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Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Menswear Plaid Ruched Sleeve Blazer

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Nordstrom has many plaid blazers right now, as pretty much everyone has decided that plaid is in for fall. There are two I really like (both are in the under-$150 range), and of those, we're featuring this one from 1.State because it has a very modern, double-breasted look, as well as a little stripe of mustard yellow running through it, which is also on trend for fall. It's getting good reviews so far, it's $139, and it's available in XXS–XXL and in plus sizes, which is great. The other plaid blazer I really like is from Chelsea 28 for $109, and it has a more traditional, single-breasted look (although the darts on it may be a little odd). It doesn't have any reviews yet — or a yellow stripe. Pictured: Menswear Plaid Ruched Sleeve Blazer This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 1/1/25 (HAPPY NEW YEAR!):

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

264 Comments

  1. I started Couch to 5k and I must be more out of shape than I thought because this is HARD! Much harder than my usual spin class, which is by no means easy.
    Can anyone who’s tried a program like this give me any tips? I’m running on a treadmill and using an app that tells me when to change my pace.

    1. I’m doing the Zombies! Run Couch to 5k training. I started on the treadmill, but I started running outside because it’s harder physically to run outside, but more fun and engaging and thus easier. I find the treadmill messes up my stride.

      Things that have helped me (I’m also fighting non-negligible shin splints): not going as fast as I want to; taking very small strides; stretching a LOT.

      But in general, yeah, running is hard.

      1. When I had shin splints, some research led me to barefoot running. I tried it, and it did not hurt! But I wanted to run outside and wanted to wear shoes. I figured out that it was the way I ran without shoes that helped, it wasn’t being barefoot. I had been running with bad form. So I mimicked the barefoot running style but wore shoes. (You may already run correctly – on the balls of your feet. In that case, ignore me!)

        OP – you may also want to try this. I felt like running was easier when I was doing it correctly! Also, I love a good audio book while running. It is easier for me to get lost in that than music and not think about how much farther I have to run.

    2. I really enjoyed the Zombies Run c25k because it added a fun and story element and wasn’t just running (i.e. you stopped to do stretches, high steps, etc). Not sure how it would work on a treadmill but I really had a lot of fun with it and, dare I say, looked forward to it.

    4. Run slower than you think you need to. Seriously, running is hard, even if you’ve been doing other types of exercise. It’s not just your endurance that needs work; it’s the pounding on your joints and everything else.

      I hate warming up, but it does make a difference in how easy/hard a run feels. Walking doesn’t do much for me in terms of warming up; it needs to be high steps, jogging in place — something more active.

      Also, don’t expect running to feel “good” for quite a while.

    5. Do the running intervals very slowly. If you suddenly find the workouts much more difficult (for me, this always happens the week the running intervals hit 5 minutes), repeat that week of the program before moving on to the next.

    6. Not sure if this is the kind of tip you’re looking for, but I found it really helpful to pace myself by imagining x number of strides per breath, like inhale over three steps, exhale over three, etc.

      1. When I ran I did the same thing! It helped me think about something besides “ohmygodthisisterrible.”

    7. Keep on keeping on is my advice. Running is the hardest thing I’ve ever done physically. No comparison to cycle or barre classes that felt tough.

      Going with people is what helped me. I also ran very very slowly at first to build aerobic fitness but it took months to be able to go out with a group and run 4 miles at a 10 minute pace.

      Now that I am doing it regularly, I believe jogging (slogging in my case) is the single most efficient exercise. It just does not take that long and requires so little equipment.

    8. I’ll echo what others have said about running slower than you think you should. You should be able to carry on a conversation while running at your general training run pace (in theory, but some of us still hate talking and running). On the treadmill, this is around 5.2 – 5.5 pace for me but everyone’s is different.

      Seconding the warm up – do 5 minutes of warm up, I usually walk at some sort of incline.

    9. Run slower than you need to, and don’t be afraid to repeat weeks along the way. I think I did week 5 three times before I moved on.

      If you have any way to run outside rather than on a treadmill, I recommend it.

      1. I started week 5 and already have to repeat the first workout. Glad i’m not the only one who finds this week really challenging.

    10. Running is really hard. You’re not out of shape necessarily, you’re just using your body in a way that it’s not used to. I’ve been running consistently for about ten years and it’s still hard. I think one of the toughest parts about starting to run is that it really doesn’t to get enjoyable until you’ve done 2-3 miles. That’s when the endorphins start to kick in and you start to feel good. The problem for a beginner runner is that you need to build up to 2-3 miles, so when you stop earlier than that you get all of the struggle and none of the great part. Keep at it though! The reward will be there, though it takes time.
      If you’re able to run outside and not on a treadmill, that may help. I get so bored on the treadmill. A run is more pleasant when there’s scenery, so if running outside is feasible at all, give that a try.

      1. This is great advice! It wasn’t until last year doing C25k and training for a sprint tri that I learned the first couple of miles can feel hard for everyone, even people who run regularly. It made such a huge difference for me mentally! It was a lightbulb moment that changed my whole experience as a beginning runner. Just being able to tell myself, “this part is supposed to suck,” helped me keep going and not feel discouraged about my fitness or capability.

        1. Oh yes! I race ultra distances and the first four miles ALWAYS suck for me. I am not warmed up and my breathing hasn’t settled. I hate those miles!!

    11. Just stick with it. Know that it has taken everyone weeks or more likely, months, to have a breakthrough. It is hard and you will question why you are doing it, then one day you will go out for a run and get the runners high that keeps you lacing up for more. Also as the saying goes, it never gets easier, you just get faster.

    12. C25k didn’t work for me. I stuck with it for almost a year before I finally gave up. Now, years later, I run 5k every morning and 10k+ once a week.

      I started including sprints and light running in my regular workout. I got the idea from a HIIT class I took for a while – sometimes we would do sprints as a cardio interval, sometimes a jog around the block to warm up. After about a year of that, I decided to try running again. It was MUCH easier. For me, getting used to the breathing was the hardest part (I have asthma). Once I got my body used to running and breathing at the same time for short intervals, it was easier to scale that up to longer, slower runs. I’m still not a great runner and I’ll never be super fast. But it’s really freeing to be able to walk out my door and start exercising instead of having to drag myself to the gym.

  2. This morning I am doing independent contract work as an expert consultant. Has anyone done this before and have any tips? It’s for a field I don’t work in anymore but am happy to share knowledge, I’ve just never consulted or used a consultant before and the company who hired me isn’t much help.

    1. I’ve been doing solo freelance consulting work for the last 10 years. First thoughts off the top of my head:
      1. Don’t undervalue yourself. My going hourly rate is about 3 times what I would be making per hour if I was working in the (generally government or non-profit) field. But this is somewhat job-dependent….I may reduce my rate if it is a big project with a lot of hours; for some clients (e.g., private equity firms or other big buck private business) my 3x rate could double or more. Main point – don’t give your knowledge away.
      2. Make sure you have a contract and bill your clients promptly, following up immediately if payments are not forthcoming. You aren’t a non-profit. This is a business. If you don’t get paid, they don’t get the work.
      3. Don’t forget to hold money aside for taxes. As a consultant, you are responsible for estimating and paying taxes (at higher rates) as well as any insurance you may need – so if you’re doing this as a full time gig, you’ll likely need various business insurance coverages (see #1…now that 3x your regular rate doesn’t seem all that rich….). Insurance is not cheap.

      Finally, if you plan to make this your “real” job, find a community of other consultants. It can be invaluable as you learn how to make a living in the gig economy. Frankly, after 10 years I’m tired of it and am looking for a “real’ job. YMMV.

      1. Thank you! The ‘consulting experts’ company just found me on LinkedIn so I’m just using their platform and suggested rate. I asked for the top of the suggested rate which is about 3x my salary per hour. I don’t really even expect to do this very often, but it seems like a nice way to have some extra spending money.

        I am happy to answer questions that they ask me but I don’t have anything like a pitch to start things off, I do know that the customer is an big firm possibly looking to get into this industry and I’ve been hired by the consulting agency to talk about my former industry but that’s all the background I have. They are paying me a lot for an hour and I want to be professional, I just don’t know what to expect.

        1. I’ve also done some of this work for a few of these companies – these are the ones that I really up my prices on. They can kind of be a PITA and have never led to any “real” work out side of the hour (or fraction thereof) you are engaged with them.

        2. But to your concerns – don’t worry too much about it. The companies seeking your expertise usually do not know much AT ALL about the subject you are an expert in. I’ve always had the impression that they are really young and very bright MBA types who have to research a given company/industry for investment purposes. They know what they can glean off an online search, have a lot of questions and are using your knowledge as confirmatory information.

        3. I have done that sort of “we just want to talk to you for an hour about the industry” work. I agree with Brokentoe’s advice that you should charge a lot for those.

          The other thing to be careful of around that sort of conversation is that they are not always upfront about what they’re actually about. They may be looking for competitive insight on your current or former company, your competitors, etc. When I do these calls, I use the same mindset as when I’m talking to a reporter – would my answers embarrass me or cause problems for me if they were published, with attribution, in tomorrow’s New York Times?

          1. Be careful, I had to terminate one of those engagements when it became clear they wanted confidential information about companies I work with.

        4. Thank you, it went well. I didn’t give any company specific information because I have been away from that industry for awhile, and any info I have isn’t current anymore. I did get the impression that they were very junior and knew nothing about the space. That wasn’t what I expected. I also wish I had written myself notes on what i was saying, they caught me in a “Top five things customers consider” and I said “1. technology, 2. price, 3. reviews 4. price” kind of feeling dumb about that one!

  3. I have a boyish figure, and the long somewhat shapeless blazers that seem to be all the range this fall are unflattering on me. Give me a peplum, shortish blazer any date!

    1. I bought a petite blazer for the first time over the weekend. The super long/oversized trend is not flattering on me. But I love the colors right now.

    2. Funny, I thought the long oversized blazers would be most flattering on someone with a very straight figure. They definitely don’t look good on my pear shape. Who are these for exactly? haha

        1. Agree that they’re not flatting on anyone. They look hideous on most of the models, too. How they are on trend baffles me.

      2. They are flattering on C.J. Cregg. Not flattering on those of us with straight figures who are not 5’13” tall.

    3. I feel you! My figure is very different (average height, aggressively curvy) but I also look rotten in shapeless blazers. Structure at all costs!

  4. So I bit the bullet and purchased the Eileen Fischer pants and was pretty disappointed. I suppose if they hold up super well with washing may be worth it. But my impression was that they are a lot more casual in person than I was expecting – leggings more than pants (crepe ankle pants). And I’m 5’4″ and did not get the petite and the waist was super high and pouchy. If they are really as wonderful as you all say, maybe I’d consider ordering the petite size. I just find that petite ankle pants are usually more like capris on me, and “regular” ankle pants are almost exactly the right length at my height.

      1. I am returning them. Just commenting that I was disappointed, having heard so many rave reviews of them here. If anyone has comments on the petite vs regular fit I’d like to hear that, but overall just not terribly impressed.

    2. yeah, I was not impressed either. I ordered white and possibly would be more impressed with a darker color. They seem scratchy, too.

      1. Agree. I found them scratchy, and they felt cheap– like they would snag easily. They also seemed too informal for an office. They looked nice I guess, but I felt like I could get nicer pants for cheaper that were more work appropriate.

        1. Agree.Overhyped here by a few people who like them no doubt because they are roomy.

          1. Ahh, so anybody who doesn’t have the same taste in pants as you must be fat? You’re a peach.

          2. OMG. Have you ever considered that making sneak snarky comments like this says something profoundly negative about you as a person? Because it does.

  5. The slouchy plaid trend is giving me so many 90’s flashbacks. In Target the other day, a bright yellow matched plaid schoolgirl skirt and vest on a mannequin made me do a double take. Cher Horowitz is designing for Target now?

  6. Just wanted to send out a “thank you” to whoever recommended TonyMoly Banana Sleeping Pack here previously. I’m using it a couple of times a week and it’s made a big difference in how my skin looks and feels. I am 41 and don’t have a lot of wrinkles yet, but I do have some uneven tone/texture issues going on, as well as some broken capillaries on my cheeks. The Sleeping Pack evened things out and I’m able to use less makeup. So thanks for the reco!

  7. I went to MM LaFleur this weekend and tried on a bunch of things, and wanted to report back. I’m a size 16/18 and was +1 in most things, and size 16 in the A-line dresses. Everything looked well-made and the details were nice. I loved the dresses I tried on, but overall my impression was that it’s overpriced. I would have bought three dresses if they were $150 each, but at $250-$280, it was too much. I guess shopping Ann Taylor sales has spoiled me on how much work clothes should cost.

    1. The machine-washable ones are about $175ish IIRC and I only buy those. The machine-washing factor is what makes these worthwhile for me. Haven’t bought anything more pricey / dryclean mandatory from there.

      My black Etsuko is worth its weight in gold (to me). Debating on getting it in another dark color this fall (wish they had an eggplant-y color or charcoal).

    2. I basically agree with your assessment. I went with to the DC showroom, and basically got pressured into buying a dress. I liked it a lot, but the +1 was a little big on me. I’ve since lost about 15 lbs, so now it is way too big. I feel bad that I spent $200+ on a dress I wore a handful of times, and it reminded me how much I hate sales associates.

    3. Did you try on any of the jardigans? I’ve been considering requesting a consultation for my birthday, with the idea of buying a top that will look more put together than my current cardigans. They have the jardigans on Ebay from time to time, but I’m almost the same size as you and am just not sure about the fit/sizing…

      1. I have swimming shoulders and found the jardigan sleeves way too narrow. My MMLF stylist did not have any alternatives to suggest, so I bought a couple of J. McL swackets.

  8. Hi Ladies, I had to stay home yesterday morning and got to watch GMA and they had a ‘sugar challenge’ that I want to try. The challenge is to cut back, not completely eliminate sugar, and to watch out for added sugar in places like yogurt, dressings, etc. Does anyone have any suggestions for good off-the-shelf things to eat that don’t have a ton of sugar? I was shocked to see how much sugar is in my regular yogurt. TIA!!

    1. That’s why I make my own yogurt! If you don’t want to do that, Siggi’s is awesome and has very little sugar. Other than that, I don’t think you’re going to find much in the way of processed food that doesn’t have a ton of sugar. It’s better to make things at home, and you can make pretty simple dressings yourself.

    3. I eat plain yogurt with fruit, sometimes with a drizzle of honey. Once I mix the fruit in I don’t miss having a flavored yogurt.

      Honestly though, I think you’re going to have to plan on prepping some basics for yourself. I don’t specifically screen for low sugar (or anything really), but I do make it a habit of reading labels, and sugar/corn syrup show up in a LOT of pre-packaged goods.

      This isn’t quite off the shelf, but this could be a great opportunity to learn how to make your own salad dressings! They’re super easy to make, and that way you can control all of the inputs. I usually make a batch every week or two, and have no problems keeping it in the fridge. There should be lots of good recipes with minimal/no added sugars if you look for Whole30 compliant ones. My go-tos that would fit your parameters are balsamic vinegar + forkful of grainy Dijon + splash of soy sauce + EVOO; or white wine vinegar + forkful of grainy Dijon + squeeze in half a lemon or lime + EVOO.

      Another place to watch out for is jarred tomato sauce. That’s another one that’s really easy to make yourself with minimal effort–you can prep a huge batch and freeze the extra.

      1. +1 to yogurt and salad dressing.

        Plain yogurt with cut fruit is plenty sweet enough for me. Also, a large tub of plain yogurt is considerably cheaper than the flavored, sugar-filled single servings. Win-win.

        I haven’t bought salad dressing in ages. Generally I do 50/50 oil and acid (some combination of a vinegar and lime or lemon juice) and add salt and whatever other spices sound good to me for the flavor I’m going for. It doesn’t need to be refrigerated and keeps forever and tastes way better to me than store bought. But I’m also a junky for acidic flavors, and store bought usually goes heavier on the oil and lighter on the acid than I prefer.

    4. Oatmeal. Not from a packet, but like a bag of plain oats that you cook yourself. I add toppings like fruit and peanut butter.

          1. There are peanut butters available in which the only ingredient is peanuts, though, or peanuts + salt, so it’s easy to make an adjustment there :)

        5. Laura Scudders peanut butter has two ingredients – peanuts and salt. There are 2 grams of sugar per serving, but as peanuts themselves have naturally occurring sugar. Of course, without the added oils, fillers and stabilizers, you have to stir the peanut butter prior to first use. I keep mine in the fridge and it generally stays incorporated.

          My whole foods has a peanut butter machine in the bulk foods section that will churn peanut butter on the spot.

    5. Eat food that is the least processed as possible. Don’t be afraid of fat.

      Sample menu
      Breakfast: plain full fat yogurt mixed with diced banana and chopped walnuts. Or plain oatmeal topped with this stuff.
      Lunch: lettuce topped with chicken breast and your own olive oil-based dressing. Serving of quinoa or wheatberries on the side (I prefer this to on the salad.) Maybe an apple if you’re extra hungry.
      Dinner: grilled fish (or other meat), a whole grain (rice, quinoa, potato, fresh corn), roasted veggies

    6. The Chobani “hint of” flavors have very little added sugar. Note that the nutrition facts include the sugar that naturally occurs in milk.

      1. Yogurt should actually have significantly less sugar than milk. The bacteria that turns the milk into yogurt eats most of the sugar. How much is left depends on how long the yogurt is cultured before being refrigerated, but it should in any case be less.

        1. I will often compare a sweetened yogurt to the plain of the same brand to see the difference. It’s not perfect because fruit naturally has sugar, but it is helpful. I haven’t eaten sweetened yogurt in ages, but other members of my family do. I’m doing my best to convert them.

        2. Yes, there is less sugar in yogurt than in milk, but even plain yogurt still has some naturally occurring sugar. I am trying to point out to OP that to determine how much sugar is added to yogurt, she should be comparing to the sugar content of plain yogurt, not zero.

          1. Again, depends on how long you culture it. I buy yogurt cultured for 24 hours and it has no sugar in it at all according to the label.

    7. I avoid sugar. I eat something with sugar in it about once a week; otherwise I do not have it at all. It’s tough! At the beginning it was impossible for me to go a day without wanting it, now I don’t really notice.

      There are very very very few off-the-shelf things to buy that don’t have sugar. Sugar is in almost everything that is pre-made, whether its in the form of honey, molasses, rice syrup, dates (which I’ve seen in “sugar-free” bars), etc.

      My snacks are string cheese or other cheese, sometimes with an apple for crunch. Unsweetened applesauce + plain full fat greek yogurt is delicious. I eat A LOT of vegetables, protein, dairy.

      It’s not at all easy but if you stick with it your sweet tooth will diminish. A piece of candy is way too much for me now and I hate the aftertaste and having that sweet feeling in my mouth and this is from someone who used to bake every weekend and eat cookies like every day.

      1. and just to expand on this a little bit, I avoid it because it causes an inflammation reaction for me that exacerbates another condition I have. So for me it’s an either/or proposition. “very little” added sugar is still added sugar and I still avoid it.

    8. Also, resist the urge to replace the real sugar with sweetener products. I think they raise your tolerance for sweetness. Getting used to things not being sweet really did help reduce my sweet tooth and you can more easily detect the hidden sugars in foods. Even something as simple as drinking unsweetened coffee and unsweetened sparkling water instead of diet sodas helped.

      1. +100%

        I never do aspartame or other artifical sweeteners and it has definitely lowered my tolerance for sweetness which means I don’t need as much actual sugar to satisfy any sweet tooth cravings.

    9. Are you trying to avoid all types sugars or just added sugars? The latter is much easier than the former. Lots of things have naturally occurring sugars that you can’t really avoid – to me its better to go for the least processed version of an item than the form that replaces naturally occurring sugars with xylitol. The easiest way to do this is to eat “whole” – at my healthiest, my diet consisted of 90% meat, nuts, whole grains, fruits, vegetables, and flavorful tea without sugar (for me it was easier to go the tart route on tea instead of stomach black or green tea plain).

    10. I cycle on and off of keto. It’s truly shocking how much sugar is in our diets. Be wary of all sauces and a lot of seasonings. Like for BBQ’ed meats, I knew to avoid BBQ sauce but I was shocked to learn that a lot of dry rubs include brown sugar.

      Ask about sugar in anything you order at a restaurant. Some add sugar to healthy sounding things like steamed veggies or fresh fruit.

      For off the shelf stuff, you just have to read labels. A lot of bacon has added sugar. Some cheeses do. Hummus, guac… it’s just hard. My typical grab n go snack is a mini babybell cheese.

    11. RX Bars. They have some naturally occurring sugars but no added sugar. Kind Bars have added some sugar (depending on the flavor) but they are low sugar. Other low/no sugar grab & go foods/snacks: nuts and fruit; hard boiled eggs; wasa crackers with either hummus or guac (and you can buy the single serve packs); Nutzo nut butter (it’s delicious! and they have single serve pouches that are great for when you are on the run).

  9. Where do the curvy ladies buy their pants?

    The BR Logans are the only thing that work for me, work-pants-wise. I can wear the AT Julie pants (but only have non-trouser cuts — the skinny leg openings magnify my generous thighs/behind, especially its proportions vis-a-vis my skinny lower legs; while they actually fit great, it’s not the look I want).

    Levis curvy cut jeans are fantastic (and inexpensive; size way up though; I am a 6 in my BR Logans and a 10 in Levis).

    BUT WHERE ELSE? I cannot live in black wool BR Logan pants alone.

      1. This would be super helpful, but unfortunately it’s completely inaccurate for my size range. 26 waist 36 hip says I’m Gap size 8 on bottom when I frequently have to go with 0 or 2. I wish the vanity sizing would stop.

        1. Are these British sizes? I have a 23 inch waist and 34 inch hips and it says I’m a size 4 at Banana Republic. I’m seeing a lot of British brands and I know that their sizing runs differently.

        2. ooh interesting, I wonder if it’s the fact that brands don’t follow their own size charts? I find it more useful for determining/comparing hip-waist ratio than for which size recommendations. I think there was another version floating around online that was more useful…

    3. You can’t? ;) I wear the same style of pants almost every day that I wear pants. I should probably branch out a little . . .

      1. Nah, I’m sort of the same. If I wear pants to work (…there’s a sentence I didn’t imagine writing today…), they are either the Loft Riviera Julies (ankle length) in navy or black, or the Loft Julie Modern Custom Stretch trouser (in the 31inch inseam so my lazy self doesn’t have to get them hemmed), in navy or black, or the JCrew Factory drapey pull on pants in–you guessed it–navy, black, or olive. I may intersperse more fashiony, “fun” pants into that rotation (ON Pixie Longs; wearing in red today, own in banana leaf print for maximum Golden Girls effect), but it’s rare.

        I mostly wear dresses.

    4. I have your shape and have pants from Brooks Brothers, Tahari, Trina Turk and Vince Camuto.

      1. I think I have too much junk for Brooks Brothers. When I tried them on, I looked like what would happen if Brooks Brothers outfitted the “Back That Thing Up” video from 1999ish. Probably not the look they were going for :)

    5. I just buy all the Logans. They’ve got more than the black wool ones. I just got a raspberry herringbone pair (not lined, fabric has a little stretch) in the mail and they are not going back (the other two are though).

    6. Thanks for asking, because I’m taking notes. I haven’t checked size charts in a while, but it seems odd to me that people describe themselves as having problems finding pants because of a 10-inch difference between their waist and hip measurements, when many stores, like j. crew, state that the difference between the waist and hip measurements is 10 inches.

      2. It really depends on how quickly you get that 10″ difference, though, which depends on the distance between your natural waist and largest measurement of your hips.

        The mere existence of a 10″ (or 11 or 12 or whatever) difference isn’t enough to put you in the curvy category. What the size charts don’t tell you is how quickly that difference is graded into the cut of the pants.

        Pants are tricky topology.

        1. This! I have a situation where my hips are two sizes larger than my waist, and trouser shopping is basically a mess. I’m moving overseas next year, so my plan is just to get a bunch of things made.

      3. Maybe, but after years of paying to take in the waist of pants and dealing with things being often too snug in the seat, I’ve decided that things work best for me if they fit off the rack vs after basically remaking the garment.

        And camel toe in jeans in the worst. With curvy cuts, that issue has gone away.

  10. When I was young, more than 20 years ago I had some health issues that took several years to clear up. They made me very afraid that I would not be able to work and support myself, would I be able to take good care of my children and so on. I live a good life now I have been working many years and have a family. The issues have been under control for many years.
    Yet sometimes I get so scared. Today I had to contact our insurance company and I panic. I get afraid what if I forget something and they will say I was hiding it. I feel so much anxiety and my mind is spinning with worst case scenarios. It is as if I approach this in a complete different manner from all other problems. Help? Ideas?

      1. Thanks, that’s so helpful. I have the same problem as OP, after fighting with an insurance company to get a serious injury covered by disability I get panicky when I open any mail from a carrier.

        1. Thanks for knowing how I feel!

          You know I get nauseous when I see commercials from a curtain insurance company.
          It is like I can not think straight in these matters. I got in a tiny tiny accident and I have spent more time worrying about filling out a form than worrying about that something worse could have happened.

      3. I have seen a therapist and have had treatment for PTSD related to medical trauma. It’s very real and bizarre things can act as triggers – especially things that you associate with that period of your life. If it’s something like mine that is chronic or can recur, it’s especially hard I think, because you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

        In addition to therapy and medication (and medical marijuana from when it was really really bad), I’ve found connecting with groups on-line and in person who had the same medical condition as me. And being involved in advocacy for fundraising for medical research (though, ironically, I find actually reading about the research unhelpful because it just sets me down the “this is forever, omg” pathway). Having people in your life who don’t just know but truly understand is really helpful for me. Even if it’s something that’s in the past, I still think that, if it’s something that continues to give you issues, that it would probably be helpful to have friends who you could message or text with just a “omg I have to do [xyz]” who will understand how stressful that is.

        1. Thank you so much for the very long reply and all the details. I Really am gratefull

    2. You need to just remember that you are OK and will be OK. Dad told me this when I could not get a job except for serveing subpeenies even tho I was a JD and passed the bar! Firms did not want me b/c they thought I would be a distraction, both to the partners (who were hornbags) as well as to the associates, who would not focus on their work with me on staff. Also, the female associates would be jelous, Dad says, so that is why I could not work for big law firms. So I got paranoid, and wondered how I would be abel to support myself in NYC, and get out of the rat-trap of an apartement I lived in with bugs! FOOEY! Dad was ready to get me a place of my own, but I insisted on my indepenence. Fortunately, I met the manageing partner and he hired me on the spot after I bumped into him in the elevator. That was just dumb luck, and I have not looked back since! You can too. Remember you have the POWER of the HIVE behind you also! YAY!!!!!

  11. Clothing from ex boyfriends – do you offer it back, or donate it?

    I’ve been doing some serious decluttering and tossing old stuff, and in the process I realized I still have a hoodie from an old college boyfriend (no I didn’t steal it, he gave it to me). He’s married, I live with my boyfriend now, I haven’t worn the hoodie in many years, I kept it first because of the sentimental value, then I kept it out of guilt, then I forgot about it since it’s been buried in a space bag for years. Now I’m wondering, should I offer it back to him, or can I just donate it? We’re still connected on social media, but I can’t help but wonder if offering it might dig up old feelings, and it’s possible he’s either forgotten about it, or decided it was long gone years ago, either way he never asked for it back.

    I realize this question is gonna sound completely ridiculous to some people and I’m bracing myself for incredulous “OH MY GOD why are you asking this?” type responses, but I just want to make sure I do the right thing.

    1. Just donate it. Asking if he wants it back after all these years seems unnecessary.

    2. Donate.

      I totally get where you’re coming from, but for him it might seem like you’ve made up a flimsy excuse to get back in touch.

      1. That’s probably what’s actually going on here – OP knows it’s a silly question, she said as much. OP, I’d take a look at what’s making you want to do this.

      2. No, she says she has another boyfreind who she is liveing with. She does not want to go back to Boyrfeind #1, and just wants to get rid of his stuff b/f boyfreind #2 sees it and figures she was goieng at it hot and heavy with boyfreind #1 in order to get that stuff!!!!

        I did not have this problem with my ex, as I would NEVER be caught dead with his smelley stuff. I gave him time to get his stuff out of my apartement, and threw out whatever I found afterward. Goodwill would NEVER take his greazey stuff, and I would be to embrassed to carry it anywhere. He also pooped his pants alot, so they were kind of gross, even tho the cleaneing lady laundered them. FOOEY!

    3. If it has been years, you can safely donate it. You’ve both moved on, let it go in good conscience.

    4. Good grief. Donate. Don’t imagine our responses, imagine what a wife would think/say when he tells her his college girlfriend contacted him having kept his hoodie all these years and wanting to give it back.

    5. It would be weird and intrusive to reach out to him for this. Maybe you could reach out if you had something highly valuable or irreplaceable. I’m thinking like, first edition comics or a family heirloom or you see a post on fb that his parent just died and you have old pics of the two of them that you know he doesn’t have. But for an old sweatshirt? No definitely not.

      1. That’s what I was thinking, and after the initial post I realized that there’s a difference between a commemorative sweatshirt from a school play or sports team he was on (maybe), a limited edition hoodie of his favorite video game he bought at a convention, and just a “fashionable” sweatshirt – in this case, it’s the latter, and he probably has what he needs in terms of warm weather clothing.

        1. No girl what no. Zero sweatshirts get returned years later. Zero. You’ve lost your dang mind.

        3. … dude no.

          I get the sense that you’re honestly trying to consider how you would feel in his shoes. Golden rule and all that. Do you have a stockpile of your own memorabilia? Because it seems like you would benefit from letting go.

    6. You’re completely ridiculous. Obviously no. What??? I can’t. Sure, if it’s a week later you return it. Years??? How do you function if you can’t make this decision on your own?

      1. You’re completely rude. How do you function if you can’t be polite to someone asking a question?

    7. Donate! It’s been years, and you’ve both moved on. And it’s a hoodie. He’s probably forgotten about it.

      If you had a closet full of dress shirts from a BF you broke up with last week, you’d give it back.

    8. For non-irreplaceable/heirloom stuff, my rule is basically that I return if it has been 9 mts or less since the breakup and donate it if it has been over 9 mts. I figure btw mts 6 and 9, I’m generally willing to see the guy to return the items and it opens an opportunity to stay in touch/be friends. After 9 mts, if we have had no contact, it’s not worth it.

        1. If I knew about it, I would. But if I forgot about it during the initial purge, I might wait. For example, if we broke up in summer, I might not find the sweatshirt until 3-4 mts later. If I wasn’t over him, I probably wouldn’t reach out right then cause I wouldn’t want to see him

    9. Are you looking to reconnect even though he is married? Wondering if he is happy? Looking for closure? Otherwise you can’t actually be serious .

  12. I asked here a few months ago about whether it was worth it to get a executive MBA. (I already have a masters and PhD in social sciences and work in comms; I am thinking about an MBA to become a more trusted strategic advisor to business leaders.) General consensus was no, not worth it.

    But what if it’s from a top school? Think top five in the FT rankings, and I could get partial funding and likely an earnings boost that would offset the expense. Would this open up more opportunities, or would it be just too much education? I ask because I am being marketed to by a few of the top schools for an exec MBA and I think I could get in, but I cannot figure out if it’s worth it.

    1. Is there a reason you feel you need this to be more trusted?

      I’m a business leader, I suppose, and the MBA gets a foot in the door but doesn’t make you a lot more trusted to me once we develop a relationship.

      1. I need that foot in the door. The business units in my org really look down on comms and feel we don’t add value. I think a good communications function can make or break strategy execution and I want the MBA to lend some weight to my voice when I say that.

        Could always find a job in a company that values communication, I suppose…

        1. >>find a job in a company that values communication

          that sounds like a plan. Go where you’re valued, don’t chase approval for something you’re good at.

        2. Also in communications, and you probably need a new job. A company that doesn’t value the field in general is not going to change just because you have another degree.

    2. Heavens, no. Make your PhD work for you and build your practical experience as a consultant or in staff positions. I am a communication strategist with a PhD in a humanities field. The PhD is perhaps not the expected credential in some circles, but it is a high-credibility degree with the right experience.

      I’m assuming your PhD is from a solid program–top 20, say. If this is correct, you do not need more school.

        1. +100000000 You sound like a professional student. Enough with the schooling already. Go make it happen IRL

        2. How helpful.
          Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t. that’s why I’m asking the question.

    3. Also keep in mind that they market MBAs to make a profit. It’s a big money maker for universities, but the payoff isn’t always there for students. You could succeed in earning the degree … but it’s just going too look like too much education. IMO, MBAs are a dime a dozen, so you won’t be getting knowledge that’s specialized enough to benefit you (or employers won’t see it as setting you apart).

    4. Think of it this way, how much would you earn over the next 10 years with the degree and without it. Then just do the math.
      To consider:
      – increased upwards trajectory of your potential roles at your current company (would this change where you might top out?)
      – additional opportunities based on network

  13. After realizing earlier this summer that I was in the worst shape of my life, I’m slowly taking some steps to remedy this. I’ve been going to a twice-weekly spin class and am running 2, sometimes 3, additional days per week.

    I know I need to get some strength training in, too. Any recommendations for a supplementary program, preferably something I can access online? I’m looking for a 30-minute-ish workout.

    1. Yes! Fitness Blender, all online and all free. There are over 500 videos to choose from and you can filter by strength training. I’ve done them religiously for the last year and am in the best shape of my life.

    2. Bodybuilding dot com and muscleandfitness dot com have great searchable workouts. You should search for full body strength for women and lots of options will pop up (ex. 4 week beginners strength training for women).

      I also recommend Nike Training Club (the app). You can start a training program customized based on your fitness level, goals, available equipment, and number of days you work out.

    3. Fitness blender! They have tons of videos. You can just filter the full list by strength training and video length and do any of them. They’re all pretty high quality.

    4. It was very helpful for me to line up a personal trainer for two 45 minute sessions a week for a few months while I built strength and learned what to do. Now, I feel comfortable doing it on my own.

    5. May be more than you’re looking for but I’ve started doing Bootyful Beginnings from Strong Curves. Ridiculous name, but it has a lot of upper body and lower body in each workout with some core stuff thrown in, so I don’t have to worry about keeping track of what body part I’m doing that day. The workouts take me about 30-45 minutes. You can buy the book (Strong Curves) or just google it, he’s put the PDFs of the workout plans on his website for free.

    6. I found Les Mills videos on demand recently. I used to take studio classes of Body Pump, moved to different country where these are not really on offer or in inconvenient-for-me times. I now have a yearly subscription and workout nearly everyday. You can choose your focus (cardio or strength) and how much time you want to spend (20-50 mins) and then just follow the videos. I enjoy Grit (both, cardio and strength), Body Pump and Body Combat.

  14. I’m attending a wedding in Boston at the end of this month and am planning to wear a deep teal, sleeveless, swing/trapeze style dress, but I’m stuck on what to wear with it to make it more appropriate for fall, especially since I think it’ll be pretty cool out. Do you ladies have any suggestions for shoes and toppers that I could add to make this work? For toppers, I’m looking for something that could potentially be worn inside if I get too cold, but is primarily for outside (and sorry, Rainbow Hair, but I am just not a leather jacket person and black is not flattering on me). I’m thinking something orange-yellow or purple could look really good, but am super open to any ideas you have. Price range is the cheaper the better, but could definitely spend a couple hundred if it’s something stunning. TIA!

    2. I’d go with metallic — bronze or silver or rose gold.

      Are you set on not being a leather jacket person? I think a bronze leather jacket could be beautiful.
      Maybe you could find a tweed with some silver threads.
      You could also just go with a warm shawl in a gorgeous fabric, and be fine.

      1. I could definitely get behind a bronze leather jacket. Now off to search for that!

      3. Ah, that was going to be my suggestion! Maybe consider a blush color too? I killed it in a pale rose gold LJ last weekend, if I may say so myself.

      4. I like this in blush: https://www.macys.com/shop/product/levis-faux-leather-moto-jacket?ID=5004446&

        I want this more than I should, perhaps: https://www.macys.com/shop/product/material-girl-juniors-faux-leather-moto-jacket-created-for-macys?ID=5775233

        This is cute if you want to be cute counterbalance the ‘edge’ of a moto jacket: https://www.amazon.com/GUESS-Womens-Sleeve-Embroidered-Evening/dp/B0751W3CP6/

        If you don’t like black, would you get more wear out of navy? https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0754N3RR8/ref=s9_acsd_simh_hd_bw_b2Yxi71_cr_x__w?

        1. Rainbow Hair, I should have known you’d convert me. I’m swooning over that gunmetal one. Ordering now. Fingers crossed it fits well!

      1. That would be helpful! Ceremony is early afternoon and reception is evening. All indoors, in the city and I think it’s cocktail-level formality.

    4. It’s a tough call because I’ve seen some end-of-September weekends actually be on the warm side, and other times it’s been cooler. A shrug or bolero jacket might be all you need. However, last year I bought a faux fur stole for a friend’s wedding and it worked out great, now it’s a staple any time I have to dress up in cool weather. That or a caplet or cape could be really cute, and a quick Google search tells me Unique Vintage has a purple stole on sale for $48, so there’s that.

      For shoes, definitely booties, and I find that end-of-September is usually tights season.

      1. +1 to the weather. I was married in the last weekend of September, in New England (just south of BOS), on the water, and we all sweat our faces off in 89F temps.

        TL;DR: be flexible about your layers!

      1. I was actually looking at that kimono jacket earlier! I might just have to order it and see if it works. Thanks!

    6. How about a blazer? Maybe I’m a basic B, but I wear my MM LaFleur jardigan with cocktail dresses when cold. It usually works really well and doesn’t come off as old-looking.

  15. My sister and I recently spent several days cleaning out my parents house, in a fury, as they get ready to move into assisted living. They knew for 18 months that this was going to happen, yet didn’t throw a single thing away or back a single box. It was a physical, mental, financial and emotional burden for all of us. For the last several days I have been wracking my brain on ideas for myself so that my son never has to be put in this situation when I am older. My question is this…how do you best prepare your own life/home so that this burden doesn’t fall on your own children as you age?

    1. I get rid of stuff I don’t need or use. I even surreptitiously get rid of DH’s stuff a little at a time, and so far he hasn’t noticed.

      1. Same. My parents are hoarders and I’m an anti-hoarder. I don’t save anything that’s not currently in use.

        1. I agree with this. I have a friend who has thrown out a ton of her husband’s stuff and it just takes my breath away. So disrespectful!

          1. My DH would love it if I did this. He grew up very poor and struggles to throw things away, but also loses things constantly and has no idea what happened to them. I personally want him to get over his issues and take responsibility for his stuff, but as it builds up, I can definitely see taking a “life is short” attitude and just quietly starting to handle it in a way that doesn’t trigger his anxiety.

          3. If someone did this to me (and did a good job), I would be grateful. I’m never going to cut into my limited free time for this.

          4. The worst fight I EVER heard my parents have was after my dad threw away some decorations in the basement without consulting my mom. She hadn’t used them for a few years since we didn’t have a front porch, but then we moved….

        3. What if it was his old sweatshirt from high school? Not like a commemorative sweatshirt but you know a fashion sweatshirt. He’s married now.

      4. Just to clarify, maybe twice a year I get rid of something DH doesn’t use or remember having, with no sentimental value, like a book or sweater. He simply cannot discard things himself.

    2. Swedish Death Cleaning is a thing. g search that…only half kidding.

      Also, living as simply as you can and are comfortable doing, and making cleaning/assessing life’s trappings at regular intervals so that it becomes part of your home hygiene.

      1. +1 I loved that book, and gave gifted it. It’s about exactly the situation you are in!

    3. I mean…I feel part of being an old person is accumulating a bunch of junk and not throwing anything out. Maybe it’s just inevitable this eventually falls on a family member.

    4. I don’t have kids, but one thing I try to do is clean out each closet every year. Doing just one closet only takes a couple of hours on a rainy weekend, and it seems to keep us from just keeping every. single. thing.

    5. throw stuff away. all of it.

      take a picture if you feel sentimental about an item. but chances are very good that your kids will not feel similarly sentimental.

    6. I don’t have a lot of time but each weekend I tackle one drawer/shelf/old file, straightening up and throwing stuff into piles to donate, shred, and toss. The cumulative effect is that we don’t have nearly as much clutter as my in laws.

      1. Yep this. At least once a week, find 10 minutes to clean one shelf/drawer/corner. Try to make sure you get rid of at least one thing.

        Too often stuff just accumulates because it becomes part of a pile that you never look at anymore. Fix the “never looking at” part.

    7. Well, I did this by running away from home five years ago at the age of 54, and leaving most of my stuff behind!

      But even so, I have a lot of stuff I know my son is not going to want (I have All The Things for entertaining, for example, and that is just not him), and it makes me a little wistful. I guess when the time comes I will dispose of it myself.

      My parents did a good job of that — they downsized some years ago and had an estate sale while they were still alive, so when they had to move to assisted living on an emergency basis there wasn’t all that much stuff to deal with.

    8. I am an only child, and my parents are very practical people when it comes to planning for needing assistance and their eventual deaths. It’s a little morbid, but I really appreciate it.

      The most important thing is that they have all their paperwork in place–wills, finances, living wills, advance directives, etc. I know where the paperwork is, and I have met their attorney and their financial advisor and have their contact information. I know how to get to their account passwords. They’ve set up a joint account with cash to pay bills while the estate is settled.

      In terms of the stuff, my parents downsized a few years ago. They still have a 3-bedroom condo with a lot of stuff in it, plus a 1-car garage and a storage closet. But it’s organized and clean, and it’s all stuff they use. I’m sure it would be tough emotionally, but I could find the important stuff, take the little bit I’d want for myself, and hire someone to do an estate sale in a weekend, then donate the rest.

      Also important–they’ve never put a lot of emotional importance on stuff. It’s all just stuff. Right now, they use and enjoy what they have, but they’ve never hinted that I have any obligation to take or keep anything of theirs.

    9. I come from a family of pack rats. My mother struggled to get rid of her parents’ stuff but somehow it hasn’t occurred to her to get rid of her own stuff. I swear the woman has spices in her spice cabinet (yep) that are older than me. I KNOW she has bottles of Tylenol that are older than me. I try to stealth throw out expired medicines when I visit.

      So um clear out stuff you’re clearly not using and are never going to use. Organize and label things that need to be stored, like holiday decorations. Don’t keep a “secret” closet of clothes from the 60s-80s that you think you’re going to fit back into one day. Or a closet full of gifts that you don’t like and will never use but you feel inexplicably guilty getting rid of because the gifter is going to rise from the grave to scold you for not liking it.

    10. Not sure I’ll be having kids, but decluttering has been such a huge project for me over the past month, and will continue, both in my new apartment and at my parents’ place, since I still have so much childhood stuff there. I’ve been a sentimental pack rat, and I’m trying to turn that around, so a lot of what I’ve tossed has been old cards, old clothes, trinkets people have given me that I just don’t value anymore, old schoolwork, and I plan on selling some of those old toys and VHS tapes. I’m also going to make a point of not bringing a lot of stuff into my home – especially free stuff from events, and stuff other people insisted on giving me so they could get rid of it.

      I don’t want to condone your parents putting you in that position, but to put myself in their shoes for a sec, decluttering is really hard when your life is in transition, you’re emotional or anxious about the current state of things, unsure of the future, and you have an urge to cling to whatever you have that reminds you of a better time in your life. I should have done all this decluttering a year ago, but couldn’t bring myself to do it. Now that I feel good about where my life is and where it’s going, throwing out old stuff is significantly easier.

      But I absolutely understand that this was a tough task for you, and you shouldn’t have been in that position. I hope this is a good wakeup call to everyone who has a lot of clutter: deal with it now, when you can, so your loved ones don’t have to do it for you. No matter your age, if something were to happen to you tomorrow, do you want your spouse, kids, parents, or friends tackling a mountain of your old junk?

    11. I don’t think it is necessarily a parent’s responsibility to try to accommodate their children’s tastes or preferences like this. Your parents have things that *they* like and made *them* happy, so why wouldn’t they want to keep them as long as possible? It strikes me as almost uncaring to expect elderly parents to essentially minimize their existence because their children find it burdensome. And I say this as the child of an actual hoarder, knowing that I face a long, hard slog through my parents’ stuff when they’re gone.

      1. You don’t get it. It’s not minimizing their existence to throw out things that are literally dangerous for elderly people to be around. Throw rugs to trip over. Excess furniture to clutter up their new, small space that a walker can’t get around. Disposing of old medications that they could accidentally take but they keep.

        1. Well first of all that’s not what I was talking about. But even in your scenario, if your parents are so frail that a rug is a hazard, how do you expect them to be able to do this on their own?

          1. I’m not the OP. And I’m not saying the OP shouldn’t help; neither did she.

      2. I’d gently disagree. I feel an obligation to make my child’s life easier upon my death. I truly think a minimal amount of possessions is a gift to him in the same way that good estate planning is. I personally hate going through old stuff, it must be so much more horrible after suffering the loss of a parent.

      3. +1. My mom is a hoarder, and I know that I will face this problem in the future. (like multiple dumpsters full of old newspaper articles that she hasn’t read in years, hoarder) But, I also just think that is one of the crappy things about having parent’s that die or get sick. Nothing I’m going to do will avoid that.

        With regards to my own house, I avoid collecting “all the stuff.” But that is because I don’t like living like that. Regardless, I’m sure that my kids will have to get rid of a ton of stuff

        1. The horrible, emotionally brutal, but logistically helpful, reality of having a hoarder parent is that the hoard may be so out of control that you have to hire professionals in hazmat gear to clear out the house after the parent dies. Hand over the keys and 20k and everything is done in relatively short order.

      4. Alternate data point: DH’s mom is a hoarder, and on more than one occasion he has half seriously wished for a house fire when no one is home. Shrug?

    12. I keep a donation hamper in our spare closet. When it is full, I take it to our salvation army right away. In my mind, donations that pile up become a chore but a single box/ basket is just another item on my errand list that day.

      My husband also grew up poor and has a difficult time throwing any item out. Instead of immediately throwing things out, I began by re purposing them. (Old t-shirts into rags, ripped blankets into dog bed stuffing, etc.) Once he realized that the items he was holding onto were affecting his use of the new ones….he asked me to start weeding through his stuff. I make a box each season and he has a final chance to skim through before it leaves the house.

    13. We just move every 3 years or so and that’s when we do a deep cleaning/ junk weeding. I wish we would be able to get rid of junk without uprooting our entire lives but we do too little of that.

    14. Both of my husband’s parents died suddenly in the past two years. Going through their house (the house where my husband grew up) was emotionally and physically exhausting. Now when I look at my stuff, or when I think of buying something, I think, “DonI want my daughter to deal with having to decide what to do with this when I am no longer here?” Often the answer is no. My parents just moved into a two bedroom condo and pared down their belongings to a mini and I am grateful. My mother has told me there is only one thing she wants me to keep, and though I don’t love the thing (it’s a giant cross stick my grandmother made), I appreciate that she told me.

  16. Jumping off of yesterday’s post, has anyone tried both the Cuyana Structured Tote and the Everlane Day Market Tote? I recently got a new job and want to get one as my gift to myself but can’t decide.

    1. Cuyana is far better quality than Everlane. Inhave the structured tote and love it. Everything I’ve ever gotten fro. Everlane has disappointed.

      1. I like my Everlane market tote. But I don’t have a Prada backpack.*

        *cuyana tote

    2. I looked at both and ultimately decided on the Love41 Leather Pocket Tote, which has endless pockets. It’s amazing. The handles/strap was super stiff and uncomfortable for the first week, but then it softened up and it’s so comfortable to carry.

    1. I forget everything I did in Mystic besides the aquarium. So, while I assume that’s already on your list, definitely make plenty of time for it; it’s great!

      1. I ate at Mystic Pizza years ago and it was incredibly disappointing. The town is cute and one of the casinos is nearby.

    3. Mystic seaport is very cool – similar to a seafaring version of Plymouth plantation.
      Mystic acquarium
      Groton sub base (in groton ~15 minutes away) – when we were kids (grew up kind of nearby on the connecticut shoreline) they let you tour a submarine.
      I’d be sure to eat some fried clam strips and some steamers (similar to littlenecks but regional)
      Lobster rolls, CT style (with drawn butter instead of mayo, this is the real slim shady of lobster rolls. We nutmeggers portend this is how it should really be done – not sure what they are doing up there in maine)
      I think there is a restaurant at the inn at mystic as well as probably a ton of decent hole in the wall seafood / gastropub type places.

    5. Loved Mystic, spent a lot of lovely weekends there once upon a time. Eat: Oyster house, Daniel Packer Inn. To do in the area: cider mill, saltwater farms vineyard, apple picking!

  18. Anyone have experience with Sprintec birth control? Did it cause hair loss going on or off? Clots? I’m pushing 40 and don’t really want to take it, but my androgens are high and docs say there is nothing else I can do. I don’t have insulin resistance so low carbing won’t help.

    1. I haven’t tried Sprintec, so I can’t comment on that, but when I recently complained to my PCP about the limited options my gynecologist was offering for high androgens, he mentioned that I could try diindolylmethane (from the way he talked, he made it sound like it was under-researched but safe enough for an N=1 experiment).

        1. Yes.
          Personally, I would find it hard to say if it’s working, since after my doctor mentioned it, I googled a hundred other OTC things, and I’m taking a bunch of inadequately researched stuff for high androgen PCOS and PMDD after quitting the pill for the last time (low-carb, zinc, inositol, calcium D-glucarate, even vitex castus–if you’ve ever had PMDD, you’ll understand why I panicked and tried everything; placebo effects are enough when it comes to mental health). So I totally failed to do an n=1 experiment.

          However, I’ve been doing fine without BC or psych meds for months now, so something’s working. Eventually I’ll start quitting things off and seeing what’s actually making the difference. So don’t emulate me, but also don’t accept “BC or bust” women’s medicine if you don’t do well on BC!

    2. I think your anecdata on any form of birth control is going to be wide and varied because it’s so individual. If you don’t want to take BC though, I’d look at getting a second opinion because “oh well, nothing else I can do” wouldn’t be an acceptable response from the doctor to me.

      What are you trying to treat with the BC? Just using it as BC, using it to lower androgen levels? Have you researched spironolactone at all? Maybe look in to that?

      You can also try low carb if you think it may help. It’s not just limited to insulin resistance. What we eat affects our hormone levels in all sorts of crazy ways.

      1. I realize this. I have been to two gyns, two ND, a FMD, an endo (but have been trying to get into a new endo for weeks and docs won’t refer me to one), two derms…I’m in all the groups…Most say bc is the best option. I used to take Spiro with bc and didn’t like how it made me look older and drawn, but now my doc says it doesn’t even work at all, which is confusing. My derms want to prescribe it alone, many say it causes hair loss…I have hair loss now…There is just no clear answer here. The more anecdotes I have, the better.

        I did try low carbing (I eat about 120 carbs/day now, but went to sub 100) and it actually raised my androgens quickly and dramatically. This is because it stressed my adrenal glands. I have had the glands scanned, have been tested for LCAH, and now I’m being re-tested. Apparently, bc is needed to soak up the testosterone at the very least. Basically, I’m not like resting on my laurels waiting for docs to solve my probs, but I seem to be in a real pickle.

    3. I take it and I have no side effects and picture-perfect periods. Honestly low carb may affect your hormones, just due to the how changes in body fat can affect hormones. BC is really individual. Do you have a history of those side effects in the past? Also it sounds hokey, but spearmint tea is an anti-androgen. If you search, you can find credible supporting scientific research.

      1. I did try Spearmint tea for a month. It did seem to work on my acne and some hair growth on my stomach that cropped up due to my androgen nightmare, but my bloodwork got so messed up that I dropped everything I was doing.

        I am wondering if the Necon I was on in the past caused my hairline to change, body/face hair to grow, etc. I ended up with more symptoms after I started/on it than I had before when they diagnosed me with PCOS. I know there are androgens in these pills, and the new one is supposed to be lower, but there is literally no way to know how it will affect me. I’m just going to have to take a leap of faith somewhere and am looking for a push in a certain direction…

    4. I was taking Sprintec up until a few weeks ago and loved it. I did not experience any hair loss but I was told by my doc that it had a high risk of clotting (I think BC generally does?)

      I had to switch to the “little pill” aka estrogen only pills because I get migraines with aura which increases my chance of a stroke. I hate the little pill because i can get random spotting at any time and have noticed hair loss that may or may not be caused by it recently. I am going to start TTC in a few months so sucking it up until then.

      I second getting another opinion if you don’t like this option

      1. Your doc said it had a high risk of clotting? Two gyns are telling me not to worry about that…and I’m over 35. They say the estrogen level is so low and I am healthy…blah blah…like that matters…Did your doc just say that because you have migraines?

    5. I’m a lot younger than 40 and have no kids, but I just switched from Sprintec to its generic version. I had no trouble with hair loss even though my family is susceptible to it, and no trouble with clots. My side effects going on were all emotional, but after six months things leveled out. So far the switch from name-brand to generic was almost as if there were no change, too, in case that comes up for you.

    6. I’ve been taking Sprintec for almost 5 years and it’s fine. I don’t have any major health issues, but my blood naturally clots pretty easily, so since I started taking it I haven’t been able to successfully donate blood because I always clot into the bag.
      If I lost hair initially, I didn’t notice. But I naturally have enough hair on my head for about 3 people, so YMMV if you have a normal amount of hair :)

  19. I recently moved from an office to a cube and I’m finding all the ambient noise (people on conference calls, people chatting, doors opening and closing loudly, etc.) to be really distracting. Can anyone recommend noise canceling headphones that aren’t really expensive but that do actually work? Are ear plugs just as effective as noise canceling headphones? I’ve never tried either, but I need to do something about this because it’s driving me crazy!

    1. Even with regular headphones, try simplynoise dot com. I like pink noise, on oscillating- it sounds like the beach to me and helps me focus.

    2. I tried using ear plugs, but they just weren’t as effective as good noise cancelling headphones. I bought a pair of Bose noise cancelling headphones, and they have been life changing. Expensive, but worth it IMO.

    3. I have a pair of over-ear ones from Cowin (bluetooth, noise cancelling, $40 on Amazon – but that may have been on sale)

    4. Noise cancelling headphones, no matter how spendy, aren’t great at cancelling out that kind of noise. They work wonders on airplanes, but even with the noise cancelling function on, when I wear them at work it’s not like it’s anywhere near completely silent. But they are better than nothing. I looked at the Wirecutter reviews when I bought mine. That’s where I’d start.

    5. I use instrumental music, with regular headphones. It cuts across the conversations and gives my brain a different place to focus.

  20. Any suggestions for non-US vacation destinations in early December? It’s the first time in a year my spouse and I can align our schedules for a desperately-needed vacation. We’d like to leave the US, and typically this time of year, I’d head to South/Central America for weather reasons, but we are unfortunately limited to non-Zika destinations.

    We’re adventurous travelers and while we don’t expect a beach vacation, we would like to be somewhere we can explore that isn’t freezing and unpleasant. We only have a week so don’t want to go too far afield (no Asian destinations).

    Options on the table include Sri Lanka and Portugal, but curious if there are any other inspired suggestions out there! Thanks for your help with my vacation dreaming!

    2. Chile is Zika-free, if you want to go to South America. It’s the only place in the Americas aside from Canada where it’s unlikely to spread.

      1. I was also going to suggest Chile as a Zika free South American destination. There is a lot of variety in Chile depending on what you want to do… Santiago (can be seen in 1-2 days max), Valparaiso, Atacama desert, wine region, Patagonia, etc.

        A few other options: Morocco, Barcelona, Jordan

        And just a warning, Sri Lanka is FAR.

        1. Petra + the Dead sea sounds like an amazing trip. The Dead Sea was one of my favorite excursions ever, it’s one of those things I read about as a kid and was just as cool in real life.

        2. Also a vote for Chile. If you’re adventurous, early December is an ideal time to head to Patagonia. You could do some time in Santiago when you arrive for a city experience, too.

    3. There have been a ton of posts about Portugal lately, you might want to check them out.

      That’d be a great time of year to visit the German Christmas Markets if you have any interest. I think they open the week after Advent. Might be colder than you’re looking for, though.

      I went to Rome last year at the end of December. It was a little rainy but I got along fine with Blondos and a rain jacket.

    4. Bahamas?
      I was curious about which places still have Zika problems and it doesn’t say that the Bahamas have it on the CDC map. Other than that, you’re looking at the US or Europe.

      1. Such a good suggestion – we actually went last November and it was so fabulous. We are so tempted to go back, but we’re committed to trying somewhere new.

      1. You are right – bad internal inconsistency. Should’ve said we’re considering Sri Lanka as it’s a dream destination that seems decent weather-wise at that time, but Asia is generally out due to distance.

      2. and it’s way too far to travel for just a week. I would stick with Portugal or elsewhere in Europe. Chile is also a great suggestion, it will be warm if not hot in December.

    8. Southern Europe is usually low 60’s that time of year. I’m going to Barcelona end of November, and average high’s are 65 (low in 40’s).

    10. Peru! Went last Christmas and weather was lovely. There’s lot to adventure to – Machu Picchu (of course), Cusco, Sacred Valley- but you can also head to the North Coast for some beaches. Great food in Lima too.

      1. Peru is on the Zika list. There aren’t really mosquitoes at the higher elevations (Machu Picchu, Cusco, etc.), but still.

        That being said, Peru is awesome!

  21. I was just looking at wirecutter’s reviews for noise cancelling headphones. They narrow it down to a few options. Give it a look.

    Personally I wouldn’t do ear plugs in the office because it’s not as visibly apparent to people that you’re trying to focus.

  22. Any recommendations for a card holder? How do you guys organize your cards?
    I have an ID card to enter my office building, and another for my firm’s floor/suite. When the two are next to each other, they don’t work. Ugh. How do you ladies carry around your badges/IDs (and maybe 1-2 credit cards)?

  23. I’m looking for a new laptop bag that I can also use as a purse during the work week. Leaning toward leather or nylon in a summery neutral. I need to fit a 13+” laptop but have no need for other internal organization. Max budget of $150.

    1. I am coveting the Everlane form bag for this purpose, although it’s $235 (which seems like not a bad price for this kind of thing IMO)

  24. I own it. I’m such a junkie for this TERRIBLE (but also awesome?) television.

    Is anyone else? Thoughts on Jordan/Jenna dramatics? My work week is less than exciting this week, and I’m living for this dirt.

    1. Same, I’m so glad it’s back and fun. Who knew that Venmo John would be the hot commodity in Paradise?? I’m also really bummed my man Eric had such a poor showing.

      1. I knew Venmo John would be a hot commodity – he’s smart, successful and adorable. He just doesn’t fit the usual bachelor mold – thank god. I am dreading a Colton season.

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