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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 210 Comments · by

Wednesday’s TPS Report: Cascade Print Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)· Under $150

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Karen Kane Cascade Print DressHappy Wednesday! I'm liking this casual faux-wrap dress from Karen Kane today — it's machine washable, looks flattering, and has a fun print. It's a bit difficult to see with the print, but it has a shirred crossover front, and a gathered side with ruffle detail; it's made of viscose/spandex — and it's on sale at Bloomingdale's for $96 (originally $138). I'd wear it with nude-for-me pumps and, possibly, a white blazer or cardigan. Karen Kane Cascade Print Dress Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)

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Comments

    • TCFKAG

      Sleeves, a high neck line on a wrap dress, and its navy and not black (I think…the color on the website just says “print” which isn’t really helpful.

      I really really like it. Now I have to decide if I can justify purchasing it. Stupid budgets.

    • Bonnie

      Lovely dress. I’m so tired of having to wear camis under everything. I wish they described the color. It looks like a combo of black, cobalt and white to me.

  2. DirectBuy members?

    TJ: Any DirectBuy members on [this blog]? I’m considering joining and would love to hear about your experiences good, bad or indifferent. TIA!

    • mintberrycrunch

      My parents are members and love it. They originally joined when they built a house, and were able to get great deals on everything from countertops, cabinets, furniture, appliances, etc. and they have been very happy with the quality of all of the pieces they’ve purchased. I have been to the showroom with my mom to pick out fabrics, etc. and they have so many choices! The people at the showroom were very nice and knowledgeable. I think that if you are planning to furnish or build a new house, it’s definitely worth looking into.

      It is my understanding that they do not deliver, so you have to have time (and the ability) to pick things up from the warehouse when they arrive (although this might just be the option my parents have selected, I’m not sure). So that might be something worth looking into before joining.

      • DirectBuy members?

        Thanks for the response. I have no plans to build, but I will likely remodel my kitchen in the next year or two and refurnish a few rooms in the same time frame. And I need window treatments for more than 10-20 windows in the immediate future. I’ve heard the membership would probably pay for itself with the kitchen remodel alone, but I’m just not clear on how/whether I’d use the membership on regular basis outside of a big project like that. I’m also worried about the selection since my style is not traditional/mainstream – it’s more minimalist or mid century modern.

        Thanks too for pointing out the delivery situation. It wouldn’t be an issue for me due to my specific situation (I have easy access to commercial trucks and people who can drive/load/unload them) but I can definitely see how that could be a problem for many people.

        • mintberrycrunch

          The selection seems to be pretty broad – I’ve definitely seen some sleeker, more modern looking pieces online as my mom has been perusing. But their style is definitely more traditional, so I can’t speak too much to the variety. My parents have told me that their membership paid for itself with the cabinets and appliances from their kitchen alone.

    • CKB

      My parents just finished building a house, and looked into a Direct Buy membership. They were able to get a guest pass & look around to see what was what. This might be useful for you if you can do the same thing at your local Direct Buy.

      In the end my parents decided against a membership. They got their kitchen cabinets from Ikea, hardwood flooring from a local hardwood flooring auction, my mom sewed her own curtains, etc. The membership wasn’t worth it to them because it really wasn’t their style of shopping – they like to hunt out the best bargains, and they have the time to do that.

    • Nonny

      My SO is a member and has used it a lot. He has purchased furniture, appliances and electronics from Direct Buy and has saved quite a bit of money – with respect to appliances, we found what we wanted elsewhere and then compared the price offered by Direct Buy for the same item, and the difference was significant. I don’t deal with Direct Buy myself so can’t speak to their customer service, but SO likes dealing with them.

  3. KMD

    Gif threadjack: I am going to visit my dad and his new wife next week in east Asia. My dad’s wife is Japanese (though they no longer live in Japan). I want to bring them a wedding/housewarming/thank-you-for-having-us present. Any ideas? Space is obviously an issue since I’m traveling, but I will be checking a bag.

    Thanks!!

    • TCFKAG

      Where are you coming from? You could bring something nice from an artist or artisan in your area (a small piece of pottery or something if you could protect it in your checked bag maybe?) Maybe a professional framed photo of the area you live in (like if you were from New England, I’d say a picture of the beach or maybe the fall colors … something like that).

    • kira kira

      No ideas for a wedding present but if it’s a thank-you-for-having-us-gift…Locally purchased tea, tinned cookies/cakes, etc. are popular gifts here in Japan, even between Japanese people. What about a small selection of specialty food products from the area you live?

    • Anonymous

      In East Asia, they love Staub/Le Cruesets and while not “light”, since you are checking your luggage, it can be nice to bring one as a wedding/house warming.

    • Hollis

      I *love* my Fissler frying pan, which an aunt and uncle gave me for my wedding. It’s made in Germany I think, and impossible to find in regular stores. I use it all the time. Another nice thing would be something beautiful like a nice vase or bowl from Simon Pearce, or votive candle holders from Glassy Baby.

    • DLB

      Do not bring anything in a set of 4 or that are white – both are associated with death. Red is associated with happiness. Storage space is a big issue in Japan, so don’t bring anything too bulky. And Japanese traditionally often appreciate more something from a recognizable prestige name (think Tiffany or Coach) than something more personal.
      So a serving piece from Tiffany or if you want something less institional, Michael Michaud who does things at a wide range of price levels that look like objects from nature. I have a beautiful set of salad servers that look like gingko leaves that come from him.

  4. pregnancy @ work

    Quick question for currently or previously pregnant ladies…I’ve told my boss and my immediate team about my pregnancy (due in the fall). I have the first of several upcoming business trips to other offices of my company. I’m going to be meeting some new hires for the first time, and also in all-day meetings with people I work with regularly but don’t often see in person.

    So…now that I’m almost 5 months pregnant, do I bring it up? Or let them stare at my belly wondering? If the former, how do I bring it up? “Hey, we’ve never met in person before, but just so you know, this is a baby, not 30 cheeseburgers” ? Or for those I see occasionally, “I know the last time I saw you was Nov…but this isnt’ holiday weight, it ‘s baby?” Or just let it go?

    I’m not really showing all that much…in that if I dress carefully, I can give the illusion of a non-pregnant mid-section. But I can also throw on a maternity dress and look 5 months pregnant pretty easily.

    Thoughts? (FWIW, my pregnancy status won’t affect my working relationships)

    • Anonymous

      Everyone is different and I can only give you my take on a similar situation: I’m almost 9 months pregnant and to me, it just seems weird to talk about it at work, especially with people I don’t know or don’t see regularly because it just isn’t relevant to my job. I keep my boss/secretary in the loop, especially now that I’m going to doctor appts all the time and maternity leave is around the corner, but I don’t bring it up randomly with people in other offices who won’t miss me when I go on leave.

      • Merabella

        This is what I was thinking, but you said it much better. I don’t think it really matters, if they ask, or it comes up then feel free to talk about it, but it isn’t really up to you to explain it away. What if you were just fat – would you have to explain that? No.

        • Anonymous

          “What if you were just fat – would you have to explain that? No.” I agree. If these people have a legitimate need to know you’re pregnant (i.e. your leave would directly impact them), then tell them. If you just don’t want them to think you’re chubby, don’t mention it.

      • pregnancy @ work

        Yeah, it’s sort of halfway in between. I don’t ever SEE some of these people, because we all work in different offices, but we’re on the same team (as are the new hires). And I’ll see them again before the baby comes. And they will be impacted/at least acutely aware of my 3-4 months of mat. leave in the fall.

        My inclination was to say nothing, but this office happens to also be midwestern, and friendly, and family-oriented, and it feels both weird to say anything “HELLO! PREGNANT!” and also weird not to, because it will quickly be obvious or may already be an “is she or isn’t she?” thing.

        • JJ

          For me and people at work who I don’t talk to every day, I just wait for it to come up naturally. It eventually does, either talking about food, families, weekend plans (nursery shopping, for example), or things like that. Then I casually say “Oh, if I forgot to mention it, I’m pregnant,” or something to that effect. If you’re going to be seeing them again and they’ll actually be impacted by your leave, it’s probably best to tell them directly when you have an opportunity.

        • Anonymous

          I work in the midwestern HQ of an international company. 99% of my work is through email or on the phone. I told my office I was pregnant at the start of my 2nd tri. I see these people daily so it has come up again and again since then. As for people in other offices I never see but who will be impacted by my pregnancy, I told them at the start of my 3rd tri. I just said “You should know I plan to be out on maternity leave for the entire 3rd quarter. So and so will be covering for me while I’m out. I plan to be back at the start of the 4th quarter.” If they then wanted to say congrats and talk about the pregnancy, they did. If they didn’t, then I hadn’t rubbed it in their face but I’d given them the info they needed.

        • rosie

          If you’ll be seeing them, won’t you have an opportunity when making small talk to let them know? “How are you?” You respond: “I’m good, excited about this baby/tired from growing a little human/etc.”

    • Famouscait

      I worked closely with a woman about my same age, who mysteriously started coming into work with an engagement ring on her hand. Eventually, her wedding/ceremony plans started inevitably coming up in conversation as well. I have to say it was awkward that we never had that moment of, “Hey – I’m engaged/making a life commitment” and “Congratulations! I’m thrilled for you.” Normally I would consider this a self-centered perspective, but I always wondered why she felt she didn’t need to – or couldn’t trust me – to have that brief conversation with her.

      Obviously your pregnancy is an immensely personal issue, but if you can comfortably acknowledge it to your coworkers, they may appreciate the gesture.

      • Anonymous

        I’m the Anonymous from 10:45. I agree with this sentiment when it comes to people with whom you work closely. Then it’s worth acknowledging the situation. I think that’s different than randomly discussing it with people in other offices with whom you don’t regularly work.

        • pregnancy @ work

          What’s weird is that I work with them all the time. Just over the phone, since we’re all based in different areas. So it’s both strange to mention, and strange not to.

      • Anon

        To famouscait – She may just not have wanted that kind of attention. I just went through the engagement phase myself and it was hard to decide what to say at all. Aside from a couple of higher ups that I am close with, I really didn’t mention it at work. I can tell that a couple of people were confused by it (much like what you described) because they would look at my ring and be sort of confused as to why I hadn’t said anything. So now if I catch them looking at it, I’ll sort of say “oh I don’t know if I told you, but SO and I got engaged”. But yes, please don’t take it personally that she didn’t want to have that convo with you – the whole engagement / wedding thing can be weird to navigate, particularly if you are more of an introvert.

        • pregnancy @ work

          Eh, at least with engagement, the timing is easier. I got engaged over a weekend, so during the “how was your weekend?” chatter on Monday it was an easy conversation to have. “Great! Got engaged” “AAHHHH!” etc.

          WIth the baby, we’ve known for a while…so it’s like, “hey, how as your weekend/trip in…” “Great, given, you know, I’m carrying a stow-away.” :)

          • LadyEnginerd

            I just want to take a moment to appreciate this fantastic use of stowaway. Can we be friends? This totally made my morning.

    • just Karen

      A lot of this is personal preference, but for my two cents: since it will affect them when you go out on leave, I would wear something that makes the guessing game less likely – if a maternity dress makes it obvious you are pregnant and is otherwise appropriate for the occasion, wear that. If it is obvious you are pregnant, it is more likely to come up in conversation organically rather than being the elephant in the room.

      • TBK

        Yeah, but it’s very bad form to ever assume anyone is pregnant unless you *know*. (This is why I find it difficult to figure out when to give up my seat on Metro. What if the young-ish woman is just chubby and then I’m offering her my seat? But then what if she’s not and she feels like “how come no one is nice enough to give up a seat to a pregnant lady”? I wrestle with this at least once a week.)

        I say try to bring it up casually in conversation, as rosie said. “Any plans for the weekend?” “Oh, not sure, we might go check out some strollers for the baby.” Then they know but it’s not a weird “hey good morning guess what i’m pregnant.”

        • JessBee

          YES. I’m never, ever, going to ask if you are pregnant. Ever. If I see you coming on the subway, you will see my patented awkward-get-up-and-stroll-away-whistling-because-I-really-wanted-to-stand-anyway-or-maybe-I’m-getting-off-soon maneuver.

          • TBK

            Oftentimes a man will offer his seat first, letting me off the hook (because it’s possible he just was being old-fashioned and giving his seat to a lady, not giving it to her because she looked pregnant/fat).

        • Ru

          Oh man, I would get seats offered to me so often. When I’d decline, people would get upset. So now I shrug and take their seats. Thank you kind strangers!

      • AJ

        IMO, the best way is to try to drop into conversation when you will be taking maternity leave and who will be covering while you are out.

        Then you are addressing the elephant (aka belly) in the room but it doesn’t turn the discussion into a private/personal one- it is still work-focused.

        People can either give congrats and talk baby stuff or not.

  5. AIMS

    Kat, the Wednesday post isn’t showing up for me. Had to click thru the Tuesday post to “next post.” Usually just hitting refresh works, but not this morning.

      • Anonymous

        I also got here from FB this morning. Had to do the same thing yesterday. I’ve had this problem off and on for a while. Sometimes clearing my history resolves it, sometimes it doesn’t. But I hate clearing my history unnecessarily because then I lose all my passwords to all the sites I have to use throughout the day.

        • Anonymous

          Somone in a previous post suggested pressing the “CTRL” button while hitting refresh. That has worked for me to make the posts show up. That way I don’t have to clear my history.

          • Anonymous

            Thanks, I’ll try this tomorrow. It seems I only have to get here through FB once a day – after that, it works fine all day. But I have to repeat the following day in order to see new posts.

        • WCEC

          If you use firefox, you can open a separate “private browsing” window which doesn’t store cookies or other info. That’s what I do to access this site, without having to clear my history. You could probably do this IE, Chrome, etc. but I don’t know how.

    • Lynnet

      I’ve also been having trouble with some of the advertising links not working (the ones that are actually ads, not the in post ones). I think it’s mostly been the ones at the bottom and top of the page, not the ones at the side, but I can’t be positive.

  6. Job hunting while pregnant

    Threadjack – I know we’ve discussed the topic of applying for jobs while pregnant before, but bear with me.

    My husband is being transferred to another state and we will be moving when I am approx 24 weeks pregnant. Due to numerous reasons, I cannot stay behind until I have the baby. Also for numerous reasons, we cannot afford for me to not work from the time we move until maternity leave ends. So, I am looking for jobs in the new city. There are several open that interest me and would work for our family (we already have 2 kids). The question is – at what point in the interview process do I disclose this information? You cannot tell I am pregnant unless I wear a really fitted shirt, so interviewers would probably not be able to tell. I will work my tail off until I have the baby (will be scheduled c-section, no complications so far) and will come back after 8 weeks although I usually work from home or part-time a little quicker than that. I don’t know how to approach this. I am a CPA (but will not be in public practice) and my job duties would probably focus around monthly and quarterly close activities if that makes a difference. Thanks in advance!

    • Anonymous

      send this question to ask a manager!

      i’d be interested to hear her advice on this topic.

      • Anon

        I really hope this doesn’t come across as snarky, but what’s up with the first response to many of these career questions being go to Ask A Manager? It’s a great additional resource, but I bet a lot of the readers have good advice and are managers themselves

        • hoola hoopa

          I never see this as a “ask her, not us” response, more of a “this question is worth *also* posing to ask a manager.”

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Personally, I would treat it as any other pre-schedule leave, like a vacation, and bring it up after you have the offer but before you accept. You would hate to accept and then find out you only get x number of sick days, won’t be there long enough for federal job protection, and since your leave pushes you beyond the x number of sick days your job won’t be there when you get back.

      I’d say you get job offer, do your salary negotiation and then say “this all sounds great. I will need to take maternity leave x date to x date. What leave will I have accrued by then to cover this? Could you put me on unpaid leave for the remainder of it and hold my job until I return?

      I had to do something similar with a pre-planned and paid for vacation. I got a job I didn’t expect to get (yay!) and waited until I had the offer to see if we could work out a way for me to still take the vacation. I started before it and did unpaid leave for the trip, but maintained my health and other benefits during it. Good luck!

    • Anonymous

      Wait till you have offer. Then disclose, emphasize your availability, and find out leave situation. It will be helpful to you to see how they approach the issue since that gives you signals for how “family-friendly” they are generally. Keep in mind that employers are not required to offer FMLA benefits to employees who have been employed there for less than a year. I do know women who have disclosed only after accepting the offer and starting their job. I think that can create an uncomfortable working environment.

    • Hollis

      I was in your shoes – I started a new job at 20 weeks, then took a leave (not eligible for FMLA though) a few months after I started, but I worked hard all the way through my induction date. I think the appropriate time is to bring it up after you have accepted the job offer – or possibly while the offer has been made, but only if you are trying to negotiate a certain amount of leave time. If you bring it up before then, it is asking them to either comment or consider something that should not be a factor at all in their hiring decision. If they are smart, they will see you for your potential long-term at their company, and not care that you will likely need to take a leave.

    • OP

      Thanks for the tips. My initial reaction was to wait until I had an offer in hand and then discuss. However, a friend in the same field made me feel like I was a bad person for even applying. I’m glad to know I’m not completely off-base here.

      • Anon

        Helloooo – gender equality, need to replenish the species, etc. etc. You are NOT a bad person for applying for this job and it is none of the potential employer’s business until they offer you a job and you have accepted it. I am sure they will be lucky to get you.

        Honestly, people, it is 2013 already! Sigh.

        You go for it!

        Oh, good luck and congratuations on your upcoming new addition.

  7. Praise for listening to your gut

    I want to give a testament to 1) trusting your gut, and 2) sticking up for yourself and not worrying so much about being “nice”.

    I’m interviewing for an role identical to one that my former boss created at the school where we used to work. We’ve both moved on (she retired, and I moved to a different part of the country), but I went against my gut and asked her for an informational interview to help me prepare. She took that opportunity to harshly criticize me for things that she believed happened (all in the past), most of which were untrue and/or unbeknownst to me.

    She was always unpleasant, and I knew reconnecting with her would open me up to this kind of unnecessary stress. I should have listened to my gut and stayed away. Gut 1 – Me 0.

    However, I am proud of my response to her. I sent an email that politely but assertively laid out the facts and made it clear that I wasn’t interested in carrying on the conversation ay this time. It’s funny how sometimes when you “bark” back, the bully stands down on her own.

    No questions here or even advice really; just a shout out to all you other ladies who are also good gut-listeners and stand up for yourselves. I enjoy the days when I am among your ranks.

    • Ellen

      I love this dress! Next time I go to Bloomie’s I will stop and have a look. Thank’s KAT!

      Kudo’s to the OP for trusteing your GUT! YAY! We all need to be like you even if it is dificult to do sometime’s. Last nite, Myrna told me that she think’s that Philip might already have a girlfreind so that is why he does not call or text. Myrna could be right b/c I usueally get at least a text from a guy, but mabye his girlfreind watche’s over his phone so that she can monitor his text’s. If he has a girlfreind, mabye he onley took me out b/c he was doeing Ed a favor? Why could not he just say he had a girlfreind? Or mabye he was thinkeing that mabye I would be a better girlfreind then his girlfreind so if I was he would dump her for me? And b/c I was not as good as his girlfreind, he decided to stick with his girlfreind? I realy do NOT know that answer’s but Myrna has voluntered to find out for me. I will have to talk to Rosa to see if she can get Ed to meet me and Myrna and Myrna will try and see if Philip is interested in dateing Myrna. Myrna is alot more fit then me and all the guy’s love Myrna. I hope Philip take’s the bait and we can call him on it! FOOEY on men that are NOT sincere and just take you out as if you are a car for a test drive! FOOEY!

      • Godzilla

        Ellen, I agree with you 8000%. On everything.

        Good for you, OP, on rawring back.

    • eek

      I don’t know why the fact that she’s retired makes me think her behavior is even more pointless – I guess to make her feel better? Good luck!

        • Houston Attny

          Agreed! I’m glad that even though you felt she initially got you, you were able to come back, stick up for yourself and shut that kooky train down. So often, we probably err on the side of saying nothing, and I’m glad you were able to say ‘no thanks’ to her. Ellen’s right – FOOEY! on her.

  8. AEK

    I like the dress, but I think a white blazer would take this into nautical / cruise director territory. I think color would be better, almost anything except red (red, white, and blue generally bugs me).

    • TBK

      Whew! I thought from your post that they had JUST hired/made their first woman partner and I was like WHAT?! I mean, Cravath is Cravath, but seriously. Glad to hear that she made partner back in 1971 (which actually puts them quite a bit earlier on the female partner timeline than many of their peers).

  10. New Girl

    Threadjack – I’ve wanted the Lo & Sons OG Bag for the last year or so and finally want to buy it. The thing holding me back is that I’m waiting for one of their 30% off codes. Does anyone know one or when they’ll have their next one? Thanks!!!

    Oh, and if you have one, is it as awesome as I think it is?

    • Anonymous

      I’m in the same boat. I signed up for their emails and got an email about 15% off for Mother’s Day. But I feel like I should wait for 25-30% off since I don’t absolutely need it right away… and I’m still on the fence about OG vs OMG.

      • Anonymous

        I too have been thinking about the OG vs. OMG. Can you fit your laptop in the OG? I am very petite and want a bag that can fit my laptop, since I bring it home daily, but don’t want more space than necessary.

    • FP

      I love love love my OMG. Not sure how urgent the purchase is but I bought mine just before Christmas during a rare 35% off promo. Keep an eye on their Facebook page too!

    • Anonymous

      I have the larger OG bag (purchased last xmas with a 30% off coupon) and actually feel that it is too big for every day use. It is great for meetings, depos, or other occasions where you need to carry papers, a computer etc. though. I have been considering the OMG or Brookline for everyday use.

      • SFBayA

        I can see that. I use my OG for the gym, so it carries my shower kit (quart sized ziploc), makeup and brushes (quart sized ziploc), purse items (wallet, phone, keys, chapstick, eyedrops, pill box), shoes in the shoe area (either heels and dry flip flops or sneakers and wet flip flops) and all my clothes to change into or out of (either gym capris, sports bra, tank, and fleece or hose, skirt, undies and bra, shell, and cardigan). It all fits in there and I’m sure it wouldn’t all fit in the OMG. I also use it as my “personal item” carry on for planes. I agree the OG is too big for a daily work bag if you don’t need to carry around a ton of stuff.

    • SFBayA

      I have the OG and LOVE IT FOREVER AND EVER. DH nearly fainted when he saw the charge on our cc even with 30% off but too bad ;). I’m guessing there will be a Memorial Day sale.

    • Parfait

      I’m waiting too! I’m really hoping there’s a code soon AND that my preferred color comes back in stock.

      • Anon

        I bougt the OMG for 35% off this past Christmas and have used it nearly every day since. I have to say I am a little disappointed with its shape rentention ability. Mine now has a ‘dent’ in the front about an inch above the base such that it folder over slightly. I have no idea what may have caused it or how/if it can be fixed. I have never overstuffed it and have generally used it well. Disappointed!

  11. anon

    repost from earlier – Is it weird to feel sad hearing about someone you never knew passing away? I am have been doing to reseach on my family tree and have discovered that my grandfather was shot and killed when my dad was 9. I feel really sad when I think about it and regret that I never had the opportunity to know him. I can’t understand why I am feeling sad about someone I never knew for reasons completely out of my control. Is that normal?

    • AIMS

      I’d say there’s no such thing as normal or not normal when it comes to emotional things like this, so I would put that out of your mind as a measure, first and foremost.
      That said, rest assured that it’s totally normal. I didn’t get to know either of my grandfathers (one passed away when my mom was young and one was estranged) and I am frequently sad that I missed out on knowing them, especially when I hear about how accomplished or interesting they were. You could also be feeling sad that he died in such a senseless way or that your father missed out on having him in his life longer, which is a perfectly reasonable reaction to have too.

    • MaggieLizer

      Absolutely. Part of the sadness of losing someone is all the could-have-beens. Those could-have-beens are especially hard to cope with when a life is taken senselessly or cut short unexpectedly. The loss is just bigger somehow. So sorry for your and your family’s loss.

    • NOLA

      I always felt that way about my maternal grandfather. He died fairly young (55) of cancer the year before I was born. It was clear from the way my grandmother and my mom and her siblings talked about him that he was still very present in their minds and was a great person. I wish I’d known him. I never knew my grandmother as a married person and I always wonder what that would have been like, too.

    • Brant

      I discovered that my grandfather had an older sister who was murdered by her boyfriend as part of a murder/suicide…and my grandfather found the bodies in the car in the driveway at age, like, 10. I’m only slightly sad that I never met my great-aunt (I haven’t really met or known well the great-aunts/uncles that are living…) but the whole thing is super, super sad.

    • Frugal doc..

      Yes, it is normal, and I have similar regrets.

      My paternal grandfather died of a massive heart attack when my Dad was only 6. That is so young to lose your father… yet, my father still has vivid memories of my grandfather and misses him terribly. He then grew up in poverty, after his mother and sister dissolved into mental illness. It is all so terribly sad.

      My father can be terribly difficult at times, and then I think back to the sadness of his father’s death and is sad childhood. Then I can forgive.

      People who grow up without loss, have no idea how hard life can be.

    • Small Town Atty

      +1 to everyone above.

      That said, how sad are we talking about here? Speaking personally, a lot of times when I get really upset about something that seems relatively minor, it’s because something else is going on that I’m ignoring (example: Once when I was going through a lot of stress, I was reading a book that mentioned a dead puppy and I totally lost it). If you feel like your sadness is out of proportion to your father’s loss & your lost chance to know your grandfather, maybe something else is going on that needs attention.

    • MB

      It absolutely is. My husband had a brother who died in infancy. I sometimes wonder how different my husband’s life would have been if his brother had lived, and how it would be nice (if things had turned out well) for my son to have an uncle like his dad. I also feel so sad when I think about how devastated my in-laws must have been to have their tiny baby son die just two months after he was born. It is a very normal emotion and nothing to be ashamed of. You don’t have to be proximal to the loss to have it affect you.

  12. Subro

    Hoping to get some thoughts, advice, or just support about a sticky family situation. I just bought my first house (yay!). The house needed quite a bit of work, which I’ve been taking care of. My mom generously paid for new hardwood floors and also supplemented my dp. My mom’s long-time BF (“MBF”), who used to be a handyman, installed my new fridge on the day of move-in. He was in a super bad mood, didn’t want to be there, tried to leave without telling anyone, had a temper tantrum, but finally calmed down and installed the fridge.

    Later that week, I discovered that the fridge was leaking and had damaged the new floors. I immediately reported it to my homeowner’s insurance and they sent contractors out to get the water up and generally take care of stuff I wouldn’t ever have thought of. The repairs will cost thousands. The insurance will cover it, but will subrogate against MBF because he caused the damage.

    My mom is now mad at me because she just gave me money to help me get and fix up my house, and now my insurance company is going to go after MBF, whose income goes to their household expenses. Besides generally taking it out on me, which is always a joy, I think she may ask for her money back. I just don’t have it to give, and frankly I don’t feel any moral obligation to give it back. If they’re having money problems because MBF has to pay for his mistake, then maybe MBF should get a second job to pay off the damage he did. I appreciate what my mom has done for me, but I really don’t appreciate being cast as the bad guy in this situation. Thoughts, advice, commiseration? Thanks, all.

    • Nancy P

      1. Thank goodness you have insurance, and thank goodness that (it at least sounds like) they’re stepping up.

      2. It’s the insurer’s right to go after MBF. It’s probably in your policy and, even if not, it’s completely the norm. Can you try to point that out to your mom and distance yourself from what they’re doing? I seriously doubt you could stop them even if you tried. Why should you have to give back your mom’s $ because of what the insurance company is doing? Maybe try casting them as the evildoer — everyone loves to hate insurance companies.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Did you give MBF a chance to fix it first, if he is able? Did you discuss it with your mom before you reported it? There may have been some middle ground solution that would have been cheaper and better for the family relations. If you looked into those yourself, maybe you can explain why you had to go the insurance route instead.

    • Anne Shirley

      I don’t think MBF, who did you a favor, should be on the hook for his mistakes. That’s the risk you took on when you decided not to hire a professional. Is your insurance company planning on suing him? Id do whatever you can, including declining the coverage and paying for the damage yourself, to avoid this. You can’t accept money from your mother and expect going after her boyfriend to be okay.

      • Anonymous

        I’m with Anne Shirley on this. Favors might sound great at the time, but as you experienced, can cost more in terms of damage/pain/$$.

        If there is a way that insurance doesn’t have to get involved, or if you can get them out of the picture (unless you’ve accepted their money), it’s likely to be less of a headache.

        Unless you’re sure that it was the fridge and not the boyfriend’s error in installation that caused the leak. Then help him fight the insurance company.

      • Anonymous

        Agree. I am honestly shocked at the OPs post. If I gave you money for something that you would not have had if it wasn’t for me, and then because of my bf’s favor you want more money from us to fix our gift to you- my head kind of exploded. Obviously when you report it to the home owners insurance they are going to go after the person but the fact that you didn’t discuss it with your mom first and don’t realize what an insensitive jerk you are being is kind of mindboggling. She bought you the hardwood floors. It stinks that he messed up on the fridge installation, but you received two GIFTS and now they are going to have to pay for giving them to you. My god.

        • Brant

          She did call her mom first- see below. Mom probably didn’t realize the claim would involve MBF…

          • Anonymous

            Yeah I posted before she commented. I still think she needs to be much more sympathetic to why her mom is mad. To have to pay for gifts you have already given really bites.

      • Anonymous

        She’s not suing anyone, the insurance company is going after MBF — and good luck controlling the insurance company.

        OP had damage, called in the insurance to cover the damage (talking to her mom about it first!), and then told the truth to the insurance company. She hasn’t done anything wrong. To avoid the insurance company seeking offset from MBF, OP would have had to lie about how the fridge was installed. Yes, MBF installed the fridge out of the “goodness of his heart” (so to speak, apparently), and that was generous. And the lesson here, as others have pointed out, is probably just not to accept these kinds of “gifts.”

        But as a professional, he also should have understood the potential risks. Many readers of this site are lawyers — when you give a family member a “gift” of your professional services, you are taking a risk! If you don’t carry malpractice insurance, you are on the hook if something goes wrong. I’ve turned down several family members because I think they should have someone to recover from if something goes wrong, and I don’t want it to be me.

        To us, OP may sound a bit ungrateful. But she’s a first time homeowner, and she called her insurance company when there was damage. The alternatives — letting him fix it? really? He can’t manage a fridge installation, and you want him to “repair” her new floors? — would have been unwise. Would it be better for family harmony if they could have resolved it without the insurance company? Yes. But it’s not her fault that they’re going after him. As others have pointed out, there’s no real chance of her being able to stop it, especially since it sounds like they’ve paid her already.

      • Bee

        Idk I kind of think if someone scr*ws up your house they should pay for the damage.

    • Brant

      Too late for my advice, but I would have spoken with mom/MBF before filing the homeowners claim…since Mom bought the floors and MBF installed the leaky fridge.

      If you DID speak to them, and they DID tell you to file a homeowners claim, then neither of them should be upset.

      Future advice: don’t take hand outs from family. They only cause headaches. DH and I have declined thousands of dollars in “help” from family along the way, as a matter of policy. In our family (both sides) the hassle and drama is never worth the savings.

      • OP

        I called my mom before I filed the claim and she said, of course you have to file a claim, it’s water damage! It could’ve been a lot worse than it’s going to be, though it’s still going to be bad, and getting the insurance company involved definitely helped cut down on the cost. They know how to handle water damage a lot better than I do.

        • Brant

          In that case, this scenario seems much more reasonable. If you were taking her advice in calling homeowners, she shouldn’t be upset when the insurance agency, in essence, is doing its job.

          But heed my words about involving family–I was burned once. I am a fast learner.

          • Monday

            I agree about the strings often attached when accepting help from family, and I’ll add that taking any professional service for free can have unforeseen pitfalls. Once a jeweler I didn’t know well offered to fix a bracelet of mine for free. Then when I came back for it at the time she said it would be done, she acted extremely annoyed. When I did get it back much later, she had done a terrible job using totally wrong materials, and I was worse off than I’d started. I realized it was probably on me–I should have taken her offer as a gesture (probably trying to build business) and not literally as an offer to do a the job for free.

            I don’t think the message overall, however, should be never to accept a favor/assistance from anyone. That would be a sad world to imagine. I think it’s more like: be very careful, know who you’re dealing with, and think about all possible consequences and how you will handle them.

    • cc

      Sorry but you kind of are the bad guy here. If you can’t handle the consequences you shouldn’t accept the help. You’ve accepted help on the downpayment, the hardwood floors, and the free fridge install, and now you are mystified that they are upset that they will have to pay more because of their gift to you?? How are you not the bad guy there? Obviously, it stinks that it was installed improperly. But if you add up all the money you saved from the gifts from your mom, it sounds like its a lot more than whatever this costs. You accepted the free instalation, knowing that he is not insured like a contractor is. That’s just a risk you take when you accept it

      • anon

        Agreed. You took the risk by allowing your family to get involved. They have been extremely generous, going above and beyond what you might expect. They should not have to pay more for this and get tangled up with an insurance company. Owning a house is expensive, and sometimes you have to take a hit in order to maintain it and fix it. This is the kind of thing that could cause problems for years. Is it worth a family rift?

    • Nancy P

      Curious — what does your mom think you should have done? Not notified insurance? Tell insurance now that you want to pay for this all yourself to prevent them from going after MBF? Obviously someone is going to have to pay for the damage — does she think that’s you, and does she think you can afford it?

      • OP

        This is an interesting question; I might ask next time we talk about it. I think she believes that BF should pay, but she doesn’t think that she should have to suffer by proxy, which I agree is really cruddy. She knows (correctly) that the extent of the damage is far more than I can afford, and I don’t think she faults me for reporting the claim. She knows that her BF was in the wrong; apparently (unbeknownst to me until now) he has a tendency to passive aggressively intentionally do things around the house incorrectly when he’s in a bad mood, which is basically what happened here. But this time he did it to me, not her.

        • Brant

          ” and I don’t think she faults me for reporting the claim”–but you just said above she’s the one that told you to call in…

          • OP

            She did. Sometimes it sounds like she’s changed her mind about that, but when I ask, well should I not have called insurance then? like you said I should before?, she backtracks. So it’s kind of hard to tell sometimes, but I think ultimately she (now, still) believes I did the right thing by calling insurance.

        • Godzilla

          I was with Anne Shirley until you said that “he has a tendency to passive aggressively intentionally do things around the house incorrectly when he’s in a bad mood, which is basically what happened here. But this time he did it to me, not her.”

          If I were you, I’d stick with the insurance company and try to mend relations with your mom. That sounds not good an messy.

          • TCFKAG

            Hold the phone. He did this on PURPOSE. I’m done feeling sorry for him.

            Hopefully he has some sort of professional liability insurance that will cover these costs but honestly, he sounds like a grade-A jerk. Maybe you can get Mom to ditch him.

    • Alice

      Seeing as your mom advised you to call insurance, I don’t think you are in the wrong at all–especially as he may have installed the refrigerator wrong on purpose!

      I may be reading into it, but it sounds like your mom being upset with you is really your mom taking out her frustrations with MBF on you. I mean, if he is the kind of guy who tries to leave without telling people, has temper tantrums, and does home improvement projects incorrectly when he is in a bad mood…she might be trying to talk him down from being upset about having to pay for the damage. Having you take care of it would get it out of her hair.

      In other words, this may be a mom-MBF issue just as much as a mom-you issue.

  13. Equity's Darling

    I really like this dress! The pattern is great.

    Question: Is it true that wrap dresses are flattering on everyone? I have heard this said before, but wonder whether it’s accurate.

    I think I’m on a mission to find one, but a friend of mine swears that they really are not flatterng on all shapes. She thinks that they look awful on her (I haven’t seen her in a wrap dress, so I can’t confirm). For myself, I’m mostly worried that wrap dresses will over-emphasize my hourglass shape, and become a little too much for work (though perhaps a wrap dress would still be worth buying for dates…).

    • Anne Shirley

      I can’t wear them to work. On my curvy hourglass shape, it’s difficult to get them to fit in a way that doesn’t overly reveal my cleavage. They ate, however, my favorite date night attire!

    • Anonymous

      I’m an hourglass shape, and I wear wrap dresses to work. Mostly because sheath dresses do not fit well on someone with 34-20-34 measurements! I think as long as the dress is not tight or short or low-cut or sheer, there is nothing inappropriate about a curvy woman… well… being curvy. Maybe I’m wrong, though. I’ll be interested to hear what other people say.

    • a.

      I don’t think there’s anything that is universally flattering on everyone. For example, I really like wrap dresses, but don’t always have luck finding ones that flatter my figure. I’ve got a pretty flat chest, so the necklines tend to gape. I’m also inclined towards a pear shape, so find that the tops don’t always give me enough volume to balance out my lower half.

      But I did manage to buy my first-ever wrap dress a few weeks ago, so it’s probably possible for you, too! I’d just acknowledge that you might have to try on a few (or a lot…) to find one that feels right.

      • Lyssa

        Second to all of this. I have a similar body, and I’ve never bought one (other than when I was pregnant), and only maybe once tried on one that I thought actually looked good. I’m sure that there are some out there that would be flattering on me, but definitely not most. I think that they tend to look good on curvy sorts, but not string beans like me.

        • Frugal doc..

          Same here. This is my body type, and wrap dresses don’t work. Flat chested pear.

    • anon

      I’m busty and wear wrap dresses all the time. The trick is a camisole. I used to wear a regular ann taylor type one, but I found that they bunched up. I got a couple of these “demi” camisoles, and they are fantastic! The just cover your chest, and don’t bunch around the waist. I tried a couple of different ones, and like the ones from “second base intimates” the best. Lots of different styles and colors. As an added bonus, the are great under low cut sweaters, where you might not want to wear a full length tank top.
      http://www.shopsecondbase.com/

      • Vintage Lawyer

        Thanks for that tip. I recently read about demi camis and then couldn’t remember the name of the manufacturer. I’ve just ordered a couple from Second Base.

    • j

      I love wrap dresses, but faux wrap dresses are the bane of my freaking existence. I’m an hourglass with a long torso and a high natural waist. 99.999% of all surplice or faux wraps will hit right beneath my bust, which is very unflattering. If I wear a wrap dress to work, I tie a silk scarf around my neck to cover up the exposed part of my decollete. I’ve also (don’t laugh) worn a homemade d*ckie under heavier wrap dresses that are printed/clash with my scarf collection. It actually looked pretty nice, camisoles under lower-cut things are just not my thing.

    • hoola hoopa

      While I agree with your friend that wrap dresses aren’t necessarily for literally everyone (although I think they are flattering to a very wide range), I do think they are fabulous for hourglass shapes like yourself. Wear a camisole for work. You may also have more luck looking in stores oriented towards an older set rather than places oriented towards teens and young adults because they will more likely provide room in the bust. A wrap dress for a flatter chest will look funny on a full bust.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t know why people keep saying wrap dresses look good “on every shape.” I’m a pretty bottom-heavy pear shape (0-2 on top, 6 on the bottom) and they look godawful on me. They cling too much on the bottom and even if I pin them they have a tendency to sort of flop around on top. Horrid things.

  14. Florence and Rome help?

    I’m headed to Florence and Rome for a week in late May. I am really under the gun at work, and haven’t had much time to plan. I have hotel reservations, and that is it. I would be incredibly appreciative of any tips of advice from those how have recently traveled to these cities, as I’m trying to get beyond the typically travel book recommendations.

    Specifically, I would love some food and restaurant recommendations. It is a celebratory trip, so splurge places are welcome, though there is always a certain appeal to the casual trattoria down the street :)

    I’ve been to Rome before several years ago, but never to Florence. I studied art history in college, though have sadly forgotten most of the specific information. So, I’m also looking for a good private tour guide, for both Rome and Florence. (My husband hates group activities, so we usually try to pay extra to get someone to take us around on our own for a day…) I hear that there are ways to book after hours tours of the Vatican, but haven’t had luck finding it on google.

    Thanks in advance for any advice. This trip is coming at the end of a rough run at work, so I’m really looking forward to some time off, but anxious that we haven’t gotten are ducks more lined up!

    • TAH

      My husband and I were in Rome in December. We used the following websites for restaurant recommendations and information about various tours, etc.

      parlafood.com
      revealedrome.com
      roninrome.com

      I hope that helps!

    • AIMS

      Download EAT Florence and EAT Rome Apps from Itunes. Honestly the best $4 I have ever spent on any apps. They’re written by Elizabeth Mancilli (sic?) who is a local food writer and beyond informative. Whatever you do, definitely have dinner at Trattoria Sostanza in Florence. Get the florentine steak and the butter chicken (if you & H eat meat) — both are so, so good. Also, a restaurant named Fagiole – loved it. These are not really splurgy, but just really amazing. You should probably make reservations as they do get crowded. No specifics on private tours, but I recommend you ask your hotel or better yet, find someone at the bookstore across the street at the Academia (they also sell pre-reserved tix for all the museums there so you don’t need to make reservations).

      For Rome, it’s a little off the beaten path but Pizzarium (yes it’s a cheesy name) has the best pizza ever. I think about it constantly.

      • TAH

        I second Pizzarium! It was amazing, and not that far from the Vatican Museum (about a 10 minute walk.)

    • NatalieR

      I absolutely and completely recommend Sandra Gustafson’s Great Eats Italy book. Every meal we ate on her recs were excellent. She has personally been to all the places in her book and runs through pricing, the atmosphere, what to get, and what to avoid.

      In Florence, we especially liked the Cinghale Bianco. It was extra fun because there was a bar a few doors up called the “Friends Bar” that was oddly Irish themed but with mostly Jack Daniels/American whiskey and beers. We had to wait on a table (no reservations) so we got a drink there and watched the people on the street.

        • Charmed Girl

          I third Cinghale Bianco. There is a also a gelato place on that side of the Arno on the bridge that goes right by the Ferragamo museum/ store on the other side (if that makes sense) that is fantastic. There was a sesame and dark chocolate gelato that I still think about 1.5 years later!

    • From OP: Thanks for the tips!

      Thanks everyone for the tips. These are great starting points, and will keep me from feeling stressed about not knowing where to start :) Also, thanks for the link to the prior thread. I try to read most of the travel threads, but had missed that one!

    • Merabella

      Studied abroad in Florence for a semester in college. These are my favorites:

      Food:
      Be careful with food places in Florence. A lot of them are tourist traps where they charge a BUNCH for not very good food. I would ask your hotel for suggestions, but what I found worked well was asking Florentines where they would go for food.

      Trattoria Mario’s on Borgo Le Noce (near the market). They are always always packed, so get there at noon when they open. They have great Tuscan soups like Pasta e Fagioli and Ribolita. They have a menu that changes daily, so you never quite know what you will get, but they are always delicious.

      There is a restaurant/diner inside the market that is also good. The market can seem overwhelming, but don’t be, because they are always willing to help/explain to you what things are.

      Aqua al Due – near Santa Croce. This place is good if you want to try several things at once. They have a lot of “sampler” type menu items – like a salad sampler, pasta sampler, etc.

      La Spada on Via della Scala – great place for Bisteca Fiorentina – the largest steak you will ever see. They also have take out which is nice some nights.

      i Fratellini – this is a sandwich place – literally a whole in the wall on a road right off of the Piazza Signoria where the Uffizi and Palazzo Vecchio are. I can’t remember what the name of the street is, but it is seriously the best quick sandwich place I went to in Florence. My suggestion is the Goat Cheese and Wild Boar Salami Sandwich. When I was there in ’07 you could get a sandwich and a glass of wine for 4 euros. Great place to get a quick bite between museum visits.

      i Fratelli (near Santa Maria Novella)- not related to the place above, this was more upscale. Great food. However there was always a wait to get a table, I would see if you could get reservations if it is something you are interested in.

      Art Bar – near the Santa Maria Novella neighborhood. This place has happy hour on Mondays and Wednesdays – all drinks are half off. I think it was owned by two brothers who used to work in the Caribbean – their drinks are seriously works of art topped with tons of fruit. One of my favorite places to go grab a drink with friends while I was there, but a very subdued environment – it isn’t a big hangout for drunk college girls.

      Also ask your hotel about the secret bakery – there is a place in Santa Croce that makes all the pastries for the hotels and restaurants in Florence, you literally have to follow your nose to get there around midnight – 2AM, if you are out that late it is DEFINITELY worth going to get fresh chocolate filled croissants or pastries. You should also know how to ask for them in Italian because these guys didn’t speak a lot of English.

      Taste Florence is a cool event – check out if they have anything going on while you are there. When I was there they had all kinds of wines/chocolates/coffees/balsamic vinegars available for you to go around and try. I think it was 7 euros to get in and it was amazing.

      Attractions:

      If you are planning on going to all the main attractions think about getting a museum pass.

      Definitely hit up the Uffizi, Palazzo Medici, the Duomo, but don’t forget to check out the other bank of the Arno. I loved the Boboli Gardens/Palazzo Piti. They are gorgeous and there is a really cool fashion exhibit at the Palazzo Piti that is fun to check out.

      Also on the other bank is the Piazza Michelangelo – there are great views of the city from here, it is a bit of a trek to the top, but totally worth it – try to go during sunset for a really romantic moment.

      At night I liked to pick a bridge and hang out, the Arno is gorgeous at night and it was great to bring a snack and just hang out – there are some bridges that have platforms off to the side where you can sit and have a bottle of wine – just be careful.

      If you are planning to get a little outside of Florence for some Tuscan sightseeing don’t forget to check out Sienna – it is about an hour bus ride outside of Florence – or you could get a driver. Beautiful Medieval City – definitely climb the tower if you go.

      And as a side note – when I lived in Florence there were often strikes – taxi strikes, train strikes, bus strikes, so think of alternatives for your days in case something like this comes up. Just something to think about.

      • Merabella

        In moderation because it was a novel, but will be helpful if it comes thru. I lived there for a semester, so if it doesn’t come out of moderation feel free to leave me a note and I can email you.

      • anon

        I have nothing to add to these awesome recs other than I also studied abroad in Florence (back at the turn of the century, literally) and Art Bar and the secret bakery were *the* *best*!! I just squeed out loud in my office because I was so happy to hear they are still around.

        I always liked strolling the Boboli Gardens and once of my favorite works in Florence (Pontormo’s Deposition from the Cross) is just down the road, closer to the river, in the church of Santa Felicita.

        Also — need I mention the wine?

    • recent grad

      In Florence, make sure you eat at Acqua al 2. The food is fabulous and won’t break the bank. Make sure you try the pasta sampler – you won’t regret it!

    • RSB

      My absolute favorite restaurant in the world is La Scala in the Tratevere section of Rome. The food is delicious, the service is great, and the neighborhood is fun and not too touristy. Several restaurants in Trastevere also do Aperotivi, i.e. italian happy hour where there is a free food buffet when you buy a drink. In Florence, I loved Il Gato e La Volpe. Merabella is right though, many of the restuarants offer sub-par food at high prices in tourist locations. Have fun! Italy in May is beautiful.

    • Anonymous

      I went to Florence a couple of summers ago and had great luck with the luxe guide-I think it costs about $10 but is small and light enough to carry with you all day. Had amazing restaurant recommendations at different price points, and also had really great sightseeing and shopping itineraries. They have planned walks around Florence which generally point out the good places to see / eat and let you cover a lot of the city. If you’ve never been, definitely a good way to see a lot pretty efficiently while you get your bearings. Have fun!

  15. Anonymous

    My basic black leather purse finally bit the dust today. I’m on a tight budget, so any replacement needs to be under $200. Preferably one big enough to hold work papers, but small enough not to overwhelm a 5’1″ woman. I’m also not a huge fan of highly visible designer logos, and I work in a very conservative business environment. Any recommendations on where to look for someone who hasn’t been purse shopping in years?

  16. Paging TCFKAG

    My local bar association is hosting a Retro Vegas party soon and I want to use this as an excuse to buy a new dress. Looking for something versatile that I can wear to professional parties, weddings, etc. I also want something fun, that’s a step up from my array of work sheath dresses. Any pointers?

    • TCFKAG

      Hey – could you submit this to the blog (follow the link on my name – remember to give price range, size, and body type if you like) so I can do a good job without clogging up the thread? But for general ideas, I did love the sort of quasi-flapper dresses that were out there lately as well as all the sparkle and glitter dresses. But really, I think this sort of thing is all in the details (maybe pair whatever you get with a cool fascinator and maryjanes?)

      If you can pull it off (and if its flattering IRL) this would be awesome.

      http://www.neimanmarcus.com/p/Tadashi-Shoji-Sequined-Cocktail-Dress/prod147890158/?ecid=NMALRFeedJ84DHJLQkR4&ci_src=14110925&ci_sku=prod147890158skuGOLD

    • TCFKAG

      My first comment is awaiting mod-bot for the dreaded c word so…

      Hey – could you submit this to the blog (follow the link on my name – remember to give price range, size, and body type if you like) so I can do a good job without clogging up the thread? But for general ideas, I did love the sort of quasi-flapper dresses that were out there lately as well as all the sparkle and glitter dresses. But really, I think this sort of thing is all in the details (maybe pair whatever you get with a cool fascinator and maryjanes?)

      A dress that would be awesome is the Tadashi Shoji Sequined [C*888t*il] Dress – but the link from Neiman Marcus got caught by the mod-bot – so google it?

    • Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler

      For retro, I love the designs by Stop Staring. They have a number of dresses on Z a p p o s, but they also have their own website.

  17. LH

    Ladies, has anyone had a good experience with a travel agent? I’m a pretty savvy traveller and trip-planner and normally plan all my trips myself but I need to use one to get insurance for an upcoming trip (I need to get coverage in case I have to cancel for work reasons and TravelGuard told me this only available for purchase through an agent). I’ve met with a couple travel agents and have been thoroughly unimpressed with them. They all seem to be feeding me rote information that’s publicly available, not answering questions I ask, and some of them have even given me misinformation. I guess I’m not really asking for recommendations (unless you know of a good one in the Bay Area, preferably Peninsula), but I’m just curious to hear what your experiences with them have been and whether anyone has had a travel agent actually add value.

    • Famouscait

      If you carry an Amex card, give them a call. We used travel insurance in the case of illness and it was an easy, straight-forward process. Also inexpensive.

    • Tuesday

      Can you get travel insurance from the credit card you’re using to make the reservations? Also, if you’re using AmEx, you can contact their travel group to see if they can get the policy you’re talking about.

      Re travel agents — I used to actually use the AmEx one all the time, but (several years ago now) AmEx changed providers (it’s outsourced), and it hasn’t been the same since. Now it’s more like a LMGTFY service.

      If you go to Argentina, I can recommend a travel agent I used a couple of years ago in Buenos Aires, but I haven’t had any good experiences with domestic agents lately.

    • PJ

      You don’t need to go through a travel agent to buy travel insurance. Take a look at insure my trip dot com. It lists most of the major travel insurance companies and details the differences between the different policies. For example, you can get a policy that will let you cancel for any reason. There are others that only let you cancel for medical reasons or for work issues.

      • LH

        Thanks! This website is very helpful. We specifically DONT want a cancel for any reason plan, which travel agents had been trying to sell us. The only reason we would cancel would be work and the cancel for any reason plans are very expensive.

    • Anonymous

      I would love to know the answer to this too, since my past experiences with travel agents have also left me unimpressed…I had one buy a plane ticket under the wrong name once (he did fix it at no cost to me, but it was still a hassle), and another who wouldn’t get me the information I requested about a specific destination I wanted to go to, but instead wanted to send me to another destination that she was more familiar with (but lacked the primary feature of my desired destination). So I have done all of my vacation planning myself in recent years, but have found it can really be overwhelming and I would like some competent help.

      • anon

        I have used travelinsured.com for a couple trips. You book independently through their website. I think the cancel for work reasons may only be 75% coverage (I’m not sure on this, It may be 100% if you have a note), and my recollection is that it was only slightly more to add a rider to cancel for any reason.

    • Nonny

      Yes, I usually use travel agents to book international plane tickets, but not for other things. I use them for plane tickets because then you have someone to call if things go awry on the trip, which, with airlines being as unreliable as they are these days, can be very useful. I don’t use them for things other than tickets simply because I’ve travelled quite a lot and am pretty good at figuring out itineraries/booking things on my own. I generally use Flight Centre for my air tickets and have had good experiences with them in multiple countries.

  18. Happy Day

    I posted on this site a couple weeks ago about being really stressed and almost needing to go on antidepressants in order to cope as I wind up grad school and job hunt. I got some very good suggestions on things to do in order to lift my spirits e.g. more exercise, reaching out more to friends and family, volunteering etc. Well, I tried them and so far it’s been helping, I feel more at peace today. I still haven’t found a job. BUT, I did successfully defend my dissertation on Monday so now I am Dr. Happy Day! So this is a thank you to all who chipped in with advice. Also want to encourage anyone else going through a tough time as they try to accomplish a particular task or reach a goal. Don’t give up, each small step is getting you closer. You WILL get there.

    • JessBee

      Congratulations, Dr. Happy Day!! I’m starting my PhD in the fall, and I’m starting to get nervous / having some self-doubts. Thanks for the reminder to keep my chin up!!

    • Cb

      Congrats, that’s awesome! Now go make reservations as Dr. Happy Day, just this once!

    • Monday

      Congratulations, Doctor! Be very proud for taking care of yourself–those supports and skills will be there whatever happens in the future. I ‘ve been there, with defending, the post-doc job hunt, trying to keep it together etc–and as big an accomplishment as finishing is, your care for yourself is a lifetime achievement with totally unconditional rewards.

    • KC

      Congrats on your doctorate! Glad to hear things are going well, one step at a time.

  19. impostor

    Can we talk impostor syndrome? I think I have had these sorts of feelings for a while, but I have been working for some serious micromanagers for a while now, and it is really eroding my confidence on top of the other feelings that I have. And, I’m job searching. I am wondering if anyone has any tips for dealing with impostor syndrome, particularly while job searching?

  20. Shopping Help TJ!

    Looking for a size 2/4 XS/S white or off-white sheath or shift dress for under $100…hopefully without any contrasting colors/metallic accents. Any ideas?

  21. Nonny

    I’m still very early on in my pregnancy (and hoping it will stick – I’m a bit paranoid), but already finding that my usual pencil skirts are just not comfortable. I’m pretty small to begin with and I just don’t think my shifting internal organs have much to work with. I have a few work dresses but think I need to get a couple more that will do me from now until when I actually start to need maternity wear. The dress above looks like a possible candidate, but I am also thinking of The Dress (which I haven’t seen in person before, but it looks like a good option), and possibly a wrap dress (DVF if I can find one in a pattern I like, which seems to be difficult, or maybe the Land’s End one that people have mentioned before). Does anyone have any recommendations? For reference I am usually a size 6, high-hip pear. TIA!

    • Ru

      My weight has been fluctuating a lot recently due to illness, which is most apparent in my stomach (yes, the pregnancy rumors at work were hilarious). I like the faux wrap dresses at NY&Co (they have similar styles to the one Kat posted today), as well as the knit dresses from Land’s End. As long as the dresses fit my shoulders and bust, I had plenty of room to allow for 15lbs in my belly and booty.

    • Chi Squared

      Hi Nonny, I’m petite/small-framed, and found that my pants started getting tight around 8 weeks (13.5 weeks now). I just bought two stretchy non-maternity dresses from Loft that I am hoping will fit through most of the 2nd trimester. They are a cap sleeve w/ shirred sides style, available in multiple patterns, and super flattering (but not good at disguising the bump). I have a BR wrap dress (Gemma wrap dress) that hides my stomach better b/c of the tie at the waist. I think Kat’s pick will also do. Good luck, and best wishes for a healthy pregnancy!

    • meme

      I have The Dress and could not use it for pre-maternity wear during my pregnancies. It is pretty fitted around the waist. Also, it runs slightly small. I’m usually a solid 4, occasionally veering down to 2 for super-vanity sized places (JCrew looking at you). I have a 4 in The Dress, and if I ordered another one, I’d get a 6. There’s not much breathing/cheeseburger room in the 4.

      • kim

        In pregnancy your ribcage might expand, and often your bust. You need something that will accommodate everything, not just a belly. Hence a stretchy wrap dress, with a long slip to avoid any clinging around your midsection.

    • Pam

      You might want to stay away from wrap dresses if you are planning on not disclosing your pregnancy in the first tri. I found that of all styles, wrap dresses accentuated my stomach most of all. I found that the best style to conceal the bump, but still give me room to accomodate the growing belly/uncomfortable bloating were sheath style dresses, sized up if necessary to fit a bit more loosely than you might otherwise wear. Best of luck!

      • hoola hoopa

        +1

        Also, the featured dress on this post would be perfect for hiding an early bump. Patterns and rouching are your friend. Anything that hangs from the bust is too. Avoid empire waists like the plauge, unless you want to show that you’re pregnant.

    • Nonny

      Thank you all for your sage advice. I really appreciate it. I’m wearing a Lauren Ralph Lauren ruched jersey dress today that is far more comfortable than any skirt I’ve worn in the past week – I need to find more dresses along these lines. Sounds like The Dress is out so I will go looking for stretchy, ruched, patterned dresses.

  22. anonypotamus

    Since we are on the topic of wrap dresses, I have fashion question that I have been struggling with recently. When I wear a wrap/faux wrap dress that has ties/a sash in the back, what is the best way to (1) keep it from looking lumpy under a cardigan or lighter jacket and (2) avoid having the dangling ends of the sash from looking like a tail as they hang out of the bottom of my blazer?

    I can’t tell if I’m overthinking this, and it doesn’t matter that some hangs out the bottom, or if I have been committing grand a work faux-pas by allowing this :) (or that I am completely missing an obvious solution). Is it Friday yet?

    • Ru

      I don’t know about the lumpiness since I don’t wear cardigans but I hate the way the “tails” look. I wrap the ends of the sash around the belted portion so that it’s hidden, so I guess it looks like a twisted belt. It usually stays put on its own. I guess you could also use a brooch and pin the ends at a cool place on your waist. That’d be a good use for brooches.

    • Susie

      I generally do try to avoid wearing something over a dress or shirt that ties in the back to avoid the lump. Alternatively with some dresses I cross the ties around the back and bring it back around the front and tie it there.

  23. TBK

    Shopping help needed! My friend is getting married in TN at the end of the month. I’m sadly about 15lbs too fat for the dress I usually wear to summer weddings and, since the bride comes from a deeply traditional Southern family, I’m reluctant to wear one of my black dresses. I really don’t want to spend much money, but would pony up (a reasonable amount – say up to $200) for a dress that could either be a staple c-tail dress (i.e., works for pretty much any evening event) or could be worn to work. I’m about a size 10 these days, and I’m 35 so looking for something that’s neither too young nor too old. I have light skin and dark brown hair, so deep or jewel colors look best on me. Any thoughts?

  24. hoola hoopa

    Is google reader being weird today for anyone else? Most of my posts are coming in blank.

    I guess they are trying to push me to move elsewhere!

    • OCAssociate

      Same problem here. I guess I need to decide on my new feeder sooner than later.

  25. Merabella

    I feel like I need a hobby – one that I can do by myself that will make me more social. I’m totally drawing a blank on things.

    What do you guys do for fun?

    • Cb

      Hmmm…art classes, volunteer work? There is a walking group here that I keep meaning to check out. I like the idea of combining exercise with social time, feels like killing two birds with one stone.

    • Eleanor

      Volunteer for things. It usually doesn’t feel too weird to show up alone, but the activities are usually social. I volunteer with a community organization that has monthly meetings, Habitat for Humanity (does feel kind of awkward to come to this alone, but once I came a couple of weekends in a row and got to talking with some of the regulars, it wasn’t strange anymore), and my church.

      I also have taken an art class at a local art college, and am going to take another, and occasionally I go to a bar after work for a drink by myself. This, too, feels pretty uncomfortable, but a few people usually start talking to me, and I did meet a friend this way.

    • Lynnet

      I crochet and knit- I can do it at home in front of the tv, but I’ve also gone to really awesome weekly knitting groups in the past (I haven’t found one I love in my new city).

      Also, my husband home brews, and it’s been a really easy thing for him to use to bond with other guys. So, if you’re more of a guy’s girl, that might be a better fit (check your local laws of course!)

    • meara

      Dance! Sure, it’s nice if you have a partner, but if you go to dances/classes without one, it will force you to be social (if it’s partner-dancing).

    • Ella

      I do a lot of yoga at the same studio and have made friends with some of the teachers and other students. I also got involved in a leadership community in the community that I care about and have made friends with other organizers, which has been great.

    • NOLA

      I have craft nights at my house and people bring knitting, crocheting, embroidery, stamping, paper art, beading, all kinds of things. Sometimes people bring projects that someone else can help with. It’s a lot of fun and includes everyone! I’ve also had friends help each other with a crocheting or knitting problem and some people just come and visit and drink frozen drinks.

    • hoola hoopa

      When I was in a place in life where I was looking for something similar, I took an upholstery class at the community college.

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