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Gift Idea: Mark Bittman Cookbook

Cookbook gift - How to Cook Everything: The Basics

Where do you fall on cookbooks as a gift idea? Yes, they can be boring — but they can also be really expensive, so they can make indulgent gifts. This Mark Bittman book is on my wishlist — the whole series looks amazing. It's $19.77 at Amazon for the hardcover book. How to Cook Everything: The Basics

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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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131 Comments

  1. I like getting cookbooks, but I’ve never bought one for anyone else. Food taste are so specific, I’d have a hard time deciding what to get for someone else.

    Threadjack: I’ve been dealing with/ignoring anxiety issues that pop up off an on for years. I have very low dose Xanax I can take in certain situations, but I think it’s time to start talking to someone other than my GP. Where do I start? A counselor? Psychologist? Psychiatrist? I’ve never looked into this before, and I honestly don’t know what designation a “therapist” falls under.

    TIA!

    1. If you are looking to take medication, you would likely want to start with a psychiatrist. Psychologists and therapists are mostly for talk/behavioral therapy and are not able to prescribe medication. Good luck!

      1. I agree.

        Since you are already on a med, I would start with a psychiatrist to sort out what you may need. But you may transition over to a counselor/psychologist. Many people do best with both meds + counseling, especially in the beginning, and then over time you may only need one.

    2. Yay! I love Cookbook’s! I think Rosa gave me one 2 year’s ago, but it got lost when the manageing partner’s brother “borrowed it” but did NOT return it. Beside’s he never even invited me over for food once he found some other woman to sleep with. I am NOT compleaning b/c the last thing I ever needed was to have that oaf huffeing and puffeing on top of me!

      As for the OP, Wanderlust is right. Always go to an MD (psychatrist) , not a therapist, as only an MD can prescribe MEDs. You probabley are nervous about thing’s and the Xanax can help. Rosa got a SCRIPT for that when she found out Ed was dipping his wick where it did NOT belong. She wanted to keep the marrage together (as did HE) but he and the stripper were doeing things that can NOT be repeated here. Wow what a dummy he was. Rosa could have taken the kids, the house in Chapaqua, and a decent chunk of change if she dumped his tuchus, but she did NOT and she is now liveing very well and his wick is under control!

      In your case, OP, see the doctor, tell him your issues, and get a SCRIPT until you figure out the ROOT cause. If you are NOT married, mabye that will be the needed elixir — I know that would be for me, b/c once I find a guy to MARRY me, I will be VERY happy and can stop pretending I am such a big profesional woman. I seriusly think that once I have a coupel of babie’s, I will give up the law entireley! YAY!!!!!

    3. You could start with a psychiatrist or a psychologist, just disclose this. I don’t see anybody for anxiety other than my GP any more. I see a psychiatrist for medication for my inattention (ADHD? unclear, he didn’t formally diagnose me). Luckily, most of these systems comport now so one doctor can usually see everything you are on.

  2. I *LOVE* Mark Bittman’s How to Cook Everything Vegetarian. I’m not vegetarian, but we don’t cook much meat at home (and have tons of garden veggies), so that cookbook gets a ton of usage at our house. I mentioned in an earlier thread, but my favorite cookbook – and favorite to gift others, especially if they have access to farm veggies, is Simply in Season. You can search by ingredient and they pair things that tend to be in season together. The MB cookbook and Simply in Season are the two cookbooks I can’t live without.

    1. Thanks for the suggestion! I just ordered it for an impossible to shop for woman who is nearly impossible to shop for!

      1. Life fail. Seriously struggling today. Impossible to shop for woman who loves gardening so Simply in Season sounds perfect.

    2. I cook a lot but am thinking of getting this book for myself just to brush up on technique.

      1. Apparently the Great Courses has cooking classes that might also be good for brushing up on basics. (Or learning them for the first time, in my case.)

  3. All, I need a gift idea for my mom for Christmas. Basically an add-on/something fun for her in the $50-75 range at most. I got something for my parents jointly and bought some sports gear for my dad, so need to find something for her, too. She’s not a big jewelry person (wears the same pieces every day), is retired, and not really into clothes. She’s artsy, but buys everything for her art (watercolors) on her own (and I probably couldn’t afford the stuff she likes for that hobby anyway). I hate to revert to just buying her a robe or something generic. Thoughts?

    1. Gift certificate for a mani-pedi! Bonus points if you go with her for a girls’ day!

  4. What are your favorite stemless wine glasses? I want them to be glass, but I also don’t want them to break easily. TYVMIA!

    3. They all seem exactly the same to me, so whatever is cheapest. I think mine are from Target.

      1. We really like the ones we got from Target. I think they are the Threshold brand.

      2. I’m glad I’m not the only one who things this. Target/World Market/Pottery Barn/fancy stores… I honestly can’t tell the difference.

    4. Can I talk you out of the stemless variety? I got them for my wedding because they were trendy at the time, but they’re waaaay too easy to pour too much into–the visual cues just aren’t the same as regular glasses, and they suck for white wine because you hold them in your hand and they warm up.

      1. Second this. We have two sets (white and red) and we never use them anymore. For non-entertaining nights, I use wine glasses from winery tastings and wine festivals. And for normal entertaining (not formal dinners) I use some shatter-resistant ones with big bowls from Costco. For us, the Riedel ones just weren’t great. It took the “ceremony” out of drinking, which often meant we drank more quickly and with less enjoyment. The white warms quickly with your hand on it. And the red are super fragile.

      2. I’m afraid of stemmed ones breaking. I somehow manage to break even the stemless ones, and we have furballs that knock things down a lot.

    5. I have red and white wine glasses from IKEA that I really like. Super cheap but don’t feel super cheap.

  5. Job interview today- one of 25 candidates from a wide range of experience and background. Normally I would send a thank you email- however a third person joined the interview halfway through and I don’t remember that persons name and I can’t figure it out from the company website. Do I send individual thank yous to the two people I know? Do I do nothing? Do I just send a thank you to hr?

    1. Can you call HR and ask for the third person’s name? If not, I think I’d go ahead and email the two whose names you do remember.

      1. Would that be horribly awkward?

        When they sent me the interview package there were only two names. :(

        They will be taking some time to make a decision- would sending a handwritten thank you card be overkill?

        I desperately want this job but it’s so hard knowing there are so many applicants, many of whom are going to have more experience than me.

        1. It wouldn’t be awkward at all. That sounds like one of the least awkward conversations one could have with HR.

          1. Yeah, just say “this great person joined the interview midway and I didn’t quite catch his/her name. Can you help me out?”

  6. After a very difficult year in which, out of six intrauterine inseminations (IUIs), I had one miscarriage at 10 weeks and one chemical pregnancy, my husband and I are moving on to IVF because our insurance will now cover it. I am starting the cycle today and extraction/transfer will likely be mid to late January. I’m 32 and we’re doing it this way because my husband has no sperm, so we can’t get pregnant without a donor and medical intervention.

    For those who have gone through IVF, how much did it mess with your work/your physical health/your concentration? And was there anything you did to mitigate or deal with those effects? Any advice you wish you’d been given at the outset? I am trying to figure out how much to keep my meeting schedule light during the weeks when I’ll be doing the shots, going in for monitoring, having the procedures, etc. During the IUI cycles, keeping busy at work has been my preferred coping strategy–shockingly, this has been my most productive year ever, despite feeling like a complete basket case for most of it–but the IUIs involved almost no medical intervention aside from the insemination itself because I ovulate normally. The IVF process is a huge change from that and I have no idea what the hormones will do to my body/brain.

    Also, in sharing your experiences, I’d also love to hear the happy endings and success stories—the prospect of a healthy baby at the end is the only thing that has made this process bearable!

    1. Good luck to you! I had one miscarriage before successfully conceiving a year later and my heart breaks whenever anyone mentions miscarriage. No experience with IVF to speak of but I really do wish you every success and happiness possible.

    2. I went through the IVF process in 2013 while working as a first year associate in big law and now have an 18 month old daughter. I won’t pretend it was easy, but it was doable. For me the most difficult aspects were (1) keeping my mind on work when all I wanted to do was google “IVF success rates” and “tips for a successful IVF transfer,” and (2) making it home in time to do my evening shot (which had to be done at the same time every night). I didn’t notice too many effects from the hormones themselves and tended to schedule all of my appointments first thing in the morning so that I could go one my way into work and draw as little attention to myself as possible for being out so frequently. My egg extraction was over a long weekend and if it had been mid-week I would have needed to miss work for at least 1 and probably two days due to the discomfort of the procedure, as I was overstimulated and very sore and bloated. I did go into work the day of the transfer and just tried to keep my feet up and not walk too much. We were so fortunate to get pregnant on our first IVF cycle, with some frozen embryos in the bank for next time, and I will certainly be sending good wishes your way! We are so fortunate to have options like IVF available to us, and you will always treasure any babies you are fortunate enough to have in a very special way because you went through SO much to have them. Best of luck!!!!

      1. And oops – I just realized that I used the word ‘fortunate’ three times in my last two sentences. I guess that I can’t over emphasize how lucky we feel to have our little girl!

        1. Thanks for your experience and advice, and I’m so happy for you and your (relatively) quick outcome. And it’s funny, as awful as this has all been, and as sad as I feel about the fact that I won’t be pregnant by my original due date, I do feel so fortunate, too–for my doctor, my amazing therapist, the medical science that makes this possible, living in a progressive state that covers fertility treatments, and most of all for my husband, who has been so unbelievably caring and supportive that I know he’s going to be the best dad. If I can get pregnant through this and it sticks, I will honestly feel like the luckiest person alive.

    3. Another ivf Mama here due to male infertility (although no donor). Honestly, it wasnt as bad as I expected. All of my appointments were scheduled around 630/7am. I was also able to do some of the monitoring appointments in a nearby city as needed (not recommended because its more expensive and there is more chasing to ensure the clinic sends your doctor the results in a timely fashion, but possible). The hardest part was the stress, but I don’t think it was particularly amped up by hormones.
      I recall taking a day off for the retrieval (a Friday so had the weekend) and then another day for the implantation. It was a bit awkward having to give a heads up at work that you would need another follow up day off either 3 days or 5 days later (depends on embryo viability and you won’t know far in advance) but no one probed.
      I was very lucky that it took on the first try and now have awesome twins.
      Have you been doing acupuncture? I found it helpful with the stress since I wasn’t allowed running, yoga or wine. It’s also shown to help results and I was able to have my practitioner come to the clinic

    4. I have done two IVF cycles (without any success – I am both “old” and have severe endometriosis which, we learned from the IVF experience, has damaged my ovarian function significantly). All the monitoring was early in the morning where I am (in NYC) so that didn’t interfere with work and I was actually at work earlier than usual on those days. I did have a tendency to obsess and google stuff at work so honestly, I was not as productive at work.

      I did not have any real uncomfortable – ness due to lots of eggs because, well, I basically had no eggs.. The shots were also not that bad, as someone who in the past was a giant wuss about Dr’s office, bloodwork and shots, I am actually a much stronger person about that stuff now. However, the emotional toll after the first failed cycle was pretty bad and I ended up going on antidepressents for a brief period of time. By the second cycle, I was resigned to the fact it was unlikely to work and was just trying a different protocol before I gave up and pursued the donor egg route, so the disappointment was not as bad.

      I did gain weight – I can’t tell if it was from the hormones, the resulting depression, or using the whole thing as an excuse not to exercise.

    5. I just wanted to add my experience to the mix. I did two IUIs before moving onto IVF (though we had done a freeze cycle before the IUIs, which only resulted in one frozen embryo). I also had an early miscarriage from a natural conception before the IUIs (but after the frozen cycle). I found the miscarriage to be very hard–it went from devastating for a week or so to feeling okay and part of the process to feeling depressed again when we passed our original due date–so I really hear you on that. I had diminished ovarian reserve so I wasn’t very optimistic about our first round of IVF (I should add that our IUI cycles had started out as IVF cycles and were “demoted” to IUIs when I didn’t get many follicles). Turns out we got very lucky on our first completed round of IVF and I’m not about midway through my pregnancy.

      In terms of my experience, I found it emotionally draining, but that started well before the IVF so I’m guessing you know what that’s like. The two weeks of injections weren’t worse for me than the IUIs (but I did injectable cycles) because the main difficulty for me was making all the appointments, which were all between 7-8:30am and very far from home (think 75 min+ commute). I didn’t have a strong reaction to the meds so that didn’t bother me at all. The hardest part was planning to stay put for the 2-4 week period since I have a lot of work travel. Try to be forgiving of yourself during this time period, it’s just emotionally exhausting.

      Wishing you a lot of luck!

    6. Thanks so much! It is really encouraging to hear these stories. The emotional exhaustion has already set in…tonight I had a full-on toddler-style meltdown after I burned our dinner because I was so preoccupied and angry that we have to do it this way. I never thought it could be this hard.

  7. Hi all, I’m going to be spending the holidays with my extended family for the first time this year, and I’m looking for ideas for gifts for three cousins: 7 year old girl, 5 year old boy, and an almost 3 year old girl. I usually only see them about once a year (never before on the holidays) so I’m not that close with them, but I’m trying to change that. (They’re the only children in my extended family on either side.) I know the older girl is artsy and very into Disney princesses (of course), and the boy loves superheros and is on the quiet side. I would love to get them each books, and maybe some sort of activity kit? Any ideas for good books for those ages (or resources/websites that would help gear me towards the right reading level?)?

    2. Check out MightyGirl dot com for all the gifts. You can sort by ages and they have great stuff on their holiday gift guide for all kids.

    3. Captain Underpants series for the five-year-old. But all the kids will love them! And you’ll laugh reading them — obviously potty humor references but not gross and very, very clever.

    5. I don’t want to sound like a grinch, but…. have you considered not giving them gifts or giving them experience gifts (even if you can’t take them, something like tickets to the zoo or a kids’ museum)? The quantity of gifts that most kids receive is staggering. They’re getting presents from Santa, Mom and Dad, grandparents, aunts and uncles, family friends, etc. It becomes gift overload very rapidly.

    6. I have a 5 year old and 2 year old and suggest art supplies. Kids use them up so fast so I always appreciate it when my kids get them. You can get better/more complicated things for the older one and stick with crayons, markers, stickers for the younger ones. Both of mine love the crayola dry erase boards with dry erase crayons. I also suggest magna doodles or color wonder markers. Construction paper, tape, pipe cleaners, Pom poms, feathers, etc would all be big hits at my house. My 5 year old ask for pipe cleaners for every occasion.

      1. +1 My almost-3-year-old is obsessed with her sticker book, which is just an unlined notebook where she can stick all her stickers. She’ll spend a good 30 minutes putting new ones in, looking at old ones, etc. You can make it fancy by getting a pencil case to hold the notebook and unused sticker sheets, buy some regular and puffy stickers, and maybe even a pack of the Color Wonder stickers that she can color herself.

        Also Seedling.com has cool art kits for the older kids if you want a pre-made kit. You can get them themed, so there’s a superhero one and a tiara one, plus a ton more.

  8. This is our first year living in a doorman building. Maybe I’m overthinking this, but we don’t have just one doorman. There are three or four doormen who work in shifts, plus at least five other porters and various maintenance workers.

    We also have a completely separate building management team, who work for the company that owns the building and don’t provide any personal services to us. I think they collect rent and deal with marketing the apartments to new residents. It’s pretty clear that these people are office workers who make what I presume is a decent salary.

    I’ve never asked a porter to carry anything for me, and if I did, I’d tip them at the time of service. We haven’t needed any maintenance on our unit. The building has automatic doors and most of my guests just come straight up to our apartment (which is kind of annoying– they’re supposed to sign in, but the doormen never stop anyone). But the doormen do accept everyone’s packages and hold them in a package room, which is helpful. And we frequently have packages.

    Who do we tip in this situation, and how much is appropriate? I’m thinking just the doormen. Ideally I would give the head doorman or even our building manager an envelope to be shared among the entire team, because I’m not sure who exactly they consider a “doorman” vs. a porter and I don’t want someone to feel left out.

      1. Good idea, but no. The building just opened up within the past six months so this is everybody’s first holiday season here, anyway.

        1. You tip all the building people, you don’t tip management company. At least that’s my understanding of it. I think how much varies with geography/level of building fanciness. Asking friends and neighbors is hard because people would rather tell you how often they have s*x than tell you how much they tipped their super. FWIW, I live in a non-DM NYC building with lots of other staff that are all great at taking care of this place. I usually give my super $50, the handymen $40 and the porters $30. But I think this year I’ll increase that to $75 for the super and on down because a) I’ve been tipping this amount for a while and probably should increase a bit with the times, and b) my super and one of the porters have been particularly helpful this year and I anticipate will be even more so now that we have a baby and are getting a huge number of packages every other day.
          PS: A tip – write down how much you’re giving to each person. It seems like a lot and you think you’ll remember but I always forget exact breakdown and you don’t want to slight anyone by doing less next year. Also: it doesn’t matter if you don’t ask porters for help, or never see the night doorman. You can tip people who help you lots more, but it’s customary to tip everyone something.

    2. Many buildings distribute holiday cards to residents which include a list of the names and positions of all building staff. Maybe you can ask the management company if they will be doing that?

    3. I worked in a building like this, and the condo association would take a collection for all of the building employees, and then divide it according to role/hours worked/etc. (so as the weekend front-desk person, my holiday check was less than, say, the full-time weekday guy’s, because he did a TON more work than I did). A few residents might give more separately to specific people, but the vast majority just contributed to the community collection. Since this is everyone’s first year in your building, maybe propose a system like this through whatever residents’ or homeowners’ association might be in place?

      1. This is how it works in my condo building, too. I hope the management isn’t taking a cut — my management company is kind of shady.

        On a side note: I don’t care for Mark Bittman’s books at all. His recipes often don’t work as written. He’s overrated. He’s also not a nice person in real life, but that’s a separate issue.

    4. I live in a large rental building with 15 staff members and tip a total of $200. More to my evening doorman who I actually interact with, the same to everyone else.

    5. I used to live in a building like this. You tip everyone who works in the building (not the management/office team), regardless of whether they have personally helped you because (a) you don’t want to be the jerk who doesn’t tip and then needs something in the middle of January – aka build up good will, and (b) these people definitely make a lot less money than you do and rely on those year end tips. Definitely tip everyone.

    6. Thanks everybody. Go figure, I came home today to a holiday card listing all the names and positions of the staff. Guess that answers my question! I’ll tip the doormen more, but I’ll get everybody.

    7. My building concierge people rotate – it is mostly the same people but you could really have any random person from across the management company on any given day. The two times I’ve had extended interactions with them, they were awful – like, attitude, arguing with me, etc., so I can’t possibly imagine giving them a holiday anything. It makes me wonder what the experience for other people is like so much that they want to give holiday tips to their doormen!

  9. Scrooge alert! I am so over buying Christmas presents for adults. We all have jobs. We all have everything that we need and pretty much everything that we want.

    The best Christmas gift I got this year was us all deciding to skip expensive presents and do a $25 limit dirty santa for the adults in my husband’s family. I wish we would have started that years ago.

    1. I share your sentiment. Especially since I’m still in grad school and don’t make much, getting gifts for adults who make well into six figures irritates me.

    2. Other than spouse and parents, we only gift to kids in immediate extended family (children of my brother and his brother) and our children’s best friends. We also tip appropriately to employees etc. Everyone is much happier with no stress about buying for siblings or friends.

      1. You give presents to your children’s friends?

        Or you give gifts the children of YOUR friends?

        It wouldn’t occur to me to do the first. I might consider doing the second.

        1. I can see the confusion – it’s both. My best friend’s daughter is my daughter’s best friend- they’ve known each other since birth. I don’t buy my BFF a gift, but we exchange kids presents – usually books – the girls love picking out something for their friend.

    3. Agreed. Whenever I do get actual gifts rather than gift cards, they are generally terrible, and then I feel guilty for not using them ever.

    4. I’m with you. Every year I try to get my parents on board with this and every year my mom complains about not having something to open (me, not her), even though I have told her I DON’T CARE!

      1. Maybe try limiting her gifting to consumables (wine/chocolate etc)? That way she feels like she got you something and you don’t end up with a ton of ‘stuff’.

        1. My dad covera that part and they also donate to some of my fave charities. My mom truly believes everyone needs one big gift to ooen at Christmas. Even though I am 35, have more stuff than I need (same for them), and it’s been just the three of us for years (my sister and her husband aren’t able to come for holidays). I try to pick out a watch or something that I know I will truly use and that she will feel good about giving me, but it still seems wasteful. Parents: not changing since the beginning of time.

      2. here’s some perspective from your mom’s side, which I am firmly on. I LOVE LOVE LOVE giving gifts. It brings me joy to think long an hard about what to get someone and then the process of going out to get it, wrapping it, putting it under the tree, and seeing them open it is awesome for me. In fairness, I also love getting gifts, but its more of the whole process and not just the material aspect of it.

        My husband, in contrast, hates getting gifts. He likes giving them, but not to the point of my endless joy. Last year, he told his mother not to get him anything. (She agreed and also took that to mean that I didn’t want any gifts, but whatever ….) He couldn’t understand why I would be upset that he didn’t have gifts to open. But it is the whole process of sitting around the tree on Christmas opening gifts and enjoying family that is the culmination of the whole season for me. It reminds me of very happy times in my childhood and I love every minute of it.

        When he says he doesn’t want gifts, it feels like he doesn’t want to participate in a family event/occasion that is very important to me. When I explained it to him this way, he quickly came around. So maybe consider this — your mom may have very happy memories of the Christmas tradition in your family and even though it might not seem like a big deal to you, or that the presents shouldn’t be the focus, to many people, they are part of the celebration.

        1. Meeeh, I hate gifts and even “great” gift givers never get me anything I want. Plus I cannot fake being happy with a gift, and I usually just do an “ohhh”. It’s super duper awkward. Lets just drink wine and eat delicious food and call it a Holiday. Much better.

          1. Love it! Drink wine and eat delicious food and call it a day. It stresses me out so much to try and figure out what people will actually enjoy/use. I don’t mind it so much when people tell me exactly what they want. But along with the sentiment of adult gifts – if I’m getting someone a gift card, let’s just not exchange gifts and you can go shopping for yourself!

        2. We never get surprise gifts though – everything is purchase off a list. This to me seems to go against the argument that she loves giving gifts. If you are selecting from a list, doesn’t that take the fun out of it for the most part? Anyhow, we don’t have any real Christmas Day traditions. It’s been just the three of us for a while, as my sister hasn’t been able to come home for years. I’d rather go feed the homeless at a shelter than open gifts or Kitty Kat’s plan!

        3. Yes, but… why force your love language on someone who dislikes it? It seems to be there are lots of other traditions to be had – making gingerbread houses, watching bad movies, playing cards – that don’t have to incorporate gifts.

    5. I don’t have everything I need or want and neither do most of the other adults in my life! I love buying people gifts.

      1. My mother is concerned about offending my brother’s wife, who was upset when brother didn’t get her a birthday present when then were dating (5 or 6 years ago. I think they did something special, we just don’t do presents for birthdays in my family, so he didn’t have a prompt to get a present) and her own parents tend to be on the lavish side for gifts (still).

        I’m totally for forgoing gifts, or at the least, drawing names, or doing a white elephant.

    7. Ugh I agree! In my family we have started to just buy for the kids and our parents. So I don’t get my siblings gifts anymore, but I do get something for their kids (my nieces and nephews.) With a couple of our friends, we have started to do an activity together with the kids rather than give gifts. So with my husband’s best friend, we all go bowling together and with my best friend, we take the kids skating. It’s fun to actually spend time together, and we don’t have to worry about exchanging gifts. My daughter’s dance team decided to skip secret santa gifts this year and instead spend the money on supplies to donate to the local homeless shelter and then are volunteering as a group at the animal shelter and going out for pizza after instead of doing the usual holiday party. I though that was a great idea!

  10. Hive, I’d love some tips for things to do on Christmas day in Paris. By failing to plan ahead the only time my SO and I could take joint time was the week of Christmas so we decided to go to Paris but now are realizing the city *may * shut down for the holiday. (NYC sure does).

    Any tips for things to do if you’re a tourist? Merci in advance!

    1. Upgrade your hotel room for a night to something with a view. Spend Christmas Eve shopping around for cheeses, baguette, charcuterie, champagne, etc.

      On Christmas Day, sleep in, take a bubble bath, read the paper and spend the day cuddled up with your beloved and a picnic. Take a walk through the quiet streets if you start to go too crazy.

    2. Try Secrets of Paris and David Lebovitz (search his archives) for lists of restaurants that might be open. And definitely get a reservation!

    3. Check TimeOut Paris (it’s online and on newstands) to see if there’s anything special you should do.

  11. It was just decided that I will be hosting a bridal shower for my good friend this spring. I’ve never actually been to one before, so any tips or ideas for a first-time shower hostess? Or games or activities that you enjoyed at one you’ve been to? Budget is likely to be in the $100-125 range for food and decor, 10-15 guests, held in my apartment. Bride likes wine, bright colors, and France.

    Early thoughts are a mimosa bar + brunch snacks/petit fours (because duh) or wine + cheese tasting (because France).

    1. Is there going to be a wide range of ages or, since it’s a smaller group, mostly women around the age of the bride? And will most of the guests know each other? I think games aren’t that necessary unless you’re working with a really big age difference or people who don’t know each other. Unless the bride is a big games-player! What about something like a wine-tasting activity? Maybe people can practice saying what they do and don’t like about wine. Or you could bring in someone who knows about wine to do a little class. We did that for a friend’s birthday and it was super fun and interesting.

    2. Have you asked the bride whether she wants games/activities? I did not, so my shower was a lovely brunch and then opening gifts. The “assignment ” was to bring a favorite recipe and a registry item/gift used to prepare the dish. The host made them into a recipe book for me, and it was very thoughtful.

      If you want a France-themed activity and she is into food, you could do a blind tasting of several types of some item associated w France (e.g. Brie–a cheap supermarket one, a mid priced one, a fancy one, and then an abomination like low-fat) and have people rate them before you reveal the true identities.

      1. The idea of a tasting sounds like a great activity to get people talking! I’m not crazy about comparison tasting different tiers though – it could come off as a palette exam where there is a correct cheese to prefer.

    4. You obviously can’t have a nice shower on a $100 budget. It will be terrible and all your friends will hate you forever. (Totally sarcastic, but that was the opinion of many commenters a few weeks ago when bridal shower budgets were discussed).

      I like the French wine & cheese theme and it sounds like that would be right up the bride’s alley. I think the Newlywed game is fun (keep it PG or it can be more raunchy, depending on the bride’s personality) but I agree games are not necessary and too many games can make it tedious.

      1. Yeah, I figured I would lose friends over this. I mean if the other bridesmaids WANT to contribute more than 20-25 bucks a person they certainly can…to spare us all from the ignominy of a shower that cost less than $1,000. I mean, in an apartment. How gauche (and not in a trendy French way).

      2. You can have a shower for $100. You cannot have a shower for $100 and expect 10 guests to pay $500 each on airfare and $500 each on hotel stays in order to attend said $100 shower.

        THAT was what commenters were saying weeks ago.

        $100 for some Costco champagne and Trader Joes wine? That sounds delightful for an in-town shower.

        1. Nope, plenty of people said point blank that you can’t have a nice $100 shower.

          1. The OP was saying she didn’t want to contribute to a $1000 shower because she thought she and her fellow bridesmaids could have a perfectly lovely shower (for in-town guests) for $100-$200 and people were jumping all over her and saying she was a terrible MOH and friend. Plenty of people (me included) said they had or thrown nice showers for $100 and people called the events trashy and/or said they were forgetting hidden costs. I posted about a really nice brunch shower my mom threw for $50 at most, and people said “But you’re forgetting the costs of the ingredients she had on hand….” Right, a dollar worth of flour. :eyeroll:

            The question had nothing to do with flying/not flying to attend showers. The OP was contributing to a shower for local guests and the issue was whether she could contribute $50 or she had to cough up $200 for a $1,000 shower. Go back and re-read the thread.

    5. Either of the parties you describe sound lovely. I’ll admit to a bit of a hang up about calling either of them a “shower” though. If the express purpose of a party is to provide gifts to the guest of honor, as is the case with a shower, it strikes me as a bit rude to not provide a meal. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate meal – and breakfast totally works! – but maybe you could have a couple of homemade quiches or a scrambled egg bar alongside your mimosa bar?

      1. Or, if it’s a middle-of-the-afternoon thing, I don’t think you need to provide a full meal, but I do think it’s good practice to have some snacks with some protein (like mini quiches). I know I’m not the only one who feels terrible after several hours of straight sugar.

      1. You can easily buy four bottles of prosecco for $15 each, make mimosas, and have $65 left for a bunch of fun cheeses and crudite, etc. I don’t really think every shower demands a ton of wine. In my experience, showers have included tea and coffee as well so I don’t think you necessarily need to go for broke with wine. I would just keep repeating to myself “it’s one afternoon of these people’s lives — they can handle only having a limited amount of booze.”

      2. Late but REALLY? I don’t mean to sound snarky but it’s called math and not buying insanely expensive things. You go to Trader Joe’s, you ask the wine person for budget-friendly recommendations, and get 8-10 bottles of wine for $4.99-5.99 (assuming two glasses of wine/person and four glasses per bottle) (and if someone hates on the TJ’s recommendations for $4.99 wine, I strongly suggest that you go try one because they have always been great). At the most, that’s like $65; low end is $45. I don’t live in a HCOL area and I am good at food-related things, so I can absolutely do light food for 10-15 with the remainder. Quiche is dirt cheap to make, for example. And as Batgirl noted, mimosas are even cheaper.

        1. I’m also sketched out by this. Have you people never entertained? You can easily have six people over for an entire dinner on a budget of $100-$150.

          My husband and I have people over almost every week and we really don’t spend that much and at least I believe we provide good food, decent wine, a well decorated space and good company.

    7. I recently went to a shower that had a grilled cheese bar. The hostess had a couple people bring panini presses, and provided several types of cheeses, breads, and garnishes. Lots of fun! And delicious.

  12. Does anyone have recommendation for a rug cleaner in the DC area (DMV area OK)? We need to clean 2 rugs I’m inheriting. Neither are extremely dear (one’s a really large Crate & Barrel shag, for example), so I’d like to find a place that’s pretty affordable.

    Also, is it possible to have someone come to your home to clean an area rug? Or do they need to be dropped off/picked up? Seems like a simple question, but I’ve never actually owned rugs before!

    1. Bergmanns is who my family has used for years. It’s a 100-year-old business or some such, so presumably they have it down. Not sure about relative value. They used to do pick-up – may still – and I think you can drop off too.

      On shag, I wonder if buying a new one might be a better plan? How do you clean shag?

      1. I don’t think it’s actually a really shaggy shag, it’s just what C&B called it and I was typing hastily. Thanks for the recommendation!

    2. If they’re not precious rugs, consider renting a rug cleaner from Safeway. Cheap and simple. I cleaned all of our rugs in one evening while drinking wine and watching Netflix.

    3. Manoukian Brothers, on Georgia at the DC/MD border, is excellent. They do pick-up and drop-off, at least in their area.

  13. Guys,

    I know I’m going to end up spending too much time thinking about this – my husband and I just bought a much (~100 years) older farmhouse that we are going to be renovating (including redoing walls, electric, bathrooms, kitchen) and moving into in 6 months. I’m stuck between two contractors and then in moving forward – so I am asking:
    What questions should I ask/look for/look to avoid in a contractor?
    If you have renovated or built a home, what do you wish you had known at the beginning?

    Thanks so much!

    1. Pay the merchant directly for materials (Home Depot or Lowes or whomever — they can usually keep a credit card on file for this type of thing)
      Don’t pay the contractor until the work is substantially done
      Don’t finish paying the contractor until the work is TOTALLY done (unless you want it to be half-done for the rest of time)
      Once you’re gutting a house, do EVERYTHING. Wire every room that may need it for Cable TV, lots of extra outlets, redo the electrical while you’re at it, check for asbestos
      Good luck!!

      1. and Ethernet cabling! People these days underestimate the value of having an outlet in every room. You are NOT going to want to go back and do that.

        Overall, you’re better off doing every single thing you can think of NOW and then also everything that comes up as you go than trying to handle it later. It’ll only get more expensive and difficult to address. I’ve also learned from my realtor that you really need to have oversight on your contractors, no matter how much you might think of them.

    2. This may seem minor but to me was important – contractors/workmen who can text!! It is just so helpful when you are at work and can communicate that way.

      As for general experience in owning an older home: prepare for the unexpected. Weird stuff WILL go wrong, you will need some oddly-shaped or sized item that suddenly makes a routine cost shoot way up, addressing one problem will somehow create another one…but owning an older home is also really awesome. I love my 100+ year old duplex.

      I also echo anonymous at 4:11 and add one thing – do it the way you want, and the way it should be. If keeping the look authentic is important to you, buy the nice reproduction hardware that will really make it work. If that means you have to put off doing something, I think it’s worth it to wait and get it done right. And I really, really wish I had thought to get an outdoor outlet installed when I was getting all the electrical work done.

    3. We love old houses and have renovated several ourselves so no real advice on hiring a contractor for such a large job. But the absolute best thing we do is not to skimp on insulation. Old houses were built drafty on purpose and I’m always cold. For example, our last insulation cost was the spray foam kind that we did in our attic and it was $6000. When we sprayed the walls and attic on a wood siding house it was more like $12,000. I know it’s not fun but saves so much down the road. And remember doing things to “code” is just the bare minimum.

  14. I love love love Kenji Alt-Lopez (a food blogger)’s new book “The Food Lab: Better Home Cooking Through Science.” Have so far gifted to two friends as wedding gifts and will continue gifting. I love it because it focuses on basics — basic recipes and the science behind them — leaving the reader with some idea how to successfully experiment in the kitchen to come up with dishes that appeal to specific tastes.

  15. I have a question for you guys…

    Any advice would be appreciated. My parents received a document in the mail stating that they had gone throught the EZPass lane on the NJ Turnpike in November without paying the $1.50 fee. They were told to pay the fee plus a $50 penalty.

    My parents live in MA. They haven’t been in NJ in years. The picture of the car that ran the tolls is a white SUV. It has a the same licence plate number, but you can’t tell what the state is. My parents drive a red mini convertible.

    They have written back in protest. They have gone to their local police station. There is no contact number or email to discuss the issue. The state of NJ rejected their plea. And, of course, the original scofflaw might continue to break the law, if my parents pay up.

    Do you guys have any idea how they can take care of this?

    2. Have they tried this? ##If you wish to pay or contest a violation, please perform a violation inquiry.
      or call 1-973-368-1425 to speak to a Violation Processing Center Representative**

      Found that here: https://www.ezpassnj.com/en/other/askus.shtml

      I would call. I think they’ll get further if they explain the issue on the phone.

    3. Not that this is helpful in anyway to actually resolving their issue, but wouldn’t the NJ police have gotten vehicle information (red sedan/convertible) when the pulled the license number to get your parents address? Seems like a failure on their part to not observe that a white SUV is not a red car. Fight the good fight!

    4. This exact thing happened to me. I sent them documentation that I was out of the state on the day the ticket was issued (I was traveling for work and send them my plane ticket reservation confirmation). It was dropped. I am not sure what the burden of proof is–i was lucky that I had my plane ticket–but even something like a credit card charge in MA on the day of the “violation” might help.

      1. On that day, they went to a local performance of South Pacific, where they had to pay cash. They have a copy of the playbill, which they sent in with their documentation and a receipt for the meal they purchased at a seafood restaurant, but the state of NJ still rejected their information.

    5. You can dispute them, there should be a process for doing so in the letter. You can or I think email.

    6. What about providing a copy of their insurance card or registration card that shows the make/model/color of their vehicle and their license plate number?

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