Tuesday’s TPS Report: Silk Broderie Anglaise Crossover Blouse

226 Comments

1. 1. A camisole of any color would ruin this completely.
   2. This is way way way inappropriate for work, I think. It looks like the top half of a robe you’d get at Fredericks of Hollywood or something.
   3. Do you ladies have any suggestions for shelf-stable 3pm snacks to keep my office that are NOT nuts? Everyone suggests nuts, and I’ve got a solid nut allergy. Help?

   1. I like natural applesauce cups. I also like Laughing Cow cheese with crackers (obviously ones that meet your nut criteria).

      1. +1 – Laughing Cow doesn’t actually need to be refrigerated (although it’s usually sold from the dairy case so you might think it does)

   2. I’m always looking for these (I can eat nuts, I just get tired of them). I really like the Brown Rice and Red Bean Triscuits , roasted red pepper flavor. They seem pretty healthy, and are very hearty and tasty, too. They’ve become my go-to keep in the desk snack. (I also keep yogurt and carrots with hummus in the fridge, and granola bars and granola on hand, though mine have nuts.)

   3. Dried fruit (although watch for added sugar), beef/turkey jerky, protein bars, popcorn (already popped), and Eat Your Veggies chips.

   4. oatmeal, graham crackers, puree fruit/veggie pouches–a lot of them are made for babies, but they’re pretty tasty! Fig bars (can’t remember the brand, maybe Back to Nature?), +1 also to the wax-wrapped cheese

      1. Tuna cans?

         1. This is a why did you bring that to work food for me…the smell of tuna fish makes me sick.

            1. Seconded. Something about the smell of tuna just lingers, and lingers SO strongly that it gives me a headache sometimes. I can tell you three hours later if one of my coworkers had tuna for lunch!

   5. It may sound lame, but my new 3pm snack is two slices of medium thickness deli turkey wrapped with Swiss cheese. Bonus points for a seasoned turkey (cajun…yum). For some reason it really hits the spot for me. :-)

   6. Those little cans of tuna with the peel off lids. The lemon and black pepper one is yum, and doesn’t stink up my office.
      fruit leather (no added sugar)

      Those Brown Rice and Red bean Triscuits sound awesome, I have not seen those yet. The rosemary and olive oil ones are good.

      1. There is also a sun-dried tomato Triscuit that is really good!

         1. Wasabi Soy triscuits are good too, especially with tuna.

   7. Oatmeal and fruit that doesn’t need to be refrigerated (apples, oranges, bananas, pears, etc). Also check out various types of seed mixes, or make your own roasted pumpkin or squash seeds – these will give you fat and protein to keep you full, but you have to be careful if you’re a mindless eater like I am because it’s easy to go overboard.

      1. I just do the instant oatmeal packets with a handful of dried berries. And another +1 to seeds.

   8. to each her own. I’d totally wear this to work, probably with a nude cami, and I’d look great doing it.

      1. It’s not my style, but I don’t think it’s inappropriate for work. Whites almost always need an underlayer to avoid being sheer, but if you’re not particularly busty, it does not look like you’d need to worry about cleavage with this blouse.

         1. I think to me it’s the combo of the sheer ivory plus a deepish V plus the lacey embroidery. Though, I’m a lawyer for the feds so my sensibility is probably a little overly conservative. I do think it would be great on a date.

      2. I think it would be fine for work too, especially paired with classic bottoms.

   9. Beef jerky (or any kind of jerky). I haven’t tried the Triscuits mentioned above, but love the black pepper flavor.

   10. Wild Garden makes shelf-stable hummus single serving packs – our larger grocery store in our area sells it, and I’ve also seen it at World Market.

   11. These are all amazing suggestions – thank you!

   12. I like chia seed pouches–no refrigeration needed, good flavors that are not too sweet, cross between a drink and a gel (Mama Chia brand).

       1. I have tried so hard to get into the chia craze and I just can’t. The texture is so strange to me!

          1. Yeah, I feel like you just have to be willing to accept that it is weird and just go with it. The gels are definitely less weird than the drinks that are more liquidy and have chia seeds suspended in them.

   13. Pumpkin seeds! I’m trying to eat Paleo/no wheat and just discovered how good these seeds are. You eat them, shell and all, just like eating a bag of chips.

   14. huh, I was going to post more and then I realized that all of my snacks either contain nuts or peanut butter. Like every single one! Weird! So, sorry I’m not more helpful. :o(

   15. Roasted seaweed, as long as it is made with olive, grapeseed or other oil safe for your allergies.

   16. Dates. Sweet (perfect for that 3pm lull) but very nutritious.

2. Has anyone really broken a terrible habit of biting nails? My nails & cuticles are a disaster and I can go through periods of having them look pretty nice for a while, but then something happens (usually they get thin/peel/break) and it’s like I start all over. It’s a habit I am desperately trying not to pass on to my daughter, as I know I picked it up from my mom…So, that tells you how deeply entrenched it is. Tips for keeping cuticles from getting ragged and scraggly?

   1. I only don’t bite when I’ve gotten a manicure… so weekly manicures are a must for me. I consider the $15/week a small price to pay for not being embarrassed by my fingers.

      1. Same, although I do my own manicures at home. I also always, always, always keep hand cream with me as I am WAY more likely to pick and bite when my cuticles are dry and haggard looking. The more moisturized they are, the healthier they look, and the less likely I am to bite them. I also force myself to sit on my hands in situations where I am likely to pick/bite – e.g., when I am bored in meetings, in the car (one at a time), watching TV etc. I haven’t broken the habit completely, but these things help.

         1. I do my own nails too. One thing I’ve found helps me (nail biters since childhood unite~) is to do at-home gels – pick up a starter kit and a shade or two that you like from your store of choice. The gels are harder than normal polish, so it’s harder to nibble through. Also, my big trigger for going back to biting is “Welp, one of ’em broke on my car door, gotta get ’em all back down to the same length now” and the gels seem to keep my very fragile nails from breaking if I look at them wrong.

            1. I’ve been considering the gels but haven’t pulled the trigger yet. What brand do you use? I have gotten acrylics in the very distant past, and I didn’t like the way that they ultimately tore my nails to pieces.

               I’m also a keep-em-the-same-length type too, otherwise I’ll be tempted to gnaw them all equal.

               Unite indeed. Thanks for the tips & support!

            2. I just have the cheap-o Sally Hansen starter kit/lamp and a couple extra polishes. I think the key to not wrecking your nails with it is A) be very gentle when roughening up the surface at the start, and B) when you remove them, go the foil-and-acetone route instead of peeling or scraping the stuff off. Takes longer, but it’s less damaging imo.
               I also leave it on as long as possible so I don’t have to go through the whole process very often. You can switch up colors by using a non-acetone remover to clean off the surface, then put a normal polish on top of the gel.
               And if all else fails, that gross-tasting polish they sell to help kids stop biting works just fine as a top coat. XD

            3. There is also the new Sally Hansen gel manicure polish that doesn’t require curing lamps. That might be an inexpensive place to start.

            4. I have thin nails that are prone to peeling and I get gels regularly. They used to tear up my nails after a few months, and my manicurist suggested a biotin supplement. It has made my nails much stronger.

         2. What’s your at home manicure routine?

            1. Depends on how much time I have!

               If I am in a rush, I remove the old polish, file and buff, then reapply polish (base coat, two to three color coats, and Seche Vite top coat). If I have a little more time, I add a soak in warm water and cuticle oil plus cuticle push back and nipping (even though cuticle nipping is often not recommended). After the soak be sure to swipe your nails with polish remover to clear the oil off the nail surface. If I am going to soak, I file before I soak because filing the nail while wet will increase the potential for tears and rips at the tip of the nail. I will also add a quick dry oil at the top coat step if I am not needing to go anywhere or do anything, as the oil tends to get everywhere!!

      2. +1. Manicures are a must. If you can’t get to the salon, just painting on a clear strengthening formula usually was enough to both help my weak nails and mentally remind me not to nibble.

   2. The only thing that worked for me was switching from obsessively biting my nails to obsessively filing them. If they get the least bit raggedy I’ll bite them. Manicures work on the same concept but get expensive

   3. You need three things. A file. A cuticle cream, such as Badger or Burt’s Bees. A cuticle nipper. File off any snaggy, peely parts of your nails as soon as they appear. Apply cuticle cream All. The. Time. Use the cuticle nipper to immediately remove any hangnails. I did this, and over time was able to stop gnawing all the time, and my nails eventually grew out really nicely.

   4. Moisturizing cream of your choice (though if you’ve got a bunch of raw hangnails, consider neosporin first) and cotton gloves every night. Store nail trimmers EVERYWHERE that way when you get a break, peel or hangnail you can fix it on the spot.

      1. I would also recommend adding something like Aquaphor over the moisturizing cream at night to seal it.

   5. get regular no chip manis. and keep cuticle cream in a few places. having nice nails makes it more likely that I wont pick at my cuticles (hence, the no chip, because once I have chipped polish, all bets are off). And then I have a few of the burts bees cuticle cream — one at my desk, one in my purse, one next to my bed, etc. And every time I think of it, I apply it. on a conf. call; while waiting at a dr. office; while sitting in a car (not driving) etc.

      1. what brand polish do you use?? For a while, I used OPI and found it didn’t chip too bad, but then I also found that sometimes the glittery stuff wears like iron too. I don’t have to be conservative with my nailcolor, as I don’t work in a conservative industry.

         1. If you’re not going the gel route (I haven’t done it yet either), I swear by Nailtiques Formula 2 Plus for base, a polish that isn’t incredibly weak (some of my favorite Essie colors fall into this category, unfortunately), and Seche Vite top coat. I usually keep my nails shorter than my fingertips to let me garden/wash dishes/hike without fear of ruining my manicure, but even when I let them get pretty long over the winter, this kept my manicure nice for about a week.

            Can’t think of which specific colors wear harder than others, but I have noticed that reds and pinks tend to chip easier than blues, dark maroons, grays, and browns.

            1. I have found that white-based polishes tend to chip easier. Part of that is they often go on less uniformly – for whatever reason, white-based polishes don’t settle as well as the others.

            2. Say yes to nailtiques.

         2. I have it done at a salon, so sometimes opi, sometimes gelish, sometimes whatever other brand they have. I get it done every other Saturday (sometimes stretch to a 3rd week if need be)

   6. Honestly, the only thing that keeps me from biting my nails is keeping my nails short. Not painful, down to the quick short, but the second they get any real length, I start nibbling. The upside is that manicures on short nails last much longer (and the brighter or trendier colors also look less out-there). I used to try to give up nail biting to grow out my nails and then I realized I spent so much mental energy not biting or worrying about having them break that I finally came to the conclusion that it wasn’t worth it.

   7. I always had bad nails – splitting breaking peeling. All my life. Until I started regular vit d and calcium supplements. Now no problems.

      The other thing I do recently is to use a cuticle cream daily. Burts Bees is good and reasonably priced.

      1. Good to know! Mine have split and peeled all my life also. I used to take calcium and didn’t notice a different, but I should try Vit D for sure.

   8. I have achieved this sans manicures. It’s a long term strategy, but it helped disabuse myself of the habit (note, I voluntarily restarted the habit as a result of untreated OCD/anxiety disorder).

      I told myself that I didn’t have to be perfect- I’d focus on just not biting a few nails at a time. So I’d tell myself I’m at 10%, 30%, 70%, 100%. This way there was no cold turkey, which never works for me, but I was making progress. If I desperately needed to do it, I would do just one nail, but it wasn’t a total failure. Once I was able to let some nails grow long, I didn’t feel the urge to bite/ pick them because they were pretty, and I felt worse about doing it than I used to.

   9. I bit my nails into adulthood and think that it hurt my image during internships, etc. How bad it was: I got used to the taste of that German hot pepper “stop biting” nail coat.

      How I stopped: I did short nude acrylics for a year to initially break the habit, then switched to weekly professional manis, then to monthly professional manis. I use Revlon calcium gel hardener that looks clear (I like it better than Nailtiques). I remove and reapply every few days because I will start biting if there is anything at all chipped or raggedy.

      My motivation to stop was the knowledge that I would soon be engaged and I wanted to be able to wear a ring. Until I stopped biting, I never wore rings or anything to call attention to my hands. I suggest picking out some finger bling for yourself that you will be able to wear when you successfully stop.

      I did not wear nail polish to my wedding because I was so proud to finally have presentable natural nails!

   10. I know this sounds crazy, but I went to a hypnotherapist to stop biting my nails. I’d bitten my nails since I had teeth and tried all kinds of stuff to stop. I still occasionally bite them when I’m stressed, but most of the time I have decent looking nails. It was in like 1999 so it does seem to work relatively well over the long term.

       1. where do we find a hypnotherapist for this?? How did you find yours?

   11. I have a terrible nail biting habit. A couple of years ago I started buying the cheap (about $6) glue-on french nail sets at the drug store. I use either the “Petite” or “Extra Short” size and they work great for me. I get compliments on my nails all the time, which makes me chuckle. They last pretty much all work week (and I keep a spare box in my desk if I need to replace one). I think they weaken my natural nails but I don’t really care because I would bite them and make them look bad anyway.

3. I got invited to a baby sprinkle… I have no idea what that means. The mom-to-be has two kids already but they’re older (I think aged 9-13). Any idea? Do I still bring a gift? I just got the save-the-date so there are no registry details yet.

   Thanks ladies.

   1. I think “sprinkle” is the term for “yes I realize it’s inappropriate for me to have a shower because I already have two kids but my insane MIL is insisting on throwing something so here we will call it a sprinkle.” At least that’s what it’s been among my group of women. We bring gifts, but usually cutesy fun ones (alma mater onesie) rather than the standard shower gifts (12 pack of bottles).

   2. I would bring a big box of diapers, maybe size 2. :)

   3. Yes gifts, but it’s more low-key, less expensive practical items that would have been worn out or used up by earlier children – so people bring diapers, burp cloths, etc. If it’s a baby of the opposite sex from its siblings, some clothes are usually given. The mom may also register for gear that was used by kid #1 but is now “unsafe” – so maybe a new car seat – but I don’t usually see guests bringing anything expensive.

   4. Sprinkle gifts are usually the disposable things that you wouldn’t keep between kids. Diapers, burp clothes, bibs, pacifiers, bottles, etc. The idea is that you already have clothes and big gear items from previous children. Although if the kids are much older, she may have gotten rid of most of the baby gear/clothes too.

   5. I think a sprinkle means “we want to celebrate the baby and the mom, but this is not a huge gifting occasion, so bring something if you like.” I’ve gone to no-gift sprinkles, diaper sprinkles, book sprinkles. They are pretty common for second and third children in our area.

   6. Yup, we had a sprinkle for my SIL (she wasn’t expecting to have kid #2 so she had thrown out all her baby stuff). Clothing in a variety of sizes is appreciated, blankets, sleep sacks, diapers, baby bodywash, etc…..Generally it’s just a way for people to get together and celebrate the incoming baby/mom and give small (or no) gifts.

   7. Can we pause on the insanity that is sending a save the date for a sprinkle though?

      1. +1 Seriously. I didn’t send them out for my wedding.

      2. It doesn’t seem that crazy to me. It seems downright prudent if the guest of honor is coming in from out of town. If you’re at the age where people have multiple kids, most of us need a long heads up to arrange child care and/or make sure we haven’t already booked the weekend. I can barely coordinate getting my parents and siblings/their families together for non-holidays without like a 3 month lead time and we all live within 60 miles of each other.

      3. Maybe it was just an email saying, here’s a head’s up we’re planning on having a sprinkle for Jane on x date, details to follow?

4. Ladies,

   I made it through my 2 month shopping ban! Woohoo! So I just bought several spring dresses and a tweed jacket to try from Nordstrom and ASOS. :) I am also wearing REGULAR BOOTS and not snow boots for my commute to work today!

   What are everyone’s thoughts on the crop top dress or matching top/skirt trend? Where would you wear something like that? I am going to try one on but fully expect that I will return it.

   1. I see them on models and beautiful people on the street, and think they are amazing/beautiful/so stylish. However, I have a sinking feeling I can’t pull this look off, much like many other things I love on tall waify women who’s lives seem to consist primarily of hip dinners and concerts, that all ultimately look out of place on me. But this is a personal mental block, and I’m very much hoping for you it works. I think you can wear them out at night (dinners, drinks) if its a more “night” or fancy pattern/fabric, and for any cool day events (barbecues, brunches) for those with a more fun pattern, casual fabric.

      1. Those dresses are for the same people who can conduct their life on Apple devices instead of PCs because in their world of rainbows and unicorns the “presentation for the client” never needs to be redlined or stored on a thumb drive and the internet service never hiccups.

         1. I seriously laughed out loud about this coming down the world of apple vs pc. So true.

   2. I would wear that somewhere where I’d just be standing. I don’t like how the rolls spill over the top when I sit down (or, I didn’t when I was 14).

   3. I’m not a fan of the crop + bottom. I am not super comfortable with my midsection fluff, and even if I was, it still seems very Saved by the Bell to me.

      Congrats on your ban–it is hard! I broke my shoe-buying ban the other day when I found a replacement pair of shoes to a pair that I desperately love, for less than half the price, including shipping, than the first pair I bought!

5. I just found out that a very dear mentor was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I was hoping to gather some ideas for care-taking types of gifts (food delivery, maid services, etc.). I’m too far away for meal drop-offs, and I’ve already sent a throw + slippers, I’m really looking for something that will help take some chores off her plate once she starts chemo – any ideas?

   1. How kind of you, and I’m so sorry. Gift cards for a house cleaning service, or pea pod if that is in her area I think would work well. You could also look on yelp to find a cafe nearby that could deliver yummy soups, I bet if you tell them why and it was a local place they would work with you to get it done. If she reads, a subscription to the Amazon Unlimited service (and a Kindle if she doesn’t have one…?). I hear there’s a lot of sitting and waiting. Maybe Netflix too, or spotify premium for on-demand music.

   2. For house cleaning, there are a couple of organizations out there that connect cancer patients with donated house cleaning services Cleaning for a Reason is the one my housekeeper donates time to, but there are others. Maybe do some of the legwork for her if she’s interested.

   3. My parents are going through this (different cancer, same prognosis) and they really appreciated gift cards to Seamless and/or GrubHub (whatever has the most options in your area, or some equivalent service).

      Is she being treated by a local doctor or will she seek treatment at a specialized cancer center? My parent is seeking treatment at a specialized center that’s a bit farther away (~1 hour). Someone called a car service and arranged for 5 round trip rides to the treatment center, that my parents could schedule whenever. There are so many doctors appointments, and my parent really appreciated being able to take a car sometimes instead of asking for a ride. Plus it’s more relaxing than driving yourself.

      They also liked getting gift cards to the movies (a low key, distracting activity).

      I’m very sorry – cancer can be brutal, and I hope her treatment goes well.

6. For those of you in marriages/long term relationships — can we talk about how you split the holidays? My family lives three hours away, and my in-laws live in our town.

   My family moves Thanksgiving and Christmas to the weekend before, so that we spend the actual holidays with my husband’s family. Given that, I think it’s fair to spend Easter weekend with my family, but it’s become a huge fight with my SO. He thinks that Easter should “go” to his parents because they are Christian and it’s a Christian holiday. I think that’s unfair because I have work holiday and the kid’s daycare is closed on Good Friday and Easter Monay, so I think it makes sense to visit my famiy who is out of town, rather than stay in town. This argument is annual, and I’m sick of it. Curious to hear how others handle the holidays.

   1. Before we had kids, we alternated Thanksgiving and Christmas (for Easter we were always in town since I sang).

      After we had kids, we will occasionally deign to travel on Thanksgiving, but we don’t travel on Christmas – our families can come to us if they want. Easter is not a major holiday for anyone but my parents – if it happens to fall on the same weekend as Patriots’ Day (which I get off) then we *might* travel, but we don’t base our travel schedule on the holiday.

      It sounds like your family has a LOT of holidays and you travel for almost all of them – T-giving and Xmas with both families AND Easter. To avoid the fights, I would agree to alternate Easters of staying in town/traveling, and then your family can come to you on Easter if they want.

   2. So, it sounds like your husband’s family gets all three “actual” holidays with you every year, and your family always has to work around it? Not fair IMO.

      My parents live an hour from us and my in-laws are a 2 hour flight. We alternate Christmas and Thanksgiving every year (so it’s either Cat’s Parents – Thanksgiving and Husband’s Parents – Christmas or vice versa). Since my family is nearby, we exchange Christmas gifts in person on a convenient day near the holiday if we’ll be out of town, but don’t try to do a fake Thanksgiving with them.

      I’d suggest you do the same for Easter or alternatively invite your family to visit so you could see both families? Or what about always visiting your family on Memorial Day weekend if you spend Easter with your in-laws for religious reasons?

      1. Yes, I think its fair to say “Ok, if your parents always get Easter, then we will both take off Friday before and do Memorial Day at my parents”

         However, I also agree with below that just because they are Christian doesn’t mean they automatically “get” Easter, especially if your husband isn’t a practicing Christian beyond Christmas and Easter. This is one reason a relationship I had with someone with a much more religious family didn’t work out – he always assumed that his family would take priority on the religious family holidays, and didn’t understand that just because my family didn’t go to church on those days didn’t mean that we didn’t have our own traditions and enjoy spending time together on those days, despite not celebrating in a religious way.

   3. I think people handle it in a way the makes all loved ones feel valued, which they don’t when some people are hoarding the holidays.

      When you live in a country with a dominant religion, hoildays are civic mini-breaks and communal to all, even if you don’t celebrate them b/c (as you noted) the time off from work and school lets us travel to be with our families (something of important to people b/c we are people and need our loved ones).

   4. We never had this issue (his family lives on another continent), but for my stepkids’ holiday schedule, we made two equal lists of holidays (ie if one gets the first night of Hanukkah, the other gets the first night of Passover and if one gets RH, the other gets YK) and then said: in even years, mom gets list A and dad gets list B, and in odd years, we switch. It allows everyone to make plans more than a day in advance (my totally not favorite method that was in use before we could agree on the list method).

   5. This is tough. For starters, For Easter specifically, is the religious aspect or tradition aspect actually important to your husband and/or his family? If so I can see why he would be upset, because he’s being deprived of a celebration that has significance to him. However, if it’s just another excuse to see family and there happens to be some pastel-colored decorations and a big dinner, I think it’s fair to say that it’s harder to make time to see your family and you’d like to take advantage of the time off to do so. I don’t think it’s fair though to say that you deserve to go see your family because they move other celebrations to a week before – that’s their decision, and it’s not clear to me that it’s a burden on you or them.

   6. Ug. Ours is not a whole lot less complicated than yours, except that we put our collective foot down and said we will have christmas in our own house, where our kids can wake out of their own beds and go down their own stairs to their own tree with presents. Beyond that, we’ve kind of dug in our heels and haven’t committed to any sort of “plan” or exchange.

      My brother & my sister-in-law live in the same city about 5 hours drive from us. My mom, her sister & my uncle live 3+ hours drive, and my husband’s family lives another 2 hours beyond that. My dad lives 5 hours in a different direction, but will be moving closer soon. Last year (Christmas 2013) we went to see the 3-hour family the weekend before christmas. My brother drove down with his family, and then we visited with our family for a day, and then drove to see husband’s family. We decided that the weekend before was the best way to do it. Brother agreed too, so that may be the new tradition.

      We don’t celebrate easter, so that’s not really a sticking point with us. This past year, we went to friends for t-giving, but my mom tagged along too (awkward).

      In the end, we kind of do what works for our little family. I feel guilt & obligation toward my mother, but part of it is because she puts that pressure on, and I am not strong enough to say no (though I do have lots of dreams of issuing her an ultimatum and just saying NO–and boy are those dreams empowering!). We see my family a few times a year on various other occasions, but husband’s family has no car, so we always have to drive to see them anyway. And, really, it is just my mother who has clingy hopes about holiday & family. For me, a holiday is just kind of another day. Plus stress. If I can visit (or host) my family on non-holidays with less stress, that is far more appealing to me than trying to tie it with a particular holiday.

   7. Thanks all – this is helpful. My husband is an atheist who disdains religion, so I think his argument is a lame excuse. His family is very religious though. My family is not Christian, but we do celebrate A LOT of holidays – Christmas, Easter, Eid, Diwali, Holi, Persian New Year etc. — we definitely don’t get together for all of them, but we are equal opportunity partiers. (We are a very multi-cultural family by marriage…)

      My family agreed to move Thanksgiving and Christmas because we are really close, and we all wanted to be together for the major” holidays (ie. ones predominantly celebrated in the US when people get holidays from work/school). Rather than switch off, we decided to move the holidays to ensure everyone can make it. But you’re right – it’s not really a burden, just more of an accommodation for everyone and their SOs.

      The fights really started when we had kids (toddler and baby) because I want to take advantage of the Easter work holiday, so they can see my family…it’s hard to get together without taking (more) vacation and I only get a certain amount of time…er….this is hard.

      1. If he disdains religion, why does he want to take the kids to celebrate Easter at his parents? My husband has broken away from his parents religious roots, and he actually takes every excuse he has to celebrate with my non-religious family, so his mom can’t drag us or the kids to church.

         Is it really that he just doesn’t want to pack up in the car with the kid and drive, he wants to enjoy the long weekend at home? If so, would you go with just the kids to visit your family? Or would 2 kids alone be hell for you?

         If he won’t bend on going to visit your parents this Easter, I would suggest breaking out a calendar and making him nail down when you WILL go visit your parents, and point out that you will have to dip into your vacation do to so otherwise if you don’t go this trip – he may not be seeing the big picture.

         1. I’ve done that: pack up the kids and traveled alone. Not particularly great, but sometimes it keeps everyone happier. It is definitely one way that I can appease my mom without burdening my hubs with the pain of a visit. (FWIW, both of us have a strained relationship with my mom, and I only tolerate her in small doses, but she’s my kids’ grandmother, and they love her)

            Meg’s idea about solidifying the dates you see your folks is a great one–it should help him to see how off-balance it is (if it is)

         2. I would actually love to go alone with the kids because he sulks when he has to travel. I think he wants to please his parents, and that’s part of why this gets me so upset — he is putting their needs ahead of everything else. I offered to do a 2nd Easter celebration the following weekend for them, but he’s not satisfied with that solution either. (The more I write, the worse this sounds…) Anyway, I appreciate the responses – somehow it makes me feel better to share/vent to this community!

      2. It sounds like you and your husband need to have a talk about what each holiday means to you and your families so you can make decisions you feel are fair. What I’m hearing is that Easter isn’t religiously meaningful to you or your husband. You are looking at it from a time off perspective, which totally makes sense. Is he looking at it from a “it’s religiously meaningful to my parents” perspective? Maybe if he openly tells you why he’s fighting for Easter with his parents, he’ll see that it doesn’t make sense.

         FWIW, DH and I live 2000 miles from our families, but parts of our families live within an hour’s drive of each other. When we go there for a holiday, it’s a mad dash back and forth, trying to see everyone and be “fair,” which means different things at different times. We make it a policy to take a year off from Christmas every third year or so, and usually do Thanksgiving with friends.

   8. I’m lucky that the only shared holiday between our families is Thanksgiving (hubs is Jewish and mine ish-Catholic)–we alternate Turkey Days and even that has been contentious. Both families are at least 3.5 hour drive away, but his is via an especially horrid stretch of I-95. I hate traveling there for a number of reasons (terrible travel experiences, need to get a hotel, family house is a death trap for little ones) so I get grumpy about it. My family is also more accommodating, doesn’t get offended by our absence, and visits us on their own, while MIL is much less understanding, does get offended, and doesn’t visit us, so that makes it more difficult. Mostly we just stick to the alternating schedule but if you find a magic silver bullet through this comment thread, I’m all ears.

      I second the vote that because it’s a long weekend, you should use it to visit the out-of-town family. I am also presuming that you see his family more because of their proximity. If it were me, I’d say alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas, and use the long Easter weekend to visit your family. (Or, alternate Thanksgiving and Easter, and use Christmas to visit your family.) Basically it seems fair that your family should get an “extra” holiday given their distance/less frequent family time, but sure, arrange to celebrate another time with his in-town family.

   9. We live 2.5 hours from my in-laws, 2 hours from my parents in summer and a three hour flight from my parents in winter. We do Easter with my in-laws (they are very churchy, like pastor churchy) and we fly to visit my parents at the end of March. We do Thanksgiving with both families on the same day (so much food!) because my husband doesn’t want to give up more than one day of hunting, so we drive to his parents for lunch and mine for dinner. We’ve been doing Christmas with my parents since they moved, and Christmas with my in-laws the week after

   10. We’re kind of lucky, my husband’s parents / my grandparents live(d) about a mile from each other – which is a 6-7 hour drive or a 1 hour flight for us. At first, when we were much younger (think college), we’d hit everyone’s house on each holiday. As we got older and I got tired of killing myself every holiday to make everyone else happy, we’d travel up together and I’d go to my grandparents and he’d go to his parents, and it was a lot easier and less stressful that way. Holidays just never meant much to me after my grandmother passed away (she raised me), so it just didn’t matter and my grandpa and I would do something fun like go out for lobster or steak.

       Unfortunately my dad’s family lives in SoCal, so my Aunts usually got left out. That worked out ok though, because my family is Jewish and my husband’s is Catholic, so I would stay down here for things like Passsover, Yom Kippur, etc. and we’d travel for Christmas / Easter / etc. We’d typically split Thanksgiving and go north / south every other year.

       Now that we’re about to have our first baby, we’ve both agreed that, because there is no one left in my family but my brother and a couple of aunts, and my husband just has his mom and sisters which are scattered all over, they can travel to us (if they want to). We figure we’ve “paid our dues” over the past 15 years running all over the place making them happy, now they can travel to us. We intentionally have space and a guest room, and lots of air mattresses, so we can accommodate everyone and there is no financial reason why they can’t travel. I think if we had more family, we’d still feel that way because I think travelling frequently with a baby would be too much for us.

   11. Is it possible to split up for Easter? You each take one kid for the weekend? And then you switch off which kid you each take the next year? It’s one thing if it’s really important to you guys to spend the weekend together, but there are plenty of people who are happier dividing and conquering rather than going through protracted negotiations/conflict each year.

   12. We live in the same city as my in-laws, and DH’s family is very large and complicated around the holidays (in-laws are divorced, so we have to see both sides, plus there are step-families on both sides who have to see their other parents’ families — so things really can’t be moved around without a massive domino effect). My family lives pretty far away, either a 10-hour drive or 1.5-hr flight, and it’s just me and my parents for any holidays. We spend Thanksgiving at home/with my in-laws, mainly because I hate to travel at Thanksgiving, and my mom doesn’t feel like it’s worth cooking all that for 3 people. We visit my parents for several days before Christmas and fly back for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at home/with my in-laws. We’ll try to travel to my parents at least twice a year, usually Easter or my birthday (also in the spring) and the fall. My parents come to see us several times a year as well.

   13. I feel lucky, because ours just fell into place naturally. We do Thanksgiving with his family, Christmas with mine, every single year. He has a very small family (3 cousins, one aunt) and Thanksgiving is when his cousins come home (to a city an hour from us), so we go to Thanksgiving to be able to see everyone. We do Christmas with my family (about 3 hours away). Neither of our families are very religious, and don’t have an Easter to-do, so we usually spend Easter with my sister and my brother in law who live 45 min away (my brother in law is a childhood friend of my fiance), because it usually falls on or around my brother in law’s birthday (so we go out or have a party with all of my brother in law/fiance’s friends, who have now been my sister and my friends for years).

   14. Why not swap Easter and thanksgiving then? His folks get Easter, yours get the latter. Or alternate years for all holidays.

7. I’m thinking London for Christmas this year. I’ve never been, but am wondering if people have suggestions both in terms of things to do and if Christmas is just going to be a cluster.

   1. I went at the holidays last year and didn’t love it then – the weather was nice enough but a lot of things were crowded because everyone was on holiday. The Harrods sale was a nightmare of people, which was disappointing. I wouldn’t recommend it for the holidays specially.

      1. I almost never shop in store (anywhere!) for that reason. I may go to see it, but I’m much more book by the fire, stroll in the city, see historical things.

      2. Yay Kat! I love this blouse, but is is so low cut that my boobies would show w/o a cami, and I do NOT like weareing cami’s once it gets warmer out.

         As for the OP, I would NOT go to London for Christmas b/c it is NOT such a nice place in the Winter. You want to go someplace WARM and inviteing, like mabye the Bahama’s or Aruuba. BTW, You can alway’s go to LONDON in the Summer, where it is warm but not to hot. If you must go for busness, that is another story. We do NOT have any busness in London b/c Worker’s Compensation is a New York kind of a thing that is NOT applicable anywhere else. FOOEY, b/c I would LOVE to be abel to go teach a CLE in London or Paris or Madrid or Rome, but the manageing partner says they do NOT care about NY WC law.

         I met a woman in the elevator today that works in a NON-PROFIT. I did NOT know what that was, and she told me all about it. Evidenteley, they collect gift’s from the public, then spend it on themselve’s for salary and work furnisheing’s. I went up to their office and saw how nice it was. Now I understand why profit organisation’s like our law firm have dumpy furniture — b/c we do NOT have to spend all our money like non-profit’s. They do, so they do. I would like to have furniture like a non-profit and told the manageing partner. He said I was getting his old furniture anyway, which is pretty good, but I would realy like Non-Profit furniture. He said If I realy wanted non-profit furniture, I could work for a non-profit and make 1/5 of what I make here. I said FOOEY on that, b/c I have expense’s to pay, and a MAN I need to attract and retain as a HUSBAND who can take me away from all of this accounting for profit’s and non-profit’s. I told the manageing partner that if his NEPHEW was at all ambitus, he could marry me and support me and our children, but all he does is skateboard all day. Who need’s that!

         If someone in the HIVE can find me a guy who is useful and MARRY’s me, Dad say’s he will pay her $25. YAY, but who is goieng to put up a guy for $25, I told him. He said I was worth alot more to any “redblooded man with a libeedo”. If he figures that I am goeing to be some one’s sex slave just b/c I am married to him, I say DOUBEL FOOEY! I have had more then enough with guy’s who talk a big line, then just start huffeing and puffeing on top of me then roll over and ruin my 1000 p.s.i. Egyptian Cotton Sheet’s. The HIVE know’s what I am talkeing about. We HIVE members should UNITE to prevent stuff like this from EVER happeneing again! YAY!!!!

   2. No suggestions but this sounds so fun.

   3. Do it only if you can plan to get the majority of your tourist-ing in on a weekday before about the 22nd of December… otherwise London is, as you’ve guessed, a bit crazy.

      1. Would the typical touristy stuff be too crazed after Christmas and into the new year? I have some flexibility, but I get the week off between Christmas and New Years and like to take advantage. I probably will do window shopping just to go to some of the stores, but have no desire to actually partake in the madness of shopping.

         1. That should be fine – just beware the Boxing Day bank holiday and general weird closing hours in that week!

   4. I’ve been to London during Christmas. If I recall, many places were closed on Christmas day. We were staying with family, so we just spent the day with them. As far as things to do, there is plenty. Here are some places we visited.

      Buckingham Palace
      Trafalgar Square – National Gallery (if I recall, all museums are free)
      Tower of London
      St. Paul’s Cathedral or Westminster Abbey

      We also took a guided tour to Stonehenge and Bath.

      The weather was a bit damp, but after experiencing freezing midwest winters, it wasn’t that bad.

      1. All national museums are free, yes – but my favourite London museum (the London Transport Museum in Covent Garden) is one of the few that isn’t. If you have train or bus nerds with you, they will love it!

         Stonehenge is, in my opinion, over-rated. Go to Bath for a day (and a night if you can) and get your fix of ancient history in one of the UK’s cutest cities instead of in the middle of nowhere! The Christmas Market this year finishes on the 13th December, and is incredibly highly-rated. Plus, you could have a tour guide in the shape of yours truly if you so wished!

         1. Can I shamelessly piggyback on this question? My parents are coming to Edinburgh, then we’ll travel to London to visit the in-laws (one of those joint holidays to keep everyone happy), but I wanted a bit more time with my parents. Any idea for a cute / fun post-Christmas destination between the 27th -30th or so?

            Can’t wait until we have kids and can make everyone come to us.

            1. I will always shamelessly evangelise about Bath – as a student, I’ve never been there between Christmas and New Year, but as it’s not peak-peak time (since the Market has finished) it shouldn’t be too packed. I think my parents got a great hotel deal through Groupon a while ago that included a session at the Thermae Bath Spa, great for when it’s cold out! Best bet to get there from Edinburgh is to fly to Bristol, and there’s a direct bus from the airport to Bath (the A4, I think? It’s a green double-decker, anyway).

               The Isle of Wight is also gorgeous but a trek from Edinburgh, sadly – we usually stay at the West Bay Club near Yarmouth but you really need a car, which would therefore require the long drive South which is no fun at that time of year. To be honest I tend to find countrysidey holidays a bit grim in the winter.

               I’ve heard York is gorgeous too, and I’ve been meaning to check it out. Very Potter-y, though living in Edinburgh I imagine you’re sick of that. Easier from a transport point of view since you can just get the train.

            2. Thanks for these, saved in Evernote! We’re doing Edinburgh, London, and then somewhere else (my parents will head home from London) so it makes things a bit easier although who knows how we’re going to get home to Scotland…

         2. So — I loved Stonehenge, although yes it’s just looking at big rocks. But still, very awe-inspiring and thought-provoking for this History major. Windsor Castle was fun and an easy train ride. I love St. Paul’s cathedral and the Tate Modern is fabulous if you are even remotely interested in art. I don’t know what the holiday/winter hours are like but I ate a lot of my weekend breakfasts at Borough Market when I lived in London for a year — if you remotely like food, that’s a good place to start!

      2. Having lived through one London winter this is what I would say:

         Why I would not go: It is more crowded, there won’t be any snow but it will be cold and perhaps rainy, it gets dark EARLY so if you want to visit surrounding areas or do anything nature-y at all its hard because it gets dark so fast. It does get busy. I personally would stay clear of Oxford street. I did enjoy one night walking down past Selfridges at 11 pm, when everything was closed, and enjoying the lights and the quiet, and starring in all the windows without the crowds.

         Why I would go: Everyone decorates their stores and windows. There is a great holiday energy! Its London!

         BTW: You will need reservations for anything far far in advance, even further than normal because things book up fast. Know that Christmas Day and Boxing Day will be quiet days. Most things are closed and most public transportation is very limited on those days.

         If you want to do Christmas activities in London I would do these:
         Winter stuff:
         Sir John Soane Museum/Home Candlelight Tour – Best in Winter because its actually dark out in London so the candles create a good atmosphere (open til 9 pm but you have to get there EARLY to get in – We got there are 4:30, and were let in at 6 pm, and were out by 7 pm. However, some people when we left were still in line waiting to get in. I would suggest to get there early, so you aren’t standing in line waiting to get in all night. Only 200 people are let in. Its typically done the first Tuesday of every month but check the calendar) I didn’t look on the museum website much, and the surprise that unfolded as I went into the museum was wonderful. Its a treasure trove in there and don’t ruin it with internet searches.

         Christmas-y stuff (to be fair I didn’t do all of these this Christmas season, but they are on my list for next year):
         Ice Skating at Somerset – you must book ahead
         Ice Skating at History Museum – you must book ahead
         Downton Abbey with Holiday Decorations
         Bricklane Musical – over the top British Holiday Show- http://www.bricklanemusichall.co.uk/news/vincents-christmas-wonderland
         Kew Gardens is decorated for Christmas and has events

         Geffrye Museum of the Home has two things:
         Period Rooms Decorated: Each year, the Geffrye Museum’s eleven period living rooms are transformed with authentic festive decorations, lighting, music and greenery to give visitors a magical glimpse into how Christmas has been celebrated in English middle-class homes over the past 400 years.

         Farewell to Christmas: Join us in the Geffrye’s own traditional burning of the holly and the ivy, with carol singing, stories about Epiphany and a taste of mulled wine and Twelfth Night cake. This event takes place in the garden, so wrap up warm!

         I didn’t like the Christmas Markets here – if you want that type of stuff go to Germany or Austria. I found them really touristy and crowded. I did however fully enjoy going to movie theaters and being able to order mulled wine to drink during the movie!

         Go to a Christmas Choral Concert:
         http://www.standard.co.uk/goingout/music/christmas-carol-concerts-and-choirs-in-london-9935132.html

         Borough Market and other food markets are fun during the Christmas time because they have special Christmas foods.

         Let me know if you have any other questions about Christmas stuff or London in general!

         1. omigosh, this list is amazing! I am saving this in my “must do” travel list, this sounds like so much fun.

   5. I traveled to London for Christmas with my parents many years ago (2004). We had a great time. I loved going out to Oxford Street on Christmas Eve and being in the crowd and in the middle of all the energy — but I was not there to do any real shopping. On Christmas Day, almost everything was closed, including public transportation, but we walked around the city and went to the Charles Dickens house for about an hour. We also had dinner reservations (made far, far in advance, and at the restaurant in the hotel we were staying at). In the days after Christmas, the tourist attractions started opening back up, with weird hours, but I never felt like anything was too crowded or that it was like peak season. Granted, it’s been 10+ years, so that may have changed. Generally, though, we had a nice, pretty relaxing vacation (compared to Christmas with the extended family). So I’d suggest going for it as long as you’re willing to do plenty of planning ahead of time and pay close attention to store/museum hours in the days around Christmas and Boxing Day.

      Also, I join in shameless evangelizing for Bath. I went in the summer, not Christmas, but it is one of my favorite “side” trips I’ve made from any city.

   6. Allow me to join the crowd shouting praise of Bath. It’s a great side trip from London. The architecture, the Roman ruins, and the modern spa are all wonderful. When I went in April 2012, you could book a package where you spent X number of hours in the modern spa and have a champagne tea/brunch at the Pump Room. If you love Jane Austen and other novels set in that period the Pump Room is a must. I didn’t make it to the Jane Austen Museum but I hear it’s really wonderful.

      1. I am sure she had better stay, for nobody will want Anne in Bath.

         1. :)

            Is the 2007 adaptation any good? I own the one with Ciaran Hinds as Captain Wentworth.

            1. (I am answering for Elizabeth ;o)) Some people hate it.. it has a couple of ridiculous directing decisions that make no sense, and the end is really rushed… and I LURV IT WITH ALL MY HEART. I rewatch it all the time, it’s definitely my favorite version. Partly because Sally Hawkins and Anthony Stewart Head (Giles) and the filming on location in Bath and Lyme… but mostly because Rupert Penry-Jones. I can’t even. (swoon)

8. Hello ladies! So I just booked travel to Munich and Zurich for 2 weeks this summer (August), and I absolutely can’t wait. Is there anything you all would suggest I HAVE TO do while I am there? I’m open to anything. Thanks in advance!

   1. How are you travelling between the two? If through Konstanz, I’d love to show you around!

   2. Schloss Neuschwanstein for me is a must for anyone who loves Disney (the castle Cinderella’s was based upon). It’s about an hour (ish?) outside of Munich. The time you are going I think it would be lovely to make a day of it and go hiking if you are into that (I am), as there are two castles there and some beautiful, hilly trails through the woods.

      1. You might not be too far from Quedlinberg (where the recovered-after-it-was-stolen-during-WW II treasure is) and Wartburg Castle (where Martin Luther wrote his treatise). Both are UNESCO World Heritage sites.

      2. In Munich itself , you can just hang out in the Englischer Garten and watch the world go past if you like. There are also quite a few very good museums and galleries – depends on your taste. The various Pinakotheks are all good and in nice grounds. Viktualienmarkt for food shopping. Residenzschloss for a very local castle/palace.

         From Munich, Salzburg is an easy day trip. I hesitate to actually *recommend* the Sound of Music tour (my sister dragged me along), but the scenery is gorgeous around the Salzkammergut and it’s more fun than I thought. Otherwise, the town centre and the fortress are worth the visit – if you’re going to be there during the festival, book now!

         Neuschwanstein is one of several Mad King Ludwig castles in the region – Hohenschwangau and Linderhof are also nearby and make for a packed castle day trip if that’s your thing. Chiemsee is also a great destination.

         German Alps are less impressive than the Swiss ones, but the Zugspitze makes for a good day out if you fancy a mountain. (It’s also cheaper than going up most Swiss mountains if that’s an issue). That and Garmisch make for good hiking too.

         If you’re going between the two by train, then somewhere on Lake Constance is definitely worth a stop. Lindau is most directly on the train route, but Konstanz is also nice as a detour. From there, I like visiting Mainau (island in the lake) too – there’s also very good cycling around bits of the lake.

         Zurich is a fun city to wander around and gawk at the prices (if you don’t want to live on bread and cheese, set a food budget and then double it). Lake Zurich is also really good for water sports. Uetliberg is the local mountain (more a large hill) but can offer good views. From Zurich, make sure you go to Luzern – the lake with alpine views is amazing and the town is extremely pretty. Beyond that, Switzerland is small enough that day trips are viable but pricey. Can highly recommend the Jungfraujoch trip on a clear day. Engelberg/Titlis is also fairly spectacular.

         Look into a Swiss Travel Pass if you’re planning to spend a lot of time on trains there – individual tickets get horrendously pricey very fast. In Munich, the Bayern Ticket is a good deal.

         Have fun – sounds like a great trip!

         1. Salzburg is fun but really really touristy. Not American tourists necessarily but touristy. That said, there were lots of fun things to do there (the fortress, walking around the old city, Mirabell gardens). I wouldn’t spend more than a couple days there.

            Munich was great to walk around. The art museums are lovely. The Alte Pinakothek was partially closed when we were there, but many of the paintings were moved to the Neue. Shopping was fabulous in Munich (Karstadt!) and we had some great meals there, too. Go to Hotel Anna for c*cktails.

   3. – smaller, local Oktoberfest type festivals with rides and beer tents
      – swimming in the freezing water at the Flaucher beach
      – going to one of the pretty lakes close to Munich (I like Schliersee and Chiemsee)
      – taking a blanket and having a picnic in Englischer Garten (the south part is good for people watching, and the northern part is peaceful and quiet)
      – taking a day trip to Berchtesgaden/Königsee
      – visiting a beer garden (Hirschgarten and the Augustiner Biergarten close to the main station are both nice)
      – if the Euro is still really weak, going to the premium outlets at Ingolstadt or shopping at Ludwig Beck/Oberpollinger :-)

   4. I second the visit to Konstanz if possible. I spent a semester studying there several years back and it is absolutely GORGEOUS in the summer on the lake. You can easily take the train from Zurich to Kreuzlingen, then take a ferry over to Meersburg, which has a lovely castle and historic walk by the lake (also some great local white wines). Then from there, you can take another ferry to Konstanz and enjoy the city, Insel Mainau, etc.

      Zurich itself, of course, is lovely. Bahnhofstrasse is fun to browse through expensive shops, the lake is beautiful, and there are great outdoor cafes to sit and enjoy the scenery. Shopping can be expensive (you probably already knew that), but they have some unique shops that are great to poke around in. I am partial to the Altstadt area, which has the old quaint historic charm that you would expect. Lindt & Spruengli cafe is an awesome choice for an afternoon coffee and pastry as well. Depending on how long you plan to stay, it is easy to make day trips out of Zurich to surrounding towns/cities, since everything is pretty accessible by public transit.

   5. Neuschwanstein.
      We visited Dachau…..a very sombre side trip.
      Day trip to Salzburg or Innsbruck.

9. Has anyone tried the Beachwaver or the Beachwaver s1? Thoughts? Trying to put more effort into my hair in the morning, but candidly don’t want to spend a ton of time and was never very good at the doing-my-own-hair “thing”. Hair isn’t super thick, but is long and layered.

   Thanks!

   1. I use hot curlers most mornings, I can clip them in, go about packing lunch, brushing my teeth, and doing my makeup and then take them out and I’m good to go (after a bit of hairspray). Curling irons are great and I love the one I have (Conair brand) but I don’t think I have the patience/time for it in the mornings before work. FWIW, your hair sounds a lot like mine

   2. I have long, layered hair and I do a lot of the night before or overnight stuff, and I find that much easier than trying to get up early enough to deal.

      -pseudo-pin curls: very very lightly spritz with water to make it slightly damp, then split my hair into 3 or 4 sections (or 5?) and loosely twist and pin to my head and sleep overnight. It gives me those beachy waves, but not super curly. I then use a flat iron to kind of smooth out any bumps on the top of my head in the morning and add some sea salt spray, and go.

      – headband curls: google this there are a lot of tutorials online. You wrap your hair around a fabric headband to sleep, comes out a little more ringlet-ey than the above.

      one thing I do in the morning if I have the time is use my flat iron to make waves all over. Again, look for tutorials online. I find it easier and it makes more casual waves than a curling iron, especially for the layers.

   3. Also long, layered hair. It is fine (but I have a lot of it) and parts are straight and parts are wavy and parts are curly.

      I braid my hair overnight for a more uniform wave/easier mornings.

      Looks crazy, but in the morning I just take the braids out and fluff.

      3 or 4 braids, and I actually braid homemade parandas in for bigger waves and no ponytail holder mark at the bottom.

10. Question for the group – there’s a sales guy I work with who just set up a meeting with my boss and didn’t let us know it was taking place until after it was already arranged (and intimated that my boss’ travel plans were set). My team is also supposed to attend a number of these meetings too (we don’t go to all of them). I emailed the sales guy (he’s out of office) saying we need to be kept in the loop about these meeting, he said “I just told you about it”, I replied, “my boss’ plans seem pretty well set”, and he responded with “is there a problem here?”. I responded “just what I said – we need to be kept in the loop”. I’m trying to Lean In here without being snotty. Not being invited to meetings has been a recurring issue over the last number of years. Would you all have handled it differently?

    1. I would’ve been more explicit about what you actually needed from the guy – did you need to be involved in the scheduling? Did you need him to talk to you before he talked to Boss at all? Do you need him to send you an agenda so you can figure out if your team should be there? I’m not entirely clear on what you needed from this guy from your description of the situation, and you’ve given us more detail here than you gave to Sales Guy.

       “I need to be kept in the loop” is really vague and could mean any number of things, including exactly what Sales Guy did (advise you of the meeting after it was set). Something like “I need to be involved in the scheduling before the meeting is set so I can determine if my team needs to be present” is a lot clearer, and also gives a *why*, which is pretty crucial to getting cooperation from people in the workplace. This isn’t a “lean in” issue – this is a communication issue.

       1. I agree – kept in the loop, to me, generally means “let me know what happens.” It sounds like he was a bit of a jerk about it, too (he could have actually asked what you need), so better communication is needed all around.

    2. Idk why you needed to know in advance? Were you planning to veto your bosses travel plans? He set up the meeting and then invited you.

    3. I’m not super clear on what the error he made was. I agree with Kitten – be more explicit about what exactly you mean by “kept in the loop.” By my book, you were kept in the loop here, as he informed you that the meeting was happening.

11. Good feedback. Thanks. I agree – should have been more explicit. My issue is that by the time the meeting is set, it is difficult to change it if my team and I have a conflict (note, this meeting would involve travel). My boss’ schedule is important – which is what he said at the end – but other people make the invitation to all of us at the same time so we can coordinate better. That didn’t happen here.

    1. But if you aren’t a key/required player at this meeting, why should he schedule around you?

       1. It’s a diligence meeting and my team is responsible for doing the diligence. We usually do diligence by phone (and we set them up, with 3-5 people), but from time to time we ask to meet or join the sales guy in person. My team is expected to meet customers whenever we can and we don’t have a lot of opportunities to do so. What’s typical with diligence calls is for the meeting planner to say, “the company has 3 dates/times available. Do these work for the group?” As a result of him not doing this, I felt my team was being cut out.

          1. But again, and as CountC pointed out below, if your team isn’t mission critical to the meeting, it’s a nightmare to add that many more people’s schedules into the mix. It sounds like the way this should be working is that your team is told of a meeting, and if your team is available for the meeting, you attend.

             In any case, as you acknowledged above, you should be clearer with what you expect differently from the sales guy.

             Finally, I’d drop whatever you perceive to be the “Lean In” aspect/mentality to this. I’m not sure if you actually read the book, but I don’t necessarily see its applicability here.

             1. Thanks for your comments. I did read it. I should have left out the reference here – it pertains to some backstory that I didn’t get into here. When a diligence meeting is set up without checking to see if the people doing the diligence can attend (or even join by phone!), it seems off to me and I asked for feedback on how I handled it. Not well, it seems! Being more direct about what I want – to be asked to join at the outset before the meeting is set – seems to be the answer, but it’s interesting to me that there seems to be a “don’t push to join” sentiment here.

             2. No certaintly push to join if you want to be there. You are just be completely unclear about what you want from him and your communication style. You asked to be kept in the loop and he kept you in the loop. If what you actually want is to be the gatekeeper for this appointment before it gets to your boss you have to say that.

             3. I think the sentiment is more along the lines of “if you do actually need to be included in these meetings where you are not being included, make that clear.”

             4. I think the sales guy may also have assumed your boss would be the one to decide if your group should attend, and if so the boss should have looped you in. In my opinion, your boss is as much (or more) in the wrong in not including you, OR your boss made the decision that your group wasn’t needed.

          2. You should tell him that. He’s a bit dumb about it, so he’s not going to understand unless you explicitly say, “The team is having some trouble fitting some of these dates into our schedules. In the future, please also talk to me and the rest of the team and give us a heads up on the potential meeting dates before it is scheduled next time to make sure we can attend.”

          3. I am not sure he was trying to deliberately cut your team out – my guess is that in typical fashion, the person scheduling the meeting is really concerned with what works for the scheduler and, in this case, the customer. Based on the additional information you have provided, I agree with the others that asking to be kept in the loop is incredibly vague and if I was the sales person, I would say yes, well I kept you in the loop because I invited you/told you about the meeting! Moving forward, it might be helpful to tell the sales person to please included you and your team in the scheduling as much as practically feasible (give him the 3 date/time option example you gave us above) because your team is responsible for conducting the diligence and is expected to attend X number of these meetings a year. Unless he is a complete jacka$$, having the background will help him understand why you need to be involved at the level you are asking to be.

    2. I can see why you aren’t getting invited to meetings… Honestly if you are not a key or required attendee, there is no way we are going to take the time to make sure it works with everyones schedule. he sent you the invite, move your other stuff around if its not as important, or don’t go. imagine checking with every optional person to schedule your meetings? It would be a nightmare.

       1. OK, let me try it this way. Each individual meeting is optional, but our attending a number of meetings each year is not (as in, it’s in our reviews to meet live with more customers). So every meeting feels “optional” to the sales guy, but in the aggregate, they are not to me (since I’m judged on my attendance at a number of them). How would you suggest I bridge that divide?

          1. As I said above – if your boss is the one writing the reviews, and your boss is the one getting invited to the meetings, then take it up with him too.

          2. Does the sales guy know this? If not, make sure he does, as it’s a much better reason to at least include you as optional attendees for each one. As Kitten said above, give a *why* for your request and you will get a lot more buy in.

             ETA: If you do get him to do this, though, I do think the onus is on you to make yourself available for the required number of meetings. I would still get pretty annoyed trying to move schedules around for optional attendees.

             1. Thanks. Yes, he’s aware of this. It’s been an ongoing issue for years and clearly my frustration is showing. I may go back and apologize for being unclear earlier, and remind him of the context.

       2. DON’T APOLOGIZE!!! Just remind him of the context. Do. Not. Apologize. Say something like, “To clarify, the reason I am asking for XYZ is because of ABC”

          1. Sigh. If someone was unclear to me, I’d want them to apologize for the miscommunication.

             1. I suppose that’s a personal difference then, for something like this a “to clarify” statement would be just fine if I was on the receiving end.

                I have no issue with her apologizing for a curt tone in her email or if she was rude to him, but I don’t see how saying “to clarify” is problematic. Lots of people say, “keep me in the loop” with various meanings, so “to clarify” would dial down what keep me in the loop means.

    3. I am also still unsure of exactly the issue is. Are you all required to attend? How many team members are there? If not everyone is required to attend and there are a significant amount of team members, trying to coordinate a meeting time/date ahead of time by asking everyone what works for them can be a clusterF of epic proportions. Do you have the ability to see other people’s calendars in your email system? Does your boss get irritated that this happens?

       I am often invited to meetings I cannot attend at work, I hit decline on the invite, and if it is truly important that I be there, include a note asking that it be rescheduled if possible and give options that appear to work for me and other invitees based on checking everyone’s calendars.

12. sitting at my desk thinking, “what is it, like 10?” and finding that it is 11am.

    1. My body calls bullsh!t on my alarm clock every morning.

       1. Seconded so hard. What do you /mean/, it’s already time to get up? I feel like a zombie until about two hours into the day!

    2. I don’t know why this one hour difference is so hard to adjust to. I swear it’s easier to adjust to traveling to the opposite coast.

       1. I think it’s the difference in the light. When you go from coast to coast, your internal clock is three hours off – but the sun still comes up at whatever time it did at home, so the unconscious “sunrise=6ish” thing your brain has going on stays intact. Whereas with this nonsense, all of a sudden the sun comes up an hour later for no good reason, so it goes from “sunrise=6ish” to “sunrise=7ish” overnight. -.-

13. Hi all – looking for some anectodal evidence here. I’m 34 and I’ve dealt with mild hormonal acne for years (one or two cysts per month). I have tried everything, and I’m beyond sick of it, so I’m seeing a dermatologist on Friday. I’ve been doing a lot of research, and spironolactone seems to be a miracle cure, so I want to talk to the doctor about that as well as Retin-A. However, from what I’ve read online, a lot of women seem to gain weight on spironolactone. I REALLY don’t want that, and given the choice, I don’t want to go on it if that will happen. I know side effects are individual, and I’ve never had side effects from any other meds (although I haven’t been on anything long term besides birth control pills, which does help with my skin but is not a cure).

    I’ve read past threads on here about acne and people talking about spironolactone. Have any of you dealt with bad side effects? Weight gain, dehydration, very low BP (mine is on the low side to begin with), etc? I feel like the people who write about their side effects on internet forums for specific drugs are the ones who experience them and others don’t write, so maybe I’m getting a skewed perspective? Anyway, any personal reviews of spironolactone would be helpful before I talk to the doctor.

    Thanks in advance!

    1. I was on spironolactone for a while and didn’t gain weight or have any side effects at all, but it also did nothing for my skin whatsoever. I eventually went off of it because there really wasn’t a point anymore.

    2. I did not have any side effects on spiro. I had to go off of it because I was TTC, then pregnant, and now nursing, and I can’t wait to start taking it again.

    3. I was on spironolocatone for about 8 months and didn’t have any side effects (and actually lost a couple of pounds), except it did have the nice side effect of getting rid of my horrific menstrual cramps I’d been having since I got an IUD. Maybe I was a little thirstier, but I tend to drink a lot of water anyway. However, it also didn’t do a thing to help my hormonal acne. I started @ 100 mg and then moved up to 150 mg before giving up and switching to a new dermatologist who put me on a sulfur-based antibiotic that so far seems to be actually working (fingers crossed, because otherwise the only thing I haven’t tried is accutane). My cramps are back, though :-(

    4. I haven’t tried spiro. But, if you are willing to try yet another topical route, the Evologie Intensive Serum is a wonder cure for my mild hormonal cystic acne (mid-thirties, not on BCP). The active ingredients include tea tree oil and salicylic acid.

    5. I am on it now and haven’t experienced any side effects. I also have not seen a dramatic improvement in my skin either, but was advised it can take up to three months.

    6. I have finally solved me 15 year bout of acne. I starting a prescription antibiotic (eurthramycin) + over the counter probiotic (crazy but I swear the combination works) + benzoyl in the morning + retinal at night + sulfer soap. I also went off of my birth control. This works for me and I have had an extremely hard time in the past so I feel your pain. Try a daily probiotic on its own, it sounds crazy but it makes a huge difference for me. Also make sure it’s hormonal acne, I was misdiagnosed by many doctors with cystic acne, etc. before I finally found my cure. Also, bring pictures of you at your worst and periodically so that your doctor can truly understand. Without pictures, my skin never really tells the whole story at my appointment. Good luck I k ow it stinks.

    7. I had to stop taking it because it caused me really bad headaches and I basically passed out on one occasion. I wasn’t out cold but I alternated between not being able to see (like everything went black) and the room spinning and sweating. If I stayed standing I would have gone out cold. I immediately laid down on my kitchen floor. Funny story, I was so hot I ended up taking my clothes off. (This was like 7 am). My husband came downstairs to find me like that and wanted to call an ambulance and I refused because I was not going to be found naked, semi-conscious at 7 am on my kitchen floor! The episode passed but that was enough for me.

       When I was on it, I had to make sure I kept a full belly. If I got hungry, that is when the headaches/nausea/dizziness kicked in. I started on a low dose and doubled it every so many weeks. It was at the higher dose I had that pass out session but I still didn’t want to take it anymore. It also made me spot constantly but that could have been my birth control too.

       No weight gain though.

    8. Have you tried large doses of vitamin B5 (panthotenic acid)? It successfully cleared up both my sister and my cousin’s cystic acne. My cousin had terrible side effects with spironolactone vs. the vitamin B5 regimen was side effect free and literally gave him gorgeous skin in about a month. My sister had much more mild hormonal acne that sounds similar to yours and she also had great results (even with a lower dosage than my cousin used). My sister only used the vitamin B5 for about a month and that was enough to clear up her skin issues. I’d google it, do some reading and think about trying it before you go the more heavy duty Spironolactone route.

    9. I was on spiro for a long time – maybe 5 years? And didn’t notice any weight gain. It is a diuretic, so I did notice that I hold more water weight when I’m not on it. I have to say – spiro is GREAT! I had to go off of it before TTC, and my face is a mess. I miss it!

    10. I’ve been on it for probably 4 years. Started out with thirst and dizziness as side effects, but the dizziness went away. I now don’t know what is my normal level of thirsty – I drink a lot of water anyway. Lost a little bit of weight too. It works well for my hormonal acne but it’s not a miracle cure. Works best for me in combination with Vitamin D (I was deficient).

    11. Thanks all. Sounds like it really does just depend on the person.

        1. Spironolactone + retin a has worked so so well for my cystic acne. Also helps excess hair growth and I sweat (stink…..) less. Also periods are much lighter with minimal cramps.

           I also have low blood pressure and must stay hydrated or it could make me lightheaded. It also makes my periods irregular and more frequent.

           It is easy to try. Give it a couple months. Start on a low dose (25mg) and increase slowly with your doc. Stay hydrated. And if you combine with retina, ask doctor how to titration up slow to avoid skin irritation.

           How I wish I started this in my 20’s ….. Or my teens…..

        2. It has made my b**bs significantly bigger.

           Okay, significant to this A-cup-now-almost-a-B girl.

           Other than that, it’s been great.

    12. I gained weight on spiro (~10 lbs?) I was unhappy with that because I’m pretty short and have to work really hard to maintain my weight anyway because I have a huge sweet tooth. I also disliked having to monitor my potassium/BP levels semi-regularly because I was previously a once a year physical sort of person since all my stats were usually normal. I ended up going off of it – I use retin-a religiously and have switched to a better skincare routine. I get about one cyst a month but honestly I’d rather deal with that for hormonal acne than all my spiro reactions.

14. I love being proactive on something minor and then finding out there is a huge protocol that is completely unnecessary and doesn’t actually accomplish the end goal. AGH. Is it Friday yet?

15. Did anyone else go to the Nordstrom opening in Ottawa this weekend?

    I went with my daughter. The store is beautiful. However, I was kind of (unfairly) disappointed with the selection. The store is not really all that big, so of course they don’t have the selection that they do online.

    In particular I’ve been eyeing an Equipment silk blouse on the website. They had it, in a different sleeve length and colour (that does not work for me). I love shopping at Nordy’s online but the duty is
    crazy.

    Daughter got some Zella leggings from the kids section, which were lovely. Alas they did not have the same ones in the women’s sizes.

    They also did not have much in the way of knee high boots (makes sense since they are starting with spring stuff and don’t have any fall/winter stuff in inventory), although I did score some (half price!)at Geox after leaving Nordstrom.

    Was hoping to buy a grey purse also but no luck (everything had a lot of gold hardware).

    All in all, did not live up to my fantasy of what it might be like, but am still happy it’s here (especially given closure of Holt Renfrew).

    1. Is there a way to have them order something into the store for you? I don’t live anywhere near a Nordies anymore, but wonder if that would be an option.

       1. It’s a good idea and I did ask. They can order from the Calgary store, but not the US ones.

          I’ll have to figure out how to check what is in stock in Calgary, although I suspect it will be the same items, but may work for sizes that they are sold out of here etc.

    2. I did. As you say, it is really beautiful, but it felt more like a gallery than a store to me. I was pleasantly surprised at the range of sizes in many of the lines, but did find that the selection from each line was very limited. Mostly it’s just nice to have something in that spot in the shopping centre and a little less construction going on!

       1. That sounds very similar to the Salt Lake City store, which is also a newer store. I was surprised by how limited the selection was, especially in shoes, handbags, and cosmetics. I wonder if Nordstrom is building all its new stores like that as on-line shopping becomes more and more dominant.

16. I’m looking for three very specific items and hoping someone can help. Can anyone recommend their holy grail:

    *skinny army green jeans (ideally with a few strategically placed zippers or pockets for interest

    *denim/chambray shirt

    *heeled cognac ankle boots to be worn with ultra-skinny jeans. Ideally something like the Madewell Billie boot, but not as expensive.

    1. Are you looking for jeans or cotton twill pants? I just ordered the Madewell Skinny Ankle Zip Cargo pants and I love them.

    2. I have and love these: http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/cj-by-cookie-johnson-peace-stretch-moto-skinny-jeans-olive/3778390?cm_cat=partner&cm_ite=1&cm_pla=10&cm_ven=Linkshare&siteId=J84DHJLQkR4-KDmFKoT_s7GGOofVFe8lng

    3. Can’t help you with the first two (I’d actually like a couple of suggestions for chambray that’s more fitted, but with longer arms and length than the ones I’ve seen everywhere), but Clarks Spye Belle comes in cognac, and I’ve been very happy with my suede ones. They look like the Sam Edelman, but for half the price, and Clarks-style comfort.

       1. Clarks website has the Spye Celeste for $60 on its website!

       2. For a chambray shirt, check out the Banana Republic tall section even if you’re not tall. If you’re typically a medium, order a small tall. Their tall selection is usually terrible, so Gap might have a similiar one in stock if Banana doesn’t.

       3. I have found that Clarks boots actually don’t have Clarks-style comfort. I admit to having picky arch support requirements, but my recent shopping trip to a Clarks store was disappointing. I noted out loud that none of the boots had arch support (as I usually expect from Clarks), and the sales person agreed and said the boots don’t come with arch support anymore, you have to use your own inserts if you need them.

          1. Ah, I don’t need the arch support, I’m just happy with the softer foot bed. I tried on similar boots at other stores, and was really displeased at the hard, unyielding bed.

    4. http://www.dsw.com/shoe/crown+vintage+sandy+bootie?prodId=308763&productRef=CROSS:

       These are so comfy, have in multiple colors.

17. If you had a week to travel alone this fall (October or November), would you go to Vienna/Prague/Budapest or Costa Rica… and why? Both destinations appeal to me for very different reasons, but I’m more curious about which is better for a solo female traveler.

    1. I love Vienna, Prague and Budapest but don’t think a week is enough to see all 3.

    2. I think it depends a lot on what you want to do … are you a sleepy beachy relaxy vacation person, an aggressive historical sightseer, a nature lover?

       I’m super partial to Costa Rica as we have family ties there, so I’d be happy to give recs for that.

    3. Vienna/Prague/Budapest. I think a week is plenty of time to see all three, the weather should be great, and I’ve never had any issues in Europe alone. In Costa Rica unless you want to do like a yoga retreat or something you’re going to feel a lot more alone- not necessarily from a safety perspective but most people out at dinner/taking a zip line tour etc will be coupled up.

    4. I’d go Costa Rica, but it is because I prefer beachy / tropical spots with horses to ride, and Costa Rica has all of that.

    5. Can Costa Rica get hurricanes in October? The Carribean can, not sure about central america. I’d check on that. I would go to vienna/prague/budapest since the weather should be nice.

       1. Costa Rica pretty much never gets hurricanes. There’s a rainy season, but I’ve literally never heard of a hurricane watch/warning in CR like we have here in the gulf coast/atlantic. October will be the tail end of rainy.

    6. I’ve been to all of those places as a solo female, and I don’t have a strong suggestion. They are very different trips, but both are quite doable. I didn’t feel there were serious safety issues in either place (other than the general ones you’d consider anywhere). If you are concerned about being lonely, or not finding people to talk to, I’d probably give Costa Rica the edge on that count, since that tends to be more adventure travelers, who generally seem to be more outgoing and open to meeting strangers. Those are both great trips, and can be a lot of ground to cover. I hope you have a wonderful time!

    7. I went to Vienna and Salzburg solo around this time a few years ago and LOVED it. Vienna is great for solo travelers because it is so clean, feels safe, and there is a ton to do. I went to the Opera twice, the art museums, and the cafes, all alone, and loved it.

       A week is a long time in Vienna, I think, but you could be like me and take a short train to Salzburg! Particularly if you are a Sound of Music fan (which I am).

       Edit: initially read the options as Vienna OR Prague OR Budapest OR Costa Rica. Not Vienna and Prague and Budapest OR Costa Rica. A week probably isn’t enough time to properly see those three cities, but you could easily do two, or spend 10 days and do all three. (Or, Salzburg – see above.)

    8. i agree that it depends on what you like to do/what kind of a traveler you are. And you can do a more urban/sightseeing trip in South America that would be similar to the Europe trip, too. I did Quito and other parts of Ecuador by myself as a woman and had an amazing time, and is also a good destination for a week-long trip because it is small and there are cities, mountains, jungle, all pretty close together.

    9. I would do 3 days in Prague and 4 in Budapest. Take the overnight train between the two. I like to settle into a place and play like I live there. And I think it would be great to have the extra time to hit several different baths in Budapest. I only had time to go to one and I loved it.

       1. ooo this sounds like a great plan. Adding this to my ‘trips to plan’ list, too!

    10. I love Europe so I vote Vienna, etc. But I’d probably just do one city.

18. Does anyone use a great app for managing travel reservations? I book across multiple airlines and hotel brands (and occasionally have rental cars, though not often) and I’d like to be able to see all of my dates, times, flight numbers, confirmation numbers, etc. all in one place rather than trying to skim the subject lines of my “Travel” label in the google mail. Is there a good app that will do this for me, or do I just need to stop being lazy and type it all up somewhere?

    1. TripIt. Just forward your confirmation emails and it will keep track of everything.

    2. I like tripit a lot. It will make a timeline/itinerary for you, and you can put in comments. It automatically adds things from your email. There’s an upgraded option that costs money but I have been fine using the free version.

    3. I love trip it. I also love that you can manually add details – so if you are traveling to City X for work, but staying 2 extra days, you can add something like “staying a person X’s house” for those other nights.

    4. I don’t use it, but if you have an iphone, I think that is what Passbook is for.

    5. Add the messages to your google calendar? You have to do it from a computer, not cell phone, but up in the top of gmail under “more” you can choose “make event” and add the message to your google calendar.

    6. Thanks all! Sounds like I need to download Tripit. I have an iphone but haven’t adopted Passbook because it wasn’t compatible with a lot of things when it first launched, but that’s probably changed by now.

       1. I also like that Tripit has an app + regular old website, so I can access either, depending on where I am. I also have an iphone and I like that passbook can be used to bring up the actual ticket so I can stop fumbling with tons of paper, but I think of them as having two separate purposes.

19. Anyone have any ideas for cute St. Patrick’s Day outfits for a dinner party? I was thinking of wearing a gold sequin pencil skirt, but I can’t find any green tops I like to go with it, so I’m open to other suggestions!

    1. i would wear the green sequins with an orange top, but that’s just me. I like being controversial. ;o)

       1. Controversial or just rude? Not saying the catholics are great of course but purposefully spiting someone’s religions seems over the top rude.

          1. Um, actually my Dad’s family were Republicans but my Mom’s family were Orangemen, her grandmother used to insist that all of the kids in the family wore something orange on St. Patrick’s Day. So, by wearing both green AND orange I was including both sides of my Irish heritage, not “spiting the Catholic religion.” In fact, personally I support Irish independence.

             And yes, I am sure that every single person wearing green on St. Pat’s day is doing it to honor the religion, great point…..

             1. Do you know she insisted on organce? Its because protestants don’t believe in Saints. So its a protest against st patricks day. Im sure that not everyone wearing green is doing it to honor st patrick but everyone who wears orange is doing it as a protest.

             2. wow, who are you? And what century are you living in?

             3. It’s more political than religious. And if you’re not Irish or Northern Irish, it’s not your fight, so get over it.

          2. Dude, no. St. Patrick’s Day is a US drinking holiday. It has nothing to do with religion. Or Ireland. Or the Irish. Most US-ians have no idea what the green even represents.

       2. Ha, it’s a gold sequin skirt, unfortunately, so no controversy.

          1. oops, misread that. ;o) Now I really want a green sequin skirt tho, haha!! If you can’t find a top, can you add green some other way? Green tights, green scarf?

20. I have something like this from H&M that is way cheaper, and it comes with its own camisole. You’re welcome.

    1. Love it!

21. spamtest123

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