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Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
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Good Morning!
Happy* Wednesday, everyone!
How are y’all feeling today?
*(cheerfulness not required.)
AnonATL
I always wake up ok and manage to keep myself distracted all day with work and tasks around the house. Once dinner time hits, I get really bummed out when I realize I have to do this all over again tomorrow with no end in sight. This mess is getting old.
I know in many ways we have it easier than others. Transitioning to being at home fulltime was easy because we don’t have children (yet), and we both worked from home regularly before. We didn’t have a raging social life or hobbies that require a lot of close human contact. Even so, being told you absolutely can’t do things makes you realize all the fun things you could be doing. I mourn a lot of what my life was supposed to be right now with our first baby on the way, a thriving career (before this), and a happy family unit.
I’m also incredibly grateful that I talked to my husband about seeking treatment for his anxiety before this hit. He’s been on his meds for a little over a month now with a noticeable improvement. I can’t imagine how quarantine life would have looked if we hadn’t had that conversation when we did.
At least the weather is beautiful here. Sunny and 70 with flowers blooming.
cat socks
Yes, I feel the same way around dinner time! I’m able to keep busy with work during the day, but in the evenings I feel this sense of suffocation and anxiety.
ThirdJen
Cautiously optimistic. Here in Ohio we’re watching a very different movie from other areas of the country. Still a horror movie, but one I might watch as opposed to one I would avoid.
I’m looking forward to the day when we’re a two income family again and, as such, am filling up an Amazon cart with wishes (for record keeping, not necessarily to order from). I recently reorganized my bookshelf so I’m thinking about starting to purchase some books again (after culling heavily and storing most of them at the library). I’m also looking for non-food, non-alcohol related indulgences, like maybe bubble bath? Hard to choose when I can’t smell anything.
Anonymous
I have been using Philosophy products over the WFH, because I happened on a sale on them when I needed a restock. I am really enjoying their light scents like Loveswept.
Housecounsel
I am burning some Amazing Grace scented candles from Philosophy. Candles are definitely part of my WFM routine.
Housecounsel
WFH that is.
Good Morning!
WFM: working from madness
Anonymous
Just chiming in that today I am good (so far!)! I purposefully went to bed earlier and was able to wake up earlier (back at my normal time) before the rest of the house woke up, so I got a little work done and had my first cup of coffee in peace. It was a good return to “normalcy” for me, as opposed to the sleeping in and lazing I had been doing. I highly recommend!
Good Morning!
waking up before everyone else is the secret to my success lol. I definitely cherish that alone time.
Anon
With the caveat that we’re all hiking our own hike here and that what’s true for me is likely not true for others…
I was walking to my car the other day and a neighbor had a sign on the door saying “we can do hard things” and I thought to myself, this isn’t hard. Unpleasant? Absolutely. But not hard and not terrible. I’m currently working 6 days a week, 13hr shifts, working overnight (and live alone so all household things fall on me) so life could certainly be easier but it’s not hard.
My hours (and my inability to sleep during the day) are grueling but I love my job, I am healthy, I am employed. I cannot wait to get back to normal life and stop working so much, see friends and family, go out, etc but for me, while this is unpleasant it is not hard.
Lilliet
I think as long as you are able to realize this is very hard for other people, you’re fine. You can hike your own hike, but all hikes are valid.
Anonymous
If you think working 12 hour days 6 days a week while isolating isn’t hard, great for you. Not really relevant to anyone else though.
Sadie
It’s kind of silly to tell her that discussing her experience isn’t relevant. I’m not finding this “hard” either. Maybe I’ve just had to deal with much harder things in my life, I don’t know. But I found her experience much more “relevant” than many other people’s that have been discussed. As someone else said “all hikes are valid”. that includes hers, and she gets to talk too, not just you and everyone exactly like you.
jnon
i wish we had a “like” button.
Anonymous
Same. This hasn’t really been hard for me. Unpleasant at times? Sure, but not hard. I am very lucky, my life really hasn’t changed all that much.
Good Morning!
I’ve been wondering how it’s going with that tough schedule! Sounds like you’re acing it :)
Anontoday
I think it’s really great that you have the mental and emotional fortitude to not think what you described as hard. Truly-not being snarky. If I were in your shoes, I would be an anxious exhausted mess.
We all face tough periods in our lives, but this feels different. For many people, the threat of death, loss of jobs, and all the uncertainty for an unknown time horizon is really overwhelming.
I think it’s great that this is easier on some than others or we would be a crumbled mess. As someone said above, as long as we are all understanding that this is hard for a lot of people, I think it’s totally fine to say life is not so bad for you.
Anon
It’s hard for me because of the lack of daycare and school closures. I think if I didn’t have kids I wouldn’t mind much, but the childcare struggle is real.
anon
+1
Anon
I have gone through bouts of unemploymente and would much rather work crazy hours than not have a job. Hence why I kept my second job for many years longer than necessary. Just remember that the person who wrote that might be furloughed or had hours cut.
Anonymous
I have been able to get more sleep this week, so I am feeling a tad bit capable than last week and have be tackling more complicated projects. Maybe we will get used to this too?
Artemis
I am genuinely glad for those getting more sleep and feeling better for the day to day, because I don’t want anyone to have to deal with mental health crises on top of all this, and I pray those who are can get help in any form they can.
But my two cents, we should not get used to this. We should never get used to this. This is where freedom dies. I care about other’s lives. But I care very deeply about our freedoms, our civil rights, and our economy (which is run by and made up of people), and the freedoms and economies of our children and grandchildren. Political leaders of all stripes seem to be making decisions in their own little vacuums with no forethought or realization of how interconnected and far-reaching the consequences are. I will never get used to this and refuse to. Others clutch their pearls at people not wearing masks outside. I wring my hands at the mental, emotional, political, and economic devastation this is causing and will cause.
Anon
+1
My cousin is no longer eating 3 meals a day because he’s trying to stretch donated food to feed his kids and pregnant fiancee. He hasn’t been able to get unemployment yet bc the state system keeps crashing and no sign of their stimulus checks yet. I’m actually high-risk for covid but right now what I’m most scared of is the long-term economic impact of this for working-class people. They were already living on the edge but they could make it work in their LCOL area so long as they had their jobs (she was a waitress and he worked at a retail store). Now they’re falling off of it.
Anon
I feel like the human side of this isn’t being told loudly enough. We talk in terms of GDP and thousands of deaths, but the lives of many everyday working-class people will be utterly destroyed and that’s the kind of thing I worry about. My husband’s job is safe, mine is safe-ish because I’m somewhat healthcare-adjacent…and all I can think about are the millions of people who were one missed paycheck away from disaster before this all started :(
Anonymous
Totally agree, Anon at 10:56. We went into this with something like 70% of the population not being able to cover a $400 emergency expense without selling property or using a credit card. Meaning they did not have $400 in available cash to pay for an emergency expense. Now we think that people are going to be able to not work for two or three months and still pay rent, buy food, pay bills, etc.? Nope. People here who have hundreds of thousands of dollars in the bank to cover being out of work for months are the far-edge outliers. The stimulus will help some but not enough. A lot of things need to reconsidered in our society and in our economy and I hope this crisis makes that clear.
Anon
I hope this crisis forces us to have better social safety nets and that the gov’t does more to help these people through the necessary months of unemployment.
anon
Totally agree with Anonymous at 11:26. The statistic about not having $400 to pay for an emergency really has been worrying me throughout this. In normal times, if someone lost their job, in addition to unemployment, they could typically get SOME sort of paying work but a lot of those jobs have completely vanished. The traditional routes to pick up extra income have disappeared.
Pure Imagination
Ugh, that’s so hard. I donated to a local food bank (which keeps running out of food) and this is a good reminder to make another donation.
Anon
This is why, despite having massive medical bills and facing potential job loss, I keep giving money to groups who donate food to people who do not qualify for aid or are waiting on help.
anon
+1 there are real impacts of this that I feel like are getting ignored or minimized. I’m really tired of the “you can’t have a livelihood without a life”; it feels like it really minimizes the very real impact this is having on very real people and families.
I care about people’s lives but it’s not the only consideration at play here.
anon
I’m quickly getting to this point, and I have taken the distancing measures very seriously all along. This doesn’t feel sustainable for longer than a few weeks, to be really honest. I worry like heck for my friends who were already living paycheck to paycheck … this is reality for many people. Even the college-educated are not protected from this.
Anonymous
Totally agree.
Anonymous
But you can’t have a livelihood without a life, and you can’t have an economy as long as people are afraid of dying and those who have the option continue to stay home. That is why we need to be figuring out how to allow people to have a livelihood safely: testing, contact tracing, increased production of PPE, etc. But instead of doing those things, our leaders are setting up a false choice between lives and the economy. It’s both or neither, folks.
Flats Only
+1000
Good Morning!
I hope so! Glad you got more sleep, it’s amazing what I can or can’t handle easily, depending on how much I slept.
Anonymous
I went on a walk late yesterday and realized on my way out the door that I hadn’t put sunscreen on. And then shrugged. Will I even need it this year? For vanity, I have SPF in my moistuzer (mornings only). Not worried about sunburn, just cumulative exposure. Now, maybe I need the Vitamin D more? At any rate, I just want to make sure I go back to caring about this at some point.
Good Morning!
I feel this a lot. I had a basal cell carcinoma removed from my nose a few years back and I’ve been diligent about sunscreen ever since. But now, I’m also worried about Vitamin D too. Just one more thing where I’m not really sure what to do.
Vicky Austin
I can tell today is going to be a hard mental health day. And I have a deadline. Joy.
Good Morning!
Hang in there, bad days will pass and good days will come.
Abby
You got it girl, fresh cup of tea and an calming playlist if you can listen to music!
Vicky Austin
Good idea! Thanks y’all <3
cat socks
Right now at this moment, I’m okay but I have been struggling. Over the weekend, I felt so anxious and had to force myself to lay down and take deep breaths. I finally had a big, ugly cry and went down the street to McDonald’s to indulge in some fries. My church had online services for Easter, but I missed being there in person.
I’ve been WFH for a month now and at first I tried to be positive and thought about all the stuff I could get done around the house. I managed to cook and clean like I normally do, but I haven’t tackled any of those deep, spring clean type projects. I get depressed easily and it’s been difficult to get motivated. I know I should go out for a walk, or change out of my PJs but sometimes the depression just feels like a weight on me. It doesn’t help that that the weather has been cold and gray.
I think part of what I had to process is that going forward there is going to be a new normal and I have no idea what that’s going to look like.
This morning I managed to work out first thing and treated myself to some iced coffee. It’s cold, but the sun is shining and I’m trying my best to be positive.
Good Morning!
I’ve been lying around reading a lot. A LOT. I’m no more productive or tidy than I ever was, lol. Plus it freaking snowed here yesterday! WTF. So I am just looking at this like a quiet season and resting where I can.
Good for you on doing a workout! *elbow bump*
cat socks
We are expected to get snow this Friday! I’m taking advantage of today’s sunny day and have all the blinds open. I am reading a lot too and thankful for the Overdrive/Libby apps for downloading library books.
Currently reading “Heads in Beds” by Jacob Tomsky, which is a look at the hotel industry. It’s interesting and funny. Although when I read anything now, I can’t help but compare it to today’s situation and how things are so different.
Good Morning!
That book looks awesome! I just bought a used copy :) That’s my favorite kind of book, thanks for the rec! My son was working in hospitality until last month, I will pass it along to him too.
anne-on
If you can afford it, I have been using my SAD lamp almost daily (if not AM/afternoon) and especially on grey and rainy days it helps a lot. The verilux one on Amazon (my was ~80? there are ones for about $30 too).
cat socks
Thanks for the recommendation! I was thinking that being locked down in Jan or Feb would be doubly hard. At least it doesn’t get dark so early.
Anon
I have one of the personal-sized $30 ones and it works well! Don’t need to spend more if you don’t want to.
Diana Barry
I have a really hard time every Monday. I had anxiety a few years back and it has come roaring back in the past few weeks since we have been quarantined (since March 13). It is totally impossible to get enough work done while still supervising my kids (3 of them) to make sure they are doing schoolwork and not goofing off online! And then I have to meal plan and make dinner for everyone every single day, after not having gotten enough done every day for work, AND the kids complain every day – it is really really draining.
Good Morning!
That sounds exhausting! Is there any part of this burden you can put down? Let the kids work go or maybe not cook every night, let them have sandwiches?
Anon
I think it’s ok in this season to relax on schoolwork. Let them read fun novels, let them watch educational tv, teach your children to cook. Let your children plan and cook the meals. They can learn about life and the teachers will do remedial schoolwork with everyone when life gets back on track.
Children are much more resilient and capable than we give them credit for, especially “we” the upper-middle class. I’ll never forget years ago I was working at a Christmas tree stand and we had free hot chocolate – we had a carafe of hot water and you mixed in the envelope of cocoa powder. A twelve year old (!) girl had no idea how to open the packet and add it to the hot water. And once I told her to tear it open, she had no idea how to stir it in – her mom had just always done things like that for her. Meanwhile, twelve year olds in other parts of the world are preparing full meals. If your children are old enough, it’s ok to tell them it’s time they did some things for themselves.
Seventh Sister
I’ve had scouts in my troop that had never washed dishes or set a table by 11-12. Granted, I’m the one who gave my kindergartner a knife to chop up stuff in the kitchen, but it’s so astonishing how some people won’t let kids do anything to prep meals or drinks.
Anonymous
How old are the kids? If they’re little, we are funding it helpful to cook after bedtime for dinner the next day. If big, could they be in charge of making dinner?
Anon
Can you pay a tutor to help your kids via Facetime? A few hours a week of focused learning with a professional will get them most of what they need to learn, and will give you some time off.
NOLA
cat socks, you sound like me. I’ve been working so much that I haven’t had time for any of the cooking or baking or cleaning and I haven’t had much mental energy for knitting. Good for you for getting a little treat (fries) and please try and take care of yourself. It’s so easy to spiral.
Anon
Same
anon
I have adjusted to this current season of life. My mother has several friends who have died though, so that has been sad.
Good Morning!
That sounds really sad for your mom :(
Housecounsel
I, personally, am doing well and know how blessed/privileged my family and I are. I almost always work from home so it’s business as usual for me. It’s certainly an adjustment having husband and kids home too, but we have our own spaces and it’s working out, and I love having all of my kids home to hang out with at night. I am a little bit worried about my husband’s law firm income. They’re all litigators so I think income will drop until things get back up to speed. Too early to tell how much. I am mostly worred about my kids. My oldest lost her dream internship this summer and I am wondering if she will be able to find any summer job at all. I am worried about another child slipping back into anxiety/OCD after improving so much while away at school. I am also worried about my mother, very very healthy and active despite being almost 80. She seems to find multiple necessary exceptions to the stay-at-home order.
anon
I usually do okay during the day and then have anxiety-filled evenings. Last night I really struggled to fall asleep, even after taking melatonin, which usually knocks me right out. I think it’s time to re-implement some hard exercise because longs walks and yoga are not cutting it.
I made the mistake of reading an Ask the Manager column this morning that made me feel even worse about being a working parent right now. I feel like a failure on all fronts, and that didn’t do much to assuage my guilt and fears that other people are noticing, too. I’m gonna have to take a giant break from the comments section of that site …
Good Morning!
I’ve been drinking different herbal teas for sleep (Twinings Nightly Calm tastes best but something with kava or valerian or skullcap for a heavy hit) and as evening draws near I start wondering if it’s time to start breaking into the tea. Trying not to be a tea junkie!
Anon
Twinings Nightly Calm is my jam! Hard to find, though…
Good Morning!
I got it in a sampler pack which is… now sold out. Yeah, good stuff. I think there’s some on Amazon.
NOLA
I’m hitting the wall. I feel like I have about one weepy morning a week and I guess I had better pull it together before my 10:00 meeting. I’m just feeling overwhelmed by everything. Sad about how things have gone with the dude, even though I am not certain he’s right for me. We are a good fit in many ways and it just makes me sad, even though we’re still together, knowing that there is no future. My friends tell me what I “deserve” etc and that just makes me sadder. I am texting with a few other guys, but of course, no hope for actually meeting them and I’ve had no interest in making a lot of effort on dating apps. I feel like I will never have a partner in my life who is right for me.
I make plenty of money (although not over $100K), and I’m not ordering clothes or shoes (well, other than a couple t-shirts, and a pair of floral high tops), but I feel like just buying groceries is killing me right now. I blew out my knee trying to run and now I will probably end up paying for some of the medical care out of pocket and I bought a bicycle just so I can stay active. I’m missing my gym and my life and I feel like I’m spiraling. University committee meeting exploring scenarios for fall semester are just depressing, in terms of the work I will be taking on and the risks.
I know I’m just in a bad place right now and I don’t need advice. Just needed to vent.
Clementine
That sucks and I’m sorry.
Good Morning!
I hear you.
NOLA
Well, despite little exercise, I’m losing weight. My eating schedule is all messed up. And my knee is now well enough for 4 mile walks with a brace and the weather is beautiful. I should be better, right?
anon
I’m sorry. I feel you, especially regarding your feelings about your partner and wondering whether you’ll ever find the one who is right for you. It’s a really touch place to be.
Senior Attorney
Hugs, NOLA!
NOLA
Thanks, sweetie. I try to keep things light on social media (as we all do) but it’s been a bit of a struggle. I mean, the dude is being sweet and texts or calls me every day, but still… and I’m trying to figure out where my work should go as the semester winds down.
Lobby-est
NOLA girl; I am so sorry to hear that you’re struggling. Here’s a virtual hug for you! believe me I’ve been there on the life partner thing (as have many of us on this Board). But I know this about you: you’re a beautiful person, and smart, caring, talented, and funny. I hope you do find someone that helps make you happy But if not, You’ll still be OK because you’re fundamentally awesome
Ellen
Don’t worry. When this virus is over, you will find a decent guy, and hopefully get married to him. That is what I am looking foraward to. You should do that also. Good luck, and we will all get there together! YAY!!!
BB
My very, very old (we think 17 or so) kitty started acting weirdly yesterday and I’m freaked out that she’s about to have another bout of the acute liver failure-type thing that she’s had twice in the past year. They couldn’t find a real reason either time and she got better with an ER visit, but every time, I think “this might be it.” I don’t want it to happen during this crisis though! :(
Panda Bear
Virtual hugs to you and kitty. Pets are such a comfort, especially now. Good for you for giving her so much love and care in her elder days.
cat socks
I’m so sorry about your kitty. Hope she gets better.
BB
Thank you for the kind thoughts! We’ve had her long enough for it to be like raising a human teenager. She is totally living her best (senior) life right now though! :)
Another Anon
Good luck to you and your kitty!
Anonymous
I am really struggling. I have plenty of work to do, but it all seems meaningless right now. Meanwhile, colleagues who don’t have anything to do are using their free time to weasel their way into places where they have no business being. I’m having trouble concentrating and writing. I find conference calls and videoconferences terribly draining.
Meanwhile, I’m incredibly stressed out about the total lack of planning and preparation for what comes after lockdown. There seems to be no plan to scale up antibody testing, and even if there were, nobody knows whether antibodies actually confer immunity anyway. Our school system has no plan to offer on-line instruction in the fall. My idiot neighbors are having parties and Easter services in their driveways in violation of our governor’s stay-home order. My employer won’t close the office even though it is supposed to.
No one, not the general public or policymakers, is listening to the economists and epidemiologists who understand what is actually happening and what we actually need to do. This weekend, my husband dropped some of our toilet paper off for his parents because they hadn’t been able to buy any. My MIL called from the doorway that “It’s a great thing the private sector is taking the lead on the coronavirus response!” Um, what? The private sector has obviously failed to supply you with even the most basic of necessities. The promised testing website never existed. There are no N95 masks or ventilators. A few clothing companies have scrambled to produce miniscule supplies of non-medical masks. That’s it.
I am starting to think we are witnessing the end times. And I can’t even get my child baptized because our church is actually taking social distancing seriously.
Anon
Re: end-times…it’s only within the last ~100 years that annual pandemics and routine death have been eliminated through vaccines. This used to be pretty normal…
For baptism, I’d baptize my baby myself as a stop-gap. God hears humble prayers and understands tap water as well as holy water. Perhaps your officiant could say a few words over Zoom?
PolyD
I am not a religious person at all, but I am beginning to believe that Jared Kushner is the anti-Christ.
PINK
this made me giggle. but like what does that make drump?
Anon
I’d say the devil but the devil ain’t that dumb
Anon
Oh get off of it.
I am so over people who think that the private sector “fails” when it cannot immediately produce all the goods it wants, in the quantities it wants, and distribute it immediately where it wants. Goods are not produced by app.
The TP issue is because there are two different lines of production and distribution: household and industrial. The Hyatt does not buy its TP from Walmart; it buys it from a supplier who gets it from places like Kimberly Clark. The sizes and packaging are designed for that use, e.g., boxes of 96 rolls packaged in paper for housekeeping to use, not in packages of 24 all wrapped up in plastic. Then there are the huge rolls used in stadiums, companies, universities, restaurants, etc. that do not fit in household TP rolls.
The private sector is shifting production from car vehicles to air filters, from clothing to facemasks, in a matter of days, and you think that they are failing and you could do better? Oh, buggy bear.
Anonymous
As someone who works for a manufacturing company, I agree with this. Our company quickly switched our 3D printers from making products for us, to making components for face shields, of which we have distributed over 50k in a two week period (among other switches we have done). Not to mention that we have factories in other countries that are being forced to shut down, and are working as hard as we can to move production and equipment to get up and running in other areas. This stuff doesn’t happen over night!
Also, SO MUCH THIS, on the TP issue – the issue isn’t that household TP manufacturers suck, it’s that as the poster above me said, it’s completely different manufacturing lines and companies. You can just blink your eyes and switch industrial TP manufacturing to household in a hot minute.
OP
That is my point. The private sector can’t do this alone. We need government to lead and coordinate and invest $$$ and mobilize resources.
Anon
We have been sold a lie – that the private sector knows all, serves all and can be all. Well, no it can’t. The private sector can be great. But it cannot solve world crisis like a pandemic. For that, you need governments. You are missing her point completely in an effort to look smart.
anonymous
+1
Nailed it.
Anon at 1:26
I didn’t miss her point at all and I 100% agree that we need governments and that private sector can’t solve all the problems. I don’t want the company I work for solving the world’s problems – I want us to be in business doing the things we are paid to do by our customers. The government is a giant sham right now and it’s ridiculous, but that doesn’t mean that the private sector hasn’t also been doing what it can.
Anon
I posted this too late yesterday.
Find your “season” using MAC’s lipstick virtual try-on. It’s fun!
What’s your season?
Signed, definitely dark or muted, somewhere between cool and warm
Anon
Forgot the link!
https://theconceptwardrobe.com/seasonal-colour-analysis-using-lipstick
Anon
One of my mom friends (our daughters are friends) texted that she and her daughter were on a walk and were heading past our house, and could we come to the window to say hi?
My daughter and I were in the backyard doing work (gorgeous weather lately in the Bay Area!) so we just walked out to the driveway and yelled. Well, the other mom and I yelled, our daughters mostly rolled eyes at each other about how ridiculous their moms were being.
I’d say we were 12+ feet apart, the other mom was wearing a mask…. it was the most social I’ve been in weeks and that 3 minutes did me more good than anything has lately!
Clementine
We built my kid a swingset that has a fort that’s elevated. He has taken to sitting up there and chatting with our neighbor kid while neighbor kid stands on the other side of the fence. They’re solidly 10+ feet apart but it does both of them so much good.
Senior Attorney
Yesterday was my hardest day so far after a sleepless night Tuesday.
But. Got home, the sun was shining, Hubby and I took a shortish walk around the neighborhood and enjoyed the sun and the mountain view and the peacocks. Came home, cooked dinner, and had a Zoom party with our friends. Drank a LOT of wine, ate too many Cadbury mini-eggs, and slept all night. Got up this morning and put on a shirt I haven’t worn in quite some time but which fits now because I’ve lost some weight. And best of all, the dishwasher repair guy (who called to warn us he will be in pretty much full hazmat gear) is coming today after a 10-day wait!! So… feeling a little better about things.
(Just as long as I don’t look at the news…)
Anon
Tell me more about the peacocks
Asia Anon
Yes, please do tell!
Senior Attorney
We live very close to a site where at the turn of the last century a local robber baron built a big house and garden and imported a flock of peacocks. The site is now public and the peacocks have been very successful and migrated out of the public garden into our neighborhood and a few surrounding neighborhoods. Some people don’t like them because they can be noisy (SCREECH! MEOW! HONK LIKE AN AIR HORN!) but I love them! This time of year is mating season so the males are busy displaying and the ladies are busy being oh so very not interested. In a few weeks there will be babies toddling around after their mamas. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.
We even have one who is our special friend who hangs around our house. Before we were married there was one big beautiful peacock who was always doing his big display in front of then-Gentleman Friend’s front door. We gave him a name (“Navil,” which the internet seemed to indicate may or may not mean Peacock in maybe Hindi?), and then shortly afterwards he hurt his leg somehow and spent a couple of weeks recovering on the back patio. We thought for sure he was a goner but he recovered even though one of his feet is now disfigured. He comes and goes and whenever we see the peacock with the bad foot, we know that’s our Navil. Sometimes we go months without seeing him but he was just on our front stoop the other day, wooing a lady who was, alas, having none of it.
Good Morning!
I love this, every word. So awesome.
Anon
Even though the ladies (peahens, right?) are having none of it, there will soon be babies. So maybe they’re more into it than they would like you to know! Ah, nature.
Senior Attorney
Yes, they must be meeting up later… Yes, peahens.
We call it “peafowl porn” this time of year!
Asia Anon
Social distancing continues in Korea, but it’s slated to end this week (maybe?). My office switched from WFH to in-office. It was a rough adjustment after weeks of working from home.
I voted in the national elections today. Thanks in part to the decreasing number of daily new cases (<40/day since April 10, most cases are imported) we're slowly venturing into small restaurants during off-peak hours.
I tend toward anxiety and still think this could blow up in our face when social distancing is discontinued, but at least we know the drill. Cautiously hopeful that things will improve / continue to be somewhat contained.
Anon New Yorker
I love reading your updates from Korea — please keep posting!
Good Morning!
Thanks for the update from the FUTURE! I hope it goes well for you all!
Marise
I’m trying to take stock of the positives from our stay at home order. First off, I’m off the rat race treadmill, since work is now slow. With kids home, I don’t have to rush during commute time to get kids to soccer practice, or whatever other gazillion activities they have. My kids are less stressed since school work has mellowed out. I am spending more time with them. I am also exercising more (cause what else am I going to do?) even if it means jogging the same route every other day. i am exploring new recipes and learning how to use all of our groceries. Learning how to not waste food makes me feel good! I’m catching up on books that were sitting on my nightstand for ever. Zoom calls have put me in touch with old friends I hadn’t connected with in years. In short, despite all of the downsides, I consider myself lucky to have my health so far and grateful for this re-set and re-evaluation of priorities. I know I sound like a Pollyana, but I am trying to take the glass half-full approach.
Good Morning!
This is really nice! I like your approach. :)
anon
Inspired by the thread on the afternoon post, when will you personally be comfortable with resuming to “normal” and what are you basing that on (e.g., a particular person/organization “signing off”, a certain event happening)? Do you have a sliding scale of what you’d be comfortable doing (e.g., I’d be ok returning to work because I drive to my office/don’t take public transit and our office is not particularly crowded/I don’t come in close contact with more than a handful of people each day but wouldn’t be comfortable attending events with more than x people)
Anon
Before pandemic, I did a lot of domestic air travel. I knew I was surrounded by germs but didn’t worry much, washed hands etc. Now I won’t go back to that level of air travel. Even if you don’t catch a bad virus, air travel takes a toll on your health. I work for a very large and very well known global company that has cancelled all conference events (internal and external) through June 2021. Think thousands of attendees taking over Vegas for a week. I will not miss these events.
anon
I’m very curious about the long term effects of those type of events/conferences! I think a lot of businesses are realizing they aren’t quite as “necessary” as previously thought, that many people don’t enjoy them, that they’re expensive and realistically people aren’t going to be comfortable for quite some time attending these type of events with so many people.
anon
” realistically people aren’t going to be comfortable for quite some time attending these type of events with so many people” – That is exactly what my company recognized and therefore decided the ROI is not there. Through June 2021. All of our events are now digital. I believe the business conference world will be permanently changed. It is very interesting!
Anonymous
I went to a Vegas conference in late February and another big industry conference in Miami in January. I am sad to see them go, but for me, they were a way to see most clients in one place. I am in Flyover, USA, so when this ends I may be looking at MORE air travel to individual client sites if the conferences go away. I am OK with that, but I have young kids and it is better for me to have a couple big trips (and maybe take them when they are older) than a lot of 48 hour trips to various US cities.
Anon
Yes, I hear this. I am generally a client in my work dynamic. While I understand internal conferences may get rethought, the external conferences are put on by somebody and there is a reason that they are putting on the conference in the first place (getting their name out, etc.). Once we get fully past this (like everyone is comfortable flying), those entities don’t really have an incentive to keep putting on a digital conference, as it doesn’t fully accomplish that in-person goal of theirs as well. So while I hear the temptation to say all conferences will move digital, I think that will be quite nuanced. (Of course, it is possible that – as attendees – we realize we don’t miss these external conferences anyway and therefore they just don’t happen).
Just my speculation.
Anonymous
Conference organizer here, on the association side. Most associations rely on their annual conference for a significant portion (often half or more) of their annual budget to survive. Virtual events are not a substitute financially or for the goals of many membership orgs, especially those in the medical and scientific fields. Each association’s experience will be incredibly nuanced and varied because of the very specific group of people it serves, but I don’t believe most non-credentialing associations will make it out of this, nor will my career path.
anon
I agree and I am in big tech sales – a Vegas conference is an easy way to see them all at once but it didn’t reduce our travel the rest of the year…we would still travel to see those customers at each of their locations. So maybe a revision or adjustment of the % of travel overall when we realize that we can use a digital conference effectively, do lots of selling via web conferences and reduce the number of on site customer visits? I have been an advocate for on site meetings with a clear purpose for a long time and if you don’t have a role in that on site meeting, you don’t need to attend. Activity vs. real productivity.
Anon
Same. I’m a 1K and kind of lived for conferences (speaking at conferences was half my job). Now my job is gone (it’s for the best) and I can’t imagine either flying that much or attending crowded conferences again. I may be done with it for life.
Anon.
I don’t have any idea – honestly thinking beyond today is hard. And so much depends on schools and daycares reopening… I have a government legal job where almost everyone is a working mom (because easier hours than law firms) in two income households, and I can’t even imagine how they’re going to get people back in the office until we know if there will be summer camps, etc.
TheElms
Agree. My BigLaw office seems to be looking at a June 1 return to the office date for everyone, but they also appear to be doing that in a vacuum as to child care issues. Its already hard being a working mom in BigLaw, its going to suck even more if we are all expected back in the office as of June 1 with no regard to childcare.
Anonymous
They expect that you will hire a nanny. Clearly. Because they pay you enough to afford it.
Anonymous
HAHAHA
Having the $ to throw at a problem =/= having the solution to throw it to
E.g., we live in a car city, but on two major bus lines. Previously, that was a feature. Now it is a bug. Can I budget for a nanny (which I won’t need if schools reopen) AND also a vehicle for said nanny? I’d be OK with a nanny but only a car nanny right now.
TheElms
A lot of folks are still paying their daycare/preschool or had prepaid it. While we are very well paid a full time nanny on top of daycare/preschool in my area is easily $80k a year (if not a lot more because of the overtime required). If you had budgeted for one option and are now going to be paying for a nanny on top that could be hard for some folks. Look I get it could be worse, but its frustrating that this isn’t even taken into their decision making.
Anon
That is… not realistic. We’re already paying two daycare fees to save spots and cannot hire a full time sitter on top of it. Government jobs are stable and we are lucky but I’m paid under $80k a year. There’s no way.
NYCer
I have a nanny and am a lawyer so I am not concerned about child care presonally, but what about all the staff / non-lawyers in biglaw offices? For example, my secretary has a toddler, our paralegal has a child in Kindergarten, etc etc etc. Not sure they can afford a nanny.
Anonymous
You have to stop paying day care y’all are insane. No one is coming to magic you a solution. You are going to have to go back to work before September. Yell at me all you want but that is reality better start engaging with it now.
AFT
My fear (from IL where they really are doing a pretty good job of managing this) is that, once the school year ends, businesses will reopen without regard to the fact that daycares/camps aren’t open. I’m at a company that’s been OK so far, but I think will rush us back to the office unnecessarily once stay at home is lifted. Our perfectly planned summer camp schedule is likely up in the air, so I think we’ll likely end up hiring a summer sitter if we’re forced back to work.
Anonymous
We have a summer sitter just so our kids can go to the pool and laze about for a few weeks between camps and feel unprogrammed for a little bit of their lives. Praying that pools reopen — otherwise, I will have to send my kids camping in the backyard so that they don’t go crazy from the Flowers in the Attic situation that their lives have become (minus the creepiness).
AFT
anonymous 9:48 a.m. – that would be our typical summer sitter approach (which we debate every year, but my extroverted kid loves camp and my introverted kid complains about whatever we do)… I’m not feeling good about the pools opening. Maybe after the 4th of July?
anne-on
+1 – I’m basically coming to accept that there will not be camps (It’s equivalent to school in terms of close contact/ease of spread, and I just don’t see how they’ll be able to open) but hopefully parents will at least be able to hire babysitters?!? otherwise, right, I simply do not see how I can get back to normal work. I need to offload my kids for a serious chunk of time in order to really focus and work…
Coach Laura
I would look at hiring college kids. I have three college kid nieces and nephews and none will have jobs this summer because internships and summer camps have closed. They all want jobs. These are A+ students and formerly taught sailing camps to 20+ kids at a time. Look now to hire good college kids. Yes, your kids will get exposed to some germs but if workplaces are open, there will be some amount of germ sharing going on just as there would at day cares and kindergartens and elementary schools.
AIMS
I’m probably comfortable with going about in the world even now but I don’t see how anything goes back to normal for us until kids go back to school because in a two working parent household I don’t know what we are supposed to do with young kids. So I guess until my 4 year old can go back to her pre-k class of 20?
Anonymous
This. I could continue what I am doing (working at home, socially distancing, etc.) indefinitely if I had childcare. As an “essential worker” (snort! I am attorney and not the kind that’s essential), I flirt constantly with the idea of sending my youngest back to pre-K (which is still open solely for the children of essential workers, which I interpret to be healthcare primarily at our school). It’s so tempting.
Cb
Yeah, if I had childcare, I could easily work from home for the foreseeable. But schools aren’t reopening this year and since my nursery is school district run, I’m afraid even if private nurseries reopen, they won’t reopen until August.
Anonymous
I’m not sure about big events, but I am really hoping that childcare comes back relatively quickly. I posted below about some major embarrassing mistakes I made and it’s just very hard to complete against childless colleagues right now. Also my poor kid is both lonely and miserable.
I think jobs that can’t be done from home should come back before those that can. Not because the service is essential, but because employment is essential. People here seems to think it’s unfair to ask a coffee shop worker to come to work right now, but it’s not as if that job exists if the coffee shop is closed. It seems short-sighted to forget that for a lot of the workforce the choice is not wfh vs. risking going in but rather job vs. no job. I’m not totally ok with privledged white collar folks making that call for people.
I’m more comfortable driving to my suburban office than my husband commuting via public transportation to manhattan for 1.5 hours each way, but eventually we’re all going to have to accept some risk here.
Generally, if I frame my thinking as a public health concern, rather than my individual risk tolerance, I’m willing to accept more risk.
Anonymous
I am worried about the restart because I have a high risk family member in my household and my job usually requires travel, which means getting exposed to everything in circulation. I am not going to feel comfortable about that until there is herd immunity or an antibody bridge to a vaccine.
Anonymous
I have an immune deficiency, and it’s been a weird realization for my household that isolation works. Normally my partner travels for work, and normally I’m getting sick constantly. I haven’t had any infection symptoms for a month now. Definitely something I’m going to discuss with my doctor when this is over, because he’s going to have to start traveling again eventually (though hopefully every industry is accessing just how much travel is really needed).
CountC
I will feel comfortable going back to work once the Governor lift’s the shelter in place orders. I drive to work and have an office, my family bubble is just me, and I am low risk. For better or for worse, I will trust my state government and whatever the CDC guidance is. I am not uncomfortable performing essential tasks now – I wear a mask when I go out and I practice social distancing and I don’t have anyone I come into actual contact with. I’d be fine working my office now, as 99% of the office is out, but per our state’s shelter in place orders I am WFH.
I’ll be comfortable traveling and attending events once the CDC says it’s safe to do so / social distancing guidelines have been lifted. I know that the CDC is not perfect and that guidance changes based on knowledge as we get it, but based on my non-existant family exposure bubble and being low-risk, that’s my comfort level.
Anon
+1 – I also think everyone has forgotten that social distancing and SIP was never meant to prevent everyone from contracting the virus, it was meant to flatten the curve so people get it over a longer period of time and don’t overwhelm the healthcare system.
Anonymous
Yes exactly. The plan cannot be and has never been total isolation until a vaccine.
Anonymous
+10000000. The sheeple have instantly forgotten about this.
Anon
You instantly lose any internet credibility when you resort to words like “sheeple”. Grow up and try harder.
Anonymous
Flattening the curve was also supposed to give public health officials time to ramp up testing and surveillance, and businesses to increase production of PPE and drugs. None of these things has happened, so as soon as we ease up on social distancing, there will be an overwhelming spike in cases.
Anonymous
lol at internet credibility.
anon
Yes, this. I always assumed I’d get it at some point and the hope was to slow the spread so that the healthcare system is in a better position to provide care when people get it.
Anonymous
Correct. We cannot shelter in place until there is a vaccine. People will literally be starving in the streets, if we don’t descend into open armed revolution. The quarantine was meant to flatten the curve, not eliminate it, and give healthcare providers time to prepare.
My prediction is that if the shutdown continues into June, business owners will just decide to flout the shutdown orders where they are and reopen. And people will be so sick of being locked down that they will patronize those businesses. I think it’s far less dangerous to reopen cautiously, with restrictions in place, a little earlier than some health experts would like, than have people just go off the rails and do their own thing.
Anonymous
… and they are not using this time to prepare!
Anonymous
Right? The point wasn’t to never get it. It was “let’s not let everyone get it at the same time and overwhelm hospitals.”
My state has adequate hospital beds, ICU beds, and ventilators. Our daily counts of new cases have been going steadily down. I think we can ease up a bit. I don’t expect that we’ll have our local music festivals, etc. But I think that we can add back lower-risk activities more than we are doing and give hotspots the ability to have more specific orders for things that are too much/too soon.
Anon100
For work – ideally I’d like a rotating schedule of who’s working from the office for a bit, then slowly transition to a full office. My officemates all drive to work, so I don’t think there’s a high risk there for me.
For social life – I’d totally be okay with going to restaurants and outside gardens/museums as soon as restrictions are lifted, while wearing a mask. I might be a little more wary of crowded venues like theaters and popular indoor museums and public transit during rush hours.
Travel – I’m cautiously optimistic about it. If international travel is ok by late August, then I’m going on the trip to Iceland I planned way back in January. I’ll definitely be more mindful of wearing a mask and washing my hands but I don’t want to be a hermit for longer than necessary. (of course, necessary is YMMV and based on CDC guidance.) Kinda wary about cruise ships though – originally had planned an Antarctica cruise for December 2020 and would still *love* to go, it’s a once in a lifetime trip, but I’ll have to see where life is in the fall months.
Anon
Don’t forget, you can’t eat while wearing a mask.
Ribena
I’m assuming I’ll be predominantly working from home until the end of 2020, even as other things maybe start to happen again. Asking people who can easily work from home to continue to do so seems like an easy lever to pull to reduce the number of people moving around every day.
I have an amazing trip by train to Austria (From Scotland) booked for June – we initially talked about rebooking for next May but now that also looks uncertain.
Anon
Do we think I’m taking my kids to Copenhagen the first week of June? That seems so close but Denmark went back to school today. I feel like I’ve lost all sense of time!
Anonymous
Won’t you risk getting stuck there?
Anonymous
No. We have family in Europe, had a long trip planned with special leave for start of June and it’s totally cancelled. Highly unlikely that the situation will be simultaneously stable enough in both where you are leaving from and where you are going that you will be able to travel, you may be required to quarantine for 14 days on arrival in each direction.
My sister is still thinking of coming to visit my parents in early August but she’s fine with getting stuck in a house with them for two weeks on arrival and she can WFH when she returns.
Anon
Yeah – that’s my concern with any summer international travel – it’s not really about the virus per se, but more about the web of tangled international travel restrictions (both US and other countries’) – it’s going to take a while for those to reach some level of normalcy. I think there’s also a general lack of clarity and flight availability, so I’m going to put off international travel for a while, more for logistical than health reasons.
Anon
I don’t think I’m going do any international travel for at least a year, and I’m someone who normally takes an international trip a year. I have a friend who’s sheltering in place in London because she largely got stuck there – She may have been able to get a flight home, but she’s visiting family and felt it was easier to stay. For her, that’s fine – she’s with people she likes and not having to rent a hotel room. But if I got stuck somewhere where I couldn’t rent a car and drive home, it would be devastating financially.
Sarabeth
I am not planning on being able to take my kids to London and Paris in late July. Which makes me sad, because we usually see their cousins there every year, and it’s the highlight of their summer. But I will be shocked if we end up traveling.
Anonymous
2 kids, so will be WFH until May 15 (school reopen date; doubt it will happen) or the last Monday in August (school reopen date). I am <50% on school reopening. I have a sitter for a couple of weeks in the summer (we will probably get a long-wanted dog then since we will be around so much more); the rest was supposed to be camps.
Nemo
One tricky thing, for those considering getting a puppy in these odd times: socializing a puppy through exposure to other people and dogs is important to the dog’s long term disposition and ability to deal with others. Also, a puppy that is raised in a situation where the family is at home 24/7 may manifest anxiety when schedules return to normal. Some of this is developmental, so exposure to different situations post-quarantine may not completely overcome deficits and habits created during this time. I am not suggesting that you avoid getting a dog, just that these are concerns for anyone considering a new canine companion in these unusual days.
Anonymous
Highly recommend adopting an adult dog from a shelter instead!
Anon
With the caveat that I’m in an essential industry and still on the office (with a mask every time I open the door), and my area has only barely been touched, for me personally, I’m not “uncomfortable” now. I’m about as low risk as could be, as is my immediate family, and no one in my life is really all that high risk. I don’t really worry about catching them it myself (any more then I worry generally about illnesses and accidents, at least).
I’ll follow whatever the guidelines are, out of concern for others, but my personal comfort level is pretty open to whatever is reasonably considered generally OK.
Anon
+1 same. I’ll follow the guidelines for sure, but we have – for example – an outdoor concert in mid June that if allowed I will totally go to. And a driving vacation planned in July that I am completely planning on taking (the driving vs flying aspect was planned pre-COVID). I just don’t think I’m going to self impose more restrictions on myself than necessary. At some point I have to trust that things are opening and happening b/c the powers that be that have more data than I do weighed the risk reward and came out one way or the other. But I realize this is from a privilege of not being immuno-compromised. And I’m in CA where the powers that be actually seem to have a good head on their shoulders.
Pure Imagination
It doesn’t matter if you are not immunocompromised. Other people are and you going to concerts puts them at risk. That is part of the reason why the guidance for California is going to disallow large events, not allow them only for people who are young and healthy. That concert isn’t happening.
Anon
Did you miss that she said she’s following the guidelines? You can follow everything to the letter and STILL feel personally comfortable. Not everyone is paranoid about getting it.
Anon
In my comment I specifically said if I’m allowed to go. Meaning, the state of CA has decided that on a balanced view for everyone the risk of events is okay. It might not happen, but it hasn’t been cancelled yet so all I am saying is if I am allowed to go I will. And if I’m allowed to go I don’t think that makes me insensitive. I think the state has been pretty draconian on putting on restrictions exactly to protect the immunocompromised & elderly, so when they lift things I am going to believe them.
I am just saying that I understand that someone who is immuno compromised may self impose tighter restrictions on themselves than the government does when we reopen (or may not, who knows?) and I am privileged to not have to have that internal debate.
Pure Imagination
No, I saw that part. I was specifically commenting on the internal calculus that because she is not immunocompromised, she may go to large events if they are allowed. I would recommend including the impact on everyone else in that calculus. There are going to be plenty of events that go forward over the next couple of years that really shouldn’t and we’re all going to have to make decisions about whether or not to go. Easier to think about it now as a hypothetical than when you’re in line to see Hamilton in July or waiting outside the gates of Outside Lands in August.
Anonymous
I’m not isolating myself more than I’m required to do for years.
Anon
“There are going to be plenty of events that go forward over the next couple of years that really shouldn’t”.
I mean, that could open a whole can of worms if we are going to hold ourselves subject to the highest level of rules people on the internet decide should be happening and shouldn’t, and I’m not going to do that. Where would that end? If the state of CA decides something is okay to do, I’m going to believe them instead. They won’t be perfect, but with lack of a better authority to follow that is what I will do.
“and we’re all going to have to make decisions about whether or not to go. ” Exactly. And I’m acknowledging that my decision and someone who is immunocomporomised decision When We Reopen may be different. Again, this is under the assumption that CA has weighed all of these things and still decided it is okay, not me being insensitive and not following SIP or something because “I’ll be fine!”.
LaurenB
“I think the state has been pretty draconian on putting on restrictions exactly to protect the immunocompromised & elderly, so when they lift things I am going to believe them.”
It’s not to protect the immunocompromised and elderly. It’s to protect everybody. I am in a blue state and I fully expect to still stay at home and keep my social distance for quite some time even after “official” restrictions are lifted. I think it’s still incumbent on us all not to immediately go back to concerts, etc.
Anonymous
“It’s not to protect the immunocompromised and elderly. It’s to protect everybody. I am in a blue state and I fully expect to still stay at home and keep my social distance for quite some time even after “official” restrictions are lifted. I think it’s still incumbent on us all not to immediately go back to concerts, etc.”
This is what I love about living in America, we all have free choice. I have no interest in what a couple of Internet Karens who feel compelled to judge everyone for everything do with their time. I have less than no interest in what those Internet Karens feel I should be doing with my time. When things reopen I am going back to doing what I used to do: eating at restaurants, going to bars, shopping, going to concerts, etc. I am not going to cower in my house, in my bed with the covers pulled up over my ears and the lights out, terrified of getting Covid – or, more likely, terrified that I won’t get to feel superior and judge other people if I don’t stay sheltered-in-place for what basically amount to no logical reason whatsoever. If other people want to do that, that’s their lookout. But suggesting that we “all” need to do what the Internet Karens Who are Terrified of Everything do is beyond ludicrous. Not for the first time, I think more than a couple of people on this board could really benefit from therapy and medication to deal with their anxiety. Because that’s what this is: anxiety talking. There is no logic or basis in fact for suggesting that even after state governments allow for reopening of businesses, we should stay home and not patronize those businesses or go back to our semi-normal life. I “literally can’t even” with that idea.
Anonymous
I don’t think that the goal was no one getting it ever and letting it die out. It was not to overwhelm ERs and run out of ventilators. It was not to be Italy. I think now that my flyover city (still a city) has significantly flattened the curve and shown that our local hospitals are coping, we can shift to focusing on hotspots and PPE for non-health professions (bus drivers, grocery workers, restaurant workers) in close quarters and letting things that can reopen repopen (public boat launches are closed . . . IDK why your canoe is a public health problem; ditto tennis, which is also shut in my city).
If the goal is 100% safety, we should stop driving. I will never not be stabby at antivaxxers after this (and will sign up to be s shot human tester if it ever offered in my city). I am giving blood on Saturday to feel like I am doing something to help the world.
Anonymous
Yes @ Anon 12:17! Clap emojis. This board is filled with virtue signaling Karens.
Anonymous
No, it’s full of bravado-signaling idiots.
LaurenB
I’ll rephrase. I think it’s incumbent on *me* to avoid going to concerts, sporting events, etc. No matter what the public health people say, I for one will not be rushing to be first in line at the hairdresser, nail salon, latest restaurant hot spot. Nor will I feel great about my twenty-something kids taking public transportation in the city. Others can do what they like. Luckily, I’m in a blue state headed by a Dem governor who is data-driven, so I feel reasonably confident that when restrictions are eased, they will be done so thoughtfully. I would be even more concerned if I lived in a red state and/or one headed by a Republican governor, where it’s been made more than clear that science is silly.
cat socks
I would be comfortable going back to the office. I commute by car and while I work in a big building, it’s not too crowded and I can practice social distancing. I’m not sure about travel yet. Probably not until later in the year. And then it depends on what is open in whatever destination I want to travel to. We were thinking of taking a trip to NOLA later this year, but it’s too early for me to even think about that now.
Pure Imagination
I will be following state and national guidelines, but I’m more likely to be OK with the occasional small meet up with my parents or with friends then I am with going to work 40 hours a week in an open office with a very long and crowded public transit commute. That is where I think my boss and I are likely to have a conflict and why I brought it up yesterday. I can do my job 100% from home and I am in fact more productive there.
Pure Imagination
To add to this, I’m pretty sure I’ll have to push back on business travel a bit. We do a lot of travel that should really be done over Zoom and I know my boss is raring to go with business as usual, but I just don’t feel comfortable with taking totally optional, doesn’t-bring-a-significant-benefit travel. Some random conference that is only somewhat important to our work seems different from visiting an elderly relative or attending a friend’s bridal shower – life events that we all miss these days.
Anonymous
LOL have fun being unemployed and jumping out into the current job market. You’re definitely braver than I am in that regard.
Anonymous
I would rather be unemployed than dead. If I travel before there is a vaccine I will probably be dead. I get bronchitis every time I get on an airplane.
Pure Imagination
It’s not about being brave, but about not wanting to end up in the hospital on a ventilator. I’ve posted before that I have a high-risk condition and it’s not worth it to me to travel to some random meeting that could’ve been done over Zoom, at least not until there’s a vaccine.
anon
The Office – I am mixed on this. I drive to work so I don’t have to worry about public transportation. I have a private office with a door that closes, and the office is not big. However, one of my coworkers lives in a household full of people who work in nursing homes, and my boss is very reckless about all this. I have a high risk family member so I would be worried about bringing it home.
Public – I would be fine going to parks and other wide open spaces with a mask and gloves. I’m not going into a big crowd until there is widespread vaccination – so literally years.
Travel – We have a minivan and we are comfortable taking long drives. I could see visiting friends in other cities.
Anon
i honestly think it will be a while before I feel fully comfortable. Normally I trust government recommendations, but living in a red state (though a blue city), i am concerned they are going to cave to the pressures to reopen the economy prematurely. i have young children, and while kids have not been quite as susceptible, they also are too young to understand not to touch things, all of the hand washing, etc. Our family all lives flying distance away so it is really hard for me not to know when i will see them next
Flats Only
As soon as I am allowed back into the office and to go out to a bar for date night, I’ll be doing that without a second thought. As soon as travel restrictions are lifted I will be off to foreign parts as if I had been shot out of a gun. When these things can happen is of course TBD, but I am not going to sit here and say “Gee, even if I’m allowed out I’d better stay in for the rest of the year”. Fuck that shit.
Anonymous
Same! Give me liberty or give me death (actually though).
Anonymous
Yes preach.
Anonymous
SAME!
Pure Imagination
What are you going to do if your state proposes significantly looser guidelines than others (for example)? Some states have barely done any social distancing and seem unlikely to. My point is that yeah, we all want to get out and do stuff, but it’s not always black and white. Some of the tourist towns that have been hit hard might be pushing for people to come visit to pump up the economy at the same time that their local hospitals are begging people to stay away. Bordering states might have wildly different policies and air travel is probably going to be all over the place. Things simply aren’t going to be turned off instantly so you can “shoot yourself out of a gun” and pick up travel like nothing happened.
Anon
Just to pick on one thing there, the hospitals (outside of hot spots) aren’t begging people to stay away. They’re empty and laying people off.
Pure Imagination
Trust me, I get that concern (I work in policy analysis and study rural hospitals), but the fear that the clinical and administrative staff are feeling is real too. A small resort town in the west has the highest per-capita cases in the country and a family member I have there reports that everyone is terrified. They rely on tourism, but now fear it too.
Anonymous
And I’d like to help them. I had a biopsy postponed. That seems to be worth going in for and if they keep postponing things (originally: to free up capacity to help ICU, etc. not be overwhelmed; my state is clearly not overwhelmed and not likely to be), who knows how long it will take before I get in?
The goal was not to be northern Italy. Even northern Italy isn’t northern Italy now. NYC is better.
anon
I’m with Anonymous at 11:59, we need to start opening some stuff soon. Delaying a biopsy for a few weeks or even 2 months seems reasonable in times like this but delaying for many more months starts to veer into the territory of creating unnecessary risks and eliminating the benefits of preventative care. Even less urgent things like biopsies such as routine annual physicals, pap smears, dental cleanings can’t be delayed indefinitely without having significant long-term impacts on the health of the population.
Anonymous
I am really concerned about the narrative that has been pushed. The social distancing was to flatten the curve to not overwhelm hospitals. The models have been incredibly wrong and overstated the worst case scenarios. The policy that is being made based on these models is also wrong and a burden to society (check out the unemployment numbers). This doesn’t even take into effect the impact on mental health. Don’t get me started on tyrannical oversteps by governors, Michigan, Virginia and North Carolina all spring to mind.
This isn’t directed at you specifically Pure Imagination, but for a board that prides themselves on looking at all the data and being woke, it was a quick descent into 18 month lockdowns and accepting a police state.
https://www.nationalreview.com/corner/coronavirus-pandemic-projection-models-proving-unreliable/
Anonymous
Every state is different (Michigan is a trainwreck — that is overkill, esp. statewide; I can see why Detroit and even metro-Detroit could be different than, say, Holland, Michigan).
The rules for NY even can be different than in NYC/Westchester than out in places on the way to Buffalo.
I think states need to back off a bit in May for state-wide rules now that we’ve seen non-NYC hospitals NOT be overwhelmed. States are huge and varied. Chicago is not Springfield.
anon
I had more trust in information before seeing the mind boggling journey of the Editor of the National Review on the impeachment (1. He couldn’t have done that, that would be such gross misconduct and abuse of power! 2. Oh, it looks like it really happened, but surely it was all Giuliani’s doing, the President had nothing to do with it! 3. Oh maybe the President was fully aware and fully involved, but surely it’s not severe enough to remove him from office! 4. Ok so he did it and it was bad, but people caught it in time, an attempted crime that didn’t succeed shouldn’t be punished!). Now, not so much anymore.
anon
ugh, edit function would be splendid. I meant to say I had more trust in information from the NR, clearly.
Anonymous
The models weren’t wrong. We have been successful in flattening the curve, so there are fewer cases than predicted without social distancing. The whole point is to make it seem as though we overreacted.
Anonymous
the models aren’t wrong. when flattening the curve works, the correct reaction SEEMS like an overreaction. in Oregon our projections have flattened out significantly and i am extremely glad. id much rather be here than in louisiana or new york where thousands of people are dying. if it took us all staying home to only be at around 60-70 deaths, im all for it.
Anonymous
anon at 12:58: that is not true. The IHME models assumed full social distancing, which we obviously have not done. The numbers have been wrong at every step of the way. look it up.
Anonymous
My state so far has been good about this so I’m not borrowing trouble.
Flats Only
Pure Imagination, I am not fantasizing about traveling when I can AT YOU. “As soon as travel restrictions are lifted” means both where I live and at my destination. Jeez.
Pure Imagination
No need to get snippy. I posted a non-attacking question with things to consider. You could consider writing your travel plans in your diary instead of online if you don’t want others to comment on them.
Anonymous
Oh please. You were attacking. Which fine have fun but don’t come back and play hurt princess yet again when someone calls you on it.
Anonymous
“No need to get snippy. I posted a non-attacking question with things to consider. You could consider writing your travel plans in your diary instead of online if you don’t want others to comment on them.”
Pure Imagination, you absolutely meant it as an attack. That’s basically all you do here: judge and attack others for believing something different than you believe. What I wouldn’t give for a “mute user” button here.
Anon
Wow, you guys are cranky and eager to see the worst – I can only assume you’re the same ones complaining about Karens everywhere. Maybe a break from the internet would be helpful for you.
Anon
“What are you going to do if your state proposes significantly looser guidelines than others (for example)?”
Obviously you would have to comply with any guidelines in any state you traveled to, and if they weren’t allowing it or requiring quarantine you wouldn’t GO THERE? Like this is such a silly response.
anon
Yeah I don’t get this comment. If OP is in NY and wants to travel to Maine but Maine has requirements that won’t allow that, clearly she would just go somewhere else.
Pure Imagination
Yeah, I just meant that it’s going to complicate travel and make a real return to normalcy hard. Even if your state lifts restrictions and you feel eager to book travel and end your own social distancing, I don’t see how it will really be feasible quickly when you have to look at what other states/countries are doing (and they’re all doing something different). Air travel is another minefield; I had some travel planned and the flights were cancelled very early in the pandemic (first week of March), but I had friends whose flights were never cancelled later on and they couldn’t get refunds when they didn’t feel comfortable flying. I think there’s going to be a lot of uncertainty to work around and that few of us are really going to be able to count on travel for quite some time, even when our own states technically allow it.
Is it Friday yet?
Same – although I wouldn’t mind being able to WFH at least a little after all this is over.
LaurenB
You sound very red-state Trumper.
Flats Only
Nope. Just a purple state Democrat sitting at home wishing everything she was hoping to do this year had not been made impossible, and looking forward to the resumption of something closer to normal life.
anon
You can mourn the loss of many parts of life that make it worth living without being a Trumper. Speaking for myself, I don’t have a family, live in an apartment, until recently didn’t have a SO. (If he didn’t come onto the scene, I’d have descended into a deep and scary depression by now with this social isolation. Really, spending 24 hours alone for weeks on end is incredibly hard.) I can entertain myself pretty well for a while by myself– reading, some solitary hobbies, intellectual pursuits– but doing many of the the things that make me feel truly joyful, healthy, balanced, alive are on hold. No live music, no dinners or gatherings with friends (except zoom), no travel (I’ve already cancelled two trips and I haven’t been on a real vacation in a very long time), can’t see family, no yoga classes, no workout classes, no social interaction with my colleagues, half my job is impossible to do, no horseback riding, … the list goes on. I’m more than willing to do my part and social distance and not grump about it (especially towards people who have it harder than I do) but yeah, my mental health has taken a real slide and it’s not fair to discount that.
Anonymous
And you sound like the CCP LaurenB.
Anonymous
Not everyone is a hysteric who overreacts to everything, Karen. Maybe you’d like to speak to her manager.
Anon
This Karen crap is so misogynstic. I hate it.
Pure Imagination
Agree. It’s also ageist.
Anon
I think it’s hilarious. Pure Imagination doesn’t like it because she is one, but doesn’t like being called out. Cue sad trombone.
Pure Imagination
Anon at 4:07, I don’t know what your deal is, but it’s not about me. I feel sorry for you.
anon
Not the poster but a blue state democrat who agrees with her
anonn
+10000000
Anonymous
+1 million
cbackson
I’m pregnant so even when my office reopens I will WFH until delivery and we’ll probably socially distance until my mat leave ends. My CEO preemptively told me I should feel completely free to WFH even if our office has reopened.
Our peak is projected for May 1. If I weren’t pregnant, I would be comfortable with small group meetups with friends and retail shopping reopening by this summer, I’d say. I would be okay with stores requiring temperature checks and masks for people to come in – obviously you don’t catch everyone with temperature checks, but it’s about reducing risk, not eliminating it. I’d probably be okay eating in restaurants again as well, although it’s going to depend on how packed in people are.
I don’t think I’ll be going to large events for a long time, because I’ll have a baby/young child at home that I need to think about. And once planes get full again, I’ll likely be wearing a mask if I need to fly. Right now, frankly, I’d feel totally comfortable flying because the planes and airports are so empty and the air filtration is good.
Anon
Similar response to cbackson. Also pregant, although I WFH normally except when travelling for work (once or twice a month, previously). I will not be doing any work travel until there is a vaccine b/c I will either be pregnant or have a newborn.
I ordered 90% of my groceries before all of this happened, so will just continue to do so. Will probably only go to stores for things I can’t order online or need to see in person (see e.g. – all of the baby gear we need to acquire).
Also – have been reading for a long time, but not consistently in the past several months, so congratulations, cbackson! I remember when you were talking about going the single parent/sperm donor route – not sure if that’s what happened or if your life circumstances changed and you’re now having a baby with a new partner, but either way, congrats!
cbackson
Thanks! I am actually getting married later this year :-). It all changed really quickly – when I was literally on the verge of going it alone. Just one more unexpected thing in a year of many of them…
Anon
I don’t know much about it, but I’ve read that the standards for air filtration on airplanes are really not what they used to be.
Senior Attorney
As I’ve said, I’m still going to work because I’m “essential.” Hubby has a small law office and is working from home although there’s vanishingly little to do because civil courts are shut down. So going back to work isn’t our big question.
I can’t imagine getting on an airplane until there’s a COVID-19 vaccine. I don’t travel for business and vacations are not worth risking my life, man. Large events? Not sure. I miss my Rotary Club and hopefully we can figure out a way to meet safely in person. Dining out, same. (We’ve been supporting our favorites with takeout right along.) All consistent with state and local guidelines and orders.
The thing I miss most is entertaining at home and I’m looking forward to getting back to that when the stay at home orders are lifted. But the guest list will be people who I trust to be careful and sensible.
Small Law Partner
I’m in LA, I am relatively confident that my state and city will be among the more cautious going forward as they have been now. I intend to follow all stay at home orders and other related orders re masks or whatever, but once those are lifted I plan to get back to as normal as possible. That might be easier for me than others because I drive to work, have my own office, don’t entertain at my home anyways, am Gen X and without health issues, and don’t go to crowded places much because I have anxiety in large and with lots of noise. My work as a trial lawyer is going to require I travel – I have a trial on the east coast that keeps getting postponed, but is now slated to go mid-summer and I plan to fly to that and do that trial, assuming stay at home orders are lifted of course. I’ll have in person depos in another case scattered about the country either before or after that. I also plan to take a vacation in the fall with husband that will require flying.
I’ll likely bring Lysol wipes so I can wipe down my seating area and hand sanitizer, and wash my hands more often than I normally would. I also don’t think I’ll hug or shake hands with anyone that isn’t my husband for quite some time. I’m also not sure if I’ll want anyone coming into my office at work, and I’ll likely wipe down surfaces in there too. International travel will be on a case by case basis depending on what is going on with the virus in that country.
Anonymous
Just venting …I made a bunch of embarrassing mistakes in a document that I drafted on Friday. It’s difficult to proofread on my tiny laptop and I’m forbidden from attaching a printer or monitor. I told the supervisor straight up that I’m not operating at 100% here. I’m distracted and exhausted and possibly depressed and somehow expected to do my job + 50% of childcare without a loss of quality or productivity. My reputation is shot and I can’t even tell if it’s self-sabotage.
Yesterday, another supervisor said that other attorneys were somehow asking for more work. I can’t even wrap my brain around that. I just want to close my laptop and see how long it takes to fire me.
Notinstafamous
*hugs*
No kids here but I hear you on distracted and anxious and depressed and just really struggling to focus. Adding kids to the mix sounds really hard and I just want you to know this internet stranger thinks you’re doing great!
Anonymous
As a supervising attorney I can tell you everyone is in the same boat. We are all anxious and tired and not doing our best work. Can you swap with a colleague to proof? That helps me.
anon
This. Ask for a peer review.
Anonymous
Yup. This. Also a supervising attorney. So long as you’re not phoning it in (i.e., clearly spending significantly less time on a task than it deserves), I am very tolerant right now of mistakes and of the need for leniency with timing.
Anon
Word has this awesome function where it will read your document out loud to you. Ever since I started proof reading with that I have really reduced my errors.
Ellen
Don’t worry to much. I also made a mistake last week in a document I filed with the court. I wrote April 30 as the return date instead of April 17. Everyone got all confused b/c it was supposed to be April 17, and then they said that was an agreement by me to extend the return date. I said no, I just made a typo and that it is still April 17. The plaintiff had already 2 months, and already had 1 extension through April 17, which is Friday. The manageing partner did NOT want to give more extensions, even in these days of COVID 19. So all of this was a big time burner for me, and the judge even had to intervene. He said that he has unilateral authority to extend the return date, so he just did until April 24. But I had to spend at least 3 hours explaining it all to the manageing partner, opposing council and the judge and realy cannot even bill all 3 hours for it, b/c it was my typo. COVID 19 stinks! FOOEY!
Anon
Speaking as a client – my expectations of work product from firms have dropped dramatically. I expect that documents/emails will have typos, I expect that (non-urgent) things will be late, etc. As long as the advice is correct, all other issues will be overlooked.
You are a human being. It’s ok to struggle.
In-House in Houston
What do you mean you’re “forbidden” from attaching another monitor or printer? That sounds ridiculous, and if you’re working from home, how would they know? Were the mistakes just typos? If so, ask your partner to proof it for you. Or as others said, peer review. Another idea, I read my stuff aloud sometimes and that’s how I catch typos. Good luck!
Ribena
Data loss prevention software may prevent the attaching of printers – ours does. Not sure how adding a monitor could be prevented – and could you not invoke occupational health to say you need to use one?
Anonymous
Op: they specifically forbid non- COMPANY devices to be attached to COMPANY equipment.
Anne
Is a monitor even a device though? It’s like a mouse, it doesn’t risk data security in any way as far as I know.
anon8
I’m still wondering how they would know if you attached a monitor. There is no way for IT to monitor that.
Anon
My company sent my monitor, mouse, and docking station via courier. Have them do that.
Anon
They really mean like USB sticks and things like that. You can definitely attach a monitor, it is output not input to your computer. Honestly even a printer may work, your OS may set up the drivers automatically.
Op
I don’t know but a lot word little icon pops up if I try to use a mouse or headphones
Op
Ugh. See why I’m getting fired? A “weird little icon” comes on my computer telling me a non-approved device has been installed if I try to use a mouse or monitor. It’s not an issue at work because there’s a docking station for my mouse and monitor.
I think it’s to prevent stealing sensitive info/work product, but it basically treats everything like a flash drive. I also signed something saying I wouldn’t use equipment that wasn’t issued with this laptop so I’m not willing to go buy a monitor or printer just to violate that even if they don’t know about it.
SC
OP–call your firm’s IT person and ask for approval to use your mouse, keyboard, and monitor, or ask them to issue one.
Anonymous
Op here. Thanks for all the advice but I really was just venting and everyone pointing out of how I could have done better just stings a bit, even though I know it comes from a good place.
Coach Laura
I’m sorry it stings. I do hope you can get some relief, either from extra equipment or a good night’s sleep or some patience from your boss/coworkers.
Good Morning!
Hi, I was staffed on a new-to-us project with an important client and I made SO MANY mistakes at first. It was embarassing for me and for my company. What I did was make a checklist so that I would only make the mistakes once and so that the people picking up this work after me would have a good place to start (I basically went in blind.) I told my boss that I was the Kool-Aid man crashing through the wall so that others after me can just walk through.
It is a super embarassing feeling but put it behind you, make a checklist or get a peer review (that was another part of the solution for me too), and charge ahead. You’re not bad at your job. You’re not stupid or careless. You’re good at it, you’re trying, and you’ll get even better.
Anon
I love your analogy
pugsnbourbon
Definitely going to steal the Kool-Aid analogy.
OH YEAH
Anon
Same here and it feels awful
anon
Also chiming in to say same here. For example, right now my internet is messed up (really excited to spend an hour waiting for comcast and setting up a new router today) so I can’t remote in and coworkers are sending docs in formats that you can only access if you remote in (ie, not just a basic word doc or pdf) so I can’t answer the questions that are coming at me about why I haven’t done such and such inane task 6 months ago that the boss just got around to remembering because he’s combing through his emails and action plans. Heaven forbid I finish the actual task the client wants now instead of derailing my whole morning to try to track down a few stupid emails from November to check the status (and of course, checking the status isn’t billable) of a futile endeavor. Sorry, that got longer than I thought.
The Beagle has Landed
So sorry to hear you’re struggling. I hear you. Although I don’t know your office and colleagues, I want to let you know that people are probably cutting you some slack if they are reasonable. On not being allowed to plug in a monitor or keyboard, would they know if you did anyway? I know it makes all the difference for me to be able to work quickly and accurately when I WFH.
The Beagle has Landed
oh, gosh. Sorry – just read your upstream posts about IT monitoring. I can only suggest submitting a request ticket to your IT people to issue you approved hardware or to approve hardware you will get for yourself.
Juliska
Why on earth can’t you attach a printer or monitor? That seems like security overkill. For proofreading, does it help to enlarge it on your laptop screen, or just make it harder to know where you are in the doc?
anon.
Piggybacking (again) off of a thread from yesterday about people who live outside of large cities or large metro areas (like, not suburbs) – where do you all live? Does anyone here live near national parks/ forests? Taos? Sedona? Flagstaff? I’m dreaming of mountains right now but this is not just a random thought – we’ve been considering relocation for awhile and this just makes me more committed. Especially interested if you are living in one of these types of places with kids.
Ribena
Edinburgh, Scotland. It’s a small city bounded by hills and beaches and with easy access to what I think of as ‘big nature’.
cbackson
Ha, I use “big nature” in the same way.
Edinburgh is remarkably beautiful – Some of my best runs while traveling were there (Arthur’s Seat, the Water of Leith).
Ribena
I lived in Konstanz, Germany, for a year – a huge lake and views of the Alps. At the same time I was studying Romantic poetry. So yeah – big nature! (As opposed to where I grew up which is like Kate Winslet’s home in The Holiday – oppressively gentle and idyllic)
Anonymous
One of my best friends lives in Edinburgh and it is such a great city. Wish it a) had better weather and b) was in my country so I could live there.
Vicky Austin
I actually do live near a national park. Until we moved to our current house it was 20 minutes from our front door to the entrance gate. Mentioning which one would probably out my town, if not me myself. It’s no Yellowstone, but it’s got good hiking trails, good wildlife, good foliage, space to camp. We like it.
Anon.
Midwest, the next National Park is a 2 h drive away.
State Parks are another option for us – but get crowded on weekends especially with spring finally here.
Pure Imagination
We’re close-ish to several National Parks and it’s great, but we’re hoping to move even closer to the mountains once it becomes feasible. Depending on the industry you’re in and whether WFH is an option for you, there are tons of great options out there.
Anon
I posted yesterday in the sub-thread about public schools about our second house being rural coastal. (It’ll be our primary house in a couple years.) We have 109 acres – 3/4 mile of waterfront on a tributary creek to the Chesapeake. (Some of you follow my IG.) Five acres around the house are “yard,” but the other 104 acres are wild forest and marsh. So, we’re not close to a National Park (unless you count Yorktown battlefield? ha), but we kinda own a state park…
Our town of 8,000 has a lovely grocery store, a tiny arts scene (particularly pottery), a couple hardware stores, a few very good restaurants, and several antique stores. We’re 30 minutes from a Wal-Mart/Lowe’s/TJ Maxx/Chick-Fil-A and 50 minutes from all the usual chain shopping you’d think of.
My husband will commute for his job and I’m hopeful that my employer (particularly after all this) will allow me to work remotely with in-office visits on an as-needed basis (a few employees do this, but their roles are a bit different than mine). But there’s no denying our area is rural and that most people commute an hour+ for work.
Horse Crazy
I live in the coastal CA redwood forest, near many state parks. It’s lovely. Despite it feeling very rural (which it is), I am 3 minutes from a grocery store, 15 minutes from a city, and 40 minutes from a very large city. It’s perfect. Oh, and 20 mins from the beach.
sleep
This is my dream. Enjoy!
Anon
I live in Berkeley, so definitely urban, but the Tilden regional park is hilly and vast, with lakes and streams and all that business, and the path that leads you there is a few steps from my door. I think it’s the best of both worlds, because I can also walk to restaurants and shops.
Anonymous
It’s not Sedona, but Portland OR is SURROUNDED by “big nature.” Beaches that would be national parks if they were on the East coast, mountains of all varieties, waterfalls everywhere, surrounded by national forests, amazing state park system. We hike several times a month outside the city but there’s decent hiking even within the city. Sadly everything is closed right now (all state parks, most uses of national forests, all hiking in the Columbia River gorge, beaches) but having grown up with this kind of opportunities all around, I found it very difficult to live elsewhere. Has been totally worth it to get our family back here!
Hj
Thank you to the person recommended the Getting Dressed series on YouTube. How fascinating! Felt instant gratitude not having to have tie my socks below the knees.
Kara
My destressing YouTube channels include that one, Allure’s “things throughout the decades” (makeup/hair/other trends(, and the townsends videos.
Belle Boyd
Paging Celia…
I posted the hunky soup recipe on the recipe thread from yesterday.
Also, for whoever was looking for adult-level puzzles. I occasionally get a catalog from a company called Bits’n Pieces. They sell puzzles, some which look rather complicated, as well as all kind of other interesting gifts, gadgets and puzzle accessories (roll-up puzzle mats, etc.) You might find something there.
Celia
Thank you, I saw it. It almost sounds like a cream of tomato soup. I would probably puree the vegetables in the tomato broth to give it a bit of heft.
Notinstafamous
Well, one thing I have learned this week is that DH apparently does not know how to clean. Just … no idea?
We’ve always had a cleaning person since we’ve been together, and he’s good about general tidiness and being active around the house, but this is a learning experience for us all! To be fair he’s reasonably good about learning and asking for assistance / feedback but how did you make it to 40 without knowing you need to clean the toilet bowl?!
Anonymous
Sigh. I am having a lot a trouble keeping the house clean right now. We’re all here all the time and I don’t have the products I need because the cleaning crew usually works brings them. I really don’t have a heavy cleaning routine for this house because I’ve never scrubbed bathrooms here myself.
This board went from “it’s ok to outsource when you are a busy working professional” to “what kind of idiot doesn’t know how to sew/bake/grow vegetables/raise chickens?!” It’s a lot. Please be kind.
Vicky Austin
Who mentioned raising chickens?
Good Morning!
I’ve been thinking about it…
Anonymous
I want chicken so bad.
anne-on
+1. Our neighbors have chickens (and a really cute coop!) and I want some SO bad. It would be torture to our bird dog (lab) though….
anon
One of my friends started raising chickens this year and it has been great for them. They always have fresh eggs to eat, and taking care of the chickens brings them a lot of joy and satisfaction.
pugsnbourbon
Hens are fine but please, please, if you have neighbors do not get a rooster. Or if you must, just one. Not three.
Please.
anon
Oof pugnsbourbon you have my sympathies!
Anon
So, I had chickens as a kid, then again recently for a few years. Things to consider
You need a coop you can lock them into at night. It has to be an elevated chicken coop because their instinct is to go up to sleep, and they won’t go into a coop if there’s no “up.” They have to be locked in and you also need some sort of barrier to critters digging in around the edges. Chickens are nature’s favorite treat. We ultimately lost ours to raccoons but they also survived two hawk attacks and one dog attack before the end.
Chicken poop attracts flies. There’s a lot of poop to keep up with. It’s not like a dog that goes a couple of times per day. They poop constantly.
Chickens lay for 2-3 years but can live for many years. You have to have a plan for what you’ll do with your older hens once they stop laying.
Hens can and do go broody where they try to lay on their eggs and hatch them. It can be very difficult to deal with a broody hen, and she can keep the other hens from laying.
Chickens have a pecking order. It’s natural but they will peck the living crap out of the bottom rung chicken and it can be very hard to take.
No pet sitters want to sit your chickens while you go on vacation!
The pros are a good supply of eggs (but only from spring till mid fall!) and chicken antics, which are very fun to watch, but they’re a lot of work! Just know what you’re getting into.
Anon
Oh and to pugs and bourbon’s comment, I had all hens, but one of them took on the task of being the rooster, which included crowing at dawn. She also continued to lay eggs. I was always worried one of our neighbors was going to report us, either for the crowing or the flies, and I’d have to explain that our hen was trans but biologically female.
Thanks, It Has Pockets!
Honestly, this crisis makes me wish I had my own yard where I could have a few egg-laying hens and a small vegetable garden so I can (sometimes) get fresh food without having to go out and buy it.
anne-on
We also had to buy a vacuum and steam mop. I’d always supplied cleaning products for our cleaners (and was well stocked before this) but also grabbed things like a squeegee that I’d not needed before. I posted before about having VERY high cleaning standards but I’m trying to relax those so as not to spend all weekend cleaning. That being said, proper cleaning IS something you need to be taught. I literally wrote out a list of what ‘clean’ means for my 8-yr old son (what to clean, what products to use on what surfaces, what order to clean in – top to bottom, dusting first then waxing then vacuuming, etc.).
If you always had cleaning help (as many of us did!) this is not a magical skill that everyone else learned – there is no shame in using the fly lady or apartment therapy or Jolie Kerr to figure it out!
Anonymous
I would love to see that list if you’re willing to share!
Anonanonanon
It astonishes me who many people don’t realize that nothing in a house is clean unless you clean it? Like that baseboards have to be dusted and the inside AND outside of the toilet have to get cleaned, etc. I grew up in a house with cleaners etc. so I remember when I came to this realization myself in my mid-20s but for some men, it never seems to sink in!!
Anonymous
My husband thinks it is frivolous to care about those things. Thick fuzzy dust on the baseboards? No problem! Dirt on the outside of the toilet? What’s wrong with that? Toothpaste crust on the toothbrush holder? Why are you wasting time wiping that off?
Anon New Yorker
My ex-husband didn’t understand that you had to wash the OUTSIDE of the pot, not just the inside. We fought about this regularly until eventually I just divorced him. That wasn’t THE reason but it was representative sample of his attitude towards everything.
Senior Attorney
Haha this is sad yet hilarious. Good calll, Anon New Yorker!
ohMinnow
Oh Boy ! That on had me giggling for 10 mins
sleep
Totally funny. I think we would be great friends.
Hope your life is wonderful now.
Anonymous
Do you remember the Jeff Foxworthy’s shocked reaction when he finds his wife cleaning? “We’re not moving!” I guess cleaning is what some people do so they get their deposit back?
Anonymous
Baseboards do not “have to” be dusted. No one does from dusty baseboards.
Pure Imagination
Yeah we clean them like once a year or less and it’s been fine. No one has time for that when the sun is shining.
Anon
Well they have to be dusted if you want to live in a clean house. It’s not a requirement for being alive, though. Personally mine collect lots of dust and I’m not a fan of looking at it.
Anonymous
My baseboards are white and I’m farsighted so I am perpetually dusting them.
anne-on
I was NOT happy when in cleaning myself for the first time in years I realized that our cleaners had never been dusting the tops of pictures on the wall, opening up display shelves to dust, dusting light fixtures, etc. I don’t expect those to be done on every trip but the level of thick brown dust indicated they’d never cleaned them at all.
I finally feel like we’re now at a normal ‘baseline’ level of clean – I now plan to dedicate time to cleaning things like our fridge/windows, which haven’t been done in, uh years (ducks head in shame…)
Anonymous
Obviously not possible right now but we hire people to clean our windows, interior and exterior, once a year. Some of the best money we spend. Our housekeeper won’t do them and the one time I tried to do them myself it took me all day and I still wasn’t done at the end of the day. Some things are best left to the professionals.
anne-on
Yup, we did that when our son was maybe 1? 2? And I haven’t since then since it’s dirty, messy, time-consuming work. I’m trying to go room by room since obviously hiring isn’t an option at the moment and we’re trying not to spend $$$ on things we can do ourselves right now….
PINK
YES. Best $250-300 I ever spent on house stuff was the professional window cleaning on a high floor apartment in nyc (after ALL of the renovations were done)
cat socks
Sometimes I’ll clean the baseboards with a vacuum attachment, but they are never part of my regular cleaning process. And in some parts of my house, the dust somehow seems to be embedded in the baseboards and I’m not able to easily remove it.
Cb
We can’t figure out how our floors get so filthy. Do we not notice because we aren’t home in daytime? Or is it a result of two adults at home, a toddler, and a cat?
Housecounsel
This is 100% me and my floors but I always worked from home. I think it’s that we have all kids home, and home all day! I am constantly Swiffering and vacuuming up fur.
TheElms
How do you clean real hardwood floors? Ours are oak. I’ve always wiped up spills/muddy footprints and have Bona hardwood floor cleaner in a spray bottle in case I didn’t get to the spill quickly. I vacuum/dry mop with a swiffer thing to get pet hair and we don’t wear shoes in the house so the floors don’t get that dirty. But if I wanted to mop all the wood floors what products would you recommend to make that as painless as possible?
Anonymous
If your wood floors are sealed with something waterproof like polyurethane – most newish floors are – then you don’t have to be that careful. I use Mrs. Myers all-purpose cleaner diluted according to the package directions–1/4 cup for about a gallon of water– and a mop. My mop bucket has 2 sides, so I do a rinse side and rinse and then re-soap after about every 5 square feet. Murphy’s oil soap is also popular. But I like the smell of Mrs. Myers stuff and we also use it to make a spray cleaner for countertops, etc.
TheElms
I don’t think they are sealed because water does not bead up on them. (Is there a better way to tell.) When I was a kid we only cleaned floors with a rag and water. It was a pain, basically I scooted on my knees with the damp rag and washed a section and then dried it. There has to be a better way right?
Anon
If they weren’t sealed, I would think the finish would wear off?
anne-on
Jolie Kerr (ask a clean person) basically agrees that the 2 options are ‘handsies/kneesies’ or damp mopping. I do find hands and knees is the best but omg nothing makes me want to die more (this was also my chore as a kid).
We have a steam mop now which seems to work just fine.
Anonymous
Our wood floors are sealed with polyurethane, and it is definitely not OK to let water puddle on them. I clean them by squirting Method wood floor cleaner on a small section of floor, then mopping with a dry flat microfiber mop like the Bona Wood Floor mop (not the one with the squirter).
pugsnbourbon
+1. This is how I do it as well, though our hardwoods are very old and I’m not fussy about them.
TheElms
I don’t let water puddle on them normally, but I couldn’t figure out how else to know if they were sealed. I’m sure they have some kind of finish on them but its not like a shiny poly that is water impermeable. I guess damp mop followed by dry mop it is.
I was just hoping that there was some newer / better / easier way that I wasn’t aware of!
Anonymous
I meant that I wouldn’t consider it safe to mop sealed hardwood with a lot of water and cleaning chemicals the way you’d mop a tile floor. Agree that water beading is the way to tell whether they’re sealed.
Housecounsel
I have been using Swiffer dry and then Swiffer wet. This is new to me, too!
Anon
We do 1/4 cup of white vinegar in a gallon of warm/borderline hot water.
Anon
Umm, I have no idea how to clean either. I outsource that.
Anon
Being helpless isn’t something to be proud of.
Anonymous
Neither is being rude or smug.
Eat a cookie
Neither is your comment.
Please.
anon
Please, she’s not helpless. She could learn. If she couldn’t learn to do it herself and then accomplish it, that would meet the definition of helpless. She’s choosing to handle the issue a different way. Basic logical reasoning, please.
I bet you can’t do all your car maintenance. Do you think that it would be fair to call you helpless?
anon
+1 there are a million things I don’t know how to do because I outsource them (e.g., cleaning, doing my taxes, writing our wills, car maintenance, actual gardening, plumbing related things (fixing leaky faucets, etc.), cutting my hair, installing/setting up technology). This does not make me helpless, this makes me someone who optimizes her time. I could figure out how to do these things but I’m happy to spend money for someone else to and use that time working/earning more money in the time it would take me to learn to do/do the outsourced task so I have more time to spend doing things like exercising, cooking, reading and spending time with my family and friends.
Anonymous
Correct. I can clean my house but I pay someone to do that for me, because that frees up my time to do things like organize our house, pay our bills, manage our budget and our investments, do my husband’s books for his small business, do the laundry, take care of our outside landscaping, etc. We all outsource something. Cleaning is not a better or worse thing to outsource than anything else.
Anonymous
There is a difference between outsourcing cleaning and being incapable of cleaning. We all need to know how to clean. What happens when your kid throws up in the middle of the night and your cleaning service isn’t coming until next week?
anon
I bet she just leaves the vomit there. Hopefully her kid doesn’t step in it, because then he’ll just be covered in vomit for a week too! Come on. Do you really think that the person you were rude to truly cannot perform the most basic cleaning tasks and lives in squaller until her cleaning person comes? Or do you think she was using colloquial phrasing to make what should have been a simple internet comment and trying to convey that she does not know, off hand, how to do well and efficiently many cleaning tasks that are not every day? Really, which do you think it was?
Senior Attorney
This is why I’m so happy my son was in the military. One thing they for reals teach them to do is CLEAN! (Fun fact: “Field Day” in the Marines means “spend the day cleaning the barracks.”)
Also: I learned how to clean from a book: https://www.amazon.com/Speed-Cleaning-Jeff-Campbell/dp/1594862745/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=speed+clean+jeff&qid=1586966550&sr=8-1
Clementine
My husband tells people that the #1 job you are prepared for when you come out of the military is to be a janitor.
Anonymous
When my sister was in the military, she polished the pipes under the sink in her apartment.
Small Law Partner
I don’t really know how to clean either. I’m terrible at it and it takes me a very very long time compared to our housekeeper. And it doesn’t look as good. I am not ashamed. I assume this is because I don’t do it all the time and if I did, I would get better at it.
We’ve wiped down or otherwise cleaned the counters/sinks/some appliances/stove/toilets, and run a swiffer duster over some surfaces/baseboards. We decided to just sweep the hardwood/marble floors and not wet mop them frequently and hopefully can hold out until the housekeeper comes. But we don’t have kids, pets, don’t wear shoes inside, and wear house slippers. I swept them after a month, and there was basically nothing on the floor anyways.
Anon
You’re making me glad I trained my kids on this. I probably waited too long, but about a year ago I realized my oldest was going to college soon in apartment style dorms, and she really didn’t know how to do this. We’d always had a cleaning service.
I bought a caddy and stocked it with all the cleaning products and showed her and my 2 year younger son how to do it. Top to bottom. Mirrors, sink, toilet, tub, floor.
My daughter moved into her dorm with her own caddy and she was the only one of 6 girls who knew how to clean a bathroom!
The kids still do the bathroom cleaning in our house. Between the roomba and our live-in bathroom cleaners, we’ve given up the cleaning service. (The impetus was the cleaners breaking things and not showing up, but we don’t miss them all that much.)
Anonymous
This is one reason we don’t have a cleaning service. My 13-year-old has been cleaning bathrooms since she was 10. She gripes about it, but she is also awfully smug whenever she has to deal with helpless friends or cousins who don’t know how to clean.
Thanks, It Has Pockets!
That’s seriously awesome! In my first apartment-style dorm, I had 3 roommates and they rarely cleaned! In fairness, none of us thought to bring stuff to clean tile floors or anything in the kitchen and bathroom (other than dish soap, of course!), but I was the one who went to CVS, hauled all the stuff back to campus, and used it.
Anonymous
Did anyone else listen to the NY Times the Daily podcast this morning? It was (as always) very well reported — an episode with a reporter embedded in a New York hospital. But it really got under my skin and I’m having trouble shaking the funk of having listened to it.
FormerlyPhilly
I listened to it. Chilling. This is why I haven’t left my apartment since Saturday (and only then to go for a walk at 6AM when only 2 dog walkers were out) (and the Saturday before that).
Anon
I saw the description and very deliberately did not listen to it because I figured the same thing would happen to me.
Hamstrings / Sciatica Help
Two issues I’ve been struggling with:
(1) Tight hamstrings: I’ve always had very tight hamstrings. Former runner, now Peloton aficionado. My hamstrings are, and always have been, so tight and I know it’s impacting my ability to maximize my workout. When I do Peloton strength/stretching classes off the bike my tight hamstrings are put on blast and are really limiting me.
(2) Sciatic pain – no issues until I was pregnant 3 years ago, and it got BAD. I seem to have recently triggered it again and am dying for long-term relief. I’ve got the ice pack, stretching, ibuprofen regimen down for short term relief.
Armchair diagnosis tells me that these two things are related. What’s my best course of action? Has anyone successfully become a not-tight-hamstring person? I’ve read a chiropractor can help for sciatic pain. Has anyone successfully gone down that path? I’ve never used one before. Open to any and all suggestions. Thank you!
Ribena
I’ve struggled a lot with tight hamstrings. Barre seems to be helping. A combination of getting everything really warm and then ending with really deep stretches.
Z
A foam roller would probably help the tight hamstrings.
BB
+1 to foam roller! And since you have Peloton, look up HMC’s foam rolling for hamstrings on the app.
fellow sufferer
Yes! I have a similar issue. I do a few minutes of stretching every morning. When things get really bad I do 10-20 minutes of an online yoga class (link below). In my case, it turns out that I also had a weak core so I also do some planks every day. (Not sure if that was connected to the hamstring issue or if it’s a separate thing.)
https://www.doyogawithme.com/content/deep-release-hips-hamstrings-and-lower-back
anonchicago
I used to have the same issues and have mostly got it under control, except working from home in a bad chair is bringing it back. Devoted Peloton lover as well!
It turns out my sciatic pain was a stress reaction in my back and I went through several sessions of PT to get my hamstrings and glutes to fire and help my back. Now before every workout I do donkey and fire hydrant kicks to activate my glutes and hamstrings. I notice the difference after the workout if I forget to activate. This makes stretching a lot easier as well because my muscles aren’t cold. There are other exercises as well like clamshells and lateral band walks that may be good to include as well.
Anonattorney
I have both these issues. Get the Down Dog yoga app and set your workouts to target hamstrings. Do a good 30-60 mins of full practice yoga 3 times a week and then 30-45 of restorative the other days. It really loosens up the hamstrings! Also mix in lower back workouts.
Anon
I think PT will be the long-term solution for you on this, but check out the You Tube channel for Bob and Brad, ‘the two most famous physical therapists on the internet.’ They have a car talk via the upper midwest vibe, and I have gotten some great stretches/light exercises for them for some light problems I’ve had. It could get you through until you can get into a PT office again.
CostAccountant
I am having similar issues, but I think part of my back/hip pain is due to very, very tight calves. Has anyone had any luck addressing extremely tight calves? It may be partly that I don’t completely roll my foot when I walk – maybe I shuffle instead? Anyone have experience with any of this? Thanks!
Anonymous
Hi Guys, I recently purchased a percussive massage gun (sportneer on amazon). My trainer recommends using it before and after working out. I also have very tight hamstrings and calves, and the pre-workout usage of the massage gun helps activate those muscles.
Annony
I find therabands (stretchy rubber bands) really helpful for stretching, especially my legs.
Monday
For those receiving a stimulus check, what are you planning to do with it?
Vicky Austin
Ours went straight to savings. I love the idea of putting it back into the local economy since that’s what it’s meant to do, but we’re not super high earners and don’t have the savings cushion most experts recommend. I’m justifying it to myself by thinking that this will get us to the cushion faster and then we’ll have more discretionary funds (which will go back to the local economy).
Veronica Mars
Savings, but it’s because we had to pay a huge chunk of taxes this year that were unexpected. Once we’ve paid ourselves from that, our next splurge will be on some new furniture to replace a ratty loveseat we have in our front room.
anonshmanon
Not sure I will get one, but if so, the food pantry gets it. I still have a job.
Anontoday
Ours will be going to savings for now, with the plan to pay our taxes with it later. We owe a decent amount back to the federal government. It’s not exactly that cut and dry because personal money we were planning to pay taxes with can now be used for other personal expenses. We’ve earmarked the stimulus check to give it right back to the government though.
Lyssa
Savings, at least until they start letting my hospitals perform non-essential procedures again. I’m too nervous about getting furloughed.
Once I get comfortable with that, I’d like to give it away or at least try to support some local businesses.
Anonymous
I have an essential job and partner is stay at home (now teacher to the kids). I have no concern about job security right now. We got a small amount. We have talked about half to the local food pantry and half to take out restaurants. Something like that.
Anon100
Some to savings, the rest for car payment, utilities bills, contact lens prescription refill, and food from takeouts. It’ll go pretty quick but it gives me a half-month’s cushion in my emergency savings in case I do get laid off.
Pure Imagination
We won’t be getting one since our income just ticked over the threshold for the first time ever, but if we did, it would go to savings and some to charity. This crisis has highlighted for me how glad I am to have a robust emergency fund. My friends with savings are also feeling more confident as well, although here in the VHCOL Bay Area, everyone seems at least partially stressed.
anon
We’ve been saving up for a major (15,000) and necessary home improvement. Putting all our windfalls in, so we’re almost there! And it’s outdoor work, so we can call the crew as soon as we have the money.
Anon New Yorker
The portion for my kid is going to her 529, and I’m undecided on what to do with the rest. I’ve been saving aggressively for a down payment on my not very high salary and every little bit helps, but at the same time I’ve been wanting to donate it to food pantries and cultural institutions that are really struggling. There’s no “stuff” that I want right now and it’s not like I can take a (badly needed) vacation. My job is safe (government) but I’m unlikely to get a raise for years, based on how 2008 went (no raises, not even COL, 2009-2013)…
Anonymous
Like most here, we’re saving it. Our jobs seem secure for now but who knows. We can’t travel at the moment (and actually have a $1,000 credit with American Airlines just sitting there from a trip we had to cancel in March) and we took care of our pressing home improvement needs, so it’s going in the bank. We may donate a portion of it but I’ve kept up my monthly charitable giving that I always do and done a little extra from each paycheck (easy to do now that I’m not going to lunch or driving to work), so I don’t feel bad about banking the stimulus payment. My husband lost his job in the last recession but it wasn’t until 2009, and we learned from that experience that it’s better to save and see what happens than assume at any point you are “safe.”
Anonanonanon
I didn’t look into it too deeply because I assumed we didn’t qualify, but we got a 3,300 direct deposit? We have a combined income of around 225K before taxes and have 2 children. We weren’t expecting it, so I’m not sure what the plan is.
Anonanonanon
We haven’t filed 2019 taxes yet, and in 2018 I had a much lower-paying job and was on some short-term disability/FMLA that brought my income down further, so maybe that’s why?
Anon
Apparently it’s only estimated payments that are based on 2018 or 2019, and it’s actually based on your 2020 income, so if your AGI will be over 150k in 2020, you’ll need to return some or all of it at tax time. Just a head’s up.
CountC
Where are you seeing $150k AGI? I pulled this from the IRS page:
$99,000 if your filing status was single or married filing separately
$136,500 for head of household
$198,000 if your filing status was married filing jointly
Anon
It starts phasing out at $150k for married filing jointly. It phases out completely at $198k. So if you’re over $150k in 2020 but were below it before, you may have to return some (but not all) of the payment.
Anonanonanon
Good to know! Sounds like we need to just forget we ever got it and be prepared to pay it back at the end of the year.
CountC
Gotcha, thanks for clarifying!
Anon
Is that your salary or your AGI? If you contribute a lot to retirement, that can push your AGI below the threshold.
My salary is 89k but AGI is 70k.
CountC
I presumed I wouldn’t get one either due to my income, but I just checked and the IRS deposited a reduced payment in my account! WTH? I also was not expecting it and do not need it, so after confirming that I really should have received it, I will donate it to my local food bank.
CountC
Oh derp, because I haven’t filed for 2019 yet, it’s based on my much lower 2018 salary and my AGI is under the cap.
Tired
Oh derp, because I haven’t filed for 2019 yet, it’s based on my much lower 2018 salary and my AGI is under the cap.
NOLA
I got mine today (less than half of the whole amount) and it will probably go straight to my credit card. I normally keep my card paid off but, right before this, I had some big vet bills, and I bought a bicycle on Monday. This will just pay for the bike, which may save my sanity.
grapefruit
We’re using ours to pay off a bit of remaining credit card debt (will be debt free this summer!) but we are in a financial position that we feel comfortable continuing to spend at local restaurants and shops to support our community. We’re getting takeout a few times a week and are tipping very well. I believe those who are able should continue to spend to keep up the economy.
Anon
I still don’t have any money, although I feel like I should? MFJ with an AGI of 110,000 in 2019 and we have direct deposit set up with the IRS. Anyway, if we get it, it will go into our emergency fund because I expect to be laid off pretty soon.
Anonymous
Mine went straight into savings. I do not have a lot of emergency fund right now (I’ve been very slowly building) and the partial amount (based on my 2018 income) will help a little. I still have a job and am getting my full paycheck.
pugsnbourbon
Had all kinds of ideas but we sustained some roof damage in the latest round of storms. On the bright side, we’ll be stimulating the economy and helping a small local business!
Anon
Half savings, half to paying down credit card debt.
Anon
I’m putting $1,000 to savings and then pumping $200 back into the local economy (take out this weekend, hopefully a gift certificate to my nail salon and hair salon).
Not that Anne, the other Anne
My fridge recently died (15ish years old) and now the washer is making alarming noises (11ish years old). I feel betrayed by my appliances and will use it to mitigate the Appliance Betrayals.
Anon
I’m irritated that the IRS made its monthly withdrawal from my bank account today, for a long-ago tax debt I’m paying off. Also irritated that they can’t give me an estimate or confirm my eligibility.
Summer doggy?
We have a house on a street with sidewalks. We had long discussed getting a dog when our older kid was middle school aged and that it would be their job to help take care of it. We are discussing speeding it up to this summer, since I imagine camps will be closed and we will have too much time on our hands PLUS we will be home all of the time (it may later shock the dog that we leave the house). Advice? Like: how will we even meet dogs since the world is shut down now? Husband has been wanting a large purebred dog like he had when we was a kid. I have never had a pet and really don’t think that my first dog should be larger than me or our kids who will walk it (larger kid is 5-5 but only 95 pounds). I’d like to adopt or get an older dog just to avoid the puppy stage (still working long hours, so being up overnight with a puppy will really wreck my already fried mind).
Anonymous
You decide as a family if you want a dog vs puppy, and what size will make sense for you. As a general rule, the larger the dog the shorter they live (which makes me sad as a major lover of giant breed dogs). Without knowing your family, it’s hard to even know where to start suggesting you look. Think about if you are an active family that will take the dog hiking, running etc. Will you bring it with you wherever you go (soccer games, extended family trips, bopping around town in the car?) or will it be more of a home dog? Are you looking for a dog that will be primarily indoors, or indoor/outdoor? Do you want a couch potato or a playmate?
if you want a purebred puppy, you should start looking now for summer as litters from good breeders go quickly. if you get a puppy, aside from the midnight wakeups, will you be ready for puppy school? Talk to some trainers in advance re: socializing and training in a time of social distancing. I asked our local rescue and they seemed to think it was fine, but this was for older dogs.
FWIW I wouldn’t worry TOO much about size, though it is a consideration. A well trained mellow tempered old golden retriever is a lot easier to walk than a fiesty 25lb terrier that pulls on the leash and chases squirrels.
Anonymous
We are probably medium active. We could jog with a more active dog, but not expect it to go on long runs with no breaks (or running with a bike). Hikes maybe on the weekends. My mind visualizes some sort of lab or golden mutt that likes being medium active. Pulling on a leash with the kids would be bad as we do have typical traffic of a city (think Arlington VA or some Atlanta neighborhoods) where kids have been pulled into streets and have died :( So road-testing an older dog would be important. [And for adoptions, I failed a home visit as a single person (due to working FT outside of the home); do they even do home visits now?]
This is our one family amusement right now — discussions re our theoretical doggo. Is is a girl? Is it a boy? Who does it sleep with? Should we get two so they aren’t alone if we ever do go back to work/school? Will the neighbor’s cat in the window ever stop looking out and judging us?
Belle Boyd
Re: the neighbor’s cat. The answer is no. Never. That cat will never stop judging you. But if it’s any consolation, the cat judges everyone else in the neighborhood AND its owner, too. It’s just what cats do. :)
Most shelters here are operating on an appointment-only basis. Check the websites for your local shelters. As for the home visits, there are a couple around here that still do that. The one we got our puppers from doesn’t, but they did ask some questions on their application that covered a lot of that kind of territory: would the dog be home alone during the day, did we have a fenced yard, what was the plan if the dog was alone during the day. For the record, we don’t have a fenced yard but noted the dog wouldn’t be off of a leash outside (lots of deer/rabbits, etc — too many opportunities for him to catch a scent trail and run,) and at the time the dog was going to be home alone for a part of the day and would be kenneled while alone. Neither answer worked against us.
You can also try fostering if you’re not 100% sure. A lot of shelters are looking for fosters for dogs. The only downside is having to give up a dog you’ve brought into you home, and if you have kids, that can be a HUGE problem once they get attached. Foster fails are a thing :) Lots of people foster and then adopt because they end up falling in love with their “temporary” doggo!
And don’t let age be too big of a deterrant. We ended up with an 11 year old maltipoo because my 71 y/o retired dad didn’t want a dog that was more active than he is and could outrun him. That 11 y/o dog is a feisty little character who thinks he’s about the size and temperament of a rottweiler when it comes to other animals in our yard and even though he’s fixed, he thinks he’s “still got game” when it comes to the little girl dogs! Anecdata tells us he’s got another 6-7 good years in him and nobody believes he’s as old as he is.
Anon
See if you can find an online application or call your local shelter and set up an appointment. All of the shelters near me are operating by appointment for potential adopters who have already been approved.
The Beagle has Landed
Yes, this. We just got a rescue dog from an organization about 10 miles away which is super-busy managing both intake of new dogs and adopting out the ones they have. They are getting about 30 applications for every dog. The “home visit” in our case was just an in-depth interview (six feet apart with masks on, by appointment) about our living conditions (yard, fence, who’s home during the day under non-COVID conditions, etc.) Most rescue groups are very choosy about matching dogs with the right owners and want a lifetime commitment and a pledge that if for any reason things don’t work out, you will return the dog to them for re-homing. As someone who has had six rescue dogs over the past couple of decades and one purebred puppy, I have to say that the rescues have been infinitely greater in every way than the purebred, even though we loved her to bits as well.
Rescues and shelters are still managing to “do business” even under current restrictions.
The Beagle has Landed
Also, Petfinder or Adopt-a-Pet are great online options. You can choose your preferred breed and they will send them to you as they come into participating shelters and rescue groups – you just have to act fast because they go fast!
cat socks
You could contact shelters or rescue organizations to see if you an set up appointments to meet dogs. Before everything was locked down, my shelter was closed to the public but people were able to make appointments for adoptions. You may also be able to start the application /approval process now so all your info is on file for when you are ready to adopt.
Good Morning!
Here’s how we got our current dog, 11 years ago:
We started shopping around, went and talked to breeders/trainers. The purebreds we met seemed pretty neurotic and high strung. Next we checked the shelters and met a bunch of their dogs. The shelter dogs seemed fearful or unfriendly until we met the last one. He was super cheerful, the baby laughed and laughed when they met, and the dog sat down and held out his paw. He’s been a great addition to the family and very tolerant of kid hijinks. He’s gray and creaky now but still a good boy.
So, just go around and meet a bunch of dogs basically. Our dog was probably a “teenager” when we got him so beyond puppy age and not quite grown.
Be aware, too, that large purebreds will have health issues (from conformity breeding) and relatively short lives (very large dogs don’t live as long). Mutts all the way!
Anon
You will have no trouble getting a dog right now– I have a lot of friends that have adopted or are fostering dogs/puppies right now. Also– have you thought about fostering for a bit first? You’d get to have a few dogs stay with you and get a better idea of what you want and what works best for your house.
Good Morning!
This is a great idea.
Anonymous
If Tiger King has taught us anything let it be that breeding animals is cruel. Please adopt. There is this myth that shelter animals are broken when in reality nine of the top ten reasons for surrender are human error.
Anonymous
Not the OP but every time I look to adopt, all the dogs available are pit bull mixes. I am not interested.
Anonymous
I’m not convinced that’s true. I frequent 3 rescues in my city with over a million people and pretty rarely see pitbulls. What I do see is an abundance of 6-12 month old running dogs though because Karens like to overestimate their activity level.
anon
It probably varies by area. Out of curiosity, I just compared my in-town shelter with that of an affluent suburb. I live in a large city. In town, we’ve got majority pit bull mixes. Northern suburb rescue has actual puppies, toy breeds, and almost no pits.
Anonymous
In our city 80% of the adoptable dogs are pits or pit mixes. Another 10% are Rottweilers or Rott mixes. It’s very dependent on geography.
Anon
That my be true of animal shelters but there are tons of foster organizations that have all kinds of dogs. If you did an ounce of research you would know that. There are even breed-specific foster groups so you can see out a rescue of a certain breed you like. There is no reason to buy a purebred from a breeder.
anonymous
Do you have any idea how difficult it can be to get a dog from a breed rescue? The rescue orgs for my breed of choice in my city charge between $600-$1,000 in fees, only want to adopt dogs to people who a) have partners (x for me) b) live in houses (x for me) c) have large yards with physical fences (not electric!) (x for me) d) one or both adults works from home, or can work from home often, or is retired. This is what I learned through my ounce of research.
Anonymous
+1 to anon at 11:49. We were extremely lucky to be able to adopt through a breed rescue. We had to endure a home visit, judgy foster “parents,” and ridiculous requirements. We had to have a single-family home with a fenced yard and no small children just to be considered. At any given time, the rescue had 50 pre-approved families vying for one or two available dogs. Many of the dogs had dealbreaking behavior problems like separation anxiety; because no one in the United States surrenders a dog of this breed unless it has serious behavior problems and is impossible to live with, the only acceptable dogs were rescued strays from overseas, and those were in very short supply because of the difficulty and expense of importing them. We were on a waiting list for six months and wasted countless weekends meeting dogs for which we were rejected. The foster family had final say over who got the dog, and virtually all of them refused to adopt to a family without a SAHM. The whole experience was so traumatic that I spent many hours in tears and nearly gave up on the whole thing. On our very last attempt, we were incredibly fortunate to encounter a foster family that did have a working mom and was willing to adopt to us. Our dog is the most amazing pet I’ve ever had and practically perfect in every way, but she was already six years old when she came to us so our time with her will be sadly limited. Oh, and the adoption fee was $700.
Bottom line: Breed rescue is a one in a million shot at actually getting a dog, and for 99 percent of people it will end in heartbreak.
Anon
Breed Rescue organizations are impossible. Sorry – I know they’re trying and they really care about their dogs. But from an adopter standpoint, they are too hard to work with.
Anonymous
Just co-signing with all of this. We tried to work with a Basset Hound breed rescue and it was an extremely frustrating and fruitless endeavor; we finally just gave up. Most rescue organizations we contacted seemed more interested in keeping dogs so they could put their pictures on social media and raise money than they did in adopting them out. We finally adopted our dogs off of Craigslist and it’s worked out fine.
Pure Imagination
Same (or Chihuahua mixes). I’m going to check out some breed-specific rescues, but a lot of those are scattered around the state and it would be more of an ordeal to go check out and pick up a dog. I’ll still do it when the time comes, but the local shelter literally never has any non-pit-bull breeds.
Anon
I adopted a non-shedding Chihuahua mix, despite being biased against them, and he’s amazing. He is smart but cuddly, strong but compact; definitely more robust but just as friendly/smart/social as my past non-shedding companion breeds (though I also loved them). As a bonus – he doesn’t have allergies like basically all small, white, and non-shedding dogs. Just putting that out there for anyone who might need to hear it!
Anon
Yup, shelters and rescues in my city are probably 75-80% pit mixes or chihuahua mixes. Anything other than that is gone in an instant.
Anonymous
Our shelters are all hound or pit bull mixes. Having once owned a hound mix, no thank you.
Anon
In my area, at least 90% of available dog are pit mixes. Breed rescues run about $600-1000. I’m a cat person but am trying to help a friend find one and there is just nothing. I’m sure this varies by area but it’s definitely true here.
Anon
You know, in an ideal world, sure. But as a single person who works more than 40+ hours a week who lives in a building with breed restrictions? Nope – I had to get a dog from a breeder. Now, mind you, I did a ton of research and met with multiple breeders and found one that I think did a good job and limits each mother to two litters over their lifetime, the puppies live in her home and socializes them with her kids – a good breeder.
But I was basically told by the rescues that had anything other than pit-bulls that because I lived in a high rise and worked and was single that I wasn’t a candidate. Never mind the fact that my dog has a walker and comes into the office a few times a week and generally has a great life.
Anon
Same. We would not have been allowed to rescue a dog because we didn’t have a car large enough to put in a dog-sized crate, or a backyard. The fact that I work from home and we take our dogs for many long walks daily and to the park and doggie daycare regularly did not matter one bit.
Anon
This board never ceases to disappoint me.
anonymous
I’m in your shoes. I’ve been toying with the idea of getting a dog during all this and am having the adopt v. responsible breeder debate in my head. I always imagined that I’d adopt a dog, but for the reasons you mentioned, among others, that might not be the case. It’s funny, many people will be scorched-earth judgmental about adopting v. buying when they’re talking to someone who is thinking of getting a dog. But whenever anyone meets someone who’s got a cute, sweet purebred dog, do they lash out at them and chastise them? End a new friendship once you realize they have a golden retriever? No. They gush over how cute the dog is and move on.
Anonymous
YMMV but someone was actually downgraded to acquaintance in my friend group when they purchased their husky. The group was deeply uncomfortable that a person we thought was great did something so bad.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t want to be part of such a judgmental group. It’s easy to say “adopt, don’t shop” until you’ve had a hellish experience either adopting an unsuitable animal from a shelter or trying to adopt from a ridiculously picky breed rescue.
anonymous
~*~* something sooooo bad *~*~
LOL, okay sure. I bet s/he’s doing okay without you all.
Anon
It is okay to support ethical breeders who are doing genetic testing and care about the health and safety of their dogs. It’s not a choice beyond the AKC on the one hand and an accidental litter on the other.
Anon
-beyond +between
Telco Lady JD
There are reputable breeders out there, and buying a dog from one of them is fine. This is particularly true if you want a dog for a specific purpose (hunting, running, etc.)
I’ll put in another plug for adopting a greyhound! They’re wonderful dogs, and the two greyhound specific adoption groups have been easy to work with. With the tracks in Florida closing early due to Covid-19, there are a lot of dogs that need homes.
The original Scarlett
You described the debate my husband and I had for years. He finally caved on a small dog after playing with my relatives pups, and we decided to adopt a rescue (honestly not because of strong rescue feelings, but because an “older” dog is so much easier on the potty training – ours isn’t a year yet, but she can hold it overnight). Our pup is tiny, but even my large dog loving husband adores her because she’s “still a dog.” A small dog is just so much easier too – they’re all likely to be destructive but when they’re small, there’s less they can reach and destroy. They’re easier to control when you’re training them. Their “business” is smaller to clean up. Finding care for when you go out of town is easier. Taking them with you places is easier. Etc. On getting one now, it might be easier depending on where you live, but it’s popular too – a lot of our rescues have adopted out a lot of their dogs. I found our girl on Petfinder, which is like Tinder for dogs, and it aggregated shelter dogs in our area could sort by breed. Good luck and go for it – it’s the best thing I’ve ever done.
Nemo
I posted upstream about some concerns with getting a puppy during these unusual times. Check it out if you might consider the puppy route.
Anonymous
our ideal dog for adopting was in the 20 lb range, and over 2 years old. DH got a bulldog puppy with his ex and it was both expensive (2500 for that puppy) and exhausting (getting up every 3 hours for the first few weeks, accidents as puppy was potty trained, chewing furniture shoes while teething). i had never had a dog before but was interested. we ended up adopting a 9 year old 8 lb yorkie mix. i would definitely advocate for an older dog because it is WAY less work – our dog is sweet and loving and playful but also sleeps all day when we arent home and isn’t destructive. we are good about training and hes generally very well behaved, but as a terrier mix when he goes after birds we can also just pick him up and stop him from misbehaving. fully potty trained from day one. he is down for short hikes and walks but doesnt need anything more than 1 walk a day and to be let out a few times a day. it’s been honestly really easy as far as pets go.
Anonymous
Maybe try fostering? This is how my fam ended up adopting our adult poodle mix.
Hey Liz, with the stimulus question from yesterday
Just FYI, we always have to pay in and do so with a direct draft from our bank account. This morning our stimulus payment arrived by direct deposit. So, I think if you’ve been paying in by direct draft, they’ll use that info to deposit your $.
MKB
Good to know – thank you!
Anonymous
Stimulus payment question: DH and I make over the limit for a stimulus payment. We have tons of deductions, but in 2018 our AGI was still $215k. We have 3 kids. We got a stimulus deposit for ~$200. How is that possible? From everything I read, the phase out was capped at $198k of AGI. I never expected a check, so when it showed up in our bank I did one of those calculators just in case, and it showed $0.
Any ideas?
It’s not big money and I assume we’ll have to pay it back (we haven’t done our 2019 taxes yet but it will be about the same) but I’m just confused.
Anonymous
My amount was not what the calculator said it should be either, so I have no idea the math.
Anonanonanon
Ours was based on our 2018 filing because we haven’t filed for 2019 yet (i know, i know) and 2018 was drastically different income-wise for us. Have they really said people will have to pay them back?
Anon
Yes. They pay out based on your 2019 tax return (or 2018 if you haven’t filed ’19 yet), but the actual payments are based on your 2020 return. If your income has gone up significantly in 2020 and you can’t reduce your AGI through retirement contributions or other tax deductions, you will owe the money at tax time. It feels sneaky to me, but that is what it is.
anon
Yes. They pay out based on your 2019 tax return (or 2018 if you haven’t filed ’19 yet), but the actual payments are based on your 2020 return. If your income has gone up significantly in 2020 and you can’t reduce your AGI through retirement contributions or other tax deductions, you will owe the money at tax time. It feels sneaky to me, but that is what it is.
Anon
They went out this week, so I would imagine that was too late, but honestly getting any kind of information like that from the IRS is probably impossible.
Anonymous
It’s your kids. It phases out, and the amount you received was based on the phase out + your kids.
Tired
What are some errands that are good to do while working at home? These take the same amount of time as walking to the printer or kitchen in the office, and cmon I need some benefit from WFH.
Starting / changing over laundry
Starting dinner (especially if veggies are already cut)
Tidying up bedroom
Veronica Mars
Dusting.
anne-on
Folding/putting away laundry, sorting mail/putting away deliveries/cutting up boxes for recycling, taking out the trash/recycling, walking a dog or cleaning up a cat’s litterbox, unloading or reloading the dishwasher.
I also try to prep that night’s dinner while making lunch – if I’m already cutting up veggies for lunch it only takes another minute or so to cut up veggies for dinner and then it is SO nice to just open up the fridge and toss already trimmed veggies onto a baking sheet or into a pan.
Ribena
Taking a loaf of bread out of the oven! I’ve got into the habit of doing everything up to the second prove of a loaf in the evening, shaping it and putting it in the fridge for an overnight second prove, then baking it in the morning so that it’s cool by lunchtime.
Tired
That sounds divine! Freshly baked bread waiting for you at lunch
Anonanonanon
Things I can do while I’m on the phone when someone is talking for too long:
-Dusting
-Switching a load of laundry (maybe folding)
-Wipe down kitchen counters, wipe out the sink
If I have in earbuds and am on a conference call I’m just listening to, I might run the cordless vacuum on the main floor, empty the dishwasher, etc. I find the opportunity for general straightening to be nice.
When I would WFH some days before this, I would turn on the NPR podcast that gives you the latest news in a 3-5 minute clip and use that time to catch up on the news and get some cleaning done while taking a mental break.
cat socks
Laundry – putting in washer/dryer or folding
Doing some dishes
Wiping down counters in the kitchen
General tidying – putting away random things laying around, sorting mail
Vicky Austin
Tend to the dishwasher, sweep the kitchen, spray the toilet bowl cleaner and come back at the end of your break/beginning of the next.
Anon
– Starting the robot vac or moving it to another floor (townhouse)
– scoop litter boxes
– hand vac to couch/chair (cat fur for daaaaaaays)
– Descale coffee maker
– Get the mail
Anon
Putting an assortment of stuff in the instant pot and setting the timer for lunch later. (Today is Chana Masala)
Anon
Also, feeding my sourdough starter! Day four and it’s looking good!
Amber
I have been trying to tackle one specific area of the house each day to clean and organize (under the side table one day, children’s closet another day, playroom etc). There are some days that I don’t get to it, but I have that as a goal each day. Our house is kind of a disaster with lots of clutter and old clothes and toys that need to be packed up so it has helped to tackle things a little at a time.
Chicago CPA
Anyone have a decent rec for a Chicago based CPA for a slightly complicated return? This is one thing I want to take off my plate this year.
Housecounsel
Is Hinsdale close enough? Kevin Kane (CPA) is great and does pretty complicated personal and law firm returns.
LaurenB
Kutchins, Robbins and Diamond in Schaumburg. BTW I don’t think city vs suburbs matters for any of this – I don’t live near Schaumburg but everything is done via phone / email / Fedexing of documents anyway.
Anonymous
My eyes just popped out of my head scrolling today’s thread and reading my hometown in a comment (Hinsdale) haha
Housecounsel
Lovely town!
Chicago CPA
Agreed on location — especially since I am not going anywhere in the foreseeable future. Thank you both!
Buff as a mask
I don’t have a mask but I have several Buffs. Can I just keep doubling the fabric and wear that over my nose and mouth? Just to wait in line to be let in the local grocery store and be inside of it now that we’ve got people/sq footage rules.
Pure Imagination
I have heard that those are not very effective – I think the fabric is too permeable. Do you have a bandanna or something more tightly woven instead? I have a Buff as well and it just doesn’t look up to the task.
Anonymous
I doubt that they are effective, but I think it’s a box-checking thing based on annecdata to enter some stores as a shopper you need mouth/nose covering. I expect to throw it in the wash as soon as I get out and get home and don’t imagine using it other than for store-entering when required. If you have something on, you can go in.
Cat
I am amazed how many people seem to have bandanas in their house. For us it’s just wool scarves or ski gear.
We’re using them this way as are a few Trader Joe’s workers we saw. The point isn’t to prevent yourself from getting infected, it’s to help prevent you from unknowingly infecting others. A Buff definitely gets all steamed up when folded over a few times, meaning it is keeping some breath, moisture, droplets, whatever from being spread further away from us. Better than nothing.
Anonymous
Speaking of ski gear, all I have is a fleece ear band. But it technically fits the mouth/nose covering requirements. Would this work for checking the box on “mask-type item”? If a bandana would work, this seems fair. I cannot find my bandanas but I know I own some or used to.
The alternative is a Hermes maxi-twilly and I can’t bring myself to gunk that up.
The other alternative is a large wool-silk blanket scarf. I’ve seen people using large yard knit scarves (with plenty of holes in the weave, like giant yarn knit with giant needles) and it doesn’t pass the laugh test but technically is a face covering.
Vicky Austin
LOL, my explanation is that in high school I bought my running shoes for sports from a running specialty shop that gave away a free bandanna with every purchase. I did not expect this goofy policy to prepare me for CDC advice during a pandemic, but here we are! (I have at least 7.)
PolyD
I have heard that coffee filters are good virus- filtering material. So maybe if you could fold a coffee filter into it?
Good Morning!
whoops i posted before I saw your comment! I agree with you.
Mrs. Jones
I wore a buff mask yesterday when I had to go out in public. I don’t see any difference from a bandana, although I guess it could depend on the buff’s fabric.
Good Morning!
You can try folding a coffee filter into it as well.
Anon
I’m sure it’s fine but look up t-shirt mask to wear when it gets warmer. All you need is an old t shirt and a pair of scissors.
No Longer Anon
I’ve used a summer-weight scarf doubled up.
Anon
You can fold it and loop hair elastic on the ends to put over your ears like surgical masks. Watch the CDC video on making a mask out of a t-shirt. You can fold your buff to do the same thing and it will be a lot thicker that way.
Anon
Can anyone recommend a place to buy european standard size frames (like A3 and A4) in the us? I have some prints I want to frame and I’d have though it would be easy to find matted frames for those sizes on Amazon and ebay, but I’m not finding any good options. Even Ikea has them matted to US sizes.
Anonymous
It might be easier just to get a custom mat cut. I have used Frame Destination for this in the past.
Anon
Try Framebridge. They have been super helpful and there are often coupons floating around.
Anon
Etsy?
hates exercise
I’ve started using the Nike Training Center app more and I’ve really liked it! I get bored easily by exercising and I’d done the 10 minute workouts before to stretch or as a quick thing before work. But recently I’ve started putting 3 or them together, including the HITT workout and it’s been both not at all boring and seems effective.
Anon
Getting this spam article from Trans Union which says employers should check:
A summary of active accounts and credit lines
Any debts incurred, including credit card debt, mortgage and car payments, and student loans
Payment history
So, when I apply for a job, the hiring manager knows the balance on my Ann Taylor card or what? I thought they just found out whether or not I pay my bills.
Anon
Some states make it illegal to perform credit checks except for positions requiring handling of sensitive financial data. So… yeah. Good luck with that, TransUnion.
Anon
If you monitor your credit you’d know when there was an inquiry on it and know not to take a job of a company that invasive.
Also for anyone in the know, don’t they have to get permission to do a hard pull on your credit? Also, why would a company have your SSN before you have accepted the job?
I don’t think this is something you have to worry about (obvious exception for jobs where financial stability is a part of the requirements for fraud prevention / as a fiduciary).
MagicUnicorn
Any advice on how to handle this admittedly petty annoyance?
I have several people in my office hierarchy who give me effusive, over the top, out of proportion praise for minor tasks. For instance, I respond to an email chain letting them know the working files are saved in the shared project folder. They will manually add everyone back to reply-all and say something to the effect of “THANK YOU soooooo much!!!!! You are awesome and we are very lucky to have your skillzzz on our team!!!! What a total Rock. Star. you are!!!” It honestly feels demeaning and is professionally embarrassing, like the adult version of a participation trophy ceremony in front of an audience. The kicker is that they don’t do anything of the sort for truly large, intense accomplishments, like closing ahead of deadline on a major deal full of thorny negotiations. Those are usually overlooked completely or brushed off as just part of the expected results.
I have the standing to say something, and I don’t want to be a complete jerk about it (well, I do *want* to, but I won’t). I feel somewhat responsible to let them know what they are doing is demoralizing rather than uplifting, especially since several colleagues with less capital to burn than I have, have shared the same opinion with me.
Anon
This is how it is starting out. They are trying to boost morale and let you know you are appreciated. The alternative would be much worse.
MagicUnicorn
Can you expand on this? Thankfully the pandemic does not impact job security in my industry and they have acted this way for quite a while now. It is nothing new but given my dissatisfaction with my boss perhaps I am overly sensitive to the behavior.
Pure Imagination
Honestly, I’d just brush this off as one of those bizarre office things that you can’t fix. I can’t think of a good way to push back on it that isn’t rude or weird. You could maybe try “Truly, it was nothing – no need to thank me” or something like that, but I doubt it will stop it.
Anonymous
+1 – I would ignore this. I think you are reading way too much into this.
Vicky Austin
Yeah, I share your gut feeling that this is weird, but I agree with Pure Imagination.
MagicUnicorn
Thanks, all. It sounds like I just need to let it go.
Anonymous
Oh my god what a nonsense fake problem. Get over it.
MagicUnicorn
Oh, okay, sure. Thanks for your valuable insight.
Senior Attorney
Maybe if you take this unnecessarily mean response and put it in a bag with the unnecessarily effusive praise and shake it all together, it will all come out just right.
MagicUnicorn
LOL, good call.
Senior Attorney
;)
Anonymous
Awesome suggestion SA!!
Anon
Yikes! Somebody got up on the wrong side of bed this morning!
Anon
I work with somebody who does this and it drives me crazy! We don’t need to spend the last 15 minutes of every meeting profusely thanking people for doing their jobs.
No Longer Anon
My legal assistant does this, and expects it, and it makes me want to scream. No advice, except that I pretty much ignore her OTT “You are SO smart, the smartest, wow, I am in awe, you are amazing!” (And then hugs me).
Senior Attorney
I am looking forward to much less hugging when this is over.
Thanks, It Has Pockets!
Are you working with one of my former colleagues? She did this a lot, and I never figured out how to address it, but it did really bother me. It felt like she was talking to me the way she might talk to her four year-old daughter for “helping” in the kitchen. I started to wonder if she was under the impression I was developmentally disabled or something, like that episode of The Office.
Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate knowing when my work is good, but not like that! I had a manager in a more recent job give me positive feedback in a much more balanced way and it meant the world to me. I miss that manager.
Anon
Does anyone have suggestions for a room divider/curtain/screen that will look professional on video conferencing? I’m a medical provider and am doing telemedicine visits. My tiny bedroom is the only available room with a door, and there’s no easy way to have my back to the wall. It has to be moveable (so we can use the bed). I was considering trying to order a folding screen, as long as could be delivered. Also looked into hanging a curtain, but am unsure about drilling into the ceiling. Any creative ideas?
Anon
Honestly, various Command products or tacks can hold more than you think they can, especially if you use something lightweight but opaque like a shower curtain.
MagicUnicorn
What about a tri-fold poster board? Bland, but cheap and very easy to move and store out of the way.
Anon
Honestly, command hooks in the ceiling and your prettiest sheet ironed. Hang it up right behind you. Otherwise Ikea, Wayfair, Amazon have a lot of good tri-fold room dividers that fold into a 3-4 inch or so thick panel you can lean against the wall.
Mal
Maybe a tension rod with a curtain on it?
Anonymous
How about a virtual background of an office or library setting.
Anon
I’m not op but i haven’t had luck with the virtual backgrounds. They can’t find the edges of my head consistently and my hands disappear and reappear all the time. It’s actually very distracting.
Annony
Depending on your camera angle, you might be able to just clip something to a rolling clothes rack. If you wanted to make it a “project” you could build a frame from PVC pipes and make a backdrop … just search for DIY photo backdrop … lots of ideas and tutorials!
LaurenB
Does it really matter? I’m being totally serious. I’m watching my spouse do telemedicine visits when we are sitting on our beds and I’m on my computer. The patients could not care less what his background is — the focus is on using technology so he can examine *them* remotely with the cameras on their equipment.
Anonymous
Are you seriously sitting in while your spouse is examining patients? I sincerely hope the patients have consented to this.
FFS
Yes – this is very problematic.
Nudibranch
Wow. If I found out my doctor was doing this, my next call would be to the state reporting board.
sleep
+1
Agree. Totally inappropriate.
Extending Leave
Cross-posted on moms site: I’m currently on maternity leave and I’m thinking of extending it (unpaid). As far as I know, no one in the Legal Department of our 10K employer has done so. What are questions I should be asking HR?
Anon
Unless you are certain of having a job to come back to, I would not do this.
No Longer Anon
While looking for a skort with pockets this morning I entered “workout skirt with” and the river site auto filled with “workout skirt with shorts for (gardening, yes that meaning of gardening).” I’m sorry, WHAT?
Anon
My favorite “Choose your house for quarantine” meme so far:
House 1:
Netflix
Weighted blanket
Pantry full of snacks
House 2:
Porch Swing
Fishing pond
Fire pit
House 3:
Home gym
Coffee bar
Big dog
House 4:
Huge library
Garden
Cat
House 5:
Art studio
View of the mountains
Projector for movies
House 6:
Swimming pool
Little dog
Margaritas
Choose your house! Be my quarantine buddy in 4?
Veronica Mars
House 6 all the way!
Anonymous
Agree.
givemyregards
Ooh I think I’m going with House 6, too, but House 2 would be a close second.
pugsnbourbon
I will bring homemade strawberry simple syrup to house #6 if y’all want strawberry margs
CountC
Saaaaaame.
anon
It’s a tossup between 2 and 4!
BB
Totally in on House 4 before I even read your choice at the end! :)
BB
Oh, and can we agree that in House 4, I also don’t actually have to do my 10-hour a day job remotely? :)
Anon
I don’t make the rules for house 4. I just feed the cat. :)
(not as often as he would prefer, he would remind anyone within hearing distance.)
Anonymous
House 1 for sure!
Mrs. Jones
Me too.
Anon
I want them all.
anon
Right?! All houses please.
Toss up between 3 and 5 for me, but I’m living my life like I’m in house 1. And except I don’t have a weighted blanket so I just cover myself with dense pillows.
Cat
I’ll take the Netflix from #1, the garden from #4, and the pool from #6 please.
Good Morning!
House 2! Not to *go* fishing but to be near a pond with fish in it sounds pretty dope.
Anonymous
I like 3 best. Supplemented with Netflix, fire pit, and mountain view.
The porch swing made me laugh. My neighbors are spending literally 12 hours a day just sitting in their swing. Not listening to music, reading, playing with their phones, or doing anything else. Just swinging.
Senior Attorney
That sounds amazing.
I feel like I need a swing now.
Vicky Austin
#2! Porch swing + fire pit sounds like heaven. I’d be there all day long if I can bring snacks and my medium-size dog.
Is it Friday yet?
#6 plus books, please.
Anon
I’m OP. Honestly my house was 1 for most of March and is transitioning into 4 for April.
I planted tomatoes yesterday (curbside pickup of three tomato plants and three cages from a local hardware store.) My son read up on growing potatoes and planted some sprouting eyes from our organic russets that had started to grow them.
I somehow had the foresight to save some bean pods and dry them from the green beans I planted last year that grew spectacularly well, so I planted the seeds over the weekend. We’re going to be a regular little house on the prairie over here.
Gail the Goldfish
House 4, though 6 was close, but I’m not a fan of most little dogs, depending on how we define little (unless it’s one of the long-haired dachshunds, and then it’s cute enough I’ll put up with the yapping).
Anon
I just told a friend I texted this to I’d probably choose 6 but emerge from quarantine with skin cancer, alcoholism, and frayed vocal cords from yelling at the little dog to stop yapping!
Anon
If I could switch the dog for a cat, house6. Otherwise, house 4 for sure.
Anonymous
I gotta go with #2. We’ve usually already gone fishing this year. Fishing all day (we catch and release so no messy cleaning) + fire pit at night sounds amazing right now.
Anonymous
Fav place to buy sweats? I havent purchased any in years and need a few more pairs to round out my new daily uniform…
Anon
American Giant
BB
Love my sweats I got from AG! I got both the classic sweatpants which are more “stiff” and thick, and the Weekend Pants which are like thick yoga pants (but suuuuuper comfy).
Anon
Target has some nice loungewear options that I’ve enjoyed wearing on conference calls – cardigans and such.
Ruth
Lou & Grey. Two slightly different styles-one on LOFT’s website and one on Lou & Grey. Also the Stars Above brand from Target or Uniqlo.
Cycle changes
my period this week was way early, shorter and lighter. Dr Google is telling me this could be stress? Since we’re all under an unusual amount of stress right now, I’m wondering is anyone else experiencing something similar? Only curious because I’m late 30s and TTC for going on 8 months.
Anon
Any chance it’s implantation bleeding?
Anon
This. I’d take a pregnancy test.
Anon
Stress can definitely impact your cycle, but most commonly it delays ovulation and causes a longer cycle (sometimes it may lead to earlier ovulation, though!). Shorter and lighter could also be a withdrawal bleed (for instance, if your estrogen rose and then fell again without ovulation occurring). Was it days of steady flow or more like spotting? Could also be implantation bleeding.
Anon
Yes definitely. Stress causes light periods and missed periods for me.
Anonymous
I have a theory that all the people clamoring to reopen everything have never been seriously or chronically ill. The idea of being so sick you can’t care for yourself, or sick for such a long time that it interferes with your ability to work and your quality of life, is so abstract that they can’t fully grasp how terrible it will be when they come down with Covid-19. If you’ve never had pneumonia or suffered from a months-long bout of bronchitis or worse, you have no frame of reference and it’s easy to assume that this will be like a cold or the flu and you’ll be uncomfortable for a couple of weeks and then resume your normal life. Those of us who have not been so fortunate with our health have an inkling of how devastating this illness will be, so we are naturally more cautious.
anon
This is a pretty big assumption. I was hospitalized for a big chunk of my pregnancy, my child spent 2 months in the NICU and when I was in college I almost had to withdraw for the semester from such a bad case of mono I missed 5 weeks of school. I still want to reopen things soon.
Anon
+1. Also it definitely isn’t debilitating in everyone. Iceland tested widely and 50% of people were asymptomatic. Your odds of being asymptomatic go up the younger you are, so for people in their 30s it’s pretty likely you will have either no symptoms or mild symptoms like a normal flu or even less severe than flu (I had a friend who had it and had fever for two days and no taste/smell for weeks but otherwise no symptoms). I understand the need to protect others but personally I want to just get it over with and get back to normal life, and I am not worried about myself. I have been hospitalized before and have two chronic health conditions.
anon
Yes. I’d prefer to take the 10-20% chance (that’s a high estimate) that this knocks me off my feet for a month and I can’t work rather over the 100% chance that I have no income and my mental health continues to deteriorate from extreme social isolation.
Anonymous
Interesting theory but you are speaking in absolutes. Like: “how devastating this illness will be” it may be devastating, it may not.
I want to reopen and I think I already had covid-19 (in nyc in early February). If it was the ‘rona (alas, no testing!) it was a very nasty cough and about 6-10 days of feeling very under the weather/having almost no energy. I’m in my 30’s and smoke.
Anon
I have been seriously ill and think that we need to start reopening the economy. So there goes your theory.
Anon
More substantively, it is precisely because I have been seriously ill that I want to reopen the economy. The economy is an interconnected machine, not some siloed entity wherein you can pick parts to function and other parts to shut down. Due to the ban on elective procedures, my state is furloughing nurses. Hospitals are swimming in red ink. Quest Diagnostics announced that it is ramping down operations because so many “non essential” tests are not being performed.
Fact is, the amazing medical care that has been a godsend to me and others who have been sick will NOT be available if there is a complete economic crash, which WILL happen if we do not get young, healthy people back to work. That does not look like “reopen all the things now!”, but it does look like slowly opening things up.
Anon
This is an excellent point. I didn’t even think of the fact that if we keep everything shut down we are crippling the healthcare system for non-COVID issues.
Anonymous
Yes, my PICU nurse friend had her three shifts a week cut to one. She and her family do not have extra cash so this is a huge problem for them.
Anon
I think this is probably true. I also have met people whose trigger for a serious autoimmune condition was a viral infection, so I worry about the possibility that the susceptible may face chronic illness as a long term complication. Disabling chronic illnesses are largely out of sight, out of mind if they’re not affecting someone close to you.
Anon
(Emphasis on disabling. It’s not great for the economy or one’s personal finances when you get sick and never get better again!)
Anon
Nope. Not true. I have had serious and long respiratory illness before. I am also ready for all this to be done and tired of the performative quarantining that’s going on here and elsewhere in the local news and my social media feeds.
Anon
And I have a theory that everyone saying to wait has never lived paycheck to paycheck or been in a financially precarious situation. It cuts both ways.
OP
No, I grew up poor, put myself through college, and lived paycheck to paycheck as a young adult. I think we need to come up with solutions that will allow us to open the economy safely, but nobody wants to do that. The rhetoric is all “there’s nothing we can do, so just open the floodgates!”
Anonymous
What nonsense are you listening to? NY, NH, DE, MA, RI, PA, WA, OR, and CA have all been very clear that it isn’t time yet and it will be gradual.
Anon
+1
Anonymous
+1
Anon
Ding ding ding
Casper
I’m asthmatic, get bronchitis every time I catch a cold, have had pneumonia, and was hospitalized for 3 weeks in my early 20’s. I want everything to reopen; the sooner the better. Your theory doesn’t work
anon
You are wrong. My mother is chronically ill and lives with a number of conditions that result in chronic pain. Not only is she not deeply paranoid about Covid 19 even though she understands what’s like to live with a debilitating illness, shut down has made it such that her access to things she needs to take care of herself, including certain therapies, is eliminated where she lives. She’s suffering greatly, both mentally and physically. She’s desperate for things to get back to normal and has said multiple times she’s rather get Covid 19 than live like she is currently living.
“…it’s easy to assume that this will be like a cold or the flu and you’ll be uncomfortable for a couple of weeks and then resume your normal life.”
Well…. people are also assuming this because we know that many people are asymptomatic and many cases are mild. All cases? No. But many. People who see themselves as low risk make this risk calculation with those factors in mind.
Anonymous
Completely false.
Buzibu
I’d like to send some good food to friends who are front line physicians in New York City and in Montreal. Any suggestions from local ‘Rettes on good localish businesses to support? Thank you!