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Updated: Jan 20, 2022 272 Comments · by

Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Puff-Sleeve Slub Knit Top

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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A light-skinned woman (head and most of legs cropped out) wearing a black puff-sleeve top and beige pants

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This knit top from 1.State is a great basic for less than $20. The puffed sleeves provide a bit of visual interest but would still work well under a sweater or blazer.

For the office, I would wear this with black ankle pants, a white sweater blazer, and a long gold necklace. For the weekend, I would wear it tucked into a pair of high-waisted jeans.

The top is $19.97 at Nordstrom Rack and comes in sizes XS–XL. It also comes in six other solids and stripes.

1.State has a similar top in sizes 0X–3X that's available at Macy's for $49.

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Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Anon

    Can anyone recommend an external computer monitor that is aesthetically pleasing? My WFH setup is in the main room of my house, so I’d love to find a monitor that is somewhat nice to look at.

      • Anon

        This is my dream. A former boss of mine had one (paid for by the company) and that thing was slick. When they come down a little more in price, I’m buying one.

    • Anon

      They’re ridiculously expensive, but the Samsung Frame TV comes in a 32 inch model and could easily be used as a monitor.

    • Anonymous

      ApplePro are the nicest to look at, but they are extremely expensive so unless the budget is unlimited or your WFH is graphics based, I’m guessing that’s out.

      Don’t use a 32 inch TV as your screen – for the money you’ll get better resolution and image quality on a computer monitor. Only very big TVs have better images, and the Samsung Frame TV hasn’t got good specs for the smallest sizes compared to the 50 inch plus ones, it’s not even close to their computer monitor screens.

      I think there are quite a few inoffensively looking Dell screens.

    • Anonymous

      my dell inspiron 7700 is very cute, located in my living room and looks great.

    • Anon

      I’ve been eyeing some of the insanely huge ones in hopes of splitting the screen to share among multiple computers, and the prices are blowing my hair back. O_O

  2. Anonymous

    If you have a car, how are you controlling your masks? I don’t like them hanging from the RV mirror

    • Anon

      Mine are stuffed in the door side pocket. I have one special designated mask for hair appointments (gets hair color on it) and the rest just get crumbled in a ball.

    • Shelle

      I bought a handful of small canvas pouches to tote mine around on commutes or traveling. I use one pouch a day and wash them at the end of the week. But this is probably overkill compared to most people. The recs say they should be stored in a breathable material which is why I picked canvas. If I’m going somewhere around town I might opt to sling it on my lower arm or wrist if I think it’s unlikely to get dirty.

    • MagicUnicorn

      I stack mine in the covered center console at the end of each day all week long. I take the whole stack indoors on Friday, flip it upside down (first in/first out), then grab from there on Monday and do it all over again.

    • Anon

      That storage space between the seats, I don’t really know what it’s called.

    • London (formerly NY) CPA

      I have it hanging from a chain that goes around my neck. It just stays on and hangs around my neck while I drive. I absolutely love it and find it SO convenient. It came from Etsy and is a lovely tortoiseshell-looking material.

      • Anonymous

        OMG, where do you get your health news, OAN? Omicron means you need medical masks, not no masks.

      • Anon

        What?? That is not true. They are no less effective against Omicron than Delta. Arguably they are more important now than ever before now that vaccine efficacy has decreased considerably.

    • aBr

      Honest answer – thrown on the floor of the passenger front seat each day after i’m done wearing the disposable masked; typically collect up the trash pile on the weekend the first time hubs is in my car.

    • Walnut

      Uh…strewn everywhere? I bet I could find more than a dozen in questionable states of clean. I have a basket inside my house where fresh masks are stored, so I tend to grab a new one as I leave the house. When I go into the hospital, I use an N95 tucked into its re-sealable package in my purse.

    • Anonymous

      There are hooks that you can buy that fit on the metal poles that hold your head rest in place. I have multiple hooks. One for masks I’ve worn and one for masks that are clean

    • Anonymous

      We have tons of disposable masks we try to reuse (ok up to 200 hours) – I tried carabiner clips on headrest for grown up/kid masks and they’re a PITA. Ordering some headrest hooks off Amazon.

    • Anonymous

      It you’re crumpling them into a ball, then you’re hurting integrity. And if you are using something washable, you aren’t using an effective enough mask. For N95s or KN95s, I’m keeping them in the center console or car door pocket.

    • Senior Attorney

      I’m generally the only one who drives my car, so mostly on the passenger seat. If I have to tidy up, they go in the center console and/or door pocket.

    • Anonymous

      Wire cutter says to put a kn95 is a paper bag for 5 days after wearing and then you can re use. It wasn’t clear how many times you can re use.

    • A non

      Regular cloth masks are washed after every use. Stored in a drawer in the mud room with a set of spares (1 for each family member) in each car in a ziplock bag.

      Dirty masks are put either in the car side door, in my handbag in a washable makeup bag, or strewn over the floor/between car seats/the nether regions of the minivan. To combat this, since COVID, the car gets vacuumed at least every second weekend and lingering masks are hauled out to get washed.

      Spare stashes of regular non-K95/KN95 masks are kept in my handbag and each central car console.

      Costco had a good deal on disposable masks, Banana Republic had good black cloth masks, Etsy had cute multi layer cloth masks, and Lands End had very cheap cloth school masks.

  3. Anon

    My new job has absolutely wild paystubs. I’m used to the ADP format, and these look like they were made in MS Paint by a tween. I remember when electronic deposits first became a thing and everyone groused about how to tell if paystubs were real anymore…this does not look real! I’m not complaining, just amused.

    • Anon

      I worked on some financial crime cleanup and the bad guy sent out handwritten 1099s to his “investors” from a spiral-bound notebook (you could still see the edge fuzz from where it had been torn out). IDK why this didn’t raise a lot of red flags.

      • Walnut

        This is the stuff good accounting stories are made of! Invite me to happy hour y’all. I’m real fun. :)

      • AZCPA

        I consult for an accounting software company, and one of my projects was helping them understand the responses from interviews on the tools small businesses use. One guy explained that he does everything on paper by hand, and that even when it comes to income tax, he would buy something like TurboTax, but only use to to see how things calculate. He wouldn’t put his “real” info in it, it was just a reference to fill out forms by hand. When asked if that was sustainable as his business grew, he explained that he’d eventually hire an accountant, but “make” them do everything the same way, so that none of his data was ever in the cloud or available to the government.

    • Anon 2.0

      As someone work who in a role where I frequently see paystubs from a large variety of companies, let me tell you soon are just plan bad. It should not take 15 minutes of decoding to determine what your pay rate or salary is but it can. Add in places that pay base, time and a half OT, shift differentials, holiday pay, etc and you have a puzzle!

      • Anon 2.0

        Ah, can’t type today! As some who works in a role is what the first part should say!

      • Senior Attorney

        I work for a government agency that is notorious for having almost-impossible-to-deciper pay stubs. If I can decode it in ONLY 15 minutes, it’s a win! (My husband is a divorce lawyer and he always flinches when somebody from my agency comes into the office because hard-to-decipher pay stubs make divorce proceedings harder!)

    • anonshmanon

      in a previous job, the union held an hour long seminar on how to read your paystub. It was popular!

  4. Anon

    recommendation for good pajamas: i used to buy the nordstrom pajamas but they’ve tanked in quality this year.

    they must be cosy, not shrink, confidante for sitting in and sleeping as the wearer will have on for many hours. ideally all or most natural fibers.

    cost not an issue, nothing cheap or cheaply made so I’m not adding to a landfill.

    • Anokha

      I love the Eberjey Gisele pajamas. They are pricey, but absolutely worth it. I gifted them to three friends last year, and everyone also went bananas for them.

      • London (formerly NY) CPA

        +1 have 3 sets of pajamas from Lands End (including one with flannel bottoms) and love them. The flannel doesnt hold up as well as the others, but they’re all really comfy.

      • Anon

        I have those and agree they’re great but mine shrunk up like 6 inches. They’re so expensive, it’s ridiculous they don’t prewash the fabric.

      • Savannah

        LOVE my Lake pajamas. I think I have 4 pair. None have ever shrunk on me at all.

      • anon

        Ohh, their After Bath Wrap looks like exactly what I didn’t know I needed. I really dislike bathrobes – weird, I know. But I also don’t like getting out of the shower and right in to undergarments, towels always fall down and it’s too cold to go in the buff (plus a kid is around so I need coverage). This would be such a good in between. Thanks for the lead!

    • Anon

      I love love love the J. Crew cotton pajamas. I basically live in mine. I throw them in the dryer and they don’t shrink, and also don’t wrinkle. Bonus for me is that the fabric is substantial enough I don’t feel super exposed not wearing a bra (if say, staying with friends and lounging around in the morning). Also finding them to be durable, like what I used to expect from all J. Crew stuff– super well made, still looking brand new after months and months of use.

          • Anonymous

            This year’s SUCKED. I bought four pairs last year of the dreamy style and they’re amazing. Went to buy another couple of pairs this year (was going to have a long recovery after a hospital stay where I wanted to cheer myself up with new PJs) and the quality was horrible. They were super thin and didn’t hold their shape at all. I ended up throwing them out after a few washings. They wouldn’t even make good rags.

    • FormerlyPhilly

      I was gifted Company Store’s Legends Luxury Stripe Yarn-Dyed Pima Cotton Pajama Set (looks like they are on sale right now – maybe also can get rakuten points) and love them. Have held up nicely during weekly washing/drying, feel soft against skin, and can spend hours in them on Sunday morning lounging around.

    • Alanna of Trebond

      My favorite pajamas right now are the Karen Mabon silk pajamas. They are amazing.

    • Alanna of Trebond

      My favorite pajamas right now are the Karen Mabon silk pajamas. They are amazing. I look forward to wearing them whenever I do (I only have one set right now).

    • Anon

      Soma, specifically the cool nights collection

      I’ve had many of mine for years.

  5. anon

    I decided to do dry january and a shopping ban for the month as well, and I’m so much happier. I was never much one for drinking or too much shopping (and I likely won’t become a teetotaler), but I have really enjoyed this! I’ll probably extend both for another month or so at least! That is all.

    • Anon

      I do category shopping bans to use up what I have (currently doing skin and hair products), and they get really addicting! Seeing your shelf and closet clear of all the random packages and getting a fresh start is so much fun, because it’s cleaning and organizing without the effort. For the next one, we’re going to eat everything in our storage freezer, so we can empty it to defrost it. I’m looking forward to some bonkers meal combinations.

      • Cb

        I did this one summer, only buying fresh food, nothing packaged. And then did a big clean once the cupboards were clean. We only have 2 food cupboards – one below the counter and one above the counter – so it only lasted 2 weeks or so, but it was so good to have that fresh start.
        My dad jokes that if we have to quarantine, we’ll definitely starve but I hate things piling up.

        • test run

          I’m the same way. I basically want the cupboards and fridge to be empty before every grocery shop, so when COVID hit and we scaled up our shopping trips to last longer, I discovered just how much my husband LOVES to have super stocked cupboards and a surplus of ingredients to cook with. Literally having extra cans of beans sitting around was like Christmas for the guy.

          • A.

            I’m a minimalist/user-upper of things at heart, but I experienced food insecurity as a kid so those two aspects of my personality are often in conflict.

          • Cb

            Yeah, definitely appreciate the privilege of being able to see a nearly empty cupboard or fridge and feel pleased with myself that we’ve used everything up, haven’t wasted anything.

          • Anonymous

            I love having a neatly organized pantry and fridge that aren’t stuffed to the brim, but I also cook a lot and accumulate numerous jars and packages of specialty ingredients that get used up slowly because they are only useful for one or two dishes. Add to that the necessity of keeping a spare of every staple item as insurance against supply chain disruptions, and my small kitchen is driving me nuts. I miss the days when I could just go to the store and buy what I needed for what I planned to cook. Now it takes four or five tries just to buy basics like boxed chicken broth or cream cheese or bell peppers or orange juice. Half the time the store is out of the one type of milk my kid will drink, so when I find it I buy two weeks’ worth. Etc.

        • Senior Attorney

          I like to keep a well-stocked pantry and have no apologies about that, but my freezer is super stuffed at the moment so just yesterday I decided no more frozen food until I use up what’s there!

      • test run

        I’m also doing a shopping ban on skin/hair products until I use things up – it’s amazing how infrequently I *actually*need to purchase those items versus how often I *think/want* to.

        • Anon

          I joke that my legs are worth as much as Tina Turner’s right now, because the face creams that give me cystic acne (and there are a LOT of them) are being used up on my dry legs. I suppose it’s funny that I’m willing to pay obscene amounts of money for products from the neck up, whereas I usually slather any old grocery store junk below the shoulders.

          • test run

            Lol, I use those products (I also have sensitive skin – why do I even bother trying new things??) on my rear end, which is not quite worth j. lo’s but must be getting close? Reminds me of that movie “friends with money” where jennifer aniston is slathering her feet in la mer.

          • anne-on

            I do this to at the suggestion of a skincare blogger. I think she recommended using up toners on your hands instead of lotion as it sinks in faster and it was like, oh yea! There isn’t a law against using them on your body if they don’t work on your face.

    • Anon

      I’m trying no shop and it’s freeing on the one hand. I can invest or spend elsewhere because I’m not chasing dropping coin on clothes. Its also leaving me to actually have to deal with how I cover up insecurities with the lie that buying this piece of clothing will make me look presentable, desirable, cool, professional, etc. This is less than fun so far, but insightful. This ‘challenge’ may also be teaching me I’m completely basic when it comes to clothing anyway, so why put so much energy into shopping?
      I’ll shop for true needs or gaps in the wardrobe when I have them. That’s the nascent plan.

    • Senior Attorney

      I’m doing it, too, and it’s going really well here also! Also, as I mentioned before I think, I got a Fitbit for Christmas and I’m super obsessed with Taking All The Steps. It’s so nice to get outside multiple times a day for a quick spin around the block.

  6. Betsy

    Curious if anyone else read the Guardian article “Your Attention Didn’t Collapse. It Was Stolen.” (Will link separately to avoid mod.) Abra Belke shared it in her newsletter this week and it has stuck with me so much I just preordered the book it is excerpted from. The author talks about spending several months living in a cottage without a cell phone and how freeing it was but how temporary the results were once he returned to normal.

    I have come to hate how my cellphone makes me feel, but don’t necessarily feel like there are any great solutions. On occasion I will take a weekend to put my phone away and it is amazing how quickly my brain just feels….better, clearer, less tense? But I haven’t managed to create the daily boundaries that enable me to use my phone for the things I want to (texting, email, checking my budget, following 3 or 4 Instagram accounts that actually give me value) without falling down a rabbit hole. Certainly it has only gotten worse in the last two years, but it wasn’t great before either. I’m so curious to read the book (with my phone out of reach, because I’ve found I can’t focus on a book if my phone is within eyesight) and see whether the author has come to useful conclusions about how to regain some focus or whether it is all doom and gloom without much actionable advice.

      • Anokha

        Loved this article (… she says with six tabs open before 10 am, text message conversations, pop-up reminders…)

    • Ribena

      Many of the claims Hari has made in this book have been debunked and he’s been called out before for plagiarism (so in some ways it’s quite funny that his new book is about the idea that we are all forgetful and distracted).

    • Anonymous

      I turned off notifications for everything non-essential. That also means I don’t get the little red bubbles telling me I have unread notifications. It’s great, highly recommend. The apps are crazy persistent though, they’re always asking me if I want to enable notifications. No, leave me alone, get off my lawn!

      Now that I think of it, not to jack your thread, but I’m looking for another weather app. The weather channel app is overbearing, it gives me notifications about random news stories not just things I need like winter weather warnings. There doesn’t seem to be a way to enable some but not all notifications. Recommendations?

      • Lydia

        for weather I really like dark sky. forecast bar is another good option. like the poster above, I have almost all notifications turned off (just a few reminders I set myself turned on) and it’s SO MUCH BETTER.

      • Aunt Jamesina

        For most things, I just avoid using the apps and check in the browser. A bonus is that the extra effort to access things through the browser means I’m likely to do it. A tiny bit of friction does wonders (although I could definitely do with less screen time).

    • anonshmanon

      Idk, sounds like a bunch of panicky, kids-these-days, watching TV will give you eye cancer, steam trains go so fast that you leave your soul behind, pessimist hogwash.

      • Aunt Jamesina

        I mean, even pre-Covid people were spending less time socializing, reported more loneliness, and had fewer social connections than in the pre smart phone era. Teens have higher suicide rates and are sleeping less. I don’t think this is all hand wringing. Humans need real contact and screen time displaces other activities. Even television can at least be viewed with others as a social activity and isn’t portable.

        • anonshmanon

          It’s all a bit complex and I am sceptical of the simple answers. Not everything works the same for everyone. The opportunities to socialize, collaborate and play online has really been a boon for many people. Lifelong friendships through eSports, since defunct forums or AOL chatrooms. Relationships that survived moving countries.
          Teens today face a lot of challenges, such as a (perceived?) catch 22 of you must go to college to get a stable job, but it will wreck your finances.
          Unattainably priced housing, climate change, polarized society, what have you. It’s just a bit simple to give all the blame to screens. And it usually comes with an overly rosy view of the past in comparison.

          • anonshmanon

            I totally think there are benefits to curbing screen time, just to be clear. I just think that if you use screen time to self soothe or distract from something bad, you can take away the screens and the bad thing won’t magically fix itself.

      • pugsnbourbon

        Weren’t they also worried that women’s uteruses would get jumbled about if they rode trains? I remember reading that but it also kinda sounds like someone would make it up.

        • Cornellian

          Okay, I lived in Russia a decade ago and college-educated coworkers would express concern for me sitting on cold concrete and running. I think this stuff is alive and well. I once argued with a law firm partner about how female mammals ran all the time and the bouncing didn’t hurt their uterus.

          I’m sure I have weird superstitions, too, that seem absurd to them, but it is interesting.

          • anonshmanon

            A friend, in the process of getting her PhD in a STEM field, once completely surprised me with her sincerely held belief that ponds and other stand-alone bodies of water will acquire fish populations through being visited by waterfowl (I guess with fish egg on their feet or feathers?). I then read up on this and found this was a widely held assumption. It is relatively easy to debunk though.
            I am sure I have those misconceptions too! Would love to know what they are…

    • anon

      I read it, but it didn’t tell me anything I hadn’t already suspected or been aware of generally. I know multitasking is a myth and people who say they are good at it are lying to themselves. I know that being on my cell phone for hours a day is bad for me. I know that being attached to my cellphone constantly has been detrimental to my ability to sit and focus on reading a book.

      Things I have and are doing to try “fix” this: uninstalled social media apps, turned off notifications, banned myself from SM for January, registered for a silent meditation retreat, do yoga and meditation regularly, force myself to put my phone down and out of reach when I read.

      It’s not perfect, but it’s definitely helping.

    • Anon

      I’m on the relatively lower end of phone use (basically I have a smart phone only because I’m in one of those “greedy” jobs that requires off-hours availability). If you’re actually trying to cut down, the things that I do that are different from others that seem to make a difference: very few apps; no social media apps – I use insta but log-in through the browser; basically no apps for something I can get through a browser – so no NYT or WSJ; no alerts for anything except phone calls and texts; and at times I turn my phone to grey scale which really makes it a lot less fun to scroll. I also realized when I gave up social media one year that I got a lot of the same enjoyment from flipping magazines and coffee table books, so now I subscribe to some magazines to scratch that itch! I frequently do reach the point where I feel like there’s nothing else to look at on my phone, so I put it down.

    • Kate

      The NYTimes The Daily today was about the Metaverse and at one point they made the point that in some respects we’re already living, to some degree, in a meta verse / ie technology surrounds our physical lives. That makes sense to me and resonates with what you’re describing of feeling tied to/tied down to a digital universe

    • Anonymous

      He has some worthwhile points, but criticizing people taking selfies in Ptown is very much “kids these days”. When I was growing up in the 80s and early 90s, my mom would get mad that I wasted my meager allowance on developing camera film of blurry shots, under/over exposed shots, and stupid things like friends sticking their tongues out or doing bunny ears. We took stupid photos then, too.

      If I were visiting Ptown as a kid, I would have taken photos that might not come out right, for whatever reason. I appreciate that my phone lets me see the photo and retake as needed. I understand the author was there for 3 months, but most people go for a day trip or a few days. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to capture the moment. We’ve been doing it forever.

  7. Anonymous

    Low stakes question about formatting for business correspondence. What do you when the body of your letter ends at the bottom of a page and there’s no room for your signature block? Do you put the signature block on the next page separate from the body? Do you add a hard return to push some of the body to next page so signature is not by itself?

    • Anon

      I adjust the margins or spacing or delete a sentence or two to make sure it all fits on one page. Sometimes I do the opposite so that the last few sentences are on the next page, but I’d generally prefer to keep it one page, as long as it still looks okay that way.

      • MagicUnicorn

        Same. I prefer to force one page as long as it doesn’t look weird. It I can’t squish it onto one page, then I expand the margins or otherwise force a few lines to the next page so it is two aesthetically okay pages.

      • Cat

        +1, I actually programmed 0.8″ margins as a custom setting in Word for this reason. Keeping whatever it is to a single page makes my clients very happy to boot – they can say to the recipient “what’s taking so long, it was less than a page” lol

    • Sloan Sabbith

      Once in awhile I put the signature block on two columns if that will make it fit, otherwise what everyone else says here- screw with margins, cut sentences, or put the last paragraph on the second page if I absolutely have to.

  8. Anon

    dear senior attorney,

    thank you for your honest, open and funny remarks. you are helpful in many threads and have shaped my thinking more than once.

    if you’re adopting new friends, I’d stand in queue for the opportunity.

    (you are my third weekly thank you of the year. i highly recommend the practice to anyone)

    • Aunt Jamesina

      +1 million. SA is a gem.

      I started keeping packs of pretty blank cards on hand at home and in my work desk so I can easily write thank yous (and have a backup in case I don’t have time to or forget to run out and get a greeting card for a specific occasion). I write them far more often now!

    • Senior Attorney

      WHAT??? Oh, wow! This makes my day!!

      (And I am always looking for new friends. In fact, one of my Rules for Life is “have young friends,” so hit me up at seniorattorney1 at gmail!)

      Now excuse me while I go do a weekly thank-you to somebody. Thanks for the idea!

    • Lobby-est

      Agree! SA, you are wise, helpful, and wonderful! Thx for sharing your good advice.

      Kat- can you and SA collaborate on a highlights post to include all her great advice like “the only way out is through” and “no chasing boys”?

    • Curious

      +1. Senior attorney, you dealt with a lot of crap in life and came out with a sense of humor and joy when it could have been easy to choose bitterness. So glad to benefit from your experience here!

  9. Anonymous

    Have we done a work bag roundup lately? I attended a conference a few months ago and a lot of women had beautiful new-looking, rigid, almost briefcase-like bags. My trusty, well-loved Tumi perhaps used to stand up on its own but it’s looking a little slouchy now. I want something polished but not heavy since it’ll carry my laptop, charger, and probably a redweld. Any recommendations?

    • Anonymous

      I just purchased a Knomo Grosvenor Square and love it! The black with gold zippers is currently on sale for half price. It’s super lightweight, with a bright interior so it’s less of a black hole than it might otherwise be. Lots of pockets. I bought the one that accommodates a 14 inch laptop but they have a bigger one that has feet and is expandable.

  10. House buying dilemma

    Help me decide between two neighboring houses I’ve to put an offer on today. One is a smaller house with a bigger flat backyard and the other is a slightly bigger house with a sloping smaller backyard but gorgeous views. Going crazy going back and forth between the two, as prices are not that different

    • anonshmanon

      Is the smaller backyard still big enough to do the things you want to do in it?

      • OP

        Not really. It’s about a 30 feet depth tops vs the other one which is a 65 feet depth (faces trees). The smaller backyard is because the house has much more space in the front yard (not sure though that’s usable in the same way).

        • Anon

          I think this provides your answer. If the yard doesn’t fit your needs, I think you should offer on the house + yard combo that will fit your needs.

          • anonshmanon

            well, the other house is smaller, so presumably there are things that can’t be done in small house, just like things can’t be done in small yard. I must say a house with good views is reallllly nice.

    • Anonymous

      What would you use the yard for? Do you have kids? Pets? Would you want to install a patio, swing set, or other area that would be made more expensive with the inferior back yard?
      I’d probably go for the bigger house, because DH and I both WFH (since covid but likely to continue at least a few days a week indefinitely) and we would love a little more space.

    • Anon

      I tried to sell a house from 2008 to 2009 (so bordering in impossible) and the comments back were horribly mean about my backyard that sloped down to a creek. I had a deck that had views of my city, but it seemed that as a small “starter house” sort of house, the thought of kids playing on a sloping back yard gave them the vapors. OTOH, I was a kid who grew up with a creek and it was the best thing ever for playing. [Creek was small in my former house, drowning risk lower than toilet drowning (which is a thing), creek was never mentioned, only the non-flat yard.]

      OTOH, you have to live there and it’s not 2008/9 any more. I’d get the views and just live with the slope.

      • Bonnie Kate

        that’s wild that you got mean comments about the backyard sloped to a creek – I would love that! I love our property very much but I really miss the creek we used to live by. Some people are so weird about overthinking where their kids play, I suppose those same people would see the creek as a hazard and not a selling feature.

        Signed, girl who grew up playing in the woods and cornfields and a barn where there was stacks of hay bales that were excellent for building forts, and tall stacks of lumber that were great for climbing across, who stepped on a few old nails and had to get tetanus shots, and wouldn’t change anything about her childhood.

      • anon

        I wouldn’t leave mean feedbacks to sellers like that, but I’m one of those who have reservations about steep sloping hills down to a creek. Saw a house like that last year during my search and I wasn’t comfortable with the potential for landslide especially because the creek was bending in that location too. Just don’t want to mess with moving water.

    • London (formerly NY) CPA

      Definitely bigger house with the view. Absolutely no question.

      I guess maybe it depends on where you live and if you have kid(s)/dog(s), but I have always spent the vast majority of the time inside, rather than outside and only occasionally used the yard growing up for a barbeque or blow up kiddie pool in the summer. You get to enjoy the view and more space whatever the weather and on a daily basis.

    • Fed

      Does it slope toward the house? I’d avoid that only for drainage concerns or at least make sure you hire an inspector that will really focus on that issue when poking around.

    • Cornellian

      I like smaller houses in general, but the views might sell me. Do you need flood insurance or anything for the sloping one? I’d check in to that and any other differences in carrying costs. If you are planning on expanding at any point, I imagine you’d want the flat yard, building on a hill is so wildly expensive.

    • Anonymous

      How is it possible that you have two great house to choose from, and time to consider putting in an offer on both?! My vote is for the small flat yard.

    • Bonnie Kate

      +1 to bigger house with views, as long as the sloping yard goes away from the house.

    • anon a mouse

      How big is the slope and does it slope into or away from the house? A slope toward the house is a dealbreaker for me, but we live in an area with hurricanes and unpredictably heavy rains and I don’t want to spend my time with water management. Also, if the slope is steep, it limits your ability to put a swingset or a patio. Which may not affect you but it could hurt your resale value.

    • Anon

      We had a house with a backyard that sloped downhill to a forest preserve on the other side of the property line. Mowing the hillside was kind of a pain, but we loved having a view of the woods and all kinds of interesting birds and animals in our yard. The previous owners had built a deck down onto the hillside, which expanded the usable yard area. We didn’t use it that much (climate not very hospitable to sitting outside), but we did have a table and chairs and some planters with herbs on it. If you want to expand the yard space, that seemed like a decent option.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Depends–how likely are you to use the backyard and does the sloping backyard also have a sloping front yard that means the house is in the path of drainage? if you are likely to spend a lot of time in the yard (kids, gardening, whatever), then the smaller house with bigger yard. If you won’t use it and there are no drainage issues, then bigger house with views.

    • Cat

      I love beautiful views so that would be hard to give up, but consider (1) drainage, (2) what you would use your yard for and how it would be affected, and (3) if you’re on a hilltop, climate control — my BFF lives in a similar house to this, and it is IMPOSSIBLE to keep warm on a reasonable budget in winter as the winds whip around from every direction.

    • Anon

      I have a sloping yard and it is a living hell, difficult and dangerous to care for. Mowing is treacherous: grass must by absolutely bone dry to prevent slipping, so neighbors can cut their lawns any old time, whereas I need to time it perfectly. Is the dew burned off yet? Is there rain in the forecast? Did the previous rain dry off? Is the neighbor parked in his driveway, so I have to account for damaging his truck if I do lose control of the mower and it goes careening down the side hill? Multiple times I’ve had to tow the mower with my car when it slid down the hill and got stuck at the bottom of the backyard.

      I will never again buy property that is anything other than perfectly flat.

      • Anon

        This. Put an offer on the flat house.

        Also, echoing another comment. How do you have two houses to choose to put an offer on in this market?! You are so lucky! Put an offer on both. You can withdraw the other one if one gets accepted.

        Good luck!

      • Anon

        When I lived on a sloped .2 acre lot, I had a manual push mower that came in a box from the river site. It was light and also quiet. I never quite understood gas mowers and was irrationally afraid I’d mow off my foot or put fail to drain the gas each winter or have a blade-sharpening accident. You have to be vigilant though — weekly is best during the warm months. Once I had so much work travel I had to borrow a gas mower from a neighbor. I’m usually not a Luddite, but I am clumsy and not prone to reading instruction manuals, so probably not a good candidate for power tools of any kind.

        • Anon

          I appreciate your enthusiasm, but my sloped lot is 1.4 acres. I should just hire a lawn service, but it would be a serious budget stretch.

      • Anon

        That sounds awful to deal with. I’m so sorry. I think I’d only consider such a steep yard if I could a) ensure if it doesn’t affect drainage (even in my perpetually-drought-ridden state, one good storm screws those with slopping yards) and b) hire mowing goats. Seriously.

    • Anon

      Bigger house no question. Sounds like that still has a yard (yay!) and more room.

      • OP

        I should have clearly mentioned that the bigger house is bigger only by like about 200 sq feet.

  11. Anon

    Paging yesterday afternoon’s poster who works at a college where they have programs for kids on the autism spectrum . .

    Can you tell me (perhaps us) more about these programs and how to find them? I feel like my child could academically handle college work but I know that social / support services, especially if integrated into the school, would be a big help. I wish there were an handbook of “what to expect if you have an older kid on the spectrum.”

  12. Elle

    I’m currently skiing and a few women have these more slim fitting around the lower leg ski pants. I took a look at a few of the common brands and what they offer tend to be a ski/snowboard pant hybrid that are very wide legged. Does anyone have a suggestion of what I should Google or brands I could look at?

    • Anon

      Usually the pants have to fit over the boots, hence the width. Are there any that snap closer in? I feel like a ski store would have items like this.

    • Emma

      I used to have a nice straight pair that fit over my boots without being super wide, but have had trouble finding anything similar so my current pair is wide. If you want them to tuck into your boots, I have seen ski leggings, with a warning that if you fall or go through deep snow, snow is likely to end up in your boots and your feet might get wet.

      • Anon

        Leggings also just aren’t as warm, since you need a trapped layer of air to really be warm.

      • London (formerly NY) CPA

        I think you’ve got it with the “soft shell” descriptor. My mom used to have pants like these when I was growing up. They almost felt like thick neoprene. I think “soft shell” is the right descriptor and the Rossignol ones you linked look good.

    • Anon

      I saw an ad for title nine that had some of these listed as cold weather gear. Models were shown skiing.

    • Abby

      Are they wearing ski suits? Popular brands that have the pants fit into the ski boots are Cordova or Perfect Moment.

    • Anonymous

      Mine are montec and I love them.

      Do you want the to tuck into the boot? Obermeyer has some.

  13. retirementQ

    Yesterday’s retirement thread was a bit astounding to me. I am 38 and have been maxing my 401(k) since I started working fulltime at 26. As a law firm lawyer, my employers have never matched contributions. My 401(k) balance is around $385k.

    For those of you within a few years of my age with close to or over $1M saved for retirement, how?? Are you counting Roth and post-tax accounts? Does your employer have insane matching? I feel like I am doing something seriously wrong here.

    (For those with significantly lower numbers than mine, I hope I’m not further fanning the flames from yesterday. Fwiw, my parents retired on an income of about $5k per month in a LCOL area and they did just fine. It’s not a fancy life, but they were modest people. They also passed away pretty young, so I’m of the enjoy it while you’re here mindset. That said, retirement calculators tell me that at my current savings rates, I’ll have $6k of income per month in retirement by age 60, post tax and post inflation, so I don’t think I’m doing too badly. Or at least I didn’t, until yesterday. :))

    • Cat

      I’m your age and same background. I spent 6 years maxing at a firm with no match, then went in-house to an employer with a very good match. My 401k specifically is around $600k, though we have other investments and retirement funds.

    • anon for this

      I’m a few years older than you but hit $1M this year and the answer is employer matching. My first employer out of school for 10 years matched 10 percent — almost unheard of now but it was an incredible incentive to start early and save a lot. I’m now in a government position that matches 8 percent plus has a pension. Retirement benefits weren’t the reason I took this job but they are a reason I stay (aside from enjoying the work, of course).

    • Anon

      I think a lot of the posters yesterday were including partners’ retirement savings in their numbers. If you’re single, your numbs might look a lot different.

    • Anon

      You’re doing fine! A lot of the numbers yesterday were joint savings for a couple, so $1M would only be $500k per person. I’m 36 and only have $200k in my name (my husband has about $250). I have a generous employer contribution now (10% of my salary) but I got started saving late because I didn’t have any employer match in my 20s and I wanted to focus on paying off high interest rate student loans. I don’t have any regrets. I’m saving well now and the future is hard to predict so I just save what I can and try not to worry too much about things that aren’t in my control.

      • Cat

        oh man I feel a lot better about myself knowing people were talking about joint savings!

        • Anon

          Well that was my assumption, especially since people were including 529s which is joint savings for a child. But maybe I was also just trying to make myself feel better.

    • anne-on

      The main reason for my solo retirement contributions being relatively high is the employer sponsored pension plans I’ve had since roughly 2005. It’s totally ‘free’ money once you vest, and is in addition to the employer match to my 401k contributions. My pension plan dollars totaled about $250k when I rolled them over after leaving my last job earlier this year. It would have been more since the employer contributions rose depending on your level and role (I don’t do client facing work, those people got more $$). Very few companies offer true pension plans these days but it’s a huge benefit imho.

    • Anonymous

      1) be married and count in the equation, 2) have one of you own your own business (allowed contributions are much higher).

      Also, the power of compound interest/strong market — huge difference in my finances from just 5 years ago.

    • Anonymous

      Maxing out your 401(k) alone isn’t going to get you there. That’s only what $20,000 a year at the moment? You would likely benefit from finding an employer with a match and you’ve got invest outside of that

    • Anonymous

      We have been saving a lot in post-tax accounts. We both had parents who hit 90, so don’t share your assumption that we will die young and so should spend now.

    • Cornellian

      I posted yesterday, am 35 with ~1M. TL:DR I didn’t really go in to much debt, and lived on less than 30% of my income for seven years, and now am loosening up a bit. I had very little undergrad debt (no family but high FAFSA need and lots of need-based aid, had an unlimited work-study budget so worked a lot and started funding my IRA in college), and then chased money for law school (ended up at UT Austin, where living [ten years ago] was cheap).

      Then I worked during law school (~15 hours a week ish) so ended up with very low law school debt, and got a BigLaw job. I messed around a bit my first year, but then buckled down, lived with a roommate far from midtown, rarely ate out, etc. Each year in BigLaw I saved (a) 18K in 401K (no match), (b) 6K in IRA, (c) 100% of my bonus, if any and (d) a large chunk in brokerage accounts. I started with 500 a paycheck and averaged probably 4K over time. having a kid and paying 3500 ish in daycare slowed me down, obviously, but I don’t think i ever lived on more than 30% of my income after the first year. Maybe I was a bit extreme, I had a roommate with my husband and me and newborn in a walk up, which was very weird to BigLaw people, but not weird to my socioeconomic background (or lots of other peoples’)

      Now I’m more gliding, I earn way less than I did as a first year ten years ago, but my investments are chugging and for the last three years here I’ve contributed my 19K to my 457/401K, 6K to my IRA, and about a grand a month to brokerage. In my Vanguard accounts, it looks like the split between capital invested and my current balance is about 50/50, because compounding has really picked up.

    • Cornellian

      Looking back at your numbers, it seems like your 401K is underperforming. If you’ve contributed, say, 19K on average over the past 12 years, having only 385 implies something like a 6.75% return, which is pretty low over the last 12 years. Maybe take a look at your asset allocation and fees? From 2014 to now, I’ve averaged 17.1% in my Vanguard brokerage, and I don’t do anything fancy, just low-fee index funds.

      I’d also start funding your IRA, at least, to put another 6K away. You can choose your own brokerage firm, and pick low-fee investments (not always an option in 401Ks if your employer’s plan sucks).

      • Anon

        Agreed – this is my reaction too. If you were maxing out to the federal limit in just a 401k from 2010-2021, contributions alone would be $215.5K. With an average annual S&P 500 return of 13.9% over the past 10 years, you would expect to have roughly $475K in a portfolio fully allocated to stocks – warning: fast and dirty math so should be double checked.

        Here are a couple things to check if you’re concerned about the return. Not to doubt you, but because I do have friends this has happened to: make sure 100% of your contributions are actually invested and not just sitting in a money market fund waiting to be put in the market (which would still count as “being in your 401k”) . Then I’d double check that you’re in a low cost, total stock or S&P fund; not a managed fund with high expense ratios. Double check that you’re at the bond / stock allocation you intend and not fully allocated to a very low return fund like all bonds or something.

        • Cornellian

          +1. it’s almost like the plan providers want to default you into high-fee products!

          I’d also check out target date funds if you’re not comfortable being all stock or managing. A lot of them are actually relatively cheap, and then you don’t have to rebalance yourself or worry about it. I think “set it and forget it” is valuable.

      • Anon

        17.1% is amazing, what are your funds? I’m in Vanguard as well, and barely holding at 11% gains over the past decade. I’ve lost 20k this month already. My Roth is in VTSAX, VTIAX, VGSLX, and a small bit of VBTLX (but will increase that percentage as I age). My 401k is in VSMAX but that was the best of the options (mostly high expense ratios in that plan).

        • Cornellian

          so the 17.1 is as of the last month’s end (that’s how they calculate it), and I assume it’s a bit lower as of yesterday’s close. I’m overwhelmingly in VTSAX (~90%), then some VGSIX and VTIAX. Maybe I accidentally picked some good timing when I had bonuses to invest in December?

          My 401K is in several places (need to roll it over) so it’s harder but I’m a bit more in real estate/dividend-producing stuff their per Bogleheads advice. I opened it spring 2019 and it’s at 16.5%. Fees are higher, but it didn’t dip as much this past month so maybe that evens it out. Investment options matter a lot.

          • Anonymous

            you may want to look at VFIAX next time – 28% 1-year-returns, 26% 3-year, 18% 5 year. (-6% YTD.)

    • Alanna of Trebond

      Once you become a partner you can put a lot more money into retirement. It is a tax thing that I don’t entirely understand that comes from owning the business?

      • Anon

        Yes, but OTOH you have to put that $ in, and if you aren’t careful when ticking the boxes, you can lock into committing to a lot. Good down the road, but the reason I keep driving my 11YO car. Retirement savings = how long will it take me to run out of my $. I’d save outside of retirement, but this way it only hurts once vs something open to revisiting when things get tight.

    • Anonymous

      I’m your age. I am married. DH and I have 1.6M combined with 600k of it Roth.

      We generally both max 401k and IRAs.

      Also, market timing is important. We were in our peak earning years during recession rebound.

    • Anonymous

      I’m your age but started contributing at 21, maxing at 23, all with employer matching. 5 extra years of contributions alone is $100k, plus compound growth, plus matching.

    • Curious

      I didn’t participate, but my answer would have included non-tax-advantaged accounts earmarked for retirement. And to answer your question,

      (1) My parents paid for college and gave me like $5K in savings to start in the world, so I never had to carry credit card debt. They also gave me a thorough financial education, and I was on their health insurance until 26. They contributed substantially to my wedding.
      (2) I started working at Amazon when stock was worth $400/ unit. It’s now $3200/unit.
      (3) My partner had a full ride to college and worked every summer with a programmer’s salary, and has worked with a programmer’s salary since.

      In short: privilege and luck. It’s not normal.

  14. Anon

    If you were going to Switzerland for 7-8 days in the summer, what cities would you base yourself in? I prefer no more than two main stops (excluding a possible airport hotel in Zurich the night before our flight home). We will do lots of day trips from our home base(s), but Google searches for “7 days in Switzerland” are pulling up itineraries with overnights in 4+ cities, which is more hotel-hopping than I want to do, especially with young kids. We like nice scenery, good food (but nothing super fancy b/c kids), chocolate, cheese, walking/easy hiking and to a lesser degree art/history/culture.

    • Anon

      I would do City + Mountains. Looking at the rail map, they have several hubs… but I think I would probably do a night in the airport hotel when you land (young kids survival tip), then 3 days in someplace like Interlaken, then the last 3 days in Zurich.

    • Anon

      I did a week in Switzerland pre-covid– my absolute favorite place I’ve ever been. I was with my sister, we based our time half in Geneva, half in Zurich. I would highly recommend doing it this way. The train system is so robust and the country is so small you can take a day trip basically anywhere– we did day trips every day. There are tons of gondolas to see incredible views all over the place and easy hikes (we were there in the winter so didn’t do much hiking). We ended up cooking most of our own food because we were on a budget and restaurant food was incredibly expensive, so no recs there.

      Also just a heads up, in contrast to many other places I’ve been in Europe, virtually no one speaks English in Switzerland, or at least they were unwilling to speak English to tourists. We found it easy to muddle through with high-school French in Geneva and lots of enthusiastic nodding and pointing in Zurich, but something to be ready for!

      • Anon

        Thanks! Where did you day trip from each of those cities? I’m not a person who normally likes big cities (there are a few exceptions though – I looooved Rome), so was hoping to avoid staying in Geneva or Zurich. But I do see the appeal of them being at opposite ends of the country so you can cover a lot of ground.

        • Anon

          I was with my sister on this trip and she’s not a city person either, but she loved Geneva, so maybe it’s an exception! I definitely didn’t feel like it was a “city” vacation, if anything it felt like a “train” vacation lol. By the end I was a little burnt out on trains and cable cars, but that’s definitely the best way to see the country.

          From Geneva:
          – Chamonix, France (via shuttle) – gondola to the top of Aiguille du Midi (12,600ft) mind-blowing views, literally right next to Mont Blanc; cog railroad to Mer de Glace glacier. I was so incredibly charmed by Chamonix.
          – Zermatt – cog train to look at the Matterhorn; cute tourist town with no cars allowed

          From Zurich:
          – Lucerne – medieval architecture, we did a little hike that was in town and beautiful
          – Appenzell – old-fashioned town with interesting wooden architecture, nearby Ebenalp which has an Inn built into the side of the mountain and is only accessible by cable car. Didn’t get to go to the inn because it’s closed in the winter but looks very cool.

      • Anonymous

        Huh? I spent a week in Zermatt over Christmas and literally everyone spoke English. Same for our trip in and out of Zurich (admittedly brief).

    • NYCer

      Lucerne and Lugano. Alternatively Geneva and Lucerne.

      Definitely do a day trip to Interlaken from Lucerne.

      • anon

        Interlaken is a hub and while it’s a nice place I wouldn’t make the day trip just for it. I’d only go if I were staying for a few nights in order to go up to the Alps… or better yet, stay up in the Alps! I loved Wengen and Lauterbrunnen. There’s nothing quite like waking up with the mountains just outside your window.

  15. Bonnie Kate

    Low stakes sneaker shopping – I need a new pair for just regular life/not sports or working out. Casual days in office, shopping, yoga classes, etc. I was trying to decide between the two below Adidas pairs, then I decided to just quick check what Nike had and found three more I’m considering.

    Adidas Forum Low Shoes – $95
    Color: CORE BLACK / CLOUD WHITE / CORE BLACK
    Comment: Have had my eye on these for a while; I wish they came with the Cloud technology the Grand Court shoes come with. If they did I wouldn’t even keep looking.
    Link: https://www.adidas.com/us/forum-low-shoes/GY0752.html?forceSelSize=GY0752_610

    Adidas Grand Court Alpha Shoes – $70
    Color: CLOUD WHITE / CORE BLACK / FLASH ORANGE
    Comment: I think I like this color combo? I have an old dirty pair of white/black ones that felt like walking on clouds, I love the cloud technology.
    Link: https://www.adidas.com/us/grand-court-alpha-shoes/GX8165.html?forceSelSize=GX8165_610

    Nike Air Max SC – $80
    Color: Black/Sail/Metallic Gold/Archaeo Brown
    Comment: Love the Black/Print combo, they’re a tad more sporty looking than I was looking for but maybe they’re sporty cool…
    Link: https://www.nike.com/t/air-max-sc-womens-shoes-fHGGjR/DO2785-010

    Nike Air Force 1 Fontanka – $110
    Color: Pink Foam/University Red/Black/Pink Foam
    Comment: OMG PINK. I LOVE THESE. But I tend toward neutrals most of the time so will I get sick of them or only want to wear them rarely? Or are pink sneakers the pop I need always?
    Link: https://www.nike.com/t/air-force-1-fontanka-womens-shoes-cWbdwn/DA7024-600

    Nike Air Force 1 Shadow – $120
    Color: Cashmere/Orange Chalk/Lobster/Cashmere
    Comment: I really like these too, and kind of think they’re different without being so out there so I might wear them more.
    Link: https://www.nike.com/t/air-force-1-shadow-womens-shoes-kTgn9J/DM8157-700

    • Cb

      Ah, optimizer spiral! My walking around sneakers only last about 3-4 months so I buy fun colours and don’t worry about getting sick of them.

    • Cb

      Ah, optimizer spiral! I’d buy the pink. My walking around sneakers only last about 3-4 months so I buy fun colours and don’t worry about getting sick of them.

      • Bonnie Kate

        Ooh good to hear! I do kind of want to try a pair of AF1s – I’ve never had them and I feel like they’re a cool street classic I should really try.

    • Cat

      I find Adidas more comfortable for my foot shape than most Nikes – can you eliminate one brand or the other on foot model?

      • Bonnie Kate

        I’ve never actually had Nikes; only Adidas. So can’t really eliminate Nike since I don’t know.

        • Anon

          Nike is notorious for being very narrow in the arch, so if you’re prone to foot cramps, avoid that brand.

          • Cat

            ooh, I had no idea that was the actual reason they don’t work as well for me, but this is exactly what happened when I tried Nikes!

    • Anan

      This is the reason I love zappos…I’ve been you many times and I usually just order them all, try them on and then decide and tetunr the rest. Not the most efficient or environmentally sound way to go, I know, but I really need to try shoes on.

      • Bonnie Kate

        If I hadn’t just went through a Nordstrom buy them all and return them all thing with boots (finally gave up because I got sick of the back and forth), I’d be very tempted to do this. Zappos made it easy this time; they didn’t have most of them.

    • Anon

      I think you go with the OMG I LOVE THESE pair. Don’t settle for practical when you can have joy.

      • Bonnie Kate

        :D I’m on a total bright pink spin too, and I totally think it’s because of January needs more joy. Gimme that hot pink sweater, hot pink leggings, and maybe these pink sneakers too. Not all at once.

        Or maybe all at once, one time? :D

    • Anonymous

      I like all of them except the Nike Air Max, which do read more sporty.

      Agree with the others that fit will be the main thing – I like the Adidas with the orange pop the best, pink Nike second.
      Would change the laces on the orange pop ones to orange or yellow to make them more fun.

      • Bonnie Kate

        Thanks for the confirmation on the Nike Air Max – I think I just really like the colors, but not in this shoe.

        Good idea on changing the laces – I hadn’t thought of that! It does seem they need a little something more if they’re gonna do the orange thing anyway.

  16. Anon

    My kid is supposed to return to college today after a delayed / remote start while they were supposedly waiting for the Omicron surge to pass. This weekend is the deadline to move back, no more remote classes starting Monday, and the first thing on my phone this morning is an article saying the US is in the middle of the biggest surge yet.

    I feel like University is trying to balance the money with the professors’ demands with the parents’ demands and planning ahead, without stopping to ask themselves “does this make sense today?”

    My kid is vaccinated and boosted but has a couple of underlying issues, and the logistics of what happens if/when he does test positive (in a six man dorm room) are fuzzy at best. They have “quarantine” rooms on campus but they’re all full and have been for some time.

    The whole thing feels like a clusterf^*+. Ugh. Thanks for letting me vent.

    • CB

      Ugh, I’m a university lecturer, and I feel you. We are online next week but then back in person. In the UK so we are much further ahead on the omicron surge but still…

    • Mom

      My kid has been back for 2 weeks. It would have been 3 but she had to miss the first week because she (of course) got Covid while home for winter break. Fortunately, as much as they are making it up as they go, the (public) school and professors have been making it work. This has included a combination of Zoom when the professor is in quarantine or 20% of the class is out to extended virtual “office” hours when a student is out. It is all very ad hoc but they are being flexible on issues of class attendance and housing as need must and it does seem to be working for most people.

      My sense is that they are not trying to balance the money as much as the mental health of the students – which noticeably declined during remote learning and the reality that (1) some things simply cannot be taught remotely (labs, performance based classes, etc. ) and (2) there is no end in sight. It is Omnicron this winter. It is going to be some other variant next winter.

      I have been Covid cautious all along and promise I am not a “its just the flu” person but I have developed a certain amount of sympathy for the viewpoint that this is not going anywhere and we cannot put education on hold or do it on-line forever. But it is really hard – especially for people with health conditions.

    • Anonymous

      Please don’t blame the professors for this one, it is likely all the administrators. I am a pregnant prof with a toddler and would give anything to stay online this semester, prohibited by my university.

      • Anon

        My gripe with the professors is that they refuse to do hybrid so some kids can learn remotely. They’ve as a group taken an all or nothing stance with the administration. Basically if you can’t show up for live classes, then drop the class.

      • anonshmanon

        I always hate that The Administration makes it sound like it’s the admin staff! Just a language pet peeve! The secretaries don’t have a say in this…

    • Anon

      At least your kiddo’s university has a plan. My university’s attitude is “We expect…” and on the ground, it’s “What pandemic”. I have to wait through at least 2 elevators in the morning before everyone on board is masked. I have antivaxxers in my office.

    • anon

      Its because parents won’t continue to pay a lot of money to send their kids to uni if they are only going to be remote. Uni admins know this and so are pushing for return to in person, despite common sense or pushback from faculty and staff. So, like most things, comes down to money. If parents like you made more of fuss, admins might be persuaded.

      • Anon

        It’s a little ironic though when even students are pushing back (they want to be on campus and in person, for sure, but most of them don’t want to spend their risk allowance on “lecture hall”!).

        • Anon

          I’m OP and my kid and all five of his roommates agree it’s insane they have to come back now. They’re not pushing for campus life.

          • Mom

            And my kid and her four roommates all desperately wanted to go back to in-person classes (although I should note that her school is 95% vaccinated and they are taking masking very seriously). They were all basically saying they would drop out before they spent another year on-line (in fact one of them took a year off last year because she majors in something that it really hard to learn remotely and she really needs lab experience for what she wants to do).

            Point just being there is anecdata on both sides. Does anyone know of a survey that is not limited to a single school?

    • anon

      I work in higher ed. Is it insane to come back in the middle of a surge? Yes, yes it is. But the political fallout of going back to remote learning would be enormous. Both students and parents would revolt, if the Facebook comments are any indication. So here we go.

    • Cat

      depends on where the college is, right? Cases are falling — fast — in early hotspots.

  17. Anon

    This is mostly just a vent, but I have a parent moving into hospice care. The prognosis is 2-6 weeks. He also just tested positive for Covid (he’s had two rounds of the vaccine, and is not showing symptoms). I’m 30 weeks pregnant with gestational diabetes. After talking to doctor and parent, I’m going to wait until 5 days post-positive test to see him with the hope he’ll be less symptomatic. I’m just heartbroken. I think I’m doing the right thing, but it feels like I’m abandoning him. I have no doubt he knows how much I love him (nothing has been left unsaid over the past two years of dealing with his cancer), and I have no doubt how much I love him. It just hurts.

    • Anon

      You are doing the right thing. It doesn’t seem like a stretch to say the last thing he would want legacy wise is to have given you Covid at 30 weeks pregnant…

    • Anon

      I’m so sorry, that is such a hard situation, but you have to protect him and yourself.

    • Anon

      I’m so sorry. Lockdown has been absolute hell in regards to eldercare and hospice. We were unable to see my FIL for over a year in his memory care facility, and we missed the point at which he lost verbal skills and the memory of who we were.

    • NYNY

      Oh honey, that is all just awful. I’m so so sorry. He knows how much you love him, and you absolutely are not abandoning him. I’m holding you in my heart right now.

    • Anonymous

      Do you have a sibling, other parent, or spouse that can be there physically and face time you in? It’s not the same, I know.

      Are you vaxxed and boosted? Low risk? I might say COVID be damned at this point.

      • Anon

        My sibling and his partner will be with him. If I wasn’t pregnant, I would 100% throw caution to the wind.

      • Anon 2.0

        Me too. If I was vaxxed and boosted I’d get the most well fitting N95 mask I could get my hands on and I would visit. I would be willing to take the risk in this situation.

        • Anon

          That’s pretty easy to say from the outside. It sounds like OP and her parent are comfortable with the decision she’s made. I’m not sure this is helpful, and it probably just adds to her guilt.

      • Curious

        Pregnancy inherently makes you high risk from COVID, even with the vaccine (though less so). It’s a super tricky trade off but it’s not exaggerating to say it puts hers and the baby’s life at stake. I can’t imagine relative would want that to be their legacy. It just sucks.

    • Senior Attorney

      Oh, I’m so sorry! This pandemic is just awful for so many reasons. (My dad is 95 and has been practically in solitary confinement at assisted living for lo, these past two years.) Big hugs to you and your dad!

    • Anonymous

      If you wear a well fitted N95, you can visit safely. Other precautions would be to wear gloves and changes your clothes and shower afterwards.

    • Curious

      My (unvaccinated) former coworker lost a pregnancy at 32 weeks due to a blood clot from COVID. You are making such a terribly hard choice but the risk you see is real. I’m so sorry you are in this position. My hopes for you that relative makes a fast recovery, that palliative care gives them a good and peaceful six weeks, and that you get more time and deliver a healthy baby with uncomplicated labor or C-section. This internet stranger is rooting for you.

      • OP

        Thank you so much. There’s a lot I didn’t go into about my pregnancy, and why it makes me especially vulnerable. I’m going to visit with my parent briefly outside and masked today, and I’ll be with him pretty much full-time starting in five days. I don’t know that I’m getting the calculus exactly right, but I don’t know if that’s possible.

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