Coffee Break: Lila Twirl Earrings

107 Comments

1. Question re project management skill-building:

   I am a mid/senior biglaw associate and am looking to have a busy year managing several very large cases and case teams. I feel like I have developed pretty good organizational and case management skills organically as my career has progressed, but my firm unfortunately is not big on training for these types of skills, and I’m sure I have room for improvement. I would love to find resources that will help me to develop some really great project and people management strategies.

   Any suggestions? I’m open to books, CLEs, online classes, etc., and not necessarily just those targeted to lawyers.

   1. Have you considered becoming PMP certified, or even just training for it? It seems to be the default certification in the Project Management world.

      I suggested it for me to my supervisor, but my firm has an in-house version, so I’ll be doing that. But I think I’m still going to get the Project Management or PMP for Dummies books or similar…

   2. Yay to the OP! Dad say’s it’s time for Dail Carnegee for you and ME TOO! I have to learn how to manage my work life better (with manageing Mason) as well as my personal life, b/c I want to get MARRIED and have kid’s and I can NOT do that if I am so busy at work. Dad say’s he took a Dail Carnegee course that helped him LOADS into being the great peeople manager that he is today. He told me when he was in the goverment, he had about 400 peeople reporting to him, both directely and indirecely, so he did NOT have alot of time to fool with dummie’s and their issue’s. After he took the course, he swore he would never again do the thing’s he did before–he now delagates alot of things to peeople and holds THEM responsible in case there is a screwup.

      He want’s me to take that course, delagate and hold my staff responsibel. That way, I will have more time to bill cleint’s and to have a personal life so I can get a guy to MARRY me. I cannot get a guy to date me let alone MARRY me if I am workeing so many NON-BILLEABLES for the manageing partner! FOOEY!

      With any luck, I will meet Mr. Right by the end of the month, start dateing and get MARRIED by June and have a BABY this year! Grandma Leyeh (and Trudy) will be so happy once I have a MAN! DOUBEL YAY!

   3. Both project management and people management are very deep topics. I would suggest, as a first pass, grabbing a basic book on each (such as the 1 Minute Manager and PM for Dummies, or any other intro PM book). The books will give you some ideas the think over, and guide you to areas that you may want to explore further with other books / courses.

   4. I’ve been a project and program manager in previous positions. Many people in these positions get the PMP but I’ve heard mixed reviews about the certification and have never bothered with it myself.

      The Goal by Eliyahu Goldratt is focused on manufacturing scenarios, but the techniques are meant to be applied to projects of any type. On the people management side, I’m a fan of The Servant Leader by James Autry.

2. I am traveling to Thailand and Philippines for 1.5 weeks. I’ll be in Bangkok and Krabi in Thailand and Cebu and Manila in Philippines. Any recommendations for must see, do, eat activities? It will be my first time visiting these places. Thanks!

   1. Bangkok has wonderful public transit and it’s easy to get anywhere. Best pancakes in the world are at Chu Chocolate Bar and Cafe – the lemon curd pancakes are my particular fave. Do get a massage while in Thailand! My husband and I went to fancier places – great service and prices. The Grand Palace and a few temples in that same area are a train and boat ride away.

      In our experience, English was not as prevalent as we expected for a world city, but we made do! Tip: Tripadvisor has an app and there’s a Bangkok City Guide you can download on your phone for offline access. Have a great time and be safe!

      1. The tripadvisor app also has offline access if you download the guide for a specific city to view offline. I’ve used it for both Europe and Asia and it works fairly well.

   2. Go to wat in Bangkok where they do massage. I can’t remember the name, I think it has the enormous reclining Buddha. It’s a fun experience getting a massage there even if not upscale.

   3. Bangkok: go to all the temples, my favorite was the reclining buddha one; eat the street food – very tasty, cheap and safe, just drink the tap water or ice. Look restaurants up on Tripadvisor

      Krabi: Take the tourist boat trips to visit the 7 islands, Koh Phi Phi, etc. Loved the boat trips, and there is not much to do in Krabi but eat and get tan on the beach. Again, I’d recommend Tripadvisor for restaurant recommendations.

      Very important: you can buy most cosmetics there, so no need to check your luggage; I would definitely bring the 3 oz containers of mosquito repellant though, you’ll need it. Also, temples required women to cover their knees and shoulders – bring capris or long maxi skirts for temple days, and a scarf for your shoulders.

3. Random vent I must let out: I feel like p00p. I have horrible monthly cramps today that are bad to the point where all I want to do is go sit in the shower and drink tea and then curl up on my couch watching Netflix.

   But I can’t. Instead, I have to stay at work until God knows when. I haven’t had a day off in a few weeks and have had to skip the gym in lieu of doing frivolous things like sleep and do laundry so I have something to wear. WhineWhineWhine. I realize overall that these are very small, trivial complaints, but right now I am just in mood where I want sweat pants and slippers, not tights and heels.

   1. *virtual internet hugs* I was there a couple of weeks ago. Load up on as many painkillers as you can, get some tea, and order in something good.

      1. I shall take your advice!

   2. RAWR

      Also, two more words: heating pad. Buy one of those suckers and stick it on your pelvis.

      1. Is it considered ‘business professional’ to carry one to meetings? If so, I’m in.

         1. Wear a Thermacare heat patch or its generic equivalent. You can get the ones for cramps, but neck and shoulder ones work too. Stick it on and wear it all day, no one’s any the wiser. That’s what I do to survive.

            1. This. I too do this to survive.

            2. Yes to the heat patches. Those things are awesome.

         2. Get to CVS or Walgreens and buy the stick on disposable ones – life changing in causing me to be able to function at work! They also have ones aimed at back pain that work just as well (or better for me since I tend to have backaches just as much during PMS). Also work well when its freezing in your office and you need to warm up without wearing a Snuggie.

            http://www.cvs.com/shop/health-medicine/pain-fever/menstrual-pain-relief/cvs-heatwraps-menstrual-cramp-relief-skuid-350745

         3. Y’all are freakin’ brilliant.

      2. This sounds weird, but a space heater helps me a lot with cramps. If you have a private office, you can sort of aim the heat at your midsection (either by adjusting your heater or your position in your chair) and it helps a lot.

   3. I know this isn’t for everyone, but I’ve had such a great experience with it I feel the need to mention it. Ever since I went on the pill, I haven’t had a period. I started taking them continuously, 3 months at a time, but even now that I’m supposed to have a period every month, I don’t. I also know that it doesn’t work out this way for every woman, but if it’s a potential option for you, not having monthly issues in YEARS has been amazing; I highly recommend it.

      1. Yeah… The other part of this is that I’m off bc to try to conceive, but it hasnt happened yet and this is a reminder of that as well.

         1. Oh, I’m really sorry to have brought that up for you. Good luck!

            1. Thanks! Funny story- official advice from my doc this week was to ‘relax’ and ‘reduce your stress at work’. I’m sure 70-80 hour work weeks was totally what she meant.

            2. I hear you. Several years ago I developed a neurological condition and my doctor said it was exacerbated by “stress, fatigue and caffeine” — the three most constant elements in my life!

      2. My experience has been that I get cramps worse when I do the pill continuously for 3 months than for normal pill cycles on no pill. But, the three month without a period are great and I thought worth the additional discomfort.

      3. I haven’t had a period since 2009 and I LOVE IT. Hooray for the pill. My doc says it’s fine and I couldn’t be happier.

   4. Give yourself permission to hire someone to do your laundry (at least just this once/for right now)! This is prime outsourcing time.

      1. Or online shop so you have stuff to wear! (Terrible, terrible enabler that I am!!)

   5. My cramps are always much worse when I’m stressed. I realize this isn’t very helpful advice, but you are definitely not alone in this. Second the advice for your painkiller of choice, tea, and those sticky heating pads. Hang in there.

   6. I’m sorry that you’re feeling bad. I find hot chocolate, made with real milk, to be really helpful. The chocolate, plus the heat, plus the calcium from the milk are all known to be good for cramps.

      1. +1 Milk always works for me and hot chocolate is a great way to get it, plus the warmth helps too. Bananas are good too.

   7. Thank you all so much for the internet doting! I dunno, today I just really needed that and I am very thankful to all of you. I got some chocolate and just decided to cut myself some slack and it really is helping. Also, there is definitely a 24 hour CVS on my commute that I will be stopping at for some of those self-heating pads! I’d forgotten about them!!

   8. You need wine wine wine

      1. Yes. I wish my office were more Mad Men at times like these- I could go for a Manhattan or some equally hard booze.

         1. Seriously, I found a glass of wine to be a big help with cramps. Plus I swear by those stick-on heat things.

4. Continuing the financial theme: does anyone have any tips for finding a good insurance person who can advise on how much insurance/types of insurance are appropriate?

   Can anyone refer a good insurance person in the SF Bay Area/Silicon Valley? TIA!

   1. No, but our financial planner was really helpful.

      1. How did you find your financial planner? What’s the service/fee structure?

         1. Through marriage? lol.

            One of my husband’s firm’s partners recommend him. I think technically he recommended the planner’s partner, but this planner was more open – or maybe they just clicked more?

            Flat rate for a full plan every few years. Usually he just does the little stuff for free. I think he has an hourly rate for the in-between, but we generally fall into one of the two categories. The insurance work was part of a full plan that we did when our first child was born/expected.

   2. No recommendations – I talked to one person who was referred through a friend but didn’t find them particularly helpful. For life insurance, we just ended up looking at our major financial responsibilities and what we would want covered if one of us died. For example, we took out enough term life insurance to pay off the mortgage and have a little left over to help fund college for the kids. But that’s because both my husband and I work and do well enough that we figured without the major cost of the mortgage one of us would be able to support the kids pretty easily on a single income.

      We still need to look into long-term disability, which I think is a little trickier because of all the potential variables (not only replacing lost income but the possibility of needing expensive treatments/long-term care, depending on how you are disabled). But really, it just comes down to hedging your bets.

      We looked into whole life insurance, but it was a lot more expensive for the level of coverage we wanted and I figured it was better to pocket the difference and invest it in a non-insurance product, but that’s my totally non-professional minimally informed opinion :)

   3. 1. I you are eligible for USAA use it!

      2. Have three different brokers give you a proposal. If you have nowhere else to start, make one of them the auto club.

   4. If you’ve ever bought a house, try asking the realtor who you worked with — in my experience, they tend to have lots of contacts generally speaking, but also specifically will know someone who at least is involved in the homeowner’s / umbrella insurance business — and that agent can recommend a life/disability agent, if you are interested in that.

5. I’m digging these earrings. It would be a fun switch from my normal tiny hoops. Not prepared to spend that much on them, but I like the concept.

   1. Based on the picture I thought it was just a double piercing, and that the earrings were just a wrap-around hoop. I was like “no way a thin gold hoop is worth $475!”

      And then I clicked through. I like them a lot – very clever.

6. Yay or nay on this?
   http://www.brooksbrothers.com/Pointelle-V-Neck-Cashmere-Sweater/WY00332,default,pd.html?dwvar_WY00332_Color=BRBL&contentpos=1&cgid=

   1. Alone or over a button up? It looks too see through for alone, I think.

   2. That’s an awesome price. Definitely Yay

   3. Oooh… I want it desperately now, so yay.

      But as Southern said, only over a workplace appropriate top, if that’s where you’re going to wear it. In my casual office, I’d wear it over a modest and wide-strapped shell on Fridays.

   4. I’ve seen this IRL,verypretty. You may need a cami or shirt. High quality cashmere.

7. Any recommendations for tax accountants in the DC area? I’m a medical resident, so I don’t make a whole lot of money, but have some family investments that complicate things. TIA!

   1. I am in a similar situation–any recommendations would be appreciated!

   2. We have loved Squire Lemkin & Co LLP. Bob Kopera

   3. Check out Friedman+Associates in Rockville. We’ve been very happy with them after some mediocre people downtown.

   4. I used Laurette Dearden in Laurel when I was a resident.

8. Rant Time

   Anyone here ever look at Female Fashion Advice on Reddit? It’s like it has devolved in the past six months into a circle j*erk of twenty year olds telling each other that leggings and tight pointe pants are office appropriate. I’m only thirty, but their idea of appropriate office wear/being shouted down for not supporting their idea of appropriate office wear is making me feel so, so old. Why are those of use born in the mid-80s lumped in with people born in 1995? We most emphatically do not have a shared culture or experience.

   1. Not familiar with that reddit, but I feel you on the old millennial thing! While technically a millennial (born in 1983) I do not feel like one when I read all the stuff about “what millennials like/do.” The law firm where I summered this year actually had a “diversity” presentation about age groups, and noted that those of us on the cusp often have traits of both. So, we might be partly Gen X. (The real takeaway of that presentation was that the baby boomers are in power and won’t give it up, even at ages when their predecessors had moved on to mentor them into the leadership positions the boomers have now. So, take heed..with a grain of salt.)

   2. Yesterday I went into an Anthr0p0logie to look for a fun but still work-appropriate dress (on a friday, with a blazer?) and found nothing except a reality-check that I have outgrown the clothes there. So much fringe. I’m only 33! but definitely not hip enough to still shop there. Instead I went to the AnnT@ylor next door and in comparison it felt so boring. Who makes structured, conservative work-appropriate clothes but in fun patterns or cuts? And at Anthr0/AT price points? Old millenial seeks perfect dress that says I’m fun! but also an adult with a job.

      1. I think anthro only has like 5 work appropriate pieces a season and they’re all online.

         That said, i’m obsessed with this dress and may pull the trigger.

         http://www.anthropologie.com/anthro/product/clothes-dresses/4130293946896.jsp#/

      2. Boden? Occasionally Jones NY. Briefly Talbots but I think they are skewing older again.

         1. YES Boden for dresses. I’m a big fan. But they only work for some body shapes (pear here, may not suit those who are busty due to empire waists).

         2. I was born in 1994 and love Boden! Now I feel conflicted…

            1. 1990 here. You’re not alone.

      3. this is a missing market. i agree!

      4. “Old millenial seeks perfect dress that says I’m fun! but also an adult with a job.”

         OMG. 1000+!!!

9. That’s sad to hear. If they wear leggings and tight ponte pants to work they are going to definitely going to have a different experience in the workplace!

   1. One of my colleagues routinely wears hot pants to work. She’s 22. I’m only 26 and I find myself rolling my eyes at the whole situation.

10. Career related TJ: I have been networking/informational interviewing with individuals at organizations that I would be interested in working in. In addition some of the informational interviews have actually been for advertised positions that sometimes invite an applicant to get in touch with a contact person if they have questions about the position–(I have found this useful in getting to know more about the work as well as tailoring the application accordingly). I typically get in touch with people via email and invariably some do not respond–it’s expected and I take it as par for the course. That said I have also noticed that most of the time when emails are ignored or when someone agrees to a brief phone conversation but then later ignores a message about what time would be convenient, it’s been a woman. At first I thought this was all in my head but it’s happened often enough that I am wondering have others experienced the same thing? FWIW, I have a graduate degree and I am in a science (research) field that does tend to have more male representation as opposed to female. Also most of the organizations in question are big research unis or research institutes. I do find this rather disconcerting for two reasons: one, there is a alot of talk about the importance of networking for career advancement especially amongst women but that only works if people are actually communicating with each other. I know no one owes the other anything in life but still…. Also, in some cases where one has the option or connecting with 2 people with the same expertise, from this experience alone I wonder whether I should automatically go with the man.

11. I know there was discussion yesterday about who has read and implemented the teachings in this book. I just finished it, haven’t started discarding yet. DH is a serious packrat (hoarder?) and I am wondering if anyone has actually experienced what the book suggests, namely that if I start tidying he will want to tidy too. I find this very hard to imagine. Of course tidying only my things is better than no tidying at all, but I am hoping someone has a DH/SO success story!

    1. Haha, my one anecdote is that my similarly packrat SO finally put a scalethat has been incorrect into the “trash” bin; and when I suggest specific items be thrown out, he’s become more receptive. Changes implemented in late November so it has not been a long time.

    2. My SO is from a family of borderline hoarders and that book really spoke to him in a way that my three years of nagging never did. Can you leave it around somewhere he might read it?

       1. Oh I’m going to specifically ask him to read it, I just don’t know if it will “catch” with him. He’s also not a regualr reader. But, worth a shot!

    3. I just finished it as well. My partner isn’t a hoarder but he definitely has more stuff than I do (I moved from the States to student halls in the UK and then in with him). I’ve been trying to pare down my stuff (clothes, books, paperwork) but I sometimes worry that I’m just clearing space for his stuff to expand into.

       We’ve had some talks about how we use space, ie. it isn’t fair that my corner of the home office is used as the dumping ground and we’ve been working on clearing some of the spaces together. I figure I need to clear out my stuff and set a good example.

       We probably have a below average amount of stuff for people our ages / with the space available to us but it seems a little ridiculous that we sometimes spend a weekend day organising said stuff instead of spending time together.

    4. I’m one of the folks who posted yesterday. I don’t have any immediate personal experience with an SO following my lead with this, but I did get my mom a copy of the book, and once she started cleaning out/up, my dad started asking questions. He gets a kick out of the “sparks joy” thing. She’s only a few weeks into it, but he has definitely taken note and we have seen the cogs turning as he reevaluates his packrat strategy.

       ETA for context – they are 60 and 70 with a 5000 sq ft house full of STUFF. Neither are hoarder-level, but they both have held on to a lot of unnecessary, sentimental or might-be-useful-who-knows kind of stuff.

12. If you could get a job in your field or a job in a manual labor field (waitressing or janitorial work or housekeeping, etc.) for more money than a job in your field, would you take the manual labor gig? How much more would you need to make than work in your field to get you to take it?

    Why?

    1. I wouldn’t take it regardless, because I’m not that interested in money and I need to feel intellectually stimulated by my work to be happy. I’ve done manual labor before, and while I have nothing against it, it doesn’t make me happy the way my work does.

    2. Nope. If I did, it would have to be SO much money that I could basically work a marginal amount and then take time off to pursue my interests.

    3. I have done manual labor before and would do it again in a heartbeat if it paid like my big law job. I am so tired of never being truly away from work and worrying about work in my free time and being expected to be available 24-7.

       1. +100

    4. Depends on what you’re counting as manual labor. If I could either 1) train horses or 2) be a baker for a living, I’d probably do it. But my skills in both aren’t great enough (well, I’d be fine as a basic baker, but truly fancy cakes are beyond my decorating skill), and I have law school loans.

       1. I’d agree with this. If I could bake for a living with the same amount of money that I make as an attorney, I would do that. Baking (and especially creating/tweaking recipes) would give me enough mental stimulation that I would be happy.

          I’ve done other manual work jobs and I wouldn’t trade my job for those.

    5. I’d take tha manual labour job if it paid more and was consistently going to pay more.

    6. I represent manual laborers who work at jobs that pay very well once they are injured on the job. I’ve worked in blue collar/labor jobs my whole life up until law school but I don’t’ know if I would want to go back. I see how they are treated once they get injured and the employee is so helpless because there are no other jobs that pay that well. I guess a lot of them have no choice because of their own choices. But, it seems like they are just pawns. Then again, I may have grown cynical and heard a lot of one-sided stories.

       1. I read this as meaning that there is an industry in which manual laborers are paid well, only after they are injured at work. reading comprehension fail.

    7. I don’t know if this counts as manual labor, but my most favorite job ever was when I worked at a day care on our university’s campus. If that paid what I make now as a government lawyer I would totally take that job instead. It was so fun everyday.

       Also, I have worked as a waitress and would never go back to that. Or would have to make maybe 4 times what I make now!

       My husband prefers working with his hands to sitting at a desk all day, however.

    8. Probably not. It’s not snobbery; it’s sloth. I like heat/AC, comfortable chairs, breaks whenever I want them, and flexible scheduling. Even when I was a teen, I’d take an office job over something more hands-on. And the intellectual side of my job is what I like about it. It’s a lot of logic, so unless professional jigsaw puzzle tester is manual labor, I’ll keep this job. But maybe something like repair work?

       My husband would trade his professional job for farming or woodworking in a heartbeat. HEARTBEAT. He’s been trying to pencil that out for years, and he’d do it if we weren’t certainly going to lose money at first.

       1. I’d give it all up and be a goat farmer in a blink. I can get intellectual stimulation through hobbies.

       2. ppl always ask me how I like my job. and they’re always shocked that my reasons for liking my job are what you listed! heat/AC, comfortable chairs. Also, I sit close to the water cooler and the printer! Score!

    9. I would love to be independently wealthy and do something like being a caterer or make (gluten free) wedding cakes. But I truly need new intellectual challenges to be happy (need new job every 2-3 years, getting PhD part-time for the stimulation etc.) so this wouldn’t work for long.

       Also, friends with manual labor and physically hard jobs (RN, firefighter, roofer and housecleaner are personal examples) all worry about their bodies giving out before retirement and the stress of having to find a new line of work. I really worry about our housecleaner, who has worked for my family (and others) for 30 years: She can’t keep doing it for much longer.

    10. No, for the obvious reason that prestige is important to me. No one else has said it, but being a “professional” is important to me.

    11. Not manual labor but I am a PhD and have ended up doing something far less intellectually stimulating than I envisioned for myself. I have 3 degrees (undergraduate and masters) but my current job can be done with someone with an undergraduate degree and probably as many years experience as I have (8). It’s a very procedural and routine job. For analogy, imagine my background in advanced mathematics and I am processing invoices at a company.
        The only compensations are that it gives me great work life balance (one kid and pregnant with second), it is somewhat ‘prestigious’ despite its operational nature (manager title and career path to move up in the organization) and the money is ok (possibly better than a think tank that would use my math modeling skills, and there are very few of those jobs around anyway).

    12. No, but if I didn’t currently have the flexibility I do working freelance, I might consider it. I’m about at my sweet spot of hours worked/acceptable income right now (around 30 a week/way less $ than most folks on here), but it allows me to travel and do my thing until I decide to settle down more.

13. Ugh. I was all excited because I had finally gone ahead (after seeing a few in airports and asking random women if they were the Lo and Sons bag) and ordered the Lo and Sons OG. It arrived yesterday while I was on a trip…and I ripped it open today, looked at it, and went “wait, this is really small!” and then looked at the label on it….they sent me the OMG even though I ordered the OG! Ugh.

    1. Email them. They were really responsive when I contacted them. (I wanted a bag that was not in stock and they came up with a solution that worked for me, and gave me a discount).

       Though I was really hoping the story was going to be that ordered a Catalina and got the Pearl. That’s what was happening in my imagination as I read your comment.

       1. They replied pretty quickly that they would ship me a new one and send a return label for the old one. Still a bit pouty, as I’ve had an AWFUL week (I lost my driver’s license in the midst of a business trip and couldn’t rent a car, for starters) and was looking forward to the treat now that I’m home today!

       2. Gurl, you just gotta go for the Pearl at this point. Treat yo’self.

          1. It’s on my list of rewards to get myself for making progress on my New Years Resolutions! It will be mine.

          2. What is it about that bag? It’s so simple but so lovely!

          3. Ugh don’t tempt me! I just spent way too much money on luggage :(

    2. I see that the OG and OMG are both on sale for twenty percent off regular price (in the color I like).

       Do they ever go on a better sale than that? Or is this a good time to buy?

       Thanks.

       1. If you want it, buy now. I got mine for 30% off on either a one-day sale or a referral sale around two years ago when they were less well-known, but I haven’t seen anything below 20% for a looooong time. And they almost never come up on ebay (I sold mine, used, recently and got within striking distance of full price, new).

          1. Thanks. I ordered both and will return one (whichever is not the right size).

14. I need to buy a new gas oven – any recommendations or warnings?

    1. If you can swing it cost-wise, go dual fuel (gas on top, electric oven). Electric ovens are better for baking but I love the control you have with gas for the cooktop.

       1. Totally this! My parents have always had this type of oven, (get one with a fan rather than just convection electric too if you can) and it spoilt me for the awful stoves elsewhere.

    2. What’s your price point? My parents had a Thermador for a while that was a dual fuel and it was amazing. Even now that they have a 5 burner beautiful fancy stove and dual wall ovens (they moved), we all miss the Thermador.

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