Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Pier Pleated Midi Wrap Shirtdress

348 Comments

1. What’s your typical engagement with the news? I’m finding that I do a lot of doomscrolling. I do want to be informed, but there is so much terrible news to process that I usually end up just throwing up my hands and ignoring it for a few days. And I hate to admit it, but I am so much happier when I completely avoid it. I know this isn’t responsible of me, but it’s true.

   Any tips for being an engaged but still sane citizen in this media environment?

   1. I paid to get a physical newspaper delivered to my house each morning and it is awesome. I do have NPR on in the car for a mix of national and local news and interesting stories. Gotta get back to using the phone as a phone and camera mainly.

      1. I basically do the same, supplemented with the Sunday NYT and checking a couple of good local news and NYT websites when I have time during the week. Let me make a pitch for Heather Cox Richardson’s Letter from an American – she does a daily Facebook post (which you can also subscribe to by email) with a nice capsule summary of major political and international news developments that day.

   2. I read the headlines and some full articles in Washington Post, NYT, WSJ and Ha’aretz and listen to NPR. I heard on a recent podcast (? Ezra Klein) that a huge percentage of Americans get their “news” from TikTok. I don’t even know what that means. People can poo-poo expertise all they want, but the reason institutions publish reliable news is that they respect journalistic expertise: they hire trained staff, they source stories, they fact check, they are transparent about corrections, they have and enforce ethics codes etc. I don’t understand how a society functions when people think TikTok is “news.” Not your question, I know, but it’s been on my mind.

      1. University politics lecturer and a vast majority of my students say “Tiktok” for news. Horrifies me.

         1. As someone born in the Soviet Union, I fully believe that this is all part of the plan for TikTok — to completely addict huge numbers of people, collect tons of data on them, and then control what information they see. China is doing with TikTok what Russia tried to do with Twitter, but better.

            1. Absolutely. China is manipulating the algorithms for all kinds of major events – why do you think young American women who heavily use TikTok are converting to Islam as some kind of protesting supporting October 7? It’s all part of an effort to destabilize American norms and national cohesiveness.

         2. This is really, really troubling.

      2. I agree in general, but in defense of social media, there are a lot of accounts that summarize articles from places like NYT, etc. New orgs also have accounts.

         I say this recognizing that there are many fake stories out there. I feel fortunate that I grew up at a time when I could easily develop the ability to tell a trustworthy source from an untrustworthy one. I’m not saying all the kids have developed that skill!

   3. I get a lot of my news from podcasts (The Daily, Today Explained, etc). It helps me feel less pessimistic because it feels less sensationalized and you get more context. I can also multitask (put away laundry, cook, drive in to work) while listening which makes me feel a lot better than doomscrolling, which feels like a pure waste of time.

      1. Yes. NYT The Daily and (right now) Times of Israel Daily Podcast are really helpful.

         1. +1

            Really like The Daily.

   4. Same here unfortunately.

   5. Don’t just scroll mindlessly on your phone. I skim headlines and read articles on the NYT and Washington Post on my phone, but I do a much better job of really engaging when I read on my laptop or listen to a podcast. You can also pick the topics that you’re most interested in and decide to follow those and not engage as much with others.

   6. The current flood of available information (most of it about tragedies or outrages) far exceeds our capacity to take it in and deal with it. It’s too much. You’ll have to turn off the spigot, because the information streams themselves are not ever going to say “This is too much; we’re damaging people’s ability to process and escalating anxiety; we have to cut back.”

      1. It’s not really even information. I have lately found the news to be short on facts and details as well as on deeper analysis of causes and consequences. It’s mostly repetitive bare-bones headlines, and then a lot of talking heads spewing angry nonsense to whip up their bases.

   7. What do you read? I find I do much better psychologically when I avoid tabloids like the NY Post, even just to skim. I also don’t get into the hyper local crime stories from outlets whose business model seems to be to just report every mugging in NYC (i still get my local news from other local sources, just not these) and get people to click because they are paranoid and afraid. Breaks definitely help as needed, but I also try to limit my times for news reading to when I would naturally do it in the pre-phone addiction times: morning and evening to see what’s happening in the world, or sometimes just morning. For this , it helps to redirect to other habits – whether it’s podcasts, books on the phone, games, etc.

   8. I read a LOT of news, partially because it interests me and partially because it’s related to my job.

      As for being engaged without being overwhelmed, I LOVE the NPR Up First podcast. It’s ~13 minutes and hits on 3-4 stories. It’s enough that you know what’s going on but not too much that it’s overwhelming.

      I have a friend who only reads his local news (Morning Call for any LV folks here). He can tell you all about the local news and maybe some state politics but knows virtually nothing about national or international news. This might be a good solution: he can talk about what’s happening with local regulations, roadwork, high school sports, local politics, and the fun human interest stories. He seems blissfully unaware of anything beyond the Lehigh Valley though – he didn’t learn about the Maui fires for over a week.

      I probably am engaging with the news ~2 hours a day. I start with Up First, then read headlines / news alerts / tweets on my phone. Then when I get to work I read my local city paper’s (Philadelphia Inquirer, skim the headlines of the local news stations’ websites) and national news (usually Washington Post, CNN, sometimes NYT or WSJ) and then I also have an online subscription to the Economist.

      I abhor politics but love other current events, so it’s a delicate line of knowing enough about politics to be knowledgeable but not enough that I’m overwhelmed or losing my mind. If only I could be an informed citizen without ever having to read about the ongoings of Congress…

      1. I also listen to Up First and a 5-minute podcast from my local NPR station. And that’s about as much as I can handle.

      2. +1 for Up First
         Although I completely tune out the news when I’m busy in other areas of life.

   9. I have a Washington Post subscription. I spend about 20 minutes in the evening reading in depth, well-sourced articles. Otherwise, I do not engage.

   10. One aspect of this that has been really challenging for me is the extreme rise of clickbait for important news in every single paper, ranging from my locals to the New York Times. The local papers write things like “this Bay Area town placed on flood alert” or”explosion snarls traffic on this major highway” so you have to click to see what the town is and if it’s affecting your route. I absolutely hate it. I don’t know how I can get basic, dispassionate traffic or emergency information these days.

       1. I’d recommend following your local emergency management office and/or signing up for their text alerts! Mine sends out alerts for storm watches / warnings, major roadway closures, and other events that might have major impacts (if a fire is releasing chemicals, if there’s a major police incident). They’re not so often that they’re annoying, but a good way to be informed of something major.

          I am also still on Twitter and follow the office there – tweets are more frequent / for more minor incidents.

   11. It varies for me. I check the NYT homepage at least once a day to a few times a day. When really political things are happening I’ll bounce between 4-5 different major news outlet homepages to get the different reporting angles. I listen to a few different podcasts that report or discuss current events (The Daily, Today Explained, Pivot, Pod Save America, Hard Fork (tech news)). However if it’s a topic I’m not interested in I will skip episodes, I’m not religious about it. I also will skim a couple news headline round up daily newsletters (Skimm, Anti-Racism Daily, Next Draft).

       To be super honest, I follow war and conflict stories (like Ukraine, Israel/Gaza) at a very very high level. Like I’ve skipped a lot of The Daily podcasts lately because they’re (understandably, rightfully) so focused on Israel/Gaza. I know what’s going on from following headlines. The details are just generally way too heavy for me to carry on a daily basis, and also entirely not actually helpful to the situation.

       I rely on social media for news exactly 0%. I might see something happened on Instagram (although not regularly since I don’t follow “news” things on social) but as soon as I do I’m going to go to an actual news source (NYT generally) to see what is going on.

       1. I do the same with the same with war news. I don’t avoid it completely- I listen to podcasts that have been focusing on the big picture stuff and reading actual books on Israel-Palestine, but I don’t find it very helpful to follow the day to day news all that closely. So I guess that’s another rec: history not news!

   12. I read news, but I do not watch news. And I stopped doom scrolling in 2021 for self preservation.

   13. I subscribe to the NY Times and spend about half an hour reading it on my phone each morning. I have a specific order to the sections I read, and generally skip the politics and world sections so as not to stress out first thing in the morning. I bookend reading the news with their puzzles – connections and spelling bee before news, wordle after. This keeps me from getting too deep into the terrible things happening. I subscribe to 2 new local news s!tes (The City NYC and New York Groove), which both do great investigative reporting on local issues, but only have a few new stories each day. And then I spend 5-10 minutes on my twitter feed, which has news, but is highly curated. No other social media (except this place). I’m hating what’s happened to twitter but haven’t gotten an invite to bluesky yet, which I think will be my replacement.

       All of this is time-limited as part of my pre-work routine. If there are longer articles I want to engage with, I bookmark them and read on the weekend.

       1. I have BlueSky invites to share! If you post a burner or your Twitter account, I’ll email or send one via Twitter.

   14. I think it helps to identify your goals more concretely. Being informed or engaged or “responsible” are all very vague! If it is possible that a happier version of you does more concrete good in the world, is it really more responsible to dedicate a lot of time and energy to staying informed? If there are actions you take that need to be well informed actions, there is probably a more efficient and focused way to inform yourself than the doom scrolling, but thinking about exactly what your goal is might help you identify what that would be. If you are active and purposeful about what you need to know and why, you can opt out of the more passive relationship with media that is carefully designed to produce negative emotions because it’s the best way to get more monetizable engagement out of us. If you just don’t want to be clueless, you could take an approach like checking the “current events” portal on Wikipedia every day, and you’d still have an idea what is going on but presented in a way that’s informative and straightforward. If your goal is to make the right choice when voting, or to write letters to your representatives, or to volunteer for campaigns, those are some examples of other more targeted goals that you might be able to achieve much more efficiently. (Where I live it can take as little as three minutes of research to ensure I’m making the right choice when voting…)

       That said, I think it’s legitimate to bear witness to needless suffering and process it just because it is happening and matters, but I also think this is real work that isn’t always compatible with other callings in life. There are a lot of pressures in individualist culture for every individual to do it all and take on every burden, and sometimes it helps to identify what our contribution is and isn’t and support the people with other roles? So in my religion this would be work most often done by nuns or monks, and not so much by people with jobs and families, and they’re doing it with a whole system of support surrounding them. I think many other traditional religions and cultures have similar ways of dedicating attention (spending whole days in prayer, reflection, writing, or charity work) while also letting life go on in a community. So donating money to some cause you care about on a recurring basis and already know enough about to act on may matter more than getting daily updates and focusing the mind on a problem like a kind of secular monk with a day job… just because there is suffering that deserves that kind of attention doesn’t mean everyone needs to be the person providing it (and it’s more than any one person can do; there is always so much more than the media is focusing on at any time anyway). I don’t think it is selfish or sociopathic to sort of accept that our capacity to process these things on a daily basis is finite.

       1. I totally agree with your last paragraph. My career helps to advance social justice in a very specific and concrete way. The world benefits more from my doing that job and doing it well than from my wasting time and mental energy being performatively anguished about every injustice in the world 24/7.

   15. I stopped engaging with the news completely. It was making me too depressed to constantly hear about people doing bad things, and the climate is screwed, and politicians are fighting, on and on. There is nothing in the news that effects my life, and in the event there was something, I’d hear about it. This idea that you need to be informed was made up by the media to sell their product. What you find on your typical news outlets is not news, it is sensationalized drama meant to keep people looking at it. I have not looked at a single news site in months, and I do not feel like I am missing anything, and I do feel much happier.

2. I am hoping someone can point me to a place they’ve used that will create personalized PJs or sweatshirt with dog images. DD adopted a dog this year, and want to get her either PJs or a sweatshirt with her dog’s image on it (or all over, for PJs). Google throws up a ton of places that will do it; if anyone has used a service or vendor (including on Etsy) they had a good experience with, I’d appreciate the lead.

   Thanks in advance.

   1. I did socks with our dog’s face for my husband on Divvy. Cute in theory — but hilarious when you put them on because the face stretches and gets way out of proportion. Have you considered a fleece photo blanket instead? I have done tons of these as gifts and they are always very much loved.

      1. Where did you order the fleece blanket from, if you recall?

         1. I ordered from Collage.com. I have done photo fleece and sherpa blankets. I was happy all. They wash well and have have held up.

         2. I have ordered from the “free photo gifts” iphone app, but I think their website is called Photo Affectations. We have a photo blanket of our dog (a collage of photos) and my kid loves it!

3. It’s late 2023. Is anyone here wearing flares, either to a casual office or otherwise? My eye prefers a bootcut on me but I feel like if flares work, maybe they work for others?

   1. I was before I got pregnant. Have a great pair of Madewell charcoal flares that I can’t wait to fit into again! My former boss told me “great jeans” the first time I wore them. She is the most fashionable woman I know and a senior director. Fwiw though, I’m 5’11”. Not sure whether they would work on someone significantly shorter.

   2. Yes, I’m wearing flares.

      Could you say more about this question of yours: “but I feel like if flares work, maybe they work for others?” What’s keeping you from trying them?

      1. I feel like it is just a lot of fabric and maybe if they work on someone 5-11, it is too much volume for me (5-3). I may also be styling the whole outfit wrong, so it may not be the fault of the pants.

         1. Flares require a slim top so if you’re trying to pair them with the more voluminous styles that used to balance out skinnies, the proportions are not going to work.

            1. So if you are a pear who is 3 sizes bigger on the bottom you may look like a pyramid?

            2. Is a pair of flares writing this?! Surely the answer is to go try on a pair and see if you like them?

            3. Yes! Flares require a slim top on my apple shaped body. A pear shaped person will need volume at the shoulder and a nipped in waist to balance them out.

   3. Subtle ones (the AG Angel specifically, which they advertise as bootcut but is more of a flare IMHO) yes, with heels. With flats, loafers, etc I am taken straight back to years of Mudd jeans with the hems shredded from dragging on the ground and I don’t need to channel grunge angst in my adult years.

   4. I’m petite and I love flares. The key for me is that they’re not tight on the upper leg (like the ones I wore in the 90s were), so they’re more like a hybrid of straight and flare, if that makes sense? And I wear them with more close-fitting tops, although not very tight ones because I just don’t wear those.

      1. For me, I prefer a tight fit in the thigh and then the flare. I think this shows that fit is sooo personal. OP – go try some on!

         1. This must be my problem — I needed a curvy cut in skinnies and in flares, it just looks too tight and too loose in the same pair of pants.

   5. I’m 5’4 and I wear them jeans with platform or heeled boots on the weekends a lot! I don’t have any for work, but I work in a pretty formal environment. If I was more bis-cas at work, I would for sure get a pair in non-jean material and wear them to work!

      I won’t wear bootcut or flares with anything but boots / heels (preferably heeled or platform boots). For white sneakers, flat boots, or loafers I wear straight leg still.

      1. i’m an in house lawyer of a certain age. i have a pair of burgundy cordoroy flares that i wear with boots and a sweater to work. shore of something really costumey or type i think one can wear whatever silhouette is on trend in work fabrics.

   6. Yes, they’ve been back for a while and I love them. Always have. When they come around I usually buy quite a few pairs and wear them even when they’re out, they’re my signature style for pants.

4. If you work in a business-casual office and are more senior, what do you typically wear to work? I feel like I could get away with being ultra casual, but I shouldn’t. I want to dress a bit like I am full of promotion potential and can be out in front of people without being embarrassing and definitely want to say “don’t quiet fire me — you want me in your A team.” So fashion as an asset in an economy that I think is edging towards layoffs disguised as strict performance reviews. I want to look like the person you want to keep (my team knows this but it is small and I’m a bit more experienced but a bean-counter may just see me as more expensive).

   1. I usually wear sheath dresses, low heels and fine jewellery. My bag and shoes were not flashy but excellent quality. Think Bottega or Ferragamo. Or silk blouses with trousers.

      Well groomed and polished.

   2. Black or gray jeans and an interesting blazer.

   3. Like, one step dressier but the same type of clothes. So days where jeans are ok, I maybe wear an ivory pair with loafer mules rather than blue with sneakers. For meetings, blazer instead of sweater jacket. On average days, things like block heels or loafers instead of Rothy’s, crisp blouses under sweaters instead of slouchy knits, etc.

      Some low-key days I 100% succumb and wear comfy knits to the office but days I know I’ll be ‘seen’ I make the effort.

   4. I am in a business casual office and do not subscribe to it at all.
      Forever corporate person here. I am consistently seen as a competent professional and intend to
      maintain that. Plus it is a uniform and evenly divides work from play for my wardrobe. YMMV.
      One thing I can say is to keep your hair trimmed regularly. There was former staffer here and
      the utter lack of hair upkeep (trims) gave me pause about promoting her. That, amongst other reasons is why it
      did not happen. Yes it can appear to be petty; however, if a staff member is representing the company
      I want their grooming to be maintained.

      1. I’m curious about the hair – what about it made it look unprofessional? Was it too long? Too scraggly? I could see other grooming issues being obvious, but I don’t think I’d notice if someone wasn’t getting regular trims. Also, how regular is regular enough in your book?

         1. My hair is a little wavy and very thin. When it grows out, I look like a ragamuffin.

         2. Not the OP on this, but I used to manage someone who didn’t seem to wash her hair enough to avoid it being very visibly greasy, to the point where it had an odor. She was excellent, to the point where I struggled with what to do because I’ve never had a report that good since. What happened was that she went to a client who was entirely remote, so it hasn’t been an issue but I can see where it would be a limit where you need to do a lot of face-to-face things with people you don’t know who also don’t know you or your work well.

            1. Anon at 10:31 here and I totally get this issue! I have thin hair and have to wash it every day, but some people definitely take the infrequent hair washing WAY too far and I agree it can get really, really gross. If it is visibly greasy or has an odor you needed to wash it yesterday!

               I workout at the gym at work in the mornings and so many people don’t even wet, let alone wash, their hair and I think it’s gross. Even if they don’t need to wash it as frequently as others, if you’re getting sweaty you need to at the very least rinse and scrub it!

            2. I work out but it’s more for strength training at the near-work gym vs anything I’d get sweaty at if I can’t go home straight after. Hairspray + deodorant is my “shower” because my long hair takes too long to dry / style.

         3. Rat tail look, scraggly….like it had not been trimmed in years. Regular enough to not look scraggly…
            idk, perhaps 4x yearly or something?

            1. eeewwww..omg. Makes me think of Gary Oldham in Slow Horses.

      2. You didn’t want to promote someone because of their hair?? Yikes.

         1. If you are representing me, yes, I get to not promote you based upon upkeep. I would
            do it the same way again if need be.

            1. I’m just… you are proud of this? This is so mean girl. Women have fought hard to advance in the workplace and then you get to a pont when you are proud of treating other women this way?

            2. It probably isn’t just an issue affecting women, even though mentioned here today.

            3. What exactly is the pushback here? I am a GC of a large company. If outside counsel shows up looking a mess, I am going to be irritated.

         2. What if you worked in a medical office and someone kept picking at their cuticles until they bled. I know they wear gloves, but that sort of issue in a medical or food or personal care setting is something that is a problem.

            1. Do you honestly think that’s remotely the same as not trimming your hair?

            2. +1 this isn’t at all the same.

            3. I’m a cuticle picker and I work in a literal bio lab and I can guarantee that it’s not a problem for safety or sample sterility. If cuts are covered, gloves are put on and hands are washed, there’s no issues.

               It’s usually only an issue for the sort of jerk who think grooming is more important than work quality.

         3. Yes, this is how the world works.

         4. Men’s grooming is also policed for good reason. It is not a gender issue.

            1. Men’s grooming is also policed in some ways AND it’s a gender issue — women’s grooming is MORE policed, the expected standards are more complex and more expensive, etc

      3. These comments always make me wonder if this expectation was ever communicated and also if people are actually able to tell whether someone is e.g. trimming their hair.

         There aren’t many common visible symptoms of medical conditions that aren’t chalked up to hygiene or upkeep by someone! Scraggly hair can definitely be a symptom, and unfortunately some people who are struggling with hair issues are afraid to trim and lose what they still have and don’t realize they’re making it look worse… and some people are getting trims but their hair will never look healthy as a result.

         1. + a million

         2. I feel like we can tell if it is a choice / bad hygiene or just unfortunate (a friend broke her wrist and managing washing her hair, she is a senior adult who is single, is something she can’t do outside of a salon; that said, she is going to the salon weekly for a wash/blow-dry).

            1. Yeah, you can’t tell.

               If someone has greatly increased sweating and oily sweat from a combination of medical conditions and medications, won’t they just seem like they didn’t shower or wash their hair recently enough? Even if it was hours before.

      4. You’re getting a lot of heat about this here, but I completely support you. I sat next to someone in a class who I think never washed her hair — while I was writing this, I just thought of another person — and I would never have recommended either of them for anything. It was offensive. Nothing ageist, racist, no expectations that should have had to have been explained, nothing “mean”; they were simply dirty. In professional positions and reeking. Both were married and I always wondered what their husbands thought.

      5. Wait, you actually did not promote someone because you did not like her hair? Way to get sued.

   5. C-suite here. The style matters less than the overall presentation. Keep your hair cut, colored and styled, make sure your clothes are clean and pressed, shoes are scruffy, etc. good jewelry and light makeup. I wear a range of styles from athleisure on a casual day to a suit on a formal day, but they’re always very crisp and put together, like you have to know when something should be demoted to weekends only. Office is anything goes, technically.

      1. Agree 100% on everything but coloring your hair – if you want to, fine and probably stay away from unusual colors. But it’s ageist to think anyone has to color their hair to be presentable.

         1. Yes. And corporate America is ageist especially against women

         2. The thing is that the people making decisions are ageist, so coloring your hair is prudent. I would make an exception for very prematurely white hair that is striking and impeccably styled and therefore not aging.

            1. Yeah. All silver or white can look gorgeous. But I’m 40 and my dark haired friends who just let their random grays show look terrible. Sorry. I wish I had a solution because I know it needs to be grown out or whatever but grey roots and random stragglers, especially when they are super coarse compared to your other hair? Nothing says you’re tired, aging and have given up like that look. Maybe a sleek bun and a headband or scarf could lend some polish in this situation? I think an hour in the salon every month is easier but I guess these women disagree.

            2. Okay. The dark haired women I know who let their silver hairs show look just as good as the men who do.

            3. I think maybe the key word here is “keep”. If you color your hair keep it maintained. 2 inches of roots (of whatever color) makes you look sloppy and disorganized. Same with gel manicures or acrylics that have grown out half way down the nail bed, or false eyelashes that are half missing.

            4. In response to 2:12 I agree. Hair past one’s ears graying looks terrible on both men and women. A graying pixie cut or traditional men’s haircut looks fine. Keeping your hair long when it’s graying is a bad look. Sorry. I’ve know more than one man in my profession life with a graying ponytail and it’s just as awful looking on them.

      2. There are such racial/ethnic understones to the discussion of “acceptable” versions of what makes hair polished. I think several of the women on this thread could benefit from some unconscious bias training.

         1. This is simply not true. People love to throw out how racists something is when they don’t agree but can’t come up with a cogent argument.

         2. White culture discriminates against black women who wear braids or other protective styles but no one would argue that those looks are unkempt. But black women can be vicious to other black women who just pull their hair back in a bun and use a few bobbie pins. Google Gabby Douglas for a reminder.

         3. What comments on this thread are racist?

   6. I think there is very much a know your office angle to this. In my (government) office, dressing in a very corporate-polished way is seen as more junior. Younger attorneys tend to wear more interview-suit type outfits, heels, structured bags, etc. Sort of old-school-Corporette style. The more senior women dress much more casually and comfortably, and sometimes with more personality — not athleisure though. For example, today I am wearing black straight leg jeans with chelsea boots and a cashmere sweater, and interesting earrings. Another senior woman I met with today was wearing a patterned long sleeve dress, tights and tall boots. The most senior woman in the office is usually wearing some sort of pants, sweater, and boots outfit. People are generally well groomed, but noticeable makeup is rare, including lipstick. I never see heels on anyone over 30.

      1. Agreed, traditional corporate formal fire women was very much a junior employee thing in the settings I’ve worked in (big law and in-house). By the time I left big law as a partner, I hadn’t worn a traditional suit in years.

   7. CFO in a very casual office. I wear jeans on the days I am in the office. Often with a shirt and sweater or some combo of 3 pieces. Neat and clean shoes, well kept hair and minimal, but nice jewelry. I am very well respected because of how I work and what I know — not how I dress.

5. What is the unicorn boot that:

   1. is genuinely comfortable with arch support
   2. can handle snow, sleet, and rain
   3. is something I can wear all day at the office

   I have rain boots that work for 2 and 3, but they are not comfortable and don’t breathe well.

   I have snow boots that work for 1 and 2, but even in my very casual office, I feel weird wearing them all day.

   I’d really prefer not to carry an extra pair of shoes to change into and I can’t keep shoes at the office.

   Are Blondos the answer? My budget does not allow for La Canadienne or Aquatalia.

   1. The answer is changing your shoes at the office, I’m afraid. You’re sure you can’t keep shoes at the office? There isn’t a closet somewhere you can stash a couple pairs?

   2. Based on my experience in Chicago, I think blondos are your best option. Look for one with a lug sole to be better in snow/on ice. I found them very walkable. I also like the sorel explorer hiker or their out and about boots. They are more casual, but they worked in my office with pants.

   3. Aquatalia on sale. I have two pairs that I got for less than half price, one from the brand’s web page and one from gilt dot com.

      1. +1

         This is the answer.

         You find the style that works for you. You stalk it. You buy it on sale.
         You keep it for years and years, by caring for them. Bring to the cobbler every year to touch up/reprotect. Clean when salt gets on them etc.. It is not much work at all, and is cheaper than getting less good boots more often.

   4. The answer is changing your snow boots when you arrive at this office. You’re being silly.

      1. This is not at all silly. It’s a normal, practical question.

         1. Omg yes it is silly to expect a unicorn shoe that somehow also won’t cost money. Dress for the weather, you’re (probably) not a 20 year-old intern.

            1. Let’s be fair, that’s not what she asked. You can ignore things that frustrate you.

      2. Absolutely hated this solution, love my insulated, waterproof Blondos.

   5. I have some Sorels from a couple years ago that meet this criteria. My weather is milder than Chicago, but maybe you can change your socks rather than hauling shoes?

      1. +1, Sorels or Blondos.

      2. Ditto on Sorels. I have a few of the more fashion pairs and they are doable inside. Ugg has a few moto/chelsea boots that can also work.

   6. If you’re trudging through a blizzard on a NYC sidewalk, you need actual snow or rain boots. If you’re just like driving to work while snow is one the ground but the sidewalks have been mostly shoveled, I think any leather boot will do. You can get balm that waterproofs them. I have Pikolinos that have no special weather quality to them and they’re fine in bad weather as long as I’m not walking through sidewalk soup.

   7. I think it depends on how much snow, sleet, or rain you’re looking for them to handle. Full on snow or rain storm? You’ll likely need to change shoes. Slush left on the streets / drizzling? You can probably get by with Thursday or Blondos (just treat the leather for the weather). I second the recommendation for something with a lug sole for traction.

      I am the Red Wing Harriet lover of the board, and I wear my Red Wings all winter long. They’re very comfortable so I can wear them all day. I wear them to work, to go out, and to walk around my city. They have a vibram lug sole and are sturdy, so I’m not worried about traction in them even when its snowing, raining, or slushy. They do have a 2″ heel, but that doesn’t bother me.

      On days I need something that’s closer to a sh!t-kicker but still want to look nice enough, I wear my Blundstones. To me they are as comfortable as my Birkenstocks. They were totally fine to wear in my old office (like half of us wore them to work), but my current job is more formal so I only wear them to work on bad weather days. I have the high tops and they’re also fine with dress + tights or pants. They’re also good in weather – I don’t care about keeping mine pristine so it’s okay if they get a little stained and they also have good traction.

   8. Change your shoes at the office or spend money.

   9. I have an amazing pair of tall brown riding boots from UGG. They are waterproof, have skid-proof soles, good arch support and cushy wool insole. They look very sleek and take to standard treatment very well. I only wear them with dresses.

6. I want to Swedish Death Clean, purge, minimize the “stuff” in my house. I live alone and have lots of trouble purging items that are in good shape, that I still like, but just sit in a box or are nearly never used. Example; I have an entire Rubbermaid tote full of small tote bags, purses, bags. They are all in good shape, most have zippers which I love, but I only use small zippered bags if I travel and now that I pack light I really only use 3-4 a year. But I fear if I purge them, I’ll end up buying more. Same with some clothing items (black pants and dresses), kitchen items (I only use a blender for guests, but same can be said for the toaster, egg cooker, rice cooker, multiple crock pots, you name it). If things only get used 1x/yr, it adds up to a LOT of stuff. Anyone successfully get over this hump?

   1. Here is permission to ditch all your extraneous appliances. Guests can get over it and go buy a smoothie if you don’t have a blender. You can cook rice in a regular pot, it’s just a little more work. Same with eggs. You can toast bread in the oven or replace your toaster with a toaster oven, which in turn means we use our real oven only like 1x a week. MULTIPLE crock pots? No!

      1. Cooking rice in a regular pot is zero additional work! Add water and maybe a dash of salt, let it boil, add rice, stir to distribute evenly, turn down heat to very low, put on lid, and simmer for time listed on package (about 18 mins for white rice and 40-45 for brown). You don’t need to stir it or anything until the timer goes off. I use the time it takes to boil the water to pull the rice out of the cupboard and measure it out.

         1. That’s what I meant by “a little” lol. For the rice cooker you just put in the rice and cold water and push “cook” and it dings when it’s done – no watching for boiling, stirring, etc. If you make rice often it really is worth the shelf space, but for once a year, no way.

   2. Join your neighborhood buy nothing Facebook group. It’s so much easier getting rid of things when I know they are going directly to a person who will use them.

      1. +100000 this is how I did it. My group will also lend you something if you need it for guests, or if you give something away and then need it, it’s pretty easy to put an ask out for something.

         People also host ‘unsales’ which are free yard sales for the group if they want to move a lot of stuff without listing.

   3. I think you have to figure out why you really want to get rid of stuff and let that motivate you. My personal way of managing things is to have designated amounts of space for categories. So, kitchen appliances go in one cabinet. If I can’t fit them all comfortably, I need to remove things. If they all fit comfortably, I don’t worry about it too much. For tote bags, I have one larger tote all my other totes nest in.. and I can’t have more than that.

      1. I agree with this. I keep as much stuff as I can comfortably store, and when the storage starts to get uncomfortable, it’s time to purge. I have my kitchen stuff beautifully organized at the moment and I had to gently let my sweet husband know that no, I really do NOT want a new piece of Le Creuset for Christmas because I have no place to put it!

   4. Couple of suggestions: there is a Facebook group devoted to SDC and it really provides a lot of good motivation, plus people regularly post on what helps them. Second, for some reason, giving stuff through my Facebook BuyNothing group has been life changing. People regularly post follow ups showing how they are using what you gifted, and it is rewarding – even more so than the slight tax benefit from donating to a 501c3.

   5. Get rid of all but two of those tote bags now, today. It will be fine. Whoever cleans out your house will thank you. I just cleaned out a relative’s house that was full of spares upon spares and I nearly threw out my back getting rid of it all.

   6. I hear you! This is the hardest thing about paring down.

      One thing to think about is why you’re paring down, and what values you’re supporting with that. Maybe you want to make more room for when those guests come over, so they can be comfortable. If that’s the case, maybe I’d keep the blender or some other small appliance my frequent guests love (my personal small appliance in this category is the coffee maker) and then ditch the rest. The little bags don’t add to the value of wanting to have a comfortable space for my guests, so I’d get rid of all but the ones I love/use the most plus an couple extra, then donate the others.

      This is just an example!

      It sometimes works for me to get rid of stuff in stages. So I might get rid of 3-4 tote bags the first go-round. Then a couple months later I realize I haven’t missed them. So I get rid of a few more.

      Good luck!!

   7. Get rid of it all. I have a local buy nothing group and rehoming all my stuff there feels better than taking it to the dump or goodwill.

      I do keep a few things that I use once or twice per year, but that’s it. My short list is: a cookie press (holiday cookies only); a sno cone machine (stored in the garage), a small citrus juicer (my inlaws send citrus over the holidays and I love juicing it, plus I have a lemon tree that bears fruit once per year) and a pan that we use exclusively for making our holiday Chex mix but it is EXACTLY the right size.

      Just reading your post has inspired me to sort through my cookie cutters and ditch the lame ones, I have way too many. I think I also have two waffle makers (belgian, regular) and 0 kids that like waffles, and 4 large pyrex dishes when I only need 2-3.

   8. I just finished Swedish Death Cleaning (Part 1 of 3) with a parent. It was four 8-hr days, and as noted I see two more similar sessions coming in the near future. Miserable. I will be doing the same with my other parent soon, and it will be the fourth time. It has been such a waste of our time together. Do yourself and your family the favor of paring things down as you go. I have the same issue but feel very motivated to get it under control now.

   9. Do you have enough space?
      Do these items make you overwhelmed or stressed? Do you feel guilty for owning them, or for not using them enough? Is the sunk cost bothering you?

      Or do you just feel that you ought to declutter because that’s what people do?

      If it’s the last one, that’s not a very good reason. But if your stuff is overwhelming you, that is a very good reason.

      My favourite decluttering expert is Dana K Wight. She has practical advice for overwhelmed people, and very sensible methods.

      One of her questions that I like is “if I needed this item, would I remember that I already have one?” If you wouldn’t even remember, there’s no point in keeping it just in case. Even though something is in good shape, it’s not serving you if you never choose the item over a different one. It’s not useful to you if you wouldn’t really remember that you have it or where it is. But it might be very useful for somebody else, right now.

      Do not buy the Swedish death cleaning book by the old Swedish lady, however, that is a rambling memoir of an upper middle class woman, not a manual or guide.

      1. agreed on the book – I was disappointed when I read it.

7. I rolled my ankle over Thanksgiving. It feels a lot better, but isn’t better. I’ve been able to walk on it without a problem since it happened and it is much more flexible than it was initially, but it is still sore to the touch. It’s time to see a doctor, right? It’ll be 3 weeks on Friday.

   1. spoiler: I called the ortho right after posting and am going in this afternoon for what I’m REALLY HOPING will be a waste of time but if it isn’t I don’t want to lose my entire ski season. :/

   2. Maybe go to physical therapist first. In my experience if it’s not broken you’re going to end up there anyway and ankle stuff is usually soft tissue.

   3. Yeah, get it checked out.
      I sprained my ankle in July – bad enough that I got x-rays to make sure it wasn’t broken – and it’s still not 100%.

   4. Sure, see a doctor, but ankles take FOREVER to heal. I sprained my pretty badly and it was a full year before it was truly back to normal.

   5. Soft tissue injuries take a long time to heal, much longer than bone. Something like what you’re describing could easily be 8+ weeks of healing, plus some extra time to gain back the strength you likely lost while it was injured. Be clear with yourself and the doctor what you’re looking for here: do you want to know how long it’s going to take to get fully better? Do you want to know if you’ve torn something/injured yourself in a way that rest alone will not solve (aka do you need some imaging to see what’s going on)? Do you want physical therapy to help you feel better? Do you just want a boot/other medical device to keep your ankle stable while it continues to heal?

   6. At this point, there’s probably not much that a doctor can do. You could look into PT.

      In general, sprained ankles take a long time to heal and they’re usually never totally right again.

   7. My “sprained” ankle was actually broken in 2 places. I walked on it for 2 weeks. Whoops

   8. Hmmm well I’m glad I posted! This was helpful and I think what I really am doing is going to the doctor to get confirmation that there is nothing more to do but wait, and maybe get an opinion on when I can run on it (I technically could now…but not sure if I should), and if it’s okay to ski on as long as I can get it in the boot (I can, and it’s not swollen). I’m 40 and I’ve only sprained an ankle once and it was a MONSTER- the whole thing was swollen and I couldn’t bear weight. This was different- I was walking on gravel/rocks and the rock slid and my ankle went with it. It hurt but I could walk okay, and it wasn’t super swollen. But made A Noise when it happened and was tender for a few days to touch. It got better pretty quickly but has plateaued so I want to make sure I’m not like walking around with tendons flapping around where they shouldn’t be or something and am good to carry on as long as it doesn’t hurt too much. Getting old is for the birds, man!

      1. Get physical therapy before you run again and injure yourself even worse!

      2. I had a bad sprain a few years ago and asked about skiing – the irtho’s response was “knock yourself out – a ski boot is as good as a cast”. So I did :)

8. For what it’s worth i think if your bags are all neatly organized in a rubber maid container you are OK keeping them. I also don’t by this 1x/year thing. a year goes fast. if it works, you objectively have space, and you think you will use it, don’t drive yourself crazy.

9. Slightly gross question – does anyone regularly have their ears washed out through ear lavage ? I had this done once in when I had a blockage in my ear – they shoot a bunch of warm water in your ear and then you tip your head and let it flow into a bucket. It felt amazing and washed out not only the blockage but just extra gunk. Anyone do this when their ear isn’t impacted by a blockage?

   1. My ears overproduce wax. I bought an ear cleaning kit from Amazon. It’s a spray bottle with a special nozzle and a little cup with an ear hole for the water. Gets the job done.

      1. We have one of these also, as my kid produces a lot of earwax. Our doctor recommended we get one, and just follow the instructions/don’t push the nozzle too far into the ear canal (which would be counterproductive anyway). Works like a charm. They even have motorized ones.

      2. Can you link? Need this for my daughter.

         1. It’s called WaxBGone.

   2. My ears are on the small side and prone to block with regular earwax buildup. So, I do a preventative rinse from time to time.

      1. I try to use the dissolver or olive oil to break it down. But I’ve had to go in for the proper jet cleaning. The world was so loud afterward.

   3. FWIW, I got blockages twice that had to be treated by a doctor. The second doctor told me to just use Qtips to carefully clean out my ear canals, rather than letting the wax continue to build and build. I haven’t had a problem since, 15 years later. I’m totally aware of all the “official” guidance not to use Q-tips this way, but it’s worked.

   4. I actually have to see the ENT regularly to have them “surgically” remove my wax. Takes them just a couple minutes.

      Some people just have a harder type of wax, or it builds up fast for an unusual reason (I have an autoimmune disease with inner ear inflammation that makes it build up more). It can be genetic too. My Dad had the same problem.

   5. My ears produce lots of wax. One time, it resulted in a blockage that affected my hearing, and the doctor used the method you describe. The relief was instant, and — not gonna lie — I immediately looked at the bucket to what exactly had come out of my head.

   6. Yes. After needing that done by a professional several times, seeing them do it, and observing their equipment and technique, I found and bought the “Elephant Ear Washer.” I use it on myself preventatively maybe once a month in the shower. And I haven’t needed to go back to a professional.

10. I had a somewhat startling conversation with my boss yesterday and I need some perspective. About a year ago, I made a mistake at work that cost the organization a fairly significant amount of time and money. The mistake was a result of me being new in the role and doing a new for the first time with very little oversight from my boss, and a vacancy in a critical role that would have provided checks and balances on my work. At the same time, I was dealing with a medical crisis in my personal life. The (work) situation has since been resolved. I have gotten good reviews on two performance evals since then and was never given any sort of reprimand/critical feedback on the issue. But for several months, I wondered if I would lose my job over it. Fast forward to yesterday, when my boss and I were discussing a new project with some similarities. She basically said – she took the fall for me last time, but this time I will be responsible for any mistakes, so I need to keep her in the loop throughout so that she can support me. I mentioned that I was worried last spring I might lose my job. She nodded and said, I wouldn’t have let that happen. And then we basically moved on. But it’s freaking me out, to know that perhaps I was indeed close to losing my job. Do I do anything? How do I move past this (resurfaced) worry?

    1. All You do is don’t mess it up!

    2. You try very, very hard to get it right this time. Ask for help or advice from others as needed. Your boss is actually trying to be helpful here

       1. I know. I am really lucky to have a good boss. I’m just freaked out.

          1. Honestly, you should be relieved!

             Your boss sounds awesome.

    3. I think it is actually a good sign for you that the organization recognized that although you could have been the scapegoat for what happened, they looked deeper and recognized how their failures around you – missing person, poor oversight – meant they could not solely put the blame on you or do the convenient thing and simply fire you. Lots and lots of people/orgs would have hit the easy button on that one.

       Of course they considered firing you – it would have been weird if they didn’t, given the impact. But they didn’t, and they’ve given you good feedback since then. Pass it on – if you are ever in the situation where you can do a solid for someone else, remember it was done for you. And your boss has your back. that is good news.

    4. Unless you have a time machine and can go back into the past and not make the mistake (and if that’s the case – lemme borrow it when you’re done with it; I have a couple of old boyfriends I want to erase from my personal history), you do nothing. Well, more specifically – do everything in your power to not make the same mistake (or a similar one) again. Make sure you understand where you went awry last time and take steps to avoid that in the future. But there’s nothing you can do to change the past. Continued good performance is the best way to help people forget about the past mistake.

       I will also say: being super-anxious about what people think about the past mistake, and whether or not you’ll lose your job in the future, is a great way to make future mistakes (because you’re preoccupied) and also make yourself miserable. If you have intrusive anxious thoughts, help is available, and I’m saying that because over the last few years, things people have talked about here made me realize I have generalized anxiety, and I finally talked to my doctor about it. I got some medication and things are much better. It’s pretty great to go through life not obsessively thinking about things that I can’t change or that almost certainly won’t happen. I wish I had spoken up about what I was experiencing years ago.

       1. Hah! This is what my brain looks like on pretty effective anti-anxiety medication!! And it was Corporette several years ago that gave me the final push (including an actual script) to talk to my doctor about it. Yes, it is life changing.

    5. Let the past be in the past. Do your best to get it right this time – it sounds like there are much better supports in place, and you have the support of your boss too! Get help and/or advice when you need it. You’ve been doing great (based on your performance reviews) – so keep it going!
       Best of luck

    6. I mean, I think she laid the cards on the table: you messed up, she took the fall and put her faith in you that you’ll do better this time. It sounds like now it’s on you to do it right this time.

       I would make sure you continuously keep her in the loop as she’s asked. Build in periodic checkpoints.

    7. I think your boss is doing you a kindness here- the giant blunder was overlooked last year because of reasons out of your control, but now you’ve been there a year and should know your own limits. Take advantage of the offer and check in periodically to ensure you get it right!

    8. May I reframe this? There was a bad time in your work and personal life, you made a mistake and the organization failed to have the necessary checks that would have caught it. You wondered if you would lose your job – and indeed, your intuition was correct, you likely could have lost your job if not for your boss. But your boss is great, and recognized that the organization failed as well, and she advocated for you. She could have thrown you under the bus, but didn’t. Your work is now good, there are checks in place, and you are extra-careful. Give credit for your intuition, and your conscientiousness for good, careful work now. Seriously, this is like a textbook answer for “tell me a time when you made a mistake and how you handled it” in your next job interview. I get why you have some scars, but you’re doing all the right things. Trust yourself. (And in 6-12 months if you still can’t shake the worry, it may be time to move on and start fresh.)

       1. Wow. This made me tear up. This is so kind. Thank you. I am pretty tough on myself, and this reframing makes perfect sense. And is indeed exactly what I would want to hear were I interviewing a candidate and asked about mistakes/growth.

       2. Comments like this are why I keep reading this site, despite the occasional extreme negativity. It’s so nice to see people to go out of their way to support an internet stranger. Thanks for giving me a little bit of holiday cheer today!

          1. Same, thank you anon a mouse!

             1. Agree whole heartedly! Support and kind words like this , in real life and via internet, are wonderful to ‘hear’ even if I am not OP. Kindness and care for others is certainly alive and well on this site.

11. my father has decided that he’d like to go to the Oregon coast this summer on a trip to celebrate his 75th birthday. can anyone recommend a town or two that is a reasonable drive from an airport. we might rent a house, but prefer a hotel.

    1. Is he into fishing? You can start at the coast and do fishing day trips on the Rogue River that are really special.

    2. Astoria and Cannon Beach are fairly close (1.5 to 2hrs). I’ve personally been to Cannon Beach and it’s a cute sleepy town with a scenic beach for strolling and tide pool viewing. Nearby Ecola State Park has nice hikes. It’s otherwise very small and you might want to couple it with another town (Astoria to the north or others to the south) if you want to have a trip that’s longer than a weekend getaway.

       1. I love Seaside.

    3. edited to add this is a trip with my father, my family which includes me, my spouse and my will be 6 year old twins and my sister, her husband and will be 2 year old. ideally someplace we can all enjoy, though we can split up for different activities as needed

       1. In that case, (I’m the one who said Astoria/Cannon Beach above), I would say Newport. It’s 2.5 to 3 hrs from PDX or 2 hrs from Eugene. It has a lot more going for it and there is an aquarium and zoo for the kids.

    4. North coast to south (you can’t go wrong!)
       – Astoria is a cute little town where Goonies was filmed
       – Seaside is the classic, with a boardwalk, broad beach, great aquarium, and tons of little shops
       – Tillamook has the famous cheese factory (and ice cream samples)
       – Lincoln city is a proper town with lots of places to stay and great beach access
       – Salishan Lodge is the fancy hotel and on a beautiful part of the coast

    5. I can’t help with the location near an airport, but just in case you’re also looking for somewhere to stay, we’ve had great experiences renting properties for family (both large and small groups) from this company. We’ve always been very happy. They have locations all over Oregon and California. https://www.meredithlodging.com/oregon-vacation-rentals/

    6. Cape Perpetua near Yachats is beautiful; we took my inlaws there over the summer & they loved it as much as we do but it is not close to the airport. If you want to be closer to the airport, then the northern coast is your best bet (Astoria; Seaside; Cannon Beach; Manzanita; Tillamook). Astoria is cute little seaside town-esque (we took my inlaws there too; they loved it as well. Fort Stevens is also close and we were able to walk out on a jetty between the Columbia & the Pacific for photos). Seaside / Cannon Beach are a bit more touristy (Cannon Beach has Haystack Rock) so can be busier. Manzanita appears to be fancier (but I haven’t actually been there, just basing this off seeing friends’ golf pics!). Tillamook is beautiful and large if you count Tillamook State Forest (also has Tillamook Creamery and a small downtown area). Hotel wise I would think Seaside/Cannon Beach and Manzanita would be hotel-places; the others would be smaller hotels/inns or Air BNB type places? We usually camp so I am not positive on this. ENJOY! The OR coast is stunning (and this is coming from someone who grew up on the water on the east coast/mid-atlantic)!!

    7. newport!!! my parents loved visiting there. we drove to depoe bay and saw some whales at the parks, ate at local ocean which they loved

    8. Manzanita!!!! Cannon Beach and Seaside are closest to the airport . I hate Seaside, can be very touristy. Cannon Beach is gorgeous but $$$$$ and recently unbelievably crowded. Drive 15 min farther south to Manzanita which has gorgeous beaches, good house inventory and slightly cheaper. There are a few amazing state parks/state beaches in between (Oswald West has hiking and iconic beaches plus surfing, Acadia Beach and Hug Point also iconic but are just parking by beach access- beaches with waterfalls, rock formations etc). You are still close to Ecola (VIEWS and the hike to Crescent Beach, while eroded, is unbeatable).

       1. Second and third this rec. Someone above described Cannon Beach as a sleepy town — it’s decidedly not. Jam packed during the summer and most of the restaurants are full, but still not very good. Manzanita has a cute downtown and several good restaurants in addition to what Anonymous described. Lots of houses to rent.

       2. As a counterpoint, I’ve rented a place in Manzanita and it was so windy on the beach, we couldn’t spend more than 30 minutes there. Hands down, the best town on the Oregon Coast is Cannon Beach. It has the best beaches and restaurants and hotels/airbnbs. Kids will love the candy stores and ice cream places. Haystack rock tidepools are interesting for the whole family.

12. I know people have recommended these here before, but does anyone use a sunrise wake-up clock and if so, can you recommend a particular type or brand? Thank you!

    1. I got a cheapie off of Amazon several years ago, so can’t recommend a specific model but I LOVE it. It makes waking up early (especially now when it’s pitch black outside) so much easier and more enjoyable. I’m usually stirring by the time the alarm sound comes on (and I chose birds rather than a harsh alarm tone) so it’s not as startling to wake up.

    2. My sunrise alarm clock is the best purchase I’ve ever made. I went for a cheap one — a brand called HomeLabs on Amazon. Apparently I’ve had it for more than five years now and it’s still like-new, even despite being knocked over many times.

    3. Phillips

       1. +1

    4. We got the Philips SmartSleep for my daughter who is not a morning person, but has a school bus to catch. It has been life changing. Highly recommend!

13. Assuming you’re flying into PDX, you can get several places on the northern coast in ~90 minutes. Seaside is “classic beach vacation” town with a big wide sandy beach and boardwalk; Cannon Beach is a little more Oregon-y and I think more appealing if you don’t have little kids.

    For the day, Ecola State Park is wildly beautiful, and is my family’s go-to

    1. +1. My impression of Seaside and Cannon Beach too!

14. my kitchen table and my dining room table both look lousy without a table cloth. It appears from all i see that table clothes are out. i have for years kept a non descript vinyl table cloth on both for every day but they are getting harder and harder to find (probably because as i said about they are “out.” suggestions?

    1. Why do they look lousy? Are the surfaces damaged? Would placemats work instead?

    2. Target has cute tablecloths all the time. Or Home Goods, if you want something higher quality. (But, finding a vinyl one is a lot tougher.)

    3. I don’t really understand – one google search for vinyl tablecloth turns up lots of options. Are you trying to not buy online?

       However, I agree that vinyl tablecloths are not a look that is very current. I would just get a regular fabric tablecloths that can be washed in the laundry – easily purchased at target, etc. I think this can look current for the dining table, especially for the holidays when the table is set/decorated. I personally think that a kitchen table tablecloth is a little odd but I bet you can make it work. I just generally don’t love tablecloths so that’s my bias.

       Or you could get a new to you dining table – my Facebook marketplace has a bunch of dining tables all the time, or you could get a new one.

       If you post the size/shape of your table, I’ll look for tablecloth options. But without know if it’s rectangular or circular it’s kind of pointless to post links.

    4. I have 3 kids who like to use sharpies so I always use tablecloths. I get these: https://www.etsy.com/shop/SoleildeProvence?ref=shop_sugg_market

       They are AMAZING, you do have to wipe clean right after they get dirty but so much easier than trying to get stains out of the wood!!!

       1. Co-sign on this vendor. So lovely.

       2. Wow, those are beautiful!

       3. Got this vendor rec from here several years ago and her work is fantastic.

       4. +1 on these being amazing, we use them on our outdoor teak dining set and they wear like iron!

    5. It’s your house, not a show house to put the current trends on display. If you like tablecloths, use tablecloths. My little house is a 1960s mid century modest starter home and the kitchen table is of a size and with a tablecloth that is absolutely what the house calls for. It’s small and comfortable and I like it, trends be damned.

    6. IKEA and H&M Home always have table cloths.

    7. I really hate vinyl table cloths, I much prefer a sturdy cotton that can just be tossed in on the wash

    8. Linen tablecloths aren’t out.

    9. I think vinyl tablecloths are out but you can always get a fabric one and those are not particularly in style, but also not “out” imo. I bought some really pretty liberty print ones recently. You can also search Etsy for block print ones. Pottery barn has some nice ones, too. I just lean into a slightly girly, somewhat bohemian vibe. If you’re determined to stick to vinyl target has options that are somewhere in the middle (easy to wipe but don’t look like vinyl). Or google oilcloth for fun kitschy prints that could work in the kitchen.

       1. Vinyl tablecloths were never “in”. They do an important job, though, and not being on trend is no reason to not have/use one if needed.

          1. Fair. FWIW, if it’s solely a matter of function, my aunt does vinyl with a fabric on top to protect her table from spill but not look like vinyl.

    10. My tablecloths are from Target but they are not vinyl.

    11. I have 4 PVC coated cotton tablecloths I purchased in Denmark. They are on big rolls, normally outside the homeware shop and you pay per meter.

        Try this vendor: https://www.nordicnest.com/tableware/dining–table-accessories/oilcloths/

        1. I love these!

        2. You can get oilcloth by the yard at fabric stores in the States, too. Call whatever’s local to you before going over – it’s normally on the bottom and there may only be a couple options.

    12. Vinyl is out but coated cloth tablecloths are in. They’re really cute too!

    13. This whole thread made me nostalgic for sitting around the big table at my grandmother’s house. The vinyl table cloth was a player as well.

    14. In person and in-line options: TJ Maxx, HomeGoods, Ollies, sometimes Target depending on the season ( see more in fall and at the holidays). If you like them and they serve your purpose, sounds like good reasons to use them!

15. I know I have some fellow migraineurs here. Hoping I can benefit from your experience.

    I had a terrible migraine yesterday. I have Riztriptan (Maxalt) on hand that my PCP prescribed at my last annual after I described sometimes losing 2-3 days to migraines. Yesterday the pain was intense and the triptan seemed to make me loopy and sleepy. But todau it still hurts in the same spot. I don’t know if this is postddrome or the after effects of the triptan, but I feel fuzzy-headed and everything seems loud and too bright. I can’t imagine sitting in front of my computer today and wrangling data.

    How do you get through it? Do any of the drugs really help? I don’t know what to do. I’m having a hard time actually typing this.

    1. So migraines can last more than a day, and also, abortive medications can sometimes just stop the worst symptoms but not resolve the migraine completely. It sounds to me like you’re still having the migraine and so if you are allowed, per the directions on the prescription, to take the medication again, I would take it again. I would also consider signing out of work so you can rest. If you “can’t imagine” trying to do your job today, then that means you should not try to do your job today. Sign out, lay in a dark room, take your meds, and hopefully tomorrow will be better.

       Will also say: triptans did not work for me. I had been on Midrin for many years, with trials of triptans periodically, and they never worked as well as the Midrin. When Midrin went off the market, my doctor tried to put me back on triptans, and it didn’t work any better than it had previously. I treat my migraines now with Gabapentin and Metoprolol, which is an odd combination, but it works for me. Excedrin Migraine works well for the minor ones, believe it or not. But if I can’t lay down in a dark room and ice my head, the meds only do so much. Don’t hesitate to keep going back to your doctor for different prescriptions. No one really understands what migraines are, and they can be very different in different people. So there is no one medication, or class of medications, that will work flawlessly for everyone, every time.

       1. Thanks this is very helpful. I’m going to try to do a teledoc appointment later today if they can take me.

          1. Comment in mod below but ask about preventive drugs if you get that appointment.

    2. I also don’t tolerate triptans well and switched to Ubrelvy instead. It’s a new drug that is not a triptan, and it’s been very effective for me without the weird side effects! So I would recommend asking about that.

       Before I switched to Ubrelvy, I would sometimes have to take two repeat doses of a triptan to kick a particularly bad migraine. Taking it as soon as I felt even the slightest twinge would make a single dose more effective. The problem was that I hated taking the med because I hated the side effects, so many times I would delay taking it and then end up having to take more doses.

       1. +1 I’ve sung the praises of the newer migraine medications here before, but Ubrelvy and Ajovy have changed my life. I don’t get any side effects from either, and I’m someone who’s pretty sensitive to side effects. Triptans always made me feel depressed. I always had to take at least two doses of Sumatriptan or Rizatriptan, and then would often end up with a rebound headache the next day.

          You will likely have to jump through some hoops to get any of the new migraine meds approved by your insurance but it’s so worth it.

    3. Have you seen a neurologist about prophylaxis? I suffered for YEARS and practically lived on Maxalt, then the neurologist prescribed a daily combination of low-dose beta blocker (propranalol) and topiramate (generic for Topamax) and now I get maybe one migraine per year, if that. It’s been life-changing.

    4. Some random thoughts from a chronic migraineur. +1 for trying ubrevly. It works for me better than triptans and I don’t have any side effects when using it. Also take the rest of the day off if you can and try another triptan and a nap. For a stubborn migraine I may need to take additional doses. You may also get into a “cycle” of migraines where it just won’t go away for many days. In that case you can ask a neurologist for a “cycle breaker” that you take for a few days – I’ve done courses of prednisone and prescription nsaids that have helped. So sorry you are dealing with this, migraines are the worst!!

    5. Migraines change as you age. I ran through every version of triptans, and was regularly needing prednisone and toradol rescue drugs because they weren’t working. That was with the highest daily propanolol dosage they could prescribe. I’m on Aimovig now and that has made a huge difference. Plus Ubrelvy. I would advocate for new meds and it may be time to see a neurologist or headache specialist if you haven’t seen one recently. There are many different types of migraines and every PCP doesn’t necessarily know the right therapeutic protocols for each.

16. I need a legal writing book recommendation for a junior associate. I work in a transactional practice field that has some litigation (estates and trusts). I work frequently with a junior associate who frequently writes in passive voice instead of active voice (I prefer active voice and so do the other shareholders in this practice area). She is also a very verbose writer, and the majority of the agreements that I work on with her require concise drafting. I have spoken with her about these two points, and I point these out in my cover emails to her with my redlines of her draft documents. She is very literal, and I want to recommend either a book or something similar that can be a resource.

    1. Bryan Garner is obnoxious, but he’s really good. If there’s any option to get her into an in-person training with him, it’s worth it – it dramatically improved my writing and ability to self-edit. Otherwise his books are helpful resources, too.

       1. +1 to all of this.

    2. Elements of Style is a classic for a reason. It’s particularly good for eliminating passive voice and needless words.

       1. I think Elements still has a place, but I usually see Style: Ten Lessons In Clarity And Grace recommended alongside Elements of Style and partly as a corrective to some of its more confusing advice.

       2. Elements of Style is best for more advanced writers who are also more sophisticated readers.

    3. Bryan Garner or Timothy Terrell for books. Agree about a writing seminar with Garner. NITA also does some online writing courses.

    4. I took a Contracts Drafting course in law school and it was the most useful thing I learned in three years. This was our textbook – how to cut out extraneous language, why to use real language instead of formal nonsense, active voice, etc, etc. I realize contracts are different from estates and trusts, but the fundamentals you’re talking about similar. I gleefully traded in all my casebooks at the end of every semester, but I’m still toting around this book and the family law practitioner’s handbook, all these years later – they were that valuable. (I practice neither, ha, but the books were too useful to part with, just in case!)

       https://www.amazon.com/Drafting-Contracts-Publisher-Aspen-Publishers/dp/B004NWJLNS

       (Looks like there’s a newer version, but it seems the older version I used has better reviews. https://www.amazon.com/Drafting-Contracts-Lawyers-Aspen-Coursebook-ebook/dp/B00HSLR5V6 )

       1. Were you in my contract drafting class? Lol this is the textbook I used and agree it’s great

    5. The curmudgeon’s guide to practicing law! It has loads of specific writing tips.

    6. Ross Guberman

17. Has anyone had 1) jaw surgery (to correct an over / underbite) and, if so, 2) have you had wisdom teeth removal done in the same procedure? How bad it is for both? Or if just jaw? [How bad is wisdom teeth if done solo?] Potentially facing all of this and managing downtime issues, dealing with Rx pain meds potentially, scared about addiction issues and potentially having a more face that I’m told via Google may read more masculine (moving lower jaw forward).

    1. How old are you? Is the bite issue impeding your quality of life? Because having known two people that have had to have jaw surgery…there is a LOT I would live with before having it done. But I’m 40, not 22.

    2. Yes, I had upper jaw surgery to correct an underbite as a teen. My upper wisdom teeth were removed at the same time. I had Tylenol with codeine the first few days and then after that just OTC meds. Pain was totally manageable. Worst part was the soft food requirement leaving me with like, PB on Wonder Bread as my “solid” food for awhile. My face was noticeably puffy for about a month and a half, after that probably about 4-5 months before all the inflammation was truly gone, but that’s only with the benefit of looking back at pictures.

       A strong jaw is beautiful. I have heard lower jaw surgery is a rougher recovery since it’s a mobile bone (vs. upper jaw surgery) but I don’t regret the 2-month inconvenience at ALL. My big revelation was I could eat sandwiches with lettuce on them and my teeth would just… cut the lettuce rather than it bending in between my teeth and just pulling out in a big sheet.

       1. Oh man, my teeth don’t meet and the lettuce issue is the worst. Eating in public sucks so hard, especially because all my colleagues are affluent with parents who paid for dental care, so they really don’t get the neglect.

          1. I had the issue with my teeth not meeting and had braces in my 40s to correct it. Totally worth it.

             1. I’m the poster above. We first tried braces but as I kept growing, I would have needed buck teeth on the top for my teeth to meet. So then I had the surgery and got braces AGAIN to move my top teeth back to almost exactly where they were in the first place. Fun times!

             2. Ugh! What an ordeal! But what a relief to have it fixed, right?

18. What do you call this style of jacket that Liz Cheney is wearing in this photo? Buttons down the front, high collar, pointed (not round, so not Peter Pan) collar? I would like one, but I cannot search without knowing how to call it. TIA

    https://www.aol.com/news/liz-cheney-defeat-orange-jesus-201102285.html

    1. JCrew has something similar that they call a “lady jacket” –

       https://www.jcrew.com/p/womens/categories/clothing/coats-and-jackets/lady-jacket/lady-jacket-in-italian-stadium-cloth-wool-blend/BS695?color_name=vibrant-dragonfruit&N=2&noPopUp=true&srcCode=Paid_Search%7CShopping_NonBrand%7CGoogle%7CPMG%5EG%5E99107134383_20656923989___c_pla_online__9067609&utm_source=Google&utm_medium=paid_search&utm_content=shopping_ads&utm_campaign=JCrew_Shopping_PLA_US_All_Outerwear_HP_PMax_X_Google_X&utm_term=&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIuIum_9n4ggMV-2dHAR0sEwl_EAQYDCABEgIFOPD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

    2. Wow, that J Crew version is such a pretty color! Also it’s almost a shacket so you might want to use that search term as well.

    3. Boxy collared jacket

19. What foods freeze well? I have some time off around Christmas, I would like to make some meals for my freezer so that I have easy options when I have busy weeks over the next few months. So far, I plan to make chili and a casserole. Ideas for what else I should make? bonus points for a recipe that is relatively easy

    1. slow cooker mexican chicken (you can google but basically chicken breasts and salsa and some taco seasoning), slow cooker pulled pork. soup? i make a lentil soup i freeze. basically anything wet freezes ok. same as chili more or less but bolognese sauce….

    2. Lentil soup.

    3. Soups are good. I like lentil, personally. You can do chicken soup too, and just leave out the noodles (add when defrosted).

       Chicken pot pie works works really well; sometimes I make a veggie version with just a whole lot of mushrooms in place of chicken. Gnocchi. Many kinds of Indian sauces – we have an Indian Instant Pot cookbook and always make big batches of the butter chicken and freeze extras for an easy weeknight dinner in the future. Ina Garten’s bolognese works well this way too.

       Also check smitten kitchen – I think she has a whole frozen dinner category.

    4. Stuffed peppers – use rice and ground meat

    5. Curry, lasagna, enchiladas, soups, pot pies

    6. You can freeze burritos, and wrap them individually in foil. I tend to do one batch of chicken/black bean/rice/cheese, and one batch of breakfast burritos with scrambled eggs, red pepper, sausage or bacon, cheese, and mushrooms. When you reheat, wrap them in a damp paper towel and microwave for a minute or so at half power first, which rehydrates the tortilla so it’s not as dry. Lots of different recipes online for freezer burritos to guide you on ingredient quantity.

    7. +1 for soups. also, empanadas.

20. DH and I have repeatedly invited his dad to visit us, but FIL always says he doesn’t want to leave his dogs/can’t get anyone to watch the dogs. I have a life threatening allergy to dogs, which everyone knows. Even medicated, I can’t be in FIL’s house for more than 15 minutes. And I’ll still struggle with itchy eyes, sniffles, and a tight chest for the rest of the day. Even if I weren’t so allergic to dogs, I would not want these dogs in our house. FIL lives on a huge property. The dogs are basically wild animals that occasionally like to cuddle. They are accustomed to having freedom to run and hunt and come inside when and only when they want to. I once saw one of them twitch an ear while sleeping outside, jump straight up more than 6 feet to snatch a songbird midair, eat the bird in like 2 bites, and go right back to sleep. I think it’s cruel to keep them cooped up in a suburban home, and I think they’re likely to be destructive and run away. All this means that asking one of our friends or neighbors to bring the dogs in overnight isn’t really an option either.

    DH has asked if we can let the dogs stay in our basement during the day and sleep with FIL at night. I would’ve been less surprised if he had sprouted a second head. I asked if the dogs could stay outside during the day and maybe we can buy a shed or something for them, but he thinks FIL will want them to sleep with him. I suggested we offer to pay for a dog sitter. FIL says there just isn’t anyone. I’ve suggested we go visit FIL (we stay in a lodge nearby) but DH wants to stay home for the holidays. I’ve offered to look into rentals near us but DH thinks FIL would be offended. Is there some other solution here that I’m missing? I hate feeling like I’m an impediment to FIL visiting.

    1. No. Say no to all of this. You guys visiting his father is the solution

    2. You are not the impediment. I am a dog owner and dog lover and still think it is completely out of bounds for anyone to expect to bring a dog to someone else’s house. I would not offer a rental for FIL and the dogs because he will inevitably want or need to bring them over to your house during the day. I have known people who say it is impossible for them to find a pet sitter or kennel. It is always because the owner is clingy or cheap or the dog is downright dangerous. It is FIL’s problem to solve; if he won’t solve it, then he cares more about his dogs than about seeing his son and your husband will have to work through that.

       1. +1 It really stinks that FIL may care more about the dogs than time with his son. That is tough to come to grips with.

          OP, you’re not the impediment. It’s absurd to suggest that an allergen should be brought into the home of someone with a life-threatening allergy to that allergen. Absurd! Or that the person with the allergen is in any way a problem for not agreeing to suffer ill medical effects and risk dying in their own home.

    3. I don’t see how FIL would be offended by a rental if you have a life-threatening allergy to dogs. I’m sorry, you are not the impediment to FIL visiting.

       1. Yeah and I guess I haven’t pushed that hard because it’s honestly not my favorite option. I’m willing to spend $100/night or whatever for someone to dog/house sit for him. I’m not that excited to spend $300+/night to rent a SFH where he can let the dogs roam, and potentially be on the hook for damage the dogs cause to the rental.

       2. Yeah, they are not being fair to you. If you have an allergy, you are not expected to have the allergen in your house ever!!!

          Also, I love dogs and would never in a million years ask to bring mine to stay in someone else’s house unless it was very very very clear that the dog was welcome (I.e., if the friend brought it up first).

    4. this is why they invented dog sitters and/or hotels. this is not on you

       1. Hotel isn’t the option — most / many will not let you just leave dogs there all day or unattended for several hours. It’s one thing to run down to the brunch buffet but they don’t want the risk of the dog being destructive or a loud barker or biting housekepeing.

          1. sorry i meant for she and DH to go to FIL and they stay at a hotel, i understand DH prefers to be home for the holidays, but you can’t always get what you want…

    5. There are people whose entire job is in home dog sitting. Find a list of people willing to do the job and let him pick. You need this anyway if he is ever hospitalized is something and needs someone to care for the dogs. I suspect he doesn’t know where to start to find someone.

    6. I would in all serious ones ask FIL what he would do with the dogs if he had to be hospitalized. Surely someone could watch them.

       1. Or travel anywhere else. Does FIL literally never spend the night away from his house? I think he can figure this out, he just doesn’t think a visit is important enough for him to do so.

    7. What about a dog sitter not near FIL? We have friends who board their dog on a farm about an hour from their house when they go away because the dog has plenty of space to run around and loves it. It’s like a summer camp for giant dogs. If FIL would be visiting you with these semi feral dogs, I’m assuming he would be driving so look along the route for somewhere nice for the dogs to stay?

    8. I’m so sorry.

       They are being entirely unreasonable.

       Is this like your FIL? Does he not approve you, or something?
       This is some nasty passive-aggressive sh1t.

       1. I’m guessing he’s just bad at life and that everyone involved who doesn’t have an allergy doesn’t really understand allergies (I don’t know why “life threatening” doesn’t say it all, but in my observation most people just don’t really believe it or something).

       2. I think he’s depressed. DH refuses to consider that that might be a thing and thinks he’s just stubborn (ahem, pot meet kettle/apples and trees).

          1. If the issue is that he’s depressed, just handling it for him may actually go over pretty well.

    9. It’s not your fault you have allergies, but it would be absolutely insane to introduce a bunch of dog allergens into your home including your basement. It’s not safe. And this plan to bring the dogs and have them stan in your house would be an enormous imposition on a non-allergic dog lover anyway!

       Someone needs to hire a professional dog sitter or if he wants to bring the dogs, he needs to rent a place where he can stay with them. I understand that there may not be anyone who wants to drive an hour just to give the dogs food and water, but usually if someone has multiple dogs on a big property, they get a house sitter who stays there the whole time to supervise. FIL and DH may not be looking for the right kind of dog sitter if they’re not finding anyone unless FIL’s place is seriously remote!

    10. There’s got to be someone who can watch the dogs or even a kennel that would take them (assuming they’re current on vaccines). Has anyone tried calling veterinarians local to FIL? I believe him that he can’t get “some neighbor or friend” to watch his dogs, but he needs to cast a wider net, and like any pet owner he needs to have a plan in place for his dogs to be cared for that doesn’t hinge upon him taking them everywhere he goes.

    11. Allergy shots, but they take a year or so to work. If you go to visit him, I’d suggest bringing antihistamines and asking your doctor for a course of oral steroids just in case.

        In the mean time, do not under any circumstances allow dogs into your home- you’ll never get the dander out of your house, HVAC system, rugs etc. There’s no chance the dogs would remain in the basement without slipping into the common areas at some point, and there’s no chance that you could get the basement bed clean enough again after dogs visiting.

        1. DH gently floated the idea of shots and it did not go over well. We’re TTC and working with a fertility doctor, which means I’m getting poked and prodded in a lot of very invasive ways. Likely starting IVF after the holidays, so I will be even more of a pincushion. I am going through enough for us to have a baby. I am not going through more for us to have a dog/dog visitors. And that’s setting aside the question of whether allergy shots are even compatible with pregnancy.

           But also, I took shots for 10 years as a kid. I’m less allergic to the world than I used to be but it’s still obviously bad. Maybe shots have improved since then, idk. Let’s get through this round of medical trauma before we deal with unnecessary things.

        2. JFC this is absurd! do not put yourself through this. FIL can’t bring the dogs, end of story. as others have said, you are not the problem!

    12. I feel like your DH and FIL are being unreasonable given your allergy. I’d be sorely tempted to say, “Sure, you can have the dogs and FIL stay at our house for the holidays, have a nice time. I’ll be at a hotel.” It’s not a threat, it’s a promise.

        With all due respect to the owners of dogs, having a dog-free place to live when you have a life-threatening allergy to dogs is a reasonable ask.

        1. Honestly even the dogs staying at her house and she in a hotel wouldn’t fix it! There would still be dander everywhere, including in the HVAC once he left.

           1. Yeah this is exactly right, it would take a massive deep clean and not the kind an ordinary housekeeper can do, we’d need the vents cleaned, replace the filters which are probably about due anyway. If the dogs mess inside we’d need to replace the floor, sub flooring, and probably floor boards. If they get the wall then the drywall is coming down. My mom has a similarly severe allergy and when we moved when I was a kid we had to basically take the house down to its studs, some of which had to be replaced too; the prior owner’s dog had died 5 years before.

           2. +1

              OP, there are a lot of people being unreasonable here but none of them is you. Even if you avoid the literal breathing dogs by confining them to one space, aren’t the allergens going to hang around?!

        2. +1

           What in the eff? If my husband wanted to prioritize his dad visiting with something that could KILL me, we would be having BIG discussions. The option are: FIL figures out the dog care on his end and comes to visit sans dogs; DH gets over it and you travel to FIL and stay in a hotel and meet in public places like restaurants; everyone stays where they are and gets over themselves (minus the person whose life is in danger).

    13. Your FIL is the impediment. He can visit and stay in a dog-friendly rental, or you visit and stay in a hotel. Tell DH to pick one.

    14. Your husband’s insistence on having his father visit is the real problem here. FIL has stated that the dogs are the priority for him, not seeing his son and DIL. Now your husband is trying to bend over backwards to entice his dad to visit, at a cost to his wife that is frankly unacceptable. FIL has drawn his boundary; his son is trying to entice him across it.

    15. I have a dog that can be aggressive to people she doesn’t know. Sweetheart once she’s comfortable with them. It’s the first time I’ve ever had a dog like this. My husband watches her when I travel or my mom when we travel. I know I need to build up a relationship with a sitter as well but it’s not going to be easy to find someone willing to help me train the dog up to this level of trust. If I were in the same situation as FIL, I would either invite folks out to visit me and have that visit at a non-allergen location or visit them but stay in a BRB with the understanding that there will be some breaks in visiting as I leave to exercise the dog and will be staying the night in the AirBNB with the dog. But my dog also isn’t the edge of feral like his animals–perhaps the AirBNB isn’t an option because they would be too destructive? It’s easy for folks to blame the FIL in this, but the reality is that he does own these dogs It’s not fair to expect him to–do what–get rid of them?–to prove he loves his son more. Picking a dog sitter off of a list or putting them in a boarding facility isn’t tenable if there are behavior issues. I wouldn’t have understood this until I got my current dog. It’s not always a simple answer like this.

        1. Even if it’s not easy, it’s FIL’s responsibility to take those efforts or his dogs will be an in unsafe situation the minute he isn’t able to care for them for even a few days. You have family members who can watch your dog, so you are way, way ahead of where he seems to be.

        2. I didn’t see anyone say he should get rid of the dogs. He should take any one of the many reasonable alternatives if he wants to see his family. And DH should also get on board! It’s massively insane to act like a person with a deadly allergy should be the one making accommodations.

           It sounds like you are a really good pet owner and friend! It seems like FIL and husband in the OP’s situation aren’t going through any of the efforts you are/would.

21. Has anyone transitioned from programmatic full time work to part time, contract, or freelance technical writing, copy writing, or grant writing / reviewing work?

    I work in government where I manage a program but do a lot of technical writing and grant writing / reviewing. I kind of fell into it, but I do enjoy writing a lot and am quite good at it. With life circumstances (aging relatives, young kids) I think it may make more sense for me to go part-time and my current type of work is not conducive to PT. I have no interest in leaving the workforce completely, and while could survive on one income, 1.5 incomes would be considerably more comfortable.

    1. It’s not part time, but higher ed institutions employ a lot of grant writers and copy writers, and the jobs are usually very well-suited to a life outside work (typically you get very generous PTO and good work-life balance). So that may be something to consider if you can’t find a part time position. Our university also has a pool of freelance writers they hire on a contract basis, but as far as I know almost all of them are former employees who decided to cut back, so I don’t know how easy it would be to get hired for that pool as an outsider.

    2. I have a former colleague who went full-time freelance. It has worked out well for her because she had a lot of industry connections that drove business in a niche area of writing (healthcare-related) that requires some technical expertise. I’ve seen other folks struggle when they’re picking up agency work, where rates are lower and AI is being used more often to write mediocre blogs that game keywords. I would start picking up a few projects on the side. A few decent clients can give you a safer foundation before making the leap. And don’t forget to factor in things like retirement contributions, healthcare benefits, or other parts of compensation that make up salary when looking at the financial picture as a whole (and down the road). I would also caution that working freelance can sometimes end up being harder than a stable gig or being so “catch as catch can” with business that you ultimately end up working even more nights and weekends to meet fast turnaround times. My former colleague has been able to make a lot of story hours and other school events that she probably couldn’t have otherwise–but I’ve also heard a lot of horror stories of waking up extremely early on vacations to bang out an article before everyone else gets moving for the day. Check out the Deliberate Freelancer podcast by MelEdits. I follow her on Twitter and she often has great advice for those making the switch and how to make the day-to-day easier.

22. Two questions….

    Tomorrow is an in-office day for me, as a colleague is retiring and we’re having a reception for her. Does an outfit of olive green slacks, pale pink shirt and navy cardigan sound good? They having therapy dogs there as well as doing group photos, so I’m trying to assess what level they are expecting us to take.

    Second, I volunteered to bring a casserole to a neighborhood lunch party in a couple weeks. Does this sound good? https://www.thekitchn.com/quick-recipe-pumpkin-ricotta-p-130962 I don’t know if we have any vegetarians in the group, but I want to make sure that they have something to eat if we do.

    1. This sounds delicious to me, but if you’re worried about vegetarians, i would think about bringing something vegan.

23. This sounds silly but I have been using this novelty notepad to prioritize my to do list at work and home for years. When I found out they are discontinuing it I stocked up. Now I am officially out of these notepads. Is there anything comparable out there? https://emandfriends.com/products/organized-to-do-list-notepad

    1. if you can’t find one, you could have your own printed? https://www.uprinting.com/notepad-printing.html

    2. https://www.quill.com/aim-high-notepad-50-sheets-pad-cd-151298/cbs/55340076.html?effort_code=369&sfcp=1&g_acctid=375-313-8373&g_adgroupid=157239976972&g_adid=668222945188&g_adtype=pla&g_campaign=PLA_Prospecting_Paper&g_campaignid=20418095478&g_ifcreative=&g_ifproduct=product&g_keyword=&g_keywordid=pla-2171994059182&g_merchantid=10009478&g_network=g&g_partition=2171994059182&g_productchannel=online&g_productid=55340076&cm_mmc=plaXXgoogleXXPLA_Prospecting_PaperXXnotebooks-notepads&gad_source=1&mcode=plaXXgoogleXX&gclid=Cj0KCQiAsburBhCIARIsAExmsu4v2mQW-InDKQ0haKfxIsY0kBgob1E9xFglDqtLVyVMvfU9uTlcR84aAm2vEALw_wcB

    3. https://www.amazon.com/Knock-Sticky-Todays-Attack-12538/dp/B00YGLOAIC/

    4. This one is pretty close to what you were using:
       https://www.amazon.com/Carson-Dellosa-Checklist-Organizer-Classroom/dp/1483837823/

       I like this one, but may depend on the audience!
       https://www.amazon.com/Hilarious-Sticky-Sheets-Schedule-Checklist/dp/B09WJN5ZMQ/

24. I need an extra bed in the house for holiday guests. It’s for my brother who honestly would sleep on a sleeping bag on the floor, but I should do better than that…

    I’ve heard some of those plug in inflatable mattress are not terrible for a few nights.
    Any you would recommend?

    1. I’d just go with whatever wirecutter recommends.

       1. Good advice.

    2. I don’t have a specific brand recommendation, but general tip.. Choose one of the taller options, they are generally more comfortable. If you can find one with an attached headboard, even better. The biggest game changer is to add some sort of mattress topper, can be an inexpensive one. It makes all the difference in comfort.

    3. We have a Queen memory foam mattress that folds up into thirds that we use for guests. I’ve slept on it before and it is way more comfy than any inflatable I’ve used.

    4. If you have room for storing it, consider a tri-fold foam mattress.

    5. I have an inflatable twin and an inflatable queen that I use for guests, and I’ve slept on both of them myself for up to a couple weeks during moves. You definitely need the double-height one, and it’s nice if they have a seam running around the middle to catch the edge of the fitted sheet. I have an Aerobed for the twin, and I can’t remember the brand for the queen but I think it was whatever the wirecutter recommended. One caveat: air mattresses are a lot colder than a real mattress because there’s no way to trap body heat beneath you, like probably your guest will feel 5 degrees colder than you will at the same air temperature, so I would recommend getting a mattress pad and providing lots of extra blankets.

       1. Inflatable is the way to go. Get a padded mattress pad or topper. It will be great.

25. Rant! My massive company is requiring us to come in on specific days starting in January. For the last year it has been “come in 3 days a week but pick your own days” which still allowed for some flexibility. Thankfully it isn’t 5 days a week yet.. but I think its coming next year.
    My issue is that during the pandemic, they totally renovated all of the offices to open office concepts with no assigned desks. And because no one knew what things would look like after that with remote/hybrid work, there are only enough seats for 60% of employees. That worked when we could choose our own days, but now 100% of people will be coming in on the same 3 days. So you just may not end up at a desk, and you probably won’t end up with your team (teams have been assigned certain areas, but again, there are not enough desks in each area for everyone on those teams).
    Plus the open office space drives me crazy. It is so, so loud.

    1. What?? How can they ask you to come in if they don’t even have a desk for you? This is bonkers!

    2. That’s horrible! So you will be required to come in to the office but you may not have a desk?

    3. Don’t worry, this will fall apart extremely fast if there aren’t actually enough seats for everyone. If you have an online booking system, go ahead and use that to the extent you can (and have your team do the same). But it’s only going to take a week of complaints from dozens (hundreds?) of people who come into the office and have nowhere to sit for someone to pull their head out of the sand and change the policy. Meanwhile, you should put noise cancelling headphones on your holiday wishlist.

       1. Yeah, don’t protest now, encourage everyone to come in. If the system doesn’t break, no one is forced to fix it

       2. +1 to malicious compliance.

       3. There may be enough desks if 40% of the workforce is sick at the same time and can’t come in.

    4. so either they plan on laying off 40% of the company…or they want people to sit on the floor? and 2 days the space will be completely empty? maybe they plan on assigning certain teams certain days?

    5. Do you perhaps work in SE MI? Because I also got this request today. They just moved us out of a barely habitable building (no coffee or food options other than a vending machine with chips, no HDMI cables for monitors, no AV support for the non-working conference rooms) to another building on campus with more services. They assigned my group (600 people) 30 desks in the new space. It is going to be awesome come January…..

       1. Yep, hello friend! It will be very interesting to say the least.

    6. DH’s company did this shortly before the pandemic. They were hoping that attrition would help with their headcount problem and, to some degree, it did. But there were still rounds of layoffs with thousands of employees cut (3,800 here, 2,400 there). My view is that what management is saying is that 40% of your colleagues are unnecessary for continued operations.

26. ‘Rettes, can y’all weigh in here?

    In all transparency I’ll probably wear the outfit regardless but it’s just sticking in my craw and I could use an outside opinion.

    My business casual Midwest office sent out in-person holiday party invites that said “festive attire encouraged” (and this was mentioned in a follow up email as well). I WFH 90% of the time. I’m 44 and I’m tall and just kind of…quirky and unconventional as a person and my clothing is often high-end and always appropriate but unusual or fashion-forward.

    I had some conservative/conventional options (Drapers and Diamonds + Adrianna Papell type stuff) that my mom, who’s a fashionista approved of. As an aside, I’m close to her and one of the ways I connect is “hey, give this outfit a thumbs’ up” type convos.

    My husband had an investment mature/gain value and wanted to treat me to a brand-new holiday party outfit as a gift. Seeing as my previous items were thrift-store specials, I agreed.

    I got these Staud pants: https://www.nordstrom.com/s/luke-wide-leg-sequin-pants/7542560 (they’re wide leg paillette sequin pants in cocoa brown) and a lovely Farm Rio top with embroidery that has touches of red and green but matches the brown in the pants.

    This outfit is a show-stopper and yes, it’s a little too formal and glitzy for the daytime party. But my husband was so excited to treat me and the outfit looked terrific and blew other options out of the water.

    But my mom is being really sour and crappy about it, like advising me it will “outshine the boss” (my boss isn’t co-located and she’s an interim manager anyway!) and telling me to wear the outfit on a date not an “office function”. Bleh.

    It’s taken a lot of the wind out of my sails but then again, life is short! I’m in my 40s and this is a rare opportunity to dress up and have fun with fashion.

    Is this such a faux-pas that wearing sequin pants to an office party will like…poison the well for me at work?

    1. Have fun in your outfit! And stop telling your mom what you’re wearing if she’s going to be a downer

    2. 1) I don’t know what price has to do with anything.

       2) Do your colleagues know your quirky personality? Would brown sequin pants fit your office personality? We have a quirky associate and these pants would be par for the course for her. Her unconventional fashion sense is just part of who she is. But brown sequin pants would be a lot of look on my J.Crew and pearls self.

       3) Festive for an office party depends on what kind of office party we’re talking about. Has your company rented out a museum or nice restaurant or is this in the third floor conference room or TGI Friday’s? Yes for the former, no for the latter.

    3. no, you be you. go for it

    4. I am old enough to be your mom, and I absolutely encourage you to wear that amazing and awesome outfit to the party!

    5. ok, your outfit looks awesome for a personal evening soiree, but this level of dressing up will REALLY stand out. Do you want the impression you leave your colleagues – who see you very infrequently it seems – to be “omg did you see NaoNao’s pants?!”

       most attendees will zhuzh up standard workwear with themed earrings or a holiday tie, or maybe an “ugly sweater.”

       1. Yes I feel like “festive attire” for a daytime party might be a Christmas sweater unfortunately.

       2. Agree with this, everywhere I’ve worked, festive for an office Christmas party means wearing red and green or a Christmas sweater, not something dressy. But you know your workplace better than we do, and if you would feel fine being more dressed up than everyone else, I don’t know that sequined pants would be a faux pas, though maybe wear them with something simple on top.

       3. I agree. If this were a night time function, I would say 100% wear the pants. But for a daytime party, it will really stand out, particularly if the party is just in a conference room at your office. At the very least, I would consider a solid cashmere sweater (or something similarly demure) on top, rather than the Farm Rio blouse. I love Farm Rio prints in general, but again, I think it is a lot of look for a daytime holiday party.

          That being said, if you’re fine being more dressed up than everyone else, then rock the planned outfit!

       4. You will be known as “that person in the sequin pants” forever. It happened to me.
          If you are flamboyant, an extravert, love to make a theatrical statement and be the center of attention etc… then go for it. Make a splash! If not I would go with black velvet trousers or skirt and a holiday sweater.

    6. No that sounds great and stop talking to your mom about what you wear to work parties.

       1. +1.

       2. +1 Your mom should not be upset or sour about your outfits! If she doesn’t like them she can keep her mouth shut.

          1. OP should also consider that if her “fashionista” mom thinks Drapers & Diamonds is the height of fashion, she is not the kind of person to ask for outfit advice, lol.

             1. Respectfully, she doesn’t think Draper’s and Diamonds is the “height of fashion”–she considers it a conservative, conventional, mid-career office party option for a women in her mid-40s. She’s not incorrect in that opinion. Her entire argument was “don’t be the height of fashion, be boring, old-fashioned, conventional, and modest/mumsy, err on the side of frump”.

    7. Wear the pants with a plain sweater, not a Farm Rio top.

       1. +1 this is what I would do but I also would wear sequins just about anywhere soooooo

       2. +1 – admittedly I have much simpler taste, but those pants and a Farm Rio top is a lot. If you want to wear the pants, I’d wear them with a really simple top.

       3. Yes–if it’s a daytime party, the pants + a solid color top or sweater would be really fun and a conversation starter. The pants + a loud top would be too much.

    8. Another thought: I feel like investing in a “holiday party outfit” is not a great idea financially because I wouldn’t want to wear the same outfit year after year, but YMMV.

       1. Clearly her mileage did vary! This was not the question, and she and her husband can spend their money on something frivolous if they want.

          1. Yikes.

       2. I believe that might be a slight misreading of the comment; I explained that my husband had an investment mature (basically receiving a windfall dividend type event) and that he wanted to “treat me” to a new outfit for the party since my other options were thrift store 5.99 items. We don’t consider clothing an investment and it wasn’t at that level of expense anyway–it wasn’t a Piaget watch or whatever. :)

    9. Part of this is know your workplace, but I think the outshine your boss worry seems weird and would be out of touch in my workplace. What is your mom’s frame of reference for current office norms generally and your industry in particular?

       1. Oh, she’s out of touch! She worked the same job for 25+ years in a large family business, and was a housewife for almost 15 years before that (got married young)–she’s now retired. She’s of a generation + a tempermant that’s fearful, anxious, conservative (not politically, but…socially I guess if that makes sense) and conventional and feels that she’s been “punished” many times with negative work consequences for speaking up, standing out and being different. In hindsight, she really was the wrong person to ask for the “thumbs up” but now I know!

    10. I think this depends entirely on how well your colleagues know you. If this is a festive version of something you regularly wear, go for it! I don’t think it’s that out there TBH. But like if I showed up in that everyone would be talking about it — because I’m the most boring dresser in the history of clothes.

    11. Unfortunately now I have a boss who is legitimately insecure enough that looking better at the holiday party would be a reprimandable offense. However for any sane boss in the majority of work situations fancy pants at a holiday party are completely fine.

    12. I wouldn’t wear it. It’s likely to read really out of touch for the occasion. Just like I wouldn’t wear a boa to the school pick-up. Save it for a fancy dinner or New Year’s party or something like that. If you do wear the pants, then I’d try to at least make the rest of the outfit more muted or casual. Like a simple-looking sweater.

        I wouldn’t worry about outshining anyone–that sounds weird unless you’re talking about a bride at her wedding.

        1. Heh. I would most definitely wear a boa to school pick-up…

    13. Wear what you want to look and feel beautiful. Then help others feel beautiful by being generous with compliments. Your mom can deal with her own feelings about your lovely, quirky, interesting style and where you take it.

        1. I love this comment!

    14. I’m firmly team sequins as a neutral. Go for it. Stop talking to your mom about your outfit.

27. dear retailers…it is december 5, you do not yet need to start carrying stuff for valentines day and st patricks day

    1. I was at Hobby Lobby yesterday and the 1/3 of the store dedicated to Christmas was really bare. They were consolidating shelves to make room for spring and summer. I about screamed when I saw watermelon-patterned melamine dishes on the shelves. NO. I’m here because I can’t find a table runner for Christmas, now, the season we’re in, not six months from now!

    2. Let me guess—Target? The place where in late June I saw pumpkins next to the Stars and Stripes?

       1. The irony is that Target’s Hanukkah stuff came out pretty late this year, and Hanukkah is early (starts this week).

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