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Updated: Dec 21, 2020 133 Comments · by

Holiday Weekend Open Thread (AND Updated Deal Roundup!)

Sales· Weekend Open Thread | ·

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5/24/24 Update: The Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale has started — see our big sale roundup! Also, sign up for our newsletter to stay on top of all the great sales!


Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

These cute sandals caught my eye because the black version is on sale — but I love the colorful details on the heel on this one! There are only two reviews but both are 5-stars, noting that the mauve is the perfect pink and they're very comfortable. Huzzah!

I think this would be the perfect pop of personality to liven up a neutral dress in black, white, or navy. The shoes are $89 full price, or $53 for the sale colors.

In fact… I was shopping for sandals for myself and there are so many great ones in the sale I thought I'd do a mini roundup:

Top row, $62-$82: beige / stripey / strappy

Bottom row, $83-$110: black / pink (tons of colors) / tan

Here's an updated list of the Memorial Day sales happening MONDAY! The sales I'm most impressed with are in bold; I'd definitely suggest you check out Nordstrom (check out our roundups here!), Dermstore, J.Crew Factory, and Boden. 

  • 6PM – Memorial Day Weekend Sale
  • Ann Taylor – 40% off full price PLUS an additional 15% off full price styles — and an extra 60% off all sale styles!
  • Ann Taylor Factory – The BIG Sale – Almost all tops, tees and blouses 60% off, plus pants starting at $29.99 and shorts starting at $19.99. Plus get an extra 10% off your purchase with code SUMMER.
  • Anthropologie – 40% off sale items and fresh cuts! Plus up to 30% off furniture, decor and bedding.
  • Aritzia – Up to 50% off everything.
  • Athleta – 20% off all sale items!
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50 to 70% off entire site! Extra 50% off clearance, and extra 20% off your entire purchase. 
  • Bare Necessities – Semi-Annual Sale, up to 70% off!
  • Barneys New York – Up to 50% off designer collections!
  • Bergdorf Goodman – Designer Sale: Save up to 50% off.
  • Bloomingdale's – Big Brown Bag Sale – Save up to 70% off when you take 20% off sale and clearance items. 
  • Boden – 30% off, ends Monday! 
  • Brooks Brothers – Memorial Day Sale: 40% off dresses, and 4 shirts for $199. 
  • Club Monaco – 25% off your purchase!
  • Coach – Up to 50% off!
  • Cole Haan – Extra 40% off sale!
  • Dermstore – Save up to 20% off on your favorite beauty essentials with code SUMMER.
  • DvF – Enjoy 25% off sale!
  • Eddie Bauer – 50% off everything!
  • Express – 40% off everything.
  • Free People – Sale on sale, 25% off all sale styles!
  • French Connection – 25% off $100, 30% off $150, 40% off $200!
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off sale styles, and 40% off everything else.
  • J.Crew Factory –  60%-70% off women's and men's styles!
  • GiGi New York – Memorialy Day sale, up to 40% off!
  • Grana – Up to 50% off all things black, take an extra 15% off all orders over $250!
  • Kate Spade New York – Enjoy an extra 30% off sale styles!
  • Lands' End – 50% off swim, 40% off other full-price styles!
  • Last Call – Today only: extra 50% off all women's clothes! Memorial Day Sale, extra 40% off everything — extra 60-75% off clearance!
  • Loft – 50% off sale styles, and 40% off all styles!
  • Lord & Taylor – Up to 40% off!
  • Madewell – 20% off dresses and sandals!
  • Naturalizer – 25% off sitewide + free shipping!
  • Neiman Marcus – Designer sale — up to 50% off select women's styles!
  • Net-a-Porter – Shop up to 50% off!
  • Nordstrom – One of their biggest sales, The Half-Yearly Sale, just started — check out our Nordstrom roundups here! 
  • Nordstrom Rack – Clear the rack sale! Extra 25% off clearance!
  • Pendleton – 30% off men's and women's apparel!
  • Saks – Up to 50% off women's styles!
  • Saks OFF5TH – Take an extra 25% off clearance!
  • Sephora – Save up to 50% on must-have beauty!
  • Shopbop – Major sales, including a lot of cute things in their 70% off final sale category!
  • Soma – Weekend sale, up to 50% off, PLUS up to 40% off a $200+ purchase!
  • Stuart Weitzman – 40% off select styles!
  • Talbots – All markdowns: 50% off 2+, 40% off one; free shipping on $150+, 40% off swimsuits.
  • Target – Up to 30% off patio items and home items!
  • Title Nine – Long weekend sale, up to 50% off markdowns!
  • Tory Burch – Up to 40% off!
  • White House | Black Market – 30% off full price styles, 40% off sale styles!
  • Zappos – Memorial Day Sale, ends Monday!

Social media photo credit: Image of many sale signs hanging along overhang, originally uploaded to Flickr by Tim Parkinson.

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Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. anon

    Lets say I want to go to Ireland for about 10 days at some point between mid May and the end of June next year. What is the best website or app that will send me price alerts for flights?

  2. anon

    Can anyone speak to the quality/durability of furniture from Article? I like a lot of their stuff online but haven’t seen any of it in person. I’m thinking of buying a bedframe and maybe a sofa from there.

    • Another anon

      I’m quite happy with my Article couch (Emil gravel gray), which I purchased after much looking at options online but no actual sitting on the online furniture. Contrary to some of the reviews that find it firm, I think the softness is just right. The cushions are deforming a bit over time (2 years old) and I need to re-fluff them every month or so, and would probably need to get them re-stuffed after a while if I kept the couch. It’s not an investment piece, but for me (single female) it looks nice, holds up well, would be comfortable enough to sleep on, and I’m very happy with the quality/design/ordering process. Those with kids & pets might want more of a workhorse (or, might be happy with this in the short term, I don’t know).

    • Anon

      Piggybacking on this, can anyone comment on IKEA couch quality? I was looking at Article couches too, but it looks like there’s a long thread on Houzz about how the quality is bad. It sounds like they don’t hold their shape well and the leather (on leather furniture) wrinkles quickly. I don’t know if they’ve made improvements since then, but it’s something to think about. I’m wondering if IKEA might have some better affordable options.

      • Inspired By Hermione

        I’ve had my IKEA couch for six and a half years and it’s still going strong! I got a Karlstad and have never had any issues. Really a great couch.

      • Anonymous

        My leather Karlstad has been going strong since 2003! I wouldn’t make an enemy sleep on the pull out sofa part but as a couch it’s still solid I think.

      • Anon

        I had an ikea sectional in our spare room that got kind of shabby looking quickly. I couldn’t get anyone from Craigslist to come take it for free, so i ended up paying those 800 got junk guys to take it away. I kind of apologized and the guy said, “hey, IKEA keeps us in business.”

      • Ribena

        I have a Friheten sofabed and it is very comfortable both as a sofa and as a bed.

    • Calico

      I have a tufted bench from Article and I’m extremely happy with the quality and the durability.

    • The original Scarlett

      I have their green velvet one in our vacation rental & even with that kind of wear and tear it looks brand new about 3 years later. I want to get another one.

  3. Anonymous

    If it’s not too late in the day — what are people’s personal guidelines re throwing food out of the fridge after a power outage? I know there are official guidelines on this — 4 hours without power and practically everything has to be thrown out per the USDA. Yet I am surrounded by people today who are telling me I am paranoid and need therapy because after a 7 hour outage yesterday, I am ready to throw everything out and go re shop. People are telling me — oh I don’t throw anything away under 12 hours or under 24 hours. So what do you all do?

    • Anon

      I smell it. If it smells bad, it’s gotta go. Otherwise it’s fine. And certainly for things like condiments, those are totally okay. Meat is probably the only thing I’d toss. Maybe milk.

      • Anonymous

        +1, but since I don’t eat meat or dairy, pretty much everything ends up staying!

    • Anonymous

      Totally depends on whether the day was blazing hot or cool, and whether I opened the fridge / freezer or not during that time. Did everything in your fridge stay mostly cool?

    • Anon

      If was only 7 hours and your fridge was closed and stuff is still cold, I think you’re being paranoid. Just throw out dairy if you’re really worried. I promise you, you have eaten food at restaurants or peoples’ houses that has been sitting out for 7 hours and survived.

      Last year my power was out for 2 days after a tornado. I threw out dairy and meat, that’s it. Stuff in my freezer was still frozen solid.

      • Anonymous

        Yeah 7 hours with the door closed? It’s prob still cold. And idk why you’d throw everything out? Like, mustards gonna be fine.

      • Anon

        I wouldn’t even throw out meat! Just cook it thoroughly and anything that grew will die. I would only throw out stuff like mayo and yogurt.

        • Anon

          This isn’t how meat spoilage works.

          The mayo and yogurt on the other hand would probably be fine.

          • Anon

            You keep things cold to prevent bacteria from growing. Heat kills bacteria. If you’re cooking the item thoroughly (until the center is 160F, which admittedly not everyone does for something like beef or fish), I don’t see how it could be a problem.

          • Anon

            It depends on the bacteria. You can kill bacteria, but the toxins they produce that can cause food poisoning can still be there and make you sick.

          • tesyaa

            Anon 3:22 is correct.

            And I have often eaten a yogurt that’s been out of the fridge entirely for hours and it’s been fine.

          • Anon

            Yep can’t cook out the toxins and also even cooked dead bacteria taste really bad.

          • Rainbow Hair

            I learned what 3:22 is saying pretty recently! I figured “well I’ll just cook all the bacteria dead!” but then I looked it up and yeah, whatever toxins (some) bacteria are excreting will stay there even after you cook the food! Who knew!

      • Ellen

        I agree. I went to a diner in Queens last week with Myrna, and we saw boxes of fish that was sitting out on the back steps, baking in the sun. When we left an hour later, the fish was still out there baking in the sun, and it was ooozing white stuff out of the boxes! Myrna bet those boxes stayed out there until the workers finally brought them in and put them into the refrigerator or freezer, and people then had to eat it! FOOEY, but still, anytime you eat out, you have to expect that the people who run theseplaces don’t care enough to make sure you don’t get sick, and I some times do, except when I go to the deli, which has higher standards under applicable law.

    • Tetra

      How often was the fridge opened while the power was out? What did the inside of the fridge feel like when the power came back on? If anything feels lukewarm, I’d throw it out. I’d probably also throw out any raw meat. Other things, it depends on what it is, how likely/quickly it is to spoil, and whether it still felt cold.

    • Wink beds?

      I would say that as long as the fridge or freezer stayed closed it’s all fine to eat. Fwiw, I stayed at a resort where that ran on generators where they would only turn on the power from 7am to 9am and 4pm to 8pm daily. The fridges and freezers where never opened when power was off and they kept a weeklong supply on food on hand.

      • Housecounsel

        I am unnaturally freaked out by the possibility of spoiled anything, and I’d probably pitch everything.

        • Inspired By Hermione

          I got E. coli a few years ago and yeah, I’d probably toss everything just to be 100% sure because it was AWFUL. Hospitalized for a week because of it.

    • Ribena

      I have a small tub in the freezer which I filled with water, froze, and then added a coin on top of. If there’s an outage, I can tell how thawed things got by how far down the tub the coin is. There are some mid-levels where I’d throw out any meat, fish, and chicken but keep the vegetables. For the fridge, I’d take a good look at things, smell them, and throw out anything I had doubts about. Most of my fridge contents are wine, though, which helps add thermal mass to keep the other things cold for longer.

      • mascot

        We do the coin trick as well. Our fridges and freezers are pretty full and we are very careful to not open them during power outages. If we know a power outage is likely (like during hurricane season), we will move things around and into coolers to reduce our need to open fridges/freezers. Our chest freezer can probably go close to 48 hours before things get dicey.

    • Anon

      I agree with everyone above, unless you left the door open all day everything is probably fine. Think of your fridge like a really good cooler. However, its as good excuse as any if you want to throw out those pickles in the back of the fridge and just clean everything out in general.

  4. Anon

    What percentage of your clothing can come from the same store before it becomes obvious and kind of weird? The vast majority of my work wardrobe is MM LaFleur (with some theory and jcrew) and most of my weekend stuff is Madewell. I really liked the striped sandals above and thought I would branch out finally! And they are from madewell. Oops.

    • Anonymous

      Idk. I was a Corporette basic b*tch this week with work travel: away roller bad, OG bag, Rothys for airport and walking, MMLF dresses, M Gemi Fortunas for the office and meetings.

      • Anon

        Haha I am too, all the time. Tumi roller, Cuyana tote, mmlafleur separates… but I can’t wear unsupportive flats unfortunately so no Rothy’s.

    • Senior Attorney

      I promise 99% of the people with whom you interact would never notice in a million years. And the 1% would almost certainly just go “Hmmm… she wears all MM LaFleur. Cool. Wish I could make that work.”

    • anon

      I hope it’s a large percentage because I am similar! I have to stop myself from buying clothing that looks like other clothing I own. I cut myself off from striped t-shirts.

      • Senior Attorney

        I will cut myself off from striped t-shirts when I cut off my head. Striped tees 4evah!

    • Anonymous

      No upper limit. In the unlikely event that someone even notices, the likely response is going to be: good for her for knowing what works for her.

    • Anonymous

      I figure that the only people who will know are those who are very, very familiar with the clothing of that particular store. And I’m perfectly OK with them knowing that I also shop at that store.

    • Rainbow Hair

      I saw a relative of the makeover-ee in Queer Eye wearing a dress I have (and love!) from Old Navy, and it made me smile, like “hey, we shop at the same store, random TV stranger!”

    • Anonymous

      Don’t worry about it. In my experience, just about the time this happens to me, the brand either goes under or gets a new designer with a different vibe (L.K. Bennett went under and Kate Spade has a new designer). Fully stock your wardrobe while you can.

  5. Winter

    I’m in the market for a pair of flats, and I often see Rothy’s mentioned here. Are the pointy toes still trending? Anyone want to throw me a coupon code?

  6. Anonymous

    May repost this after the holiday weekend — for those of you ladies who live in/have lived in Charlotte, what are some areas close to the city where people live if they want a (small) SFH with a patch of grass, rather than an apartment in the city? Are there areas that are especially attractive to young (30s-40s) professionals and how are commute times? Bonus points if there are areas with a lot of transplants, though that doesn’t much matter.

    • Anonymous

      I live in Charlotte! I’d look in Chantilly neighborhood (search for Bay Street and Chesterfield Ave.), Plaza Midwood (look at Mimosa Ave, and streets that come off of the intersection of The Plaza and Central Avenue. Those are going to be trendy options very close to the downtown area. I will say that in each of these, there are a few small single family homes left, but a lot of people are taking these and tearing them down to build large homes. Currently, neither Plaza Midwood nor Chantilly are in the best of school districts, but I have friends with kids who live in Chantilly and just love it. I’d say that Plaza Midwood is less family focused than Chantilly. These are both going to have a lot of transplants and the commute times to downtown (which we call “uptown” for some reasons that are not immediately clear to me) are 10 minutes (plus whatever you need to do to deal with your building’s parking garage). You might read a lot about the South End neighborhood, but that is pretty much all people in their 20s.

      Moving further out, I’d look at the Cotswold neighborhood (15 minute commute), but this is going to be more family focused (as my husband says, “Cotswold is where people move to have babies.” so keep that in mind. You can look at Dilworth (10-15 minute commute, it’s directly south, rather than SE, of the downtown area), but homes there are going to be hot commodities and rather pricey. Again, a lot of people are tearing down the small homes and building large ones on these lots, but there definitely are still small homes. I’d also look at the Sedgefield neighborhood (directly south of Dilworth), but this is a neighborhood in transition, so you’ll have a small house that hasn’t been touched in 40 years next to a new construction build that’s selling for $600,000.

      Generally, to stay in nice area and keep commute times down, I’d look at neighborhoods east of South Blvd., north of Fairview/Tyvola road, and south of Independence/US 74 (with the exception of Plaza Midwood). The further away from the downtown area, the more “family” the areas are going to be. And there are plenty of very nice areas south of Fairview/Tyvola roads, but your commute becomes more than 30 minutes, even without traffic.

  7. SSJD

    What’s your thoughts on wearing camouflage? I am not into hunting (at all!). I don’t want to glorify war or military. But camo is everywhere, and I find myself liking it on pants, bags, etc. What do you think?

    • Senior Attorney

      I struggle with this. I have bought and worn and liked it in the past, but these days I just am not feeling it. I feel like me wearing camo is maybe a casualty of the culture wars?

    • AnonInTheSouth

      I like nature prints and earth tones, so I wear it. The caveat to that is that I’m in the deep south where it’s too common to be thought of as representative of anything. It’s basically a neutral here.

    • No Camo

      Hard pass. I am originally from rural West Virginia, now live in CA, and even seeing it makes my heart rate increase.

    • Never too many shoes...

      It is one of the only things that I am a hard pass on – not for me and not for my kid. My mother keeps buying him cute little boy camo pants and I keep making her take them back.

    • Anonymous

      I buy a lot of it for my son because he likes it and it hides pee accidents (sigh) so I also have a pair of pants.

    • Inspired By Hermione

      I have an army green camo jacket and I like it for weekends. I don’t wear it at work (even though we have a casual workplace) because I work with vets and I don’t think it’s appropriate, but I don’t have a problem on weekend. I also had a pair of green camo or camo-esque pants (actually, I’ve had two pairs since college) and I wear them like any other green/olive green item. There is so much stuff that truly does glorify the military and erases its deeply harmful aspects but I don’t think a single camo piece of clothing has that issue.

    • Anonymous

      Hunting camo patterns don’t look anything like fashion camo. Hunting camo has all sorts of cultural and political connotations for me, but fashion camo just looks cool. Sort of like animal patterns—if it’s genuine you cringe, and if it’s just a printed pattern it’s fashionable.

    • anon

      Long boring story how DH ended up wearing a camo jacket in all of our vacation photos–but it does make it much easier to compose a good photo of a person in a landscape panorama!

    • Anonymous

      Hard pass. I think it’s insulting to the folks who really wear camouflage (the military) to traipse around in fashion camouflage.

      • Inspired by Hermione

        I don’t think people in the military actually care unless you’re wearing patches or anything approaching stolen valor, tbh. I don’t wear it at work because I work directly with vets and I do feel as if it would be inappropriate in that context, but I’ve wondered this for weekend wear and asked some vet friends of mine and they say that no, they did not and do not care if civilians wear camo and that it’s the least of their concerns. Their bigger concern is things like “when we were at war, Americans were at the mall” and the brush off of their time in service with a bland “thank you for your service” without any further engagement about what that actually meant or means.

  8. Anon

    Where do you buy cheap-ish art online? I’m looking for some big canvases mostly.

    • Anonymous

      I got some big ones from Joss & Main but honestly check out furniture sale places like Ashley – tons of huge pieces for under $400.

    • Anon

      Look at Etsy. I would also recommend going to a local art gallery or arts festival before going to a place that imports art like a furniture store. Large art is more expensive than smaller art, but local artists and galleries are often more willing to cut a deal to get space.

      • Rainbow Hair

        I agree with this. There are lots of festivals/fairs/gallery walk type places and I think for you could get something really special while supporting a local artist! No idea where you live, but it seems like everywhere does “First Fridays” or whatever alliterative monthly art walk thing, or has an annual festival with vendors, etc. Admittedly I buy too much art, but our most recent piece was from a bookstore run for a charitable purpose — saw it on the wall, fell in love, and walked out of the store a couple hundred bucks poorer (but one trippy-lookin orange cat painting richer).

        Like lookit these pretty prints: http://paintedmary.squarespace.com/prints (in standard frame sizes no less!)

        Orrr go a completely different direction, and pay me to make some abstract fluid art for ya … only 60% joking.

        • RH

          Quick update I am currently yelling w my husband about art and how we feel about it and… I will make you abstract art in your color scheme for the price of my supplies.

  9. Wink beds?

    We are looking to get a new mattress. I’m leaning towards the Wink bed in firmer or luxury firm. Does anyone have any experience with these mattresses? Fwiw, I’m about 195 lbs and he’s about 270. Thank you!

  10. Anon

    What is the best source for buying Korean skincare that is guaranteed authentic? I want to buy more Missha safe block sun milk but there are so many amazon sellers I’m confused.

      • Anon

        You know, I tried missha’s website first and they were like give us your phone number and we’ll text you a code for 10% off, and then the text was a link that said give us your email address for the 10% code, and then I copied, shopped, and pasted the code in my cart and the website said code not valid. So Missha doesn’t get my business because that is annoying AF and now I’m sure I’m on all kinds of spam lists.

        • Anon

          That is annoying. I have no idea because I don’t buy Missha products. I just get my Biore Watery Essence from Yesstyle.

    • Eertmeert

      I buy my k beauty from specific sellers on ebay. Free shipping, direct from korea, never had an issue. I just look for sellers with 99.7% and up seller ratings. I believe yes-style has a ebay shop.

    • Sunshine

      There is a list of trusted eBay sellers on the Asian Beauty reddit if you want to check it out. I buy regularly from both eBay and Amazon with no issues. I also buy from Korean sites – Jolse and RoseRoseShop primarily.

  11. Ribena

    I went to the public debate Cb posted about on the morning thread – she was amazing and did a lot to move the debate on from point-scoring to real big-idea discussion. And no milkshakes were thrown!

  12. Inspired By Hermione

    Might be too late.

    I’m going to be traveling alone this summer for two weeks to Reykjavik, Brussels, Amsterdam, and Paris. I know they’re expensive cities. How much would you have available per day? I doubt I’ll go to any fancy dinners (maybe one?) and I’ll already have bought any tickets I can for things to do.

    TIA!

    • Ribena

      I was in Amsterdam for four days in January and spent about €400. I had prepaid my hotel (including breakfast) and my Anne Frank house ticket but nothing else. It was freezing cold so I did a lot of ducking into places to buy coffee which I otherwise might not have – but I didn’t partake in any of the more expensive pleasures available there either!

      Reykjavik may be your most expensive stop, due to currencies.

    • Anon

      The only one of those places that’s really expensive is Reykjavik. Unless you want to do tons and tons of attractions or eat out three meals a day, I think Paris, Brussels and Amsterdam are doable on around $50 a day (excluding hotels). I would get a hotel that includes breakfast, get a light snack from a grocery store or food stand for lunch, and only go to a restaurant for dinner. Mainly in Europe I just walk around, so unless you have fancy tastes in dining its easy to not spend much money during the day.

    • Patricia Gardiner

      That sounds like an amazing trip! I was in Reykjavik recently, and sadly by the end thought that a mediocre breakfast buffet for $28 was reasonable so… yeah, it’s super expensive. If you want decent meals there probably $150/day to be safe. But the fish is ah-maze-Ing.

    • KAB

      There is a food hall is Reykjavik that has several food vendors. Some are very reasonable. My husband and I had Vietnamese food for dinner for about $30 total.

  13. Anon for this

    Frustration Station, passenger of one here…

    I am SO over the online dating (lack of ) options and my friends are pretty much now all married and their guy friends are (as they describe them) “married or have serious reasons why they’re single.” Is it weird that I wish I could just make a list of basic dealbreakers and wish someone with a magic wand would introduce me to someone? (I’d be tempted for a private match maker but they’re way too expensive.)

    Dealmaker/breaker list…

    Must be:
    -childfree
    -kind
    -good with pets (or at least not grumpy about me having mine)
    -willing to communicate
    -accepting of my liberal activism (it is a huge part of my work and social time)
    -aged 30-54 (so it’s at least somewhat age appropriate)
    -willing to contribute to a relationship and make efforts during the good and not good times
    -career stable (whether via education or trade, someone stable with a consistent and solid income)
    -self-sufficient/independent thinker

    Must NOT be:
    -manchild
    -bad with money/not making money/expecting me to pay for his entire life
    -struggling with addiction or significant mental health crises
    -low self-esteem (as this often results in judgmental mind or weird jealousy or control issues)
    -a f@ux news watcher/believer
    -temper tantrum thrower

    The other stuff is much more subjective (attraction, etc.) but those are both my fit and learning from past relationships… why is this so tough to find?! I’d be open to long distance or even international, for the right fit, but it’s exhausting to keep searching and to keep feeling like this will either never happen or I’ll have to settle to ever have a partner!

    (Literally a rant but if folks want to chime in with their experiences, feel free… I wish I knew great single folks to try to set others up with who are also looking!)

    • Anon

      I think the bottom line is that there are more great women than men. I really truly do not know any men who are over 35, fit your description and have never been married. I know lots of women in this category. I’m guessing you’re late 30s from your age range? It is a REALLY tough age to find a good guy, especially if him having or wanting a child is a dealbreaker for you. I don’t really think this has much to do with online dating. I just think statistically the odds are just not in your favor. I know that’s probably not what you want to hear, sorry.

    • Anon

      Yeah, I get you. I feel like dating/marriage is like musical chairs. The music stops and the everyone scrambles to claim a chair, any chair. And here I am still looking for one because they’re all taken and I wasn’t quick enough. It’s not like I haven’t run into nice guys, but they’re all taken. And I’m thinking, is my luck just bad? Where was I when they were still available? No advice because I’m struggling too, but commiserations and lots of internet hugs.

      • Monday

        I also feel the “musical chairs” thing, but then I have to remember–dating was awful when I was in my twenties too! I didn’t really meet any more boyfriend-material guys than I do now, and I remember my friends and I all commiserated on the lack of options.

        I think the bottom line is just that quality connections are rare, at any stage of life. In addition to the factor of men in aggregate not being as desirable for life partners as women.

    • Anon

      If you got rid of the childfree requirement and were willing to date men who have kids (like, high school age), your options would radically increase.

      There are not many responsible, mature, kind, stable men with good jobs who don’t want to ever have kids.

      • Anon

        Agreed. I think a fair number of women don’t want kids but still want to get married in their 30s. Most men who don’t want kids see no reason to settle down and want to continue playing the field and dating around (often younger women and often they will settle down late – 40s or 50s – with a woman who is young enough to give them kids). A single 35 year old man (generally) either has kids, wants kids, or doesn’t want kids and isn’t particularly interested in commitment.
        I realize these are well-worn stereotypes but I think there’s truth to it.

        • Ellen

          I agree. I want kids now b/c I am now beyond my most fertile years, and that scares men off. There are other women my age who do NOT want kids, and I think that also scares men off, at least b/c if they are going to get married to a woman our age, some will want kids, and they don’t want to commit to a woman who will not have kids either, as they won’t have the time to change their minds b/f it is to late. That is why we should have snagged our men early (e.g. while we were in our mid-late 20’s), so that we could preach the career line to hook them, and then have the flexibility to bear them kids when we were over 30, and have that reliable husband to help us rear them. Those of us like me who put career over everything got ahead in the working world, but missed out on getting the decent guy. Now I have younger men who just want to have s-x with me (no thanks) or those that are to old to have s-x with me (no thanks), or men my age who do not want to marry me or have s-x with me b/c they fear I will trap them into marrage (no thanks). So you can see, it is a tough world out there for the single career woman like me who is successful in business but NOT in love. FOOEY!

      • Anonymous

        Totally agree with this. In my area, it is just not common for a man of 35 not to either have kids or want them. It is pretty common for men over 40 to have kids and sometimes those kids are high school age – people have kids young here. With high-school age kids, yes, there are challenges, but it’s a different thing than someone having, like, a three-year-old child where you know there will be more than a decade of co-parenting with the ex ahead. Also will say that the 40-year-old single men I know who don’t have kids and don’t want them are generally the biggest man-babies and womanizers, and not interested in committing to anyone. The OP may actually be selecting out men who are interested in commitment/building a future because she won’t date men with kids.

        This story may be illustrative for the OP: my best friend never had kids and never really wanted them, and also had a “I don’t date guys with kids” rule. She was single into her late thirties because she kept dating men who would not commit. 12 years ago she met a man who was amazing and everything she was looking for – and pretty affluent to boot, which is always nice – but he had been married previously and had a kid. The kid was in high school at the time and lived with her mom in another state. Despite her previous “no kids” policy, she dated and ultimately married the guy within a year and a half. They’re still married 11 years later, and it’s actually been really great. Her stepdaughter was grown and out of college in no time, comparatively. She and her stepdaughter are now good friends and the stepdaughter is getting married and my friend is looking forward to having step-grandchildren.

        From what I have seen it is extremely unlikely that a woman of any age – but especially one looking for 35+ year-old men – is going to meet a guy who checks all the boxes for “what I want” and does not have any boxes checked for “what I don’t want.” The OP talked about “having to settle to find a partner” – to a certain extent, we ALL settle. There’s no avoiding it. You can choose not to compromise on the bigger dealbreakers but most likely, your partner will have at least one dealbreaker you’ll have to figure out how to live with.

      • Monday

        This has not been my experience. I am much like the OP if she were to drop her child-free requirement. That is, I’m child-free myself and in my late 30s, but willing to date guys with kids. So far, I have seen no correlation between parental status and willingness/readiness for a committed relationship. I’ve met some mature and responsible guys without kids, and some total clowns who have kids.

        I will also add that I find some men will say, or write on their profiles, that they “might want kids,” because they know most women do. However, when I say that I don’t want kids they will then admit that they don’t either.

        OP, if you feel strongly about this, then stick to your rule. It’s hard to find the right person no matter what, so don’t compromise if it’s not true to you.

    • Anonymous

      I’m finding hard to imagine a guy who (a) meets all your other requirements, (b) is still single, and (c) doesn’t have some self-esteem issues. Our culture is pretty rough on men who are single but don’t want to be.

    • Anonymous

      I’m 35 and every never or no longer married male I know in the 30-40 age range is missing one or more of your criteria. It sucks, I agree.

  14. Pardon? What did you say?

    I’ve been having problems with hearing against background noise over the past half year – particularly an issue at work (open plan office and coworkers with quiet voices) and at parties/bars. I’m 27.

    I had a hearing test yesterday (a proper one with a nurse, in person not online), and they found I had some hearing loss in one ear. They think it’s being caused by Eustachian Tube Dysfunction and recommended lots of nose blowing and breathing in hot steam.

    Has anyone had this before? What treatments did you use? I’d rather not use a steroid nose spray, if possible.

    • Anon

      It runs in my family and I have it on a particular frequency (that of the JT8D engine at cruising altitude that I’ve sat next to in the military and in commercial coach for 25 years… fly on a DC-9, 717, MD-80 or derivative and you’ll understand). I’ve never gotten a formal diagnosis but yes, it’s there. I have read lips in large groups for years. My friends know to look at me when they speak. I prefer 1-on-1 or small groups, but have been that way my entire life. I never wear earbuds when working out… too much *noise* and not enough situational awareness when they’re in. I don’t have the funds for hearing aids, but it really doesn’t impact my day-to-day. I don’t know that they’d make much of a difference.

      I can’t speak to the recommended treatments, but as far as the impact on my day to day, that’s how I deal.

      • Inspired By Hermione

        If it’s in part caused by military service it might be worth asking for a hearing test at the VA- even if you’re not eligible for VA benefits the VA may cover hearing aids.

        • Anon

          Nah, they made good and sure back then that we all tested out as normal before separation, so no paper trail. The document-everything-for-future-VA-claim stuff that they do now was not a thing in the 1990s, at least not in any unit I served in.

    • Anon

      Did you see an ENT? I don’t have hearing loss, but I have had various issues with my Eustachian tubes, and the potential solutions will depend on what’s causing them to be blocked. Nose blowing and breathing hot steam sound like quack options to me (unless you mean actual ear clearing methods like divers do, not just regular nose blowing. I’ve never had much luck with any of those techniques, though, and I’ve tried them a lot). You should be thinking more along the lines of decongestants, antihistamines, steroids (I know you don’t want these- I don’t take them either, since they make my nose bleed, but they can be very helpful for many people), avoiding allergens or other irritants, determining if you have any muscle issues causing the tubes to be blocked, etc.

      • Anon

        I do have some hearing loss that’s unrelated to blocked tubes, but when I have a head cold, the only thing that clears my ears, even if temporarily, is a hot shower (ie steam).

  15. Allison

    I’ve been dealing with a stress fracture in my shin (tibia) for a couple months now with no real progress. I have a follow up appointment on Tuesday and based on everything my doctor has said they are probably going to have to cast in a full leg cast.

    What should I be prepared for? I’ve never had a cast.
    If anyone has any tips, they would be appreciated as well.

      • Allison

        Good idea. I hadn’t thought of that. I suppose I shouldn’t wear long pants either.

        • Anonymous

          I would also suggest assembling things you can wear the first few days after the cast, as that’s when you will be on a learning curve with the cruches.

          • Allison

            Thanks….I’ve been on crutches for 4 weeks so I’m an crutch expert at this point….I’ll probably end up doing this though since things will be harder with a cast.

            I probably need to think about a cast color to coordinate to too:)

    • Anon

      Ask about a knee scooter. It may be entirely contraindicated for your injury but it is WAY better than crutches if you are allowed to use one. If you get one, check Craigslist, FB, and post on your neighborhood board that you need one. They float around as loaners and second-hand. I have one stashed in my office right now.

  16. Anon for this

    How do you keep the spark alive in a long-long term relationship? DH and I have been together for more than 15 years and have always had a lot of fun gardening. I’ve got no complaints with the actual gardening. It’s just that it’s been taking a lot more effort for me to get in the mood and things have been more infrequent and sporadic than I’d actually like because of it. I’m not, ahem, self-gardening any less frequently so I don’t really think low libido is the issue. I think it’s more that I’m a little bored? Complacent? I don’t know. It’s just not very exciting right now, and I’d love to find a way to kickstart things a bit. Any advice?

  17. Rowing personality type

    Fun question: I have fresh off of college team members and was thinking of doing a “know what makes you special” type of session because the juniors still don’t know how to market themselves and some of them have low self-esteem. I came up with goo analogies for most of the team except one: he is a caucasian heterosexual male who went to Ivy, so essentially the most replaceable/unmemorable person in my firm. But he was in the rowing team. I’m trying to find nice metaphors as to whatever skills he might have picked up while rowing which make him a valuable team member. Any thoughts?

    • The Original ...

      Takes direction well, can work as part of a team, can make adjustments to compensate for other teammates, can remain calm and focused while competitive or while in a stressful situation

    • Anonymous

      Maybe spend more time focusing on your own prejudices and biases? If you described someone as “replaceable” for being a POC, homosexual or went to a poor school….You need to spend less time thinking about rowing and more time working on your own team skills.

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