleo-Skokie-Metallic-Engineered-Skimmer-Natural/dp/B07J3HF3ZG?psc=1&SubscriptionId=AKIAILSHYYTFIVPWUY6Q&tag=duckduckgo-brave-20&linkCode=xm2&camp=2025&creative=165953&creativeASIN=B07J3HF3ZG
Original Moonstone
Thanks for this — I did not know they existed and they are just my speed.
Hair advice
I have incredibly fine, straight hair and unfortunately also not very many of them. Since it looks limp and sad if I wear it down, I always wear it up (with a clip or hair tie). It is a bit longer than shoulder length, so this is easy to do. I have a long face and am sure short hair would look terrible. Any ideas on how to improve things?
anon
You don’t have to go super-short, but even slightly shorter (like grazing the collarbone) might give you more lift when you wear your hair down. I’d also highly recommend using the Aquage uplifting foam at the roots/crown before blowdrying.
Anon
You can’t fight your genetics. You need a good stylist to show you how you can make your hair type work for you so it doesn’t look so thin and limp. Volumizing shampoos just don’t do too much if you have so little to work with. Long faces can absolutely rock short hair, you just need to find the right style for it. If anything long hair just elongates your face. As an example, google Liv Tyler short hair and you’ll find a gorgeous pixie on a woman with an incredibly long face. And it looks great.
pugsnbourbon
I have a long face and I think my short hair looks great :)
But if you don’t want to go short – you need products that will help you get texture and volume without adding weight. My hair is similar (which is why I went short), but some things that can help:
– volumizing shampoos and lightweight conditioners, try to only condition the ends
– volumizing mousse and hairspray
– other folks here have rec’d hot rollers, I liked curling with a flat-iron
– hair powder – bumble & bumble have one as well as aveda. You shake it sparingly into your roots and rough them up.
Anonymous
Try curling it with a curling wand?
OP
Thanks so far. I have tried so many hairdressers, but I always leave unsatisfied. One styled them really nicely once (for photos) with a hair straightener, curling them slightly. Also, I might add I really don’t want short hair on me. But I am interested in getting ideas on how to make my hair look better when pulled up.
Anon
I also have this hair! I get long layers cut in my hair and also get some angled face framing layers in the front and it seems to help. I’ve had lots of success going to salons and asking for someone who is specialized in thin, fine hair and also describing what my hair does in certain cuts and why I don’t like them: blunt cuts make my hair look triangular, angled cuts look stringy, whatever. I had one stylist who did some sort of cutting magic around my temples/ears and my hair was the best it’s ever been. I don’t remember what she called it, sadly.
I also almost exclusively get my hair cut dry so the stylist can see the shape and how it hangs.
Product wise, I use the Bumble and Bumble styling lotion (it’s a spray not a lotion) and it gives a good bit of grip. Their volumizing hairspray is also good! The Kristen Ess volumizing spray is also a daily product. I also use a dry shampoo when I want more volume or grip, like if I’m doing an updo or a braid or something. Oribe has a good texturizing spray that I like too.
Anonymous
Try some volumizing or thickening products. There are some posts about products on The Small Things Blog. I like a powder texturizer like Osis Dust It or Redken Powder Grip. Lift up the top layer of your hair, sprinkle some and rub in. You’ll get some instant lift.
Skincare question
What are your recommendations for a skincare newbie with dry (but unproblematic) skin that is starting to age (mid 30ies)? So far I wear any moisturizer during the day and slather on the Nivea cold cream at night. But this is not cutting it anymore it seems.
Anonymous
retinol at night
vitamin C, moisturizer, sunscreen in the morning
Skin care obsessed
I recommend a “sleeping pack” to moisturize at night. It will moisturize your skin super well overnight and is filled with good for skin ingredients. My favorite is TonyMoly Magic Banana Sleeping Pack. If the banana smell is too much for you (I love it), other good ones are any other TonyMoly Sleeping Pack, Etude House Moistfull Collagen Sleeping Pack, Laneige Water Sleeping Mask, or other night cream (good brands for this are Murad, Paula’s Choice. The more moisturized your skin is, the plumper it will look and will give off a youthful look.
I also recommend a chemical exfoliant once a week – build up to a higher %. My favorites are Peter Thomas Roth Unwrinkle Peel Pads, Cane+Austin Peel Pads (there are different strengths), and Pixi Glow Peel Pads (all available at Sephora)
One of those $2 moisturizing or brightening masks that you see at CVS/Target once a week will have your skin glowing.
EM84
I would recommend watching a few videos of Dr Dray on YT. Given your minimalistic approach to skincare so far, you may find her routines doable. I would recommend gentle cleanser (Cerave foaming cleanser), maybe a toner (I like Calming toner from Paula’s Choice), good moisturizer with high SPF for day. Gentle cleanser for night, followed by serums (I like Paula’s Choice Peptide booster mixed with Hada Labo hyaluronic acid serum) and cover with moisturizer. Few times per week, you may apply chemical exfoliant (AHA or BHA depending on your skin type). Retinol may be a good option (as far as I know, the only proven anti-aging topical), but I would first master the regime described before and only then start experimenting with retinol (it can be irritating, especially for sensitive skin).
anon
I need help dealing with my feelings about work. I am very stressed out and burned out. Vacation has not changed that fact. I have brought issues to my boss’s attention, have practically begged and pleaded her to help me problem solve ways to make things better, and nothing changes. She goes back and forth between telling me I’m so good at my job, to telling me I need to chill out more and stress less. It’s kind of a mindf*ck, honestly, because I never know what I’m going to get from her. The empty praise, or the admonitions to just be cool. The problem is that my stress is starting to show and leak out at inappropriate times. It’s like I just have zero emotional reserves left for keeping my usual calm, cool, and collected work persona. And I’m sick of being labeled as “negative” if I push back in any way whatsoever. I do tend to run toward the anxious side, but I’ve done so much work to improve and be less anxious, and this effing job just keeps dragging me back down. How do I fix this? My stress response is higher than my rational response these days. Do I actually have an attitude problem? I’ve always been a strong employee but something about this whole situation seems so off to me.
I am looking for a new job and have been seeing a counselor about general anxiety, but it hasn’t been terribly effective yet, unfortunately. I think I need to find someone who is more solution-oriented than the one I’m seeing.
Blueberries
I’m sorry, that sounds tough. Is it possible your boss is trying to tell you that the stuff you’re stressing about isn’t that important? That it can be done to a lower standard, or you can push out the timing?
Or is your boss trying to say that whatever is stressing you (volume of work? The stakes?) is just part of the job, so you have to learn to handle it because there’s not much the boss can do? I could imagine that if you’re an ER doctor, there are always going to be lives on the line and it’s never going to get better in that field. Or, M&A, there are always going to be people wanting to go full steam ahead and then stop suddenly, and, even though it’s just money, they pace and perceived importance will remain the same. In that case, getting medical advice on pharmaceutical help while in therapy to learn coping skills might be best.
Anonymous
Are you the person from this morning who pushed back to her boss, in front of other colleagues, about something her boss had “dropped the ball” on, and the boss said to chill out and destress? If so…that was not a good move on your part and it sounds like now, later in the day, you have a bit more perspective.
Do you have an attitude problem? Yes. You’re stressed out, publicly pushing back against your boss, you’ve lost control of your reactions, and you feel angry and hopeless.
Does that mean you just need to try harder to get it together? Not necessarily. But you do need to address whatever is underneath all this in a major way before you end up totally burned out.
Tough talk on the therapist question: Is it that your therapist is not effective or that it takes time to solve the underlying problem going on here (whatever that is)? Obviously, I can’t tell, not knowing you or the therapist. When I’ve gotten into your condition (and I’ve been there) it’s been very easy for me to reject any kind of solution that Doesn’t Work Right Now. And I mean NOW. Anyone who suggests something that doesn’t match the level of stress and anger I feel is an incompetent idiot.
Be honest about what’s going on, and also change therapists if you need to.
Anon
Genuine question: If things are not a problem for your boss, why are they a problem for you? Are they actually inhibiting your ability to do your work, or are there things that *you* think should change that others don’t? If it’s the latter you really do need to chill out and stop stressing out about it.
Anonymous
How about finding a stress reduction class? I did one and it was surprisingly helpful.
Anon
Posting late, but commiseration. Burnout is hard — HBR had an article explaining how it is essentially a state of resource depletion a few years back. No advice on the work front, but CBT has been helpful for my generalized anxiety but took several weeks before I could apply it in relevant situations on the spot.
Embarrassing question!
Confession: I am still on my parents’ cel phone plan, even though I am 35 years old with 2 kids. But I do pay for my au pair’s phone plan. She has 5 GB/month. She has been blowing through this regularly. Is this a reasonable amount of data? Help! I can’t ask anyone irl.
By the way I have already talked to her about using WiFi when available, looking at data hungry apps (Instagram seems to be a problem), etc.
Anonymous
Maybe ask what apps she’s using? Spotify, for example, has a switch so you’re not streaming in high data — you can turn off “background refresh” on apps you don’t use often. closing apps she’s not using also helps.
Anon
Is it on contract or a pay as you go plan? If you can get off contract, get a pay as you go plan, GIVE her a preloaded card for minutes and limited data and let her know that that is it for the month. If she needs data she’ll have to buy it or use wifi.
Anonymous
Why though? Just tell her the limit is 5gs and if she wants more or goes over, she pays for it.
OP
Yeah my plan is to ask her to pay the difference — just looking for a reality check re whether 5 GB is a reasonable amount of data per month. I do want her to use the phone to communicate with me while she is out and about for the kids, and I want her sharing her location with me for safety reasons, so I want to provide her with a reasonable amount of data.
Inspired By Hermione
It’s not very much if she is using it for anything beyond the basics. If she’s listening to music with the kids in the car or scrolling FB or Instagram that will go above 5gb quickly.
If you have Xfinity, I really like their cell plan and it’s $45 for unlimited data.
Mpls
I probably use about 3 Gigs a month over my data network. I only watch Netflix on Wi-fi, and don’t stream music over the network (I’ve got enough loaded onto the phone itself). So, to me, 5 Gigs sounds like plenty.
Anonymous
It’s plenty for one person. My husband and I share a 5GB data plan and basically only get close to using that much when we’ve been traveling in a given billing cycle.
Anonymous
Can you verify that she’s using Wifi at home? Mine auto connects when I get back home.
SC
That seems like a lot of data. My husband and I share 4 GB and rarely have problems. (If we do run out, Verizon just slows down our data speed so it’s frustrating but not impossible to use.)
Phones have statistics on how much data each app is using, and you can switch data-heavy apps to wireless only. It also helps to turn off location services (or set them to run only when open/in use), turn off background refresh, turn off automatic updates (and then update when on wireless), and make sure wireless assist is off. Also, if she has an iPhone, iMessages can use up a lot of data if she’s sending or receiving a lot of pictures or video via iMessage (vs SMS).
Erin
FWIW, I don’t think it’s an embarrassing question, and you could easily frame it IRL by asking parents of teens or young adults how much their children use.
I’m also a middle-aged, married mother on my parents’ plan, haha. It’s far cheaper to pay my parents for the extra phones on their family plan than to have our own.
Anyway, I believe the four of us share 5GB. I don’t know how much we actually use, but I do know that when we’ve gone over it’s because of my dad streaming sporting events or videos when he’s away from home and without wifi. So my hunch is that the au par is watching videos, streaming music, or looking at all the internet while she’s waiting for kids at swim class, etc. She may also be using map data to navigate the new town and not closing the map app.
But for a solution, I agree with others that you should let her know the limit is 5GB and that she’ll need to pay the overage or switch to a pay-as-you-go plan. When my dad uses up our data, we all get messages letting us know it’s low and then another when it’s gone, so IME she’ll know when it’s gone. It would be interesting to hear from parents of teenagers about how much data is ‘normal’ but 5GB seems appropriate to me. Then rather than trying to manager her usage (ie, reminding her to download shows before heading out to soccer practice), which will probably be ineffective and drive her and you insane, she can manage her own. I’m sure there are no shortage of web posts about how to do it that she could reference.
Erin
FWIW, I don’t think it’s an embarrassing question, and you could easily frame it IRL by asking parents of teens or young adults how much their children use.
I’m also a middle-aged, married mother on my parents’ plan, haha. It’s far cheaper to pay my parents for the extra phones on their family plan than to have our own.
Anyway, I believe the four of us share 5GB. I don’t know how much we actually use, but I do know that when we’ve gone over it’s because of my dad streaming sporting events or videos when he’s away from home and without wifi. So my hunch is that the au par is watching videos, streaming music, or looking at all the internet while she’s waiting for kids at swim class, etc. She may also be using map data to navigate the new town.
But for a solution, I agree with others that you should let her know the limit is 5GB and that she’ll need to pay the overage or switch to a pay-as-you-go plan. When my dad uses up our data, we all get messages letting us know it’s low and then another when it’s gone, so IME she’ll know when it’s gone. It would be interesting to hear from parents of teenagers about how much data is ‘normal’ but 5GB seems appropriate to me. Then rather than trying to manager her usage (ie, reminding her to download shows before heading out to soccer practice), which will probably be ineffective and drive her and you insane, she can manage her own. I’m sure there are no shortage of web posts about how to do it that she could reference.
AK
You can check your own data usage on your phone to compare, you don’t need to be an account owner. It should be in settings. For me, 5GB is nothing. I’ve used 5GB and it’s halfway through the month (I connect to wifi at home, but not at work or at the gym), but I can routinely hit 15GB/mo without trying.
I think one reasonable solution would be to hard-limit her and require her to buy anything she uses above that, but if you’re willing to give more (again, to me, 5Gb/mo is low) you could call the phone company and ask how much it would cost you to extend the plan to 10G. I would consider paying for the 10Gb as long as it’s within your budget.
anonshmanon
I use between 0.5 and 1 GB per month, and I am very conscious with data usage (I’m cheap). You can cap the data even on pay-as-you-go plans (at least on ting). I download my podcasts or Netflix episodes with WiFi, and only read news, check email and maybe Twitter when I’m out and about. There are plenty of people who play YouTube videos or stream stuff on the go, which eats your data.
Mstar
I think it’s reasonable for the necessities … but since she’s far from home she might be relying on it heavily for staying in touch w people back home/entertainment/researching local things. As long as it’s not distracting her from doing good work & if it’s not prohibitively expensive maybe it would be worth getting an unlimited plan? Upgrading is less expensive than paying overages. But it also seems fair to ask her to limit it to 5Gs or pay the difference.
Vicky Austin
If there’s wifi at your home, I would consider 5GB plenty. My family of 5 split 10GB between us for years and went over like once?
Gail the Goldfish
I checked my family’s usage (and by family, I mean my parents and my adult brother and I, because we too still share a family plan). Over the last 3 months, my dad has consistently managed to go over 5 GB. I went over one month when I was traveling a lot. So I suspect it’s related to how diligent you are about using wifi (my dad is horribly untechy and I’m sure it never occurs to him to switch to wifi. Like I had to set up his phone so it would autoconnect to wifi in their house. Which is why we have an unlimited data plan). With those exceptions, we tend to average in the 2-3 GB per person range.
OP
Thanks for all the feedback! I use much less than 5 GB a month but I also don’t use fb or Instagram or Spotify or YouTube or WhatsApp…. I’ll ask her if she wants to pay the difference to spring for a better plan or if she just wants to pay the overage costs each month.
Anon
Is this really just a matter of cost, or do you think she’s just using her phone too much? Because the latter reeks of generational differences that you should just set aside because young people are gonna Instagram, no matter what you think of it.
Anon
It’s not for me. And it clearly isn’t for your au pair, either. Just pony up the cash to get her more data. I really don’t think you should be comparing the phone usage habits of the people on this s!te to your au pair, they’re just going to be different plain and simple. You could restrict her and make her change her behavior if you really want to, but I think that would be overly strict.
Quinceanera
I am going to a friend’s quinceanera this weekend. It’s at 2 pm at church, followed by a reception at a nearby banquet hall. I have never been to one of these parties before and I’m excited.
1. What do I wear? Do people dress up similar to a wedding or less so?
2. What to give as a gift? I met her daughter years ago and have no idea what she likes.
3. What should I expect generally? I’ll be going with my husband and two young kids.
Thanks!
Anonymous
1 – fancy
2- cash.
Anonymous
Get excited! It’s going to be a BLAST.
1. Fancy like a wedding.
2. Cash.
3. It’s like a wedding without a groom. The church service will be mass (if Catholic family), the girl will take communion and the mass will be about her faith and becoming a woman. Sometimes the parents will swap out her flats for heels or present her with her “last” doll (doll is generally dressed just like the girl). The reception will be a super super fun party, lots of dancing and family AND food. You can expect it to last way over the allotted time (you don’t have to stay, but you can!). The girl will have a court of 15 couples, including her and her “chambelan” (a boy escort) and they will do a few choreographed dances. She will likely also dance with her dad. You will eat amazing food and then you sweat it off by dancing the night away after. There will likely be a TON of cake (we are very extra about cakes and quinces) and lots of littles running around, probably. Depending on the girl’s culture, there may be some extra dances or traditions–Mexican quinces vary from South American quinces with some of the dances and foods served.
Quinces are SO fun! So happy you get to celebrate this one with your friends and family.
Anonymous
Today was my first day back from a vacation where I had literally no access to wifi/cell signal, and I wasn’t anticipating being so off the grid. A bunch of fires popped up today that had to be put out ASAP due to my poor planning, and my assistant stayed 30 min late to help out. I am inclined to get her a Starbucks card or something as a thank you/sorry, that my poor planning fell on her, and for stepping up to the plate for helping out. Good idea?
Anonymous
Yes, it’s a nice gesture.
Elec Girl
My absolutely wonderful boss and mentor is moving on to better things. He’s a whisky connoisseur and I’d like to get him a bottle as a goodbye present. (with a nice hand written card of course). Budget is $50-$100. Suggestions?
Anonymous
I would honestly not buy for a connoisseur (of anything) unless I was one myself or knew very specifically the brand(s) they like. Even well-regarded brands/varieties/whatever are not to everyone’s taste, and I wouldn’t want the money going to waste. Gift card.
Er
+100. Maybe whiskey glasses though.
anon
Redbreast 12 runs about $60-70/ bottle and is a quality crowdpleaser.
Anon
Angel’s Envy.
Anon
Lagavulin 16y if you think he likes the smoky, peaty ones. A very lovely whisky.
A specialty wood Glenmorangie or Balvenie if you think he prefers smooth and rounded. Port cask finishes are very nice.
Highland Park 18y or older for very smooth.
Something Japanese for modern.
Anon
If you’re near a Costco that sells liquor, they have several brand-name whiskey options that are priced better than what you’re going to find at a liquor store.