Coffee Break: The Mitty

169 Comments

1. This is a very specific question but does anyone have an ergonomic keyboard with quiet keys? My typing is so loud and there are some one-on-one calls where I can’t really mute and I know my typing is distracting (sometimes I’m taking notes, other times trying to sneakily send a chat/email!). Thank you!

   1. I bought a plastic cover to keep my keyboard clean, and I’ve found that it dulls the sound of my keys a bit, though it doesn’t make it totally silent. I searched for silicone keyboard cover on amazon for my model and just picked one that had high ratings. A cheap fix if you wanted to try it.

2. Anyone have a vacuum they’d like to recommend? Mine still works, but it is currently duct-taped together after I somehow pulled off the handle. I prefer bagless. I don’t have animals; I have a mix of carpet and hardwood. So, nothing special, just the average vacuum needs. Thanks!

   1. I love my Dyson. It’s an older model and works like a charm. I never thought I would pay that much for a vacuum but I had previously bought a cheaper Shark and that one bit the dust (no pun intended) within six months.

      1. I have only had Dysons since 2006 and I am never using anything else. Last year I got a cordless V11 and it’s everything I could hope for. I never thought I would be the person to buy a $600 vacuum, and now I have bought two, but it’s been cheaper than buying a crummy vacuum for $150 every few years.

         1. I got the cordless V11 last summer and it has sparked more joy for me than any vacuum should. It’s worth every penny and then some.

            1. Same here! I LOVE my cordless V11.

      2. PSA – when the battery on your Dyson cordless goes, you can get a new battery for about $50 at any Battery Source type place and replacing it is a matter of removing two screws.

   2. I have a cordless Dyson, but I think it was overpriced. The suction is great, but some of the plastic parts feel cheap/don’t click together nicely, you have to hold down the trigger the whole time (which hurts my hand), and I think I could’ve found a cheaper cordless vacuum that is just as functional.

      1. Get a strip of velcro, wrap it into a loop (no sewing) and use it to hold the trigger down.

         1. It is insane to need to do this on a $400 vacuum, IMO.

            1. That’s my issue – I don’t want to have to do homemade DIYs fixes on a vacuum that cost over $600. I was honestly expecting perfection on this thing based on all the amazing reviews but it’s like…a 3/5 for me?

            2. Yes, it’s not perfect but $5 worth of velcro gives me the perfect vacuum. It’s worth $605 (as opposed to $600) to have a vacuum I never get frustrated with.

      2. It would be worth $1000 to me, since my husband seems to think that the Dyson vacuum is a power tool, so he uses it daily.

         1. Hahhahahah

   3. I’ve been really happy with my Shark. I have a pet version and it’s purple, so bonus. It’s been going strong for a couple of years and I’m amazed at how much gunk it sucks up.

      1. I loved my Shark, too! It held up even when my house was a construction zone with all that dust!

      2. My husband counts down to Saturday mornings, that’s how excited he is about using our Shark. Two thumbs up!

   4. TL; DR – I love the cordless Dyson and if they seem expensive get an older one, especially for hard floors.

      We have a cordless Dyson V6 that we, uh, found in the trash and I absolutely love it, although I still usually use our bagged vacuum for our rugs. I keep the hardwood floor head on the Dyson (brush head won’t pick up larger–Cheerio-sized debris)-and our rug is shag and hard to clean. Our dyson lives downstairs, while our rugs are mostly upstairs, on the same floor as the corded vacuum, so it is just easier to use it on them. I have yet to find the vaccum that does really well on both hardwood and rugs without any swapping of implements. I suspect an expensive Miele canister might, but I have grown to love the cordless.

      1. The newer Dyson (V11) does a very good job on both hardwoods, tile and carpet without switching. I am not interested in owning multiple vacuums, even though I have a decently large house and storage space isn’t a problem.

         1. Ha! I live in an NYC apartment and own 3. But we’re hoarders. We just haven’t gotten rid of the old ones since they still work and fill specific voids. And 2 out of three were found free in the trash.

   5. I have a 20 year old Kenmore vacuum that still looks and works like new. Sears has since ceased to exist so no clue if they still even make them, but I remember doing the math and it was like a quarter of the price of a Miele and seemed to work just as well.

      1. Ha ha. I have a little Miele with a beautiful light blue canister that I bought almost 25 years ago on sale and that sucker just won’t die. While I love it, I so wish it were cordless.

3. Does this item secretly dream of wiping off stage makeup on Broadway, Miss America’s eyeliner, etc.?

   1. I think it dreams of hanging with carnivorous sponges in Antarctica!

4. I have something similar by Makeup Eraser. They are awesome even with my waterproof eye makeup.

   1. Yes, I have one too and I love it!

   2. I love my makeup eraser, full size, for removing cleansing balm from my face. I love love love it. It takes all my eye makeup with it. Actually, I have three so I can use each 2-3 days before laundry day.

      I recently bough some reusable bamboo pads, meant to replace disposable cotton pads, from Biossance. They come in a little mesh laundry bag so they don’t get lost in your machine when you wash them. I’m only a couple of weeks in, but so far, so good.

      1. I have those too, in addition to my Makeup Eraser. I like them for applying setting powder, and for cleansing after a face mask; they’re also good backup when my Makeup Eraser is dirty but my next towel load is still a ways off.

         1. ETA: I like the Makeup Eraser because it can withstand the towel load and get super clean, the bamboo pads are harder to get completely clean.

   3. Maybe this is a silly question but how do either of these things differ from a washcloth? They all seem like the same thing but marketed differently?

      1. Makeup eraser is made of a microfiber type material with somewhat longer strands than terrycloth. Somehow a regular washcloth feels rougher on my skin but fails to remove the eye makeup as well. Not sure why or how, but I’m not going back.

      2. I came here for your comment. Please do tell? Why should I forsake my facecloth for these?

      3. A standard washcloth is too rough for my skin, personally, so I like the softer material of the alternative products. I use simple reusable cotton pads, but they are very soft.

5. For those of you who have been getting everything delivered during the pandemic — Do you think you will continue? I am watching some of my neighbors have 3 and 4 deliveries a day. Many packages. All the cardboard. All the drivers. All the pollution. All the noise of having these trucks up and down my street every day, day in and day out. The stores here have been open the whole time. No lines, no waiting. Open. Vaccines are available essentially on-demand to anyone over 16 who wants one and they have been for weeks. Masks work. Numbers are down (though still “risky” by whatever metric NYT uses). Are we just moving to an everything-is-delivered-to-the-door economy now? It is making me sad to think of all the climate damage this is causing. And frankly it is just annoying to have to dodge delivery trucks and listen to their screeching brakes and running engines all day long. But is this life for the foreseeable future?

   1. How is this worse than everyone driving to the store, or several stores, every day?

      1. Because people don’t drive to the store every day.

         1. So many people do drive to the store every day

            1. let’s not ever forget crazy lady who was interviewed in the beginning of the pandemic talking about how she NEEDED to go to home depot, walmart, and target EVERY DAY (and sing loudly in person in church of course).

      2. Also a lot of these deliveries travel by air, which is much worse for the environment than driving. And there’s much more packing material involved than taking a trip to the store. I share OP’s concerns.

         One habit I am keeping is that I love curbside grocery pick up in place of my normal grocery run!.

         1. +1. We have got to talk seriously about the incredibly negative impact of all this flying (for deliveries and personal trips) on the environment. I cringe when I see posts about wanting to “resume all the travel” because we honestly cannot engage in plane travel at our pre-pandemic rate and still have a planet for future generations to live on.

            1. I think there are a fair amount of childless people out there who think the environment is beyond f*cked so we might as well YOLO as it’s beyond saving anyway.

            2. I agree with you, but people now seem to view travel as a right, not a privilege, so here we are.

            3. there are also plenty of people with children who have a huge environmental footprint. Oftentimes, we even excuse certain things like daily target orders with being busy parents. It’s always easy to blame others.

            4. @ 5:02 – I’m the one who wrote about childless people. I am one and that’s kind of how I think. Reproduce at your own risk. No one is going to change. We are all too selfish, myself included.

         2. But those items travel by air to get to the store too. If anything it’s better to have one driver make deliveries to a whole bunch of people, rather than a whole bunch of people individually making trips to the store.

            1. When I was ordering online a lot, I bought a lot more. I’d just think of something, and it’s right there on Amazon with free 2-day shipping, and I’d just click it. Probably 50% of the stuff I bought never would have been bought at all (by me) if I had been conscious of my deliveries. This is something that’s been studied, and I haven’t seen stats showing that rapid delivery has less climate impact than consumer habits before rapid delivery.

               From what I’ve read, it’s less clear that slower online ordering contributes more to climate change. Either way, it’s a priority for me to keep money in my community as much as I can, so I batch my trips together, shop at local stores as much as possible, and order something online maybe once every 2 months. Of course that’s not possible for everyone, but that’s part of how I’m choosing to have a smaller footprint. I’m very concerned about the effect of our consumerist culture on the planet (recognizing that I type this on a shopping blog).

            2. Interesting. I find I spend way less ordering online because I just order that item and get off the website/app whereas if you send me into Walmart for a box of tampons I’m likely to come out with a new bathing suit, a dog toy, some pajamas, some makeup and some ice cream!

   2. I never started on the delivery trend the planet is more important to me. I’ve been getting groceries/essentials masked bi-weekly since the beginning of COVID and WFH the whole time, haven’t gotten sick yet.

   3. You sound like a wonderful neighbor.

      1. right?

   4. Yes I think deliveries will continue after the pandemic. As will nosy neighbors

      1. How am I being nosy? I am a person who observes what happens on my public street while conducting my own affairs. I am not going onto their porch and examining the parcels.

         1. You are nosy as hell. And you posted about it here. Mind your own business.

            1. FFS – it’s hard to ignore the loud AF delivery trucks that drive by my house all day long. It’s clear they are delivering something somewhere in my neighborhood!

   5. We’re going to continue to get groceries delivered because I hate grocery shopping and we have access to a delivery service that pays drivers as workers, not contractors. Other than that, I’m definitely trying to reduce ALL purchases, in-person and delivery, to reduce the insane amount of waste associated with all aspects of producing, purchasing, and transporting “stuff.”

   6. Buying too much stuff is a problem. Getting everything delivered next day is a problem. But I’ve read a lot on this and it’s not at all clear that getting things delivered is worse environmentally than making frequent trips by car. Buy less stuff and group your errands or group your online purchases and that’s way more important than whether you’re buying online or in person from an environmental perspective (obviously social and other economic effects go beyond that).

      1. +1. The sheer amount of products people purchase is the root cause of the problem. In an ideal world, we would all be buying less, buying locally-made/grown, and living in locations with enough population density to be able to walk or take public transit to stores.

      2. yep this. OP, do you know if that neighbor is getting the same stuff delivered that they went out and bought in person before? Sure there is the added cardboard packaging, but the root of the problem is the amount of stuff.

         1. +1 to amount of stuff. I have a hobby of browsing the social media posts for my local estate sales. The sheer volume of stuff that upper-middle class people have when they die, that their kids don’t want, is overwhelming.

            1. But surely they enjoyed it while they were alive? Should old people not get to purchase things they will enjoy, or do they have to deprive themselves in anticipation of their deaths?

         2. Despite the accusations, I have not logged or inquired about any neighbor’s specific purchases either before or during the pandemic. I merely have noted the general increased number of delivery vehicles and personnel on the street, higher number of stops by vehicle, and front porches spilling over with boxes and stuffed mailboxes.

   7. As a working parent who has less than no free time right now, I’m on team delivery for everything but groceries for the near future (I like picking out my own produce). Not to mention, my pet’s food went in and out of stock so often at the local stores Chewy was the only way I could get a steady supply. The dog does fine with different brands, the cat not so much and we all regret it if we try to switch it up.
      I’ll revisit when there are things like play dates, children’s rec activities, after school programs, etc. open. Right now delivery allows me one very small way to claw a tiny bit of my time back.

      1. OP here — I have only ever seen one kid on my street. I don’t think these people have children to home school. If they do, the children were being home schooled and then locked in closets even before the pandemic. Most do have dogs.

         1. Maybe they are working crazy hours, or have a sick family member. It’s not really your decision who is worthy of getting deliveries or not.

            1. Yeah. Child free but work in public health and have worked 60-90 hour (in person) weeks for the last 14 months. I have been doing more online shopping than normal because I don’t have time / energy to run errands.

            2. Trust me — I was not suggesting people with children get to pollute more than those without or that they are entitled to more conveniences. I thought anne-on was and I was just removing that as a factor. I was flippant, but I actually know my neighbors for two blocks (imagine that in 2021!) and they don’t have kids.

            3. >It’s not really your decision who is worthy of getting deliveries or not.

               agree

         2. We lived temporarily in an all-millenial area of our city before moving into the ‘burbs and I was amazed at the door-dashes and amazon vans there. Like why? It was a walkable hood with tons of shops and restaurants and no one walked.

            1. Convenience?

               Nothing better than drinking with your friends in your basement and thinking hmmmm someone chicken wings would be good about now . . . and having them show up 20 mins later.

            2. I’m in the suburbs of my city and am pretty sure my nextdoor neighbors don’t know how to use a stove. I had no idea there were people who order in for every meal of the day (even pre-COVID) before they moved here. Seems like it would get prohibitively expensive pretty quickly. I just chalk it up to being one of those strange but inconsequential observations about one’s neighbors.

   8. I had everything delivered even before the pandemic started, so for me this is life for the foreseeable future. There are environmental concerns, but they can all be mitigated. Purchases are combined into as few packages as possible. My kid loves to create things with empty boxes, and when she’s done they are recycled. Drivers are people with jobs. Electric vehicles can reduce the noise and air pollution. There is still the issue of congestion, but we should be able to find solutions to that problem, and improve other aspects of delivery service.

      I don’t want to learn which brick and mortar stores carry all the things I need. I don’t want to drive to those stores. I don’t want to spend time looking for things inside the stores.

      1. +1, no way am I going back to spending my weekends trudging from store to store. I place one drugstore order a month and get everything else except fresh groceries without having to drive to a mall, circle endlessly for parking, drive to another and repeat.

         1. but isn’t this more about planning than about delivery? One big order vs. one trip to Target per month isn’t that different, but both are different from multiple deliveries per week or day.

      2. I was also getting a lot of stuff delivered pre-Covid. All the things that I get once in a blue moon that are so so easy to forget – paper products, soap, cooking oil. I end up having to make a special trip for those things because I always forget when I make my normal grocery run. Also things like makeup, I have to drag myself all the way to the mall nearly an hour away because that’s the closest Sephora/ulta. Is it really more environmentally friendly for me to drive 2 hours to get more concealer rather than have it delivered?

   9. I think this is kind of like people complaining about self-check out and mobile banking replacing jobs. Things just change. Home delivery is a service a lot of people like. I am definitely keeping it for heavy items like 35 lb bags of dog food that I don’t want to schlep through a store with. It’s also great for those things that aren’t really worth a separate trip to the store, environmentally. The Amazon truck is going around my neighborhood with or without my package on it. Seems more efficient to add my package to that truck than for me to run out to Walmart for one item.

      I do wish all the delivery companies paid better and had less strict metrics so drivers could drive safer. I haven’t noticed any noise from the trucks and vans at all. But, kids do play in my not busy street and I do worry some about the additional traffic from those trucks. They are pretty good about yelling “car” and moving to the sidewalk though.

      1. Beside the point, but I’m so tired of people arguing against raising the minimum wage because “look what happened at McDonald’s! They replaced cashiers with machines!” Like no that’s called technology. Seamstresses didn’t get replaced en masse with sewing machines because they wanted a higher wage. They got replaced because ANY wage is more expensive than NO wage (not to mention other employee expenses).

         1. There was a recent Indicator podcast (4/14) that discussed a study that found increased minimum wage did not correlate with more ordering machines.

   10. Nope! I am so looking forward to getting on the subway, going into the city, and buying things from actual stores when I need them. I miss it so much! I miss getting to try things on, I miss the exercise of walking around city shopping centers, and I miss not having to pay for shipping.

       There are some brands I discovered during the pandemic that I will continue ordering, but only because they’re not sold in stores near me.

   11. I think you need new hobbies other than standing at your window judging your neighbors.

       I mean, my cat does that all day long, but I try to find better things to do with my time.

       1. Sigh. OP, please ignore these tiresome, defensive people. This happens EVERY time anyone posts about how anyone could do better by the environment, without fail.

          1. She’s not talking about now she could do better by the environment. She’s talking about her neighbors, who are not party to this conversation unless one of them just happens to be one of us.

       2. Ha. That is not at all what is happening, but I appreciate the advice. I am working from home, often outside. I can hear the trucks pulling up, the doors slamming, and then pulling away when I am working inside, too. I walk to and from the gym most days. I walk my dogs once or twice or three times a day. Sometimes I walk to my friend or boyfriend’s house or to a local restaurant or bar. Sometimes I drive my car through the neighborhood on my way to or from somewhere (like the store or my office). I have to dodge the vehicles and the drivers all day long. I’ve been nearly hit both by trucks and by humans in a hurry on many occasions. I live on a residential street of SFHs and this is not what it was like in 2019. I am curious if it is going to continue.

          1. I live by a difficult turnaround point in a quiet residential neighborhood. So. much. beeping.

             1. Yeah, people are being super obtuse here. Obviously it’s easy to notice when there’s been an explosion of delivery vans in your neighborhood. It doesn’t make OP “nosy” or “obsessed” with her neighbors to observe that.

          2. My cull de sac has so much package traffic that there are close calls with trucks at least a couple of times per month, and this winter the UPS guy got out and had a screaming fight with the snowplow driver.

             I’m seeing 6-10 trucks per day (multiple brands, and multiple trucks per brand) in addition to 8 garbage trucks per week (4 companies have licensure in my town, each comes once per week for garbage and once for recycling).

             TL;DR: I’m sick of the traffic and noise, particularly when I intentionally purchased a home on a dead-end. I feel your pain. We’re thinking about buying acreage even farther out into the sticks. I do’t think anything short of being surrounded by our own property will give us peace and quiet.

   12. Deliveries to keep:

       Messenger delivered small packages from local stores or warehouses. I can get a new printer cartridge, the hand soap I like or other small things delivered on my doormat overnight by the newspaper delivery company, or from an evening messenger (small stuff delivered from an electric car drive-around).

       Small purchases by mail from local shops (yarn, stationery etc) that have inconvenient opening hours. Straight in my mailbox or to my grocery store pickup point.

       Specialty foods (grass fed, ecological etc. not readily available) or drinks (heavy).

       Deliveries to ditch:

       Things I would normally buy while traveling (whether that is by underground, train or air).

       Garden centres (actual gardening with plants) – I love walking around the hothouses, delivery is not a fun substitute!

       Heavy stuff that I can purchase and drag around on public transport (no car), or have delivered for a more expensive fee. (From 60 dollars and up if the item is more than 30 kilos is normal here).

   13. I’m with you OP. I’m in apartment building so I see the stickers for when neighbors have packages when checking my own mail. I order online for stuff that I can’t find in local stores (kids shoes ugh), and stuff that’s too much for me to carry (wet cat food and litter) because I don’t have a car. I think the real problem is just over-shopping rather than doing it online. I’m a single parent with a small child, so I got groceries delivered since the start of the pandemic but am ready to stop and pick my own produce now that I’m vaccinated. I just don’t buy things every day…

   14. I got a lot of stuff delivered before the pandemic (working parent with limited time and a long commute), but I think it will continue. My preference is almost always to pick up restaurant food instead of getting delivery, but I hate grocery shopping especially when my kids were small and I was buying the same 25 items every 10 days. I was an Am*zon Fresh customer back when it was a service that required a delivery minimum and you had to pay an annual fee. People used to think it was silly I did this – then 2020 hit and they realized that it was pleasant and convenient to get grocery delivery.

       While I’m not a climate-denier or an active hater-of-the-Earth, I do think that just about the greatest thing I do from a carbon perspective is live in a small house without central air conditioning. And for all the hand-wringing about composting and recycling I see from my mom friends, voting for politicians who can change industry standards and invest in cleaner energy is a lot more effective than my personal actions.

   15. I am going to continue to get everything delivered because it is more convenient. How my neighbors feel about my deliveries is honestly none of my business.

6. My baseline level of anxiety/stress/depression is very high due to some challenging things that happened to me over the past few years. It has slowly gotten better over time, but I still tip over into “extremely stressed/breakdown territory” at a low threshold. It results in me crying (not fun) or getting very angry/frustrated with people (which I try to contain as best I can and also not great) quite often. I don’t want to be like this. I was never like this before.

   Unfortunately there are some stressful things that will be a net positive (moving to a new city, infertility treatments) that I need to get through. I am in therapy. Has anyone else dealt with this? How did you get your reserves back/manage your emotions?

   1. Yes, by taking medication. Therapy alone would not have cut it for me.

   2. Anxiety and depression meds

   3. Meds. Absolutely.

      They help you reset your threshold. They really do. Then as time/therapy/coping strategies kick in, you can try weaning off them. If you have PTSD related to the challenging things you have been through, look for a therapist that has strategies for treating this directly.

      Meanwhile, make sure you eat well, sleep well, and exercise daily. These also help your threshold set point.

   4. Definitely meds and therapy. I hope fertility treatment is a net positive for you but it was not for me and I needed to get into therapy really quickly when I found out. It would have been better if I was already established with a therapist that I could have called when things got real bad.

   5. My baseline level of anxiety spiked four years ago, in the spring of 2017. The only thing that saved me was Lexapro and I truly believe it saved my life. It gave me back the person who I was before. When you said, “I was never like this before,” it resonated. Please, please consider medication.

7. What do female guests to a graduation at an SEC school wear? [Not debating whether these this year, but asking as a strictly fashion question.] My guess is that something Lilly or adjacent would work, but b/c you may be outside and or walking for long periods to a giant football stadium, things may be more casual (or much more casual) than what you wear to church b/c you could be nasty / sweaty / have blisters walking and climbing steps in certain shoes. Hats? [Baseball cap sized, not derby sized.] And are purses allowed? Or no b/c giant football stadium?

   1. A dress and shoes. Why are you weirdly overthinking this made up problem.

      1. Have you met this poster…I feel bad complaining but it’s getting a bit much.

   2. I think you’d have to check with the venue to see if purses allowed – how would we know? In any case I’d say Lilly adjacent but just wear espadrilles or sandals instead of heels because of the walking.

   3. I’m in SEC country, and one thing I will say is that it’s bad form to wear a baseball cap indoors or during a formal event, so I wouldn’t do that. No one will be wearing fascinators, as this will not be a royal wedding or the Kentucky Derby.

      I’d just wear a dress or skirt that’s breathable and sandals that you can walk in on grass. Unless you like the Lilly look, I wouldn’t go that route because you’ll just be uncomfortable the whole time. In other words, I wouldn’t wear jean shorts, but also wouldn’t try to cos play a stereotypical southern sorority girl from the ’90s.

      1. Second. I was a southern sorority girl in the 90s (not SEC) and I still live in a southern city and I have never actually seen Lilly in the wild except as a pool coverup. Admittedly, I am a city dweller, single no kids, so I don’t hang with the day-drinking suburban crowd or any country club of any kind, but it is not ubiquitous. Wear a weather-appropriate dress or similar in your own style.

   4. a lightweight dress and walkable wedges or flats. Security – idk it would be announced by the venue in instructions for attendees.

      Why are you inventing this problem/question when it’s not even something you are doing?

      1. Geeze, why are people jumping on OP for a hypothetical fashion question? Isn’t that, like, the most appropriate topic for this place?

   5. I would wear a pretty dress that I liked (sleeveless) with sunscreen on, face & decolletage–any pretty outfit for family photos. I’d bring a large carry all bag if possible with reusable water bottles, snacks, folder to protect programs, sunhats for both genders, sun glasses & cases. I’d also bring a light sweater/wrap just in case.

   6. I’ll just add that the strap on my sandals on my graduation day with all the walking around campus (not even a big SEC school either), so make sure whatever shoes you wear are sturdy.

   7. Family members just attended ‘Bama graduation. Women wore floral dresses like you’d wear to a wedding for the most part. One woman wore a linen big shirt and slim trousers. All in flat shoes or flat sandals. No hats.

      They were socially distanced by family grouping in the big football stadium. They wore masks for the ceremony, but then taking pictures outside distanced from the crowd they removed their masks. All but one (kid<16) are fully vaccinated.

   8. Cute clear purse – the security staff will be forever grateful. Otherwise, cute dress not prone to Marilyn moments in the wind (it does get breezy up in the bleachers) plus wedges or other shoes you can easily walk up and down stairs in. Check with the student on if you want to bring a bleacher cushion with you – no idea what they are actually called but I’m too old for three hours on metal bleachers. I’d also bring a lightweight cardigan to help with sunburn.

   9. That dress from this morning or something similar (don’t wear the color of the big rivalry school), flats or wedges you can walk in, small purse (check venue rules for what is allowed; might need to be clear might have size restrictions), sunscreen.

      1. And really, there would be nothing wrong if you chose to wear a light blouse and beige linen cropped pants with flats or something, maybe with some fun costume jewelry to jazz it up. I’m sure there will be plenty of others wearing some version of that too.

8. I think there are a fair number of lawyers here, so question: Would it be awkward to use a neighbor for personal legal services? Would this person do me the favor that the neighbor I use for some medical stuff does and pretend in social circumstances that we don’t know each other outside of living near one another? If that is not assumed, would it be awkward for me to suggest it?

   1. It seems like you feel awkward already so maybe you should listen to your gut on that. But if you do decide to go ahead, I think it would be fine to tell them you want the lawyer/client relationship to be confidential.

   2. Can’t imagine why I’m in mod, but I think it’s find to make the suggestion.

   3. Maybe.

      If you’re unhappy with the work product (or even if the legal matter is sensitive and so there’s no “unknowing” your secrets even if legally they can’t spill…), you still have to interact with the person as long as you both live there.

   4. You could have the nightmare neighbor from above and have him/her all up in your business about your personal life. I’d use someone a little more removed from my day to day, personally.

   5. I’m fairly certain that the person is bound by confidentiality agreements to NOT tell people that you are their client.

   6. I’m an attorney and my friends are great referral sources for things like car accidents and contract disputes. For anything highly emotional like family law or even some employment matters, I refer to another attorney. Even with things like car accidents I have to warn them that I will be seeing ALL of their medical records and if they aren’t comfortable with that, I can reassign the case within my firm.

      As far as what can and can’t be shared, I usually address this up front. Like hey, I know tons of people know about your car accident. If they ask me, as your friend, how you are can I update them even if I know how you are doing more because I’m your attorney? Even still I’d be vague. She’s doing well, getting back to work. My friend was great about calling out certain things and saying okay, I’m telling you this as my attorney not as my friend so I would know it was something to keep private. Some things are just obviously private. I also ask them up front if they care people know I represent them or not. Usually they are telling people themselves. If someone told me they wanted the whole case to be a secret, I’d honor that.

9. Probably a very basic investing question but! I transferred my Roth IRA from one institution to Vanguard. At the other place my money was in a bunch of different funds and I would like to consolidate into one of Vanguard’s target retirement date funds. Can I just sell out of all the funds and then buy into the retirement date fund? Will that trigger any tax implications, or does that only happen if I withdraw my money from Vanguard completely? I just don’t want to inadvertently cash out of my IRA early or something.

   1. I’m pretty sure it’s an option you can choose when you transfer. I did this a few months ago and I’m remembering Vanguard asking me what I wanted to do with the money. I could pick if I wanted it in a specific fund or if I wanted it allocated to funds that approximated what it had been in previously. Apologies if I’m wrong about this but I think that’s how it went

   2. You can usually call the institution and tell them what you want, and they will help move things for you. However, most often you can move items within your IRA at the new place, depending on which funds are available at your new place. There’s also a chance that when you moved the IRA to Vanguard, the IRA at Vanguard might not yet be invested in funds. Sometimes the process is two steps 1) move money and 2) select funds. Is there a chance you haven’t done the select funds part yet? I think calling Vanguard will really help you here — be sure to mention your concern about leaving the money in your IRA.

   3. Just call Vanguard and have this convo. You should be fine, but a customer service rep will walk you through how to do it.

10. Has anyone painted lower kitchen cabinets? How are they holding up? Our new construction house is 6 years old now and the glossy white lower cabinets aren’t holding up well — bit worried paint will be even worse with spills and touching.

    1. We have white-painted lowers that are going strong 10 years later, BUT they were done professionally. I wouldn’t attempt a DIY job for this. What I like about paint vs. stain is that I can see very clearly when there’s a spill or grubby hands have left pawprints behind. Things get cleaned up much faster than if they were camouflaged.

       1. Ha! We always say the best thing about our countertops is that they don’t show the dirt. And also the worst thing about our countertops is that they don’t show the dirt.

          1. Haha! We do have white cabinets, but our countertops hide a lot of sins. A LOT of crumby sins. ;) By far, my biggest kitchen regret is my medium-dark wood floors. They are so pretty and lovely, but my goodness, they show EVERYTHING. 2 kids, 2 adults, 1 cat = daily sweeping.

    2. It works fine if prep is done correctly (sanding, wipe down dust, remove from hinges, take off knobs) and high quality materials are used (enamel paint, sprayer etc). The problems happen when people just slap on wall paint using a roller.

    3. If it’s just the doors, you can possibly take them to the cabinet store (assuming you know the maker – it may be on the inside of a drawer) and have them sprayed.

11. Roth IRA is completely tax free, for both the original contribution and the growth. If you’re asking about early withdrawal fee, then no, as long as it’s still within your Roth IRA brokerage account you won’t be assessed a fee just for transferring from one fund to a different fund.

    1. Thank you!

12. Matched with a Bumbl3 guy last week, some chats there, he asked for a call, we talked for 75 mins on Sat. Yesterday, he asked for a video chat or invited me for a date to meet and I opted for the video call, which lasted 80 mins. Now we’ve been texting and bantering. I’m realizing that a guy who doesn’t love b0mb me or send me unsolicited gardening pics is something new to me and it makes me feel like I don’t know if I’m a new friend or if he’s interested.

    Also, he lives 90 mins away which isn’t a deal breaker if it’s awesome but feels like a lot of driving if it takes 30 seconds to find out there’s no chemistry. Sigh.

    How am I almost 40 and also 14 right now?

    1. I have never online dated but I think if you’ve enjoyed the 155 minutes of conversation so far then it is worth meeting up. And if online dating has confused signalling so dramatically that you think “relationship” when you get unsolicited gardening pics but second guess romantic interest when you get long, engaging conversation, I am really glad I’ve stayed off the apps and I hope people go back to picking each other up in bars and gyms and weddings very soon.

    2. It’s time to go on a date with this man in person.

    3. Guys don’t spend 2.5 hours on the phone with a woman they’re not interested in. Meet up ASAP to avoid wasting any time if there’s no chemistry. And good luck!

    4. I can’t believe you put unsolicited d1ck pics in the “must be really into me” category.

       This sounds like a nice enough normal guy who is showing interest in you. You are f&*ed up about what that usually looks like, and possibly could use some therapy about that.

       1. This is super rude.

          1. rude but not wrong

       2. Wow – that’s pretty harsh. A more charitable take would be “she knows love bombing/unsolicited pics isn’t normal but isn’t not sure what normal looks/acts like.”
          Good luck, OP, and I hope you’re able to meet soon.

       3. agree with the first 2 sentences!

    5. GO ON THE DATE!

       I was in your position with a friend of a friend, except he got on a plane to meet me. We’re now married with the cutest baby imaginable. Here’s the thing about that trip: we knew we enjoyed talking to each other and figured that the worst case scenario is we would make a new friend.

    6. Go on the date! Pick a fun spot halfway in between to go to if it’s a dud so the night isn’t a wash.

13. For Mother’s Day, my mom really wants us to make a digital time capsule of the pandemic. What would you put in this?

    1. Pictures of people wearing face masks, vaccine selfies, toilet paper memes, the “Shakespeare wrote 100 plays during a plague” meme

    2. What is a digital time capsule? Like a collection of pictures/videos? Does she want like special family memories from the past year or more like world stuff? If i was making a physical time capsule I’d throw in a mask, hand sanitizer, Clorox wipes, maybe a newspaper clipping about BLM, something about the election?

    3. Things that were new. Bread baking, zoom school, walks around the neighborhood.

    4. Zoom family meet-up screencap.

       Winter walks pictures, camping pictures, whatever outdoor activity you thought you’d never do in any weather.

       Make an artwork (digitally) from delivery boxes.

       Make a pandemic bingo card (toilet paper, sourdough, FedEx, “can everybody hear me?”, N95, etc.)

14. What is the best app for sleep-tracking? I don’t want to wear my Apple Watch while sleeping. Sleep Cycle keeps giving me 98% reports and that’s not right.

    1. Can you adjust the settings on sleep cycle? Some of the apps have something like a sensitivity setting. I’ve always found sleep cycle to underestimate my sleep; im an active sleeper and it says im awake every time I roll over, which isn’t true. It also doesn’t work well with my sleep meditation app because it thinks I’m talking when really I fell asleep like 5 minutes in. If you can’t adjust the settings, I think you’ll have to wear a device to get better accuracy.

    2. I don’t trust that any of these are accurate, and even if they were, are you actually using the data for anything or just tracking for the sake of tracking?

15. Friend is average height, normally a size 2 but lost a ton of weight and muscle – after difficult pregnancy, is currently breastfeeding, and baby has several allergies or insensitivities so friend has had to adjust diet. Friend is looking for work pants that are in a 00 and built for someone slim – basically no butt/curve. Not too pricey because she hopes to only use them for a few months, but it’s making her sad to wear baggy pants and dresses aren’t her jam with toddlers and new baby.

    Any recommendations for a brand that has 00/25 sizing that has no room for curves? She’s tried Ann Taylor, Loft, Banana, Target, Kohl’s, and Old Navy. Everything is too big and/or baggy. She would like 2-3 pairs of pants and a pair of work capris would be nice too.

    1. JCrew has a 00 that might work

       1. +1 and I’d suggest looking on Poshmark for consigment versions!

       2. J Crew’s 00 is like a normal 2.

    2. H&M or Zara? Or Asos? Or Uniqlo?

    3. What about looking in a juniors section?

       1. That would be my suggestion, too.

    4. I used to be a model sample size and bought my pants at Mango or Zara. I think Mango had the better selection but it’s been a long time.

    5. How about Theory pants used on poshmark or eBay?

       1. +1
          I wear two sizes bigger in Theory pants than Banana/Jcrew. I’m not really that curvy but have to size up and get the waist taken in, so they might be perfect for your friend off the rack. Theory has 00.

          A high waisted pleated trouser might look good since they are intended to fit looser around the hips. I like the menswear vibe but it might not be for everyone. You can find those at cheaper places too, like Zara or H&M.

    6. Express?

    7. If she is a true 00, then Express Columnist pants. All those other stores you listed have ridiculous vanity sizing.

16. OMG Bill and Melinda Gates are divorcing.

    Why? I get some couples staying together because they can’t afford to divorce or for religious reasons. But after 27 years, I feel that the SOL has run on “not being able to grow anymore”. Like OK but why now and not 10 or 26 years ago???

    1. Why would you buy the stated line?

       1. Well, there is no smoking gun, so to speak. Not yet.

          I remember when Al and Tipper Gore got divorced and I didn’t see that coming (not that I would, but when people have been together a long time and seem to suddenly divorce, it just seems weird with non-celebrities. I get JLO and A-Rod splitting up (they weren’t married) or Elizabeth Teykor getting divorced but not long-married people. Like it you don’t make it, I feel like you know that pretty soon or decide after you know there has been cheating. Like I think my parents will be married forever but maybe they can’t grow as a couple — maybe stability is just an illusion to anyone outside of the couple.

          1. “Like I think my parents will be married forever but maybe they can’t grow as a couple — maybe stability is just an illusion to anyone outside of the couple.”

             I think no one can know what goes on in a marriage other than the couple (and their marriage therapist). And this is a really weird board this morning that so many people question why a couple married for a long time and whose kids are finally out of the nest might look at one another and say – no, this isn’t awful and you’re not a bad person, but this isn’t where I want to be for the next chapter.

    2. When I read that today, I felt very sad. Not sure why. I don’t “know” either of them.

    3. My parents divorced at 27 years, but their marriage had never been healthy and had been downright bad for a while before that. They did the whole “stay together for the sake of the kids / wait till the last kid is 18” thing.
       Who knows why they’re divorcing or why they’re doing it now…

       1. Same here. My parents divorced at 27 too! They were spotty for a while but it got bad when my youngest son sibling was in HS. They basically realized that live was half over and they didn’t want to spend the rest with each other. My dad remarried (Someone he met years after the divorce), and my mom is happy single. I think the hardest part was working through extended family. They never really “divorced” the in-laws. After 27 years the relationships exist outside the marriage.

    4. I am both shocked and not surprised. It is really common in my experience for a couple that married, raised children and built a life together to turn around once their children are grown and/or they are looking at retirement and realize the there is nothing keeping them together but habit. And sure, they could probably stay together and not be completely miserable but they could also split up and try being actually happy. This is particularly true with couples who do not have a strong financial incentive to stay together. In this case, their youngest child is just now old enough for college which might explain the “why now” part.

       In any event, it is sad but I do not think it is any of our business why they are splitting up. I am hopeful they can be civilized and not damage their children or disrupt their charitable work.

    5. Well, I don’t know. My parents divorced (amicably) after 30 years. No addiction/alcoholism/blah blah blah – they just really grew in different directions, that’s all, no bad guys in the mix. Who are you to say that there is a statute of limitations regarding “not being able to grow anymore”?

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