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Coffee Break: ‘Charisma’ Convertible Pendant Necklace

Judith Jack 'Charisma' Convertible Pendant NecklaceI'm not always crazy about pendant necklaces — I bought way too many in my 20s that I thought were delicate and pretty, but now just strike me as too small and not very interesting. This Judith Jack convertible pendant necklace is big enough to be interesting, though, and I think it would look particularly nice with a crisp button-front shirt. I also like the fact that it converts to a 32″ necklace — and the fact that it's 50% off (was $198, now $98.98). You can choose three crystals/colors: amethyst (pictured), blue spinel, and clear rock crystal. Judith Jack ‘Charisma' Convertible Pendant Necklace (L-2)  

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102 Comments

  1. TJ: I received a memo late Thursday from a direct report who’s on vacation this week. I just reviewed it- it’s poorly analyzed, has errors, missing key info, highlights concerns about process – all part of an ongoing pattern. I summarized these concerns on the cover email and sent over the edits in blackline. I don’t expect her to review until Monday but she is checking email from time to time for pressing matters. Was this a d*ck move on my part (versus giving her the comments Monday?)

    2. A little. If I got that, it would probably ruin my vacation at least a bit. Then again some people just don’t care. I would have just left it on her desk.

    3. Yes. Tone at the top. There was nothing stopping you from writing the email at a time that was convenient and then sending it at a time when she was in the office. To send it at a time you knew she was one vacation, but would be checking email was passive aggressive and a poor management technique, since you have now set up a hostile environment where your critique will unlikely to be heard over the “I don’t really respect your vacation time” message.

      1. I’d have no problem doing this (or receiving an email from my boss like this).

        As the sender, I’d add “for your review once you get back” in the body of the cover email.

        As the receiver, I’d ask my boss, “just checking in–is this urgent or can it wait until I’m back from vacation?”

        I work with folks in all kinds of time zones, so I often get “urgent” or “ASAP” emails at 11pm. And I sometimes read them. If I do, I do a quick check to see if it’s something I have to worry about, or if I can go right to bed. 90% of the time, it’s just because someone is in another country working or up late catching up on email and didn’t account for the time difference.

        1. OP here – I started the email with “let’s discuss Monday when you’re back”.

          It’s an interesting thought experiment to me. I guess it might be preferable to have this “sprung” on you Day 1 post-vacation, but that sucks too.

          1. Eh, it’s better. I expect my first day back from vacation to be pretty awful; having it ruined with something like this (which I would apparently totally deserve from your description of the memo) is better than having my vacation ruined.

      2. You can fix it with a quick follow up that says “I just remembered you are on vacation. Disregard my email for now and we can discuss my suggested changes when you return.”

    4. if she sent the memo from vacation, I think it’s reasonable to respond while she’s on vacation, particularly if you started with a “let’s discuss when we get back”. Generally speaking though, respecting vacation time is important, and not sending bad news when it’s not actionable and will cause stress is just counterproductive. If you initiated the conversation, waiting to send when she returned would have been more considerate. BTW when I send emails to folks on vacation, I tell them in advance that if it doesn’t say URGENT in the subject line, it is to be read at their convenience and can wait until they are back.

    5. Thanks, everyone. I was in the wrong here. Must learn to temper my annoyance before firing off emails. She emailed for me to send some of the materials so she could take a look at the errors, but I apologized for disrupting her vacation and said that it could wait till she’s back, and to enjoy her vacation. Hopefully she is able to take it to heart.

      1. If it were me, though, I would now be so worried about the errors that I would be unable to enjoy my vacation until I address my partner’s concerns. I think her reply e-mail shows that she’s thinking about the memo now and would rather address your concerns now than wait for it to hit her when she gets back. Trust that she’s willing to work through her vacation on this.

        1. Sorry, I meant next time, if it happens again. A triple whiplash would probably not be very appreciated!

  2. I cannot stand the thwap-thwapping sound (very technical term, I know), that my cube neighbor’s slingback shoes make every time she stomps back and forth from the kitchen. The sound is worse to me than worn down heels on marble.

    /end rant

    1. Ugh, I hate that too, which is one of the reasons i try to avoid slingbacks (also, they just don’t fit me well). They sound like flip flops, which are definitely unprofessional. I’m always mortified when my shoes make unprofessional noises (squeaks, thwacks, etc.)

      1. This! I can’t stand to hear myself walking, although a brisk walk across marble or terazzo floors in my heels makes me smile. Go figure.

        Any way to stop the noise? There are pretty sling back heels out there…but the dry heels of my feet … just another reason to avoid?

    2. I just don’t even get sling backs, they always just fall off my feet. I don’t understand how people can even wear them. I feel like they must be magic or something.

      3. I have one pair that are dressy and only worn to certain c-tail events where I won’t have to be traipsing around all day. Other than that.. I completely agree.

      4. Also, if I wear them with pants, the pants get stuck under my heel. I had one pair of pretty, pale yellow patent leather ones that I got on deep discount and after that pair, I’ve never returned. They were such a hassle.

  3. Just checking in on the reader from Monday who was nervous about her IUD appointment – just curious how it went.

    Thanks!

    1. One of those was me – I wasn’t going to report back, but since you asked…

      It was the most single excrutiating experience I’ve ever had in my entire life. (Admittedly, I’ve never given birth). My sobs and screams terrified the poor nurse’s assistant, and she ran from the room to “get me some water.”

      That said, after an afternoon of sitting dead to the world on the couch, a half a bottle of red wine, and my wonderful boyfriend cooking and bringing me dinner and rubbing my feet, I feel way better today. Just a tiny bit crampy, like the second day of my normal period. And I’m really looking forward to not worrying about pregnancy for five years.

      1. Oh man, I’m so sorry to hear that it went terribly! I found the measuring part to be the most uncomfortable, and the first placement was really, really painful and made me nauseated. I’ve had it changed out since then from copper to Mirena, and the switch was MUCH better than the 1st time. Make them give you valium and/or topical pain relief next time!

        1. I actually had a cervix softner, a naproxen, and a topical anesthetic. The measurement was the part where I screamed. Before the insertion, when I brought up that I’m pretty sensitive and was worried, my RN said it really wasn’t anything to worry about. Halfway through, as I’m clutching the bed to try to keep still, she asked if I wanted her to stop because I was clearly in so much pain. I love how medical professionals always assume their patients are being silly and are uneducated. (“No, seriously, my veins roll. Use the children’s butterfly needle.” Three stabs later, “Huh, I think you were right, I guess I should use the children’s needle.”)

          1. So I had a similar experience getting my IUD in (it was just awful and I have had a lot of medical procedures) – but I have loved it since about a week after it got put in once all cramping went down. I mean – I don’t get my period at ALL.

            Of course, I’m probably getting it OUT again sometime in the next 3-6 months and I’m dreading that like the plague, I may hold my new OB-GYN hostage and demand some kind of IV meds to get me through the experience because NO. It was so awful. Ugh. But yay! Its awesome for five years afterwards.

  4. TJ:

    I know this sounds like a not major problem, but my baby shower is causing me ridiculous amounts of stress. Briefly, my mom wants to throw me a baby shower in my home town which is across the country from where I live. This would be nice for me, since there are many people there with whom I’d like to celebrate. She also, however, opted to have major surgery a couple of months ago which has left her almost completely bedridden for several months…meaning she won’t be at all able to even attend a shower (or really leave the house) until I’m about 7 months. For a variety of reasons, I agreed to have the shower the same weekend as a religious holiday for which my mom usually hosts a big celebration…though under the condition that most of the shower be planned by my sister (who was fine with this). To put it mildly, my mom can’t handle stress under the best circumstances (like turns into a screaming lunatic).

    But now, no one seems to be happy. The shower date is set for Sunday, but the religious celebration is a little more flexible. My sister wants to have it on Friday to allow for a day in between, but I would either need to take a Thursday night red eye or two days off of work to get there at a reasonable hour on Friday. I suggested to my mom that she greatly tone down her religious thing, like maybe not have a big formal dinner, but she’s refusing b/c that’s what she’s done for 40 years and she won’t change now. So my sister’s upset b/c the weekend is going to be more stressful for her and she wants me to reconsider my travel plans…my mom is worried about back-to-back events, and honestly, I don’t even want to be a part of this anymore…even though I would really appreciate the chance to see everyone back home before the baby comes.

    I’m not sure I’m looking for advice more than sympathy…but these logistics are only the half of what has made this shower not feel like it’s for me or fun or anything (my sister giving me a hard time about being slow registering etc also being an issue). And I feel like canceling will just hurt everyone’s feelings even more at this point.

    1. This would defeat the purpose of choosing the same weekend as the religious celebration, but could you possibly skip it and fly out on Friday like you were planning? Not sure if that would cause more problems than it would solve though.

    2. Sorry you’re going through this, that does sound stressful.

      Would it be possible to combine both events into one? I don’t know all the details of the religious event, so that suggestion might not be appropriate… and the guest list might have to be altered a bit if there wasn’t originally a ton of overlap between the two groups, but if your mom could take care of dinner and your sister could organize a few fun baby-shower related activities and some dessert for the second half of the party, that might be a good compromise.

      1. I kind of like this idea, though I think it may be too late since invitations are already going out for the shower. I should clarify that my mom is toning down the celebration, mostly keeping it to family (incl. my in-laws who want to come for the shower and my brother’s who also live in town), but it’s still a lot of people for a formal dinner between kids, spouses, and in-laws. So there would be overlap in the women at both events if my mom had done her usual thing, but there won’t be now. I really wish my mom would make the religious thing just a lunch or do the religious ceremony at home but dinner out/less formal…she just doesn’t want to.

    3. If it makes it easier for your sister, how about you skipping the Friday event and just going to the shower? I would defer to her (and not your mom) since it sounds like she is doing most/all of the planning and legwork.

    4. You’re going to be 7 months pregnant, you should not have to take a red eye. I agree that canceling will hurt your mom and sister’s feelings. Is it not possible for you to take 2 days off? It will give you an opportunity to see your family and relax a little.

      1. I could, but I also started a new job and don’t have much leave…and wanted to save what I could for mat leave (I will get time off, but mostly unpaid) and for DH and I to take a little time to ourselves before baby arrives…these past few years have been very stressful for a variety of reasons (incl. fertility treatments), and we want to take some time for just us before welcoming a third.

        1. It seems like your mom is unwilling to change her plans for the religious celebration (understandable). And it’s completely understandable that you don’t want to burn two vacation days. I think you just have to do what’s right for you and your husband right now, and that includes arriving and leaving when it is most convenient for you. When you arrive help out your mom and sister as much as you can so that it’s less stressful for them. They wouldn’t have offered to throw you a shower if they didn’t want to do it.

          1. Not necessarily true. I have lots of family members that offer things, but don’t actually want to do them.

            In some cultures/regions, offering things you don’t actually want to do/give is just part of the culture.

    5. I’m sorry but who suggests travel plans for a woman seven months pregnant that involve taking a red eye? This is easier said than done in most families, but I’d just make the travel plans that work best for you and your baby, and show up when you can show up.

    6. Do you have a childhood friend or a cousin who lives in your hometown and would be willing to help your sister with organizing?

      1. Also, I second the advice to skip the religious ceremony on Friday. You’re in a different part of the country, you’re very pregnant, new job so you don’t have much vacation –> so overall, totally understandable!

    7. Thanks ladies for validating my feelings. I was feeling like maybe I was being selfish/inflexible when others are offering to do something nice for me. But I really feel like it’s my mom who’s creating the issue. No one really cares about her celebration other than her. It’s not even on the actual day of the holiday, and the religious part of the whole thing is small and would not be stressful…it’s just that she likes to turn it into a big event. And now I’m expected to jump through hoops to accommodate her wishes…even though everyone (my dad, sister, etc included) thinks it’s a terrible idea for her to host any kind of event so soon after she’ll, hopefully, be cleared to be up and moving again. And not showing up for the celebration won’t work, because she will just move it in order to have it be on a day I’m in town no matter when that is.

      Yes, I realize my mom sounds a bit like a 10 year old…which is because when it comes to controlling her emotions and managing her wishes, she is. And my dad has spent 41 years of marriage enabling this behavior and apologizing to his kids when it hurts them or makes them miserable.

      I think that we’ll stick to our travel plans and just let things play out. I really am worried that everyone will be miserable most of that weekend…but I do feel like I’ve suggested just about every possibility that is reasonable for my little family (incl. the baby inside me) to accommodate everyone else’s needs.

      1. Okay, so obviously I am not a member of your family and can’t know what’s going on, but I will say, it does sound to me like you’re being a tad unreasonable (which I get – when there’s history and complicating factors, that happens). Based on what I’ve read here, here’s what I know:

        1) Your mom wants to continue doing something that’s important to her that she’s done for 40 years. Seriously, 40 years; of course she doesn’t want to change it. Who would want to break that streak?

        2) Everyone agreed to do the shower and the religious thing the same weekend.

        3) But the religious thing can be done at any time over the weekend, and your mom is willing to do it at a time that works for you.

        Why not just have it Saturday then the shower Sunday?

        1. Yes, it seems like the easiest thing would be to have the religious thing on Saturday, and the shower on Sunday, and maybe get a few extra people to help out so your sister isn’t too stressed? I mean, if it gets down to the wire and it’s too much, a shower can be toned down so it doesn’t have to be that much work. (Costco party trays! Paper plates and pastel balloons! Teenage neighbors to handle cleanup!)

        2. Well, the complicating factor here is that she’ll have been mobile for about 10 days at that point after almost 4 months of complete bedrest. She’s unable to handle stress at the best times (like was literally yelling at me in front of a bunch of people on my wedding day for no apparent reason other than her own stress), and it just seems unlikely that she’ll be able to handle this at all.

          I did not want to have both events the same weekend, she did…and her surgery/recovery make it harder to avoid (though we could have staggered weekends). An extra complicating factor is that I’m kind of sensitive around her with my pregnancy because of earlier stuff. Last year I flew out for a pre-wedding event for my brother exactly a week after having a D&C for a miscarriage (I was still bleeding from the procedure)…and again, she couldn’t handle the stress of the event and started yelling at me about something to do with my clothes not fitting (I wish I were lying).

          She’s not a terrible person, but she cannot handle stress…and she does turn into a terrible person in those situations. She also, however, insists on doing stressful things…and after a couple of months of trying to figure out an alternative, allowing her to couple the things is the best option. At one point she was trying to get my sister to plan the religious thing for her, but she flat out refused. I understand tradition and all, but there’s a limit to what’s reasonable. And every person (all of my family and all of her friends, some of whom have offered to host the religious thing on her behalf) thinks this is an insane idea given her surgery, but she will not compromise.

          1. I am offering this as gently as possible, and I’ll hope you’ll take it in the spirit in which it’s intended: I think the lesson here is to think long and hard about agreeing to these things, on the front end. You saw this train wreck coming at the outset, and it seems like it would have been better to have put your foot down then, rather than trying to change the arrangements now.

            I totally get that it’s too late this time, and I’m not chiding you – I’m sympathizing with you and suggesting that next time (and there will be a next time, and a time after that, and a time after that), you listen to your instincts up front and stand firm on what you need.

            Hang in there!!

          2. …And maybe recognize that you having her grandchild (and her daughter getting married) are extremely stressful times for you …and for her.

            I don’t think there’s anyone in the world who behaves 100% politely 100% of the time. And seeing her daughter pregnant, and seeing her daughter married, are probably some of the most stressful times in her life.

            I think a cross-country baby shower would be ridiculously tough no matter what. But you guys kind of all opted to do it, and opted to do it on an already stressful weekend, and one where your mom was recovering from surgery. So you gotta kind of now run with it. And do everything you can to *avoid* stress in the future. Sometimes that means standing up to people who want to do “nice things” for you. (Because this stressful weekend doesn’t sound like my idea of “a nice thing.”)

          3. Agreed that it would have been better not to agree to this. But I actually only tentatively did so (somewhat reluctantly) before she decided to have the surgery…which is completely optional. She told a bunch of other people (like my brother and out of state family) to buy tickets before I ever confirmed the date. She does this. And then she scheduled the surgery in a way that made it impossible to change the date…nevermind that at this time I was still feeling very tentative about my pregnancy (having had previous losses), so I didn’t really feel ready to agree to anything baby-related months out.

            Anyway, it’s not worth making excuses. My point is that anything involving my family is stressful. Most of the time I don’t mind, I just do what makes sense for me and work around everyone else’s plans. But when I’m a critical component (at least superficially, at no point in the planning of this shower has my convenience or preference ever felt like it was a serious concern) it turns into a nightmare. So I often beg off a lot of things that my mom does for my sister and brother, but I thought a shower would make sense for a variety of reasons. Now I wish I hadn’t agreed.

          4. Another gently worded suggestion: Before the baby arrives, resolve that you and your husband will do your best to decide what’s best for your immediate family (the 3 of you) and then gently but firmly refuse to be derailed by the crazy-sounding plans of anyone else (your parents, siblings…especially your mom). It is possible to both stick up for one’s own reasonable needs and to be genuinely concerned about, respectful of, and affectionate towards one’s occasionally out-of-their-minds close relatives. You will have to make compromises _some_ of the time but it’s better if you can figure them out ahead of time, on your own terms, rather than spending the rest of your life being steamrollered into submission and walking around with your stomach tied up in knots.

          5. +1 to been there done that. You are continuing a pattern that you should think twice about passing on to your child.

            Work with your husband to make plans that are the best for the 3 of you, and then be firm. You will have a baby who will need scheduled naps, sleep time, and meals. It will be your job as parents to respect those schedules and give your child a chance at a happy day – not one dominated by crabbiness from lack of sleep and anxiety from stressed out gramma (and hence stressed out mom/ aunt/ whomever). Practice saying “No, that will not work for us. I’m sorry, I know you have a valid reason to need X, but it will not work for us. Have fun!”

            In this case, I think you say. “Taking into consideration how I feel now and how it only gets less comfortable as pregnancy progresses, I will not be taking a red eye. The earliest I can get there is X on Friday. I will need to leave at Y on Sunday. I appreciate all you’ve done for me, and if this means plans must change, I take full blame.” And then stick to it.

            (As a side note, I took a 4 hour flight at 6-7 months pregnant for family and the swelling was just awful, even though my pregnancy was relatively great otherwise. It’s not unreasonable to NOT fly long distances after third trimester.)

  5. Did anyone buy the Ellen Tracy ponte dress from a few weeks ago? (Link to follow.)
    Nordstrom’s site only has 1 comment, and it says the dress runs small. Any input?

    1. Hmmm, it’s been an hour and the link hasn’t appeared. It’s the Ellen Tracy Ponte Knit Sheath Dress from August 14’s TPS report.

      1. Was that the black one with the side details? I thought it ran true to size (ordered two sizes in case it was small). I returned it. The side details fell kind of low on me–kind of making my belly/hip area look larger. Probably would work better on someone with a longer waist or someone really top heavy without hips. I’m a pretty proportional hourglass. (FWIW, I ordered on Zappos instead of Nordstrom since they had more sizes available at the time.)

        1. Sounds like the same one. Thanks for the info, since I’m short-waisted with hips, sounds like it might not be a great fit. Thanks for the Zappos tip, maybe I’ll try a few sizes just in case.

  6. I’m interested in experiences that you all have had using the Clearblue Fertility Monitor. As background, my husband and I are TTC #2. It took us about 4 months with #1, and it’s been 7 months so far with round 2. I currently use the regular OPKs and have no problem identifying my LH surge. However, my husband travels M-Thu almost every week, and the 2 peak fertility days of my cycle can (and usually do) fall while he’s gone. However, there are a some fertile days prior to the peak days that may go “unused” because of my cycle irregularity. So, long story short, should I invest the $200 for the Fertility Monitor so that I have a longer lead time prior to ovulation? I did read feedback on some other sites, but, well, I trust the hive more!

    1. With the caveat that I didn’t use either, only temped, I would say in the first 2/3 weeks of your cycle, depending on how long your cycle is, to always have s*x on the 2 days before he leaves (Sat/Sun) and then immediately on Th night/Fri morning and then Sat/Sun again when he comes back, and see if that works.

      DH and I were able to get #2 this way when he was traveling.

    2. Love the monitor, because I am a planner, but taking temps, etc. just does not work for me.

      I bought it for my first time TTC. After 15 years on the pill I didn’t ovulate on my first cycle, but then got pregnant on the next cycle. The “high” fertility indications leading up to the peak are pretty helpful; that way you can get in a few tries right before/during/after the peak.

      We’re trying for #2 now, just finished the first cycle. Compared to my body’s signs of ovulation, the Monitor was right on track with the peak.

      For your situation: I think the monitor would be very helpful. You get the head’s up with the high days prior to the peak, which could help with your husband’s schedule. Although I’ve seen online that some people never get “high” days, or only get one.

      Good luck!

    3. FWIW, if you have long cycles (over 32 days): I have very long cycles, so the monitor didn’t work for me — I think it “gave up on me” most months when I actually was just entering the pre-surge state. Temping worked better for me. If you don’t have long cycles, I think it would work well for you to be able to catch your irregular pre-surge days before your husband goes out of town.

    5. Highly recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility. You may be able to save the $200 and more accurately predict the correct days.

      And if you’re really trying, you should probably try as much as you can when he’s around.

  7. I think this necklace would be interesting as a longer necklace, but it seems a bit dated to me worn on a shorter chain.

    2. This necklace makes me think of what one would wear with a costume to a Reneissance fair.

      2. Yeah, the gulf coast’s breath of fall (read: dry and 80s) are now just a memory… and hurricane season is “heating up.” Hope you manage it well, NOLA.

    2. I’m not ready for the cold yet but would like to be able to walk outside without sweating.

  9. I just need to vent. As I was exiting my work’s parking lot on Thursday evening, I bumped a car in the turn lane. I was rolling out, didn’t even have my foot on the gas, so it was not at any real rate of speed and there weren’t any damages. But it was two hooligans driving the other car, and I called the police to the scene because I felt like they were trying to extort me for money (“You got to pay for this, lady! Look at all this damage!” etc.) I got a citation – fine. But now the passenger of the other car has called my insurance and is claiming injury (when the police report clearly says there was none). Long story short, we both drive older, already dinged-up vehicles, and now they’re trying to milk the situation, as I suspected they would. ARGH.

    I miss public transportation.

    1. I had an analogous situation (except I did damage the other vehicle somewhat – my car was worse)… my insurance company was really great at dealing with the actual damage and sorting out the lies from the reality, I hope yours is, too.

      1. Thanks. I think they will be – I have good insurance. I just hate it that some people live up to bad stereotypes. I knew I should have turned right that day to go get a pedicure….

    3. Hug’s to you. It is terible when these thing’s happen, and it is good that you called the POLICE. Once when Alan was driveing his family’s mini-van, he stepped on the brake’s instead of the gas and someone hit us in the rear. The lady was tale-gateing Alan, but it realy was Alan’s fault for hitting the brake’s all of a sudden. The lady said that she wanted a policeman to look at the damage so we called the police. They wrote up a report and Alan gave a copy to his mother, and that is all I know about it. So you see it can happen to any one, includeing Alan. So dont worry, the insurance company’s will work it out and you will NOT have to go to court and if they say they are injured they will need a lawyer to bring a case, and they would have to find one to take the case. FOOEY on all men who are HOOLIGAN’s! FOOEY!

      1. They’re attempting to commit insurance fraud and you’re suggesting OP is the hooligan?

        It sounds like you did the right thing, OP, hopefully this will all work out for the best.

      2. Ha! Actually I read this as, “My car has the power to turn the drivers of other vehicles into hooligans”. Which would be neat, but sadly is not a feature on my particular model.

      3. There’s a difference between tapping someone and smashing your car into them. Normal people freak out under accidents, but leading with “you’re going to pay” in a tap situation pretty much means you’ve just encountered some greedy people.

    5. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. Last year I had the opposite problem. A woman backed into my car (we were parallel parked on the side of the street), and although I only saw a few scratches I asked for her insurance info in case I later found internal damage. When I asked for her insurance information she began screaming at me. “You’re just trying to extort money. Your car’s not worth anything anyway. It was your fault for parallel parking within three feet.” Etc. Etc. It really made me angry because (1) she hit my (legally parked!) car and didn’t seem to feel sorry at all, (2) just because my car is old doesn’t mean it’s not worth anything, and (3) I had every right to ask for her information in case something was wrong. Ugh. People.

    6. You pay for insurance so they have to deal with this, not you.

      Let them deal with this stress.

    7. +a gazillion for following your gut and for being uninjured. Also, wouldn’t it be wonderful if the police cruiser had video? Any chance you were able to capture any of the other occupants?

    8. I’m so sorry! A few months ago I was in a MINOR accident (my car had a scratch on it, no dents) and the other car had prior damage. I took pictures at the scene. The other guy is claiming injury (thank god he’s not claiming lost wages). He’s using a chiropractor which costs more money just so he (and most likely the chiro) can get more money. This is what insurance is for. They will deal with it, probably settle (even though its insurance fraud), and move on. Once you give your statement you probably won’t hear anything until everything is settled and they send a letter in the mail.

  10. Weird health/beauty q – I tend to get a white film on my lips, especially after talking a lot. I usually wear just lip balm – it’s happened with various different types. Has anyone experienced this or know what it is/ how to stop it? It’s embarrassing and usually takes a decent amt of lip scrubbing to remove. Thanks in advance!!

    1. This happens to me as well – I try hard to keep up with drinking water on days when I know I am going to be talking a lot (i.e. hearing, depo) as it seems to correlate with hydration.

    2. I get that too! I find I don’t get it as badly if I keep my lips exfoliated (I don’t use a scrub, I just rub my finger pad across my lips in the shower) and Burt’s Bees and Trader Joe’s lip balms don’t seem to cause me problems.

    3. I also get it. I can wake up to it if I put chapstick on at night.

      I think it’s just normal.

      But keep hydrated for sure.

  11. I have a job I hate. I’ve been trying to find something else and recently saw several listing at an employer that I think would be a great fit for me. It’s a fairly major employer in my field, and it would be a great place to spend the next few years and build a solid middle to my career (it’s also known as a great place for parents). They hadn’t been hiring for several years (due to the crisis) but a new organization head, whose policies suggest there will be lots of action and need for people in my profession, plus high attrition levels as older folks retire means there have been some openings.

    I had submitted my resume through their online application system, but I had heard they were getting 100s if not 1000 or more resumes for each of these positions. I knew I needed someone just to put my resume on the top of the pile. I have a few friends/former colleagues there, but I hadn’t been in touch with many of them for awhile. I randomly reached out to one of them last night. Bam! He was recently put in charge of part of the hiring process! He also told me there are about 60 more jobs there that haven’t been listed but that they’ll need to hire for. Plus, he gave me the emails of the people who are doing the actual hiring and told me to write to them directly, mention his name, and say that I was interested. He thought my background would be a perfect fit and that they’d be happy to hear from me. Hooray!

    I thanked my friend profusely but he said “you’re a great [our profession] and we need your skills. I’m just looking out for the best interests of [employer]. It would only be to our benefit if we hired you, so I’m more than happy to put you on the right path.” So definitely emailing these people tonight! This was just the “in” I needed. Fingers crossed I get out of my terrible job by Christmas.

    1. that’s great! Also a great reminder that people want to help so we should all definitely be reaching out to our contacts

    2. This is awesome! And a great encouragement to network! I’ve got my fingers crossed for you; I’m also hoping to get out of my terrible job around that time.

  12. I had my phone interview and it went okay. I don’t do well in phone interviews because I rely so heavily on visual cues in conversation. Here’s hoping I get a call back!

  13. I spoke to the boss and he said he is gonna talk to HR next week about it – nothing is certain, not even me being the one he wants for the job, but at least he did not say no! :D

  14. Piggybacking off of the name conversation earlier today: husband and I got married six years ago and we now have two kids, which complicates the inquiry I’m about to make. Because I was in a rush (I had already booked plane tickets in my new married name w/o thinking things through) and not feeling very confident about myself, I changed my name to First Middle Hislast. I wanted to change it to First Maiden Hislast, but was told by the Social Security Administration that I’d have to go through a legal court-ordered name change, change my birth certificate, etc. etc. It was too much for me to process, mentally, at the time so I rushed and became First Middle Hislast.

    Fast-forward six years. I want to change my name back to First Maiden Hislast — I’ve thought about it for a long time, feel strongly about it, etc. But do people even do this? How much of a pain do we think it’s going to be now that I have kids, a mortgage, a Roth IRA, etc? Any wisdom from the hive?

    1. I don’t know what state you’re in, but here in California there is a simple though not quick court process for this. In my law practice I did it for one client, though an attorney is definitely not necessary – this was not to change back to a maiden name but to make a nickname the legal first name. It required filing a petition and publishing notice in the local paper, and paying the related fees. Then you would get a few court certified copies of the Court Order for your banks, etc. It is not difficult but is time-intensive. There are some accounts, etc. where you could go on without actually updating to your new name but then it will have to be dealt with down the line by yourself or your estate.

    2. The legal process is kind of tedious, but do able. Lots of people do it.

      The pain in the butt is changing all of your accounts, etc.

      But if it’s important to you, do it. I’ve known several people that took last names of adopted/step parents, and it’s not that hard to do.

    3. I’ve changed my name twice too and the second time, through the court, it cost me $80 to get the name I was born with back (ha!). I don’t really understand the birth certificate thing. I *think* that is bad info. I mean, can you even change that without being reborn which I think is impossible, but I was also poli-sci undergrad, so what do I know.

      1. Also, it’s not a PITA if you take half a business day and update all the accounts in one go. That’s what I did the last time and all changes went through with no followup on my end.

        1. That worked for all but one of mine (retirement account). That requires me to submit my divorce decree showing the name change. Total PITA. They also had me prove that I was divorced and could take my ex off as a beneficiary.

          1. Ugh that stinks. Where needed, the 1-pg court-ordered name change sufficed (fax only, I didn’t have to show the notarized copy). I forgot to mention, my mortgage wanted me to send proof of insurance, but I never did because I didn’t get around to it even though I had/have it and it was changed on insurance. The mortgage name change went through, insurance still gets paid every year, and I just refinanced – so FOOEY, BOA.

    4. That’s really interesting that you were told that. I changed mine to First Maiden HisLast when I got married and didn’t have to go through a legal change process. When I was divorced, I was told that, unless you change it through your divorce decree, you have to go through the whole legal name change thing. I changed it back through my divorce decree.

  15. You may have to go to court to get a name change, but that shouldn’t be an insurmountable obstacle. As I posted on this morning’s thread, I’ve changed my name twice and while it’s a bit of a pain while you’re in the midst of it, the pain is shortlived and then you get on with your life with the name you want.

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