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Updated: May 4, 2021 331 Comments · by

Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Printed Chiffon Bow Blouse

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This silky chiffon blouse from Tory Burch is a classic piece that you’ll be wearing for years. The icy blue color is a great neutral, and the subtle crosshatch pattern adds a little texture without getting too busy.

This would look great with a navy suit for a formal, but still feminine look. It would also look great layered under an ivory sweater with some dark trousers.

The blouse is $398 and available in sizes 00–14 at Bloomingdale's.

A more affordable option is this light-blue pinstripe blouse at Boden, which is on sale for $54 and available in sizes 2–20/22.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Go for it

    It looks lovely on the model; however, in the ad it’s a very sad blue. One would need to have the absolute right complexion to pull this off.

    • Cat

      Ooh agreed. It’s definitely showing as icy in this picture but at Bloomie’s it lives up to the color name of “dusty” blue.

      I also dislike that at Bloomie’s you can see how sheer it is – the collar structuring is obvious and you can see where the model’s ivory back meets the top of her ivory jeans.

      • Ellen

        The color is great, Elizabeth! To the OP, you just need to try it on before buying it.

        I already know that I look great in this blue color, so I think I will purchase it and show the judge when I meet him with the manageing partner next week. YAY!!

  2. Carolyn

    I’ve always struggled about when is the best time to exercise and shower – morning because its a healthy start to the day, evening if the pool is available then, etc. I’ve been doing morning for a while, especially in the winter when I wanted to run outside and it was pitch dark by the time I ended work, but I think I’m going to switch to evening because it provides a hard stop to my day that I am missing with WFH. I used to do this in the office too – if I booked a 6:30pm yoga class unless something crazy happens I really do have to leave (and if needed I can work after, but at least I’m out).

    • Anon

      I’ve always preferred evening showers except for the hair styling limitations in the mornings (which even then, isn’t that big of a deal to me). They really do have that closing the day out kind of feeling that’s hard to get with any other kind of activity.

      • Cb

        Me too! Clean body, clean sheets. My hair sometimes bears the brunt of my nighttime showering, but I really prefer it.

      • Anonymous

        I do this too. I hate going to bed if I haven’t showered; it just doesn’t feel right or clean. However, on really hot days in the summer, I need to get up early, work out then, take a quick rinse shower after, and then wait to wash my hair until evening. I feel bad about wasting the water but it’s the only way I can do it.

      • Anon

        This is really only a decision that has to be made by someone who sits at a desk all day. I know this board skews Big Law, but as someone in a volatile field (tech) I’ve done a good amount of manual labor and waitressing to get through recessions. Running around sweating all day, or coming home with your hair saturated by the smell of fryer grease, you don’t ponder “Gee, should I tumble into bed like this, and shower in the morning?”

        • Anonymous

          +1. That was me when I worked in food service for years – I smelled like grease after my shifts. Now I ride horses after work and the thought of tumbling into bed without showering makes me shudder.

    • Anonymous

      If I wait until after the workday to exercise, I’ll never make it. Something always pops up.

      • Carolyn

        When Classpass is going to charge you an extra $15 if you skip it, thats a good incentive for things to not pop up.

        • Anonymous

          I’m so confused by this comment. I can’t just will things to not come up. You’re assuming that the person you’re responding to has control over whether she has to stay and work. That’s not the case for most of us. People in biglaw (and similarly demanding fields) don’t work crazy hours because they’re workaholics who can’t put down the pen, we work crazy hours because that’s the expectation and requirement. Like no I can’t tell my client, sorry I can’t have a call at the only time today that works for all the board members because it would cost me $15 to cancel my yoga class.

          • Carolyn

            I didn’t mean it so seriously. Rude of you to assume I am not in a similarly demanding field? I was thinking back to my experience working in the busiest of environments. Yes if there is a client call or something thats unavoidable, and I’ve eaten many $15 fees that way. But when its your colleagues asking you for “one last thing” or “can you just look at this”, you can work around that.
            Also, a good portion this board are scaredy-cats who have never tried to go against the grain even a tiny bit and look down on those who do. I guess thats the stereotype of big law lawyers after all. Leaving on time for yoga class is a good thing, not something to be so defensive about.

          • LaurenB

            +1. Was not in biglaw, but can confirm. (BTW auto-correct changes biglaw to bigly … ugh!)

          • Anon

            Yup. My job has an emergency response aspect. Can’t predict when things will pop up.

      • anonymous

        Same here. I work out first thing in the morning and then shower and get ready for the day. I like getting it out of the way. Otherwise, I’ll find excuses not to do it.

    • emeralds

      I like evenings–working out clears my head and helps me shift out of work mode.

    • Anon

      I usually have something to do after work, drinks or dinner with friends or my husband and that’s all coming back now that we’re vaccinated so the only time I’ve ever consistently worked out and showered is in the morning.

      • Carolyn

        Yeah thats a good point. Maybe I’m dreaming of a world where those things happen at their normal NYC time, 9pm, and I have time for both.
        I was also reading some ADHD work tips and one of them was to do focused work when your focus is best, and for me that is usually the morning. There was a period of work where I did a lot of the days tasks literally before people were up, and it was amazing.

    • Bonnie Kate

      My life got much, much better when I gave up the idea that I needed to workout in the morning to have the “optimal morning”. I’m not a morning person, I don’t need optimal mornings, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. :) It took me years to get here. Best time for me is first thing after work. I like to shower after that so that my hair can air dry.

    • No Face

      My schedule is different every day. I exercise and shower at different times as well. I know some people thrive on routines, but I don’t!

    • A.

      I love morning workout days but they take a ton of discipline starting the evening prior. Mornings are my “me” time before my spouse and three kids are up for the day, so I need to feel like things are in order the night before if I’m going to spend that time working out (which means my to-do list is made, kitchen is cleaned up, etc.). I also have to go to bed early — before 11 for sure, preferably around 10 — because I need to be up by 5 or 5:30 depending on the exercise I have planned. I actually got up and worked out today and feel like a freaking boss!

    • NY CPA

      For people with curly hair, it rarely looks good after sleeping on it. Morning showers are a must so I can at least get one good hair day in. I also agree with others that its easy for things to “pop up” (or to make things pop up!) so that you end up not going to the gym later in the day.

      • Anon

        Also a curly girl, and I shower at night and do a hair refresh in the morning. It takes trial and error to figure out what amount of re-wetting and what type/amount of product works best, but once I got the formula down, it made life so much easier.

        • Anon

          I started wearing a buff over my curly hair to sleep, and it’s been a game changer.

          • No Face

            On non-wash days, I sleep in a satin scarf. Spray with curl refresher in the morning. Done!

    • Anon

      Am I the only one who takes a shower in the morning and a bath at night? I guess I just like feeling clean lol!

      • Carolyn

        I think I’m going to go for this during the summer at least! Can’t go to bed sweaty, also want to be fresh for the new day

      • anon

        I was just thinking the same, well, nearly the same. I shower morning and evening every day. Wash hair in the morning as needed. But Is m the poster with crazy dental routine, so what do I know

    • Anon

      I get up at 0430 for work. There is no way in hades I’m getting up earlier to exercise.

  3. Anon

    Can we talk about pillows? I’ve been having some neck, shoulder, and upper back pain and I think my pillow/the way I’m sleeping is contributing to the issue. I’m a side sleeper so I guess I need something a little thicker. Can anyone recommend a good pillow?

    • PillowAnon

      I am a side sleeper and one of my pandemic purchases was the Original pillow from Coop Home Goods. I absolutely love it. It is made of shredded memory foam and they send you extra if you want a higher loft. I have never had any pain when sleeping, though, so YMMV.

    • x

      I did a Pluto Pillow a few years ago and it is amazing. I no longer wake up with pain.

    • FFS

      We got a new bed last spring, and I decided I should spring for the fanciest pillows, and I got the ComfortFit from Sleep Number (I think it was the luxury Wired pick?). At first I thought they were a little overhyped but they are actually perfect. I would absolutely rebuy them. They come with three small pillow inserts inside and they’re ultimately squishable without being too memory-foam dense. I love them.

      • JD

        I’m a side sleeper with the sleep number pillow. I love it so much! It’s perfect. I use two of the inserts. Since it’s not advised to wash, I also bought a pillow cover that’s washable.

    • Senior Attorney

      I got the Nest Bedding Easy Breather memory foam pillow and it solved that problem for me. I did end up taking out some of the foam to get the perfect firmness but I love it!

    • AnonMPH

      I sleep on my side and splurged on the LAYR adjustable pillow by Luxome… there are multiple inner pillows that you can mix and match inside, and differing layers of foam. It sounds ridiculous but it’s been incredible!

  4. Anon

    i know someone posted about this at the very end of the day yesterday, but is anyone else sad about Bill and Melinda Gates? It’s not like I know them or anything, but the number of couples that just seem to decide to call it quits after 25+ years of marriage.

    • Anonymous

      Sad because they both seem likely genuinely nice people and surprised until I saw that their youngest kid is 18. I suspect they did a ‘let’s try and work it out until the kids are done high school’ approach. I knew a couple people whose parents divorced when they graduated high school. The fact that there is already a separation agreement makes me think it has been coming for a while.

      I suspect Mackenzie Bezos out there living her best life and remarried already got Melinda thinking that you don’t have to put up with an entitled old guy later in life.

      • Anon

        except from what I read their youngest was at school in New York until the pandemic and all the kids were at home this past year due to the pandemic, so it’s not like their kid was really at home anyway?

        • Anonymous

          I think it’s more about high school graduation being the end of the phrase of ‘raising kids’ so custody/decisions on schooling/health etc isn’t really an issue once they are 18.

    • Anon

      Oh, I hadn’t heard yet. The NYT article mentions their youngest child being 18. Makes me think maybe they were just sticking it out until the kids were out of the house, possibly? Still, I get the disappointment. Seeing long relationships end reminds us that any long relationship can end, nothing is a given, and you can’t ever take somebody else for granted. That’s not a very fun thing to be reminded of regardless of whether you actually personally know the couple or not.

    • Cat

      I’m a little… wistful? Not sure I’d call it sad. They got married before Bill Gates was Bill Gates so it’s hard to picture going from someone with all that history and life to…. people that you can’t really be sure aren’t interested in you because of your money.

      • Doodles

        I thought they got married when he was a billionaire already. Youngest billionaire at the time. Bezos was the one who married his ex before he was “Bezos.” Sad in either case.

        • Anon

          Yeah, he was hugely successful when they got married. But they’d known each other for 7 years, so they met pre-Bill Gates Bill Gates.

          This honestly stresses me out about my own marriage! I mean, we’re solid and have been married for 8 years, but what does 27 years look like?!

          • Anon

            We joked about it last night — do we still have room to grow in this marriage? Will spouse’s ice fishing hobby that can be done solo be the end of us (hobby is not ice fishing, but the sort of thing where one spouse can be super into it and the other is very nah, I think I’ll stay inside and not freeze)? Will the snoring do us in? Did our vows even include this? If we split, will we put this in our matchdotcom writeup as a must-have?

            Still: so many questions. We are at the age where we have often needed a second adult for various medical procedures (to drive you there, to drive you home, to not leave you alone the first 24 hours) and IDK how I’d manage without a spouse even if we couldn’t grow together, one is often darn useful to have.

          • JD

            Eh I always think of the wealthy and celebrities in a separate class. I know divorce is still really common for everyone, but it’s not like you have hordes of strangers interested in you and your spouse’s money/fame. Most of us don’t have as intense travel schedules. Some of those actors don’t live together for most of the year. I know that works for some people, but they have unique stressors. Hey the Carters have been married forever :)

    • AIMS

      I am sad. I felt similarly when Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins broke up. I think that it’s always sad when people who seem like they have a good relationship figured out decided to separate.

    • anon

      I am, too. 27 years is a long time. I have a great relationship with my husband of 17 years but stories like this do remind me that nothing is guaranteed. We got married early in our twenties, and although we have managed to keep growing together — what if that stops?

      • Ara

        They must have been feeling like this for a while, especially since they did right after their kid turned 18 – maybe at least 5 years? And we’ll have to see what happens with their business relationship, wonder if that will end completely or not.

    • Anon

      Yes, splitting custody will be difficult. Bill only gets to mind control us vaccinated folks every other weekend now.

    • Anonymous

      My parents did the same thing- divorced after 26 years. 15 years later they are both so much happier.

    • Anonymous

      It’s not altogether shocking though it is sad. She has spoken in the last few years about how it’s hard to be married to him; how it was downright frustrating when the kids were little because she’d be trying to get them ready (sounds like she was a very hands on mom and wanted to be, not just having nannies get stuff done for the kids) and he’d be sitting there engrossed in some biography on Winston Churchill thinking he didn’t need to help; how she had to “train him” on work life balance; how when it came time to get engaged he was very hesitant because he just wasn’t sure that he could and that he wanted to find a balance between work and a personal/family life. She OTOH very much wanted a family life and by all accounts seems to have raised kids much like most people do – very hands on.

      I have to imagine that at 56 she is ready to live life with her partner, yet her partner is only happy when he’s 100% throwing himself into his latest project whether public health or pandemic or whatever. Like I think work/learning is the only thing that fulfills him. Certainly they have so much money that she could live a separate life still married — go buy a house in Hawaii and live there; travel the world etc. But I think it may be about her wanting to do life with a partner who WANTS to be there with her. I wouldn’t be surprised if we hear relatively soon that she’s in a new relationship.

      • Anon

        Yes — but from the memes of “Melinda Gates is single” I hope she has some strong wing-women with her to chase off the fools.

      • Senior Attorney

        Yup. I ran away from home when I was about to turn 55 — that’s the age when you look in the mirror and think “I still have some good years left to rebuild but if I want that I’d better get moving!”

        Good for her! (Also good for Mackenzie Bezos and her new teacher husband!)

        • Anonymous

          This. At 56 she could easily meet someone great and have a 20+ year marriage in the second half of her life.

          I think the giving pledge of committing to giving away basically your whole fortune is a key factor in warding off new dudes just interested in your money. Mackenzie’s new hubby signed the giving pledge as well I think.

      • Anon

        I had not heard this, but on the surface that sounds like a man who just isn’t meant to be a father. Maybe they would have been better off apart in the first place.

  5. Refi or not

    Should I refinance my low 30-year fix rate to an even lower 7 year AMR? Currently: 3.125%. I could refi to 2.5% floating, 7 year fixed. Will save about $250 a month or $3,000 a year.

    The key factor is whether I’m likely to stay in the current place for longer than 7 years – it’s a condo, and I want a house, so I think the answer is I will move. No chance I’ll keep the place as a rental since.. SF. But current rate is already so low that is it worth paying a bit extra for that “safety” just in case we don’t manage to move?

    • Anon

      I assume you mean AMR, in which case I’d say no thanks. Is closing costs really worth all of this?

      • Anon

        Whoops, I meant ARM, like adjustable rate mortgage. Golly, I need my coffee.

    • Anon

      I wouldn’t. Interest rates are low now and you don’t know where they’ll be in 7 years, plus SF is notoriously hard to find something else. You might live there a lot longer than you think.

    • Anon

      I wouldn’t do this for $3000 a year. I’d need a lot more savings to leave a fixed rate.

      • Anon

        If you have no higher-rate debt, I’d just start prepaying your current mortgage (by rounding up by $500 or $1000) b/c total interest cost is more a factor of time when rates are so low. If you can trim it to 25 or 20 or even 15 years, you’d save a ton of $ regardless of rate.

    • Anonymous

      After living through 2008 and continuing to watch its aftermath in certain swaths of the real estate world, I would never, ever take an ARM on a consumer loan. Those should be for investment situations only.

      • BeenThatGuy

        While I generally agree with this advice, in 2008 I re-fi’ed my then home to a 5 year ARM and it worked out great. My situation was very specific. I was getting divorced and we agreed I would stay in the house 2 more years (both paying 50% of all expenses). We had $400K in equity and knew the market was going south so there was no reason to continue to pay principal since we knew we were selling soon. So if the situation calls for it, it’s a crap shoot, but it’s a viable option.

    • Anonymous

      Corollary question: should I refinance my 30 year 3.875 mortgage (25 years left) to a 15-year fixed if I can get under 2%? Initial online numbers look like I’d be paying $200 more a month.

      • Anon

        Corollary to your corollary: how long are you staying? Are you the OP? What are the closing costs?

        • Anonymous

          We’re probably here for at least 10 more years. Not the OP. Not sure on closing costs; they seem to vary by lender and I’m just doing initial research to see if it’s worthwhile to go deeper.

      • anon a mouse

        How comfortable is the 15-year payment for you, and how long do you think you will stay in the house? If it’s a nominal increase and you think you’ll be there a while, it’s probably worth it. Shop around to keep your origination costs low — if the interest rate is that low lenders look to make it up elsewhere.

      • Walnut

        I’d do this in a hot minute assuming the new payment is within your comfort zone. The amortization table is so much nicer on a 15 year.

      • Donnyandbuster

        I think they say refinancing is worth it if it’s at least a point, which yours obviously is. The other question is that extra $200 and your comfort level. I’ve heard of some people recommending extra payments as a way of shaving time off without the need for refinancing (but with flexibility to not have to pay extra if not able to).

        I am with the above.. I would refinance! That’s an amazing rate.

      • Anonymous

        I would go for it, since I just did something similar. Refi’d my original 30 year (24 years left) at 3.875 % to a 15 year at 2.75%. $200 more a month isn’t bad at all.

  6. Anon

    Yesterday was my first “real” day back at the office. I’ve been in a couple of times when I needed something, but we’re now required to come in twice a week. My feet hurt! I had gotten entirely unused to wearing “hard” shoes all day. I wore a pair of leather loafers that I thought would be the closest thing to sneakers… but I guess not. This is going to be an adjustment in more ways than I had expected… Anyone else have unexpected “back to the office” experiences?

    • Clementine

      I’ve been going back into the office on a once a week basis (required) since the end of last year… I’ve truly realized:

      – How much I hate fluorescent lights and what a horrible headache they give me.
      – That my office is always cold.
      – How much I hate not being able to have a private conversation (I work in a large cubicle which – although it is the size of an office, does not afford the privacy of an office.
      – That I actually focus LESS at the office because there’s not the motivation of wanting to actually take a lunch break and do a workout.

    • MagicUnicorn

      A good hand lotion is absolutely vital. I am also back to the office as of yesterday and must have washed my hands a dozen times.

    • Jeffiner

      This morning is the first day back for one of my coworkers. His little kid just called and said, “Daddy, you weren’t here when I woke up!” Poor kid.

      The vending area has a new coffee machine and no one knows how to use it.

      My team was more productive when WFH, I am not a fan of returning to work.

    • Anon

      As you said, hard shoes for the entire day. Ditto bra. Glasses OR contact lenses, rather than switching back and forth. Absence of a bed in my workplace. Distance from hiking trails. Traffic. Inability to grab something out of the freezer mid-day to defrost for dinner. Planning ahead to pack lunch/snacks, rather than easy access. Missing my dogs. But also: loving having actual administrative support, rather than the charade of WFH support, being able to print major documents without printer-ink induced insolvency, the ability to immediately file documents in open files, random conversations with great co-workers, a break from my human co-habitants.

    • anon

      I’m not back in the office quite yet but made a few stops during the fall. What was jarring is how much planning it takes just to get out of the house on time and with all my stuff (forgot my ID card one day that allows me to get into the building, for example). I forgot my wallet another time. After that, I literally had to make myself a checklist of things to bring, which seemed pretty pathetic! It’s going to be hard for me to adjust to not having my own kitchen and needing to pack a lunch every day (office is in a food desert; delivery is expensive). Wearing work clothes/shoes is going to be painful. It royally ticks me off how much more comfortable my feet are when I get to wear running shoes and Birks all the time, and how I’ll have to give that up soon. Flats, heels, it really doesn’t matter. Dressy shoes are terrible.

    • Senior Attorney

      I’ve been in the office the whole time and just this morning my assistant and I were saying we are never going back to hard shoes!! We officially went jeans-casual early on and I suspect we will never go back because — why would we when jeans-casual is so awesome?

      • OP

        Unfortunately I regularly appear in court and also meet with members of the public, so no jeans casual in my office unless you are working well after hours. During the hours of 8-6, you are expected to be in something you could theoretically throw a jacket on top of and run to court in (aka most business casual is fine, but no jeans or sandals). I envy those of you who can wear jeans!

    • Anon

      I realized during quarantine that my breakouts and stomach troubles were due to dairy, so I switched to almond milk. First day back in the office, it totally slipped my mind that only cow products were available in the cafeteria. I drank my coffee black that day, and was very grouchy because it tasted terrible.

  7. Anon for this

    Disclaimer: I work in healthcare as does the bride to be and most of her friends. We are all fully vaccinated, and she is planning a small wedding outdoors in October, by which time all guests will be vaccinated.

    I am a bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding. So far the prewedding events include a formal engagement dinner, a family/friends shower, a bridesmaids-only shower, and a 4-day bachelorette weekend including another shower. This is a bit of a shock to me – I am married and have been in a couple other weddings; I think for those weddings there was one night of bachelorette activities and one shower, and that’s it.

    Is this… typical? Do I get a gift for each event? Do I need to go to all the events? I was also a bit surprised to be asked to be in the wedding party, which maybe colors my view. Thanks for the perspective!

    (Yes, I know a wedding is not a summons; I want to support my friend though and do what is expected. The finances of all this are doable if not insignificant.)

    • Anon

      Unusual? As far as I am aware, yes. Caveat — everyone I know does very lowkey weddings (it’s a weird pride thing around here: having a smaller wedding gives a lot of brides a chance to talk about how unimportant the wedding is to them and how much they’re just looking forward to getting married, which is like…okay, that’s nice and all but seriously it’s okay if you want a big wedding, it doesn’t mean you love your spouse any less, but anyway…).

      Anyway, if you’re part of the wedding party, I would assume that entails being at all the events since that’s kind of what wedding parties are for, kind of anchoring down the whole thing so that people have a clue what’s going on. But then again, that’s a lot of events! And a lot of outfits to plan too, while I’m thinking about it. Whatever you choose, good luck. I think no matter how this goes it’s going to feel a little bit weird, so find what’s the least-uncomfortable for you and commit to it (for your own sake).

    • pugsnbourbon

      No to all of your questions – not typical, you don’t have to go to all of them, and you don’t have to give a gift a all the ones you go to. As a bridesmaid I’d do the bridesmaid-only shower and the bachelorette party. I’d get a gift off the registry for the shower and something silly and sexy for the bachelorette. Maybe I’d also go to the engagement dinner but wouldn’t do a gift.

    • Anon

      That is A LOT of events, especially this year when there are going to be a lot of covid-delayed-make-up-events, like weddings. Perhaps the intention is for different groups people to attend different events so each is small? I.E. instead of one shower with 60 guests, there are effectively 3 showers with 20 guests each? I would be super annoyed at having to attend that many events for one couple/bride.

    • Anon

      That can be typical depending on her background. My friends from the deep south would often have all those events and more, as various family friends needed to “return the favor” of the bride’s family hosting a shower or event for their (the hosts’) children previously. Popular couples would have as many as 6-7 showers with different guest lists for each.

      I’d get her one gift to celebrate her marriage – maybe that’s what the BM-only shower is for – for her to give you all gifts to say thanks and for you to give her gifts? Idk, I’ve never heard of that before. Regardless, I’d talk to the bride and say you are so excited for her wedding but you have some other obligations that you need to fit in (no need to explain – just be vague and polite) – could she tell you which events she really wants you at?

      • Anonymous

        Don’t ask her that in that way. It makes it really clear that you don’t have a conflict and it’s just a matter of you not wanting to go. It also puts it directly on her that her events are a burden. Perhaps ask a closer friend of hers on priorities or decide for yourself. It is far kinder to the celebrant to be the grown up and say no to something you don’t want to go to than to make her give you an “out.” If it were me, I’d do the bridesmaid only shower, some/all of the bachelorette, evening before dinner and wedding event. I’d get an engagement gift, something sexy for the bachelorette and a wedding gift.

    • Anonymous

      It’s weird to have a bridesmaids only shower and it is weird to have a shower at a Bach party. One shower gift one wedding gift.

      • Anon

        Nothing is weird. It’s just not your preference. I’m Indian and we have a million events. People make all sorts of arrangements that fit their particular situation. It’s only weird if you demand or expect people attend.

          • Anonymous Grouch

            Just wow. So anything that’s outside your own experience/preferences is weird? You must feel like you’re under continuous assault from weird stuff.

          • Anon

            So is centering everyone’s life experience on your own world view, but here we are.

          • Anon @ 9:54

            Lol – you sould like my American SIL. She was SO MAD that we had a million wedding events. I (and my husband) explained to her over and over – you don’t have to come to them! We are having them because we want to, but there is zero pressure to attend. She ended up not coming but then also being really irritable about it.

        • Anon

          I’m also Indian and I want to make one distinction – though there are a bunch of events, there is typically only ONE wedding gift, you are not expected to give gifts at the Mehndi, pre-wedding dinner, Puja or other events.

      • Anon

        This exactly. A bridesmaid’s luncheon is not unusual (although I think it’s thrown by the bride). A shower at a bach party is unusual.

          • Anon.

            I read it in the same way! Fancy classical concert for the bridal party sounds much better to me than any shower nonsense.

        • anon

          I’ve been to several showers at bachelorette parties. Sometimes, it’s just that the events are combined because the bridesmaids don’t travel to a bridal shower, which is more for family and the mom’s friends. Sometimes, the bachelorette party has a shower with a lingerie theme. It’s certainly not every bachelorette party I’ve been to, but maybe 1/4 to a 1/3 of them.

    • Anon

      so, i had an engagement party (but this was for my parents’ friends mostly bc my parents were just very excited about our engagement/we had a long engagement), two bridal showers (one hosted by my mom’s friends and one by my MIL in different locations), and a bachelorette party, which was one night (like 4-5 hours)- not a whole weekend thing, but no extra shower then (that’s strange to me). my bridesmaids were planning on coming to both showers, though i specifically told them that they were not expected to do that. i told them i was inviting them to both so that if they even wanted to attend either they could choose which fit their schedule better (quite a few of my bridesmaids were in med school at the time), but due to a death in my family, the first shower was postponed to be very close to the wedding, so they didn’t come, which was totally fine. to me, you go to the things that you are available to attend. you are not required to attend any/all, except for the wedding, especially if they are not all located in town. my bridesmaids gave me a joint shower gift and individual wedding gifts, which was very generous of them.

    • anon

      I think it depends on the individual and the circle they belong to for what looks normal. My culture does the engagement ceremony, and we sometimes tack on the bridal shower and bachelorette trip because of western influence. The friend/family shower is a first though. I would only attend the amount of events that I feel comfortable with, whether that’s financial comfort or covid comfort is up to you. I would only get gifts for the bridal shower and the actual wedding.

    • Flats Only

      All those events wouldn’t seem surprising if the engagement was going to be a couple of years long for some reason, like finishing school, military obligations, etc., but it does seem like a lot to cram in between now and October. Perhaps the bride is taking what she’s observed from friends whose engagements were longer, and than figuring she should do all that stuff too, even in the short time frame. Or maybe her community/culture just does it this way. In your shoes I wouldn’t be judgy, but if attending all of these looks mandatory and presents problems for you, bow out gracefully now.

      • Anonymous

        This was my reaction too. One friend is taking 5 weekends in a 5 month period? That’s a lot in normal times, it’s a WHOLE lot when we’re just coming out of a year-long pandemic and have lots of social obligations. Sorry but no I can’t spend one weekend a month for 5 months in a row with just one friend. Fwiw I don’t think it’s odd to have different showers for different groups of people (particularly in covid times, to keep the guest list down) but I think it’s a little much to expect the same people to attend 3 different showers.

        In OP’s shoes, I would go to the bridesmaid only shower and skip the other showers if possible. Definitely no need to get a gift for all 3 showers. If you must attend all 3 and you feel awkward attending empty handed, get something small and for each shower that follows a theme, like maybe a scone mold, scone mix, and a pretty mixing bowl.

    • Bean74

      Are the smaller events local to you? Are you expected to help host any of these events or simply show up?

      If it’s local and you’re not hosting, I’d make the effort to go if you’re comfortable given current pandemic circumstances.

      If not local or you’re expected to host, I’d pick two or three and be very clear about what you can and cannot do. Send best wishes for the other events and leave it at that.

      I believe this is a regional thing (please correct me if I’m wrong!). The one wedding I was in for a Southern gal included engagement party, multiple showers, a weekend bachelorette do, a bridesmaid breakfast, a ladies’ luncheon, and a brunch the morning after the wedding. Which, was a lot of events compared to what I was accustomed to in my Midwestern upbringing. Hardly any events were local to me so I attended what I could – local shower and the bachelorette.

      The bridesmaid event was the morning of the rehearsal dinner. It was a breakfast and it was where the bride gave us our bridesmaid gifts. There was a luncheon later in the day for basically moms, grandmas, aunts, cousins, bridesmaids, friends of the bride, and partners of the groom’s close friends. Since we were already at the wedding destination, it was easy to attend. No gifts were given to the bride. My take would be different if I had been expected to host either event.

    • Anon

      One thing to consider – this bride may have friends and family who want to host their own event. I don’t think you need to attend them all. This may be more about people wanting to host a party. Go to the ones you want to go to – and enjoy!

    • anon a mouse

      The only thing that seems unusual to me is the bridesmaid-only shower. If that is a thing, you shouldn’t feel obligated to go to the family/friends one. Especially since the bachelorette weekend involves another shower?!? I would attempt to lobby the MOH (if you know her well) to dump the bridesmaid-only shower and have it as part of the bach weekend. But yeah. You don’t need to go to four pre-wedding events, three of which involve gifts.

    • Anon

      That was totally typical in my crowd once upon a time. I’ve been past the wedding years for a while, and sigh, I’m jealous – I’d love to have all those things on calendar to go to now.

      • anon

        Really? I loathe these types of events (even though I’ve hosted a few in my day). I do not miss the days when my calendar was booked with these types of gatherings.

        • Anon

          Yeah, I miss people, I like getting dressed up, and after a year of living in jammies, I’d die for an IRL event where people are trying to decorate and dress up. Put me in, coach!

      • CountC

        I was ALL CAPS excited to get a wedding invite for October. 2019 me: please no more weddings. 2021 me: invite me to ALL THE THINGS, I can’t wait to get dressed up and wear lipstick and be outside my house!

    • SSJD

      This sounds insane to me. The wedding industrial complex on steroids. A 4-day bachelorette weekend is too much. (Weekends are generally two days. This is half a week) The bride is being selfish and asking way too much of you. Think about the amount of time and money this arrangements asks you to spend on your friend’s wedding!

      I think it’s not at all typical, not reasonable, and you can give one wedding gift and one shower gift. Given how much money you’ll have to spend on outfits, drinks, food, travel and other elements, I would adjust the gift budget downward.

      • Anonymous

        Rule of thumb, if your bridesmaids need to take days off of work to attend your bachelorette party, it’s too long.

      • Anon

        I’m going to be really cynical here: one of my problems with this kind of extravaganza is that it’s very one-sided. If everyone gets married in the same few years, before having kids, the married women can spend the time and money celebrating the women who did all this for them. However, in reality, younger brides do all of their events, have their wedding, have their baby showers, and when their own bridesmaids get married ten years after they did, it’s all “I can’t make a one-hour drive to your bridal shower because the kids have soccer.”

        • Anonymous

          Oh man, MAJOR pet peeve. People who expect you to move heaven and earth to attend their events but then skip your events because of their kids having minor scheduling conflicts are the actual worst.

        • Anon

          Ehhh, I got married at 40, I eloped, had no pre-wedding events (obviously), and I didn’t care that I’d gone to thousands of the showers and parties in my younger days. That’s how life worked out for me and it’s okay. I got a deal I’m happy with.

          • Anon

            That was your choice and that’s great! The problem comes when you ask people to show up for you in a smaller way then you showed up for them, and they don’t.

          • Anon

            I get that but I think it’s more about recognizing seasons of life. If you got married when everyone else did, the kids soccer conflicts wouldn’t have existed. You have to just recognize that when you do things out of order or on a longer timeline (which I did) that you can’t have the same expectations. Now if you’re all 27 and you go to 5 events for BFF and she can’t be bothered to go to one of yours, I’d take issue with that.

          • anon

            I agree this is a seasons of life thing. I don’t think score keeping really makes sense in situations like this. It’s sorta like keeping score on wedding gifts. I got married on the younger end of my friends so had multiple people who only gave a card, it’s not like when they got married ten years later I got them something less nice than I got other friends because they didn’t get me something more expensive. There are trade offs to being on the early end and on the late end. My friends who had kids earlier than I did are now on the tail end of the intense parenting years and are now some of the most enthusiastic pre wedding event guests. I think part of being a good friend is understanding that there are times you’ll be there when the favor can’t be returned and times when they’ll be there when you can’t return the favor.

          • anon

            You seem really bitter. Those same friends you are mad at for not attending your event because they have kids will be godsends if/when you have kids. At least that was true for me. I’m glad I didn’t ditch my friends who couldn’t attend my big party even though I attended theirs but you do you.

    • anon

      In my circle, it was typical to have multiple events, but not typical for anyone to go to all of them. When I was in the phase of going to multiple weddings per year, I had a rule of thumb that I’d travel to just one event other than the wedding–usually the bachelorette party. I’d bring a separate gift if I attended a shower, or a bachelorette party with a shower component, but I spent much less on that than on the wedding gift ($30 for a pre-wedding event, $120-150 for a wedding gift).

      • anon

        Adding that I would attend multiple local events, but not feel obligated to make it to every one. And I’d only give one pre-wedding gift, usually at whichever event involved opening gifts in front of people. After that, they got a card.

    • Anon

      Too many showers. That is ridiculous and whoever planned that should be embarrassed by this level of gift-grabbiness.

      • LaurenB

        For both my wedding and my pregnancy, I had a shower in the town where my mother lived – thrown by her friends – and then a shower in my new town, thrown by my girlfriends. The only overlap in the guest list was my mother and sister who traveled up to my new town for that one. How was that grabby?

        I think attending parties isn’t the big deal – what I don’t like about the bridesmaid-thing these days is that bridesmaids are supposed to do things – move things, address envelopes, make a million party favors, clean up after things, etc. I think the role of a bridesmaid is pretty much just to show up and look nice and socialize, not be hired help.

          • Anonymous

            Separate showers are appropriate for different groups (e.g., parents’ friends, bride’s own friends). Five is a lot, but it’s not necessarily terrible if there is a logical reason and there is no overlap in the guest lists. OP’s scenario is terrible.

    • anon

      Midwesterner here, and I’d say that’s not unheard of — but certainly a bridesmaid wouldn’t be expected to attend every single shower. Don’t even get me started on these bachelorette parties that require taking vacation time to attend. So glad that wasn’t an expectation when my friends were getting married; I find it so incredibly selfish to assume that people want to use their precious few vacation hours attending an event in a location that they didn’t choose.

    • LaurenB

      In Ye Olde Times, I had an engagement luncheon (thrown by fiance’s aunt), two showers (one in my hometown, one in my new city), a bridesmaids’ luncheon, a pool party, a bridesmaids’ luncheon, rehearsal dinner, wedding itself, and brunch the day after. I didn’t have a bachelorette party for whatever reason. And I don’t even like people all that much, lol, but that’s how my family entertained. I think a small gift is entirely fine if you are going to multiple showers — when I was at that age, our friend group would give one another nicely-wrapped kitchen towels / utensils, that sort of thing.

    • Anon for this

      Thanks all for the perspectives, this is really helpful. For context it is not an Indian wedding (those sound so fun!), the family is from farther south than I am but not The South. The events are fairly local to me but I have young kids which makes it a bit of a pain. I will take this as permission to skip at least one of the showers. Thanks!

    • anon for always

      TIL that a LOT of commenters here had very high maintenance weddings. Color me unsurprised.

      • anon

        Some people have lots of wedding events, others have none. Some people have big events and some people elope. The fun part about being a woman is that no matter what you do (even if or sometimes especially if it wasn’t your preference but you accommodated friends or family members who wanted certain things), you’ll get judged and be on the receiving end of snarky comments! I hope if you are married your wedding and any pre wedding events were exactly what you wanted them to be and you got to experience that free of judgment. Have a great day!

      • LaurenB

        My parents liked to entertain and it was a happy occasion. They could afford it (I was 21 at the time and just out of college, so appropriate for them to be funding it). My mother’s friends could afford to throw nice showers — one was at an art museum. My group of friends were all just early twenties and starting out, so we threw wedding and baby showers for one another at one another’s houses and we took a lot of pride in putting together nice events with homemade food since we couldn’t afford catering, etc. The problem would be … what, exactly?

    • Anon

      Yeah, that’s a LOT of showers. Most people just have the one bridal shower, I’ve never heard of a bridesmaids-only shower, and while some bachelorette weekends involve some sort of gifting thing, it’s usually for things like underwear or sex toys. Honestly, the thought of giving someone four gifts in the span of 6 months makes me itchy, especially if I’m also paying for my bridesmaids dress in addition, and I’d probably make most of those gifts little symbolic trinkets, if anything.

  8. LASIK

    I’d love to hear about any experiences with LASIK, particularly about recovery and exercise. I am scheduled for the procedure next week and while I’ll certainly talk more to my doctor, I’d love real life experiences!

    • Cb

      I had it done 14 years ago, so suspect the recovery and process has changed. I just wish they had given me more valium as I did get a bit stressed out during the process. But other than that, I slept for most of the day and night, woke up and trees had leaves! I had to wear goggles in the shower for a week and wouldn’t have wanted to do anything strenuous just because my eyes felt a bit raw.

    • Anon

      Plan to be out of work for a few days – I corrected a very strong Rx (-8.5) and it took about 5 days for my eyes to settle down after, and there’s no way I could have gone to work the next day. It didn’t hurt, you have to be really careful with your eyes for the first few weeks too while they heal. Overall, it’s life changing and the best thing I’ve ever done.

      • CountC

        Counterpoint, I went back to work the morning after mine with absolutely bo trouble. Now, my Rx was not as strong as yours (-2.75 and -4.75). Mine was crazy easy, absolutely painless during and mild irritation afterwards but fine once I napped per doc’s orders.

        It was amazingly easy and simple and painless for me. Barely a blip in my life and I am mad at myself for waiting as long as I did!

        • Anon

          Right, I posted because everyone says you can go back the next day and while that’s probably true for a lot of people, it wasn’t for me or for anyone I knew with a higher Rx.

      • Anonanonanon

        Thank you! This post is timely. My Rx is 8 and 9, so this makes me a little worried I need to wait for a time I can take a bigger break from work before doing it.

        • Anon

          Fwiw, I got as a -8 corrected to 20/20 and got it done on a Saturday morning, back to work on Monday.

    • Bonnie Kate

      I had it done 8 or 9 years ago and LOVE my results. It’s one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. It’s been a while so I don’t remember the recovery super well, but it wasn’t major for me at all. Your body is fine; it’s your eyes that just feel raw. I think it depends on what kind of exercise – I would think you’ll be able to do low impact or lift weights within a few days.

      The best advice I have is to use the opportunity to get yourself a really good pair of polarized sunglasses – order them this week so you have them. You will want good eye protection for a while while your eyes heal.

      Also, I read when in bed recovering, and obviously that doesn’t work well if your eyes are healing. Ditto for TV and phones. Having a few audiobooks downloaded will make the recovery time go faster.

      Good luck! Immediately after the surgery my doctor, in the operation room, had me look at a clock across the room and I could read it. It’s absolutely lovely to wake up and be able to see clearly.

    • Anonymous

      I really wanted to love it, but 6 years later, I’m back in glasses (at a lower prescription than before), despite having a stable prescription for many years before having the procedure done at age 30. I also developed chronic dry eye after the procedure, as well as corneal scarring that prevents me from comfortably wearing contacts. I went to one of the top-rated doctors in my area and had great results for the first 2-3 years.

    • Anonymoose

      I got mine done about 6 years ago. I fixed a -7.5 prescription PLUS astigmatism at Lasik Plus. Honestly? I found it a piece of cake. I took a sleeping pill immediately after my procedure and was out for 6 hours. I woke up and my eyesight was still semi-blurry, but there was no pain. My eyes just felt gritty. I was back at work the next day.

      • AnonMPH

        Wow! I have -9.5 + astigmatism and when I got a consult in 2011 they were like…we could do this, but your eyes might correct back a little after the procedure and then we wouldn’t be able to go in and shave any more off so you’d have to wear glasses. And that sounded not worth it so I never went back in the decade since to see if the tech had improved. Your story makes me think it might be time for another consult!

    • KS IT Chick

      I did it in around 2014. I had a migraine the day of, and I still went through with it. (Valium actually makes a good migraine treatment.) I had the procedure on Friday and was back at work on Monday. I had a post procedure check on Saturday morning to make sure my eyes were tearing up correctly. I used the drops as required for the full 2 weeks or so.

      The two clearest memories I have from the procedure: first, the machine coming down to my eye looked like the alien descent sequence from the movie Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Second, after the procedure was done and they had me sit up, I looked at the ophthalmologist across the room and exclaimed “I can see you!” He chuckled and said he loved getting that reaction, and he still got it after almost every procedure.

      • Horse Crazy

        LOL I had a huge migraine the day of my foot surgery in September. Turns out a nice nap from anesthesia + morphine makes an excellent migraine treatment!

    • AllieMiles

      I had LASIK in November after thinking about it for 10 years. So worth it, I wish I had done it earlier. I hike and camp a lot and it’s so much easier to deal with than contacts or glasses.

      Re recovery — after the afternoon procedure, I just went home and napped, I think due to the Xanax. The next day vision was already amazing and I felt fine. However, I am glad I took the day off work, as I had trouble with screens and also focusing to read. So I spent that day organizing my closet and kitchen and whatnot (I wore the goggles when dealing with dust/dirt, since I was scared of ruining it!). By the next day everything was almost normal, but they are not kidding about using those eye drops all the time. The eye drops are your friend. I went for walks, hikes, and bike rides on the third day after and following, and I didn’t notice any issues with exercise. However, I skipped the weight training until a few more days.

      I know they did say a lot of people were perfectly fine to go to work the day after, and I could almost have gone to work. But I am glad the procedure was on a Friday and that I was able to not need extended screen time until the Monday.

      Now I can see the patterns on birds and the different shape of leaves on trees with no issues, it’s amazing.

    • Anon

      Does anyone have any LASIK experiences in their 50’s to share? I have a -8.5 prescription and also have reading glasses. Wondering if the results would be worth the process.

      • Anonymous

        I had mine done at 51 and am 56 now. Corrected a -5.5 to perfect distance vision. I needed +2 reading glasses (including sunglasses with readers in for the beach) right away but I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it. Had it done with no valium or ativan – sat up and I could see the clock in the surgery perfectly – such a surprise!
        I had no problem with recovery, I was religious with keeping my eyes closed after the surgery (in retrospect I guess the medication would have helped with a nap) and using the drops they prescribe for afterwards. My only regret is not getting it done earlier.
        Apparently there is an option to correct one eye for distance and one for reading but it destroys your depth perception so I was OUT on that as an option. The only tiny trouble I have noticed is the loss of ability to see well very up close, so I need a magnifying mirror to do my eyebrows which I did not before. TOTALLY worth it.

  9. Muji linen sweater

    Writing to recommend an item — I’ll post a link in the comments but it’s the Muji “Women French Linen Wide Sweater.” I normally wear an XS/0 on top, and the XS/S size fits me generously but drapes in a really nice way (unfortunately the only other size is a M/L — there’s a chart on the website that describes the size of the actual item). I got the color labeled “brown” online, but IRL it’s more of a greige. I wore it with slim black pants, black flats, a thin gold necklace, and a gold watch. I bought it at the store in person (all the linen is 20% off in store) and all the colors were lovely. Despite being labeled a “sweater” it has a very open linen weave and is very breezy. I could see wearing it all through the summer — I wore it with a cotton undershirt yesterday and would have been chilly if I hadn’t.

  10. Anon

    Imagine you have a house, in a new city, all to yourself for a month. No pets, no kids, no spouse, no obligations to anyone but yourself. Are there any solo activities you would prioritize doing while you had the chance?

    I’m leaving to go on a trip like this soon. I plan on spending most of my time in the house, working on just relaxing (I haven’t had any solitude since this time last year, and without so much as a daily commute to clear my thoughts I am feeling the strain) but I know I’ll want to leave the house occasionally. Solo trips to different parks and hiking trails are on my radar. Maybe hitting an art museum or aquarium during slow times. Definitely getting takeout from local restaurants. Anything I’m missing that you’d throw in?

    • Anonymous

      It sounds like you have some great ideas already, but what about a cooking class or something like that to maybe meet some people? Or a wine and art event at a local museum? If I were you, I would go for a combination of cool attractions in the city and getting out of the city to check out the nearby outdoors. If there is anything really cool/special nearby, like an opportunity to whitewater raft with a guide for a day, I would 100% do that on a weekday when it won’t be as crowded.

    • anne-on

      Massage/pedicure/manicure/facial )or your favorite of those) if you feel comfortable with that.
      I also tend to do a lot of my shopping when on solo work trips as I don’t feel guilty/rushed that way. Are there things you need that you can see in person/buy there? I’m talking things like bra fittings, picking out a new winter coat, trying on jeans, etc. I also would wander a sephora to pick up new makeup shades or new skincare. I’m a reader and I love art so I’d absolutely prioritize a museum/gallery trip and an afternoon in a bookstore.
      On a practical level – are there any projects that you need to focus on planning and haven’t gotten to? I’m thinking picking out carpet/rugs, or window treatments, or the pantry storage solution you need but haven’t gotten around to. While on bedrest I planned out a bathroom remodel and vetted contractors – it was enough of an ‘actual’ project that kept me busy and occupied when I got bored with books/tv/movies.
      This sounds heavenly – enjoy!

    • anon a mouse

      I am very jealous at this!

      I’d go walking in other neighborhoods. Just to look at the houses, the flowers, etc. Probably pick up a yoga class or two, especially outside yoga.

      I’d pack a good bluetooth speaker so I could fill the house with my music.

    • Anon

      I have a somewhat similar situation to this coming up, and have been thinking about it as well. Here is my list:
      a) Hiking (both nature trails, but are there any Botanical Gardens near where you will be? I love those and often forget about them).
      b) Spa days (I’m fully vaxxed and in a state where there will be a lot of protocols)
      b) Art museums
      c) Paddle boarding anywhere?
      d) For non-activity things to do around the house I am planning on: 1) seeing if I can find some sort of online hypnosis podcast or something to help me finally stop biting my nails (open to suggestions if anyone has them!) 2) taking the time to figure out what new jeans work from me, either at stores or ordering a bunch online to try 3) taking the time to really think about things I normally don’t have time for, like I plan to spend time figuring out how and where I can volunteer more in regular life.
      Enjoy!! I am actually marking days on my calendar to do these things so I don’t accidently waste the days away.

      • Anon at 10:04

        I just reread this, my own comment, and realized I should add learning the alphabet to my list of things to do : )

      • Anonymous

        +1. Spend one day in the house vegging if you must, but this is an absolutely golden opportunity that should not be wasted indoors.

    • Bonnie Kate

      If it was me, I’d add finding a new yoga studio, sign up for their intro month deal and attend classes 3-5 times a week.

      Also, I’d add one body-care type of appointment a week – hair one week, spa/massage one week, mani/pedi one week, facial one week.

    • Anonymous

      I would get outside every day. I love walking through gardens and taking pictures. If there is a creative project you have been holding off on getting done, I might bring that (eg I have a photo book I want to get done).

      I would research some good yoga videos and do those for some really good stretching too.

      Have fun!

    • Anon

      I am single and live alone, so…this is my daily existence.

      I walk around naked a lot and talk/sing to myself.

  11. A.

    Help me style an outfit for a small outdoor gathering this weekend. I’ll be wearing a black one-shoulder ruffle jumpsuit in a heavy cotton — so, dressy but not formal. Long sparkly earrings. It will be on grass, so I’m torn between an open toe wedge and a black platform sneaker. Any thoughts? I can’t seem to figure out what kind of sneaker would look good…

  12. Any

    Suggestions for books or blogs about an “early” midlife crisis? I don’t think I’m ready to go full eat pray love but heading into my late 30s I’m definitely at a crossroads and a bit lost.

    • No Face

      Is anyone not at a crossroads after living through a global pandemic? Anyway, I’ll be reading these suggestions right along with you.

    • CountC

      You might get some responses if you are comfortable providing more detail. For me, I recently had an OMG what am I doing? Do I like doing X,Y, Z things or am I only doing them because I think I should/want to make people happy, etc.

      Is yours personal life or career focused, or both? That can help steer the recommendations in the right direction too.

  13. Anon

    Looking for career path ideas for a 40 year old man who has been doing construction for the last 12 years, and worked as an automotive technician before that. Construction has been hard on his body, and he is looking for a job that will allow him to take it easier. He has a high school diploma but no college education. He’s incredibly detail-oriented and is a great communicator. His passions are old cars and [actual] gardening. He feels lost and isn’t sure what he wants to do with his life, but knows he needs to give his body at least a partial rest. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

    • anon

      Just one example, but my dad worked in construction his whole life until in his late 40s he was injured and told he should find a desk job. He got a retraining loan and went back to school, got a math/education double major. He thought he’d teach HS math, but HATED his student teaching. Ended up working in a vocational college program, which he also hated. He worked there until he could take early retirement… and immediately started basically working full-time doing “handy-man” type jobs (think, small kitchen remodels or replacing a front door). With hindsight, I think he would have been much happier finding an easier-on-the-body trade job rather than trying to force himself to get a desk job. He had a friend who partnered with a welder to open an independent welding shop around the same time, and he’s said he wishes he’d done something more like that.

      • Saguaro

        My husband has a similar background. After a few years as a SAHD, he started his own handyman business. This has been perfect for us and him, because as he ages (mid-50’s now) he can by choice only take jobs that are easy on the body and that he wants to do; for example, no floor tile work or working on a roof. And he can manage his own schedule, so he can take off when needed for the kids or our vacations.

        He also has had a constant stream of business, all through referrals. When he started, he just posted in the local Next Door page that he was available for handyman services and he has never had to advertise again. He sticks to small jobs, so he won’t do say a bathroom reno, but he will install a new toilet or faucet.

    • BeenThatGuy

      How about transitioning to landscape design? With a construction background and a love of gardening, it seems like it could be a good fit. I’m sure there’s online training certificates/classes he could check out to see if he likes it.

    • Anon

      Landscape design? I know people pay big bucks for that in my city, and I couldn’t even get an appointment with a popular one.

      • Anon

        Ooh another one. Building inspections and/or home appraisals. Construction knowledge key.

        • Vicky Austin

          Ooh, that sounds really good, especially with his detail/communication strengths.

      • anon

        Good idea re: landscape design! Also, if there are any office jobs in the auto industry, that may be a good option, too.

        The toll that physical jobs take on the body is no joke. Even my talented, uber-fit hairstylist doesn’t know how much longer she will keep doing hair because it’s so hard on her back, shoulders, and arms. She’s 41.

    • anonymous

      My husband works in facility maintenance. The company has a large four building campus and he does some general maintenance and HVAC work. A construction/technician background could also translate into a job like this. There is some physical work involved like climbing in ladders but it’s not that physically difficult. My husband doesn’t have a college degree either. Search for jobs with terms like facility management, facility maintenance or building engineer. He found his current job through Indeed.

    • Anonymous

      What about training as a plumber or electrician or appliance repairman? I’m sure the construction knowledge would come in handy, as would the detail orientation and communication skills.

      Also, what about some sort of sales job in the construction industry?

    • Anon

      Either building or transportation regulation agencies hire folks like this person. Most will say college degree or X number of years’ experience, but don’t let the “college degree preferred” bit put him off. He will probably still have to go in the field to inspect, but it’s a lot easier on the body than doing the actual labor.

    • Anonymous

      What about project management in the construction industry. Being detail oriented and a great communicator seem like two highly desired skills in that field as projects often go off the rails because someone forgot to schedule something or tell someone something.

    • Anon

      Facilities management. The guy who does this at my company oversees all campus maintenance/repair/landscaping, deals with the vendors who carry out work, etc. Having a construction background would be a great skillset.

    • anon a mouse

      Was he in residential or commercial? Something in construction management would be a great fit. In my area there are basically construction concierges that will oversee your home renovation and make sure that your contractor (and subs) does everything correctly — if he is in an area with a hot renovation market, that could be something.

      Also +1 for facilities management, those jobs always seem to be in demand.

    • IL

      Adding my vote for either facilities management or building inspection for a local government. Another option is welding – a friend of a friend does it, and it’s not physically demanding at all.

    • Anon

      PE / Gardening / Camping and outdoors teacher in a school?
      We have one of these in our kids school and he is great with kids, used to have a park ranger type role before.

    • Anin

      My father was in construction and also had to quit due to injuries. He loves people and taking care of others, so he underwent a training and is now a non-medical nurse/staff in home for elderly patients (I don’t know if this is the proper name). His patients love him, he is happier than ever before. There are some tough moments of course ( e.g. when patients die), but that is all part of life.

    • Horse Crazy

      Thanks, everyone! These are such great suggestions – we definitely haven’t thought of a lot of them. I appreciate this community so much!!

      Also just realized I posted this under Anon on accident…it me :)

    • Flats Only

      Keep in mind too that if a new career path requires some additional education, community colleges often have good workforce training programs. He would not need to get a degree, but could get a certificate or just take courses to update software or other skills.

    • Anon

      The combo of communication skills and handy is pretty unique. A few ideas:
      -Shop teacher
      -There is an AmeriCorps type outdoors program – building trails and things like that. He might be a great group leader. Similarly, There are definitely programs for struggling youth and prison re-entry that focus on building skills in the trades.
      -Look at the job listings for local trades unions – may be something in education or apprenticeship programs or something really different that appeals
      -Facilities management for a botanical garden, summer camp, or college

      Good luck! I hope he finds something satisfying.

    • In House Lobbyist

      Insurance company adjusters – sounds like he could do auto or home.

    • Coach Laura

      I’m late commenting but my brother was similar. Construction and then HVAC repair. He enrolled in a CAD program and had multiple offers the first semester as demand was high (in California, not sure if that’s the case everywhere). Started working immediately and did school at night or part time. Employer is very happy, he’s happy.

  14. Clothes for court

    Okay fellow lawyers. What do I wear to appear in court these days? It’s been a long time. My old go-to was a skirt suit but pencil skirts aren’t really working for my body these days. I’m also in my late 30s and wondering if the J Crew skirt suit look is still appropriate for me. If I go for a dress and jacket, so I buy them together in the same color? Why is this so hard?

    • No Face

      I wear matching dress and jacket 80% of the time. Dress and coordinating jacket for the other 20% (think black dress, with black-and-white blazer). I wear dresses because they fit me best, and I don’t have to worry about finding a good top. Pant suits and skirt suits are also fine.

      Court is not really a fashion show. Just wear a suit in good condition that fits. Lint rollers and clothes steamers are your friends.

    • Anon

      Pre pandemic I was in court a lot as a witness/PMK, and noted that my attorney wore pants outfits a lot. She tended to wear separates rather than full suits, so something like black pants, modest blouse, colored blazer. She always looked perfectly appropriate.

  15. Anon

    I am very, very, very burnt out. I am job searching, I’m taking a long weekend next week and a long vacation this summer.

    However, I need to deal with some of the burn out in the interim. I’m very irritable and a minor thing going wrong either makes me angry or unreasonably upset. I try to limit my reactions to my coworkers, family, and friends because it’s not their fault I’m miserable.

    • anon

      Prioritize rest — going to bed early, doing less on the weekends, maybe a weekly restorative yoga practice. When I’m feeling that crummy, nothing else is really going to make a dent. You can’t get rid of all the stress overnight, but you do need to give your body and mind a chance to heal and recover.

      • Nora

        This is where I am right now too. I feel weirdly burned out and constantly annoyed at my coworkers and boss (posting here right now to keep myself from sending too-angry a Slack). I’ve decided I need to just chill out. Lean into things I enjoy – I like cooking and having flowers in the house and having a beautiful house, so I will do those. Other chores, I’ll do the bare minimum required. Sleep in on weekends. Don’t overplan things. Have things I like every day, like time for reading or the flowers I mentioned or a favorite snack (love those dessert-flavored Chobani things). Don’t fret if I spend a long time time reading or re-watching Doctor Who. Go on dating app dates if I really feel like it only, and when I do, don’t put pressure on it – at worst I’ll try out a new restaurant.

        Would love any other suggestions

    • Anon

      On my therapist’s suggestion, I gave myself permission to really phone it in on all fronts for a week. Did the absolute minimum at work (respond to emails, finish things due that day, which meant working about 50% of the day) and slacked off the rest of the time, ordered take out and walked out to pick up breakfast or lunch. Sent my laundry out. Took the whole weekend to do as little as possible — went for walks, read books, repotted some plants. Nothing “productive” unless I really wanted to do it, and no errands.

      Honestly, at that point I was so burned out that I realized I would have accomplished just a little more than that if I had been trying hard but would have been miserable. But that week helped me feel a lot better and the following Monday I was able to work much more productively. Not 100%, but better than nothing.

    • OP

      These responses, while good advice, just proved to me how not-great my situation is.

      Pretty much all I do is work, zone out on my couch and sleep (4am alarm most days, so I come home and go straight to bed). I work weekends (I’m on my 10th straight day of work right now) pretty often so unfortunately they’re not restorative. Only working and sleeping also means that I don’t have much time or energy for things I enjoy.

      For reference – I spent much of the last few months working 13-15 hour days, 6-7 days a week. Now it’s calmed down and and I’m working 10-12 hour days 5-7 days a week, but my burn out is severe because it’s cumulative.

      I’m already phoning it in on everything around the house. Can’t phone it in at work but I’m definitely no longer going above and beyond

      • CountC

        I also was suffering massive burnout and I highly recommend you move that vacation up if you can. I just got back from a legit vacation (no checking work emails or anything work related) and I feel SO MUCH BETTER.

      • Naomi

        You’re right, the advice for your situation is different.
        I’m not sure what job this is, it sounds insane, but you’re job searching so that’s a moot point.
        Honestly, it’s hard. Make sure you go for a walk and get some fresh air every day, as much as possible. Make some meetings walking meetings if possible.
        Try to eat healthier – Usually in situations like this you feel like you just want to eat junk food, but that’ll just make it worse.
        Limit caffeine is possible. Since your life in general isn’t healthy, optimize for things that are.
        Even with the limited time available, take 20 minutes every day to do something you enjoy that isn’t on a computer – yoga, a puzzle, a paper book, etc

        • OP

          I run vaccine clinics :) so very hard , very stressful but very worth it

          Honestly the hours/job stress are manageable – I prefer work assignments like this! There’s just a lotttt of other bullsh*t (poor management, bad leadership, lack of communication) that, coupled with these hours and stress, is becoming untenable

        • Anon

          Yeah a lot of the guidance online is like “get a pedicure” or “treat yourself to a fancy coffee” and that’s like putting a bandaid on a sucking chest wound when you’re actually, legitimately burnt out

      • Anonymous

        Focus on quality of sleep, even if # hours in bed doesn’t change. Sleep meditations really help me. They can also help if you wake up in the middle of the night.

        Drink more water than you think you need.

        Eat clean. No processed foods. Get pre-cut veggies delivered. Eat a lot of easy-to-make salads. Embrace a boring diet for a little while.

        Get 10 minutes of sunlight and fresh air a day. Break it up into 3 minute walks if you must. Or just sit outside.

        Vitamins. Take a multivitamin. I like the stress vitamins from Whole Foods too, they have vitamins B and C.

    • Anonymous

      I found doing even a short 5-10 minute guided meditation every night helped me with the irritation, so maybe try that.

  16. Anonymous

    Can anyone suggest cute tops to wear with jeans for a date/night out with friends? Thinking drinking outside a bar, nothing too fancy but I’d like to look cute. But I’ve forgotten how.

  17. anonchicago

    What are some good work from anywhere destinations within driving distance of Chicago? My work schedule is somewhat stable this summer and I’d like to book a few trips. Needs to have WARM weather so I can swim before or after work, and hiking trails would be nice.

    • pugsnbourbon

      As a Midwesterner, what does driving distance mean to you? Three hours or ten?
      Cincinnati is ~5 hrs from Chicago and it will be hot and muggy by late July. But the cicadas are back this year.
      St. Louis? Nashville?

      • anonchicago

        I’m willing to go up to 12 hours.

        I’ve spent a lot of time in St. Louis and Nashville so those aren’t high on my list. I’m thinking something like Lake of the Ozarks, or similar.

        • Cat

          With 12 hours of driving you’re all the way to the East Coast. Get yourself a shore house?

        • Anonymous

          Nashville is an epic sh*t show right now. I would not vacation here if you take the pandemic even remotely seriously. It’s gross.

        • anon a mouse

          If you can push your drive time up slightly, New Orleans.

          If not, Asheville NC — rent a house with a pool.

    • editor

      The Dunes?

      Although Lake of the Ozarks is magical, if you can stay away from the boating and drinking crowd (which you can.)

    • Anonymous

      Minneapolis is amazing in the summer. Lakes, hiking, restaurants, outdoor concerts, etc. We regularly hit 85-90 degrees (and high humidity) in July and August.

    • LawDawg

      I did two weeks in Door County in September and another two weeks in April. Rental houses are going scarce at this point. We usually camp there in the summer, but took advantage of the pandemic to explore for longer and at different times of years. There is no guarantee of warm weather but even if the weather is bad there are nice shops, restaurants, hiking, and views of sunsets over the bay.

    • Anon

      I love Madison. Great food, great farmers market, can ride your bike around the lakes. Short drive to amazing Frank Lloyd Wright tourism (if open) in the driftless region.

  18. anon

    Because swimsuits have been a popular topic around here, I have to plug Andie swimwear. I caved and bought two after seeing a bunch of insta ads and spending way too much time on the website looking at various styles. Well, I LOVE THEM. They’re flattering and make me feel much cuter than the 40-something mom that I am. I bought the Tulum and Malibu styles in black ribbed and navy flat because my swim wardrobe was missing the basics, although I sort of wish I’d picked something more colorful because their colors are great. Maybe next year. I may compensate with a bright coverup of some kind. (Recommendations welcome.)

    I have a long torso, wide hips, and small bust and have never had luck finding a one-piece that fits everywhere it needs to fit. These miraculously do. I’m a size 12 and the large tall fit perfectly. Both styles have more bust support than the very popular Summer salt suits. I’m not busty at all but need some shaping to feel my best.

    • Anonymous

      I agree! I am a 55-something mom and love the Andie Sardinia I got after looking at their site for months. I’ve got a long torso, straight/apple build, about a size 8-10 and got a M long and it fits perfectly! The suit is very well made with enough support. I’ve been team bikini for a few years but really love their cute one-pieces. I liked that the review section for each suit has quite a few photos posted by other purchasers.

  19. Trixie

    I am hoping the Hive can help me out on this one. I am helping a friend shop for a wedding dress: 2nd wedding for both of them, and she is in her mid-60’s, and wants a modest dress. She is a size 12-14, hopes to soon be a 10-12. We are looking for a dress with sleeves, a mostly covered back, midi length, probably not white but peach, ivory, champagne, etc. I’ve been hunting on line at the usual department store sites, and looking at Mother of the Bride, Wedding Guest, etc. I think I need to find some boutique type on line shops, like Needle and Thread. This dress might not classify as a wedding dress, so to speak. Any suggestions for websites? In person shopping is likely to be very frustrating, so on-line it is. Thanks for your help!

  20. Anon

    Getting ready to return to the office and need advice on shoes. I used to dress business casual but due to changes in my role and also broader pandemic related changes, I will be dressing smart casual when I return. I’m struggling to figure out what kind of summer footwear is appropriate? Can I wear open toes? Slingbacks? Espadrilles? Keds?

    • Cat

      “smart casual” to me means “business casual but swap out the pants for jeans” — so the pointed toe flats I would have been wearing with ankle pants are now paired with slightly bootcut jeans, etc.

    • pugsnbourbon

      When I’m not in the warehouse or on a project site, I’m wearing loafers. If you steer clear of tassels or moc-style toes, they look pretty sharp.

  21. Anonymous

    Is there any way to fix posture/stop slouching. Like my shoulders and upper back kind of point downwards. I’ve realized it gives me a slight back ache once in a while — often in my sleep because I’ll sleep on my side with shoulders pointed down like that. Yet when I make an effort to sit properly in a chair — like sit all the way back, back/shoulders open and chest out, it feels good to those muscles. Anyway to train myself to do this automatically? Is this like a need a stronger core/upper back issue?

  22. Anon

    My kids aren’t 16 yet but are close to grownup size / weight. In my area, vaccine supply > demand now. If they let kids >= 12 get vaccinated (maybe by the end of next week), I am definitely signing up my kids. IDK how to prove their age (that birth certificate could be for anyone), but I’ll have to drive them so I hope my word will be enough.

    • Anonymous

      Passport if they have one? That has a birthday on it? If not people in my area are planning on a birth certificate + a school photo ID — that’ll at least show this kid is in 7th grade or whatever so is the right age.

    • Anonymous

      Oh, look, our anxiety non-question poster is back.

      If a vaccine was tested in and authorized for kids 12+, your kids in that age range can get it whether they are adult-sized or not. I don’t know why you would have to prove their age. Were you required to prove age or eligibility when you were vaccinated? I wasn’t.

      • anonshmanon

        oh look, our poster who thinks any question is a dumb question and deserves name calling is back.

        They asked for my ID and insurance card, and before getting the shot I had to confirm my name and DOB. It’s not like they really scrutinized my face to see if behind the mask was the same person as the ID. You’ll probably be ok, OP.

      • No Face

        Why would you assume there is one anxious person, instead of several different people asking different questions about different topics?

        • Anonymous

          It’s pretty dang obvious when people use unique syntax/punctuation and keep asking about non-problems, sometimes repeatedly for the same subjects (like shoes or camping gear in the SEUS). I get it, I’ve posted non-problems here too, but there’s also a point where there’s a question of whether too much anxiety is at play in life.

          • Anon

            I perceive negative comments like yours as far more annoying than someone with a problem that I don’t really think is a problem. Keep scrolling. You don’t need to post your detective work here for a gold star.

          • anonshmanon

            Who cares. You can scroll on, just like I do for the weekly updates from the poster who got a dog, or should I refinance, which job should I pick, how should I splurge with my bonus questions… It’s entirely your choice to scroll on by, but you decide to shame the poster instead. Why is that? What outcome do you have in mind when you do that?

          • Anonymous

            Well, I’m not the Anonymous at 12:33, but I posted to point out that she’s not the only one who has noticed this weird issue. It’s just like Ellen or the fleece tights troll or the button-down shirt troll – yeah, you can scroll on by, but it’s also okay to comment on something that is becoming increasingly bizarre. I don’t know if the anxiety poster is experiencing actual anxiety (in which case I hope that she can find a way forward – there should be absolutely no stigma or shame in seeking treatment for any mental health issues) or if this is some really strange trolling to see how often this site will bite on camping recommendations. Either way, I suggest that you also scroll on by if you think responses to her posts are too negative.

    • Anon

      My >16 son used his high school ID to prove age and they barely glanced at it. He doesn’t have a drivers license. We had prepared a dossier with his passport (expired) and birth certificate but they really didn’t care much. They were just trying to get him through to the shots.

    • Anonymous

      Isn’t that what they are accepting for 16 y.o.s? This generation or their parents decided they didn’t have to grow up so most of them don’t seem to have licenses yet.

      • Anonymous

        Weird take? I’m 50, and even back in my day we couldn’t get a driver’s license until 17.

      • Anon

        Huh?

        In my state you can only get a learner’s permit at 16, the earliest you can get a license is 16 and a half, but plenty of people get it older than that.

      • Anonymous

        Declining rates of teen licensure is a real thing: https://www.scarymommy.com/teens-not-driving/

        Not having a driver’s license is not an excuse for not having a photo ID. My parents were too poor for me to learn to drive as a teenager, so I got a non-driving state ID card at the DMV when I turned 16.

    • MagicUnicorn

      What kind of proof do you think is needed? For our adult vaccines, we didn’t even have to show ID, just provide the name the appointment was booked under. It’s not as though they fingerprinted us and ran our DNA before letting us get our jabs.

      • LaurenB

        If you are getting this at CVS or Walgreens, rest assured they don’t care. They just want you in the store hoping you’ll pick up shampoo, toothpaste and tampons on your way out.

    • Anonymous

      I wouldn’t worry about it. Maybe take their birth certificate and school ID. I think the bigger concern would be if they didn’t look old enough to be eligible for the vaccine. If over 12 gets authorized and your kids look over 12, then I don’t think anyone will care that much.

    • BeenThatGuy

      Obviously their birth certificate would be the path of least resistance. Also, check with your pediatrician. I go to a very large practice, over 5,000 patients and 10 offices, and they filed to be a distribution center for the vaccine when it’s approved for 12-15, for their patients. No need for identify verification since your child is already a patient.

    • asdf

      What id to kids use to get their first driving license or a passport? I would assume that is sufficient.

    • Silly Valley

      I volunteered at our local vaccine clinic yesterday, and there were lots of parents bringing their 16-18 yo high schoolers. They seemed to all have drivers’ licenses, or maybe they were non-license IDs. Once they approve the 12+ age group, I’m sure they’ll issue guidance – probably a birth certificate will be fine if they don’t have a passport.

  23. Anon

    Two part question and I’ll take my answer off the air.

    Finally shopping in person again, thank you Pfizer, and I’m mostly hitting Trader Joe’s. What are your favorite fairly quick weeknight meals from TJ’s?

    Also, we are trying not to eat red meat (fish and poultry ok) but I don’t love ground turkey as a sub for ground beef. Are there any meat free alternatives that would taste pretty good in something like Bolognese?

    • CountC

      If you are open to red meat substitutes, the Impossible and Beyond Meat companies both make ground “beef” that I have fed to meat eaters with great success. It’s not healthier per say, but it gives you the taste and texture you are looking for.

    • Anon

      Depending on why you’re trying to not eat red meat, if you’re just trying to cut down you could do half ground turkey and half ground pork?

    • Anon

      so i saw on instagram that Trader Joe’s actually just came out with a vegan bolognese both in a jar and the freezer section. haven’t tried it yet myself, but it is on my list

    • Hazel

      I love chopped king oyster mushrooms as a substitute for ground meat in dishes like mapo tofu and bolognese. They’re quite meaty on their own but you can also boost the flavor by adding (rehydrated) dried shiitake or other mushrooms. Just make sure to brown the mushrooms before adding other ingredients, as you would ground beef or pork!

    • Anon

      I just tried the Trader Joe’s vegan chorizo and it crumbles really nicely and tastes great.

    • Anon

      I’m a vegetarian, so I don’t know what Bolognese is actually supposed to taste like, but I know TJs just started selling a vegan Bolognese sauce, no idea if it’s any good.

      I really like their frozen falafel for quick meals. I throw a couple of them into sandwiches or salads, with lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers. I usually add baba ghanoush or hummus on a flatbread if it’s a sandwich and a little vinaigrette to the lettuce, maybe some olives (they can be a little on the dry side, so don’t overcook them and it helps to have a dressing or some wetter with them). I’m trying to go vegan, but you could also add some feta or the TJs avocado tzatziki, or chicken if you wanted some meat.

    • Anonymous

      Not exactly what you asked, but I used to get several of the frozen pastas with sauce from TJ’s (fettucine alfredo, ziti, raviolis) because you could not ask for an easier dinner. When we stopped shopping there due to the surge in cases here, we ran out of our stock and had to make other meals instead. I noticed that my digestion and energy both improved. I was surprised because some of the frozen pasta meals there are minimally processed/don’t have Franken-ingredients (check the labels though, it varies)), but it was clear that they were having a negative impact. To that end, when we go to TJ’s again, I’m no longer planning to buy those pastas. Curious if others have experienced that.

      Items I DO intend to buy from TJ’s for meals: frozen salmon burgers, fried rice (Japanese, Peruvian, and the basic one), green chili mac and cheese (can’t give that one up!), frozen salmon, frozen pizza (sparingly, same problem as with the pasta), and bratwurst for easy sheet-pan dinners.

      • Anonymous

        I don’t buy the TJ’s frozen meals just because they have ridiculous amounts of sodium.

    • Lots to Learn

      You know that you can crumble tofu (either with your fingers or with a couple of pulses in the food processor) and it resembles ground beef? Pretty tasteless and it doesn’t brown well, but if you’re just looking for the texture in sauce and want protein, it would be great.

    • anonshmanon

      I like TJ’s Beef-less Ground Beef for sauces or fillings. It’s in the fridge by the tofu. There is also a soy chorizo that works in some dishes.

      • Anonymous

        + 1 to this choice. I also like the TJs meat-alternative meatballs in the frozen section, and love the frozen vegetable gyoza and Gyoza sauce.

    • Anon

      if you just want heat and eat, the frozen Indian meals are pretty good- I like the palak paneer and the vegan tikka masala and my husband likes the chicken tikka masala. If you’re feeding multiple people, you can heat up a couple of them with naan and some of the apps.

      I don’t think the veggie chorizo would necessarily work in Bolognese, but it’s pretty great in general. I cook it with potatoes, onions, and peppers and eat it with eggs. It also makes a good burrito or taco filling.

      I also like the Dr. Praeger’s California veggie burgers (veggie patties, not at all trying to be meat like). I’m the vegetarian and my husband eats meat, but he’s happy to eat these and the veggie chorizo.

    • Anonymous

      Maybe jackfruit?

      My favourite meat free sauce protein are beluga black lentils, or in a pinch Puy lentils. For Mexican flavours I use them with pinto or black beans, but for Bolognese I’d try mixed with mushrooms instead.

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