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Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Long-Sleeve Surplice Wrap Bodysuit

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I’ve been seeing a lot of bodysuits this year, and as someone who always struggles to keep my top tucked in, I’m not complaining. This golden yellow version from BCBG Max Azria is a gorgeous color for fall and the satiny fabric makes it feel just a little bit fancy.

I would wear this with gray, navy, or olive trousers and some simple jewelry, just to keep the emphasis on the fabulous top.

The bodysuit is $158 at BCBG Max Azria and comes in sizes XXS–XL.

While this plus-size option from Karen Kane has a different style, the color is similar; it's available in sizes 1X–3X and is on sale for $75.

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Psst: we rounded up our favorite bodysuits for work outfits recently. Some of our Hall of Famers include Everlane, Paige, Tuxe, Commando, and Wolford.

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

381 Comments

  1. Best pelvic floor exercises? Any program? I am having issues with minor incontinence and s** is not as good lately. I’m 33 no kids so wondering if this is worth a shot. I used to hear kegels but now I’m reading those are not recommended?

    Wanting to address on my own if I can rather than try to see my busy doc but I’ll go in if needed.

    1. Get on your doc’s schedule bc depending on the exact issue, there are specific stretches / exercises that target the exact area. No “one size fits all” advice unfortunately.

      2. + 1 million (I see a pelvic floor therapist and a urogynecologist for stress incontinence after two rough deliveries and you definitely want to get medical professional guidance on this issue – Kegels could actually be making it worse depending on your problem).

    2. Honestly I’d go and see your doc. Incontinence in someone of your age with no kids needs investigation and isn’t something you should have to live with. Otherwise a good pelvic PT can do wonders.

    3. Depending on your insurance you could go straight to a pelvic floor PT for an evaluation while waiting for an appointment with your doc.

    4. See a physical therapist specializing in pelvic floor. Until then, Pilates/core work. Good luck.

    5. I think any exercises you just try could be counterproductive depending on what’s actually wrong. Your busy doc is probably not going to be useful for much other than a referral though, so I would just start there.

    6. Go to the doctor. I was having weird incontinence in my early thirties with no kids, didn’t check it out, and it turned out it was a reflection of a bigger issue. I was VERY LUCKY and it all worked out, but should have treated the incontinence as the sign it was to get to the primary care doctor.

    8. i looked into this and if it’s PT s/he may be handling your bits – so know that going in. i keep getting ads for myinnovo shorts.

    9. Obviously, a doctor, but the Yoga for Inner Strength workout on doyogawithme dot com isn’t about mental strength, it’s about strengthening the pelvic floor. I’ve found it has helped me with back pain.

  2. Any recs for a large work tote with a zipper? So far the Cuyana one seems to be the frontrunner but I would love something with a bit more structure.

    5. Use my Cuyana tote daily. It is amazing and has held up well for over three years of daily use (and I am not gentle with my bag). Still looks like new.

    6. The Dagne Dover Signature (I had the larger Legend size) was stunning and large enough to use for a weekend away, but SO HEAVY. I had to retire it because it just hurt too much to carry, especially once I added the weight of a laptop and full water bottle. So, so beautiful, though.

    7. Kind of different but I love mine from Vermut Atelier on Etsy. I added the crossbody strap too.

    8. I’ve given up on all leather tote bags for work due to the weight (I have to carry my laptop and way too many documents daily). I love my Victorinox Divine, which was recommended by another ‘Rette. It may no longer be current, but I found a new one on ebay or amazon. Loved it so much I bought a Victornox Sage (a slightly smaller, less structured) version in a different color. My other bags are Tumi’s, but also nylon.

  3. If you’re plus and looking for a body suit to actually mimic the look of the pic (the tucked in, not necessarily the surplice wrap or the color), Eloquii has some decent options. Quality varies IME but they have options!

  4. Cotton underwear recs, please! I like full coverage (no thongs) and soft. Upgrading from some cheapie target undies I bought post partum (“baby” is two now!)

    4. Jockey Elance has several styles, from string bikini to full coverage. I swear by the french cut brief. Do not get the “soft” ones; go for 100% cotton.

      1. +1 to the jockey elance. i’ve also tried 100% cotton ones from amazon essentials, H&M conscious (both very thin and get holes quickly) and innersy on amazon (i find they shrink but ymmv). aerie’s cotton was really cute but i found sizing weird and when i looked they had a lot of buttcheek boyshort ones.

    5. I recently updated and upgraded mine, and I’ve been loving Tommy John’s Second Skin. I’ve had many of my pairs 6 months now and they are holding up really well, and are incredibly comfortable.

      1. I bought these based on your reco here and they are awesome. The ones I reach for all the time because they don’t chafe anywhere and they look cute enough. And inexpensive to boot!

    10. Lots of options so I’ll add my faves: the gap body ‘breathe’ hipster. super soft, full coverage, lasts a good while

  5. Has anyone else found that their healthcare experience has become really rigid and authoritative since the pandemic?

    I’m scheduled for a procedure that requires anesthesia next week, and I was told I would get a pre-procedure nurse call to go over my medication and health history. They gave me no opportunity to schedule, just said “you’ll be notified the morning of”. So I got an e-mail this morning saying they’re going to call at 11:30. Okay, well, I have a skip-level meeting with the C-suite from 11-12, so that call isn’t getting answered. Why can’t this be scheduled with my input, like we used to do things? This is the third time a specialist has taken a “we do what we want and you have to accommodate” approach to my procedures this year .

    1. yes, but also, I’ve been in countless meetings where someone says upfront “apologies if I need to jump for a minute, I’m waiting for a call from my dr’s office and can’t miss it” so – while I agree it’s frustrating, you wouldn’t look like a flake for needing to do it.

    2. No personal experience and that would drive me crazy, but as someone in the c-suite, I’d want you to take care of yourself and reschedule your meeting with me.

      1. I wouldn’t do that if I were in a meeting with my c-suite executives and I wouldn’t recommend the OP do that either, if getting “face time” with her execs is as difficult for her as it is for me. I would also let the doctor’s office call go to voicemail.

    3. I have never had any power in scheduling these things, since long before the pandemic. Before I had a cell phone, I’d be tied to my desk all day waiting for those calls because if they miss you, you can’t reach them by calling back.

      1. +1. I think the surgery calls get scheduled after the doctors are done with surgery, and when that is will vary. So just deal.

      2. +1 this is normal and not covid related. I’ve had a relatively high number of surgeries in recent years and this is standard protocol at my hospital.

        1. Yep. Totally normal. This is actually what a for profit, just in time medical system looks like.

    4. It’s almost like nearly two years of a pandemic has strained our medical providers right to the edge. Honestly so tone deaf. Reply to the email that you aren’t available then and move on.

      2. Whoever you’re really angry at, it’s not the OP, so this response is pretty tone-deaf. And inappropriate.

      3. Being this angry does not belong on a casual chat board. Go have a snack and take a walk.

    5. This is my experience, but I would not say it’s been tied explicitly to the pandemic. It’s infuriating.

    6. Keep in mind that medical providers are on a schedule, too. This was common practice well before the pandemic.

      1. Right. So be pro-active and self-advocate: I am unavailable until 3; please call anytime after that at Number. For all they know, you’re in surgery (or whatever) just like they are. Most drs have an electronic portal now just for stuff like this and I’ve been pleasantly surprised with all of our providers over the past two years.

        1. Yes, definitely this. Utilize the messaging apps within the electronic charting, inform of availability, ask providers to leave voicemails, to use zoom appointments, be polite but firm.

          I’ve seen more doctors and chatted with more nurses in the last 18 months than I can count and what I have found is that not all health systems are made equal. I eventually landed with one that is very patient-centric and nearly all my scheduling nightmares went aware versus the very stodgy Respected Medical System in my town.

          My favorite was my doctor who conducted post-procedure daily followups via a survey that was texted to me. If I didn’t complete it by EOD, then a nurse would call to make sure all was well. Talk about a program I will enthusiastically opt into every time.

          1. Walnut, as I enter this phase of my life, sending you so much compassion and hope. Coach Laura said you finished treatment? If so so happy for you. Would be curious where you found a responsive medical team. Swedish ENT is decent but not great, not sure how their oncology will be.

        2. Yep. I have had people try this with me and I just say “I am not available during that time, sorry. I am available between this time and that time, or this other time and another time.” If they push back, I’m polite, but I push back on them. Usually it doesn’t take very much volleying to arrive at something that works for everyone.

          My view when working with my healthcare professionals is that we are all professionals, and everyone’s time is valuable. I don’t want them to waste time trying to call me when I can’t answer the phone. At the same time, I can’t sit around pushing off meetings waiting for the phone to ring. The way I’m able to afford going to the doctor, dentist, etc. is by having a job that offers me group health insurance, so yes, my work is important. I also understand they have many other patients besides me, and are trying to get everyone’s needs met. If I approach it the way I do negotiations in my work life – you need something and I need something, so let’s dispassionately figure out how to make this work – it always works out. I respect my healthcare providers and their staff, but at the same time I have necessary boundaries around my time, and communicating that to them in a polite way isn’t disrespect. P.S., after a few times holding a boundary, the scheduler at my cardiologist’s office figured out she couldn’t push me into committing something I didn’t want to commit to, and interactions with her have become a lot more pleasant.

    7. That’s so frustrating. One of my complaints with PCPs over the years is that they don’t respect my time. I’ve switched doctors several times but I have yet to find a PCP where this isn’t a big issue. I make an appointment months in advance for a routine exam and then I wait for over an hour past my appointment time to see the doctor for 5 minutes. I try to grab the first appointment of the day to minimize this, but the staff are incredibly rude about scheduling or rescheduling if I have to bump it. Like do you think I took the entire day off work for an appointment that will last less than 15 minutes? Idk what it is about PCPs. My eye doctor, dentist, and OBGYN all run more or less on time and don’t give me a hard time about scheduling.

          1. It’s almost as though the AMA should stop deliberately manufacturing a shortage of MDs.

      2. I hate this too. I definitely do not feel like I should have to take a half or full day off of work for a 15 minute appointment.

    8. I think different offices are just different. I just got two tests done at two different offices in the same hospital system. One office was a nightmare on all fronts (made multiple mistakes and tried to cover one of them up; put mistaken information on my record; weren’t following or enforcing COVID precautions well; ran late; weren’t equipped to deal with side effects).

      The other office sent me information about how to find their office, how to prepare for the test, took a relevant medical history, checked my vaccine card and took consistent COVID precautions, asked how I was doing and had a plan for side effects… just a night and day difference. And they’re in the same building. You can guess which office took the “we’ll call you, and you better take the call since it’s your only chance” approach.

    9. I had to physically go into the hospital (twice) to prepare for anesthesia before my endo surgery. It was an hour drive each way. So I get your frustration but there’s a whole hospital of people who also have schedules and I think you need to chill a bit.

      1. That’s easy to say when we all have the time and ability to be here, commenting. There are plenty of professions in which this is not the case. My husband, for example, is a teacher. I can’t fathom what he would do if he needed surgery, the way this system is set up. Not to mention people in anything public-facing like retail and waitressing.

    10. I feel you. I can no longer reach my doctor. He’s a specialist so sometimes I do need to get a close in appointment or call with a symptom/flare. The health system he is part of has gone to a remote centralized phone system and wait times are sometimes 40 minutes. Sometimes the system hangs up on me.

    11. Things are getting sketchey since the Pandemic. Service is much worse, and there is a level of inconpetence I’ve never seen before with the techs. Yes I understand they are not seasoned professionals with MD’s, but still, there should be pride of ownership in their paraprofessional work product, as we have in Law.

      I went in for a consult with my dentist for whiteners, and the tech saw me and told me I did not need it. I then talked to the dentist who said I could get it if I wanted it but I did not need it. I think that since I went in and said I wanted it, I should get it. So we finally agreed I would come back for another visit, and I wound up getting charged for 3 visits; one with the tech, one with the dentist and then one with the tech to do the procedure! I think that was unreasonable even tho I am not out of pocket; the firm is b/c they cover my dental bills. FOOEY on that!

  6. What are some of your favorite weekend brunch/lunch recipe, ideally kid fiends Looking for inspiration to feed family who is
    Visiting this weekend

    1. I like making a strata (combo of bread, eggs, cheese, whatever you want to add like a quiche) the day before that I bake up for brunch and serve with fruit and coffee/juice. It puffs up kind of like a hearty soufflé. Same general concept as a quiche, but I find it’s more forgiving, can be customized to kid and adult tastes, is easy to scale and has always been a hit (days later pings asking for the recipe, which I just google every time). You can make sweet or savory versions. I love it because it’s almost no work the morning you’re serving it.

      1. Here’s a specific recipe for a (lazy version of a) strata. You can make the day before and warm in the oven in the morning. Mix: Four eggs, 1/3 cup milk, 1/2 cup thinly sliced ham or turkey, 1 cup shredded mixed cheeses, A few shakes of hot sauce, 3-4 frozen raw biscuits, thawed to room temp and cut in small pieces.

        Pour into greased loaf pan. Bake at 375 for 25-30 minutes.

        1. I’ve never had a strata but I hate scrambled eggs (even though I like deviled eggs and fried rice that has eggs in it). How eggy is a strata? I want to try, but feel like that and quiche will just sit there with me poking at it.

          [That and not drinking coffee make me the person who is always BYO breakfast, which is easy enough but the thing I really wish I could grow out of. I am trying.]

          2. I’m the strata recommender, I don’t find any resemblance to scrambled eggs because there’s more milk/cream and it all just bakes into the bread. It’s more what brings it together than a stand alone ingredient.

          3. Scrambled eggs sometimes seem disgusting to me, and I always like a strata. I think the texture is different.

    3. ok I’m lazy but – ordering a bagel & pastry platter from a local bakery, with cream cheese, fruit, jams, and butter.

      Bowl of fruit salad or catering tray.

      A strata as already suggested is a great way to keep a homemade touch.

      1. +1 to this. My local bagel place is on Uber Eats. Last time I had a houseful I ordered a dozen and a half bagels with four cream cheese (regular, lite, salmon, garden) and people devoured it.

    5. There are certainly lots of recipes you can google for make-ahead or easy brunch recipes. But if I were visiting you with my kids I would be THRILLED with anything you’d lay on for us. Honestly some fruit, bagels/croissants or pastries if you’re being fancy, bacon in the oven if you are being really extra, maybe some meat or cheese on a pretty plate if it’s closer to lunch would all be more than sufficient and a step up from cereal. Juice for the kids as a treat (mine never got it regularly), Mimosas or Bloody Marys (or Caesars if you’re in Canada), for the grownups if there’s no post-brunch driving? I have the privilege of having a sister I stay with fairly regularly and we usually just do regular family stuff for breakfast – cereal, toast, scrambled eggs, cheese. It feels special just to be in her home sharing time and a coffee with her!

    6. Bagel sandwiches.. toasted bagels, cream cheese, veggies, maybe some with an omlette + pastries and coffee.

      1. This is my favorite. If you want to be extra, you can buy a small package of smoked salmon and put out sliced onions and sliced tomatoes for open-faced lox sandwiches. Everyone likes bagels (assuming you don’t need it to be GF).

    7. Smash three thawed tater tots in each muffin tin, bake at 400 for 10 minutes. Add chopped veggies or (cooked) meat, pour (ten) scrambled eggs until nearly full, sprinkle a little cheese on top, bake at 350 for 20 minutes.

  7. How often do you change your shampoo and conditioner? Do you change the brand or just the type or focus on where you buy it? (I.e., always Aveda brand or always something you can find at target)

    I’m not super happy with the living proof products I purchased online this summer and am not sure whether to switch. Shoulder length hair, wavy, been thinning the last few months.

    1. I used to but I’ve fallen for the Olaplex line, no 4 and 5 – super concentrated formulas amd my hair has never looked better or been easier to style.

      1. I have begrudgingly accepted that the Olaplex line really is best for my wavy, colored, growing back in after hair loss hair. I buy it from my hairdresser for a discount for $30 for shampoo and conditioner still kind of makes me cringe.

      2. I’ve drank the Kool-Aid too. Olaplex has changed my hair in ways that I never knew was possible.

      3. I’m so interested now seeing all these recs. The kit it recommended for me is $280 and includes a lot of random treatments. Do you do all that!?

        1. I just do 4,5,and 6 – shampoo, conditioner and the styling creme. I’ve heard the other ones are great if they treat issues you have.

    2. I feel like the shampoo is never the problem and that good conditioners (like even just the Ausie 3-minute miracle) can make a difference. It is expecting the shampoo and haircut to do the lifting that comes with a good blow-dry with the right products and possible some additional styling work.

      My aunt swore by a Rogaine-for-women type shampoo.

      1. Been using Aussie’s shampoo and conditioner (Hair Insurance, 3 Minute Miracle) for 30 years now and it hasn’t let me down yet.

    3. I love Bumble and Bumble. The products always actually do what they say they are going to do (smooth, volumize), and they don’t have a heavy chemical scent.

    4. Now that I have found what works for my hair and scalp, never. But I bounced around to several before now. If you’re not happy with what you’re using, try other products until you find one you are happy with. Life is too short!

    5. omg I’ve been using the same Pantene stuff for… two decades? But I lucked out with relatively cooperative hair :)

    6. As a fellow wavy my hair was always frizzy and meh until I discovered the curly girl method. Now I have a handful of products I pray they never discontinue.

      1. What do you use specifically? I am also wavy and switched to CG, but I am not sure I have found my products.

        1. Not who you asked, but I’m also a struggling wavy. IME “nut butter” products weigh my thin hair down and make it clumped and greasy, but finding CGM-friendly formulas without shea or coconut is a real challenge. My favorite so far is the Kinky Curly Come Clean.

        2. My hair is thin and fine so I went through trial and error with the help of Reddit and the naturally curly dot com community. On wash days I alternate between Not Your Mother’s sea kale lowpoo and Curl Junkie Daily Fix, followed with Suave coconut conditioner. I style with As I Am leave in and either Curl Talk mousse or LA Looks blue gel. I avoid all butters and oils. Good luck! There’s so much info out there on CG so it can be overwhelming at first.

        3. Another wavy trying CG, and I am currently using Cantu CO-wash (but think it’s perhaps too moisturizing? It leaves my hair soft and clean but I can only use it a couple days a week or my hair starts to feel limp), and a Hask keratin/protein conditioner (which I love love love). My hair is very fine, sort of thin, and always frizzy, but the Hask makes it look sleek and shiny without feeling weighed down.

      2. I just spent waaaaaay too long this morning ordering a ton of CGM-friendly products from the huge holy grail list from reddit. https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1gn6VnPsRU1H3ziElbWqNVFY5mev6GB1pwKKt_MNpoAY/edit#gid=630229185

        i mostly bought stuff at target and walmart to fill gaps in what i currently have. i already have and like the trader joe tea tree tingle shampoo & conditioner and the kinky curly come clean shampoo & knot today leave in. both shampoos are CGM friendly but nice and sudsy.

      2. I heard good things about it, but the scent was SO overwhelming to me. I actually had to throw it away because it gave me a bad headache. I wish there were more good fragrance-free options.

        1. Desert Essence makes a great CGM-friendly fragrance-free conditioner, but make sure you buy it from the actual company. I got a counterfeit when I bought from AZN.

        3. Ditto. Bought it because it was recommended here but won’t repurchase because of the smell.

    8. I switch brands/products regularly. My hair is fine and straight and I feel like it adapts to whatever product I am using, so I need to switch it up to prevent it from being oily the same day I wash it. I usually get a few good months after a switch.

      1. +1. Also straight, fine hair and I switch products every time I buy a new bottle – I feel like the end of the bottles always lead to worse hair days for me because my hair has adapted.

        Currently using R+Co on a recommendation from my hair stylist and it’s going well, but only halfway through the bottle so we’ll see.

    9. I use my Herbal Essences and shampoo as infrequently as I can get away with. Hair has never looked better. The less I do the better it gets.

    10. I switch often and generally have two or three choices in the shower at a time that I rotate between. My hair seems to get tired of one formula after a while.

  8. My mother-in-law is lonely and has made a few comments like ‘I miss having a glass of wine with the girls’ or generally expressing lack of friends. She’s 65 & lives a few hours away from us, DH has a sister but she lives in another state. My father-in-law golfs around 3-4 days a week and has done since he retired 5 years ago, she only retired a few years ago and since stopping seeing her work friends regularly/pandemic I think she’s feeling quite isolated. (Her close friends had been two single moms around 15 years younger who have both remarried and drifted away). My own Mom is in a similar situation and her main socialising is with me but she’s local. I’d happily have DH Mom join us for girls days out but she’s that bit further away and won’t drive herself to us. I feel bad as I don’t think I’ve got extra time to set aside weekends to arrange things with her to do when I’d need to travel to them, but I think she’s quit unhappy. Pandemic & some recent severe ill health which she’s recovering from is stopping her joining classes. Any ideas?

    2. where i live the JCC just started up in-person (masked) mah jong lessons for beginners during the day. does she have any interest in something like that? or taking some kind of online class? you mention that she is still recovering from some severe ill health – how limited is she? there are also some online volunteering programs where you read books to kids, etc. also, you sound like a lovely DIL

    3. Is there any volunteer activity she can safely do? Does she have a neighborhood or town listserv that she could email asking if any retired ladies wanted to join her for morning walks? In my town there are several groups of retired women that meet for a morning walk every weekday morning and it looks lovely.

    4. I don’t think this is something you can fix with a weekly wine date anyway. She needs to develop interests outside the home. It sounds like she’s still recovering so that makes it hard, but maybe she can set up some kind of class that will start when she’s better? That way she’d have something to look forward to.

      1. Some colleges/vocational schools offer highly discounted classes for seniors. Would she be comfortable with an online learning format?

        1. My 87-year-old FIL has been taking on-line extension courses through our local private university and is having a ball. So many fun interesting topics. He is very proud of his student ID card.

    5. Op here – Volunteering and local groups sound like what she needs but I’m not sure how to tactfully suggest it? I’d be able to suggest it next time she mentions being lonely but I think she wouldn’t be able to go online and look these things up herself, I’d need to do it for her and so I’m less sure how to say ‘here’s some groups you might like’ incase I pick things that seem older than her age group? The fact she won’t drive now doesn’t help and they aren’t well serviced by bus. They do have local couples friends and go on walks in a couple with them but for whatever reason she won’t reach out to the female half and suggest doing it alone or claims they are too busy with their own lives. The driving & not looking things up is all down to confidence I think, she’s sort of labelled herself ‘helpless’.

      1. She’s 65 and no longer drives? wow–does she have health issues? I would start with computer instruction if she is open to it–she is young to not be able to do at least some things on line, and to have given up driving already unless she medically needs to. Would she/they consider an independent living retirement community? She might benefit from the structure, activities, services, etc. This is a bigger problem than you can solve–I know people in her age group who rent rvs for a XC trip, blog on a website, take classes, etc. She sounds depressed!

        1. She drove and used computers for work, it’s more a confidence thing but possibly depression is more accurate (I suspect related to having been ill quite suddenly). She just seems to have defaulted to being helpless and needing things done. She loves her iPad and plays around on that, but for example when she needed a new phone recently had DH do all the research for her and give her options rather than just look up reviews and prices or visit a store.

        2. Could your husband suggest she see her GP for a depression screening? It does sound like that given your follow up.

        3. This! I’ve seen people really struggle when they’re in traditional suburban living but their abilities dramatically change. Has she permanently given up driving or is that related to the health issues? If she’s permanently stopped driving and doesn’t have good public transportation, I think the unfortunate answer is that they need to consider a change in living situation. Otherwise, I think she’ll get more and more isolated and I truly believe that leads to more rapid physical and mental decline. I don’t think there’s anything worse for someone than basically being home bound before they absolutely have to be!

          For the immediate – if you celebrate the holidays, I would give experience gifts and include transportation. My MIL was in this exact situation last year and DH and I got her an eight session watercolor class at the local library and a membership to the local Audubon society where they have all sorts of talks and nature walks. We called a semilocal cab company and arranged for pick up/drop off for the watercolor class and then she had their number for anything she wanted to do at the Audubon. It was the kick in the pants she needed to explore a more structured retirement community where all sorts of activities are basically on a college campus

          1. Watercolor, Audubon and car/cab company sounds like a great idea! Well done.

            For the OP, I think a retirement community with transportation is the only answer. If she doesn’t want to live “with old people” then she needs to not act like an old person. She’s only 2.5 years older than I am and I guess I should feel lucky.

      2. Yikes she’s only a couple of years older than me, and — yikes!

        Here’s something easy and fun and as time-consuming as she chooses: I’m learning Spanish on Duolingo and loving it. She can do it on her iPad and it will keep her brain going, anyway. And they have ALL THE LANGUAGES so she can choose one she’s interested in.

        1. This is a good idea thanks! She has a friend in France and something like that would maybe be of interest.

    6. A friend of mine recently gifted her mom a memoir writing class. Is this something your MIL might be interested in? There are lots of places that have Zoom classes for this. It gave my friend’s mom a social outlet as well as something to do between the meetings. It also gives her a chance to tell stories about her life, which is fulfilling as well. Some libraries have these types of classes, but if hers doesn’t, there are other orgs like Gotham Writer’s Workshop and GrubStreet that have these types of classes!

    7. This is similar to my mother, and I’ve tried many things over the years. I think sometimes they have to be willing to help themselves some and get themselves out of the helpless funk. Otherwise, there are plenty of excuses to not do things.

      1. + 1000
        My dad passed 5 years ago and my mum doesn’t do anything outside of cleaning and doing chores or her doctor appointments
        I’m still working but I can’t be her social organizer, I’ve tried but I have come to the realization she is responsible for occupying herself
        It feels harsh sometimes but then I remember I don’t depend on my daughter for social needs

    8. Would she drive to a part-time job, health allowing? (I note that you said she wouldn’t drive TO YOU, not that she can’t drive.) I am older than she is and quite active, including a full-time job and gym workouts. It’s not always easy as I have arthritis but I intend to work as long as I can, and stories this are one reason why.

      Some sort of appropriate job, of course–sitting behind a desk at a library, for instance, or whatever the gentle equivalent is of what she used to do.

    9. I have a similar issue.
      Our local Senior Center has a bunch of activities both in person and virtual. Fitness classes, yoga, a “tech hour” where someone teaches them something each week, casual lunches and dinners (cafeteria has a rotating menu), day trips where they organize a bus to go around a scenic area, wine tours, etc. I have been slowly urging my inlaws to get more comfortable with their offerings. They’ve taken a virtual fitness class and liked it, and are considering heading over to check out an activity.

    10. “Recent severe ill health which she’s recovering from” stands out to me here. Is she getting the best care and support in her recovery? I’ve usually gotten better care when I advocated for myself a little or researched the best doctors around. I’m much better at solving my own problems when I feel better. I’m not sure everyone who is commenting here appreciates how badly health issues can detract from confidence (and safety) when driving.

    11. Monthly zoom thingy with friend in France. Help her suggest a travelling spoon video class with her friend, book club night, embroidery night or something that does not involve just sitting and talking to a screen, but can be done at home.

      Monthly glass of wine video with you? Maybe you could buy the same bottle and exchange tasting notes, discuss how the wine works with your respective snacks. If your mom comes as well, maybe she too could be on video to keep it equal.

      Is she all right to do small walks or shopping? Does she has some money to donate? Maybe she could do some food pantry planning, calling local food pantries to see what they need, make some lists, plan out how to get some deals and then join forces with DIL to shop and deliver? Or maybe there’s somebody in walking distance that the food pantries know about, students, single moms or elderly people maybe, that could need a meal or a treat, if she’d be okay for a short stroll?

  9. Looking for new gloves (for running/walks in NE weather). Any favorites that keep hands warm?

    1. I don’t have a specific recommendation, but this time of year Costco usually has a few different styles and I’ve always been satisfied.

      1. +1 for Costco’s running gloves. They are a close duplicate of Mountain Hardwear’s at about 1/4 the price. They’re also low-profile enough that they easily fit into mittens and ski gloves, so they’re great liners.

    2. Last years, I got a pair from my local RoadRunner Sports – their house brand. They are great and wash well.

    3. Whatever cheap pair you can get at the grocery store or Costco. This isn’t the type of choice that needs maximizing.

      1. I beg to differ. My hands get cold easily and I need something better than the cheap ones you can pick up at the convenience store.

  10. I know there are a couple of other readers here with immunocompromising conditions who are eager for research on whether the COVID-19 mRNA vaccines are working for them. I wanted to point out a large new study that came out yesterday that you can read here: https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/70/wr/mm7044e3.htm

    The study assesses the effectiveness of the mRNA vaccines against COVID-19 hospitalizations for a variety of immunocompromised groups. The overall rate of effectiveness against COVID-associated hospitalizations was 77% for immunocompromised people compared to 90% for immunocompetent people, but the rate varies by vaccine type (Pfizer/Moderna) and type of immunocompromise.

    I recommend checking out Table 3 for more information. It shows the effectiveness estimates by type of immunocompromise AND type of vaccine you received, which is very useful. I received Pfizer, but Moderna is significantly more effective for my condition. Moderna is actually significantly more effective for most immunocompromising conditions (according to Table 3).

    Also, this study made me aware that the CDC is apparently recommending a booster shot (a fourth shot) to immunocompromised people who already received a three-dose primary series. That shot can take place 6 months after your third shot. That was news to me. You can see the recommendation and more information here (and obviously, talk it over with your doctor first): https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/covid-19/clinical-considerations/covid-19-vaccines-us.html#considerations-covid19-vax-booster

    I hope this is helpful to some of you. I still need more information on my risks given my very rare condition (e.g., we always suffer from a small sample size problem), but this study is encouraging nonetheless.

    2. anecdotally, a friend who works at an ER says that every breakthrough case he has seen has been people who received Pfizer. I am due for my booster and while it makes me feel a bit like a science experiment to mix and match, I think i am going to see out the moderna booster

      1. My husband just got a Moderna booster after getting the Pfizer two-shot series in the spring. He did it because that’s what they were offering at the site closest to our house. But then he went in to see his PCP, and his PCP told him he made a good choice getting the Moderna and that in his (the doctor’s) opinion, the CDC should have advised people to get a different booster than their first shot because it gives a “broader picture” of immunity. We looked it up when we got home and it looks like the studies aren’t clear, but my husband’s PCP had some interesting anecdotal stories about the breakthrough cases he’s seen with the Pfizer. I wish I had known all of that before I got my Pfizer booster.

      2. I know multiple people with Moderna breakthroughs. Also keep in mind that many more people got Pfizer as Moderna so if they had breakthroughs at the same rate there would be more Pfizer breakthroughs.

      3. There are some good theories about this – among them, Pfizer was given out more in nursing homes and hospitals (to doctors/nurses/other staff), which are both more likely to see breakthrough cases (the former because of age, and the latter because of contact).

        I think ultimately it will all prove to be a wash but after coming across more than one smug pfizer person earlier in the year I am happy for the narrative (even if it isn’t substantiated).

        1. The studies that show Moderna is more effective definitely controlled for age (all vaccines are markedly less effective in older folks) so the nursing home theory doesn’t pan out. I think they may have also controlled for occupation although I’m less sure about that and it seems a lot more complicated. But I hear you on being happy to have one up on the smug Pfizer people.

    3. Thanks for sharing, and an apology — until I actually was told I had lymphoma, it was easy to ignore the comments from immunocompromised people. I was totally ignorant about it. I’m sorry for my own mental reaction making you invisible and for the broader population doing the same.

      1. Thank you, Curious. I’ve been thinking about you and I hope that things move forward as well as they can under the circumstances.

      5. Thanks, all :). No specific diagnosis yet, so we’re just focused on getting me as healthy as possible and setting the wheels in motion for a second opinion once tissue biopsy results come back. This community has already helped (thanks, Coach Laura!). Vicky, hope new job keeps being good :).

  11. Chicago friends – seeking recommendation for therapist for my husband. Loop or W or SW suburbs. Preferably male, but open. Know anyone?

  12. Pre-pandemic, I was all about adding color and pattern to my work wardrobe. Now I’m having a hard time making things work (because not all my items fit). I’ve been contemplating moving to a mostly gray-and-black wardrobe just to make things easier, but I feel like I’ll get really bored! If you’re a neutral dresser at work, how do you keep it fresh? Or is that something you just don’t worry about?

    1. I am heavy neutral. Today I have black shirt, black pants and a gray/blue blazer. If I feel like brightening things up ill wear brighter jewelry. Brighter in color, or just larger than average. I have some statement blazers, either in colors or patterns or texture to go with all the neutral as well.
      It works for me, not for everyone.

    2. I wear all neutrals (90% black) because it feels more like “me”. You shouldn’t do it if you’re going to end up not feeling like yourself

      What I did to make things easier for myself post pandemic is to organize my work clothes into clear outfits. It seems like my all-neutral wardrobe should be mix and match but some things just “go” better together. I put most things together into “blocks” in my closet (because I have more tops than bottoms) — so a pair of pants, a top that looks good with them, 2 sweaters that work with them, and a dress that also works with one of those sweaters. Some things have only one other thing that works so they are just together as an outfit. Makes my life wayyy easier.

      1. +1 to your first paragraph. I wear mostly black, gray, white, and navy because those colors look good on me (winter coloring–cool-toned, high-contrast). I have a handful of items in army green, deep forest green, and ice blue. Other colors, even if they are flattering, just don’t fit my personality and aesthetic. Neutrals don’t bore me–they make me feel classy and put-together.

      1. I think an all black or black and grey wardrobe needs a lot more intention than just throwing on a colorful scarf. Especially since, as we’ve discussed here lately, scarves aren’t really as in as they once were. Texture is key.

    4. I’m a mostly black and gray dresser. Texture and details are key. I’ve also been trying more patterns in neutral tones – I bought a pair of b&w snakeskin-print booties recently and they’ve been fun.
      But if you like patterns and color, don’t force yourself to dress in neutrals!

    5. I disagree with the advice to add scarves or interesting necklaces – “statement” necklaces are really out of date, same with adding “pops” of colour. Neutrals can look really stylish if they are tailored well or have interesting details and different textures. Look at Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex. She’ll often wear all black or navy but in rich fabrics.

      1. If I am dressed in black or navy, I like a textured, same color scarf to add interest. Still basic, but the texture breaks it up, to my eye.

    6. I wear a lot of blue and gray, almost no black. That gives me some variety while still being relatively neutral. I supplement with shirts and sweaters in brighter colors that work with blue and gray, but everything still mostly works together.

    7. I only have a handful of colors I like to wear, so my wardrobe is limited to those. Neutrals are black, grey, and navy. Colors are red, purple, and teal. I’ll wear white in the summer, and like it in patterns, but don’t wear a ton of it. It keeps shopping and getting dressed simple, because almost everything goes together. And as long as I like what I have, I don’t get bored.

    8. I’m a neutral dresser. My clothes are in good condition and fit well. I mix up my lipstick, glasses, scarves, coats, shoes etc. The clothes are just the base.

      Today, I have mauve lips, dangly earrings, a colorful scarf and a blazer over my neutral pants and sweater. My pants and sweater will be almost identical tomorrow, but slim glasses, red lips, cool studs, loafers, and wool shawl would seem like an entirely different outfit to everyone else.

    9. I stick to cool (black base) and donated all my warm (brown base) clothing and shoes. It’s so much easier to stay within one color family and ensure everything complements, if not outright matches. So my colors are greens, blues, purples, and grays. I don’t buy reds, oranges, yellows, or browns.

    10. What I’ve found is that I like colored or patterned dresses because they don’t need to match anything, but I prefer neutral separates. Now that I am working from home, I am buying way more neutral pieces.

    11. Moira Rose only wears black and white and is never boring. ;-)

      I’m Team Neutrals, too, and it makes getting dressed SO much easier. Everything matches! I only buy black pants, black shells, and blazers/sweaters that sometimes are jewel toned or patterned but always go with black. Dresses are anything goes, but they must match black or camel-colored shoes. Purses are only black, grey, or jewel toned. Even if I love an item of clothing, I do not buy if it does not fit this scheme.

      Today I’m wearing black ponte pants and a leopard sweater, black purse, gold rothys to work.

    12. I did neutrals only at work for the last 10 ish years. I had a base of back and charcoal for winter and bases of gray and navy for warmer weather. If I added color it was usually in a “topper” – a jacket or a cardigan – but my base was almost always a column of color. I didn’t get bored. I love lots of jewelry I love to show off, and a considerable scarf collection (I like Etro) so that plus the occasional color in my jacket was enough for me. It made shoe and bag and tights choices a no-brainer.

      Now I wfh and my neutral is basically denim or navy blue. I occasionally wear black if it’s fairly cold in my house because my warmest clothes are black and gray neutrals but I prefer blue.

  13. Need a family lawyer for a high conflict divorce in Columbus, OH. Any recommendations?

    1. Denise Friedman at Friedman Mirman – pretty much has the lock on professional women in the city. I did not have a high conflict divorce so my attorney was Robert Letson who was also excellent.

  14. Is anyone else struggling more with anxiety around events and large numbers of people than they were before the last couple of years? I’ve always been an introvert but one who loves the occasional live event and public speaking. The last couple of big events I’ve been at (and this whole fortnight is one big event, as I work in climate policy and live in Scotland…!) I’ve found myself feeling the anxiety in my body – I feel tight and tense all over, in my ribs and shoulders especially.
    About the only time I don’t get that tension is when I’m in the middle of a workout or reading a fluffy novel. Unfortunately I have to do other things with my days outside of workouts and novel reading!
    I’m just wanting to ask really – is that something any of the rest of you have experienced (maybe when coming back after a career break or illness if not to do with lockdowns), and did it just go away with time? Thanks!

    1. Isn’t that something everyone is experiencing? I certainly am and find the more I do the better I feel.

      1. I mean no, not everyone is experiencing it, but as someone who isn’t, I don’t usually chime in on these types if posts bc it doesn’t seem helpful to the OP so . . .

    2. yes, honestly the thought of going to an event with so many people, particularly indoors makes me anxious but largely because i am still nervous about covid. yes, i am vaccinated, but my kids aren’t and are too young to be eligible now, and i just really dont want to get sick. i never loved places with TONS of people, particularly when you end up being bumped into/touched by others

    3. Yes, I’ve experienced this, too. It was never a problem before the pandemic, but I went to an (outdoor) concert and it took me a long time to really settle in and enjoy it. I am not used to being around that many people! Even work events seem fraught, even though the vast majority of people are vaccinated. Over the past year, I’d say, anxiety has been manifesting in my body. Tight shoulders, tense jaw, headaches, backaches. Regular exercise helps some, but it’s not a cure-all! I am really hoping this goes away in time.

    4. Yes, I started travelling and was back in the classroom at the beginning of October and the first few weeks were just exhausting. You jumped back in in a big way, and the stress of transport and such a big (and seemingly chaotic event) takes a toll. Is it possible you are carrying a different bag or more on one shoulder as well?

    5. Probably not too helpful, but no, I didn’t feel like that before or after the pandemic. Just posting from a different POV.

    6. Not quite the same but I think it’s normal to feel off doing things you haven’t done in a while. I felt funny getting back on the subway last year. Then after a few trips where nothing happened it went away. It’s like RBT. I think it’s important to keep doing things even when you feel uncomfortable (within reason, obviously). I don’t remember where I read this but, as important as it is to trust your intuition, it’s important to remember that just because you’re afraid/uncomfortable doesn’t mean you’re in danger/have anything to actually be concerned about.

    7. Yeah, for me it’s not the concern about the crowd but just that I’ve forgotten how to socialize. I’m introverted and was anxious about events in normal times, and now it’s way worse.

    8. I totally understand. My office (after a fair bit of nudging) just told everyone to stay out of Glasgow until the COP26 carnival/chaos is over. You simply couldn’t pay me enough to go into Glasgow with so many people milling around without masks or distancing (the squid games/handmaid’s tale/other trendy ‘show of the week’ costumes don’t count as safety masks).

      I look around and see everyone else getting on with their lives even although the rates in Scotland are still horrendously high, and all I can do is accept that my tolerance for risk is lower than everyone else’s (due to underlying health issues). I have been trying to edge back into the world, a little at a time – and it is gradually getting a bit easier. I think its like any other skill, I have to keep on practicing going out and pushing my limits, as otherwise its too easy to just stay inside and hide away.

  15. surprised no one has posted about it yet, but election results?!?! i’m grateful that in my local community only one anti-masker won in the school board election, though the incumbent has been great and it is a shame that she lost. I am definitely not an expert on politics, but are there any up and coming moderate Republicans or are they just being silenced right now by the other louder voices? I am already worried for 2024…

    1. I think Dems keep making mistakes that cost all of us. They don’t know how to avoid Republican traps and they constantly shift blame for their own inadequacies instead of being responsive to what voters want (rather than what they are telling voters they should want). It was a big mistake in Virginia to pretend that the Loudoun County rape scandal didn’t happen (never once covered in the NYT news section) and that parents were actually just mad about CRT. Youngkin picked up a lot of support there in just the last few weeks and I think it’s a big part of the reason why.

      1. Republican traps are exactly it. Parents are mad about CRT? Maybe, but CRT is not actually taught in VA K-12 schools, and the governor has very little influence over curriculum anyway? GOP keeps making up these boogeymen and people fall for it again and again.
        I don’t understand why Dems don’t FIRST, pass the things that actually matter to people for this short stint in control, and SECOND, talk loudly and often to set the agenda. The GOP is so effective at messaging because the Dems assume people are smart and will come to the right conclusions and guess what? That’s just not exactly true. (Not saying that all voters are dumb, just that you can’t assume that people will have time to read and parse all the positions, most people skim headlines and see links on FB and make up their minds from that.)

        1. I partially agree, but I think Dems are going WAY too hard on “CRT isn’t even taught in schools” when Republicans can point to a bunch of different examples/incidents of CRT or CRT-adjacent concepts being taught in schools that they consider important. It’s not enough for Dems to say “that’s an isolated incident” or “it’s not part of a broader trend” if parents PERCEIVE it to be part of a broader trend. It’s not a good look to have some random third-grade class in Nowheresville divided on the basis of race and taught words like “oppressor” and “oppressed” and have Dems respond “that didn’t happen, or if it did happen, it’s not important.” There has to be a better way to not fall into that trap. I wish Dems would either come out swinging and say “yes, CRT is here to stay, here’s why it’s great” instead of simultaneously defending it and minimizing it. It’s just not working.

          1. A big problem is that no one on either side of the political debate actually understands what critical race theory is and what it isn’t.

        2. I don’t know that I entirely agree. I’m pretty liberal and vote democratic (even when i don’t like the candidate, like in yesterday’s NYC mayor’s race) but I think a lot of the issues in my party also have to do with the fact that people feel that democrats are just condescending, i.e., they act like they know what is best for everyone and it makes a lot of people bristle. And you don’t have to teach CRT in grade school to have it feel like it is affecting all the schools. Same with some of the vaccine/pandemic stuff. I’m vaccinated and have no problem with mandates for employees, dining, etc., but the vaccine hasn’t even been made available to school kids and CA is already making it mandatory? You don’t have to live in CA to feel like that’s a bridge too far.

          100% agree that they should be trying to actually do stuff but I think letting some of the loudest fringe voices define the party is a mistake and it’s not because people are too stupid, it’s because some of those ideas being shouted are unpopular.

          1. Why is that a bridge too far? Kids need many other vaccines to go to school. I consider myself a centrist but am completely in favor of vaccine mandates for schools. It’s not a new concept at all.

          2. That’s exactly it though… you “feel” like CRT is affecting the schools…. But it is not. It is not taught. It is not a part of any teaching licensing. It is not a part of curriculum. The far right scare tactics make you worry that it’s there, but it’s not. The curriculum has not changed in any meaningful way to even make that a worry. Teaching history is NOT the same thing. But I get it, there are a lot of white people in suburban Virginia who are uncomfortable with how to talk about the racist history of the state, but that’s not the same thing as CRT.

          3. Anon @ 11:08 – I’m for them too but historically for school mandates, vaccine receives full FDA approval, some time passes (years, usually) so that parents see its fine, and then it get “mandated” for children. It doesn’t get mandated *before* it receives full approval. I think CA mandate doesn’t go into effect until full approval, btw, but that’s not how it’s being reported, which is another issue. And study after study says that small children are not in danger from this nor are efficient spreaders. So can I understand why parents are troubled? Yes.

            Anon for this @11:14 – I didn’t say I “feel” any of this. I don’t. Just that people do. You can disagree. Disagreeing won’t change how other people feel and vote and as long as people on the left continue to discount that, democrats will continue to lose. It’s pretty straightforward as a concept.

          4. the CA mandate is definitely being reported as that it will be required for the next school year assuming it has been fully approved by then.

          5. 700+ kids have died from Covid so far. A bad flu season is 200. Tens of thousands more have been hospitalized or had MISC. Who knows how many had “mild” Covid but now have long term organ damage. There was a study recently that Covid infections in kids trigger Type 1 diabetes, likely because of vascular damage to the pancreas. There are studies that even mild Covid damages the brain significantly. It’s the 6th or 7th leading cause of death in children (depending on age group) and we mandate vaccines against childhood diseases that cause far fewer deaths, including rotavirus and chicken pox. Children spread the Delta variant as efficiently as adults. “Study after study” does not say this virus is no big deal in children or that they don’t spread it. This is all spring 2020 thinking. We know a lot more know and also the virus itself has changed a lot.

            Yes, the CA school vaccine mandate doesn’t go into effect until full approval. You knew that, apparently, so why are you acting outraged about it? It’s no different than mandating any other vaccine.

          6. @AIMS this slide from the ACIP meeting is informative: https://twitter.com/GYamey/status/1455708642297188354/photo/1

            Covid killed more kids in the 5-11 group per year than diseases like Hep A, meningitis, chicken pox and rubella did before vaccines for those diseases were available.
            My mom survived measles; I survived chicken pox. Most kids do. But my kid has to get those vaccines to go to school and I don’t see why Covid should be any different. She is statistically very unlikely to die from Covid, but she’s also very unlikely to die from any of the other viruses we vaccinate against. You’re buying into right wing propaganda if you believe Covid vaccine requirements for school are inappropriate just because Covid doesn’t kill a huge number of kids. (Also keep in mind the Covid numbers come from a time when much of the country is still taking a lot of precautions, including masks in schools, and the death count would likely be quite a bit higher without masks or any other non-pharmaceutical interventions.)

          7. Anon@ 11:40 – who is acting outraged? I am so confused by your reading comprehension fail. I posted something fairly tentative under my regular handle (ahem) about how some people may feel (most of which has nothing to do with how I feel personally) and you read that as outrage? All the luck to you if this is what you consider outrage.

          8. You gave vaccine mandates (after full approval) in K-12 schools as an example of something that would make people who otherwise lean left would vote Republican or at least not vote for Dems. If a voter is upset enough over a single issue to vote for the other party, that’s a very intense feeling, and I don’t think calling it “outrage” is unreasonable.

      2. + 1. Dems keep saying things aren’t a problem because it’s not politically correct to admit they can be problems, and so end up with crazy positions like no books should be screened before being placed in a school library or that gender free bathrooms are necessary because a small percentage of the population is non-binary. I am a victim of assault and having to run into a bunch of men in SF gender mixed bathrooms is a problem. It feels like Dem positions are sacrificing the interests of most of us in service of the interests of a few.

    2. I don’t really think it’s about school boards. The anti-mask school board candidates that were funded by national R money were trounced in my purple city. People don’t like out of staters getting involved in local elections. I think the VA and NJ governors’ races had more to do with Biden’s unpopularity and a highly motivated R base. But yes I’m very pessimistic about 2022 and 2024.

      1. Governor Murphy also did not campaign really at all and assumed he would win. He still likely will, but he needed voter turnout and didn’t try to get it, and a lot of Dems stayed home. Lazy politics.

          1. McAuliffe had already been governor of Virginia; the state doesn’t allow consecutive terms.

      2. My post is in mod, but I wrote a long post about why it is about education. Please check back.

      3. I’m from NJ and that this was even a race, much less the close race that it became, shows how tone-deaf Murphy is. It’s a bad look to be this surprised.

        I think that the Ds have any power shows how much average people did not line up with DJT. And now that Ds are acting like they have a progressive mandate, shows that they took Biden’s win with the exact wrong message. This election is about how people really feel and they really feel like the Ds have tipped too far leftward and it’s time to reboot who is in office.

        1. this is wildly inaccurate. (Also an NJ native here). There is a reason Dems haven’t won election to the gov’s mansion in decades (until now, this is clearly a Murphy win) and that is because NJ does not fit into traditional D/R political calculations and never has.

    3. I am always skeptical about how much one governor’s race means for the political zeitgeist of the entire country, especially a year out from a critical election. That being said, I hope the Dem loss in Virginia is the kick in the pants the party needs to actually get something done in Congress in the next year before the midterms. We’re being too nice, and continually caving in to people who do not have anyone’s best interests in mind but their own (I’m looking at you, Manchin and Sinema). We could absolutely do some hardball politicking of our own to get some things done but we seem to lack the gumption to do so. We keep getting beaten by the Republicans because we keep bringing knives to gunfights.

      As for the really-not-very-consequential-issues like the “Loudoun County Rape Scandal” and critical race theory, I have to admit that the Republicans like our pal down there, Anonymous at 10:21, keep doing a great job making mountains out of molehills. Not trying to minimize the trauma of rape, but trying to extrapolate a set of really bad decisions made by one school district into “fake trans people will soon be raping girls in bathrooms everywhere!” is such a ridiculous straw-man argument. It works because the average Fox News viewer has an IQ equivalent to their body temperature, but the Repubs have definitely figured out how to leverage that. As for the people screaming their heads off about critical race theory and how that’s the Linchpin Issue of Our Times – those folks are racist, period. They can’t confront or acknowledge their own racism and they’ve latched on to CRT as the boogeyman that will allow them to be as racist as they wanna be and talk about it in public. Meanwhile, just as a reminder, there’s still a pandemic happening, Social Security’s going to run out of money soon, our infrastructure is crumbling, and we still don’t have paid family leave like every other first world country. And none of that will change if the Dems keep allowing the Republicans to keep pulling focus off of what matters to these ultimately transient and overblown issues.

      1. “We’re being too nice, and continually caving in to people who do not have anyone’s best interests in mind but their own (I’m looking at you, Manchin and Sinema). ”

        Democrats have 50 seats, not 60. This isn’t 2009 all over again. You literally need the VP to break a tie even if you get 100% of your party on board, so no, you don’t need to “cave,” you need to actually restructure everything you’re doing.

      2. “It works because the average Fox News viewer has an IQ equivalent to their body temperature”

        Average IQ = 100
        Body temperature (without a decimal, rounded) = 99

        Moreover, “According to cable news television demographics, Fox News viewers aren’t as “uneducated” as some widely accepted narratives portray them. While 35% of the network’s viewers only have a high school education or less, another 35% have attended some college or are currently attending it. Furthermore, 17% have a university degree, and 12% have a postgraduate degree.”

        https://letter.ly/cable-news-viewership-statistics/

        1. One of my very favorite things to see on the Internet is someone posting statistics that prove someone else’s point. Thanks so much for this, Anon at 11:24! Much appreciated today.

          1. LOL, she self-owned so hard. She didn’t mean “Fox News viewers are average,” she meant “below average.” Except she can’t do basic math (body temperature ~= 100 = average IQ) and face-planted when she tried to say that they were below average. They aren’t stupid – they are representative of America as a whole!

            Such a hard self-own. SPLAT! on the pavement she goes.

      3. This attitude is part of the problem. Being upset about how a school district covered up a rape in order to advance a contentious bathroom policy is not an indication that someone is “low IQ.” Can’t you see how elitism drives voters straight to the GOP?

        1. I don’t care.
          I honestly don’t want to share a party with some of these people, whose real goal is for the United States to return to the year 1850, when women couldn’t vote and white men could still legally own a person. I don’t want to talk to them at parties. I don’t want to talk to them at work. I don’t invite them to my house, and I really don’t want to even share an aisle in the grocery store with them. We’re still stuck in a neverending pandemic that has significantly impacted my family and my life because of the selfishness, pigheadedness and unwarranted self-righteousness of these people. Please do not lecture me about how we need to “understand them” or “build bridges” so that they don’t default to their lowest base impulses and give in to Republican fear-mongering. They’re going to do that anyway. We can’t save these people from themselves, and I am not going to waste time or energy trying.

    4. I wonder if some of then VA results have something to do with keeping a lot of schools closed last year. While I live in a different part of the country, my local school board was super slow to reopen in person and also decided to use their time to highlight every possible cutesy non-academic program they could think up in the interim.

      1. I think this is definitely a factor. From reading the moms page it seems like a lot of the NoVa schools had crazy metrics for when they could reopen. I’m liberal and voted for Biden, but also voted for my red state governor in 2020 because he’s relatively sane for an R, and the Dem candidate said schools be “first to close, last to open.” Sorry but I’m not willing to throw kids and working parents under the bus when bars and gyms have been open the whole pandemic. I’m all for sensible precautions in schools like masks and testing but closing them is extremely detrimental to kids and parents. I wasn’t the only one who voted that way. Our governor outperformed Trump by like 10-15 points.

        1. I kept joking last year that I’d drop off my kids at a card room or a liquor store, since those were all open while schools were closed.

          To be frank, I think Beloved should be taught in AP English, kids deserve to learn the good parts AND the bad parts about American history, and trans kids should be protected. But it’s also about trust. I’m not sure my kid’s district would stay open during a bad flu season at this point, citing “equity” instead of actually providing instruction.

      2. It wasn’t about keeping schools closed last year, as a law was passed over the summer with bipartisan support requiring schools to offer 5 days a week of in-person instruction. It was all about banning mask mandates in schools, CRT, trans kids in schools, the book Beloved, and generally letting a minority of conservative parents dictate what should happen in the schools.

        1. Yes, but I don’t think those issues would be as successful in motivating voter turnout if people were generally happy with the way school districts handled the pandemic.

          1. No, on the ground in VA people have moved on from last year’s school closures. It’s about what’s going on right now.

      3. This is absolutely the reason for my local results. Dems consistently attempt to deal in pie-in-the-sky policies and refuse to come down to the real world when asking for votes. We had a huge turn-out for every local school board, and everyone voted in was a Republican who was vocal about getting back to butts-in-seats instruction. This is a semi-rural area whose biggest employers are a hospital and retail chains. Parents are not sitting in their home offices at a computer all day, they’re on their feet working in person. They need their kids to be in school.

    5. Virginian here. That race – at least in the suburbs – was all about education. I can’t overemphasize how much the Dems here botched that. A parent in Fairfax County – the largest county in VA, right outside DC, very wealthy, very educated – found s*xually explicit books in her child’s school library and went to the school board and asked them to remove them, and Dems were all, “That’s censorship! That’s banning books! One of those books is by a Black author!” while Republicans were like, “Hey, maybe we don’t want our kids reading p@rnographic novels they checked out of the school library?” And then there was the s*xual assault debacle in Loudon County, the next county over, also wealthy, also populous, also educated.

      https://wtop.com/fairfax-county/2021/09/fairfax-county-schools-pulls-2-books-with-graphic-sex-from-libraries/
      https://www.wusa9.com/article/news/local/virginia/loudoun-county-school-board-superintendent-press-conference-alleged-assaults-at-schools/65-2d04ee5a-9496-4504-b815-fe7576276c48

      I’m a longtime Dem – I’m passionate about the environment, fixing our atrocious healthcare system, welcoming immigrants, and generally loving our neighbors – but OMG, a little common sense please. The answer to America’s problems is not to get continually more liberal and inclusive. Inclusive to the point of having p@rn in our school libraries is absurd.

      This had nothing to do with Biden or national Dems. This was about schools. And national Dems are going to make it all about themselves, miss the warning signs, and get trounced in 2024 because they lack common sense.

      1. Sexually explicit does not equate with p0rn. Lots of great literature has explicit language.

        1. No, it was literally illustrated p0rn with extremely graphic details about adult sex acts. We absolutely need common sense to return to the building.

        2. Yeah, ok, but can we at least acknowledge it’s reasonable that parents would not want explicit language in school books? I’m a liberal. I teach my kids about systemic racism. I use accurate words for body parts. But I think it’s ok to question whether explicit books should be in a school library.

        3. Thank you for proving my point. Your response perfectly illustrates my point about what went wrong with Dems. Dems focused on a dismissive argument that talked down to parents, telling them the books in question have value, offer an important point of view, that parents are behind the times, that they’re missing the nuances, while completely missing that Jayden’s parents don’t care how you slice and dice the dictionary definition, they don’t want their child reading inappropriate books they checked out from the school library. That right there is entirely why Youngkin won.

          1. Agreed. A lot of the comments in this thread, boiled down, are that the Democrats are perfect, both in platform and messaging, and anyone who didn’t vote for them – or even anyone who questions their strategy – is a dumb racist.

            Well okay. Then over half of VA voters are dumb racists. Is the plan then to just write those people off and hope you get a stable Blue majority in 30 years as they start dying off? Or are the Dems maybe going to be willing to step away from their self-righteous certainty and consider that not everyone who has concerns about, for example, the type of antiracist education that is currently in vogue is essentially a closeted KKK member?

          2. Come on, you don’t need to be especially educated or cultured to know that sexually explicit language isn’t “p*rn.” That’s crazy right-wing fear-mongering. Also I thought the right was all about freedom of speech and no censorship? I’m so confused.

            I also think you’re confused about “the times.” Not wanting to ban books isn’t about being “woke” or feeling like other parents are “behind the times.” In the 1980s we all watched and read far more adult stuff than kids have access to now. It’s the current helicopter parenting movement that is obsessed with their kids not being exposed to anything the slightest bit adult in nature that’s insisting on banning books.

          4. I thought one of the book in questions was a picture book. I’m skeptical since I haven’t seen any reporting that shows the images in question, but it wasn’t just about descriptions.

            Speaking for myself, I was an advanced reader and was really distressed by unexpected s3xual content in books even if it was just described. I could read at any literacy level long before I was ready to deal with mature themes. When I was a kid, there really wasn’t any way to vet books in advance either except by age level, which again was useless when reading above age level.

          5. Anon at 12:44 these books were only in high school libraries. An 8 year old reading way above grade level would not have access to them. I agree they sound inappropriate for elementary schools, but that’s not where they were.

          6. If Archive of Our Own can use content tags, I don’t see why a school library cannot. Kids and teens don’t necessarily want to stumble upon some of this content.

          7. Clicked on the link, glad it was from my phone. So . . . if that is a graphic novel, I hate to think of how “adult coloring books” actually are in school libraries.

        4. Lots of great literature isn’t made available to children in school libraries though. Tom Sawyer being just one example.

          1. I am right leaning, but I have to say, AIMS, I really appreciate your nuanced view on things. I feel like if we knew each other in person, we could have edifying, respectful conversations about politics.

          2. ANON@12:09 – Thanks! I love “edifying, respectful conversations about politics.”

          3. I’ll echo that, AIMS – you’ve had some really refreshing, calm, yet principled things to say here today. Excellent food for thought. Thank you.

        5. I encourage you to look at the descriptions of the books the parent was concerned about, which included graphic descriptions of s*x between adults and children.

          1. Wow — I did not realize that.

            I read an interview with the Loudoun County boy’s mom (in the DM but still) yesterday and she seems oblivious with what seems clear: he has a big, big problem. I agree that the skirt thing is probably a red herring, but that went both ways (the skirt wasn’t a problem at all here but also people are rightly concerned with anyone able to commit an assault so easily). Also, the victim-blaming here makes me stabby (if true, the fact that these teens had activities before had no bearing on whether she gets to say no to any future activities). OMG I cannot believe that I am even having to type this in 2021.

          2. Anon at 12:47, the issue is that the superintendent has covered up sexual assaults (apparently going back years) and lied to the victim’s father’s face saying “there have been no assaults in bathrooms” on the day the new bathroom policy was being discussed. He lied to advance the policy and then lied about lying when evidence of his criminality emerged. Meanwhile, the perpetrator who had viciously raped a teenage girl in the bathroom was quietly transferred to another school, where he assaulted another girl within two months. The left is acting like the right is trying to make this a big transgender issue, but it’s not that at all- it’s that the school leadership is talking down to parents, lying to their faces, and acting like their concerns about sexual assault are some kind of rightwing conspiracy, all while violating state and federal law about reporting sexual assault data and protecting students. It’s absolutely a scandal and it was an extremely bad strategic move for Democrats to pretend like it wasn’t happening.

        6. I think high schools should be able to discuss sexueality openly, as I think they are getting stimied by overly concerned with this. If I knew more about it when I was in high school, I would have been smarter in college, when the professors were hitting on me and I did not even recognize it until I told my Dad. He said that they were NOT really interested in what I had to say even tho I was smart, but they just wanted me to go home with them and pull my panties off for them. I figured this out afterward when that was EXACTLY what my English lit professor did, and he was over 40 with a skraggley beard! Yuck!

      2. Are you this up in arms about the books in the school library that portray violent death? Most people in life will have sex. Most people won’t chop up someone like a serial killer. I love how people clutch their pearls about fictional sex in novels, but have no issues whatsoever with the books in the school library that describe in minute detail how Jeffrey Dahmer dissected his victims. Then these same people are usually the ones complaining about crime and violence.
        This is exactly why we have our kid in a non-public school, FYI. Neo-Church Ladies and right-wing nutjobs with no educational background or credentials whatsoever trying to decide what everyone else’s kids need to learn or not be exposed to. No wonder so many people from all walks of life are homeschooling these days.

        1. I know you don’t want an actual answer because arguing against strawmen is so much more fun, but fwiw, I would be against Jeffrey Dahmer books in my kids’ library.

          1. …have you been in a public school library recently? The point that there’s a much higher tolerance for violent content than sexual content is extremely valid and in no way a straw man.

            Newsflash: if your kid is checking out this “pornographic” book, it’s because they’re curious about the subject matter and maybe, just maybe, you should let them read it and talk to them about what they’re reading? These books are not available in elementary schools for kindergarterners to check out. The books are in HIGH SCHOOL libraries. These are 14-18 year olds who are masturbating, looking at pornography online and in many cases having actual sex. I genuinely do not understand what’s objectionable about a novel with sexual content.

          2. I can remember getting a book from the library that described Aztec human sacrifices and it horrified me for weeks. I was in second grade. I wouldn’t assume that anyone has read any of what is in a library at any grade level.

          3. But this is for parents to decide! I see that you feel differently, but that doesn’t mean that I think my kids should be able to access it at the school library. You can for sure go buy your kid that book if you want to.

          4. Many kids only have access to books through their school libraries. I don’t know enough about this particular book to weigh in on the controversy, but it’s disingenuous to suggest that there are no downsides to removing books from school libraries because parents can choose to get them for their kids.

        2. +1 million! The US has such weird puritanical attitudes about sex (and I say that as someone who is straight and has an extremely vanilla sexual history). My parents were far more concerned about violence in movies and books than sex and language, and we’ve taken the same approach with our kid. Everyone has sex and your kid is going to find out about it eventually. If the book sparks questions, that’s a good thing in my mind! I’d rather my kid read about it in a book and be more likely to talk to me or a teacher about it rather than just hearing this stuff from other kids and not being comfortable asking questions. I worry much more about violent stuff that may give a sensitive kid nightmares.

          1. I just literally don’t care how you feel about it toward your kids. You do you. That doesn’t mean I feel the same way and I get to make decisions about my kids.

          2. Ok, good luck trying to stop your teens from having s3x, watching R rated movies and looking at p0rn online. This book is nothing compared to the internet p0rn all teens have at their fingertips but you do you I guess.

    6. “Democrats tend to be culturally, former student council presidents and the Republicans of this era are Stone Cold Killers.” – Brian Williams, MSNBC

      1. And in IME, student council president types would rather do nothing than do something even slightly imperfect.

  16. What would you put on your resume for a job where you don’t have quantifiable goals or output? I’m working on refreshing my resume since it’s been a while and I am kind of wanting to find a new job, but I’m not sure how to describe my current role on my resume. I do what is essentially project management but 1) not “real” project management and 2) doesn’t have any quantifiable sort of info.

    I’ve had a real struggle to find a “career” and to find jobs (I’m 10 years out of college) despite being smart and a good worker. Do resume writers really help?

    2. You may be missing some quantifiables (I don’t naturally think this way and have a history of missing opportunities to capture scale). So it may help to brainstorm with someone who is better at this.

      1. Yep – if you’re doing PM or PM-adjacent work, you definitely have quantifiables. Think about a project that went particularly well – did you save money? Finish ahead of schedule? Bring in additional revenue? Pop those numbers in.

      2. If you can’t contribute #, $. %, then you can find other ways to contextualize your wins objectively so that all readers understand the scope and scale of your value and impact. Think “objective context markers” rather than just numbers.

        Describe number of stakeholders, size of teams, number of phases, types of “clients,” geographic scope/reach, etc.

    3. You don’t describe your role, you describe what you accomplished and delivered.

    5. I struggle with this too, as a tech person whose job is to prevent problems. I can’t quantify “this phishing scheme would have cost us six figures and two weeks of downtime, but I caught it so nothing happened”. I focus on skills (tech stack), scope of coverage (number of users, number of downloads, etc.) and years of service.

        2. The point is that I made up those numbers. No one can know the scope of damage for certain unless it happens.

          1. “Caught phishing scheme that would have led to large costs and unknown amount of downtime” or something like that. You’re making this harder than it needs to be.

        3. Those numbers are a very tenuous estimate and many cyber people interviewing her would pick apart any “official” numbers that were provided. Lots of weird egos over here and skepticism. A phishing attack could also cost nothing or millions, right? On my resume I describe achievements and what I do rather than provide numbers.

          1. Agreed. This group is supposedly mostly law, but they want to tell devs and IT folks how to do things? Nah. Stay in your lane.

    6. Back into it, look at job postings for jobs you’d want and use their descriptors to write what you do.

  17. Getting back to work travel. What bag do you recommend for quick overnight trips? I want something that’s professional enough to take to meetings before heading back to the airport. Thinking backpack style would be easiest. Needs to fit a laptop, heels, change of clothes and some toiletries.

    1. I saw someone with a Brooks rolltop backpack recently and it was so nice. It had a laptop sleeve but plenty of room for a change of clothes etc.

    2. I got the smallest away bag and used that plus my work tote for overnight trips. Big enough to fit everything and small profile made it easy to manage.

    3. I like the smallest Lo and Sons overnight duffel. The bottom padded section is great for laptop/chargers/etc. and I like that it opens up separately. I can easily pack for 2 days in that. It’s not a backpack but I find the crossbody style more secure and appreciate that it can all be washed (which I’ve done multiple times and the bag still looks great).

    4. I have a Fjallraven Raven 28 that I love. It is my daily commute bag and also awesome for weekend getaways.

    5. I love my eBags Motherlode junior. It has tons of compartments to stay organized and it and a small crossbody purse will cover just about any trip I have to take anywhere.

  18. Looking for recommendations for cute coats for fall in New England. I’m set on super warm, dead of winter coats, and have a few late summer, very lightweight options, but I’m feeling super stuck on what to wear now that’s a bit nicer than my Patgonia nano-puff. I’m 5’4″ , very hourglass, and on the higher end of regular sizes. Specific brands and styles would be super helpful! Thanks!

    1. I bought a wool blend coat from J Crew Factory that is color-blocked in black, beige, and grey for not super-cold days. I’ve also seen lots of fun wool blend coats on Macy’s website – maybe Marc Jacobs or Calvin Klein?

    3. Check out LL Bean or Lands End. I have coats from both, and they’ve lasted 10+ years (puffer and wool).

    4. Love the eddie bauer girl on the go insulated jacket. Ticks off all the boxes and because of the shaped fit, it looks feminine and not bulky.

  19. I’m freaking out a little and need to share somewhere. My father, who is fully vaccinated, tested positive for covid. He had dinner 10 days ago with fully-vaxxed friends, and one of them started feeling sick the next day. The friend got tested right away, and his results came back positive 4 days later. Dad felt fine, but got tested as soon as he knew about the exposure, and it took 5 days to get his results.

    He’s been a little sick – like a mild cold, nothing more – since this weekend. He lives alone 2,000 miles away, and although he’s generally healthy and active, he’s 77. I asked him to contact his doctor and ask about monoclonal antibody treatment. I’m trying to decide if I should hop on a plane.

    He was actually scheduled for his booster yesterday, but had to cancel while he waited for test results. I hate all of this.

    1. Definitely yes to asking about monoclonal antibodies. In all likelihood, he’ll be totally fine – you can hop on a plane if needed, but I doubt you will need to. Best of luck to him!!

    2. If your dad was exposed at dinner 10 days ago and has had only mild cold symptoms, it sounds like the vaccine did its job to me!

      1. Eh, it often starts mild and gets worse. It’s likely he’ll be ok, but I’d be freaking out too. He should get the monoclonal antibody treatment for sure. In my state anyone 50+ is eligible.

        I hate all of this too OP. I hope your dad is ok.

      2. Thank you. That’s what I’m hoping, and what I probably need to hear.

        I work in healthcare on the finance side, but have regular contact with ED doctors, so I keep hearing stories about patients who thought they were fine, but quickly decompensated. I’m making him use his pulse oximeter regularly and share with me & my siblings (who are also 2,000 miles away from him) regularly.

        We lost my mom to cancer at the start of the pandemic, and it was only 6 weeks from her diagnosis to her death, so we’re all especially anxious.

        1. Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry for your loss. FWIW, the antibodies were extremely helpful to my dad, who also tested positive recently and has lifelong respiratory difficulties. He was miserable, but they told him it should take 48 hours to work and according to my mom, exactly 48 hours later he popped out of bed like a kid on Christmas morning feeling much better. Hopefully that helps him – and you, too!

    3. I’m not a doctor, but if he’s 10 days post exposure and only very mildly sick, the odds are good that he will be fine. Especially with delta, most people seem to get sick fast if they’re going to get really sick. There are obviously no guarantees and I know it’s hard when you’re far away, but I think the odds of needing to get on a plane are very low, unless you just want to see your dad. I’m sorry and hope he gets well soon.

    4. I have a family member who is 78, fully vaxed and contracted Covid last month despite masking indoors and no indoor dining. She had the monoclonal antibodies infusion and started improving immediately, so definitely ask about those. I will say that she had a day or two with disturbingly low oxygen saturation rates, and is still on the injured reserve list, needing to take it easy and tiring easily, despite being fit, great weight, regular rummer and no underlying conditions. She will get better but has found the slowness of the bounceback disturbing. If she will monitor her oxygen and call an ambulance if the numbers are low, you may not want to go but ask about ordering in some groceries, a few meals, etc and just keep in touch regularly.

      1. Amending this answer: I missed the timing of the exposure and it may be too late for the antibodies. His doctor will know if these are still a possibility and that if they are, he should get them immediately.

        1. I worked on a project for streamlining referrals for monoclonals, so I know the protocols: 10 days post-exposure for asymptomatic patients with risk of complications is the prophylactic prescription. 10 days post-symptoms for symptomatic patients with risk of complications is the standard for treatment. So he definitely qualifies, but time is of the essence. He’s calling this morning.

          I’ll ask about grocery delivery – that’s a good idea. I’m also reaching out to some of his local friends. He has a great support network, but I want to make sure they’ve been activated.

    5. He sounds fine? Why would you hop on a plane? He doesn’t need your care and you’ll just catch Covid too.

    7. I think even minor illnesses can be difficult for people in their late 70s. I don’t think travel is absolutely necessary, but I would fly out and coordinate and drive him to the doctor’s appointments, and provide food and comfort so dad could focus on resting and letting his body fight the virus.

    8. My dad, an overweight smoker who is double vaccinated got covid about a month ago (post vax). He said it felt like a bad cold or a mild flu. It lasted him maybe 5-6 days. If your dad is feeling the same way, it sounds like he’s through the worst of it. Kindly, I wouldn’t bother with a flight unless he starts feeling worse. My dad was more annoyed with the amount that I was calling him than he was about getting the virus.

      I was freaking out too and I wish that someone would have told me that it was going to be ok!

    9. Can you order him a pulse oximiter if he doesn’t have one already? I would absolutely feel the same way you’re feeling, so I don’t think you need to feel like you’re being over the top.

    10. Depending on how reliable he is with medical things, can you do the legwork to get him the monoclonal antibody treatment? (If it is taking that long to get test results, I’m wondering if he is in a rural area or somewhere with weaker medical infrastructure?) I don’t think there is any downside with moving forward with it. My husband got it after he had a breakthrough infection and it was very easy. He did have to call around to a few sites to find one that would actually give it to him, as he was travelling at the time and not a regular patient of any healthcare facility in the area.
      https://protect-public.hhs.gov/pages/therapeutics-distribution

  20. I will be spending a birthday weekend In Philadelphia in January. Please let me know your recommendations for fine dining worthy of a big birthday celebration. I found many suggestions on a different site but they were pre-Covid. We will be staying at the Ritz Carlton. While being close to the hotel wold be great, it’s not essential as long as the restaurant would be an easy Uber ride away. I’m also interested in fun things to do. The Barnes Foundation is already on our list. Thank you in advance!

    1. I’d absolutely try to get a reservation at Jean Georges at the Four Seasons if you’re ok with indoor dining, the view is stunning.
      I would look into the Rodin Museum or Academy of Fine Arts, and the Museum of the Revolution was great. The federal reserve tour is free and surprisingly interesting if you’re into seeing coins being made.

    2. Are you ok with indoor dining?

      In general I would warn you that the Stephen Starr restaurants, while decorated to perfection, are not my go-to for amazing actual food. Parc has a great “scene” though.

      Inventive American – Vernick
      Luxe Italian – Vetri
      Middle eastern – Zahav (award winning for a reason)
      French (romantic) – Bistrot la Mine-tt-e
      French-slash-American (more of a scene but with the benefit of good food) – Rouge
      Overall lively atmosphere – somewhere on the 13th st corridor (use Barbuzzo and El Vez as landmarks)

      1. Yes, since it will be in January we are resigned to indoor dining. But would want to avoid crowded bars or small restaurants where patrons are seated immediately next to one another.

        1. Bistrot la Mine-tt-e is still spacing diners a full table apart. (If they change by January you are elbow-to-elbow, but not yet!)

    3. If you’re not already booked on the Club Floor, it’s worth the increase in room rate. I’ve stayed at least a dozen Ritz Carltons and the stunning Philadelphia club lounge is my favorite.

      1. +1 to club floor at the Ritz Carltons (or most hotels). The ability to just grab snacks/drinks always makes travel so much better for me – and I can normally rationalize breakfast + snacks/drinks nets out the cost.

    4. Vetri, if you have a big budget. It’s around $400 pp with wine pairings. Incredible experience.

    5. My favorite is Zahav, it’s absolutely amazing.

      There’s also so many incredible Italian places. My favorites are Casta Diva and Mercato, but there are tons of other great choices. Fiorella is popular, but I did not enjoy it.

      I’ve only been to Jean Georges for drinks, but the view is incredible and the app I had was fantastic. I also have not been to Vetri or Vernick, but have a reservation for Vernick Fish soon. I’ve heard incredible things about all of them.

      As for things to do, I love the current exhibit (about women in art) at the Academy of Fine Arts museum. Ice skating at Dilworth Park (City Hall) is fun, and if you want an outdoor walk, I’d recommend Forbidden Drive in the Wissahickon. If you haven’t done the historic stuff before, definitely walk around Old City. I love the atmosphere, even if you don’t go do the touristy stuff! I also like the Seaport Museum and the tours of the Becuna and the Olympia, and then would recommend grabbing a drink on the Moshulu while there (sadly, the Moshulu is best in the summer, but the inside is nice too!)

  21. Talk to me about cough remedies! I’ve been battling a dry, hacking cough with an unbearable tickle in my throat for about 2 weeks. I took 2 COVID tests, both negative, and I feel fine otherwise. I think it’s from allergies/post nasal drip. I’ve tried Flonase, Robitussin DM, Zyrtec, cough drops…nothing really works. I wake up at night hacking and coughing, and I’m exhausted in the day from not sleeping well. Is it time to see my doctor? I haven’t hit my deductible, so a 5 minute phone consult will be like $150, which I’d rather avoid if there is a more effective cough syrup to try.

    1. If it’s post-nasal drip, a cough syrup will not help. You need to address the root cause. Might be worth seeing a doctor or ENT. Have you tried a neti pot? People swear by them.

      1. I’ve been using a saline spray that does help with congestion. I’ll pick up a Neti pot!

    2. Try Guafenisin? I need that to break up mucus and turn dry into productive. It might be in Robitussin DM, not sure.

        1. Don’t use a cough syrup that is both a cough suppressant and guafenisin, as the two pieces are at odds.

    3. When I’m suffering from post-nasal drip I take a Benadryl or two right before bed because then it dries it up while I’m sleeping so it isn’t dripping down my throat all night. Have you tried that?

      1. I haven’t! Will try tonight. Benadryl really knocks me out, so I don’t have any at home. I’ll go pick some up. It should help with sleep, if nothing else.

    4. Delsym is the ONLY cough medicine that really works for me. It works differently from the other meds (I think it actually messes with the cough signal from the brain or something).

    5. I saw my doctor for the same thing and got prescription nose spray, which helped more than anything OTC.

    6. Seemingly unusual things that have helped for me in the past: chiro treatments, with attention to head/neck/chest/shoulders; self-directed lymphatic massage techniques (youtube!); apple cider vinegar.

  22. Try Guafenisin? I need that to break up mucus and turn dry into productive. It might be in Robitussin DM, not sure.

  23. what do you all want for the holidays or your birthday? I’m struggling with coming up with good ideas to put on a list. DH will get me an experience but my in laws and my mom insist on physical presents (I’ve fought and lost this battle so I’m trying to at least think of things I may enjoy. I’m 32, married, no kids, like the outdoors but also pampering myself, food, experiences. Not a big fashion person.

    1. jewelry
      luggage / packing cubes
      specific clothes – like particular Athleta leggings
      specific makeup or skincare products (my MIL loves to give me lipstick for some reason)
      decorative stuff for the house – like art, a vase, serving platter
      fresh stuff for outdoors (new towels? hiking boots?)

    2. I like to ask for things I would eventually buy anyway if I can’t think of anything else. Perfume, skin cream, lotion, planner, books, wallet, winter scarf/ gloves.

      1. +1. My perfume of choice has been discontinued unfortunately so there’s one thing off my forever list.

    3. if you cook, kitchen tools like a good thermometer or cutting board? America’s Test Kitchen rates tools and gadgets

    4. I’m putting a few small things that I would have bought for myself on my list, including:
      Shhhhower cap
      Amanda Gorman poetry book
      Good hiking socks
      A small perfume sampler (the fragrance I was wearing pre-pandemic no longer does it for me)

    6. “cozies” like slippers, robes, pajamas
      the end-of-year Sephora mini kits (“best of” lip products, mascaras, lotions, etc.)
      specialty food prep items (instant pot, silicone baking cups, etc.)
      so many books

    7. My go-to is consumables, especially fancy food I wouldn’t treat myself to: See’s candy, Cheesecake Factory cheesecake, fancy ice cream shipped on dry ice (a lot of people recommend Jeni’s but I’m partial to Salt & Straw), fancy teas, etc. I also always like to receive flowers. I basically refuse to bring anything non-consumable into my house these days. I have enough stuff.

      1. A pound of Nuts and Chews from See’s would be a fantastic gift for anyone (except for someone with a nut allergy of course).

    9. Outdoorsy things on my list: camping gear (specifically a camp pillow and camp chairs), National Parks Pass, State Parks Pass. Smartwool socks, wool baselayers. Heated blanket for sitting outside.

    10. Hard to find bourbon, expensive hot chocolate, bitters, massage bars, desk accessories for work.

    11. If you want to go lower in budget, dryer ball and Bees wrap (to replace saran wrap) have both been well received in our family! Pair with Lindt chocolate to make it “fancy” without breaking the bank.

    12. Jewelry
      Perfume
      Spa treatment
      Gift basket from Lush
      Flower delivery subscription
      Books
      UNICEF donation in my name

  24. I’m 10 months PP, and 40+ lbs over my ideal weight. I’m one of the lucky ones that doesn’t lose weight with nursing, and only gains/holds on to it. I’ve weaned the baby, and am determined to improve my self-care.

    Last 20 months have been hard on all fronts – marriage, work, and also lost a beloved parent last year. I generally eat well but have definitely incorporated too many sugary snacks/candies in my diet. Please tell me it’ll get better. I’m finally exercising again (did Orange-Theory type workouts pre-pandemic).

    1. Oh hugs. You are way ahead of me with exercising regularly at only 10 months PP! I couldn’t get back into it until my son was 2, and I didn’t really get it together to modify my diet enough to lose most of the weight (which in my case was more post-weaning weight gain) until he was 5. This is a marathon, not a sprint, and the first year is so hard. Hang in there! If you want to try one fairly simple thing, start writing down everything you eat. You don’t have to track calories; this is just a tool to help you become more conscious of what you are consuming.

    2. You’ve been through a lot and taking the first step to exercise is huge. I don’t have much to offer but to trust it works – if you work out and eat less you will eventually lose weight barring a health problem. It helps when I’m watching and seeing no movement on the scale. If you are a tracking person and there’s no reason like a past ED that this would trigger you, you may also want to track your workouts so you can look back on your progress, and also your eating so you are not mindlessly eating another piece of candy.

    3. Try cutting out the snacks if you can. Even a couple of hundred calories here and there makes a difference. Diet is a lot more important to weight loss than exercise, if that’s your main goal.

    4. It will get better~ it’s been hard. Keep doing the next right thing. I will not say don’t eat sweets etc because argh.I will say to have them mindfully, plan them and experience them fully, ideally less frequently than you normally would. Progress that is incremental is valuable.

    5. It will get better! I just saw a good friend the other day who also couldn’t lose a lb. nursing and she looked better than she did pre-pregnancy. Her kid is finally sleeping, she’s able to take time to herself, actually plan her meals somewhat and exercise, etc. Admittedly her kid is almost 3 but be kind to yourself! You’ve been through a lot. You made and are making life happen. You are probably (still) not sleeping well. This last 20 months have been insane. It gets better. Just not all at once. But before you know it.

    6. It will get better! I will note that with my second kid (who was a worse sleeper than my first) I did not start making any progress until
      I was getting sufficient quality sleep. I’ve also noticed that when I’m sleeping less due to work I often gain weight even without changing my eating (though exercise often drops off then too).

      It’s so hard, but it will get better. I have also come to terms with the fact that my former ideal weight is probably not attainable at this point in my life, and am focusing on celebrating smaller incremental weight loss and how much better I feel (and how much longer I can run, how my back pain is better from stretching regularly, etc.)

    7. I got back into an exercise routine 6 weeks postpartum. As of 10 months postpartum, where you are, I had run three half marathons and lost exactly zero pounds (from where I was a week after giving birth).

      The one-year mark was life changing. I ran faster. Things hurt less or not at all. My body started to slooowly lose the weight (down a few pounds). My incision stopped hurting. Exercise felt good and not like torturing my body. Three months from now, you’ll be surprised at how much easier it all is.

      1. Same as me! Except I gain very little and lose it all in 36 hours THEN gain 25 lbs back when breastfeeding ceases to be hormonal (3-4 mos). It is such BS! And I nurse for years and have four kids. Lots of cycling up down.

  25. Somebody remind me why I shouldn’t write a negative review of my employer on Glassdoor.

    1. Do it. Just don’t post anything unique to you/personally identifiable.

      The Glassdoor reviews that I ignored (!) at my former employer were all, sadly, directionally correct.

    3. No because you should do it. I have done it three times for three bad employers. One tried to get GD to take it down (they didn’t) and I got one day of actually naming positions acting before GD made me revise it. I always change some of the employee details, but I want to help others.

  26. A person who was a beloved mentor is in town this weekend and is dropping by my house for a backyard visit at 1:30p, post lunch. What should I have (if anything) on hand to serve? When I was growing up, my Taiwanese parents would usually have tea and watermelon seeds and dried preserved plums and maybe pineapple cake for this kind of visit. Any suggestions?

    1. I think tea/ coffee and biscuits or some other small snack would be perfect. Sounds lovely.

  27. I would like to give my sibling a cash present on the birth of her daughter to put towards college. I also gave her a Christmas themed onesie but my sister has gotten everything else for the baby from their buy nothing group/ baby shower etc. What do you think is an appropriate amount?

    1. What can you afford? No amount is to little. Well less than $25 might be a little weird. But $25-50 is perfectly fine if that’s what’s in your budget. I would say $100 is probably the standard amount for a one time college contribution. But I think it’s also common to give much more. An aunt I’m not particular close to gives us $1k/year ($500 each at her birthday and Christmas) for my daughter’s college fund.

    2. We got $100 from a great grandparent and would have been thrilled with as little as $20 from my sister!

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